#you've set up this safe supportive space and you really care about their well-being and comfort

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for bringing a fake boyfriend to my friend's party?

to condense as best i can, i (30, transwoman, city of pop. >10million) recently become the mother hen to a brood of wonderful baby queers (8 total, 17-23, boys and girls, all moved for school in the last year or so, most had never set foot in ANY city before). we live on the same floor of an apartment complex, and we've all grown very close over the past months; i help them use the metro, they tell me when they're going on dates and text so i know they got home safe, i cook weekend dinners, and they all slept in my living room for a week when another apartment on the floor was broken into. i think of them as somewhere between friends, younger relatives, or even my own children.

recently, one of the older ones (21) has realized he's also trans and come out to me, and i'm so proud and grateful that i can guide him through his early transition. unfortunately, there's his mother.

he'd first told me her response to his coming out was "better than expected", so i assumed she was tolerant, if not supportive yet. i've since learned she continually misgenders him, thinks this is a "tomboy phase" he'll marry out of someday, and has begun listening to more right-wing podcasts and news sites in order to "hear from both sides".

along with the other 7 kids, i've been invited to stay at the family's farm for his birthday in august, & while he's assured me she won't make a scene with company around, he's implied she has many opinions about my prescense, but said that i shouldn't tone myself down, and that if anything "it would be good for her to learn to be kind to you early, since we're family too now". two of the girls are partners, which the mother knows, but she does not seem to care about this and said that bringing a date was fine.

i have another friend (31) who's much more loudly queer than i am. on top of this, he's heavily tattooed (HUGE taboo here), rides a motorcycle, and is very outspoken and unshakable. i told him about all of this, and he offered to come along as my boyfriend, both to bother this woman, and so i won't be in a tiny (population SEVENTY-THREE!) unfamiliar town alone if anything happens. he's met the kids several times now, they get along well, and the birthday boy has said "that all sounds hysterical. do whatever you want."

my worry here is that the mother is already MUCH worse than he'd first lead me to believe, so i don't know that i can trust the kid's judgment that everything will be fine. i don't care about hurting this woman at all, and both i and my friend have dealt with even nastier people before so i'm not afraid of her, but i DO NOT want to do anything that could put this boy in a difficult position, especially since he'll likely be living with his family every summer until he's finished school, if not longer. i know what i can personally tolerate, but i don't know what he can, especially from a mother.

would i be an asshole to bring my "boyfriend" along? is it best to just go solo? or should i stay away entirely until he's back in the city?

What are these acronyms?

[creatingnikki]

notes to self; september '24 edition

people—friends and lovers and family—will have active and passive days in your life. they will not be actively present 30/30 days in a month (or 31) irrespective of how close they are to you and how much they care. only you, the MC of your life, is actively present every single day. so even if you date someone, they might be actively present 17 days and be around for the remaining 13 passively. and that's okay. that's why you have to be someone you can rely on, even if there are others who support you.

talking about your father the way you so casually do in the light that you do needs to stop. daddy issues jokes and oversharing is not very mindful nor very demure. and maybe it was cool at 24 but now in your late 20s, you have to step away from that kind of humour and TMI.

setting boundaries and reiterating them means that you might upset the other person. that's okay. you have to learn to sit with that discomfort (which is v hard when you are a people pleaser).

and you also have to allow the other person to not be happy/okay with it. to set a boundary and also have others be pleased with you is not a fair expectation. of course, those who are healthy for you, will respect it, even if not be enthusiastic about it.

most of the excitement you feel when dating someone new is only because they breadcrumb and are inconsistent so you get to romanticize them instead of actually find out who they are. when people consistently show up without love bombing, your nervous system remains regulated and then you can objectively know how you really feel about them.

others looking out for you is useless if you're not looking out for yourself. so your partner can text you and ask if you've eaten and your mother can remind you to take your medication but why? why can't you realize that staying nourished, hydrated, well-rested, and safe are things you need, want, deserve, require as literally the bare minimum. it's nice when others check in on you, but it's nicer when you also care about yourself to do these things without external reminders or being chided at.

work on your craft, work on your craft, work on your craft. instead of trying to assert your identity as a 'writer', just do what a writer does—write. and you know you do do that EVERY SINGLE DAY. whether in your notes app, on tumblr, your journal, or a Word doc. so let others yap on, you continue working on your craft.

having different people—people who are different than you/the people you usually hang with—can be so refreshing and fun because it exposes you to things/experiences you wouldn't otherwise actively engage in. pet cafes, clubbing, Hindi indie music being some of the things such people in your life have exposed you to. it's not that you don't know these things don't exist or can't access them, but to have someone to guide you/experience it with you, that's what's imp.

give people space. you cannot force answers or them to feel a certain way or to process certain things when you want them to. you have to give people space. and you have to allow yourself to focus on other things instead of anxiously sitting there and overthinking.

[raccoonfallsharder]

First of all, i love your art. Your style is amazing.

We all know Rocket is amazing in repairing space ships (and even building them) but what about a normal Earth car?

i am BLUSHING. i feel like i don't really have a set style (at least when it comes to drawing rocket - i am still figuring it out) so this really means a LOT. you’re so sweet i could actually die, little fox. just a coin-sized blueberry pancake with whipped cream. thank you for the kind words ♡ truly ♡♡~

secondly, what about normal earth cars? ur boy rocket looks at any given machine and understands it almost instantaneously. the kree charted him within .024 points of optimum intuitive grasp. a puny little earth-car is gonna be child's play for him.

not that i would ever suggest letting him work on yours.

it'll be more or less safe (for you) because rocket does care about you and isn't trying to get you killed. and sure, if you let him do that oil change you've been needing, he'll probably make some sneaky upgrades that allow for a smoother ride and better mileage. but the next time you find yourself with a lead foot, you'll realize you can also go way faster than anything on terra should be able to go. and the next time you accidentally bump one of those buttons on the console you rarely use, you'll probably end up with laser rifles unfolding from your wheel-wells, or your taillights flipping down to ready your "brand new" plasma cannons. (brand new in the sense that rocket will probably patch them together out of some old tech he has lying around his own ship, combined with whatever he can steal out of your kitchen cabinets. don't be too surprised if that mixer you bought from the thrift store no longer works because he's jacked all the internal wiring). lucky you - he'll probably figure out a way to make your powertrain UNTN-compatible and from there, he'll figure he's only gotta get you to let him do one more tire rotation, and when he's "working" on that, he can probably figure out a way to get your car capable of actual flight. it might take a bit longer to make sure it has adequate life-support systems and an airtight seal for short-term space travel but hey, he'll figure he's doing you both a favor, piece by piece.

it'll take you a while to figure out where he's hidden all the artillery in your car - and the thrusters, and the additional fuel tanks - and how to keep yourself from accidentally opening up the wings he's installed when you're in the middle of rush-hour traffic or construction. more than once you'll scrape the bottom of your car before you realize that the clearance has changed because he'll have added some re-entry grade ceramic plating to the bottom of it.

"you got any repairs you need done?" he'll probably ask casually, the next time he's planetside. "thought you mentioned your climate control being out."

"air conditioner," you'll say dryly. "and no thanks."

his jaw will probably drop. he'll look wounded. "why not? i did a fine job on the brakes last time."

your eyes will narrow. "i keep getting pulled over by the fucken cops."

his nose will wrinkle. "ew. why?"

your glare will turn withering. "because they don't believe the thing i'm driving is roadworthy anymore," you'll have to tell him. he'll sputter, probably - outraged and insulted - but you won't really be too mad. you know he's just trying to maximize the amount of time the two of you can hang out.

besides, the upgrades he'll make to your sound system will be worth it. your music will never have sounded better.

headcanons & imagines masterlist

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

@anxietypastcovid asked a really valid question regarding people constantly bringing up weight gain (if you've gained weight) on this post, and I think it's important to share.

So if you live with someone who keeps bringing up your weight, I think your approach must entirely depend on your specific relationship to the person. If you generally have a loving, respectful relationship with that person, you may be able to sit down and have a talk with them. Say something along the lines of "I know you think you're being helpful, but I'm really having to focus on some important health issues and losing weight is not going to be my priority. This has been hard for me to accept, and hearing people talk about it isn't helping. If you care about me and want to actually support me, please don't bring this up anymore." Perhaps you can elaborate if you feel safe to do so, or bring up some alternative things that this person could do to be helpful in ways that would actually be supportive to you where you're at.

However, some people, even if they might be family, do not have respectful relationships with the people they live with. Or maybe some people mean well, but are so attached to the idea of thinness-as-health that they refuse to stop pushing the conversation. If this is the case, and leaving is not an option for you, I'd suggest that you find ways to set healthy boundaries, if you feel safe to.

Remember, boundaries don't look like telling someone "you can't do this." Because it's not feasible to try and control the behavior of others. Instead, a boundary might look like "I have told you that mentioning my weight hurts me. If you do it again, I will leave." Or "I've had to leave several times because you've brought up my weight when I told you it hurt me. In order to take care of myself, I will have to stop doing (activity) with you if this continues." Then actually uphold the boundary, because the individual needs to experience the loss of access to you that comes along with violating your stated boundary. They need to learn that no matter what they feel they need to mention, if they commit the violation, loss of access occurs. If they continue committing the violation, significantly decreased access and loss of trust will be the result.

However, if this is someone you don't feel physically or emotionally safe with, you may need to take a different approach (and get out if and when you can! You will find it so much easier to achieve a healthy mental state when you are not constantly around people who drag you down!) Do not argue, do not attempt to state boundaries. Arguing back is an emotional expenditure this person might not be worth for you, and boundaries are for people with whom you hope to maintain a strong ongoing relationship. If that is not a possibility, go as quiet as possible, validating yourself internally while presenting a quiet, unengaged front to the person. Say things like "Yes, I heard that's what you think." "I'm not going to engage this discussion again, there doesn't seem to be a right answer for you." Just try to become boring and don't get roped in. Later on, when you've had a chance to get space from the person, explore why you were triggered so that you have a chance to do the healing work independently of them. Examine how being triggered felt. What did you need to hear? Validate yourself with what you wished someone would say to you instead. Give yourself a calm environment when possible.

[deexchanel]

New York

Word Count: 2,655

Pairing: Avengers x BlackFem!Reader. Justice League x BlackFem!Reader but more specifically Clark Kent x BlackFem!Reader.

Warning: Arguing, mention of miscarriage, angst.

Summary: After not being in contact for so long, someone decides to make a visit.

A/N: The title has nothing to do with the one short. Oops. Anyway I hope you guys enjoy!😁 below is Y/N’s outfit for the first half.

A long day after helping the team on their mission, Y/N wanted some pizza. It was around 10 p.m. when she decided to leave the tower. Tony was asleep in the chair, Steve was asleep on the couch. Natasha and Bucky were on the floor watching a movie. Thor was rummaging through the refrigerator, he was watching the movie as well but stopped to get some snacks.

