#//but it's going to be cathartic af

[ohmuqueen]

x

(translation of Korean tweet from Papago)

[daddy-ul]

in my head: where the Hell is the word seed on this album [starts checking them off….] not the singles not YMB not Sleepwalk not ….. oh come on [stares at Inamorata] it’s you. isn’t it.

despair. i’ve actually only listened to it 3 times. because it causes me to physically implode. too much to bare. the thought of it all….

*pat pats*

I mean, i know my head wanted to connected dots just to connect them, bc James uses seed as a metaphor/simile quite enough, it's in his repertoire. He uses it even in interviews.

The funny thing is that the first other song that came to my mind after hearing "seed" was not the obvious one, the one with seed in the title.

No, sir.

It was, of course, Bleeding me.

And how could I not? When Innamorata sounds like that, feels like that, is a song like that--

I don't blame you, brain. I don't.

[heartbreak-grl]

never truly understood what healing your inner child meant until i was jumping and screaming to Night Changes at the Louis Tomlinson concert

[damnonew]

i’m so excited to get back into writing my jongyu cult fic

it’s been on pause as i finish up love is so nice 

and it’s been eating at my brain again

it’s such a huge project already that i’m slightly terrified 

but stuffing 10 years of religious deconstruction into one fic apparently takes a lot of words.  who knew? lol

[writingwithcolor]

Author with cultural disconnect: How do I write without making it seem as if I hate my own heritage?

Anonymous asked:

I’m a white-passing Asian author, and I’ve never felt all that connected with my heritage. My current story centers on a fairy (re: fantasy-world POC) child and ends with her realizing that her parents are toxic af and her human best friend’s family takes her in. This is the perfect opportunity to sort through my own issues with my heritage and finally convince my monkey-brain that it’s okay to not know how to cook Vietnamese food or celebrate tet or speak Vietnamese… But I also realize that if I’m not careful, this could easily slip into “Hey, I hate my heritage and so should you!” So how can I stop that from happening?

Writing for yourself first, not an audience

I ask you a simple question: why put pressure on yourself to have any sort of non-offensive messaging for a story that hasn’t been drafted yet and is to convince your monkey brain it’s okay to exist as yourself?

That seems like the fastest way to stop the story from being actually cathartic and instead a performance art piece when you already feel hung up on performing as “properly” part of your culture.

As I said in Working Through Identity Issues and Other Pitfalls of Representation, not all stories you write need to be for public consumption. Especially stories you’re using for your own self-processing and therapy, because you’re trying to get a cathartic moment that is rewriting your own story.

At what point does the public need to be involved in that?

I do understand the compulsion to want to post—I have definitely posted some Questionable™ material in my drive to get validation for feeling the way I do, wanting people to witness me and say “same.” It’s a powerful urge. Sometimes it’s worked, but most of the time it’s just made me feel horrifically exposed.

But you really do not have to post in public to get any sort of validation. Set up a groupchat with friends if you want the cheerleading and witnessing—people who will know your story and give you good-faith interpretations and won’t accuse you of anything. Honestly I’d suggest setting up this groupchat anyway; as someone who just got one again after quite a few years without it, my productivity has skyrocketed from being around supportive people.

Let the monkey brain have its monkey brain moment and shut off the concept the story is for the public. Shut off the concept of performing for an unknown audience. It’s for you. Be authentic, no matter how bad it would look to outsiders. They’re not reading it. Part of getting catharsis, sometimes, is being the worst version of yourself, somewhere nobody else can see it.

Deciding to publish the work

If, after you do write it, you find that you actually do want to polish it up and put it somewhere… edit it. Rewrite it entirely if that’s what it takes. Take the story through the same drafting process every story needs to go through, ripping out the unfortunate implications as you go.

Editing can be its own form of healing, as you try to figure out what this character would need to not be hateful. As you realize, once this longform journal entry is out of your head, what was bothering you now that you can see it pinned down on a page. But you absolutely do not need to write with the intention of editing in that healing. When I’ve tried, it’s fallen flat.

The healing will come from being yourself, no public involved, and writing about your feelings in their rawest form. Anything else is extra.

There’s no point in trying to put guard rails on the drafting process, not for a deeply personal piece. And by the time that drafting process is done, you’ll likely have specific scenarios and contexts that you can ask about, and you might even have ideas on how to fix it yourself once the story has a shape to it.

This is 100% a situation where there’s no real sense in idea workshopping something in the plotting stage. You’re doing something for you. Decide if it’s for public consumption later (while acknowledging “no” is a perfectly valid answer), and only figure out how to make the story not overtly harmful if you decide to put it out into the public.

~ Leigh

[venusandsaturnsrings]

Okay lemme just

I have jjk brainrot and lemme just try to categorise my thoughts instead of letting them go !!!!!!!!

