#+ im handling some christmas stuff

[bucketspammer4life]

random punch out thoughts because why not

exam season is coming up for me send help

- Aran sometimes breaks into the houses of the other boxers if he happens to be close to where they live, this usually ends up in aran either receiving a huge punch to the face, getting the cops called on him or simply scaring someone, most of the wvba is used to it by now so hearing a irish man yell "HEY SHITHEAD IM RAIDING YOUR FRIDGE" is just a casual tuesday for almost everyone

- the wvba has a roadtrip playlist for when they want to drive somewhere together, its 90 hours long and had the most confusing pattern ever

- King Hippo is a extremely talented swimmer and can hold his breath up to half a hour, he uses it to his advantage to splash people and hide away

- Sandman has the most demented & broken locker ever, its bent, the door falls off every 2 seconds and it has a bunch of stuff carved onto it, its considered a artifact now

- Glass joe likes playing around with his hair and dying it, he sometimes cuts off random parts of his hair from boredom, his hair is fried past the point of return thanks to him liking to mess around with straighteners

-don can and will go "oughh my back" even if his back doesnt hurt

- von kaiser will sometimes do handstands for no reason when bored, if you catch him during the act he gives you a 3 hours long speech about how "his training is 24/7"

- bull CANNOT sleep on dirty sheets & pillowcases, even when its just a stain, it makes him feel icky

- piston hondo usually comes out of his shower looking like a lobster thanks to him liking to shower in skin-melting tempatures

- sometimes doc and Mac go on a joyride and sing together to celebrate winning matches

-bear hugger will eat ice cream in any season, who cares its - 10 degrees outside? let him enjoy his caramel icecream

[thefandomcassandra]

hallowed be thy unknown Ch2: Haunted Turnabout 2: Bugloss, Baby's Breath, and Lavender

Waking up for a second time in a holding cell in the metropolitan detention center was a markedly different experience than the first. Having slept instead of passing out meant that her body didn't hurt as much, even if her head ached. Crying a lot dehydrated her and she didn't drink anything but cocoa the day before. Maya rolled off the cot and fumbled for her phone. Thankfully, along with the wiretap and the autopsy report shoved in her sash, she hadn't dropped or broken it.

She has kept it in her grasp the whole time she was out, like a teddy-bear or some other comfort item.

"Battery is fine, from what I could see." Maya jumped and let out a strangled noise. She had forgotten Phoenix was here. Judging by how he was smirking at her, not even disguising his laughter, he was banking on that.

"Don't do that to me!" Maya rubbed at her eyes with the ball of her hand, the pressure alleviating the dull pain in the back of her eye sockets. "I almost threw my phone at you."

"Please don't do that. It's evidence."

Maya sighed through her teeth. "What time is it?"

"I...think it's maybe eight? Nine?" Phoenix hummed as he floated lazily on his back. His scarf brushed the ground, the ends phasing gently through the cell floor, making him look a little like some kind of strange mushroom. "The trial is supposed to start sometime around ten, so we have an hour at the least to prepare."

"Let me get a drink first." Maya shoved her phone in her sash and padded to the sink in the corner of her cell. After taking a few sips of water out of her cupped hands, she splashed her face and shook her hands dry. Then she started undoing her hair.

"Trying to look presentable?"

"I'd rather not look like a murderer when I have to argue that I'm not actually a murderer." Maya combed her fingers through the full length of her hair, wincing as she caught on a few snags. "Besides...it's soothing."

"I'll bet. All I ever had to do was gel mine." He did look like his hair was a simple affair. His morning routine must've been quick.

After a few minutes of combing her hair, Maya spoke up again. The water she drank did wonders to soothe her hoarse throat and lift her spirits. "So, let's prepare. What do I need to know?" Busy hands, busy mind. She was doing her best to not give herself space to sink into the mire of grief that was waiting to swallow her whole.

"General or specifics?"

"Start with general, then narrow it down." Putting her hair up was a time-consuming thing but it was a daily ritual she was used to. Any sense of normality helped right now. "What can I expect in a trial like this?"

"Well it's a murder trial. Probably open gallery, probably meant to be solved quickly, or that's what the prosecution is banking on."

"You mean Prosecutor Edgeworth? He's going to want this to be over with?" She sneered, deft hands pulling her hair up as she talked.

"Even Edgeworth doesn't want to be at court before noon. Preparing for a trial is an hour or more's worth of effort and ten am is a real early hour, let alone nine or eight. Are you a morning person?" Phoenix looked over at Maya, who rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I thought so. Anyway, uh, trial...trial...trial..."

Maya finished working on her hair and leaned back a bit, resting on her hands. "Open court, early trial, in and out."

"Man I miss burgers," Phoenix whined.

"Shut up about burgers." Her stomach growled at the thought.

"Trial, right..." He seemed to find his train of thought from before and hopped back on. "You're looking to appeal to the judge using evidence and facts to get the ruling you want. Pointing out contradictions in testimonies, connecting evidence to each other, and arguing your point using logic is the whole deal."

That sounded easy enough. Maya was halfway decent at puzzles so it couldn't be any more difficult than doing a word-search or sudoku. Just...publicly. In front of people who wanted her to go to jail for life. No pressure.

"Sometimes you want to get a little...creative to prove a point, but that's the basis of a trial. You just need to know the law, the evidence, and the flaw in the witness' testimony."

"Creative? Like lying?" Wasn't lying in court a crime? She was pretty sure that was perjury.

"No, no!" Phoenix laughed. "More like...coloring outside the lines? Suggesting the sky is red to prove it was sunset, not midday. Nothing quite like lying."

"I don't know exactly what you're suggesting but I'll bet I can figure it out as I go."

"Yeah, it won't be that hard. It's a little like improv."

"I know nothing about theater."

"Nobody's perfect."

"Specifics, then, since I think we've covered the basics of this case." Maya quickly changed the subject.

"One last bit of general knowledge: there's a chance we will get more than one day out of this trial. Barring the occasional recess, we have three days and a handful of hours to make our case. We have to be deft with our arguments. No messing about, even if you want to bite the witness' head off." Was he warning her about April May? Did he think she was incapable of controlling herself?

Considering how aggressive she got with Prosecutor Edgeworth in questioning, that was actually a fair worry to have.

"Now...specifics. You have the autopsy report still, right?"

"Right." Maya fished it out of her sash and unfolded it. Mia's name, age, and death stared her in the face in dark black print. She winced and folded it back up again, shoving it out of sight once more.

"The wiretap and your phone are our secret weapons. Don't pull them out or mention them unless we're in a bind and have nothing else." Phoenix looked surprisingly stern about that. "But the autopsy report is a piece of evidence we have access to immediately. That's free game. Use that."

"Use it how?"

"Odds are that during the trial, more evidence will be added to the court record over time. That evidence is, in accordance with evidence law, legal and fair use for both sides. The autopsy report is one of those pieces of evidence. They'll likely add a floorplan of the office as well, if only for tracking the victim and killers movements. Also anything found at the scene of the crime that might be relevant, like the receipt with your name on it or the glass from the light stand. We have to start building our defense based around that."

"We know who actually did it though!" Maya reached for her phone.

Phoenix's smile strained, twisted with sorrow, and Maya stayed her hand. "We can't prove it. Not yet." He was right and she hated it. "But we can, if we're careful and smart, prove May tapped the office. That will discredit her as a witness and buy us another day to gather evidence and testimony. Maybe we can even get her to give up her boss."

Maya's fingernails bit into her palms as she squeezed her hands into tight fists. "Okay. Okay. And all I need to do is listen to what you tell me and argue like my life depends on it?"

"Not quite 'argue', but yes. Like your life depends on it, because it does." Phoenix gave Maya one last lazy grin and righted himself in midair. "You got this, Maya. Remember what I told you."

"Imitate Mia." She took a deep breath, held it, then exhaled slowly. "Right. Thanks, Phoenix."

"You're welcome! Now, chin up, here comes the cavalry!" Maya stood up as he said that and turned to face the door to her holding cell. Two of the faceless cops were there to take her to the courthouse, fighting the stubborn cell lock.

When the door opened, one of them walked in while the other remained outside her cell. "Miss Maya Fey," one of them called out. Maya stepped forward and offered her hands. The officer cuffed her and motioned for her to follow them.

"Have you eaten?" The cop in front of her asked. Maya frowned, unsure of what they were after.

"No?"

"There should be snacks in the defendant's lobby. Detective Gumshoe asked we prepare them for you."

Oh. "That's...kind."

"That's Detective Gumshoe for you!" The cop sounded delighted just talking about the large man. "He's a real sweetheart. One time he brought a baker's dozen variety box for everyone working a rough shift. I almost cried."

"I did cry," the other cop added.

"Detective Gumshoe sure seems like he's beloved." Phoenix whistled in awe. He was walking in lockstep with Maya, half-in half-out the wall next to her. "That's something to consider. Nice of Lana to let us borrow such a good man."

Detective Gumshoe...he was one of the more kind people Maya had to interact with yesterday. If it wasn't for the fact that he seemed to worship the ground Prosecutor Edgeworth walked on, he might even be her friend. But he did, so he wasn't.

The rest of the walk to Defendant Lobby No.1 was moderately silent. Even Phoenix was deep in thought, worrying the ends of his scarf as he floated. Maya, too, was thinking a lot.

Thoughts about evidence and arguing and who really killed Mia. Thoughts about Prosecutor Edgeworth and April May. Thoughts about all the people in the gallery who would be watching her, judging her. The short, chubby girl in weird traditional clothing who was being accused of killing her sister. They'd think she deserved the verdict being handed to her, that she was a weird little cultist or something.

Maya took a deep breath, held it, then exhaled. Be like Mia. What would Mia do? She'd ignore the whispers. She'd hold her head high.

The inside of the defendant's lobby was nice and, like the cops had said, there were snacks. Bottled water, a bagel with a single serving of cream cheese, and a small orange. A halfway decent breakfast, actually.

"That's really nice of Gumshoe, actually. Wow."

Maya didn't bother responding, just immediately smeared the inside of the bagel with cream cheese using a plastic knife from a package of disposable utensils. Then she took a huge bite and washed it down with water. It was the best bagel she'd ever had.

It sat a little heavy in her stomach but that might've been her nerves.

"Remember: be professional. Be like Mia. Don't talk out of turn without objecting first. Don't push too hard. Watch your language and your tone. Don't get too emotional." Phoenix coached from where he was floating near the door to the courtroom.

Maya took another bite out of the bagel, her handcuffs rattling a bit as she did. "Be calm, be like Mia. Be calm, be like Mia." She accidentally inhaled bagel crumbs and coughed for a couple moments. Water fixed the issue but it put her off food for a second so she idly peeled the orange to kill time.

"Please don't die." Maya had the feeling Phoenix wasn't joking when he asked her that.

"No dying before my trial." She ate an orange slice. Juice dripped down her fingers and she frowned. "I wonder if I can clean my hands before I enter..."

"Wipe down using the water and a napkin before your fingers get sticky," Phoenix advised.

Maya scrubbed her fingers clean. With a full stomach, she felt better about her chances. Now she just needed to get the cuffs off and she'd feel way better about her chances.

Being uncuffed did nothing to calm Maya's nerves, it turned out. She just had full range of motion with her arms now. Yay.

The courtroom looked enormous and intimidating from her place on the witness stand. The judge—an older bearded man with a stern face—was sitting feet above everyone else, peering down his nose at both benches and the witness stand. The gallery was filled with murmuring masses at about the same level as the judge. On either side of the witness stand, forming parentheticals when viewed from high-up, were the prosecution and defense's benches.

The only unoccupied parts of the courtroom were the defendant's seat and the defense's bench—both of which should be filled by Maya, but she was too busy sweating bullets at the stand. Well, actually, Phoenix was standing behind the defense's bench but he was visible only to Maya, so it looked empty to everyone else.

"Stating the case, checking to make sure both sides are ready, opening statement from the prosecution, then the first witness." Phoenix laid out the starting part of the trial for her as he stood at the ready. This was the most professional she'd ever seen him, his posture rigid, his face stern and a little unreadable, and his feet firmly on the ground. He was taking this seriously. She should too.

Opposite him, Prosecutor Edgeworth looked as clean-pressed and as cold as he was the day before. Nothing about him had changed and that made Maya a little frustrated.

Couldn't he at least pretend to feel guilty about pinning her with a murder charge? Even a little bit?

The judge banged his little hammer—gavel?—on his podium and the idle chatter of the gallery faded to silence. "Court is now in session for the trial of Maya Fey. Am I to understand that the defendant will be representing herself?" The judge's voice, while it did betray his age, was firm and carried well through the vaulted hall.

"The judge is 'Your Honor'," Phoenix supplied.

Maya straightened up and tilted her chin, trying her best to imitate Mia as she spoke. "Yes, Your Honor."

"Is there any reason why?"

Phoenix shrugged at her. "Can't hurt to be honest?"

"I was unable to find a lawyer willing to push for full acquittal and have been studying law in my spare time." It's not technically perjury, right? Only half of that statement was untrue.

Prosecutor Edgeworth snorted derisively. "Please. Do you really think that you can hold your own here? Let alone overturn the charges against you?"

"I believe that the truth will prevail. I didn't kill Mia. That is the truth." Maya didn't even need to pretend to be Mia then. The frustration she felt at being talked down to was enough to banish her nerves.

"Very well," the judge sighed and gestured for her to take her place at the bench, "Let us begin."

"The defense is ready," Phoenix offered.

Maya repeated with gusto. "The defense is ready, Your Honor."

"The prosecution is ready, Your Honor." Prosecutor Edgeworth was playing this by the books, it seemed.

"Your opening statement?" The judge prompted.

An opening statement, Maya remembered, was a way for the prosecution to summarize their case against the defendant. The cliffnotes version of all their paperwork, as it were. If they still used juries in trials, the opening statement would be the hook to entice the jurors' attention and sway their ruling.

"Your Honor, the defendant was found unconscious at the scene of the crime on the night of the murder. An eyewitness account places her there during the act, as the perpetrator and the prosecution has decisive evidence that points to her as well." Prosecutor Edgeworth tapped the stack of papers in his hand on his bench, settling them and putting them down as a show that he was done recounting the facts of the matter. "While she vehemently insists she is innocent, there is no doubt in our mind she is guilty of manslaughter, if not outright murder."

"A bold but understandable claim." He won over the judge easily, it seemed. Maya bit back a frown.

"Thank you, Your Honor." Prosecutor Edgeworth gave a little bow. It made Maya's blood boil. She wanted to clonk him on the back of the head with the Thinker. Asshole. "The prosecution calls its first witness, Detective Gumshoe, to the stand."

From beside her, Phoenix let out a held breath. "Listen closely. The court stenographer will provide you with typed versions of any and all witness testimonies as they occur but hearing how things are said are just as important as hearing what is being said."

Maya nodded and turned her attention away from smug-ass Prosecutor Edgeworth and to the enormous man taking to the witness stand.

"Witness, please state your name and occupation." Like the judge, Prosecutor Edgeworth spoke with authority and force. Maybe there was a trick to talking like that. Maybe she should ask Phoenix what it was.

"Dick Gumshoe, homicide detective for the local precinct, sir!" Detective Gumshoe looked tense, even as he saluted.

"Tell us about the investigation," Prosecutor Edgeworth commanded.

Detective Gumshoe nodded and began. "The victim, Miss Mia Fey, was found dead at about ten pm on the fifth. Her body was leanin' against the wall beneath the window of her office. She'd been struck once by a blunt object and that's what killed her."

"The murder weapon?"

"He's getting evidence added," Phoenix explained.

"This statue of the Thinker." Detective Gumshoe reached into his jacket pocket and pulled a labeled bag out. Inside was the murder weapon, the so-called 'statue'.

"It's been processed. See the label there?" Phoenix pointed at the laminated label on the bag. "That has the casefile, identification, time of recovery, verification date, and supplementary information on it. If we need to get a closer look, we can request to see it or I can just float over and take a peek so you don't have to put on gloves."

You probably would need gloves to handle evidence, wouldn't you.

Maya suddenly realized something, pulled the autopsy report out of her sash, and unfolded it, trying to smooth the creases out of it against the bench. This was going to be important soon enough.

"Now, continue your testimony." Prosecutor Edgeworth didn't even give Detective Gumshoe a second to rest, immediately demanding he keep talking. No wonder he was starved for praise. "You arrested the defendant at the scene, in spite of her being unconscious, correct? Explain yourself."

