#// Since I was last here I've had 3 jobs and a new partner and a career change - and that's just the start //

[littlestpersimmon]

Hey guys. Some of you guys would have heard by now that the philippines will face four typhoons consecutively. I'm currently in the middle of preparing, with the funds my partner gathered for me last month; only I've come across a couple of problems; firstly. That our fridge broke. We live in a wooden house, and when it rains, our walls are very damp due to my country's general humidity. I suppose it caused some short circuiting in some of the wires. I've had the fridge repaired, but it also spoiled 2-4 days worth of food. Secondly. My mom's wallet got stolen. It had around 150 usd in it, that was supposed to go to our groceries for the last leg of November. I've been unable to find work on twitter, as a dying platform. And I am somewhat late in fulfilling my October commissions.. I have not been able to make art as a hobby.. in almost 2 months. None of my social media is growing because I work 10 hours every day, and I'm too exhausted to draw afterward. I have around 3 jobs, and with dollar dramatically falling, while food prices continue to skyrocket.. I am drowning. I am the only person in our house who works. All my three family members are disabled. I pay for my sisters tuition fees, I'm pretty much her parents in all respects. Elon Musk destroyed one of the platforms where most of my clients come from. And my other work will only pay me once I deliver 200 pages of work. Humbly, again, asking for help, prayers. Anything.

There's a 15% off sale on inrprnt, please come pick up any print at all if you'd like.

My patreon is only a dollar a month. Ever since Apple chose to bill iPhone users 30% more, I've devastatingly lost almost 60 patrons.

You can send me a direct tip on ko-fi if you like and have the means. Everything goes to repairing our house, and food, and insulin.

Also have a PayPal here..

Prayers and reblogs appreciated. Thank you so much for looking out for me for almost the whole year now. I'm sorry again. I'm desperately trying to repay the favor with new art and free stories. I will do my best.

[red-takami]

Hi North!

Can you share how one bonds with a dragon in your Navariah DR? Also, what other mythical/magical creatures live in Navariah and if one could bond with those creatures in the same way as dragons?

Navariah is super fascinating to me, I love hearing about it!

Hey y'all! I see all of your questions I promise, I'll get to them ALL eventually. Anyways 🌚

In my Navariah Dr, I have two dragons, my main dragon that comes with me on expeditions or when I'm just in need of a big powerhouse with wings, Ajax. My other dragon, she's a shifter (no pun intended 😭) her usual form being just a teeny little snake that I keep wrapped around my ankle or somewhere on my person, Lillian. She turns into a huge floating dark green and white glider with teeth that could snap a tree in half probably (haven't considered her to try it out yet but we're getting there)

Ajax is still a baby compared to how old dragons get, he's only around 100 years or so old so he's like a puppy almost, Lillian is a bit older, having had a human partner before me before they retired.

I met Ajax first, after I had turned 20 and started getting classes on military foundations and dragons work (riding, aid, sometimes military work, bonding and instructing, all kinds of stuff) cuz I knew I wanted to be somewhere working for the royals. Ajax was assigned to me after I accomplished my first 3 star assignments while in school (basically tests, one on paper sort of like an exam but one legit lasts 24 entire hours, second one is in training where I've learned an extraordinary skill related to dragon work ((in this case, directing large groups and being successful enough to win a star), and third being approved by an elder by presenting everything you've acquired through your schooling and show promise for both the dragons and Navarians)

Shit took more effort than id like to remember, but it's achievable and I ended up being introduced to my now companion Ajax. He's still pretty new to like.. everything, so we're both still getting the hang of some things, but overall we grew closer over one as we BOTH climbed the ranks and experienced troubles and errors together.

Lillian, actually came to me instead of me seeking her out surprisingly. Popped up on my windowsill one night while I was shaving my mustache in the mirror (I'm a girl btw, forgot to script I don't have insane hair genes) and told me she's been following me around for some weeks and desired to get back into work since her last partner had retired, and that my path that I was on was the exact one she wanted to follow as well. It took a while for me, her, and Ajax to form a WELL functioning trio since Ajax is very prone to mistakes while in the heat of the moment and she's very picky, and very peculiar about how she wants things done, and I just trying to keep us all functioning properly enough to get the job done lmao. However!!! Again, through struggle and errors made together, we grew to be a solid group and they're both now my most trusted souls among a few others as a section general under the queen today. Yippie!!!

(forgot to answer the other questions before I posted this so here's the answers for them that I made on Tik Tok, SORRY!)

[sunbloomdew]

beach episode spoilers below cut a collection of random thoughts :]

kudos to roxie and rob for being great friends to eva, reaching out to her and taking her on that vacation. we don't know who was calling eva in the starting screen but it was probably one of them or members of her family. it could have also been quincy! i've been thinking how they could help each other out while grieving :( i'm glad she has people she can count on in her life

also i really like that the beach episode gave us more roxie and rob moments, showing us more of their characters!! i love that they got more chances to be goofy <3 rob especially since in previous games, when he had lines of dialogue he was stoic and serious, and here we get to see that he matches roxie's freak kshfskfhskj

im wondering if eva left her job at sigmund after neil's death, since she'd had to get a new partner. plus this whole thing going down would definitely change how she feels about her job... i wonder if she ever briefly considered signing up with sigmund for a life where neil lived.

and last but not least: what the hell did angus mean by "... who's still alive, that is..." what is the fate of sigcorp

and i gotta say, while im a tinyyyyy bit disappointed over there not being a lot of new music tracks in the game, i really enjoyed hearing music from the previous games. and the title theme GOES HARD

thank you for reading this assortment of thoughts

[epitomees]

HAPPY NEW YEAR GANG!!!

Another year has started, and another year of potential interactions waits for us all!! I'm more than excited and eager to start cracking down on things around here, but I did want to give a bit of a heads up before I attempt to head dive into things today.

I greatly dislike how many drafts and asks I've built up over this year. Some have been left untouched because my stupid pea brain told me 'I'll get to it later' and then 3 months pass without me remembering about it. Other things I've been trying to answer but then I don't like how I wrote it so I saved it for later and then never got around to it. If you know me well, I never like to delete these asks/drafts from my writing partners since they put their time and energy into crafting an interaction with me, so I always feel bad for deleting it in the end.

But I know if I keep this up, it's only going to get worse for me. Decision paralysis is so real, and the lack of attention and motivation due to my full-time job doesn't help much either ESPECIALLY since this year was MORE BUSY than before due to it being an election year in my country. I'm trying not to make excuses here, but the nature of my own personal life and my career has picked up so much in the last two years I've barely had the time to sit down for threads.

So with the new year starting, I'm going to wipe clean the majority of my asks/drafts. I'll save the Christmas/winter asks and any drafts from October onward. I want a fresh start, and so I think it's best for me if I nuke most everything in my inbox.

NOW THAT DOES NOT MEAN I DON'T WANT TO INTERACT WITH YOU!! I want more interactions, I want to reblog memes again instead of holding off since my inbox is FULL of unanswered asks I'm too nervous to delete. I feel like that will also help gain some of my muses' voices back. Please feel free to keep sending me things, or pop into my DMs and chat with me one-on-one if you want plotted interactions instead! I'm game for whatever you'd like!

This turned out to be longer than expected, but I've wanted to get this off my chest for a while now. I cherish all my writing partners, those I've known for so many years, those just new to the blog, and those future writers I'll get to hopefully know this coming year. It's one of my goals this year to start thinking about what is best for me when it comes to Tumblr RP writing and how I can keep myself engaged in my hobby while balancing out my personal life/career life. I'm so thankful to everyone who's written with me this year! Your patience and understanding is something I treasure about you because there's not many people who have those qualities nowadays.

Here's to a new year!! New interactions, new experiences, new memories, new friends, and plenty of fun too!!

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

RECYCLING /REPURPOSING

I've been sitting for days on the recycling concept of these 2 mirroring scenes this fucking SOB Storer planted there in plain sight for us.

I hated the Carmy scene soooooo much that I was blocked. So I postponed analyzing it all together. Till today.

I couldn't believe Storer fucked up soooooooo much.

CARMY'S VERSION:

Carmy sounds completely OC, who wrote this?!?!?!

He's talking nonsense. As if the entire S2 never existed, as if his realization during the panic attack never happened, and as if all the things we all know he feels for Syd were never there, as if Braciole never happened either, is a complete OVERWRITTING OF THE CHARACTER! He sounded as if a whole new team of rookie writers came in and wrote this P.O.S. scene on their first day on the job and then Storer signed off on it and shot it, with the money I pay HULUUUUUUUUUUUUU every month!

