drivelikeaminister

[drivelikeaminister]

Vote!

Here's a yard sign to keep in mind as you vote. You are worthy of love. And so is the person voting differently than you.

Go vote. Be kind.

[drivelikeaminister]

Midlife Crisis Appraisal

In just a few hours I am going to turn 45 - and although the decade changes (10, 20, 30, 40, 50...) are usually celebrated more than in between - 45 feels like a big one. The chance is very high that I have passed or am quite near to half of my life being over. At 40 I could still internally tell myself that 80 isn't that old, and there's a good chance of making it. 90 and onward gets less and less likely. Which is to say, I am at the point where I can no longer deny that I am at or past my midpoint of living. Instead of a midlife crisis, I'm aiming more for a midlife appraisal.

The mid point has me thinking about what is past and what is yet to come. Sure, I have a few "bucket list" items I'd like to accomplish before I die: hike the Appalachian Trail, write a book (on accountability), complete an Ironman Triathlon... but even more important than any of those personal accomplishments is the time I spend with my loved ones and the impact I have on the world.

It is all about priorities and when faced with the reality that my time is limited - as is all of our time - the question for us remains: what will you do with your life? Our answer is how we live. I'm finding that both "yes" and "no" are coming easier to me as I age. I am more likely to say "yes" to my children for odd/fun requests: "Do you want to pack a picnic and eat outside on a weekday evening? Sure!" "You want to wake up early and watch the sunrise from a parking garage? Yes please!" Conversely I am more likely to say "no" for professional or optional items: "There's an optional meeting to go over a topic I'm not interested in... no thanks!"

This is where knowing and living my priorities becomes paramount. My mental and physical health is a priority - so I run, go to the gym, go to therapy, meet with a professional mentor and try to get enough sleep. My family is also a priority - so I alter my schedule to be present, take time off for school holidays, work early/late to be present on weekends and strive to always be loving. Spreading kindness in the world is a priority - so I preach and blog about faithful living and I try to live an example of care for others. The list goes on, but these three are at the top.

What is most important in your life? Would someone watching you be able to tell what is the most important for you just by observing? How might your priorities shift if you thought about your time being limited? The truth is that none of us know when our lives might end. Could be tomorrow, could be in another 45 years... Where do you want to put your energy and time? What and who is the most important in your life and how can you life your priorities? Might something need to shift?

At times I know that what I say and what I live aren't in concert. When I scroll social media instead of promoting love through my writing, or when I let work needlessly interrupt my sleep or family schedule... These are the times I am reflecting on improving in my next 45 years. Here's to keeping my focus on family time, self care and spreading love!

At risk of being abrupt, that's all I have to say and it's past my bedtime, good night! :)

P.S. If you want to celebrate my birthday do not get me anything. Instead, donate to a cause which you find meaningful and tell me about why the cause is important to you.

[drivelikeaminister]

Hurt vs. Harm

I like noticing intersections of different parts of my life. Just this week I received some fitness advice which can be generalized to pretty much all other aspects of life.

The following is a copied post from a great gym in Ann Arbor, MI: Wolverine Strength and Conditioning. They sent out the following message from Physical Therapist Dr. Joe Olofsson. (If you find yourself in Ann Arbor, take some time to visit a stellar fitness facility and maybe get a physical therapy consultation too!)

Dr. Joe Olofsson talks about the difference between harm and hurt with respect to physical sensations. I think this same distinction can be made around emotional, mental and spiritual harm vs. hurt. Give it a read and see what you think.

Thanks Dr. Joe and Wolverine!

__________________________________________________

Hurt Vs. Harm: Decision Making In The Face Of Pain Hey there Wolverine Members, I’ve been having a recurring conversation this week and thought it might help more people if shared. It has to do with differentiation between Hurt and Harm and how to make decisions in the face of uncertainty As we age, managing pain can be confusing, especially when it’s hard to tell whether pain signals real harm or just discomfort. Let's break down the difference between "hurt" and "harm," so you can feel more confident in your body and your recovery.

1. Pain is a Protector

Pain is the body's way of alerting us to potential threats. However, it's important to understand that pain doesn't always correlate directly with harm or tissue damage. Sometimes, pain can be present even when no significant injury has occurred, or it can persist long after tissues have healed.

2. Hurt vs. Harm

·Hurt refers to the sensation of pain. You can experience hurt without there being any new or worsening damage in your body. For example, after an old injury, you may still feel pain even though the tissues have fully healed. This is your nervous system remaining sensitive as a protective response, which is common in persistent pain conditions.