GOJO:

-Special grade teaser, this man will have you begging and edging you till you're crying

-def into letting you wear his blindfold, bonus if you're tied up

GETO

Pet play, corruption kink, need i go on- also if going with bottom Geto, def whimpers if you tug on his hair

MEGUMI

Purely basing this on an rp i had with a friend- lactation kink. Absolutely down for 3 somes with his SO + Yuji, we stan a bi king

SUKUNA

Blood kink, marking, anyway he can show off that you're his. Prolly bites you on the darn daily

MAHITO (making this extra long for you <3)

Hear me out- virgin but freaky AF

Watersports, spit, blood, cum, he's down for anything

Def has fantasies about carving his name into his fav human toy (you <3) preferably on the chest for all to see

Wil push you to your limits, prolly sucks at aftercare but can be bribed ibto beibg the best with it jn return for some new games and toys *nudge nudge wink wink*

Bonus-

Geeting double penetrated by Mahito and Foul Legacy Taru <3

IM LISTENING IM HEARING U OUT IM BRAINROTTING WITH U!! i’m crafting up a silly au where everyone lives and no one suffers and everyone gets to be happy and go to uni together and and and… so given that, i’m writing gumi n junpei as over 18!! crazy to think about but in canon time im younger than all of them… fucked up how time works huh… ANYWAYS…

includes: this is just general headcanons building off what you said my dearest + adding a couple of my own thoughts!! has Gojo, Geto, Megumi, Sukuna, Mahito, and Junpei bc he is so special to me <3 i am one of 3 Junpei kinnies on this planet i swear…

i’m not a major Gojo fucker, if anything we have hate sex that is fuelled by pent up arousal and being big time touch starved… but the idea of him using his blindfold on you?? oh dear oh my… it’s both a big step in trust and vulnerability. given that he finds not having his eyes covered to be immensely overwhelming, i imagine there’d be a strong bond between him and his partner to do this. he’s used to seeing you through the way he detects energy, it’s second nature to him, but he’ll never quite get over what it’s like to actually see you with his real eyes. his fingertips are shaking and he can’t seem to look at anything other than your face twisted in pleasure as he denies you your nth release of the day; it’s a carnal satisfaction. he tends to be very mouthy and loud whenever you’re going at it but with you splayed out in front of him like this, your body shielded by absolutely nothing, he’s rather quiet as he takes in every inch of you. it’s a form of depraved worship, in a way, that he feels so compelled to hardly even breathe to appreciate you and only you as much as he possibly can.

i’d be a liar if i said i wasn’t terribly down bad for Geto. long-haired men get me good and he’s no exception… he’s 100% into pet play and corruption you hit the nail on the head!! it’s half a control thing and half a desire to please, he doesn’t feel a lot of power over his life and being able to get some of that from what you two do together his cathartic. he’s partial to cat girls, having a little kitty for him to play with and to kneel at his feet brings him satisfaction like nothing else. Geto is also the best at aftercare!! he’s very tender in how he treats you, already having a nice warm bath and a glass of water ready… anything you need, just ask, he’d give the world to stay by your side as long as he possibly can.

prior to this ask, i’d never actually thought of Megumi before… but, hear me out, going off of his thing of sharing you with Yuji, i think he’s into being cucked. i’m sorry to be the one to say it but to my core i believe this is true and canon… when it’s just the two of you, Gumi has the tendency to get a bit nervous and lost at times so seeing someone he trusts so deeply take the reigns and really work to make you feel good without hesitation gets him going. sometimes he does get a bit jealous of the way Yuji palms at your tits or the way he gets you to squeal so loud but ultimately he knows you’re his. even if Yuji offered to snag you away, you wouldn’t accept because Gumi is the one you want (reassure him from time to time though). plus, after watching so many times, he gains a better grasp on what to do!! i think he also likes letting Yuji instruct him on just how to fuck you proper. <3

Sukuna… you are a man of many wonders and arms. he is absolutely the biggest biter of them all!! will use his normal mouth most of the time but really enjoys using his stomach mouth to nip at your ass when he’s plowing you from behind as the way you yelp in surprise never fails to get him going. he loves that having four arms means he can keep your hips still, choke you, and grope at whatever skin he wants all at the same time; there’s never a part of your body that goes missed. despite his claims of not caring about humans, there’s nothing that he loves more than having you dangle off his arm and getting to touch you in a way nobody else ever could. also, two cocks absolutely. prepare yourself to be stuffed full, he’s partial to having them both balls deep in your pussy.

FREAKY VIRGIN MAHITO IS REAL!! he’s all about experimenting so there’s really nothing he wouldn’t try honestly, it’s more of a challenge to convince him to not do certain things *shivers*… but that does come with a lot of bonuses seeing that he won’t write off anything so it’s free game for you!! odds are he’ll enjoy anything so long as he learns something from it, if it gets him off then even better. he’s naturally most interested in anything that’ll induce pain, emotional or physical, and things that allow him to be in complete control (submitting to a human? fat chance). Depending on how exactly he sees you, and how ooc you’re willing to take, you’re either going to be a good ol fashion pump n dump that he brutally slaughters OR you’ll end up being his forever pet that he won’t let out of his sight for more than fifteen seconds… both are a unique form of suffering but it’s Mahito, so there’s really no white picket fence ending option… regardless, prepare yourself to be used in the grossest ways. he’s got a particular fondness for watersports and anything that results in blood, with a preference for knife play and good ol aggressive biting, simply because he likes seeing you become a filthy depraved mess even when he’s being so cruel. i have a vague concept for a human au but even then he’s a nasty freak with no boundaries!!

adding Junpei onto this because he’s so dear to my heart and also the biggest incel. affection doesn’t come easy to him especially when it’s sexual, he finds being on the receiving end to feel as though it’s only because you pity him. try as you might, convincing him otherwise is going to take some time but he has no problem understanding his own feelings to be true although he’s shy… major panty sniffer alert, he’s too scared to actually try anything with you but he’s got his needs!! stealing a cute white cotton pair from your hamper is the next best thing to him and he’ll spend the next week with them pressed to his face whenever he’s alone, dick rutting into his hand messily. it’s subconscious but he also has a habit of stalking you around a little bit when he’s too nervous to actually talk to you but he swears it’s an accident!! he didn’t mean to learn your whole schedule it’s just that he sees you doing certain things more often!! he’s supposed to be on the other side of the city at that time for work?? you’re delusional, he was just… sent there for some sort of project, nothing weird at all he’d never!! huge whiner btw, babbles a lot when he’s finally fucking you.