I figured: "It has to be on purpose! This can't be THIS BAD, it has to be good like deep deep down, and I'm fucking missing it."

Well... turns out I was missing the PURPOSE. Or the re-purposing, I should say.

Carmy, with the help of the other 2 clowns that were absolutely unnecessary but had a point bc let's face it, he shoulda sent a SO SORRY text as soon as he got out of the walk-in and he didn't do it not only bc he's an avoidant asshole and didn't get Syd's clearance that put his priorities in order, which he took as the perfect excuse to AVOID taking responsibility, was trying to re-purpose Claire, but here's the catch→ HE FAILED. He gave up on her.

Eventually, we saw all of that giving up on her altogether attitude in a more apparent way, yet still quite symbolical, too symbolical if you ask me, in the freezer in 03x09, he took his time, he doubted, and to me, that was a huge statement so I dedicated that moment alone several posts already:

Syd's version:

Syd, on the other hand, all by herself, like the independent G woman she is, is in the dumpster:

Also recycling the fucking cardboard boxes that those 2 clowns SHOULD HAVE TAKEN CARE OF as if she had any fucking free time to on top of EVERYTHING SHE ALREADY DOES AT THE RESTAURANT and had to also recycle because the fucking Faks fucked up and failed to do their fucking job! Completely different energy than the "boys talk" the 3 other idiots had in the dumpster while calling the MPDG "peace"/piece of ass.

So she is in the middle of trying and failing (that’s why she didn’t sign the agreement that day either even though Nat urged her to) to recycle her whole purpose of being there, working at The Bear, because it's obviously not turning out to be what she expected or wanted, she's masking the disappointment she really feels with anger and frustration because the partner she trusted last season in, to make sure this didn't blow up in her face like last time, should be RECYCLED ASAP:

So Syd is in the process of losing and having to recycle her purpose to stick around, which is obviously what the Jocker's offer triggered in her but was simmering under the surface since even way before he tried to poach her.

She's in the middle of a purpose crisis too, but totally different than Carmy's.

Parallels:

His crisis has to do with his feelings for a girl he can't make himself love and has decided to leave behind, knowing where that may take him down the line → UNSTUCK FROM HER MUD WITH ALL THE IMPLICATIONS THAT HAS IN REGARDS TO OTHER FEELINGS HE DOESNT WANNA FEEL, which I went over HERE.

Syd's repurposing crisis has to do with: CARMY and whether or not she's gonna keep on giving him more chances, whether or not she should stick by his side, because this, as it is, is just not working for her. But that doesn't mean she thinks Shapiro will work. It means she wishes her disappointment didn't exist, not that she wants to continue taking chances on chefs and risking getting burned AGAIN. That's her crisis. That's why she's losing purpose now, this is her current DUMPSTER CRISIS. The only piece of ass she's thinking about is Carmy’s and she has to re-purpose their entire relationship, which the Joker/trickster Shapiro brought up to the forefront of her mind in that ep. The same ep where we learned about Legerdemain

It's all about:

Or more like... lack thereof.

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[csigeoblue]

Double Date Part 1 - Roy Kent x Platonic!Reader (Ted Lasso Fic)

A/N: Roy Kent is your sour bestie and hates your mean boyfriend.

"Oh come on Roy! Y/N has been asking us to double date with their boyfriend for a month now. They're gonna think you don't like them anymore if you keep dodging 'em babe." As much as it pissed Roy off that Keeley was right, he knew he had to make an appearance especially since Luke is letting you show your face in public for the first time in a while. He'd always been skeptical of the guy when you first started dating but he didn't want to get in the way of your happiness as you'd been so helpful in getting him off his ass to win Keeley back.

"Oi! Fine. We'll fucking go on this stupid double date to check on Y/N." Keely squealed in excitement. She knew you'd be so happy to see your best friend. Roy looked down at his phone to text you back in your chat with Keeley.

RK: Let's meet at your favorite restaurant, Y/N/N.

YN: Luke made reservations for us at Pearl's. xD

RK: But you fucking hate that place.

YN: It's grown on me :3 ... Besides you and Keels love going there!

RK: If you're sure.

Only a fucking arsehole would take their partner to a place they absolutely hate. Roy tried to shrug off the weirdness of your texts and focus on the Tesco trip he had planned with Keeley. ___________________

At dinner, Roy's concern only grew. You came at him like you normally would for an overly aggressive hug but the look in Luke's eyes as he witnessed it was not at all jokingly annoyed even though his words were meant to be. Keeley hugged you with the same energy - having missed you the last few weeks.

"C'mon Darling, don't make a show with me right here."

"Sorry love, you know Roy's my best mate from my time at Chelsea."

"Why don't we get our table then? Thanks for making the rezzie Luke!" Keeley, bless her heart, attempted to diffuse the situation by deflecting attention towards the restaurant you all were meeting at.

You tried to get Luke and Roy to engage in conversation but it seemed Luke only cared about Keeley today.

"Honey, why don't you tell Roy about your new promotion at work?"

"Yes Luke, tell me about fucking work." Keeley rolled her eyes at Roy's sarcasm before hopping in. "Congratulations Luke! What is it you're doing nowadays?"

"Well Keeley, I am now a senior financial analyst at a big firm in London. Taking on more responsibilities and training new idiots."

"They're not idiots babe - they just need your guidance to know what to do. It's not easy being the new kid on the job." The wicked smile Luke gave you at your response made you freeze. Keeley might have missed it because she piped up adding onto your stance but Roy's all knowing gaze caught the slight tremor in your hand as you reached for your wine.

Luke chose that same moment to make a big gesture with his arms pushing back on Keeley a bit and happened to bump your wine allover your shirt as you went to sip. Roy stood up in fury as you did in shock. Luke had the audacity to laugh.

"Oi! Fucking hell, what was that?" Roy breathed heavily as Keeley put a hand on his arm to let him know she was there.

"Sorry Darling, guess you should be more careful of what's happening around you." You took a deep breathe to calm your nerves although now you were full on shaking. You nodded along mumbling an apology to the group.

"Sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Hey Y/N/N, it's not your fucking fault. It's this twat sitting next to you's fault."

Luke threw his napkin on the table as Roy sat down and you were wiping your top. "Alright that's it. Y/N, we are leaving. I'm sick of his shit."

Keeley spoke up concerned at how you've completely shut down.

"Y/N/N, babe, you can stay with us for dinner if you want. I've got a spare top you can borrow in the car. It'll only take a second." You shook your head while gathering your things. Luke had already started walking away from your group.

"No that's okay Keeley. I don't want to make things any worse than I have. You both have a good meal. Roy, you be better be good to this one." You pointed to Keeley with a small smile on your face.

Part 2

[what-the-stark]

// Hey friends <3 apologies for the lengthy hiatus, it's good to be back! I hope you're all doing well, life things will be under the cut, if you're interested.

As far as blog stuff goes, apparently tumblr ate my theme while I was away and I had to rebuild it after retrieving some elements from the Wayback Machine lol, so it's been an adventure already.

I'm getting organized and reaching out to partners about current threads, but feel free to poke me here or on disco if you wanna chat or remind me of something I owe you that you'd like to continue <3 and thanks for sticking around.

So, lifethings! It's been a wild few months, work has been an actual layer of hell that is seriously affecting my mental and physical health, but the most recent struggle is a car accident I'm in the process of recovering from (both physically/mentally and monetarily). I had surgery last month and I'm healing, but I'm still in a good deal of pain and my stamina is definitely compromised. I feel like I do nothing but sleep, honestly, and sleeping on the regular has never been my strong point.

My wife was holding my laptop hostage until the surgeon released me to hold 5 lbs again lol, but now that I have it back I can at least engage in some quality nerdistry since I'm off until August. And hopefully find a new car at some point, as mine is completely trashed.

But anyway! That's about all the adventure I've been up to lately, other than filling out insurance and job application paperwork lol. I hope you're all having a great summer so far. I look forward to chatting and writing with you soon <3

[the-literary-alchemist]

In the time I have been away from Tumblr, I have gone through a lot of turmoil and heartache. One situation was a three-year relationship with a woman with BPD — she really loved being sick, and I put up with a lot of physical, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse with her.

