#< terrifies me worse than any other character in this show could ever hope to. this is a complinent. I love him and I hate him.

[ardentpoop]

actually it makes perfect sense that ppl here hate the way I talk abt dean (in that I’m not afraid to call him abusive) when you see what they do to john. they assume I’m doing what they do to john to dean.

[lazycats-stuff]

Ok it’s like 2:30am rn and I’m supposed to be doing a poster that’s due later but I saw the notification that your open again and I had to drop everything and run🙈

Can I request a Ra’s Al Ghul with oldest son reader who turns out to be like quite moral grey? Like the only reason he isn’t some assassin or super villain is bc he loves his family but is legitimately terrifying to the point Ra’s is scared of betraying him more than Alfred or his family.

I hope this makes sense, just some silly moment between Ra’s and reader when readers like “I’ve killed 275 people am nobody knows😆😘”

Okay, don't drop school for me, school is important. But this is just perfect. Ra's is like, who am I dating? Who am I courting?

Summary: (Y/N) is not like his family.

Warnings: (Y/N) has killed, Ra's is confused, (Y/N) loves Ra's and vice versa.

Ra's has been happy ever since he has start courting, but he still wonders how he managed to get him. To land him, as the slang goes. He knows him very well and they know each other for a long time. (Y/N) is the oldest son in the family, he came before Dick even.

Ra's only started dating him when (Y/N) graduated from college. He never expected to catch feelings for (Y/N) and it was weird when he started making sure he is okay and what he is doing.

Ra's never wanted to date. After the death of his wife before even starting the League, he promised himself that he wouldn't love anymore. If he had a wife, then it was to have heirs, but he outlived them all.

And then (Y/N) came.

There was something different about (Y/N). Ra's watched him grow from a child to a grown man and he turned into a, in Ra's eyes, beautiful man with a strong character and mind too. That was rare now a days and Ra's wanted nothing more than to love him and court him.

There was only one problem. His family who was fiercely protective of him and it was just difficult to even show them that he didn't have any ill intentions. To this day, Bruce and Jason were still suspicious of him. Alfred never trusted him to begin with and Damian was ready to fight him at the moment's notice.

So the road wasn't easy, but they have decided to accept the fact that (Y/N) is with Ra's and try to be civil. Really try to be civil. Bruce is trying. Jason and Damian are trying for (Y/N). Not for Ra's.

But there was just something darker about (Y/N) that Ra's liked and what attracted him to the young man. He is different than Bruce and the others. Before being adopted by Bruce, he was put through hell and back and that caused him to be rather... Morally grey.

It made his character strong and he had a certain degree of... Well, lets just say that he was terrifying to people. Sometimes, he was more brutal than Batman. The hell he went through he went as a child made him numb to certain things and brutal in some aspects.

Ra's wondered if he has ever crossed the line and killed. Of course, he didn't say anything about that because Damian and Alfred would have his head if he tried to explore that opportunity.

But Ra's thought about (Y/N) if he was ever a villain, what type he would be? Ra's could think about. He could see how he could be brutal and he could even rule the underworld. His brutality, his intelligence...

But (Y/N) was too loyal to his father and family to even consider being a villain. Alfred and Bruce are just to blame for (Y/N) not becoming a villain. Did Ra's really want him to be a villain? God no.

He could probably be worse than the League of Light combined and that was a scary thought. Even big Ra's al Ghul was scared of betraying (Y/N). He loved (Y/N), he really did and he would never ever betray his lover, his beloved.

And if something were to happen and Ra's betrayed (Y/N), although Ra's wouldn't, (Y/N) would burn down the League. Ra's was certain of it. But there was a side of (Y/N) that Ra's didn't know just yet.

Even now as the two laid together in bed, just ready to go to bed, Ra's decided to ask (Y/N) the question that was on his mind.

" (Y/N), what would you do if I ever betrayed you? " Ra's asked, hugging (Y/N) from behind, murmuring the words into (Y/N)'s hair. (Y/N) always enjoyed Ra's proximity.

" Ra's, I have killed over 200 people that not even Bruce knows about. I would think about it before doing it. "

Ra's thought that (Y/N) was joking and laughed, but (Y/N) turned around in his arms and looked him dead in the eyes.

" Ra's, I'm not kidding. " (Y/N) said and Ra's searched for any sort of sign that (Y/N) was joking.

There was none.

" What? "

" That's all you need to know. " (Y/N) said as he turned his back to Ra's, moving his hands to its original position. Ra's looked at the back of (Y/N)'s neck and paled.

What?

Sure, he thought about (Y/N) crossing the line, but he didn't think that (Y/N) has actually done it. Now he had to think about who the hell he was courting and he had planned to propose in the near future, but he had to see what the hell has happened.

200+ people is not a small amount and there had to be something where he could search about it. It shouldn't be so difficult to find the event that (Y/N) was talking about. It really shouldn't be.

Right?

None the less, Ra's loved (Y/N) and he will propose, but only when he looks more into it. How the hell did he miss this side? The side that crossed the line that Bruce outright refused to cross, (Y/N) has crossed without any hesitation?

Ra's blinked a few times. No. He will look into it and tomorrow morning, over breakfast, he will ask him to give him more details about the... Could it be labeled as a massacre? Ra's left that thought and closed his eyes, falling asleep next to his beloved.

Breakfast came that morning and the two ate in silence, just enjoying the food and coffee. (Y/N) had to have his coffee and his caffeine, otherwise he wouldn't function at all. Ra's thought about breaking the topic. How to do it?

Well, just asking will do the trick. No beating around the bush.

" (Y/N), " Ra's started as he took a sip of his coffee, glancing at his beloved who was eating. (Y/N) paused and Ra's knew that he had to do it now. " Did you tell me the truth last night? About those 200 people? "

(Y/N) blinked a few times and then he put the mug down.

" If it's something sensitive, you don't have to talk about it. But it would help me understand. I have never seen a side of you that has crossed the line. " Ra's said and (Y/N) smiled reaching his for Ra's hands. Ra's extended his hand to (Y/N) and the two interlocked their hands.

" It's not sensitive, don't worry. I was on my own mission while doing my own case. Bruce was aware of the case and the mission too. What he didn't know is what has happened on that mission. All of those people were evil and vile people. " (Y/N) said, stopping for a second to ear some more. He did love Arabic breakfast after all.

" Now, nobody would miss them. And at that moment, it was me or them. Of course, I didn't kill 200 people at once. It was over a 3 day period. And I would like to say, me or them. " (Y/N) said and Ra's has decided not to pry anymore.

(Y/N) has just told him the truth and that was all that mattered.

" I have to say, that eases me a little bit. You have scared a bit last night when you told me that, so serious too. " Ra's said, chuckling quietly, squeezing (Y/N)'s hand once more.

" Sorry about it. But you can't tell Bruce at all. " (Y/N) said and Ra's said of course. It's not really life threatening so Bruce doesn't have to know anything about it.

" Of course I won't. " Ra's said and (Y/N) removed his own hand from his and showed him his pinky finger.

" Pinky promise Ra's? " (Y/N) said and Ra's smiled, indulging (Y/N).

" Pinky promise. " Ra's said as he leaned closer to (Y/N)'s face, giving him a kiss. (Y/N) smiled into the kiss and has moved to sit in Ra's lap.

" I wish I could spend the day with you beloved, but I have work to do." Ra's said after breaking the kiss, caressing (Y/N)'s cheek.

" I have work to do too. We will meet for lunch? " (Y/N) asked and Ra's nodded, giving him one last kiss and (Y/N) hopped off of Ra's lap.

" Later Ra's. "

" Later beloved. "

[fourraccoonsinacoat]

The beautiful subtleties of the Astarion scar scene, and why this is that headcannon scene where Tavurge draws Astarion.

***Trigger Warning for discussions of body autonomy and sexual trauma.

And we're back for yet another midnight dissertation where I over analyze the F out of a video game character romance, because I can't stop thinking about how amazing the storytelling is. I need help.

So we all love that Astarion romance headcannon where Tavurge draws/paints/does-something-to-show-Astarion-his-face. It's a beautiful headcannon and I adore it. But, allow me to convince you that Larian did, in fact, give us this scene. And it's the scene where Tavurge draws Astarion's scars.

Jump in the car, here we go:

The song playing in the background of this scene is "I Want to Live." I think that's a very deliberate choice, as that song is very tied to Astarion. So much so, that you can stand on a rock behind his tent and suddenly the full song starts to play, lyrics included. Music reminding us of the one thing Astarion wants more than anything else?

Astarion wants the freedom to live a life he chooses, he wants his choices to matter. He's been living 200+ years, but can't remember ever feeling alive until now. He is so deathly afraid of what he has being ripped away now that he's had a taste.

Because every other time he ever felt hope, Cazador tore it away and punished him. Cazador has caught him before when he ran, and locked him in a tomb to starve in darkness for a year. There's a reason the game makes it clear that this is his worst memory. It has to constantly be haunting him, fearful that at any moment Cazador is going to rip this away, too.

So, Astarion sleeps with Tavurge and is suddenly told that the design Cazador drew on his back is written in Infernal. Infernal being the language devils use to write Infernal Contracts. Astarion has to be out of his mind with fear that whatever is on his back binds him to Cazador in some way. Maybe in a way he doesn't know about.

I need to say something about body autonomy trauma, so trigger warning for those who struggle with these subjects. Sexual and body autonomy trauma both play into why this scene is powerful. I struggle with both and there's a reason his story hits particularly hard with me.

****Trigger For Description Of Emotional Response to Trauma: Having control of your body taken away leaves you with a type of deep, primal fear that is very difficult to explain. It's ridiculous and cliche, but the honest-to-best way to describe it is it, feels like a hole deep in your chest where something used to be. And it was literally wrenched out of inside your body, a place where nobody should be able to go because if your body isn't safe then where the fuck is? So keep that in mind.****

Not only has Astarion not had control of his body, he can't even see it in a reflection. Let that sink in.