Loki was in the library reading a book. Peter was on patrol so that’s why she felt safe with being out so late. “Loki I’m leaving to get some pizza okay?” He closed his book, preparing to stand up.

“Alright, I’m going with you.”

Y/N placed a hand on his chest so he could stay sitting. “ I want to go by myself Loki. I’m going to be perfectly fine, Peter’s patrolling right now.”

Loki sigh trying to push down his overprotective feeling. “Alright, just be careful. I don’t want anything to happen to you.” Y/N hummed kissing his forehead, she then walked to the living. Everyone in their same position except Thor was now back on the floor.

Y/N kissed each of their foreheads, “I’m going to go get some pizza. Anyone wants anything?”

Natasha shook her head,“ No, be careful though. I really want to pause this good movie to save your ass.” Y/N rolled her eyes playfully, grabbing her purse from the hook.

“Bring me back some pizza? I’m rather hungry.” Thor said with his eyes glued to the tv.

“You’re always hungry Thor. Bring me some too. Better yet, why don’t I just come.” Y/N heard shuffling from behind her. She wanted to take a peaceful by herself to get pizza, is that too hard to ask? “No Bucky, I want to go by myself. I can handle it.”

She turns around to see him looking at her hesitantly. “You sure Y/N? I don’t mind coming-”

“I got it, really. Go enjoy the movie Bucky. I’ll be right back.” Y/N cut him off, walking out of the door. Bucky stood there dumbfounded, “Is she acting weird or it’s just me?” He pointed to the door, looking at Natasha and Thor.

“She seems alright with me.” Natasha shrugged and Thor didn’t reply.

Y/N took a deep breath hearing the new york life sparkle in her ears. Taxis coming and going. The roar of the subway beneath Y/N’s feet. Everyone talking but still being able to hear your own conversation.

Lights flashing brightly, babies crying, the homeless constantly asking for money. The smell of 1,000 vendors, many selling gyros. Broadway fans going insane when their favorite cast member walks out of the stage door. People of every race, color, and religion.

“Finally,” Y/N mumbled after a good minute of walking, she arrived at the pizza store on the corner. She ordered and stood in line for 15 minutes then left with 5 boxes of pizza. Stopping at the park, Y/N sat on a bench eating pizza enjoying the night air.

Y/N was happy with life but sometimes a person just wants to be alone. A little part of her misses the old lifestyle she had. Bruce, Barry, Diane, Victor, and Arthur. She missed them so much, especially Clark but he was the last person she wanted to see.

They were old lovers, at one time there wasn't a thing Clark wouldn't do for Y/N. Time skip, Y/N found out she was pregnant but due to stress from Clark, she miscarried. No one knew because of the genuine smile she held on her face. He was probably so caught up with Lois to not notice that she'd been gone for a year now.

She loved Clark, Y/N was his best friend. Lois came into the picture and he dropped everything just for her. Heartbroken, Y/N came to new york searching for happiness. She found it in the avengers who she now calls family.

Today was the anniversary of her baby and she just wanted to be alone. She was alone when it happened so she rather be alone now. Y/N stared off into space not even hearing someone land beside her. You read right, land.

"Y/N?"

The deep voice took her out of her gaze. Y/N turned to see Clark in his superman attire. Shocked, she could barely get anything out. "...Clark??"

Clark's face held worry," Y/N..." Y/N furrow her eyebrow confused cutting him off.

"What are you doing here Clark?"

"I can't come to see you now? Y/N I haven't seen you in months."

"Clark I don't wanna talk about that right now. I want to know how did you know I was here??" Y/N stood up, placing her unfinished pizza in the box. She couldn't even enjoy alone time without being bothered.

"Bruce's been track you this whole time Y/N. Come home, we miss you. I miss you." He reached out for her hands. Surprisingly Y/N let him grab her hands. She shook her head.

"Clark I can't just leave. I have a life and family here. You have Lois now, that's who you need. Not me."

Clark looked down," She left me Y/N. Lois said me being superman was too much."Y/N sigh knowing how to hurt he was. Yes, she was mad at him but sometimes not everything needs a reaction. Keeping it calm, she gave him a hug.

"I'm so sorry Clark, I should've been there for you."

Clark held her close smelling her wonderful smell of lavender. "It's okay Y/N. I know this life is treating you well."

Y/N could feel that it was getting late. "Clark I have to go, but I do have to ask you something." He pulled back glazing into her brown eyes.

"What is it Y/N?"

"Tomorrow evening bring the team to the tower. I want everyone to meet each other. I'll cook! It'll be so much fun."

Clark looked at her with hesitation, "I don't know Y/N.."

Y/N gave him the puppy dog eyes, "Please Clark? You get to see me in a nice outfit." He smiled giving in.

"Oh alright."

-------

"A little bit of this," Y/N murmured pouring grated cheese on top of the macaroni. She placed it in the oven, closing the door with her butt. Dinner consisted of steak with tarragon mushrooms with a side of macaroni. Y/N had been in the kitchen all day while the team did their overview with Fury for missions they have done.

"Smells amazing in here Y/N! What you make?" Steve's voice came from behind while she grabbed plates out of the cabinet. "Food Steve. You'll see when it's dinner time and if you don't mind, can you help me set the table?"

Steve nodded his head with a smile, "Sure I don't mind Y/N." The two joked around while they set the table. Clark and everyone were to be here in about 20 minutes. When she got home from the park last night, Y/N told the avengers about this evening dinner, and boy it was some weird faces.

She didn't know who was harder to convince, Tony or Steve. Maybe because they had been on the team longer. Once finished Y/N ushered Steve to go get dressed. She was so caught up with finishing the meal, that she didn't check the time. "Fuck!"

It was 10 minutes until Clark and the rest got there. She was nowhere near ready. "Y/N why aren't you ready?" Tony asked in disbelief when he walked into the kitchen. Y/N pulled at her hair.

"I know, I know! I was too caught up in finishing the steaks. Can you watch the food so it won't burn? please?"

Tony sigh,"If that makes you get dressed faster then I'll watch it." He opened the lid, the food smelled amazing. "Yeah hurry up, this smells good. I'm ready to eat."

"Thank you!" She kissed his cheek, rushing past so can get dressed.

---------

"Y/N they're here!" Steve called up the stairs. Y/N hopped around on one foot trying to put on the other boot. When it finally slid on her foot, she stood in front of a mirror taking a deep breath. She wanted all her favorite people to come together and be her support. To make her forget about the pain she went through a year ago yesterday.

Y/N walked downstairs with all eyes on her. Clark's mouth was agape from how good she looked. "Arthur! Diana! I've missed you guys!" Y/N hugged her with passion.

"Me too. You look beautiful." Diana hugged her back. Y/N moved towards Arthur giving him a hug. "Thank you."

"Yeah you look too good, don't make me have to beat anyone up from looking too hard." Thor snorted which made Arthur glance at him for a second. Y/N moved to Bruce.

"I hope you're doing good Bruce other than Barry getting on your nerves."

"Hey!" Barry said in defense.

"I'm good, just missed having you around."Bruce expressed which kinda shocked Y/N because he wasn't so open. She then gave Victor and Barry a hug. "I've missed you, two knuckleheads, together."

"We've missed you too." Victor smiled.

"What are we eating, it smells so good in here," Barry said excitedly. Y/N laughing gesturing towards the dining table. "We're about to find out, let's eat!"

Everyone cheered a bit sitting at the table, you know they didn't mingle but sat on the opposite side. Y/N walked over to the stove trying to bring the food to the table but Natasha stopped her.

"I got it Y/N, go sit down. You've been on your feet all day, I can bring the food to the table." Natasha grabbed the glass casserole dish out of her hand. She wasn't lying about her feet hurting but Y/N wasn't going to admit it.

Y/N sigh, "Fine, I'm bringing the champagne to the table though." She hurriedly grabbed two bottles of champagne before Natasha could protest. She definitely needed a sip before dealing with two rival heroes.

----------

There were conversations here and there but most of Y/N. She had all her favorite people in one room. Dinner was running smoothly until...

"So Y/N, Clark told us that you were coming back to stay permanently. I'm excited to have you back." Barry used his knife to cut the steak. Y/N didn't know who to look at crazy him or Clark. She could feel the hard glaze from Bucky.

"What's speedy boy talking about Y/N?" Tony asked tilting his head. Steve sat down his knife.

"Yes please do explain."

"I uh haven't said anything like that. I had planned on visiting, it wasn't official." Y/N scratched her arm out of nervousness from all eyes on her.

"I knew I wasn't going insane. Y/N wasn't going to go back permanently, she's not that crazy." Thor chuckled drinking his champagne.

Victor glanced at him sideways."What's that supposed to mean? Y/N wouldn't be crazy if she came back permanently. That's honestly the perfect decision if she does."

"Guys.." Y/N trailed off but was ignored by everyone. "Y/N is right where she belongs. Do I need to say more?" Loki wiped his mouth with a napkin.

"If she wants to come back permanently then she can. Y/N's only been with you guys for what ? a year? She's been with us forever so you know who she's going to choose." Arthur leaned back in the seat.

"Sure fish boy." Tony let his smart mouth get the best of him. Y/N took a sip of her champagne to calm her nerves.

"Guys..."

She was ignored again. "Y/N is coming with us and that's final. That's the only reason why I came to this wretched place was for her." Clark crossed his arm and Bucky narrowed his eyes at him.

"She's not going anywhere with you. I stand on that."

"Barnes right, you think I was going to let her leave with you after what you did? That's really funny." Natasha chugged the rest of her champagne down. Y/N winced at what she said.

"Guys please."

"Does that matter? Y/N is coming whether you like it or not." Bruce said setting his fork down. Diana nodded in agreement.

"I don't have to anything. Just know I'm not going down without a fight?"

"You people are so petty and tiny." Thor laughed using his fingers to indicate how small they were.

"If Y/N doesn't want to leave she isn't going to leave. it's her decision." Steve sat forward in his seat. They were getting louder by the minute.

"She isn't going, you weaklings," Loki growled sitting forward in his seat as well, not taking eyes off Arthur. Both Clark and Bucky held an intense stare.

"We should go few rounds." Tony stood up and so did Bruce.

"Let's do it then Stark."

Y/N chugged down the rest of the champagne. "Stop." The argument between them grew louder. "Stop!" Y/N stood up placing her hands on the table, no one noticed.

She slammed her hands against the table. "STOP! JUST STOP IT!" Everyone stared at her in shock.

"ENOUGH WITH THIS! I brought you altogether because I wanted support. I needed support."Y/N gritted through her teeth, tears welling in her eyes. "The one time I step out, you all can't even put your petty egos aside. I don't care who I'm staying with and I don't fucking know why it's an argument. I just wanted it to be a normal night."

Y/N lips trembled as she cried, "I can't hold on to this no longer. I was pregnant before I left Clark. I lost the baby. I lost it the day I went to find out the gender." Clark squeezed his eyes closed, his heart broke hearing the news. "And I hate myself so much for even letting myself stress so much that I lost it. When it happened I was alone. I didn't have you, Bruce, or Diana. I didn't have no one. I came to New York heartbroken."

