#<- TAGGING THOSE SO PEOPLE DONT GET MAD AT ME :/
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spinning ragatha plush for those who need it
#the amazing digital circus#tadc#tadc spoilers#the amazing digital circus spoilers#<- TAGGING THOSE SO PEOPLE DONT GET MAD AT ME :/#before you ask: YES THIS IS REAL. YES IT GOT LEAKED.#someone at glitch is getting fired today/j#arctic fox speaks
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i think the most fun thing about pocket (other than being a pocket main of course) is that im pretty sure i've been training my entire life specifically to draw this little goober. like im pretty sure they were entirely made specifically to my tastes and i love with video games do that for me thank you valve thank you deadlock
#deadlock pocket#pocket deadlock#idk if those are two different tags#deadlock fanart#deadlock game#valve games#deadlock valve#doodles#digital art#wips#i need more cute pocket fanart!! now!!!!#they are everything to me!!!!#i love the way valve is continuing their trend of#creating characters that are so stereotypical they are just BARELY on the edge between#offensively stereotypical and 'god fucking dammit it's true though i can't even be mad'#like cmon.#pocket is the object name swampcore frog non binary with an undercut and cuffed pants#someone at valve is either non binary themself or has spent a long ass time around non binary people#oh and a shotgun. can't forget their shotgun. its not very strong honestly. i dont like it.#i play pocket like a battle mage#a really annoying invincible dashing and blinking battle mage#they are very fun. i love being a little nuisance#i havent even attempted to learn a single other character so far#its not like anybody plays pocket anyway so like. no competition. i always get my first choice.#and also the patron line????#'don't let others label you pocket' or whatever??? that one is really good#i do love it a lot#i like that its got a double entendre to it. like don't let others label you as just a nepo baby#and don't let others label you as anything other than who *you* are#i really like it honestly. their non binary-ness has narrative parallels with the rest of their backstory
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Look I love and respect the yuri nation and also think it Sucks when fandoms ignore perfectly good f/f relationships in media for mediocre yaoiz but like we cannot understate just how strong of a presence farcille has in the dungeon meshi community as of writing. Newcomers making the guys suck and fuck is such a non-issue can we chill
#dungeon meshi#ive seen a couple of posts over the past weeks (here and on twit) of people like. genuinely being mad about the spike in m/m#and its like... sorry what are u guys on about#farcille is cute dont get me wrong but like with all ships theres only so many dynamics they can believably have. IMO anyways#and theres other f/f potential too but those are like.. relegated to side characters with a minimal presence in the source material#so its not unsurprising that they dont get much attention (kikimari save me..)#loathe as i am to admit it there are more men in the primary cast/later characters that get a ton of screentime compared to women.#so we get more tuoys to smack around. like. its not unsurprising.#if the dungeon meshi tag on ao3 ends up having m/m overtaking gen AND f/f then we can talk about preservation of endangered species#but right now.. let them cook#theres some lesbian yaoi on the menu so show some respect
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#just make your own things away from#-endos if you hate us so much#endos/proendos: if antis want their own stuff and spaces away from us then they should make those things#anti endos: *creating atlasduo and the syspunk tag*#endos/proendos: i cant believe theyre actually doing that! wow! lets raid the tag and insult them for doing what we wanted them to!#i know this is a stretch but i cant help but feel reminded of how people would tell me to do things and then get mad at me for following-#-their exact instructions and taking them seriously. because apparently i wasnt supposed to actually do that. except now im not the victim-#-of that. and now the people who are on my side are doing that. i hate it. i hate it so much. dont say ONLY TO INVADE AND MOCK THE THINGS#also: congrats!! you are proving all of them right when they say we dont respect boundaries and crosstag!! you're making it worse!!#i can kind of understand the tag aspect simply because theyre calling themselves “punk” when theyre so fond of the psychiatric field.#but its still a dick move. and its even worse to say that if antis want versions of sp and pk that arent proendo they should make their own#-bot and app only to mock them for doing exactly that. it just reminds me too much of past experiences. i hate people that do that.#i dont care if they hate me at this point im with the anti endos on this one. and frankly im very disappointed that im actually saying this#lol.exe#blackout poetry#pro endo#endo safe#endo friendly#anti rq#radqueers fuck off#this is a new level of syscourse im yelling at my own community now
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sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.
but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.
