#AGAIN I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG

[the-gray-ghosty]

Sam trauma fics please!!! Anything with hallucifer/lucifer/demon blood just anything lmao

Thank you bestie<3

I am SO sorry this took so long bestie!! @ghost-go-roasty-mctoasty

I have SO many sam trauma fics bookmarked, so I'm going to rec specifically some of the hallucifer/lucifer/demon blood ones for you!

Through the Devil Softly by siamesedreams, hallucifer/implied/referenced noncon (no smut), gencest samdean, dean taking care of Sam as he suffers through anxiety attacks and ptsd from hallucinations in s7

Convalescence by impravidus, post!cage sam through the eyes of outsiders. Hallucifer and very protective dean

My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand by ad_castra

"5 times dean comforts sam by holding his hand (and one time he doesnt). Sam detoxing from demon blood, hallucinations, trials of hell, this fic goes through different times of sam trauma and sam having mental health issues

Leaning out for love by angelshotgun

Sam's been detoxing for years, but his powers stayed. He hid them from dean for years, but when Sam is sick dean finds out.

Help is never far away by wolfcry22

Sam gets dosed with demon blood against his will and has to detox again, but he also has the flu. Protective dean and Bobby, and ofc sam angst and pain

Through the Devil Softly by siamesedreams

Hallucifer, where Sam can't tell whats real and what's not. Sam has panic attacks and ptsd, with protective Dean and WINCEST (but no sex, just cuddling and protectivness)

Catching my death (staring out an open window) by ad_castra

Hallucifer/post cage sam and castiel, with enochian speaking sam and castiel, protective castiel and dean and unstable hurt sam

Trialculosis Sam by fogsrollingin

This is one of my favorite fanfictions of all time. The trials of hell are pretty much killing sam, and dean is trying his best (most of the time) to do his best to help sam. This has queerplatonic samdean, with hugging and comfort and lots of tears and hurt sam!

Buried at Sea by shadowhuntingdauntlessdemigod

With no leads on the darkness, sam and dean tour the queen Mary ship in long beach california. But when sam and dean are seperated, and a ghost locks sam inside an old cage elevator, post-cage hell trauma comes out. Poor sam! Lots of protective dean.

Hiraeth by inkandpaperqwerty

Season 4, when Sam and dean sre separated after dean finds out about the demon blood, sam overdoses on his antidepressants. Suicidal!Sam calls dean, and dean comes to his aid. Protective dean and very protective bobby, and a little bit anti castiel at the begining (he's kind of a jerk, but he does care about sam in his own way).

Let me know if any of the links dont work!! :)

[atlabeth]

tis the damn season part 4 - rafe cameron

part 3 | masterlist | part 5

a/n: okay so. first of all im so so SO sorry that it has literally been a year since the last part. i said it wasnt going to take a month for this to come out and i guess i was right because a year isn't a month lmao. it's not even christmas season anymore but i just could not stop thinking about this all of a sudden so here we are again. i hope you guys still want this lmao.

it was just really hard for me to get through the cameron family part, i love writing sarah but for some reason i just could not get a handle on ward and rose. not a surprise that yn and rafe meeting in the library was the part that i flew through

anyways enjoy. sorry for it being a year since the last part and it not being christmas anymore<3 im a great and responsible writer. also because it has been so long i completely understand if you dont want to be on the taglist anymore, so just lmk and ill take you off!

wc: 7k

warning(s): the dreaded parent dinner. rose and ward being judgmental and yn being insecure ya know the vibes. but also a lot of fluff too

“How drunk are you?” 

“Sober enough to get through this night,” Rafe said. “How high is your bullshit tolerance?” 

“High enough to get through this night,” you repeated, and he smiled. 

“Alright.” Rafe took a deep breath then nodded, and the two of you got out of his car. You handed him his keys and he, after putting them in his pocket, slipped his hand into yours as you started walking towards the house. The motion was starting to feel more natural than it should. “Rose’ll probably want my help setting up for dinner as an excuse to talk to me about you, but my dad will most likely be in his office until we’re done, so you don’t have to worry about another one-on-one thing.” 

“I can handle that,” you said. “It’ll be easier in front of the rest of your family. But before we go in—” you turned to look at him, a slightly teasing smile on your lips. “I think we should talk about all that stuff your friends said back there.”

Rafe sighed and shook his head. “I’m sorry about that. I promise, they were just exaggerating to embarrass me.” 

“No, it’s fine,” you chuckled. “I like your friends; they were a lot different than I was expecting, but they were actually really cool. I just… well, I wanted to make sure it wouldn’t change anything with this.”

“No, no—” Rafe laughed a little as well and brushed it off with his hand. “Okay — all cards on the table, I did have a crush on you freshman year. But that was just freshman year, and now it’s gone! We’re— we’re just friends. I feel nothing for you anymore.” 

You gave him a look. “Nothing?” 

Rafe rolled his eyes playfully. “You know what I mean.” 

“Just teasing you,” you agreed with a smile. “But it’s good to know that there is absolutely nothing between us. I mean, you did promise not to fall in love with me.” 

Rafe nodded seriously. “Of course. And you promised not to fall in love with me, so you can’t falter either.” 

You placed your fist over your heart. “Hope to die.” 

He snorted a laugh and tugged on your hand to get you walking again. “You’re so lame.” 

“And you had a crush on me when I was even lamer,” you teased. But before you could do anymore, Rafe was saved by the bell as he opened the door and pulled you inside with a wink back at you. 

“Rose, we’re home!” he called as he shut the door behind you. You heard the clatter of silverware in the distance followed by clicking heels on the tiled floor, and soon enough a blonde woman with an unnaturally bright smile came around the corner.

Her eyes lit up when she saw you and she said your name. “You must be the girlfriend!”

You offered a smile of your own and nodded. “In the flesh. It’s so nice to— oh!“

You didn’t get the chance to finish your sentence as she pulled you into a hug, and Rafe just gave you a knowing smile in response to your widened eyes. 

“It‘s so nice to meet you too,” she gushed, and when she finally let go she kept her hands on your shoulders. “We’ve all tried to drill Rafe for information about you these past couple days, but he refused to open up — you can imagine how happy I am to finally get to meet ‘the girlfriend’.”

You laughed a bit at her mimed quotation, nodding along to her words. If only she knew how right she really was. 

“I feel the same about meeting you all.” To drive home the point you reached for Rafe’s hand, and without hesitation he took it. “Rafe and I are really happy together, so I thought— we thought that it would be a good time for this to happen.”

Rose grinned and as she started walking, the two of you followed her. “Well, it is an absolute pleasure to have you here for the holidays. I’m sure Rafe has hardly been able to hold himself back from showing you everything Kildare has to offer.”

“Uh, yeah,” he piped in. “We just went to the country club and met up with Kelce and Topper, and we took the scenic route back. You liked it, right?”

You nodded. “It was great. Everything here is, really — your house, the beaches, the nature, the Outer Banks as a whole, it’s all beautiful. I can’t believe this is my first time visiting.” 

Her eyebrows shot up as you all finally reached the kitchen, a mess of measuring cups, bowls, and a myriad of other kitchen supplies scattered around the island table. All it took was a gesture of her head for Rafe to let go of your hand and get to work with tidying up the area. You made a mental note to ask her how to acquire that kind of power. 

“You’ve never been here?” she asked, and you shook your head. You didn’t know why that was so surprising to both his parents. “Well, that just means you have the chance to see everything with fresh eyes.” 

“I’m looking forward to it,” you smiled. 

Rafe gave you a warning look, one you knew very well that was telling you to stop talking, before he focused back on his stepmom with a smile. “We can handle the rest of this, right? Y/N can go relax a little in my room before dinner — uh, she didn’t sleep very well.” 

Rose rolled her eyes, but the amusement was clear in her expression. “Fine. I’ll save the grilling for dinner.” 

You gave her a polite nod as you turned to go, but when Rose wasn’t looking you mouthed a ‘thank you’ to Rafe that he answered with a smug smile. She was nicer than you had imagined, but you didn’t think you could handle all of her questions in addition to a family dinner. You had a feeling you were going to need every advantage you could get for tonight. 

It just so happened though, that as soon as you turned the corner, you ran into Rafe’s younger sisters. You wondered if they always traveled as a pair. 

“You guys are back already,” Sarah said with a pleasant smile, and you chuckled. 

“Uh, yeah,” you nodded. “We just went out for lunch with his friends at the country club.” 

Wheezie groaned as she leaned against the wall. “Kelce and Topper? God, they’re the worst.” 

You frowned a bit. “I actually thought they were pretty nice. They like teasing Rafe just as much as I do, so it’s a plus.” 

She shrugged. “I’m surprised they were so nice to you. A lot of people on this side of the island wouldn’t be that way towards you.” 

“Wheezie!” Sarah scolded with a jab to her shoulder, but that only knit your brows further. 

“What are you talking about?” you asked, and Sarah sighed. 

“I’m guessing Rafe hasn’t really told you about the inner workings of the Outer Banks,” she said dryly, and you nodded. “Well…” she trailed off, and then shook her head. “It’s not the right time, and I don’t really think it should come from us. I don’t really want you to get all in your head right before the big dinner interrogation.” 

“Are you always this mysterious with your brother’s girlfriends?” you asked after a beat of silence.

Sarah smiled as she started to back up. “How else am I supposed to keep my younger sister allure?”

“It’s not allure if you’re so open about it,” Wheezie said as she rolled her eyes. “I’m gonna go get some lemonade, want any?”

Sarah shook her head, and then she looked to you.

“Oh— uh, no. Thank you.”

Wheezie chuckled a bit. “Don’t act so surprised that we wanna get to know you. You’re pretty cool in terms of Rafe girlfriends.” 

As she walked off, you turned to Sarah with an amused look. “Is she always like that?”

“It just means she likes you,” Sarah said with a smile. “And for the record, I do too.”

You stood there smiling at the ground for far too long after Sarah had already gone off on her own. They were charming in a very likable way, even if they did have their quirks. 

At least your fake boyfriend’s sisters liked you — now, you just had to get his parents on your side.

-

“So…” Rose glanced over at Rafe with a smile as he mashed potatoes. “Are you gonna give me anything, or do I have to wait for dinner?” 

He chuckled. “I think we can wait for dinner. She’ll be happy to tell you all about herself then.” 

