#you make everything worse i hate you
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i despise my personality
#& why do i feel pain 1000x more than what is normal#despise how i look too hate myself so much i deserve all this#just miserable & useless & annoying & too much & selfish & bad & wrong#i don’t deserve to be wanted i want to just destroy myself @ myself fuck you#you deserve all of it you worthless excuse for a person#fuck you#stop feeling sorry for yourself bc you deserve it all#stop blaming people for being defective#it’s YOU#you're the common denominator#you should've known how to be better#you never do the right thing#hate you hate you hate you just destroy yourself#you make everything worse i hate you#why couldn't you have been better#you could've been better#but you say and do everything wrong#you're the world's shittest friend congratulations#i hate you you deserve to suffer i hate you you deserve all this punishment why do i have to be you
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hehe ghost-turbo haunting felix au
turbo is connected to the last piece of his code in the whole arcade - a trophy he gifted to felix in mid 80s as a symbol of him genuinely caring about their relationships on par with being the best racer. felix also gave him one of his medals and both kept their gifts next to other rewards, but when roadblasters and turbotime were unplugged, the medal was gone with everything else
now, after burning in cola-lava turbo is basically dead, but scraps of his code still were intertwined with the trophy (after all, it was his first winner's cup, but felix never knew about it), giving turbo an opportunity to exist as a shadow incapable of interacting with anything and anyone besides felix, who kept the trophy even after the roadblasters incident
also I went crazy in tags, feel free to check them out
#turbo#turbotastic#fix it felix jr#80s boyfriends#hammertastic#headcanon about them exchanging their trophies isn't mine but i loved it A LOT#and “darling” is turbo making fun of how felix was calling him in 80s#this hc about “doll” and “darling” pet names also is not mine but i adore it#turbo here is a complete freak who just stays around felix most of the time even when felix has moments with calhoun#and felix is an ass who keeps secrets from everyone bc he doesn't want his dirt to come out#he's ashamed of his previous relationship with turbo and doesn't want anyone to know any details#and calhoun to just know about it#this just gets worse and worse#they also didn't actually break up and were still technically dating when turbo went gamejumping#and he's mad af at felix because he's the reason ppl in the acrade made a boogeyman out of turbo and he couldn't come back#like imagine your bf says to you what you are better than others think of you#and then behind your (presumably dead) back tells everyone that you're just an egocentric maniac#i believe turbo has other reasons why he gamejumped (besides jealousy which took place but wasn't the most important reason)#and felix is an unreliable narrator#so yeah turbo HATES his ass#(but still would-) no im not making it suggestive#anyway i hc that turbo had put A LOT of emotions in this relationship even tho he's bad at this#he tried his best with felix but they were just making each other worse#and turbo while feeling betrayed never really moved on (yes even after 25 years he's PATHETIC)#and felix is just full of regret about everything but he won't admit his mistakes in his relationship with turbo#bc “well he turned out to be a bad person so that automatically makes me in the right about everything”#but felix had made a lot of bad decisions while dating turbo and was just classically ignorant about a ton of things#sorry about this random ass essay in tags i'm done for now#wreck it ralph#wir
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what was with cameron house md she spends 90% of the episode saying she wants their patient to die bc he's a genocidal dictator and her colleague husband says "babe it bothers me for ethical reasons that you want our patient to die :(" and she said "hm maybe you're right :/" but when it comes down to it the genocidal dictator lays a finger on her in an aggressive manner and chase instantly commits medical malpractice to murder the guy and then when he tells her she LEAVES HIM bc boo hoo he's a murderer now like GIRL he killed a man for you!!! he's wracked with catholic guilt!!! he's being crushed beneath the weight of his sins because he chose his devotion to you over his devotion to god!!! he literally could not get any sexier at this moment in time!!!
#girl what are you doing......#also just in general she did not deserve him honestly he was so good to her and for WHAT#just to be abandoned at peak devotion and guilt and hotness 🙄#girl get OUT of my way i'm stronger than you#if she cared she could fix him or make him worse but i could love and support him no matter what 😌#his muder is a part of him and its SEXY#robert chase#house md#malpractice md#i know the actors broke up irl or whatever but wtf.....#i should have ended my rewatch w their happy lil wedding at the end of s5#s6 everything instantly goes to shit#and stays shitty#chase should be happy fr#he's supposed to turn into house basically but they should have made him the well adjusted version of house#like how nightwing is the well adjusted version of batman#anyway i have no real point here i just lowkey dont like cameron bc of this arc#also her obsession w house is so weird i wish they hadn't made that a thing#this has been a shitpost#anyway she left chase at the absolute peak of his sexiness wtf.......#anyway since this apparently needs to be said its not that deep this is a silly post if you send me hate messages i wont answer#i block and ignore anon hate bc i am too busy touching grass to be rude to strangers over a tv show
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watched the persona 5 proof of justice ova from years ago and was getting acid reflux with how queer everything was... what do you mean its just 20 minutes of joker mourning his boyfriend. that's the entire ova.
