#< not directly mentioned. but like
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ok since i'm still having a breakdown over my own post i am just going to keep talking about it
i don't think i meant 'omen' originally. that's not the right word- he's not a harbinger, not an uncontrolled act of nature. he might not know, but whatever it is- it's deliberate.
instead, i think an omen is the other side of the coin. the beginning of the end, and the final blow that actually ends it. it's the difference between a ticking time bomb and a pressure plate.
you don't have to win. but you do have to die.
#i should probably make a tag for whatever this is#since i'll be talking about it A LOT#because i'm obsessed#scott smajor#smajor1995#solidaritygaming#jimmy solidarity#< not directly mentioned. but like#limited life smp#traffic smp#canary curse
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i say i like tragedies and everyone’s all like ‘why do you like sad stories? are you depressed?’ and never ‘how was the catharsis? was the catharsis fun?’
#i don’t know how to explain this to normal people 😭😭#for the record my coworkers didn’t directly question me on this#but i think i have vastly overestimated the amount of the population who is aware of like. Films.#NOT claiming that i have seen a lot - but i’ve mentioned three *REALLY* well-known films in the past four days#and got blank stares each time#the one of them was a REALLY good reference too… someday my top-notch association skills will be recognized#my first act as Mansion Acquaintance of the [redacted] Director will be to force everyone to watch a 40s romcom i didn’t even like#i’m getting off the point#the POINT is that It’s About The Catharsis
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Can’t spell “Five nights at Freddy’s” without GAY
(Based off @/flashcs5 post)
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#william afton#henry emily#fnaf endo#sister location#freddy fazbear#pride month#fnaf 4#fredbears family diner#fnaf fanart#HAPPY PRIDE month everyone!!#this comic is so unserious but I had to redraw it at least once#HENRY FINALLY MENTIONED 🔥🔥#AND I can’t believe it’s for THIS comic#I’ve been meaning to draw him for so long 💀#I promise I’ll draw him in more serious comics after this#I HOPE you guys like his design fr#but this is a real conversation William and Henry had#you think this is what directly leads to them making Funtime foxy or#this is why some fnaf animatronics are trans etc#William maybe a murderer but at least he’s an ally
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I read too many stories of "women" throughout history who lived as men and wore men's clothing getting beaten and arrested for it, sensationalized in the press as "man-woman," painted as perverts and monsters, put in literal freakshows, and forcibly institutionalized to sit by quietly while non-transmascs loudly and confidently claim that "female masculinity" has never been targeted as much as "male femininity" has. Read some trans and queer history that isn't only about gay men and trans women before you open your mouths about butches and transmascs, or better yet just listen to us about our history and experiences in the first place.
#not to mention the modern day lived experiences of trans men and mascs we are always trying to tell you about#I get laughed at and called a dyke for the way I present but yeah sure non transmasc tumblr user you definitely know my life better than me#I've compiled a reading/re-reading list for myself using material from my trans studies classes & over the next couple weeks#I'll be posting some important bits from them that illustrate some of these situations I've learned about once I have more details#trying not to engage with transandrophobes online but when this rhetoric is coming directly from trans academics it's like :/#transandrophobia#mine
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"I'll show you every day that choosing to live was worth it"
some of my favourite scenes from @hijinks-n-lowjinks' fic things i would miss from the other side . this fic tore my heart out fr but like in a good way and i wanted to pay it homage the only way i know how <3
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#itafushi#fushiita#yuji itadori#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#I LOVE PLOTTING AND ALSO SCHEMING#listen i have a lot of feelings and i needed 2 process them and i do that by making art 2 target my mutuals directly#read my about it's there it's in the fineprint if we talk You Are Not Safe smile#i just . BITING BITING BITING this fic#the domesticity the grief the casual yet unfathomably deep soulmatism.......im ruined i tell u Ruined#so naturally i dropped everything#remember how i said lefts/rights r my enemy my beloathed my nemesis. MIRRORS MADE IT SO MUCH WORSE FHGDSAJFGJS I WANTED DEATH#i was like this is incorrect. no this is correct. flips them around in my head. no im wrong again actually#purgatory tbh but we got there (watch me be wrong again tho if i am wrong again i think i will Cry)#anyway!!! i don't have much else to say except pls read the fic and show jinx some love they 1000% deserve it this fic 1000% deserves it#i could only draw so many scenes but i would draw all of it if i could#fr i ws so paranoid abt accuracy lmao cut 2 footage of me looking up rice cooker models and wtf the colour 'carnelian' was#i hope i got everything right i hope i did it justice :'>#also if any1 mentions how megumi's arm in 3 is at an awkward angle. look me in the eye and tell me youve comfortably cuddled with someone#i will call u a liar
