#i feel romance movies are revered because you find them romantic

[isekyaaa]

I'm not joking though ace and aro ppl are literally so annoying because they can't shut up about being ace and aro. They're like the vegans of the not-heterosexual community. You do not need to tell us how you're oppressed for being aro/ace every single moment of the day. Like jeez it's not like you're being killed for existing.

[seventhea]

the way ariel still sings her head bc.. u cannot take her mermaid gifts away from her not truly and completely cause the sea is still part of her!!! even as a human, when she requires comfort, she goes to the sea as she can feel the connection still and her family.

she's an incredibly strong swimmer (She Has A Tail i know this but) and the upper body strength it would've taken to do the thing with turning the ship around in the middle of an underwater tornado thing in a storm with. NO LEGS???? this strength carries over even with legs.

ariel youngest daughter privilege and i know it 😔😔😔 by comparison to her sisters, she gets away with soo much more. he's strict with her but i imagine him destroying her grotto was the first time she's ever been disciplined to a large degree. she's only afraid of him and disappointing him once in a while from what her sisters have told her about his rage. and not only is she the youngest sibling, her mother was triton’s favorite wife and that also results in a lot of ariel favoritism. she has her mother’s voice and reminds her father a lot of her. she’s the daughter that yells back!!

ariel has a necklace to remind her of home, it has a pearl for each of her sisters, tinted to be their respective color, and a small golden conch shell in the middle to represent her father.

eric was ariel’s first romantic interest, and before him she was almost uninterested in romance? she found that she didn’t like that most of the people she knew only saw her for her father, and either pursued her because of it or didn’t because of it. while she loved romance in a daydreamy sort of way, she had never physically experienced it, even while she had developed crushes she’s never acted on. her crushes were normally idealized and romanticized versions of people, and she was quick to try and befriend them, only to realize that she wasn’t interested once she truly got to know them, and nothing ever went further than friendship.

ariel fell in love with eric when she saw him, but it was definitely more the idealized and frankly made up version of him in her head because she didn’t know him at all.

at this point, ariel does not rule over the carinae sea as she has broken all three rules. she is 20 at the time of the movie, while an arguably young 20, but she needs to prove her maturity to her father before he allows her her birthright.

when she does rule, ariel’s kingdom is filled with music and joy. while her father’s palace still resides in the carinae sea, the way she rules is completely different to him. “Princess Ariel is said to rule her kingdom with an endearing kindness, and is beloved by all. In stories, Princess Ariel is revered for her remarkable singing voice and curiosity. She believes in the power of togetherness and unity, and she has a gift for seeing the best in her people.” ariel also does her best to never forbid anything, especially when it comes to learning and exploring, even if/when her people seem to be caused more harm by it than help. she is looked down upon by her father and sisters because they find her to be completely naive. (and, she is in ways, but not to the degree they think) this frustrates ariel and often, while she doesn’t do it on purpose, causes her to listen to their advice even less.

triton’s constant overbearing and overprotective attitude over ariel did not help keep her in line as it did her sisters. she appears to be an outlier, as the rest of her sisters are more ‘tame’, and triton has an almost perception that he did something wrong with her, because she is so different to her sisters. 

especially on land but generally as well, ariel has a constant need to touch and stimulate her senses, to a point of social inappropriateness at times. 

if ariel’s singing, or even humming, you can hear it from incredible distances, even if she’s just speaking it projects in a way that can seem odd, never too loud when you’re close to her but she is almost always heard. recognizing this and her voice/existence in general is sure to get you a beaming smile, as she was used to having her every thought and want being disregarded by her family and royal staff at the palace.

ariel has an incredibly active imagination, and because of it can stay up for hours into the night, even laying down, thinking of scenarios and ideas and things to explore. she’s also an awesome storyteller.

ariel’s love language is learning <3 teach her anything and she’s immediately looking at with you with the most amazement and trust

ariel appreciates the sea a lot more once she spends time with eric on the surface and learns his fascination with it, as well as her no longer feeling as trapped in it

ariel is very much a darling to the merpeople in the carinae sea, and so a lot of people have suspicions about ariel’s grotto, as well as some have seen it themselves, unbeknownst to her, of course, and have kept it from the sea king.

ariel’s mother, who started her infatuation with humans as she had one herself before her passing, taught her how to read english from a very young age, which is why she’s able to read the books in her grotto.

when her father gives her the blessing of legs, ariel still has her other mermaid abilities, she is not human in any other sense but her legs. triton’s spell allows her to return to the water and her tail whenever she chooses.

honest girl honest girl honest girl ‘i can’t lie to you i won’t’ and she always expects this kind of honesty from others, she will never doubt you unless proven otherwise and even then it has to be strong evidence

ariel doesn’t eat any meat, it’s what her diet was like in the sea and it stays the same on land. it definitely has to do with her discomfort for the human culture for eating fish.

her draw to the boat in the lagoon is because she misses the water!!! even if she doesn’t realize it, she would never be able to remain on land, just for her own sanity, without ever being near water again.

ariel never wears heels again after she finds out that there are other options. she prefers the comfort of sandals or no shoes. if sandals, they are often shoes with little to no support because she doesn’t like how sturdy and firm they can get, it’s uncomfortable.

ariel is a little bit shy about physical intimacy because it’s never been something she’s been interested in before eric, and like frankly i think mermaids are pretty horny so ariel was used to the culture, it was just never something she ever did. when he tried to kiss her, she didn’t try to dodge him on purpose, she just gets a little fidgety and flighty when she’s nervous, and there was a lot going on that she wanted to see.

queen atlanta was her mother (changed from athena) and ariel looks like the near splitting image of her, as well as having her voice. ariel’s mother also had an infatuation with humans, which initially is was drew ariel to them. atlanta would take the family up to the surface, before she died, and while triton was careful about what humans he trusted, and the answer was little to none, atlanta was not. she had many human friends that she visited and trusted to be around her girls. one day while they are out, a boat approaches them rapidly and all of the children make it back into the water, but their mother does not. this raptures triton’s trust with humans completely. in reality, atlanta had befriended a human artist named duncan and posed for paintings. triton allowed this, thinking that humans weren't so bad. however kole, a rival artist, jealous of duncan's success and talent, tries to kill him by letting loose an avalanche, but atlanta, while pushing him out of the way, got crushed by the rocks herself. enraged, triton confronts kole, terrifying him and falls off the cliff. turning his anger to duncan and ready to destroy him, the voice of atlanta appears in the clouds asking triton to spare him. leaving with the unfinished painting of duncan's, he returns to the sea to mourn. ursula had interfered with queen atlanta’s death, pretending to be kole to stir up trouble which resulted in the sea queen’s death.

ariel was incredibly nervous to at eric wouldn’t want her anymore when she came back to him, she thought she had lost him but she knew she had to go back, because she had to see him again even if he didn’t want her.

ariel’s emotions are always displayed on her face, her heart is on her sleeve. she is incredibly easy to read as well as honest.

ariel and eric go on beach picnics frequently where eric brings her new foods to try, and ariel shows him fish that she calls up to the surface to meet them, one that he’s never seen before. any date they go on is a favorite for her because it’s all new, even if she’s been there before with him. she’s incredibly easy to please.

she adores wind chimes, especially those made out of seashells and sea glass, but especially little things she would’ve collected when she lived in the sea, it’s a new collection for her.

[themovieblogonline]

Causeway Review - Healing With Trauma

Causeway is a movie about trauma and healing. Jennifer Lawrence's Lynsee has suffered a brain injury and Bryan Tyree Henry's James suffers from the loss of family. The film centers on these two sharing moments and their performances flow through one another showing us how two souls can find healing through their trauma. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-iIkeMqXXE The Good Jennifer Lawrence as Lynsee and Bryan Tyree Henry as James is a lot better casting than I expect. Causeway isn't a romance movie but there are romantic moments that happen in the movie. This is a film about trauma. Jennifer and Brian deliver a unique view of what trauma is for them. These two deliver powerful character studies into both James and Lynsee's experiences. James is almost comedically unfiltered often asking Lynsee direct questions and oversharing his thoughts. Lynsee on the other hand is more indirect and is concerned about what others think of her. Causeway makes the storytelling feel rewarding. The filmmakers take their time revealing the layers in the psyche of these characters and their histories. I really enjoy the message of healing through shared Trauma. These two characters find a way to support each other unapologetically and without restraint due to their own challenges. They give what they need. These are beautiful moments that invest you in their journey throughout the entire film. The imagery and scenery feel like they represent the state of mind of the characters. There are indoor scenes that feel darker than others and outdoor scenes spectacularly bright. There's a message of acceptance in swimming. Both Lynsee and James are able to find ways to hide their trauma from the world.  James' story is tragic and Causeway unfolds his story with reverence. There's a moment in Causeway where the dynamics between Lynsee and James shift. The scene is when James shares his traumatic experience with Lynsee and what's important here is how Lynsee reacts. The Bad The pacing can be really slow. The pacing can be so slow that it can be really tough to feel any investment in the story or characters. Lynsee initially seems like she's just living a normal life with normal everyday problems. Causeway doesn't make it obvious that she's experiencing any sort of trauma or disability and subtly introduces this plot point into the story. The approach feels like it's trying to artistically reflect the nuance of her disability. It's artistic but it can be boring waiting for the plot to reveal itself. There are only a few moments in all of Causeway where Lynsee's disability is actually noticeable. I don't feel any sense of consequence or risk in Lynsee's disability because it's not as noticeable as James'. Another issue I have with Causeway is that there are characters, plot points, and relationships that go nowhere. We see Lynsee's mother early in Causeway but her story never feels important. Linda Emond plays Gloria and I like her performance. The issue is that Gloria and Lynsee don't get any meaningful moments to progress their story. They have issues but it seems more of just a thing that just happens. There's also another plot point that Causeway introduces with Lynsee's brother. This is a point that we hear about fairly early and Causeway only really scratches the surface of their relationship. Causeway makes a point to want to highlight how people are suffering in plain sight but it focuses more on James and Lynsee than any of these other plots. The ending to Causeway just does not feel satisfying. The movie leaves you hanging and you want to see more by the end. Normally this is a good thing but this just feels like things aren't finished. There are aspects of Lynsee and James' plot that finally start to progress at the end of the film but it's not fun feeling like the ending is missing a "To Be Continued" at the end. There is absolutely more story to tell here and Causeway chooses to "mic drop" the ending.  Maybe Causeway deserves a sequel but it feels like an incomplete story the way that it is. Overall This might be the first Jennifer Lawrence movie I've seen that isn't a major franchise that I think is begging for a sequel. It is fun to get invested in Lynsee and James' relationship and I wish that I could feel satisfied with their story. I love how Causeway tries to creatively handle the story but I don't think the ending is satisfying in any way. Read the full article

[prose-for-hire]

Broken ego, bruised heart

Part one

Pairing: Spike x reader

Request: some of you asked for a second part to “heart-shaped bruise” and here it is! Not sure if you wanted something more resolved but this is where it went !!

Warning: more angst

Requested by: @castiels-lilass  @cameo-greaves & @blue-serendipity​

You stared out of the window, you were exhausted. You barely moved from this spot and yet every night you collapsed into bed as if you had run a marathon. Your emotions pained you. Your heart ached to see his face, even a glimpse. You knew you wouldn’t feel so bad if only you could see his stupid beautiful face.

Maybe you could pretend again, just forget what you had said. You could ignore it. Push it down. Fantasise about it in private and be his friend again. Because at least then, you could have even a small part of him. You wouldn’t lose so much in such a short space of time.

You had been avoiding Spike. And Buffy, for that matter. You loved Buffy to death and she was a close friend but you couldn’t face her. Not after everything you had admitted to Spike. You hated them, hated that they were together. Were waging this war against you. Your feelings. And yet you still couldn’t help but hold that fondness. 

All you did was stare into the bleak night. You barely woke in the day anymore. Your longing kept you up as nocturnal as your love. 

No, not your love. Spike. His name’s Spike.

God, why was this so hard? Why did even his name conjure up wild thoughts of awe and suggestion?

You kept your distance because you had to. You would drive yourself crazy having to hear him speak about how much he loved her. How much he liked you. Would have kissed you if you had agreed to it. 

Oh, why hadn’t you agreed? It was all you ever thought of. His lips on yours. A kiss that would show him just how much you felt. The unending pool of longing that you had been wading through since your first meeting.

Because you wanted love. The kind movies spoke about. Books told you about. Sweeping, unending, monogamous love. You wanted eternal adoration. Unending affection. And you couldn’t escape it. You longed for it. Ached for that feeling almost as much as you ached for the man himself.

He just wanted you back. He adored you. It had started to unravel upon your admittance. But now it was freely taking up ever spare part of him. The parts that weren’t already filled by her, of course.

You went on a walk. To clear your head. But you soon realised that your thoughts travelled with you. And without even looking up you had walked there. To his crypt. To him. You started to back up, walk away but he had sensed you. Couldn’t miss this chance to see you, even if it was a glimpse.

He saw you, his chest rose at the mere sight of you. His love for you had been growing, finally blooming with the light that you brought back into his life.

“Don’t go” he whispered but you heard it. As if he had said it in your ear. Because you so wanted to hear it.

You turned around and followed him into the crypt. But stayed mostly near the door, as if you were about to up and leave again.

“I’m not sure if I should be here” You admitted, half-turning to leave.

“You can’t keep doing this, love- uh, y/n” His voice made you pause, rooted to the spot.

He said your name. He said your name and your spirits lifted. To have your name on his tongue. For him to taste every letter of it. For him to speak it. To lower himself to say your name. To want to share the sound with your ears. You so wanted to do as he willed. If you didn’t think, didn’t stop yourself, you would slowly begin to gravitate towards him. A moth to a flame or some other cautionary metaphor about getting burnt in this way.

“Don’t walk away, please? Not again, damned near broke my ego last time” He said this when you didn’t reply. He had missed your voice so badly.

“Yeah? Well you bruised my heart, Spike. It’s... black and blue” you sighed, trying not to consider that even the way you mixed your metaphors meant you were destined for each other.

“Let me fix it? I’m here, right here - now. For you”

“Tell me you love me?” You whispered, eyes cast to the floor.

“I love you” 

Those words. Your heart stopped. He truly said it. Meant it too. 

And you saw that look in his eyes, the one you had imagined him giving you. The way they shone in the dim light. The way he looked at the ground after because he could barely maintain eye contact. Because it meant so much to him. You had imagined him looking at you this way, you could even now faintly hear the music that you had composed for this very moment.

This look held so much promise. Your heart began to soar again. He was looking at you that way. The way-

The-

The way he looked at... her. Buffy. 

This thought pulled you back down to Earth from the heaven you had been ascending to.

“Tell me you love me more than her”

Silence. He couldn’t. He couldn’t ever tell you that. He looked at the ground, wishing that this love was enough. That the fact he did hold you in such reverence, wished to spend his time and thoughts on you was enough. That he loved you as much as Buffy.

He didn’t want to lose you. Wanted you just the same. Couldn’t choose between you and yet if he could, to ease the bruising from your chest he would. If he could make Buffy hurt less when she was with him, he would.