She ended up leaving me in May 2018 but then took her own life in August that year — in fact, it is the very same day (12 years ago) I attempted to take my own life for the third and final time, which she knew that and part of me thinks it was her intention to do that as a means to hurt me before she vanished from this earth.

Since then, I have had flings and another serious relationship. There wasn't much compatibility in either of those, and I have been single since summer 2022.

I just met someone new this year. And she had lost her partner a little over a year ago now too. We have been connecting a lot not only through that kind of grief, but we love a lot of the same things: sense of humor, food, music, emotional intelligence, kindness. Last but not least, she's beautiful — I don't think I've met anyone as gorgeous as she is.

First and foremost, she's whom I would consider a best friend, but I also think I have developed the purest sense of love for this person. I think she's aware of how much I like her. We haven't had a conversation about it yet. We are both very busy as adults. I work a high-level marketing job with my writing as well as lead in poetry outreach and housing justice activism; she's a single mom, widowed, working as a real estate agent. We don't get a lot of time together, but when we do have moments, time freezes. I hope to have a conversation with her soon about how much I love her but have no expectations for any of us to make immediate changes. In fact, I want to take our time.

She's asked if she could be present for this strange, double anniversary I will have. And I don't think I could imagine another person to be with me that day other than her.

I hope everything works out, whether we are just best friends or more. I don't think a bad outcome can come out of this situation. I'm so much more mature and accountable than I have been previously.

Some of you are new to me whereas others on here have known me on this format for over a decade now. I just want to let those friends that you would be incredibly proud of who I have been becoming since <3

[catbearexe]

BACK FROM LONG HIATUS! IF YOU ARE NOSY OR NEW, PLEASE READ!!!

WOW it has been such a long time since i've used this platform. I used to use this website to religiously to feed my anime and video game fan art addiction as well as share my artworks. Here's what I've been up to since!

My mental health took a massive nosedive into the void. I didn't think I was going to even make it through college at all. Though, I think that is pretty common during the COVID era, but my mental health as always been a problem wayyy before the pandemic.

I attempted to delete myself permanently on New Year's Eve of 2021, but I woke up to DIY surgery on arms, multiple bottles of empty liters of vodka, and unfortunately...still alive. When I came to around 5:00AM, I figured that I needed to leave my toxic environment and ended up staying at a friend's house for a few weeks before I started my first day at my first internship in the co-op program. I made a few drawings here and there and posted on my Instagram, but they never really made rounds and I had a long pause in drawing overall for a good couple of years due to being under an immense amount of stress, school, athletics, and working multiple jobs to stay afloat. I was eventually able to stay in a dorm. But, when the bill came around for the semester, all of my internship money went down the drain to pay for just staying on campus at my University despite not taking any classes. It was over $5000 dollars by the time the spring semester ended, and my university doesn't tell you the cost of dormitory until the last week of the semester.

I did get my first partner around 3-4 months of going no-contact with my family in 2022, and then ended it around New Years of 2023 due to their family having strong bigoted beliefs based on their faith in Christianity. It came to a great disdain to me that they never even knew what I looked like, or knew what my name was until 3 months after we separated despite being together for about 9 months prior. It also didn't help that I went cold-turkey on zoloft as it began to be too expensive (my psychiatrist was also very judgmental and made me feel ashamed and each 10-15 minute session was over $200 co-pay).

I decided (last second) to obtain my graduate degree in my university's accelerated program, allowing me to obtain my master's in engineering within a year instead of 2. During my final spring semester for my undergraduate program, I was taking classes for my bachelors, masters, and physics minor at the same time. Yet, I had a massive improvement in my performances athletic-wise despite the busy schedule and stress I amassed.

When I graduated with my bachelors degree, my mother decided to show up to my graduation unannounced and made a scene, screaming at the top of her lungs that she always supported me and tried kissing my face in front of my class and my beloved friends that I actually invited. For context, my family were my first and only bully. Before I was able to have my own bank account, any money that I made went straight to them and I would have to beg them to give me my money to buy anything. Additionally, they ripped through my mail and got very upset that I got into school at all. It was like I was expected to fail so hard to give them an excuse to get rid of me. It also happened to solidify that my parents now know that I am a transman as my university outted me unintentionally. The looks of disgust spread around me while I was trying to shove her off of me, and she never apologized due to her thought that "that is my DAUGHTER! I can do whatever I want!"

(I am a transman, and have been out for almost 8+ years at this point)

During my summer master classes, I was able to obtain another internship that was flexible to maintain during my time in the master's program and fit with my athletic schedule. That internship ended up becoming the most flexible and fun job I ever had and solidified the reason why I chose mechanical engineering as my career path.

However, during that summer I ended contact with a 10+ year group friendship. I knew that there had to be a time for work-life balance, but it felt impossible with the things I had on my plate. The immense guilt in having to prioritize my studies and survival over my long-term friends picked at me for years. I had to choose pulling irritated all-nighters with sleep problems or miss payments of over $550/MONTH for student loans as well as my schooling, rent, bills, etc. I had to sacrificed meals because of the cost and time to even eat.

A few weeks later, my grandfather on my mother's side passed away, and my mother broke down after the first mass how "I NEED you to forgive me" because she missed me and everybody kept asking her about me, making her look bad because of how I was just cut out of the entire family. She never calculated that people in real life actually cared about me, and it took everything inside of me to not blow up in her face. She is grieving, yet she only cared about how she was perceived by other people.

Regardless of the scholarship, which I was awarded in exchange for becoming a graduate assistant for the undergraduate courses, I ended up having to reach out to my father that I cut contact with to sign off on my loan as I had nobody. As much as I did not want to having not contacted them in almost 2.5 years, I didn't want to drop out of school and had no where else to turn to. So I did. My younger sister notified me that our beloved grandmother may not make it past 2024. It devastated me. I decided to break no-contact after years of estrangement and began to cautiously come back to visiting my grandmother's household where my parents resided. It was no surprise that their treatment wasn't any different than when I had left, and tried my best to keep it together for the sake of the only family member that treated me like a person.

On a random side note, I decided to try to put myself out in the dating field again about 8 months after my ex-partner and I separated. However, it has come to a disdain from my now ex-friendships that I went on dates with men instead of getting responses back from women (the street works both ways, I can't force women to go on dates with me). I eventually found myself in a confusing relationship with an infantry officer that lasted for about 3 months until he messaged if we were just friends and apologized if he is being confusing. A month later, a close friend of mine messaged me the Tiktok account of said-situationship obtaining a boyfriend shortly after he sent me that message. They also showed the demographic of their audience being creepy old men thirsting over an online thirst trap of someone who is in twink-death denial. When they texted me 9 months after we saw each other, I made sure I made them sweat by telling them that I knew about their secret account. As it turns out, their family is not only extremely Christian, but he and all of his siblings were homeschooled. His family does not even accept his current partner. Despite the whole fiasco he pulled, I couldn't help but still feel sorry for him as I was in the same position once.

The whole year of 2023 had me feeling like I was on top of the world. When Christmas came around, I was just stuck in another depressive episode for another 9 months. My athletic performance went on a massive decline, I was stuck in my room isolating myself, and I was struggling academically and was terrified that I would lose my scholarship. Despite all of this, I still passed, I got my degree, I got a full-time high paying job right out of graduate school, and moved into my apartment.

To put the nail in the coffin, my partner and I rekindled our relationship and now live together happily. I was terrified that I was going to lose him again after he moved in as I started testosterone the day after running in my last collegiate NCAA event of my life. The irritation, the mood swings, the h0rnY definitely put our relationship to the test. I even asked him if he even loved me at all. Even after me lashing out, being a terrible person, seeing me at my worst, he sat me down and talked to me. He communicated that if I have a problem with anything, I need to tell him directly. He assured me that we can be mad at things, but we will get through it and we will figure it out. In the first time of my life, I felt okay with accepting parts of me that are hard to deal with and never even knew about. The anger of everything eventually went away within about 3-4 months. We now happily live together, go on dates, and are now hoping to go on an out-of-country trip to Japan at some point.

While our relationships has solidified, my health had other plans. After 5 years of not seeing a doctor, I finally had the time and funds to seek help again. I found that the sarcoma, that I was diagnosed with all throughout high school, is in my right lung an grew 6 times the size in comparison to my last scan. My wisdom teeth in my right upper and lower jaw will need an evaluation from an oral surgeon because it seems to be fused to my skull and packed in, my lazy eye has gotten significantly worse and will need 10-12 days of no work from surgery. I used up most of my PTO to go to all of these appointments, only to find that I will need more than 2 sessions of surgeries because of neglecting my health for so long. Gotta thank the American healthcare system am I right?