She looked at the Avengers, they held a sad face. Natasha's cheeks were coated with tears."You guys mended my broken heart. You made me feel welcome and I don't know how I could ever repay you." Y/N wiped her tears.

"But I can't deal with this between all of you. I'm leaving so you can have your big ego contest."

She slid the chair back, walking to the elevator. "Y/N!" Bucky called for her but she ignored him. "Shit!" Clark curses under his breath getting up from the chair. Tony shook his head at him.

"Leave her be Clark. She probably went up to the roof or to the park for fresh air."

------------

Y/N sat in the chair at the airport. She was only going out of the country for a couple of days just to clear her mind. Bruce and Tony have been blowing up her phone none stop. She was tired and waiting on her flight to be called. "Ugh, I'm so tired." She mumbled rubbing her temple. She got up going to the bathroom.

It was oddly quiet until she heard panicked screams. "What?" She murmured looking over her shoulder. Parademons were everywhere. Y/N scrambled to grab her phone trying to be quiet. She slid down the wall, covering her mouth trying to contain her breathing so she wouldn't be heard. The vibration from her phone caught one of their attention and she didn't know.

Still scrambling, Y/N declined the call somehow. She knew she was fucked, tears raced down her melanin cheeks as she held her breath. The parademons appeared beside Y/N, one inspected making sure she was the right one. It snatched Y/N up and she screamed.

"CLARK!"

--------

The two teams were either sitting around or cleaning up. Clark stood in front of the wet dishes drying them off while Bucky cleaned them. He froze hearing Y/N scream in his ears. Diana noticed and instantly spoke up.

"What is Clark? What's wrong?"

"Y/N's been kidnapped."

-------

Omg, I feel like this is so weird😂😂😂. I am going to make a part 2 I just gotta think about how it's going to go. I have a busy weekend ahead so I won't update until Monday.

Yk i had to make Y/N damsel in distress 😉. Clark is her lover but Bucky does like her. This is kinda a part 2 of Vacation. I love Marvel and DC so why not put them together 😁!

I hope you guys enjoyed this weird post even though the title has nothing to do with the plot of the story, I just couldn't think of anything 😂😂.

Stay slutty my friends 💜

[shiftingwithsydnie]

Hi! I know you've probably already received a ton of messages like this but if you ever need to talk (even if we never converse again) I'm completely free. I'm sorry I can't do much other then to wish you the best and hope your next meal is a nice one maybe send you a photo of my pets. I've just been introduced to your blog but from what I can tell your a really lovely person. Don't be a stranger (unless you want to) ❤🖤🤍

Thank you so much for this. This was genuinely the sweetest thing to come back to. Your's was the only message I've received like this after going MIA on here (which is totally fine) I'm not 100% sure I'll be resuming like normal, at the time I decided to log off and stay off --just about everything-- I was going through a really hard time. It's hard to tell if things are much better now. I'm still struggling not only with grief, but with understanding if that's even what I'm feeling. However, I've gotten past the worst of it. I ended up quitting my job soon after going MIA on here, which both helped and harmed my mental state. I'm past that now as well. I've since gotten engaged and enrolled in college, so things seem to be looking up, although as life does, I've been presented with a new set of challenges that make day to day life draining for me. I know things will get easier in due time but for now, as I said, it's hard to tell if things are much better. I would like to resume my activity on this account again, but it may take some time. Things will change and stay the same, and I'm not sure where I'll take it. One thing is for sure though, this is a safe space for me and I know it. When I originally made my post back in April, I had much support from this odd mix of a community and it helped me to make choices regarding my highest good and well-being. Though I can't promise it will be often, I'll at least check in until I can get back into the swing of things. I appreciate the love and support more than anything and it means so much to me that even now, clear into October, a random stranger cared enough to check in on me and offer me a new branch of support. So thank you so much, @yourlocalcryingcryptid and anyone and everyone else that has so much as thought of my well-being. I hope karma pays you all kindly and I hope to give back in any way I can.

xx, Syd

[halcyonnhood]

Changes || l.h

Summary: Sarah struggles to come to terms with her feelings for Luke, Ashton's a good friend, and Luke is an understanding boyfriend.

Word Count: 3.3k

Warnings: implied past abuse. lots of emotions. a few curse words.

Authors Note: More Luke and Sarah content! Here the first part if you missed it. This part may seem redundant, but that's okay. I think this ended up being a vent fic, so please just try to be nice to me. If you ever have any thoughts about the luke & sarah universe just send me an ask!

- - -

Love feels a lot like sunshine on the first day of spring.

Not that Sarah would know what love feels like. She doesn't. She doesn't even know if she loves Luke romantically, how could anyone be so sure of that? Luke seemed so certain of his feelings when he told her and she had been oblivious to it the entire time. All she knows is that she feels different whenever she's around the lanky man. She feels warmth from the top of her head to the tips of her toes, as if she were basking in comforting sunny rays. Everything seems so much brighter and prettier with him, it reminds her of seeing flowers for the first time after a long snowy winter. She doesn't know if that's what love feels like. She could just be happy to have Luke home.

If Sarah is honest, she's envious of Luke and all of his certainty. He's always been so sure of everything in life. Sure that he was born with music in his bloodstream and talent flowing from his fingertips. Sure that he was made for fame in LA. And he had sounded positively sure when he announced his love for her when he returned from tour. She hadn't been so lucky, in fact, she is the complete opposite and doubts everything. She hasn't quite found her passion in life, she often times regrets moving to LA, and she can't figure out all of these twisted emotions. She wishes it could come to her that easily.

“What're you thinking about?” Luke questions, breaking the girl out of her daze. He twirls more noodles around his fork and watches her with his kind blue eyes.

Sarah bites the inside of her cheek for a moment and decides to tell him the truth, “Love.”

The response nearly makes him choke on a mouthful of food and his coughing sends bits of liquid spewing everywhere. If Sarah hadn't grown accustomed to both him and the boys, she would've considered it gross. She also would've marked this as a failed first date, but it's Luke and it's nothing she hasn't seen before. The sight just makes her laugh as she hands him an extra napkin.

“Love,” Luke repeats. She swears his eyebrows might fly off his face if he raises them any higher, “Love, right. What about it?”

“It's just that you were so certain about it...And I don't do love, Luke.”

Luke's expression softens, “I know.”

“You know?” Sarah looks up at him in confusion.

“I know you don't do love. I know practically everything about you. Sarah, you've only ever told me you loved me once and that was just platonically. That's okay. It's only the first date, I shouldn't have been so quick to say that.”

The two sit in silence for a while, the slurping of noodles being the only noise between them. Sarah wants to be able to tell Luke that she loves him, because that's just what you say in response to someone who loves you. It's something you should say if you think you love someone. It's definitely what you say after you kiss the man that loves you, but the words never come out. Someday she hopes she'll be able to say it to the man and mean it with her entire heart and soul. All she knows currently is that she's enjoying the date and every time he smiles at her, she feels warmer.

“I don't do love, but I do other things. I bake sweets, I take care of petunia, and I write really nice music reviews on every app I own.” Sarah finally breaks the silence. “It isn't a lot-”

“But it's how you show that you love me,” Luke finishes for her.

Sarah lets out the breath she was holding, relieved that he understands, “Yeah. I know my fears are irrational, but I don't want not saying it to stop whatever this is,”

“I have to say, I've enjoyed this date and it'd be an awful shame if a second never happens.” Luke tells her. She can see the playful twinkle in his eyes, but the words ring truthful.

“That really would be disappointing,”  She agrees. “I am looking forward to you beating traditional ramen. That's pretty hard to top,”

“Sounds like a challenge,”

/ / / /

Everything has to change. The seasons, the time, and emotions all go through changes. The summer turns to fall and long days turn to early sunsets. Sarah's tough exterior turns into a poorly supported shield. Which she isn't very happy about. She is not vulnerable. Or soft. She is consistent and strong. But she still finds herself lacking her normal demeanor whenever the blond curly headed demon is around.

Ashton invited Sarah over to his housewarming party, so naturally, she drives over with the tupperware full of cheesecake strapped safely in the passenger seat. The absurdity of buckling food into her car puts her in a giggly mood, but she didn't spend the night before baking it just to have it spilled onto the floorboards. She balances the gift bag on top of the containers and tries to carry it into the new home with steady hands. The task proves itself to be more difficult than she expected, because the bag covers her line of sight, and she doesn't know the layout of the house. She's barely into the foyer and she's already hit her hip on the sharp edge of a decorative side table, making her let out a hiss of obscenities at the pain. Ambling through hallways blindly is obviously not her strong suit, so when the bag is lifted out of her vision, she's happy to find Ashton in front of her. And to properly see the entrance to his house.

“You swear like a sailor, Sarah. You do know that, right?” Ashton asks her with a dimpled smile.

“Only because you have a table in your foyer!” Sarah huffs. Ashton laughs and turns to lead the two of them towards the kitchen, “Who puts tables in a foyer?”

“My interior decorator. It's been two minutes and you're already insulting my house, I'm wounded.” Ashton shakes his head in mock disappointment. He points towards the empty space on the counter next to the wings, so she can set down the containers.

After setting down the contents, she turns and takes in the sight of his new kitchen. She wishes she could find more to insult, but she really enjoys it, “It looks nice, Ash. I like the blue in here.”

“Me too, it feels appropriate. So, what'd you bring this time? Since you nearly fell protecting it,”

“I made two cheesecakes just for you! It took some research, but I made them coffee and cappuccino flavored,” Sarah tells him with an excited smile. “Just had to feed into the addiction,”

Ashton wraps her into a tight hug, “I think that might be the sweetest thing you've ever done. Thank you, Sarbear.”

“You're welcome. Just try it, loser. Since you're my biggest critic and all,”

Sarah leans against the counter while Ashton cuts himself a piece of each. She lets her eyes wander past the kitchen entryway to the living room where she can see some of their friends messing around. She can hear Luke's laugh before she sees him, even just the sound makes her heart race. When she does finally see him in the back of the room, curls bouncing as he laughs with Michael, it makes her heart clench. After multiple dates, lots of hanging out, and scattered kisses, she can still feel her heart melt into a puddle at the bottoms of her feet. And it frustrates her more than anything, because this is not her and this is not how she acts. Not towards Luke or anyone in her life. She can't figure out when she started looking at the man romantically, not in a best friend way or ‘just a couple dates’ way, but full blown “I dreamt I married him once” way. She does not do emotions, no matter what her stupid subconscious might say.

“It tastes delicious,” Ashton tells her. It breaks her daze and she focuses back on the black haired boy who gives her a sly smile.

Her eyebrows raise in shock. A compliment from her friend is rarely heard of when they like arguing so much, “Wait, really? I'm glad you like it,”

“Of course I do.” He rolls his eyes. “I know that look, by the way.”

“What look?”

