#/ also happy to do more breakdowns like this if there is a desire for them

[pencap]

Hey your poetry is so pretty and evoking and I've gotten back into practicing fiction writing in recent years but in my own criticism I don't think my prose is very evocative. It gets the job done and I think my stories are readable and enjoyable, but I don't think my descriptive language is particularly striking and I would like to improve on that! Sometimes I read and the author has used such creative brilliant metaphors and descriptors etc and it comes across as artistic genius. So, if you have any tips and time to share them I would love to hear about how you select your descriptors, if there's any advice you've heard before on this, etc. <3 feel like my brain simply can't come up with creative language after my decade long break lol

Hello, darling! Thank you for the kind words. I don't exactly have a formal process, but I can share some of what works for me.

The simplest, truest, and least fun advice I have is just this: practice. Practice, practice, practice. The more descriptive writing you do, the better you'll become at it. It's much easier said than done, I know--it's been months since I've posted anything here myself--but it's unfortunately true.

But beyond that, in terms of strategies, I have a couple. I think "evocative" can mean a lot of things, but it sounds like you're specifically thinking about description (as opposed to, say, emotionally evocative) so I'll focus on that. I'm gonna reference january 2nd a bunch, just for concrete examples.

Having a clear image to start with always helps. So when I wrote january 2nd, for example, I had a vivid mental image of an empty beach at dawn, practically abandoned 24 hours after thousands of people crowded together to watch the first sunrise of the year. The stretched out horizon, the dark blue twilight overhead and pale hazy dawn on the eastern edge, the shy peek of the topmost edge of the sun, the soothing ceaseless rush of the waves, the clear expanse and white-foam edges of the water, all of it. The loneliness of it, sure, but also the freedom of it. The quiet and the peace.

It also helps ot have a why. What are you trying to achieve with your description? Often in poetry I'm going for a specific emotional or visual effect, so I try to focus as much as I can on the pieces that resonate for that. In january 2nd, it was the horizon in particular. Nothing in the poem actually mentions a beach, even though that's part of my mental image, because the beach wasn't as important or effective. The sky and the horizon is what worked for the emotional tone, for me. Specifically their openness. Not the light, not the darkness, not the water, but being open, so that's what the first stanza revolves around.

If you're going for "fresh" / "interesting" / "unexpected" / etc. I like to play around with one of three things. One is transferring descriptors from one target to another. (In january 2nd, I take crowded from jostling people on the beach and transfer it to the horizon.) I think these are most fun when you take human(-adjacent) descriptors and put it on inanimate objects / the environment, but that's just my taste. Another trick is to try for hyphenates, which didn't come up in january 2nd. But two of my recent favourites are in Precious: sleep-warm and heartbeat-quiet. sleep-warm is about evoking both the cozy comfort of sleep and the warmth of holding a living, breathing animal in your hands. heartbeat-quiet is about both the volume and the intimacy and the repetitive rhythm of it. The thrid trick is simple and boring and exhilarating when it works, and that's playing around with synonyms. I remember sacred weight of the untouched being difficult. Is it sacred or precious or treasured or holy? Is it untouched or new or young or innocent or unsullied or pure? Try them out and pick the one that feels right, or at least feels the best.

Sometimes I'll think about sound, though not in janary 2nd. soothing ceaseless rush a few paragraphs ago was a deliberate sound-based choice, though. That repeated s-sound feels and sounds like waves. Sometimes I'll think about rhythm, although that's a bit more important in poetry than prose. Sometimes I'll think about length--of the overall description, of the specific phrase or sentence, of the words themselves. Rule of three feels good to me and you'll very often see me write things in triplets (young and fresh and new), frankly a bit more often than I wish I did. Short words can bring emphasis, or abruptness, or simplicity. Long descriptions can be more flowing, fluid, relaxed.

Almost every and any element of language can be leveraged for descriptive power. You'll rarely if every use all of them at once, but it's fun to try many of them out. Maybe you'll figure out versions that feel easiest or best for you.

Alright, I think that's long enough! If you had a specific line or poem in mind, I'm happy to break it down further. Caveat that some of the pieces on this blog are quite old and I might not entirely remember what went through my mind years and years ago, of course.

[meteor752]

can we have more details about hermes x Odysseus? Please ~

More than happy to dearie

(Also you didn’t need to send the ask twice lol)

Since Ody is technically Hermes great grandson (*cough cough*), he’s known about his general existence long before he met him on Aeaea. He didn’t care that much about him tho, cause like if he gave a shit about every mortal offspring he had then he literally wouldn’t have time for anything else.

Still, hearing that Athena herself had taken an interest in one of his? Fascinating to be sure. Not enough to start giving a shit, but still, fascinating

And then, Poseidon. Hermes was of course the first to hear the news that Poseidon had attacked and killed over five hundred Greeks over one slight, and you know he spread that gossip to the rest of Olympus like fucking wildfire. But still, that makes two gods (one of which a member of the big three) that has taken an interest in some way in Odysseus. So it might be time to investigate

Hermes finds him and the remainder of his crew having washed up on Aeaea, which tickles him a bit. One of Athena’s “warriors”, seeking refuge on Circe’s island? Interesting choice indeed.

But Hermes takes his time to indulge in one of his favourite pastimes, spying on people. And sure, Odysseus does his fare share of moping there on the beach, but to the messenger gods surprise, despite all of the man’s losses, he takes action almost immediately, ordering some other guy to go scout out the island. And even though Hermes loves watching Circe trick and hex people, he doesn’t leave to go check that out. He stays, watching the mortal go about.

Hermes also takes the time to truly take notice how handsome the man is. He has a slightly short stature and lean build, just like any descendant of his, but he seems to have not let that stop him as he moves about with confident elegance. His hair is much darker than Hermes own, and despite being ruffled and damp from the sea water, the messenger god can see that it’s well cared for. Most of all, he takes notice of the mortals eyes, a deep rich brown, and despite the weariness and paranoia to be found in them, he still sees a small twinkle in them, a light that has not yet been snuffed out by his uncle.

Hermes could have watched the man for hours if he so desired, and so was a little pissed off when the other man from before came running and interrupted them.

But it was through that that Hermes got a chance to see another of Odysseus strengths, his way with words. Despite the frankly idiotic decision to land on Aeaea, the messenger god could clearly see his sister in the way he spoke. He was even more intrigued by the things he was saying, showing loyalty and honour, despite having a chance to escape the situation. Hermes himself never cared much about loyalty, but the fact that the mortal is willing to risk his own life and safety for his crew? He can’t help but be impressed

Until he realises that yeah his new favourite mortal is most definitely going to fucking die if he doesn’t do anything, so, he gets involved.

And if he’s a bit extra giddy when Odysseus says his name, if he flirts a little more than he usually does, if he holds him extra close when they dance, well that’s only for him to know.

Hermes keeps spying on Ody even after Circe, even going so far as to follow him to the underworld. Usually when mortals have extreme breakdowns and cursing the gods out, Hermes finds it kinda funny. It’s a good show. But, when his mortal does it (Because that’s what he is. He’s not Athenas, or Poseidons, he’s his. It was Hermes who saved him from Circe, it’s Hermes who’s keeping an eye on him, hell he would never have been born if it wasn’t for Hermes), it’s way less fun, and just upsetting.

Hermes keeps keeping watch as his mortal keeps getting worse. The sirens, Scylla, his mortals crew turning on him, Hermes witnesses it all. As much as he’d like to assist in some way, he was already in trouble with Zeus for his intervention on Aeaea, and that had been a pretty minor thing all things considered. Despite everything that occurs, he still sees that same twinkle remain in his eyes, that same light that Hermes treasures so.

Still, it was hard to not get absolutely pissed when that other man stabbed his mortal.

When Zeus got involved with his mortal and struck down his crew, Hermes lost sight of him. The messenger god spent seven years scouring the ocean for any trace of the king, but to no avail.

When he’d searched every single corner of the earth, Hermes through in the towel and finally did what he really didn’t want to do.

He asked his sister for help.

Despite how much it upset him, Athena had actually formed a divine bond with Odysseus, which made her capable of tracking him.

And find him she did. On Calypso’s island.

Fuck.

Luckily, Athena wanted him freed too, so Hermes didn’t have to grovel to Zeus himself. He would have done so if needed, but having Athena do ir for him was easier on his pride.

And he was more than happy that that was the case, as Athena got a lightning bolt to the face, and Hermes got the job of retrieving his mortal.

He’s never been as excited as he was, travelling to Ogygia, past the veil keeping the island hidden from the outside world. And, maybe he’s a little gloaty when he tells Calypso to release his mortal, but it’s difficult not to be. The goddess has spent seven years thinking that Odysseus belongs to her. Laughable, truly.

Hermes has spent years thinking about his mortal, missing his elegant stride, his beautiful hair, his lopsided cocky smile, his eyes. Yet, when he first get a look of him again after so many years, building his sad little raft, it’s nothing less than painful.

Because he’s wrong. The paranoia has settled in, making him jumpy and uncertain, and while his time on Ogygia had made him altogether more healthy, it was in a way that just didn’t fit. He looked almost uncomfortable in his own skin as he moved. And worst of all, his eye twinkle had all but vanished.

But all of his upsetting feelings vanished the second his mortal laid eyes on him, and his smile shone brighter than Apollo himself.

Hermes stayed by his side as long as he could warning him both about the dangers ahead, but also drinking in every moment his mortals attention was on him.