To add it all up: he has something written in Infernal on his back that he can't see, but that could mean the one thing he's dreading = being bound to Cazador and having all of this ripped away. Again. And then he'll be punished, doing nothing but thinking about what he only just got a taste of.

This is why the cycle of abuse just crushes hope out of you. Because things hurt so much worse when you're hoping for them to work. At some point you're just hurting yourself by hoping.

He's terrified and he can't even look at his own body to see what someone forcibly mutilated into his skin.

So, Tavurge approaches Astarion from behind, just like in the mirror scene. Except this time, Astarion can't see them approaching.

Tavurge surprises him, in what's already a vulnerable moment, and surprises him from behind. A position of weakness. We'll hit on this more in a moment.

Astarion snaps at Tavurge due to being caught in a vulnerable moment. But, he quickly slides back into his charm and apologizes. Mask back up.

He explains what he was doing and the dialog choices here even throwback to the mirror scene. You can tell him you'll be his mirror in this scene.

He's hesitant about the idea. He's not comfortable with vulnerability, and outright tells Tavurge this isn't their problem. This is an extremely vulnerable thing, especially for someone with body autonomy issues. You're turning your back on someone and asking them to show you what's on your own damn body! What if they lie?

This is a major trust moment for Astarion. If you ask later to talk to others in camp about his scars, he is quick to say no.

He's not ready to trust that much. He just was vulnerable with Tavurge and that took too much out of the vulnerability reserves to push for more. Got to let those reserves build back up by seeing more reasons that show it's okay to be vulnerable.

This man does not want to turn around. He keeps his head down and grimaces, closes his eyes to brace himself. Think about all the triggers he must have about turning his back on people. He wasn't exactly bringing the morally upright back to Cazador. And Cazador, himself, obviously took advantage of his control to force Astarion to turn his back to him. Thus the scars.

Given all of that, he still turns around in an act of consent.

I love that you can just choose to quietly draw. You don't tell him how bad it looks, you don't try to comfort him by saying it's not that bad (which he would likely only hear as patronizing in this moment), and you can choose to not make a joke. I feel that's meaningful.

He turns around and can finally fucking see this thing that's been on his back for over two centuries.

At least he got to see his face, even if he can't remember almost anything about it. At least he can touch his hair, touch his face to get an idea. He can't even do that with the scars.

This means a lot, guys. Tavurge has drawn something that I argue is more meaningful than Astarion's face.

Tavurge has drawn a significant key to his future. The future he wants more than anything.

He needs to figure out what the hell this is before Cazador possibly activates it and Tavurge just made that significantly more possible.

And then, Tavurge has the option to call the two of them "we" for the first time in a way not tied to sex. Telling him "we will figure this out" and not asking for anything in return or giving him a hard time about it - at least not too much. The "shut up and turn around" dialog is one of my favs, and I feel Astarion appreciates the candor.

He's definitely sus when you say "we".

That is the face of sus.

But also...amusedly hopeful?

I like that he calls Tavurge "sweet" here. It makes me think of him calling them "cute" in the spawn ending at the grave with the flower.

I think Astarion really picks up on small things. Things people say and do genuinely, and I think it both amuses and confuses him, and in the beginning (here) still makes him uneasy and suspicious. He even asks it as somewhat of a question. Like, are you really actually this genuine?

I also would like to make an argument to the court that this is a significant moment when Astarion starts to realize he !FEELS! something for Tavurge and it's wigging him out!

They're making him hope again, and that's scary.

So, there. That's my evidence for why this scene is the drawing Astarion scene that we all love in our headcannons.

Tavurge is drawing something of extreme significance here. And I love how incredibly subtle this scene is in not blatantly pointing that out.

It's beautiful writing and that is all, your honor. Midnight dissertation - but also I may be in court - over!

Thank you for reading any of this nonsense.

[merakiui]

this is my first time doing this so i hoping im doing this right but i was in my english class the other day and the poem we were reading reminded so much of monops!jade. The poem is about a Duke talking to a servant about his late wife and at first youre like “aww he seems to miss his wife” until you read further and youre like “huh this sounds kinda suspicious”. The duke says that his wife was too easily impressed by the sunset and cherries a “officious fool” gave her. His jealousy continued to show through when he says that his gift of his last name was treated like any other gift and it got to point that he got so jealous that his late wife smiled at everyone that it he sent out a command that made “all smiles stopped together”

Like the jealousy and the possessiveness that the duke had towards everyone and his wife reminds me of how monops!jade was like! Anyways i just wanted to get this off my chest because my head couldn’t stop thinking about jade in this poem :D

:O !!!!! Would that happen to be "My Last Duchess" by Robert Browning? I've read and studied it before! It really is such a fascinating poem. Even as a portrait, the Duchess is forever his, as he is given the control to show her off as he pleases (which is what he does in his monologue). Even the title has ownership: My Last Duchess. The pleasure in having absolute control is derived from the fact that, whether alive or dead, the Duchess will never have agency for herself and thus the Duke is free to keep and control her forever. Even the way she was painted and portrayed was to suit the Duke's tastes! Her entire being is more so a possession for the Duke, which makes the frame that contains her all the more tragic. >_<

I can definitely see Monops!Jade in this poem! He's so possessive, much like the Duke, and hates the fact that you show him the same smile you show to everyone else (especially Floyd). Jade's obsession in that story is especially gross. T^T most of the story is about how determined Jade is to wipe that smile off your face and make you show him an expression he's never seen before (tears). He's greedy and heartless and led by obsessive hedonism. It's all about control and destructive avarice. Even at the end, when Jade has you for himself, he doesn't feel satisfied. He's spent the entire plot aiming to have you and now that he does he doesn't feel fulfilled. Perhaps it's something in which he'll never truly feel whole no matter what he does...

I like Jade's character because he can appear so normal and composed at first, which makes Floyd seem worse by default. But then you'll see Jade at his worst and realize he is far more terrifying than Floyd could ever be. Floyd is like an execution: swift and brutal, but over before you know it (and you also know it's coming). Jade is an invasive species or a sickness that creeps up on you and, by the time you finally notice it, it's already too late. I think an unhinged Jade is so creepy!!!!! Jade as the Duke in the poem is such a good thought and comparison... he really would have a monologue that starts off innocent and grows more suspicious and unsettling as he continues!

[simslegacy5083]

Not So Berry (Straud Descendants) Gen 9

Today's (9/3/2024) Episode: The Stuff of Legends

Luigi’s decision to raise Skye differently than his beloved Papa Jack had raised him had revealed some hidden stress between them.

Jack had listened to his boy and was now quietly trying to explain why he had made the choice to go against local beliefs. "Even after moving here, I lived, and died, by the rules of a different nation. I see now that leaving you so young, and with legacy expectations that don’t match reality over here, was an unfair burden. I never wanted to hurt you, and although an apology now doesn’t change much, I hope you know how sorry I am.”

When Luigi opened his mouth to reply, Jack held up a hand for patience. "I'd like to share a little more context if you'll let me."

“Falling in love with your father shortly after moving here was terrifying. I'd dated some women, but never been hopelessly infatuated with any sim before, especially a man. I’d always assumed I was straight. The risks of dating my co-worker, and one many years my junior, made it even worse.” 

“Only after we got past our mutual surprise at falling unexpectedly for each other and came together did I learn enough of your dad’s family history for the pieces of the puzzle to fall into place. This nation still doesn’t really have any concept of The Watcher, and despite everything I’ve told you, I don’t think even you can really understand how it felt to realize that my intense love story was the stuff of legends in my homeland coming to life before me.

"I was thrilled to be a main character in the story of a legacy family. That’s a huge deal where I came from, though I could never get your dada to appreciate it. The best I ever got from him was thinking of the whole thing as a fun little in joke between us  that he was willing to humor me on.” 

"I couldn’t bear the idea that you would grow up as unaware of your blessing as your Dada was. Peachy saw no harm in me teaching you the truth and my stories seemed to make you feel as fortunate and special as I knew you were. In all the times I visited you since departing, I never realized that knowing you were an heir was contributing to any of the problems you had connecting with other sims.”

Luigi had no idea what to say to Jack's admission. As he pondered how to respond, he remembered the day he and Noemi had gone to the clinic to confirm Skye's paternity. Noemi's love and understanding then had been an amazing gift, and he realized it was a gift he could pass on. 

"Papa, thank you. I love you, and while I do wish you'd done some things differently I won't fault you for living your life, and teaching me who I am, in good faith. I just hope you won’t resent me for trying to do the same for my son."

"Of course not!" Jack said with a smile “I trust you, and I’m here to support you, always. Speaking of which, weren’t we here for a wedding?” 

Luigi laughed "It’s waited this long, I think it can wait 5 more minutes“. He then opened his arms wide to wrap his papa in a tight embrace.

"You've always tried to do right by me, I know that. Thank you so much for coming today and helping make everything perfect. Now, are you ready to go watch your very special son get married to the love of his life?" 

"Absolutely" Jack replied. Both sims spun into their formalwear and headed towards the alter; Luigi to wait for his bride and Jack to take his front row seat next to his husband and Valentina to enjoy the show.

View The Full Story of My Not So Berry Challenge Here

[octoagentmiles]

Try list any Octo-Agents and think of an Episode you Think give them a Shining Moment

W O O F this took a while– I was thinking long and hard about this because there are SO MANY good moments and episodes 😅, and so many agents– it was difficult, but I’m happy with my answers 👀

Ranger Marsh’s Shine Episode is definitely The Monitor Lizards. I LOVE this episode, it’s one of my favourites in the whole series so far—not just because of the events in it, but as a concept. I LOVE the callback to the Great Swamp Search!! I watched the 2nd season blind, and seeing all these familiar faces was SUCH a fun surprise. It’s good for Ranger Marsh as a character, because it actually shows him doing his job as a Ranger, not as an Octo-Agent. It also reinforces the fact that he truly cares for and is friends with these creatures, even if they are invasive, and that he's willing to travel to check in on them. This is another episode that also proves (to me) that the writers know they’re dealing with an older audience for the show, and are more likely to delve into solid lore and continuity. This episode makes me really hopeful for more of that.

