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wei wuxian: i'm sorry, but this time, i can't do as you say

lan wangji: what do you mean by "this time"? you've never done what i've said once since i've known you

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lan wangji: there's nothing worse than hearing people attempt to sound intelligent by using lengthy words incorrectly

wei wuxian: i completely photosynthesize with this

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stupid mdzs/cql alignment chart i made in the middle of the night

(my template, dm me for blank)

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Lan Sizhui, watching their house burn: What the heck you guys? Zizhen, I told you to watch them! How did this happen?

Ouyang Zizhen, gesturing at LJY and JL: I was not put under supervision.

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118.) Let Jiang Cheng have one peaceful dinner, please.

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Wen Ning, waking up at 4 am: Why are you baking a cake? And what’s with the party decorations and sweets?

Wuxian: I’m celebrating the death of my sleep schedule and sanity.

Wen Ning:

Wuxian: Want a cookie?

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*shopping for groceries*

Wei WuXian: I seem to have lost my kids, may I make an announcement?

Manager: Yes for sure!

Wei WuXian: *into microphone* Goodbye you little shits

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WangXian - What really happened

Wei Wuxian: Do you want to be my friend?

Lan Wangji: - glares -

Lan Wangji: I am sorry but I only see you as my boyfriend

- turns out Lan Wangji never said that out loud & only acted annoyed that Wei Ying didn't agree -

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Lan Xichen: Master Wei would throw himself in front of a moving car for you.

Lan Wangji: Wei Ying would throw himself in front of a moving car for fun.

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wei wuxian: be my sugar daddy

lan wangji: go away, wei ying, i'm trying to meditate

wei wuxian: be my fructose father

wei wuxian: my glucose guardian

wei wuxian: polysaccharide parent

wei wuxian: carbohydrate caretaker

lan wangji:

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jwy: go apologize to jin zixuan.

wwx: no! i don’t have anything to apologize for! all i did was express myself... forcefully... drunkenly... and i spit on him a little bit.

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When home alone

WWX: destroys the house

LWJ: sits calmly on the sofa

JC: destroys the house, part 2

NHS: takes a nap

WN: vacuums

JYL: cooks a meal

JGY: plots world domination

LSZ: plays with the pets

LJY: eats all the snacks

JL: bullies the pets

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Lan Xichen: A-yao, what'd you do this time?

Jin Guangyao: Nothing!

Lan Xichen: There you have it. He said he did nothing.

Nie Mingjue: So I caught him red-handed doing nothing?

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Baoshan Sanren, upon seeing an orphan:

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* in the car *

LJY & LSZ: Can we stop at McDonald's?

LWJ: There is rice at home.

---

A-Yuan: Can we stop at McDonald's?

WWX: *already pulling up to the drive-thru*

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JL: Can we stop at McDonald's?

JC: Jesus fuck, I'm not made of money!

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Jiang Cheng: Everyone welcome to the Fuck WeiWuXian club

Jiang Cheng: Where we all gather and say “fuck you” to Wei WuXian

Lan WangJi:

Lan Wangji: seems like I have misunderstood the purpose of this club

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Lan Zhan: I know you think my judgement is closed because I like Wei Ying a little bit

Lan XiChen: You doodled your wedding invitation

Lan Zhan: Thats our joint tombstone

Lan XiChen: My mistake