cloudnuggett

[cloudnuggett]

Imagine you’re living your life as a tiny little spider, devoid of care of knowledge of the cruel and terrifying world that surrounds you. Then, in a fraction of a second, you feel teeth clamp down all around you.

Your body is crushed. You feel your nerves scream, your muscles atrophy, and then suddenly you grow bones. You feel your body expanding along with your rapidly inclining intelligence, most of your eyes explode and disappear, your mess of limbs contract and expand on disgusting ways- you suddenly become far more aware of your mortality than ever before. You see all the beauty of life and the horror of death in a split second, before your vision blurs into focus. You stare down and scream in terror at the smooth pink amalgamation that is your new body, only to realize your voice sounds suspiciously like stand up comedian John Mulaney- gagging on the jagged speech bubble climbing out of your throat.

You feel yourself fall to the ground out of pure shock, dizzied by your disgusting transformation. You reach to catch yourself, only to find that you’ve pulled a comically large hammer out of thin air. Before you have a chance to process any of this, an anvil falls directly on your head.

That’s what happened to Peter Porker AKA Spider Ham

[cloudnuggett]

NO KEEP THE BOOKTOKERS AWAY FROM MY BLOG I DONT WANT TO HAVE TO BEAT THEM AWAY WITH A STICK

quick shout out to my eigth grade science teacher who somehow managed to recover and keep his dignity after accidentally saying "volcanic erection" instead of "volcanic eruption" in front of a group of immature 13 year olds

[cloudnuggett]

"hey, can i have a drink?" um buddy

i mean, sure but you'll have to ask them

[cloudnuggett]

very weird thing to say after i called you dickwad but you do you bbg

"fuck it, we ball," i say as i disobey doctors orders (your boy did not lube up before beddy byes tonight)

[cloudnuggett]

LISTEN UP FUCK FACE IT ISNT THAT BAD TODAY BUT I HAVE ABOUT FIVE DIFFERENT PRESCRIPTIONS SO YOU CAN SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SUCK MY ASSHOLE DICKWAD

"fuck it, we ball," i say as i disobey doctors orders (your boy did not lube up before beddy byes tonight)

[cloudnuggett]

"fuck it, we ball," i say as i disobey doctors orders (your boy did not lube up before beddy byes tonight)

[cloudnuggett]

my music taste is a hot mess

Challenging you all!

Put your music library on shuffle, then list the first five songs that come up in a poll to let people vote for which one they like the most!

Then tag Tumblr friends to keep the game going!

[cloudnuggett]

mood: this line in please please please and nothing else

[cloudnuggett]

IF SPOTIFY DOESN'T CHANGE THEIR FONT BACK ASAP, WE ARE GOING TO BE PLAYING A VERY REAL GAME OF GET DOWN MR PRESIDENT BC SOMEONE WILL BE GETTING ASSASSINATED 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[cloudnuggett]

me, both times ive gone to see cirque du soleil for spme reason: why is this lowkey hot

[cloudnuggett]

i love the fact that in PJO, gods can change their appearance to anything they want and of course hephaestus choses to look like the twink version of papa smurf

[cloudnuggett]

AGGGTM SPOILERS:

Holly Jackson is a goddess. i just finished rereading Good Girl, Bad Blood and oh my god. i could hear Nat da Sliva's scream when she found out of the M*x H*stings verdict. it literally echoed in my head. the fact that Holly can write a scene so powerful and emotional that we can vividly hear descriptive words on paper is insane. i started crying because that entire scene in heartbreaking. AGGGTM will forever be my favourite book series and Holly Jackson will forever be my favourite author!!

[cloudnuggett]

what the fuck does this mean

tumblr im at least 12% sure that thats not blue

[cloudnuggett]

tumblr im at least 12% sure that thats not blue

[cloudnuggett]

who decided to give me the right to free speech? i am currently alone in a basement and i just whisper-yelled "FEED ME PAPA" in the deepest voice i could. im gonna eat sandpaper

[cloudnuggett]

how do i tell my mom she accidentally got me an alarm clock two christmasses in a row? should i just try and see how many i can collect?

[cloudnuggett]

not to be rude, but what devil spawn puts the smiley face that way? im physically recoiling

feeling holly and jolly on this day! what could be the cause?