[amuseoffyre]

Have had a couple of days and a rewatch and some mulling to put together my thoughts:

The good:

the writing - I've talked at length about the use of metaphor, symbolism, allegory and the like to add meat and substance to the narrative

the continuity tied in to S1 and the foreshadowing coming full circle, plus running themes continuing

the music is flawless throughout - both the soundtrack with songs and the original score and the way old motifs are used to add parallels and depth to scenes

the acting across the board has been staggeringly good. Especially for Taika, Rhys and Con. I can see why so many reviews had been raving about it.

the bits of set-up for S3 that have been planted if/when they get it

new characters who are an absolute delight

Family Trauma the TV show - intense to watch but cathartic af

Badass ladies and the soft boys who love them

Auntie.

The bad:

too much story and not enough time to tell it

sacrificing a lot of crew-related stuff - I know this is primarily the Ed and Stede story, but we're told that Olu was always talking about Zheng, but we never even got a single line of it. Buttons' disappearance gets one sus line. We gloss over the probation and why Ed is back in his leathers literally the next day. Again, I know, time constraints, but it does feel weaker for it.

speedrunning so much that it's taken several rewatches to catch everything that's going on - yes, it can work as a narrative device, but not all the time

still not over Zheng falling for Ricky's gift. Do not trust the aristocratic white dude, especially not when you've been blackmailing him. And I know there's some logical sense to her being so used to being able to manipulate desperate people on the fringes with both carrot and stick, but it feels like severe underestimation on her part about how ruthless and cruel and petty Ricky could be. He's not like the pirates - he has the power and privilege and it feels like she ignored that.

whatever that Teal Oranges pivot was so Jim could have a girlfriend, especially since they didn't have time/space to actually develop the Olu/Zheng and Jim/Archie stuff. Archie was barely a scrape of characterisation because of time constraints.

The ... Forbs Boding

Izzy - it falls under the typical archetype of Loss of a Role Model especially given all Ed's dad issues, which I thought we were beyond, but then it also fits with the running motif of the show of change, death and rebirth. We've had confirmation of the existence of a place between life and death plus a character who was beaten to death coming back from it and a seawitch turning up at the grave. I can see why it was done as it has been foreshadowed since "the only retirement we get is death" but after all his growth in S2, having Ricky be the one to get the jump on him is... hm. I feel like they had him and Ricky talking and Ricky causing his death for a reason. Feels like there's set-up for S3 planted and ready. My Forbs, they are A-Boding. ffs, they Obi-Wanned him right after he did a speech about "our spirit will last beyond your whole fucking empire". Strike me down and I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine vibes.

The way trauma is/isn't being dealt with - I feel like there's stuff there that is set up for S3 as well, because we've seen how Stede is still bottling all his stuff and hasn't dealt with any of it, while Ed has done some processing and started to make peace with himself over it. Stede still has his mental lockbox and while he tries to pretend it isn't there, it still informs so many of his decisions.

All the Star Wars vibes - I've always been convinced this was the Empire Strikes Back season and now, they have all the pieces in play for the Return of the Jedi arc: Stede and Ed are together and recovering but will have a role to play, Izzy is in carbonite with a seawitch control panel, their allies are out there getting pieces in place, and the Imperial figurehead villain who showed up in S2 is still out there and convinced he holds all the power. And I just realised that this means that if they use Hornigold, he's the equivalent of Boba Fett - Bounty Hunter for the Empire XD

On the whole, I am content with it and am already having thoughts about the potential for S3, but I find it incredibly frustrating knowing how much more it could have been with the budget/time they wanted and didn't get.

[thorias]

Lenore Zann: That was a very clever question, and I'm not going to completely answer it other than to say there are Easter eggs in there for fans to follow up. In season 2, I have already recorded season 2 and I love Rogue's journey. She is continuing on her journey and she wants justice for Remy, and she won't let anything or anyone stop her.

Does that include her fellow X-Men?

Lenore Zann: I'm not going to say. (x)

-----

I've been thinking about this quote from Lenore a lot for the last few days. Also about that interview with Matthew Waterson where he said that with Gambit dead, the love triangle isn't an issue anymore, hinting that Magneto may try to shoot his shot at Rogue again (ugh).

I keep picturing a scenario wherein Rogue tries to make that deal with En Sabah Nur to get Remy resurrected and either Magneto finds out about this and tries to stop her or he blabs to the others and they all try to stop her. I mean, Lenore not answering the question means that it almost has to be something like that, right?

Presumably, Magneto's reasoning will be that they can't trust Apocalypse, (hypocritical af since he literally worked for Apocalypse during 'Beyond Good & Evil' on the condition that Poccy resurrect Mags' dead wife) but in the back of his mind, maybe he's thinking that he still has a shot with Rogue as long as Gambit stays dead.

