lanceketchum
lanceketchum
LanceKetchum
20 posts
Enthusiast of all animals -- extant, extinct, fictional. Professional autist, unprofessional artist. Pronouns: he/him. Cis/demi/pan. Enjoys creative writing on occasion. Especially likes axolotls and emus.
Last active 60 minutes ago
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lanceketchum · 4 days ago
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When I get turned loose on the dating scene...
...call that pan-demi-onium!
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lanceketchum · 8 days ago
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You are the apple of my eye.
I'm your teacher.
You're my student.
Also known as my pupil.
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lanceketchum · 8 days ago
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Ladies, gents, and other idents!
It's time for this week's original animal humorâ„¢!
Featured animal this month: AXOLOTL!!!
Ba ba ba BA!!!!
What did the frog say to the salamander when asked to do the laundry?
"Geez buddy, you sure do axolotl of this relationship!"
Thank you, thank you, thank you, and thank you as well!
Tune in again for more witty Original Animal Humor (not actually trademarked).
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lanceketchum · 11 days ago
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What I want my friends to say if I have a meltdown in public 😅
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lanceketchum · 14 days ago
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Pretty sure this is already how voting works.
Is it bad that if you were running for president, I'd vote for you just so see what you would do in office because of your hilarious shenanigans? What would you do if you ever became the president?
I’d do hilarious silly little shenanigans like executing the oligarchy live on television
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lanceketchum · 15 days ago
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Ladies, gents, and other idents!
It's time for this week's original animal humorâ„¢!
Featured animal this month: AXOLOTL!!!
Ahem:
What do you call a chibi axolotl?
An axolittle!!!
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Tune in again next time for more sparkling animal humour content.
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lanceketchum · 2 months ago
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Ironically, the word "perspicuous" means "easy to understand."
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lanceketchum · 2 months ago
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**Waves some jedi ninja hand sigils:
"These ARE the data you are looking for!"
the phantom of the opera and the hunchback of notre dame? opposite ends of same spectrum 
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lanceketchum · 2 months ago
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The road goes ever on and on.....
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lanceketchum · 2 months ago
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It's been said sooo much before, but truly, we don't deserve dogs. (Or better yet, working to be deserving of them should make us better people.)
Snuffling up to us whenever we get back, like:
"Ahoy human, let me investigate your biochemical aura. You know, so that...
<sniff sniff >
... I can tell where you've been
<sniff sniff >
... and who you've been with
<sniff sniff >
... and check whether you're ok
<sniff sniff >
... and see whether you have any emotional needs I can meet
<sniff sniff >
... and whether you have any cheeto dust on your fingers.
...
...
...
... Belly rub?"
And this all happens in like 3.274 seconds. Ordinary miracle if you ask me!
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lanceketchum · 2 months ago
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A reward fitting of the Portal testing center! (Grief counseling did figure into it for me when I did my assessment, haha.) Congrats, and all the best on your journey!
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greetings comrades, I have received Diagnoses
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lanceketchum · 2 months ago
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I have this exact experience at my work. There is a group of our clients that will only speak to me and a few other specific staff. A very small percentage of "my" clients are actually "difficult" to communicate with, but most of them don't have any differences or communication issues that are visible to me. In fact, quite a few of them are easier than average for me to communicate with. I look forward to working with all my special clients when I see them coming, and they are very loyal to my specific way of providing service. This gravitation occurred over a process of 2+ years before I was diagnosed. Now that I am diagnosed, I can see it's probably neurodivergence that has brought us together.
I remember a time when I was working at a sandwich shop and I had a rude customer.
Well, I didn't see them as a rude customer. I noticed nothing wrong with them. I felt zero additional pressure serving that customer. I have no idea what they did that would be considered rude. The customer was completely uneventful for me.
But after I was done serving that customer, the boss complimented me on how well I handled the rude customer. And I believe one of my coworkers also thought the customer was rude.
But now, I have a very good idea of what happened. The customer was likely neurodivergent. Maybe they didn't say "please" enough times or didn't use complete sentences. Maybe their tone was a little off a few times but it wasn't a pattern so I just ignored it. Maybe they didn't make eye contact.
This was about 2 years before I was diagnosed with autism, so it makes sense that the customer's "rudeness", which was likely just harmless neurodivergence, would be unnoticeable to me.
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lanceketchum · 2 months ago
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Unpopular (?) ranking of the Chronicles of Narnia books:
Narnia fans: do you have a unique order of favorites among the books? I enjoy them all, but it occurred to me that my personal ranking is probably not in line with the general popularity of the stories. Here's mine:
1) The Silver Chair
2) The Magician's Nephew
3) The Last Battle
4) The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
5) The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
6) The Horse and His Boy
7) Prince Caspian
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lanceketchum · 2 months ago
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This is great! If I made a Narnia fanfic in the style of a different writer, I'd probably attempt the Silver Chair, because it's my favorite of the Chronicles.
Chronicles of Narnia by Tolkien:
"CHAPTER 1 On the northern borders of Lantern Waste, a chilling wind crept over the ground. Rumors of dark forces on the move had been floating among the faunic settlements since midsummer's day..."
Lucy isn't introduced until CHAPTER 24 and in CHAPTER 35, the song that Mr Tumnus entertained Lucy with is reproduced in its entirety, haunting and masterful in the form of ancient Norse epic poetry. Several lengthy excerpts from Tumnus' library books are included in a footnote to the same chapter.
LOTR by CS Lewis:
"In a hole in the ground lived a hobbit named Smeagol, and almost he deserved it..."
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lanceketchum · 2 months ago
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That feeling when, "Looks like like half my personality just didn't boot up this morning. Hopefully, it shows up sometime on my drive to work today. I kind of need it for my job."
Brain, buddy, my buddy, what are you doing to me!?
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lanceketchum · 2 months ago
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And so, the journey begins...
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lanceketchum · 2 months ago
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There's a magical power to posting positive, authentic thoughts on social media. When you get reblogged, it's a positive feedback loop just to see the thought that made you happy again. Let good thoughts out into the wild. The world needs it, and it can really keep the positivity going in your day.
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