When I got in touch with a therapist, they explained that my brain has been under excessive survival mode for too long that my window of tolerance is so miniscule. Wrong turn, spilling a cup of jawn, any minor mistakes could result in a massive meltdown as I am not used to being in an environment where there is little to no stress. Thankfully it has gotten A LOT better.

I also got in touch with a lot of schoolmates I have been meaning to hang out with. Turns out they had the same thought and were afraid that I didn't like them anymore because of their focus on schoolwork. This phenomenon of my friends in STEM losing friends due to academics was sadly a common theme, and I am so thankful that they understood that we both have stressful lives we are living. What a time to be in to laugh at each other having the same thought when it turned out we were in the same boat.

When my ex-friend reached out to me again about a year later, I felt the utter guilt of having to turn down their offer to reconvene as I had a LOT of oncology appointments and getting used to moving into a new apartment as well as my job while taking care of my sick grandmother. I had no furniture for 3-4 months, and was in great disdain when they guilt tripped me that I made them a low priority over my lung having another growing sarcoma along with spending my time with the only family member that treated me like a person.

Another downside I have found is that I may have girl-bossed too hard all of my life. I used to over-extend myself in social situations and use unfortunate coping mechanism to last over an hour. Now, it takes everything in me to go out in public, especially to my Muay Thai classes. I can't help but feel my arms tremble and heartbeat racing when I leave my little apartment space.

It is now 2025, my partner and I live happily together, I have reconnected with my hobbies, and can finally relax and enjoy myself without feeling the insane amount of dread of what is coming next. I am also currently figuring out where to get tested for autism and ADHD as my brother exhibited almost the same symptoms I did with the exception that my parents actually cared about him to get him therapy and medication (his meds barely hold him back).

Life is great, and I am so glad to be back!

[lunarubra]

This is me blabbing away and trying to make sense of this crazy moment that's my life... Kind of like a PSA, without a real structure.

(Let's start with an apology, this was supposed to be short, just a couple of lines long, asking for some forgiveness for being so absent, and it turned into a small vent about my crazy life. Synthesis has never been one of my strongest features, apparently.)

Life has been crazy lately. April, May, and June are always hectic months for a teacher, and this year looks like it's going to be even worse. Right now, I'm juggling a full teaching post, a university research, a social life with a partner, a new kitten bringing me everyday dead lizards (she is a serial killer in disguise), and being selected as an internal commissioner for the high school diploma this year. And no, the last one is not an honor; it's more like a punishment for younger professors who don't have the authority to say no to older colleagues, plus a ton of paperwork and two more months of work while everyone else is on holiday. Yuppie for me. But joking aside, I'm not complaining about my job. I'm happy to teach, and compared to a lot of other jobs out there, I feel privileged to do what I'm doing. I love my kiddos, and even though most of the time they behave like dunderheads, teaching supports my creativity and gives me so many insights into my life.

But let's get to the point of all this. I am feeling slightly guilty for not being as active here as I should be and for not having enough mental energy and time to dedicate myself to writing more. To my lovely mutuals, I'm in awe of all that you're posting right now. I apologize for not replying and commenting on your amazing content as much as I would like. I just wanted to say, it's not because I'm disappearing; I'm just really busy, and I can't wait for the moment when I'll feel more chilled and can treat myself to all your new chapters, moodboards, and all the amazing content you're creating. I know I am being a small silent weight in your tag list, so thank you for still including me <3

About "Shadow of the Sea," I have a chapter ready and one WIP of the following one. I want to post the one that's ready sometime in the next week, but after that, I'm not sure when I'll be able to write the next one. So Jiyan and Cillian are taking a small break. I'm going to continue the story; this is not a goodbye. I have many ideas and plans for those two idiots; I'm just waiting for some writing energy and time in my schedule.

And yeah, I understand if you're thinking, "Are you aware that your blog and story are read by less than 10 people and no one really gives a damn?" Yes, I am aware, and this post is mostly for me, writing it down it helps me a lot, giving some sort of clarity. However, I've had the chance to meet amazing creators since I got busy on Tumblr again a couple of months ago. People who supported me and helped me, so this is more me trying to explain why my support isn't at its 100% right now and trying to excuse myself since I feel like a horrible mutual right now.

Ah, one last thing, maybe the only thing that will pop up on my blog are some "Slow Horses" GIFs. Thanks to Alex, @cillmequick, Jackson Lamb, and River Cartwright have become my new obsession, and creating GIFs is one of the few things that calm me after a busy hectic day and make me use some of that creative energy left.

I think that's it. Please still free to write me and contact me about my fic, blog, shenanigans; I will try to reply as soon as possible. Sending you all a big hug if you arrive till the end of this long long lengthy text xD

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey Cas, how are you? This is brave anon again

So I quit my job when I said I would and overall I feel amazing, it’s hard and I’m still unsteady but definitely feel better quitting. I also got a really amazing opportunity to move away and do something new and get a fresh start which I’m super excited for.

The problem that I have now is I can’t continue to see my therapist once I leave and I’m not sure how to handle that. I don’t actually go to her to manage any mental illness or process trauma or do any “work” anymore, I go because I’ve gone to her for years and years now and we have a really amazing connection and in all honesty she’s probably the closest relationship I have besides my parents (as I said in my last ask I don’t have a lot of friends and the ones I do, I struggle to connect with on more than a surface level or keep for more than a couple months).

Maybe the wound is fresh but tbh, I feel more upset over this than when my long term partner dumped me or when I’ve had any type of friendship break up. I also feel really weird because the main thing I talk about with her anymore is that I connect with people and that I run away from my problems or am too impulsive for my own good and want to stop. And now I have to stop seeing her because I impulsively quit my job and am moving so I can runaway from my problems and in doing so I have to end a relationship with, the only person I’ve successfully connected with.

I still have time before I leave and plenty more sessions with her and I know she’ll help me end the relationship but idk I feel so broken over it. And also I don’t want to find a new therapist because honestly, I don’t need one I just go to her because I like her and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have a connection with a therapist like I do with her again. It took me 2 years to actually open up and bond with her and it’s been years since I finally did that. I guess I feel like I’m losing the one person I connect with, the longest I relationship I think I’ve ever had, and that I’m failing her by doing the thing I’ve been in therapy to stop doing.

Hi! <3

I'm so glad you're happy with your decision!

Leaving a therapist is so hard- I've done it once, and it's so sad! Would it be possible (financially and like..rules-wise) for you two to have a phone/telehealth session every once in a while to check in?

If not, remember that just because the relationship is ending doesn't mean the things you've learned and gained are ending. You can still ask yourself what you think she'd say and you can still remind yourself that she cares.

I think it's really good that you realize this now, too, because you can talk to her about it! Make sure to be honest and express how you're feeling! There has to be some sort of therapy rulebook for this sort of thing, right?

But really, I'm here for you, and I know that's hard. Remember that this is what's best for you, even if it sucks now <3

[vikygoestheextramile]

Hello, Tumblr, dear old friend!

Tumblr has been my home through some really hard and challenging times in the past. There was a time when I found community here, on this blog, a community that helped me pull through, thrive even, on a fitness journey, and a time when I found my sole consolation through the darkest of times, on my main blog (anotheryearinheaven).

I have struggled in my relationship with my body since I was a teen, and the year before the last, a new challenge arose when I faced some serious medical issues, which I think I feel okay sharing: For 4 months we thought I had ovarian cancer and would have to remove all my reproductive organs. I was blessed to find out it wasn't the case, but for the duration of these months my world did turn upside down, and I turned to food as I very often have done in the past in my difficult moments.

Thankfully, through all the process, I had my gem of a life partner to help me pull through, mentally. But, the struggle with my body became even more difficult, as I reached new highs on the scale, and highs I've not been able to drop from in the last 2 years. I'm struggling tbh. I'm at a place where I don't recognize my own body, and haven't been for a while.