“You’ve been together for almost three years and we barely know anything about her!” she exclaimed. “What’s the reason for that kind of secrecy?” 

Rafe bit the inside of his cheek, suddenly very interested in the potato masher. “We just wanted to make sure that we were solid before we started telling people outside of our friend group,” he said. “I… I really like her, so I wanted it all to go well.” 

She raised her eyebrows. “You both wanted to keep it a secret, or just she did?” 

He frowned. “We both did. Why does it matter?” 

“She’s not like us,” Rose said after a moment of hesitation, and Rafe’s grip tightened against the handle. “How do you know she’s not just using you for your money?”

“Excuse me?” He turned to her with an incredulous expression, the thought so ridiculous to him that he could hardly even deal with it. “You’re not seriously calling my girlfriend a gold digger, are you?” 

“It is a valid concern!” she defended, her voice becoming slightly higher from his reaction. “You’ve seen the way she looks at the house, the way she marvels at everything down here — for god’s sake Rafe, she’s never even been to the Outer Banks and she lives a couple hours away. Why else would she want to keep the two of you a secret?” 

“Okay,” he said with a dry laugh, setting down the masher and walking over to the sink to wash his hands off. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. Just because she’s not crazy rich like every other person on Figure Eight doesn’t mean she’s after me for money. We’ve been friends even longer than we’ve been dating— I was the one who asked her out first. She’s actually a good person, Rose—and no matter what, you can’t insult her like that. She’s,” he swallowed and turned away for a second, “she’s my girlfriend. So you can’t say this kinda stuff about her.” 

Rose stared at him for a moment before she sighed. “Okay. At least you actually care about her.”

“Of course I do,” he scoffed.

“I just want to make sure you know what you’re getting into,” she said, once again on the defensive. “You’ve always been hasty—”

“Do you want my help with this or do you just want to keep talking shit about her?” Rafe interrupted, his voice rising out of frustration. “Because if you keep this up you’re gonna be doing it alone.”

“Watch your mouth, Rafe,” she said, though mostly for virtue’s sake. “You just can’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“There’s nothing to warn me about,” he said sharply. “She’s a great person, and she’s one of my best friends. So lay off.”

She raised her hands, finally conceding. “Okay. You win.” 

Rafe rolled his eyes, but he still moved onto his next job. That didn’t change the fact that the rest of their preparations were done in silence. 

-

You spent your time alone in Rafe’s room very valuably — after relaxing for a little, you found Topper and Kelce’s instagrams and immediately started stalking them. 

It was valuable, to be fair — you got to see pictures of Rafe when he was in high school, and some videos of him being the idiot he’d warned you about when you went through their pinned stories. They made you smile, seeing him like that — just from the pictures you could tell that he was a frat boy in training, but he was charming in a boyish sort of way. You also knew you would’ve completely fallen for high school Rafe if the two of you met at that age.

You cleared your throat as you shut off your phone and put it face down on the bed. Thank god for the distance between you then, because thoughts like that were definitely off limits. 

It was just in time, because you heard a knock on the door and Rafe saying your name. 

“Uh, come in!” you responded, and he came in the door as you sat up. 

“Dinner’s all ready, if you’re ready.” 

“Yeah,” you nodded, and you stood up from his bed as you smoothed out your dress. “This is fine for the first dinner with your family, right? How do I look?” 

Rafe looked you up and down, his eyes raking across your body in the most exaggerated way possible as he whistled. “Babe, you look great. Super hot.” 

You burst out into laughter at that, and he even cracked a smile. “You are completely ridiculous, Rafe. You cannot act this way in front of your parents.” 

He brushed his hand through the air. “They can deal with it. My fake girlfriend’s only getting the best.” 

You shook your head, a smile of your own growing. “Like I said: completely ridiculous.” 

“I try.” Rafe’s grin faded a bit as he looked back at the door, and after a moment he shut it. He then turned back to you, his expression completely sobered. “I’m gonna be completely honest with you. This might be rough.” 

You frowned a bit. “Rough in what kind of way?” 

“Rough in a ‘making you doubt everything about yourself’ kinda way,” he said, and he sighed as shook his head. “Rose and I—we talked while we were setting everything up, and she thinks you’re some kind of golddigger. And,” Rafe huffed a dry laugh, “my dad’ll probably think the same thing. He’ll be a lot more covert with it, though.” 

“Great,” you muttered, and you suddenly felt very self-conscious as you wrapped your arms around yourself. A part of you itched to put Rafe’s sweatshirt back on, the familiarity of it a comfort you were suddenly aching for. But you remained in place, letting out a deep sigh instead. “I thought you said that both of them were from blue collars before they ended up with all this.” 

“They were,” Rafe confirmed, “but they’ve gone full kook over the years. They look down on the very same people they used to be, and… they’re probably gonna look down on you too.” 

“Great!” you repeated, and you felt the heat rush to your cheeks. You and Rafe weren’t together so it shouldn’t have bothered you, the thought of not having his parents’ approval, but it was just the opposite. “That’s— that’s just great, Rafe.” 

“Hey,” he said, his voice softer, “hey, it’s okay. I don’t want you to worry about them. Just— just be yourself, and we will make them like you. And if they say any out of pocket shit, don’t just take it, call them out on it. And if you don’t want to, I will.” Rafe gave you a genuine look. “I won’t let them do what they do to everyone else.” 

You recalled your conversation with Ward earlier in the morning, when he, out of nowhere, told you that he didn’t think you were a good fit in Rafe’s life. The man barely knew you and he was already trying to scare you out of it. 

And for some reason, just the thought of that brought your resolve back. If there was one thing you had in spades, it was spite.

You swallowed the lump in your throat and nodded, offering a smile that you hoped was convincing. “Right. We got this.” 

“We got this,” he agreed, and he offered his hand. “You ready, fake girlfriend?” 

You nodded again and took his hand, reveling in the warmth it provided as he squeezed your hand. “Ready, fake boyfriend.” 

-

“There you two are,” Rose joked as you and Rafe entered the dining room together. “I was beginning to think you decided to abandon us.” 

“I wouldn’t let him do that,” you said with a smile. “I’m just sorry we didn’t get to do this last night.” 

“Oh, I am too,” she agreed, and she finished setting the last platter on the table. “I’m sorry that it’s taken us three years to finally have a family dinner.” 

“Me too,” Wheezie said, looking up at you as she finished setting down the silverware. “I still don’t know what you see in him, but whatever.” 

“Louisa, be nice.” You instinctively tensed up as Ward walked in, and you returned the gesture when he smiled at you. “We’re all happy to have you here, and we’re all sorry it took so long.” He looked at Rafe pointedly. “You should’ve brought her down sooner, Rafe.” 

“We’ve already talked about this, Dad,” Rafe said. “We weren’t ready before, but now we are. You guys have to deal with that.” 

“He just didn’t want to scare her off with his crazy family,” Sarah said dryly as she walked in, a stack of plates in her hands that she placed on the table.  “Probably a good decision with all this interrogating.” 

“I don’t mind,” you said, and it wasn’t completely a lie. You and Rafe might not have been together, but you were best friends. It was probably a good thing you were meeting his family, even if it was under this sort of guise. You laughed a bit. “I’d want to know about my son’s secret girlfriend too if I were you.” 

“Well, you’re welcome here anytime you want, sweetie,” Rose said. “We have a lot of lost time to make up for.” She set the final dish on the table and held her hands out. “Feel free to help yourself.” 

“It all looks wonderful, honey,” Ward said, pecking his wife on the cheek as he took his seat at the head of the table. 

Your nerves evaporated slightly as you sat down, reveling in the silence you probably wouldn’t get much of as everyone served themselves. You were immediately proven right as Rose looked at you with a smile. 

“So,” she said your name, “Rafe tells me you’re looking to become a doctor?” 

You nodded. “I’ve been working towards it since middle school. It’s hard to believe that I’m getting so close to med school.” 

“Are you applying?” Ward asked. 

“Not yet, but I’m looking,” you said, and you chuckled. “I thought I would get a break from all the medical stuff after I took the MCAT, but between school hunting and classes, I think it’s gotten even busier.” 

“She’s amazing,” Rafe said, “seriously. She and Melanie are both on pre-med tracks, and I swear, all they do is study.” 

“Mel parties sometimes,” you joked, “but… yeah. I’ve become really well acquainted with the library.” 

“That was actually how we met,” he said, glancing at you, and a smile immediately broke out on your lips. “Freshman year, remember?” 

“How could I ever forget?” 

/ 

You let out a haggard sigh as you held your head in your hands, staring at the textbook beneath you. You had an entire spread around you—laptop and charger, nearly empty water bottle, a bag of goldfish, a whole mess of highlighters and pens, and your bio 252 textbook open in front of you. You had been trying to read the same sentence for the past ten minutes, and your brain was not cooperating. 

You screwed your eyes shut as you leaned back in your chair, pressing your hands against your forehead. At this point, you wondered if you were losing brain cells.

“Hey, uh— is this seat open?” 

You cracked your eyes open to see a guy in sweatpants and a UNC tee standing, a backpack slung over one shoulder and very pretty eyes. 

“It’s 2:35 in the morning,” you said. “Half the library is open.” 

“I know, but,” he chuckled, “you look smart. I feel like being around you will make me do my work.” 

That got a dry laugh out of you, and you just shrugged. “Sit away, I guess. As long as you’re quiet.” 

He nodded and took a seat on the other end of the table, leaving enough space to be polite. “I’m Rafe, by the way.” 

You nodded as well. “Cool.” 

“What,” he said, setting his backpack on the ground, “I don’t get a name?” 

“If I survive these midterms, you can get my name,” you said wryly, and your focus fell back to your textbook. 

Though you couldn’t see him, you heard the smile in his words, could feel his eyes on you. “Deal.” 

/

“Never thought that you would be living the rom-com life, Rafe,” Sarah said, very tongue-in-cheek. “Makes sense that she was annoyed by you at first.” 

“To be fair, I was kind of losing my mind,” you said with a laugh. “Word of advice for your freshman year, Sarah, learn the meaning of school-life balance, and learn it before you’re knee deep in midterms.” 

She chuckled, nodding sagely. “You don’t have to worry about that. I won’t be in the library that late no matter what time of year it is.” 

“Very studious of you, Rafe,” Rose said, and she smiled. “What were you doing in there anyways?” 

He shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep, so I went to the library. Maybe it was fate.”