·Harm refers to actual tissue damage. It’s possible to experience little to no pain during an injury (like some people do when they break a bone), but actual tissue harm has occurred. On the other hand, chronic pain can feel very intense even when no harm is occurring or when tissue damage is minimal.

3. The Nervous System's Role

The nervous system plays a significant role in how we experience pain. Sometimes, it becomes overly protective, like a car alarm that goes off when someone just walks by. This hypersensitivity can make non-harmful activities feel painful, but that doesn't mean you're damaging your body. Understanding this distinction helps individuals overcome fear of movement, which can be contributing factor in your pain.

A Real Life Example

You might wake up with a stiff back, and it can feel painful when you move. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve caused harm. That hurt is your nervous system being protective. Gentle movement can actually help resolve this and teach your nervous system that these sensations aren't dangerous.

Remember: Pain can be your guide, but it doesn’t have to dictate your life. Understanding the difference between hurt and harm will help you stay active, healthy, and in control of your pain. Schedule a Free Discovery Session to see how you can live a life with less pain. Stay well and keep moving, Joe

-- Joe Olofsson PT, DPT, OCS, USA-W (734) 707-7285 www.oloptw.com

[drivelikeaminister]

Forced to Slow Down

Last week I lit a tealight style votive candle (the short ones in thin metal cups) at dinnertime. Sometimes with these style of candles, the wick burns out before the wax is gone. When this happens I like putting a burning match in the wax to increase the candle's burn time. This usually results in a larger flame but still contained fire. Last week, my extra "wick" got too smokey and so I tried to blow it out - forcefully. This was not a wise choice, as I ended up blowing hot wax all over my hand. (Note to self and others: If you want to add matches to a votive candle to lengthen the burn time, make sure the candle is on a heat-resistant surface and either let the flame go out naturally or extinguish the flame by smothering with something heat-resistant.)

Ouch! I ended up giving myself a pretty serious burn which blistered on my right - dominant - hand. Thankfully, the burn wasn't bad enough that I needed medical attention other than the protection and care I could provide at home. But it did mean that three fingers on my right hand were pretty much useless for over a week.

I have learned some valuable lessons over the last two weeks of post-burn life. Yes, I obviously learned that I need to be more careful with fire and there is a balance between safety and conservation with respect to votive candles. But I also learned a really important spiritual lesson - I learned how to slow down.

Everything I did was now at a slower pace. Everything! Tying my shoes took extra time and concentration. Putting in/taking out my contact lenses necessitated much more care. I could only operate doorknobs with my left hand - which also happened to be the hand needed for carrying. Shaking hands became awkward. Brushing my teeth, using a computer mouse, writing or typing, swimming and cycling, using a phone, reading a book, opening jars... you name the activity and it was done at a slower pace with heightened awareness.

I have preached and written about being mindful and prayerful constantly, but my burn experience really brought it to a conscious place for me. I was forced to slow down and be present at all times.

What's the takeaway? Being mindful at all times is absolutely possible! But it might take something drastic to make it happen. Even my watch (read about the watch here) wasn't as persuasive as a hand injury. After all, the watch is something I could get used to, it doesn't interfere with many daily activities and I can always take it off. The injury is a demanding presence, one which is insistent and unrelenting.

Have I been more mindful recently? Absolutely. Was it worth it? Probably not. Will I take some learning into the future? I hope so. I hope that even when I don't have to slow down, I will be able to remember the mental benefits from being forced to do so. It really is possible to enter every single action as a prayer, to be fully aware of what our bodies are doing and take the time to be present.

The lesson here is about increasing mindfulness in our daily lives. Do you want to be more present, more aware of your life and your surroundings? Take a few deep breaths, and try one of these somewhat annoying ideas to keep your mind present. I think they might increase awareness (and also challenge patience and calm at the same time). - bandage up a few fingers on your dominant hand - set an alarm to go off every 20 minutes, or even 10 minutes (maybe on vibrate) - put your watch on your opposite wrist - same with your phone and placement in pocket/bag, and only use your phone with your other hand - put a sticker (or marker dot, or string...) on your arm or hand so that you constantly notice it - ...

I tried to think of ideas which aren't painful, but uncomfortable enough to jolt our minds out of "auto pilot" on a regular basis. Do you have any other ideas? Are you going to try one? Let us know how it goes!