I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.
(continue in tags)
#dont know why continuing in tags but here is more#sometimes we need to ask “why” and not just get mad about how we feel personally. because other people feel differently#yes im guilty of only thinking my feelings and situation and how it relates too and forgetting other peoples. i also need to learn#and everyone's feelings should be valid. just because something might “hurt” you it might be important for someone else#everyones feelings are valid. but we cant protect everyones feeling. so idk the solution#but stopping someone from having a small positive among a sea of nevgative seems a little mean to me#youre not being empathetic to their side. and i can turn it around and be not empathetic to your side and say stop being upset#and get over it and let people have fun. but i wont. i hear you. but at the same time maybe hear us too.#not everyone wants to live only negatively. youre allowed to but dont expect others to.#and yes i GET IT these things can make the allistics and neurotypicals be even worse towards us. but what do we do?#throw out any positivity we can find and grovel in our struggles because the allistics wont take us seriously?#DO THEY TAKE US SERIOUSLY WITHOUT THOSE SILLY TRENDY THINGS? NO! THEY NEVER HAVE#like i said i dont know the solution and everything still be used against us by those people anyway so might as well have fun?#if we focus on struggles they baby us and dont let us do things and block us from living life#if we focus on positive they dismiss our struggles and try to make us do what we cant and dont help us#we cant win! so its not “the 'tism” or whatever other things people made up that cause them to act this way#they already act that way and wont stop unless we figure out how to teach them! but i dont know how! im just a useless little creature#this is probably controversial and someone will get because i dont agree with their perspective despite respecting it#someome will comment to lecture me even though i get it. i do. but two things can exist at the same time!! idk what to tell you!#autistic#autism#actually autistic#lee rambles#words are hard so dont know if i worded it well or not. probably not#also why take away fun things because another group used it for bad? make them stop the bad not stop the good!#i also might be missing more context. i think is about tiktok using these for bad. tiktok is just bad in general and i refuse to use it#why tiktok dictate and ruin our lives now in general? tiktok is really bad 😂 but that another conversation#no one yell at me and say i dismiss struggles of struggling autistics. maybe you dismiss me needing negative thing to have positive?#not in mood for negative response. will probably cry fhhddhsjdjdjkd#today is real struggle day but if i be little creature i feel better
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Okay so I've never really joined the whole "small talk" argument that's been happening increasingly over the last years because I tend to just not agree with anyone I see discuss it. Like no I dont think people who use it are evil or making things hard on purpose, I also dont think it makes them lesser, ... I Also dont think that someone who refuses to use it / cant use it is automatically worse and will not make friends.
Importantly i also dont think everyone can learn it. I should know because I spent multiple years with professionals trying to teach me how to have a conversation At All and I still am actually nowhere near what would be expected at my age group. (Most recent reports usually go something like "makes slight improvements in having a two sided conversation" - because I can say nothing, or I can ramble on and then not react to your answer. The rest? Struggle time, to this day, in every aspect) No matter how many intricate guides you write, if I fail at the basic concept of a conversational structure very frequently then I will not succeed at small talk either. And additionally I also genuinely can not tell what might be too personal for this other person.