“I think it was just persistence,” you said dryly. “Because you came in every single night after that.” 

/

“This seat open?” 

You blinked at the voice, the words from your laptop screen swimming in the air as you looked back up. To your surprise, it was the same guy from the other day, with the same words. Rafe, if you remembered.

“Why are you here again?” 

“Because I took my econ midterm yesterday afternoon and killed it,” he said, “and I think it’s because you’re good luck.” 

You raised your eyebrows. “I’m good luck?” 

Rafe nodded. “My hypothesis is that being around you is giving me good luck, so I’m testing it by hanging around you before each of my midterms.” 

That actually got a laugh out of you. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” 

“It’s not stupid if it works, is it?” He set down his bag and shot you a grin. “Besides— I gotta make sure you get through the season alive so I can get your name.” 

You just shook your head, though you were unable to hide your own smile. “Fine. House rules still apply.” 

Rafe held up his hands. “Absolute silence. You got it.” 

Ten minutes passed in keyboard clacks and page turns before you couldn’t help yourself, and you looked back up at Rafe. 

“Are you really going to come here every night?” 

“As long as you’re here,” Rafe said, “I’m here.” 

/ 

“And he did,” you said. “He came back every night that week, sat in the same spot in complete silence, and we did our work together. At 2AM, no less.” 

“And I passed every single one of my midterms with flying colors,” he said. “I still think it’s because of you.” 

“That is so sweet,” Rose crooned. “Who knew our Rafe was such a charmer?” 

“Rose—” he started, his cheeks flushing, but you chuckled. 

“He certainly was,” you said. “Anyone else, and I think I might’ve kicked them out. But I couldn’t say no to those eyes.” 

And it’s not like you were lying—that really was how you met. It just wasn’t the love story that you were making it out to be. It was a week of the library, and then you didn’t see each other again until Melanie dragged you out to an end of the semester party—the party that Kelce mentioned, the party that you ran into Rafe again. 

That was certainly a night. And not one you could really detail at a family dinner. 

“If we have you to thank for Rafe’s performance in his freshman midterms, then I’m certainly in your debt,” Ward said with a slight smile. 

“I don’t think it was because of me,” you said. “I think it’s because he actually sat down and studied for once in his life.” 

Rafe rolled his eyes. “Say that all you want, but you’re my good luck charm. I know it.” 

“I assume that you’ve always done well in school?” Ward asked. 

“I have to,” you said honestly. “I’m on a huge scholarship at Chapel Hill, and if my grades drop below a certain point, it gets taken away. I literally can’t afford for that to happen,” you chuckled nervously, “not to mention the hit my career prospects would take.” 

“You seem really serious about all of this,” Ward said, and he clasped his hands together. “Why do you want to be a doctor so badly?” 

“It’s the only thing I can imagine myself doing,” you responded. “I’ve always loved science, and the human body has fascinated me even when I was a kid. Growing up, I’ve seen a lot of bad things happen to a lot of good people, and it’s… it’s just not fair. So I guess becoming a doctor would be my way of helping those people and putting some good back in the world.” 

“Oh, that is so sweet,” Rose said, her eyes softening. “Rafe, honey, you really picked a good one.”

Wheezie snorted a laugh. “Yeah. Now I know for a fact she’s too good for you.” 

“Louisa,” Ward admonished, and he looked back at you. “That’s a very noble goal. I can only imagine the hard work you’ve described is but a fraction of the full picture. I mean, my senior year was busy as all get-out, don’t get me wrong, but I was in business. Pre-med is a whole different thing to navigate.” 

“It is,” you agreed. “Right now I’m juggling classes and labs, an internship, a part time job, and trying to have a social life all at the same time.” You laughed a bit. “It’s a lot, and sometimes it gets overwhelming. But when that happens, I take a step back and try to remember what I’m doing all this for, and that almost always gets me back on track. And when it doesn’t—” you glanced at Rafe with a smile— “he’s always there for me.” 

Rafe returned your smile and took your hand under the table, and it filled you with some confidence. You certainly weren’t lying about the last part. 

“She’s amazing all on her own,” Rafe said. “I’m only her cheerleader.” 

“Maybe it wasn’t a good idea for you and Rafe to get together,” Sarah said, frowning. “You’re setting the bar way too high.” She looked at her parents. “I hope you don’t expect me to do all that when I get to college.” 

“You’ll do whatever you have to do, sweetie,” Rose said with a smile. “I’m sure you had to work up to all of this.” 

“Oh, definitely,” you nodded. “I applied to get into my high school’s health science specialty center in eighth grade, and it all went from there. It’s always busy, but it’s the most fulfilling work someone can do.” 

“Are you sure you can handle it?” Ward asked. His tone was noncommittal, but you knew what he was after. You weren’t going to give it to him. 

“Dad—” Rafe started, glancing at you for a second, but you spoke up. 

“I’ve been working towards this since my freshman year of high school. Everything’s gone to plan up until now, and I don’t plan for that to change.” Both your smile and your grip on Rafe’s hand tightened. “I know I can handle it.” 

“Well,” he said, his eyes far too calculating as he looked right at you, “I wish you all the best.” 

“Thank you,” you said smoothly. 

The tension at the table had been steadily rising ever since Ward looked in your direction, and it was starting to get to you. Rafe, as attentive as ever, immediately took over. 

“Dad,” he said, drawing the attention back to him, “we did an investment project in my 407 course for the final. It was actually really interesting, and my professor said that my group had one of the best projects she’s seen in her career. Do you wanna hear about it?” 

“Sure.” The smile he offered to his son was the same you’d seen since the moment of your arrival, and some of the pressure dissolved from your shoulders. You made a mental note to thank Rafe profusely at the end of the night. “Your professor was Dr. Waters, right?” 

He nodded. “She said you know each other.” 

“We do,” he said, and you felt like you could breathe again as he looked away from you. “I’d love to hear it, son.” 

Rafe wasn’t lying when he said he was skilled at navigating the waters of his family, because he kept the limelight off of you for the entire rest of the dinner. He talked about his own classes and directed it towards his sisters, and though you chimed in to answer the occasional question or add to one of his stories, you didn’t feel like your entire life was on blast. 

You and Rafe ended up helping Rose clean up, and she smiled at you as you handed her a plate. 

“Tonight was lovely, sweetie,” she said. “I can’t wait to hear about everything you accomplish in the future.” 

“You’re too kind,” you said, biting back a smile that was actually genuine. “I really enjoyed tonight.” 

“I’m glad.” She started the dishwasher and sighed as she looked at you. “I know my husband can be heavy-handed sometimes, but it’s not personal, trust me. We want the best for Rafe—Ward just has his own way of showing it.” 

“C’mon, Rose,” Rafe grumbled. “You saw what he was doing, and you went along with it. That’s not okay.” 

“He wasn’t doing anything,” she said pointedly. “He wanted to know more about Y/N, so he asked her. That’s all.” 

“You know that’s not—” 

“Rafe,” you interrupted, and you held up your phone, “Mel’s calling. C’mon, let’s go catch her up on everything.” 

He hesitated as he looked at you, but you just raised your eyebrows a little bit and gestured towards the hallway. Rafe sighed and nodded, glancing back at his step-mother. 

“Rose—” 

“You two enjoy yourself,” she said. “Cleanup’s already almost done—thank you for your help.” 

“Of course,” you said. “Have a good night, Mrs. C— Rose.” 

She smiled and nodded, waving the two of you off as you practically dragged Rafe into the hallway. 

“What was that for?” he complained once you were in the safety of his room, door shut. 

“You were about to get into a completely unnecessary argument.” 

“I was defending your honor, babe,” he said austerely. 

You laughed a bit, shaking your head as you sat down on the side of his bed, and Rafe leaned against the wall. “And I appreciate it, Sir Cameron, but I want this to be as drama-free as possible. Don’t get into arguments with your parents for me.” 

“I get into arguments with my parents all the time,” he said. “Doing it for you makes it better.” 

“Rafe.” 

He sighed and shrugged. “Fine. Drama-free break.” 

“Thank you.” 

“But not if my dad starts coming for you like that again,” he added with a pointed finger. 

You chuckled and nodded. “Fine.” 

You then looked at the clock on his bedside table and blew out a loose sigh. “God, it’s way later than I thought. You, get on my phone and call Mel. I lied about her calling, but I actually do want to talk to her tonight, and she definitely wants to catch up with you. I’m showering and getting ready for the night.” 

“Aye aye, captain,” he said, catching your phone as you tossed it to him. “But you know you don’t have to change in private. I have a very big room.” 

You gave him a look as you grabbed your bag. “Very subtle, Rafe. Behave.” 

He laughed and went back to your phone as you shut the door. 

You went through your routine as usual, the warm water helping to relieve the tension that had built up in your muscles. It was nice to have some alone time after the rollercoaster that the day had been, from Kelce’s bombshell conversation to the choppy waters of Ward Cameron—you had no idea the Outer Banks were going to be so complicated. 

It was only two weeks. Two weeks, and then you and Rafe were back to being nothing more than roommates and friends. Easy. 

You dried yourself off when you were done and slipped into a pair of shorts and an old Raleigh tee. After finishing the rest of your night routine, you opened the door again, smiling a bit to see Rafe laying upside down on his bed on the phone. 

His eyes flickered over to you and he smiled as well as he sat up. “You can ask her that yourself, actually—she just got out. You’re goin’ on speaker, Mel.” 

She cheered your name and you laughed as you settled on the bed with Rafe, picking up the phone so you could look at the little Mel on your screen. “You already look great. The OBX air is good for you, I swear.” 

“Better than city air,” you chuckled. “How have you been? Are you devastatingly bored without Rafe and I?” 

“You know I am,” she said with mock austerity. “Ayden’s already gone back to Richmond, so I’m all on my lonesome. You guys are all the worst for leaving me.” 

“Sorry,” Rafe said. “Should’ve asked you to be my girlfriend too—then we all could’ve had a great time with my parents.” 

She snorted and shook her head. “I love you Rafe, but I prefer the empty apartment.” 

He shook his head with a sigh. “So mean to me.” 

“It’s for your own good,” she chided, and she looked back at you. “How’s he treating you? Like a queen, I hope.” 

You laughed. “Mel, I am seriously living the life of luxury here. His room is the size of our freshman dorm. Honestly, it’s probably the size of my apartment back home. I would be Rafe’s permanent fake girlfriend if it meant a house like this.” 