But even still, he eventually had to depart. He knew his uncle was waiting for a final chance to finish his mortal off. If Apollo was to be believed, Odysseus would survive the encounter, somehow, but that didn’t stop the rising anxiety Hermes felt as he said farewell to his mortal, taking his leave with a soft kiss.

~~~

I have many thoughts on Hermes, my favourite Greek god (Not my favourite overall god tho, Idun my beloved <3). Mans is most def extremely Not Normal about poor Ody, who did not ask for all this attention from the gods.

I do also imagine most gods to be extremely possessive, and do not like sharing, so Hermes isn’t too fond of the fact that like five other gods are vying for Odysseus attention.

He remains silly tho, stalker tendencies and all

[sunshine-theseus]

Fools | Kyra Cooney-Cross x ND!Reader

Words: 4.3k

Summary: no one understood your mind, until you met Kyra.

Notes: Guys I have no knowledge of how Emirates is laid out, how meeting players off the pitch works etc, so I’m completely making this shit up I’m sorry. also sorry for the super long introduction, and the shit writing, I haven’t written in months.

Warnings: mentions of abuse - not proofread. i'm so sorry if this is so shit i genuinely haven't written in months. i wanted this one to be good so bad but i just don't think it is

the person who requested this has since deactivated so i actually feel so bad that i didn't get this out while they were on here. i'm genuinely so sorry for the past like 6 months.

I always struggled with social interactions. I didn’t understand it for a long time, why I always had to smile and hug people, why I had to lie about certain things like how I thought my aunt’s bright green hat looked, why I couldn’t ramble about Star Wars or the new penguin facts I just learned.

Then there were the sounds, and lights and the way things felt. Everything had to be specific, or I couldn’t focus. Sometimes if it was bad enough that I would have a breakdown, unable to do anything. My parents tried to scold it out of me when as a kid I couldn’t eat certain foods or wear the clothes they wanted. Sometimes if they deemed it worthy, I’d be met with the flesh of a palm against my cheek or bottom.

-

When I was 12, I presented the idea that maybe I was autistic to my parents. I’d researched it at school for a social emotional learning class we had to take, and I couldn’t help but notice the similarities I found within myself. If I think about it hard enough, I can feel every burning outline of the dark red hand marks that bloomed on my skin hours after the interaction, and the burning of my eyes as my stomach rumbled, drowned out by the music rumbling through my headphones.

-

At 17 I emancipated from my parents and moved to North Watford, renting out a small studio apartment above a record shop. I completed my final year of high school, working part time in the store, building a much-desired routine. The man that owned the shop and my apartment, and his young daughter, were migrants from Cuba, and more than happy to accommodate to my needs. They even chipped in to help me pay for my autism screening after I graduated high school.

I think they were the first people I willingly hugged ever.

I stopped masking when I moved, so the daughter, Elena; 5, took a few months to understand why I didn’t like touch or loud noises and why I didn’t understand some of the jokes she said that others usually laughed at. Not that I’d had the diagnosis at that time, but she was happy to just spend time with me. Every afternoon when I came back from school and started my shift, she’d beg me for more penguin facts, asking which was my favourite penguin. In return she’d spend the 2-hour shift drawing me something, usually a penguin, to pin on my corkboard at home.

I’d then help with her homework while Camilo closed shop and posted any online orders. It was a routine I cherished deeply.

-

Now, 3 and a bit years later at 21 years old, they managed to drag me to a football game. Equipped with headphones and a couple small sensory toys, as well as a hoodie under the “Miedema” jersey, the material of which originally had me tugging and prying the shirt away from my skin.

Elena and Camilo had been big fans of Arsenal for as long as I’d known them, going to every home game, begging me to join them every week without fail. I finally caved during a break in my uni courses, with nothing to do and Elena’s birthday falling on the day of a game, there was no other choice.

The newly 9-year-old basically imploded when she saw my printed ticket stub, tucked tightly into her birthday card. I gently ruffled her hair, which had become my version of hugging her, and showed her the 3 matching red and white #11 jerseys I purchased not long ago. She’d talked a lot about this Vivianne Miedema and how she wanted to be just like her when she grew up, but she’d never gotten a jersey, or seats on the bottom tier. Today was the day.

~

“Come ooonnn I want to get to our seats!” the pinky of her left hand links with my right one as her other hand is holding her dad’s, and she’s dragging us down the lane toward the entrance.

“Slow down Pollito! We have 20 more minutes until we need to be seated.” My special schedule for the day runs through my head as I check my watch. Plenty of time as long as the crowd keeps flowing.

“I wish you didn’t learn Spanish. It’s such a silly nickname.”

“But you’re my little chicken.” I send a joking frown her way and she replies with a toothless grin.

With the abrupt end to the conversation, we arrive at the gate. Showing the stewardess our tickets to be scanned, we then head toward our seats. As Camilo and I take our seats at the very front, instead of make way to their usual seats a tier up, Elena stops and looks back and forth between us.

“There’s no way you got us these seats.” Without a word I pull the girl in between us and she begins to ramble about how excited she is to be able to see the game so close, still able to be clearly heard through my headphones I manage to slip over my ears.

~

The game is drawn 1-1 just after half time, but Arsenal is close to having the upper hand. From across the pitch, Elena spots the tall and lanky number 11, Vivianne Miedema, pulling off her fluoro yellow bib and warm up shirt and lining up next to number 32 behind the fourth official who is prepping her sign. With a couple of whacks to my arm and an aggressive point of her finger, Elena makes me and Camilo very aware of the impending entrance of her favourite player, and another really attractive girl who is very obviously wearing her socks on the wrong feet. The thought makes me squirm but a shot on goal quickly manages to take my focus.

“Who’s the one coming on with Viv? You’ve never told me about number 32.” It’s hard to take my eyes off the girl as she jumps from one foot to the other, anticipating her entrance.

“Oh that’s Kyra Cooney-Cross! She’s Australian, she transferred at the start of the season. Jonas should play her more.” I acknowledge her words with a hum and a nod before we join in cheering Viv and Kyra on.

My eyes are glued to Kyra the rest of the game. Without any knowledge of how football works, I’m left to assume she’s good with the way she dances around players and passes the ball. It was weird, but her movement was so free flowing it would not be atrocious to confuse her with a ballerina. Elegant and calculated, no hesitation.

~

“Where are we going?” my pinky is once again linked with Elena’s as I drag her and Camilo through Emirates.

“Papa where is she going? The exit is that way.”

“I have no clue chica, but I suppose we should trust her aye?” with that, the father-daughter duo track behind me.

Eventually I stop just where the opening of the tunnel leads out on to the pitch and show a lady the pass I’d been carrying around all day. She smiles and begins walking down the tunnel, waving behind her as a sign for us to follow.

“What’s going on?” Elena asks once again, but I just follow the lady onto the pitch, where multiple members of the Arsenal squad are now loitering around, obviously waiting for something, or someone. At the front of the group is Viv, and when she spots the small girl behind me her eyes light up.

“Hi! You must be Elena. We’ve heard a lot about you!” she sends the girl a smile, but Elena doesn’t make any move to continue the conversation. My head whips to her and I nearly have to laugh from how adorable she is. Her jaw has dropped open and her eyes are welling up with tears, so I ruffle her hair and bend down to her height, removing my headphones.

“What’s up buttercup?” I lightly tap her head.

“That’s really her.” she whispers to me, her eyes not leaving the Dutch woman, who lets out a chuckle.

“Yes it is.”

“How?” I tap the side of my nose at her question indicating it’s to be left a secret.

“Can I have a hug?” Viv kneels on one knee and opens her arms and Elena suddenly breaks lose from her trance and runs up to her hero.

“It’s nice to meet you liefje, I hear you’ve been a fan for a long time. And today’s your birthday. How old are you turning?”

“Nine!”

“Oh wow, you’re growing up!”

“I know, but Y/N still calls me Pollito. I’m not a little chicken.” Everyone looking on bursts out laughing as Elena frowns, and while I join them, the loud sound simply reminds me of the lack of protection on my ears.

~

Elena gets whisked off to talk and play around with Viv and some of the other girls, who seem to all have taken a genuine liking to the young girl, Camilo following to watch over them. I stand firmly on the sidelines, fidgeting with an infinity cube and trying to forget the sudden scratching of my hoodie’s tag on the back of my neck and the tightness of my socks, when a now familiar face pops in front of me.

I don’t notice her at first, my eyes are closed and I’m trying breathing patterns in hopes that the overstimulating sensations with dissipate. It’s only when I open my eyes to check on Elena that I get the shock of my life. Number 32 is just standing in front of me, staring, waiting for me to notice her. no less than a minute ago she’d been spinning Elena around and laughing with her, which I’d found alarmingly adorable, how’d she get here so fast?

She doesn’t say anything, she just smiles and waves, and I realise she must think I can’t hear her with my headphones on, which many people tend to ignore. Wow she’s much prettier up close.

“Hi, I’m Y/N” I return her smile, but don’t make any move to remove the headphones.

“I’m Kyra.” Her voice is muffled but her accent is incredible and like music to my ears.

“You played really well today.” Is she blushing? Red creeps up her neck and finds home on her round cheeks as she smiles brightly.

“Ah thanks, I try to give it my all. Hoping to prove I deserve more game time.”

“You don’t get played often?” another chuckle passes her lips and I feel my stomach tighten.

“Uh no. I take it you’re not a big football fan?”

“What gives you that idea.”

“Well rocking up to an Arsenal game with blue nails for a start.” I cock my head to the side and give her a confused look. I did a lot of research for today, there was no room for me to mess up.

“Chelsea, our biggest rivals, their colour is blue. It’s basically forbidden for an arsenal fan to wear blue to a game. Trust me, I learnt the hard way.”

I’m quick to hide my hands in the pocket at the front of my hoodie, fidgeting with my nails. How did I manage to fuck that up?

“You don’t really have to worry, just maybe keep it in mind if you ever come to another game. I hope you do by the way.” She flashes me a smile that makes me feel warm and I can’t help myself.

“You’re very pretty.” She’s about to reply when I glance down and notice her socks are still wrong.

“And I’m not sure if you know but your socks are on the wrong feet.” It’s quiet for a moment and I’m not sure if my common candour has once again overstepped. I can’t even open my mouth to apologise before she giggles.

“I knew there was something wrong. I keep doing it but no one tells me until after the game… and you’re quite beautiful yourself. If you don’t mind me saying.” My eyes continue to avoid her face as I bounce on the balls of my feet and try to refrain from shaking my hands, my most common stim.

“Thank you.”

We’re silent for a minute or so, which I don’t mind now that I’m more familiar with her. I continue to watch Elena and Camilo, who are now playing in a 5v5, Viv carrying the girl halfway down their makeshift pitch before helping her kick the ball. When her laughs echo through the stadium, joy breaking through her screams and from the yells of her dad who is playing a rather poor referee, I’m reminded of how much I love this family. I can’t help the smile on my face.

“Your sister is very adorable.” I glance to my side where Kyra now resides and contemplate telling her she isn’t my sister, but the words get stuck in my throat. If I were to say they weren’t my family after all they’ve done for me, then I’d be lying.

“Yeah. She’s basically my whole life.”

“Hey can I ask about the headphones? I mean you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want but-“

“I’m autistic. Struggle really bad with sound and other stimulants. I wear headphones to dampen sounds, especially in public. And stadiums are full of sounds.” My palms sweat a little and my breath is laboured for a moment. This is usually the part where people decide I’m a freak and never talk to me again.

“Oh cool. I totally get that, the sound thing.” That warm feeling returns. She doesn’t question anything, she just agrees.

~

Eventually the meet and greet had to end, but I manage to get a few of the girl’s numbers, including number 32’s. Something I hadn’t expected was that the team would love Elena so much that they wanted to organise season tickets and some more passes to meet up after home games. I couldn’t help but be a little proud of myself as the young girl rambled about how amazing it was to get to hang out with her idols, and the prospect of seeing them again.

~