"Well, see, we had decisive evidence she did it, sir. That's why me and the boys clapped the unconscious defendant and dropped her in the center." Prosecutor Edgeworth raised a singular eyebrow. Detective Gumshoe swallowed and started to speak again, spurred on by whatever emotion that stirred in him. "I was one of the first to arrive on the scene. Got there about five minutes after the call came in. There was the body of the victim layin' there but so was the defendant. She was out cold and that was worryin' and all, but she was breathing. After checkin' she was good, we picked Miss Maya up. The whole reason we even grabbed her is coz the eyewitness said she did it, which is pretty damning. Anyway, I stayed behind while she was bein' processed so I could help with the investigation and found some hard evidence."

"Defense?" The judge turned to look at Maya. She straightened up and made direct eye-contact with him.

"Yes, Your Honor?"

"Your cross-examination?" Oh. He was prompting her. How kind.

"Of course. Thank you, Your Honor." Maya looked at the papers the stenographer handed her.

Each line of Detective Gumshoe's testimony was typed out with immaculate accuracy. Maya was impressed with the quality. Court stenographers were to be feared.

Still...Detective Gumshoe's testimony wasn't openly incorrect. Mia had been dead when the police arrived. Maya had already passed out, too, so she was unable to explain herself. April May said she did it so Detective Gumshoe was telling the truth by quoting her as the reason they arrested her.

She must've been making a face because Phoenix clicked his tongue in amusement. "Remember when I said sometimes you need to say the sky is red to prove the sun was setting?" Maya barely nodded at him but he seemed to pick up on it anyway. "This is similar. When you can't find an immediate problem with a testimony—like this one—press every statement. The witness is bound to slip up eventually, accidentally undoing their entire testimony with one misplaced word."

"Alright." Maya turned to face Detective Gumshoe, the transcript in her hand, and began her cross-examination by starting from the beginning.

"You said you arrived first on the scene, about five minutes after the police were called?" Maya locked eyes with the detective.

He gave her an asymmetrical and very sincere grin. "Well, yeah! The motto of the precinct this month is 'fast response'!"

"They've had less complaints, that's for sure," Phoenix noted.

"And the witness, April May, is the one who called you from her room in the Gatewater?" Maya wondered if he had any exploitable opinions about her.

"Yeah." The smile on Detective Gumshoe's face faltered a little, but didn't disappear entirely. "But you already knew that, didn't you, pal?"

"He's got you there."

"True." Maya swallowed a flash of shame and continued. "I just wanted to make sure of that fact."

"Please refrain from wasting the court's time with pointless questions," Prosecutor Edgeworth added. Maya's grip on the transcript tightened. She had to force herself to loosen her fist so she could read it again.

"Of course." Turning back to Detective Gumshoe, Maya scanned down the transcript a bit.

"Ask about why they arrested you, an unconscious minor." When Maya shot Phoenix an accusatory glare, he rolled his eyes. "I know, but maybe you can get an extra mile out of your age. No harm in trying."

"So you found a dead woman and an unconscious minor and simply arrested the latter?" Maya tried her best to sound neutral but she was pretty sure that she just came off as irritated.

"Objection!" Prosecutor Edgeworth shouted from across the court. The sound of his hand against the desk startled Maya and she dropped the transcript. "The defendant's age does not matter in this regard due to, quote, 'hard evidence', unquote, given to the investigative team on their way to the crime scene."

"Counter: your age means processing you for arrest should be handled differently than an adult."

"Objection!" Maya did her best to shout back with gusto. She felt a little silly. "As I am underage and not legally an adult, aren't there different ways to process my arrest?"

"Is that a concern, Miss Fey?" Prosecutor Edgeworth snidely asked. "Detention without notifying your guardian?"

Maya gritted her teeth and steadier herself. "No, Prosecutor Edgeworth. I am simply pointing out that, with regards to my arrest, I believe it was mishandled."

"Then the prosecutor's office will take that up with law enforcement at a later date. It has no bearing on this case or the charges against you." Cool as a cucumber, the prosecutor waved a hand at her, dismissing her concerns.

"Objection sustained," the judge banged his gavel and that was that.

Maya's cheeks were hot with embarrassment.

"Chin up. That was a long-shot anyway." Phoenix wrapped and unwrapped the end of his scarf around his hand as he thought. "Damning evidence is vague and Edgeworth called it 'hard evidence' before so I think Gumshoe is adjusting his wording on the stand. Try that."

"Detective Gumshoe, you arrested me due to an eyewitness account, correct?" Simple sentences meant she had less space to trip over her words. Direct and to the point would be better overall.

"Yeah?" Detective Gumshoe looked confused. To be fair, it was a strange start to a line of questioning but she had an idea on how to approach this.

"What made you and your, quote, 'boys', unquote, decide to blindly believe her? This so-called 'hard evidence'?" Pointed words, pointed questions. She was trying her best to find a chink in his armor.

"Well, like you said Miss Maya: we had hard evidence."

"There we go." Phoenix was grinning. "Assume the evidence was the testimony. That will discredit him on that front."

It felt bad to attack Detective Gumshoe like this but...life or death. Her life or death. "In what world is what some pink voyeur's opinion considered 'hard evidence'?"

"Whoops. Watch how you say stuff."

"Hey!" Detective Gumshoe frowned at her, upset either by her choice of words or her accusation. "When did I say Miss May's statement was the 'hard evidence'?"

"You certainly didn't say what 'hard evidence' you did have." Prosecutor Edgeworth wagged his pointer finger at the detective. "It's not a stretch to assume you meant her statement as opposed to anything else."

"W-well yeah, no!" Detective Gumshoe backpedaled. "That's not what I meant though! Miss May's testimony is a whole different thing! The evidence is, uh..." He rifled through his pockets again and pulled out another evidence bag—smaller and flat. "Here we go!"

"There it is." Phoenix's expression became grim. He stared at the new evidence.

"What is this?" The judge asked.

"This is the 'hard evidence' that I said called for Miss Maya's arrest. It's got her name on it in the victim's blood." He sounded so proud of himself.

Across the courtroom, Prosecutor Edgeworth looked smug and satisfied. It took everything Maya had to not gnash her teeth and scream in frustration.

"...how would she have even had time to write your name?" That...was a good question. She just had to find an opening.

"Detective!" Detective Gumshoe jumped to attention. "Testify to the acquisition of this evidence."

"Yes sir!" Once again, the detective began his testimony. Hopefully this one would be easier to disprove. "The blood is a positive match to the victims. In addition, we found blood under the fingernail of her right index finger. This points to her having written the name of her killer! That is, unfortunately, the defendant."

"Mia is right-handed so asking about the finger would be pointless because they'd assume anyways. We can't contest the blood test because it is a positive match. But why would the killer try and frame you?"

"You may now cross-examine the witness," the judge prompted. Maya gave him a polite half-bow and quickly scanned the new transcript handed to her. She was steadily accruing a pile of papers. It made her wish for a manilla folder or some kind of binder to hold them all.

"Detective, you said that the v— that Mia wrote my name on this paper in her own blood." Deep breaths. Deep, deep breaths. "What makes you think that the name she wrote down is that of her killer?"

"Well isn't that how it always goes?"

The courtroom fell silent. Even Phoenix, who had been rather laid back to this point, looked befuddled. "Does - does he think that this is a movie?"

"Detective Gumshoe," Prosecutor Edgeworth spoke through his teeth, low and controlled, "You're telling us that you not only based your arrest on a singular witness but also a piece of evidence that is more common in fiction than in real life?"

To his credit, the detective did seem to realize he was being chastised. He flinched and began fiddling with the lining of his jacket, averting his eyes away from the prosecutor's bench. "Well, I mean, uh...why else would she have written it? It's her blood, usin' her finger, on a piece of paper she had lyin' around in her office and all. Who else could've done it?"

"The killer perhaps?" Maya tried to keep her indignation from showing. It wasn't his fault he watched too many action-and-or-mystery films.

"Right, right, the autopsy report. That's a huge contradiction!" Phoenix almost lifted off the ground with excitement. Maya nodded and turned back to Detective Gumshoe.

"You say that Mia wrote my name down with her own blood to prove I was the killer, correct?" How to go about wording this. What would Mia say?

"Yeah. In movies, victims write their killer's names down all the time."

"That's clearly impossible!" It felt good to have an excuse to yell in court. It felt good to have an excuse to yell in general. "According to the autopsy report I was given, her recorded cause of death was: blunt force trauma, instentaneous." Detective Gumshoe stared at her, confused. Time to deliver the final blow. "There's no way that she could have written my name in her own blood if she died instantly!"

Phoenix whooped from next to her. "There we go! That's a wonderful contradiction you've found! That should throw the prosecution off their game."

And yet...Prosecutor Edgeworth seemed unbothered by her accusation. In fact, he seemed also amused. He chuckled and waggled his finger at Maya. "Aren't you getting ahead of yourself Miss Fey?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"When did you get this autopsy report of yours?"

Why was he asking that? What did the time she got the report even matter? An autopsy report was an autopsy report! It was a record. You don't just change records!

"Yesterday, during my investigation." If he was surprised she was allowed to investigate despite being under arrest, he didn't show it.

Instead, he just laughed and clucked his tongue at her. "Now, now, Miss Fey. I'm afraid that information you have is out of date."

"What?" Maya looked over at Phoenix. He shrugged at her, as confused as she was.

"On my orders, the coroners inspected the victim again and we have more accurate information about her death. As it is: she did not die instantaneously. There is a possibility that she was alive for a few minutes after she was struck, giving her plenty of time to write down her killer's name for the authorities to find." Prosecutor Edgeworth produced the new autopsy report. A copy of it was handed to Maya.

She seethed as she stared at the new information, the paper crumpling in her grip.

Victim: Mia Fey (27, Female) Time of Death: 9/5 at 9:00PM Cause: Single blunt force trauma. May have lived for a few minutes after being hit.

May have lived for a few minutes after being hit. May have lived for a few minutes. Well wasn't that convenient.

"That's...underhanded." Phoenix frowned at Prosecutor Edgeworth. He seemed more bothered at his tactics than the actual fact of the matter. "It's not unheard of for an updated autopsy report to be requested, but usually it's with good reason. I don't know what reason Edgeworth might have had for requesting a re-examination but it's certainly put our one good point out to pasture. I guess we can only wait to tear into May, right?"

"Right..." Maya hissed through her teeth.

"Do you still believe you have a leg to stand on with regards to her dying message, Miss Fey, or do the facts no longer support your supposition?" Prosecutor Edgeworth smirked at her from across the courtroom. "Do we need to continue to bother the detective or shall we let him remove himself from the stand now that he's said his piece?"

"I don't think we should put poor Gumshoe through any more. He looks like he's going to cry." True to Phoenix's word, the detective was hunched over, his eyes shining as he looked at the floor. "Let's let this go for now."

"I hate him," Maya muttered. She took a deep breath and straightened up, then exhaled. "Your Honor, I am done with my cross-examination of this witness."

Prosecutor Edgeworth bowed to the judge and the gallery. "Thank you, Miss Fey. The prosecution will now call its second witness to the stand."

April May. Maya was not looking forward to seeing her again.

Detective Gumshoe left the stand and went to stand somewhere on the side of the prosecution while one of the bailiffs walked April May into the courtroom. The gallery erupted in noise. The judge banged his gavel in an attempt to wrangle everyone into silence.

"Order! Order!"

Maya glared daggers at April May, whose sweet perfume permeated the courtroom long before she did. The woman, however, paid Maya no mind and just leaned forward so her shirt showed off more of her cleavage while she winked at the judge.

"The witness will refrain from wanton winking." The judge scolded as he banged his gavel again, trying to quell the gallery. Maya suddenly had so much respect for the old man. He wasn't entertaining her nonsense.

"Witness, your name and occupation?" Prosecutor Edgeworth prompted.

April May pursed her lips, then spoke as if she had to dig deep to remember anything important. "April May. I'm a professional."

Phoenix grimaced. "A professional what? Liar? Seductress?"

"You claim to have witnessed the crime and can identify the killer, correct?" Like the judge, Prosecutor Edgeworth was not rising to her bait. Maya was less impressed by his stoicism. She would have paid money to see him trip ass over teakettle because April May decided she wanted to get her claws in him.

"Uh, yeah?" April May pressed a manicured finger to her lips as she thought. "I was in my hotel room at the time, but I saw everything. Obviously it was the defendant, right?"

"Hey!" Maya wanted to tear her a new one but Phoenix stopped her before she could continue.

"Don't. Wait for cross-examination. If we misstep you might be found in contempt of court and your defense will be thrown out." Maya took a deep breath at his insistence and straightened herself up. "Remember: we have the wiretap, we have the recording of your call with Mia. We can find a contradiction in her testimony easier than Gumshoe's because we know she's lying."

"What, am I wrong, little miss killer?" April May sneered at Maya, then went back to making doe-eyes at Prosecutor Edgeworth. "I'd recognize her anywhere! Even at the distance I was at. I could tell it was her as clear as day, Mister Prosecutor."

"Your testimony then, Miss May." For the first time since this trial started, Maya was glad that Prosecutor Edgeworth was curt. It meant that April May wasn't going to get away with much.

"Okay!" April May leaned forward again and began to speak. "So at nine pm that night I was looking out my hotel room window. The view is super pretty up there, you know? Across the street I saw one of the rooms was lit up and the silhouette of someone was in it. Two someones, really. There was this person with long hair being attacked by the defendant. The lady dodged to the right and tried to run but she couldn't escape. The little killer smacked her on the head and she slumped out of sight and never got again, I promise. That's when I called the cops, coz I'm such a good citizen and all..." She leaned over the witness stand and kicked her leg up, staring piteously up at the judge, who was unmoved by her brazen display.

"What a crock." Phoenix was immediately unhappy with April May's testimony, not that Maya was any happier. "Between her way of saying what she saw and her supposed luck in noticing something going down across the street, it's not as if we don't have a lot of places to pick apart. The important thing though...that's her description of you. When we were in her hotel room, how good of a view did she have of the office window?"

"Not a very good one," Maya muttered. "She shouldn't have been...able...to notice...details..." That was what was important.

"As you can see," Prosecutor Edgeworth was saying, a smug air about him, "airtight proof that the defendant is the one who assaulted the victim. The prosecution rests, Your Honor."

"Well," the judge mused, "That certainly is a rather decisive testimony, like the detective said."

"The prosecution did not want to waste the court's time, Your Honor. That is why we brought forward Miss April May so soon." What was Prosecutor Edgeworth even playing at? Did he expect her to just roll over?

"Well, let's start pushing."

Maya grinned at April May as she was handed a transcript of her testimony. "My cross-examination, Your Honor?"

"Is that truly necessary?" She glared at Prosecutor Edgeworth as he wagged a finger at her, almost scolding her. "I am well aware of your sister's...proclivity for dragging a case out long past its prime. Have you also learned that cowardly tactic?"

What was he on about?

"He's hoping to intimidate you into stepping back." Phoenix seemed upset by this. "I don't know why he had to bring Mia into it though."

Jokes on him. "It is my right, as the defense, to cross-examine every witness, right?"

"That's correct." The judge was on her side here.

"I am exercising that right and nothing the prosecution could say will dissuade me." Maya sneered at Prosecutor Edgeworth, all teeth and malice. "Unless he is worried I might uncover inconsistencies in Miss May's testimony?"

"By all means," Prosecutor Edgeworth bowed at her, his sarcasm obvious, "examine away Miss Fey."

"You may begin, defense."

Maya turned her ire to April May and immediately found the part of her testimony that felt the weakest. "April May, you said that you saw...Mia and myself in the office that night from your hotel room, right?"

"Yep." She popped the end of her word, idly examining her nails. If she was hoping the cold shoulder might make Maya back off, she was wrong.

"I visited your hotel room yesterday to see how good of a view you might have had. While you can see the office without issue, I do think you couldn't have been able to identify myself or Mia at that distance, let alone if we were backlit."

"Oh?" That got April May's attention. Her pupils narrowed and she bared her teeth at Maya. "Maybe you should get your eyes checked, little killer. I could see perfectly well. Your sister was this slender lady with long hair and you were short and kinda fat. Hard to miss."

Phoenix frowned. "Why did she choose your silhouette to pick on?"

"Was that all you noticed about my sister and I? Our height and build?" Maya had a vague idea what was bothering Phoenix but she wanted to make April May do all the heavy lifting.

"Aside from you fighting, isn't that all that matters? You're not memorable." Well that was a blatant lie.

Maya smirked. Got her. "I think you're wrong, April May. Any other person wouldn't have been focused on how short or fat I was. The first thing most people notice about me is my clothes." She stood in a way that showed the judge her traditional clothing.

"Your clothes are distinctive," the judge nodded at her. "Where are they from?"

"Why does it matter?" April May interjected. She was unhappy about losing control of the narrative but that didn't matter. Maya had already started chipping apart her cutesy persona.

"I'm from a small mountain village called Kurain. We're pretty traditional like this, though we've recently had more modern touches to our homes like phones and televisions."