Rafe shrugged. “We do have a couple more holidays coming up.” 

“Joking,” you said, and you sighed. “His family is… something.” 

“I told you I would fight them for you!” he defended. “I am fully ready to argue with my dad for you, but someone said she doesn’t want me to defend her honor.” 

Mel laughed, her eyes twinkling. “You beautiful knight. At least you’re trying to protect my girl.” 

“Always,” Rafe said, and then he stood up from his bed. “I’m gonna get ready—don’t gossip about me.” 

You gasped, scandalized. “We would never.” 

“Perish the thought,” Mel said simultaneously. 

Rafe rolled his eyes with a smile as he left, and you picked up the phone. “He sure is something.” 

“Yeah,” Mel said, something in her voice, “he is. And now that we’re alone, we can gossip about him.” 

You chuckled and shook your head. “There’s nothing to gossip about. What did he even talk to you about?” 

“Just basic stuff,” she said. “Told me about Kelce and Topper, and said some very choice words about his dad. But he mostly just talked about you, which is why we get to talk about him.” 

You frowned a bit—you couldn’t help but wonder what that entailed. “What did he say?” 

“Nothing important,” she said, brushing it off. “So, how’s the gig? How’re you liking the Banks?”

“This honestly isn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” you admitted. “Sure, his dad can be a lot, but Rafe is great. He’s always making sure that I’m okay, and it’s really sweet. I think that I can maybe see what all those girls see in him.” 

“Oh, wow,” she said. “You’re already in the falling in love with him stage?” 

“No!” you exclaimed, maybe a little too hastily. “No, god— where did you get that from?” 

“Someone’s a little defensive—” 

“Mel,” you said, staring at the bathroom door hoping Rafe couldn’t hear the conversation, “I’m not in love with him. We’re friends that are fake-dating each other. There’s a very big difference.” 

“If you say so,” she mused. 

“You’ve been watching too many rom-coms,” you said dryly. “Enough about me—how’s holding down the fort?” 

“I already told you that it’s boring,” Mel said. “I’m going back to Charlotte in a couple days, but that is also boring, which is why I want to talk about you!” 

“And I already told you, there’s nothing to talk about!” you defended. “We had a chill night yesterday, I hung out with his friends this morning, and we had dinner tonight. Standard girlfriend stuff—nothing to worry about.” 

“Fine,” she relented, and she laid back on the sofa. “But you have to keep me updated on everything.” 

“Of course. Now, I know you were talking to some guy in November. How’s that going?” 

Mel went on for a while about the guy—his name is Paolo, he’s an engineering major, he’s the hottest man she’s ever seen, but she’s definitely not interested in him, along with a lot of other things—and while you were about to ask something else in a rare pause, you lost your chance when Rafe came out of the bathroom. 

Wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants with his hair still wet and messy in just the right way, you just stared at him. It was embarrassing how speechless you were.

“You good?” Mel asked, and that snapped you out of your reverie, but not before Rafe noticed you looking. 

He just shook his head. “Can’t compliment you but you can objectify me. Your hypocrisy is insulting, babe.” 

“I’m so sorry Rafe,” you said austerely. “I can hardly control myself around you, you’ve got to understand.” 

He sighed as he pulled a shirt on. “It’s a burden I’ve got to bear, unfortunately. But I’m strong enough to do it.” 

“Okay, you two are gross,” Mel said. “I would say get a room, but you have one, and I’m clearly overstaying my welcome. So I’m just gonna hang up. Have fun, lovebirds!” 

“Mel—” you started, but she was gone before you could continue. You laughed as you turned your phone off, glancing at Rafe. “Uh, sorry. You didn’t miss much, just her talking about some guy.” 

“Oh, Paolo!” Rafe nodded. “I introduced those two, actually. He was in my finance class last semester, and he talked about her a lot. I hope they work out.” He smiled a bit as he sat down next to you. “Mel and her dream guy aside, what d’you wanna do for the rest of the night? After the dinner you sat through, I think you deserve a break.” 

“How do you feel about watching TV and doing nothing?” you asked. 

“Sounds perfect.” Rafe leaned over and picked up the remote from the side table, flipping it over in his hands as he talked. “What are you feeling? Grey’s Anatomy?” 

“God, no. It’s not accurate, and I need at least one second where I’m not thinking about school.” 

He chuckled. “Then what d’you suggest?” 

“Law and Order,” you said, “but we pick a random season and start halfway through it.” 

“You know that’s not accurate either?” 

“I haven’t spent years going over the law,” you said, “therefore it’s accurate to me.” 

Rafe laughed and handed you the remote, shaking his head. “Sounds perfect. Want some popcorn?” 

“Nothing I love more than lawyers and popcorn,” you said. “Except for you, fake boyfriend.” 

Rafe pressed his hand to his heart as he went over to the door. “I feel the same way, fake girlfriend.” 

You started cracking up, and Rafe’s small smile sent heat rushing to your cheeks. “Oh, and the second drawer on my dresser has a bunch of sweatshirts in case you want one.” 

You frowned. “Why would I need one of your hoodies?” 

He shrugged. “You’ve been shivering this whole time.”

And he walked off, wholly nonchalant, but you couldn’t tear your eyes away. 

Apparently, Rafe paid more attention than you thought. Even when there wasn’t an audience. 

You snapped yourself out of your reverie, wandering over to said drawer, and you rifled through until you found a suitable one. Nothing like being a walking advertisement for the Kenan-Flagler school. 

You pulled it on then settled against the pillows as you picked up the remote again. After a bit of scrolling you decided on season 13, episode 11, and Rafe came back in with a big bowl of popcorn right when the title card played. 

“Perfect timing,” you smiled. 

“I try,” he said, and he shut the door behind him as he sat down next to you. His gaze moved to your sweatshirt and he grinned. “Nice choice. I’ll make a business major of you yet.” 

“God, no,” you muttered, and he just laughed. 

The two of you settled in and got comfortable for a night of lawyers and detectives and murder and popcorn, fought over through swatted hands and playful shoves, and maybe it was something about the day that just had you not thinking clearly. 

Because you didn’t mind when your hands touched in the popcorn bowl, and you didn’t mind when he slung his arm over your shoulder, and you didn’t mind when you fell asleep on Rafe’s shoulder 23 minutes into episode 15. 

And Rafe didn’t really mind either.  

-

rafe does mind that it took a year for him to be seen again though. sorry man

perm tags: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77 @simonsbluee @kwyloz @masteroperator

obx tags: @milkiane @lilgoddesshines @sexytholland

ttds tags: @aaleksmorozova @everyonesannoyedwithme @sunnysidee-up @onlygetaway @itsalexwin @hanniebee33 @grimesrheee @lurkymurker

[rox-of-iu]

my old blorbos are back in my brain

heart pirates my absolute beloved. shame theyre chillin somewhere in the ocean lol (do not mention the pre-time skip hats of penguin and shachi I'm still attached even tho its already been a million years since then)

anyway every time i remember that Law and Kid are assigned german and Scottish by Oda i gain one hundred years

[robinniko]

Have you done a follow forever? If not can you make a list? I am totally curious now after your tags. Also love that your blog is a mix of everything.

I have not done a follow forever!!! I am so excited you sent this bc I really wanted to do one!!!!!

@h-isforhome @coffeeisaritual @28cum @cantchangemypast @lamefights @bloodonthedrums @amsterdamlouie @louisarmpits @tommos @kieumy @officialghost @tryhoney @stoned-styles @ashleyyroses @munsonsuccubus @anchorandrope @crimsonfated @goldplated-disaster @stripesysheaven @dahliaaz @graveyarrdshift @srldesigns6277 @theeliampayne @nouies @enigmaticpink @enchantedlandcoffee @muppet4muppett @loverrrrrr17 @superscut @goodriddancegracie @maryoliveoil @taylorswiftaylor @aintmyjewelry @columbusswift @verdantsecretgardens @auswiftic @runwayblues @louisthiccsexyglitteryass @frolencewelch @whenyouvequitefinished @matrixrry @the-girl-almighty @abba-enthusiast @nicogayngelo @hazlouquitefinished @notsomeholylight @slutdick @sunflowerwemadeit @cuzimablogger @bloodmoonlich

i'm very sorry because I definitely forgot people but i love all my mutuals very much!!!! <3

[fernifox]

Could you sum up each of the strawhats' characters in one picture? Not symbolism or anything, just one frame of them being their glorious goofy selves, pretty please?

Hi! Sorry this took so long! They all care for each other so much, luffy causing problems by jumping on Zoro, Zoro and Sanji arguing, Sanji bringing snacks to the girls, Nami and Robin chatting away about whatever comes to mind, Usopp and franky tinkering on new tools for the crew, chopper tending to everyone’s health and playing with them, Brook playing soothing songs as they all enjoy the warmth of the sun, and Jinbe still learning the dynamics of the crew, watching over everyone like a doting dad.

I wanna color this eventually,,, I finished the background ages ago but it burnt me out so it took a bit before I got everyone lined properly.

[thepixelagora]

Something, something, commander and her guard dog

If you like my work, consider getting me a Kofi | Commissions

[jazzzzzzhands]

Skating into the Groovy AU, Here Comes Julie!! Also known as WildFlower!! Oh she has skates, so she is so much more chaotic! She has boundless energy and loves dragging all of her friends onto the rollerblading rink for a very fun game!! (and the most wild of dancing!) Catch her and Groovy doing a lil hip bump as they pass eachother! Ty to my partner in crime for helping me to develop her design!! @sketchy-tour <3333 I would not have had such a vision without their help!

Ty ty for making me learn how to draw a braid because i am falling in love with drawing hair so muchhh OHH OHHH!! the only reason Julie is not in a dress, is because ! i already crossed her legs and i struggle to convey that under a dress ahahahaha! BUT Julie ABSOLUTELY goes into dress mode!!! She also has these

Oh she has such a wardrobe, I am sure of it!!

[zecoritheweirdone]

eyyyy,, guess who's been drawing more of that hc x msa au?

been making a lot of scene redraws/edits for the past few days,, buuut i'm not quite done with them yet,, so i'll prolly share them another time. until then- here's a lil pearl design! mostly made these to finalize her design,, since the next scene i'm doing involves lewis,, sksnsks.