[drivelikeaminister]

Faith, Challenged

This week has been a challenging one for my faith.

A few days ago I took my children to a local Goodwill store, where we can buy secondhand books/toys/clothing and support a great organization. They really enjoy playing with many toys and were excited to buy something. Sadly, this was not to happen. My son put down his wallet to look at a board game... and although only left alone for a few minutes, when he picked up his wallet again all the money he had in it had been taken. Someone saw an unguarded children's wallet, opened it up, took the cash and then put it back. We felt very, very sad and frustrated, not to mention angry, confused and betrayed.

Just this morning I had a few contacts from my church members saying that they had received fraudulent e-mails. Someone was pretending to be me, asking for gift cards to support a widow in our congregation. Sadly, this is a classic example of phishing and houses of worship are targeted because so many people want to help those in need. Again, I felt betrayed and angry at people taking advantage of others.

The problem with my two negative interactions this week was that they both go against my religion. That is: I believe people are inherently good. My national religion states that "every person is inherently worthy" and I personally agree. I feel deep in my heart that everyone (yes, even that person with whom you are angry or who has hurt you) is a divine creature of worthiness and value.

This week I was faced with two pretty obvious counter-examples: stealing from a child (my child!) and trying to steal from well-intentioned people (my well-intentioned people!) There was a gap between what I held in my heart and what I saw happen. These two examples were also both faceless. I have no way to find the person who took my son's money, nor can I track down the people behind an e-mail phishing scheme. With this dichotomy, what do I do next? How do I reconcile the gap between belief and life.

I see a few different options. Do I: - alter my theology to fit the "not so good people"; - ignore these (and all subsequent) counter-examples; - look for more examples in support of my beliefs; - remember that faith doesn't always align with facts; - try to rationalize why people do bad things (financial need, difficult upbringing...); - write a blog post publicly exploring my thoughts; - trust in this world or otherworldly consequences for those who act poorly; - rationalize away bad actions through the existence of free will; - something else...?

I'm not sure what to do - so I chose writing a blog post and crowdsourcing a theological response.

There may be quite different response depending on the experience. It could be that some experiences are so foundation shifting that our faith must also shift (ex: near death experience, spiritual epiphany...) While other interactions might have less impact on our belief system and can easily be ignored or rationalized (ex: meeting people of different faiths; disagreeing with a religious leader...) There may be experiences of challenge which actually deepen and strengthen our beliefs.

What do you do when a deeply held belief of yours is questioned? Has your belief in an all-loving and all-power God ever been challenged? Has your belief that there is no God been challenged? Have there been times when you questioned the veracity of your scripture? Have you ever disagreed with your Rabbi/Priest/Pastor/Imam? What difficulty has changed your beliefs, what difficulty has strengthened them?

[drivelikeaminister]

Stop

...climb tree

The saying to "Stop and smell the flowers" can be expanded to other areas of enjoyment. Yes, it is good to pause in our daily life to recognize the beauty around us - whether that beauty is a scent, a landscape or a song. Are you able to take a moment to stop and smell the proverbial flowers? Maybe you can pause and smell actual flowers, setting aside just a moment to experience a natural sweetness.

It is also good to pause in our daily life and have some unexpected joy. It could be that on your walk to school there is a tree you could climb. But there may be other, non-tree, options for a moment of silliness or enjoyable "immaturity". Where can you find some a simple joy? Maybe walk funny (here's some inspiration), inspect house shutters, learn a new joke... the possibilities are pretty much endless.

What excitement or fun can you bring into your life? What is the tree standing by your daily routine which is waiting to be climbed? Stop. Climb tree.

Thanks to my children for covering the neighborhood with chalk and reminding all pedestrians to be a little more mindful, silly and adventurous.

[drivelikeaminister]

Stop

...smell flowers

A gentle reminder for the day.

[drivelikeaminister]

Joy!

What simple thing brings you joy?

For me, it's house shutters. No, seriously! Specifically, I can't help smiling or laughing when I notice the juxtaposition between stated purpose and actual implementation. That is, shutters are supposed to close over windows to block light and provide protection... but most shutters currently are purely for decoration so they do neither. What makes me laugh is when that lack of functionality is obvious. Here are some examples:

What happens when these are closed?

Sized to match the roof line, but not the window!

Not quite wide enough...

Looks like the window was trimmed, but not the shutters!

A classic - shutters only on the front facade, no matter which way the sun shines.

I pontificate on theological underpinnings of everyday life. But I also try to stop and glean pleasure from simple and silly things. What is a simple joy in your life?