#persona 5#akechi goro#akira kurusu#shuake#akeshu#like call me crazy but good god if i had twice the brain power that i do right now i could write a dissertation picking apart the--#--queer themes of shuake alone#something something self hatred something something two sides of the same coin...#i don't know man i think it's hard to deny the very true realness of shuake when everything in canon points to them being tied together#for better or for worse but i'd like to think for better#also the “if only we'd met a few years earlier” thing#why dont you... choke me out and strangle me and dump my body in the river the way that that line took me out#akechi i love you akechi they could never make me hate you#except for when i'm actually playing the game and then i'm filled with nothing but rage everytime he comes on screen#but its loving rage of course
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something that always gets me about klavier is that he is so clearly just like. friendly. he cares so much and he cares too much. he's one to tease simultaneously but he so clearly just like. loves and loves and loves, even when it puts him in harm's way, he likes people and he likes being around people enough to be desperate for it and for friendship like. ough
#goober.txt#klavier gavin#kristoph gavin#aa4#this is also partially why I am such a truther of nuance in klavier+kris's relationship#I think it mixes well with prev just in like. how much he cares is both part of his core and a byproduct of#being desperate for all the connection he lost + that was plenty dysfunctional on top of that (but all he had)#I think it actively hits harder if he's conflicted for missing someone who was terrible because it was still his brother and like.#I think kris having been good to klavier sometimes (adding to the dysfunction of the bad) is something that I've always liked#because like#I think klavier having a 'is it wrong to want him dead' and 'am I terrible for missing him badly' thing happenin at the same time is!!#so good and also very sad and I love you gavin brother things that capcom didn't give us. love you klavier gavin#I like the idea of him having that confliction alongside his grief :( ow#I literally don't have the right words to properly express all my thought cereal on this. other people have done it though so it is ok haha#I love when fictional grief has the confliction of 'being reminded the monster was also human and that makes everything worse' it's so good#like I hate you. I miss you. the way you were nice to me was so very you and it makes me soft and sad and tired. I miss you.#you were awful in unspeakable ways. I miss you.#sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like without you and it comforts me as much as it terrifies me. I miss you
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joel etho single dads au .........
#esp if we go w liml family#etho with scar and bdubs at the park#joel with hermes#their kids meet and become best friends and keep begging for five more minutes until theyre the last ones at the park#so joel and etho inevitably meet and start talking because theyre both hella bored waiting for their kids#and joel lowk kinda cannot stand etho#hes like “igh this guy is sooo pretentious i could sense it from a mile away. who does he think he is with that stupid white hair”#“newsflash it doesnt make you look cool it makes you look old as hell”#(but he doesnt say any of this)#(obviously)#and it works best if etho is totally oblivious#dude is just waiting 2 drop off scar n bdubs back home2 cleo so he can try2 get the Good Nights SleepTM hes been chasing since he was a bab#then they find out their kids go to the same school#and so obviously joel has decided to make it his mission in life to one up everything etho does#at this point etho is fully aware and finds it hilarious#because he is an Expert in these things okay. hes been making brownies for scar's bake sales since before hermes was Born#and joel can try as hard as he can but he just Cannot reach that level.#he can make as many cupcakes as he wants but none of them r gonna beat the gooey deliciousness of ethos chocolate chip triple layer brownie#and that is just soooo infuriating to him. his blood is boilimg at Every Single Parent Led Bake Sale Ever#and its even worse because etho looks like hes about to spontaneously combust at any possible second#his hair is a mess. deepppp eyebags. hes been running on maybe an hour of sleep every night for the past what eight years???#but hes sooo consistently perfect at everything.#joel hates him.#but like they also have to put up with each other at playdates and parties and whatnot because i repeat their kids are Best Friends#aughhh idk theres some potential there. i promise im just not getting it across very well#nya talks#trafficblr#hermitblr#joel smallishbeans
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inherited curse
#Drops's Art#Winx Club#Bloom#Daphne#behold the rare Drops Drawing Canon Winx moment#y'know one of my fave concepts is Bloom just actually kinda hating Daphne deep down lol#the prospect of being a fairy was fun until it turned out she had god inside her and that made her life hell#and depending on what hc you suscribe to regarding the dragon's flame it's all Daphne's fault that it turned out like this#normally I'm not about the Evil Daphne concept fun as it may be#but I do like the idea of Daphne filled with good intentions just absolutely making everything worse for everyone involved#and since she's dead/no longer a physical being it's up to Bloom to clean up her mess#and idk if I were Bloom I would be pissed at Daphne 24/7 for this lol
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lord its so dark in here the sahara desert of tsaritsa content you are like a shining oasis. your characterisation of her compels me & mihoyo would be hard pressed to top it imo.!! caaaaan i humbly request yr thoughts on her first meeting w a reader of any kind, or maybe even multiple kinds (sagau, sagau god au, isekai, etc) if you so desire...