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Penny stardewvalley makes me so sad because she's SO sensitive to, like, basically everything you tell her (telling her that you can't stand children while two children are nearby is a pretty lousy move but -1500 friendship?? being a jerk to other characters' faces typically loses you about 50 points, and if you choose the option labeled "creepy" and ask Leah for a kiss in her 2 heart event she physically hits you and kicks you out of her house but that's only -100 friendship…) and so if you want to befriend her it's a whole lot of lying and tiptoeing around her feelings (2 hearts: George was right but saying that makes her feel bad. 6 hearts: her food sucks but even if you try to be polite about it she feels like a failure; only a bald-faced lie pleases her. 8 hearts: saying you don't want to be tied down with a family loses you a little bit of friendship and she's only happy if you say you want kids) and I can't help but think she's a product of her environment. She lives in a trailer with only her mother, who gets drunk every night and has something of a temper. Penny's like a skittish rescue animal who won’t even come out from hiding under something unless you leave her lots of treats
#stardew valley#penny sdv#I didn't mention the SECOND opportunity to lose 1500 friendship with her#because I think if you go out of your way to date her and then tell her that you don't like her that way then you deserve it#but yeah she's super volatile#i was upset for a little bit after reading that one post saying the ‘right’ answer in the 2 heart event is ableist#like nooooo not my favorite farming game :(#except that in the context of several other things in the game it becomes clear that winning someone over#does not always mean doing the right thing#looking directly at how the easiest way to befriend shane and pam is by enabling their alcoholism#which is framed as a harmful thing even if the characters themselves like it#you have to lie to befriend other characters too like with sam dropping his egg#and you can lose a little friendship based on preferences like sebastian asking about what books you like#though to be fair if i saw someone who could potentially be cool and i found out that what they like was stuff im not into id also#lose interest a little#anyway those are all examples spread around on different characters#penny's got it all at once#me post
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It's not that I hate fanon or that I think fanon is inherently less intelligent or morally wrong, but a LOT of fanon is based in racism, misogyny, and classism that I feel like a lot of you accept without question.
WHY is Duke (Daredevil, son of a god, has never once allowed himself to be defined by anyone's actions but his own) relegated to a background role, only characterized by reacting to the whims of other bats?
Why is Babs - Birds of Prey leader and backbone of the hero society, tells Bruce to fuck off and die 4 times a day and is constantly ruining her relationships by being biased and unhinged - Gotham bound, the mature responsible mom of the group who never argues with Bruce and never gets in trouble?
Why is Dick, both a tactical genius and master manipulator, a himbo only appreciated for his sex appeal? Especially when he is both Romani (group of people demonized and condemned as hypersexual by their nature alone) and an SA victim.
WHY is Damian "feral" and "uncivilized" despite being raised as a literal prince? Half of you treat him like a sociopath with no hope of redemption for an unfunny three second joke and the other half of you go full throttle into Bruce's white savior bullshit so that Damian can be "redeemed". Y'know when you're not villainizing Talia and acting like Dick is his other parent, actually.
WHY is Stephanie - extremely intelligent detective who can't stand Bruce and has a living mother she loves - lumped in as another member of the Batfam, a blonde ditz who only cares about prank wars and emotionally supporting Tim?
WHY is Cass - intelligent, a grown adult, suicidal perfectionist - emotionally intelligent, primarily existing to support the characters around her, immediately accepting of everyone she meets regardless of her own morals?
Why is Bruce the golden standard? Enough so that though everyone in the fandom could agree that he's an emotionally unstable wreck, being considered "the most like him" is seen as a compliment and not the HIGHEST insult? Everyone would agree if I said that Bruce purposely self sabotages his relationship half the time and the other half he simply does things without caring about the emotional impact it will have on people because he has to be the smartest in the room, but if I said that makes him a shit partner and emotionally abusive parent the fandom would bend over backwards to argue with me.
Why is Tim "the best Robin" when Dick Grayson invented the mantle, it is impossible for someone to embody the spirit of Robin better than him because he made it and he created what being Robin means. Maybe Tim is the best in Bruce's eyes, but what Robin means and who has the right to give it over was a significant thing they argued about. Tim the high school drop out, and yet also somehow the smartest? Tim "the most like Bruce" except no he's not, that's Cass. Poor neglected, abused, victimized little Timmy (the rich boy at the elite boarding school with loving albeit busy parents and almost every instance of him being victimized by another character has either been racist bullshit - The Al Ghuls and Rose Wilson- or a complete 180 for the character that made no sense when examined through the lens of prior characterization - Jason for instance.)