"And how, pray tell, does any of this have to do with Miss May's testimony or its accuracy?" Prosecutor Edgeworth seemed somewhere between bored and irritated.

"If she can't be trusted with details, how can we be certain she saw everything clearly?!" Maya was riding the high of the judge's approval a little.

"I just didn't think that all those trifling little details even mattered!" April May pouted and batted her eyelashes at Prosecutor Edgeworth. He seemed unmoved. "I saw all of them, of course, but if you need them in my testimony I can put them back in, like how I saw the defendant kill her only sister with that clock."

"Oh!" Phoenix leaned forward across the bench. "Wait! Isn't it..." He walked to where the Thinker was being held and read the label. "Yeah! It's still marked as a statue! Maya, object to her statement. Use the transcript where Gumshoe added the evidence in."

The wiretap. Maya leaned forward and slammed her hands on the bench as hard as she could. "Objection!"

April May, Prosecutor Edgeworth, and the judge looked at her in confusion.

"April May, you said that the murder weapon was a clock, correct?" Maya shuffled through the pages of the transcript until she found the part she was looking for.

"Uh, yeah?" April May seemed unconcerned.

Maya smirked. "However, there's no way you should know that. The Thinker was submitted as a statue, not a clock."

April May hissed, not unlike an angry cat. "Wh-what do you mean?!"

"April May, there is no way you should logically know that this heavy object is a clock." Maya gestured to the evidence in its little bag. "So why did you?"

"Uh, um...I heard it, that's right!" She was grasping at straws. "It says the time when you turn its head, right?"

"True, if the clock wasn't hollow right now." Phoenix was grinning with Maya, his eyes focused on April May as if he was a predator watching his prey. "Keep going. You've got her."

"While it is a clock, I doubt you'd be able to hear it from where your hotel room is. Also, it's not as if the clock was working that night."

"Objection! How would you know it was a clock, Miss Fey?" Edgeworth leaned forward as he asked, clearly unhappy with how out of hand things had gotten. "You were in Kurain until the day of the murder, correct? That item was a gift given to the victim but a few days before she was killed."

"Now it's time for the phone call." Phoenix seemed unbothered by the pushback. "You can prove your knowledge and disprove May's claim at the same time."

"My sister called me the day of, remember? She asked me to take care of the clock, which she had emptied of its mechanical parts."

"Are we supposed to take you at your word?" Prosecutor Edgeworth sneered at her.

"I don't expect you to." Time to put him in his place. "That's why I have proof."

As Prosecutor Edgeworth staggered from the force of her words, the gallery erupted into noise. The judge banged his gavel. "Order! Order in the court! What do you mean by this, defense?"

"The police confiscated my phone when they placed me in the detention center. While they had it, they checked my call history as well as my messages. What they didn't check was my recorded calls." Maya pulled her phone out and quickly navigated the menus. "If the court would listen to this, I'm sure all will become clear."

The recording played, the courtroom silent as everyone listened to two sisters happily talk about seeing one another. Maya watched Prosecutor Edgeworth as it finally got to the point where Mia admitted to hollowing out the Thinker—a clock—and storing documents in it. He was grimacing, clutching at his arm as he listened.

April May, on the other hand, looked plain furious.

"As you can see, Your Honor," Maya put her phone down on the bench in plain sight, "while I knew the Thinker was a clock—and a broken one at that—April May should not have!"

"W-well it's not like this is a particularly special clock," April May tried to recover her position. "I've probably seen it before, in one of those novelty stores in the mall."

"That's a complete lie." Phoenix looked almost surprised by how brazen she was being. Maya didn't understand why though. "Larry made that. There's only two of them in existence and one is evidence for a prior murder case." Oh. Alright then.

"Objection!" She didn't have to do that but something about loudly objecting to what April May was saying felt good. "There is no way you could have seen this in a store, novelty or otherwise."

"What are you saying?" April May sneered at Maya. "Everything is in stores and if it's not, it's online. Just because you live in the mountains where you have to barter clothes for chickens—"

"You wouldn't be able to find this in a store because it's handmade, April May. There's only two of these in the entire world: this one and the one in an evidence locker in the precinct." That was where cops put evidence after cases were done with, right? Evidence lockers? If she was wrong, nobody was refuting her.

"What?!"

"Mia didn't tell me much about work but I do know that during the last case my sister took, a Thinker clock—the sibling to this one, in fact—was used in a similar fashion. It's not left police custody since, so to speak. You should have no way to know this is a clock!" Maya slammed her hands on the bench and gave April May a fierce smile.

The woman bared her teeth and clutched at the witness stand. "How—?"

"Objection!" Before she could get any further, Prosecutor Edgeworth interrupted her. He was trying to regain control of the trial. "Miss May could have easily been present at said trial, which is why she knew the murder weapon was a clock."

"Unlikely. Time to pull our other trump card, Maya." Phoenix turned his full attention to her, his blank eyes somehow sparkling. "Time to prove April May was tapping the office phone."

"Objection! From the very start of this trial, April May has been lying about a crucial detail and that is her knowledge of the crime. There is no way she could have the information she does—such as my relationship with the victim or the true nature of the murder weapon—without having heard it firsthand." April May had, in fact, said that Mia and Maya were sisters. That wasn't something that had been said in her presence before that moment.

"Just what are you suggesting?" It was going to feel so good, taking Prosecutor Edgeworth down a peg.

"I'm suggesting that April May was tapping the Fey & Co. Law Offices."

The judge quelled the gallery's surprise. "Order! Order! What are you saying, defense? I hope you have evidence to substantiate your accusation."

"I do." Maya pulled the wiretap from her sash and presented it to the judge. "As you can see here, Your Honor, this is a wiretapping device. I found this inside the dresser of April May's hotel room, alongside the screwdriver she used to retrieve it the night of the murder."

Again, the gallery exploded with surprise and shock. Again, the judge slammed down his gavel. "Order in the court! Are you saying you stole this from the witness' hotel room?"

"Bring up how loose the phone base was. Try and use Gumshoe to corroborate that." Phoenix looked as on-edge as Maya felt.

"When I was examining the crime scene, I noticed the base of the office phone was loose, as if someone had sloppily put it back together." April May glared daggers at Maya but she didn't care. "If you need to, you can confirm that with Detective Gumshoe."

Prosecutor Edgeworth was glaring at the detective, who seemed to be mumbling something to him. Then he turned to face the judge. "I have been informed that yes, the office phone seems to have been disassembled and yes, the defendant didn't touch anything at the crime scene so she could not have been the one to tamper with it." Ha ha.

"Having seen that, I figured that maybe someone tapped her phone. In the witness' hotel room, a screwdriver was poking out of the dresser drawer and that piqued my interest. That's where I found the wiretap."

"I was under the impression your investigation was under strict supervision as a probationary act." The judge frowned at her but Maya couldn't even pretend to feel bad for stealing evidence. "Am I wrong?"

"Take the penalty."

"I take full responsibility for my actions."

The judge shook his head at her. "Consider this your first ever penalty in court. It will not happen again, understood?"

"Of course, Your Honor." Maya gave him a half-bow, unwilling to show him how much she was grinning. She was so close to an actual result. She was so close to buying an extra day. Now all she had to do was drag April May's employer out of her.

"Good. Now, Miss May, did you wiretap the victim's phone?" The judge turned his stern gaze to April May.

The woman looked furious, like a snarling beast. Her nails dug into the witness stand, her pupils slits, and she was baring her teeth at Maya. When the judge asked her that, she took a breath and smoothed down her hair, pulling her fake cuteness around her once more. "Um...why does that matter?"

"'Why does that matter?' That's a felony!" Phoenix was taken aback at her attitude. "If she keeps this up, we can get her whole testimony thrown out."

"Because, Miss April May, wiretapping is a serious offense that you will be charged on when we are done with your testimony." Prosecutor Edgeworth's voice was tense and monotone. If Maya had to take a guess as to what was bothering him, she'd say it was how she had the upper hand now—even if she didn't have definitive proof to finger the real culprit. "Be honest."

"For once in your life," Maya muttered under her breath.

"I mean, the trial isn't even about that, is it? It's about murder and I know that little brat murdered her!" Riding the line between saccharine and cutting, April May glared daggers at Maya, who returned the favor. "What harm does a little tippity-tapping even do?"

"Aside from calling your entire testimony into question: implicating you as the true killer!" If Maya sounded a little smug, it's because she felt smug. They had her on the ropes and Maya had done almost all of the legwork. What a rush! "You had to have retrieved the wiretap between when Mia called me and when the office was locked down as a crime scene. That gives you plenty of time to have entered the office, killed my sister, removed the wiretap, left the office, and then called the police."

April May hissed and clutched at the witness stand, her fingernails gouging out lines in the wood. "You can't be serious?"

"Like a murder charge."

"I didn't kill her! I was in my hotel room!" She was cornered.

"Where's your proof then?" And that is when Maya got a little too cocky.

Something changed in April May's posture and she smiled oh-so-sweetly once more. "Coffee."

"Huh?"

"I had iced coffee at nine pm on the dot." She laughed, high-pitched and sugar-coated. "It was delivered by room service. The bellboy can prove I couldn't have left my room at the time of the murder."

Phoenix was shocked by her sudden change. "She has an alibi? Was that coffee ordered on purpose? It had to have been. I know I saw more than one name on the guest book when we were there but I can't remember if she had someone rooming with her."

"Shall we get the bellboy to corroborate her alibi?" Prosecutor Edgeworth asked the judge.

The judge nodded at him. "Fetch the bellboy of the Gatewater Hotel."

"As it stands, the prosecution already subpoenaed the bellboy when questioning the current witness revealed the existence of  her alibi." Prosecutor Edgeworth smiled at Maya, almost daring her to object. "He is in the prosecution's lounge as we speak, politely waiting his turn. Is this amicable to the defense?"

"Huh?" Maya didn't understand what he was asking.

"Do you really want to waste your time trying to prove Miss April May could be the true culprit by cross-examining the bellboy or are you willing to admit defeat and take my gracious offer?" His gracious offer of a manslaughter charge.

"Looks like May isn't the only one being catty right now." Phoenix laughed at his own joke. "But in all seriousness, take the chance. We might be able to prove her boss was there and that's more important."

"The defense believes that, in spite of what the prosecution might say, the wiretapping is relevant to the murder and, as I stated at the very beginning, I stand by my original goal of a full acquittal. I didn't kill Mia and the wiretapping proves I wasn't the only one who knew where she was going to be at the time of the murder." Trying to remember all the fancy lawyer words as she got emotional was hard but she was managing. Maybe when all this was done, she'd get her hands on a word-a-day calendar or something. Expand her vocabulary.

Prosecutor Edgeworth clicked his tongue in disappointment and wagged his finger at her. "If that's how you wish to proceed, so be it. The prosecution only has one request."

"And that is?" The judge asked.

"If the bellboy's testimony reveals nothing of value, then the trial will end and the defense will stop trying to drag things out."

Phoenix sighed. "I don't know why he's being so aggressive. This is just a murder case and he and Mia weren't even friends! He's taking this so personally."

"Deal." Maya didn't even hesitate. If Phoenix had seen someone's name with April May's in the guest book, then the coffee had to have been an intended alibi. She stared Prosecutor Edgeworth in the eyes, unwavering. His cold gaze seemed to slide right off of her.

"Then by all means, have at it." He bowed to her. She did her best to swallow her anger and simply rolled her eyes.

April May was arrested and led away while the bellboy was brought forward to the stand—still carrying a tray with tea on it, of all things. He looked pleased as punch to be standing on a witness stand for a murder trial.

Maya wasn't too fond of him on virtue of he'd already been rude to her, but his slight glory-chasing made her like him even less.

"Your name and occupation?" Prosecutor Edgeworth prompted.

"I am but a humble bellboy, sir." That wasn't the answer he wanted but that was the only answer he was going to get it seemed.

"You work at the Gatewater Hotel, do you not?"

Phoenix nodded in surprise. "Edgeworth is doing a great job leading his witness."

"Can't I object to that?" Maya hissed to him.

"Not any more you can't. Used to be able to though." Phoenix did not elaborate.

"I do, sir! Fourth generation bellboy! I say that this scandal will drive traffic up, up, up!" The bellboy laughed, a sound like the ringing of bells.

"I see...and the night of the murder, the fifth, Miss April May ordered room service?" Prosecutor Edgeworth didn't bother straying from his intended questions. Maya got the feeling that he wouldn't let her get away with as much faffing about as he did earlier. She'd have to be careful when cross-examining this one.

"Indeed I was." The bellboy blushed a bit. "I remember it well."

"Your testimony then."

The bellboy nodded and shifted the tray on his hand. "Of course, sir. That night, at nine pm on the dot, I delivered to Miss May room service. She answered the door, of course, and paid for her drinks, then I went on my way. That is all I saw."

"That's...hm." Phoenix stared at the bellboy. "His testimony is pretty nothing."

"Press?" Maya whispered.

"That sounds good."

"Defense?" The judge prompted.

"Thank you, Your Honor." Maya took the transcript from the stenographer and looked it over before she started her cross-examination. "You say she ordered room service at nine on the dot? Are all your room service requests so specific?"

"It depends, really. Miss May's was very punctual but sometimes we are asked for by name, so it's not an wholly unusual request." He seemed nonplussed by her asking this.

"Hm." Maya read some more, trying to find the weak link. "April May ordered drinks, plural?" That seemed odd. "She said she ordered an iced coffee."

"There were two drinks, yes ma'am." The bellboy was surprisingly forthcoming. "Eighteen dollar total, really. Plus tip." He blushed at that.

"That's an expensive coffee," Maya frowned. "But could she have drank two iced coffees before they both melted? Especially if she had called the police over a murder?"

"Are you asking the witness this?" Prosecutor Edgeworth looked bored. Maya wanted to throw her phone at his head.

"Oh, uh, no. Sorry. Just thinking aloud. Although...," she had touched on something interesting, "did you go back to get their dishes?"

"That was handed by housekeeping, ma'am. I simply tend to customers' needs as they arise." The bellboy shook his head, blushing lightly.

Wait. "You said April May gave you a tip?"

"Yes she did. It was quite shocking, considering, but she gave me an embrasser as payment for services rendered." The bellboy was beet red.

Maya blinked at him in confusion. "A what?"

"That is French for 'embrace', is it not?" Prosecutor Edgeworth supplied.

"Yes it is, sir. A kiss, as it were, sir. On the cheek, no less. I shan't forget it for years, I think. It was an exhilarating experience, considering." Oh, he was just flustered because she was attractive to him. Hm.

"What a cheap tip." Even Phoenix was unimpressed.

"As the defense can see: while Miss April May might be guilty of wiretapping, it has no bearing on this murder case and her alibi remains rock solid." Prosecutor Edgeworth looked dead at Maya as if he was daring her to keep fighting. "Shall we end this farce and get to the resolution so we can all get home?"

"Not yet!" Maya let all of her carefully crafted professionalism slip away in the wake of the terror she felt at the thought of failing after getting so far. "The - the defense would like to ask the current witness one more thing!"

"Just one more," the judge warned, "and if nothing comes of it, I will come to my conclusion. Are we clear?"

"Of course, Your Honor!" Maya furiously tore through her transcripts. "Thank you."

"Tick tock, Miss Fey." Prosecutor Edgeworth had never looked more smug or more punchable than in this moment. "Pick your question carefully."

"The check-in." Phoenix gasped. "I don't remember if she had someone with her but we can figure it out if we ask about the check-in. Edgeworth likes to keep his witness testimonies controlled. If we ask anything out of what he was told to talk about, we might get something."

Maya nodded. "Mister bellboy—"

"No need for the formality, ma'am."

"Witness, then." She didn't have time for his quibbles. "When did April May check in to the Gatewater?"

If Prosecutor Edgeworth had any concerns about the relevancy of her question, he didn't raise an objection. Instead, the bellboy gave it some thought before responding, "Well she checked in some time before the incident, ma'am. It's not as if she had only been staying for a day or anything like that. Still, I wouldn't forget her any time soon. She's my type, you see, and it was such a disappointment after all."

Wait. "What was a disappointment?" Please let this be what she thinks it is.

"She checked in with her lover, ma'am." It was. Maya was so excited she could almost cry but the trial wasn't over.

"Objection!" Now the demon prosecutor had a problem? Too late.

"Objection overruled." The judge was as interested as Maya was in what the bellboy meant. "This seems to be a pertinent line of questioning. Witness!"

"Ah, uh, yes sir." The bellboy flushed again. "Rather, uh, what is it?"

"Why didn't you mention that she was sharing the room before?" Maya was pretty sure she knew the answer.