“The one you have everytime you look at Luke. It's the same one he's given you for the past year. It's the same look that Michael gets when he thinks about Crystal,”

Sarah is immediately shaking her head, because she knows that look. She's seen Luke giving her that look, “No! There's no look. Besides, you guys have only been home for like three months, how can yo-”

“It's been a lot longer than that, he loves you and you know it. Sarah, I know you're this protected, cold, and unfeeling person, but stop denying this.”

“I'm not unfeeling, I just keep my emotions to myself. You learn to with five brothers at home.” She tells him softly, “I do love you and the boys.”

Ashton looks up from his plate in shock, “I love you too.”

“You all have been my best friends since I moved here. I've been up Luke's ass since day one and accepting that my love for him isn't platonic anymore is hard. All I've ever known is best friend Luke, not boyfriend Luke who is romantic and soft.”

“He can still be best friend Luke, but with a few upgrades. Admitting that you love people will not make the world implode. You'll be fine telling him,” Ashton encourages.

Sarah stares at Ashton silently. She's never realized that he could read her so well, but she's not sure what else she expected. He could see that she loves Luke and he can tell she's scared. She just wishes these things were as easy for her as it is for everyone else.

“And that's coming from the brother who wouldn't say that unless he trusted both of you completely.”

Ashton eats his piece of cheesecake in silence after that, the sounds of their friends filling the empty space. Deep down, Sarah knows that he's right. She knows that Luke loves her and she should tell him that she loves him too, but there's something terrifying about the unpredictability of emotions. She could tell him she loves him and there's the chance that his feelings could change. Or maybe he would realize he never loved her at all. If something ever did happen between them, could they ever go back to being best friends? Even worse than that, she hopes she never has to go back to being only friends.

What's the worst thing that could happen? Sarah knows that Luke loves her, he may have taken a step back from vocalizing it, but he shows it in other ways now. The worst thing is that she gets nervous and bails while trying to tell him. It wouldn't be so bad, to be able to show him her feelings for once. Right when she decides to tell him, Ashton bumps her shoulder and breaks her focus.

He holds his fork out to her with the last bite of cheesecake on it, “It's delicious, I swear. It's just rich and you're over here feeding me two slices.”

“You made the choice to try both,” She shakes her head, but still takes the fork to finish it. “Thank you though. I know how hard it is for you to compliment me.”

“Ashton complimented you? That's a miracle.” Luke comments. The unexpected sound of his voice makes Sarah jump, which brings out bubbling giggles from both men.

“Don't expect it too often. Anywho, I have a party to host. Catch up with you guys later!” Ashton winks at her, then leaves the two alone in the shiney new kitchen.

“Hey, honey.” Luke whispers as he pulls her into a tight embrace, “What were you guys talking about?”

Sarah snuggles into the warmth of his hug, “Just my absolutely amazing coffee flavored cheesecake and his poor choice of tables in foyers,”

“Sounds like an entertaining conversation,” He chuckles. He releases his grip from her and studies her playful expression.

"Oh, absolutely! You really missed out on that one. Just about as exciting as Ashton could get!”

"That's a shame, I must be so boring in comparison. I was just going to ask if you wanted to come over to my house after this.”

Sarah blinks up at his hopeful eyes and tries to keep the smile on her face, but she feels her brows furrowing some, “It'll be pretty late once we leave, Lu”

“I was asking if you'd like to stay the night with me.” Luke tells her softly.

His face has gone all serious and there's something in the sincerity of him inviting her over that just makes her crack right then and there. Sarah wants, scratch that, needs to tell him about the mess going on in her mind. He always knows how to organize the mess and it's not going anywhere until she finally admits what the issue is.

“I think we should talk,” She lets out a nervous sigh. By the look on his face, she can tell that's the wrong response to the invitation, but he recovers quickly and just gives her a tiny nod.

“Yeah, of course! Let's just get some privacy.”

Luke leads her to one of the rooms upstairs and explains that it's a guest room. He keeps glancing at their intertwined fingers and she knows that he must be thinking of the worst possible scenarios. She really wishes he wouldn't, she's just scared and needs to talk to both best friend Luke and boyfriend Luke. To accept that there's a difference in the two now, but all the same. And she needs to realize that no, the world will not implode if she tells him she loves him. It didn't when she told Ashton and it won't this time. The world will still be here continuing on with life and she'll be a bit more soft around the edges.

Except that Sarah has never learned to be soft or vulnerable. She grew up with five brothers and drunk parents. She was never given the chance to act like a proper little girl. It was always screaming, fighting, and blood. There were never any tears shed or lapses in her tough exterior, because the situation hadn't allowed for it. So, when she packed up and moved to LA she tried her best to push her own limits and act girly. She learned how to do makeup on her own and taught herself how to bake, without five boys waiting to make fun of her or parents to take everything away. She was trying to work on expressing herself when she met the boys and being surrounded by four boys meant that the exterior went right back up. They are her family here in LA and that means having three more brothers to protect herself from. She isn't sure she'll ever get the chance to be soft, but she wants to be. Especially for Luke.

Luke squeezes her hand lightly as the two sit on the bed. Sarah can't make out his expression or what he's thinking, but she still squeezes his fingers back in response.

“Are you breaking up with me?” Luke asks, breaking the silence. The question lingers heavily in the air and Sarah wishes a black hole would swallow her whole.

“Of course not,”

This time, Sarah can feel his warm blue eyes burning into her skin, “It feels like you're going to.”

“I'm not, I promise.” She tells him with furrowed eyebrows. She stares at the cream colored carpet beneath her feet and makes a note to tell Ashton that it was a bad choice. Light colored carpets are just asking for stains.

"I know we're still in the ‘new’ stage of this relationship and I'm really not trying to push you into being more serious. But you need to tell me things,” Luke lets go of her hand.

She watches as he paces the length of the room and struggles to piece together the words she needs to say. Everything is scattered in pieces, the words that Ashton told her, what she wants to say, and the stupid fucking carpets. But nothing is coming out, yet again.

“You never tell me things and I'm really trying to understand, but I can't when you used to tell me everything. If you can't talk to me and we're only three months in, we can't do this. Sarah, I am trying my best here and I don't know what else to do.”

"I told you everything because you were my best friend. And now you're my boyfriend and things feel different.” Sarah says quietly.

“I'm still your best friend,” Luke tells her. He squats in front of her sitting spot and strokes a thumb over her soft hand.

Sarah avoids his gaze, “I am used to being cold, it's just how I grew up. I had to. Then I met you and was able to express some things to you. Now that we're together there's a whole new set of emotions and I have never had to deal with them.”

“Are you trying to s-” Luke starts, but she cuts him off. He just pushes a strand of hair behind her ear and watches as she takes in a shaky breath.

“I love you, Luke.” Sarah tells him. And she waits for the world to implode, for the house to crumple on top of her, or for him to laugh. The only thing that happens is Luke looking up at her with glassy eyes as he kisses the backs of her hands.

“I love you too, Sarah.” He smiles, “Is that what all this was about?”

“I was scared that something bad would happen if I told you. That you would change your mind or you would laugh at me...I don't know, my family never reacted well to me talking about love and I didn't want a repeat of that.”

"Oh, honey,” Luke whispers and joins her on the bed so he can wrap his arms around her. “I would never ever do that to you.”

Sarah leans into the warmth, “I'm trying to get better at this. I just have to remember that you guys are different and emotions aren't weaknesses for you.”

"Never. You're human, you're supposed to be emotional. I know your family wasn't very nice to you, but you're here now. You have a loving boyfriend and three brothers who would do anything for you.” Luke explains softly.

Luke wipes the tears from her cheeks and places a kiss on her forehead. He remembers Sarah telling him stories about her family and how she wasn't too fond of them. She ended up in survival mode most of the time, but it never hit him that she was so cold because of it. He doesn't even think that she had realized that before tonight. She was just scared of emotions and didn't know what love felt like due to family. He hopes that she knows that they would never treat her badly.

“I'm sorry for crying all over you, I promise that it's not because of you,” Sarah giggles a bit, “I just love you so fucking much and I can say it,”

“You can say it,” Luke laughs with her, “I love you more than you'd ever realize.”

For once in Sarah's life, she feels completely at peace. She can do the whole “emotional” thing and nothing bad will happen, because all the bad stuff is in the past. It feels good to admit all the pent up stuff. And most importantly, loving luke DOES feel like sunshine on the first day of spring. Warm, fuzzy, and everything nice.

And she's certain that she's happy. So sure of it. She gets to be happy with the best person in her life and that's all she could ask for.

[ticklikeabomb]

The Language of Limbo - Part 4

Pairing : Chris Evans x Plus Size Reader ; Marvel Cast x Plus Size Reader

Warnings : Language ; Angst ; Mention of drinking

Word Count : 2.7k

You sprinted out to your trailer and ignoring Hemsworth's calls in the process. Once you got inside your safe space, your leaned against the door and let yourself slide down, crying your heart out, a mix of emotions going over you : sadness, disappointment, anger, shame. Your mind kept replaying Rebecca's word on a loop and you lost it completely until you eventually fell asleep on the couch. You were woken up by knocks on your door. You sighed heavily not wanting to face anyone but the person behind the door was persistent. You opened up not bothering in cleaning the traces of your sadness. Elisabeth entered in your trailer and without a word hugged you. A fresh new wave of tears cascaded down your face while she was rubbing your arms in support. "I heard the news, I'm so sorry Y/N." You nodded, hiding yourself from her. "The cast is also worried but wanted to give you some space. They send their regards to you nonetheless", she continued slowly.

You sat down on the couch and took a deep breath before exclaiming, "God this sucks." She sat beside you, comforting you. "It does. I don't know what came over the ones in charge, you were doing so good. I don't understand. Now we have to reshoot the scenes all over again", she told you. "Months of preparation and hard work and I didn't even get the chance to prove myself", you replied with a cracking voice. She grabbed your face and looked into your eyes, "Listen to me Y/N, you are strong and will nail the Shield agent part. I know you will, so show them what they lost." You nodded and hugged her tightly. "Thank you Lizzie." She wiped out the remaining tears and told you that RDJ was hosting another get together for the newbie. "I know it's delicate but it would be good if you were present." You shook your head, "I'm sorry I can't. I won't be able to be there and act like nothing happened. Rebecca, she…", you said but cut short to it. "She what Y/N?", asked Lizzie. "No nothing, it's nothing. I can't go, I'm sorry and besides I have work to do in memorizing the new lines." She nodded in understanding and left. "If you need anything you know where to find me." You thanked her again and saw her leaving.