He shook his head, eyes threatening to stream with emotion that he couldn’t properly decipher. And if he did begin to speak those thoughts aloud he may only upset you further. He never wanted to see you upset. He never wanted to see your face twisted into such unfathomable sorrow. The way it was now.

You shone. In his eyes, you glowed with an ethereal quality he couldn’t begin to describe. Nothing he could write would ever compare to you. How he felt about you.

He adored you. Wanted you with him. Your personality complimented his so beautifully. You made him look forward to seeing you. The way you could light up a room. Your good nature. That small ember of affection had only grown stronger with the time you spent apart.

But he couldn’t convey this to you. Not before you saw it.

You looked at him, at the furrow of his brow. At the way his face had softened and threatened to spill those hopeless buckets of salt he had told you about before. 

You saw it. Saw him as he was. Suddenly. It hit you like a punch to the face. Violent but needed. 

Snapped you out of something you had long been trapped by. You saw without the pretty metaphors or the way that your infatuation had coloured him to your liking. A paint by numbers that had you dizzy. A poster of his face you kept in your head, that you could kiss before bed each night.

You shook your head at his words, seeing him. Maybe truly seeing him for the first time. Just as a man. Not this statue-esque beauty that you couldn’t touch less you tainted him. He was trying. He was never perfect and you had loved him then. You had craved perfection where there hadn’t been any to begin with. He was flawed, but no less loveable even now you were seeing him properly.

To have even a small part of him, to kiss him the way he had offered. Would it really matter that she had done the same? That her heart lived with his too?

There were two sides of a locket, perhaps you shared half each. Split down the middle and encased. For him. You looked up, almost saying that it didn’t matter anymore. That you could live with it if it meant you could be with him. Spend your time with him again. That a whirlwind romance was never going to be realistic. That hopeless romantic notions should have been burnt to cinders years before this aching tryst. Maybe, you could have him that way. Maybe just being with him, sharing a connection was enough.

But then you saw her in the doorway, she had come to find him. A stolen moment that was supposed to be theirs and here you were in their way. In the way of their love.

You knew now that would only ever taste her on his lips. The poisoned touch of a love that he could so easily cast you for. The poison that you would have drunk yourself even a month ago just to be in his presence. You would have done anything just to be with him. Even if it meant that your dying breaths would be his.

But seeing her there confirmed it. That he was just a man. She, a woman. You someone that could have easily been one of them. Were one of them. They didn’t seek to harm in this place. It was just the way that the cards had been dealt.

They weren’t waging a war against your heart - they weren’t even trying to wage one against each other. You nodded, smiling through your tears. They were freely falling now. Mournful and real. Perhaps the most reality you had tasted in a long time. Your damp face now getting cold as you walked towards the fresh air. You nodded at Buffy as you left. 

You wouldn’t do this again. You wouldn’t look back this time. Wouldn’t slip.

[miriel-estelwen]

It's January 3, and since today is the birthday of the legendary J.R.R Tolkien, I saw it fit to post this.. I just think we should take a moment to appreciate this guy even more..

Let’s start with The Silmarillion.

If this book would be turned into a tv series, a lot of people would be pissed. Because many characters die, including Fëanor who is introduced as a main character. The number of major characters in the Silmarillion who meet their tragic end is greater than the number of major characters in AS0IAF who meet their end. The Silmarillion is an ongoing tale of blood, torture, gruesome deaths, painful deaths, unbreakable dooms, betrayal, back stabbing, more torture and gruesome deaths. When I first read Silm, I was still thinking about Tolkien as that jolly old man who wrote Bilbo. And I was shocked.!

Yet, Tolkien still knew how to touch and highlight themes such as hope and love, and how these two help the characters overcome their fears and struggles and get through the dark times they’re living in. The Silmarillion is a story about hope.

The Hobbit

Yes, that funny little adventure with that funny little man who meets trolls and goblins and Elves and dwarves and finds a magic ring.

Should I remind you that that Dwarf whose goal was to reclaim his homeland and his crown died? Yes, he died. But as tragic as it was, his death made sense. He allowed his greed for gold overwhelm and control him. He almost killed Bilbo because of it. This is how Tolkien punished his moment of weakness. But it made sense.

I cried when Thorin bade farewell to Bilbo, I cry again every time I see it in the movie, but this…. makes sense. Compelling arc? Tolkien knows how to write it.

And now

The Lord of The Rings

Should….we….remind…you….that jolly old Tolkien….named his magnum opus…after the….you know?…the villain?

Tolkien wrote about very bad people and wrote about very dark times, and throughout the trilogy you have this constant feeling of hopelessless in front of Sauron’s almost allmight. Yet:

"The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater."

》 Tolkien deserve all the praise for:

1. Touching the importance of love, and not the romantic love (because the romance is more hinted and not even a secondary love), But the love between friends, the support which rekindles your hope, and ignites your courage, the courage to fight for your friends and for a better life, the love for your world and your wish to make it better.

2. Writing female characters properly!!!!! The product of his age as he was, he goddamn knew how to write women who are both feminine and strong, who also fight in battle or rule the household, women who have power and they are acknowledged as such.

The most prayed-to god is a godess - Varda, a woman. Galadriel and Melian are women who are held in more reverance than their male partners. Eowyn is strong both at home, when she is the beacon of hope for her people, and on the battlefield, when she kills the FUCKING Witch King of Angmar (and this was FORSHADOWED btw).

Also, no focus on male gaze and no objectifying. The romance is written as it should be written - a union of the soul, more than anything.

Also also, he wrote friendship between men, friendship that became love, love between comrades, forced to fight and suffer together. But they can also be read as romance. • Look me in the eyes and tell me that Gimli and Legolas cannot be read as romance • They can! You can interpret them as such and not be wrong! And this sort of love is valued above everything!!!!

3. Aragorn struggles for almost 70 years to reclaim his ancestor’s throne and he proves his worth fighting and almost sacrificing himself in the War. But after Sauron is defeated, the people accept them as king. Because he saved them from destruction, Because he almost sacrificed himself for them.

4. And last, but not the least, for writing a real bittersweet ending.

Frodo, the main character, is so broken after fulfilling his quest, that he leaves Middle-Earth for Valinor, the earthly paradise, which is a symbolism of death:

"….I have been too deeply hurt, Sam. I tried to save the Shire, and it has been saved, but not for me. It must often be so, Sam, when things are in danger: someone has to give them up, lose them, so that others may keep them. But you are my heir: all that I had and might have had I leave to you. And also you have Rose, and Elanor; and Frodo-lad will come, and Rosie-lass, and Merry, and Goldilocks, and Pippin; and perhaps more that I cannot see. Your hands and your wits will be needed everywhere. You will be the Mayor, of course, as long as you want to be, and the most famous gardener in history; and you will read things out of the Red Book, and keep alive the memory of the age that is gone, so that people will remember the Great Danger, and so love their beloved land all the more. And that will keep you as busy and as happy as anyone can be, as long as your part in the Story goes on."

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand… there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold."

So, dear shitty writers who compare your work with Tolkien’s (and with the movies; Because with all their faults, the movies, in the end, did highlight Tolkien’s message: hope )

𝕀𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕜 𝕠𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕜 𝕒𝕤 𝕓𝕖𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕠𝕟 𝕡𝕒𝕣 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕋𝕠𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕖𝕟’𝕤, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖𝕟’𝕥 𝕓𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝕡𝕒𝕪𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟.

John Ronald Reuel Tolkien is the ONLY fantasy king I acknowledge.

[jombocostello]

quiet introspection (bruno x reader x abbacchio)

@dicksoutformtl asked: Hii! Thank you for letting me request this c: With poly bruno/leone/reader with the scenario/headcanon’s of reader and bruno comforting leone during one of his self loathing moments? Like maybe he feels he doesn’t deserve one of them nor two people loving him uncontrollably? He’s just beating him up an stuff. Either way it goes super soft and sweet with bruno an reader just reassuring and smothering him with love/more. Please and thank you sm 💞💞

sure! bruno and abbacchio are my two favorite part 5 guys so i was really happy to do this! i hope you enjoy it!!

It’s late at night when you wake up. You’d been having a pleasant dream; you can’t exactly remember it, but you know it made you feel at ease. You stretch, yawning loudly, and sit up. It’s a little after midnight, so you should probably just go back to sleep.

A soft murmur from beside you grabs your attention, and you smile. It’s Bruno, sleeping soundly next to you. He clutches a pillow close to his chest and snores quietly, rolling over onto his back. You nearly laugh as you reach out and brush his hair away from his face. You’re still drowsy, so you start to bundle yourself back up in blankets. As you listen to Bruno’s snoring, though, you realize that someone is missing.

Abbacchio had been with the two of you when you fell asleep - hadn’t he...? You frown, scooting back up to lean against the wall. You glance back at Bruno, who’s still soundly sleeping. You won’t wake him until you have to, you figure. He looks so peaceful.

Carefully you climb out of bed, trying your best not to disturb your sleeping partner. You grab a robe and slide it on as you make your way through the bedroom.

As you walk down the hall, you can faintly make out the sound of a glass clanking against a table. You frown and peer around the corner, into the kitchen. Abbacchio sits at the table, completely awake.

“...They don’t want me.” Your eyes widen, and you watch him pour himself a drink with a thinly-suppressed anger in his movements. “I’m a fuckup. Holy shit, I’m the biggest fuckup I’ve ever met.” He pauses to down the entire glass, and you grimace.

You haven’t seen Abbacchio in a state like this in months. He’s always brooding and just a little on-edge, but that’s just how he is. His last episode of extreme self-loathing like this had been even before you entered a relationship with him. You take a deep breath and turn around, steeling yourself. The last thing he needs is you crying too.

You enter the room and fake a yawn, looking at Abbacchio and sitting down beside him. “Hey,” you say to him. “What are you doing up so late?”

Now that you’re this close to him, you see the tears in his eyes and the lines running down his cheeks. Your eyes widen, and you reach for his hand. “I didn’t mean to wake you up,” he mumbles, staring down at his hand wrapped in yours. “Did I wake you?”

“No,” you answer softly. “I was dreaming and I guess the dream was over.” He smiles faintly at that, gripping your hand a little tighter. “Do you wanna talk?”

You’re not the best at talking through feelings, you know that; usually Bruno’s the one to hold both of your hands as you fumble through your emotions. But Bruno’s sleeping peacefully in the next room, and you want to make Abbacchio feel better as soon as you can. He shakes his head, and you frown. “I don’t want to burden you - “

“You’re not a burden,” you say hastily, cutting him off. “You know I love you, Leone.” He seems to flinch at your words, but clumsily you keep talking. “I - I want to listen to anything you have to say.”

He takes a deep breath in and nods, and you smile. “I just get worried,” he mumbles, “that I’m making life harder for you and Bruno. You’re both so - I mean God, you’re like rays of sunshine.” He reaches out and ghosts his hand across your cheek, staring at you almost reverently. “I’ve always been so... So bad at being happy.” He coughs, suddenly embarrassed, and sinks down further in his chair. “I’m sorry.”

You feel tears welling up in your eyes, and you harshly swipe them away. Abbacchio’s eyes widen and he starts to apologize again, but before he can you reach out and hug him tightly. “Don’t apologize for who you are,” you whisper, trying not to cry. “Bruno and I fell in love with you, Leone. We love you just as you are. Don’t ever feel like you’re not enough, because you’re who Bruno and I love more than anyone in the world.”

Abbacchio is silent, and now you do start crying, muffling your sniffles in his shoulder. “(Y/N)...” He sounds surprised. Maybe no one’s ever told him that. You cry a little harder at that thought.

“Why’s everyone up?” You both turn to the doorway when you hear Bruno’s groggy voice. His eyes widen as he takes in the two of you, faces tear-streaked and mascara-smudged, and almost instantly he pulls over a chair and sits down at the table.

His arms are around the both of you before you even know what to say. “What’s wrong?” he murmurs, running his hand through your hair. You try to pull yourself together as he holds you. “Are you okay?”

You lean back, taking a big breath. “Yeah, I’m... I’m fine.” You wipe your tears away and smile, and your hand finds Abbacchio’s again. As Bruno turns to him, he squeezes it tightly.

He uses his other hand to brush away strands of hair on his forehead. “It’s just been an...introspective night.” He clears his throat, forcing a sullen frown onto his face. “I just wonder if you want - if you want me around, bringing you and (Y/N) down like this. I made them cry.” You grab his arm and start to tell him no, it wasn’t his fault at all and he’s wrong to say he brings you down, but Bruno does it for you.

His voice is so smooth and easy compared to yours, which always grows strained when you’re particularly emotional. “I love you.” That’s all he says as he presses a kiss to Abbacchio’s neck, and that’s all he needs to hear. The three of you sit in a mess of limbs and tears for a few minutes, basking in the feeling of loving and being loved. You can hear that Abbacchio’s stopped crying.

He’s the first to lean back, and he takes a moment to compose himself. He opens his mouth and then shuts it, turning away and glancing at the couch. “I... I don’t think I can go back to sleep. Do you two want to watch a movie?”

Bruno’s face lights up, and for a second his expression takes your breath away. “I’d love to!” he says, and he hops out of his chair. God, you’ll never know how he manages to stay in such good spirits all the time. It’s incredible. You stand up and take Abbacchio’s hand, looking down at him as he stands up with your help. He meets your eyes and smiles gently, and after a moment’s thought you lean forward and press a kiss to his lips. As you part, he looks away almost bashfully. You grin as you pull him over to the couch.

You cozy up to Abbacchio and bundle yourself in blankets as Bruno opens up the cabinet full of VHS tapes. “Hm...” He rifles through them. “Do you want something scary? Or a comedy. Or maybe something...” He turns around and waggles his eyebrows at the two of you, making you snort. “A little romantic?”

Abbacchio shrugs. “Anything is fine with me. I might fall asleep halfway through, so it really doesn’t matter.” How selfless. You turn to him and smile, laughing a little, but he doesn’t return the gesture. You’re happy he’s feeling more like himself, even if that means he’s as sullen as usual.

“Well put on the sappiest romance you can find, then.” Bruno grins and selects a tape, and after he pops it into the player, he sits down on the other side of Abbacchio and wraps his arm around him snugly. You see Abbacchio’s face go red in the dim light.

Bruno has chosen a sickeningly sweet movie, it seems. Your mind drifts from the dumb movie to Abbacchio and back again as you watch Jack Nicholson shamelessly flirt with Helen Hunt. You can feel yourself dozing off, but before you do you look to Abbacchio.

He’s fast asleep, with his head resting partly on the couch and partly on Bruno’s shoulder. Bruno smiles softly at you from over the top of Abbacchio’s head, and you smile back. You’ve never felt so full.

You rest your head on Abbacchio’s shoulder, careful not to wake him, and you shut your eyes. He means the world to you and Bruno, and you want him to know that. You sit up and gently kiss his cheek, and you pray he can feel how much you love him. You lean back on his shoulder and reach across him, finding Bruno’s hand and clasping it within your own. You shut your eyes, and sleep finds you easily.