it really is like a desert here. being the fan of a character we aren't getting until the last damn nation is driving me up a wall but i will persevere bc if nothing else i support morally bankrupt women in media. we r in a severe drought over here but i do my best. unfortunately nothing i say is ever coherent so pull out your translation notes its abt 2 be messy
also this got out of hand but thats bc first meetings w the tsaritsa are tricky to write + a LOT of her characterization lies in deeper exploration then just surface level yknow...NOT A DIG AT YOU this is just my excuse for rambling. gently pats the tsaritsa she can hold so much complexity i do not have the word count to delve into it completely :]
gonna talk cult au for a bit here though because that's 99% of my content. and honestly? she thrives in sub au's of the cult au like villain au + imposter au. it's basically made for her. i mean, early days, the imposter au had been going around for a little while but one of the first few ideas was the Fatui taking reader in so like. it kinda technically actually was. pretty sure cult au Tsaritsa popped up because of the imposter au. a lot of it's writers kinda left though which. man am i getting old or.
anyway.
there isn't much of a chance her first impression is all that positive. at best it's usually neutral, imo, but rarely if ever positive. specifically because i view the Tsaritsa as someone who isn't as fanatical as most of the acolytes typically are towards the creator. she's not exactly going to worship the ground you walk on unlike a certain geo lizard. which is partially why i think she thrives in the sub au's i mentioned.
imposter au, for example. she meets you at your lowest. there's no gaudy extravagance or pampering from the acolytes waiting for you because your own acolytes have turned on you. for all intents and purposes you aren't a "god" at all. which is why i don't think she meshes well with normal cult au reader. the Fatui are made up of outcasts, basically, and imposter au slots right in just perfectly. you're weak, at your lowest, when you meet the Fatui in the imposter au. and the Fatui can help you, too.
a mutual exchange, really. the Tsaritsa sees a tool she can use to one up the rest of the nations and especially Archons, and she has no qualms about you using her and the Fatui in turn. you both want something out of it, after all. whether you just want to be safe from the rest of the acolytes, or you want revenge, or whatever else..she'll give you the power to fulfill it, and she gains the strongest piece on the chessboard when all is said and done.
the best way i can describe the first meeting is "practical", i suppose. she sees an opportunity in you. the ultimate gamble. because if she "saves" you, and you dont trust anyone else because they tried to kill you, well..she holds all the cards, doesn't she?
but the Tsaritsa, imo, is just as capable of being just as fanatical towards you as anyone else. she just won't worship you as the creator. but as yourself? clawing your way back to your divine power and taking back what belongs to you? the Tsaritsa is, to me, a character who's character flourishes in long-term fics more because she changes a LOT between "just met reader" and after having been with reader for some time. she's practically apathetic at the beginning but a lot of her character, in my characterization, shines through LONG after the first meeting.