Meanwhile during RDJ's get together

Just like they did to you, Scarlet and Mackie showed Rebecca around while doing small-talk and trying to get to know her. "I guess you will have to catch on fast on all the fighting moves for the scenes?", remarked Mackie. "Oh I think it will not be so difficult, I'm a fast learner and in good shape, I'm sure I'll know all of it in two days' time", she replied all smiling. "Ohhhkay", replied Mackie slightly taken aback by her assurance. They arrived at Downey Town and the rest of the cast greeted her. Elisabeth put on a her best fake smile while doing so, smile that caught the attention of Rebecca, who saved that expression for her future plans. She asked about the shooting so far and felt particularly intrigued at one of Robert's remarks. "I'm curious how you will top Y/N's chemistry with Chris." She gave him a skeptical look and asked, "What do you mean?" The older actor cleared his throat and replied back with a teasing smirk, "Y/N and Chris are love interests in the movie and their chemistry showed onscreen because it was already flawless offscreen." She scoffed not believing her ears. "Well it's a good thing that she won't play Chris's love interest anymore, since I'm Y/C/N now. I'm not afraid, I like a challenge, if we could call that one." "You seem really confident there?", mumbled Hemsworth from the other end of the table. "I know my strengths and what I want in life. Once there's something I want, I'll do everything I can to obtain it." Some actors nodded, not understanding the whole meaning of her words. "That's a good philosophy", replied Mark with a smile.

After a while, she set her plan in motion. "I don't want to overstep or anything, I mean you've been around her longer than I have but I don't get why you're all praising Y/N so much. I mean, I met her the day they revealed us who was casted and had some time to chat with her and she just seemed extremely rude to me." The cast frowned at her words, not really believing her. "Nonsense, Y/N is one of the sweetest people I know", counterattacked Elisabeth. Rebecca gasped and said, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to cause trouble or implying anything, it was just my feeling at that moment, the way she talked about some of you and all." The last part caught everyone's attention. "What do you mean 'talked about some of us'?", asked Tom cautiously. She shook her head and said, "You know what? Just forget that I said anything. I don't want any drama or whatever. I just want to be part of this already established family and do good in the movie." The rest of the cast looked around at each other thinking about her words, some not entirely sure if they should believe her since they've spend time with you and saw that you weren't like that. At the same time, some others began to question themselves, because they didn't know you for long.

Elisabeth was fuming, seeing an outsider not only take the place that was rightfully yours but criticize you on top of it. "Thank you Robert for diner. I'm going to bed", she said before abruptly standing up and leaving the table. "She seems upset", said Rebecca with her best sweet voice. "Yeah, she's friends with Y/N. I don't think your little comments from earlier made her happy", announced Jeremy. She bowed her head in fake shame but was mentally smirking. "I'm really sorry it wasn't my attention", she whispered with a cracking voice. "Hey let's not worry about that. Think of it as a new start, focus on your job and everything will go fine", comforted RDJ in a fatherly manner. She nodded and thanked him before excusing herself and call it a night. "I planted the seed, now I'll have to wait until the little bees come and collect their nectar", she mumbled proudly to herself once in her trailer.

It's been a few days since the recasting. You would either stay inside your trailer, hit the gym to let some steam off or spend time at the small cafe around the corner, going over your part in the script. You began shutting everyone out one by one because you were trying to focus on how you wanted to embody the tech agent without turning it into a complete cliché. The more you stepped back the more Rebecca used it against you to get closer to the cast and have them on her side. She began dropping hints here and there about your absence and how antisocial you were.

One day, she took advantage of Elizabeth not being present to criticize you. "It makes me wonder if she really cared hanging out for you or because of how much she could gain in being associated with you", she said once when they were on the lunch break. "Why are you always talking bad about her?", asked Mark slightly annoyed of hearing her complain all the time. She swallowed harshly and put on her best innocent act. "I'm just frustrated. I know she hates me, she has made it clear but it just annoys me that she talks shit about you but when she's in front of you, she acts all friendly and all. Her hypocrisy makes me sick." It was Chris (Evans)'s turn to speak up. "You keep saying that but do you have any prove of it."

She scoffed annoyed before bursting out, "I know she keeps asking questions about your personal life for example, just like a stalker would. You must be blind to not see how smitten she is about you. It doesn't only revolve around you but goes beyond. I was drinking some water after a scene and saw a phone churn on the table. I recognized her phone and a certain Scott Evans was texting her. I suppose it's your brother", she finished. Chris clenched his jaw in anger, not believing you would go that far to get to him. "Is it true? Did you noticed it too?", he asked around him. Some of the actors seemed uncomfortable because it was indeed true that there was a time where you would ask them about Chris and his personal life. "It happened once or twice", revealed Scarlet. Rebecca saw the glimpse of the prominent fracture occur in front of her eyes and pushed it further. "And other things she does. I overheard her once on the phone when I was walking to my trailer, where she was criticizing you Scarlet, saying that she didn't know how people could be so dumb and believe in your talent. She said you were just a body and with no talent behind. It clearly shows how jealous she in fact is. Or when she said how you Mackie should shut the fuck up already because your jokes weren't funny at all", she rambled while pointing at them. "And let me not start with what she said about you Robert." "It's enough, I don't want to hear about it", he replied not interested. The thick air surrounded the cast, Scarlet, Mackie and Chris fuming about what they just heard. Chris stood up angrily and walked away, isolating himself in his own trailer, thinking about what he should do with all these information.

Today was your first scene as the Shield agent. You walked out of the makeup trailer and marched to the set. When you arrived you saw that they were still filming a scene and not just only a scene. THE scene, where Steve and what was supposed to be your character, would share their first kiss. You saw Rebecca launching on Chris's lips and it made you sick. "It was supposed to be me", the thought crossing your mind. You bowed down your head before taking control of your emotions and focus on your part. You left your phone on silence next to your chair and went over your lines one last time. "Y/N? you're up", you heard one of the Russo brothers shout. You stood up, leaving your script and phone on the chair and got in position to shoot your scene. While you were shooting a scene between Mark and RDJ, Chris sat on his own chair who was beside yours. He was taking a gulp of his water when the reflection of the screen beside him caught his attention. It wasn’t his intention to look at it but when he saw his brother's name, he paled.

From Scott Evans : Hey Y/N, how are you? How has it been going regarding Chris?

His blood began to boil and he clenched his jaw in fury. "So it is true", he quietly mumbled to himself. You finished your scene and head back to your seat. You noticed Chris looking angry and frowned. "Everything alright?", you asked him. "We need to talk !", he spat. You were taken aback by his hostility and before you could answer, he stood up and walked away, leaving you dumbfounded. The small altercation didn't go unnoticed by some of the cast and especially Rebecca who was biting on her lip in order to control her grin. "The fuck", you whispered to yourself. You continued your work the best you could but Chris's expression and tone he employed were always on your mind. During breaks, Mackie would make jokes but because you were thinking about the altercation, you wouldn't laugh. "Jeez, apparently some do think my jokes suck and instead of telling it to my face, just prefer to be fake", he said while looking directly at you. You didn't caught the meaning behind his words but it still sting a little to you. The day was over for you and left the others behind who still had two scenes to shoot.

Elizabeth approached Mackie and asked him what was his comment about. "Nothing, forget about it", he just replied before turning around and rolling his eyes at her for defending you. She walked to Scarlet with a frown and the blond actress asked her what was going on. "I don't know, I feel like everyone is just being cold with Y/N and I have no idea why", mumbled Lizzie. Scarlet cleared her voice before commenting, "I don't know, maybe Y/N isn't who she pretends to be." To that, Lizzie looked at Scarlet in the eyes and with an annoyed expression, "What is that supposed to mean?" Scarlet sighed not really in the mood but eventually told Lizzie what was going on. "That's why we're keeping our distances. Chris found out today that she's indeed in contact with his brother and that the main topic of conversation was Chris." Lizzie gasped not believing her words. "Come on Elizabeth we know you're friends but you're not that close. You've worked together, what, 5 years ago. People change and besides it's not like it's a close friend of yours. She might be using you too", declared Scarlet. Lizzie was lost, not knowing who to believe in. It was indeed true that you weren't that close. If it wasn't for Aaron she probably wouldn't even know you but still she found it hard to believe.

You were finishing putting on your clothes when harsh knocks were heard on your door. You quickly buttoned your jeans and put on your sneakers before opening the door and seeing Chris stand in front of you. "Can I come in?", he asked with a firm voice. "Ehm sure", you replied with a frown. The air was thick and uncomfortable. "So what do you wanted to talk about?", you asked. He sighed before looking angrily at you. "I don't know why you've been asking around about me but I don't like when people put their nose where they don't belong, especially if it involves my family." Your mouth opened in shock and your face was burning in shame. "Wha-what?", you whispered. "I know you've been texting my brother about me and I also know you've got a thing for me." He walked closer and you took a step back, the movement making him stop. He took a deep breath before declaring, "You and me. It's never gonna happen, so stop stalking me. Don't talk to me ever again and stay away from my family !" You stood there in shock and felt the silent tears sliding down your face. "Get out", you whispered. "What did you say?", he asked. You gulp harshly, "Get out ! GET OUT ! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY TRAILER"!, you shouted in despair, pushing him out. His eyes went wide and he almost tripped while exiting. You smashed the door on his face and felt on the ground, crying, deeply hurt by his words. Mason who was on his way to your trailer, saw you pushing Chris out of your trailer, a crying mess and he had to control himself to not launch on him and punch him in the face. He followed Chris until he was out of sight and his eyes landed on Rebecca who was hiding in a corner, smiling proudly. He promised himself to dig into it and have an eye on the one he immediately felt a bad connection with.

You took your phone, wrote Scott a small and vague message before deleting his number. You cleaned your face and got out, heading to the cornerstone. Once you arrived at the aisle you were looking for your gaze fixed for a long minute the bottle of whiskey in front of you. You grabbed two bottles along a bag of chips, so that the cashier wouldn't find it suspicious. You payed him and grabbed the bag before quickly heading back to your trailer. You took the groceries out and opened the first bottle, taking a large gulp from it. Burning your throat, the liquor gave you the comfort you needed. You kept on drinking until you couldn't stand on your feet. You opened the second bottle and drank from it until it was half empty before passing out on the floor.

* gifs not mine, credit to owner*

PERMANENT TAG LIST : @arrowswithwifi @poetic-pixie @theshortegg @kyber-hearts-and-stardust-souls @prettybubblesintheair @yafriendlyfangirl @marshmallow-witch @ms-cellanies @the-feckless-wonder @cfisher290 @thefangirltheycallviolet @river-fics @lilulo-12 @fanfictionrecommendations-com @spetzerfehn @angieptt @wayward-timetravel-collecter @ashley17jacobs @lokithedancingqueen @wildsoul1221 @introvertedsin @robertconradjr @francezka10  @titty-teetee

SERIES TAG LIST : @halee-bear @sanellv @alwaysenjoythelifeyoulive @teatimewithhiddles @mooniessuniverse @meggie-mouse-28 @krissyq@moviefan97 @morningstar09 @cocomel0613

[masslessobtrusion]

This was the last conversation I had with Lauren before she passed away...