[deoidesign]

Hello! I just discovered your blog and I immediately became captivated by your webcomic, but I'm unsure where to read all of it. I know it's on Webtoons, but I can see it hasn't been updated for a while, and you still post about it.

Are your physical novels just prints of the webcomic? Are they a continuation? Is the story complete? Thanks in advance!

Hi there!

Glad you found me and are enjoying my comic!

It's only on webtoons, and the story is not complete yet! We're 2/3 of the way through right now. It's currently on hiatus, and it's scheduled to come back in about 2 months!

I'll explain why it's been so long if you're curious, but also for my followers who might also be wondering about it under the cut. Sorry, it's pretty much just me complaining haha

I took a month off I took 2 months to get the books printed I took a month to prepare my next comic and I took 2 months to write the rest of the series (I knew the character arcs I wanted, but not the time periods or mysteries!!!) I've been working on actual episodes since then

I had to take some time off because of some pretty extreme burnout due to the sheer amount of work it was to draw over 800 pages and write 6 complete stories in a year and a half... I was getting sick almost weekly due to the overwork, it was really really bad honestly. I was having to work 60+ hours every week just to keep up...

The nature of the comic itself is also difficult... Each of the arcs is a complete, self contained story which can be read (ideally) without context, and my arcs need to be about 10-13 episodes each... And since I have an exact number of episodes to work with, it's even harder.

It takes a ton of planning and a ton of refinement, and working week to week with no breaks I was forced to put out second or even first drafts, so I just wasn't happy with the work I was doing... And to do that for the rest of the series? I wouldn't be proud of the work I did.

Plus... To be entirely honest, webtoon has treated me quite badly IN MY OPINION... They deprioritized me before I launched (I had to beg for more promotion, I'm not exaggerating), they outright denied me the opportunity to even ask for a raise, I don't make any money on fast pass and they pay me less than my partner makes working at trader joes. My first editor left me completely hanging, my second editor (who I loved) was fired... And they told me I wouldn't get a third season before my first season even finished. So it was just repeatedly completely demoralizing.

I'm sorry it has taken so long, it'll have been 10 months by the time I come back. But I realized... I won't get promotion either way. I won't get more episodes either way. I won't get more money either way. So to finish everything, to make it feel good, to make it something I'm proud of, I chose to take longer to make it better.

I am fully aware I will lose a significant amount of my readership for this and it might genuinely affect my career moving forward. But it's what I had to do! So I'm sticking to my guns on it, and I'm confident long term it'll be worth it. It never could have been this good if I didn't take this much time.

[damnation-if]

hey!! can i ask for a color palatte description for the ro's? like what their hair/eye colors are?

hope you're having a good week 💙💙💙

Hi!

I spent a long time putting together a graphic for this before I realised that you asked for just a description haha... oops. well. here is the graphic anyway XD

If you're looking for a link to the page with more general descriptions, there are some on the RO's page.

Very sorry for the delay in replying! My life is. hectic. smdnfgbsfgf

[tes-trash-blog]

Full Falmer translation of @king-minyard's Ode to Snow Elves (thank you thank you THANK YOUUUU for giving me your blessing!)

For a less-blurry version, open in a new tab; Common transcription and translator notes below the cut!

This one was a challenge! Two complete overhauls of syntax, thirty new words by my count (I definitely lost count), and a new method of expressing determiners went into making this adaptation. I wanted to treat this as a translation in either way, so keeping the original syllabic count was important, especially as it was in eights. I dunno, that number seems important to the Falmer, who likely engaged in numerology like their Altmeric cousins.

Highlights from this translation include Farligandra, "greet-grace" i.e. welcome and hospitality, Laivan, "to grant, to offer reprieve", Banhe, an outsider-friendly term for "home" (was this meant to be heard by others, perhaps?), and two of my personal favorites, Maethan, "to embrace" and naerth, "soul-rending grief", here translated as "gnashing grief" to provide a more visceral tone and to imply just what became of the Snow Elves.

The complete, side by side translation, is as follows!

[the-broken-pen]

could you write a snippet where hero and villain both show up at the same time to rescue civilian from supervillain please?

The hero’s pulse pounded in their ears, panicked and so loud–there was so much blood, oh god, they couldn’t tell where it was coming from–that they didn’t hear the villain behind them until they were slamming their elbow back into their ribcage. The villain caught it with one hand, running their gaze over the hero and their blood slicked hands as if assessing for injuries. When they did the same to the civilian, the villain went so still the hero wasn’t sure they were breathing.

The hero felt a little dizzy, actually, and they were trying incredibly hard not to cry, because that was their friend on the floor and they were never supposed to be involved in this–

“Hero,” the villain’s voice was stern, but not unkind. “Breathe.”

They choked on their next inhale, and the villain pressed against their chest with one hand until they breathed out again. There was something about the villain’s face, smooth and unyielding like stone, that pulled the hero into focus enough for them to suck in another breath.

“They need help,” they managed to gasp. The villain gave them a singular nod in confirmation.

“Yes. They do.”

“We need to–”

“You,” the villain interrupted, “need to calm down.”

“They’re dying.”

“And that’s not going to change if you’re too panicked to see straight. So take. A deep. Breath.”

Miraculously, the hero did. It was easier on the next breath, and the next, until their vision was clear and they could see the horror in front of them with all too much clarity.

The civilian was still breathing.

The villain released the hero’s elbow as soon as they realized the hero wasn’t about to panic again, grazing their fingers over the civilian’s tattered clothing in search of the worst wounds. They prodded something and the civilian winced, face bruised and entirely, blessedly, unconscious. “Pressure,” the villain gestured, and the hero. complied.

The hero knew better than to let up when the civilian, abruptly half-lucid from pain, tried to bat their hand away, but bile still rose in their throat.

“How are you so calm,” they said, and even they could tell their voice was slightly too close to hysterical. The villain glanced over at them, eyes dark, before ripping a makeshift tourniquet to tie around the civilian’s leg.

“I panicked once,” some memory, deep and dark and full of pain, flashed through the villain’s eyes. “I promised I wouldn’t do it again.”

The hero took the wad of cloth the villain handed to them, pressing it back down over the civilian’s stomach. It turned red under the hero’s fingers far faster than they would ever have wanted it to. Not that they would ever want it to, but if someone was bleeding they would at least want it to be slow–

“Oh,” they managed, voice strangled, and the villain took a moment to assess them once more. 

“Breathe,” the villain reminded. “They’re not dying. They’re beat up, but they’re stable. Emergency services are already on their way.”

The hero watched more blood well up around their hands. Pressed harder.

They would be digging red flakes out from under their nails for weeks.

“You’re normally calmer,” the villain remarked casually. If the hero’s brain wasn’t so stuck on the image of their friend bleeding below them, they would have recognized this for the distraction that it was.

“They didn’t choose this,” they whispered, throat raw. The civilian didn’t have powers, and they hadn’t chosen to use them for good or evil. They just lived, so kind and so normal.

“Neither does any other bystander,” the villain said.

“They’re my friend,” the hero willed the villain to understand, somehow, the enormity of this. The pain of knowing that it should have been them on the floor, that supervillain had done this because the civilian had been there and the hero had not.

A mistake of epic proportions. The biggest failure of their life. Not being there.

“So?”

“So it's my fault,” the hero’s voice broke, and they ducked their head down to hide the tears as they welled in their eyes. Distantly, they could pick up the barest trace of sirens, almost out of reach of their enhanced senses.

“Hero,” the villain said, voice gentle. “If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine.”

The hero shook their head–

“No, listen to me,” the villain’s voice gained an edge to it. “It’s not your fault. I pissed supervillain off this week. They know the civilian is my friend. This was deliberate to hurt me, and I need you to get it through your thick skull that there was nothing you could have done to stop this.”

The hero wasn’t sure who the villain was truly saying this to–the hero, themself, or the version of the villain that had panicked so long ago, and suffered for it.

“I could have–”

“You couldn’t.” The villain’s stare was all encompassing. The hero wanted to believe them. “Stop blaming yourself for the pain other people are causing.”

“That’s kind of my whole thing,” the hero tried for something light, airy. The both of them watched it fall flat off their tongue.

“No, it’s not. Your thing is saving people, not beating yourself up over everything you think you could have done better.”

The hero didn’t have a response to that. Just stayed staring at the villain as the ambulance skidded to a stop, the red lights flashing off the villain’s hair and eyes.

Someone reached for the hero’s hands, still pressed tightly to the wound, and they flinched away, gritting their teeth. 

The paramedic raised their gloved hands as if comforting an animal. “I’m here to help,” they said slowly. 

It felt terrible unclenching their hands, letting the paramedic take their place, sliding the civilian onto a stretcher an unending minute later.

The hero swallowed hard, knees numb against the pavement, and let the villain hook their arms under the hero’s armpits to haul the upright.

“Alright, there we go,” the villain murmured easily. The hero tracked the paramedics as they closed the doors of the ambulance. 

“I should–”

“No,” the villain interrupted. They seemed to be doing that more often than usual, the hero thought slowly. “You need to get cleaned up, and eat something.”

“I need to go to the hospital, I can’t just leave them alone,” the hero argued. They tried to jerk themself from the villain’s steadying hold, and failed.

“Trust me, they’ve got a whole team keeping them alive. They’re in good company.”

“I’m failing them.” It was an entirely irrational thought, but it stung in the hero’s chest, burning its way into their ribs as an ‘almost’ truth.

“You’re taking care of yourself so that you are able to take care of them. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you're at empty. So, we’re going to get you some clothes that aren’t covered in blood, a sandwich, and go from there.”

The hero realized between one blink and the next that they were exhausted–bones aching and made of stone, dragging them down further with every second. By the time they reached the villain’s car, the only thing that was holding them up was the villain; the weight of panic and a too long day spent trying to save the entire city pressing down on them.

They were dumped into the passenger seat without fanfare, and if they weren’t so tired, they would have protested about the blood, or question how the villain had gotten their car here.

The villain slammed the door, settling themself into the driver’s seat a moment later. They dug through the center console, too dark for the hero to make out what they were grabbing, before they scrubbed the hero’s hands with a baby wipe. 

They had the engine started before the hero had a chance to look down at their own–now clean–hands.

“It’s not your fault,” the villain said again. Their tone left no room for argument.

“You keep saying that,” they watched as the city lights flickered through the car windows. “Why?”