A lot of these people who get upset when people say "I cant do small talk because I'm autistic and I cant learn it, I tried and failed" and go "of course you can!", just sort of like. Ignore that a lot of the developmental delay in conversation and / or (nonverbal) language never closes up for many of us, the way a lot of us generally never reach the developmental level of our peers (in some areas). and it's not because we have not seen enough complex flow charts or not practiced enough. when so many of us literally spend so much additional time of our youth sitting in front of whiteboards and workbooks and such, being explained over and over how to talk to someone at all. I am 22 and after years of explicit teaching I still have to ask for verbal confirmation and explanation of any nonverbal cues that I think were used by my conversational partner, but do not know what they mean. Which is pretty much all of them. And I probably miss a lot of them existing at all. You can scream "just practice until you can recognize the other persons little cues on if they want to deepen or end this" until you turn blue but it will not actually make me accomplish it if the fucking people who've been spending their whole life teaching it didnt make me figure it out. On account of, you know, the developmental delay.
Sure some people can learn! That's why they try to teach us after all! Cause it has been successful! But generally stop with this shit of "everyone can learn this you're just choosing not to!"
I will never be rude to someone for engaging in small talk, I will obviously fail at their attempts to engage me in some, which usually makes them stop trying (thank god). But I will not tolerate others talking shit about it that is uncalled for (implying malice from every user, making fun of people who seem to crave it, ...).
But I also do not care to learn it anymore at this point? It's no goal of mine. I have made multiple friends, most non autistic, without ever using small talk. Including in adulthood. We simply skipped that stage. We went from "hi!" "Hi!" Immediately to "heres when it went wrong in my life (humorous but still often dark / personal). Also these are my political opinions. Sure I want to hear about the girl you dated for years in excruciating detail. Let me retell you the plot of this old indie movie you will never watch for 20 minutes and why I enjoy it. Let's go to a concert together after talking slightly in depth like this twice". Is this the way that you creep everyone out in everyone's friendship acquisition theory I've been seeing? Sure! It's been working perfectly fine, enough of the times for me, though.
Will this work in like a work environment or something? Most likely not, which is why I generally plan to keep to myself. Does this mean I still confuse every stranger who approaches me trying to small talk? Sure. that's why I'm still fucking disabled. But I have created meaningful relationships as an adult without small talk. I have genuinely tried learning in many ways and failed. And I'm done apologizing for that, either you take me with my inability to small talk or you wont.
#actually autistic#autistic adult#autistic community#actually disabled#developmentally disabled#idk what to tag this at idek if i want to actually post this because ive seen people get so mad abt this stuff#also putting this in the tags because the post is already too long . no i dont think the concept of small talk is ableist#insisting to people that they are 100% able to learn it after they told you they can not? that is.#“if you cant do it then those long posts telling people how to get better at it dont apply!!” when will yall learn that if you make -#-overarching statements a la “hey random reader. yes you too! all of you! you can learn this thing!” then you are including disabled people#and us telling you that we are in fact incapable of this is a fairly normal reaction to being semi directly addressed#and all youd have to do is say “anyone who is not unable to do this for disability reasons. you can do this” and move on#instead of going “hey of course when i address everyone i dont actually address disabled people. silly. want everything to be about you”#like last time i checked i was part of everybody and excluding me of that because of disability does not pass the vibe check
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listen i was guilty of this once upon a time too but dawg ppl GOTTA stop calling any platonic dynamic they like “siblings” without any precedence
#there are many characters where there is good right to call them siblings. but ppl have gotten so trigger happy w it#and like theres nothing wrong with viewing a dynamic that way ig but at the same time it makes ppl who may ship those characters really#uncomfortable. bcuz although there is nothing to suggest that those characters view each other in that way by calling them siblings#instantly you've made it weird for anyone who might interpret the dynamic differently#idk this is very nuanced but it just irked me a little bit#absolutely nothing against the person in the tags of my art btw power to you#but. as someone who ships pearl and scar a little it was a bit uncomfortable to see them be called siblings#i dont like ppl making ANY of the hermits siblings. like grian and pearl are a common one i see and i just. i dont get it i truly dont#none of their dynamics read like that to me. idk. again ppl have their own interpretations of things and they didnt mean any harm by it#it just made me feel a little weird#and this is a problem or well. trend ive seen in all fandoms recently#please. people are allowed to be friends and have close friendships and not have a familial element involved#esp with a girl and a boy THEY CAN JUST BE FRIENDS! YOU CAN HAVE THEM BE TOTALLY PLATONIC WITHOUT CALLING THEM SIBLINGS#whatever whatever idrc. just something ive noticed i know other ppl have talked about this before#again this is not a callout or anything im genuinely not mad or weirded out or anything please dont think i am#serena.txt
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(Milgram self-insert oc masterpost hehe)
Name: For the sake of posting online I’ll call her Rose!