It’s unedited besides some names and cities. Lauren It hurts me and stresses me out and triggers me to know you're high right now and I just celebrated my 90 days completely sober from everything yesterday and I want to cry and because of that i can't talk to you for my sake and well-being because this is the first time in my life I have put myself first and I feel great except I'm stressed out now. It's nice to have a sober support group to help, but still ?? Lauren I can't talk to you because I cry and it threatens this great thing I have right now and want to hold on to Ryan I've actually been clean. I'd rather have you as a friend than be high. Lauren That's fucking awesome!! But I need time still and I'm learning patience too Ryan No one talks to me, everyone cancels their plans on me, just because I told them about it. I really need a friend. Lauren It's hard to see you and very confusing and uncomfortable I can't talk to you. Ryan what if I flew you to ****on august 26th. no access to anything and the maywether/McGregor fight is on. the pool is heated, it feels awesome I'll do anything to have you as a friend. Going to home was a nice change in my routine. rollcall is banned forever, markets went down. There's no getting anything. Lauren All I can say is if you want people in your life, open yourself to the idea of AA and get yourself a sponsor and find a way to see what the program is all about past the God stuff. Because what it's really all about is a bunch of fucked up people who have lost everybody and everything getting together and making friends and supporting each other. You will find friends and support through AA. Lauren That's all I have to say. Bye. Ryan Hey, please don't do this. I'm totally good. So many people cut me out of their life. I stopped benzos and kratom is down to one small spoon in the morning. i'm lifting weights. I'm feeling good about uber. Lauren Join AA. Ryan ok Lauren not that you join. Just go. Every day. Ryan if that's what you want me to do to be friends with you. I'll do it. Lauren You will find people. Ryan I don't really want people like that. Just my old friends who don't use. Lauren That's what it will take. AA. Just keep going. Ryan I'm glad it's helping you. It is, right? Lauren More than anything. I have legit friends now and most of all I have support for anything that's bothering me Ryan I figured this would happen. But was hoping that you could not cut me out your life. I won't do anything to hurt you or your sobriety. I promise. Keep me at a distance for a while. But please don't cut me out. Lauren I stay away from guys like they suggest because of 13th stepping Ryan I saw your new fetlife. ?? Lauren AA has changed my life. And no, I don't believe in God. Ryan But I'm glad you're not getting 13th stepped. Lauren I have to until you're completely sober and have a sober support network through either smart recovery, na, or aa Ryan Could you be my support if I need it? I don't care about drugs. I just want a friend to bullshit with. Lauren I can't because men stick with men and women with women for distraction purposes Ryan and you've been my best friend for a long time now. I don't care if you have a boyfriend or you're getting tied up and stuff. Lauren Do AA. You'll meet people and see them everyday at meetings. Its nice Ryan I like you so much. It would be devastating. I'll do it. I have a pinball tournament tonight and am possibly meeting up with arielle, her boyfriend, and ashley. But feel like they'll flake. But I'm still playing pinball. I'll go to a meeting ASAP. I promise. I mean it. Lauren It would seriously be the best thing you ever do. You'll thank me, I promise. But you have to keep going even if you think it's a crock of shit at first. People start off going in pissed off all the time until they start to realize it helps. Ryan I'll probably do NA though. The way you're talking feels like you've be indoctrinated into something that excludes people. I'm glad that you're safe and being healthy though. but i want your friendship. It's pretty much the most meaningful thing to me. and to lose that. I would have nothing. I've been hanging on, waiting for you all of this time. I want to be a positive influence for you Lauren I wouldn't say that. I would say check out both. I've found the people in AA are better but na is more relatable People in na tell more war stories so it might be a better place to start off because you'll have stuff to talk about. Thing is though more people go to meetings high than in aa Ryan I met a new girl too. Nothing serious. But it's a confidence boost. And you're still #1 to me. Lauren All I can tell you is that If you keep going every day you will meet people you can relate to and who will be there for you Ryan actually, I probably won't see her for a long time, because she's moving. okay, I love you though and want you to be my best friend. What's the word? Standard? Just, no matter what. Always be available to me. This attitude that you have is good. You're in control and you set the rules. I'm okay with that. I don't want to be abandoned again. It's the shittiest feeling. and I don't want you to say it's selfish. Lauren I'm available if you get sober because once you're sober, in order to stay sober it's a good idea to avoid people who are using or drinking. It makes sense... Ryan Because you're the only person that really knows me and one of the very few humans that will talk to me. Lauren sober Ryan would be like the Ryan I first met biking... trail running... Ryan I didn't do anything bad. I won't in the future either. Lauren POSITIVE. http://www.*****.org/meetings Meetings | ***** Area of Narcotics Anonymous The 8888Area is part of the *** Region of NA with meetings in ***, Brighton, Longmont, and Louisville, Nederland, and Westminster. ********.org Ryan guhhhh, my cardio sucks, but I've been lifting dumb bells and push ups and I gained some weight. I'm like 155-160 Lauren it sucked when you first started doing it years ago but you got past it and felt great! I remember. You were so confident! it's such a relief to hear you're on the right path Ryan shoulder pain still controls me. Lauren really. Ryan yes. Would you want to go to STL with me next month, get an airbnb? or I could fly out there? Lauren Here. Go to the Longmont one at 7pm tonight while it's still fresh from talking to me http://www.*******.org/meetings/wednsday Ryan and you can see me being healthy and sober. I have plans tonight. Pinball and possibly friends. But definitely pinball. Lauren I'm going to be at the halfway house next month. I'm staying with my uncle until a space is available it's a tournament? Ryan yeah Lauren then go tomorrow http://www.*******.org/meetings/thursday Ryan and i wanted to see if arielle and her bf wanted to get happy hour sushi before. Lauren seriously, ignore everything "god" and just meet people Ryan and ashley said she would hang out and smoke weed with me from a guy she knows that grows and she bought a bunch. but everyone flakes out. Even Robin did for camp dick, planned it 2 weeks ahead. Then he tells me his friend is having a going away party that weekend a few days before. Lauren well I hope everything works out Ryan I'll go tomorrow. Lauren let me know how it goes otherwise don't message me because it'll just make me sad ?? Ryan cool well, not the sad part but yeah, i'll do anything to keep our friendship going. Lauren you're going to meet people. that's what I think is going to be the best and when they ask if anyone's there for the first time... introduce yourself as Ryan and say it's your first na meeting ever Ryan okay thanks for the tips, anything else? Lauren people will come find you and introduce themselves. it's cool how friendly people there are. because they remember what it was like yeah... hang around awkwardly afterwards or bum a cigarette from someone and talk to them if no one comes to you lol Ryan If I do well and meet your expectations, can we hang out? people don't even talk to me at pinball. i hate it. sooooo many times, i start talking to someone and they just start talking to someone else Lauren maybe once you have some clean/sober time under your belt Ryan 15 days so far Lauren that's what's so cool! addicts love to talk to other addicts because they're blacksheep too no alcohol? Ryan i drank at my parents less than they did Lauren dude I found not drinking at all has helped with my mood SO much. just saying for me. Ryan I don't really drink alcohol though. Lauren i know you're going to meet people who are a lot like you I think you'll be surprised Ryan that's a possibility, but really. I'd rather just not have anything drug related in my life. Lauren "hey I'm Ryan. I'm an addict. It's my first time at any kind of meeting like this" Ryan I'm going to check it out though. Lauren thanks Ryan You'll be safe in St. Louis. Lauren it's going to be a while Ryan and we could watch the fights Lauren one step at a time. Ryan well, should I sell my vouchers then? Lauren yeah Ryan :( Lauren or find someone else because i can't go Ryan that was a little dramatic of an emoji Lauren oh lol Ryan but i just wanted a sad face Lauren got it Ryan so, how is fetlife? Lauren I have to go but I'll let you know I just chat with people and still haven't met up with anyone Ryan it kind of worries me. Lauren the tail pic is from my friend Richie who we webcammed with the one time (first kiss/high school friend) it was casual. Ryan doesn't seem like a sober living thing to do. But I suppose it's your rules. Lauren yeah, I'm more looking for a girl Ryan nice want to see the girl I've been hanging out with? Lauren no dude! Ryan ok Lauren hah ouch. talking to you hurts me enough Ryan oh Lauren but anyway I have to go Ryan I didn't mean to do that. I got the feeling that you didn't care. Ok, so, can I still talk to you and stuff. I'm so lonely. Lauren I just can't help but want to help you feel like you used to and find friends shit i'm so fucking up you really can't ?? Ryan I don't want rehab friends. I want hobby friends. Lauren it's part of my treatment plan and stuff that's not even AA related Ryan cool, I like hearing that you have a plan. Lauren yeah. i'm just doing what they tell me because i don't ever want to go back to drinking like i was a couple months ago or shooting dope obviously my decisions don't exactly work so i'm letting them make decisions for me... weird as that sounds. but it's working well so far ?? Ryan then don't talk about it until you're good at it. awesome I just hope you don't get taken advantage of mentally or physically. Lauren nah, i'm still ultimately in control of my life Ryan you're my #1 human. I don't want to lose you. I'll go tomorrow. Let you know about it. Lauren anyway, i can't talk to you for a while. but do the na/aa thing to make sure you stay sober (the counting days part is kind of cool too) and then we'll talk in a couple of months. but go everyday as something to do and a way to socialize and get out of that apartment Ryan a couple of months? why? I would never do that to someone. Lauren because i'm still fresh and easily stressed and because i want to make sure you're committed to this sobreity thing Ryan who is asking for help and it's me Lauren i'm letting you know it's what I feel is best for me it's a couple of months. it's not a couple years. Ryan okay, but I'll support you too. Lauren you can randomly message me with how many days you have Ryan I feel like, just empty. i knew this would happen. Lauren if I don't respond don't think I don't care... know that I'm seriously smiling Ryan my intuition, you know it's legit. Lauren you've got this . Ryan we're no different than the hundreds of stories I've read Lauren now go out and meet people! *hug* Ryan I'm willing to support and help you with whatever you want. Lauren bye Ryan You're giving me a "god bless" like southern women do when they really mean something else. it's not necessary. fuck now I have absolutely zero people who I thought care about me. I've reached out to so many people. This isn't helping anything. If it were, I would tell you. You're super hot too. I don't think you realize how much of a difference that makes. Why not make me go to a reddit meetup or something, maybe I could network instead of focusing on drugs with current and former addicts. I've always disliked other users. You know this. Just bringing up counter arguments. annnnd Ashley just flaked out, didn't see that coming. Arielle flaking out should happen in about an hour. I may go camping by myself, just not ask anyone to go, because they just flake out 9/10 times. Dude, I have no one to talk to. and I want to talk to you. I'm going to go crazy talking to myself, without you responding. Can we set up a schedule to talk? Ryan I'm telling you that this hurts me. It does. I hate being abandoned, not invited and flaked out on more than anything. I feel kind of used too. I was there for you all of this time. All of the phone calls. And then I'm abandoned when I'm doing what I consider good. Those people are going to tell you to tell me to fuck off. That's what makes me think about cults and seperation. It's black and white. And I'm not black and white. so, i'm begging you, whatever is in your head. Just treat me like you used to. Please, I'm desperate as can be. So, can we set a scheduled time, so there isn't random ghostings. annnnnd Arielle just cancelled. Lauren And this is why I fucked up in talking to you. Now I feel guilty and stresses out. Learn patience. Good. Bye. Ryan What did I do? I'm asking for help and friendship. I'm being nice as can be. Am I not? Tell me what I'm doing wrong, so I can learn from mistakes. and im blocked wtf, you really just unfriended me? Lauren? please I would never do this to you. You don't feel like it's wrong at all? i'm just going to cry and remember that everyone treats me like shit. I'm some worthless piece of shit. So I deserve to be treated like one. I would never ever treat you or anyone like this. Lauren I blocked you then realized there was a take a break option then unblocked to do that but realized,you can still message me and now I have to wait 48 hours to block you So please let me take a break! Ryan Don't block me Lauren For my Fucking sobriety This is why they tell me not to talk to you! Ryan why, even think about it. I want you to be sober. I'm being supportive. Lauren I'm stressed as fuck now You're NOT! Ryan Yeah, they do that to everyone. It's like a cult. Like I said earlier. I've read hundreds of stories. But you can make exceptions. If you have a friend in need of help. Lauren You're making me feel guilty and stresses and cry because you're not letting me go for a while Ryan I'm not asking for much. I said I would go to an NA meeting tomorrow. Lauren Just PLEASE stop messaging me For me. Ahhhhhhh! PLEASE. Ryan I just want you to respond or have a certain timeframe of when you can respond to me. Otherwise I get upset. Lauren I. don't. Know. Ryan because I have NO ONE to talk to. absolutely no one. Lauren When you're 90 days clean and sober from everything, ok? Use meetings to help Now please Let me go This is killing me Ryan It doesn't have to be so black and white. I'm on your side and you're treating me like an enemy. I've always been on your side. I want to help you. Lauren Because you're being an enemy to my sobriety and my well being and it's selfish. Ryan I didn't do anything. I sent you pictures of a dog and told you77777 that I'm sober. I was being happy and stuff Lauren Leave me alone!!!!!! Don't talk to me. Ryan ok9 Get some sober time and then talk to me. But don't talk to me now. Thank you Ryan I'm fine and the most sober I've been in a long time. it's not a competition. but i will look elsewhere for friendship, or just cut myself or something. This sucks either way. I'm not going to be your enemy. Because I'm not and never will be. I just lost my best friend of 3-4 years. The closest friend I've ever had.