The villain’s jaw clenched in the periphery of their vision. When they answered, it was so soft and quiet the hero almost didn’t catch it.

“Because nobody said it to me.”

The hero let their head slump against the window, half-asleep as they watched the roads vanish behind them.

“Hey,” they said quietly. They didn’t have to look up to know the villain’s attention was solely on them.

Sleep pulled on them until their voice was little more than an exhaled breath. 

“It wasn’t your fault.”

The villain sucked in a shuddering breath.

“It isn’t your fault.”

Before sleep managed to swallow them whole, the hero swore they caught a single tear streaking down the villain’s cheek.

[jokzs]

ough

[soranker]

hi….! any chance we can see your art process ? it’s fine if not! i was wondering if u do a sketch before your lines or you just skip directly to lineart? your art is very beautiful!

HI!!! AUGGHHHJHH THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH T__T my art style is kinda simple imo so my process is pretty bare-bones ^^;; there's not rly much too it!! it also kinda changes depending on how uhhhh lazy im feeling in the moment HAHA

probably around half of my drawings are straight to line art bc they're rly just doodles or things i decide to draw without any planning (but also im kinda impatient so i try to skip the sketching step if i can LOL...). but if i DO have a specific pose in mind for a drawing, i'll start with a sort of mannequin sketch or loose pass, then depending on how messy it is, ill either do the lineart pass on the layer on top or duplicate the sketch and then clean it up.

and then my coloring process is not sophisticated at all i just create a new layer and then paint bucket tool away LMAOOOO

here's an example of a drawing where i did sketch first ^_^

[posletsvet]

A Somewhat Messy Exploration of the Concepts of Purity and Impurity in Satosugu, and perhaps some more

The yin and yang symbolism in Satosugu (here I'm using 'Satosugu' as a short way to refer to the relationship between these characters, not necessarily a ship dynamic) has been brought up and discussed a lot in fan analyses lately, and by those who have mental capacity to express it far better than I ever could. However, there is one more thing I would like to talk about in relation to Suguru Geto and Satoru Gojo's dichotomy, and perhaps some more.

As much influence as Chinese philosophical concepts (such as already mentioned yin-yang) have on Japanese cosmology, religious views of the people of Japan are actually an intricate and complex amalgamation of various teachings and beliefs, with Shinto being numerically the most prominent faith of the country. I was curious as to how the ideas found in Shinto could be applied to Gojo and Geto's relationship, and I guess I've stumbled upon some inkling of a thought in this regard -- so please bear with me while I rant.

Before this gets too long, I'm putting my rambling below the cut.

To begin with and give a little bit of context, the core teaching of Shinto is to have profound respect and reverence for nature. As a polytheistic and animistic religion, Shinto is defined by its belief in the kami, who are stated to inhabit all things, including objects of the surrounding landscape and various natural forces. Due to such elemental qualities of the faith, purification takes place as one of its central aspects and a widely followed practice, as well. There is a great emphasis laid on spiritual and physical purity and cleanliness. That being so, the moral categories of good and evil (or virtue and sin), so important in the western worldview, give way to a different outlook on things: the world is perceived in terms of 'clean' and 'dirty' rather than 'good' and 'bad'.

This concept finds a reflection in Gege's writing primarily through Tsumiki as someone who's essentially an embodiment of the virtue of being innocent and pure at heart. When she's brought up in the narrative, the image is frequently accompanied by flowers -- and more often than not, especially when it comes to Megumi's perspective, those flowers are white lilies. And those are one of the most common and prominent symbols of purity. When Tsumiki's innocence is symbolically destroyed with Yorozu taking over her body, white blossoms are depicted as thrashed and stained in the background. Her purity is further defiled by her death as everything related to death and decay is considered foul as it desecrates the world's natural state of cleanliness, fertility and life.

I'm only bringing this up to show how Gege incorporates this religious framework into the body of symbolism in his story. And the further you search with these concepts in mind, the more you are able to uncover.

Satoru Gojo as purity and perfection

Satoru Gojo is a character whom you can't help but read as a perfection within the context of the world he exists in. He's the absolute strongest, wielding the power to bring all the knowledge of the universe and the forces which shape it under his control, he's repeatedly elevated by the narrative as someone unreachable and untouchable whereas nothing seems to be beyond his reach. He also has an extraordinary appearance, matching vibrant aquamarine eyes with fair hair, so rarely found among full-blooded Japanese people. He embodies an ideal for his society.

Satoru is associated with white and sky blue -- the colours most widely believed to represent purity, innocence, perfection, serenity and safety. Those are lofty, noble, airy and spacious hues which also bring in mind vast open spaces and immeasurable and unreachable heights and depths, symbolizing Gojo's detachment from the mundane world where corruption and putrefaction take deep root. Not to mention Satoru's noble background as an heir of one of the Big Three Sorcerer Families.

Actually no, forget this, I do want to mention it and expand a little on my thoughts regarding Satoru's family and upbringing. It's highly likely he was overprotected and sheltered as a child, and along with a teenage-years rebellion on his part which such a childhhod brought about, it also thwarted his ability to make connections with people around him as he basically lacks common experiences and/or interests with them. He's somewhat sterile when it comes to displaying empathy and emotional intelligence, which results in a peculiar sense of innocence about him. For the lack of any better way to articulate this idea, I'd say he's pure in this regard: clean and untouchable and spotless, devoid of nearly everything that comprises a regular person's experience.

This shows even in the way Gojo chooses to cope with his trauma in the aftermath of the Star Plasma Vessel Incident. That traumatic experience seemingly barely leaves a mark on him because he opts for pushing it aside and moving forward, while going out of his way to make sure there's a safe distance between him and the source of his vulnerability by improving his technique. He fixates on bringing his Infinity technique to perfection, and as a result it leaves no opportunity for anything to touch him if he himself does not want it to. Yet again, it leaves him stainless.

Not only that: he becomes emotionally detached from the cruelty and filth of the jujutsu world, becomes numb to it, with little to no emotion ever reaching his core to shake it. He's neither angry nor vengeful on Amanai's behalf after her death. He does not allow for hatred and spite to poison his mind, neither does he feel any doubt. He stays clean from all the negativity at the cost of coming off as cynical and unsympathetic.

He masks this by putting up a front of an emotionally immature individual with childlike mannerisms and an attitude resembling that of a teenager rather than a fully grown man. He also nurtures a somewhat naive belief that Suguru still can be trusted, that there's some hope for him turning away from the path he's chosen. In this regard, he still bears the innocence of a child.

Last but not least, shedding away the more humanly parts of himself, Gojo instead becomes more attuned to the natural world through his ascension -- the main source of purity, as Shinto has it. Moreover, he basically rejects death by coming back from the dead after finally grasping how Reversed Cursed Energy works. And I've already explained the importance of something like this when talking about Tsumiki's passing.

Gojo Satoru's mind is free from resentment and hate, his body unstained by death. He's a character who represents complete spiritual and physical purity.

Suguru Geto as impurity and corruption

Where Gojo's character exhibits perfection, Geto shows abruptly stunted growth and degradation gnawing away at him bit by bit; where Gojo stands to symbolize cleanliness and purity, Geto presents desolation and decay and that filth which is left in their wake. Geto is a character whom the narrative treats as a symbolic foil to Gojo, starting from him being expelled from Jujutsu High and ending with his death being described in the light novel as a curse purged from existence. If Gojo serves as an example of a perfectly fit cog in jujutsu society and sets up a desirable ideal, Geto, named the worst of all known curse users, represents everything that the very same society fears and despises.

Starting with colour symbolism again, such colours as black, dark brown, warm beige and mustard yellow are the most common colours to be associated with dirt and a filthy, dingy appearance. And while I'm not saying Suguru himself has such an appearance (although he does forsake taking care of himself at some point), those all are the colours found in his palette. Black is also considered to be the hardest colour to keep clean, even more so than white, as it shows all the stains and grime so well. Which is quite interesting if you consider that Suguru's downfall and defection ultimately bring out, both to the audience and to Satoru, everything not only malfunctioning, but straightforward cruel, vile and despicable in the existing system.

Geto's deeply empathetic personality is the basis for his own corruption, his inability to set boundaries between his own emotions and the suffering of others leaves him extremely vulnerable in a society which actively punishes people for being unable to extract emotion from their duty and caring too much. The thing is, Suguru is elbow-deep in emotion. For instance, if Satoru managed to shove his feelings aside in order to put together a plan of action when Kuroi got abducted, Suguru immeadiately plunged into self-blame. His own empathy is what's clouding his vision, his feelings pile up within him without any healthy outlet until they start rotting him from the inside.

Geto lets the rot in by caring too deeply, vile emotions that he feels on behalf of others festering in his mind. He can't stand the sight of atrocities commited by Jujutsu society and finds them nauseating, while the rest of the world he exists in treats those abominations as a norm. And even so, he dives deeper into all this by trying to make a difference and save ordinary people.

This is symbolically represented by Geto's Curse Manipulation, with him consuming curses which are basically a corporeal manifestation of all the negative emotions people vent into the world in their daily lives. The more curses he absorbs, the more doubt and resentment he lets inside and the more they consequently stain his once pure ideals and aspirations with bile building up inside of him. His very sense of self is twisted by the weight of the unsightly hideous reality, and while he stays true to his strict set of ideals he is forced to adapt by the trauma of his experience as a sorcerer and the 'realisation' which it brings. Because if one endures such severely traumatic events, one must sooner or later come to the conclusion that there's something inherently wrong and malfunctioning -- either with you or the world you live in. Geto chooses to stay true to himself by assuming it's the latter, and this choice results in his corruption in the eyes of those who run that very world.

There's also something to be said about the intimacy of the act of consumpton: you let the thing you consume nurture you and become a part of you. Cursed spirits taste absolutely foul, and what that means to put this despicable thing in your mouth and swallow it is unimaginable. Geto's absorbtion of curses is supposed to represent how he basically desacrates himself by letting himself experience everything at such a deep emotional level, inevitably tying himself to putrefaction of the world.

And of course, the last thing that plays its role in the defilement of Geto's character is his death.

Brief wrap-up thoughts

I could honestly ramble on and on about this for ages, but I guess it all just boils down to my admiration for Gege's ability to break the mold with his writing. He takes a trait which is largely associated with protagonists of their stories and shapes his villain's whole personality around it -- and vice versa, with Gojo and his seemingly egotistic tendencies.

