#incorrect wangxian

[twenty-orange-balloons]

Wei Wuxian: Hey, Lan Zhan! Let's play Two truths, One Lie! I'll start. I love you, I want you to fuck me, I hate spicy food. Haha, I bet you'll never guess!

Lan Wangji: *lwj.exe has stopped working*

[jubileesstuff]

Wei Wuxian: I owe you one.

Lan Wangji: That’s ok. You can just date me and we’ll call it even.

[lovewanxian]

Lan Wangji: Why are there little handprints all over the walls?

Wei Wuxian, whispering: Why are there little handprints all over the walls?

A-Yuan, whispering: Because I have little hands.

Wei Wuxian to Lan Wangji: Because he has little hands.

[cultivateme]

[5-pounds-of-carrots]

not wei wuxian saying “it’s, uh, normal for men to do stuff like this once in a while” immediately after like ????

[nixster627]

Wei Wuxian: Lan Zhan is stunning. If he bent me over a desk and plowed me, I would probably really enjoy myself.

Wei Wuxian: No homo though.

Jiang Cheng: How powerful does your stupid ass think "no homo" is?

[wangxian-the-zhijis]

Lwj: So.

Lwj: I’m in love.

Lwj: with Wei Ying.

Lxc:

Lwj: I’m in love with Wei Ying.

Lxc: Wei-gongzi from the Jiang clan?

Lwj: Yes.

Lwj: Thoughts?

Lxc: And prayers, Wangji. You’re gonna need them.

(Insp.)

[achromaticbibliophile]

Hua Cheng: My husband can wear whatever he wants because people are scared of him.

Luo Binghe: My husband can wear whatever he wants because I can fight.

Lan Wangji: My husband can wear whatever he wants because he’s a hoe and I knew that before we got married.

[wangxian2bunnies]

[gennatakesontheworld]

One morning in the Wangxian household:

Wei Wuxian: And where do you think you're going?

Lan Sizhui: Out with Jingyi...

Wei Wuxian: Okay! Use protection!

Lan Sizhui *blushing*: I'm sixteen!

Wei Wuxian: Yeah, and I'm thirty-two. *Winks at an also blushing Lan Wangji*

Lan Sizhui, running out the door: I'm also adopted!!!

Wei Wuxian: I BIRTHED YOU MYSELF

[theineffableoystercatcher]

Wei Wuxian: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives Lan Wangji: I wake up at 5am Wei Wuxian: Wei Wuxian: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives

[twenty-orange-balloons]

Wei Wuxian: We're gonna be friends someday, Lan Zhan, one way or another! Mark my words!

.

.

.

.

Wei Wuxian: I told you we would be friends someday!

Lan Wangji: No.

Wei Wuxian: No?

Lan Wangji: Husbands.

Wei Wuxian: Husbands! That's even better!

Lan Wangji: Mn. It is.

[jubileesstuff]

Wei Wuxian : Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.

Wei Wuxian, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.

[lovewanxian]

Lan Wangji: I cut my finger.

Wei Wuxian: Oh no! Do you want me to kiss it better?

Lan Wangji: Does that work?

Wei Wuxian: Well, Shijie do it for me and it always makes me feel better

Lan Wangji: And you will do that for any other injuries I might acquire?

Wei Wuxian: Uh, sure!

*later*

Lan Wangji: I need you to punch me in the mouth

Jiang Cheng, immediately getting up: Finally

[cultivateme]

Ep. 47

[5-pounds-of-carrots]

we Stan a supportive husband