Uni starts back up the following week, so I don’t join the two for a game for quite a while. Despite that, I find myself texting Kyra most days, a good morning and goodnight routine quickly being established. We ask each other questions about each other. ‘What did you want to be if football didn’t work out?’ ‘What made you want to study your course?’ ‘what’s your favourite thing about Australia?’.

She liked to ask me about parts of my autism every now and then. She wanted to know what things to avoid, what topics made me ramble for ages, safe foods. The only other people who had ever cared this much were Elena and Camilo. The two of which had definitely taken note of how happy I’d grown since the game.

“Who are you talking to Angelito? You haven’t smiled this big in a long time.” Camilo takes a seat beside me behind the desk of the store

There is no need to hide the blossoming relationship from him, so I turn my screen to show the messages between Kyra and I, a bold ‘No. 32’ under a very weird but unmistakable picture of the girl. He hums and smiles, lightly nudging our shoulders together.

“She likes you.”

“Pft no she doesn’t.”

“‘you’re so cute.’ ‘I really like you.’ ‘I’ll save that for when I take you on a date.’ With a winky face emoji. She literally admits she likes you. Twice.”

“I thought that was that flirty thing people do with their friends.”

“I know when people like each other.”

“How Milo?”

“I have a gift.”

“A gift hmm?” he just smiles widely down at me before taking my phone again. He begins to type something.

“What are you writing Milo? Milo!” I glance over his shoulder.

‘I really like you and would like to go on a date if you’re free.’ I’m about to scold him but three dots appear as Kyra begins typing.

“If this works you owe me an extra hour this week.”

“You are an evil schemer Camilo.” I say before squeezing his shoulder, a common sign of affection we’d developed.

‘I’d really like that. Tomorrow’s our day off if that works.’

I can’t help the squeal I let out as Camilo writes a response in confirmation.

“I’m going on a date.”

“You deserve this kiddo.”

~

Kyra and I agree on a dinner date at a restaurant I’d mentioned really enjoying a few months ago, that I hadn’t had a chance to visit since. I’d made the reservation, asking for the specific table I’d sat at the last time I came, and I’d already decided on what I was getting before I even hoped in the car to drive there.

I’d planned everything perfectly. The place, my outfit, what time I had to leave to arrive there 10 minutes before our agreed upon time. I hadn’t taken into account the car speeding through a red light and crashing into the car in the right lane beside me. Or the fact that due to the momentum I’d get caught between the 2 cars and the building on the corner of the street I was just about to turn down. No more than 15 metres from the restaurant but I’m trapped and the seatbelt is too tight and my head hurts. I’m crushed between my door and the centre console and all the sirens and ambulance lights approaching are too much and all I can do it cry.

If I could just reach my bag in the footwell of the passenger seat I could get my headphones to relieve some of the stimulation, but I can’t bend that way without my ribs screaming and whatever is poking my hip in my back making itself known.

I pray to every god I can name that I pass out, but no one hears as the jaws of life pry open my door. When were the other cars moved?

“Ma’am we have to cut you out. my colleague here is going to hold you up. Is that okay?” I don’t have any energy to say no, so I nod, waiting for some scissors to snip away at the seatbelt. Instead, I hear an electric saw whir to life.

“W- what’s the saw for?” my words are barely recognisable as they slur together.

“Ma’am everything is okay, just stay still for us okay?”

The sawing is over quicker than it begun, and the paramedics make an effort to move me as carefully as they can onto the stretcher, then into the ambulance. I make no move to complain about how the neck brace is itchy and feels suffocating.

A minute passes and through the newly developed ringing in my ears, I hear someone calling my name. they sound so far away but when I open my eyes again, Kyra is standing above me, next to the paramedic who’s hooking me up to monitors,

“Do you know this lady ma’am?” she asks me as I stare up at the girl I was meant to be on a date with.

“Yeah she’s my girlfriend.” A voice in the back of my head is worried that maybe that will freak Kyra out, but I know they won’t let her ride with me if we don’t have some close connection and for some reason friend does not cross my mind.

They allow her to take the extra seat beside me and she loops her pinky with mine. She keeps glancing down toward my stomach and taking deep breaths as we make our way down the streets of London. I try to see what she’s looking at but the brace doesn’t allow me to look that far down.

“You’re going to be okay.” She whispers as they roll me out of the ambulance, and she manages to quickly kiss me before I’m gone from view.

~

I don’t know how long I’m out for, but when I wake up there is a sterile white light beaming down on me and I have to instantly close my eyes. I’m quick to take note of the horrible feeling of the hospital gown I definitely wasn’t in when I’d gone under.

“Papa! She’s awake!” I let out a groan at the yell but and quick to smile once the voice registers in my head.

“Pollito.” My voice is no more than a whisper, hoarse and dry.

“Hey Angelito. How are you feeling.”

“Horrible. The light’s too bright and the gown is so itchy.” Neither Elena nor Camilo leave my side, but the light is off within seconds.

“I more meant physically. You were hit pretty hard.” The screeching of tyres, the smell of burnt rubber, the flashing lights, all rush back to me. So does the pain.

“Now that you mention it. What’s the damage?” it’s meant as a joke but I’m trying not to cry.

“3 broken ribs, 2 fractured, a torn vastus lateralis in your thigh, a lot of muscle damage in your back. It’s going to be a lot of physical therapy kiddo.” The thought has bile rising in my throat.

“Fuck me.”

“It’s okay, we’re going to be here the whole way. All of us.” By now I could know the voice in a crowd of people.

I turn my head and there she is. Kyra is sat in one of the uncomfortable hospital seats with her hand on top of mine.

“If it’s okay with you, Camilo, me and some of the arsenal girls are going to sort out a schedule to take turns helping you with PT. Viv was really hoping she could give some tips considering how long she spent doing PT.”

“That sounds perfect. But please tell me one of you has my pyjamas. I need to get out of this gown.”

~

There was no lie in how difficult rehab was. I had an hour appointment at the hospital every day and additional work at home that Milo, Kyra and some of the arsenal girls happily helped with. The hardest hurdle was amount of physical touch that was required. My physical therapist, Jordan, always made sure I knew when she needed to touch my leg or something, but that did very little to sooth the feeling that crawled beneath my skin. She was able to dim the fluorescent white lights and allowed me to wear my headphone which did help a small amount.

Kyra basically moved into my room above the shop. Milo insisted he could do all the work of getting me around the house and the shop, but we knew he couldn’t while maintaining the shop and looking after Elena. Elena tried her best to help by making me breakfast. She gathered pre-made versions of my safe breakfast food and carefully place them separately on a plate, with a glass of orange juice every morning. After the first week she realised I’d be in a wheelchair and struggling to move around much for much longer than she thought, so she quickly gave up on that idea and began making me penguin drawings at school.

I’d adapted to having Kyra around much quicker than I expected to. When I moved in at 17, it took me months to get used to the layout and the fact that I was alone, despite Camilo and Elena living in the house across the road. I adapted to Kyra’s presence within weeks.

After the second week we’d decided it was easier to share the bed rather than her sleeping on the couch, which had been the biggest change. I struggled with it the first few nights. I had a sleep routine that was already disrupted by the injuries, now I had to take another person into account. But she was so warm, and I felt so safe in her arms. Whenever I woke up from a nightmare about the crash, she grabbed me an iced tea and my headphones and would ramble about whatever interests she had recently developed or whatever was happening at training.

It was in the second month things took a more serious turn. Well serious for our relationship. I was sitting at the table chopping the vegetables for dinner while she begins cooking, when I took a minute to just look at her. The warm lighting softened her features, her quiet humming to whatever song was playing carried throughout the room, the smile that seemed to never leave her face sat perfectly on her lips as she listened to me ramble about the newly discovered yellow king penguin. She was so radiant and attentive, and she was never annoyed at me when I was overstimulated or wanted to infodump. She was seemingly unaffected by my rehab and most importantly unaffected by my autism. After a life full of negative interactions and losing people because of one thing I couldn’t control, I’d found a family and a partner who embraced me.

I didn’t realise I was crying until she turned and asked me what was wrong.

“I’m just grateful.”

“For what?”

“You, Milo, Elena. I love you all so much.” I didn’t realise I’d said it really. I was just being candid, as I always was.

“You love me?”

“Yes.” There was no hesitation even as it dawned on me.

“Well, I love you too.” There is a split second between the end of her sentence and the meeting of our lips in a kiss.

“Will you be my girlfriend?” I ask as we pull away.

“Wait- I thought- when you called me your girlfriend on the ambulance I kind of took that as you asking me to be your girlfriend.” She begins laughing.

“What? This whole time I’ve been nervous about actually asking you and you already thought I had?” I can’t help but join her laugh.

“We’re such fools.” She whispers, and we kiss again.

I'll always be a fool for her.

[thedarkestrivernymph]

Burn

Yandere!Husband x gn!Reader

warnings: abuse, mentions of childhood trauma, mentions of death, manipulative tendencies, gaslighting, murder, gore

©Copyright -2024-thedarkestrivernymph - All Rights Reserved

It burns, so agonizingly much, that uncertainty about this whole ordeal crept up your spine and settled in your chest.

Was this the right thing to do? To flee? It echoed in the emptiness that took over your head. It was perplexing and uncomfortable. You shouldn't feel empathy for him. He was crazy, deranged! Gone, a maniac, a bastard—

But maybe he was innocent and you were running away from the ghosts hunting you.

He was all that was left of your family. You didn't want to do this, you wanted him with you, loving and sweet, but it seemed that fate had different plans for the two of you. It seems that fate didn't favour you.

He had wormed himself into your life—then into your sacred family bonds, destroying what was already fragile. The mask he wore was that of a kindred spirit that sought for love, yet you never knew better than to believe the artificially crafted facade.

Prior he was an orphan, abandoned by his mother at six, which admittedly tugged at your heartstrings, even more so after learning the horrible foster parents, which was followed by the straight up ignorant adoptive family that took him in only for prestige matters.

So it wasn't that you didn't understand his desire for family, and you were even happy for him! Glad he found love in yours, yet all your hopeful dreams of finally peace settling in had vanished the moment the first of your relatives cut you off. Then a second followed, a third, a fourth until even your mom shunned you, refusing to see you any longer. They absolutely adored your husband but hated your guts.

However he didn't seem to hold the same adoration for them, no, he didn't even possess an ounce of sympathy with them as he watched them turn to ashes Infront of his very own eyes, laughing, like the maniac he was.

“Love!” he would jump up and down you remembered, seemingly over the moon by your dad praising him or your sister gifting him something meaningless as a cookie.

After he had burned down everything holy to you, he had just slipped back into your shared bed, stinking horribly of that kind of smell that reached your nose every time you left your omelette too long on the stove.

You hadn't understood then, but you did now, that that smell was foreshadowing to the petrifying news that had reached you the next day.

Everything spiralled out of your control after that day. You were completely scattered, forgetful, permanently teary-eyed, clumsy and visibly distraught.

So it started with your inability to hold up your job, which made him offer you to stay at home, while he financed you both. He was so devilishly sweet, messaging your shoulders when you were completely stiff, guiding you through breakdowns, cooking for you, feeding you. You hadn't know how you got so lucky with him.

However things became odd quickly, your friends seemed to disappear one by one, their numbers blocked, deleted or erased from existence. You were unbelievably mad, was this because of your new miserable state—the friends that swore to go through thick and thin with you, leaving you in your most vulnerable times—how could they!

Although you were burning with anger, even that was quickly forgotten thanks to him. He was your absolute everything, your entire world and you were much obviously his. You two were a match made in heaven—or at least that's what you believed until that one phone call.

“Stacey?—”

“You have to get out of there! He isn't what he seems to be— your husband, he’s crazy! He threatened me! If I didn't stop being in contact with you then he would have also murdered me like he did with your family—” your heard your friend over the phone, voice unusually frail, breaths laboured with sniffling in the background.