But, on the flipside, I'm pretty sure that right now is the first time since then when I feel like I can actually take up the challenge of, well, DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

Right now, I am away from home for a 3 week job that ends on November 1st. This photo is right before a staff party at my current workplace, where I actually PUT MAKE UP ON, and kind of, recognized myself in the mirror, so I had to commemorate with a photo. Being in a body where I feel uncomfortable in, has made me pull away from things like putting make-up on, or dressing up, or doing anything that would normally make me feel beautiful. So, that's a start!

With my return home next week, I hope to regain the safe space this blog has been for me in the past, and use that to support my endeavors, and everyone else's along the way. I'm actually very happy, because the last couple of times I tried to return to this blog for the same reasons, the community seemed to be distant at best, which resulted in me departing again. But since being back here, it has been a pleasant surprise to me how vibrant it once again is! 😊 In time, I hope to share more on here, as I once used to.

So, happy trails, everyone! It's good to be back!

🌺🌺🌺

[peskellence]

Pairing: RK900/Gavin Reed

Tags: Post Pacifist Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Masterlist

Read on AO3 here:

Summary: A lot has changed since the revolution. Crimes against androids are now punished in the same way as crimes against humans. A reluctant Gavin Reed and his new partner RK900 have been assigned to investigate a string of disturbing murders. Despite the shift in Detroit's social climate, Gavin still holds reservations about whether or not androids are truly alive. Will his developing feelings for 'Nines' be the thing to change this?

Warnings: Graphic Violence, Depression/Self Destructive Behaviour, Eventual Smut

Word Count: 3.3K

As they pulled up to the crime scene, cornered off by a strip of police fencing, Gavin spotted a familiar face amongst the patrolling officers.

"Well, look who it is", he mumbled, grinning broadly through the window. As the car came to a stop, Gavin quickly unbuckled himself before swinging the passenger door open. "I'll go and see what's happening. You wait in the car, and I'll call you, okay?". 

Gavin did not bother to wait for Nines' response, as he was already out of the vehicle and striding down the sidewalk. His target had their back turned to him, talking with a set of pedestrians, likely trying to steer them away.

"Chris!" He called out, trying to get their attention, "Long time no see".

Officer Chris Miller turned around, smiling nervously as he saw Gavin approach. He extended a hand politely towards the older man, which Gavin took graciously, squeezing tight. 

"Nice to see you, Gavin", Chris said, wincing slightly at the firmness of the grip. "Yeah, it's been a minute. I saved up my vacation days to spend some time with Ange and Damien. Since I came back, I've mostly been on desk duty". 

Gavin scoffed in disbelief before folding his arms. "Four years on the force and already pushing pencils? Come on, man, do better". 

"It isn't like that, really. I love being on the frontlines, but after what happened last year..." Chris was overcome with a far-off look as if preoccupied with something deeply troubling "I can't take any more chances. I have a family to care for now". 

"Nah, I get it", Gavin assured, nudging Chris playfully on the shoulder. "I mean, I don't get it get it. Not a family man myself. Seems boring as Hell - but whatever works for you". 

"Oh," Chris said, seemingly taken aback. "What about you and that Jack guy? I thought you two were getting serious". 

Gavin felt a pang of bitterness at the mention of his ex. He nibbled on the inside of his mouth, struggling to fight the knee jerk instinct to chew Chris out for his blunder. "We were. Until he decided to trade me in for a younger model". 

"Ahh, I see...sorry to hear that", Chris apologised, rubbing the back of his neck, "At least you've got Tiffany to keep you company. How is she doing these days?". 

The conversation was cut prematurely by the loud slam of a car door. Nines had emerged from the driver's seat, its already severe expression marred with a deep grimace. Its eyes were trailing its surroundings, studying every detail closely, before locking onto Gavin and Chris. 

"Apologies for intruding on such a touching reunion, but I would appreciate it if you could refrain from idle chit-chat, Detective Reed. We have a job to complete". 

Chris stumbled backwards. He stared at Nines with trepidation, no doubt intimidated by its intense stare and imposing stature. Gavin knew that Chris had lost his nerve when it came to androids. Following his encounter with a group of revolutionaries that had almost killed him, it was more than understandable. 

"Hey, I, uh...I don't think we've met," Chris managed to stumble out, trying to stay as courteous as possible. 

"Officer RK900, Serial Number 313 248 317 - 87", Nines titled its head sharply, looking Chris up and down with severe judgment. "You appear to be nervous, Officer Miller, so I'll keep this brief. There is no need for drawn-out introductions". 

Gavin cursed under his breath, the persistent migraine that Nines was giving him making him question his entire career path. "Could you not have stayed in the car? For five fucking minutes?". 

Nines snapped around to face Gavin, the movement unnaturally rigid and stiff. It raised its eyebrows in a bemused expression as if daring Gavin to elaborate further, "You have no authority over me, Detective. There was no reason to oblige to your request". 

They were at a standoff, as Nines seemed to will him on, and Gavin tried desperately to avoid rising to the bait. The android could taunt him all it liked, but there was nothing he could do about it. 

It had already proven to him its physical capabilities. Outside of the protection of the precinct, Gavin didn't feel like testing how much the assertion that it 'wasn't willing to fight him' actually rang true. After the week he'd been having, all Gavin wanted was to go home to his shitty apartment and drink himself stupid. The sooner he could get there, the better. 

Chris cleared his throat, trying to break the tension brewing in the silence. "Do you want me to show you to the victim Gavin?".

Gavin sighed in relief, eagerly turning his attention away from his partner. "You read my mind. Nines, feel free to do your analysis thingy - or whatever you android detectives like to call it". 

The two human officers walked away, leaving Nines to stand alone by the perimeter of the barricade. For a moment, Gavin was confident that the android would follow. If anything, just to spite him. To his relief, however, it crouched down and ran its fingers across the loose gravel, seemingly preparing for a scan. 

Gavin watched over his shoulder, only truly relaxing when they had turned a corner and left Nines out of view. He was relieved to get away from it, if only for a little while. 

"Gavin" Chris began, sounding more than a little uneasy, "Who the Hell was that?". 

"My new partner. An RK900", Gavin deadpanned. "It's like Connor, but they dialled its 'Pompuous Prick' setting up to a-hundred-and-ten". 

"Why does it look like it wants to rip you apart?".

"I think that's just its face. Having said that it fucking hates me, so I guess there's some merit behind it". 

"I don't mean to be rude, but he's kind of...creepy. How did you upset the Captain enough to get paired up with him?"

"It's part of my 'tolerance boot camp'", Gavin said with air quotes, mimicking his Captain's tone in a poor impersonation. "Which is  horseshit,  incidentally. I'm plenty tolerant of these plastic pricks. I just don't buy into this 'androids are people too' bull". 

"I mean, the revolution changed a lot of things" Chris responded back, clearly trying to stay diplomatic despite his own reservations. "But this guy is - I don't know. What's that old movie you're always going on about? The one with the killer robots?". 

"Terminator ", Gavin clarified, snickering to himself. "I've always said that CyberLife is just babies first Skynet". 

Chris led Gavin to a sectioned-off alleyway before encouraging him forward. The asphalt turned into a narrow strip of loose cobblestone, framed on either side by tall graffitied walls. The floors were covered in food waste and other garbage, leaving Gavin to wonder why anybody in their right mind would ever wish to go down there. 

"The report came through about an hour ago: The victim was supposed to meet a friend for coffee but never showed up, so the friend got worried and decided to investigate. That's when she found the body". 

What's an android going to do on a coffee date?  Gavin silently pondered before getting himself back on track. "How did the friend know where to look for them?" 

"The victim was very methodic. Took the same route every morning ". 

"I mean, it's an android. Guess that figures. Sure didn't pick the scenic route, though". 

As they walked further down the alleyway, Gavin focused in on a crowd of forensic investigators. In amongst mummers of discussion, distressed whimpers could also be heard. They were distinctly inhuman. 

Gavin felt a nervous tug in his chest - like he was about to walk into something far more unpleasant than just a broken android. 

"What was that?".

As if clocking the concern in Gavin's tone, Chris looked at him reassuringly, "The victim's dog - but don't worry, it's not hurt. Poor little guy is just really freaked out". 

The investigators began to clear a path for Chris and Gavin, allowing them a better vantage point. When Gavin finally saw the victim, it was total carnage. 

The android was lying face down on the floor, the back of its head wholly caved in. All that remained was a fractured mess of plastic and blue blood - intermingled with synthetic hair. One of its arms had been ripped from its torso and was nowhere to be seen. The second arm had been mostly amputated but was left partially attached by a few strands of cabling. 