If Waterson is to be believed, then I'm not sure how else things would play out. 1x10 was pretty clear about Magneto not being at peace with Rogue's rejection, so he may very well try to revisit the issue, but I really can't see her falling for his bullshit again, especially if she sees a chance to get Remy back (then again, I really couldn't see her signing up for Magneto's kill-'em-all-and-let-God-sort-'em-out plan in 1x09 and that still happened, so who the hell knows) and I doubt it would be as simple as him asking Rogue if she's reconsidered her choice in 'Remember It,' her slamming the breaks and him being okay with that either.

Lenore keeps saying that Rogue is laser focused on getting justice for Remy, which, at this point, I'm 100% convinced is code for "bringing Remy back from the dead, come hell or high water." But apparently there's still something left unaddressed with this Rogue/Magneto garbage, even if it's just about putting the definitive final nail in its coffin.

Honestly? I want to see them fight. If we have to go down this road whether we like it or not, then I think it would be really cathartic to see Magneto try to stop Rogue in some deluded, petty attempt to get her back, while self-righteously acting like he just wants what's best for her, but Rogue sees right through him this time, becoming super pissed off and violent. Magneto doesn't realize how strongly Rogue feels about Remy and she hates him for getting in her way.

Sure, on the one hand, I really want that final nail hammered in hard enough that Rogue ends up hating Magneto's guts, so I never have to worry or even think about that revolting storyline ever again. But also, I see this as kind of a substitute for the story that we're unlikely to ever get where the X-men acknowledge Magneto's grooming of Rogue as the abuse that it was and he's held accountable for it; because of the optics of the whole thing, (as well as all the stuff coming out about Demayo) I suspect the writers will just want to move on from that fiasco asap and never mention it again. But having Rogue finally recognize that Magneto is really just a manipulative piece of shit, even if she comes to that realization in a different way, could still accomplish this.

[ihopesocomic]

I know everyone says how great Vicious and Hope were written enough. But I kinda want to bring it up again because, it's actually really well done.

You guys could've taken the much easier: Grr I'm flat and 1 dimensional because I hate my kid for being weak and USELESS. Route for abuse, but you chose to go the extra mile and create one of the best stories regarding parental abuse I've ever seen in media.

Vicious's abuse towards Hope has layers, she's not evilly rubbing her paws together going: >:) TODAY I WILL RUIN MY CHILD'S LIFE!2!1!2. she believes Hope is a object, an accessory. Something that didn't even deserve a name.

Then the way Hope finally stands up, disowning Vicious and leaving with Adamant and Storm is so fucking cathartic for me.

I don't know how the comic will end, but I have a feeling we're gonna get a good one at least. I hope Hope gets to have a full recovery from all the bullshit happening to her right now.

She's not all: oh pity me and the terrible things that happen to me. She's willing to change and aaugshhdhehsbss it makes me want to root for her so bad.

I can barely even put into words how glad I am this little comic exists.

Thank you so so much, anon. This is so sweet to hear.

And we are very fond of our round, strong af Hope and her development too. She's so fun to write! c:

And yeah, Jasper's abuse having an effect on everyone just felt like a very natural place to start with Vicious's feelings towards Hope, as well as having two stillborn children and being given absolutely no support from her partner who she cherishes over it. I think people underestimate how much of a traumatising experience it is for a mother to lose her children because xenofiction throws out dead kid plot devices like candy but it's there nonetheless.

It was enough to work with without having to make Hope's disability a factor and to also develop Vicious as a character in her own right too. She abuses her children and you're absolutely not meant to root for her but that doesn't mean you shouldn't look deeper. What disgusts and shocks us is just as curious and complex as what fascinates us and why parents abuse their children is just one of those topics. There's no excuse for it, but it doesn't mean we can't seek out patterns that can lead to it and have media demonstrate that as opposed to something that places the emphasis on the victim.

And this also allows a chain reaction to happen where people can realise that yes, Vicious is being abused but why and that leads to the discovery that Jasper is working for a tyrannical dictator and has pretty much sold his soul for the tiniest hint of power.

It's just one of those things that allows us to naturally implement story beats and character motivations better and we're always so stoked when people pick up on it, so thanks again! - RJ

[iamgodsoopsie]

Astarion Headcanons (that you probably won't like) Pt. 1:

Part 2 link

BG3 does an excellent job at depicting SA trauma and the beginning of the healing process/journey. Many of the headcanons I've seen floating around (intentionally or unintentionally) gloss over the uglier side of healing from (prolonged) trauma. I'm not judging anyone for magically healing him, he's fictional after all, but I'd like to make some more ...realistic... headcanons.

Disclaimer: Everyone's healing process looks different, but they tend share commonalities. These headcanons are based on my own experiences. Not everyone who is healing from their trauma will experience what I have or have experienced it like I have.

[Please don't message me with explicit details about your trauma. I am at the point in my healing journey where I can share my experiences, and commiserate with other's similar experiences, but I am unable to support others in a more personal manner at this time. I wish you the best of luck in your healing process/ journey.]

Spoiler warning

Mental illness, SA, & DV Trigger Warnings

These headcanons are based on an Astarion who is still a spawn and romantically involved with a Tav who honestly loves him and isn't abusive or manipulative. Also Cazador is dead and Astarion got to stab him. They also assume that he himself does not turn into Cazador 2.0 or Wish.com Cazador.

He needs a LOT of love and patience. Which, frankly, many people don't have.