Almost every fanon trope that gets passed around like gospel seems to deliberately push POC characters and women into the background and strip them of interesting complex traits and stories, usually for the purpose of fitting them all into bite sized incorrect quote character types and uncomplicated narrative roles that are not only completely divergent from canon, but primarily exist to prop up the two rich white boys.
Also the insistence that Bruce, a 20 year old at the time, should actually be excused for how much he mentally and emotionally fucked Dick up because really they're more like siblings! While deciding that Dick at the same age was actually the perfect candidate to be Damian's new parent/guardian...have you lost the fucking plot you don't even make sense to yourselves.
Okay I lied at the beginning, I do hate fanon. You guys are so uncritical about the media you consume it is BEYOND just letting people enjoy things and have fun. I guess it's one thing if you KNOW this stuff isn't canon and UNDERSTAND why these tropes are problematic and you engage with it as such, it's fine read and write what you want, but just spreading the same nonsense around and parading it around as "better than canon" (version of the character so bland and boring you've somehow made the old white men at DC look like geniuses in the art of representation) is just infuriating.
#I didn't talk about Jason because every other post I make is about how bad fanon has fucked him up#and I would have mentioned Helena but honestly her being pushed out of the family is more a matter of people not reading comics#I wouldn't consider Jason her “replacement” accept in the moral philosophy department#wherein Helena feels an inherent guilt that Jason simply doesn't#and while Helena is firmly an anti hero Jason is willing to kill heroes if it means accomplishing his goals#I do think there's something to be said about his fanon relationship to Bruce and Cass#that directly replaces Helena's actual canon relationships though#If any of you bring up the Catholic Jason headcanon I'll kill you#I made posts about that already she did not trademark Catholicism#dc#canon vs fanon#bruce wayne#dick grayson#damian wayne#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#Barbara Gordon#duke thomas#tim drake#It IS really weird how you guys keep giving Bette Kanes actual canon identity to random people#like damn you couldn't even do a cursory Google search before you gave Wally or Tim or w/e her mantle
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The true danger of learning Spanish that no one ever warns you of is that you might end up speaking a dialect where they add the diminuitive -ito and -ita to every word because you might end up using that in other languages as well.
This post is sponsored by me, an adult in their late twenties, casually and without a hint of irony dropping into a conversation with other adults the sentence "I saw some birdies at the lakey" in German.
#related to that#I am also convinced that 'culito' is one of the least directly translatable words from spanish to german#talk about your partner's culito and it's a compliment#mention their Pöchen or their butty and you sound like an idiot#an extremely unsexy idiot
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Curly not immediately punishing Jimmy for assaulting Anya is something I don’t think a lot of people are viewing in the complex context for Curly as the superior to both of them and closest confidante they had.
Like I am in no way saying he didn’t under react or fail Anya by not being harsh or direct with Jimmy but it really is the case that he really couldn’t. Imagine being stuck in such a confined space with very little areas to genuinely hold someone if they commit a crime. It’s not like this was an event that occurred before they departed or that they have easy communication with The Pony Express to ask for how to proceed when something like this arises. Not to mention, Jimmy’s relative power in relation to Anya as the co-pilot and second in command, he has the knowledge and access to do something to her had Curly directly punished him in this setting.
They were also Curly’s friends. It’s not just the case of him mediating something between his subordinates but people he is personally invested in don’t want to see spiral further in Anya’s case while also not wanting believe his friend go that bad in Jimmy’s actions. They were both suicidal and Curly putting Jimmy’s stability first is both out of bias but also the fact he’s aware at some level Jimmy is a danger to himself and others if not constantly placated. Combined with the fact he was in denial or just not piecing together what Anya said it’s hard to say what he buying time for and what he had treat as urgent. This isn’t even saying he doesn’t care about Anya but he’s not going jump to the worst conclusions about his friends even if part of him acknowledges the evidence saying so. It’s a complicated thing but he’s still human and needed to process it on top of trying to keep a ship that already took on a lot of water from further sinking, metaphorically.
I just personally think that while Curly failed Anya, it was a scenario where there wasn’t much he could do to the best thing by her safely and like Jimmy, we are underestimating what a good leader would do in a very fragile and tense situation like he was in. By the time he may have been ready and had a plan, things were much too late.