P.S. Look around you at shutters and let me know the most preposterous examples. :)

[drivelikeaminister]

Relationships Take Work

My messages are generally pretty simple. But sometimes the simple messages are the ones which more easily get forgotten or passed over.

The easy advice today is that relationships take work. Not just romantic relationships and not just in dating - but all connections in all places.

This reality was brought to the forefront of my mind last week as I led a trip of Unitarian Universalists (members of the faith I am ordained in) on a pilgrimage to Transylvania. Yes, to Transylvania. No, we didn't see Dracula. The reason we went was to sustain a partnership between two faith communities, one in the USA and one in Transylvania, Romania. Our religious roots are from this part of the world, and we continue to have connections and partnerships with siblings in faith. (Here's more about Unitarianism in Transylvania.)

These two communities have had ties in the past, but due to COVID-19 and geographic distance, there haven't been in person meetings for a number of years. Our relationships were strained, not to any malicious intent, but because the work which was needed to be done was difficult. We can connect over Zoom, e-mail, WhattsApp and physical letters - but virtual connections aren't the same as in person time. The virtual relationship work we were doing was adequate, but when we visited in person it became clear how meaningful it is to be face to face and physically present with one another. Here we all are, Romanians and Americans - together in person!

I like the analogy of a relationship like a tree. At the start of a relationship it is obvious that the tree needs care - we add soil, water and provide sunlight. When we first meet someone or want to grow closer, we need to communicate more, make time for them, be open about expectations. As a sapling grows we might look out for pests while continuing to look out for the tree's needs. As a friendship or connection ages, we continue to reach out with care and apologize for any missteps.

When the tree matures, just as when relationships mature, it is harder to see the need. A tall oak in my yard doesn't need constant attention - watering it would be silly as would trying to keep all bugs off its leaves. But I still need to keep an eye on ivy which could choke the tree's life, and I would be wise to have an arborist occasionally assess the tree and its health. A mature relationship doesn't need constant attention - but even a friend or spouse of decades can use some undivided attention, and it might be wise to have occasional contact with a therapist to assess the relationship and its health.

Do you have friends with whom a phone call, a text, an e-mail... a physical letter or in person visit... would benefit the relationship? Do it. The connection is worth it. I agree with the philosopher Martin Buber, who said:

"When two people relate to each other authentically and humanly, God is the electricity that surges between them.”

[drivelikeaminister]

Life is Always Unfinished Business

In the midst of the whirling day, In the hectic rush to be doing, In the frantic pace of life, Pause here for a moment.

Catch your breath; Relax your body; Loosen your grip on life.

Consider that our lives are always unfinished business; Imagine that the picture of our being is never complete; Allow your life to be a work in progress.

Do not hurry to mold the masterpiece; Do not rush to finish the picture; Do not be impatient to complete the drawing. From beckoning birth to dawning death we are in process, And always there is more to be done.

Do not let the incompleteness weigh on your spirit; Do not despair that imperfection marks your every day; Do not fear that we are still in the making.

Let us instead be grateful that the world is still to be created; Let us give thanks that we can be more than we are; Let us celebrate the power of the incomplete; For life is always unfinished business.

- Rev. Richard Gilbert

[drivelikeaminister]

Scouts and Religion

Scouting has been a large part of my life growing up, and it continues to be a large part of my life as I have volunteered with local troops and now am watching my children in their own journey. If you didn't know, there are some big changes in the Boy Scouts. For one, it's no longer called the Boy Scouts (new name = Scouting America)! And girls are welcome to participate too!

Although scouting has been quite strong and formative in my life, the national organization wasn't always in line with my ideals. One of my main concerns growing up was the stress on belief in God. My religion, Unitarian Universalism, does not hold an institutional view on a divinity, so it was problematic for me to be open in my faith while feeling constrained in scouting. The stress on a Christian faith has lessened over the years from when I was a youth participant, but it still hold weight. In a letter about the name change, the Chief Scout Executive states:

Recently, some have wondered if Scouting’s commitment to faith was still strong. They supposed that by changing our name we might somehow be moving away from our core ideals. I can assure you that nothing could be further from the truth. The Scout Oath and Law begin with Duty to God and conclude with Reverent. This is not an accident. Scouting’s founders knew that faith acts as a type of compass that guides and ultimately makes our families, communities, and our nation stronger.