"You didn't ask, ma'am." The bellboy gestured towards Prosecutor Edgeworth with the tray. "The gentleman over there instructed me to not offer information unless I was asked so..."

"And yet..." Prosecutor Edgeworth was sweating bullets. It was nice to see him put on blast.

"It's not technically illegal to coach your witnesses like that. It's just...scummy." Phoenix frowned again. "I suppose since I told you to do something similar in questioning, I've got no leg to stand on."

Maya was finally ready to claw her way to victory. "Witness, the man who checked in with April May, did you see him when you brought up the coffee?"

"Objection! How is that relevant?"

"Objection! April May has an alibi for the murder  but she was wiretapping Fey & Co. Law Offices so she had access to sensitive information such as when my sister would be alone, waiting to hand off evidence for an upcoming case to my care. Evidence, I'll point out, that is missing as of right now." That wasn't relevant at the moment but she needed to say it aloud so there was record of her acknowledging it for later. "However, the man who checked in with her had access to the same information through her. If her alibi stands and he doesn't have one, it stands to reason that he must be the killer!"

"Objection sustained. Witness?" The judge watched the bellboy intently.

"I, uh...I don't believe I saw him, Your Honor."

The court exploded with noise as the gallery roared. Maya leaned back, hands on her hips, and smirked at Prosecutor Edgeworth. The man was leaning against his bench, eyebrow twitching as he grimaced.

"Order in the court! Order now!" The judge banged his gavel a few times and the chatter died down. "So you are suggesting that Miss May's so-called 'lover' could be the true killer of this trial?"

"Yes, Your Honor."

"Do you truly think one wayward lover is enough to acquit you of sororicide?" Prosecutor Edgeworth tried to recover ground but Maya was ready.

"Let's not forget that you are the one who coached the witness to hide the existence of this man. The act of concealing him makes him suspicious enough, never mind April May's illicit activities that night." She stared him down, unwilling to let him try and undo all her hard work. "I hold fast to my belief that, if he is not the true killer, this mysterious man has some ties to the crime and we cannot continue without finding and serving him."

The judge banged his gavel. "The defense raises a good point. While we cannot prove that this man is anything more than a red herring, the evidence brought before the court indicates he must have some relevance. We will reconvene court the following day after law enforcement and the prosecution look into this man." And, just like that, she had done it.

One more day and the possibility of getting the true culprit in court so they could prove her innocence. Now all they had to do was track him down and force him into court.

Victory has never tasted so bittersweet.

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

Hdjsnshzjsjka

My grammy just called me and was like

"Are you SURE there isn't anything you want for Christmas besides a PRINTER???"

Shes so done with me and my mom lol

[kroosluvr]

featherman seeker

as usual da cele notes under cut

had to get some food so thsi si late... i lterally gluedm yself to my chair to finish this LMAOAO

all of the not-dialogue is just straight up lines frm featherman seeker LMAOOO just rearranged

this takes place during 3rd semester (see: infiltration log on wall on 4th page, also their winter clothes strewn around akira's room) after drawing it i was rereading like oh u cld prob see this as like post-third semester but nah i intended it to be such BECAUSE

i rock w the canon that sumire has no clue abt akechi's past and black mask and the mental shutdowns and shido and the engine room she doesnt know hes supposed to be dead, that he sacrificed himself, etc. so ofc shes going thru the game like yayyy featherman yay and her sort of naivete Gets thru to goro. i imagine this is like idk a game he played in childhood bc he was a featherman fan but now revisiting it bc sumire wanted to try it, hes like. damn. this kinda. uh. well thats crazy how things line up. so i think it kinda grates at him but sumi's excitement and like. enjoyment! of it kinda helps him also enjoy it more

SO LIKE He knows he's going to die. He knows thats how grey pigeon's story ends. but he's happy here, and now, with the people he loves, so that makes it All right for now. it's a sad story but it's the good ending.

also i forgor how/where/when goro exactly Actualizes back into existence but can u imagine if he spawned right into the winter wonderland of shibuya square like (head in hands) smth so like. isolating abt it. in a crowd of ppl being excited over christmas and hes like what the hell im supposed to be Dead right now.

also "you are not alone" in the first panels very important..... right under hte panel w goro and sumi side by side :') yea

ryuji and ann holding akira back. YEA.

i really like the 3rd slide. the colors mmmm BUT YEAH so its goro/akira fighting/saving sumire, hanging out at jazz jin, last stand against adam kadmon, then goro holding sumi and akira's hands in the snow, then them smiling :') kinda like a procession of memories, or to-be memories or whatever

ANYWAY this is also like part of my whatever canon divergence where the royal trio section of 3rd sem is just longer for no reason . (aka: the thieves take longer to win over to their side, idk maruki gives u a longer time on the deal, etc etcetc.) just more royal trio time :3

sumibun akimeow and gorodog in 4th img... hidden.... also tennis rackets. ALSO THE LITTLE POLAROIDS Important. and all their clothes! i imagine they stay over at leblanc A Lot. akira prob convinces sojiro to Keep morgana at his house LOL and he handles the business and stuff just so they can have their safe haven while they struggle to try and win the thieves back and infiltrate the palace etc . (I kinda have a comic or something in the works for this)

more abt dialogue choices

"it's tough for a tutorial stage" - this means smth. i didnt think this thru 100% ASKJDHASDKJA but its to do w akechi's life and how everything was so fucking difficult for him as a kid when it shouldnt have been.

"is the second phase giving you trouble" - also smth to do w akechi. (As u can see these are all half baked metaphors) smth to do w his 'second life" aka: third semester being Difficult. because now he has sumire and akira and he doesn't want to leave them, so dying the 2nd time is gonna suck real bad.

i like shuakesumi btw

[the-s1lly-corner]

CREEPYPASTA CHARACTERS CELEBRATING VALENTINE'S DAY

"but admin, its early January!" yeah well if christmas stuff can start coming the second fall starts then i can celebrate valentines early/j also i saw valentines stuff already being set up at the store and its gotten me in the mood writing this at 2:30 am while playing a roblox tycoon, im fighting demons rn... so tonights writing may be a little.... off... as per usual, jeff toby and ben are written as platonic (and honestly, i think platonic friendships are just as deserving of being celebrated too!) typos and blugh-y-ness aside, i hope you all enjoy!

SLENDERMAN:

i think he might be a little behind on the tradition... so you might have to fill him in...! i think once he gets an understanding of the holiday he tries to do something for you! i think he would pick flowers from around the forest for you ! so be prepared for that! but if you have an allergy or arent really a flower person, then i think he might find you a collection of cool rocks... maybe he even carves something from wood for you! dont forget picnics, too! i think he would take this as a moment to remind you how much he loves you... its not often that he verbalizes how much he values you.... well verbalize in terms of speaking in your head... but...! 8/10 hes my wife your honor!

SPLENDORMAN:

unlike his brother he DOES know what the holiday is and just know hes going to get this huge picnic set up for you! he cant exactly go out and buy you anything (actually... most of these characters cant....) so i think he might make you something! a handmade gift! isnt that nice! might give you a flower crown as well... i think he would try his hand at making the food for the picnic, i think unlike slender he can handle digesting human food... okayish... be it because he built a tolerance or because hes built different... shrugs... gives you a bouquet of sun flowers and makes the day about YOU... he would appreciate a gift, but hes not going to give you flack for not getting him anything 8/10 i love him too i wish i wrote for him more

EYELESS JACK:

honestly given that he lives in a cabin in the woods with like. zero ties to the outside world, he kind of loses his sense of time... kind of just relies off of the weather changing through the year to gauge what month it is... and even then that can only be so accurate... no youre probably going to have to remind him or drop some hints... kind of panics at first... i think he would offer to do some services for you (not like that) such as doing some work around your place, or cooking for you... but that doesnt mean much when he already kind of does that... hmmm.... offers to take you out to watch the stars, you guys end up exchanging stories... maybe if you ask nicely, he might come out with you to the streets and stroll around with you after everyone else has gone to bed... i dont think he really does... big gestures... 7/10 i still love him too and tbh my ass wouldnt mind not getting a huge gesture or gift

LAUGHING JACK:

i think he would go all out when he sees the valentines day commercials airing on the tv. i can see him making an arts and crafts thing for you but i can also see him just outright going to a store and stealing something. what are they going to do? arrest a 7 foot clown that can disappear into a puff of smoke? yeah right... whaaaaat? no of course he didnt steal this really expensive piece of jewelry! i think he would expect something in return though so you better have gotten him something! i think he would be satisfied with some candy, and perhaps some extra affection? please? generally easy to please during this holiday since hes just happy to have you around and to himself 9/10 i love him your honor hes my other wife

MASKY/TIM:

masky does know about the holiday, for the most part, usually from media and commercials, though... im still a little eh on how i write masky and hoodie in general but shhhh. i dont think he would see it as much of a big deal, though... but he can kind of see it being a big deal to you, if it is of course. i think he would just bluntly try to ask you what you want. no beating around the bush with this one... doesnt expect anything in return nor does he want anything... but i dont think he would deny you if you wanted to spoil him... 6/10 i love me a straight forward king

as for tim i think he might try to put some more romance into his attempt and try to surprise you... might cook you dinner and decorate the place to look fancy, since i dont think he would like going out to some fancy restaurant... gives you flowers, too... doesnt ask for anything in return either but his eyes do light up a little when you get him something, bonus if its not your typical valentines gift and its something thats more relevant and practical in the long run 6.5/10

HOODIE/BRIAN:

i think i can see hoodie being a little more playful in this scenario, but not by much... hes not at emotionally distant as masky is, but hes still not easy to read. i think he would make you something... maybe its because i see brian being into art and its bleeding into how i interpret hoodie, but i think he would paint you something... or maybe he tries to set up a little movie date for you two! makes a pillow fort to surprise you, too.. very nice, very calm night.. you guys stay up all night together. he refuses to fall asleep before you... 7/10

between the two if im going to go with the artist hc brian is the better artist and is generally more confident in his ability to make something that looks pleasing to the sight orbs. be it a portrait or something based around one of your interests, hes going to be working for weeks in advance trying to perfect it... i think he might also try to take you out for dinner, too. i can see brian being a bit of a romantic sap, probably plays your guys's songs while you're driving around town together 9/10 i would actually cry personally

TICCI TOBY:

between being on the run for krilling his dad and for burning his neighborhood down + working for slenderman toby isnt around often... but he does try to still make time for you, especially when theres holidays going on! hell, he still tries to come over when its saint pattys day. he doesnt care if he doesnt have green, hes still going to go check in on you. so hands down hes going to be there for you... though i dont think he would be able to offer you anything... so you two hanging out will have to suffice. while its not traditional to give your friends anything for valentines (which i think is bs, i like giving my friends candy and homemade goods) he might... just try to go shoplift some chocolate... please talk him out of it... 6/10 its a cool hang out, you guys probably watch movies and catch up!

JEFF THE KILLER:

"ew feelings and caring about others" kind of sums up jeffs views on valentines, and as immature as it sounds, its his true thoughts. so dont expect anything from him, i mean if you ask to hang out he might swing by your place. and by swing by i mean hes going to pick the lock to your window and let himself in through your bathroom... which scares the hell out of you considering youve given him a key to your house... similar to toby the day is spent like any other, which is fine.. not terrible, honestly. you guys probably just fuck around and do what you guys normally do, 6/10

BEN DROWNED:

"ew feelings and caring about others" for ben as well but thats because hes literally a ghost kid so it makes sense for him to have that mindset, so dont expect him to mention the day to you. i think if anything he might send you a png of those dumb valentines cards or memes but stress that hes only doing it because he thinks it might make you happy... which is sweet and sad because how often does ben get to interact and befriend people? communicate with them? otherwise you guys just do your own thing, 5/10

PUPPETEER:

oh hes going to be dramatic about it. you better get him something, reader! unlike laughing jack hes not easy to please! you better not pick him up some basic card from the store, you better make it unique to him! he doesnt eat so you dont need to burn a hole in your wallet to get him some expensive chocolates or plushies.. but what does he do for you? i think he would... do something similar in return, actually. maybe its the puppet theming but i can see him putting on a little show for you, or maybe even hand making you your own toy/plushie, totally catered to you and your interests! just know hes going to want your undivided attention for the entire day, and in return youre going to have his attention as well 7.5/10

[ohdeersthings]

Storm

Katsuki Bakugou x Ex!Reader

Summary: He's been cheating and youre feeling the best feeling of all..Anger

Warnings: Breaking stuff, violence (towards objects never physical to a person), hot ex reader, swearing

He must've forgot who the fuck he was dealing with.

Bakugou fucking Katsuki really must have a screw loose if he thought he could get away with lying, cheating, and straight up being an asshole.

The sneaking around your house that you both shared. Catching whiffs of perfume too overbearing to be your own, making you gag and your nose runny.

You gave him a chance to come clean, asking him one night when he came home, turning the lamp on. He froze as he caught you smiling, a small cup of whiskey in your hand.

"Who were you with?"

"You really think that of me huh?" He scoffed, trying to gaslight you for asking him a simple question, "Katsu, I never mentioned you were doing something.." you swirled your liquor and took a long sip, eyes darting to his and you watched him like a Lion stalking a Mouse.

"Promiscuous," your voice was like a sticky sweet honey, daring him to act a fool.

"Forget it, I'm going the hell to bed,"

And like that, you had him hook, line and you were going to sink him.

~.~

Of course, before you could be the one to end it. He decided to get a step ahead and you came home one day to him throwing your stuff out onto the street, a girl clinging to his arm.

"We're over, I shouldn't have to settle for some entitled bitch asking me, the Number 4 Hero, shit and getting pissy if I don't wanna answer," he snapped, but he tried to ignore the small twinge of fear when your emotionless gaze bore into him.

"Oh really?" Was all you asked, head tilted, eyes moving from his to the girl on his arm. She appeared to be about your age, maybe a couple younger.

"Sorry sweetie, if you can't keep up with the best then someone else will," her cheap lipgloss wasn't helping her already cracked lips. Her fake giggle was like listening to a pick me girl record, which is basically all she was.

A pick me bitch.

"Since everything is in my name, get your shit and leave," Katsuki smirked, trying to puff up to show his dominance. Oh you'll show him dominance alright.

"Fine, but I have one more thing I need to grab," you shoved past him, the new girls squeak of surprise when she stumbled, her heels too skinny to handle the weight change.

You walked into the hall closet, grabbing your bat.

"Don't touch anything!" His voice yelled into the house but the next sound following had him growling, curses flying out of his mouth as he heard crashes and glass shattering.

You swing the bat and broke the TV you paid for. The China cabinet that was a gift from his parents for Christmas from when they went to visit China on vacation.

Cups and plates crashed around you as you continued to swing, the girls high pitched scream making your ears ring as you dodged Katsuki who was cussing you out.

You ducked under his arm and got outside, your bat coming down hard on his precious Buggati. A birthday present to himself, that he bought on your fucking birthday.

"BITCH! FUCKING STOP!" He screamed as your cracked the windows, shattering the tail lights.

"But I'm not touching anything," you growled, throwing the bat in his direction as he dodged, unluckily being missed by the bat. "IM FUCKING DESTROYING IT!"

You brought out your pocket knife that you kept on you for safety and slashed 3 of his tires, jabbing it into the metal of the car. Puncture marks left as Katsuki finally found some ounce of motion to run over and snatch the knife out of your hand.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!? GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

"Hope he wrapped it up sis cause he's got the clap! And I know I didn't give it to him!" You called over your shoulder, flipping them off as you sauntered to your car as you listened to the screaming that was now happening up the drive way.

"Have fun Katsu~" you blew a mocking kiss as he screamed about his car while he was getting hit by the pick me bitches hands.

[dovahbee]

NORMANDY SR2 INFO BOARD HOLIDAY EDITION

[NEW MESSAGES AS OF 12:09]

12:09- XO. LAWSON: Good afternoon. As all of you know, it’s the winter holiday season on earth. I would like to invite @all to the starboard deck for a cultural exchange at 14:00 for anyone interested in learning about human winter traditions.

-

REMINDERS:

- Candy canes are NOT weapons. ALSO they are a privilege, not a right.

- Mistletoe (the greenery hanging from the roof) is NOT edible.

- Mess Sergeant Gardner is dressing up as Santa Clause; if you see a man with a white beard and red clothing DO NOT OPEN FIRE.

- Menorahs are NOT edible.

- Hot chocolate is HOT. Human skin is sensitive. For the love of god, just be responsible.

-

Happy Holidays. See you there.

12:10- FLT. MOREAU: seriously

12:10- LT. TAYLOR: how stupid do you think we are?

12:10- CHF. ZORAH: yayyy happy holidays! merry christmas, happy hanukkah, joyous kwanzaa, feliz navidad, gung hay fat choy!!! am i saying those right??