Your heart leaped in your chest at the sound of her frantic claims, completely unbelievable and baffling, even if your trust for her had completely evaporated, uncertainty still poisoned you and infiltrated your mind like a sickness.

Nevertheless you did end the call before she could spew anymore nonsense, sealing her terrible fate, because unbeknownst to you, that was the last time she would ever talk to anyone.

Things didn't feel normal anymore after that, suspiciousness spread through you, gnawing at your already highly sensitive nerves, you instability just making you waver back and forth from completely denying the unapparent truth and panicking that perhaps it was true. She was your friend for years after all, what reason did she have to lie?

That was until you found Stacey’s childhood diary in his possession with dried splatter of blood decorating it—as if this wasn't terrifying enough what met you on the inside made you drop the book, completely mortified and stunned into silence.

Every entry that contained your name scribbled over with hearts, anything that had to do with you underlined, things that you liked circled in like a madman.

You were terrified to say the least—she was right, she was right and you didn't believe her.

Tears welled up in your eyes and before you knew it, your feet carried you out of your shared home, still in your PJ's with slippers adorning your feet.

Which leads to this moment in the present.

Unfortunately for you, he had knowingly bought a house with your inheritance, in the middle of nowhere. You were stumbling over twigs, leaves crushing beneath your weight and before you knew it, you were running.

Yet you did forget one crucial aspect—running didn't help when he could track you down with the GPS clipped under your skin so subtly you didn't even realise he had done so.

Bang.

Pain shot through your thigh, an excruciating amount, making you instantly stumble, before tumbling down, face first into the wet earth, crying out in pain.

Blood seeped out from where he shot you, painting the forest floor a warning crimson. You tried to crawl, you attempted to flee, but all was for nothing, no one and nothing could have tear you two apart, even if it was you.

Fingers roughly whipped your head back, scalp burning from the abuse.

“There you are, love.” he spat out, the familiar warmth gone replaced by an indefinite disdain.

“You saw it, huh? You learned about everything I did for you and that's how you thank me? By running away just cuz’ I committed some petty crimes?” he shook your head violently, before shoving your face into the mud. Before he ripped your head out of the earth, starting to fall into a pattern, repeating it over and over again till your vision faded with only his words ringing into your ears, as blood ran down your presumably broken nose, eyes swelling with unshed tears of a gruesome future that awaited you.

“You're weak. And dumb. But don't you worry, I will take care of you. I will love you, look after you, clean up each mess you make, be there to rock you back and forth when you have one of your meltdowns again. So don't worry your stupid little head about anything,

just trust me, love.”

[ultred]

when you can’t persist in the new story through negative circumstances & react negatively to the 3d.

this is something i struggle with sometimes ngl. persistence isn’t that hard for me, but sometimes my circumstances can make it a bit difficult and i end up reacting negatively or doing something that contradicts my manifestation. here is how i deal with it.

1) if i can’t deny the negative circumstances, i tell myself that they’re leading me to my desires. even if i’m put in the worst situations i can possibly think of, i tell myself that they’re part of the unfolding and that everything is working out in my favor. just like when you order something and some complications happen. you know that eventually these complications will be resolved and your order will arrive regardless. when i am unable to mentally persist in the new story, that’s what i focus on. i don’t focus too much on the unfolding though so i don’t stay there. i just don’t give power to them. i just try to be as calm as i possibly can and know that the negative circumstances are just the unboxing of my manifestation.

2) i recall moments when everything went to shit and i still got my desires. i have a lot of moments where my 3d was in shambles and i still got my manifestations or something even better.

3) i remind myself that the law is real and it’s a LAW. meaning, it is always on. it is always waiting for me to select the reality i want. i’m always shifting. i’m always choosing. this doesn’t change just because i’m facing negative circumstances.

4) i tell myself that no matter what i do in the 3d, it doesn’t matter. it’ll lead me to my manifestation regardless. even when i throw a fit or have a mental breakdown or react negatively to the 3d in any way, i tell myself that it doesn’t matter. i can do whatever i want and still get my manifestation. if i want to cry, i cry. if i want to feel angry or frustrated, i allow myself to feel these emotions. sometimes i pretend that time froze along with everything else. like i’m in a place where nothing happens and it transcends the notion of time and existence ? in a way. i’m allowed to do anything i want and it won’t affect my 3d at all.

5) i trained my mind to detach from anything that overwhelms me. this one was extremely hard at first but now i’m way better at it. i naturally detach after letting my feelings out. i don’t feel regret at all for reacting especially when it comes to sp or people in general. this eventually led to my awareness being more focused on myself and my inner peace rather than my desires.

6) i watch manifestation content as motivation boosts. i don’t know why so many people are against this honestly. i’m pretty sure that even if you’re a “master manifestor” you’ll sometimes need a motivation boost or reminders and that’s okay. i’ve lived a big portion of my life without knowing about loa, shifting, non-dualism, etc. so sometimes my mind will go to my old mindset or beliefs especially as someone who grew up in an environment where people’s spiritual or religious beliefs where forced onto them. i’m sure some of you might relate. i try to saturate my mind with manifestation content to remind myself of my power and focus on my own mindset instead of my desires and the 3d circumstances.

7) i read some of y’alls blogs ! honestly, they’re so helpful. i’m so glad i reinstalled this app because the manifestation community here is amazing. y’all are so motivating and informative. i love the creativity on here as well. being here also helps me feel more motivated to focus on myself and i even reread my own blogs as reminders. do whatever makes you feel good. i sometimes even play loa audiobooks, take a nap, or spoil myself in any way. i make myself happy regardless of what i see in the 3d. if persistence feels exhausting or difficult to me, i just do my best to chill and detach and that eventually calms me down and makes me able to handle things way better than when i’m triggered. i think emotional self-regulation is beneficial. is it a necessity for manifesting what you desire ? no. but it does help in moments like this. ⋆ ⟡˖ ࣪

[quarterdollar]

SEVERELY obsessed with the character insight here. so obsessed that i typed a long-ass post of analysis, in which i support the argument that volo really isn’t a complete sociopath, he’s just a big emotional short-sighted hypocrite.

as we know, volo’s endgame goal is to subjugate arceus and recreate the world from scratch, implicitly so that whatever pain and heartbreak he’s experienced/witnessed no longer exists. this is of course an intentional parallel to cyrus’s desire to create a world without spirit in response to the emotional pain he experienced in his childhood. while we do not have a concrete explanation on what exactly the painful events volo experienced were like we do with cyrus, he talks about them enough that it’s clear that they impacted him significantly. that is to say i think he’s expressing his thoughts and feelings sincerely when he brings the topic up, he isn’t lying or trying to misdirect you in any way in regards to that.

i bring this up because a big portion of cyrus’s character that to this day flies over many fans’ heads is that he is defined by ironies and hypocrisies. he wishes for a world devoid of any emotions specifically because he is dominated by them—he confesses as much during his rant in the distortion world:

cyrus also famously has a crobat on his team, which evolves through high friendship, despite his steadfast belief that spirit—of which friendship is undoubtedly a part—is an ugly, vague, incomplete thing. in addition to this, usum all but explicitly confirms that the journal of a child who befriended a rotom was written by him. so, in conclusion, cyrus has a heart and is easily swayed by good emotions as well as bad.

so now we come to volo’s new dialogues in pokemon masters. i think that they have made it clearer that like cyrus’s emotional actions, his obsessions with history & preserving memories through photographs are meant to be genuine hypocrisy on his part, rather than intentional obfuscation of intent. think about it—a man who’s dominated by curiosity & love for history also claims to want to remake the world so utterly that all of that history is rendered completely destroyed. yet even in the depths of his post-defeat breakdown he still maintains that defining curiosity of his:

and now i ask, what is curiosity, if not an expression of love for the world around you? despite claiming to want to destroy the current world and all evidence of its existence, volo also still wants to know absolutely everything about it, past and present. it’s inherently contradictory. and this brings me to the recurring themes in his pokemas dialogue: how he not only appreciates photographs as a way to create a tangible record of history, but as a way “to capture and isolate the best moments”. those happy moments worth holding onto and looking back on in the future. see also the photograph of him and togepi in the original game, never commented on, taken for no apparent reason other than the fun of it—or more specifically, as these dialogues suggest, to isolate that moment in time in a tangible form. that is an act of love and of sentiment.

so, what’s the conclusion i’m getting at here? well, because of the ambiguity of his character in the base game. i’ve seen that volo is often interpreted as being a manipulative sociopath motivated solely by his desire for control. everything he does before the postgame is entirely a lie, absolutely none of the facade was genuine, etc. and don’t get me wrong, he is a control freak with a god complex! he does railroad the player into doing what he wants! he is not honest and he is not a good person. but, i think there is very much an intentional irony to him the same way there is with cyrus, in that his road to hell was paved with good intentions. he has the capacity for genuine kindness and i personally believe that his descent into villainy was spurred entirely by an earnest appreciation for the world around him and a desire to eliminate suffering.

as a closing statement, i want to bring up a quote from volo himself regarding calaba of the pearl clan:

i don’t think it’s that volo feels nothing for his pokemon or for the people around him—rather, i think he simply loves the world very, very much.

[demodraws0606]

I'm kinda peeved off that I'm seeing a few people that have the critique that Siffrin didn't deserve their "happy ending" in the end, that he was forgiven too quickly. I'm bad about this for actually a number of reasons.

(Warning this will be long because I am irrationally passionate about this, totally not because I relate to Siffrin or anything ahahahahaha)

First, logically, Siffrin's actions definitely are not as awful as people make it out to be especially not in the context of a time loop story. The worst Siffrin has done was his actions in the Bad Touch achievement and the last loop, one being purely optional. Outside of that, any tampering Siffrin had done was purely harmless, sure it's existentially horrifying but it's not like he did any actual manipulation.

You could also argue since Siffrin was in control of the loop, they are responsible for everything that was happening but we know full well he wasn't in control literally, his emotions were in control of the loop. Considering, a whole thing in this story is how acting as though you're fine and trying to control your emotions don't work, I don't think we can make the argument Siffrin was really in control.

He only wanted to trap everyone in the timeloop when it already had destroyed his mind. I thought it was obvious it was a monkey's paws situation.

The last time loop was the breaking point of Siffrin and it's one of the things he does suffer consequences from, they do get mad at him and he does apologize. What else do you want him to do ?

The Bad Touch achievement is the only thing that could be said to be "unforgivable" but it's optional and as far as I know it's hinted that Siffrin would talk about it with Isabeau. In fact it's said that even though right now they're fine and okay, they literally say they are okay to be mad at Siffrin later.

And also, it's not taking into acount the Actual feelings of his family either. They can't remember the loops and they have their own reason to not still be mad with him, so why should they hold Siffrin accountable for feelings they don't have.

In fact, the storyline strikes the perfect balance to not have Siffrin do such horrible action that he'd actually be unforgivable but still have him do enough that it shows what the loops are doing to him but....

..it's not just logically, judging Siffrin's actions as bad/good things like that is not just what's wrong with the narrative that Siffrin should've suffered more consequences. It also goes against the narrative itself.