Natquik’s Shine Episode, WITHOUT QUESTION, is The Red Fox. Honestly I feel like I don’t need to explain why, but I will because I like talking ✨: Natquik is my favourite Octo-Agent, but overall we haven’t actually gotten that many episodes dedicated to him yet. The Red Fox gives us a close and personal look into what Natquik is like by himself (I love episodes where characters are alone 👀), how he deals with problems (by ignoring them until they get worse—which is interesting... *stares at Barnacles*...), and even hints toward his family, by showing us his family portraits, and leaving us wondering, “Where are they?” – There are so many moments I love in this episode, from when he first discovers the kits, decides to help them stay warm, rushes to protect Barnacles, to his bittersweet goodbye at the end. It’s all so perfect.

Tracker absolutely shines in The Missing Lake. Honestly, he shines a LOT in Above and Beyond, considering he never got his own episode in the main series, and was only in Operation Deep Freeze for two scenes. AnB has been really good to Tracker, and I’m so grateful they decided to make him an Agent. The Missing Lake sticks out to me the most, because for the most part he is by himself (and I’ve already mentioned my love for that <3), and unlike all his other episodes, we get to really see him be responsible and use his Polar Scout skills in action. He’s often portrayed as a follower, who just goes along with whatever he's told to do, but he takes charge twice in this episode: when he offers to help Rowan, and when he stays behind to save Buck. Love that for him.

Calico Jack. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Calico Jack....... I could talk forever about this funky old cat man. He doesn’t just shine, he GLOWS in every episode he’s in—but alas, for the sake of this post I will be focusing on The Harlequin Duck. I love the showing of his gentle parental instincts in this episode, and his singing; since we know he canonically has a theme song, that I headcanon he wrote himself. I think far too much, and often, about how he legit panicked when he realized the egg was missing. How his first instinct was to hide that fact from Captain Barnacles. He was terrified, having a full blown panic attack on screen. He apologizes to the mother duck with such genuine solace, and promises to get it back “On [his] honour as a pirate!” ...Which is extremely significant to me, considering Kwazii was the first character to EVER say the phrase: “On me honour as an Octonaut!” in The Flying Fish after Inkling’s book was lost – and of course as a final touch, I adore seeing him work with Pete to get the egg back. The way he tosses the egg in the air, fully trusting that Pete will catch it... they’re so in sync, just as pirate and parrot are meant to be ;)

Paani... I feel like there’s so much more to him than what we’ve seen so far, it almost feels unfair to assign him a “Shine Episode”. So, instead of highlighting a single episode, I’ll quickly talk about three that stick out (PS: you might sense a theme ��):

The Barnacle Geese - Uncle Paani. I like the “I’ll be my own uncle” joke, and the Edgar Allen Poe reference. I think Paani’s determination to help the chick (who doesn’t seem to want help) is nice to watch, and helps to prove his worthiness as an Agent—which is always fun considering his hesitance when Barnacles tried to recruit him in S1E1. In a way, this episode also makes Paani seem more like Barnacles. See my old post analyzing the show’s intro. (*Stares at the episode title* 👁️👁️)

The Arabian Camels - Take a shot of cocoa every time I mention my love for episodes where characters are forced to be by themselves. This one is especially interesting to me though, because we know that Paani was alone, for a very long time, before he met the Octonauts. He has no trouble working and getting by alone, and we get to see him exhibiting that, while being out of his element (a dry desert) at the same time; and that’s really cool.

The Lonely Frog - ...Y’know how they constantly make the Octonauts/Agents meet creatures with similar issues to them? Yeah. *Stares at the episode title.* *Stares at the end scene where he says “Kinda like when I met you guys!” before obnoxiously jumping into the lake, in response to Shellington+Peso saying “They never even knew each other existed before! [...] and now it’s like they’ve known each other all their lives!”* *STARES MORE AT THE EPISODE TITLE,,* *wonders how long Paani was actually alone before becoming an Agent...*

Pinto, where art thou? He wasn’t in S2 at all, which was a bit disappointing since we just saw him get an Octowatch in S1. I would’ve expected him to be pressing that button every chance he got, giving us a “Penguin who cried Octoalert” episode. But anyway,, The Curious Penguin is the PERFECT episode for Pinto. It shows his personality really well, and I love how his distractions and the things he learns and discovers help him to save the day in the end. I think Pinto (just like Kwazii) is a good portrayal of ADHD, and how he just needs to be in the right environment to succeed. Each time Pinto messes up or loses focus, isn’t because he was left alone and couldn’t be trusted—it’s because he was left alone and understimulated. So when he’s thrown into a sudden high-stakes situation, all of his focus hones in on the moment, and he’s able to save Dashi and Paani by himself.

AND, because you didn’t say it had to be an Above and Beyond moment, I want to throw some love at The Oarfish episode from the main series. In this episode, Pinto no longer views Peso as “less” than an Octonaut, and is so excited to watch him do his job—it’s really cute!! His impulsivity is once again a positive thing—granted, it seems to annoy Peso a little, but when you think about it he kinda saved the day by being impulsive. He sounded the Octoalert without permission, which let the captain know to come back before their radio signal cut out, and by being unafraid of the “monster” and swimming outside, he was able to discover what the problem was so that Peso could help. He did good.

Pearl.... I love Pearl a lot, but I can’t think of one specific episode that comes to mind for her. I love The Pupfish because it introduces Peri to AnB, and I love how he teaches her how to tie a knot, so she can save the algae (and Glen). I like The Bison episode because it’s interesting watching her not doing something with algae for once, and The Pink Glacier because her and Kwazii’s dynamic was something I didn’t know I needed, but now I want more of (/p).

Ryla. Possibly controversial opinion: I liked Ryla in The Caves of Sac Actun, more than I like her now in Above and Beyond. I know she’s only gotten 3 episodes so far, but she’s really missing something. Sac Actun gave us lore on her right off the bat: she’s old friends with Dashi, she’s a skilled cave explorer, she’s spunky, she’s purple. AnB hasn’t given us much yet. So far her only shtick is caves, and that’s getting a bit repetitive. Consider every moment she has in Sac Actun as her “Shining Moment”, because honestly that whole movie is a 10/10.

Koshi,,,, she hasn't gotten that much yet, but I'm gonna say The Longfin Eels is her Shine Episode. I like the way she narrates the whole episode, because it's very in-character. Plus we know she’s literally writing about this adventure in her diary as she's telling it, as if it were a mystery book. She reminds me of narrators from 1920s film noirs, and that’s cool. Also! Honorary mention of the scene when she gets her Octowatch: I loved that for her <3

Min is below the cut, because my answer for her includes some very heavy SEASON 5 SPOILERS, including SCREENSHOTS:

All of Min's appearances so far are dear to my heart. However, my favourite has to be her own introductory episode: The Giant Chinese Salamander.

The Rainforest Rescue is another amazing episode for Min—she’s a wonderful character on her own, of course—but I think we can all agree that she and Inkling are very adorable together (no matter how you interpret their relationship).

When Above and Beyond aired on Netflix, there was a lot of confusion around Min, from the younger audience and other fans who hadn’t seen S5. The Giant Chinese Salamander introduces Min with a 20-minute special; showing her in high-stakes action with Kwazii, bonding with the Octonauts, being an all-around Cool Person™, and a flashback of how she met Inkling when they were younger.

She saved his life. He was thrown far inland by a rough storm, and was trapped until she found him. I honestly headcanon that Min partially (if not outright) inspired Inkling to form the Octonauts, and this moment could have literally sealed the fate of EVERYTHING we know.

But! Until S5 comes out, that's all I've got to say~ 👋💝

[super-hero-confessions]

Billy Butcher is a genuinely worse person than Homelander and this is plain to see when you actually read the comics.

Homelander actually feels disgusted with himself when he does bad things. And he only does them because he's been led to believe he was horrible without actually having done any of the shit he's blackmailed for in the photos and videos. Including what happened to Becky.

If it's not clear. It was Black Noir, a clone of Homelander, who put on his costume, did those terrible things and enjoyed them, and then took pictures and videos to frame Homelander. Noir was the one to rape Becky, but Homelander got the blame.

And the very few things we actually see Homelander do show us how much revulsion he feels from doing them, to the point where he throws up and has a visceral reaction, like he doesn't actually want to and isn't used to it. Asking himself "what have I done?".

That's far from a spoiler at this point, these comics have been out in full, for several years now. I'm not gonna pull punches or be dishonest about it like some people confessing weird out of context bullshit either.

In contrast.

Butcher kills all of his friends, excuse me. All of the people he used and lied to and made believe he was actually their friend, with no remorse or second thought. Or at least tries to.

Kimiko. Frenchie. MM. Even Vas (Love Sausage). All of them die by Billy's hands. For no other reason beyond.

"They're supes."

Despite the fact that this is after he discovered he was wrong about Homelander the whole fucking time.

Down to trying to kill MM's momma. Down to killing Janine's fucking mother in front of her so that she witnesses it. And then makes sure MM knows that for Billy, he "ain't got no mates".

Hughie is the only one to survive because after killing the others, Butcher threatens to kill Starlight and says he won't stop unless Hughie stops him.

There's no question here. Butcher was always the bigger monster. He just didn't have the power to be as bad as Homelander could be. Potentially.

Potentially. And that is a huge fucking key word.

Barring the fact that Homelander never actually met that potential or even wanted it. Noir was the actual monster, using Billy to confuse him into believing he had, so he would try. Just so the clone could swoop in kill him.

Imagine that.

And there are still people deranged enough to think there's any kind of contest on who's worse between Billy and Homelander?

Fuck's sake, this guy immediately kills a fucking premie baby instead of trying to pacify it because it's terrified out of its mind and has powers it can't control. With a lamp.