He's messy af. If "Damn bitch, you live like this?" was a person it'd be him. C-PTSD is a hell of a drug. I think he wants to be more organized and clean than he is, it's just going to be a looong process for his inside appearance to match his outside appearance. (His appearance may stay mostly the same or drastically change).

---Don't believe me? Just look at the outside of his tent: it's mostly organized and sophisticated, but the inside is messy and he sleeps on a plank of wood with a threadbare stained blanket.

He'll struggle with control issues rooted in his anxiety until he finds a way to channel that energy in to something productive and/or healthy.

---He'll veer between controlling micromanager (aggressive) and door mat (people pleasing/ passive) until he finds his (assertive) middle ground.

Anger issues ahoy! He went through "200 years of shit. PURE SHIT!" and had to dissociate/repress his feelings to 'survive'.

---Stabbing Cazador was cathartic, but it only released the surface level of his repressed rage.

-----An interesting line from the game that I haven't seen enough people talk about: When you tell Astarion to keep his cool when Cazador is goading him, Cazador scoffs and sarcastically asks Tav if they've witnessed his "fits of rage". (Of course a "fit of rage" to Cazador is probably Astaion having a slight frown when Cazador wants him to smile and be a pretty toy to show off.)

He will try to push you away and 'test' you to see if you stay consistent in respecting him and his boundaries. He needs to make sure you don't turn into a Cazador when you two are in an argument. He needs to be sure that his "No" is respected when in a steamy moment after a dry spell.

---This probably won't be as intense as it otherwise would've been because of what you two went through together, but he'll still do it.

-----He probably doesn't realize what he's doing, and when he does he'll shame spiral.

I hope you are prepared to patiently give lots of reassurance and affirmation about the same things over and over again.

---It'll sometimes seem as though he is seeking permission, but if you ever act as though you are giving him permission instead of affirmation/ reassurance he will become very defensive.

He's indecisive but unwilling to listen to your input.

---He went from 200 years of having no control or ability to make his own decisions to suddenly being free, he's going to feel overwhelmed.

-----He'll eventually realize that you have his best interest at heart and that you are not telling him what to do, you're offering suggestions to help him make an informed decision.

There's so much more but I'm tired. He'll eventually heal and live a happy and healthy life, but it'll be a bumpy road to get there.

[eisenbrave]

I gotta say.. I like Chaos Sonic (Not just cause Sonic will appreciate Metal Sonic's silence more). though there was one miss opportunity. Yes we saw Sonic getting FURIOUS with Chaos Sonic and hating the fuck out of him but we didn't get to see Shadow just looked on with a smirk because it’s cathartic af for him to watch Sonic get a taste of his 'Sonic Banter' medicine.

i'm kinda mixed on chaos sonic personally, but i understand the Point of the character and he served it well enough without overstaying the welcome, i think

as for if shadow was allowed out of void jail, i think the encounter would go something like this!

[ahundredtimesover]

Hi.. I grew up in the part of the world where sex is dirty, a sin. And a woman wanting and enjoying sex is just something so bad. She is considered a who*e. Even if she is married.Sex is just a means to make babies or obviously for men to have fun. And so I grew up uncomfortable with the idea of a naked body.. even mine.. and obviously with age and harmones... I wanted physical intimacy and I hated myself for wanting it. But then I came across BTS.. eventually Wattpad, Tumblr... And you and few other writers make sex a part of the story.. so intimate.. so deep.. Really... You and few other writers changed my perspective towards sex. I don't hate myself or my partner for wanting it. I started appreciating his attraction towards me even more. It in turn made me love my body a bit more . Even though I am still insecure af.

And directly/indirectly addressing issues.. like past traumas.. childhood trauma... Addressing issues.. accountability... I mean ur stories have them all... Somehow I became a better person in terms of understanding myself.. not there yet . But opening myself for the possibilities of my triggers, my reactions. I don't know. I try to handle myself better.. bcz all of you beautiful writers helped me get in touch with my emotions n feelings. I have always avoided them. So thank you for existing.. for sharing ur beautiful beautiful amazing creations with us..

Love 💗

Hi. Before anything, I just want to say that this message means so much to me. 🥹 And I just want to thank you for being brave in sharing something so personal and vulnerable. I understand that there are many societies that treat sex this way. And I'm sorry that you had to go through that discomfort or even shame for wanting it, and if it affected your relationship. It's always a tough thing to navigate.

For me personally, I used to be scandalised by it. That changed when I got a boyfriend but I would still get insecure and feel shy to explore. One thing that writing has done for me was allow myself to explore that side of me that wanted that intimacy, that bit of roughness but gentleness; it allowed me to know what I want and how to express that to my partner. I think my stories reflect what I feel about sex. Sure, it's pleasurable and it has many purposes. But there's something so special when it's done with someone you care about, when there's trust and respect and this overflowing desire to be in each other's presence, to learn about each other and make the other feel good and happy.

I started appreciating his attraction towards me even more. It in turn made me love my body a bit more - I absolutely love this. I love that there's that acceptance now, and though you may still get insecure sometimes, you know that someone will love you regardless. I love writing banter and admiration and body worship in my scenes bc I feel like they're so natural. They make the act more genuine and real. So I'm happy that even with just these stories, it can change the way you approach it and think about yourself. 😊

Somehow I became a better person in terms of understanding myself - I love how you framed this, because learning to understand ourselves is one way to be better. I started writing as a form of release. I just got off my anti-depressants then and I needed to cope. Writing was cathartic, and I was able to put my fears and desires into words, it let me express my emotions in a way that stabilised me, and I'll always be thankful that in doing so, it helped you be in touch with your emotions, too. It's such a beautiful thing we can do for ourselves - to be kinder, to be gentler. I hope we can always strive towards that.