For me at least, ISAT is a game about mental illness but also recovery. It's not coincidental a lot of people project their own mental issues onto Siffrin, it's not just a "ahahaha they're so relatable !!", it's a genuine part of the story.

I could make an entire essay about it but that's not the point, what would a story about these themes be if the ending was just "you need to repent for the things you did during your own mental breakdown"

It may seem ridiculous after all this that they'd just forgive Siffrin after all of this, but really hasn't most of the points against Siffrin's morality been coming from Siffrin themselves.

Siffrin believed he deserved to be rejected, that he deserved the suffer, that he was disgusting. It was these belief that kept him from talking about the loop because for him, everything was his fault. Not just because he created the loop but because the desire of staying with them was the very sin he hated himself for since the beginning.

So for all that self hatred to be met with, strange acceptance. It almost seems ridiculous, and Siffrin's talk with Odile in the epilogue reinforces how almost comedic it is.

It's close to reality, isn't it ? How many times have you thought you did something completely unforgivable to someone you cared about and you were waiting for them to be furious at you, but that moment never came.

Because they just simply weren't hurt enough by what happened. And sure it was definitely a bad thing you did and they were maybe mad in the moment, but you apologized. Sure there could be more consequences for what you did but what's the point in asking for them to be more mad at you ?

Shouldn't you strive to be better than beg to be hurt for your actions ?

Do you think being hurt, being yelled at would make anything better other than just feed the voice in your head what it wants to hear ?

Weird flowery talk aside, it just doesn't fit the themes and the narrative of the story is what I'm saying. Asking for more punishement for Siffrin goes against what the story is about.

It's just like complaining that the looping mechanics are too frustrating, that's part of the package deal bb !!

Fuck the idea of "repenting by suffering through the consequences" !!! Having to deal with "blinding unrelenting forgiveness and kindness" is in !!!!

[ndrv3expert1]

Why Do We Love Seeing Our Favorite Characters Suffer?

It’s like an unspoken rule in fandom: if you have a favorite character—a “blorbo”—you want to see them suffer. Not in a mean way (we love them!), but in a put them through hell and watch them break kind of way. And then, once they’ve been completely emotionally destroyed, we turn around and say, “Actually, I want them to be the happiest person alive.”

We’ll write fics where they get to be safe, loved, and thriving… but also fics where they’re barely holding it together. We’ll create AUs where the worst never happened, only to still find ways to make them suffer. It’s the duality of fandom.

But why do we do this? Why does suffering make our favorite characters better in our eyes?As a Danganronpa fan, I’ve seen this in action a lot. We’ll create non-despair AUs, but will that stop the angst? Nope. We’ll write post-game fics where the survivors try to move on, but the trauma still eats them alive. And yet, we also turn around and make content where they’re happy, together, and free.

It’s this weird push and pull between wanting them to heal… and wanting to drag them through the worst imaginable pain first.

So what is it about suffering that makes characters so compelling?

1. Emotional Growth and Development

Let’s be real: watching a character go through hell makes them more interesting. A character who’s just happy all the time? Kinda boring. But a character who’s been through the worst and still keeps going? Now we’re talking.

There’s something about seeing them struggle that makes them feel more real. You get to see their vulnerabilities, their breaking points, and how they react under pressure. And when they do manage to grow from it, it feels earned.

Take Shuichi, for example. Seeing him go through all the weight of his friends dying then taking down the game that caused their suffering that's the good stuff. It feels so much more meaningful because we saw what it took to get there.

2. Relatability and Humanity

Characters who suffer just feel more real. Nobody’s life is perfect, and when fictional characters go through tough times, it makes them feel more human. Their emotions—whether it’s grief, fear, or desperation—make them easier to connect with.

Even if we haven’t been through the exact same things, we get the emotions behind them. Seeing them struggle can feel like looking in a mirror sometimes, and that connection is what makes us latch onto them so hard.

Ryoma is emotionally distant and initially refuses to get involved with the other students, but as the story progresses, his humanity shines through. His struggles with loneliness, despair, and his desire for redemption mirror universal feelings of wanting to escape the weight of loss while still searching for a meaningful connection.

His suffering, especially in dealing with his personal guilt and past trauma, can make him a very relatable character for some, as many of his emotional challenges are reflective of real-world emotional battles people face. Ryoma’s journey throughout the game embodies the theme of human vulnerability and the complexities of trying to find hope in the face of overwhelming darkness.

3. The Contrast Between Pain and Joy

The reason we love to make our faves suffer and be happy is because one makes the other hit so much harder. If a character’s just happy all the time, it doesn’t feel as impactful. But when a character has been through hell and finally gets a moment of peace? That’s when we feel it.

Think about it: watching Maki smile after everything she’s been through? That is what makes it powerful. If she was just happy from the start, it wouldn’t have the same weight. The suffering makes the happiness feel earned.

4. Catharsis (AKA, Glorified Therapy)

Let’s be honest, sometimes we just project a little too hard. Watching characters go through emotional breakdowns, trauma, and existential crises is basically free therapy at this point. We put them through pain, watch them survive it, and in some weird way, it helps us process our own emotions

It’s like, “If they can make it through this, maybe I can too.” Their suffering feels familiar, but their healing gives us hope. It’s weirdly comforting, even if we’re the ones making them miserable in the first place.

Take Kokichi underneath all his lies and pranks, there's a longing for genuine connection and understanding, but he’s terrified of being vulnerable.

Kokichi's journey through deception and eventual emotional exposure offers a deep form of catharsis. Fans can project their own feelings of vulnerability, fear, and longing onto him, and when he finally allows himself to show his true emotions, it’s a bittersweet release that resonates on a personal level.

5. Projection (We’re All Guilty of It)

Let’s be real: we see ourselves in our favorite characters. Whether it’s their insecurities, their struggles, or just the way they react to things, we latch onto them because we relate. So when they suffer, it feels personal.

And when they finally win—whether that means healing, finding happiness, or just getting a break—it feels like a win for us too. Seeing them overcome their struggles gives us the tiniest bit of hope that maybe we can too.

Many people can project onto Kaito because, despite his loud personality, he struggles with feelings of inadequacy and fear, particularly surrounding his health and the pressure to be the "Ultimate Astronaut"—a title that weighs on him heavily.

Kaito represents the idea of pushing through hardship while trying to maintain an outward appearance of confidence, which is something a lot of fans can relate to, especially when dealing with their own struggles while trying to appear strong or capable to others. The way Kaito allows his insecurities and fears to be buried under his bravado speaks to the way many people carry their own emotional burdens while trying to stay positive for others. When fans project onto him, they might see aspects of themselves, their own struggles with self-doubt, or the desire to be a source of support and strength for others.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, we love seeing our favorite characters suffer because it makes their stories deeper, more emotional, and more relatable. Their pain makes them feel more real, their growth makes them more compelling, and their happiness—when they finally get it—feels earned.

It’s not just about watching them struggle or giving them a happy ending—it’s about the journey in between. And that’s what makes storytelling (and fandom) so addictive.

So yeah, I will continue to put my favorite characters through hell… but only because I love them. (Sorry Tenko.)

Why do you love "torturing" your favorite character is it one of the reasons above or do you have your own reason?

[grison-in-space]

It's never too late. We are beginning to think about how and why we exploit animals, and how it is not morally consistent with our values; several prominent anarchists and communist bloggers on Tumblr have admitted that veganism is ethically and financially superior on every level, though they don't participate in it, which is sad. All it takes is a little extra work. The collapse of capitalism will also bring the collapse of the animal industry, or vice versa. The meat plants subjugate both humans and animals, causing persistent trauma- in fact, it has the highest rate of trauma among every category of labor. If you support abolition, you should support all abolition: children, psych people, and animals. On a site like Tumblr, we have an opportunity to promote the breakdown of all positions of power. We are all equal.

Honey, you have the wrong fucking blog to the extent that I can only assume you are spamming this message to everyone you think might listen. I have gone on the record several times to say:

I am a pragmatic empiricist. I care much less about ideological consistency than I do about observed outcomes. There are traps there, too—sometimes people get too much into the weeds about observing proxies for desired goals—but essentially I do think that careful observation of the world around me is much more valuable than starting with a consistent ideology and assuming that good intentions will yield good outcomes.

I am motivated by animal welfare. For me, part of that involves meeting animals on their own level, using their own species-specific signals to assess stress and comfort, and understanding animals within their own social context. Therefore,

I am opposed to animal rights narratives that encourage people to project their own imagined emotional responses onto animals without assessing the animals' actual signals in context. Additionally,

I believe as a behavioral ecologist that, for good and for ill, humans are essentially animals participating in a broader ecosystem that includes us. I do not think humans are special or exist outside that broader web, and I think that ecological intervention works most effectively when we see ourselves as part of nature rather than as some kind of twisted unnatural personification of original sin. Conflict and death are part of life. You won't make a better world by pretending otherwise.

I am a disabled person ("psych people?!"), and more specifically an autistic and neurodivergent person. I literally spelled out for you last night that I have difficulties eating and that imposing more barriers to that ("a little extra work") is a significant burden for me. Your easy dismissal of this point is, in context, amazingly and blithely ableist. Wow.

"psych people?!" I am happy to critique coercive psychiatry and medicine more generally, but that one's new on me. If you're not brave enough to use the language of mad/crip pride, are you entirely sure you understand the points of the dialogue? Your demonstrated grasp of disability justice is already extremely poor; this ain't helping.

I am not anti-state (i.e. I am not an anarchist; I am a democratic socialist) and I routinely criticize daydreams about burning entire systems to the ground and replacing them with a vague new system. Those criticisms are usually based in historical analysis of attempts to do exactly that, which have typically resulted in a lot of bloodshed, generally from the most vulnerable people in society. They also often yield a new and not necessarily more egalitarian power structure that continues to oppress people, sometimes more aggressively than the institution preceding it.

For the same reason, I am not a communist. I think communism offers too many opportunities for unscrupulous people to seize power, creating more inequality under the banner of equality itself. Again, this position comes from reading the history of communist states from as many perspectives as I can get my mitts on.

I frequently critique assumptions that capitalism is the only root of social problems. This does not mean that I am pro-capitalism. It means that I think you have to think deeply about problems, especially when it makes you uncomfortable, to understand how to solve them. Many problems that capitalism exacerbates are actually rooted in problems about impulse control (as with Ideas Jerry the other day), basic human social dynamics, emotional regulation, complex traumas, and many other things. You must understand how these problems arise before you can construct a structure that guards against them effectively.

Fundamentally, I think you are probably optimistically spamming this message to anyone that you think will listen. I invite you to consider how effective that is as a tactic to advance your politics: when you pick the wrong person, at best you leave the impression that people serving your ideology are essentially self centered and bad at listening. At worst, you wind up pissing people off enough to sit down and lay out exactly how many points they disagree with you on. Coalitions of solidarity are based on listening carefully to one another and finding the places we agree on; shit like that is antithetical to building them because it sends a very effective signal that you are either very, very bad at listening or uninterested in doing so.