Color: #E7355B [the pink in the art]
Age: I guess she’d be 20 given when Milgram started huh.
Status: Milgram Staff, Machine Technician
Symbols/imagery: ballet/musical theater, science experiments
Song genre: very similar to Mahiru's, something upbeat and extra pop-y
Tentatively she's number 011? She's not really prisoner but she's also not free to come and go, so I'm not actually sure if she'd get a number (Edit: I've decided she'll actually be 012. Staff is given the 01X range, and even though Es doesn't actively have a number they'd be staff member 011, making her 012.)
Story: Since the project is supposed to be realistic/present day, the mv machine would be brand new and unpredictable tech, so they’d want someone keeping up on maintenance and making sure the brain-invasive process won’t cause any harm to the prisoners. Rose was studying abroad in Japan working on some cool neuroscience tech (irl I know nothing about technology or brains but shh) and she stumbled upon some secret tech/plans from Milgram. Long story short, she was dragged into the experiment to make sure things ran smoothly.
Writer's Reasoning: She’s really fun for me to play around with, as she allows me to work with a character who has a tiny bit of pull over Es’ mindset in conversation but not the final decision (aka mirroring the voting system), and someone who is simultaneously trapped in the prison but has a reason to see all the canon content.* I really enjoy the character interactions and dynamics Milgram has set up so far, so it’s been super fun seeing how things change for better and worse when someone not quite aligned with either Milgram/the prisoners is thrown into the mix!
*As much as I love dramatic irony in fiction, it would drive me crazy if I knew every detail of of the vds/mvs but Rose didn't – and every single Milgram character is The Worst Communicator Ever so I couldn’t justify that she’d hear it secondhand from them...
Story roles:
She’s a bit conflicted -- she’s officially Milgram staff and knows she should remain neutral on the prisoners, since she won’t be allowed to interfere with the process/executions. At the same time, her job description is literally “make sure the machine doesn't hurt them and everyone's safe :)” and she's way too emotional to avoid getting hopelessly attached to everyone 😅
I really enjoy the theory that the machine extracts videos based off of priming, so one of Rose’s duties involves listening in on the interrogation and making sure there’s been enough material discussed/not too much time has passed overall (hence the ringing of the bell happening at different lengths for each vd -- That's her ringing it :3). She then watches the mvs along with Es to make sure there are no machine glitches, and know how to calibrate it better for next time.
(IEdit: I've since decided to add in official trial mvs, but before when I wasn't ready to tackle that:) She has to run some tests on the machine to make sure things are calibrated correctly, so she'd extract little things here and there. It gives me the opportunity to think up lyric snippets and recurring symbols for her without worrying about full encompassing music videos.
I'm not afraid to admit she can fall into Mary Sue territory every so often by being everyone's friend, because it's less about "aw everyone likes her" and more about "canon is too painful rn and I need a fix-it tool to take care of these guys and give them hugs and tell them someone forgives them and cares about them and unfortunately these characters wouldn't let anyone less than a friend do that." Rest assured she's definitely not perfect and will fuck everything up on occasion :3
Miscellaneous: Whenever I play around with normal au ideas she's still working on the machine (but in a public, more ethical setting), and she's Mahiru's roommate :) Her character isn't super focused on love, but if I had to pick a cover song it'd be Stickybug II. It's very much my vibe, the lyrics fit well enough (better than most songs, at least lol) and it's one of my favorites out of my limited knowledge of unchosen Deco songs! (Edit, I've actually given her non-deco cover songs hehe)
So yeah, I hope she's not too boring without a cool crime to decipher, but I wanted to share since I was really proud of her! It took a bit of tinkering to find a way to fit her into a perfect secret-third-thing role that runs very smoothly with all of canon, so I was very excited!
