#youd think id have learned by now but no
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yep im never staying up past 10:30 ever again everything sucks past 11
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really sorry to bedivere enjoyers bc i’ve started writing an outline for my retelling and your guy is. not well in the intro.
#i swear it’s not gonna be overly angsty the whole time. i swear.#they WILL be allowed to have fun#but angst is needed.#casually throwing him in the blender first tho before hes allowed to have fun and be gay#also. hey. you reading this. if you see this and reply or send me an arthurian character i will draw a silly doodle of them in the context#of my retelling#im so sorry if this doesnt make sense guys im so high#the drugs i use to sleep and. not be an insane person. are REALLY strong if i havent eaten.#youd think id learn by now to eat before hand!!!!!!!!!!! but im tragically very stupid!!
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heartbreaking: local rat trusted someone it really should not have
#squeaking#“I hate him” after i was their froend and supported them#and hung out with them and tried to keep them safe when they needed it#But also didnt baby them because im.not their dad and i respect their autonomy#And bought them food and shit and painted patches with them#whatever. Thats what i get! Thats always what i get#Youd think id have learned my lesson by now but noooooo#negative
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i eat burger king onion rings. i get sick. i eat burger king onion rings. i get sick. i eat burger king onion rings. i get sick. i eat burger king onion rings. i get sick. i eat
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all this talk about beautiful princesses with disorders but which one of you is gonna buy me zoloft. princess needs his ssris
#not my ass having a genetic panic disorder#youd really think id learn and stop staying up late#alas#also to be clear i do not identify in any particular way with the word princess#we are fleeting strangers in the street#touching but for a brief moment for this textpost before going our separate ways#anyway. the negative effects of my sertraline began to outweigh the positives#except that now i remember The Horrors. i will however perservere
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Every couple months I turn into a sloth and struggle to stay awake or have any energy or motivation to do anything. Then I remember it's been a hot minute since I took my vitamins/supplements and after like two days of remembering I spring back to life and have so much energy again
#youd think id have learned by now that will fix the issue#to be fair i did work it out a lil faster this time around#i should probably set some sort of alarm or something to remind me#i cant get over how night and day i feel afterwards#im a numpty
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i loooove languages i love learning new alphabets i love the feeling of accomplishment and deep satisfaction of making concrete progress i love puzzles and challenges i love arabic
#honestly i have no idea whats pushing me to do this#but for the past couple months ive been doing duolingo arabic#because it hit me how vital communication is and how even with mandarin and spanish i cant communicate with so many people#it freaked me out even though its unlikely to ever actually affect me#so. duolingo arabic#also my friends mom speaks farsi to her so she encouraged me to do it#i started korean too and youd think id be more motivated to learn that because so many of my friends speak korean#but i just like. fell in love with arabic for reasons beyond my comprehension#and ive been keeping it up?? i really love learning it for some reason#it looks beautiful but also just. idk!!#who knows#im just starting to learn Words now and it hit me how much ive learned#personal log#shifttalks#<- linguistics/languages posts anyone?
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You know as a horror fan "cultural Christianity" is such a useful term because as an atheist as well as a horror fan and a fan of haunted house stuff if it's done well I very, very quickly noticed how many horror movies are Christian propaganda. So few horror movies involving religion (which is a shocking amount of them btw) pick any religion that's not Christianity to center itself around and when they do that religion is bad and evil, not the cause of evil and the savior from it (because the demons may be Christian, but God and the bible are also the solutions in a way other religions aren't granted. Bonus points if it's an indigenous religion being portrayed as Evil and Bad).
Pretty much any exceptions I can think of to that rule use Judaism and the Holocaust as a backdrop and never in like a normal, the Holocaust is horrible way it's always playing on myths of Nazi Germany's experimentation on the Jewish population. Which I find highly troubling and disturbing, but regardless nothing like being a horror fan to convince you of cultural Christianity because no other genre leans on religion as a plot device so much unless it's straight up a Christian movie for a Christian audience using Christianity as it's main theme and through line.