[johnny-and-dora]

could never want for more (when you’re near)

65. “help me find my shirt.” “you know, as much as i want to...i don’t want to.” requested by anon or, shameless early relationship fluff counts as a healthy coping mechanism, right?

read on ao3 -

Amy blinks herself awake in the early morning light, coming to her senses slowly, head clouded by a slight hangover that seems to pair nicely with the foggy autumnal morning outside. She’s confused and honestly, a little disappointed to find she’s alone in her bed – she has to admit she treasures her boyfriend’s sleepy smile in the mornings, the way he’ll pull her closer to him before he’s even fully awake, mumble a muffled good morning that tickles, a low and warm hum in her ear. The days that start off that way always seem to go better.

The confusion only increases tenfold when her alarm clock reads 7:17am despite it being a rare, precious shared day off with said boyfriend, who is notably a) not a morning person and b) mysteriously absent, his phone missing from the extra charging cable she bought him.

She’s dragging him to one of her favourite art galleries today, knowing the exhibition they have on the art of movie posters will catch his attention. Then it’s lunch in a cute French-themed café she found and a walk in the park near her apartment. She’s been looking forward to spending this time with Jake all week. He even put a reminder on his phone so he wouldn’t forget, just one of many recent tiny gestures that speak a million words about how much effort he’s been putting into their relationship.

Amy’s about to launch a full investigation as to why he’s out of bed criminally early when he emerges from the hallway clad only in his boxers, phone in hand.

“Holt called.” He says while wriggling into his jeans, grimacing apologetically in a way she knows means all her plans are instantly out the window. “Apparently a witness came in with new info on the Abernathy murders.”

Amy nods, understanding at once – he’s been working this case for weeks, desperate for any kind of new lead. There’s been a lot of coffee drinking and teeth grinding and her offering sympathetic smiles over her monitor whenever he lifts his head from a long period slumped against his desk.

There’s also been a lot of letting him choose where they order from or what film to watch and her letting him be the big spoon. She even brought some Orangina for when he’s over, which she knows he appreciated even if it apparently wasn’t exactly right (She personally can’t tell the difference, but she’s not about to start that debate again).

And as much as she mourns her original plans to spend the day together, Amy understands how important this is, likely more than most other girlfriends would. Hell, if their roles were reversed, she’d probably be halfway out the door already.

That doesn’t necessarily mean she can’t mess with him a little, though. Or make the most of the time they have while he’s still here. In the name of maximum productivity, of course.

Amy Santiago is nothing but efficient.

She props herself up on her elbow to get a better look at him, purposefully letting the comforter drop to her lap so she instantly has the upper hand in any negotiations they might be making. He’s fully engrossed in the search for the rest of his clothes, strewn across her bedroom a little too enthusiastically last night in a post-Shaw’s haze. It could take him a while to notice her, but it’s worth the wait.

“Will you help me find my shirt?”

“You know, as much as I want to…” She says, slipping into that low sultry voice she knows he’s utterly powerless against, “I really don’t want to.”

Jake finally glances up at her and freezes midway through putting on his sock, eyes suddenly wide.

“Oh, that is so not fair.”

“What?” She says innocently. “You’re my extremely cute, very handsome charming boyfriend. I’m just trying to get a good look before you disappear and leave me alone all day.”

She’s expecting the usual bravado or blatant over-confidence that Jake usually exudes, some kind of snappy retort or playful engagement in their usual verbal sparring. What takes her aback is the way he goes quiet, wonder and maybe even shyness flooding his expression.

Jake is a lot of things. He has a wide and vivid emotional spectrum that she’s gotten to know pretty well over the past few years. He is rarely ever shy.

“You…you think I’m handsome?” He says – and there’s the dopiest, cutest disbelieving look on his face that melts away all her playfulness entirely.

“Of course I do.” She says, softer now. “I mean, I like you for lots of other reasons, but- “

He perches tentatively on the end of her bed, shirt clearly forgotten. “You like me for lots of reasons?”

“Oh my god, yes, you dork.” She laughs lightly, sitting up and tucking her hair behind both ears. “I thought…that was obvious?” Amy gestures back and forth between them, loosely symbolising the whole relationship thing that they’ve been doing for almost three months now, and is relieved to finally see him smile, brilliant and bright.

“I…yes. Yeah, of course. I like you too, for a million billion different reasons, obviously- “ He runs his hand through his already messy hair, face a little flushed. It’s a sight to behold, a flustered, half-naked Jake Peralta. She’s studied many revered and respected pieces of art in her time, but he might be her favourite.

“It’s just, uh. Sometimes it’s still kinda surreal to me. That you actually like me back. That we’re, um…that I’m…”

“My boyfriend?” She prompts, and the reverent look on his face could power the entire city in a blackout. He shifts closer, enough for the scent of his cologne to pleasantly flood her senses.

“Yes. That I’m Amy Santiago’s boyfriend. Man, I should get that on a t-shirt.”

“Please don’t.”

“Oh Ames, you know Charles is probably hand-stitching them as we speak.” Amy wrinkles her nose in disgust, pushing him away as he laughs, bright and loud and sweet. The world is fuller, better somehow when he laughs, even if it’s about Charles’s weird obsession with their romantic relationship. Suddenly things not going to plan is an opportunity to take stock of her stationary needs and to organise a date night rather than the onset of a full-on anxiety attack.

“Ugh, I’m sorry.” He sighs, intertwining their hands – Amy furrows her brow, confused.

“For what? Charles? He’s pretty intense, but his enthusiasm can be actually kinda-“

“No, no. I meant for ruining all the plans you had for us today.”

“Oh. You’re sweet, but it’s okay. It’s the job, you and I know that better than anyone.” She says softly, unable to resist the impulse to card her fingers through his soft curls. He takes her hand back, pressing a kiss to each of her knuckles.

“Still. It sucks. Now I have to leave my gorgeous, incredible girlfriend to go work a stupid case I don’t even care about.”

“Jake, this is all you’ve cared about for weeks.”

“That is so not true.” He says, pouting. “You’re what I care about.”

And well, there it is. If she wasn’t going to tempt him to stay a little longer before, now she barely has a choice. They easily slip from a sweet kiss into something hungrier, more passionate – painfully aware of her morning breath and general dedication to punctuality, Amy tries one last fruitless attempt to get Jake to work on time.

“You’re going to be late…” It comes out breathy and trembling and it’s poorly timed, really, because he’s just started trailing kisses down her neck and collarbone in that way she’ll never get enough of.  

“Don’t care.” He mumbles into her shoulder, warm and low in exactly the way she’s been craving. “Amy Santiago thinks I’m handsome.”

It’s quite a bit later when Amy finally manages to muster up the willpower to gently pry him off her, pupils blown and breathing heavy. She revels in the moment before laughing as he grumbles about having to put his jeans on again. Then she dedicates herself to studying his sleepy, blissed-out lopsided grin as he finally manages to find his shirt, partially hidden underneath her bed.

“You know I’m going to ride that high for weeks, right?” He grins at her as he buttons up his slightly rumpled flannel, smoothing it down as best he can.

“Yeah, yeah.” She waves him off. “Don’t tell anyone the reason why you’re so late. I have a reputation to maintain.”

She scrolls through Instagram as he laces up his sneakers, smiling at the message from Kylie asking about the guy in her most recent post. It’s a slightly blurry selfie of the two of them, a couple drinks in at the squad’s latest Shaw’s get-together, her head resting on his shoulder. It may not be the best photo ever taken, but the way Jake looks at her so tenderly, so happily, makes her incredibly fond of it, nonetheless.

And it’s not like he fills a missing part of her or anything equally as mushy. She’s always been whole, an entire living breathing person that doesn’t need a relationship to sustain her. But there’s something, there’s always been something about Jake that makes her feel lighter whenever he’s around. Less trapped in her own head, less worried about what other people think.

His sweet and open good-naturedness and his talent for making her laugh take care of that. And he always takes care of her. Just as she’ll always take care of him. That’s been an unspoken truth for much longer than either of them would easily admit.  

“I’ll be back as soon as I can, okay? And we’re doing a proper date night tonight. Fancy restaurant and a movie that isn’t Die Hard and everything.”

“Wow.”

“I know. I am the king of romance.” He leans in closer, eyes wide, whispering fake-conspiratorially. “We might even get to second base.”

Amy snorts. “If you’re lucky.”

“Lucky enough to be with you.”

He kisses her once more, quick and sweet, before hurrying out the door; Amy dreamily ghosts her fingers over her lips, grinning. She’s never had something like this with anyone before, and though it scares her a little, she secretly revels in the quiet thrill of already caring so deeply about him.

With promises of many more mornings like these glimmering on the horizon, it’s all too easy for her to climb back under the covers and enjoy the sweetest of dreams.

[amethystiridescence]

I debated a lot about whether to post this as I'm worried about it being misconstrued but I feel there's a lot of points that merit discussion. I'd definitely be open for people's thoughts on it.

tl;dr: society has an unhealthy deeply interwoven obsession with sex/romance as a be all and end all, and I think it's a large contributor to sexual violence against women.

Regarding the discussions that Sarah Everad’s case has reawoken, there are few voices trying to invalidate the most common argument by saying “there’s no point telling men not to rape/murder because the messed up men will do it anyway”. But this is an extreme simplification of the matter at hand. The issue lies with the perpetrators of course and NEVER the victims. But we need to explore what breeds the mentality of the perpetrators as SO many women have recounted their experiences, so it’s obvious that the problem is widespread at varying levels. The levels range from the simplest catcaller to cases like Elliot Rodger and Sarah Everad’s killer.

My belief is that a lot of the mentality surrounding the violence and aggression towards women stems from male entitlement. That phrase alone is a buzzword, and again its often used with a simple-cut phrase with “women don’t owe men anything” which is entirely true, but whilst unlearning entitlement is a step further than telling men “don’t rape”, its still not tackling the problem at its roots.

Men in our society have been exposed to lifelong conditioning through mass media and social-engineering. We are more than familiar with movies/tv series where romantic/sexual attention from a woman is often a reward/end goal for the male protagonists. Sometimes there are men pitted against each other vying for the affections of a woman like it’s a coveted prize, and it’s normalised with humorous portrayal. Or sometimes sexual/romantic interest is not a reward, it’s a given, no matter what kind of person the male character is; see any series where a conventionally unattractive/unpleasant man always keeps his devoted, conventionally attractive wife despite his obvious flaws (Peter Griffin, Homer Simpson, Fred Flintstone). Then of course there’s the normalising of not taking no for an answer and constantly persisting and being rewarded eventually for it; for example The Notebook is considered a very romantic film but the male character literally threatens to kill himself to make her agree to date him. And of course there’s very damaging concepts presented by films like the 40 Year Old Virgin, but we’ll come to the negative sex-shaming in a tick.

Luckily thanks in huge part to movements like #MeToo, the idea of consent and ‘no means no’ is being more consistently normalised in modern mass media. Netflix’s Sex Education explores this but it’s still guilty of making the female love interest the end prize goal for the male protagonist.

Now it’s not just in media that this environment of coveting sexual/romantic affection as the ultimate goal is encouraged. Its a socially-engineered thing. A lot of us are aware of the double standard in which men are revered/congratulated by their peers for being sexually/romantically popular with women whereas women are shamed, but we often don’t talk about the poisonous culture in which men who aren’t sexually/romantically active or “successful” are shamed and humiliated. How many times have we witnessed people shaming or embarrassing their mates for not having a romantic partner or ‘not getting some’ or even worse, for being a virgin? The culture surrounding virginity is disgusting, it’s both shamed and coveted. This also ties into insults surrounding size/functionality of genitalia and how men are taught that’s one of the worst kind of insult they can receive. Same goes for insults surrounding “haha you can’t get laid/get any”. Plus some men deliberately pass down this mentality and on top they encourage younger male peers/family members to “keep at it” and “don’t take no for an answer” as if teaching younger men how to ‘get women’ is an important lesson that must be passed on.

One thing that’s also alarming is that this taught drive for sexual/romantic attraction is so inbuilt that men are taught to bypass a lot of principles for the chance of it, such as lying about their interests or faking a personality to keep a woman interested. I’ve also seen men forgiven for tardiness because they ‘got lucky the night before’ (that expression itself feeds into this ‘covet/reward’ culture). Only last week I was watching a video about how women were sexually harassed with deeply unpleasant/objectifying comments online whilst doing Twitch streams and I saw a man reply “Women complain all the time about getting attention, they have no idea how lucky they are, I’d kill for a woman to desire me like that”. Men are inherently taught by both peers and media that their entire self-worth is largely determined by whether they receive romantic/sexual attention, no matter how insincere/damaging it is. Hell, even when discussions about men who’ve committed atrocities against women come up, instead of sympathising with the women who have been hurt and those whose are more scared as a result, men instead tend to lament “men like this guy ruin it for other men, they spoil my chances with other women because women assume I’m like him”. A lot of this is a large part of why incel culture is more dangerously rife than it should ever be. The mere words ‘involuntarily celibate’ are all that’s wrong with what I’m discussing.

Lets be clear, society’s inbuilt social hierarchy around sexual/romantic frequency is poisonous to everyone, especially women and the way so many shape their lives around how ‘attractive’ they’re perceived as, and of course the damage it does to the barely-fledged self esteems and images of teenage girls.

Plus both genders suffer in nearly equal ways under some lenses. People who choose to live without a romantic partner are assumed to be “unable to find love” or “unfortunately lonely” (although its worth noting the semantic sexism of bachelor vs spinster). People who are virgins beyond their teens, hell even just beyond legal age, are pitied/shamed. And people stay in abusive relationships because society's taught us that being unhappy is better than being alone. It’s impossible for people to pass through life without being subject to the social perception of how ‘successful they are in love/sex’.

But in particular with men, it’s incredibly dangerous as it destroys how men perceive themselves, teaching them that women are a given or a prize and if they don’t receive, they’re shamed. Combine that with social engineering of which in general, men are taught to express their anger/frustration with physical exertion or violence. This lays groundwork for male entitlement at its most damaging and dangerous, because not only does it wreck the mental health of men who constantly wonder why they’re not getting what the world taught them they should receive, it also sows the seeds of violent thinking in some. How many times have we as women (as is our basic right) refused the advances of men in public and they’ve responded angrily, and sometimes they’ve been laughed at by their peers as it happens. Humiliation is a degrading and powerful thing and for those who’ve been taught to react aggressively to situations, those with weaker self-esteems (thanks to a myriad of sexist reasons eg 'man up') and those with lack of proper mental health help (again, a huge male-centric problem eg;'boys don't cry'), it can lead to breeding resentment, self-loathing, sometimes suicidal tendencies but more crucially, the anger/vengeance/entitlement that resides in would-be stalkers, rapists and murderers. Elliot Rodger called his murderous rampage a “Day of Retribution” as he lamented “having been at college and still being a virgin” and said he had “no choice to exact revenge on the society that had “denied” him sex and love. He targeted a sorority whose members he had deemed the “hottest” at his college, “the kind of girls I’ve always desired but was never able to have”.