Thank you for dropping by, and for trusting me enough to share this. I'm glad that I, and other writers in this space just trying to get by, could do something for you in such small way. Please always be well. And I'm sending you love. 💕💕💕

[silk-and-web]

Watched Deadpool and Wolverine. My reactions:

Not as good as the first two but enjoyable enough. Better than I expected since I admittedly thought it'd be disappointing. It does what Quantumania did but better.

I appreciate how they responded to the complaint that they're ruining the ending of Logan by doubling down in the most Deadpool way possible.

Watching Deadpool viciously murder TVA agents was cathartic. It's the edge that the MCU painfully lacked, and a fuck you to the originator of the tired and underwhelming multiverse saga.

I'm glad we saw Deadpool's supporting cast and did not kill them off. I'm sad they had no role in the story, which I unfortunately expected. Same deal as Quantumania.

I don't know how Shatterstar is alive but I'm not complaining.

There were so many inside jokes that only hardcore fans who know what happened behind the scenes of Marvel, Fox, and even DC would understand. So naturally I laughed at them.

All the alternate Wolverines were fun. The Cavilvolerine was 10/10. We technically got a Hulk cameo.

I legitimately wondered if RDJ was going to cameo or not, but they lampshaded it as expected.

Chris Evans fuckin' got me. I thought they went all out for a Captain America variant. As soon as he said Flame On I lost it. I had a feeling he wouldn't be sticking around so I'm glad they admitted it was for budget reasons.

Xavier's sister was annoying af but she's the villain so I guess she did her job well

Every Deadpool and Wolverine fight was perfect. They basically fucked.

This movie had all the cameos people thought Multiverse of Madness was going to have. I did not expect nearly this many or who they brought in.

Blade was great and he's probably right we won't get another. Electra was so unexpected it's funny. Channing Tatum finally playing an extreme comic accurate Gambit was great. X-23 made me smile though I wish she had more to do in the film. I'm glad she was included in the ending so there's potential for her to appear again.

The two final acts were pretty predictable but entertaining enough. Not much else to say there.

Wolverine's suit is great though the mask was clearly CGI in a few shots.

The Deadpool Corps fell flat and had unclear motivations. They shouldn't have been included at all tbh.

Yeah Hugh Jackman is never going to stop being Wolverine lmao

Ultimately, it was an enjoyable but completely unnecessary movie that sadly lacks the heart of the previous films. Like Quantumania, it gets wrapped up in world ending threats at the cost of the supporting cast that made the previous movies great and meaningful.

Post credits scene was a good gag, made me laugh.

The credits clips and music made me emotional. It's the send-off to Fox X-Men (and F4) we never truly got. Can't believe how young Hugh Jackman was back then. Seeing Quicksilver got me bad, I love Peters' portrayal so much.

And the Thor scene is such a funny tease because I highly doubt there are any actual plans set in stone so Ryan Reynolds is just daring Feige to find a way to retroactively make that spoiler a spoiler.

[rubywolf0201]

My thoughts on the latest episode of BUCCHIGIRI?! Episode 9 aka the one episode that had me mentally broken

WARNING: *May contain spoilers esp in regards to Senya and Ichiya and the starting of the corruption arc of Matakara*

- Continuing the ending scene of Episode 8, it seems like everything was Akutaro’s and Ichiya’s plan was to go smoothly but SIKE! It was ICHIYA’S plan all along! Akutaro was just a pawn!

- Akutaro doesn’t seem too pleased about it and wants to merge back with Ichiya with the latter telling him straight up how he was nothing but a tool straight up made him mad.

- In class, Mahoro as always is looking at photos of her brother and holy moly! THE JIN’S HAVE A DOG?! I DIDN’T KNOW THEY WERE FRICKIN RICH!

- Anyways, Arajin being the simp that he is tries to give her the soapstone but she ignores him.

- However, Arajin just so happens to overhear Komao and Zabu being worried for Matakara and how he’s been gone for three days! WHAT?!

- This has got me super worried AF.

- Arajin doesn’t seem too concerned about it but something tells me that deep down he feels…worried for some reason.

- Back in the Tomoshibi family restaurant, Arajin is helping out as always and Senya can’t help but notice Arajin’s worry so much to the point that he slapped him on the back pretty hard to cheer him up which he doesn’t seem to accept.

- Back with Zabu and Komao, they asked the receptionist about Matakara’s whereabouts again only this time he’s back. Excited about the news, both Zabu and Komao bought him something to eat but they heard a crashing sound.

- They open up to see Matakara opening up his piggy bank and taking up whatever remaining money that he has all the while ignoring Zabu and Komao. Man. That hurts.

- Meanwhile, Arajin is heading to the bathhouse due to the showers in his home being broken down, but then he bumped into Matakara but unlike the usual, Mata’s whole cheerful demeanour is gone, most likely from what happened last episode and just left without saying a word.

- The customer and cat cafè waiter returned again. This time, when the customer asked for Pu’er again, the waiter begged him to take Jasmine again because of how she’s been waiting for the customer which causes the customer to change and asked for Jasmine. What this means is probably gonna be foreshadowing of the next episode or the current predicament that’s happening.