#winters ramblings#side note i ALWAYS hear about how we learned SO MUCH about medicine and the body from nazi Germany and i KNOW that has to be#at least SOMEWHAT untrue because the methodologies nazis would have used in CONCENTRATION CAMPS do not seem#like theyd yeild USEFUL information about anything. people criticize studies now for being overly populated with undergrads#because THAT skews your results theres NO WAY the camps had conditions good enough to yeild useful information#and theres NO FUCKING WAY IN ALL HELL that nazis had good enough methodologies and treatments of their PRISONERS#to be getting any result worth using. maybe we learned a lot on how to TORTURE people but medical sciences??#i think body snatchers orobably taught us a lot LOT more than the fucked up things the nazis did to the jewish population#and i find it DEEPLY DEEPLY troubling that we seem to remember the nazis like the NAZIS want us to remember them#and not as the scum of the earth they were- they werent useful DOCTORS even if there were olenty of useful engineers but they werent good#engineers BECAUSE they were nazis they were just good at their jobs WHY do we attribute their intelligence to BEING A NAZI#if anything thats proof all their smart at is building shit but anyway something tells me nazi germany didnt teach us NEAR#as much about medical anything as the myths lead us all to believe and WHY are we myth making about FUCKING NAZIS#time to start myth making the jewish people who survived or did uprisings or literally ANYTHING but the fucking nazis#now on the flipside as a horror fan Christianity is SO BAKED IN to how certian genres of horror run#if you had a haunted house movie WITHOUT Christianity id be genuinely surprised. if it wasnt at least Judaism with Weird Holocaust shit#id be even MORE surprised. ive never seen a weesterm horror flick that centered around like. Sikh people or even Muslims#and youd think being an abrahamic religion Muslims would make the cut but no even THEY get shunted because brown#like you CANNOT convince me culture Christianity doesnt exist because as an athiest horror fan BOY do i know thats not true#its actually one of my LEAST favorite things about the horror genre and WHY i have a hard time with haunted house movies#sure i LOVE james wans work but its STILL uses Christianity as a plot device and i HATE Christianity in my horror cheerios#plus you got shows like supernatural who LITERALLY wrote a show of bible fanfiction and uts very clear they never read the bible#i know this because i have a good friend who is religious and even CHRISTIANS find the Christianity in that show baffling and overbearing#and hilariously inaccurate but still lmao. anyway cultural Christianity is 100% a thing as an athiest its IMPOSSIBLE not to notice#so i find it REALLY WEIRD that athiests deny its existence as if weve not been victims of it out whole lives#and religious people who arent Christian too!! we should team up to beat the christians back to where they should be!!#just as invisible as the rest of us OR the rest of us just as visible as christians!!
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#im gonna fucking kill myself im so fucking angry#i gotta go to work in like 30 minutes and im so fuckin pissed off at a video game#baldurs gate has gotten more auto saves since the game launched but you what doesnt fucking autosave?#the entire fucking gauntlet of shar apparently#i killed the orthon explored the whole fucking temple got all the way to the shadowfell and remembered i forgot the halsin shit#so i went back to do that#and lost that stupid fight and apparently at no point in that like entire hour and a half did anything save#and im too fucking stupid to save it on my own#so now i gotta redo everything#im so fucking pissed#cause the gauntlet of shar is actively my least favorite part of the game cause its boring and annoying and more importantly#this isnt the first fucking time ive had to do this#ive had game crashes and other fuckups that have made me redo that entire area#multiple times#youd think id fucking learn my god damn lesson but no#im so angry right now how am i supposed to go to work like this#wasted my fuckin morning#i hate video games
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[DM]
@amymone
Amymone . Amy . Bestie . My beloved friend . My silly pal . My buddy friend chum pal friend pal . ill get you snackies if you tell me if i get to smooch lea And isa :3
#i could just wait but also . im impatient ahdhshhfhd#you'd think with me being ancient as fuck id have learned patience by now but youd be wrong
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oh nooo i stayed up late . do you think theyre going to kill me
