#+in complete agony
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guys.... (tearing up) i think i feel my kidney stone passing (happy)
#reading up on symptoms is so fucking scary but my symptoms match a stone moee rhan anything#and as of today i think i can feel the pain of the stone passing start to move down my body FUCKKK YESSSS#if i hadnt had a uti before i would be a lot more freaked out but i know what those feel like thankfully#sorry for only painposting and My life fucking sucks posting lately im a bit of a blogger#some sources said the most painful part is when its trying to leave your kidney so hopefully once it starts moving along further i wont be+#+in complete agony
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an explosive ending
#it was so fun seeing g's reaction to mumbo's permadeath from other povs--all you could see was him completely frozen in grief and/or agony#i love seeing my blorbos suffer :)#mumbo jumbo#wild life#life series#trafficblr#mcyt#fanart
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Basically, my philosophy around disability fakers is: I would rather a thousand people fake a disability than have one disabled person suffer without care, aids, compassion, or any help.
#disability#disability advocacy#and there's a difference not many people seem to recognize between faking and realizing you don't have [x] problem...#...such as realizing you don't have [x] disorder because it is instead [y] disorder...#...or you haven't completely understood your care needs/your symptoms/what helps you...#...and some people see ANY change in your understanding of your disability as proof of maliciously faking...#...when i suppose in my personal experience people don't *maliciously* fake disability...#...i'm not saying it could never happen but that i don't think it's the *only* thing motivating people called fakers#i just think (like most everything) this is complex and nuanced because it's a *human* experience#like for me personally i /know/ i still have a lot to learn about my disabilities...#...like... i realized recently that my hands shouldn't be in AGONY when warm water is ran over them when it's SLIGHTLY cold inside or out...#...and i realized that i likely have a Noticable limb difference that needs checking out. does this sound like i'm faking...#...or that maybe i just didn't really explore my own needs and body because of a variety of factors?#i can assure you it is because i haven't really thought before about how i deserved to understand how to best help myself
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The more I think about it, the more I question Arcane S2's politics and themes, which were so foundational to S1. Like, a tiny example [SPOILERS AHEAD]:
Singed wins. He gets exactly what he wants in the end. All his "efforts" are rewarded. What does that say about people who share his ideology of eugenics? He is the source of nearly every horrible thing and conflict that happened (Shimmer, the factory deaths, Jinx, Vander as Warwick, the corruption of Viktor), and he gets a happier ending than any other character. Not even a 'he got what he wanted but he has become completely unrecognizable/monstrous to his daughter' tag at the end. You can say they're setting him up and need to open his daughter to future shows, but the way you end a character's story says something about what you think about that character. What does it say when the eugenicist war criminal gets the happy ending he doesn't deserve?
#personal#delete later#and you can say “it's not that deep it's just what makes sense to end his character” but lets not kid ourselves#this past month people have been chattering about microexpressions in animation or metaphors and symbolism in interactions#and random props and set details. the end of a character's arc MEANS something thematically.#and it just feels offputting that the most unforgivable character wins while everyone else is dead or suffers alone#and don't give me that “sometimes the bad guy wins” look this is an extreme lol.#i would be fine with this outcome for singed if literally EVERY other character wasn't suffering. only singed got what he wanted#honestly fans who have been completely unwilling to consider negative analysis and criticisms of arcane annoy me so much#y'all chirp about how amazing it is that arcane is so political until the politics get weird. then it's a completely apolitical show#specifically the final “dirt under you fingernails” line. that felt so weird and offputting coming from vi#a part of this is definitely just reactionary anger at a fictional character. like. you caused untold amounts of suffering and agony#all for your daughter. fuck you you don't get your daughter
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KH MANGA MADE THE DONALD AND GOOFY LEAVE SORA BEHIND SCENE MORE PAINFUL IM GOING TO WALK INTO THE OCEAN
and to this day, Sora has still not really processed this moment. Like it’s had a few mentions - primarily in 358/2 Days as the memory that triggers the first time Roxas ever cries and KH3 when Sora describes knowing hurt - but not in depth. This is not just Donald and Goofy leaving; this is also Riku openly declaring that Sora will never catch up to him/is useless and unremarkable, unworthy in every regard. “Just the delivery boy”. This is Riku throwing his friendship back in Sora’s face. This boy has so much trauma to unpack
#kingdom hearts#sora#kh manga#kh meta#PAIN AND AGONY ON THIS PLANET EARTH#HE’S JUST CURLED UP LIKE COMPLETELY GIVEN UP#eli.thinks.of.things
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the first of many betrayals (nmj is willing to throw other people to the wolves (his little brother) if it means he's not the one being immediately pestered)