12:10- GO. VAKARIAN: someone did research last night

12:10- LC. SHEPARD: goddamn it, did grunt eat another menorah?

12:11- SPEC. JACK: im pretty sure mistletoe is edible. i mean it’s a plant, right?

12:11– SPEC. MASSANI: good goddamn point

12:11- SPEC. GRUNT: will there be food other than the roof salad

12:11- LC. SHEPARD: i would like to point out— candy canes absolutely are weapons. i dropped a guy with one once.

12:11- XO. LAWSON: Not helping, Shepard.

12:11- SPEC. GRUNT: noodles please

12:11- SPEC. KRIOS: Impressive, Commander.

12:11– SPEC. GRUNT: please teach me battlemaster

12:12– LC. SHEPARD: gladly. just suck on the tip until it’s pointy then ram it in the jugular. should work for humans, turians, drell, quarians, batarians, hanar (probably?) and vorcha. it’s messy as hell but satisfying.

12:12- XO. LAWSON: That’s it. You’ve all lost your candy cane privileges.

12:12– DR. SOLUS: Wise decision. Shepard and Grunt safety hazards.

12:12- CHF. ZORAH: seriously??? You can’t punish all of us for shepard’s bloodlust

12:12- SPEC. GOTO: so let me get this straight, miri. you trust us with your life in a firefight, but not with candy canes during a Christmas party?

12:13- XO. LAWSON: a HOLIDAY party. and yes, that is correct.

12:13- LC. SHEPARD: i mean… it sorta seems fair. i trust vakarian on my six with an SR… but with a taser? absolutely not.

12:13- GO. VAKARIAN: i think LCs been shot in the head one too many times

12:13- LC. SHEPARD: not the point, numb nuts

12:13- SPEC. SAMARA: If Commander Shepard can safely operate a live firearm, she should be able to responsibly handle a sharp sucrose stick.

12:13- SPEC. GOTO: you’d think

12:13- LC. SHEPARD: i don’t know if i can. i just get this overwhelming urge to stab.

12:13- DR. CHAKWAS: Pushing your psych eval forward, LC.

12:13- GO. VAKARIAN: called it!

12:14- SPEC. MASSANI: so this party… do we get turkey dinner if we show?

12:14- SPEC. JACK: what the fuck is a turkey

12:14- XO. LAWSON: Dinner will be at 18:00, given Gardner has finished up. No turkey, just rations.

12:14- GO. VAKARIAN: Why the hell does Gardner look like that? [image.attachment_sergeant_santa_clause]

12:14- LC. SHEPARD: huh. looks like he was born for the role.

12:14- CHF. ZORAH: this seems… offensive. why did he stuff his pants and belly?

12:15- FLT. MOREAU: compensation, zorah

12:15- CHF. ZORAH: ohhhh

12:15– FLT. MOREAU: it’s not a real holiday party without booze @XO

12:15- XO. LAWSON: the LAST thing this crew needs is alcohol

12:15- LC. SHEPARD: [image.attachment_secret_candy_canes] jokes on you @XO i bought myself some on the citadel. knew you’d pull this crap.

12:15- XO. LAWSON: fine

12:15- LC. SHEPARD: this too [image.attachment_4.5L_bottle_vodka]

12:15- XO. LAWSON: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

status of babbit's life yeehaw

tl,dr: busy moving and a couple of other big life things that just complicate things, but well on the way to being back to normal! new fic chapters and better quality art coming soon.

tl,wr (too long, will read):

Helloooo what's up its me, Babbit. or Rabbit. or Bones. or Idiot Moron Menace Child, idk im not picky lol

i know a lot of you guys have been wondering wtf is up with my upload schedule lately and the extreme lack of even basic content and also i am extremely aware that i have not updated my fics in a few millennia and for that i am very, very sorry. this post is to answer a few questions you might have, if anyone was curious about the 'reason' instead of just the 'when.'

my family and i have had a hell of a year, y'all. like, jesus christ, i really hope things level out and calm down for a while once we're moved in to our new apartment bc god damn we are so tired. the list goes: 1. we got kicked out of the house we were renting-to-own bc we wouldn't be able to afford the new rate, so they gave us two months to find a new place to live (not long enough, it turns out) and then foreclosed to get us out. 75% of our belongings were still in the house when we had to leave. that includes all of our christmas ornaments- including the ones kept for decades, and the ones made by me and my siblings, and the fancy ones made from blown glass. 2. the first night out of the house, one of our dogs, freaked out by the strangeness of the situation, panicked and slipped her harness and ran off. that was over a year ago. we haven't seen her since. 3. my cat got very ill and became unable to eat. she passed away almost exactly a year ago. she had been 14-15, and had been my baby since i was maybe 8. 4. one of the tires on my dads car blew out. during the night, while it was parked on the curb so he could put the spare on in the morning, one of the in-tact tires was fucking stolen LMAO 5. we applied to rent at so many places and got rejected so, so many times. it costs money to apply, btw. we're talking like $200+. no, u don't get that money back. 6. i lost my job bc knowing i would have to work 8 hours at a job that stresses me out to the point of exhaustion (at a place where no one takes me seriously and would actively laugh at me when i try to express my need to step away for a minute) sometimes paralyzed me and made me sick to my stomach and made me feel unable to leave the house, and i called out one too many times. a day after my birthday, too! 7. just recently, like within the last week, my dad's car got fuckin totalled!!!!!

THE GOOD NEWS IS WE OFFICIALLY, FINALLY, AFTER A SOLID YEAR, HAVE AN APARTMENT!!!!! I'LL HAVE MY OWN ROOM AGAIN!!! THERE'S AN ENTIRE KITCHEN!!!!!!!

the 'oh god' news is we still have to move in, and replace a lot of the stuff that we just couldn't take with us when we moved out (mostly stuff like bookshelves, dining table, dressers, etc) AND get the few things we could cram into a storage center out and moved into the new place, which isn't a lot but at the same time is more than we can realistically handle on our own. and then, we have to get my mums cats (a pair of kitty sisters that we had to temporarily house with my aunt, who got tired of looking after them and let them outside to be outdoor cats a few months ago. yes, this was an extremely shitty thing to do, and we've been working hard to get them back safely) AND my gecko (who my cousin has been looking after, even tho feeding him worms freaks him out LMAO yes i plan on compensating him) moved in, as well... basically oh my god there is so much to worry about but at the same time it's nice to have to worry about it bc it means we're making progress sdkfhsjdkfhdsjfh

basically i am just so tired but so busy and also thinkin abt so much im so sorry for lack of stuff but i am so looking forward to being able to bounce back, pls stick with me, it'll be sorted out soon i think and then i'll hit y'all with some good stuff i promise!!!!!!!

anyway thank u guys i love u and appreciate u all for sticking around

[atlabeth]

tis the damn season part 4 - rafe cameron

part 3 | masterlist | part 5

a/n: okay so. first of all im so so SO sorry that it has literally been a year since the last part. i said it wasnt going to take a month for this to come out and i guess i was right because a year isn't a month lmao. it's not even christmas season anymore but i just could not stop thinking about this all of a sudden so here we are again. i hope you guys still want this lmao.

it was just really hard for me to get through the cameron family part, i love writing sarah but for some reason i just could not get a handle on ward and rose. not a surprise that yn and rafe meeting in the library was the part that i flew through

anyways enjoy. sorry for it being a year since the last part and it not being christmas anymore<3 im a great and responsible writer. also because it has been so long i completely understand if you dont want to be on the taglist anymore, so just lmk and ill take you off!

wc: 7k

warning(s): the dreaded parent dinner. rose and ward being judgmental and yn being insecure ya know the vibes. but also a lot of fluff too

“How drunk are you?” 

“Sober enough to get through this night,” Rafe said. “How high is your bullshit tolerance?” 

“High enough to get through this night,” you repeated, and he smiled. 

“Alright.” Rafe took a deep breath then nodded, and the two of you got out of his car. You handed him his keys and he, after putting them in his pocket, slipped his hand into yours as you started walking towards the house. The motion was starting to feel more natural than it should. “Rose’ll probably want my help setting up for dinner as an excuse to talk to me about you, but my dad will most likely be in his office until we’re done, so you don’t have to worry about another one-on-one thing.” 

“I can handle that,” you said. “It’ll be easier in front of the rest of your family. But before we go in—” you turned to look at him, a slightly teasing smile on your lips. “I think we should talk about all that stuff your friends said back there.”

Rafe sighed and shook his head. “I’m sorry about that. I promise, they were just exaggerating to embarrass me.” 

“No, it’s fine,” you chuckled. “I like your friends; they were a lot different than I was expecting, but they were actually really cool. I just… well, I wanted to make sure it wouldn’t change anything with this.”

“No, no—” Rafe laughed a little as well and brushed it off with his hand. “Okay — all cards on the table, I did have a crush on you freshman year. But that was just freshman year, and now it’s gone! We’re— we’re just friends. I feel nothing for you anymore.” 

You gave him a look. “Nothing?” 

Rafe rolled his eyes playfully. “You know what I mean.” 

“Just teasing you,” you agreed with a smile. “But it’s good to know that there is absolutely nothing between us. I mean, you did promise not to fall in love with me.” 

Rafe nodded seriously. “Of course. And you promised not to fall in love with me, so you can’t falter either.” 

You placed your fist over your heart. “Hope to die.” 

He snorted a laugh and tugged on your hand to get you walking again. “You’re so lame.” 

“And you had a crush on me when I was even lamer,” you teased. But before you could do anymore, Rafe was saved by the bell as he opened the door and pulled you inside with a wink back at you. 

“Rose, we’re home!” he called as he shut the door behind you. You heard the clatter of silverware in the distance followed by clicking heels on the tiled floor, and soon enough a blonde woman with an unnaturally bright smile came around the corner.

Her eyes lit up when she saw you and she said your name. “You must be the girlfriend!”

You offered a smile of your own and nodded. “In the flesh. It’s so nice to— oh!“

You didn’t get the chance to finish your sentence as she pulled you into a hug, and Rafe just gave you a knowing smile in response to your widened eyes. 

“It‘s so nice to meet you too,” she gushed, and when she finally let go she kept her hands on your shoulders. “We’ve all tried to drill Rafe for information about you these past couple days, but he refused to open up — you can imagine how happy I am to finally get to meet ‘the girlfriend’.”

You laughed a bit at her mimed quotation, nodding along to her words. If only she knew how right she really was. 

“I feel the same about meeting you all.” To drive home the point you reached for Rafe’s hand, and without hesitation he took it. “Rafe and I are really happy together, so I thought— we thought that it would be a good time for this to happen.”

Rose grinned and as she started walking, the two of you followed her. “Well, it is an absolute pleasure to have you here for the holidays. I’m sure Rafe has hardly been able to hold himself back from showing you everything Kildare has to offer.”

“Uh, yeah,” he piped in. “We just went to the country club and met up with Kelce and Topper, and we took the scenic route back. You liked it, right?”

You nodded. “It was great. Everything here is, really — your house, the beaches, the nature, the Outer Banks as a whole, it’s all beautiful. I can’t believe this is my first time visiting.” 

Her eyebrows shot up as you all finally reached the kitchen, a mess of measuring cups, bowls, and a myriad of other kitchen supplies scattered around the island table. All it took was a gesture of her head for Rafe to let go of your hand and get to work with tidying up the area. You made a mental note to ask her how to acquire that kind of power. 

“You’ve never been here?” she asked, and you shook your head. You didn’t know why that was so surprising to both his parents. “Well, that just means you have the chance to see everything with fresh eyes.” 

“I’m looking forward to it,” you smiled. 

Rafe gave you a warning look, one you knew very well that was telling you to stop talking, before he focused back on his stepmom with a smile. “We can handle the rest of this, right? Y/N can go relax a little in my room before dinner — uh, she didn’t sleep very well.” 

Rose rolled her eyes, but the amusement was clear in her expression. “Fine. I’ll save the grilling for dinner.” 

You gave her a polite nod as you turned to go, but when Rose wasn’t looking you mouthed a ‘thank you’ to Rafe that he answered with a smug smile. She was nicer than you had imagined, but you didn’t think you could handle all of her questions in addition to a family dinner. You had a feeling you were going to need every advantage you could get for tonight. 

It just so happened though, that as soon as you turned the corner, you ran into Rafe’s younger sisters. You wondered if they always traveled as a pair. 

“You guys are back already,” Sarah said with a pleasant smile, and you chuckled. 

“Uh, yeah,” you nodded. “We just went out for lunch with his friends at the country club.” 

Wheezie groaned as she leaned against the wall. “Kelce and Topper? God, they’re the worst.” 

You frowned a bit. “I actually thought they were pretty nice. They like teasing Rafe just as much as I do, so it’s a plus.” 

She shrugged. “I’m surprised they were so nice to you. A lot of people on this side of the island wouldn’t be that way towards you.” 

“Wheezie!” Sarah scolded with a jab to her shoulder, but that only knit your brows further. 

“What are you talking about?” you asked, and Sarah sighed. 

“I’m guessing Rafe hasn’t really told you about the inner workings of the Outer Banks,” she said dryly, and you nodded. “Well…” she trailed off, and then shook her head. “It’s not the right time, and I don’t really think it should come from us. I don’t really want you to get all in your head right before the big dinner interrogation.” 

“Are you always this mysterious with your brother’s girlfriends?” you asked after a beat of silence.

Sarah smiled as she started to back up. “How else am I supposed to keep my younger sister allure?”

“It’s not allure if you’re so open about it,” Wheezie said as she rolled her eyes. “I’m gonna go get some lemonade, want any?”

Sarah shook her head, and then she looked to you.

“Oh— uh, no. Thank you.”

Wheezie chuckled a bit. “Don’t act so surprised that we wanna get to know you. You’re pretty cool in terms of Rafe girlfriends.” 

As she walked off, you turned to Sarah with an amused look. “Is she always like that?”

“It just means she likes you,” Sarah said with a smile. “And for the record, I do too.”

You stood there smiling at the ground for far too long after Sarah had already gone off on her own. They were charming in a very likable way, even if they did have their quirks. 

At least your fake boyfriend’s sisters liked you — now, you just had to get his parents on your side.

-

“So…” Rose glanced over at Rafe with a smile as he mashed potatoes. “Are you gonna give me anything, or do I have to wait for dinner?” 

He chuckled. “I think we can wait for dinner. She’ll be happy to tell you all about herself then.” 

“You’ve been together for almost three years and we barely know anything about her!” she exclaimed. “What’s the reason for that kind of secrecy?” 

Rafe bit the inside of his cheek, suddenly very interested in the potato masher. “We just wanted to make sure that we were solid before we started telling people outside of our friend group,” he said. “I… I really like her, so I wanted it all to go well.” 

She raised her eyebrows. “You both wanted to keep it a secret, or just she did?” 

He frowned. “We both did. Why does it matter?” 

“She’s not like us,” Rose said after a moment of hesitation, and Rafe’s grip tightened against the handle. “How do you know she’s not just using you for your money?”

“Excuse me?” He turned to her with an incredulous expression, the thought so ridiculous to him that he could hardly even deal with it. “You’re not seriously calling my girlfriend a gold digger, are you?” 

“It is a valid concern!” she defended, her voice becoming slightly higher from his reaction. “You’ve seen the way she looks at the house, the way she marvels at everything down here — for god’s sake Rafe, she’s never even been to the Outer Banks and she lives a couple hours away. Why else would she want to keep the two of you a secret?” 

“Okay,” he said with a dry laugh, setting down the masher and walking over to the sink to wash his hands off. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. Just because she’s not crazy rich like every other person on Figure Eight doesn’t mean she’s after me for money. We’ve been friends even longer than we’ve been dating— I was the one who asked her out first. She’s actually a good person, Rose—and no matter what, you can’t insult her like that. She’s,” he swallowed and turned away for a second, “she’s my girlfriend. So you can’t say this kinda stuff about her.” 

Rose stared at him for a moment before she sighed. “Okay. At least you actually care about her.”

“Of course I do,” he scoffed.

“I just want to make sure you know what you’re getting into,” she said, once again on the defensive. “You’ve always been hasty—”

“Do you want my help with this or do you just want to keep talking shit about her?” Rafe interrupted, his voice rising out of frustration. “Because if you keep this up you’re gonna be doing it alone.”

“Watch your mouth, Rafe,” she said, though mostly for virtue’s sake. “You just can’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“There’s nothing to warn me about,” he said sharply. “She’s a great person, and she’s one of my best friends. So lay off.”

She raised her hands, finally conceding. “Okay. You win.” 

Rafe rolled his eyes, but he still moved onto his next job. That didn’t change the fact that the rest of their preparations were done in silence. 