"Jesus, what a mess..." Gavin remarked, leaning in for closer inspection. The victim had been bludgeoned, no doubt about it, with deep indents and crevices grooved into its central processing unit. "Looks like the fucker bashed its head with a brick or something". 

The victim's dog whimpered helplessly as Gavin attempted to touch the android. One of the attending officers held it back, attempting to soothe it best they could, but it was continuously trying to struggle away. It was a tiny animal, fitting snuggly into the officer's arms. Its large black eyes were filled with immeasurable sadness, and Gavin felt his heart aching. 

Throughout his years of service, he had become well-versed in detaching himself from human suffering. With animals, though, he found this impossible. There was something profoundly tragic in a pet mourning the loss of its owner, and it never got easier.  

"Hey, little guy," Gavin said, voice uncharacteristically soft and gentle. He approached the dog slowly, careful not to startle it, and crouched down to its level. He held out a hand in invitation, waiting patiently for the dog to respond. It took a few tenuous sniffs before seeming to calm down. 

"I'm sorry about your friend," Gavin said, giving the dog's head a gentle pat. "We'll find someone else to take care of ya, I promise". 

The officer looked back at Gavin and smiled sadly. "We've called the local shelter and explained the situation. I'd take him home myself, but my husband would kill me".

"Yeah, I can relate", Gavin chuckled. "It's tempting, but I don't think my cat would be thrilled."

He noticed the copper tag hanging off the dog's collar and held it up for closer inspection. Engraved in CyberLife sans was the name 'Marshmallow' - alongside an illustration of a bone. 

Gavin smiled.

A cutie like you will get adopted in seconds.

When he brought his attention back to the crime scene, Gavin noted how the alleyway seemed to hit a sudden dead end. He stared at the wall confused and began searching for other exit points. 

"There's a cut-through further down", Chris informed, pointing to the end of the alley. "It takes you through a yard and back to the streets, but it's walled up for another block or two".  

Gavin placed a hand on the wall that Chris had pointed to and trailed his fingers across the brick, slowly moving forward. He was met with a sudden dip and the cold sensation of metal wire. As promised, a break in the wall was sectioned off by a chainlink fence. Alongside this fence was a gate, pulled slightly ajar. 

"Isn't that convenient? Perfect place to change their clothes" Gavin peered through the fence, pulling it further back. A low creak emanated from the rusty hinges. "The bastard must have bashed that android's skull at least a dozen times. They would have been covered in blue blood by the end". 

"The victim was struck precisely forty-six times", A calm voice swiftly corrected him. "So more than a dozen. The first two blows will have been enough to incapacitate it. Anything beyond would have served no purpose but to satiate the killer's sadistic pleasure".  

"Oh goody, the fun is back", Gavin mumbled sarcastically, making no attempt to look behind him. "Had enough of licking the sidewalk?". 

Chris stepped to one side, allowing Nines some room. Gavin sighed despondently as the android settled beside him, inching closer as if refusing to be ignored. 

"Your description of my analytical capabilities is both crude and wildly inaccurate. I was analysing DNA traces that may prove significant to our investigation. Having found nothing, I can assure you that this was a contained attack". 

"Yeah, no shit," Gavin snorted. "The guy wasn't about to start cracking skulls in the middle of the street. What I want to know is how the android didn't clock that someone was following it". 

Nines looked down at the victim, gaze narrowed in concentration. It was silent as it scanned the body from head to toe. Once finished, it turned to Gavin with a frustrating air of confidence. 

"Isn't it obvious?".

Gavin sneered, "No, it isn't. My inferior human mind cannot comprehend. You'll have to enlighten me, o' plastic messiah". 

Nines crouched next to the victim and picked out a small, black object from the fragments of its synthetic skull. As soon as the android picked it up, the thing in its hand blinked to life, illuminated by a small ultraviolet ring. 

"Wireless headphones". 

Gavin cursed inwardly, kicking himself for missing such an obvious detail. Despite this, he feigned disinterest, pulling the gate back and stepping through the threshold. "Still, it didn't hear  anything ? I thought you things were supposed to have super senses". 

Stepping into the yard, there were remnants of mechanical parts and old discarded vehicles everywhere he looked. It had clearly been used as a scrap yard at some point but was long since abandoned, judging by the levels of rust and decay. Amongst the wreckages, nothing initially stood out as having any significance. That was until Gavin spotted what he initially assumed to be a black cleaning rag tucked under a car windscreen wiper. 

He picked up the fabric and noted the broken, melted edge of the synthetic material. Despite this, it seemed new - and was placed far too conspicuously to simply be there out of coincidence. 

Like a shitty note left by a neighbour, whoever had left the material there had wanted someone to find it. 

Taking it back to the primary crime scene, Gavin arrived just in time to see Nines standing up from beside the victim. It seemed ready to say something, but Gavin quickly cut it off before it had a chance, abruptly pushing the material into its face. 

"Hey, Robocop, do an analysis on this", he demanded. 

Nines was visibly taken aback. It zoned in on the material before it raised its eyebrows questioningly. "This appears to be litter, Detective. I think you'll also find plenty this side of the fence". 

"Oh no, I don't think it is", Gavin corrected, waving the material proudly. "I bet good money it's a little present left behind by our culprit". 

Synthetic eyes rolled back into the android's skull. It chuckled condescendingly before turning back to Gavin as if ready to humour him. 

"Very well". 

It examined the material with dull, unfocused eyes - until something lit up inside them. It seemed, at that moment, to be in utter disbelief as it shot an accusing glare back to Gavin. 

"Where did you find this?"

"Tucked under a windscreen wiper".

"Impossible", Nines shook its head. "Our killer would never purposely leave such incriminating evidence...unless they are truly so confident we will never catch up to them".

"Oh, so it is important?" Gavin's mouth twisted into a large, saccharine grin "Not garbage after all?". 

"Quiet", Nines demanded, holding out a hand. "Give it to me so I may pass this on to the forensic investigators".

"Ah, ah, ah, not so fast", Gavin teased, holding back his arm and keeping his find well out of the android's reach. "I want you to tell me what it is first. Don't be shy".

Nines pursed its lips, clearly reluctant to give Gavin his desired satisfaction. Eventually, it conceded, closing its eyes in frustration as it spoke.

"100% waterproof polyester. There are traces of Thirium belonging to an MJ100 android. No doubt our victim. It has been purposefully singed at the edge, likely with a lighter, to detach it from a larger garment ".

"Hmm, 100% polyester..." Gavin repeated, tapping his chin with his finger "...Detached from a larger garment...." He purposefully drew out his words, enjoying his momentary victory over the android. "Gee, with the blue blood and all, you would think it might have belonged to our killer". 

"An astute deduction indeed. I am sure that you are exceptionally proud of yourself", Nines' tone was flat and unenthused, as it continued to hold out its hand toward Gavin, fingers tensed impatiently. "Forensics may be able to determine some greater specifics. Give it to me". 

"Not unless you say please".

Having clearly exhausted the minuscule supply of patience it had, Nines reached forward with lightning precision and snatched the material from Gavin's fingers. It all seemed to happen faster than Gavin could process, leaving him feeling thoroughly cheated. 

"Hey, what are you -". 

"I have information of my own that I wish to share with you", Nines clipped back, cheeks tinged with a subtle blue. It looked a little disheveled, with some of the stands of its meticulously styled hair falling out of place "An effective partnership is built on the merits of cooperation and cohesion. Not childish attempts at one-upmanship".

Gavin scowled back at the android, his momentary good mood quickly dissipating. He moved to snatch the material back, but Nines counteracted, maintaining a distance between them. Realising it was pointless, and with a sigh, Gavin soon relented "Go on, Stretch Armstrong. We haven't got all day".

Nines nodded, seemingly pleased by Gavin's cooperation. It regained some of its lost composure, smoothing its hair back into place, and placing its hands behind its back. "I thought about what you said regarding the victim's hearing. Even with headphones on, a functioning MJ100 would have been tuned in acutely to its surroundings. It would have known it was being followed -

The issue is, our victim was not functioning at full capacity at the time of the attack". 

"In what way?", Gavin pressed.

"My postmortem analysis indicates that the android's audio processors were critically damaged".

Gavin gasped dramatically, holding a hand to his mouth in feigned surprise. "You mean to tell me that when you smash something with a brick, it breaks? What a revelation". 