Either way, get out of my house.

[luckykiwiii101]

Okay this is outrageously easy. The way I overcomplicated everything is ummm embarrassing but we move…

So I just really thought and took in that I don't have to put anything on a pedestal and tire myself out I should just stick to that “idc” mindset I have. I was manifesting waking up in the void since I wanted to experience it (and probably manifest my dream life through it) and I was like it's literally nothing, not that deep. Before I would affirm and vaunt many times, visualise and I’d experience that feeling of fulfilment and knowing multiple times until it felt natural. Then yesterday I basically just left it all alone since I already did everything (even when I didn't have to) so it's basically inevitable for me to get what i want, there’s no point in doing anything more now (also methods made me feel like i was struggling to “get” and i didn’t like that). Anyway last night I woke up in the void (by literally falling asleep normally) and I didn't even freak out or anything I was just like "hm okay". I affirmed that I manifest things I want extremely fast and I wake up in the void every night, after I just chilled there for a bit.

I came across this post on how to make your desires feel natural to you i forgot who it was and I honestly can’t be asked finding it but it said to think of it this way. Let’s say many people want a certain feature you have like your eye colour or hair type/texture and they really want it, they even get hella excited or happy thinking about having it. But when you actually take the time to think about that feature you don't even give much of a reaction like you don't care as much that's cus you already have it, it's always been yours. I know I'm repeating what everyone has said and that's because that's literally all there is to say honestly. So being on tumblr scavenging for answers isn't doing anything really. everyone will just repeat the same thing but phrased differently to help people understand better and some people will get mad about them repeating themselves like….. yeah..? that's basically the answer to all your questions.

You think you’re “waiting” to “get” your desires but like it’s the other way round, your desires are waiting for you to wake up and accept that they’re already yours

So it's all just crickets and tumbleweed, if you're just sitting there questioning why you, apparently, don't have your desires. Imagine your desires are just awkwardly watching you ignoring the fact that you already have them and they’re right there in front of you. They’re probably just looking to the left and right, scratching their head. it's especially awkward when you're looking at the 3D for answers when it's literally useless and doesn't do shit, it only reflects old circumstances. That can only change when you turn to yourself or the 4D for answers, and of course any method will help but then again it all comes down to you to decide if it works. If you "want" your desires don’t dismiss what it is that "gets" you them...idk how to phrase it but just start applying and persist it's honestly too easy.

Anyway enough from me, I'm finally deleting this app right after this. This was long sorry if it doesn't make sense but this is how I understood it. To summarise you're all that's left to"getting" your desires. Think of it as having a breakdown over not being able to find your glasses or hair tie but turns out you're wearing it the entire time.

Thank you Wii and all the other bloggers who take the time out of their day to help others with all of this. Take care of yourselves!!

THIS IS AMAZING!!! I’m SO proud of you!! SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY APPLIED WHAT THEY KNEW AND NOW LOOK AT THEM!! you deserve this so much honestly i’m beyond happy for you!

Also i REALLY love the way you put yourself on the pedestal by saying that your desires are waiting for YOU and not the other way round.

[galaxy-fleur]

I hope it's okay to drop this here, since i've been seeing it pop up alot in this fandom sooo here goes

What kinda dad do you think Leon would be like? Parent in general and all that wonderful jazz :D

Also it seems to be quite popular headcanon that he'd be a girl dad, i can see the appeal and i find it super cute lol

Girl dad Leon, my beloved... I'm gonna be writing this with post-Death Island Leon in mind, since that's the best way I can imagine him being a father in my mind!

Leon is a family man at heart, it's nice to imagine him having the freedom to retire and build a simple, comfortable life he deserves. It definitely wouldn't be easy to adapt into a much simpler lifestyle after the one he's known practically all of his life at that point, and there will be challenges associated with that process, but it'll all be worth it in the end. The idea of actually starting a family of his own was always more of a distant idea than anything else for him. Something way on the back of his mind that he never once considered becoming an actual reality he could achieve in his lifetime.

After all... no kid deserves a father that's not only absent for long stretches of time, but also poses a danger to them due to his occupation. Not to mention his drinking problem. The idea of burdening someone with having to raise a kid practically alone, all while also having that same kid at constant risk of kidnapping or something even worse happening to them because of their association with him... Leon wouldn't want to inflict that upon anyone. It wouldn't be fair of him at all, regardless of his own selfish desires.

But once he gets to settle down and get comfortable with a simpler life? That distant thought of his suddenly becomes a very real possibility he might start to consider more often than he's willing to admit. Though I do think his partner will have to be the one to bring it up with him directly. He might become almost painfully obvious with his inner workings without even realizing it: smiling wistfully at the kids goofing around with their parents out in the neighbors' yard, bringing up his childhood memories in conversations way more often than usual, even looking into silly family videos out on the web instead of the usual trashy romantic comedy.

He thinks he's being subtle about it, he really does. Still, it's one thing to think about becoming a parent, and it's completely another to actually have it as an approaching reality. Whether the decision to have a kid is going to be planned, or a somewhat unexpected surprise (if we're talking the natural way here), I kinda feel like he might have a little nervous breakdown about it at first.

It's excitement, happiness, anxiety, and doubt crashing on him all at once. A part of him is so insanely happy and in absolute disbelief that he'll actually be a dad for fuck's sake! Moreover, that someone he loves actually wants to start a family with him! On the other hand, he's almost more terrified than he's ever been before.

What if he's terrible at it? What if he disappoints his partner because he has no idea what he's doing? What if he hurts them both accidentally? And if his partner is pregnant, what if they end up getting hurt, too? Pregnancies are mortifying!

Point is... poor guy is going to have to sit down and calm down for a moment. There will be a long, important conversation in order. He needs to realize that he's not in this alone, and that there is no need for him to put so much pressure on himself. Take it one day at a time. He has that luxury now, after all.

He might get a tad overprotective and overbearing with his partner if they are pregnant. He means well, he really, truly does. He just wants to be the best partner he can be. But it can get rather frustrating when he keeps following them around like some kind of guard dog, not even letting them do as much as cook for themselves without butting in with the: 'you don't need to do anything, sugar, I got this'. While some might have no issue with it at all, a more independent person can start feeling a tad suffocated.

His protectiveness comes from a good place. In his point of view, having an entire kid growing inside you is an insane feat in and of itself. He doesn't want to be one of those partners who do nothing and just sit back while their spouse struggles on their own. In a way, he sort of overcompensates for his own feelings of inadequacy. And while he will always be a bit paranoid and overprotective, he will back off if asked to. It really depends on the kind of person his partner is. But healthy communication goes a long way.

Though he'll still be a nervous wreck when his kid gets born. He won't show it in front of his partner, though. If there's anything good that came out of his career as a federal agent, it's an ability to push through his fears and anxieties, and stay cool in stressful situations. He'll actually be a great supportive presence to be around. It's kind of humorous, really. He was such a major worrywart throughout the entire pregnancy, but at the most stressful time of it all, he's cool as a cucumber. He'll ensure that everything is in order, take care of all the rising issues on the go and keep murmuring soft encouragements.

He can't do much about the way his hands are shaking, though. And he'll definitely full-on collapse onto nearest chair or bench once it's all over. And yes. He will cry when he sees his baby for the first time. Depending on how tough the birthing process was, it might turn into a full-on ugly cry, too. Poor guy is overwhelmed and just can't help but let it flow free out of him in a form of tears. I also feel like he'll end up holding his partner's hand and thanking them tearfully. For giving him something so wonderful like this. He's a bit of a mess, but it's very heartwarming to see.

I also feel like he'll be so very torn at all times between staying by his partner's side and visiting his baby (since this IS a girl dad Leon ask, let's say it's a daughter! :3). He can't help but wish he could clone himself, so he could be at two places at once. He'll still get emotional whenever he sees his daughter for a few days at least. It just doesn't feel real to him at all. That this tiny little human lying in the cradle in front of him is his daughter. Something created out of love and happiness, instead of blood and violence.

Would be straight up terrified of holding her despite literally learning all the proper way to do that months prior. She's so small and fragile, and while his form is no longer as robust and muscular as he remembered, he still feels like he might hurt her without meaning to. Needless to say, he'll be standing there like a wooden post once she gets put into his arms. It's a bit funny to look at. Watch him absolutely melt however, when he reaches out to gently brush his finger over his baby's cheek and she grabs onto it with her tiny hand.

...Needless to say, another crying session might be in order. He'll get his bearings together soon enough. Just give him time.

As an actual dad, Leon is clumsy and a bit of a goofball, but he truly does his best. He makes some stupid mistakes sometimes, can be a bit overbearing, and is awkward with discipline. But he's also fiercely affectionate, very involved in his daughter's life, and is always there to be her support when she needs it.

He adores his daughter to bits and pieces. Leon is a quick learner, so there is no need to worry about him being unable to take care of the baby when she's in her first months of life. In fact, he gets almost scarily good at it. Him being pretty unaffected by having to deal with gross tasks is a pleasant bonus. After encountering all kinds of disgusting things in his career, changing diapers and burping a baby is a breeze. He's also a great entertainer. And while a newborn baby might not get any of his cheezy jokes or lame one-liners, she sees her dad smiling and laughing down at her, so she joins in on the fun as well. It's cute.

And hey, his daughter might be onto something with finding the jiggling of his keys the most hilarious thing in existence.

He's bad with dealing with her crying, though. Not because it annoys him or anything, but because he instantly gets a bit too anxious for his own good. What if she's in pain somewhere? Babies can't tell you where it hurts! Do they need to call a doctor? Oh, no, it looks like she was just hungry. That's a relief.

His heart is too fragile for these scares, or so he says.

As his daughter grows up, some things get easier, while others get harder. Leon always knows how to make her laugh and cheer her up, though some of his jokes will make her groan and roll her eyes at him as she grows older. But it's sweet to see him be his silly playful self with her. It can get hard for him to separate from her as she grows older. Leon knows just how rotten and dangerous this world can be all too well, and the idea of not being there with her to protect her when she needs it - is terrifying to him.

But he needs to accept that his daughter needs to make her own decisions, even if they might not always end in her favor. What he should be focusing on, is showing her that she can always come to him when she needs it. And he can't do that if he smothers her. It's a process, and it'll probably be stressful for all parties involved. But he'll come to terms with it eventually. And it'll definitely make his heart feel way lighter once he sees his baby having fun on her own and flourishing in a way he always knew she would. Even if it tugs at his heartstrings to know that she's not that tiny bundle of joy anymore. But she'll always be his precious baby.