Once again, Japanese religious beliefs organically encompass so many elements originating from so many cultures with no coherent systematization existing up untill late 19th centuary, and I find it absolutely fascinating how Gege's story reflects that. It leaves us with such an interesting controversy of an emotionally detached hero dwelling in a morally grey area alongside with a deeply empathetic antagonist whom both other characters and the audience find deserving of sympathy and pity.

[lucabyte]

Your gender thought type essays have made me curious about what your oc creation/development process is like! It seems to be something you put a lot of thought into and that’s very interesting (especially cause my circles don’t often go into detail in that area)

I'm delighted to hear you're curious!! I'll give as thorough an answer as I can manage, though it'll likely be a bit disorganised. Okay, so... I'm gonna use a couple examples for this, and since you specified gender stuff I'm gonna go for some where gender/sexuality are integral, even if in seemingly counterproducive ways (but that'll be the last few...)

So. The first character that comes to mind here for me in terms of like... A lot of thought going into their gender is Lavender.

So going all the way back... Lavender was made in 2015.

Spreadsheet puts her at the 13th character in the setting, creation-date ways! So she's Been around a while.

Part 1: A Core Idea

Now, why was Lavender made? This is the first step of character creation. Well, she was made to tick a bit of a box. I realised my only girls at the time were all tomboyish so I needed a cute girl. And this was 2015, so she arose in the form of a Waifu Joke. She was intended to be a side-character with no real plot ties, so I just designed a character as cute as possible, named her simply (Lavender Wafeu == literally Colour and Waifu) and was basically done? 7 months later I would make Mafioso to slightly further the joke, in that giving Lavender a girlfriend makes her unpursuable* as a waifu. This also gave me a stark butch/femme pair, and I recall around this era there was a joke going around on tumblr of 'Indestructable Lesbians' as opposed to buried gays. This kinda became their thing. Two lesbians the plot wouldn't touch and they wouldn't be endangered.

.... And then that was kinda it. She was a cute girl who was fun to draw, shy, and reserved in nature. An opposition to Mafioso's brash (but secretly a little nervous) demeanor. I would literally just liken this to flutterdash outright. I was basically just doing flutterdash in terms of their personalities.

SO: This is the first step to all my characters. Find a core concept, or more likely, a core joke. Lavender's core joke is a very rough and (frankly unfunny) "your waifu isn't going to fuck you" joke. But you can see how she was built out of it. And we'll get to how that building happened next.

(^ Weird 2015 era lavender with her total lack of emotive range and flat characterisation)

Part 2: Dormancy

Lavender stayed unchanged for quite a while, in this flat state. She picked up a few things, mostly little 'twists' to her character. ie. she could hold her own in a fight, is surprisingly quick to jump to (cartoonish) violence, and likes a good steak. All very basic little things, obvious "oh bet you didn't expect That" contradictions.

She didn't recieve much attention during this time despite me really liking her design still. Mafioso languished even worse in this era, with her mother Omerta picking up most of the development instead. Overall, these two were very, very boring. No amount of little superficial additions could save them from this.

But it... hints at something, right? It hints that maybe there's a facade somewhere, that maybe the perfect-cute-girl thing might actually take a little bit of effort to upkeep...? Hrm...

Part 3: A Fresh Perspective

So, sometime in 2020, I was finally remaking my 2016-era spreadsheet of all my characters from the ground up, since I needed to remove a lot of ms excel specific formatting it had in it.

And while going through, I was being helped by @samhainian, who I had befriended in the years between. And they remarked that I didn't have enough directly trans characters in the cast, to which I agreed. I had a handful of tokens at the time (Adder and Angel spring to mind?) but not many more, so we literally just went down the list with suggestions. And when Sam suggested Lavender, I reacted with confusion. Because... Wait. Is she not trans? But she's so feminine? All of my characters lean extremely gender-neutral in presentation unless they're trying to do gender on purpose...?

And this just, unlocked her whole character like a skeleton key.

I was making her do her gender on purpose. The reason she had those contradictions is because she's putting in the effort to appear like this perfect, girl-next-door, waifu type. Something that doesn't really work if she doesn't have girlhood to prove.

From here, her coy 'maybe she has more to her than cute girl' hints were instantly recontextualised as a thing She was Doing. And instead of being random superficial tidbits, they were Depth. And her cartoonish 'extremely mild-mannered and polite persona' suddenly became a very human facade.

So, she had a new core to build around. And her lack of anything going on before in terms of backstory suddenly felt contextual? She's clearly fresh new to this. She had already had the backstory of being a very young (about 19~21) person who had moved to a new town to live on her own-- Suddenly that makes sense. She's forging a whole new identity. Her polite 'never really talking about herself because she's an object for the audience to desire' quietness becomes intentional evasion. She doesn't have a backstory, because she doesn't want it to be any of your business.

And ironically, this immediately Gave Her the backstory she had been missing. Her wiles and hidden 'smarter than she looks' becomes so relevant as to be real character traits...

I already somewhat went over this (and a number of other gender thoughts, including my thoughts on my myriad 'cis but not' or 'nb in a specific direction') in a thing I wrote, woof, 2 years ago: (LINK) which was a ramble about a lot of my character's genders... In that I summarised Lavender's gender as such:

Part 4: In practice

Okay so it's all well and good that I realised Lavender is Trans Gemder. But that's not where it ends, because she finally became refined and polished to the point of um. Quadrupling her image count on toyhouse. because of Purrgatorio.

See, the other reason I was getting my spreadsheets in order was for Purrgatorio (the original flavour of it, the visual novel) and I needed to just do some general housekeeping.

Lavender, Mafioso and Ess shared a route in VN!Purrgatorio, being that I saw them as a triad of characters. While this characterisation of her basically did nothing interesting, aside from showing her fiery side, this would later become the basis for her being one of the first characters met in actual purrgatorio, where she, being polite and nice, and established back in 2016ish to be one of the few characters Chrome isn't a total asshole to--- She gets to meet Ali.

Now this is where I would say a lot of the real development happened. Right there, in action, in putting her to the test of real writing. All of her characterisation stops being hypothetical, and instead something I have to portray. And I found as I wrote, she grew more deep simply by giving her such an odd situation to be in. And of note, by having Ali be intimidated by talking to cute girls, it gave her the upper hand in the dynamic-- Really allowing me to show off her ability to lead a conversation, and her quiet confidence in herself-- as well as hinting at the thing she isn't quite so confident with.

It's also allowed me to start thinking about her sexuality, too. This is another thing that goes back to her flimsy core concept. The Waifu is generally a sexless being in their own right, having sexuality projected onto them by the narrative or audience. In fact, a lot of shounen girls don't get to be romantically forward-- both because it risks alienating the intended selfshipper-audience, and also because showing too much confidence and autonomy in their sexuality can be too threatening for the chuunibyo audience, who aren't yet comfortable with their own sexuality and-- wait! Look at that! Another part of the core concept I can toy with! Wouldn't it make sense, if she's meant to be a deconstruction of The Waifu Archetype, for her to have that confidence and autonomy? This is what 2015-me was clumsily trying to grasp with the whole lesbian thing... So why not just re-angle that into her being confident and forward. It fits with her new personality, so it works!

*oh hey there's that asterisk. I also realised she had chemistry with Ali! Given the way she is level-headed and rather logical deep down, her curiosity drives this. She's not going to pass up a chance to know a literal Alien... But it also further illustrates how badly Mafioso has been left in the dust by her. (She's been quietly tinkered with behind the scenes ready for her reintrodcution, but for a while, I was really struggling!! Like, considering overhauling her character levels of struggling!! But, we managed, I think. She's yet to be introduced and put into practice yet, but it's upcoming.) To the point where I've broken them up! At least for now. Mafioso needs to prove herself I think, since now she can't rely on Lavender being waifish and easily won over.

TO SUMMARISE THE MAJOR POINTS THERE:

Any joke/idea can be a suitable core, even if flimsy, you just need to find which parts are interesting to either double down on or deconstruct

It's okay for characters to take a long time to form! If you don't feel connected to a character they might need a shake up, but also YOU might need a shake up. Lavender needed a new perspective from someone with a different approach to gender as me, and for I myself to become more comfortable with Real Sexuality (ive literally just aged nearly 10 years itll happen) before she could really shine.

Following on from the above you basically never need to throw a character out completely. You should try and find what it is you like about them, or consider core, and perhaps try and reframe or refract those elements. A character might get demoted to non-main status sometimes, but why throw away that depth? They can hang out on the sidelines if that's better for them.

Sometimes a character won't feel done until you write them! You can do this with RP if you have the ability, but I wrote Purrgatorio instead, which is intentionally low-stakes and non-canon so I don't get too freaked out about writing it. It's a playground for testing characterisaton, and putting characters in weird pairings they otherwise wouldn't to see if something interesting arises.

SOME OTHER EXAMPLES FROM MY BACK CATALOGUE:

Lavender is a bit of a daunting pick, given that she's spent nearly 10 years slowly rotating in my brain, only to finally become realised in the last 3-4 or so. But I do have some more recent quick examples, as well as another giant thing you can read if you want to.

GIANT THING TO READ IF YOU WANT IT: I've posted abt this before way ages ago but I wrote up a whole gigantic thing on my probably 2 most in depth characters. It can be found here (LINK) and also has a longass diatribe about their genders, sexualities, and the core thing they were originally riffing on. (Which was like. a specific type of anime boy ship i was a sucker for, that I eventually realised I was making way more interesting than most anime i was into was bothered to do)

It's a very thorough look into my thought process, including ANOTHER diatribe on purrgatorio granting me some good boons of character.

OTHER EXAMPLE 1: ALI

Okay Ali is too complicated to get into thoroughly here, but they're another good example of a core idea spiralling out.

Core idea: Blank slate visual novel protagonist, so gender neutral and a bit of a flimsy everyman. No real name, only a default name if you left the entry blank. (Ali, a shortening of the canon surname). #FFFFFF skin to keep the jokey ambiguity and pink hair to reference Dante's silly red hat.

Twists: Canon assigned surname of Alighieri, implying them to be some descendent of The Real Dante. And they're in a VN so there's a spooky easter egg where you can roll a death screen that shows them as an ominous demonic Thing instead of a regular human.