Nines frowned back at him, clearly unamused by the Detective's theatrics "Try not to be so obtuse. The audio processors were damaged before the attack: The result of a factory defect that affected many units in the same batch. It will have caused distortion, making it difficult for the victim to pick up on more than one auditory stimuli at any given time". Nines reached into its jacket pocket, retrieving what appeared to be a small slip of paper heavily stained with blue blood. "Aside from the prerequisite anti-android slogan, I also found this tucked into the remnants of the victim's central processing unit". 

Gavin studied the paper, unsure what exactly he was looking at "I can't see shit".

"You wouldn't. The Thirium is still fresh, making it extremely difficult for the human eye to detect anything else. There is, however, a hidden message - written in pencil".

"What does it say?"

"69 20 77 69 6c 6c 20 73 6c 61 79 20 74 68 65 20 6d 65 63 68 61 6e 69 63 61 6c 20 64 65 6d 6f 6e 73". 

Gavin stared back at Nines, utterly bewildered, before blinking slowly. "Did you just have a stroke or something?". 

"Machines are incapable of hemorrhaging. I also lack arteries". 

"Well, do you need to reboot then?" Gavin pressed, "Because I don't know if you noticed, but what you just said wasn't English". 

"I suspect it is. Simply encrypted". 

"This guy thinks he's so clever, huh..." Gavin remarked, biting his thumbnail. "Leaving behind all this cryptic bullshit". 

"They clearly enjoy toying with law enforcement", Nines agreed, "Having said that, they wish to make their views quite plain to the public. The written slogans leave very little for interpretation". 

"So what was the message this time?"

"ANIMALS ARE FOR HUMANS. PROPERTY CAN'T OWN PETS".

[robinismywifee]

Back to the Old House - Chapter 4

August 23rd, 2034

[4 weeks, 5 days since beginning of Chapter 3]

Raines age: 16 years, 6 months

Ellies age: 15 years, 3 months

CW: none?

Words: 1920

Masterlist

Raines POV:

Today is the first day of patrol. Maria was super impressed at the gun range and she gave me a week before doing the real patrol job, just making sure I was ready to be around new people, taking me out to eat and shit.

It's been difficult, but I need to pull my head out of my ass.

I woke up early, 6am, patrol started at 7am, but Maria wanted me to eat beforehand. I brushed out the knots in my hair and brushed my teeth, got dressed, just jeans and a black tanktop, as it was still summertime, and my black canvas shoes.

I swung my bag over my shoulder and equipped my holster around my theigh for my gun.

"Hey Maria" I said in a sleepy voice, rubbing my eyes, making my way into the kitchen where Maria sat at the stool infront the counter.

"Hey, you seem tired. You sure you're still up for it?" she said, sipping something out of a steaming mug.

"Yeah yeah, i'm sure- it's just early"

She nodded, "you want some?" she gestured to her cup, "uh, what is it?"

"Coffee" she smiled proud, "oh, no thanks, never had it. Wouldn't wanna waste any"

"You sure you don't wanna try? It has caffeine in it, get you out of your tired mood"

"Not really, i'll be fine with water."

"Would you rather us go to get breakfast or me make you something?"

"Uh.."

Well I would definitely rather stay here to get food, but I should probably go out to eat so i'm not too overwhelmed with meeting this Jesse guy.

"Let's go out?"

Maria smiled, she gulped down the last splashes of her coffee, placing the now empty mug on the table, "i'm glad you said that"

୨♡୧

After I ate only half my food, since it felt like i was gonna puke if I ate anymore, me and Maria left to go to the stables.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't finish it.." I practically mumbled to her as we walked

"What? No. Don't be. You probably have lots of anxiety right now and i'm proud that you even tried. I'm also very proud that you're going out of your comfort zone to do this job."

I felt confused. Why is Maria so nice to me?

she wouldn't be if she knew the real me.

I stayed quiet. Thinking of how happy her words made me feel and thinking of how much I didn't deserve to feel that happiness.

"Hey" Maria waved to the guy who worked at the stables once we arrived, "We're gonna have you take this guy. We found her injured a few months ago but shes healed since, and fully trained. She's a good girl who was in need of an owner. She doesn't have a name yet either, so feel free to name her. This will be both of you guys first time on patrol" Maria smiled, as she handed me the horses rein.

I nodded, getting up on the horse. "perfect, now just follow me" Maria said softly, I followed next to her slowly riding my horse until we made it to infront the exist, I saw 7 other people on horses. They all looked to range from ages 18-30.

"Sorry for the wait. We got new patrol people, this is Raine" Maria introduced me to everyone, as I shyly waved. It felt weird considering i've been in town for weeks now, and yet I only know about 6 people, 2 of them I dont even know the names of.

"Hey Raine! I'm Jesse" one of the people said, it was the guy closest to me and looked to be the same age as me. His smile was gentle and he seemed nice. Maybe this won't be too bad.

"Hi" I awkwardly said, unsure of what else to say as he already knew my name.

"Great, I hope you two become friends as you'll be working together from now on, that is if everything goes well, but im certain it will."

Maria continued to talk about saftey precautions and which partner group was taking which route, Jesse already had taken this route before from when he had did group patrol, so I was basically just gonna have to follow him.

Once the gate opened, every partner group went separate ways, and it was just me and Jesse.

"So, I heard you came in weeks ago and was in the hospital for awhile. I also heard you got out of it weeks ago, where you've been?" Jesse asked in a curious tone, glancing to the side to look at me for my answer. When I opened my mouth nothing came out, he spoke up before I could make an embarrassing scene. "Sorry, that could be very personal, I dont wanna overstep anything.."

"Uh- no it's fine. I- I was just um.. I mean, I was in a coma? So I was recovering.. from it.. i've been staying at Maria and Tommy's place."

God, I sound so fucking stupid. Also im lying. I've been done recovering, i've just been staring at the wall in bed letting my own thoughts consume me.

"Oh, thats cool. Maria and Tommy are nice dudes."

It was awkward silence since I didn't know how to reply, and by the time I thought of just saying 'yeah' it was too late to reply.

"So what's it like being in a coma? I heard you dream some weird stuff- oh, and when people visited you, could you hear them?"

I softly smiled at his excited banter, he actually felt nice to be around and didn't make me that type of uncomfortable yet.

"Uhh, no weird dreams that I remember. Just was sorta blank. And, I wouldn't know. It's not like anyone vistied me"

"What do you mean? Of course she vi-" Jesse started saying, but stopped talking in the middle of his sentance. I scrunched my brows confused.

"Uhh.. sorry," he let out a dry chuckle, "forgot what I was gonna say"

What the fuck was that about?

I nodded, feeling awkward.

"Uhhhmm. So what made you wanna do patrol?"

Jesse asked, "Oh, just thought i'd be good and could help out."

"Nice.." Jesse nodded looking at me, as I stared down at my horses mane. "same.." he said, stretching out the A.

"Welp, Maria had us take a short route since its our first time and we're young, so.. here we are"

Jesse said, once we made it some office type building.

I didn't say anything, we entered it and Jesse signed us in. "You don't talk much, do you?"

"Guess not."

He nodded, pukering his lips and blowing air out. "Hey, you wanna know a fun fact about me?"

"Uh.. not really?" I asked, confused of why he kept trying to talk to me as we searched the building. "Can I tell you anyway?"

I shrug, not caring.

"Okay, well, my girlfriend, is actually the one that found you. You know, like right before you passed out in that coma."

My eyebrow's scrunched, and my face visibly showed confusion. What is he talking about? Ellie was the one that found me and shes not into gu-

"Dina, is her name"

Oh right. They were in groups.

I nodded, "Nice" I said not knowing how else to respond. "I think you and Dina could be friends. You'll have to meet her one of these days"

"No thanks" I said, cutting him off. He looked at me confused, "Oh- I just meant, i'm not really.. a social person, and meeting you is enough for me.. for awhile.."

His confusion dropped as he understood. "Gotcha. Well, still, it's a small town, you're gonna have to meet her eventually. But yeah, sure, take your time"

The rest of the patrol was boring silence broken up with Jesse throwing in information about himself that I didn't need to know. He even told me his shoe size? He's kinda weird. But definitely better then most, he wasn't being weird to me in that way at all and I feel like I could relax around him.

We finished the job and made it back to Jackson. It only took us a few hours since we had a short and recently cleared route. We didn't run into any infected or anything.