#don't feed the gossipmonger#the agonies of trying to complete paperwork around the nie brothers who both hate paperwork for completely different reasons#nieyao#jin guangyao#jgy#meng yao#nie mingjue#nmj#mdzs#nie huaisang#nhs#nie brothers#the untamed#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#my art#the nightmare that is nmj/jgy has been living in my head rent free for the past few days#this is my method of saying i have strong feelings about jgy as a little spoon without actually needing to draw something as complex as tha
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🎵bow wow wow, bow wow wow, he's a good boy who never stops~🎵
#me and the gang boppin' heads to the shinra propaganda bluegrass disco drum n bass banger#ffvii#barret wallace#cloud strife#tifa lockhart#my art <3#my music <3#listen i HAD to go with the banjo.#fun fact for nerds: the tom drum roll in rebirth's version of this track pans the same direction as the tom samples in the og soundfont!#right to left!! idk that just tickled me when i noticed lol. i wonder if it was deliberate?#also I FINALLY GOT TO USE THE CHOCOBO SOUND EFFECT my life is complete.#cursed fun fact for cursed nerds: said chocobo sound effect is actually a very pitched-up sample of... uh. i'm not sure actually.#but it sounds like a moan. and not at all a moan of pain or agony. the more you know! :)
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Now in this twilight, how dare you speak of grace.
#magolor#magolor soul#Meta Knight#bandana dee#bandee#waddle dee#kirby#king dedede#dedede#kirby's return to dreamland#kirby's return to dreamland deluxe#krtdldx#dark matter#hinted at if nothing else#hek ye mumford & sons lyrics#this took me too long#hc that magolor was in complete agony when possessed#cw bright colors#cw eyestrain#kinda?? would rather be safe#mine#my art#idk how to do lighting pls go easy
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yeah that's uhh that's definitely something
#'david jenkins is a neil gaiman fan' U SHUT UP!!! IM SO FUCKING SCARED RIGHT NOW U SHUT UP?!!!#the difference in crowley's and ed's expression tho. one is in complete panic and agony and the other is just numb#says a lot if u ask me#something something the demon (or demon coded) character shots at the angel (coded) character who has complete trust in them#something something i dont even know what this means#good omens#good omens s2#azicrow#crowley#aziraphale#ofmd#our flags mean death#gentlebeard#stede bonnet#edward teach
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i want to finish this one so bad
#ugh he is so ugly#i crave him carnally#zandik rights#i did end up getting my meds#perspective and composition of this piece has had me in complete agony#wip#it's my gap year i'll draw if i want to
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What's cooking g oh dear god where's your head
#tags babble: he had a sort of glitch after respawning where his neck was permanently replaced with a coil#the first few days was like complete agony and self loathing rage#he tried ripping the heads off his crew kinda rage#after he calmed down he started hopping crews due to tweaking out or being outcasted#hes chill now#trust#lethal company#lethal company oc
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it can't be unlearned i've known the warmth of your doorways through the cold, i'll find my way back to you
oh, please, give me mercy no more that's a kindness you can't afford
(do you hear me howling, babe?)
#tedependent#trent crimm#ted lasso#tedtrent#ted x trent#gert giffer#usergif#tedlassosource#tedlassoedits#tedlassogifs#appletvedits#appletvsource#appletvgifs#usersource#userstream#experimenting with a bunch of things so it turned out. hmmm.#well i hyperfixated on doing this for like an insane amount of hours to distract myself from cramps and agony#like genuinely like eight hours straight? hmmm#anyway im not completely pleased with it but i need to go to BED and i like a lot of it so. TO POSTS JAIL IT GOES (my blog)#james lance#jameslanceedit#jason sudeikis#jasonsudeikisedit#tedlassogif#tvedit
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i might be shot but tbh i think fiction podcasts have an issue with racial representation
#monstrous agonies n travelling light have allegory but allegory is still just allegory#mabel n wolf 359 r the only fucking podcasts ive seen in which where someone is from actually affects them#not to mention how many popular audio dramas are made by white people? might just be my experience idk#and they still seemingly have representation bc the fandom draws the characters as poc even if the actor isnt#which would be completely differentif it was tv or smthn#like ofc ppl can draw whatever they want but theres something to that disconnect that is strange to me#also the penumbra approach of actively avoiding race as a theme in the podcast#magnus in general?? they might be improving a little with protocol but i have not seen people addressing it a lot#and of course the cecil palmer effect#this is in large part due to the audio only medium#but its weird to see a medium praised for queer rep have race almost entirely ignored in favor of setting the world in somewhere w/o racism#maybe its bc so much is set in less irl settings so people feel like its more ok to distance themselves from these issues#but still?? for example hallowoods (havent finished it so dont come at me if this changed later in the podcast)#theres the blatant evangelical christianity allegory and all the transphobia n homophobia is dealt with but not white supremacy?#which seems lacking if its trying to criticize that particular sect of christianity#n malevs complete ignorance of lovecraft#and if youre going to set it in the 1920-1930s america why arent you dealing with the time period#just a rant i havent done deep research into this or anything. dont kill me#podcasts
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I’m going to paint you a picture of modern communication, and how it is fundamentally broken.