Leon is also a bit clumsy when it comes to discipline, mostly because it's hard for him to distinguish that delicate line between being too harsh and being too soft. So, he just starts avoiding enacting any discipline in the first place. Not the best choice of action on his part, and he knows that, but he just can't help himself. I do think he'll have at least one moment of accidentally raising his voice at her, probably as a gut response to something like seeing her try to touch a hot kettle or something of that sort. He'll feel terrible for scaring her right afterwards. He might need some encouragement from his partner on that front.

Overall, I see Leon as a dad who's not perfect by any means, but he tries his best and loves his kid with all his heart. And that's what really matters at the end of the day.

[devilart2199-aibi]

I know I already said this prior to you, but I adore your Stunticon designs so much and feel an absolute rush of joy when I see you post art of any of them. I yearn for more information on your AU versions of them, and what happens to them all when they get to earth.

Where does Dead End go when he helps Breakdown, where do Motormaster, Drag Strip and Wildrider go after the split up in the team and how do they all handle it? They're all connected through the gestalt bond, which makes a gestalt closer than any other cybertronians, and how do they handle Motormaster hurting Breakdown, and then losing two of their own?

Does Motormaster ever regret what he did to Breakdown?

Thank you again! Hearing your interest in my AU really does make me so happy!! 🥺💕 So feel free to ask away! I've been pretty busy recently so I haven't had any time to work on the au sadly. But let's answer some questions now! With some drawings!! >:3

Also long post warning! !

"Where does Dead End go when he helps Breakdown?"

In short, undecided atm! But this is what happened if he was planning to leave with Breakdown:

Dead End and Breakdown agreed on a meeting spot a bit outside the Stunticons base. But when Breakdown doesn't show up for a long while, Dead End figured he got cold feet and began heading back to base only to get a coms transmission from MotorMaster telling him to meet up with Dragstrip and Wild Rider who are currently in pursuit of Breakdown!

Dead End would be wayyyy behind the others and only end up catching a glimpse of Breakdown and Knockout being apprehended by the Autobots, the other Stunticons long gone.

Dead End wasn't really sure what he would do now. It seemed like the others didn't know he wanted out like Breakdown. But what if they did? Does he risk it and go back? What was he going to do if the plan had gone smoothly even?

Well... he hadn't really got that far. He just knew he was tired, and Breakdown suggested an out. But joining another group of hot-headed 'Cons? Really?? He needed something different... maybe just... roaming around earth would be fun? It definitely has to be calmer than anything he's experienced the past few Megacycles.

For Dead End, since I wasn't sure if I would have him leave with Breakdown or not, I hadn't chose a story for him yet, though i did have a few ideas in mind.

"Where do MotorMaster, Dragstrip and Wild Rider go after the split up in the team and how do they handle it?"

They probably wouldn't go far, maybe just relocate their base. The remaining team would stick together for the most part. They're still the Stunticons, just... less.

MotorMaster would become hell-bent on getting the two back one way or another... or maybe even making them pay for such treachery to their team.

"How do they handle MotorMaster hurting Breakdown, and then losing two of their own?"

They were used to MM's intimidation techniques to get them back in line, but nothing like this. Sure he'd give 'em a good toss, smack or yelling at, but this, this was something else.

For Dragstrip he'd think to himself "What did Breakdown think would happen if he told MM him off and ditched the team? What a fool" as a kind of way to make sense of the situation. He'd definitely stand a bit further from MM than before.

As for Wild Rider, he loved a good fight. Heck he didn't mind killing a few bots! But never each other. He got an uneasy feeling from the whole thing.

For Dead End, they always remember him voicing his annoyance and tiredness with everything, but they never actually thought he'd do anything about it.

"Does MotorMaster ever regret what he did to Breakdown?"

Sadly not. He probably only regrets not being able to see Breakdown's desire to leave sooner. Not that he'd know what he'd do then.

And I think that was it? Thanks again for the questions and curiosity towards my au!! :3

[strom-in-the-sky]

hii i just saw your dazai smut and it means so much to me 🥺

is it possible to do a dazai x afab reader comfort + smut who has small chest is often feels insecure of the way she looks, thinking shes not as pretty as the other girls and had a breakdown in front of him about how she is not good enough and doesnt understand why someone as handsome and desirable as dazai would ever love her?

tysm bby <3

Ahhhhh! Thank you >< I'm glad to hear!!! Thanks for the request! ♡

Warnings/content.

Female user, no y/n mentioned. user is a bit inoccent in a sense. Dazai nickname for women ((Bella, belladonna)), body shaming on user part. User not mentioned as skiny, or plump. (You all pretty never underestimated yourself ♡) breakdown/ poor mental health. Mention slightly of dazai past. Dazai being probably occ. Insecurities. Written by someone who's a virgin and no experience in sex is not actually to the real thing. NSFW under the cut.

Sort ngl.

You were pretty in dazai's eye. Very pretty. For a man sin and dirt on his hand, he found peace in someone, and that lovely person is you. He doesn't even care what type of body you have. Sure, he been around once and awhile paying with other girl's feelings. But yours oh his sweet little inoccent bella. He loves you so much and pretty much shows you it every single day. Many kisses in the morning, secretly making sure you were much better than him. Seriously, this man is broke, but he spends every cent on you to see you smile happy. It felt much, much better than anything else he ever indulged in. Now dazai isn't stupid. He is a very smart man. Many more sometimes than you expect. So when he felt something was off with his sweet bella, he opted for the best option, finding it out himself. Since you probably wouldn't tell him straight up or lie. He could see it, so he opted to get the answers he wanted himself.

"Bella~, I'm heading out to buy us something to eat, alright? I be back in a bit, " he lied but for a good reason "accidently" leaving his wallet on the counter as he made his way out of the bedroom. You were showing, but you till heard what he said. Once you came out, the shower, drying off your skin. You got on your bra and panties before letting a small sigh out. Looking down at your chest. Dazai always said your body was built so wonderful for him. The perfect nature of a woman in his eyes. The doubts started to flood your head. Wonderfully. Just wonderfully. "I wonder what he sees in a woman like me... he is so handsome and wonderful. I'm just a skiny bones.... I don't even have a chest... maybe a more woman with a chest...or ass..mabye, even a skinner waist...." Words leak out your mouth almost like how water did. Oh, but that lovely boyfriend heard it all. His stomach dropped. How could his wonderful Bella think of that! It broke his heart to hear you sniffls but also he loved hearing them when if was onlt for him...oh his sweet bella dod things to his heart.... "He probably doesn't deserve me-" With that, the door was pushed open as dazai pulled you into his arms. He was taller, lanky frame curled over yours as he pulled you back into his chest. "Bella. Never ever think of that again, you hear me. I love you. Do you know what you do to me? You make me... feel whole... don't you ever say if you deserve me. I'm the one who is lucky here." he mumbled into your ears as you cried. God, he hated how much it made him twitch in his pants. As he just wished to bend you over and take you then. But he knew he had to care softly for his precious Bella first.

"Just let me show you how much I love this body of yours~" he didn't even let you get a next word as he sat down on the bed pulling you to his back again making you face a mirror in the shared bedroom. The small, fully body mirror, as he loop his legs to yours to pull them apart. He whispered nothing but sweet words in his ears as his lanky hands ran down your neck to your chest. "You know I like any women, bella~, and well, I don't care if you don't have a chest or a models body. You know how adorable you are when your girls get perked~ like~ ah! There it's~ It looks like someone existed to see me!" His big palms didn't waste time getting the bra off as he tossed it away as he squished your small chest. His figures worked on pinching and twisting your nipples. Chuckling at your face as he watched threw the mirror. As small mewls came from your lips, one hand moved to travel to your neck and hold your head to look at yourself in the mirror when you tired to look away as the other slid down your body over your stomach. "Your belly is so good too~ I just move to rest my head on it, so squishy and nice~ so much hickey i can leave on it~ my sweet bella..." he purred as he titled his head to suck and lick your neck. His hand squished your stomach as his palm almost cover your whole stomach, completely tracing heart shapes to it. His eyes looked at your face as he smirked. "Good girl~ and then his litte pretty cunt. I can't get enough of it." That when it came painfully noticeable. He was rock hard in his pants. He knew what he was doing as he shifted his hips a bit. "Feel it bella? Feel what your body does to me? I can't control it when it comes to you~" he chuckled as his hand traced your pantie line.

"Suck a shame. I got to mess up my pretty girl pussy up~"

I hope this was good >< slightly rushed and I might add more or change more later....

Proof read- nu uh.

[lagomortis]

HELLOOOOOOO youve read kitakawa? :33

Hello!!! Yes, I really loved it! It really explores some interesting themes... codependency, sadomasochism, love, abuse, vulnerability, etcetc.

While the first part of Airi one-sidedly doing things to Hina is interesting, I think the story really elevated when the roles reversed. Their differing perspectives on what sadism means for them leave you so much to unpack.

I need to think about it more, but here are my main thoughts as of now: (warning for spoilers, vomit, abuse, ageplay, etc.)

Kitakawa I think handles sadomasochism in a very sympathetic way that doesn't demonize Airi or Hina. Neither of them are doing proper BDSM etiquette in any way, a lot of coercion and manipulation, but it really shows that the prime reason for their taboo fetishes isn't sexual gratification (though that does play a role), but a deep desire to see the other person at their most honest and vulnerable.

Airi humiliates and hurts Hina for selfish reasons, she doesn't care about Hina's wellbeing or consent, but from the very beginning it's clear that she doesn't do it out of hatred. She loves that Hina would do anything for her. She might not have the emotional capacity to love Hina, but she loves that Hina loves her. She thinks Hina is, as the title says, cutest in these moments. For someone so focused on appearances, it's exhilarating to make someone else do something unseemly, but she gets to stay safe herself and protect her own mental self image.

The thing is though, Hina is seeing Airi at her most honest and vulnerable too. It's not a one way mirror.

To understand Airi, we have to ask a question. Why does fake self harm when she is legitimately suicidal? Why does she feel the need to manipulate when it is the truth that she is upset and hurting?

The same reason Airi manipulates and coerces Hina. A need for control. This doesn't make her evil, either, it's an urge everyone has. Life is scary and unpredictable, we feel the need to have at least something we can control. Airi can't just tell Hina honestly "I have a vomit fetish and I want to have weird yuri moments with you", that invites rejection and judgement. She can't just tell her friends she's hurting, she has to feel like she's faking and that she's the mastermind of her situation.

When the roles reverse, it's interesting how Hina reenacts the things Airi originally did to her. She clearly never enjoyed what they were doing, she isn't actually a masochist, but she loved that it made Airi happy. She loves Airi very deeply, so why does she hurt and manipulate her after her breakdown?

I think the answer comes from the ageplay bit at the beginning. I saw some people say that scene was unnecessary, but I disagree. Uncomfortable, sure, I'm not into age-play either, but it really shows what they were both getting from it. Airi got to humiliate Hina and explore this taboo part of herself, have intimacy without perceived vulnerability, while Hina got to have an intimate moment with Airi.

The fact that Airi gets upset during the aftercare when she notices Hina was enjoying herself is because it threatened her sense of control. It seemed more like she was sharing an intimate moment with a girlfriend, not like she was humiliating someone. From her inner monologue when they have sex for the first time, you can gather she has a lot of internalized homophobia and this part of herself scares her.

But Hina remembered that sense of care after their play. She wants that vulnerability and love between them, and she isn't nearly as afraid of what others think of her for it. She is trying to see the world from Airi's perspective, to contextualize her love for Airi in a way Airi can understand.

She also has interpreted Airi's cruel acts as attention and love.

That's not to say her motivations are purely selfless, though. From the beginning, she wants to be Airi's one and only. She's possessive and jealous, but these are normal things to feel, too. She's a teenage lesbian dealing with a lot of strong emotions.

They keep hurting each other, their worst traits culminating in a tragedy that results in both of their deaths. Airi's fear of vulnerability, fear of how she's perceived, need for control. Hina's permissiveness, possessiveness, need for Airi to be hers alone.