I love the show, I love the portrayals and the jobs done by the actors. I think it does a great job touching on the important topics and themes in the comics while connecting it to current events. I do hope it has a different ending. But one thing's clear.

While the characters are fundamentally the same at their cores. They made Billy softer and sweeter while they made Homelander harder and more ruthless in order to make the dynamic more mainstream and less controversial. Which is honestly a bit disappointing.

It also makes me a little worried because if they don't find a way to navigate that well, it may mean they've messed up the finish line before we could ever reach it. They could definitely go for something more comic accurate or even include Billy killing Ryan and just not caring anymore as per typical Butcher fashion, but given that they've already chickened out on some of the more intense stuff, I can't say it's high in the hopes factor.

And a happy ending doesn't exactly feel appropriate either.

But who knows, maybe the set up is there specifically to make everything hurt that much more in the end if or when Billy betrays everyone.

And this is coming from someone who is ecstatic to see Homelander go on a chaotic rampage of blood, death, and destruction. Bring it the fuck on you goddamn chaos cockteases.

But yeah, no. It's no contest. Billy is a far worse character than Homelander in the comics, and he has the potential to get a lot worse in the show. He's not there yet, but it's pretty clear he actively wants to be and it's grating him that he isn't yet.

Guess it'll be interesting to see if that comes to fruition or if there's even some crazy twist that shows us Homelander isn't as bad as people think.

[darkthingshappen]

Baby Steps: A Brother's Keeper story

Things have been rough for Ben lately, so I thought he could use some future comfort. This is set a few weeks after his rescue and before his eventual recapture. Zoe is a new favorite character. She's just soooo good for my sweet Ben.

CW for alluded to past noncon, torture, and abuse

Tagging List: @i-can-even-burn-salad @peachy-panic @deluxewhump @arwenadreamer @whumpcereal @melancholy-in-the-morning @dont-touch-my-soup @whumpsday @keeper-of-all-the-random-things @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump @oddsconvert @melennui @susiequaz12 @morning-star-whump @crystalquartzwhump @whump-and-other-things @mylifeisonthebookshelf @reflected-pain @hold-him-down @quietshae @sparrowsage (I hope I’m not forgetting anyone - please let me know if I am and I’ll fix it. I’m still getting used to this) 

Thanks again to the AMAZING @whumpcereal for being the BEST BETA IN THE WORLD!!!!!

Zoe stood looking in on Ben.  Like so many days that she had come to visit him since he came home, he was curled up in bed, staring at nothing.  He wasn’t literally catatonic, but he couldn’t engage.  It had only been a few weeks since he’d come home and she knew the basics of what had happened to him.  No one wanted to tell her, but she’d insisted Jake tell her.  

He’s my boyfriend, Jake.  He’s been my best friend since we were sixteen years old.  I have a right to know.  

No you don’t.  He wouldn’t want you knowing.

Jake, he’s fucking catatonic!  I can’t help him if I don’t know what he’s been through.  I love him too, you know.

I know you do, but… Jake’s voice had faltered.  Zoe, it’s really bad.  Like, he’s been through literal hell. 

All the more reason for me to know.  He’s going to need me to find his way back.  Honestly, Jake, just tell me.  I can handle it.  And it can’t be any worse than what I’m imagining.  I’ve seen some of the marks on his body.  They didn’t come from just a beating.

Jake hung his head and relented. 

It had been as bad as she’d imagined.  Worse in so many ways.  Jake flat out refused to show her the pictures, but she didn’t need them.  She read through the file, the abuse, the torture, the ways he’d been used.  The way he’d been found.  She’d had her own nightmares since then.  It wasn’t like reading a story or a news article.  It was real.  This happened to her family.   

Her sweet Ben, the man she loved who would never have hurt anyone ever, the man who held the door open for her, the man that had always treated her with such tenderness.  Her sweetheart since they were sixteen years old, had been so brutalized that he was a shell of himself.  Her heart broke for him every time she saw him.  

He looked so small in his bed, the covers pulled up to his chin.  She didn’t have to see to know what he’d be wearing - a giant oversized long sleeve t-shirt, baggy pajama bottoms that swallowed him, every inch of his body covered to hide the brutal scars and marks of his captivity they all knew were there.  She could still see the scar on his cheek from where he’d been hit so hard or so many times that it had opened up and never healed properly.  

She wanted to take his broken body in her arms and hold him until all the hurt was gone.  But life was never that simple.  He desperately needed a kind and gentle human touch, but every touch terrified him and threatened to send him back to that place.  For a moment, a fury washed over her that was almost overwhelming.  She hated the men that had done this to her sweet Ben.  Who could look at him, could know him, and ever want to hurt him?  What kind of person did that to another?  Alexsei fucking Volkov, that’s who, her brain supplied unhelpfully.  

God, if she could get her hands on that man she was certain her fury and vitriol would be enough to give her the strength to tear him apart, to rip his body to tiny little pieces and then feed them to the fucking dogs.  And even that would be better than what he deserved.  A small, very violent part of her, wanted him to have to suffer the same way Ben had suffered.  But she didn’t want to dwell on that because then she’d have to think about what that monster did to him.  

She slowly walked into the room, not wanting to startle him.  There had been several occasions where one or all of them had accidentally sent Ben spiraling into a flashback.  The visits were hard, but she made herself keep coming.  It wasn’t a chore, not really.  Not for Ben.  She’d keep trying to get through to him for the rest of her life if that’s what it took.  

“Hey, Benny,” she said lightly, sitting slightly away from him on the bed.  

Ben’s eyes seemed to suddenly focus, and they found hers.  HIs soft brown eyes that used to be filled with lightness and mirth were haunted and filled with fear more often than not now.  She could see the moment that he realized it was her and not them in his room.  His tense muscles relaxed slightly, and he smiled sadly at her, like he’d done something wrong. It made Zoe’s blood boil to see Ben’s shame. He didn’t deserve it. He was innocent. He’d always been.

“Hey, Zo.”

“How ya doing today?”

“Oh, um…”  

Words were no longer easy for him.  He struggled with expressing basic thoughts, which never used to be the case. Probably had to do with so much time spent gagged or muzzled.  Who fucking muzzles a person?  Who would muzzle Ben?  Why?  Why would anyone want to silence him?  Zoe shoved her anger back down.  

“I, I, I…” Ben huffed out a frustrated breath.  “I’m.  Okay.”  He had to say each word specifically.  But they both knew he wasn’t okay.  It was just the expected response.  Polite, appropriate.

“Are you?”

He looked at her again, sad eyes that used to dance.  

Zoe swallowed and gently touched his hand, even though she knew it was a risk.  He stiffened for a moment and then relaxed and returned her grasp.  

“I know you’re doing your best, Benny.  But you can’t do it all on your own.  W-will you let me help you?” she asked quietly.  

“I don’t know if you can.” Ben turned back to the wall. “The doctors said I’m fine physically.  But, I’m never going to be the same again.  I’ve said it before, Zo.  I think you should move on.  I’m no good for you anymore.  I can’t be the man you deserve.  I-I-”

“If you say you're broken or ruined one more time… I swear to God I’m gonna-”

Ben shrank in on himself a bit at her words and frustrated tone.  “It’s true,” he whispered.  

Zoe took a deep breath through her nose.  “Ben, if the situation were reversed and I was the one that was abducted and��� and… and.. went through what you went through, would you stop loving me?”

Ben’s face paled and he looked like he might be sick.  Then anger flicked across his expression and then a cold resolve.  She understood.  He’d had a brief flashback but had seen her there instead of him.  The thought clearly horrified him, made him sick and angry.  She could read him so well, even after all of this.  

“I never stopped loving you.” He looked back at her. It was the strongest and most defiant voice she’d heard from him since his return.  

“I know, love.  But would you think I was a lost cause if it were me instead of you?”

Again the horror and fear and anger crossed his face at the thought of someone doing all that he’d endured to her.  His hands clenched into fists.

“Never.”

“Then why do you think I should leave you behind?  I could never do that.  You’re my best friend, my first and only love.  You’re the man I want to grow old with.”

“But I don’t know that I can be that man for you anymore.  Zoe, the things he did to me…”

“I don’t care.  I just want you.  Even if it’s just to sit with you, or to lay next to you at night.  I just want to be with you.”

“But you deserve more.”

“No, I deserve you.  Because you are the man I love.  The one God brought to me.  None of that has changed.”  She moved her hands slowly, so he could see, and took his face in her hands, her thumb just barely caressing the scar on his cheek.  “I love you, Benny.  Just you.  It’s always been you and will always be you.”  She leaned forward and barely touched her lips to his forehead, his eyelids, the scar, the tip of his nose.  

When she pulled back, he had tears running down his cheeks.  Her thumbs wiped them away. .  

“Was that too much?” she whispered.  “I’m sorry, Benny.”  She started to let go of his face but he reached up and grabbed her fingers.  

“No.  No, it’s not.  Please.”

“Please what, Benny.  Anything you want, just say it.”  Her voice was soft, like the barest breath of wind.  

“Stay with me.”

Zoe smiled sweetly at his request, but that wasn’t what her goal was for the day.  She looked him over, taking in the dark circles under his eyes and the too pale skin.  No, she wouldn’t let him languish in this room all day everyday.  He had to get out.  It wasn’t good for him to hide from the world.  Still, baby steps.  Tiny, fractional, microscopic baby steps.  But always moving forward.  That’s what she could help him do.  Move forward.  

“No.  You’e coming with me this time,” she said with her own playful grin on her face.  

“Wha-?”

“Ben, you can’t stay in bed all the time, come with me.”

“No… No, I can’t.”

“You can.  Just hold my hand.  Don’t let go.  Come on.”  She held his gaze gently.  “Trust me,” she whispered, almost inaudibly.  

Zoe pulled him up gently.  His shirt slipped up slightly as the blankets shifted and she caught sight of the scars and ink that covered him.  Fucking Alexsei Volkov!  Ben tugged his shirt down hurriedly, glancing nervously at Zoe.  She just smiled and pretended not to see.  