You can see I’ve been carefully trying to toe a line between not excusing the behaviour of men who treat women horribly as a result of all this and more, but also understanding the damaging conditioning in which society has woven. Teaching men “don’t rape” and “women don’t owe you anything” are basic steps, but we need to tackle issues deeper than that. We need to stop teaching everyone that being sexually/romantically desired is NOT the be all and end all of life, that being sexually/romantically desirable is not the sum of someone’s self-worth, and that there is NO shame in being without a partner or not being sexually active.

I understand that society’s obsession with sex/romance/attraction is deeply interwoven and its not going to be unlearned in a day, but can you imagine a world where teenagers are raised being told that their attractiveness/desire popularity doesn’t define their worth to others. Can you imagine a world where women don’t constantly make the majority of their concerns about how attractive people perceive them as before how kind/intelligent they’re perceived as? Can you imagine a world where people don’t feel pressured into sex as virgins, or pressured into relationships where they’re unhappy because it’s better than being alone? Where someone can be without a partner and be their own person without people assuming that its chosen solitude and not liberated independence.

I know romantic/sexual companionship is very central to how the majority of people operate. But consider this, a world where sex/romance isn’t a heavily pressurised must-do, but an opt-in and opt-out path where people can explore at their own pace and with their own limitations and boundaries without people constantly passing judgement on it. Its an idealistic idea, and seeing the way that asexuals are mistreated is another factor in just how society shames those who opt-out of sexual activity. But I believe a lot of this discussion can lead to more practical steps than saying “don’t rape”

How about;

Don’t shame anyone for being a virgin at any age.

Don’t shame anyone for not having a partner.

Don’t shame anyone for not being sexually active.

Unlearn phrases like “get lucky” and “winning the girl/heart”.

Don’t use insults aimed at size/functionality of genitalia.

Don’t insult people based on their appearance.

Just a few ideas to start undoing the entitlement culture that puts so many women in danger.

And of course, wearily I’ll state the disclaimers.

None of this behaviour discussed excuses even the most ‘harmless’ of catcalls, let alone the reprehensible behaviour of the worst offenders. I just think it’s important to understand the finer points of what breeds this consistent societally inbuilt violence and hatred against women. I really really cannot state this too much, this is not a victim-blame, women do not deserve a single infinitesimal part of anything they've gone through just because they insulted some dude's penis.

Being sexually/romantically active is never ever a bad thing of course provided it’s legal, safe and fully consensual. It just shouldn’t be the only path that people feel forced to take.

Briefly, someone might argue that its okay for me to promote that being sexually inactive is all peachy keen is hypocritical when I'm in a happy relationship, but if I was single, you could just as easily argue that I'd be trying to validate being without a partner for my own gratification.

And yes. We know. Not all men. I know plenty of people, not just men who see past a lot of the shaming and conditioning, and continue to liberate themselves from society’s warped expectations of what they should be doing with their lives. But try this, YES ALL MEN are subject to this sexual/romantic obsession that the world forces on them. When a director chooses to have a man portrayed as the butt of a joke because he’s rebuffed by a woman, he’s sending out a message to all men that some of their worth is determined on whether a woman accepts their affections. Whenever a man snidely jokes to his friends that someone he knows can’t get a woman, he teaches his friends that their lives are only validated on whether they can attain partners. Not all men may not be predatory. But all men are targeted by this conditioning. And as a result of all this, all women are afraid.

Followup: Men receiving non romantic affection is largely shamed as well and as a result its not nearly as common as it should be. Men receiving platonic affection doesn't happen nearly as much as it should, because men are taught that platonic affection is never platonic because if it comes from men it must be gay, and if it comes from women, it must come from a place of attraction. This can tie into the larger discussions already at hand regarding men's mental health and the lack of support it recieves.

[pagewanderer]

Cynicism and Love

I am torn between two very different perspectives. Two very different outlooks, like if I had two opposite personalities taking charge.

I think romance can be overrated, I think it’s good in books, however in life it’s premise is faulty. Everyday more and more couple demostrate the point, end up broken up and taking all that love to hate. Not worth the time and pain, sometimes they look to hurt the other even more.

Somehow I also have extreme romantic notions about love. I love a good love story, specially if it’s starts with a stranded relationship growing and transforming to an all consuming, everlasting, life changing romance that defines and challenges a point in your life.

How can a person have such opposite views in the same topic?. 

I have been torn by love, the kinda of love you thought was an ever after, that it’s longevity was just months, yet on those months never felt more real... until It wasn’t. You can hear the glass shattering as the illusion fades and you see the charade you were playing with. So how do you separate the illusion form what´s real?

I still love a good love story that makes my cynical side question ever being so cold.

I love a good love story that makes me believe in love for those magical seconds the book lasts, it’s magic in my head leaving behind where ever I’m reading, making me jump into its pages and feel it for myself.

I love a good love story that for a moment makes me forget that it is just a story.

Back in the real world love is never that magical, it’s painful, complicated, a bit destructive and toxic, it’s like being broken and whole at the same time. In the real world love it´s a thing people spent a lot of time chasing, but never surrender to it once it’s caught, so it’s ephemeral at best.

I think we make it difficult, we make it ephemeral. I’ve seen love become a craving, you feel it, you want it, you get it; then that´s it, done. You can throw away the remaining of it, you already fulfilled your craving, for a while at least. Until it comes again, and you chase it to try it, to leave it once more and so on. 

I don’t crave love like a one time dessert. I revere love, it should be a life changing force that pushes you to find the better parts of yourself and share them, and work on the other parts to shine as well, not out of neediness but out of a desire to share with each other, to grow together, to share live. 

Most days the cynical part of me wins the battle, until I find a new book that makes me forget that cynical thought, then the book ends and I’m back to cynicism once more. 

If it exists outside of books and movies, Is it as powerful as described?. Or is that expectation and that idea we have been sold our entire life that makes us chase something unreal, because it sounds too good to be true. 

I wonder if this cynical part is just a lie I tell to keep me from trying to find it because, what would happen if I do?

[bestillmyslashyheart]

when a soul breaks

He told himself it was research but really it was just torture. Self imposed torture which was honestly the worst.

Alex sighed and clicked play. He was sad enough and drunk enough and in enough pain that he didn’t quite care that each new movie made the ache in his soul hurt just a little bit more. It was worth it for the incremental hope they gave him that things wouldn’t always be this way.

Saturday passed in a haze as Alex burrowed deep into the bed, sheets and blankets and sweatshirts wrapped around him as he watched movie after movie.

Sunday was almost the exact same albeit with a moment of terror when a car pulled up outside. Alex spent one breathless minute trying to figure out how he would explain himself if he was caught before the car drove away. He hadn’t even had it in him to look outside and see who it was.

Monday morning he set an alarm for well before dawn. When it went off, he forced himself to ignore the dark sky and the chill in the air and throw off the many blankets piled around him. The lethargy was harder to shake. It took almost twice as long as it might normally take for Alex to attach the prosthetic, get dressed, and tidy up. In the end, as he was rushing out to his car, he was grateful for the extra early alarm: Sanders’ opened in just under half an hour and Michael was due back any second. If Alex didn’t vacate the scrapyard before then, Michael just might wonder what the hell Alex was doing sleeping in his Airstream.

Alex would strongly prefer to put that conversation off until never.

---

All the stories and the folk tales and the goddamn Disney movies tell it the same way: soulmates are a rare breed but effervescent in their beauty and their reverence. Some, much older, tales talk of two people who are born to be together, as if divined by God or some other higher power. The Ancient Greeks spoke of people as if each person were only half of a completed whole. Modern day stories focus on the choice of it all. Where before, people believe their soulmates were chosen for them, new research has shown that really, a soul bond is a choice. An almost entirely subconscious choice but a choice nonetheless. Every romance (Disney, Nicholas Sparks, whoever else wants to make a buck off of the phenomenon) shows two people so hopelessly, deeply in love with each other that their souls join together and bind them to the other for life. It’s always nearly unbearably romantic.

And it’s all fucking crap.

Alex has watched more of those movies than he’d care to admit recently and they all said the same thing and none of it was real. Somehow, some way, it never occurred to anyone that a soul bond is technically a one way street. When a person falls so deeply in love with another that they truly cannot imagine themselves without the other, a piece of their soul splinters off and attaches itself to the other. It creates a bond between the two that cannot be severed, not even in death. What is never discussed is that this doesn’t happen both ways, not usually. Even in pairings where the bond is reciprocal, the people involved never bond at the same time. There is always a period where a person is bonded to another, their soul fragmented. 

No one ever talks about what it’s like to live with only half your soul.

Alex imagines it’s because no one wants to think about what exactly that means. Which, he can relate. He too would really rather not think about what it means. Unfortunately, he doesn’t get that luxury.

He’s discovered that losing part of your soul is not such an easy thing. It creates a bond to the other person, yes, but it doesn’t actually do anything. Without the other person’s knowledge or involvement, Alex doesn’t sense emotions or thoughts and he sure as hell can’t communicate telepathically. Every single ‘bonus’ of a soul bond that he’s ever heard about doesn’t apply to one sided bonds. What does apply? Is an ache in his very soul that never goes away. 

In the five weeks since Caulfield exploded and took half of Michael’s family with it, since Michael said they would talk and then ran as fast as he could in the opposite direction, Alex has tried to piece together what happened. So far, all he knows is that his decision to stay in a building about to explode, simply so he wouldn’t have to live without Michael, tore his soul in half and the other half bound itself to Michael. He knows that Michael is entirely unaware of this development. And he knows that the separation between the two of them is literally tearing his soul to bits. Michael has only been in the same room as him twice since then and both times it was with everyone else there as well. The second Alex tried to speak to him alone Michael just said, “I can’t do this with you, Alex. Not now. Not anymore,” and drove away. But those precious few seconds where Michael was close enough to touch, Alex could feel the halves of his soul reaching out for each other, trying to knit itself back together. Each time Michael left, his soul ripped again.

None of the Disney movies (or Nicholas Sparks or whoever) has had any answers for Alex. Soulmates are rare enough that there’s almost no research on them except what has gone into popular media. Which, surprise surprise, does not include the painful part of the phenomenon.

Alex has tried to soothe the ache in his soul by surrounding himself with Michael’s things whenever possible (made easier by the fact that Michael apparently doesn’t actually live at his Airstream anymore. He tries not to think about where exactly he might be living these days) but it’s effects are limited. Cuddling Michael’s sweater for hours is nothing compared to what it felt like to stand next to the man for a few seconds.

“Hey.”

Alex jerked, a thud and a splash answering him as he knocked a cup of coffee to the floor. He stared at it in confusion, positive that he hadn’t bought coffee recently.

“Hey,” this time the voice was much softer and Alex looked up to see Kyle staring at him, worry clear in his eyes. “Are you okay? You look like shit.”

“You really know how to charm a guy,” Alex bit back softly.

Kyle put his wrist to Alex’s forehead and Alex didn’t have the energy to move away. “You’re not warm.”

“When did you get here?” Here being the Project Shepherd bunker. Alex wasn’t even sure when he himself got here, if he was being honest. His days were starting to get very hazy, hours passing by without him noticing.

Kyle crouched next to him. “I got back about ten minutes ago.” Fuck, Alex thought. Back meant Kyle had been here already. “I met you here this morning at nine?” Kyle searched his face for recognition but Alex knew he wouldn’t find any. “Alex, are you okay? Have you been here since I left?”

Alex nodded slowly, his eyes searching behind Kyle’s head for a clock. Fuck. It was almost midnight.

Kyle reached for his wrist, his fingers locating Alex’s pulse with ease. “You’ve been looking a little rundown the past few weeks but this is pretty bad. You need sleep, Alex.”

“I sleep plenty.” He probably sleeps too much, honestly.

“It doesn’t look like it. You look like you’re about to keel over, honestly. How are you even working?” Kyle looks past Alex’s shoulder to see what he was working on. “Are those more Caulfield files?”

They were, in fact. Alex had been searching through them to see if there had been any research on alien soul bonds but so far there was nothing. 

“Alex?” Kyle looked much more worried now. “What were you working on?”

“Maybe you’re right,” Alex forced out, his voice just above a mumble. “Maybe I do need more sleep.”

“Yeah,” Kyle agreed slowly. “You might need more than that. How long have you been feeling this bad?”

Alex shrugged as he pushed himself to his feet and staggered to the side. Kyle immediately held out a steadying hand but Alex waved him off and grabbed his crutch. He slowly shut down the computers and gathered his things as Kyle pestered him with questions about his health. He had no intention of revealing the soul bond to anyone, except maybe Michael, so he mostly shrugged in answer to whatever Kyle asked.

It worked well enough to get them out of the bunker and to their cars. It stopped working when Kyle refused to let Alex drive.

“You can barely stand, Alex!” Kyle spoke as calmly as his frustration would allow. “You’re too tired to drive and I really don’t want you swerving into oncoming traffic trying to keep your eyes open.”

Alex leveled a look at him. “It’s Roswell and it’s midnight on a weeknight. I’ll be the only car on the road the whole way, I’ll be fine.”

“That’s not the point and you know it. It’s a long drive to the cabin and anything could happen. At the very least, come to my place and sleep on the couch for a few hours.”

“I’ll be fine,” Alex reiterated as he stepped around Kyle and threw his stuff into his car. “Really. I might not be out here tomorrow, though.”

“Good,” Kyle responded immediately. “Take the whole damn week. You could definitely use a few days off, even if you weren’t sick.”

“Fine,” Alex agreed as he slid behind the wheel.

“Well now I know you’re really sick,” Kyle quipped. The corners of his mouth were turned down in worry but Alex appreciated his attempt at light heartedness. “Call me if you need anything.” Alex nodded. “I’m serious, Alex. I really don’t like you going out to the cabin by yourself.”

“I will be fine,” Alex promised. He carefully didn’t mention that he wasn’t actually going to the cabin, that he hadn’t been out there for more than a few minutes in weeks. “I promise to call if I need anything. Really.”

Kyle paused a beat before nodding and stepping out of the way. Once he was clear, Alex pulled the door shut and started the car. He was gone before Kyle could have time to second guess his decision. 

As he crawled into Michael’s bed twenty minutes later, half heartedly grabbing at whatever blankets and clothes he could reach, Alex finally accepted that something would have to give. Michael wasn’t home enough for his clothes and his belongings to have much of an effect on Alex anymore and the longer he stayed away from Michael the more his soul splintered. Soon, Michael would have more of Alex’s soul than Alex would and Alex wasn’t sure how much longer he’d be alive after that.

---

It was three days before Michael finally went home. Three days where Alex didn’t wake up. Three days where he wasted away without notice.

[at-the-exd-of-everythixg]

][Dae and Rhys for the ship headcanon meme (resent because my internet was stupid when I tried last night)][ 2 || 3 || 5 || 7 || 8 || 9 || 11 || 12 || 13 || 14 || 16 || 18 || 19 || 21 || 22 || 23 || 24 || 26 || 28 || 30

@blind-mutant

2. Who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better?

Dae is always thinking that Rhys can do better with someone who can actually touch him but normally some very filthy and unfiltered words from Rhys gets Dae into a flustered and beaming mess.

3. Who is the most romantic?

Rhys is and he revels in it when he sees how melted Dae gets at the slightest gestures. Brings Dae a rose and tilts his head for a kiss through a tissue during their early days and did not expect Dae to warble and cry.