#i know 1am is not that late in the scheme of my life but everytime anything like this happens i start getting scared its the start of#getting bad again and i dont want itttt. i just got my sleep schedule back on track like a week ago and im still trying to fix all the other#shit ...#its okay though im going to win this one i wonttt let my brain freak out abt it and keep me up longer. im going to lay down and go to sleep#and im going to stop imagining i can feel the pop burning me alive from the inside out <- i hate my shit idiot brain making shit up#the one thats rly been killing me is whenever i eat i. ummmmm.#dental tw#?#a2t#gross tw#? hopefully that covers me im SO sorry. but when i eat ive been feeling my teeth falling out and like chewing it feels like im chewing up my#my teeth and its sooo fucking annoying bc that only happened that one time youd think id be over it but nopeee. i thought it was just a high#fluke bc i ate likee. basically lunchables (ham cheddar) + salami and then i ate a bunch of cheesecake bc i was worried itd go bad but i#feel guilty bc there were exactly enough slices for everybody to try each flavor andni had already tried each flavor but i ate them bc its#been like. 2 weeks since anybody touched it but now im actually really very terrified that everyone was going to eat it tomorrow or#something and ive ruined everything#.closes my eyes and sniffles. whatever#but anyways yeah. so the teeth thing. i thought it was afluke and then this morning i was eating chocolate rice cake + peanut butter +#mashed up banana (food of the gods) and it was back. i think its tied to crunchy thats why it was happening with the crackers but not the#cheesecake. one assumes. but i also dont remember it mightve been there for the cheesecake. or the jello... i was out of it#anywaysss. i dont appreciate it . i wish my head would stop imagining scary things happening to my body#like its been happening for ages but its gotten so much worse these past couple of months since my big episode. and i know what were all#thinking perhaps less weed would cause less sorrow ? or however that post goes#but like idt its that related rly. yes i have more trouble ignoring them while high and its a bit distressing but not enough to like#stop. DJFNFJFNGNNGG. like 90% of the time i can grit my teeth an bare it and the other 10% ive learned to just stay in my room until it#stops so they dont get worried. the annoying thing is that its not confined to weed tho even right now i can feel something poking my lung.#all sucks. but its whatever and we move
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Ok turned in my port assignment. I'm abt an hour late on the submission but I'm going to hope she just doesn't care + I apologized in my email soooooo I think we're good. She's going through it atm anyways so I'm hoping the flexibility goes both ways and whatnot. That said I did ask for a 1 day extension on the last writing assgmt too back in early November so she could be justified in taking off points but like why would she pleaseeee Rachel nooooo. I did write my email in English though so maybe I need to die for that idk
I guess we'll see but it'll be fine. Besides we had a quiz earlier, the writing activity due tonight and an exam Friday just in this class like I think we can let 50 minutes slide here
#name changed obvi but yeah#planned a fake vacation and now im jealous i dont get to take it#what do you meannnn i dont get to go to brazil w my best friend and go to a bunch of cool museums and restaurants and learn abt brazilian#history and afro brazilian culture 😭#b- but i googled the flights and the hotel and planned out all the destinations 😭😭😭😭#rip but yay thats done#also the new dcu starts today im SOOOOOOOOO excited#just checked to see if the new episodes would be out yet bc its 1am but they dont release until 3 bc of the west coast (ewwwww be better)#and im not staying up for that sorry#i would but i have a 10am and theyre like 20 mins episodes i can just do it after class bc tmrw is my short day#also prof patel (NOT her name but im putting her in the patel cartel here for shits and gigs) STILL has not graded any of our essays in my#science class lol. GIRL ITS DECEMBER IVE WRITTEN THOUSANDS OF WORDS FOR YOU#she just put out a bitchy canvas announcement abt it too telling ppl to stop emailing her abt it lol#shes such a hater but sometimes you have to respect it tbh. the grading thing is killing me though. its her fault for making like 4 longass#writing assignments (w sources required) in a lecture hall class but like. i could be failing and couldnt even know#i mean im not bc youd think id know from my work but yeahh#if we get into the start of next week and nothings still graded im going to take a screenshot w the date to lodge a protest if she bombs me#last minute (bc i too can be bitchy ive decided) but idt that will be necessary at all bc i put the effort in
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one thing abt me that has never changed is the instinct that goes off when i listen to a good song that tells me to make an animation with it.