She leaned her head against his shoulder once they were both standing.  “I love you.”

He leaned his head down on top of hers.  He’d forgotten how perfectly they fit together.  “Love you too,” he whispered as if nothing had changed.  “I’m still kinda weak, so… where are we going?”

“Just down to the garden.  You look like you could use some sunshine.”

Zoe led them down to the back door, holding Ben’s hand the whole time.  She paused to grab a blanket off the back of the couch.  

Zoe let go of his hand just long enough to spread the blanket out on the grass.  The day was warm, and the flowers were blooming in the afternoon sun.  She sank down onto the soft blanket and pulled Ben with her.  

She held him against her and whispered in his ear.  “Just relax.  It’s warm, you’re safe.  Feel the breeze on your face, the sun on your skin, the softness of the blanket under your fingers.  Listen to the sound of my voice, the birds in the trees.  Smell the flowers in the garden, the fresh cut grass all around us.  See the blue sky above you, the colors in the flowers of the garden, the stone wall surrounding us…” she trailed off quietly and gently rubbed his arm with just her fingernails.  

“And what am I supposed to taste?” he said, smiling up at her, and for a moment it was almost a real Ben smile.  The Ben from before.  There was the barest hint of mischievousness in his eyes.  

“What do you want to taste?”

“I… I thought a lot about your lipgloss when I was gone?”

Gone. That’s how he always said it. Like he’d just been away on a trip. But they both knew there were parts of him that would never come home. Still, Zoe forced herself to smile. 

“My lipgloss?”

“The watermelon one.  You know.  That one that was your favorite and that when they stopped selling it you went online and bought every tube you could find.”

“I still have it.”

“Are you wearing it now?”

‘Yes…”

“Then… then that’s what I want.”  It was hesitant and with a question in his eyes, but also bold and beautiful.

Zoe smiled down at him where he lay across her lap.  She leaned down and brushed her lips against his and then pulled away.  She watched him lick his lips and taste her.  They both knew they were waiting to see if he had a flashback.  

“Breeze in my hair, sun on my face, birds in the air, and your taste on my tongue.  Can… can we do that again?” he asked quietly.  

“As often as you want, my love.” 

Ben reached up and pulled her down towards him, the kiss was longer this time.  Zoe felt Ben’s tongue just barely touch her lips.  He didn’t push further and she didn’t ask for more.  It was enough for now.  

*!*!*!*!*  

Maria Adkins smiled as she looked down into the garden from the second story landing at the top of the stairs.    

“What ya looking at mom?” Jake asked.  Maria jumped slightly, she hadn’t realized her oldest was upstairs.  “Oh, nothing.  Just a nice day.”

Jake, sensing that wasn’t exactly true, stepped up next to her.  He smiled warmly when he saw his brother on the grass below.  “A nice day indeed.”  

Maria put her arm around his back.  Both her boys were taller than her, but she found it didn’t matter much. They both still needed her so much. Jake leaned against her, and she felt his breath hitch beneath her arm.

“I’m sorry, Mom.  I know I can never say it enough.  But I really am.”  

So much had happened since that day with the FBI where they’d learned what had happened.  So very much.  And she knew her boys adored each other.  Jake may have been the connection to that monster, but it wasn’t his fault.  She knew he’d have traded places with Ben in a heartbeat to save him from what had happened.  If anything, this had made Jake finally straighten up.  

She missed the humor and swagger that he’d often carried about him.  In many ways, both her boys were broken by this common event.  She could read it in Jake’s eyes, the guilt, the horror.  He’d bear that for the rest of his life.  There was no way he could have known.  No way for anyone to have known what lengths that bastard would take.  She’d long forgiven Jake for his role, but it would be a long time before Jake could forgive himself.  

“Stop, Jake.  Let’s just enjoy this for now.  Today is a good day.  We’re together and we’re safe.  Let’s just be glad for that.”

Jake leaned down and bumped his head against his mom’s shoulder, and she squeezed him around the middle.  They heard the front door open, and when Jacob Adkins announced he was home from work, they let him know they were upstairs.  

He joined them on the landing and smiled at the sight in the garden.  If his eyes grew glassy and moist, no one called him on it.  

“Come on,” Maria said softly.  “They’ll be okay.  Let’s go get dinner ready.  Jacob, I need the trash put out; and Jake, you can set the table.”

“Yes, ma’am,” they both answered and turned to give the couple in the back garden some privacy.  

[the-devils-girl94]

Distracting Thoughts

Prompt: Stranded On A Boat

Characters: Beelzebub x Fem!MC

Content Warnings: Masturbation, MC has thalassophobia(a fear of the ocean and other large bodies of water), MC fantasizing about Beel, lots of smutty good times with Beel

(I like how there is a word for how I feel about large bodies of water. Did not expect it to be this long ass word though.)

Another fic for @voltage-vixen ‘s Summer of Smut challenge! Enjoy!

“How on Earth did I end up in this mess?”

A heavy sigh left your lips and you buried your face into your hands.

Right now, you were stuck in the middle of the sea on a boat that Lord Diavolo had outright purchased. Not everything was going so bad, but you wouldn’t be feeling so slighted if everything was going good either.

Oh no, no. It was simply terrible.

For one thing, while you weren’t in immediate danger, being stuck in the middle of the freaking ocean was downright terrifying! All you could think of was scary scenarios of you drowning in this never-ending sea. Like the boat could sink and you could drown, you could fall over the edge and drown, or you could fall over the edge and a nearby shark could see you as a tasty snack and that could be your end. Your mind just kept coming up with the most exaggerated and impossible one-in-a-million chance scenarios that really did no good for you.

You hated being anywhere near large bodies of water, but there was one thing that kept some of the thoughts at bay. And that was you weren’t entirely alone.

You sat on the back deck of the boat Diavolo had purchased, far away from either edge that you didn’t want to be near, and before you was the ever-so lively Demon Brothers of the House of Lamentation. In short, your lively roommates who just make everything so much better...sometimes. Lord Diavolo and Barbatos was there as well but they mostly kept to themselves with Diavolo mostly sunbathing.

Your mind felt more at ease with the guys around since you knew if any of the scenarios did happen, they would not hesitate to immediately step in to save you. Though you still hope it would never have to come to that in the first place. You felt most safe around Beelzebub, the sixth born. 

Your eyes caught him in the pool that was several feet away from you. He was joined by his twin and locked in a fierce game with the second and third born. Well, you say fierce but its clear that Beelzebub is the victor. Mammon and Leviathan were no match against Beel’s pure strength. And had Belphegor been with anyone else besides his twin, he definitely would not have stood a chance against a team up of his older brothers.

You weren’t too interested in their game play, however. Your eyes were trained on Beel. Even before this boat fiasco, your eyes have never strayed far away from the gluttonous demon. For a long time, you didn’t know if it was a crush or if you’re just naturally drawn to his sweet nature.

“Or maybe that chiseled body of his.”

The tips of your ears grew hot as the thought crept in, replacing your previous anxiety-ridden thoughts. Your mind soon became riddled with images of Beelzebub’s torso. Mostly of his glorious pecs and washboard abs because this demon was built like a freaking Greek God. God knew exactly what he was doing when he made him, but him being a demon made his appeal so much greater! It was, in every sense of the word, sinful.

You were brought back to reality when you heard a large splash and some yelling. You looked up in time to see Levi and Mammon getting flung out of the pool by Beel, all while Belphie napped out on a floating donut. The whole thing brought you to tears as you laughed at the ridiculousness of it all. Mammon had caught you laughing and scolded you.

“Hey, (Y/N)! Don’t laugh, it ain’t funny!,” he yelled, but you continued to chuckle. You felt a little bad, but it was so unexpected as Beel had grabbed them by their feet and literally threw them out.

“(Y/N) witnessed our defeat...how uber lame,” muttered Leviathan as he rubbed his now aching back.

Wiping away your tears, you let out an amused sigh and went off on your own to explore the boat. You were unaware of Beel calling after you as you walked away.

________________________________________________________________

You thought it would be a good idea to explore the boat since Lord Diavolo had bought it and anything he buys is always luxurious. And it was but...

As you wandered the halls, you suddenly understood what sailors meant by sea legs. Although the boat was mostly steady, there would be an occasional gentle rocking of the boat. And had it been anyone else, it would have been fine but no! It completely unsettled you and your thoughts once again became filled with disturbing scenarios of that all ended in you meeting your end in some extreme way or another.

“Oh why did I think it was okay to go off on my own?,” you thought.

Feeling sick to your stomach, you thought it best to just retire to your room and calm your incessant thoughts. You flopped onto your bed and buried your face into your pillow. You hope this day would end so you could finally get off this nightmare. You tried to refocus your mind on something else, because even with you running through every possibility of drowning in every way possible, you were aware that you were in safe hands. None of the brothers would ever let you meet such an end in this never-ending sea full of wonders and mysteries.

You thought back to earlier and found yourself thinking of Beel once more.

The images from earlier made you kick your legs as your face became hot and flushed. You groaned into your pillow with frustration.

“Fuuuuckkkk!,” you screamed internally, feeling slightly ashamed for thinking about Beelzebub in such a manner. But thinking of him did make the other thoughts fade away to the background. Plus you may have a crush on him, so..was it totally wrong to fantasize about him showing up to your room, body dripping with water and looking at you with lust filled eyes?

....Okay, hold up, that actually is kinda hot.

It was the most prevalent image in your head. It made you wonder if you would have the chance to actually have Beel in your room and let him take you. Or maybe have the courage to be that daring?

You felt a tingling sensation between your legs and rolled on your back, blushing. You dwelled on the thought a little more to the point that it became a fantasy. And you imagined Beelzebub crawling towards you on your bed until his face was a couple inches away from yours. His rough hands were on your thighs, lifting them up so your clothed sex could feel the hardness of his bulge clothed from the thin material of his swim shorts.