5. Who says ‘I love you’ first?

I would say Rhys but once again my heart screeches for Rhys explaining what types of love there are and what it is, only for Dae to think and nod before telling Rhys that he's been in love with him for a very long time now.

7. What do they get up to on a night out?

I imagine they go out rather rarely since Rhys wants to have Dae's face out rather than the prosthetic, but Dae is always happy to go to ice cream places with Rhys or loves going shopping so he can buy cute and sexy clothes he really wants to see Rhys in. Sjjsjs Buys Rhys more leather because he likes certain stuff, okay?

8. What do they like in bed?

Rhys loves it when Dae goes for what he wants and loves feeling the revered hands trailing down his hips and the almost shy way Dae pulls him closer to grind against him. Loves how Dae shyly asks Rhys to keep wearing the mesh shirt and leather pants during sex and once even asked if he could keep wearing combat boots because oh boy he likes how mean Rhys looks.

Dae adores it when Rhys is so honest about what he wants and loves it when Rhys trails fingers just at the edges of his diamonds because that's where he feels it the most. Adores rough palm touches to his vulva and secretly likes it when Rhys slaps his hand against it because its rough and humiliating.

9. What is the most embarrassing thing they have done in front of each other?

Rhys tried to help Dae with chores once and proceeded to shrink the clothes down bu accident. Dae didn't laugh in front of Rhys but Rhys immediately heard the giggly choking that Dae calls laughter when he calmly tells Rhys he's stepping out for a few minutes.

Dae tried on Rhys jacket once when he wasn't home but then he stretched and his back ripped open and whoops, suddenly Rhys's jacket was ruined and stuck to his back. Cried and tried to hide it but eventually Rhys found out and had to help cut it off him. He was sad then but now? Rhys laughs about it and loves it when Dae whines.

11. What do they hide from one another?

I feel like after a while, Rhys starts to hide any needs he might have due to not wanting Dae to hen him. He hides bad things as well as more negative thoughts, such as the beginning thoughts about Peach and the whole fact of Iris and having to chase after some half alien lady. But that will change when Ava comes to see them and stands over Rhys in his sleep.

Dae hides a lot of his past and to add angst to our power swap thread? I'm imagining that Dae secretly signed ownership of himself to Iris so technically in all the time they were dating? Rhys owned another person and oh boy wouldn't that give Rhys doubts about whether Dae loved him or simply belonged to him. Hides so much about his past and the fact that he remembers more about his life than he let's on.

12. What first changes when it starts getting serious?

Rhys often speaks more softly to Dae and is willing to hold him a bit rougher while Dae is more willing to take breaks from work and is happier about letting Rhys touch his open skin.

13. When do they realise they should get together?

Probably when Dae is just happily discussing going to the market to get more medical supplies and rambling about this really cute duck slide and then Rhys just kinda has a lightbulb moment over how domestic this is and how he wants this kind of domesticity more often. More where he can wrap his arms around Dae's waist and sway their hips together and kiss.

14. When one has a cold, what does the other do?

Dae is so happy, as bad as that sounds. He revels in being able to make Rhys anything he wants, buying all sorts of medication and trying to tempt Rhys into taking a spoonful of medicine and then after that making him hot chocolate or some broth and telling Rhys a story from one of the worlds' Dae served in. He will, literally watch Rhys sleep to make sure he's safe in the night.

Dae...is ehhhh. Refuses to let Rhys near him while he's sick and refuses to be in the apartment while he's sick. Verges onto body horror when you think about how much damage being sick combined with diamonds does to his body. Lets Rhys give him stuff but Dae gets upset at the very idea of possibly hurting Rhys. Would only stay near Rhys if he was so sick he couldn't stand.

16. When the zombie apocalypse comes, how do they cope together?

Dae is ready to use his powers to take control of the zombies tbh and I feel like for this he'd finally twist himself into a full diamond form. Seeing as most zombie movies leads to power going out in cities, I imagine they would kind of end up pulling a Poison Ivy in Arkham city where they have an abandoned building together that's shrouded in shadows and has zombies with diamonds in them stumbling around on guard.

They'd do pretty damn well.

18. When they fight, how do they make up?

Dae is immediately cleaning all of Rhys's clothes after he's done crying and stuttering apologies and his apologies usually last two weeks while Rhys is just as mushy and soft but honestly when they're used to each other he just drags Dae by the front of his pants to the bedroom to cuddle and more.

19. Where do they go on their first date?

They go to a botanical garden and Dae is delighted by the giant plants and all of the colours while Rhys gets to enjoy the humidity and listen to the thirty plant facts that Dae memorized before they came and feeding the koi fish. Dae buys a cactus because it reminds him of Rhys and Rhys watches in horror as Dae smooches it in front of him. He's never been so jealous and intimidated in all his life by that display.

21. Where do they get nervous about going with one another?

Dae gets nervous about going anywhere with Rhys. He's ugly and Rhys is...wow. so it's a big "do you want to be seen with me, I can walk five miles behind you" thing. Rhys probably feels rather nervous about taking Dae to new places because Dae has so much hope written on his face and really builds places up for himself so that trip to the ice cream shop??? Rhys just nervously sweating when Dae is sparkling his eyes.

22. Where does their first kiss happen?

It happens in the middle of the night when Rhys and Dae have just gotten back from the movies (aka nice dark place where Dae can take the mask off and they can cuddle). Rhys pulls up Dae's scarf and they just gently press up against the wall and it's a gentle and soft kiss, but Dae still sighs happily Rhys gets to know what he's the only one who gets to have this romance and closeness with Dae.

23. Where is their favourite place to be together?

They love being in the park where they first met. It always feels so special and romantic when they can relax and laugh together and at one point Dae suggests buying a sex swing to recreate it at home and Rhys chokes.

24. Where do they first have sex?

At home and in bed because Rhys wants - needs - it to be special for them after his own awful experiences and Dae's clinical experiences. I know we had those mini threads but honestly Dae would need some medical equipment in case his skin tore and clothes would have to be worn just in case. He's worried it feels awful to Rhys, having to have sex while dressed and being so careful but he's never prepared for how delighted Rhys is at being the first to touch his diamond.

26. Why do they need to have a serious chat?

Rhys really needs to get talking about how desperate Dae tries to please him and why exactly he feels the desperate need for it. Dae himself needs to try and talk to Rhys about how loving a man who can't touch isn't some sort of out of teach turn on, that it isn't as easy to turn off the thoughts of the line between servant and lover. Dae wants to know how Rhys got past his own pain of the past because maybe that can help him too.

28. Why do they get jealous?

Dae gets jealous over everything with Rhys. He gets jealous over how the man can easily tell someone to fuck off and how at ease with flitting while I'm having a soft heart attack over Rhys being jealous of Dae's powers in the early days before he finds out just how painful they are and that Dae is prepared to never touch another person again. I'm....sad at Rhys being jealous at Dae not feeling stuff anymore cause maybe that's how he wanted to be for many of his early years?

30. Why does it work (or not work) between them?

It works because Rhys introduces so many new things to Dae and he's the biggest light in Dae's life and Dae is also real good for letting Rhys have a point in his life where he can focus on more positive stuff but it also doesn't have a chance to not work due to how suffocating Dae can be and how uncomfortable Rhys could be due to having to be near toxic people like Iris and a literal toxic boyfriend lmao.

[loopy777]

You've got me curious now as to what anime youve seen, enjoyed and why.

Oof, I don’t track that type of thing. I’ve been asked about anime I like previously, and I feel like I always forget something. I suppose I should start a MyAnimeList one of these days, just for reference.

So let’s list everything I can remember, as well as a pithy reaction.

Baccano!This one is just so much fun. It’s violent and crass in a classy way, it’s funny in a weird way, and it’s a great example of a non-linear narrative. I love it.

Code Geass (Season 1)Ugh, I only watched this one because people solicited my opinion on it. Well, my opinion is that it’s not as smart as it wants to be, there’s too much contrived melodrama (and considering the wild premise, that’s saying something), and Kallen would be a wonderful and interesting character if she wasn’t always being demeaned for fan-service. I quit when the first season finale kicked off, because I felt things were just getting too contrived. I hear it really fell apart in the second season.

Cowboy BebopI found this a bit pretentious. It had good episodes and bad episodes. The production quality is good. But I'm not sure why it's legendary. Still, I liked its sense of humor, and enjoyed it when it wasn’t trying to be super serious. My favorite character is Ed.

Demon SlayerI'm mainly watching this because my brother wanted to give it a try on Toonami, but I kind of checked out when it unceremoniously removed everything difficult about the sister being a demon and made her into an order-following sidekick that fits in a suitcase. Now the latest episode introduced a loud annoying side character, so we may quit. I have no idea why this one is so popular.

Fullmetal AlchemistCovered

Gatchaman CrowdsI was asked to watch this one, as well, but it went a lot better than Code Geass. It’s a bit weird, and I think it's naively optimistic about the internet in many ways, but I still found it's exploration of Internet-age superheroes to be interesting, and it's the best, most mature take on the Power Rangers-style ‘sentai’ genre that I've seen. I don't know how well it matches up with its Gatchaman legacy, but as its own thing, it's pretty good.

Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex (including 2nd Gig)This is another legendary one that I think is good but a bit over-rated. It's a good piece of modern Cyberpunk, but it's very talky, and very jargon-filled. I'm almost convinced that the viewer is not meant to follow half of the conversations, that they're just part of the ambiance. I tended to like the stand-alone episodes better than the storyline episodes. Still, it’s a very smart series, and probably the best thing in the franchise, from what I’ve heard.

Log Horizon (first season only)I’ll tell you what- I think it’s possible to make a good anime with the premise of people from the modern, real world entering a fantasy realm (either another dimension or a VR video game). Log Horizon did not end up being that ideal. The main character is a Gary Stu, his romances with girls who are either ten years old or just look like they’re ten years old are creepy, and it got boring seeing the protagonists’ plans always succeed without much of a hitch.

Lupin III (series 4 and 5)I like this franchise when it's being clever, when it's springing a twist while playing fair. Sometimes, though, it doesn't play fair with its twists, leaving me underwhelmed. And while the regular cast is amusing, they're fairly shallow characters; this isn't always a bad thing, as that allows them to slot into all kinds of genre fare, but does limit the storytelling ambitions. It’s fine.

Macross franchiseSuper Dimensional Fortress MacrossI still like the original, despite how dated it is. It's probably the best possible implementation of 'soap opera in space.'

Macross PlusI'm not sure why this one is so revered. I feel like it doesn't play fair with its mystery, despite being such a short story, and whole thing with the killer popstar AI just left me cold.

Macross 7I like the music, but the story really drags for the first half with a formula that’s repeated far too long, and then falls apart in the end. The love triangle isn’t resolved, and in fact I’m of the opinion that two of the participants didn’t even know they were in competition. The bad guys are allowed to sail off into the sunset, forgiven, despite still inhabiting the bodies of kidnapped humans. But this isn't a series you watch for the story; this is a series you watch because you like the idea of a rockstar flying into space in a transforming mecha, controlled by an electric guitar, to sing at alien invaders. Personally, I think the idea is dumb. Plus, this ruins the premise of the original series by adding in what is effectively magic.

Macross ZeroThis is pretty good and has the best dogfights in the series, but it has one of those weird arty endings that anime sometimes likes to do where no one can tell what actually happened and we need to find translated interviews with the creative team to get it explained.

Macross FrontierBy this point, I was wondering why everyone is so eager for the Macross franchise to get American distribution. It’s better than Macross 7, but feels like a first draft of the intended story, and the creative team lost track of their own subplots. The two AU movies do a more satisfying take on the same basic story, but sometimes they come across like an abridged recap of the series, so you really need to watch everything to get a satisfying experience. That said, the final experience was indeed fairly satisfying, making this the second best thing in the franchise for me. Still, I wouldn’t say it lives up to the original in any way.

Macross DeltaBoy, this one was dumb. Everything wrong with Frontier is worse here, with none of the good stuff.

The Melancholy of Haruhi SuzumiyaI still want an ending for this, despite nothing worthwhile coming from it since 2011. It wouldn't even be hard to pick it up again; set it in modern times, and explain the fact that everyone has smartphones now to be a result of some weird off-screen Haruhi antics.

Mobile Suit Gundam franchiseMobile Suit Gundam: Iron-Blooded OrphansI've only ever experienced the Gundam franchise because my brother wants to get into it and he keeps trying to find a vector. This was my first experience with it, and I found it very 'teenage boy,' in both tone and story. I was underwhelmed.

Mobile Suit Gundam Unicorn RE:0096Another case where the storytellers reached the end only to have forgotten the rest of the story. Why does that happen so often in anime? And I think it assumes the viewer is familiar with the whole rest of the franchise, because there was a lot that just went straight over my head but didn't seem like it was supposed to. Nice animation and art style, though.

Mobile Suit Gundam: The Origin - Advent of the Red CometEverything I said about Unicorn, only more.

My Hero AcademiaCovered

NichijouThis thing is still hilarious, even after a rewatch. Stick with the sub, as the new dub's voice-acting doesn't have the same range and power of the original, losing a lot of the humor.

Outlaw Star I'm struggling to remember a lot of this one. it’s another I watched because my brother was interested in it. I do recall that it was a fairly standard Space Western that ends in a way that's more like serious science fiction, and that for some reason a Japanese swordswoman in classic clothing was part of the cast. Now I wonder if that was an homage to Lupin III. Or maybe Japan just really loves throwing classic samurai into everything, regardless of setting or genre.

Pokemon (part of first series)I was in high school when this franchise first came to America, and for some reason all the geeks in my high school thought it was the greatest thing. The games were good, yeah, but the anime? I don't think it's bad for a kiddie cartoon, but it obviously has no greater ambitions than pleasantly occupying the kids for 22 minutes. Personally, what I really want is a series about Team Rocket done in the style of Cowboy Bebop.

Princess TutuCo-owner of the Best Magical Girl designation. I forget who asked me to watch this, but I owe them.

Puella Magi Madoka MagicaCo-owner of the Best Magical Girl designation. I still haven't bothered with anything but the original series, and I continue to be happy with that choice.

Samurai ChamplooI liked this better than Cowboy Bebop, but only because its ambitions were lower. It leaned more into its genre, had fun with its style more even when being serious, and as a result became more enjoyable. I overall liked going on a journey with these rascals, but I think it ended at a good point. I don’t need more.

Spice & Wolf (first season)I watched this on someone's suggestion, and found it a little underwhelming. What I really appreciated were the two main characters, especially that they seem to be into each other, romantically and sexually, and aren't freaked out by it while at the same time not being in a hurry to become a couple. It was just a kind of, "Yeah, this could really be something if we ever find the time." It was so amazingly mature and real. Too bad the main Economics plotlines just wound up being tepid.

Tekkaman BladeMy thoughts haven't changed on this.

Tiger & BunnyI'm still fond of this one, and I'm actually kind of curious to revisit it in light of My Hero Academia.