- At the bathhouse, Arajin was trying to enjoy a peaceful bath time when he ran into Komao and Zabu with the former being all cheerful, calling him Ara-pyon and offering to wash his back despite seeing him act like an uncaring asshole last episode (what a sweetheart).

- Arajin and Zabu asked each other about Matakara’s wellbeing before Komao jumped into the bathtub cannonball style.

- There’s something oddly cathartic seeing the NG Boys and Girls discussing about Akutaro’s downfall (I mean he did abuse them after all) and Akutaro can’t help but watch all of this happen and ran off embarrassed by his downfall.

- Tho that being said, Akutaro does have a plan in which he discovered a slip of paper that says Honki on the front but what it says is pretty unknown.

- Any scene with Matakara and Ichiya is just so heartwrenching because unlike Arajin and Senya’s relationship, Ichiya is trying to break Mata down mentally.

- Oh and it turns out that the dark shadow thing isn’t Ichiya’s but something hiding within Matakara all along.

- Also, we got some backstory regarding how Matakara joined Minato Kai, in which he just beat up a bunch of random thugs because of honoring his brother and Arajin, he and Ken went up against each other to pass the trial to become a member of Minato Kai.

- Also, just saying but the first year design of Zabu and Komao are just so adorable. Oh and I guess my headcanon of the first meeting between these three got debunked but it technically became true when it’s revealed that all three joined Minato Kai at the same time.

- To Mahoro, Marito and Outa (the latter two who are absent since last ep): Mahoro is playing some sort of imaginary tea party with a dolly of Marito lol but the moment real Marito and Outa came in she quickly hid under the covers.

- From there, both Marito and Outa began to discuss about Mitsukuni’s hospitalization and also revealed that not even Kenichiro can beat him. When Marito asked why is Outa is concerned about Mitsukuni and even brought up the topic about it, Outa then revealed that Matakara is going through a hard time right now and that he is the kid brother of Mitsukuni.

- Both Marito and Mahoro who overheard about it expressed shock at the relation. And my reaction to all this is: “Wait none of you siblings knew about it?” (Moreso from Mahoro because Matakara told her about it back in Episode 4)

- Marito heard something and began to search in his room for the noise which Outa began to question what is he doing before they continue their discussion.

- Mahoro oddly began to display worry and concern for Matakara, despite those two never interacting by a whole lot. But it is a nice gesture nonetheless.

- The next day, Arajin and Mahoro have a talk on the rooftop, to which the latter asked about the condition of Matakara’s wellbeing. Arajin was hesitant to ask and even begin to worry about how she is showing interest in Mata (which is not true at all) to which Mahoro is disgusted by and just left him.

- Also, it’s interesting to note how Mahoro said that it happened to her once (regarding the things Matakara is going through) but what this mean is quite peculiar.

- While walking back, Senya tried to cheer Arajin up with a massive slap to the back but Arajin dodged it this time. At least until they are approached by a disheveled Akutaro who slipped a paper right into Arajin’s jacket pocket before going off.

- Ichiya breaking down Matakara and manipulating him to fight Arajin. My poor sunshine puppy. 😭

- Arajin and Senya are walking to the bathhouse again but this time we are given expository on Senya and Ichiya.

- Both Senya and Ichiya are street kids (possibly back when they were mortals) who live in an unknown part of the desert long time ago. Senya (who wasn’t given a name back then) admired Ichiya’s fighting style and begged to fight him. Ichiya was disinterested in Senya at first but he doesn’t seem to say no either.

- Over the years, both Senya and Ichiya’s friendly rivalry grew and grew so much so that when they were hanging out, Ichiya was the one who named Senya as he is today.

- But all of a sudden, their relationship turned sour at some point with black shadows covering Ichiya. What happened is unknown but it’s seem odd for some reason.

- When Arajin asked why Senya relied the backstory to him, the genie said that both Arajin and Matakara’s goal of being Honki People is a lot similar to his and Ichiya’s goal.

- Matakara appears in front of Arajin, clearly looking distraught and not long before he starts attacking Arajin.

- Arajin had no idea what has happened and Senya told him to merge with him to which Arajin managed to thankfully stop Matakara’s kicks but Matakara overpowered Arajin and just as he was about to land a finishing blow, Arajin’s gut began to growl which hit him to run to the nearest bathroom

- Also in all seriousness, can’t they dropped the toilet humor?

- Ichiya appeared and is convinced that the reason Matakara held back was because of his kind heart.

- Back in the Tomoshibi residence, Ara patched himself up from what has happened and Senya looked down and muttered about how Ichiya now has a hold on Matakara now. Angered by all this, Arajin began to ask how did he know about it before Senya disappeared.

- Just as Arajin is lying down, he saw the slip of paper that Akutaro slipped in meet him in the dead of the night.

- Akutaro then revealed that the reason why Senya is being secretive is because apparently Senya is planning to take over Arajin!

- Back with Ichiya and Matakara, Ichiya talked about Mitsukuni and feed lies on why the latter is weak before Matakara began to go apeshit and destroyed the dark shadow. Oh and Matakara has a mark behind his back not unlike the one Arajin has behind his ass.

- And with that, the final scene now has Ichiya in full possession with Matakara all the while saying that he is lacking anger and hatred in his heart. Matakara’s eyes lacked shine and now resembles Ichiya’s.