#waaahh posting before i chicken out#I've never posted about a self-insert so please be kind lmao 😅#i dont expect a ton of hype for her but if people have questions im always down to talk about her hehe#this is my only art -- i rarely draw oc stuff but i was really happy with how this came out#i definitely dont think shed get a number or those side rune straps by canon standards but the art wouldnt look right without them#im mad that the lab coat and gloves make her look a bit like shidous design :/ i definitely wanted more scientist vibes than doctor#dw she wears her PPE when she works on the machine 😤#yeah yeah theres some shipping aspects sue me -- but genuinely its mostly for fun character studying and fix-its#mkdr and neoneon also hold a special place in my heart but i didnt want to double up on covers#im so sad because she just. doesnt fit into LCSyS#the machine is fake in the au so shed have no opportunity to join the experiment#plus even if i made her generic staff shed just be on the receiving end of the lie with es... which is just canon until the very end adfsdf#WOO huge thank you to kyanako5972 and purgemarchlockdown for enabling me to be annoying once again >:3#and thank you gunsli!! our chat was the first time i ever talked about her and it really gave me a lot of confidence :')#not maintagging but i will edit for organizational tags later#i also may put this on my writing blog at some point but we'll see#my art#rose posts#ocgram#milgram
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#yes i own this yes its the official one yes its vintage#i love my shitty local anime store#me when i breath a sigh of relief bc even tho it was in womens section it doesnt say womens on the tag#my mom the type of woman to see me wearing this shit and get mad cuz 'a boy wearing a WOMAN SHIRT?!?' and not cuz it has literal aids on it🤨#anyways pls vote#i did a whole spiel abt my reasons why im torn but decided thats gay and deleted those tags#just know that i unironically live like aph prussia okay#so i will not lose any social cred if anything this will further cement my matsuno bottom of barrel status#so dont worry about people hating me. Just Vote#robooty kun#robooty hellworld#robooty lifestyle
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。*★.°*:.☆Don't Put Ship Hate In The Ship Tag☆.:*°.★* 。
#mj talks#*whiteknuckling my hands* i am usually better than this but. please.#why is jasico so controversial??? like for real????#starting to get to the point where i see Adult Women Shouldn't Be In Fandom takes and realize they mean Me#?????????? no interests???????#i track the tag for silly headcanons and art#i once wrote a fic about jason getting so flustered he couldn't control his whole Flying thing because. get this.#nico just held his hand. depraved.#anyway the post i saw that made me mad asked why all jasico shippers were adults and side eyed us for that#but then seemed annoyed at the answers and their tags blatantly said dont follow me i dont like you#i wanted to answer because i had an answer! i have an answer and that answer is#most jasico shippers are adults because we were a lot closer to the target age range when house of hades came out#and house of hades was The Jasico Book#the year gap between when HoH and BoO was when jasico was at its peak and there was SO MUCH creativity going on#we looked at those characters and read the signs and saw they would be good together! they would complement each other!#recognition of self through the other is what it's all about!#and then nico got a canon boyfriend and most people jumped ship overnight lol#the people left who still ship jasico are here bc we genuinely like Them together and we think about their characters#this is not the roving white boys fandom. there is a different ship for those people.