I was lucky growing up that my local troop was welcoming of me as a non-Christian. I was also lucky that the adult leaders in my region accepted my belief in "something larger than myself" as appropriate for meeting the organization's "duty to God" requirement.

I am no longer a youth, navigating my faith journey and my scouting development. Now I am an Eagle Scout and ordained minister in an organization which has changed with the times. Yes, Scouting America was founded on Christian ideals and remains steeped in the language of that religion. Yes, many troops meet in Christian churches and leaders have specific theological views.

Even so - there is a place for your faith in Scouting America! Yes, even you. Scouting has numerous religious awards, and although not required for advancement to Eagle, they are highly encouraged and esteemed. I met in a small group with my minister to earn the Unitarian Universalist religious award, and I am sure that process helped lead me into ministry.

Here is the current list of Religious Emblems, including many different Christian denominations and other major faith communities. The awards include Buddhism and Hinduism, and I recently found awards for both Humanist and Wicca / Pagan beliefs.

This is to say, if you are involved in scouting - Scouting America or Girls Scouts or another organization - if you know someone involved... and they are interested in exploring their faith within the scouting experience, it can be done. Reach out to your local faith community, your national faith organization, heck, you can ask me. I'm happy to make connections to your faith leaders, and would be honored to walk with scouts in their journey of faith if they need a mentor or guide.

To all those who are concerned about Scouting's commitment to faith, I am committed! But not necessarily to one specific faith. I'm committed to supporting each and every scout in their own religious beliefs.

In Scouting and In Faith,

[drivelikeaminister]

Have Faith!

I recently gave an address at Ursinus College as part of their commencement weekend. My message is for graduates and non-graduates alike. Here is a video and the text is below (the entire ceremony is worth watching, I start just after 31 min).

Here’s my message, in two words: Have faith! The faith of action rather than of religion. Have faith that you are worthy, that you are beautiful and that what you do in the world and what you do with your life matters. That’s the faith I want you to live with. The faith that you are whole and that you are important.

Faith of this nature creates something amazing in how we live our lives. It starts to open up space for answering the question “What will I do?”. Faith in yourself means living in the world as if it is already how you want it to be. This is a personal and public witness. Living as yourself, living as your best self. And living your desires for the world into fruition.

What do you want to see in the world? Maybe more compassion, more justice, more care. How would it look to live as if the world was already a more just, more compassionate, more caring place? What do you want to see in your life? Maybe more time for personal care, or possibly more time for music or play, a group of supportive friends, a loving family... How would it look to live as if you had already had time for personal care, or to live as if you had more time for music or play? What would change in your outlook or in your actions if you lived that reality?

Examples are at once too numerous and too simple. Walking around my neighborhood I really wish people cleaned up after themselves more and that there was less trash on the sidewalk. So I pick up the litter I see. Driving to work I wish people on the road were more forgiving and generous while changing lanes. So I strive to be more forgiving and generous. At home I really want my children to be kind to each other and be proud of themselves. So I model the kindness and pride I wish for them. I could go on... “Wouldn’t it be nice if strangers on the street smiled and greeted each other?” I lean into being somewhat counter-cultural and I start smiling to people I don’t know. “I wish the world was more generous.” So I increase my tips at restaurants and maybe I anonymously pay for coffee for someone behind me in line at Starbucks. What do you wish there was more of in the world? How can you live it?

The crazy thing about our actions is they can start to create reality. If I walk around campus with my head down, staring at the ground or phone and grumbling, not only will I experience solitude and negativity, I will also promote solitude and negativity to anyone whose path I cross. When I am rude, inconsiderate or mean, that rudeness, that inconsideration that meanness goes on into the world creating eddies and ripples of negativity for all around me. Just as if I embody positivity I can create ripples of positivity for those around me.

Now, I’m not asking anyone to go into the world with naivety or to be blind to injustice. Being faithful also means speaking up. Do you want to see a world with less injustice and more accountability? It is up to you, and you and you, to help create that reality of justice and accountability. Living as if the world is already how we want it to be takes some deep work, not ignorance or dismissal. Racial disparities are real and wrong. Living in the world as I want it to be doesn’t mean ignoring that injustice. Living in the world as I want it to be means engaging in dialogue, it means stepping back when one more white, male voice isn’t needed. It means naming injustice and trying to use my privilege and my actions to support a more just world.