So where did the tragedy start? Was it Airi's fault? Hina's? The girl who exposed them? Was it inevitable?

I don't know, but godddd I can't stop thinking about it. Sorry for posting a whole rant in response to your ask, but glad to meet other kitakawa fans and I would love to hear other's thoughts!

[trismon55555]

TADC: 7 Deadly Sins Edition

Disclaimer: This is a for fun and non-serious analysis post, some of these connections and reasoning are barely connections and more personal hunches, if not mere joke connections.

The artwork I am using I got from TADC Wiki, and credit @gooseworx So i give her credit for the art I just... de-saturated and hue-shifted for the sin comparisons.

Also, the color coordination of said sin to character is based on the colors used in the game Whacked! for Xbox.

So without further ado, lets start with characters with what I feel like is the strongest case, and go down from there.

Caine was a clear fit for Pride, he takes great accomplishment in his work as an adventure craftsman. Despite the fact none of the human players seem to like or want to go on them at times, or come back happy. Heck when Zooble went on about how everyone doesn't like them, he has an AI equivalent to a mental breakdown, if only for a moment. He loves what he does, if only because that's how he was made.

A bit further out there but still a decent alignment in my eyes, Jax enjoys harming and or tormenting others for his own gain. While it is said to be a coping mechanism, he still gets some kick off of making others miserable, and when he fails to, it annoys him. as we see at the end of episode 3. I also get the irony of mentioning Whacked! and making the only rabbit character Wrath.

Zooble hates the body they were stuck with and simply desires to find something that feels "Good". if that ain't a good contender for Envy, I don't know what is.

We are now going into the "Bit of a Stretch" Territory. Ragathas lust has less to due with sexual desires, and more to do with the desire to be liked/loved by everyone around her. She has genuine good intentions, I give her that, but she also was so desperate in the pilot to 2nd episode to bury the sour feelings she had for Pomni ditching her for the exit, simply because she didn't want Pomni to feel bad for it. Then episode 4 came and revealed her true thoughts in stupid sauce form. That she hates Jax, but doesn't want him to hate her. And of course we cant gloss over the "I wish someone would flirt with me" line.

Probably the one I think most are gonna hate me for. Gangle to me, seems like the one who moves the slowest and the least. While Sloth is generally tacked onto lazy people, I would say Gangle is, well, Not. Episode 4 shows that she did pretty well all things considered as a Manager (At least compared to OTHER examples), but outside of that, and Driving in episode 2, she... doesn't really seem to do much. Yes she draws, and is good at it, not knocking that.

Honestly, All I got for Kinger is that He hoards a lot of Pillows for his fort. That's it...

Outside of Process of Elimination, I have only one reason why I chose Pomni as Gluttony. if anyone remembers when Marissa Lenti @vixenvtuber (Vixen_VTuber on Twitch / Vixen the Reindeer on youtube) did a livestream with the other VA's of digital circus, playing TheAmazingDigitalFanGame (Made by the talented and incredible @allhailthequeenuwu ) The Voice Actress for Pomni, Lizzie Freeman, was noticeably eating during some parts, and was lightly teased about it during the stream. No shade Lizzie, You were incredible in that stream as well.

Now you may be wondering, Why No bubble? Well, there are 7 sins, and Bubble has so few lines and scenes that it's hard to really gauge what that airhead is thinking. Yes yes, they might've fit Gluttony better than Pomni, as they ate an entire cake, and licked up her Vomit in the pilot, I find the Reason for Pomni much funnier.

And well, That is how they say, Is that. I would like to preference again this was made for fun. none of these connections are canon, and some are barely connections at all. so please don't blindly accept them as Fact. as they are not, at least not entirely. Just some random persons opinion on a tired old trope the internet likes to do on occasion. And again: Art Credit goes to Gooseworx for the 2D art. I just Recolored them.

[bookwormwithadhd]

so my nlmg review / meta / rant / idk what this is im just gonna put my jumbled thoughts in here

i started never let me go because... pondphuwin, plus the plot seemed interesting, and let's say they both didn't let me down, the first more than the latter. but i do have a bunch of criticism for it and things i wish they had done differently.

I'll start from my favourite things about Never Let Me Go:

First of all, the freaking OST. so far NLMG has the best OST in any thai bl I've watched. It was so contextual, beautiful, weaving in and out of focus when it needed to, had a big role in setting the mood of so many scenes, in creating tension and resolving it. The songs chosen in many of the romantic scenes were super fitting and all had a similar vibe somehow. The OST helped hold this entire show together so well. I really need to save a bunch of the songs from the OST to my playlists.

Second thing, the cinimatography of the show. From start to finish, NLMG consisted of so many aesthetically pleasing shots. All the visuals were amazing, and served the plot and themes of the show so much. The colour grading of the show gave it a very nostalgic feel. The scenes that showed confidence were so powerful, the scenes with the sweet moments were so soft, the scenes that showed desire were so strong and heartfelt. Honestly the director of the show did such a good job. Also thematically a lot of shots showed the class difference and social hierarchy, as pointed put by @biochemjess in this post, by using levels and the characters positions in the scenes. Or the lighting discussed by @respectthepetty in this post. There are a lot more thematic things that were shown through the cinimatography but im too lazy to analyze them all. All in all, I loved how each and every scene was so put together from visuals to music to acting. Good job jojo.

Third, PondPhuwin's INSANE chemistry, and their amazing acting in general.

I'll start with Phuwin. He did so well portraying Nuengdiao's character. It was so satisfying and awesome to see it from the subtle body language to the big emotions. Phuwin is so good with big emotional scene's ™ it literally gives me goosebumps. He was able to show the softness yet the rage in Nuengdiao, all the pain but all the happiness, all the immaturity and maturity displayed by him throughout the series. The freaking confidence after coming back from the island, and the uncle kit confrontation scene were so powerful, so well acted and vital to Nueng's character arc, and Phuwin did them flawlessly. Some of my favourite scenes that showcase Phuwin's brilliant acting are the rooftop fight/breakdown scene (it was actuallyone of the first scenes i saw a clip of before i watched nlmg and i was like nah i gotta watch it), the fight/break up on the beach scene, the putting-palm-to-sleep-and-running-away scene (might be my favourite scene ever even though it's so sad), the comeback feom the island and taking his rightful place as a heir sequence, the palm getting shot sequence. Like, oh my god, again, goosebumps. Have I mentioned how good Phuwin is in big emotional scenes???

And Pond... that guy, he's probably one of my favourite thai actors ever. Pond has a certain feel, a certain texture and genuineness in his acting that I can't put my hands on, but oh god, do i feel with every role he plays. His acting has a flavour that I really love. He does geniune, sincere, devoted, softly strong like no other. I saw his acting in We Are first, and honestly it was so surprising to me at the beginning how different Palm's personality is from Phum's (they do have their similarities, but in the beginning of nlmg, Palm was so diff). This showed me how much range Pond has. The hesitance, the politeness, the strength yet softness, the sweet confidence, the micro expressions and the not so micro expressions, they were able to paint Palm's personality so well from ep1 directly. His devotion to his work and to Nuengdiao were so prevalent in every look on his face. His conflict of wanting becoming closer to Nueng but also wanting to (more like having to) do what his father wants him to do, was so well acted. And all the confidence Palm gained at the island arc, when they were in the safety of the island, free like the sea, away from expectation, it was so beautiful to watch Pond act that. Some scenes that highlight what im talking about are the scene in the hospital when Palm confronts his dad about not caring about him (then we see Tanya hugging Nueng just after Palm got slapped by his dad and like kahskajmaj), the scene were he sees Nueng kiss Ben, the shooting class scene ("love is much more powerful than hatred" YEAH TAKE IT FROM THE GUY WHO IS FULL OF DEVOTION AND DESIRE), the scene when Nueng humiliated him at the party (i hate the scene but Palm's face, Palm's reaction, Palm's heart breaking... its powerful), Palm coming back to confront Nueng after the first breakup. The list goes on.

Now PondPhuwin together? it's fucking ART okay? it's so beautiful in all its shapes and forms. All the longing looks, every stare, every piece of dialogue shared, every touch, the tension was there, very strongly. It was so there you could feel it through the screen. Then all the romantic scenes, all the sweet ones, they served. The fight scenes were so good. The soft scenes were so good. The angsty scenes were spot on. The comforting scenes, the hugs, the pain, the tattoo kiss (i will never be over that), the way their relationship goes through so many different stages and so many different dynamics and they did each one of them so fucking well. I honestly will stop talking about this because i could write a 100k essay just about how much i love to see them together on the screen. You guys get me, right????

Anyway, another thing this show did right was FEMALE CHARACTERS. I can't stress this enough, but I'm so tired of shows that give the most 2D, weakly written, unlovable female characters only. And here we got three well flesh out, well written important female characters. Starting with Mrs Tanya, Nueng's mother.

If you saw my post after watching ep 1, you saw how much Tanya caught my eye and attention. And that didn't stop as the show went on. She is strong, loving, caring, but flawed, and oh do i love that. I live that she isnt perfect. I love that we see how much she tries to do her best after her husband's death, how confident she is managing the business and stating her terms and boundaries, and how much she tries to protect and care for Nueng. Was her way of doing that right all the time? not really. but that makes her realistic and makes sense for her character. She unconsciously puts pressure on Nueng for being the only hope for the Kiattrakulmethee family, just like his dad did, and unknowns makes Nueng's relationship with Palm more strained with the promise she made Palm make. But over all, we see a genuine caring mother, that fixed her mistakes by the end and tried her hardest to be successful. (Also she is gorgeous??? i can't not mention that. plus her stylist slayed)

Up next is Maggie!! she was such a pleasant and very very needed character. She helped in Palm's development by being a very good friend. Im so grateful they didn't make her flirty with him all the time and the usual not being able to read the room and trying to get in between the mcs. Nope, we got a genuine friend, who had an initial crush on Palm (i mean look at him, who wouldn't??) but then realised the story, recognised so many of Palm's internal problems and gave him much needed advice and support. They were so cute to see together, and i loved the scenes were she was talking to Palm about what she wants to do with her life, and asking him about what he wants to do with his. I think there was something beautiful there because we saw so much of Palm interacting with people from higher class, poeple who dont understand an integral part of his character, and then we see him talking to maggie, who is also working class, who is also trying to navigate her life and live it to it's fullest job after job. Idk why i liked that this much. I love Maggie, she deserves the best.

And finally, the character i thought i was gonna hate but i loved immensely, Palm's mom, mama Mam. We meet her, as a mother who doesn't know her son, a selfish mother that left and loves her family on her own terms. But them once her son comes back to her life, she steps up to take her role as a mother, and boy does she do good. What we saw of her in the few episodes she was in, was so important. She embraced her son's presence fully and read him so well, gave him advice and supoort he very much needed, gave him a safe place and so much love (for him and his boyfriend), and then as a final tribute, sacrificed her life for theirs.

Her character portrayed the complexity of motherhood, of love, of life. The thing she told palm about life not being all about love explained a lot about her character, and is kinda true. So yeah i love how well written she was.

Now, for side character appreciation we get CHOPPER! You dont get how much love I have for him. He is a green flag, no, a green forest and literally such an perfect character. Perth's acting>>>>>>>>>>> The fact that Chopper faced all that conflict alone, had to choose between jailing his own father and becoming complicit in his crimes, it's heartbreaking. Even Ben wasn't by his side at that point. He was so alone, yet he did the right thing. Love a character with strong values. I love that he didn't have any negative feeling towards Nueng, despite all their parents' conflicts. And him confornging his father? badass, even if he faiked to stop him. Him shooting his father? BADASS.