#also we may be older bc ive noticed that a lot of younger fans dont interact w their fandoms in the same way#like. fighting for ships to be canon and getting into vicious online debate about it#and thinking that a ship is a joke/worth nothing if it wasnt canon#*old man on a porch voice* back in my day you shipped characters on your own time and you didn't give a shit about canon#like. does kirk/spock mean nothing to you. how many of the top ao3 pairings are actually canon#talking more specific here but i met a person who liked a lot of the same things i did but when i got into like critique of the piece#or thinking about how i would have told it different or just like brainstorming fun 'what if' scenarioes#she was like. 'oh i like this because its canon. ive never thought about that before'#she was not that much younger than me!!! and she engaged in Zero critical thought or fun nonsense!#THAT'S WHAT FANDOM IS! CRITICAL THOUGHT AND FUN NONSENSE!#huh maybe i was actually annoyed at her the whole time and needed to get it off my chest
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reminder GONKI IS MORE CANON 😤😏 so anytime some kg person tries to send hate at you remember it’s just cuz they’re big mad Gonki more canon eheheh 😘🤭
#IS WHY I WONT LET ANY LOSER GET ME DOWN 😤#I KNOW ITS JUST CUZ THEY ARE BIG MAD THE DIRECTOR CALLED KI WIFE AND KIS VA TAGS STUFF GONKI EHEHEH 😘🥰#Naturally sadly on the west side there’s wayyyy more kg people so I don’t mean alll of them obvi but please#on twitter- I mean x#I am like the sole person in the English gonkillu tag mostly#And these kg fans got big mad when there was dare an artist in there for a while who was popular and used gonki tag#LIKE HOW DARE THEY LOL#Losers got so mad over a tag that has hardly anything in it#SO DONT LET ANY OF THEM DRAG YOU DOWN#Most the time they’re hypocrites and losers#AND I WONT LET ANY OF THEM EVER STOP ME#🤧😤🥰#Honestly they’re free to hate it like I hate kg but the fact they go to bully an artist the moment they dare to use the gonki tag is not#Acceptable#That tag isn’t there for you#Its for us few#ANYWAY ILL ALWAYS STAND MY GROUND FOR THE GONKIS#And trust me this is no lie I’ve been harassed ive seen people leave that were gonkis I have even had friends!#open gonki people tell me they are scared to post#LIKE WHAT YOU WANNA BUT LEAVE US ALONE#And no none of them can use the excuse of “heteronormative” or whatever else they want to get away with bullying#ESP NOT WHEN THEY WILL TURN AROUND AND DO THE SAME TROPES WITH THEIR VER LOL do what you want but do not be a hypocrite to send threats#Its all fiction there’s no need to play purity police god will def let you up into heaven cuz you told me to kill myself for#Having Ki in a dress#NOT LOL! TOO BAD 😤 AND KI IS A PRETTY PRINCESS WHO DESERVES DRESSES 😤 PERIOD#I’m sure there’s been a few rotten gk people I don’t accept them as my kin either but from the few of us I do know#We’re never gone to the kg tags or go to those people’s posts and fics LIKE WHY WOULD I EVEN WANNA SEE STUFF I HATE IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE#AND YES I HAVE TWO FOLLOWERS AND NO I HAVE NO ISSUE SPEAKING OUT ESP WHEN PEOPLE I KNOW GET HARASSED SPECIFICALLY BY A KG PERSON#I WILL GIVE US A PEP TALK 😤 ITS JUST CUZ THEY ARE BIG MAD YOU KEEP DOING YOU GONKI IS CANON 😤
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I'm not joking though ace and aro ppl are literally so annoying because they can't shut up about being ace and aro. They're like the vegans of the not-heterosexual community. You do not need to tell us how you're oppressed for being aro/ace every single moment of the day. Like jeez it's not like you're being killed for existing.