The, VN!Purrgatorio got shelved, and because they were human instead of a furry they got shuffled into other projects. A furry version of them showed up in a different project riffing on the demon thing, making them a child-friendly antichrist with 2 siblings based on the tragicomedy masks. Then that furry version's stuff got shoved onto the human version who was just a half-demon kid in Creature Feature. THEN we decided they'd be half-succubus to keep the ability to shift between the sexes (referencing the blank slate gender ambiguity of the VN). THEN that became 'nerd who is freaked out by being a sex demon and doesn't like the ethical implications of their existance but is still kinda miffed that they arent Getting Any' who STILL HAD the antichrist stuff from the furry version....

(^ technically a completely seperate ali ive not done anything with in years lol)

Like you get it. It's a giant katamari of STUFF from all different settings. This is what I mean by 'you never really need to scrap a character'. Because after all this shoving them around into different projects and them accruing things (the 'guy who is really concerned with informed consent is a succubus/incubus' angle really informed them here, as well as deciding that they're apathetic about the magic sex characteristic changes.) we threw them right back into the original setting of Purrgatorio and it went WAY BETTER once they actually had some character traits!

But that core idea still stands a little. Not in them being an everyman, but in prompting them to become an altersex character when fleshed out, and in the way that they're distinctly still tied to that second-person-narration that VNs have, and the eventual 4th wall break they got in the VN informed their powerset as 'narrative manipulator'.

also as a note here: DON'T BE AFRAID TO PLAY WHILE YOUR SETTING ISN'T DONE!

VN!Purrgatorio got shelved because I redid a bunch of MYMK's setting when I was finishing it up. But It was worth it even unfinished.

Ali themselves when in Current!Purrgatorio has spent, up until very recently, their whole time with their home setting (Creature Feature) in a state of being deeply unfinished and in need of a reshake. It's finally getting that now, but it was still fine for me to reference what I knew likely wouldn't be changing! They were able to function just fine without their home setting being solid for upwards of 2-3 years. Obviously this shouldn't be done for *finished* works, but when you're just playing, like I am with Purrgatorio, it's okay to keep things fluid and effectively quietly retcon things later.

OTHER EXAMPLE 2: PEACH TRACY

Peach tracy is an actually recent character, and is under @samhainian's purview, as with the rest of Moraine. Now, she was made with a very distinct gender/sexuality in mind, unlike a lot of my characters who stumble ass-backwards into one.

Peach is the 'token girl' of her group (the other two being Red, a closeted and unaware transfem, and Toyon a he/him butch.) and well, her gender is basically "tik tok girlie", as is her core concept. She only works if she's a pampered cisgender straight girl from a rich background. She's nice! But she's privileged.

Her twist however, is that she is wracked by the guilt of her and her group letting a friend take the fall for an Illegal Youtube Prank to save their own skin, and as such her entire character unravels from there.

Because she has all this guilt, it stands that her Girliepop Persona must be somewhat constructed. She's leaning in to the femininity as a shield and a deflector. She's, y'know, a white girl.

So her gender ends up being overperformed, and she's petrified of expressing her sexuality due to it being tied up in this image of purity. She's the exact type of person to psyche herself out into believing those 'having a crush on your friend is problematic' tumblr posts.

But none of this would really work if she did not start as a (white) girl, able to use that shield. If she were a dude or nonwhite-coded she would not have the ability to react to her situation that way. Ergo, she is actually built out of her identity this way.

(As for her sexuality, she is unhealthily self-flagellating about it, so it ends up just being unpleasant. This was a genuine surprise to myself and @samhainian when we were discussing it. We hadn't thought about it prior to starting some lighthearted riffing about assigning characters kinks literally bc we were bored when we had the horrifying realisation that Peach would not be safe about this shit AT ALL due to a lack of self preservation and way more ambient suicidality than we realised she had until we dug here. We quickly resurfaced from the joke conversation into an actual deconstruction of how she's internalised a lot of blame and decided to go distinctly carceral with it for herself. so there's another tip: Even if you aren't making nsfw content, poking around a character's sexuality will sometimes reveal raw truths that come from sexuality being very vulnerable by default.)

Peach is overall an interesting contrast to Lavender, since they're both Girls Being Feminine On Purpose, but one is transfem and one is. Well god idk what peach will end up but she'll need to unpack it.

(I note that peach is white also, since while I rarely intentionally racially code my characters, sometimes i SUPER do.)

OTHER EXAMPLE 3: VIRGIL MALACODA

Okay because I've talked about a number of girls so far lets be brief about a fuckin Dude.

Virgil is like, some real toxic masculinity shit. He would probably be fucked up in some different way if he were born a girl, but he's distinctly falling into a lot of traps due to his upbringing as "A dude who was promised he'd get power when he grew up".

His dude-ness is a very flat fact to me in that way, and he's similar to Tabitha in that regard since it's one of the ways they're meant to reflect each other. Dudes who's place as patriarch-to-be saved them from being pawned off as a wife, but is still responsible for a lot of their misery. Certainly the better of the two options, but could still be better!

Virgil's themes of masculinity being a simultaneous shield and blinder is a simple one but I go back to it a lot because it can be true a lot of the time in antiquated social situations like, say, the upper class. So, being a villain, he does end up being a condemnation of the structures that disincentivise healthy masculinity. He's necessarily amab because he is the result of how particularly regressive views of masculinity can shape a child into a repressed and miserable adult.

Whether or not virgil stays a dude or not if he ever figures out his way of viewing power structures was Fucked Up and Bad is anybody's guess. It's not really Masculinity that was hurting him, so much as a rich asshole's narrow view of it. So there's no real reason for him to reject a healthier version of it outright, it's just whether he'll ever get there...

CLOSING REMARKS:

Okay writing in the tumblr post editor is starting to scare me with errors so I should probably close this out. But yeah this is a little bit of a run down of where my head is usually at when making characters. A lot of it is just batting jokes back and forth until they become something more solid, which I don't know that I really got across here.

Like, a lot a lot of my characters are built around a core joke. Usually what-ifs like.

"What if a shounen-type card game anime protagonist was just as brash and head-full-of-air as the rest of the, but a girl"

"What if Ed Sheeran had a cheating scandal with two tboys and it made the radio fucking horrible to listen to"

"What if a wrestler was really, really wide and also clearly into rubber"

"What if somebody took the 'blonde anime boy who barely shows emotion' trope seriously because that kind of repression can't be good"

"What if a guy was specifically interested in becoming a Soil Scientist from like, age 4, and never gave up that dream"

^ If you can figure out who's who then you win a prize (a kiss)

But yeah. Jokes upon jokes upon jokes. Assign them classpects and pokemon and put them into speed/power/fly formation and just joke for as long as you possibly can until you hit on something. And if a joke feels really right, or completely off the mark, try and dig in and find why.

Like. I joke about the sexuality thing but it does help since it's so disarming and immediately a bit childishly funny often. Sometimes you'll end up with say, something as serious as "Despite being friends with The Fence, Selene probably shouldn't be left unsupurvised in kink spaces because she ABSOLUTELY does not have the ability to restrain herself and not take her anger issues out on strangers" and sometimes its as silly as "even outside of being asexual, ess is never jackin that shit because if he got caught in any kind of mildly embarrasing scenario it'd ruin his whole year so the cost/benefit analysis of that really doesn't work out"

Because like. both tell you about the characters, and you can also read them more broadly now. Selene ruins relationships by letting anger at unrelated things get in the way, Ess keeps himself from doing even utterly harmless things out of deep social anxiety.

Like yeah, i got to them via goofing about sex but it's still character analysis at the end of the day so long as you put The Reading first*

*DISCLAIMER: im asexual im only ever doing stuff for the read lol . it might be more difficult if youre allosexual . or maybe itll be easier. i dont know just dont get too lost in the sauce. think with ur brain not ur other parts

ALSO gender and sexualty often end up linked so it makes sense to end up at one from the other a lot of the time. It happens.

And as an addendum if you wonder where i tend to literally Design characters? Like visually? It's usually at some point between the first few jokes and before naming them. Though sometimes names come first.

OVERALL: A character should have a core concept to them to start with. This core concept CAN SUCK and be flimsy, or a joke, or even a joke you no longer find funny. But you can always refer back to it when building a character up. If you want to capture the concept, work toward it, if you want to deconstruct or mock the concept, then do that instead. If you sour on a joke, maybe find a way to satirise or deconstruct what you're no longer finding funny.

Sometimes this core concept is steeped in a specific cultural thing, be it race, gender, sexuality, ect, and those necessitate thinking about. Sometimes it's not and those things can practically be an afterthought, but once you lock it in it's likely to begin informing the later choices as it becomes part of the scaffolding.

(To hop back to why you even asked this Q: I so thoroughly read Siffrin as amab BECAUSE they had so many themes about Not Having Changed and clinging to what they knew, and so working backwards from that it only made sense to me that they mustn't've done a big overhaul YET or made any big decisions about that YET by the time we see them in game, because that's what gels best with their themes of being Too Afraid To Change and being a contrast to Isa who has changed a bunch, and a comfort to Mira who hasn't changed at all in their gender. Then it was a case of looking through the game for more evidence either for or against this reading, and I found a lot of evidence for it, in my opinion. But I did so Because I noticed that the themes were Stronger if read this way, and because I conceptualise characters as themes and concepts FIRST it made sense to try and work back to those themes.)

But yeah. TL;DR:

Ground yourself with a Hook for the character, sometimes making it sillier makes it easier to think about.

Try and think about how they would be formed by the world around them, or what their behaviour says about how they must've been formed

Don't worry about things taking a long time. Sometimes a character needs someone else to make a suggestion, or for you to grow and change a little before they click

Putting it into action helps a lot, even if its just roleplay or short snippets. If you can't 'feel out' what a character would do in a situation, that's when it's time to think about their goals for how they want to be seen as a person (including, if they don't want to be seen at all...!) and what hard boundaries they have say, morally.

I am by no means a like. Expert on any of this. I'm fumbling through it all just as much as the next guy (AND... I'M ACTUALLY SOMEWHAT OF A HYPOCRITE. I THINK CHARACTERS ARE BEST SEEN AS 'NARRATIVE CONSTRUCTS' RATHER THAN 'PEOPLE', SO ALL THIS ADVICE BEING SO CHARACTER FOCUSED RATHER THAN NARRATIVE FOCUSED IS MISSING THE FOREST FOR THE TREES LOL....) but apparently people do Like my characters? So, what do I know i suppose LMAO