This all sounds nice, but is it realistic? Can we truly change the world by waving at strangers and picking up trash? Truth be told, there is no way we can know the extent of the impact we have on the world. We just don’t know whether one person can change anything. I see two main ways we can move forward with the incomplete understanding of our ability to create change. On the one hand, I could decide that because I am only one person, there’s no point in trying. What is the point of picking up one piece of trash? What is the impact of allowing someone space to merge or leaving a generous tip for my server? The world is too negative, too based on greed, too rewarding of selfishness and ego... there’s no point. That’s one outlook - assume that your actions don’t make a difference and therefore do nothing.

Here again I say, “Have faith!” Instead of despair, we can live and act from a place of deep faith. Faith that our actions do have an impact. No matter how seemingly small they may be, our lives matter and they matter deeply. That is part of the crux right there. Seemingly small actions aren’t so small when we look at the impact. I’ve felt it, I’ve seen it. When I am treated kindly by a stranger I want to pass that kindness along and pretty soon there is more care in the world. When I am given an unexpected gift I want to give in turn. Smiling at a stranger on the street not only makes a difference for that one person, but the world is a better place for that singular smile. A nearly insignificant action is making a difference in the world. There is more love, more kindness and more awe.

Imagine if we all acted as if our actions had a large and meaningful impact. If you knew in your heart of hearts that what you did had impact on the world. What might change in your daily lives? You have the power to bless or curse the world, with everything you do. Living with faith means knowing our actions have meaningful and profound results. I want my impact on the world to be one of good!

Do you want your neighbors to be friendly? Help to create that friendliness. Do you desire a collaborative and supportive work community? Lean into your own support and collaboration. Who do you want to be in the world? Live with the faith that you already are that person. Just like creating beautiful music or training in a sport: practice makes permanent. Practice being the person you want to be! Practice being the best you possible.

You have the power to bless or to curse the world. You have the power to create your own reality through your responses to anything life has to offer. What will you do with that power? What will you do with the responsibility vested in you? Live with the faith that what you do matters, that you have an impact on everyone around you. Live as if the world is already how you wish it to be, and you will be part of the creation of that reality.

I end with words of the contemporary prophet Beyoncé, for she has a prophetic voice and she preaches to living a faithful life:

“The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave That I made a difference and this world will see I was here, I lived, I loved, I was here … I gave my all, did my best Brought someone some happiness Left this world a little better just because I was here”

May it be true in your life. Congratulations and Amen.

[drivelikeaminister]

Lost and Found

Introducing a guest post from my friend and workout partner Rebecca. Thanks for the moving story about an intense weekend!

--------------------

I have never been much of a city person, but I regularly visit Philadelphia to see family and friends in the area. Driving down busy streets, my mind focuses on survival, pedestrians, potholes, and crazy drivers. I am oblivious to the trash often littered on the side of the road, not looking to see what it might be and definitely not stopping to check it out.

On a recent hiking trip to Wissahickon State Park with my dog and some friends, I returned to the parking lot to find my car’s front passenger window shattered, glass everywhere, my center console and glove box ransacked for cash, my wallet missing, and my backpack containing a laptop and clothes for the weekend gone. To my surprise, my gym bag containing two pairs of sneakers, climbing shoes, and my beloved Chacos remained unscathed; the perpetrator must not know shoes, because those would surely sell for a nice sum.

After a brief wave of delight at the window smasher’s ignorance of high-quality shoes, my heart sank, and my mind began to spin as reality set in. I spent the next few hours calling my bank, credit card, and insurance companies. I filed a police report and insurance claim, and my friends helped me clean the glass out of my car and tape plastic over the window. Getting back in my car to leave the city, I started making a mental list of all that I would need to do: replace my driver’s license and insurance card, let my boss know my university laptop was stolen, get my window replaced, find clothes to wear for my weekend out of town, remove the remaining broken glass from my car and belongings. Always keen to find a silver lining, I tried to remind myself that no one was hurt, and I would mostly suffer from some minor inconveniences; maybe the robbery was a desperate attempt to feed a family. Regardless, I found it hard to shake a newfound cynicism and contempt for humankind. Then, a Facebook message appeared on my phone that would change the course of my day: “Hi! Have you lost a Cotopaxi bag and wallet? I found it in Roxborough if it is you.” I became instantly giddy with anticipation as I proceeded to coordinate a meetup.

On her way to a birthday party at a local VFW with her young daughter, Leah had noticed a bag and clothes strewn along the side of the road. While all other passersby on this busy road drove past without a second glance, oblivious (like me) to roadside litter, she pulled over to investigate. She gathered up my favorite sweater, the scattered contents of my wallet, to-do lists, undergarments, chargers, and backpack and tracked me down on Facebook. The thanks I had to offer in the parking lot of the VFW, while heartfelt and profuse, felt inadequate.