Transformers ‘Unicron Trilogy’These three cartoons are true anime, produced by and for Japan. (The other cartoons in the franchise were written, and sometimes animated, in the west.) It's garbage that assumes its child audience are morons, and on top of that the first two series wound up with laughably bad dubs. How this trilogy revitalized the franchise, I have no idea, and thankfully I'll never have to worry about it.

Volton (original)Either this or Robotech/Macross was my first anime; I was too young to say which I discovered first. I'll admit that the original Voltron isn't good, despite the toy being neat, but I have a soft spot for it. I tried the Netflix reboot, watching the first three episodes, and found it to be vacuous junk. Maybe some day a version of this will come along that will do justice to the toy.

And I think that’s it. If I remember anything I left off, I’ll reblog with the addition.

[kingofthewilderwest]

Hey :) I want to watch more httyd but sadly I've seen all the movies, are the tv series' any good? Which one should I start with?

Oh goodness, I have a post somewhere answering this very question, but I’m too lazy to find it. TIME FOR A REWRITE! XD

I find the HTTYD television materials VERY worthwhile additions to the DreamWorks Dragons franchise. I feel like we are extremely blessed to have over a hundred episodes of a show filled with fantastic moments and memories. Personally, I always encourage people to check them out. The shows won’t be for everyone, which is alright, but I feel that the television series has a lot going for it. I love the shows myself and constantly reference some points from them in my analyses because I think they’re so critical. I’ll explain pros and cons so you can make your own choice about whether or not the shows might be your thing.

I’d say the number one highlight of the television series is the increased time with the dragon riding gang - Hiccup, Fishlegs, Ruffnut, Tuffnut, Snotlout, and Astrid. Many of these characters are secondary in the movie trilogy, having little time on screen, but the television series fleshes them out. It’s because of the show that I fell in love with Snotlout’s character and saw him in three-dimensional depth; I’d say he’s the character they handle best, going into how he hides his insecurities with machismo because he wants to impress a berating father. It’s the show for why I attach to the twins; their sibling devotion and love for one another is brought out wonderfully on screen. There’s good moments with everybody, and you’ll see everyone pair up with everybody - what’s the friendship between Astrid and Tuffnut like? Now you’ll know.

I think a decent test for whether or not you’d enjoy the character dynamics is… well… did you like the character bantering that happened in THW? If so, that had a very distinct tv series feel to it - to the point that they were even referencing ongoing television series gags like Snotlout getting his ass caught on fire.

There’s other characters to meet and engage with too! We’ve got Heather, a badass young woman who connects well with Astrid. We’ve got Gustav, an obnoxious wannabe “Snotlout” who shadows the older dragon rider. We’ve got Mala, the queen of a warrior-trained society that reveres dragons. And there’s Atali, Minden, Throk, Savage, Alvin, Dagur, Mulch, Bucket, Mildew, Krogan, Johann, Viggo, Ryker, and more!

The television series is also good for laughs. Did you ever want a musical episode where Snotlout sings about how amazing he is? Did you ever want to see an entire pile of fish dunked on Hiccup’s head? How about where Hiccup painstakingly tries to talk without using the letter s? “TOOTHLEH! PLAMA BLAT!” is a moment I’ll never stop laughing at.

I also think the best DreamWorks Dragons villains are in the television series. Alvin the Treacherous is a hoot on screen, delightfully voice acted by Mark Hamill. Dagur the Deranged has his fan base for a reason. And for me? Viggo Grimborn is my number one favorite villain from the DreamWorks side of HTTYD - a manipulative, morally gray trader who is such a keen strategist he makes Hiccup appear a foolish child.

One small last point: there’s extra depth to appreciate about the films if you go through the shows. Astrid sympathizing with Hiccup in the first film makes even more sense once you realize her family name got tarnished and she felt social ostracization herself. You see Hiccup attempting to develop his flight suit and sword, leading into HTTYD 2 material. The presence of Fireworms in the third film is a reference to a dragon species introduced in the shows. A conversation point in THW about having dealt with “their kind before” (that is, dangerous people like Grimmel) is a reference to Hiccup’s adventures with Viggo Grimborn. The underground caves that become stables in HTTYD 2 were first found in the television series, explored in DOB. Stoick and Hiccup have several conversations about leadership that lend extra feels to the tragedy in HTTYD 2. Tuffnut yakking to Hiccup ridiculously in THW brings up all the memories of weird conversations they’ve had before… there’s extra context, content, and background to appreciate when you approach the movies with knowledge of the full franchise. 

Now, the shows aren’t perfect, and it’s usually the same reasons why people don’t get engaged with the shows. Again: some fans love the shows and scream their way through episodes, some fans dislike the shows and refuse to touch them, and some fans are “meh” about the shows and get through them with liquor. It’s all dependent on the sorts of things you tend to attach to, and the things that tend to bother you.

One reason some people don’t engage is that the first episodes of the first series (Riders of Berk) can feel childish in tone with low stakes. It is to note that the adventures and stakes do grow from the start. The animation levels also drastically improve from start to end… it’s a wild difference to compare the first episode of Riders of Berk with the finale of Race to the Edge.

Another reason is that the shows are not about the dragon characters. There will be the introduction of many cool dragon species like the Death Song, Scauldron, or Thunderdrum, but the shows aren’t about the humans connecting with their dragon friends. They do not focus on the dragon characters. So don’t go here for Hiccup and Toothless dynamics. There’s a few feelsy moments to talk about, but not many; Toothless is mostly a background character as the stories focus on the humans instead.

Next, some people feel like the characters are “dumbed down” or written inconsistently, and while I wouldn’t phrase it exactly like that, there’s a point to be made there. Some audience members especially don’t like how Hiccstrid gets handled in the first half of RTTE, where they feel like the bumbling hesitant startings of romance is inaccurate to how the two would develop relationally. (It’s to note that another group of people fawn over the Hiccstrid dynamics). Others hate Heather, calling her a “Mary Sue” (a term I think should be retired from existence because it’s a pointless criticism word anymore, but anyway, some people feel like Heather is an Angst Child who takes too much screen time, and that’s a fair point too). Astrid sometimes feels too damsel-in-distress-y for me. As far as Hiccup? Well. Hiccup’s personality is presented a bit differently than you usually see in the movies. RTTE!Hiccup is some of my favorite Hiccup, but he is presented with a different flavor.

Next, some people say that the television series story is inconsistent, completely irreconcilable, with the events of the trilogy. I personally find the continuity blips minor at best, and similar to franchise blips that happen anywhere, but it’s your call, and it’s totally fine if you find the continuity irreconcilable. It’s your take! It’s your experience with the story! Things like Hiccstrid romantic development, whether or not Berk was at peace during the five year gap between HTTYD and HTTYD 2, whether or not Hiccup knew anything about Bewilderbeasts, and whether or not Hiccup had run into other dragon riders before Valka… well… the television series will present something different than you might have presumed from movie material alone. This HIGHLY irritates some people, as it can feel like it sabotages the efficacy of certain moments in the films. For other people like me, it’s an entire non-issue. All is all fair because we engage with media in different ways! Here’s the issue just so you know: you can make your call about whether or not continuity questions will bother you.

Last, the plot. The first two television series, the plot is straightforward and fine. For RTTE, the plot is not the best presented. I think the first two seasons start out GREAT, but then it gets increasing issues. It’s for this reason that some people like ROB and DOB but aren’t engaged with RTTE. There’s a lot of fun to be had in it, and there’s many points at which I was fully engaged. In many ways, RTTE does some things BEST of the whole series. BUT. It doesn’t take much observation to realize there are logic gaps, motivation questions, convoluted but repetitive plot twists, some eyebrow-raising unrealistic moments, and instead of showing smooth characterization, people have a tendency to suddenly jump forward or shift in spurts. If you’re someone who gets invested in a show primarily for long-term plot arcs, you might get irritated at decisions in RTTE. But if you’re someone who’s willing to go along for the ride and just have fun and take it for what it is, RTTE has an entertaining story with lots of adventure.

For me? The television series is a blessing and COMPLETELY worth the watch. But I hope this discussion of pros and cons can make your decision best for you!

So! With all that said! What order should you watch them in? The order that they were released:

Riders of Berk

Defenders of Berk

Race to the Edge

Riders and Defenders of Berk are not on Netflix and you’ll have to go elsewhere to watch them. Race to the Edge got released on Netflix and is still available there… though all the shows have been released on DVD by this point.

I highly encourage you to watch the shows start to end as they came out because of plot reasons. RTTE especially needs to be watched in episode order, but RTTE makes sense only in the context of you seeing ROB and DOB first. There are filler episodes, but there are overarching plots. If you went straight into Race to the Edge first, you’d have no idea who the Helheim Heather and Dagur are, and why it’s important to run into them. 

I hope this helps you and any others considering the shows! It’s so much more dragons dragons dragons dragons dragons and I hope that, if you watch, you have just as much of a blast as I did!

[tarisilmarwen]

Tari’s Top Twenty OTPs - #12

OTP: Kili/Tauriel

Fandom: The Hobbit film trilogy

Kili: Kili is perhaps the youngest dwarf in the Company, brash and foolhardy and a little bit ignorant of the dangers of the world.  He and his brother Fili are heirs to Thorin and the throne of the lost Erebor, princes without a kingdom, and both have had to grow up a bit on their journey.  As the second-born, there is not as much pressure and weight on Kili’s shoulders as there is on Fili’s.  He’s allowed to be a little cheekier, a little more coddled and less responsible.  But he’s dreamed of seeing his people’s ancient homeland all his life, and desires to become the kind of man he perceives Thorin to be: noble, battle-hardened, a great proud warrior and hero.

Tauriel: At the young age of six hundred, Tauriel is already an accomplished warrior and holds the noble position of captain of the guard of the elven kingdom of Mirkwood, having been taken in by King Thranduil after her parents were murdered by orcs.  Tauriel has no love for any manner of foul creature and can be utterly ruthless in pursuing and taking vengeance upon the evils that are taking hold in the wood.  She has a strong sense of justice and moral duty, which sometimes puts her at odds with her king, whose isolationist polices frustrate Tauriel, and she is not afraid to criticize and question him.  Tauriel also has an inquisitive, gentler side.  She’s interested in and cares about things beyond the borders of Mirkwood, and is curious to learn about other peoples and cultures.  Above all, Tauriel is compelled to do what she feels is right, even if that means rebelling against her king.

Together: Though members of opposing races that typically mistrust, despise, and even outright hate each other, Kili and Tauriel are largely free of the typical prejudices that come between their peoples.  The racism of their forefathers is not yet ingrained into them and so they’re much more curious and intrigued by each other.  They can sit down and have polite conversations and swap stories about their travels and cultures and just generally find each other interesting.  Kili is the more besotted of the two, and a bit awkward about expressing it, also seeming to realize how impossible her returning his affections should be.  Tauriel is mostly confused, amused, and even possibly a little bit mildly flattered by his admiration, though it becomes clear later on that she’s also come to care quite strongly about the dwarf and his well-being, in some fashion.  They fall quickly, and hard.  Theirs is an innocent, fledgling sort of relationship, not quite fully considered and only in the beginning stages of its story.  It remains nothing but a sweet possibility in the end, as their relationship is cut short by the tragedies of war before they can fully realize what they mean to each other.

How I Got Into The Fandom: Being a movie-birthed fan of The Lord of the Rings I just sort of… inherited the Hobbit films as a fandom really.  I wasn’t chomping at the bit for the movies to happen but when they finally did you can bet I was right there flailing and fangirling and being super excited for them with the rest.

When I Started Shipping Them: Honestly I was kind of doomed to ship them from the start.  I’d heard the rumors about their little romantic plotline before the second film came out and, being that Kili sounded like he was going to be an absolutely precious dork about her and that I completely adore that kind of thing, I supported the ship’s existence almost by default.  Collected little bits of fanart here and there.  Nothing big.  And then I went and got to see Desolation of Smaug.  And Kili was absolutely precious about her, just staring at her in awe from the moment he laid eyes on her.  And as the movie progressed and Kili and Tauriel interacted they hit more and more of my favorite shippy tropes.  I was majorly into them even before the halfway mark and by the end of the film, with their last scene… well, suffice to say they pretty much had me completely.  The next evening was spent gleefully diving into the fandom with vigorous abandon.

Why I Love Them: I am super into guys being super into their lady loves and just completely adoring them and admiring them and thinking they’re awesome and not being emasculated by their badassery.  Kili and Tauriel have this adorable kind of Gender Role Reversal to their relationship: Tauriel is the stoic badass that swoops in to the rescue and Kili is the damsel in distress who just has stars in his eyes every time he sees her.  (The height difference helps cement that.)  Add in a healthy dose of culture clash, angst from the fact that they are Star Crossed Lovers from feuding races, and the tragic separation and end to their budding romance, and you have one super-heartwarming narratively doomed ship that will just completely break your heart.  Hurts so good though.

Three Favorite Moments:

1. “She walks in starlight in another world...”

Ngh, I could watch this scene forever.  The lead-up to this moment is awesome too, with Tauriel choosing to stay behind and heal Kili’s poisoned wound and Kili literally seeing Tauriel in sparklevision.  (Well, okay, not quite literally, there is a canon explanation that elves’ true forms are very shiny and full of light and those on the edge of death can see it.)

Once things have calmed and Kili is out of danger, he lays on the table semi-delirious and then, unexpectedly, calls Tauriel’s name.

Surprised, Tauriel just smiles and tells him to rest.  Kili, still not quite conscious, assumes he must be having a dream, and whispers reverently about how the real Tauriel is far, far away from him, walking in starlight.  He reaches for her hand, brushing her fingers with his, and wonders aloud if she could have ever loved him.

Tauriel’s expression pinches with emotion before we cut away.

2. “If this is love, I do not want it.”

After the Battle of the Five Armies is over, Thranduil comes upon Tauriel, kneeling by the dead Kili’s side and mourning him.

“They want to bury him,” she says miserably.

The contempt Thranduil held for Tauriel’s feelings is gone, and he can only feel pity for her now.  Pity as she begs him to take this emotion from her, cries out that she doesn’t understand why it hurts so much.

“Because it was real,” he tells her gently.

Numb, Tauriel lets her tears fall, leans down and kisses Kili goodbye, sliding the runestone he gave her back into his hands and weeping softly.

3. Saving him at the river

Kili, impulsive action-taker that he is, has taken an arrow to his thigh in his reckless attempt to open the sluice gate and allow the company to escape.

He collapses, and the orcs begin to descend on him.  But all of a sudden an arrow flies in from offscreen, killing the nearest attacker.

Kili’s head whips around and he stares in awe and wonder as Tauriel charges in, accompanied by a dramatic swell of her theme.  A worried expression on her face, she engages the orcs, slicing through them, only once distracted by Kili’s cry of pain.

[journeysintowebcomics]

Homestuck Liveblog #185

UPDATE 185: Get What You Want

Last time Dirk’s hijacking has been hijacked by the version of Calliope that’s deep in the black hole. She also took over Jade, because if there’s one thing this meat epilogue has a lot of is hijacking. Should be the Hijack Epilogue. So let’s continue.