#┈ ✴ ﹙rambling﹚#youd think id have learned to animate by now. ive been drawing since i was a kid and doing digital art since like middle school#alas
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life kicks me in the ribs yet again: more than likely i won't be able to get all the money i need in time for the alatreon model, so. got excited for nothing :)
#mar.txt#vent? i guess?#again:girlhelp:#i need $120.25 still and of course i didnt get a job in time because why would things go my way and even if i do a bunch around the house#the money is due the day before my dad gets paid so that won't work#im panicking sort of to the point of being kind of nauseous from it haha#turning to art comms from my friends out of desperation but i don't think i'll get enough to cover the last bit of cost#not to mention the issue of my phone absolutely fucking sucks ass so i can't do digital art until i get a new one so any comms i DO have/get#will have to wait until i get a new phone for me to finish them and i know that's kind of A Problem which is why i'm only asking close#friends who i know won't be bothered by the idea of paying upfront then having to wait a little while for the finished product#though at least i can get the paper basic sketch done，since i draw the basic thing on paper then do more detail and whatnot digitally#idk if any of my moots wouldn't be bothered by that. i can promise i will get the full things done once i get a new phone. i'm just really#fucking desperate rn lmao god i fucking hate everything#i need to just. stop letting myself feel the emotion of excitement over Anything in the future. because when i do it always，ALWAYS goes#wrong. youd think id learn by now but no apparently im just too fucking stupid to#anyways. ill draw humanoids and i can try my absolute damndest at mh monsters even though i kind of struggle with anything but malzeno#practice makes perfect right? hahahahahaaa. fuck me.#not to be concerning on main but if this were me a few years ago i think at this point i'd be genuinely considering offing myself because i#am SO fucking tired of literally everything possible going wrong and even the things that are SUPPOSED to bring me some comfort or happiness#among the ocean of everything else ALSO going wrong#obviously the more money that could be tossed my way the better but hell i'll even do just paper sketch comms for a lower price i am#genuinely desperate because i really REALLY just want this ONE fucking thing to go right for me. god. just One thing.#alternatively if anyone wants to just. Give Me money. idk id feel bad about getting money without giving something in return but if anyone#WANTS to do that theyre free to as well. idk just dm me for my paypal if that or a shitty probably time-delayed comm sounds like smthn youd#be interested in??? even tho who am i kidding lmfao nobody will，that would be too good and i'm obviously just not fucking allowed to have#good things huh#ugh. sorry for the vent post Again. i swear we'll return to the usually scheduled funnyman stuff and ocposting. eventually. :/
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Do the followers know I'm a metal head? Do they know that I want to be covered in tattoos with an alternative look who listens to obscure metal bands and stuff? Or do I still come off as like, the nerd in the basement lmao
#i feel like such a nerd on tumblr tbh#if im being honest none of my social medias show me anything i care about anymore#i hate to say it but tiktok is the only thing ive been able to trick the algorithm into showing me things i actually want to see#youd think tumblr would be the place because i can just follow people but like#theres not a metal scene or a tattoo scene or anything i really want to see anymore#i rarely see art i actually enjoy its just text posts and memes and its just...... boring#i joke that im falling back into my emo self from highschool but literally i feel so comfortable in the alt scene#like some people are absolute assholes and thats just par for the course in a scene like that#but like literally went to my first metal festival and was like ok i finally feel like myself#idk i always wanted to be alternative and i denied myself really going over and into it and like#even just little things like getting my first tattoo wearing edgy earrings dying my hair again#shaving my head to the scalp for some reason????#i paint my nails black i wear rings and bracelets and necklaces i started getting more shirts from hot topic lol#i was never allowed to buy shirts from hot topic!!!!!!#but now im like oh shit i can do these things!!!! and its making it easier to look in the mirror!!!!!!!!#im finding music im falling in love with that i feel in my chest!!! i want to learn how to design tattoos!!!!!#im loving myself its great#if i didn't work with kids not gonna lie id even try to get my hands on some matte acrylic stilleto nails#not super long ones but thats like my one feminine thing ive admitted to myself that i love having my nails painted and i want to try nails#just nothing crazy#anyway#my wardrobe isnt really caught up to my style but i also need to replace like all of my wardrobe nothing fits anymore#one day i want to be a scruffy tatted alt guy idk what i will be doing in life at that point#I don't know if i will be in the same career field so i will have to adjust my looks around it or if i will be somewhere else#i spent a long time especially as a transmasc person trying to fit like what i thought being transmasc looked like i guess?#and i didn't care about my appearance at all i just wore plain t shirts hoodies and sometimes a flannel#not that i don't still love these things but im going back towards graphic ts and trying to be stylish with my flannels#i try not to wear hoodies too often and actually wear my jackets tho i dont have a reason to often lmao#and tiktok has opened me up to sooooo many new metal bands god its been so refreshing#anyways i hit the tag limit sorry for going off lol om just weird and happy to be embracing who i want to be
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sighhh every time fansub vids get taken down on youtube i get so sad
#youd think id have learned to download shit by now🥲🥲🥲#rip 앨런 im so upset there were so many😞😞😞😞#damn u japan and ur copyright laws
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