As Leah walked away, I took stock of my mostly restored belongings and noted that my cynicism had been replaced by joy and gratitude (even a bit of gratitude for the thief who left my possessions on the side of the road instead of in a dumpster). The kindness of this one stranger had quickly and vastly overpowered the negative experience that started my day. I suddenly could not wait to share the epic tale with friends and family. I am still bewildered that someone stopped. I am certain I would not have if our roles had been reversed; I probably would not have even noticed the inconspicuous crime scene.

At the end of the day, my significant other asked if I had learned a lesson, surely hoping I would say that I would never leave my wallet in the car again. While I will be more cautious about what I leave in my car, the real lesson for me was about the power of kindness and the importance of paying attention. Often, I find myself moving through life much like I drive through the city, focused on my own survival, seeing only what is in my path or might come flying across it and trying not to get distracted by what is happening on the sidelines. How many opportunities to help someone have I missed because I was not paying attention? It is easy to drown out the things that do not directly impact us; in fact, our brains are hardwired to filter out unimportant information, but imagine how much better off we would all be if everyone paid just a little more attention to what lay outside of their path. After I had my car window replaced a few days later, it was as if nothing had ever happened, but now I pay a little more attention to what is on the side of the road, and hopefully, someday I will have the chance to pay it forward.

[drivelikeaminister]

"Give up on yourself. Begin taking action now, while being neurotic or imperfect, or a procrastinator, or unhealthy, or lazy, or any other label by which you inaccurately describe yourself. Go ahead and be the best imperfect person you can be and get started on those things you want to accomplish before you die."

- Dr. Shoma Morita

[drivelikeaminister]

Foundation Help

Yesterday was very nice weather, and I was able to do some exterior housework. First up, one of my fence posts seemed a bit wobbly. I was expecting to dig around it and maybe pour some cement to hold it steady. But when I dug nearby, I saw that the post (FYI - pressure treated 4x4 installed less than 10 years ago) was completely rotten through and came apart in my hands...

Okay, that's not so bad. I am able to replace a post, but why was it rotting? Hm... looks like our downspout isn't draining to a great spot. Again no worries, I can deal with drainage direction and downspouts. But hold on a second, what else is in the area that might have been damaged by excess water? Oh, just the house foundation! And there are cracks in it (horizontal, which I hear is worse than vertical). Eek!

It seems that the presenting problem was just one symptom which pointed to a much more serious concern. It also became clear that I needed some professional help, for although I can do many home projects I am not going to attempt a foundation fix solo.

This is the case with other home repairs. If your lights are constantly burning out, it might be a sign of incorrect voltage or an issue with your circuit breaker (it could also be other, more minor issues). A dark spot on your roof could mean that there is a leak (or it could be something minor). Either major, expensive and invasive repairs or minor, easy fixes.

As with homes, so with our emotional and physical selves. If someone is sleeping badly, that might be a symptom of needing a new mattress, or it could be a symptom of overburden or mental stress. Lack on concentration in school or at work may be caused by excitement for an upcoming vacation, or could be a sign of emotional suffering.

The physical/emotional list could go on and on, including: unusual fatigue, bed-wetting, nail biting, decreased appetite, aches and pains, rapid heart rate, lethargy, hyperactivity... essentially pick any change in physical characteristics and it can have a benign cause or one more dangerous or difficult.

This is one reason that it is always wise to get a medical and/or therapeutic professional to evaluate. Ex: If someone looses control of their bladder. Is that a sign of cancer, urinary tract infection, nervousness, trauma response...? A physician and therapist can help assess whether the cause is mental, physical or something else.

Listen to your body and to your emotions! Where might you need to reach out and get a professional to help? It may be that what you were trying to change is only a symptom of a much more serious concern. It's okay to mention things to your physician and/or therapist, even if you are pretty sure there is no concern. It's best for anything to find the potential larger concern as soon as possible.

Now I need some help... any recommendations for foundation work in the area?