#like in my one Anya still respected Curly after he didn’t punish Jimmy so I assume he still respected her or reassured her he’d do something#it just was never enough because sadly Jimmy just needed to be removed from the ship and that’s not possible#cause no matter what Jimmy was going to do something stupid to fix it and Curly had to be thinking of a way to avoid that but also trying to#play the subjective role of friend and objective role of captain with two of the people he is currently closest with#not to mention how he’s a big picture guy and it’s not an excuse but those little detail and subtle behaviors are probably lost if the big#picture looks fine still and he admits he’d drive himself crazy trying to look for it#like weirdly Curlys character is only seen through the people he tried to protect and we judge him on his failures but we don’t get too much#on his insights directly as Jimmy is unreliable and he tries hard to be gentle with Anya#personal note is I don’t think Curly underplaying Anya’s trauma is a guy code protecting my bud thing but more a flaw in his personal#character in where he just wants everything and everyone to be ok in the end and taking responsibility that isn’t his to bare like he can’t#make up for what Jimmy did but he tried and that’s the problem really cause he’s just used to actually fixing it for him and it’s the case#this is the one thing he really couldn’t like I think he’s a good guy but he’s trapped in his and a bunch of other peoples worse moments#anya mouthwashing#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing curly#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing anya#jimmy mouthwashing#captain curly#nurse Anya#mouthwashing spoilers#rape tw#suicide tw#also last thought is how he like also was being emotionally drained by Jimmy constantly like Anya and his relationship with Jimmy parallel#each other in such a way that both him and Anya warily follow the words of the others abuser because they fear the physical or emotional#repercussions if they don’t like her not being able to really tell curly what happened and then curly not being able to do the same and how#jimmy assaults and dehumanizes both when they are no longer a service to him like god they are more adjacent than Jimmy and Curly like Curly#messed up in a already messy pile Jimmy mad it into a dumpster fire in a landfill they are not the same
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people who undermine the importance of izuku and katsuki's relationship throughout bnha because of "annoying shippers" or because they just don't like katsuki are insane because their relationship is literally so? important??? to the entire story???? katsuki is the deuteragonist of bnha. he was one of the first characters to show up. he was the first other person to know about OFA. so much of the manga is spent showing his development. if you deny his character development and relationship development ("relationship" does not always mean romantic relationship) with izuku, you are quite literally denying a massive part of the series. the manga starts with them and ends with them. you're allowed to dislike him but if you dislike him so much that you, in turn, start hating how izuku is a "punching bag" or a "doormat" for the entire series because he doesn't stay angry and vengeful at people even though a massive part of his character is that he's compassionate and kind even to people who aren't to him or used to not be, and you seriously think that that makes him weak, and you just start to dislike the main two characters of the series, i think you should. idk. stop reading, probably. read the revenge fantasy shit that you obviously want to read. there are like seven million manhwa available to you where the character gets the revenge you so desperately want to see.
#someone on twitter kinda pissed me off#bnha#mha#bkdk#bakudeku#katsuki bakugou#bakugou katsuki#izuku midoriya#midoriya izuku#i hope this post is understandable bc i am so tired rn#also can i just mention how these people so obviously project onto izuku#how much does katsuki have to atone for you guys#i'm not saying what he did WASN'T fucked up but at what point do you guys think he “earns” forgiveness?#apparently he didn't earn it when he: apologized. took a hit for izuku. died because he became the closest person to him.#felt guilty over his actions. cried because he felt guilty and wanted them to compete forever.#spent 8 years funding a fancy expensive suit that could allow izuku to have his greatest dream back.#like i genuinely don't understand what else he could possibly do#he experiences misfortune for being the way that he is (even if not directly reprimanded for it often) and he learns and grows from it#and if you say “he could've permanently died” izuku would have Fucking Hated that actually.#the main character you project so hard onto would have hated it and cried his eyes out and mourned for his childhood friend-slash-bully#proof? see his reaction when he literally saw katsuki lying dead on the ground. he started hyperventilating.#izuku midoriya is NOT A SELF INSERT CHARACTER.
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I hit 'em with the human beam
#I've had this in my mind for a good while#it is so so funny seeing some of them without their defining features or hair colors.#fuck it. trito no ears#RENA NO FANGS#jilon looking pretty much exactly the same. god#my art#splatoon ocs#splatoon#humanization#trito#rena#kinoga#agara#kanu#denchu#jilon#for everyone wondering->#trito: malaysian#maggie: white...................japanese#rena: indian#kinoga: nigerian/japanese#agara: mexican#kanu: native hawaiian#denchu: filipino#jilon: chinese#this probably does not apply directly to splatoon world I just like thinking about them if human#anyways I'm giving all of them a kissy#excited for people in the notes to go ‘(COUNTRY NAME) MENTIONED’#my ocs#maguro
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[ cw: dismemberment / ]
I think a lot about how Leo’s rescue could have easily ended in him losing a leg as the portal snaps shut on the Krang still clutching the limb, or, alternatively, only having Leo’s right arm make it out, still held dearly in his brother’s hand as the rest of Leo is left behind. (The latter hits even harder, as it directly parallels his future self in the worst of ways.)