#asks#Anonymous#sagau#tsaritsa#like. am i explaining this coherently?? first meetings r GOOD and i could go on a tangent of like. first meetings w zl and make it work#but first meetings w the tsaritsa is like. you just cooked a 5 course meal. took one bite. called it a day.#so much of my characterization lies in the “after” of the first meeting#because her first meetings are generally the same. she's apathetic at best!! she does not gaf abt the creator in the SLIGHTEST#but show that you are more then the creator? that you do not cling to the title like a shield? that you do not rely on it?#youve got the worst person youve ever known ready to kill a man for you.#tsaritsa is very like. EXTREMELY hard to earn the trust of but when you do she will kill someone for you no hesitation no question#which is why she works SO WELL in villain au and imposter au!!!!!!!!!#esp if theres a fake “creator” calling you the imposter. she hates their ass and was .5 seconds from dethroning them anyway#you just made it 10x easier#also cant do just first meetings bc i am incapable of not shoving themes of love into every fic w her SORRY#tsaritsa going on a full multiple month long mental breakdown bc she is not in love with you but she would destroy everything for u..#(shes in denial)#tsaritsa and complex themes of love and what it means for the god of love to be incapable of feeling it + what it means when reader shows u#LIKE UGHHHHHH okay. i guess ill write another tsaritsa fic and put it in my vault#aka my drafts#i hold so many fics hostage there its crazy#this answered like 0 of ur questions sorry i see tsaritsa and black out and this happens#i just think first meetings dont let her character really come thru but my response got out of hand so uhhhhh everyone look away. please#putting tape over my mouth now so i shut up before this gets worse#basically tsaritsa gravitates more towards outcast reader rather then one who has already become accustomed to the adoration of the acolyte#does that make sense........#i havent slept in forever and im running on nothing but spite and dreams atp dont expect coherency when it comes 2 the tsaritsa from me#head in hands someone please stop me i keep rambling abt the tsaritsa it makes me go NUTS#lays down. explodes
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Oh my gosh whyyyy am I so obsessed with numbers I don't like it at all this is driving me INSANEEEE😭😭IT'S GETTING WORSE AND WORSE AS THE DAYS GO BY AAAA
#IT'S SO WEIRD I HATE IT I HATE IT SO FCKING MUCH#I've had this weird relationship with numbers for years but it's gotten so much worse#I'm so obsessed with even numbers and odd numbers likeeee#I have even days and odd days?? that's what I call them anyways#where on even days everything has to involve even numbers and on odd days everything has to involve odd numbers#like those are my safe numbers for those days#and if I use the wrong number on the wrong day something bad will happen so I have to.I guess?? neutralize it?? somehow..#usually I figure out how in the moment but other times I just panic#likee for example today's an (I'm assuming) even day right now. so I have to have my tv volume on an even number#I have to eat an even number of food today#I CANNOT rb something on tumblr if I'm not on an even numbered reblog or I'm not an even numbered note... that makes no sense lemme explain#so I always have to like posts I reblog it's a rule I have for some reason. so in order for me to reblog a post#I have to land on an even number when I rb it#so for example if a post has 172 notes I'll like it which'll give it 173 notes then I'll rb which'll give it 174 notes#but if the post already has 173 notes before I liked it then I'll just like and not rb bcz if I rb it'll be 175 notes#which lands on an odd number and ahasbdhfbdsfaedw#it's the same for odd days just vice versa (it'd have to be on 177 though bcz 5 is an unsafe number for me rn)#YEAH 100% unsafe numbers for me are 3 5 6 and 9 and any number involving those numbers (so 26 and 13 are still unsafe)#basically no matter if it's an even day or an odd day I cannot land on anything with those numbers#and if I don't follow these rules my brain made up then something awful will happen or my day will go bad#or something I wanna do won't go well#thess numbers apply to EVERYTHING. and and it's SO ANNOYINGGGG. I've been trying to ignore it but it's getting harder and harder HELPPSADNF#I tried to tell my mom abt it but she just says “oh your grandma's also like that. you probably got it from her”#THANKS GRANDMA FOR THE NUMBER OBSESSION :'D#vent
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horror having crazy irrational thoughts about food,,,,, like bro thinks there's poison in the cupcakes. someone snuck razor blades into the bread and once he takes a bit it'll cut him up. somehow there's mold growing inside the bananas and when he eats it the mold colony is gonna start growing on HIM and then he'll become a moldy skeleton and oh god and oh god and he is paranoid but hes so hungry.... BUT WHAY ABOUT BUGS IN THR FOOD,,,, BUT HES HUNGRY.... a struggle it truly is