[yarusiholdings]

622. Uplevel Your Multifamily Business With "Groundbreaker" Technology

Jake is the founder and CEO of Groundbreaker, a software application that helps real estate investment firms automate workflows in fundraising, investor reporting and investment management. Jake speaks with real estate GPs and LPs frequently, so here are some topics he could go deep with current knowledge on: - Deal structures and fees, what he is seeing on a day to day basis - Due diligence, Investor relations - RE tech (CRMs, tech stacks, scaling with tech) - Asset classes to consider during down time - Or any other topic you deem to be a match for your audience.

  Thank you so much for listening! WE ARE SO GRATEFUL!!!!

Our Sponsor: 

Multifamily Foundation

If you are serious about learning how to buy apartment buildings then don’t wait, go to www.multifamilyfoundation.com and let us help you build your foundation.

Investing for Lifestyle and Legacy: https://www.yarusiholdings.com/

Our ENTIRE Podcast, Books and Health Suggestions: https://www.amazon.com/shop/yarusiholdings

Subscribe To Us On YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1SuXB01d14DC8ZnEWpRQdQ?sub_confi rmation=1

Subscribe To Us on #Libsyn: http://multifamilyfoundation.libsyn.com/website

Subscribe To Us on iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-multifamily-foundation/id1484177595

  Transcription:

Hello, again, welcome back to the Jason and Pilli project. Super excited for today's show. You've got some dynamic things and is actually uncanny, that I would just searching for a platform itself, that we were diving into sc we have Jake Marmulstein the show, Hey Jake, how you doing? Hey, how you doing Jason? Glad to be here. Doing awesome, man. Doing awesome. So Jake is CEO of groundbreaker software application that helps real estate investment firms, automate workflows and fundraising investor reporting and investment management. If you're doing this back from 2014, he seen the market transition just really just has a ton of talk about one from really this CRE finance and technology side, but two from the psychology side. So we're going to dive in and get some great question, but Jake filling the gaps. What I miss here? Yeah. Well, the transition of companies moving into the cloud and being able to look at their tech stack now objectively and saying, what are the missing pieces that we have here that we can automate with technology that we can fill with technology? That's going to be available 24 seven, 365, that we can turn on that we can control that we can operate, across functions remotely in a in today's world. And once you have that technology, being able to look at, the world has, is changing and continues to change moving more towards the technology, uh, being a factor in every business and being a consideration to get up and running. And have it be a piece of your company. What was it about this specific space that stood out to you in 2014, that you took a hard look at it and decide to dive all in on? So, uh, when I was looking at it in 2014 to set the context 2012 was the passing of the jobs act. And in 2014, we had an article in venture beat written about us, uh, in democratizing real estate investing by having a platform where anybody could put their deal up and they could raise capital online from accredited investors over the internet. And it was a big deal for people who have been, uh, doing everything, um, but general solicitation so that they comply with securities laws. And we're thinking as a company, do we want to via crowdfunding solution? Do we want to get a big group of investors together and direct capital towards real estate deals? Or where is this really going? What's the big picture and big picture is that people are going to arm themselves with the technology. They need to be able to harvest their own investor base. Yeah. And when you look at that and some of the, the ability to create a platform, right? So your investors can, can feel as if, as if they're, you're, you're being a safe Haven, a safe Harbor for their capital, right? And so you're not just hiding with Excel spreadsheets where things can be manipulated, but you now have a platform that creates a rectal style for the brand. You're now seeing a lot of competition come into the market. How have you seen the space develop over the last six years since you started though space has developed segmentation, uh, groups that maybe were interested in going head to head with us, uh, as providers of an investment management portal, maybe segmented towards some of the back office functions of providing an escrow account or clearing house services or transfer agent services, um, or maybe moving across different industries and not being real estate specific, but doing sort of an investment manager, CRM for multiple different industries. And then we saw companies that came right in and want to go head to head with us, uh, on real estate investment management software, but they're either going up market and moving towards institutional groups, or they might be going downmarket. And as it currently stands, there's a wide space in the market between the lower market solutions and really the institutional solutions. Uh, so we are occupying the space in between there where we can be that scalable solution. That's not only easy to use, uh, and robust, but it's also very cost effective for companies that want to onboard now and grow and not have to switch to a different solution later on once they outgrow the, the, uh, a solution that they started with because the price was low enough. So we want to be that solution that people start with and stay with. What are some of the core components of Graham groundbreaker that really make it stand out for us? Uh, the ability to send and receive payments electronically is a huge differentiator that we offer into the market. To my knowledge, there's no other solution that does that. And some of the companies might be able to pay distributions by generating a NACHA file, but we actually integrate with the banking systems so that funds can travel, uh, through, um, you know, ACH and get triggered from within the platform And using that feature. I mean, that is something right. I have talked to other platforms where you have to use some third party or some other way that you're, or you're still going back and doing distributions as you were, you know, manually before. So to have that within the platforms, highly engaging for investors who now are working with an operator who's using groundbreaker, do they have access to the portal so they can go in and see really the, the life of their deal real time? Yeah, the, the portal has, uh, five different components, the investor portal for LPs to get access to their information and they can have their cashflows, their documents detail on their distributions, and they can also see new offerings and existing offerings that either they've invested in or open for fundraising, whether it's a teaser or an active deal, that's really collecting subscriptions and contributions. And then they can go through the process of funding and transacting before other parts of the software are really for the managers, which encompass fundraising, automation, investor reporting, investor, and distributions. Um, and then you have the CRM. Has there been an asset class that's using your technology? That's that, that was surprising that you weren't originally positioned for? Not really, actually we work with both single asset syndications and funds. Uh, there's some parts about the display of investor reporting that we're working towards being able to support for specific industries and giving sponsors the flexibility to drop in certain metrics in their dashboard that they care about because it's asset specific. Maybe when you talk about multifamily, looking at, uh, the increases in rents, uh, and those kinds of more, uh, property specific asset class specific metrics might be more relevant to multifamily. So being able to give sponsors the flexibility to do that, we don't have that yet, but that's going to be on the horizon. Um, and then funny enough, the other day I was talking with somebody about a commercial kitchen, uh, business that they were launching. So, um, because of, uh, the, the, the crisis, you see a lot more food delivery, um, on their eyes and then companies that maybe need more capacity to meet the demand of doing food delivery need, uh, additional storage and additional space to be able to produce enough food, to fulfill those orders in a, in a, in a process oriented way, that's gonna make sense for their business. Yeah. Looking forward, there's going to be a whole new wave of, of opportunity for entrepreneurs to figure out the highest and best use for available property, right. And especially looking at what groundbreakers doing, where do you see your platform going in the horizon in the next two, three, five years ahead? Well, we would like to be able to use the data on the system to be able to help our investment managers produce better insights about the decisions that they're making and the priorities that they are putting forth, uh, to be able to manage those assets or choose which deals that they will ultimately be investing in and how they represent those opportunities to investors. So by having all of that data online, having it structured and then being able to tap into other data sources over the internet, um, we can achieve some of those things. So that's very interesting also having all the collection of the data on the system gives us the ability to know how operators are performing, what asset classes are performing, um, and figuring out, uh, what good performance looks like, um, when you have enough data and the sample set, to be able to determine that, um, and there's many different things we could do, uh, by knowing that information in the aggregate, whether that would be, you know, introducing, uh, introducing capital or services, uh, or just providing information to people in the general market about how syndications are performing by asset class, by geography. That's actually very interesting, right? So if you can get down to, to I new share there and see that, right, you may find a different asset classes in certain areas, performing better for whatever's the reason, right. Do you find that what you're doing today that you're having a certain percentage of, or certain asset class or certain space that's consistently outperforming other asset classes just has to do with current market timing when you look at all the different asset classes, uh, like retail and, and, uh, getting crushed and multifamily doing well because people have to pay rent to live somewhere. They have to be able to pay rent after this situation happened. So all the hype about people, you know, not paying rent in April and may, uh, not being true and multifamily performing well. I think that it's pretty clear cut. That's going to be the best performing asset class right now for a while. And, uh, and for the foreseeable future too, I don't know what other asset classes are going to perform. Maybe self storage, um, might, might be doing well. Um, if who knows people like look to downsize during this and put their stuff away for awhile or manufactured housing, which again is I consider multifamily, but, uh, an asset class that's protected and recession proof pretty much because the price will go down to be able to live, um, in manufactured housing communities. So you speak to a lot of general partners and limited partners, especially just to just talk about the platform. Is there a general throughline that you hear from limited partners? So we won't talk to COVID. So it just say an overall consensus about the certain surety that they're looking for from operators or certain things that we're looking for for operators. I don't know how much of that I could, uh, tell you that would be original and unique. Generally, just, uh, investors might be concerned how assets are performing during all of this. And they're looking for communication from their operators when there's a crisis, people just want to know what's going on. And so they're going to be more concerned about keeping what they have than necessarily going ahead and gaining more. They just want to know that things are okay. And so operators that might not might be holding back distributions or, uh, no, not communicating as frequently need to be communicating. And that's what our system helps solve. So just being able to have a system that you can log into anytime and check, and just to know that your information is in there, your distributions are in there, your documents are there, and any activity, any reports are going to be in there. So it, It, it helps to allay those concerns. And, you know, it has been said before, but it's, it's very good to be reinforced because many people shy away from, from presenting the bad news, but most people including myself would rather hear it than have to think about what could be potentially the bad news. Right? So if someone is holding distributions, because they're trying to, again, preserve capital right now, you know, they first and foremost, you know, w we want to make, we want to offer returns, but the most important thing is preservation of capital giving back the capital first and foremost. And so if that's the operator's mindset and they're potentially not, um, they're not speaking that to their, to, to their investors, even though they have the right intentions, it can be taken a million different ways. So getting ahead of it and talking to your investors and just having the conversation out front, and it's, it's most important, right? Presenting the good presenting the bad and presenting what you're working to do to correct that. And having a platform like yourself, where the investors can also reconfirm the talk track with what's available on a platform, uh, is wholeheartedly important. Do you think that there's other parts of let's all talk multifamily where technology is supremely lacking right now that we may see an influx of technology and a certain component of multifamily that's missing, I'm not entirely sure what, uh, where the gaps are, uh, to be honest, but I do know that property tourists, uh, have gotten some creative ways of running. And I have a friend of mine who owns a company that does virtual, uh, property tours. And I think they're growing by like four or five X, uh, this year because of that, because everyone's moving to virtual tours, we're just thinking about the things that we need to be able to do when we're not able to get together in the same physical space, how can we make, how can we standardize that process and the information give access to people and what kinds of areas, maybe, you know, what kinds of areas do you see missing Property management is, is one, right? And a lot of the property management companies are mom and pop operations, or just operations that have that have, that have operated for many years. Right. And they haven't inputted the technology into their system. Right. You're still living in a, in a, basically a paper world in a lot of different ways. And just like you said, yeah. There's so many times over the course of history where people say, well, no, one's going to do that. No, one's going to rent a property just by seeing it, you know, over a computer. No, one's going to buy a house just by seeing it through pictures until someone says, well, why not try it? And then all of a sudden you see it happening right. Happening before your eyes, because people will, right. There's, there's always that group who may want to physically see it, but then there's the other group that says, okay, I understand. Yeah. Yeah. It's got two bedrooms, it's got two bathrooms, it's got a kitchen and I live in a room and it's on the second floor. Understood. You know? And so, and what's the, where do I sign it? It makes it even cleaner. Right. So even at that point of, um, if there's to have the Lisa's deal to DocuSign, just teach things that, that continue to be in some format automated, but not a full throughout process where like, you're talking about here with groundbreaker where lots of times you have platforms that have a lot of the steps, but they fall off in terms of the distribution. Right. You, you can't, you can't fluently do that. Right. So, so you have like 90% of it there, you see a lot of that with proper venture company, you may have like 60% of it. There are like leasing, like we're like 70%, but you're still missing that gap. That, that gap that just makes it a, if you're a tenant or prospective tenant, you want to feel, especially if you're looking at, um, you know, a flight to quality or potentially, you know, a best in class asset, that it is going to be that kind of operation fully through, like you have to an A-class asset and you're using a C class showing process where maybe you can adapt it to a new age showing process. Like you said, where their company is now is showing virtual tours. Right. They're able to use, you know, ways that you can really feel like you're there. And so, you know, I'm not smart enough to know any of these steps, but I know that, you know, like virtual reality, it's not there yet, but it's going to have a place, right. If you can use that and be in an apartment and no, the apartment with NB, I don't know you're moving. Right. And you're moving, you're a thousand miles away. You don't have to find, you know, and Betty who lives two hours away to go see the asset for you. You can just use virtual reality and there you're there. Yeah. You can choose your, your furniture and then put it in the right places and kind of figure it out while you're in the room. There you go. That's the add on. Right. You know, and if you're, if you're not company right there, and then you started, you started having the furniture company that is your second line. Right. And then you can literally furnish the apartment. I mean, things like that, they're in this, when you, when you look at that, but one thing the internet has created and continues to create, it's a one for speed. Right. So one for speed and, and, and easy. Right. And that goes on both ways. It goes like people see someone in front of a Ferrari and they want that. And they haven't gotten off the couch in three weeks. Right. But in the same part, that's the same thing with buying decisions. Right. You know, that's why Amazon, we have the one-click right. Where like, they they've now corner that because they're just one click, you know, I gotta be careful, my little kids, they get on, like my phones are messing around and we might be buying like 64 little Yoda things, you know, just, just because, you know, you can even like have, um, an Arduino connection. Like it's like this, this kind of internet of things where you can print out a button and then have it respond to a specific purchase action that you want to take. So it could be like toilet paper, and you've got a toilet paper button next to the toilet paper roll, and you just press the button and it orders new toilet paper for you on Amazon to actually do that kind of stuff. See what, think those are, those are the things that if you are able to offer those processes as if maybe you get wholly vertically integrated as, as a company, right. And as an operator, you're able to offer that. And you're even a property manager of construction. And then now some kind of manufacturing that's where someone stands apart. Right? Because now you're able to find your inefficiencies because for me, even, you know, we use third party management and they have a lot of construction in house. Sometimes they'll have to sub out for other points. And I have to look at it for a way where potentially if I was leading construction charge, I could probably save on that, but it may take me more time to find the right contractor at that time from being a thousand miles away. And it may, and I may lose that time on, okay, Hey, I saved 500 bucks, but it took me an additional three and a half, four weeks of downtime on the unit. And so what's the cost of that on the back end. So I may pay a little bit more for the speed, but if I had the integration in place, I would save that 500 upfront and still have the speed in front. And so there's a lot of things that to, to, to grow into, as we continue to move, I feel like, um, For the real estate tech space and technology that we see coming out now, there's so much of it that people don't know exists, and there's a lag effect of applying it and commercializing it and packaging it in a way that we're able to consume. And so we're developing technology faster than the rate that we can even apply it. And, uh, you're just seeing, I mean, even OCR technology, like the ability to read files and, uh, and, and be able to do actions, automated actions, based on your capability of reading files, that's been out for many years now, and Amazon has made it incredibly easier to apply and use that technology. Um, for example, so people can now use it and it takes, uh, companies like that to maybe refine some technology, make it more marketable inapplicable for companies to apply it. Uh, and with real estate tech, the challenge I see is that there's all these other co there's, all these companies doing bunch of different things, managing important data, but the data has no way of flowing between different systems. And so when you look at it at a high level, uh, there's probably going to need to be an immense amount of consolidation in the industry, uh, at some point for these systems to start to talk to each other and become useful across various functions in the real estate investment or real estate property management space. Interesting. Yeah. Right. So I think Elias will stand out and there'll be some kind of puppeteer or some other way to that that can make the connection. Right. Cause, cause almost sometimes the space gets so flooded that even from my own self, that it's so much information to take on, but like you, you get stopped by, you know, you're missing that component. So you're like, Oh, well where do I go for that? And you have to learn this whole other space. That's, you know, 50 deep accompanies. You're trying to figure out that space and how, how that connects to this, you know, and you'll go down a rabbit hole and eventually at the end strike out because you haven't met your desired outcome because you're, you're missing something. Right. And you don't because it's not there and it's not readily known because you haven't seen it before. You're, you're missing that question. Right. So who's question, who is this? Who is this solution? Who can give me that answer? Right. So yeah, I agree. It's, it's going to be interesting. Cause right now you're going to see a lot of different ways that, that the space is going to change, right? So you may have more people working at home. And just because everybody just like you said before with the virtual tours, well, you know, I can never manage people at home. And right now they're seeing, you know, production still happening in spaces that were heavily aligned on people working. And that's going to take office space and office space may have a new transition to whatever, you know, I don't know, like big warehouse, they may come trampoline parks. I don't know. But on some part, you know, you you'll see that transition and the more that we can facilitate easy user guidance, it's going to be interesting. You know, like my, my mind is almost flooded with possibilities right now. And even hearing you talk about certain lines right there, like the furniture, that's just a whole nother thing. There's an, there's always a level that you can add on to make the customer experience because that's the end goal, right? Your goal is groundbreaker, isn't make your user and customer experience the best possible. Right. And at all points where if we keep that in line, there's going to be some massive, massive, um, new concepts coming out in the next few years based on what's just happened. Yeah. And I, I think it's going to be the logical progression of all of this. If you look at like Salesforce, uh, they, in, in one way or another, they pioneered massive adoption of CRM systems that are highly complex and customizable to businesses. And out of that was this enormous consulting, uh, industry for Salesforce there's companies that exist just to implement and manage Salesforce. So in real estate tech, I don't, yeah, you, you look at like advisors, capital, formation advisors, uh, consulting companies, they're in some way, shifting their businesses a little bit, to be able to understand tech stacks and arrange them together for businesses that want to have a fully integrated technology system. And so you're going to also see those kinds of groups. They start to become active and help, uh, Real estate syndicators and investment firms adopt technology and get paid to do that right now. It seems like the user is, is a big part of the whole back, right? Just an unhide credit is what do you think? Is there something you talked psychology and beginning, one of your, your things you really interested in that really, really draw your attention. Is there anything that you're seeing across the board that that's holding us back from adapting to new things, Maybe it's our own, uh, anxiety to get things done and solved so quickly that we've become so used to this as a, as, as, as individuals in this technology, you know, technologically driven world that we want something we want it now and we can get it and technology takes time to build. So we all have to be able to educate ourselves. I think, more to understand technology and the way that it works, uh, and its limitations In order to be better users of technology. So, Mmm that's that's just one. No, that's great. And that that's sometimes the biggest thing is just knowing what, what is the limitation, right? Cause, cause that, that helps us understand the best use of it, right? The best, the best practical approach to be able to put that in and where it can implement. Right. And, uh, and there will be people that create solutions for those shortcomings and then you're on your way with what you're doing for groundbreaker. So Jake, this has been awesome. I've enjoyed the conversation. So talk to us about the site where people can come learn more about you and the company. Yeah. Well, likewise, Jason has been fun. Uh, if you guys want to find more information about groundbreaker, you can go to our website, which is groundbreaker.co and we've got the demo videos available. If anybody wants to go and check them out. Cool, man. Well, thank you so much for coming on the show. I enjoyed the conversation. Yeah, likewise. Awesome. Everyone listened. Super appreciate your time. Think about everything that's happening right now. There's there's just so much that is going to transform. And like you heard Jake speaking there, there's just countless opportunities out there and we're just learning we're on the cusp of so many things that are going to happen and just transition the way that we look at things and you out there to confine those solutions through a wall of opportunities to be ahead of us. So thank you again. Super excited to have Jacob show's name. Awesome.

Check out this episode!