#rambles#i have those tags blocked bc i literally do not care haha#i hope ppl dont get mad at me for kinkshaming alloromantic(?) people and calling them gross#i have poc mentality where it's automatically allowed for me to be prejudiced against the majority bc i'm a minority#that and people that experience romantic attraction are literally so freaking weird#watching romance movies makes me feel like i'm going insane#like that's what you're into? that's literally what you're into? like seriously?#so gross#which it's funny bc i'm addicted to otome isekai#but like......#i feel romance movies are revered because you find them romantic#which is an indication of personal desire because on some level you want that to happen to you#and that's something i do not relate to#whereas otome isekai there's more time for a romance to build and like...... i dont desire that to happen to me#when i think abt the psychology behind otome isekai romance tho i start getting weirded out again#but it's the reason why i can watch and enjoy romcom movies bc i dont feel enjoying them is a reflection of self-desire#nobody watches romcoms and thinks 'omg that's so romantic i want that to happen to me'#the moment i become aware of that mentality then the romance isnt enjoyable anymore#but also i think that in otome isekai letting the romance build over time really helps the weird factor for me#if romance makes sense and is logical and i can understand then it is enjoyable
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kinda venty/rant thing in tags cause im embarassed by it and dont wanna put it in a post HDJSK
#not that tags are. any less visible than a post#i honestly have no idea why this feels safer but it does so like#im gonna take advantage of this loophole my brain has created for me#anyway#i am being very dumb recently and i dont really know why?#i mean it's social anxiety but i dont know why it's so promenant right now cause i've not had too much of a problem with it for a lil while#my brain has convinced me once again that all my friends are just kinda. putting up with me and don't really like me all that much#which. i hope i'm wrong#yk these are the things i would love to be proven wrong about#but in the process of my brain bein stupid i have kinda. left a bunch of discord servers that i care about#i've been fixated on what i'm 'allowed' or 'supposed' to say recently and i got too freaked out by not knowing if i was 'allowed' to#say anything that was more self indulgent in case everyone got mad at me or i was ignoring someone by accident so i just kinda left#and now im worried that ive made it seem like i was mad at people in those servers cause i wasn't saying anything for a little while and#then i just left without saying anything#i tend to isolate myself if im worried ive done something wrong which does end up with me in dumb situations#equally idk if i should actually like. say any of this#i genuinely have no idea what the best way of aproaching this is#like. do they want to know? or would i just be dumping a bunch of shit on people who dont know how to help#cause i dont wanna do that cause thatd just be a lil rude#i get freaked out if someone just Tells me a huge thing and i cant help them with it cause i wanna help but i have no idea how#which i dont wanna do to someone else cause. i mean obviously GDSHJ#anyway uh#my hopes is that someone involved reads this and knows im not mad it's just my dumb brain#but also i dont want anyone to read this cause im being very dumb#this is all very silly#the bright side is that my depression means im not actually feeling any emotions about this#which doesnt sound like a huge bright side but yk im kind of chilling a bit#vent#cw vent#tw vent
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i keep thinking 'i want to jailbreak the san-ken into original characters, it's so neat when other people do that with their favorites, when will i manage to do that?' and then immediately realizing 'no ebil you don't actually WANT to do that at ALL even a little bit. the sentiment you are feeling is just It Would Be Convenient if I Could Do That.'
#the reason i dont actually want to do that is B and V are so much their canon selves for me and i don't wanna change a hair on their heads#Waz is like 60% headcanon and Iru is a decent chunk too and Pakko is like 80-90% headcanon and i could turn them all into OCs pretty easily#since i nearly treat Waz and Pakko like OCs anyway i take so many liberties with them lol#but the beating hearts of the story for me are my Be and Vue...and they...#are still VERY much linked to their world and their soundtrack and their seiyuus and their exact canon designs and i dont want to change it#i have no desire to#(even if my readings of them diverge from other fans sometimes lol to the point where i Get Mad at other people Oversimplifying Vue...#...it's still all directly pulled from canon in my mind)#it's simply that it would be convenient to be able to more readily share them with more people lol#ive thrown around designs in the privacy of my own head and it just doesn't have the same appeal for those two#even though i rather like my OC-ified formerly-Waz-lady that i never show anyone except for one picture on discord haha#orphan hole tag
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im a dean girlie and the description is EXACTLY how my last relationship ended.
i love that you can learn so much about a person's issues by asking them which of rory gilmore's cringefail boyfriends is their favorite.