-

You spent your time alone in Rafe’s room very valuably — after relaxing for a little, you found Topper and Kelce’s instagrams and immediately started stalking them. 

It was valuable, to be fair — you got to see pictures of Rafe when he was in high school, and some videos of him being the idiot he’d warned you about when you went through their pinned stories. They made you smile, seeing him like that — just from the pictures you could tell that he was a frat boy in training, but he was charming in a boyish sort of way. You also knew you would’ve completely fallen for high school Rafe if the two of you met at that age.

You cleared your throat as you shut off your phone and put it face down on the bed. Thank god for the distance between you then, because thoughts like that were definitely off limits. 

It was just in time, because you heard a knock on the door and Rafe saying your name. 

“Uh, come in!” you responded, and he came in the door as you sat up. 

“Dinner’s all ready, if you’re ready.” 

“Yeah,” you nodded, and you stood up from his bed as you smoothed out your dress. “This is fine for the first dinner with your family, right? How do I look?” 

Rafe looked you up and down, his eyes raking across your body in the most exaggerated way possible as he whistled. “Babe, you look great. Super hot.” 

You burst out into laughter at that, and he even cracked a smile. “You are completely ridiculous, Rafe. You cannot act this way in front of your parents.” 

He brushed his hand through the air. “They can deal with it. My fake girlfriend’s only getting the best.” 

You shook your head, a smile of your own growing. “Like I said: completely ridiculous.” 

“I try.” Rafe’s grin faded a bit as he looked back at the door, and after a moment he shut it. He then turned back to you, his expression completely sobered. “I’m gonna be completely honest with you. This might be rough.” 

You frowned a bit. “Rough in what kind of way?” 

“Rough in a ‘making you doubt everything about yourself’ kinda way,” he said, and he sighed as shook his head. “Rose and I—we talked while we were setting everything up, and she thinks you’re some kind of golddigger. And,” Rafe huffed a dry laugh, “my dad’ll probably think the same thing. He’ll be a lot more covert with it, though.” 

“Great,” you muttered, and you suddenly felt very self-conscious as you wrapped your arms around yourself. A part of you itched to put Rafe’s sweatshirt back on, the familiarity of it a comfort you were suddenly aching for. But you remained in place, letting out a deep sigh instead. “I thought you said that both of them were from blue collars before they ended up with all this.” 

“They were,” Rafe confirmed, “but they’ve gone full kook over the years. They look down on the very same people they used to be, and… they’re probably gonna look down on you too.” 

“Great!” you repeated, and you felt the heat rush to your cheeks. You and Rafe weren’t together so it shouldn’t have bothered you, the thought of not having his parents’ approval, but it was just the opposite. “That’s— that’s just great, Rafe.” 

“Hey,” he said, his voice softer, “hey, it’s okay. I don’t want you to worry about them. Just— just be yourself, and we will make them like you. And if they say any out of pocket shit, don’t just take it, call them out on it. And if you don’t want to, I will.” Rafe gave you a genuine look. “I won’t let them do what they do to everyone else.” 

You recalled your conversation with Ward earlier in the morning, when he, out of nowhere, told you that he didn’t think you were a good fit in Rafe’s life. The man barely knew you and he was already trying to scare you out of it. 

And for some reason, just the thought of that brought your resolve back. If there was one thing you had in spades, it was spite.

You swallowed the lump in your throat and nodded, offering a smile that you hoped was convincing. “Right. We got this.” 

“We got this,” he agreed, and he offered his hand. “You ready, fake girlfriend?” 

You nodded again and took his hand, reveling in the warmth it provided as he squeezed your hand. “Ready, fake boyfriend.” 

-

“There you two are,” Rose joked as you and Rafe entered the dining room together. “I was beginning to think you decided to abandon us.” 

“I wouldn’t let him do that,” you said with a smile. “I’m just sorry we didn’t get to do this last night.” 

“Oh, I am too,” she agreed, and she finished setting the last platter on the table. “I’m sorry that it’s taken us three years to finally have a family dinner.” 

“Me too,” Wheezie said, looking up at you as she finished setting down the silverware. “I still don’t know what you see in him, but whatever.” 

“Louisa, be nice.” You instinctively tensed up as Ward walked in, and you returned the gesture when he smiled at you. “We’re all happy to have you here, and we’re all sorry it took so long.” He looked at Rafe pointedly. “You should’ve brought her down sooner, Rafe.” 

“We’ve already talked about this, Dad,” Rafe said. “We weren’t ready before, but now we are. You guys have to deal with that.” 

“He just didn’t want to scare her off with his crazy family,” Sarah said dryly as she walked in, a stack of plates in her hands that she placed on the table.  “Probably a good decision with all this interrogating.” 

“I don’t mind,” you said, and it wasn’t completely a lie. You and Rafe might not have been together, but you were best friends. It was probably a good thing you were meeting his family, even if it was under this sort of guise. You laughed a bit. “I’d want to know about my son’s secret girlfriend too if I were you.” 

“Well, you’re welcome here anytime you want, sweetie,” Rose said. “We have a lot of lost time to make up for.” She set the final dish on the table and held her hands out. “Feel free to help yourself.” 

“It all looks wonderful, honey,” Ward said, pecking his wife on the cheek as he took his seat at the head of the table. 

Your nerves evaporated slightly as you sat down, reveling in the silence you probably wouldn’t get much of as everyone served themselves. You were immediately proven right as Rose looked at you with a smile. 

“So,” she said your name, “Rafe tells me you’re looking to become a doctor?” 

You nodded. “I’ve been working towards it since middle school. It’s hard to believe that I’m getting so close to med school.” 

“Are you applying?” Ward asked. 

“Not yet, but I’m looking,” you said, and you chuckled. “I thought I would get a break from all the medical stuff after I took the MCAT, but between school hunting and classes, I think it’s gotten even busier.” 

“She’s amazing,” Rafe said, “seriously. She and Melanie are both on pre-med tracks, and I swear, all they do is study.” 

“Mel parties sometimes,” you joked, “but… yeah. I’ve become really well acquainted with the library.” 

“That was actually how we met,” he said, glancing at you, and a smile immediately broke out on your lips. “Freshman year, remember?” 

“How could I ever forget?” 

/ 

You let out a haggard sigh as you held your head in your hands, staring at the textbook beneath you. You had an entire spread around you—laptop and charger, nearly empty water bottle, a bag of goldfish, a whole mess of highlighters and pens, and your bio 252 textbook open in front of you. You had been trying to read the same sentence for the past ten minutes, and your brain was not cooperating. 

You screwed your eyes shut as you leaned back in your chair, pressing your hands against your forehead. At this point, you wondered if you were losing brain cells.

“Hey, uh— is this seat open?” 

You cracked your eyes open to see a guy in sweatpants and a UNC tee standing, a backpack slung over one shoulder and very pretty eyes. 

“It’s 2:35 in the morning,” you said. “Half the library is open.” 

“I know, but,” he chuckled, “you look smart. I feel like being around you will make me do my work.” 

That got a dry laugh out of you, and you just shrugged. “Sit away, I guess. As long as you’re quiet.” 

He nodded and took a seat on the other end of the table, leaving enough space to be polite. “I’m Rafe, by the way.” 

You nodded as well. “Cool.” 

“What,” he said, setting his backpack on the ground, “I don’t get a name?” 

“If I survive these midterms, you can get my name,” you said wryly, and your focus fell back to your textbook. 

Though you couldn’t see him, you heard the smile in his words, could feel his eyes on you. “Deal.” 

/

“Never thought that you would be living the rom-com life, Rafe,” Sarah said, very tongue-in-cheek. “Makes sense that she was annoyed by you at first.” 

“To be fair, I was kind of losing my mind,” you said with a laugh. “Word of advice for your freshman year, Sarah, learn the meaning of school-life balance, and learn it before you’re knee deep in midterms.” 

She chuckled, nodding sagely. “You don’t have to worry about that. I won’t be in the library that late no matter what time of year it is.” 

“Very studious of you, Rafe,” Rose said, and she smiled. “What were you doing in there anyways?” 

He shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep, so I went to the library. Maybe it was fate.”

“I think it was just persistence,” you said dryly. “Because you came in every single night after that.” 

/

“This seat open?” 

You blinked at the voice, the words from your laptop screen swimming in the air as you looked back up. To your surprise, it was the same guy from the other day, with the same words. Rafe, if you remembered.

“Why are you here again?” 

“Because I took my econ midterm yesterday afternoon and killed it,” he said, “and I think it’s because you’re good luck.” 

You raised your eyebrows. “I’m good luck?” 

Rafe nodded. “My hypothesis is that being around you is giving me good luck, so I’m testing it by hanging around you before each of my midterms.” 

That actually got a laugh out of you. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” 

“It’s not stupid if it works, is it?” He set down his bag and shot you a grin. “Besides— I gotta make sure you get through the season alive so I can get your name.” 

You just shook your head, though you were unable to hide your own smile. “Fine. House rules still apply.” 

Rafe held up his hands. “Absolute silence. You got it.” 

Ten minutes passed in keyboard clacks and page turns before you couldn’t help yourself, and you looked back up at Rafe. 

“Are you really going to come here every night?” 

“As long as you’re here,” Rafe said, “I’m here.” 

/ 

“And he did,” you said. “He came back every night that week, sat in the same spot in complete silence, and we did our work together. At 2AM, no less.” 

“And I passed every single one of my midterms with flying colors,” he said. “I still think it’s because of you.” 

“That is so sweet,” Rose crooned. “Who knew our Rafe was such a charmer?” 

“Rose—” he started, his cheeks flushing, but you chuckled. 

“He certainly was,” you said. “Anyone else, and I think I might’ve kicked them out. But I couldn’t say no to those eyes.” 

And it’s not like you were lying—that really was how you met. It just wasn’t the love story that you were making it out to be. It was a week of the library, and then you didn’t see each other again until Melanie dragged you out to an end of the semester party—the party that Kelce mentioned, the party that you ran into Rafe again. 

That was certainly a night. And not one you could really detail at a family dinner. 

“If we have you to thank for Rafe’s performance in his freshman midterms, then I’m certainly in your debt,” Ward said with a slight smile. 

“I don’t think it was because of me,” you said. “I think it’s because he actually sat down and studied for once in his life.” 

Rafe rolled his eyes. “Say that all you want, but you’re my good luck charm. I know it.” 

“I assume that you’ve always done well in school?” Ward asked. 

“I have to,” you said honestly. “I’m on a huge scholarship at Chapel Hill, and if my grades drop below a certain point, it gets taken away. I literally can’t afford for that to happen,” you chuckled nervously, “not to mention the hit my career prospects would take.” 

“You seem really serious about all of this,” Ward said, and he clasped his hands together. “Why do you want to be a doctor so badly?” 

“It’s the only thing I can imagine myself doing,” you responded. “I’ve always loved science, and the human body has fascinated me even when I was a kid. Growing up, I’ve seen a lot of bad things happen to a lot of good people, and it’s… it’s just not fair. So I guess becoming a doctor would be my way of helping those people and putting some good back in the world.” 

“Oh, that is so sweet,” Rose said, her eyes softening. “Rafe, honey, you really picked a good one.”

Wheezie snorted a laugh. “Yeah. Now I know for a fact she’s too good for you.” 

“Louisa,” Ward admonished, and he looked back at you. “That’s a very noble goal. I can only imagine the hard work you’ve described is but a fraction of the full picture. I mean, my senior year was busy as all get-out, don’t get me wrong, but I was in business. Pre-med is a whole different thing to navigate.” 

“It is,” you agreed. “Right now I’m juggling classes and labs, an internship, a part time job, and trying to have a social life all at the same time.” You laughed a bit. “It’s a lot, and sometimes it gets overwhelming. But when that happens, I take a step back and try to remember what I’m doing all this for, and that almost always gets me back on track. And when it doesn’t—” you glanced at Rafe with a smile— “he’s always there for me.” 

Rafe returned your smile and took your hand under the table, and it filled you with some confidence. You certainly weren’t lying about the last part. 

“She’s amazing all on her own,” Rafe said. “I’m only her cheerleader.” 

“Maybe it wasn’t a good idea for you and Rafe to get together,” Sarah said, frowning. “You’re setting the bar way too high.” She looked at her parents. “I hope you don’t expect me to do all that when I get to college.” 

“You’ll do whatever you have to do, sweetie,” Rose said with a smile. “I’m sure you had to work up to all of this.” 

“Oh, definitely,” you nodded. “I applied to get into my high school’s health science specialty center in eighth grade, and it all went from there. It’s always busy, but it’s the most fulfilling work someone can do.” 

“Are you sure you can handle it?” Ward asked. His tone was noncommittal, but you knew what he was after. You weren’t going to give it to him. 

“Dad—” Rafe started, glancing at you for a second, but you spoke up. 

“I’ve been working towards this since my freshman year of high school. Everything’s gone to plan up until now, and I don’t plan for that to change.” Both your smile and your grip on Rafe’s hand tightened. “I know I can handle it.” 

“Well,” he said, his eyes far too calculating as he looked right at you, “I wish you all the best.” 

“Thank you,” you said smoothly. 

The tension at the table had been steadily rising ever since Ward looked in your direction, and it was starting to get to you. Rafe, as attentive as ever, immediately took over. 

“Dad,” he said, drawing the attention back to him, “we did an investment project in my 407 course for the final. It was actually really interesting, and my professor said that my group had one of the best projects she’s seen in her career. Do you wanna hear about it?” 

“Sure.” The smile he offered to his son was the same you’d seen since the moment of your arrival, and some of the pressure dissolved from your shoulders. You made a mental note to thank Rafe profusely at the end of the night. “Your professor was Dr. Waters, right?” 

He nodded. “She said you know each other.” 

“We do,” he said, and you felt like you could breathe again as he looked away from you. “I’d love to hear it, son.” 

Rafe wasn’t lying when he said he was skilled at navigating the waters of his family, because he kept the limelight off of you for the entire rest of the dinner. He talked about his own classes and directed it towards his sisters, and though you chimed in to answer the occasional question or add to one of his stories, you didn’t feel like your entire life was on blast. 

You and Rafe ended up helping Rose clean up, and she smiled at you as you handed her a plate. 

“Tonight was lovely, sweetie,” she said. “I can’t wait to hear about everything you accomplish in the future.” 

“You’re too kind,” you said, biting back a smile that was actually genuine. “I really enjoyed tonight.” 

“I’m glad.” She started the dishwasher and sighed as she looked at you. “I know my husband can be heavy-handed sometimes, but it’s not personal, trust me. We want the best for Rafe—Ward just has his own way of showing it.” 

“C’mon, Rose,” Rafe grumbled. “You saw what he was doing, and you went along with it. That’s not okay.” 

“He wasn’t doing anything,” she said pointedly. “He wanted to know more about Y/N, so he asked her. That’s all.” 

“You know that’s not—” 

“Rafe,” you interrupted, and you held up your phone, “Mel’s calling. C’mon, let’s go catch her up on everything.” 

He hesitated as he looked at you, but you just raised your eyebrows a little bit and gestured towards the hallway. Rafe sighed and nodded, glancing back at his step-mother. 

“Rose—” 

“You two enjoy yourself,” she said. “Cleanup’s already almost done—thank you for your help.” 

“Of course,” you said. “Have a good night, Mrs. C— Rose.” 

She smiled and nodded, waving the two of you off as you practically dragged Rafe into the hallway. 

“What was that for?” he complained once you were in the safety of his room, door shut. 

“You were about to get into a completely unnecessary argument.” 

“I was defending your honor, babe,” he said austerely. 

You laughed a bit, shaking your head as you sat down on the side of his bed, and Rafe leaned against the wall. “And I appreciate it, Sir Cameron, but I want this to be as drama-free as possible. Don’t get into arguments with your parents for me.” 

“I get into arguments with my parents all the time,” he said. “Doing it for you makes it better.” 

“Rafe.” 

He sighed and shrugged. “Fine. Drama-free break.” 

“Thank you.” 

“But not if my dad starts coming for you like that again,” he added with a pointed finger. 

You chuckled and nodded. “Fine.” 

You then looked at the clock on his bedside table and blew out a loose sigh. “God, it’s way later than I thought. You, get on my phone and call Mel. I lied about her calling, but I actually do want to talk to her tonight, and she definitely wants to catch up with you. I’m showering and getting ready for the night.” 

“Aye aye, captain,” he said, catching your phone as you tossed it to him. “But you know you don’t have to change in private. I have a very big room.” 

You gave him a look as you grabbed your bag. “Very subtle, Rafe. Behave.” 

He laughed and went back to your phone as you shut the door. 