probably doesnt help that dust and killer could feed into it. killer could make off hand remarks on how he snuck razor blades into the meat horror's attempting to eat (to fuck around with horror. just some eeeever so slight psychological anguish. and also because killer would just be the type of casually carry those around. what for you may ask well decide for yourself) and then immediately horror's mood drops and he storms out of the dining room. dust and horror go on a sweet little picnic in a beautiful field and its all beautiful and inconspicuous but dust made the food and horror knows that look in his eyes. horror knows dust was muttering something about chemicals a day or 2 ago. the food is poisoned isnt it??? and dust just smiles and motions for horror to eat it
#imagine being starved and then you hang out with two guys who make food dangerous#imagine the dread. the rational part of his mind telling him not to eat it but his instincts are so so so hungry#horror eats the food because it genuinely looks so good but he knows he just fucked up#they make eachother so SO worse........ they are SO bad for eachother its amazing#and horror probably can't cook all that well too so he definitely needs to learn which is a whole other struggle with his eating issues#MAKE THEM BREAK UP ALREADY THEY CAUSE TOO MUCH SUFFERING FOR EACH OTHER 💔💔💔#sorry triglycercule but no 🧡 they deserve to suffer together as retribution for everything they did#sometimes i feel like this angry torturous mtt that all hate eachother is a bit too ooc#but then again..... god is it so fun to come up with ideas for the mtt to hurt eachother#its so delicious 🧡 like dust's poisoned food! horror eats more because it tastes so good#but he can feel the poison kicking in. he can feel his body slowly start to ache and his movements slow as he eats more and more#and soon he can't move. he's paralyzed and in pain in this flower field with dust#and as he starts to pass out he reaches his hand out a bit for dust. just for the smallest bit of comfort#horror's absolutely furious at him for poisoning him but dust still holds his hand back#dust holds horror in his arms with a smile as they lay in the flower field enjoying the moment#as if you didn't just fucking poison the fuck but whatever that's horrordust for you!#dont worry horror gets him back by stealing papyrus's scarf and ripping some of it off to wear in front of dust#he sews a little patch of the scarf onto his jacket and dust is staring at that shit. that is a TAUNT#yeah this is papyrus's scarf. what are you gonna do about me ripping some of it huh? poison me AGAIN???#theyve all grown tolerances for different poisons because the mtt genuinely cannot stop trying to kill eachother#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#tricule hc#god i struggle to differentiate because hc and rant so much because i swap around and change hcs so frequently that there isnt consistency#ive now decided that rants MUST be substantially longer and less put together to be a rant and not a hc. and that shall be DECREED#utmv#sans au
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presented without comment
(chapters 280 + 344)
#unordinary#unordinary webtoon#cw blood#i fucking lied i have so many comments#FIRST AND FOREMOST. i originally had the images in the opposite order (meaning john’s on the left and rei’s on the right)#when i was drafting this post. but then i was like. ‘oh i should put them in chapter/chronological order instead’ and it oh my god#uru you bastard that’s so much worse#(and then ofc i had to rewrite my tags accordingly)#but anyways#like literally almost everything about these scenes is mirrored/opposite#obviously they are facing different directions (and thus. each other)#they are also looking at different places in the second panel - rei is looking up and john is looking down#rei is looking up directly at kuyo. yes. but his raised head also makes him look a bit defiant. his kind of smirk also adds to that feel#he’s obviously not… happy. he’s been through a lot (is literally about to die) but his spirit remains.#there’s still light in his eyes. hope.#and he still finds the time to tell kuyo to call it quits and give him well wishes#then we have john’s half which is. ough.#and uhh cw suicidal ideation from this point on i guess?#looking down! no light in his eyes! defeated and dragging himself to the finish line!#alone.#he’s still fighting but he’s TIRED. absolutely nothing to look forward to here.#keep going because there’s no turning back now#he is doing this for the people he’s already lost (jane william sera). not for people who are here now (blyke remi isen)#rei didn’t go into this thinking he would die but ended up choosing to sacrifice himself anyways#john went in with the intention of sacrificing himself and survived anyways#i could be reading too far into it but i think you can kind of see that in their expressions in the first image set#rei looks like he’s realizing he’s about to die but john just looks like he’s fighting#he’s already made his choice#that’s about all i got (and i’m at the tag limit) so.#to everybody who hated my john-william comparison post this one’s for YOU 🫵
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actually it makes perfect sense that ppl here hate the way I talk abt dean (in that I’m not afraid to call him abusive) when you see what they do to john. they assume I’m doing what they do to john to dean.