Let’s look at one friend. You chat pretty much everyday, and mostly talk to this person on twitter and discord, with occasional tumblr DMs. That’s three places you talk. But that’s actually not true, because you also have each other’s priv twitters and talk there as well. That’s four. Now account for, let’s say, one post reply per account per person, in addition to your DMs. That’s eight. But that’s ALSO not true, because not only do you talk in discord DMs with each other, but you’re in a friend group server as well! And you talk in those channels together! That’s nine.
This is one friend.
Now look around you. How many friends, how many mutuals are you in contact with. A few, a handful, a dozen, more? How many accounts per person do you have, how many places can you send each other posts, devolve into separate topics and conversations? How many people text you as well. Friends, family, coworkers? What do you do day to day around catching up, what IRL commitments will rip you away long enough to let the pile build again?
I can’t do it. I cannot live an actual life in the real world and balance this much interaction, it’s crushing. I reply to a friend’s post because I’m interested in the subject, I want to have a discussion! I WANT to talk about it with them, but I immediately kick myself for adding another conversation to the pile. Day by day, I ignore messages for hours on end and watch mountains pile around me, to reply en masse at the end of the night to let the cycle repeat. I wake up to six discord DMs and as I clear the third, the first replies back again.
We weren’t meant to have thirty simultaneous conversations. We weren’t. And you know in your bones that the number isn’t an exaggeration.
#hush catríona#this is essentially copy pasted from my twt last week but made a touch more coherent#iiiii spiral about this pretty regularly. i think this is the 4th or 5th time ive gone on this spiel bc its agonizing#i feel horrific guilt for ignoring messages for so long. and its absolutely voluntary. but i cant FUNCTION like this i cant DO it#i have friends where we talk Every Single Day and i LOVE them so much. so unfathomably much. but it KILLS me#hell take my roomie for example. one of my fav ppl in the world. we text- twit dm- discord dm- ig dm- reply to posts. thats five right?#i guess!!! but we also LIVE TOGETHER. i see them in real life and talk to them out loud with my voice and its still this much to add on!!!!#and i feel like nobody else talks abt this shit and it makes me feel crazy. am i the only person completely debilitated by this???#i dont want this to come across as like ‘boohoo we get it ur sooo popular’ that is NOT what this post means#i think a lot of ppl big acct or small. fandom or otherwise. talk to a dozen ppl online. and i dont get how anyone copes#this is agony. and every single time i ever make a post? its another opportunity to add to the pile#i only reply to comments on posts on twt and this is why. i cant DO it i cant keep up. i see every tag and im so grateful but i cant ever#reach out. i cant add to the pile. theyre already taller than me
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“requiem for methuselah” crazy ass episode for many reasons. Kirk is being fully insane, like I don’t actually think, even controlling for how quickly and easily and readily he seems to fall in love with anybody at the slightest encouragement, that he’d go that bonkers for that android woman he just met while everyone on the ship was this close to dying, but that’s neither here nor there, because in the background you’ve got an equally but much more subtly insane episode for Spock, who extremely uncharacteristically admits to experiencing an emotion (or nearly experiencing, whatever) and that emotion is ENVY of all things. And then spends the rest of the episode warning Kirk away from this new love interest (something that doesn’t usually happen, even when Kirk has very inadvisable love interests) and is, in the end, the person who accurately identifies that Rayna’s competing love for Kirk and Flint is ultimately what overwhelms and destroys her with the most killer line in maybe history???