[drivelikeaminister]

Generosity

When I get together with family or friends, I like to play board games. Board games give a lot of flexibility - you can go silly and simple party games, like “Pictionary” or “Apple to Apples”… or high on the strategy with “Risk” or “Settlers of Catan”… There’s also a spectrum of conflict - from direct confrontation - as with chess or checkers, to cooperative games, where there is a shared goal for all players (like in this post). Some games are good with few people, some work best with a large group. Board games can be educational, silly, gross, moral or inane. It seems like board games, and maybe all play in general - is sort of a microcosm for life. We model outside interactions through play and (hopefully) friendly competition. “Monopoly” parallels a capitalistic struggle for wealth, and oppression. “Sorry” shows the intended and unintended consequences of trying to reach a goal before others. “The Game of Life” very literally parallels a path from higher education to retirement. I could do a whole series of posts about board games and real world applications, with gatherings each time to play and discuss... Oh, I like it!

But that's an idea for later... I want to talk about one of my family's favorite games, “Bohnanza”. It’s a German game with a play on words, as the German word for bean is Bohn. “Bohnanza” is played with cards that represent different types of beans and each player is a farmer: planting, trading, harvesting and selling their beans in order to make money. The goal is to have the most money at the end of the game. Okay, that makes sense. What is really neat about this particular game is how much it parallels what I have found to be a theological truth - that the more you give away, the more you get.

There are times in “Bohnanza” when beans can be traded or held onto, discarded or shared. Depending on our different approaches to life and to gaming, some people trade a lot and others hold on to and hoard what they have. This isn’t hard to imagine. I have some green beans which I know you want, but I don’t want you to gain anything, so I don’t trade you for the red bean which could really help me. Or the opposite: I have a card which will help you and keeping it doesn’t benefit me at all so I pass it along with no material gain, only the promise for a kindness in the next round.

After many times playing and seeing the different strategies, we have found that the more generous you are, the better you will do. The person who came over to play and traded only when it also benefited them, and sometimes wouldn’t share a card in order to hinder another player... constantly came in last. When someone else was very generous with beans, that person consistently performed better. This may be how the game was designed, that the writers designed it so that generosity was rewarded. But I think there is more at work here.

Yes, it’s just cards on a table, my fake beans don’t produce more actual money if I have been generous. Yes, I might get more of what I want, but I also think there is something less tangible than game mechanics. When I share more, people around me are more likely to share and we start to create something larger than ourselves, in the microcosm of play.

I see in “Bohnanza” human nature and dare I say, theology, at play. This can be generalized and that’s one reason I think a series on games would be so neat. The generosity embodied in one action helps to grow giving and generosity in other's actions.

I generalize the lessons learned in board gaming. You can help to create a more loving world with your love. You can help to create a more loving world with your generosity. You can help to bring the holy into reality right now and right here. If you want to benefit yourself, if you want to benefit the world, if you want to win at “Bohnanza” - be generous. Give a little bit of yourself and see if you can also create a chain of generosity and love.

[drivelikeaminister]

Easter Morning

I don’t believe in the cross. My theology can’t reconcile the need for torture or pain with an encompassing love. But I do believe in the tomb. If it were up to me the symbol of Christianity wouldn’t be the cross, a symbol of hate and death. The symbol of Christianity would the be the empty tomb, a symbol of life and mystery. Easter, for me, is the hope and mystery of this morning pushing the torture and despair of Friday out the way.

Even as a non Christian clergy, Easter morning is one of the most important holidays in my calendar. Here we are reminded that there is infinite hope, infinite love and infinite possibilities for redemption.

This is the truth of Easter. The truth that hardship is guaranteed, but that we are not defined by our worst mistakes, we are not defined by our regretful decisions. The story of the empty tomb holds in it a truth which transcends understanding, the truth that we are worthy of love. And there is nothing we can do to make ourselves unworthy of love. Our worthiness continues, despite our worst intentions.

This is the truth of Easter. The truth that redemption is always a possibility. Redemption as a way forward in places of hopelessness, redemption as a path of love when all we feel is hatred. There is always room for betterment, for forgiveness - for ourselves and for others.

This is the truth of Easter. The truth that death is guaranteed, but that what we do with our lives matters and our lives goes on after our physical selves. Just as Jesus lives on in our gathering and sending love into the world, our lives will go on in the impact we have had on other people.

That’s powerful, it’s counter-intuitive, counter-cultural and thus very hard to remember. So we come back here year after year, remembering our guide Jesus. Recalling his physical death and the mystery of Easter morning. We are reminded that: We are all worthy of love. We always have space for redemption. We will go on after our physical deaths. Go forth into the world and live our your life of redemption, of worthiness and of importance with the truth of resurrection in your very bones.