#joke’s on u john is one of my favorite characters in the series#as is dean bc how could he not be he’s astonishingly effective . awful. bundle of catchphrases. god’s special boy.#the self-righteous man. toy soldier. torch swallower. warden. exploder. fill it up with anything/everything. hot to the touch. etc#< terrifies me worse than any other character in this show could ever hope to. this is a complinent. I love him and I hate him.#few other characters can inspire this type of whiplash so intensely and so often#he literally makes me want to scream while watching! he reminds me of my dad! MY dad. do you get it!!!!#tag vomit#*compliment
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NICCORI CORI CORI CORI CORIANDER
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#that trend where you draw wxs in your clothes except i only did emu and they no longer look like my clothes bc i put a gradient map on it#its fine ill draw them all together once i find something in my drawers horrendous enough for rui to wear#I hate csp and their stupid company but i missed drawing in it#it helps thr i have an analog tsblet so unlike procreate im not zooming right in on everything and losing my mind#so i draw a lot more fast and it's always more loose and fluid but i dont have a good workflow since its been such a long time#so for now... am stuck in the procreate mines for anything that i want to look nice#The bug master chart is making me so sick btw i do worse every time i play it. help.#im currently in a saw trap where if i dont draw and post an emu at ungodly hours of the night st least once a week i explode#its awesome#WHYS IT SO BLURRY UNLESS YOU CLICK IT. SHOULD I DIE? i lied idgaf goodnight#my wrists HURT WAAAAH WAAH WAAH. BOOHOO. THE AMULETS CURSE BEFALLS ME
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AI GENERATED APOLLO JUSTICE HAS HIT GOOGLE IMAGES THIS IS NOT A DRILL PEOPLE
if you can’t tell this is /neg because fuck ai and oh my god it’s UGLAY
This was found after a quick google image search of “Apollo Justice” btw! It’s right there in the daylight!
more deets into why I’m 99% sure this is ai below!
This is the image’s source, coming from a site called “civitai.” Civitai is an ai image sharing and developing site. They say so themselves. (This is the biggest reason please stop here if you don’t wanna hear nerd shit)
The hands are unnatural and off-looking. This is a common problem ai has when generating images. His fingers squash together and others are spread too thin and look too fat.
The uploader has made tons of other ai generated character images, INCLUDING other ace attorney characters like Desirée DeLite and Verity Gavèlle (they used her new name too, so they’re active as well). They even have published guides on how to use advanced coding to create similar pictures. A lot of their images, suspiciously, also use similar backdrops.
In these images, his vest has five buttons. In official art, his vest only has four buttons
His bracelet is literally SQUEEZING his arm my god is there any circulation in his arm at all
The second image especially makes him look like a “handsome” romanceable character in a mobile dating game
His bracelet has a seemingly completely random pattern (leaves??), rather than its usual eye pattern
#I just felt like sharing this with yall because 1 ai sucks I hate it so much and seeing it desecrate him makes me sick#And 2 i wanted to spread awareness that yes people are generating ai images of your blorbos#Yes people are likely scraping from your fanart as well unfortunately#This problem hasn’t gone away in fact it’s only getting worse#fandom creations aren’t free from ai grabbing from them whether you like it or not#And I’m sure a quick google of phoenix wright and a little digging would get the same results#fuck ai art#fuck ai#fuck ai everything#anti ai#anti ai art#stop ai#ai art is not art#ai art is art theft#ai art is stolen art#apollo justice#ace attorney
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well. did you fucking miss me.
#random thoughts#apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it#i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful#which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain#i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough#and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary#fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW#I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT#I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW#(<- tags canceled for now)
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I’m starting to hate STSG so much solely for the fact that I cannot consume any content of my faves without them always being brought up or inserted into the conversation in some type of way
I just wanna hyperfixate on Hikara and Itafushi yet the most toxic and unhealthy ship is brought up more in their tags than them themselves
#jujutsu kaisen#anti satosugu#hikara#hakari x kirara#Itafushi#megumi x yuuji#I initially hated the ship but the anime made me appreciate the dynamic between the two more#however the fandom is absolutely ridiculous and I’m the most frustrated I’ve been at this ship ever#for the love of everything#please just stop tagging the other ships especially when it has NOTHING to do w them#we get it you guys love some shitty toxic cliche twink ship but please leave everyone else alone#what makes it worse is that the majority of the fandom is Fujoshi’s#leave it to them to completely ruin any bl y’all are gross#tbf tho#it’s not as good or romantic as y’all make it seem y’all love it for the tragedy and overdo it exponentially#Gojo was just obsessed w the one person who thought understood him and Geto decided to leave his lame ass I don’t blame him ngl#good for Geto I say I’d leave his dumbass too#Geto is more interesting and makes the dynamic but y’all ain’t heard it from me 😗
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