[oflights]

allie i've been trying to gather the courage to reread close behind honestly ever since i first read it in march last year but i've been too. emotionally distraught to actually do so but! i've literally thought about it probably twice each week. and now i'm finally actually almost over my ex so i should just bite the bullet but im SCARED bc the last time i cried for 5 hours

like i literally remember 2 am on a weekday in literally -2 C weather and i sat on my balcony, wrapped in a blanket, chain smoking and reading at the same time, tears streaming down my face. all this to say i long for that catharsis but i'm. scared

omg. anon!! first of all it's probably weird how happy this kind of message makes me lol, like yay, i left you emotionally ravaged!!! mission accomplished!!

second of all: just remember the happy ending! read the last chapter first, and keep it in your mind as you read the rest!! think about everything that could come after it, too, like:

harry and draco's first awkward af date in hogsmeade. ron, daphne, their kids, and scorpius all follow them in various disguises courtesy of george and they are very obvious but harry and draco are too into each other to notice.

draco never wears black again. for every date with harry, he wears a different set of brightly-colored, over-the-top robes.

he steals harry's colorful fair isle sweaters all the time, too.

oh and he gets a weasley sweater like, day one of his renewed relationship with harry. molly had actually been knitting him a bunch over the years but held them back because she didn't want to make things weird or upset harry, so there's a backlog to get through. some have a little dragon stitched on them and ron is super jealous.

their first holiday at the burrow? emotional, life-changing, beautiful, cathartic. harry weeps at least five times. ginny punches him for old time's sake.

speaking of, headmaster harry who holds regular office hours for all hogwarts students in case they ever need to talk to him about something. even if they just want to talk about socks.

(headmaster harry who gets all embarrassed whenever anyone calls him "the youngest hogwarts headmaster in a century")

terrifying new DADA professor hermione granger, who is distressingly unpopular amongst the students because they're all too intimidated by her and it takes her a while to learn how to deal with kids.

until she skips out on a hogsmeade weekend to scandalously elope with a much younger former department of mysteries intern and then she's just incredibly cool to them.

and listen. scorpius locks himself in his room when he finds out about harry and draco's past. he asks draco if he'd ever loved astoria and makes draco cry. draco teaches him that the heart is a universe and he doesn't have any regrets and a wonderful future doesn't invalidate a past he was truly happy in.

and then!! there's stepdad harry. my favorite thing. scorpius asks harry how he knew he was gay. harry gives scorpius the invisibility cloak and asks him to help perfect his disillusionment charm in return. scorpius asks harry to rig the house cup for slytherin as his birthday gift. harry refuses, even though draco thinks it's only fair.

harry and draco date, get engaged, get married in their 40s. they go back and forth between hogwarts and the hogsmeade cottage (which includes ron and daphne's fam like 70% of the time too; harry loves summers spent as part of the extended weasley-greengrass-malfoy-potter family). draco eventually retires from curse-breaking and becomes a nepo hire charms professor after scorpius graduates.

they really do live happily ever after, after all that. promise. 😌

[moreespressoformydepresso]

Something that has been on my mind, the capitol wanted to punish the Districts because of the Sige of the dark days but the districts have dealt with death and hunger everyday of their lives , so in any of the aus One of the tributes say something like: you couldn't deal with 3 years of hunger when we dealt with it the moment we were born!

And something from one of the kids of the food related districts say something like: we work ourselves to the Bone every day of our lives to feed you people in the capitol and yet we are not allowed to taste the fruits of our labour because it all goes to the capitol so that they stuff themselves while we starve and how you repay us ? punishment , whipping, death the hunger games so who are the ones who actually ungratefully bit the hands that feed them? The districts never needed the capitol it's you who need us

That's one cathartic AF fix-it AU you've got there.

Starting off with the tributes getting to scream their lungs out at their mentors is definitely satisfying and I hate myself whenever I can't squeeze it into a fix it. If you're reading my two fics, yes there will be angry tribute scenes in there in all of them, including the ones I haven't posted yet. I might take my computer on vacation to catch up on writing because I cannot wait to get to those scenes.

Second of all, like I mentioned in my Nero Price inspired AU, I think the Capitol would be a lot more willing to help the tributes if they were forced to see themselves in these kids (hence why I've been slowly typing up a Capitol Kids Touring The Districts fix-it) and this would at least partially do that. To make the effect big enough to inspire change before the games, lets say this happens during peak hour at the zoo. At first, the more temperamental tributes like Brandy go off on their mentors, but then some other mentor of a calmer tribute (they all came together after school before going shopping or something) finally loses their cool and you can almost hear their sanity snap as they start raising their voice and airing out all their grievances. It starts off just aimed at the mentors, but when a less sympathetic mentor like Gaius or Livia brings up the Capitol siege in a 'well you deserve this' way whatever calm the tributes managed to maintain is lost in a blazing explosion of fiery contempt. It becomes clear just how much these kids loathe the Capitol, even the ones that get along with their mentors. For maximum reach, someone films this and posts it to PanemGram or CapiTube or something and it goes viral. Discussions start, and at first many people are resistant to this new piece of information, but slowly people's egos start lowering their walls and they actually start listening to the few voices supporting the tributes on this matter.

Eventually the outcry is so big that Gaul's influence is no longer enough to keep the games going. The waning interest coupled with this newfound understanding of the tributes' disdain towards them pushes people to protest enough that president Ravinstill decides this isn't worth his career and forces Gaul to pack it up.