You went through your routine as usual, the warm water helping to relieve the tension that had built up in your muscles. It was nice to have some alone time after the rollercoaster that the day had been, from Kelce’s bombshell conversation to the choppy waters of Ward Cameron—you had no idea the Outer Banks were going to be so complicated. 

It was only two weeks. Two weeks, and then you and Rafe were back to being nothing more than roommates and friends. Easy. 

You dried yourself off when you were done and slipped into a pair of shorts and an old Raleigh tee. After finishing the rest of your night routine, you opened the door again, smiling a bit to see Rafe laying upside down on his bed on the phone. 

His eyes flickered over to you and he smiled as well as he sat up. “You can ask her that yourself, actually—she just got out. You’re goin’ on speaker, Mel.” 

She cheered your name and you laughed as you settled on the bed with Rafe, picking up the phone so you could look at the little Mel on your screen. “You already look great. The OBX air is good for you, I swear.” 

“Better than city air,” you chuckled. “How have you been? Are you devastatingly bored without Rafe and I?” 

“You know I am,” she said with mock austerity. “Ayden’s already gone back to Richmond, so I’m all on my lonesome. You guys are all the worst for leaving me.” 

“Sorry,” Rafe said. “Should’ve asked you to be my girlfriend too—then we all could’ve had a great time with my parents.” 

She snorted and shook her head. “I love you Rafe, but I prefer the empty apartment.” 

He shook his head with a sigh. “So mean to me.” 

“It’s for your own good,” she chided, and she looked back at you. “How’s he treating you? Like a queen, I hope.” 

You laughed. “Mel, I am seriously living the life of luxury here. His room is the size of our freshman dorm. Honestly, it’s probably the size of my apartment back home. I would be Rafe’s permanent fake girlfriend if it meant a house like this.” 

Rafe shrugged. “We do have a couple more holidays coming up.” 

“Joking,” you said, and you sighed. “His family is… something.” 

“I told you I would fight them for you!” he defended. “I am fully ready to argue with my dad for you, but someone said she doesn’t want me to defend her honor.” 

Mel laughed, her eyes twinkling. “You beautiful knight. At least you’re trying to protect my girl.” 

“Always,” Rafe said, and then he stood up from his bed. “I’m gonna get ready—don’t gossip about me.” 

You gasped, scandalized. “We would never.” 

“Perish the thought,” Mel said simultaneously. 

Rafe rolled his eyes with a smile as he left, and you picked up the phone. “He sure is something.” 

“Yeah,” Mel said, something in her voice, “he is. And now that we’re alone, we can gossip about him.” 

You chuckled and shook your head. “There’s nothing to gossip about. What did he even talk to you about?” 

“Just basic stuff,” she said. “Told me about Kelce and Topper, and said some very choice words about his dad. But he mostly just talked about you, which is why we get to talk about him.” 

You frowned a bit—you couldn’t help but wonder what that entailed. “What did he say?” 

“Nothing important,” she said, brushing it off. “So, how’s the gig? How’re you liking the Banks?”

“This honestly isn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” you admitted. “Sure, his dad can be a lot, but Rafe is great. He’s always making sure that I’m okay, and it’s really sweet. I think that I can maybe see what all those girls see in him.” 

“Oh, wow,” she said. “You’re already in the falling in love with him stage?” 

“No!” you exclaimed, maybe a little too hastily. “No, god— where did you get that from?” 

“Someone’s a little defensive—” 

“Mel,” you said, staring at the bathroom door hoping Rafe couldn’t hear the conversation, “I’m not in love with him. We’re friends that are fake-dating each other. There’s a very big difference.” 

“If you say so,” she mused. 

“You’ve been watching too many rom-coms,” you said dryly. “Enough about me—how’s holding down the fort?” 

“I already told you that it’s boring,” Mel said. “I’m going back to Charlotte in a couple days, but that is also boring, which is why I want to talk about you!” 

“And I already told you, there’s nothing to talk about!” you defended. “We had a chill night yesterday, I hung out with his friends this morning, and we had dinner tonight. Standard girlfriend stuff—nothing to worry about.” 

“Fine,” she relented, and she laid back on the sofa. “But you have to keep me updated on everything.” 

“Of course. Now, I know you were talking to some guy in November. How’s that going?” 

Mel went on for a while about the guy—his name is Paolo, he’s an engineering major, he’s the hottest man she’s ever seen, but she’s definitely not interested in him, along with a lot of other things—and while you were about to ask something else in a rare pause, you lost your chance when Rafe came out of the bathroom. 

Wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants with his hair still wet and messy in just the right way, you just stared at him. It was embarrassing how speechless you were.

“You good?” Mel asked, and that snapped you out of your reverie, but not before Rafe noticed you looking. 

He just shook his head. “Can’t compliment you but you can objectify me. Your hypocrisy is insulting, babe.” 

“I’m so sorry Rafe,” you said austerely. “I can hardly control myself around you, you’ve got to understand.” 

He sighed as he pulled a shirt on. “It’s a burden I’ve got to bear, unfortunately. But I’m strong enough to do it.” 

“Okay, you two are gross,” Mel said. “I would say get a room, but you have one, and I’m clearly overstaying my welcome. So I’m just gonna hang up. Have fun, lovebirds!” 

“Mel—” you started, but she was gone before you could continue. You laughed as you turned your phone off, glancing at Rafe. “Uh, sorry. You didn’t miss much, just her talking about some guy.” 

“Oh, Paolo!” Rafe nodded. “I introduced those two, actually. He was in my finance class last semester, and he talked about her a lot. I hope they work out.” He smiled a bit as he sat down next to you. “Mel and her dream guy aside, what d’you wanna do for the rest of the night? After the dinner you sat through, I think you deserve a break.” 

“How do you feel about watching TV and doing nothing?” you asked. 

“Sounds perfect.” Rafe leaned over and picked up the remote from the side table, flipping it over in his hands as he talked. “What are you feeling? Grey’s Anatomy?” 

“God, no. It’s not accurate, and I need at least one second where I’m not thinking about school.” 

He chuckled. “Then what d’you suggest?” 

“Law and Order,” you said, “but we pick a random season and start halfway through it.” 

“You know that’s not accurate either?” 

“I haven’t spent years going over the law,” you said, “therefore it’s accurate to me.” 

Rafe laughed and handed you the remote, shaking his head. “Sounds perfect. Want some popcorn?” 

“Nothing I love more than lawyers and popcorn,” you said. “Except for you, fake boyfriend.” 

Rafe pressed his hand to his heart as he went over to the door. “I feel the same way, fake girlfriend.” 

You started cracking up, and Rafe’s small smile sent heat rushing to your cheeks. “Oh, and the second drawer on my dresser has a bunch of sweatshirts in case you want one.” 

You frowned. “Why would I need one of your hoodies?” 

He shrugged. “You’ve been shivering this whole time.”

And he walked off, wholly nonchalant, but you couldn’t tear your eyes away. 

Apparently, Rafe paid more attention than you thought. Even when there wasn’t an audience. 

You snapped yourself out of your reverie, wandering over to said drawer, and you rifled through until you found a suitable one. Nothing like being a walking advertisement for the Kenan-Flagler school. 

You pulled it on then settled against the pillows as you picked up the remote again. After a bit of scrolling you decided on season 13, episode 11, and Rafe came back in with a big bowl of popcorn right when the title card played. 

“Perfect timing,” you smiled. 

“I try,” he said, and he shut the door behind him as he sat down next to you. His gaze moved to your sweatshirt and he grinned. “Nice choice. I’ll make a business major of you yet.” 

“God, no,” you muttered, and he just laughed. 

The two of you settled in and got comfortable for a night of lawyers and detectives and murder and popcorn, fought over through swatted hands and playful shoves, and maybe it was something about the day that just had you not thinking clearly. 

Because you didn’t mind when your hands touched in the popcorn bowl, and you didn’t mind when he slung his arm over your shoulder, and you didn’t mind when you fell asleep on Rafe’s shoulder 23 minutes into episode 15. 

And Rafe didn’t really mind either.  

-

rafe does mind that it took a year for him to be seen again though. sorry man

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[rhodesrider]

Cookie Dough Ice Cream

Platonic!CG!Damian P. x Platonic!CG!Rhea R x Little!Fem! Reader

Warnings: Age regression, SFW, Slight tantrum, crying

~

Y/N held on to her ear rubbing her earlobe walking down the aisles with her Caregiver Damien. It was his day to grocery shop and Rhea was handling business around town after her gym session. He was looking at the list for everyone’s items and he was confused by some. “Finn wanting all this red meat, and I thought I was a cannibal sweetie.” He smirked and looked at Y/N as she was looking at the ice cream. “Papa! Cookie!” She pouted wanting the Cookie dough ice cream. “After we get the actual food baby.” He smiled and continued getting the meat from the other side of the aisle.

She blinked very confused. Rhea let her get her ice cream now and still is able to get the food they need. “But papa mama gets it now…” she voice as she went to the handle of the fridge. “Now I would hate to start counting and letting mama know about your behavior.” Y/N looked around thinking that was someone else she’s never heard Damien’s voice like that and it terrified her. Rhea was honest more the enforcer and handled Y/N when she would be bad but Damien would be the sweet caregiver and spoiled Y/N rotten. But today isn’t much of a day for that.

Damien’s not in the mood.

“Now back to my side. And don’t let go of the cart handle.” He said sternly not even looking at Y/N. She whimpered and did so not wanting trouble keeping her head down rubbing her ear again. Damien continued to get the vegetables next looking at the mixed ones side eyeing Y/N some as she was looking around but with her hand on the cart. He felt bad not wanting to have that tone with her but he needed to get stuff done. “Papa im hungry…” she mumbled. “When we get home I’ll cook up dinner and we can eat.” He said. Rhea always got something small for Y/N to snack on because dinner would take a while. “Mama gets me some apple slices and chips…” she mumbled and Damien started to get irritated. Even thou Rhea was the stern one, she still spoiled Y/N the same just not as much. “Well sweetie mama isn’t here and I said you have to wait ok? I won’t take long.” He sighed.

Y/N started to bite her nails, Rhea would have did this and did that started to get on Damien’s nerves. He saw the next ingredients and went ahead but he wasn’t paying attention as the toy aisle came up. Y/Ns eyes lit up seeing that they stocked more monster high dolls and squishmellos. “Papa! They have the Christmas squishy and I want another doll please!” She let go of the cart and zoomed to the stuffed animals. “Baby wait we can get that after-“ Hearing those words set Y/N off. “I want it now pal please…” she begged. “I said no not now.” He took the squish away putting it back and turned around seeing Y/N gone. He groaned irritated a bit but kept his cool taking the cart and looking around for her.

He looked around in the small clothing area, knowing she can hide anywhere. Soon he heard a small theme song go off, her bluey watch. He followed the sound and moved back some clothes seeing a crying little holding a monster high doll. She backed in the clothes some, her eyes showing fear. Damien didn’t want this, her being scared of him. “Pumpkin…” he sighed. “I’m sorry papa please don’t tell mama…” she sniffled holding the toy more starting to cry. “Come out sweetie.” He sighed. She came out from the clearance clothes and gave him the doll. “So. We aren’t gonna get this now. I’m sorry sweetie but I don’t appreciate how you acted towards me just now. Not today ok?” She grew silent and sniffled.

“And…I’m gonna have to tell mama what’s been up with you.”

The drive home was silent and as they popped through the door, Y/N ran upstairs and closed her door waiting for Rhea to come home.

Rhea was listening to music humming and walking in tossing her gym bag in the laundry room and sees Damien starting dinner. “Hey D! Where’s lil one?” She asked grabbing some water but looked at him seeing his face. “She’s upstairs waiting for you.” Rhea blinked confused. “I need to tell you about how she’s been acting today.”

Y/Ns’ heart dropped as she heard her door open. She was hiding in the closet. Holding her squish tight starting to cry. “Babygirl…” Rhea called knowing she was in the closet. “Come on out here baby. Mama needs a word.” She sighed. Y/N slowly came out, her eyes bloodshot red and she was in a hoodie, Damien’s hoodie. “Come sit sugar.” She gave a warning smile and watched Y/N sit down and kept her eyes to the floor. “Now, why were we acting up in the store baby?” She gave a low voice making it comfortable for her. “I just wanted ice cream…” Y/N mumbled and sniffled more. “I heard, it’s your favorite.” Rhea placed her hand on Y/Ns. “I was hungry too..” she shook and Rhea continued listening. “I didn’t mean to run away from him…” her tears fell she hid her face right in Rheas side. Rhea held her close smiling. “I know you didn’t. But baby you gotta realized that Damien’s word is as powerful as mine.” She explained. “Remember when mama said she can take down villages when she talks?” Y/N nodded. Y/N knows that her mamas sliver tongue can take down anyone without her laying a finger. “Well bumblebee, papas word takes down Empires. Some even say fight gods.” Y/Ns eyes lit up in amazement, who knew her papa was that powerful. “So when he saids something in a low voice he needs you to listen, you know we try our best to make sure you’re ok. That you have anything you want. In return, we ask for patience.” Y/N nodded. “He was gonna get you the ice cream, the food you wanted and that doll, probably even more but you made him a bit upset.” Rhea explained and cleaned Y/Ns face. “Come on. Let’s go talk to papa.”

~

Damien fixing the rest of the food and loaded the plates. Y/N walked down stairs with Rhea. “Papa…” Y/N mumbled and Damien turned around looking at her. “Babygirl. I wanna apologize to you..” Y/N stopped and tears started to fall. “I should have been a bit more clear and not been so mean. Papa was having a bit of a bad day..” he sighed. Soon he was attacked with a hug, Y/N sobbing in his chest. “Papa I’m sorry! I’ve been bad! Please please don’t be mad at me!” Rhea smiles seeing her little family saying sorry for each of their actions. “You still hungry baby girl?” He asked fixing her hair. She nodded and received a kiss on the forehead. “Well, papa made your favorite.” He smiled. Her eyes went straight to the pot as she saw the homemade spaghetti rest easy. “Getti!!” She giggled as she went to the table. Damien fixed the last plate setting them on the table and gave her a side of cool apple slices. “And after you finish, if you have room. Mama can fix us some ice cream.” Rhea kissed Y/Ns forehead giggling. “Cookies?”

“Cookies.”

[imlivinginyourtrashcan]

Hi hello im a dirty American heres some friendsgiving headcannons for the sp character

Cartman:

That man aint bringing shit

Only there for the food

The type of mf to steal ingrediants while youre cooking something

Dives RIGHT for the pumpkin pie

Nobody is happy

He denies it but its do obvious hes stealing shit 🤬

Does not wait for a toast

Bro just dives in

Getting seconds, thirds, fourths

When hes done theres no left overs

If he were to bring something id be pie

His moms recipe

BUT THIS LITTLE FUCK EATS IT IN THE CAR

Kyle:

Sometimes hosts the friendsgiving at his house

Brings the sparkling grape juice/apple juice

And also the Kosher things

Only has one helping, tries to get leftovers for the family or for kenny

Helps his mom cook when hes hosting

Setting the table always

Tries to toast but ends up yelling at Cartman for eating before hes done

Helps Ike pack for those little kindergarten thanksgivings?

Yknow when you dressed as a pilgrim and ate food?

Was I the only one who did that??

Stan:

He panicks and brings what he can find

"Hey dude! What you bring?"

"Uhhh... leftover mash potatos?"

Hes TRYING

Downing the sparkling juices like no tomorrow

The eggnog too

Cartman encourages it

"CHUG CHUG CHUG"

Watching the football game

RESTRAINS himself when it comes to food

Like, he wants it but knows Kyles gonna be pissed

Plays catch with everyone else

Or pingpong

Doesnt give a fuck about the Macys parade

Kenny:

Brings canned stuff he got from the food drive

Like cranberry sauce

Sneaking leftovers for his family

Plays catch with the boys

Died from a football lodged in his eye

Oh and from the

"Macys parade"

Incident

You dont want to know

Butters:

Brings the sweet potatos

Suggest christmas music/movies be played

Cartman called him gay immediately

So that got shut down

Brings the extra pies and everything since Cartman eats his

Lover of cranberry sauce and other things most people hate on thanksgiving

"Oh that was good! Could I have more please?"

"Butters what the fuck who likes CRANBERRY SAUCE???"

"I do!"

Doer of the toast

Often gets hit in the face when they play catch and cries

Can't stay for long cuz his parents are strict but hes there on video call rest of the time

Craig:

The type of mf when you ask what he brought he says

"My presence"

MF-

No!!!