I think a lot about how so many things could have gone wrong during the course of the movie with even a little bit of a change, but it really is harrowing how much of a coin-flip the entirety of the Prison Dimension rescue was.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#dismemberment /#if literally any part of the prison dimension rescue was different it would have ended Very Badly#mikey came in clutch for doing the impossible in the first place#raph grabbing leo and not once letting go was vital#and donnie directly hitting the krang was essential#hell leo having the ability to reach out at all in the state he was in was a miracle#listen I think about the prison dimension a lot if you couldn’t tell#for the next tags:#strangulation mention /#physical trauma induced mutism /#potential death mention /#potential sibling death mention /#barely it mainly focuses on if he lives but /#I also think about how Leo’s trachea could have easilyyy given out as Raph (krangified) was choking him#can you imagine the last words raph hearing from his little brother being I’m sorry?#he’d likely live as the hamato bros are built different but imagine if he straight up can’t talk again after#the bros having no idea what Leo’s plan is but they suddenly feel him disappear with the portal#or also#imagine all he gets out in his hoarse voice is to beg Casey to close the portal before his family HEARS the sudden silence like a knife#even if he gets saved his voice may be wrecked or even gone for good#what am I writing wait-#also for my point on leo losing his arm paralleling his future self#imagine fate being a thing in this world but a VERY situational thing#imagine it makes it so that leo has to lose a limb#but not just that - it also ties his presence directly with the Krang’s - so if the Krang’s somewhere else…so is he
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To me it's so incredibly obvious, considering the whole christofern thing, that when garmadon says harumi is like a daughter to him, it's another example of garmadon projecting his subconcious fatherly feelings towards lloyd on a "safe" party. "Safe" because as far as he's concerned in most instances of him saying this, she's dead and/or out of his life and can no longer express anything towards him (and when she was alive she was near completely subservient to him). Just like the fern, which cannot express complex feelings or frustration or anything that the actual living, present Lloyd can and very much does express. It does not actually mean that garmadon "adopted" harumi or is fatherlike towards her in any fashion, because as was obviously shown their relationship was one of near pure transaction - Garmadon treated her like an underling, and harumi idolized and dehumanized him. It's an interesting dynamic for sure, but it consistently baffles me when people still take the idea that garm is effectively harumi's adoptive father at face value.
#like crystallized literally directly compares the fern with harumi like#he mentions rumi being like a daughter to him and the fern as a pseudo-lloyd gets introduced in the same scene#it says a lot about how garm views people tbh#ninjago
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felt like letting mike and steve work through some shit again
cw: descriptions and imagery of them being lost and self-sacrificing, left alone with trauma they have no means to work through, could read as suicidal tendencies or intrusive thoughts
🤍 also on ao3
“What do you want?” Mike asks when Steve sits down beside him, gravel crunching, their feet dangling over the dark and endless abyss that is the quarry at night.
Steve doesn’t answer right away, doesn’t really know what to say now that he’s here, now that he found him. He looks so small, now more than ever, and it reminds Steve so painfully that he’s still just a child. He was always just a child, and children shouldn’t—
It feels like they got their rights at a childhood revoked years ago, and then they were just… supposed to be okay with it. It was expected, it was implied when nobody came to talk to them after.
When all they got was one NDA after another. When none of the professionally trained adults took one look at the children that they were, and asked, Are you okay? What do you need to be okay? I will talk to you once a week and make sure you learn how to be okay again.
Steve feels like a big brother to most of the kids now, sure, but he’s not their shrink, and he sucks when it comes to actually talking about shit. He can be there to drive them anywhere, can provide an evening of distractions and as much of a sanctuary as a house as haunted as his can be.
With everything else, though, he’s helplessly lost. So he says nothing, weighs his words to make sure they come out right — especially for Mike, who’s always just waiting for him to say something wrong and throw it back in his face with the sunny disposition of a feral, rabid cat.
“Hey,” Mike says then, irritated again; but his voice is hoarse, too. Tired. No heat behind it after that stupid fight with Dustin and Lucas earlier tonight that made him snap and leave Steve’s house in a frenzy. “I said, What do you want?”
Steve shrugs, looking ahead into the darkness that feels endless and alluring and deeply terrifying.
I miss my friend! My best friend, Mike!
“Making sure you’re okay.”
You’ve changed, you know that? You’re not the guy who would jump off a cliff for me anymore, I don’t think I even know you anymore!
Dustin’s voice echoes in Steve’s mind as it undoubtedly does in Mike’s, too, and he can only imagine how much that hurts, especially if he’s shivering like that even though the night is warm for early September.