The heat within your core began to grow and before you knew it, you were already trying to calm the growing heat with your hand. You were craving for the imaginary touch that only existed in your mind. Rubbing against your clit, the fantasy progressed into Beel removing your clothes and pushing his shorts down to free his hardened member. You imagined him stroking his cock against your sensitive slit that was getting wetter and wetter in reality.

Your breathing became heavy and you brought up a free hand to go under your shirt and bra to twist at your nipples. The fantasy continued as you imagined Beel dipping his fingers inside of you, stretching out your pussy to prepare you for him.

Moans started to escape from your lips as your hands worked on your body to bring you the stimulation and release you desperately searched for. You weren’t aware of it but you were also moaning Beel’s name. Apparently you were being a bit loud, because you failed to hear the knocking at your door and the sound of it opening until...

“(Y/N).”

You snapped out of your fantasy-filled haze when you heard your name. Suffice to say, you were extremely embarrassed to find a blushing Beelzebub in your room, half-eaten snacks in his hands. You quickly covered yourself up with a shout, but it was much too late. You were sure that he had saw everything. He probably even heard you too.

“Waah! I’m so fucking embarrassed! Oh my God,” you cringed, trying so hard to fold in on yourself so you could disappear. 

“Ah, (Y/N)! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to barge in like that,” he apologized profusely. He saw your covers move a bit but no sign of you poking your head out. You whined as you stammered out, “It’s fine! I should have locked my door. I didn’t mean for you to see me...like that...so.”

Ahhh, if anything was more worse than drowning in an ocean where your body likely won’t be found, it was definitely having your crush walk in on you masturbating to him. Ok, maybe not that much worse but still! Tears began to well up in your eyes and you fully expected for Beelzebub to walk out as this situation must have been a bit awkward. But instead you felt your bed dip in a bit as another weight was added. A hand was placed on your back and started rubbing in circles. Your lip trembled as your tears fell, because WHY WAS HE SO FREAKING SWEET!? 

Yeah, you were definitely crushing on him. This is why he was the only one on the crush list.

Beelzebub could feel you trembling and his face was still red from walking in on you. Though if he had to admit it, seeing you like that really turned him on. And to hear you moan his name so wantonly was like music to his ears. But he still felt bad because it was your private time that he interrupted. All because he wanted to hang out with you since he wanted to do so earlier, but you didn’t hear him calling after you.

But now there was a massive elephant in the room and neither of you knew how to bring it up without it becoming more awkward. Or your in case more embarrassed.

“(Y/N)?”

“Yes, Beel?”

“I’m still sorry for earlier. I wanted to hangout, but do...do you want me help you a bit?”

You shot up like a rocket and turned wide-eyed to face a startled Beelzebub, who was feeling a bit pervy for asking you that question. But to you, he didn’t need to feel like that because this was the moment you were thinking of earlier! You started to laugh at the irony, causing Beel to become confused which you noticed.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’m not laughing at you, Beel!,” you chuckled out. “It was just that earlier I was thinking of what would I do if I had you in my room all to myself.”

At that, the gentle giant smiled at you, understanding why you were laughing. He crawled towards you, his face a few inches from yours. You were smiling but your face grew warm.

“So is it a ‘yes’?,” he asked, though his lips were drawing in close to yours.

“Y-yes-mmph,” his lips had closed in on yours and you felt his hands come up to your shoulders. Sliding off the covers from your body, Beel gently laid you back on the bed. You wrapped your arms around him as he coaxed your mouth open with a bit of prodding from his tongue. You could taste the sweetness of the snacks he had earlier as your tongues became entangled. You gasped when he pulled away.

Beelzebub set his focus on leaving kisses on your neck, starting a trail. He got to your breasts and cupped them in his hands, firmly squeezing them. A squeal escaped from your lips when you felt his wet tongue teasing your nipple. He sucked it into his mouth, pulling before letting it go with a pop.

"Ahhaaa, Beel! Please," you pleaded as he devoured your chest. You couldn't take it with him pulling, twisting, and sucking on your sensitive nubs. Your hands had moved to his forearms and you held a firm grip on them as Beel sucked away.

With a final tug, he left your poor nipples alone, going back to his task of leaving butterfly kisses on your body. Your body trembled with ecstasy but soon jolted from a shock when you felt a wet appendage lapping at your swollen clit.

Once Beel had finished leaving you kisses, he came across your pussy, still wet and glistening from when you were masturbating to him. His eyes darkened as his mind drifted back to that scene of you pleasuring yourself, seeing your delectable juices dripping your core.

He just knew that he had to taste you. To devour such a pretty, pink platter that was meant for him to sample. As soon as his tongue made contact with your clit, he felt you jump but he continued to lap at it, enjoying the taste and fragrance you gave off. You squirmed and your pants started to fill the room. Your toes curled and your feet had a hard time not slipping off your sheets as you encouraged Beel to keep going.

His tongue parted your puffy, pussy lips and he noticed your legs trembling. So he hooked his hands underneath your knees, spreading them further to her better access. He let your legs rest on his shoulders, all the while keeping his mouth on you.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," you chanted over and over as your back arched, wanting to rub your sex over his tongue. You could feel yourself coming undone and on the verge of cumming. Beel's member twitched against the thin fabric of his swim shorts as he could tell your release was imminent, but...

Reluctantly, he pulled away from your pussy. He really wanted you to release all your tasty juices over his cock. He wiped away the mix of his saliva and your own cream from his chin.

You groaned but it turned into a squeak when Beel crawled back on top of you. Your legs were still over his shoulders and so you felt your body being folded in half but it wasn't too uncomfortable. But it aroused you more as you could feel his bulge heavy against your sex. You wanted it inside, for it to stretch your walls as you take every inch Beel gave you. For you to cream all over it so you could lick it off him and he could do it all over again.

Beelzebub's lips pressed against yours and you wasted no time parting your lips so his tongue could share the taste of your pussy. You could feel Beel's hands fumbling to pull down his shorts to let his cock finally breath. His lips never left yours, even as he guided his cock to your hole. You had braced yourself but was pleasantly surprised when he sanked into you with ease, but it still raised a moan out of you as your wall stretched to accommodate him.

Beel broke the kiss to let out a hissing sound as your pussy took him in so smoothly. He could feel you clenching around him, wanting to greedily take in more. But he was fully seated inside you, his balls pressed firmly against the plumpness of your ass.

"Shit...(Y/N), you feel so fucking amazing," he said as he recaptured your lips with his and rocked his hips to get a little friction going. He pulled back until only half of his dick was inside and slammed back into you. He repeated the action a few more times, drawing out moans that ended up getting swallowed up by him.

You pulled away from the kiss to cry out freely as he set a hard, quick pace as his hips connected with yours repeatedly. The slapping sound of your skin colliding overcome the sounds of your moans and cries. Beel couldn't help but groan at the way your pussy tightened around him with every thrust. Your body trembled against his as the heat became overwhelming. Your hands scrambled to grip at something, changing from scratching at Beelzebub's back or balling up your sheets into your fist, as you feared that the pleasure was going to take you away.

The seams were tearing and Beel could feel you were close as your pussy convulsed around him. So he sat up, holding your legs up, and pounded away at you. Your moans turned to screams and chants of Beel's name as his cock wrecked you.

"Beeeeel! I'm cumming, cumming!," you screamed, but it didn't deter him even as your released overflowed on his cock. The consistent clenching of your pussy finally drove him over the edge and his seed coated the inside of your walls, a deep growl erupted from him as he pressed his cock deep inside you.

With the both of you spent for the moment, Beel slipped out of you and collapsed beside you. However, he wrapped his arms around you to bring you closer. You sighed contently, feeling very much satiated as well as Beelzebub.

You felt lips pressing against your forehead and giggled before giving Beel a chaste kiss on the lip.

"That was amazing," you smiled. You saw his cheeks redden and the hug tightens.

"I-I would like to do that again...maybe sometime," spoke the blushing giant as he looked into your eyes.

The tips of your ears turning red as you agreed.

You figured this boat nightmare wasn't too bad as you snuggled up to Beel's chest, wondering if you had the courage to say you like him.

You saved the thought for another day to ponder later.

[demigodreading]

Saving Mini Benson Pt:1

Request: From @youngjusticeimaginesus​:  Hi, I was wondering If maybe you'd be willing to do a oneshot where Olivia's daughter gets kidnapped by Lewis instead of Olivia?

Summary: That’s right my favorite peoples... This is going to be a two part mini series because there was no way everything that I needed to say could be done in a one-shot! I won’t go into much because I don’t want to give it away but please note THIS PART IS A DOOZY! The next one may be worse but still this arc made me cry in the show and I cried writing this

Characters: Olivia Benson, Fin Tutuola, Amanda Rollins, Nick Amaro, William Lewis, Donald Cragen, Reader

Relationships: Olivia Benson x Daughter! Reader

Warnings: MAJOR Violence, Guns, Cigarette Burns, Episode Spoilers, Alcohol, Smoking Weed, Mentions of Shootings, Death, William Lewis, Mentions of torture... (I Think that covers it but if it doesn’t please let me know)

Word Count: 2320 (Like I said.. there was no way this was gonna be just a oneshot.)

And with that all being said: Let’s jump into it.

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Olivia and her daughter rarely fought but when they did neither one wanted to admit the other one was right. Olivia loved and hated her daughter for being so similar to her. Even now as she watched the miniature version of herself stalk the interview room the exact same way she would send her heart racing. Usually the similarities would result in a smile but not today. Today Olivia’s vision was a deep red as she confronted her daughter.

“Y/N you were caught smoking weed underneath the bleachers during class! So not only did you break one rule you broke two!” Olivia shouted, folding her arms.

“Wow glad that you know how to count,” Y/N mumbled looking out the window.

“What did you just say to me?”

“Look mom I just don’t get what the big deal is? It was one joint. One class!” Y/N retorted, throwing her hands up, “I am a straight A student who has a full ride scholarship to Harvard.”