You need to bring FOOD

They have to kick him out

He comes back with bread rolls or crackers, cheese and olives

So hes aloud back in

Doesnt care abt the parades or catch or anything

Just kinda there for Tweek

If someone asks him to do sonething he'll do it though

Hes limited by meals thanks to his braces

He doesnt care

Thats future craigs problem

Flips someone off if they beat him in a sport

Or flips off the tv when someone does something stupid in football

Has restraint when it comes to food

Bro will just wait

Wait

Wait

Wait

And then devour his plate in seconds

Tweek:

Brings homemade cider or pumpkin spice

Panicked the whole time

Hiding upstairs half the time

At least until food

He looks like a sopping wet cat

Doesnt really eat that much

Convinced the food is poison

Dont try to reassure him either he doesnt trust you

Has to check a million times though

"Is this poison???"

"No???"

"GAHH!! I dont believe you!!"

Leaves after feasting

He can only handle so much

Arrives super late too which is ironic

Jimmy:

Brings the food over and makes a puns

Like puts devil horns on eggs

"Jimmy what is that?"

"D-d-d-deviled Eggs"

Bro is telling thanksgiving jokes every second

Does the toast some years

Its like a stand up comedy routine tho

He lets you eat during that

Sneaking food

Mischievous little bastard

Puts on family fued when he realizes the boys are too pissed at football

Also has brace limits

But does he follow them ever? Nope

Drinks sparkling juice from a wine glass

Able to keep the party going for a WHILE he has ENERGY

Card playing KING

Winning at Crazy 8s left and RRRRIGHTTTTTT

Clyde:

Brought mac and cheese

Either that or bread

Food sneaker

Thinks hes good at sports

Hes not

He gets hit in the face so often

And cries

Tried Tweeks coffee

Started coughing and gagging immediately

Hes a picky eater im calling it now

Like will not eat if he doesnt think he'll like it

Me too Clyde i get it

Likes the Macys parade

Fucking weirdass

Arrives a bit before Tweek but is still late

The mf to get seconds

Wont eat before the event either

Saving his stomach for yum yums

Tolkien:

Also hosts

Helps his parents with food

Makes the dinner table look like a whole buffet

When hes not hosting he brings stuffing or some expensive good food

Or like

Homemade dip?

Casserole?

Idk

Seems like itd change every year

Great at sports

Helps clean up too

Toasts sometimes

Very generic toast

Doesnt seem like someone who has much to say

[meowzilla93]

The people need little known facts about Baxter! Just like random headcannons, like what's his favorite holiday and why, etc. etc. Basically please just tell me more about this silly little man :)

*cracks knuckles*

me? talk about my favourite love interest in OL:BA?

Thought you'd never ask :P

favourite holiday? we already know his favourite season is fall cause nostalgia, and I almost wanna think that eventually Thanksgiving is his holiday

you absolutely know why but if i must elaborate

he is just so damn thankful for being able to reconnect with people he truly cared for, and that those people didnt give up on him; if MC romanced him, all the more thankful he has someone he can trust and rely on for the rest of his life, and that he can provide that back

but it wasnt always and only after Step 4; he needs to reconnect first for this to eventuate

and you just know that he will love hosting and cooking; any excuse to learn new recipes and show off his skills

before step 4 though? i dont think he had one, and thats his parents fault

any sort of events like these he had to attend with his family and be the 'expected perfect son' which he loathed

i do believe this is canon (pls correct if wrong) but i truly do believe he did not have any friends at his private school, and actively hated going

rebel Baxter? he sure was in his own way

spare periods between classes; he wandered off grounds to a spot where he could avoid the pompous populace

talk back to teachers? you can guarantee that; just more in that incheek way where they couldnt really punish him for what he said

can see him being the type to screw around in class and just be a bit of a bother to the teachers and students, but he was an A+ student all the way

guarantee that when asked to answer questions in class, if he was in the right sort of mood, straight up makeup facts just for the lols

(his parents might have put a stop to that real quick though)

mans was a brat we know this, and it was making the OLNF friends that made him question his life and his upbringing more

this is a touch more sad, but i think early on, he didnt really understand his parents position on things like the LBGTQIA+ community and such until he saw people he cared about be treated poorly by them, or heard what they had to say behind closed doors

i think this truly broke him and is what started the rifts in his friendships as he didnt know how to approach this (he is a kid, we cant expect him to know)

but what he did know, he NEVER wanted to be like his parents, and this is when he started his plan on moving to Virginia for uni

ahem, lets get back to some light hearted sweet stuff

i recon he went full platinum white once - pure white hair (you cannot take this away from me) but the upkeep of that was more insane than just handling black

favourite flower! rose. come on. even Cove said it in Step 1: Fancy!

though if we must choose a second option, Lupine

it has that really pretty purple colour (his second favourite colour after black and white) and its symbolism is very much on par with what he truly wants from life

google that shit, and tell me im wrong

100% reads smut; Im talking like Victorian era smut (Johanna Linsday, Amanda Quick type stuff)

October is his favourite month - the world around him was covered in that beautiful auburn colour

He loves pumpkin spiced lattes (with oat milk of course)

PRESENTS! oh oh when its Christmas time, this is the hardest thing for him because he doesnt just wanna buy something random, it needs to have meaning

You wanted to go see a museum? here are some tickets

Missed this movie when it was screening? Here is the Extended Release with all the additions DVD

You have a favourite flower or plant that you can never really have cause it doesnt grow in the climate you live in? In a frame you received a pressed and dried version of it, so you can always have it with you

.....i need to stop otherwise ill just keep going

(pls dont stop asking me though, ill talk about Baxter till death and will make a million more posts)

[joysmercer]

any future!rina hc?

not many tbh, i actually enjoy "definite" endings/flash-forwards in most cases but with them im glad it was left open-ended! that said – 

ok so like. the r&j movie's going to flop. you can't just have the same story but simply make them NOT die in the end and expect it to work. but gina's performance is the one thing that gets praised in it, which does help her a lot

ricky's not romeo though kdlfj

they do lsoh for their spring musical. the two of them get cast as audrey ii – they handle the puppets and alternate who says the lines by scene. it's not the part either of them imagined getting but they have a lot of fun

gina goes back to camp the next summer and promptly twists her ankle, so she just choreographs the show but doesn't participate :( which is fine with her tbh, she's very exhausted having just finished the movie and the musical and this is the only break she'll get before starting movie press and stuff (and senior year)

ricky unfortunately has orientation during week 2 of camp so he doesn't go but he sends her care packages every single day and comes to opening night to hand out cards <3

EJ's there to direct again and he and gina become proper friends

the fall musical is &J and gina is obviously juliet and she just rolls her eyes when that's announced. jet's romeo. when the media catches wind of this they have a field day ("porter's performance only emphasizes the missteps in the film…") which is also Not Great

she's also stressed the fuck out because college apps are also happening and ricky ends up driving down every chance he gets to keep her company and help take her mind off of things. turns out he's very good at editing essays (and distracting her…)

he gives her a very sweet pep talk during intermission of the show because she's on the verge of a breakdown at this point

her mom didn't make it to opening night again but both his parents bring her flowers and cheer the loudest during her bows

gina's mom plans a vacation to london over winter break and she begs and begs until her mom lets ricky come too

her mom has business meetings half the time so they wander around holding hands and looking at the christmas lights and doing ALL the touristy things

ricky had no idea what a panto is initially but he enjoys it so much he wonders multiple times why they're not a thing in america

gina just loves that he loved it

the spring musical is cabaret, she's sally, her performance gets her nominated for the jimmy awards (which she goes on to win)

but she decides to focus on school for a bit after high school even though roles are being offered to her left-and-right

she gets a full-ride scholarship to usc and ricky is SO PROUD.

he snuck in through the window the night she told him and he squealed so loudly her mom got scared and ran up there and caught them lol but even she can't hide her smile esp when she finds out the reason

ricky tells her he applied to transfer to csula and got in

obviously she kisses him senseless after that. he tries to shrug it off as not a big deal and shes just like "no, it's amazing, i'm so proud of you" an he starts crying, basically

he explores a ton of majors but eventually decides on education with minors in music production and theatre – he knows whatever he does, he wants to help people feel the way he did when he found the drama club

goes w/o saying but they get married at some point and have a house full of golden-retrievers

[joleneghoul]

Hey what are your thoughts on more recent appearances of Rip and the Time Masters in DC like in flashpoint beyond and Stargirl the lost children? My feelings are… complicated to say the least

Hiiii okay so I am a big Johns hater (not a secret i say this all the time LOL) SO i honestly did not like the writing or use of the time masters characters in those recent stories. I feel like it's extremely weird what they chose to do with Corky's character and im hoping its ignored/retconned as they move forward.

I also did not like the treatment of Jeff in the little snippits shown. For some reason (Johns writing) he wrote Corky to belittle Jeff's character and i noticed even in the artwork jeff was drawn standing away from Rip and Bonnie..ummm I did not like that.

One thing I will say I do think it was "okay" that we were shown Jeff taking Rips side vs Bonnie taking Corkys side on whos fault...whatever time shit was happening was...... but also.. Corky is a literal child again (where he was like..18 or at least 17 in TM 90s) and I dont think theres any canon ground to stand on of Jeff actually disliking corky either way (even Rip didnt dislike corky in the og 60s comics it was just a thing in the 90s to add to the story of Rip not trusting people and being a dickhead bc paranoia was taking over his whole life literally). I just think it was probably a dull way to show that Jeff knew Rip first, and Bonnie, of course was raising Corky. But theres probably better ways to show that.

I do think Bonnie standing against Rip or calling Rip out on shit while still being a Time Master is cool, wish Johns could write that interestingly outside of her throwing a few statements out like "of course its rips fault it always is" or whatever. But of course we didnt get that bc they were too busy doing whatever the fuck with Corky in stargirl.

Also, i hate that they're back in those ugly ass green and red onesies it makes me so MAD. Why does bonnie have a cowboy hat? Why is corkys hat an actual living raccoon??Why cant people save the day in t shirt and jeans. Sigh!

Glad they're back, though. Rip is so pointless to me when his history and team goes ignored as the existence of them adds so much to his character. Now we just need someone who can handle that to take the wheel. Someone who instead of treating the other Time Masters like bg characters will treat them like the main characters of that team because guess what? They are. Rip is not the only person who is important or interesting.

Sorry usually i would add panels or exact quotes but i dont wanna go look at those comics again 😔👍 also sorry if this does not make sense.

In the future, since Johns is leaving dc, i would like to see actual interactions with the Time Masters and Booster and such. Would be neat to see how they fit into the canon now together. I did like the little line in the christmas special where its shown when Booster sees Rip that he knows there must be some Time Master stuff going on. I just really need to see the other members of the team be able to do things too. I also want to see where Rips interactions with the Linear Men fall into this as well bc they have teased them a few times too (we saw old man rip in those umm generations comics a few yrs ago).

I ALSO wonder what this means for the canon of Booster being considered a "time master" because now thatd be like adding your dad to your friend groupchat like sorry guys hes gotta hang out with us.

[damianbugs]

hi <3 since ive already obsessively reread your works i dont know how many times i think it's time for me to branch out and find some other batfam stuff too (im still a loyal reader tho dw bestie) i was wondering if you had any batfam authors you personally love and / or are inspired by! or maybe your top 5 batfam fics? if you don't mind sharing it ofc! thank u have a swag day and thank u for putting out such amazing amazing work into the world that offers me (personally) so much comfort :)

hello !! thank you so much for reading my works and i hope you will continue to enjoy them <3 i am so glad they bring you as much comfort reading as they do for me when writing !! and YES OF COURSE there is simply nothing i love more than recommending batfam fics that have me going absolutely crazy insane.

i previously did a top 5 batfam fic recs, and so here are my, uh, other top 5 batfam fics? everything is at the top of my list at this point.

+ these are in no particular order !!

MY TOP 5 BATFAM FICS (AGAIN) ON AO3 !

Cold Hard Want by AudreyCritter

“Are you happy?”

“I...I’m getting there.”

A follow-up to DC Rebirth Batman #35, in which Bruce recovers from being stabbed in the back and Damian considers the elusive nature of happiness.

MY NOTES: i might have read this fic a dozen times and everytime i do i am always so amazed by it. i have a soft spot for fics that move alongside actual comic canon, and so this was a lovely follow up to that original story (though you do not need to be familiar with it to enjoy this fic). damian is such a complicated character but at the end of the day, he is a child — and i think this handled his tumultuous relationship with bruce, dick and selina(!!) really well.

White Christmas by LemonadeGarden

Jason's been in the manor for a few months now. Bruce is a pretty cool guy, sure, but he's not exactly sure what to expect from him.

And then they go to Siberia in the winter on a case. It goes horribly wrong, and then pretty well.

MY NOTES: personally i think it is always the perfect time of year for a christmas fic that isn't actually about christmas. now, not only do all the best tropes meet in this fic (cuddling for warmth, sick fic, comfort after nightmares - to name a few) BUT this is also about robin jason todd. the little boy of all time. wonderful fic.

all the other rooms are a party tonight (and you never got an invitation) by irnan

(You will need an ao3 account to access this fic)!

The major difference between Gotham before Bruce left to set up Batman, Inc and Gotham after he comes back is that his children are grown-ups. Well, except for Damian.

Still, four out of five's an overwhelming majority.

MY NOTES: there is something so healing about this fic. bruce is rather pathetic (said fondly) in the way troubled middle aged men become when they finally realise their life is only in consequence of the people who exist around them. the dynamic between cass and bruce and dick and bruce in this is one of my favourites. the latter is very carefully weaved into the entire story, even when pertaining the other characters. a great take on bruce!

Have I Told You About Minnie? by Hinn_Raven

After you’ve known Matches Malone long enough, you get used to him telling you about his kids. Not that his kids know about it.

MY NOTES: oh this is such a fun one!! stephanie and bruce is such a wonderful dynamic and something about bruce creating an entirely new persona as a subconscious excuse to gloat about his children is just too funny. really sweet!

i want you to remember me by zxrysky

Bruce really needs to get rid of his saviour complex. Not all of them are the same as that poor boy who had to watch his parents get murdered in a dark alleyway; not all of them need to be saved.

Jason is perfectly fine where he is. Some capital would be great, but otherwise, he’s fine. He’s fine.

He doesn’t need to be saved again.

“No thanks,” Jason mutters, and pushes the papers away.

MY NOTES: this one hits you when you least expect it. it is so funny, so sweet and it hurts. jason todd you are so ridiculously complicated and tragic. also my favourite kind of time travel, kind-of-time-travel! little jason receives all of older jason's memories and his meeting with bruce and journey to robin is different, but some things are just destiny i suppose. so lovely.

as for inspirations or favourite authors, i have to say it might just be everyone i have ever read a fic from so i can not pick out anyone right now. the writers featured on this list are also phenomenal and some have written other amazing and loved batfam fics you should definitely check out!

hope you enjoy these anon and thank you again <3

[angiethewitch]

Hi Angie!

I hope that you've been doing well. I've got two things for you.

1. Happy belated birthday! I'm sorry for missing it

2. YOU DID BLACKSMITHING???? THATS SO COOL!! Would you mind sharing a bit of how it works? While I doubt I'll ever get the chance to make something in a smithy, I'm curious about the process of forging things.

That's all, take care!

hello! thank for the birthday wish! and yeah an acquaintance owns a forge and he was doing a black friday deal for a forging experience, so for my husbands Christmas present, I booked us a 3 hour experience at the forge. ive actually used a forge before in uni, to make jewellery, but my husband always wanted to try one.

it was interesting actually because in uni I learned how to use various cutting machines and stuff, whereas Aaron (guy who owns the forge), uses traditional methods that are largely dying out. he literally just gave us a bar of steel, we heated it up, then we got hammers and he directed us to an anvil and we just started hitting the metal. it took a long time, and lots of work, but it was so rewarding. we used nothing else, just a fire and a hammer. to start with we shaped where the blade would start by holding the piece of metal against the edge of the anvil and angling it and hammering down to cut into the metal a bit. it took a lot of hammering and then as the metal cooled, putting it back into the fire, and then hammer again. then it was laying it flat on the anvil and turning it from a thick bar of steel to a flat piece of metal about half an inch thick, which literally just involved smashing it, watching the metal spread. he called it the drawing down, because as you hammered, the metal spread upwards.

I found the hardest part to be shaping the handle, because that was such a delicate process to get the swirls. metal doesn't always do what you want it to do. to make the spiral we did use a vice and just strapped the hot bar into the vice, and grabbed some tongs, and just walked around the vice and twisted the bar. very cool.

these days, metalworking uses a lot of different tools and shaping methods, it was super cool to use techniques that dated back hundreds of years. it was so fun!

Aaron is a professional in his craft, he gets commissioned to do swords and shields for re enactment groups and stuff. he even made a set of wrought iron gates for someone. every hunk of metal in that place had a story, we ended up staying for 4 hours because he was so excited to talk about his stuff. im definitely going back, I want to save up for his sword making experience.