“I’m okay,” Mike says, sounding endlessly annoyed about the fact. Steve almost huffs out a humourless laugh. Yeah, right.
“Sure you are,” Steve says, keeping his tone carefully neutral.
He shrugs off his jacket and drapes it over Mike’s shoulders without a comment, half-expecting him to just throw it into the darkness below. But Mike doesn’t move, is eerily still beside him, pretending not to notice that Steve’s watching him.
“But you know it’s, like,” he starts again and trails off, looking for the right words because this is unfamiliar terrain and the ground beneath his feet is quite literally nonexistent. “It’s fine if you’re not, right? It’s actually really fucking normal to be more than a little fucked up after everything, all that crazy shit. Or just… in general.”
You were twelve, he wants to say. You were twelve and you jumped off from here. You were twelve and you were going to die. And not because of those monsters, not yet. Just because… you were twelve.
Mike doesn’t say anything, but the gravel crunches once more as he reaches for a handful of stones to throw them into the darkness one by one, the void beneath them so enormous that they don’t even hear the noise of impact.
You jumped.
The longer Mike remains silent, the more Steve wants to scream, wants to grab him by the shoulders and shake him, wants to make him see and understand that Steve knows about the scars a decision like that leaves, especially when you live to deal with the consequences.
He gets seizures to deal with the consequences. His ear is fucky, his eye is twitchy, his head is aching constantly, he gets migraines that knock him out for a day or two, all because he wanted to protect his friends. All because he did protect his friends. It worked. They’re safe.
But they’re also unaware of… of everything. Of the horrible stillness as clarity dawns and all signs point to the one way that always seems to work. The one easy way out, and still the hardest of them all when the plan goes wrong and he makes it out alive. When It’s gotta be me is the only thing to say, but later turns into an angry It never should have been me because the world looks different when it’s smeared with your blood.
And it’s always the lost boys who make decisions like that. Steve wonders, some nights in cold sweat, what happens if he makes these decisions without immediate danger. What happens if he just… decides to jump. Decides to run. To give the world more of his blood. Without saving anyone.
It’s not like he wants to — but he’s terrified that it’s just who he is. Who he’s turned into, terrified that his friends will forever expect him to.
And he’s even more terrified knowing that Mike jumped before he learned about monsters. Before he learned about fighting and surviving.
You were a kid, he wants to say again, but his throat is closing up on him.
“I don’t think that’s okay actually,” Mike says after a while, tearing Steve away from his fears. They’re still both looking ahead rather than at each other, but it’s fine. They’re still here. “Like, people say it is, but it feels so empty when they do, you know? Like, sure, yeah, I’m not fucking okay, but what the hell do we do about that now? Oh, right, I know! Let’s throw it in my face that I’m not good enough for you anymore now that there’s no monsters to kill anymore. Now that I’m just Mike, who’s not even enough to be that anymore, sure. Right. Yeah. Let’s pretend it’s all fine, Steve, let’s pretend it’s okay to hurt all the fucking time!”
Mike is shaking now, violent tremors running through his body, and Steve’s first instinct is to reach out and pull him close, to keep him from that edge and take him to his car; turn on the heating and talk there. But Mike seems to need the darkness, seems to need to be faced with endless depth to give voice to his thoughts.
“What Dustin said was messed up. He shouldn’t have said that.”
Mike shrugs, throwing more pebbles into the darkness, though his motions have lost their vigour. “He’s right, though.”
Steve sighs, though not unkindly. “No, he’s not. Hey, listen to me.” He waits until Mike turns to meet his eyes, and he leans forward. “It’s not okay. It’s not right what he said. You don’t deserve to have that shit thrown in your face just because Dustin is a tactless little douche bag.”
Taking a bullet for someone is not the baseline for friendship, he wants to say, and it occurs to him once again how fucked up their perception and idea of friendship must be, now that they’ve all bonded over the most horrific shit and actual grief they never learned how to work through.
It’s not even Dustin’s fault, not really. They’re all just collateral damage to something Bigger, and all they have is each other, leaving them in a vicious cycle that is so, so fucked up.
“Why’d you jump?” he asks eventually, quiet in case the darkness tries to listen in. “Back then, why did you jump?” And do you wish El had let you? Do you sometimes wish that? When your room is quiet and it’s only you living with all those silent, terrible decisions?
Mike shrugs again, but there’s not much fight left in him, Steve can see that, can feel it in the air between them.
“Will was gone,” he says like it explains everything— and it sort of does. Steve has seen the way these boys look at each other when the other’s not looking, he has seen the hurt and the anger and the gentleness stored there, the words unspoken and the fear that, despite interdimensional monsters, kinda goes unmatched.