#i also think i do admit its destructive but i believed our love was worth it#it really was just my love in the end with hope that he still loved me :/#anyway if i keep talking abt him id cry THE FACT WE WATCHED GG TGT TOO....ANYWAY#im such a dean girlie like all the guys were lowk fucked but its the way id defend dean during the auction episode WITH MY LIFE#YES WHO WOULDNT GET MAD IF SOMEONE ELSE BID ON THEIR S/O AND WON??? TO BASICALLG PUBLICALLY HUMILATE YOU BY CALLING YOU TOO BROKE FOR UR GF#that episode had me so PISSED that i gen rethought my whole life (and this was me during my rewatch) that i realized dean got way too much#shit for just being a highschooler boy in love#SHE BROUGHT JESS INTI THE CAR DEAN MADE AND THEY CRASHED IT#AND DEAN LITERALLLLLLYYYY CONTROLLED HIS ANGER OH MY FUCKING GOD WHY WERE THEY IN THE CAR TO BEGIN WITH#this post is making me realize how passionate i feel abt dean GOODBYE LMFAO LIKE. bro those episodes had me PISSED#tbh dean was made for me not rory#rory is just...smth else#before my rewatch i Hated dean like everyone else and rooted so hard for logan and tristan#ITS THE WAY DEAN HAD EYES FOR NO ONE EYES BUT RORY????? THE WAY HE PUNCHED JESS???#then the writers fucked him up BUT TBH THEY FUCKED EVERYONE UP jess was saved hes better when he returned and was roryless#also im pissed at mfs who bring up how jess was understanding with rorys future w harvard while dean considered breaking up LIKE DUH??? LON#DISTANCE LIKE THINKKKJK also him getting clingy while SHE ditched THEIR PLANS. HE WOULD CALL AND STOPPED WHEN HE WAS TOLD IT WAS TOO MUCH.#i see myself in him :( AND PLUS aside from the cheating which is So Valid SOME PEOPLE HATED HIM JUST BC HE WAS CLINGY?????????#i didnt mean to go on a dean tangent this is so embarrassing since everyone in the tags are praising jess 😭😭😭 pls dont come at me#no but im still shocked how accurate the description was i might lose it like why am i dean#OKAY IM SORRY ILL SHUT UP I CANR IM TOO PASSIONATE#also id like to add npne of this makes sense since my thoughrs are all over but dean has my heart and had Every Right to react the way he#did when it came to tristan and jess tbh
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me: this thing doesn't work. i'm struggling so much. I can't do this. this is bad. i'm failing. etc etc
friend: you can do it, I believe it you!!!
me: 😊!!!
#positivity#i dont know how to tag this actually so i'll ramble instead#i always say this to other people now because it feels nice tbh#i had one friend (who randomly disappeared a couple years ago D:) always say this to me and i adopted it#before i only had people tell me what to do and their advice didnt work or wasnt what i needed#or they get angry at me for “being too negative” and i hate it. most people still do these things#i used to try to solve/fix people's problems too because it's what everyone did to me so i thought its what youre supposed to do?#but i generally get way better responses by saying this. there is the occasional very negative person#who gets mad at me for it and is like “no i cant do it! dont tell me i can. dont mock me!” and im just like ok whatever dont do it then????#idk what those people want lmao some people arent happy with anythjng you say#also i forgot to mention i often take people's experiences and try to show i understand and relate and/or tell them them they arent alone#ans their experiences and feelings are valid. but i also get negative responses to that as well....#do most people not like to feel valid and less alone??? i thought most people seek validation and hate feeling alone#but maybe some people like to feel special and like the only one ever or something lmao who knows#those people go in the same box as the overly negative ones that hate everything you say to them#i forgot what i was talking about now#lee rambles#lee text
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