Terezi has been standing there for a while, and she mentions smelling, so it’s likely this is the version that’s from Earth C, instead of any version that’s able to see. What have you been doing all this time, Terezi? Mind talking about that? Looks like she doesn’t, she’s busy commenting John smells like shit. He really must, what with all the vomit on himself and also the blood, the broken glasses, and finally the big-ass golden tooth stuck on his chest. It’s no surprise everyone John’s seeing tells him right away he should go clean himself.

I like how Calliope’s descriptive narration takes the time to point out all the flesh and dull teeth the characters move, since it’s all alien to her. The way she describes it amuses me a lot. Another reason to prefer this over Dirk’s narration, really. Less pretentious rambling, more amusing asides.

Somehow John spends a few paragraphs thinking Terezi is cute, even going as far as saying the term ‘gap moe’ would apply to her. I’m not really knowledgeable about such terms or really know much about what defines them, but never, in a million years, I’d have thought of calling Terezi ‘gap moe’. Who would have before this was written? I blame you for this, Hussie.

I don’t fucking believe this.

I know, right? Thanks, Dirk.

Dead Calliope is not judgmental and couldn’t care less about John’s cuteness thoughts about Terezi or about creepy human males gathering seven billion pillows with anime characters. Be relieved, John!

There’s a reference to Monty Python, and John says their movies suck, which is blasphemy as far as I’m concerned. It’s correctly said Alternia sucks, and Terezi gets sick, because apparently half of the characters in this epilogue has to be sick or fainting. I’m almost thinking somebody will take over Terezi in the next minute, but thankfully it doesn’t seem like that’s happening.

So, the reason why Terezi is about to faint is because she’s starving to death, she hasn’t eaten in who knows how long. I suppose she has been wandering in the middle of nowhere for a loooong time, and if she took any food with her it must already be gone. She doesn’t have a concrete destination in mind, I suppose. She must be flying around just for the sake of not being on Earth C. If it wasn’t for John here maybe she’d be doomed to die alone in the emptiness of paradox space.

Searching for food in the wallet only nets them a car. Hey, that’s good! I remember John used his wind powers to make a car float and fly, this could be a fast way of going around, although...given John’s delicate state, it may not be good for him to use his powers extensively, poor guy. Terezi isn’t very impressed a car was stored in a wallet.

JOHN: what are you doing out here anyway?

TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU TH1NK 1M DO1NG OUT H3R3?

TEREZI: LOOK1NG FOR VR1SK4 OF COURS3

Oh. So she didn’t leave Earth C because she was going to feel overwhelmed by everything like Rose and Dirk, she went all the way out here to look for Vriska. Good thing John isn’t aware of what happened to Vriska, because how to explain to the person who has almost starved to death that the person she’s looking for was sucked in a black hole? On the other hand, if she had arrived here earlier, she’d have been involved in the Lord English fight and that means she likely would have died. She got a bit lucky there.

I wonder if now that Terezi has heard finding Vriska is impossible she’ll want to return to Earth C. I also wonder if when she gets into that Earth she’ll suddenly feel the same thing Rose and Dirk felt, whether it’s because of her power or because Dirk or Dead Calliope force it on her.

Time doesn’t pass linearly here in the emptiness, so I’m not sure how old Terezi is. She may be just as old as John is, she sounds a bit delighted he’s older. The examination by smell ends when she discovers shaving cream and tries to eat it. Oh boy, she really must be starving! Somehow she seems to be satisfied by it, so maybe it’s not bad for trolls. Who knows.

but no. it’s just my brother’s tooth, lodged deep in his chest, spreading its poison. it really should be extracted before it’s too late.

Hey, now that I think about it, did Caliborn embed a vial of poison or whatever in that tooth? For no reason? Did he have any reason to think someday he’d be biting somebody and leaving the golden tooth behind? Did he install poison in there just because he wanted to? I mean, it wouldn’t really be out of character for him to randomly decide he wants a poisonous gold tooth, but it’s not like he’d have the chance to use it against many people!

Now that Terezi is gorging herself with shaving cream and seems to be a little better, John wants to return home, most likely by zapping, so he can get medical attention for the fatal injury he has right now. Terezi doesn’t want to, I guess because being with an agonizing John is a pleasant enough experience. Kind of inconsiderate, Terezi, let the poor guy get medical attention. John, being the sweet guy he is, accepts and decides to drive around with wind, waiting for Terezi to decide they can go home.

Iiii don’t remember John having such romantic feelings in Homestuck. He did have something that could resemble black romance, at least for a little while, but this is red. He must have really missed her.

Back in Earth C, Jane returns to the office after another political event.

the last traces of trickster mode are bleeding off her aura. the great gift of this sacred boon has run its course for the evening, and though she is not as grateful as she should be, she nevertheless acknowledges the extraordinary benefit it has afforded her with a slight nod to the mirror.

She has been using the lollipop Calliope gave her to get rid of any inhibitions and say whatever she wants in political conferences, without a care if she’s stepping on any toes or offending anyone. Wow. I was actually speechless for a moment. Using the trickster thing again seems like a stupid idea. I can only imagine what the sugary rambling was like. Hopefully it included 100% less paragraphs about having babies with literally all her friends.

however, while a great portion of the electorate adores jane’s elevated sense of charisma and presence when she is in trickster mode, as they should, there are just as many detractors who claim that the whole thing is “extremely problematic.” i doubt this is true but must also acknowledge it exceeds the scope of my expertise to comment on the subject.

JANE: Oh my goodness.

JANE: It’s NOT problematic!

Oh, it’s definitely a problem for your sanity, Jane. This whole political thing is starting to seem a chain of bad decisions, one after another.

Jane’s inner monologue almost looks like it was funneled into her by Dead Calliope, given how she’s praising the lollipop so much. Dead Calliope better not start imitating Dirk on this, thanks. A moment later, Jane tosses the lollipop on the floor, then turns around much to her surprise and places it on a more reverent place over the mantle. Dead Calliope really is forcing things when it’s convenient, too. Okay then.

JANE: You know, the last time we spoke about this issue I could have sworn you asked me to let you handle Jake.

DIRK: Hmm.

DIRK: I guess I did say that.

JANE: ...

JANE: Dirk, are you doing quite okay?

JANE: It’s very unlike you to forget details like that.

DIRK: I’m fine, Jane.

the prince is not fine. he is not the type who takes well to having his plans upended, or his control of a shared vehicle fully suppressed. my brother wasn’t much that type either.

DIRK: Oh, fuck off. I’m nothing like that guy.

It has been days, apparently. Days since Dirk and Rose met, days since he told Jane that. Dirk somehow forgot to go get Jake’s endorsement for days. He definitely is not okay. I thought you were good at multitasking, Dirk! Maybe Dead Calliope’s hijacking of his plans really hit him hard, but dang, I thought he wasn’t the kind of person that’d let miserable failures get to him. I mean, other than the miserable failure that led to him fading away into glitches in that doomed timeline, but that’s a different matter.

but certain objects and actions strike me as more notable than others. that very long, red rifle on the table, for instance. a weapon that does not belong to him and has not been used in a long time. he has been returning to the rifle between his other menial activities of probable misdirection. he dismantles it, reassembles it, slides off the receiver cover to examine the firing mechanism.

Sounds familiar. That was seen before, I think? I think it was made by combining one of Jade’s rifles with some of the Condesce’s technology, back from Act 6. It makes objects teleport, I believe. What could Dirk be planning with this, I wonder...

JANE: Actually, I have been thinking...

JANE: Perhaps this attempt to get Jake on our side is the wrong angle from which to approach this vexing problem.

JANE: Wouldn’t it be much easier to discredit or blackmail him?

JANE: He is much beloved in the Troll Kingdom for his carefully cultivated posterior, true.

JANE: But we both know that his bottom is not the only intimate attribute for which he is famed amongst Trollish citizens.

JANE: It would take almost nothing to expose his many dalliances through the human media.

DIRK: Hoo boy.

JANE: I know! Not to be judgmental, but his zipper is as loose as his pants are tight.

DIRK: That’s not what I meant by hoo boy.

JANE: You don’t think it would work?

DIRK: Oh, it could work.

That’d be such a way to break Jake’s heart and alienate him forever. If this is ever done, you can bet Jake won’t show his face to anyone ever again, whether it’s out of shame or feelings of betrayal. I suppose if he for some reason decides to support Karkaroni this is what Jane will do, but seriously, I hope things don’t come to that.

What makes Jake so marketable – supposedly – is that he’s viewed as innocent while also sexual, at least in the human circles. Discrediting that would break his influence on the human public. Somehow that makes sense, really, but it also has the danger of making it sound like interspecies sex is scandalous, which is...not really something that won’t inflame tensions between species. Wasn’t the point of this whole election that Karkaroni getting elected would make things tense? It’s starting to sound like Jane’s campaign would make things just as bad.

JANE: Dirk... do you want me to deal with Jake or not? You’ve offered nothing helpful yet, but you’ve shot down all my ideas.

DIRK: That’s because lately, all your ideas have been fucking terrible, Jane.

DIRK: Seriously. You’ve got to quit the tricksterpop. It’s rotting your brain.

He’s not wrong! He really isn’t. Jane, listen to him, he tends to be right most of the time – unfortunately for a lot of people he is. Dead Calliope takes offense to the insult to the cherub artifact, but seriously, Dirk is right.

After a baking metaphor and Dead Calliope making sure nothing will happen to the lollipop, the conversation ends, and Dirk focuses on the rifle. He’s satisfied with it. What’s he up to?

DIRK: Your ass is mine, Jake English.

he speaks under his breath inaudibly, perhaps frustrated, unaccustomed to scheming while others look over his shoulder. it’s possible he is not as bold, or as confident in his own designs as i believed.

DIRK: I fucking said, your ass is mine, Jake English.

Oh no! So that’s Dirk’s genius political machination! He’ll use the teleportation rifle to surgically remove Jake’s ass from a distance by transporting it to his workshop, getting rid of any influence Jake has on anyone! Okay, most likely that’s not his plan, but at this point I wouldn’t be surprised if it is. Let’s hope he doesn’t mean that literally.

JAKE: Ah chaps dont you love to take a rigorous jaunt about the wilds first thing in the morning, middle thing in the day, and last thing in the evening?

Said Jake, unaware of the shot that’d extricate his posterior in the blink of an eye—okay, I have to stop with that.

Apparently Jake is torturing Karkaroni by making him hike around in a freaking suit. That can’t be good! Is this something he’s doing to get Jake’s favor? Because if so then it’s not worth it! You couldn’t get me to hike in a suit unless you paid me a veeeeery large amount of money.

DAVE: hey jake were cool on the whole cardio program or whatever

DAVE: karkats not really what id call a kinesthetic learner

KARKAT: HEY!

KARKAT: I CAN HOLD MY OWN IN A THRESHING MATCH BETTER THAN 99% OF THE SQUISHY, PLACID HUMAN POPULATION ON THIS PLANET.

KARKAT: I WAS LITERALLY TRAINING TO BE A COMBAT SPECIALIST ON ALTERNIA.

KARKAT: MAYBE WE SHOULD SOMETIMES TRY TO REMEMBER AND *FUCKING RESPECT* THAT FACT ABOUT ME???

DAVE: hm

DAVE: gonna make another mental note about which material to avoid when writing your campaign speeches

DAVE: like

DAVE: dude is nuts with a sickle

DAVE: can carve a bloody arc through a surrounding circle of gathered squishy humans

DAVE: watch their guts spill on the floor while he roars at the sky in honor of his genocidal ancestors

DAVE: were kinda trying to downplay the idea that trolls are naturally good at violence and shit here?

Hm. Recently I found out the sharp edge of sickles and scythes are on the inside, not the outside, so I call shenanigans on the deadliness of a sickle when it’s about groups of people. Hah! But yeah, they better avoid anything that involves killing humans and how good the trolls would be at that with some training. Don’t say it aloud, you’ll give Jane ideas!

Apparently they hadn’t popped the question to Jake yet, they just did. Jake doesn’t seem very eager to give the endorsement, so Dave tries his hand at appealing to him by pointing out Jane owns the internet, and also that Jane has been saying some nasty things of Jake in the media. Wait, did Jane go ahead with her idea of ruining Jake’s good name? Oh god, she continued messing with the lollipop and lost any inhibitions about not doing that, didn’t she. That’s what happened, I bet. Goshdarnit, Jane.

By now I’m pretty sure ‘Jane Crocker has neoliberal austerity measures’ is the troll campaign’s slogan.

KARKAT: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

KARKAT: I’M GOING TO SAY THIS FOR THE LAST TIME.

KARKAT: SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF IS ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS SUBJECT MATTER FOR PRODUCING CAMPAIGN ADS!

KARKAT: NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT, OR WHAT POINTS YOU’RE TRYING TO MAKE!

...ah. He’s using that surreal nonsensical creation of his to argue his points in the campaign ads.

...

Okay, Jane has the election in the bag. So much for being a savvy advisor, Dave!

At least Jake appreciates they’re not trying to disguise their appeals with a lot of pleasantries and sweet words, or trying to seduce him with blue dresses and scotch. After Karkaroni insults Jake half a dozen or so times to his face, Jake tries to settle things down by pretty much saying he’s not convinced yet and that he still hasn’t been given a reason to side with them against Jane, and Jane hasn’t given him such a reason either.

JAKE: Im not entirely ignorant of the rules of this jamboree. I understand that whoever i endorse will have a good chance of winning on nothing but my good word.

Jake definitely isn’t the smartest cookie in this baker’s dozen, but he’s not so dense he wouldn’t realize how desperate both sides are to try to recruit him, and he can pinpoint the reason. Good, he’s aware how important he is in this entire debacle, thank goodness.

JAKE: So why should i trust ANYONE trying to win my favor right now? Do you have ANY case to make which does not involve glowing accounts of my muscular bottom???

Quick, mention to him how you want a wink and double pistols instead of a picture of his ass, that’ll win him over.

Dirk comments spitefully Jake has no proactive thoughts – thanks for your commentary, Dirk, go away – and it’s up to Karkaroni to deliver the effective arguments to get Jake’s support. Oh, this is going to be good! Go ahead, show your oratory chops!

Karkaroni’s argument is that he’s not trying to pull the wool over Jake’s eyes, he’s not trying to hide his intentions or disguise things under a veneer of niceness. Jane is, and she’s more concerned with how things look than how they actually are. He has a point there, I think. Also, she’s holding an entire species’ reproductive rights hostage and that still resembles the Condesce’s actions too much for me to like it. To Karkaroni’s credit it’s a pretty good speech, I actually like it. Will it be enough to convince Jake?

he thinks it could break jane’s heart were he to oppose her. and yet, hasn’t she fired the first shot by broadcasting such scandalous things about him in the media? and it was so soon after they’d nearly had an intimate reconciliation. the more he thinks on it, the more jake struggles to believe in the sincerity behind jane’s friendship with him.

Oh god, she definitely is throwing mud at him. Jane, what the hell.

Until now he had been afraid of disappointing Jane and Dirk, but with Jane throwing stones at him and Dirk being insidious and thankfully far away from him right now, Jake decides he’ll do it: he’ll support Karkaroni. They did it! I’m actually surprised! Hopefully he’ll be able to do something before Dirk retaliates, but really, nice job, guys!