Because they have each other. They only have each other. And if someone’s suddenly different than what they thought they knew, if someone’s suddenly different, then… Everything might just fall apart.
And Steve wants to grab him again; wants to pull him close and say, I’m the same. We have the same scars. We have the same!
Slowly, carefully, he does lean over now, weaving an arm around Mike’s shoulders and pulling him into his side.
“I get that.”
Mike swallows heavily and exhales shakily. “I don’t think you do.”
“No. I think I really, really do. But it’s okay, Mike. You won’t be alone with this, okay. I’m on your side, you little shit.”
A pause, a beat, a moment’s respite. Then, “Why?”
“Because,” his heart is racing, his mouth trembling around forming the words for the first time, but he knows it’s the right thing to do. Knows it’s important.
Knows it might just save a life.
“Because I fell harder for Eddie Munson than I ever thought possible, and once i found out what was happening, I kind of wanted to jump off a cliff, too. But I didn’t, because I had someone with the same fears as me, and instead of stupid shit we just… Cried together sometimes. Screamed into our pillows. Laughed with and at each other, calling ourselves hopeless, and— I don’t know. It’s really fucking scary, and that doesn’t go away just because you have someone to talk to. But it‘s… better. It’s so much better.”
He huffs, swallowing around the lump in his throat, smiling into the darkness.
“So I’ve got you, okay? Whatever it is, whatever makes you feel like it’s not fucking okay, I’ve got you. You come to me, yeah? Lucas does, Dustin does, even Max does. This is your official, standing invitation and whatever, okay, dickhead?”
Mike shoves at him lightly, still not parting from the rather awkward side-hug they’ve got going on, and Steve is glad for it.
“Okay, okay, geez,” the little shithead says, rolling his eyes which Steve can see even in the dark, and it feels like the edge has moved away from them, like they have solid ground beneath their feet again.
Steve doesn’t say anything more after that, just waiting for Mike to stir to lead him back to the car, load in his bike and take him wherever he feels like spending the night.
But Mike doesn’t move for another long while, and it makes Steve feel like something big has just happened between them. Like they finally have found the common ground that Steve’s been suspecting they had for months now, even years.
Eventually, as they make their way to the car and Mike goes to grab his bike, he speaks up again, but more subdued now.
“Hey, Steve?”
“Hmm?”
“Does… Does Eddie know?”
“About what?” My tendencies to take a leap off the edge?
“You. Being…”
“Oh!” A smile as he unlocks his car and opens the back door to squeeze Mike’s old bike in there with minimal smears of dirt. “I’d hope so, we’ve been dating for months.”
“You’re dating?! You? Eddie’s dating you?”
“Yeah, listen, do you want me to just leave you here or would you rather be thrown out in the middle of nowhere?”
Mike grumbles something unintelligible as he climbs into the front seat, waiting for Steve to start the engine before he speaks up again.
“It’s just, you’re so… How did you even do that?”
Steve laughs at that, disbelieving and all, because, “Trust me, I have no idea. Must have been the ol’ Harrington charm and all that.”
Mike rolls his eyes and crosses his arms in front of his chest, sinking lower in the seats to pout. “You’re so lame.”
“Sorry, I couldn’t hear you over how much I have a boyfriend and you don’t.”
If his heart skips a beat because it still feels like a forbidden truth saying the word out loud despite the playful banter, then he’s ignoring that in favour of revving the engine.
“Asshole.”
“Dickhead.”
“Grow up,” Mike says, but Steve can see the smile he’s not even trying to hide, and he mirrors it with his own as he turns on the radio catching the final tunes of Springsteen’s Dancing in the Dark.
They’re not okay, none of them. But the car is warm, the cliff’s edge is behind them, and they’re not listening to the same ten songs anymore.
They’re getting better, step by tiny step.