“Yes, because Barba stuck his neck out on the line for you and put in a glowing recommendation,” Olivia spat, “What you did was careless. You could have ruined everything that was given to you.”

“You know for once in your life could you ever be fucking proud of me! I do everything that I can do to make you proud and yet at the end of the day I am never fucking good enough for you.”

“That’s not…” Olivia went to argue but was interrupted by Cragen opening the door.

“Olivia we got a problem. I need you right now,” He said, then shut the door without waiting for an answer.

“Just go save another poor unfortunate soul mom. Don’t worry about your daughter.  I’ll pick up my own pieces like I always do,” Y/N said, wiping tears from her face as she grabbed her coat.

Y/N stormed from the room before Olivia could stop her. She made her way through the precinct eyes trained to the floor as her mother’s voice rang out, “You better head straight home Y/N!  We are not done having this conversation and you are grounded!”

Choosing not to say anything, Y/N merely raised her hand in the air flipping her mother off before the doors shut with a loud slam behind her. Tears made dark spots on the concrete as Y/N made her way back to their apartment. Even the noises of the constant car honks and people screaming couldn’t drown out the voices in her head today. Failure. Waste of space. Stupid. No one. Unwanted. Unloved. 

It was the repeated song that kept her feet moving forward until she finally placed her key in the lock. She threw her bag by the kitchen island and threw her keys on the counter. She was about to turn on the living room light when a noise caught her attention. 

“Hello? Hello?”

As she turned the corner her vision was filled with the sight of a gun pointed right at her temple. A smirk crossed William Lewis’ face as he looked at Y/N, “Ah welcome home Little Benson. I was hoping that it would be your mother who was walking through the door but I guess you will have to do.”

Y/N went to scream but instead Lewis jammed the gun against her throat, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. One small slip of my finger and your mom will be left with a new kind of art all over her walls.”

Y/N let a single tear roll down her face before Lewis’ gun made contact with her skull and the whole world went black.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Olivia had already tried to call Y/N twice but it kept going straight to voicemail. The last known location had been their apartment so at least she had the sense to head straight home. The guilt in Olivia’s stomach was insurmountable. Watching her daughter explain that she never felt like she lived up to her standards. Olivia had promised herself when she had Y/N she would never end up like her mother. Yet there she was shaming her child for one mistake. Y/N was more than just a good kid, she was excellent. She was smart, beautiful, humorous, kind, and so much more. She was everything Olivia could have ever hoped for. Knowing that her daughter thought she wasn’t proud was the worst pain she could have.

After the third call Olivia finally decided to leave a voicemail, “Y/N I know you are mad but I need you to know something. I am proud of you and will always be proud of you. You are the best daughter and the most amazing human. I was rough on you early. Please let’s talk through this. I’ll be home soon with your favorite Chinese. Just don’t do anything stupid? I love you.”

When she hung up the phone she placed her head in her hands and let out a large sigh. Fin placed a reassuring hand on her back, “Liv, it is going to be okay. She is just being a teenager.”

“No Fin, you should have seen her. It was like I was physically taking her heart out and ripping it in front of her. I should have never said those things. I didn’t mean any of them… I was just upset.”

“She knows, they always know.”

Olivia merely shook her head and began to gather her things to head home. She walked out of the precinct without a goodbye and headed down the street to Y/N’s favorite Chinese place. They knew what she was going to order as soon as she walked in the door asking where Y/N was. Liv pushed off their question and scrolled through her phone as she waited for the food. Y/N’s phone was still off giving Olivia an eerie feeling as she finished the walk to the apartment. 

Once inside she noticed Y/N’s bag on the floor and her keys on the counter. There was a sudden rush of cold air that made her notice the window that was open to the fire escape. She shut it quickly and then moved to Y/N’s room. The door was still open with everything the way she had left it that morning. Once her calls were unanswered Olivia opened the window again crawling onto the fire escape. Sometimes Y/N would go to the roof to watch the sun slowly crawl behind the buildings.When she reached the top however she was met with an unsettling emptiness. 

Olivia reached for her phone to call the only person who was able to calm her anxiety lately, “Amaro, Y/N isn’t here. I can’t find her. What if something happened to her?”

“She probably just went to a friend’s house to get away,” Amaro replied stirring the contents of his drink, “She will be back in the morning just to relax. Sleep off the anger and come back with a clear head tomorrow.”

Liv pondered this suggestion over and over deciding what she should do. When the silence became too long Amaro interjected again, “Liv, I’m serious. You two had the biggest blow out that I have seen in awhile. Give her time to be mad at you and think. If you smother her she might only push further away from you.” She thanked her partner for the advice and then shoved her phone back in her pocket taking a sweep of the roof once again. Finally she slowly made her way back to the apartment shutting the window with a slam before locking it. Olivia wandered over to the kitchen moving the cereal that covered the top of the fridge to get to her secret cupboard. From the opening she pulled a large bottle of her favorite red wine. She popped the cork and decided to forgo a cup taking a long swig directly from the green glass. A large sigh escaped her lips as she plopped down on the couch going over the events of the day in her head.

As the contents of the bottle slowly drained till there was nothing else Olivia realized her fears were all coming true. She was becoming her mother. A woman she never once wanted to be. Three empty bottles later she finally curled under Y/N’s sheets crying into her pillow until she finally was able to fall asleep.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning when Y/N did not return and her phone was still shut down all bets were off. Olivia was furious but more importantly she was terrified. Something was horribly wrong. Her morning was spent talking to Y/N’s two best friends and searching their houses for her. When that search was unsuccessful Olivia went to the school hoping Y/N had gone there. However, she had been absent all day and there hadn’t even been a call to excuse her from the day. 

When the morning bled into the afternoon Olivia was running around the city to all of Y/N’s usual hangout spots. The search of the library told her that Y/N hadn’t been there in over a week. The local bakery hadn’t seen her in three days. The coffee shop where Y/N always bought Olivia’s coffee when she came to see her at work had seen her two mornings ago but nothing since then. Even the old lady that had Y/N over twice a week to help her with errands and chores around the house hadn’t seen her. 

It was dark by the time that Olivia fell into her desk chair at the precinct. With her head in her hands she let the tears fall. A whole day was gone and there was still no sign of her daughter. If she had been kidnapped they were running out of time and losing it quickly. The longer she was out there the longer the person had to get away with whatever they wanted.

The squad huddled around in Cragen’s office looking at Olivia curled over her desk. Rollins was the first one to speak, “I bet you Lewis has something to do with this.”

“And what makes you think that?” Amaro asked, “There are plenty of people who could have a vendetta against Liv.”

“It’s just a feeling.”

“Yeah well have you ever considered the idea that maybe Y/N just ran away,” Amaro retorted.

Fin, Cragen, and Amanda all turned towards Amaro, shocked. Cragen was the first one to speak, “I know you haven’t been here long Amaro but this isn’t Y/N. Something is horribly wrong and we are going to figure out what is going on. Fin and Amanda go check out Lewis’ usual hiding spots. I’ll take Liv through her apartment once again to see if we missed anything.”

“And me cap?”

“Amaro… you stay here and set up a tip line,” Cragen responded curtly and then they all disappeared to find where Y/N had disappeared to.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Y/N woke with a jolt as she felt cold water splash her face. She was met with Lewis staring only a couple inches away from her face. He grinned and grabbed Y/N’s chin as she tried to look away, “Well well there. Looks like someone is finally awake. Feeling thirsty?”

Y/N nodded her head yes waiting to scream as he curled his fingers around the edge of the duct tape. As he was about to pull it away he jammed a gun against Y/N’s throat, “Make any noise and I will shove this gun straight down your throat.”

Finally when he pulled the tape away Y/N spit right in his face, “Just shoot me already if you are going to threaten me with it.”

“And miss out on all of our fun Mini Benson. I think not. There is plenty that I want to do to you before then.”

Y/N began to panic as Lewis lit another cigarette. She remembered the way the others had burned against her chest and sides. She had lost count after twenty perfect circle burns and after the second pistol whip to the face she had passed out a second time, She couldn’t go through all of that again.

“My mom knows I am missing and she will be out looking for me. Just let me go and she will never have to know that you did it. Please,” YN begged.

“What is she going to think about that bruise on your face? Or the marks on your skin? I can’t let you go… plus I know that you both fought before you came home. I bet you that she thinks you just ran away and are leaving her,” Lewis chuckled.

“How.. how did you know that we fought?

“This lovely voicemail your mother left you,” Lewis said, placing your phone against your ear.

Tears began to run down Y/N’s face as she heard the apology her mother had sent her. Damnit! Why did I have to fight with her? We could have avoided all of this. Is the mantra that ran through her head as Lewis slammed the phone against her head and threw it at the wall.

“She isn’t coming for you,” Lewis snickered.

“Please… just let me go. I will do anything.”

Lewis pulled his gun and placed it against Y/N’s scalp, “You are still bargaining with me? Really. We are way past that baby.”

“I am the daughter of an NYPD detective. A decorated well known detective. My mother, her partner, her squad, the entire department will hunt you down. You think that you’ve put people through hell. It will rain back down on you.”

“You know what… let it rain,” Lewis said and then hit Y/N once again making her world go black for a third time. 

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

All Men Have Limits - X

Character: Dick Grayson x Reader x Bruce Wayne

Summary: A certain bat believes that Y/N is in way over her head, that she’s too naive to act in her best interest. So, whether she wants it or not, the vigilante family is going to help and protect her before she gets herself killed.

Word Count: 4,100+

Previously on…

The next three days were one of the darkest periods of Dick Grayson’s life. 

He was thrown back into the past to the moments after his parents were murdered. This felt the same but somehow worse. Because he was convinced he had the power to stop it, to keep Y/N safe.

Why did everyone he love have to die?

Was he cursed?

Was he responsible for their deaths?