The matter of how much clout he’ll have left with humans is something that remains to be seen, as well as the intensity of Jane’s maybe-scandalous broadcasting about Jake, but this is a minor victory.

Hey, John, how’s it going?

Terezi is munching her way through another tin of human fatherly tobacco as john crawls into the back seat. this has been their ritual for several days. precisely how many, they couldn’t say.

...you know, for an injury that’s poisoned and almost fatal, John sure is lasting a long time. Are we sure it was as bad as it was said to be?

Since they have nothing better to do, John asks questions about how Terezi is the way she is, with her licking and smelling and eating tobacco as if it was chocolate. He says all of his conversations with her was a snark-off or a jokey argument – or that time she literally led to his death, lest we forget that. Somehow, John implied she’s difficult to be around, which isn’t really wrong, but...something I like of Terezi is that although she’s a bit exhausting, she has this way of talking that makes her fun to be around, most of the time. Ever since her pesterlogs that was shown pretty well.

All John wants is a real conversation, because he has been really depressed and antisocial these last few years, and although he doesn’t admit it to her, it was already stated pretty clearly he missed Terezi a lot. She’s here now! So he wants to talk to her. Although she’s really flippant about it, she appreciates it and calls John a dork in an affectionate manner. She may not show it often, but she really appreciates this kind of thing.

All this makes John reminisce about that doomed Game Over timeline, where Terezi bled seventy gallons of blood all over the place and collapsed in an outline made with her own chalk. She had been able to give him good instructions even though she was dying horribly, and John really admires that, he’s even a bit intimidated by it. Terezi admits she remembers that timeline too and is the reason she’s out here in the middle of nowhere.

TEREZI: TH4T DOOM3D T3R3Z1 M1SS3D VR1SK4 *SO* MUCH, 1T W4S L1K3 4 HOL3 1N H3R H34RT

TEREZI: 1 R3M3MB3R TH3 W4Y SH3 F3LT, B3C4US3 ON3 T1M3, 4LL H3R M3MOR13S C4M3 FLOOD1NG B4CK

TEREZI: 1 3V3N GOT TO S33 WH4T H4PP3N3D WH3N SH3 D13D

TEREZI: SH3 4ND 4NOTH3R VR1SK4 GHOST F1N4LLY FOUND 34CH OTH3R

TEREZI: 1T M4D3 M3 SO H4PPY G3TT1NG TO F33L TH4T, 4S 1F 1T W4S ON3 OF MY OWN M3MOR13S

Hmmmm...I suppose remembering all that made her want to look for Vriska, at least to feel again that happiness, because she feels Vriska and she have a connection of some sort. They do, that’s got to be admitted. Now she’s been unable to find Vriska and likely never won’t.

JOHN: you SAVED everyone!

JOHN: you’re the only reason we were able to defeat lord english and win the game at all!

JOHN: if it weren’t for you, me and roxy would have just floated around in paradox space like a couple of losers with no idea what to do!

JOHN: even worse, i might have tried to fix things MYSELF!

TEREZI: OH D34R GOD

JOHN: yeah!!!

Now that I think about it...he’s right. It was Terezi’s guidance what made the best canon timeline happen, without her it’d all have ended in the Game Over timeline. She did save everyone. Maybe things with the fight with Lord English would have gone better if she had been around to give them advice of some sort. If only.

It’s possible the reason why John has been staying in this car circling the black hole isn’t only because he doesn’t want to leave Terezi behind, but also because he doesn’t feel like Earth C is for him. Which is a sentiment I’m not sure I understand, I have to admit. They worked so hard to achieve it and he’s not happy with his life there. It’s strange.

TEREZI: WH4T 3ND3D UP H4PP3N1NG W1TH ROXY?

JOHN: i...

JOHN: dunno.

JOHN: we just sorta stopped hanging out regularly.

JOHN: then she got close with callie and i felt too awkward to try to figure out where our relationship stood.

TEREZI: R34LLY?

TEREZI: HMM

JOHN: what?

TEREZI: 1 JUST 4SSUM3D TH4T BY NOW YOU TWO M1GHT H4V3 GOTT3N TOG3TH3R

JOHN: really?

JOHN: why?

TEREZI: NO R34SON. JUST 4 HUNCH

TEREZI: 1 DONT TH1NK 1T WOULD H4V3 WORK3D OUT THOUGH

Right, it was a couple that had potential to happen. I wonder if it’d have worked out if they really had stayed together. Roxy seemed to really like him, it’s possible John going antisocial and depressed pushed her away. That’s tragic. Still, makes me wonder how that’d have been like if it had actually happened.

Now that he admitted he missed Terezi a lot, he asks her to come home with him. Better that than staying near the black hole doing nothing, no?

TEREZI: 1

TEREZI: 1M NOT R34DY Y3T

JOHN: when WILL you be ready?

TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW

TEREZI: M4YB3 N3V3R

TEREZI: 1F YOU H4DNT FOUND M3, 1 PROB4BLY WOULD H4V3 D13D R1GHT?

TEREZI: 1S TH4T WH4T 1 W4NT?

JOHN: um, obviously not, dummy!

JOHN: if you wanted to die so bad you wouldn’t have...

JOHN: ...eaten all that disgusting shaving cream and tobacco!

I’m not very certain this is any good. Terezi hardly can be any healthier after eating all the shaving cream and tobacco. It could be she knows that and is just...eating stuff she knows she shouldn’t. But hey, Terezi decides John’s right, she’s not really looking for death. To me it seems she was looking for a meaningful relationship – doesn’t necessarily have to be romantic -- and thought Vriska would be the one to give it to her. Now John’s here, and he’s sincere about missing Terezi, so he’s a good option.

She seems afraid to let go of John, not even for him to get real food. She really is desperate for something meaningful.

now that he dwells on it, he can feel the ache again, both from the tooth piercing his flesh and, more insidiously, from the poison it has been delivering into his bloodstream.

For days. Least effective lethal poison ever.

Terezi isn’t really interested in leaving that tooth embedded into John and is ready to do some surgical operation with her katana. Hah! Oh boy, on paper this sounds like a pretty lousy idea, but it’s as good as it can get when they’re floating in a car around a black hole. May as well give it a try and hope he doesn’t die. Better plan than John’s ‘let’s let the tooth come out on its own’, plan.

She can’t even see/smell/hear anything because his shirt is over the wound! It’s almost laughable. That aside, how is the nasty wound from a poisonous tooth in John’s chest less gross than the description of he eating meat? I’m still scarred about that.

Terezi’s ready to do surgery with her sword, while John gazes poetically at her face and describes her as feminine. He’s really into her, seriously! The go-ahead is given, Terezi gets ready to dig in.

TEREZI: HMMM

TEREZI: 1TS LODG3D 1N TH3R3 PR3TTY GOOD

TEREZI: BR4C3 YOURS3LF 3GB3RT, TH1S 1S GO1NG TO ST1NG

John’s taking this admirably well already, for someone getting a sword between his ribs to take out a tooth I’m pretty sure is the size of a fist. I wouldn’t blame him if he passes out from the pain.

Once the tooth is out, now they have to stop the bleeding. She takes off John’ clothes, John is dizzy, Terezi is doing all the work here. She’s doing well, at least until John pulls her closer and gives her a kiss, because getting toxic teeth extracted from your chest makes you horny, I guess. Golly, John, you could have waited until she was done, at least!

Not that she’s not into it. She’s going into this with enthusiasm, she even lets John take off her shirt. You know, pretty amazing that in one plot there’s a whole lot of political nonsense, and on the other plot John and Terezi are getting romantic in a car. The disparity is so jarring, guys, I almost can’t believe it’s the same webcomic.

TEREZI: OH MY GOD YOUR BLOOD SM3LLS D3L1C1OUS

JOHN: woah.

JOHN: um, wow.

JOHN: ok...

JOHN: i think you’re really pretty, in... the light of the dead universe?

Smooth.

This page ends with them getting even more intense with their snogging. This went in some rather intense directions! When I started reading these epilogues none of this was even close to what I expected. Oh well.

I’ll continue next time.

Next time: next update

[imgonnabeyourbubblegumwitch]

Book Review September 2018 - The Supervillain and Me

I knew next to nothing about this book before I brought it, which is unusual as I normally read based on friend’s recommendations. I found The Supervillain and Me on Goodreads where it has (last I looked) a score of 3.86. One review by Aila described it as being like Sky High, which was a pretty dumb movie I adored as a kid. So I thought, why not?

I wasn't expecting this book to change my life or anything. I got the feeling from reviews that it was going to be a light sort of read that I didn't have to think too deeply about. The blurb confirmed that feeling for me:

"Never trust a guy in spandex.

In Abby Hamilton’s world, superheroes do more than just stop crime and save cats stuck in trees—they also drink milk straight from the carton and hog the television remote. Abby’s older brother moonlights as the famous Red Comet, but without powers of her own, following in his footsteps has never crossed her mind.

That is, until the city’s newest vigilante comes bursting into her life.

After saving Abby from an attempted mugging, Morriston’s fledgling supervillain Iron Phantom convinces her that he’s not as evil as everyone says, and that their city is under a vicious new threat. As Abby follows him deeper into their city’s darkest secrets, she comes to learn that heroes can’t always be trusted, and sometimes it’s the good guys who wear black."

Anyone who knows me will know I love the superhero genre. I'm a huge Marvel fan. I'm a sucker for superhero aus. In all honesty unless, it's really, truly dire it's pretty unlikely that I wouldn't enjoy this book.

Spoiler alert: I didn't really enjoy the book.  

Which is a shame actually because it wasn't really truly dire in a lot of ways. But I haven't finished the book and I probably won't. I put it down near the beginning of the month and only remembered it existed when I remembered I'd wanted to start doing book reviews.

So what went wrong? It started off well enough. I immediately liked the idea of Abby's older brother being a superhero. Sibling relationships, when done right, are a lot of fun. One of my own characters has an older brother who does superhero-like work, another is the in-universe equivalent of a superhero and has a younger brother who is trying to figure out exactly where they go each night.

The book opens with a typical super-hero scene of a theft foiled by Red Comet, Abby's brother. Turns out Abby is watching the footage on her best friend's phone. Sarah - the best friend - is very enthusiastic about Red Comet, Abby less so. Presumably Sarah does not know Red Comet is Abby's brother, however Abby is so blasé and unenthused about Red Comet (later on she slumps in her seat when her brother appears at the school assembly contrary to the rest of the auditorium who go mad with excitement for example) you would think Sarah would at least suspect something is up. (Later in the book Sarah does find out Red Comet is Abby's brother and promptly goes off him.)

We get some worldbuilding including info about the crime rate in the city - it is crazy high. I like the idea of the students joking that "The pickpocket stole my homework." We then learn that super heroes are revered. Only two are active in Morriston - Abby's brother and Fish Boy. As expected from their names Abby's brother is the more effective and praised of the two.

And then alarm bells started ringing for me when I got this comparison between Abby and Connor (Red Comet):

"If Connor Hamilton was a hurricane, then I was a drizzle. He was popular and athletic, while I didn't care much for either. Where I was book-smart, Connor was street-smart - he never cracked under pressure and always knew what to do. While I clumsily stumbled my way through high school - just ask my PE teacher - Connor flew gracefully above the streets of Morriston, spending his days and nights saving the world."

This actually made me stop reading. Literally stop and put the book down.

Abby is the cardboard cut-out teenage female protagonist: bookish and clever but clumsy and not physically gifted. Not popular, but doesn't care about popularity.

Then I thought more critically about why I had a problem with that. Apart from the hurricane/drizzle comparison which is similar to the whole she was a storm etc clichés, it largely just came down to the fact there are so many other protagonists like this, and a lot of the books I ended up not particularly enjoying. Many protagonists of this type end up feeling a little bland, and maybe deliberately so to make it easier for readers to imagine themselves as the main character. I prefer richer characters however. Good characters will carry a weak plot for me, but I struggle to get into a well written, well plotted story if I don't engage with the characters.

However judging Abby immediately seem unfair and I was determined to give Abby - and the book - a chance. After all, I'd been expecting something very typical and light from the get-go.

I went back to reading.  

At first, I was glad I did. I enjoyed the descriptions and although Sarah felt a little cliché in her best friend role, I really enjoyed the interactions between Abby and her brother.

Things started going downhill for me with the introduction of the love interest. Now don’t get me wrong I completely expected a typical gorgeous guy who is probably mysterious, quite possibly a new student. What I didn't expect was how creepy he was. I thought we'd moved on from the days of Twilight when the love interest had stalkerish tendencies and invaded personal space.

Apparently not.

Iron Phantom, the town’s new and only supervillain, breaks into Abby's bedroom on multiple occasions. Abby, quite understandably does not like having her private space violated by someone who is basically a stranger.

Iron Phantom also invades Abby's head. Abby's narration gives us the following:

"nervous knowing Iron Phantom could invade my privacy and there was nothing I could do to stop him."

When Abby yells at the Iron Phantom to "Get out of [her] head!" he responds initially by saying sorry in her head then, when he gets glared at he starts talking out loud:  

"Oops. Sorry. I didn't know you'd hate it so much."

He sure seems like an emphatic guy! I frankly find the idea of someone not really having a clue that invading someone’s headspace might make them a little uncomfortable worrying. Alternatively, he's lying and he did know and just didn't care, which might be even worse.

All in all, it's a struggle to see why she'd like this guy. He invades her room to the point where she grabs weapons to fend him off, he invades her head. And yet Abby doesn't see it that way. For plot reasons (there are no others I can think of at all) she apparently has a crush on this guy.

What connects these two characters? Abby finds him attractive. That I get. But he is also incredibly creepy, so I can't see any romantic feelings developing. Yet developing romance is what we get anyway, and I just find it so unbelievable.  So much of the plot is dedicated to this romance, which yes is completely what you'd expect from a romance book, for me the romance writing is far weaker than the rest of the writing. And that's even leaving aside the fact the Iron Phantom is incredibly creepy and someone you should run far away from.

Another part of the romance drama is that Abby doesn't know who the Iron Phantom is. She suspects it's Isaac, one of two boys she's interacting with at school, but she's not sure. We get lots of wondering if they are the same person. From the way the book is written I suspect Iron Phantom isn’t actually Isaac and is instead the other boy, Rylan, but I cannot say whether this suspicion is true or not because I haven’t got far enough in for it to be confirmed or jossed.  

In trying to be open minded about this book I reminded myself clichés aren't always something to run from. I've read plenty of stories that have used romantic clichés, or popular romantic tropes and I've loved them. But the clichés here seemed lacklustre. A huge part of this is probably because I don't really care about any of the characters, not Abby, not Iron Phantom, not Isaac or Rylan.

There was a plot I was mildly interested in involving microchips and some kind of conspiracy which Iron Phantom is apparently investigating. This appeared every now and then but on the whole was shoved aside. Wanting to know what was going on in the town kept me going at first, but eventually it wasn't enough. According to my kindle I'm 31% through the book. I won't be reading anymore.

It's a shame because I thought there were parts of this book that were really well written and if it had been a superhero book I would have adored it. But it was let down by clichés and love interests who don't understand boundaries.

I give this book one star star.