#stranger things fanfic#steve & mike#steve harrington#mike wheeler#steddie#<- mentioned but established#byler#<- implied & yearning#i am projecting HARD with this one#i’m so so convinced steve and mike are directly juxtaposed in their development with very similar trauma#this probably makes sense to no one but me but alas#let them be fucked up while life continues and let them be unable to handle it#i feel like it’s all over the place but if you’ve ever had a single vulnerable conversation then you’ll know this is how they can go#dio words
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for my money, labru is head and shoulders above other ships involving them simply due to the unmatched yap potential, i imagine them feeding off each other's energy like they're slipstreaming in mario kart until they start going fast enough to break the sound barrier
#dungeon meshi#dunmesh spoilers#labru#the Compounding Yap Effect#thinking about kabru wanting to understand the value of monsterhood despite how much pain they caused him ...#laios wanting to understand the value of humanity despite how much pain they caused him ...#none of this even mentioning how much kabru needs a person like laios to spur his character growth#kabru is a schemy schemer who schemes and it's one of his best qualities#but it's also what gets him killed over and over again in an attempt to get closer to laios and co when none of his usual tricks worked#it took until the absolute 11th hour where kabru HAD to choose#between potentially unlocking the secrets of the dungeon or giving it up to the canaries and losing his chance forever#if kabru had fallen back on what he knew he would have killed laios then and never got what he wanted#laios forcing kabru to be honest with his feelings#(a feeling kabru had buried so deep he was barely aware he had it in the first place)#is what finally gets laios to stop and listen#and he finally gives kabru enough of a reason to trust him and make kabru stop the canaries and give the party time to escape#and it's ONLY then that kabru is able to get what he wants#legit i cant imagine a more fulfilling ending for kabru than getting to directly engage his interest in a way that directly helps people#with someone who both needs wants and sincerely appreciates his skills#literally riding off into the sunset gay ass ending im#im going to be sick#day 28 being normal about them
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I’ve mentioned this elsewhere but it feels relevant again in light of the most recent episode. Something that’s really fascinating to me about Orym’s grief in comparison to the rest of the hells’ grief is that his is the youngest/most fresh and because of that tends to be the most volatile when it is triggered (aside from FCG, who was two and obviously The Most volatile when triggered.)
As in: prior to the attack on Zephrah, Orym was leading a normal, happy, casual life! with family who loved him and still do! Grief was something that was inflicted upon him via Ludinus’ machinations, whereas with characters like Imogen or Ashton, grief has been the background tapestry of their entire lives. And I think that shows in how the rest of them are largely able to, if not see past completely (Imogen/Laudna/Chetney) then at least temper/direct their vitriol or grief (Ashton/Fearne/Chetney again) to where it is most effective. (There is a glaring reason, for example, that Imogen scolded Orym for the way he reacted to Liliana and not Ashton. Because Ashton’s anger was directed in a way that was ultimately protective of Imogen—most effective—and Orym’s was founded solely in his personal grief.)
He wants Imogen to have her mom and he wants Lilliana to be salvageable for Imogen because he loves Imogen. But his love for the people in his present actively and consistently tend to conflict with the love he has for the people in his past. They are in a constant battle and Orym—he cannot fathom losing either of them.
(Or, to that point, recognize that allowing empathy to take root in him for the enemy isn't losing one of them.)
It is deeply poignant, then, that Orym’s grief is symbolized by both a sword and shield. It is something he wields as a blade when he feels his philosophy being threatened by certain conversational threads (as he believes it is one of the only things he has left of Will and Derrig, and is therefore desperately clinging onto with both bloody hands even if it makes him, occasionally, a hypocrite), but also something he can use in defense of the people he presently loves—if that provocative, blade-grief side of him does not push them—or himself—away first.
(it won’t—he is as loved by the hells as he loves them. he just needs to—as laudna so beautifully said—say and hear it more often.)
#critical role#cr spoilers#bells hells#orym of the air ashari#cr meta#imogen temult#ashton greymoore#liliana temult#this is genuinely completely written in good faith as someone who loves orym#but is also about orym and so will inevitably end up being completely misconstrued and made into discourse. alas#I could talk about how Orym’s unwillingness to allow the hells to actually finish/come to a solid conclusion on Philosophy Talk#is directly connected to one of the largest criticisms of c3 (that they are constantly having these conversations)#all day. alas. engaging with orym’s flaws tends to make people upset#it is ESP prevelant when he walks off after exclaiming ‘they (vangaurd) are NOT right’#which was not only never said but wasn’t even what they were talking about#he even admits as much to imogen like ten minutes later! that he is incapable of viewing it objectively#which is 100% justifiable and understandable but simultaneously does not make his grief alone the most important perspective in the world#also bc i fear ppl will play semantics on my tags yes the line ‘i hope she’s right’ was said but it was from ASHTON#who does not believe they are at all and wasn’t saying they actively WERE right. orym just heard something to latch onto and ran with it#ultimately there is a reason orym only admitted that he was struggling when he had stepped away to talk to dorian#who has not been around and thusly has not changed once n orym's eyes#and it isn't that the hells never check in or care. they do. they have several times over#it is dishonest to say they haven't#the actual reason is that all of this is something He Is Aware Of. he doesn't mention it bc he KNOWS it's hypocritical and selfish#he says as much!#EXHALES. @ MY OWN BRAIN CAN WE THINK ABT MOG AGAIN. FYRA RAI EVEN. FOR ME.#posting this literally at 8 in the morning so I can get my thoughts out of my brain but also attempt to immediately make this post invisibl
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