And then to wrap it up we get an equally uncharacteristic sort of denouement scene (TOS loooves to cut an episode off right after the actual climax, leaving little time for falling action or character reflection, or to stick a sitcom-y button on the end where the gang all smiles and laughs at their misadventures and everything resets to zero, which is not a criticism, it’s just the style of that era of tv, honestly) where Kirk is literally miserable over Rayna’s death (again, kind of unusual for a lot of his love interests, he tends to be able to move on pretty quickly) and Spock goes to see him and he falls asleep right in front of Spock (also odd) and then when Bones comes in to give the final word on Flint, Spock waves him off from waking the Captain (tender) and Bones gives him that awful speech about how it’s sadder that Spock can’t even imagine the love Kirk felt for this random android woman than it is that Kirk lost her in the first place (debatable but also rude) and how his great tragedy is that he can’t love at all like they can and how all he wishes is that Kirk could forget about all of this and move on. AND THEN, to have Bones leave and Spock go over to Kirk and very gently, tenderly, reluctantly touch him and put his hand to his forehead and tell him to forget and HAVE THAT BE THE END OF THE EPISODE??? What am I supposed to do with that??
#‘the joys of love made her human. the agonies of love destroyed her’ hUH. What a cool line.#hope it doesn’t become some sort of…thesis statement for you or something SPOCK#listen my number one beef with the way they write bones is that they just make him completely mischaracterize everything to suit the plot#this man is not an idiot he KNOWS Spock has emotions and just suppresses them#you’re going to tell me he’s been on that ship with Spock for years and thinks he feels no love whatsoever for anyone???#like even after what happened in the empath and in that episode where McCoy thought he was dying#he knows Spock loves people!!! COME ON#does he really just mean romantic love?? that’s so boring WRITE HIM BETTER#also they’re banking a lot on people remembering what the Vulcan mind meld is for that last bit#like I know it comes up a lot but…this is 1968 or whatever. They don’t have this shit on dvd to rewatch#you’re counting on really dedicated fan memory here or on people catching reruns#because otherwise it just looks like Spock waiting to be alone to touch Kirk as tenderly as possible and pray he forgets this woman#truly what’s going on#anyway I kind of hated this episode#like quite frankly there was too much going on#are androids people? would Kirk fall in love that hard that quickly and choose it over the safety of his crew?#why wasnt the illness ravaging the crew a bigger deal??#they didn’t even get into WHY flint was immortal#he was just a regular human and apparently the ONLY one who was granted immortality by the earth’s atmosphere#leaving aside the very creepy and very early born sexy yesterday trope going on throughout#but it was a really good Spock episode if you just….dont look at anything else….#the writer for this one also did Day of the Dove and Mirror Mirror which explains a LOT#two other episodes that are interesting for the character dynamics but really chaotic plot wise#anyway imagine saying to Spock’s face that he has no idea what love can drive a man to do#one has to laugh#tos#star trek#as always…. I’m sorry that I’m Like This
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See, I hold back when I write. It could be far angstier than it is. I could be handing out forehead kisses left and right. Forehead kisses as someone cries and bleeds after a battle. Delirious from blood loss and pain and needing reassurance. Forehead kisses when they know their squadmate is going to die. A parting gift. One last way to comfort them, to remind them they’re loved.
I’m just saying I could make things more painful than they already are.
#whump#space chatter#the bad batch#the clone wars#<- it is always about the clones my man#tears streaming down someone’s cheek#breath coming out panicked and short#whimpering that they aren’t even aware they’re letting out#and someone holding them#brushing sweat dirt and tears kff of their face#shushing them with a gentleness they rarely show#‘it’s okay you’re okay don’t even worry we’re getting you out of here’#they know it won’t happen#they know it’s the end#but they hold their dying brother and rock him to comfort him in those last moments#and when the coughing starts - spattered with blood - they place a gentle kiss on their forehead#tell them it’s okay. it’s okay to let go.#and only when the body in their arms goes completely still do they let the agony show on their face#I TOLD YOU I COULD MAKE THINGS ANGSTIER I GO EASY#why is my brain both going: write this about echo and Rex while also going bUT WOULDNT THIS BE PAINFUL WITH HUNTER THO!#echo holding Rex#echo holding CROSSHAIR?!?!#but for some reason I am like 👀 but Hunter tho#I don’t put him through enough whump#apologies for the afternoon angst I am a Menace
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