The people at the gates said hello to Jesse and welcomed us back, I figured that they didn't know my name. We rode to the stables, the stables were empty except for the same person working from before, and a black haired girl standing off to the side, looking as if she was waiting for something. She looked odly familiar.

Jesse was infront of me when I heard the girl speak up excitedly, "Jesse! How was it?"

Jesse smiled, "Hey Dina,"

So thats her? Fuck I hope Jesse doesnt try and make me introduce myself.

"It was pretty chill, we had a short route and no trouble. No infected or anything."

Jesse got off his horse and put the horse in its assigned stable, while I did the same. I saw from the corner of my eye Jesse and Dina hugging.

I could feel their eyes on me once they stopped hugging. "Raine? This is Dina"

I took a breath before turning around, "Hi" I mumbled, barley audible. "Hi, it's nice to meet you. I'm glad to see you up!"

Are you though?

I nodded slightly, pressing a fake smile that I thought was convincing when in reality it wasnt at all, and then turned around to leave.

Once I left the stables and was out of their view, I heard Jesse apologizing for my behavior.

Why the fuck do I act like that?

I speed walked to Marias with my head down, feeling my heart pump fast. My cheeks were red from embarrassment.

Once I got to the house, Maria was already in the living room, and was alerted by me slamming the door shut that I was back.

She got off from the couch and ran over to me, "Raine? Whats wrong, did you get hurt? Did you get bit?" Maria asked me in a calm voice, but you could hear panic and worry behind it.

"No- no im fine-" I took a deep breath, feeling my cheeks grow more red from being even more embarrassed, since I was starting to have a hard time breathing over it.

"Well what's wrong? Was it too soon to go out?"

I shook my head, bringing my hands to cover my face, "No, I just- I dont know, I think it was just- alot, for such a short time." I breathed out, pushing past Maria to get water from the kitchen.

"Oh, i'm sorry hun, are you gonna hold off on patrol for awhile, or are you gonna stick with it?"

She asked, following behind me to the kitchen.

"No- I can still do it. Im fine. Tomorrow at the same time?"

She nodded, "Are you sure? How was Jesse? Do you want to switch him for someone else?"

I immediately shook my head no. That would just cause more trouble, and I would have to meet another person.

Before Maria could talk more, I took my water and went to my room.

[datamodel-of-disaster]

Ask game time! Thanks for the tag, @filmamir!

1. Are you named after anyone?

I keep saying if I do anything noteworthy enough in my life to deserve a wikipedia page, someone has to add me to List of things named after Bernhard Riemann - Wikipedia, so... yes.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday night, and also, longer ago than I remember. Are the tears mine if the sadness isn't? It be like that sometimes.

3. Do you have kids?

No, and thank the powers that be (mostly contraception) for that!

4. What sports do you play/have played?

No real sports, unless highschool PE counts. I was a fervent and pretty skilled skier for a while but my partner is afraid of skiing and its too expensive to go on my own, so it's been years since I did it.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Not as much as you'd think. I'm a painfully sincere person much of the time.

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

I hate to be *that* person, but... their vibe. Fake car salesperson smiles, awkward "haha we will ignore that!" silences, confrontational high-schooler convo style... Some people just have fucky energy, idk what else to say. That said, my actual opinion of people takes a while to form -it's like a committee vote more or less.

7. What's your eye colour?

Blue-green

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings all the way. I can watch unhappy endings if the movie is aesthetic(TM) or it's more about the art or history of the film than the narrative, but if I'm immersing myself in a story-story, the person(s) the narrative makes me root for better fucking make it to a happy end.

I'm very selective about scary movies: they need to be aesthetic, and satisfying.

9. Any talents?

... not... really? I kinda struggle with linking my qualities to "talents". I don't have many (if any) things I'm just "naturally good" at; even skill sets I'm now proud of were not something I ever had a natural aptitude for, and if I developed a skill it was 99% of the time out of necessity rather than enjoyment.

I guess I have... shockingly broad bandwidth for other people's issues. Like... interpersonal exhaustion? I don't know her, man. Mostly due to a combination of voyeuristic enjoyment of knowing and understanding things about others, my sense of empathy being almost entirely generated through fine-grained psych analysis rather than instinct, and the *very* odd given that my own personality temporarily stabilizes when exposed to interpersonal input. I'm not sure that's a talent so much as a condition, though xD

10. Where were you born?

Belgium

11. What are your hobbies?

At the moment, mostly writing Tron fanfiction. I also draw (sometimes), paint and kitbash Warhammer 40k minis (been a while), do metalwork (I need a new welding helm T_T), do gothic and fetish modelling, thrift and collect things for my house, etcetera. I cycle through hobbies mostly. Writing is my most stable one -I dare say I keeps me sane.

12. Do you have any pets?

I have a cat! Her name is Meoi (Quenya for "Cat", in honour of Huan and terrible Feanorian naming traditions -retired Silmarillion fan here)

13. How tall are you?

1m70 but most people assume I'm a good bit taller because I'm broad-shouldered and always in 17cm platform stilettos.

14. Favourite subject in school?

Oof. Tough one. I've been out of school for a good long while. The person I was in high-school would have picked physics, followed closely by math. Leaving the following period in the middle (lalala), at uni *in the major I actually graduated from*, my favourites were Architectural Theory, Medieval Image Culture, and Visual Analysis.

15. Dream job?

Oof again. Opinions divided on this one.

I like to say my dream job needs to meet the following criteria:

- I am competent at the job and reasonably regularly get this confirmed by others

- Every day at work I know largely what is expected of me, and what is expected fully falls within my capacity to deliver.

- I have tangible, well-described tasks and goals and never have to "be proactive about finding more work" or "try to look more productive".

- I have good coworkers I get along with, at least professionally.

- No extraneous admin tasks or timesheet micromanagement.

- GOOD PAY

If I'm really ambitious, I would add to that:

- I'm an expert (or just really, really good) at it.

But let's be honest, actual dream jobs Riemann over here has dreamed of having or pursuing? Interior designer/stylist, professional fetish performer/pro-domme, and Enterprise IT Architect.

Yeah.

You see why I stick to bullet point lists.

Tagging... @bowiesinspace @inquisitor-gayfax @clevermird @et-novum and everyone else who feels like it!

[goodsince111810]

Wowie zowie! It's been a minute, hasn't it? So here's a little update.

Well, from my last post the "wow, I love my job, and I'm starting HRT!" that was true. I loved my job, but now I really hate it. Thanks to my boss's poor training, I lost the best gig I've had ever. I went from making around $2,600 a month, to roughly $624... You may say that it was my own fault, or that I'm not taking responsibility, but I am, as much as I can, at least. See, early into the summer, I started working in a new position at a new place. My boss gave me literally Zero training on how the place operates. So when an incident occurred, they gave me the boot. I won't go into details, but it was really shitty.

Then the previous job that I had doesn't want me back, because during one of the last weeks there, I was tasked with a duty that wasn't normally mine. I was trained on that duty in November, and when I was asked to do it, it was late May. So when I don't do something daily, or at least often enough, I don't retain that knowledge. So I did what I could, the best that I could. Well, apparently that wasn't good enough for them. So they took the nuclear option, and refuses to let me back.

this brings me back to today. I work only on the weekends now. 12 hours a week. I had to take this weekend off because my partner and their mother got in a car accident (don't worry, they're both fine.) Thus leaving me without means of transportation. So I had to take this last weekend off....... which cuts my hours in half..... So that's great. I want to quit, but rent is a thing, and needing food is also a thing...

Now to the fun bits! HRT is going well. When I went in to get my prescription, I started on 1mg of Estradiol, and 50mg of Spiro. I've since had my Spiro upped to 100mg, and that's been a fun experience. I won't go into NSFW details, but my emotional state has been pretty positive, despite the 3 paragraphs above. I've also cried more in the last 3-4 months than I have in the last 3-6 years... Both in laughter, and in intense emotion and it's been a wild ride.

Honestly, I'm sorry if this comes off as non-sense, but I just felt like I needed to update everyone here. Overall I'm doing fine, but life is both thrilling, and a stressful nightmare. You decide lol. Anyway, have a great day today. (also I forgot how to make posts collapse, so if you see all this on your feed as is, just know that I'm sorry.) (also also, if you know me irl, please don't out me on facebook. I have people that I don't want to know about me starting HRT. kthanksbai)