He hadn’t even been able to tell Y/N how he really felt. He’d been holding back all this time, terrified that his truth would just push her away and make her decide to close off from him.

Now Dick wished he could go back in time and confess everything to her. If she had pushed him away, he would found his way back to her somehow. He sees that now – now that it’s too late.

He looked at Y/N sleeping peacefully in her bed at the manor.

Is it a miracle if conjuring was used to fight back at fate?

Dick doesn’t even remember what he said when he contacted Zatanna. He must’ve sounded hysterical and utterly desperate. His vision had been blurred from the tears he couldn’t control. 

He already blacked the whole thing out.

Zatanna told them that Y/N would sleep for a few days. Even if her magic saved her life and Y/N wouldn’t even have a scar to prove she had died, her body was still exhausted from the trauma of it all.

But even with Zatanna’s reassurance, Dick hadn’t left Y/N’s side, absolutely terrified that she was still in danger, that she could still leave them forever.

When Y/N started to shift, Dick sat up straighter in the chair that he’d pulled close to her bed.

Y/N winced before her eyes fluttered open.

Dick didn’t want to overwhelm her, so he just waited for her to fully wake up.

Y/N seemed confused when she realized that she was back in her room at the manor.

Then her gaze moved to Dick.

“Bruce, is he–”

“He’s fine,” Dick cut her off before she could get herself into a panic.

Her entire body relaxed and she let out the breath she was holding in without realizing it.

“He has a concussion and he’s a little beat up. But he’s had worse,” Dick elaborated.

She raised a brow. “You tend to say that a lot.”

Dick shrugged.

But it was true: Bruce had been in much worse condition.

“You saved his life, Y/N.”

She seemed uncomfortable hearing that and didn’t meet his gaze.

“I did what anyone would’ve done,” Y/N mumbled.

“Not everyone would be that brave.”

A silence settled between them for a few moments.

“How am I here?” Y/N finally asked Dick quietly.

But they both knew she was really asking, ‘How am I alive?’

“I’m not sure you really want to know all the details…” Dick had been dreading this conversation.

“I’m assuming you called in another favor with your magic friend,” Y/N thought aloud.

“Zatanna,” Dick confirmed. “And, yes. Something like that.”

Y/N gave him a look that told him she wasn’t going to let it go so easily.

“She used a spell that reversed your injuries. She…” Dick had to pause and clear his throat and get rid of his emotions that were threatening to spill. “She used your blood to write a spell, making it far stronger than most she’s cast. It saved your life.”

Y/N watched him for a moment.

“That must’ve been scary,” she whispered, truly understanding what she had put him through.

She simply could not imagine had it been the other way around. The idea of watching Dick die was something she hoped to never live through.

“He hadn’t left your side until Alfred basically secretly drugged him and scared him to get his own bedroom.”

Y/N moved to get out of bed.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Dick panicked as she stood up to stop her.

“I feel…” she thought about it for a moment.

“Like you were stabbed to death?” Dick offered darkly.

“No. I feel…I feel fine.”

He could tell she was telling the truth.

“Perks of magically being healed?” She offered innocently.

“Guess so.”

She moved out of the bed and realized she was wearing cotton shorts and a baggy t-shirt that she most definitely didn’t die in.

What had happened while she was asleep? How long was she dead?

Y/N went to the window and looked out at the grounds of Wayne Manor.

“What happened when the cops showed up?” She asked quietly, almost in a daze.

“You’d have to ask Tim for details. I was preoccupied with…” Dick’s words died out.

Y/N turned away from the window to look at him.

She may have survived, but that was never going to make talking about that night any easier for him.

Luckily, she understood what Dick couldn’t put into words.

Dick took in a deep breath and crossed his arms, “We got them, Y/N.”

It almost seemed to good to be true. They’d been at this for months. It took them weeks just to plan their final blow.

Y/N didn’t realize how hard it would be to believe that it was truly over.

It didn’t help that there was no returning to her old life. Too much had changed.

“With the evidence you gave the FBI, there’s not a lawyer in the world that can save them. Even if a member’s hands aren’t dirty, the public shame will be enough to neutralize them for good,” Dick added with a bit of optimism.

But he could tell by Y/N’s face that she was having trouble accepting the truth.

He took a step toward her. 

“If there’s members of The Court that slipped out from underneath us, if any of them try to come after you, it’ll just prove to the world that The Court of Owls is still operating. And exposing that will be the last thing they’ll want.”

She tried to force a small smile and nod, but it was unconvincing.

Dick closed the space between them and grabbed her hands.

“Y/N, you did it.”

“It’s really over,” she whispered, staring into his deep blue eyes.

He gave her a reassuring smile and nodded.

Then Dick’s focus shifted. He looked her up and down. “Y/N, you should really get some rest. You’ve been through a lot.”

Y/N sighed. “I think I’m gonna take a shower.” She smirked, “Get all that death off me.”

Dick frowned. “Not funny.”

“Jason would think it’s funny,” Y/N teased as she walked to the bathroom.

He playfully glared at her. “I’ll give you some space. But I’ll be down in the cave if you need me.”

Dick only got a few steps before Y/N called his name as if she’d forgotten something and rushed to him.

He looked at her expectantly.

Y/N stepped forward and locked her arms around Dick and buried her face into his shoulder. She closed her eyes and tried to control her breathing.

“Thank you,” she mumbled as his hands rubbed her back soothingly and he pulled her closer.

Dick wanted to tell Y/N that she didn’t have to thank him. He saved her life and he would do it again and again and again, and he would never expect gratitude for it. Because Dick knew that it was just as much for him as it was for her.

So instead he just held her in silence and felt the warmth from her body – the same body that had been ice cold and lifeless just days before.

When they finally pulled away, Dick was studying her face to make sure she was alright to be left alone.

He gave her one last look before leaving her.

Y/N took her time in the shower, making the water as hot as her skin would allow without giving it burns. There wasn’t a single bruise or cut on her. Her fingers traced over the place on her abdomen where the katana had been shoved through. 

There was nothing.

She wondered if there was a price to pay for such magic. Would she be held accountable? Or would it be Dick’s friend who faced the consequences?

Y/N didn’t know how long she’d been showering, but when she finally walked out, the bathroom was filled with too much steam.

She quickly put on sweatpants and a t-shirt when her stomach started growling. She couldn’t even remember when her last meal had been.

Y/N moved to her door after deciding that going straight to the kitchen was quite necessary.

But she stopped as she heard footsteps walking past her room in the hall.

She froze, thinking it was Bruce.

What would she say to him? Would he be angry with her? Would he not react at all to her resurrection? What would hurt her more between the two?

But it wasn’t Bruce. 

Tim and Damian were walking down the hallway.

“How much longer do you think he’ll stay?” She heard Damian ask.

“I don’t know. I heard the Titans have been bugging him to come back,” Tim answered. “I’m sure Kori misses him and has been texting.”

Damian just hummed in acknowledgment.

Y/N realized her hand was suspended over the doorknob.

And she had a realization: she was safe to leave.

But more importantly, she wasn’t the only one that could return to their “normal” life: so could Dick, so could everyone else in the family.

Soon, Tim would go back to his condo in the city. Jason would stop working so closely with the family he tried to disown and he’d probably stop coming around manor so often – if ever. And Bruce…Bruce would move on to new cases and return to the usual patrolling.  

Y/N turned and looked at the bedroom that had become her new home in the past few months. Her personality was nowhere to be found inside. It wasn't actually hers. She was just one of its many visitors. 

Y/N grabbed her duffle bag from underneath the queen-sized bed and started throwing her belongings into it.

Ten minutes later, Y/N had her jacket and shows on, and all of her belongings were packed in her bag. 

She still had to deal with all her equipment that was sitting in the cave. But that was a problem for another day. Right now, she didn’t have the bandwidth to deal with it. She needed to leave – before she changed her mind.

-

Y/N was just yards from the front door when she heard his voice.

“Y/N?” Dick asked just loud enough to catch her.

She froze in place.

While her back was still to him, she closed her eyes in grievance from the failure of being spotted.

She slowly turned around.

“You trying to sneak out of here?” Dick asked.

It was meant to sound teasing, but she heard his disappointment loud and clear.

“It’s about time I get out of your hair.” 

“We’re not exactly kicking you out…” Dick tried to joke.

“You said so yourself: it’s safe for me now.” She sighed and walked closer to him. “Look, I just…I need some time alone.”

Dick took it a bit too personally. Were they really that exhausting to be around? He thought she had started to see them as her own family. He thought things were OK.

“At least let me drive you,” he offered quietly.

“I called a cab. It’s waiting for me outside.”

Before Dick could say anything else, she quickly turned and made her escape.

Y/N knew what she was scared of. She was scared he’d tell her he was leaving Gotham now that the case had been solved. But she was even more scared that he’d tell her he was staying. 

She wasn’t ready to deal with either scenario.

So, Y/N did what she did best: she ran.

————————

Y/N stared at the wall of her safe house.

The silence that she had once grown used to long ago was now irritating.

Y/N hadn’t realized how accustomed she had become to the chaos of Wayne Manor until she had torn herself away from it. Even when it was quiet there, she could feel the presence of everyone.

Now she was left only to her thoughts.

And just she was about to escape the silence and go grab food at a nearby diner, there was a knock on the door.

Y/N knew for a fact that this safe-house hadn’t be blown yet – and that included with the Wayne family. It was exactly why she chose to come here instead of the one where Bruce first found her and dragged her to Wayne Manor for her own safety.

Which was why Y/N grabbed one of her guns and checked to make sure it was loaded and the safety was off before she tiptoed to the door.

She looked through the peep hole and her stomach twisted when she saw Bruce Wayne was on the other side.

She knew he could sense her presence on the other side, and there was no hiding. So she opened the door quickly.

Bruce eyed the gun in her hand. “This has become a habit of yours.”

Y/N ignored his comment, uncocked the gun, and carefully placed it on a table near the door.

When she was finally able to take Bruce in, she noted that his face was covered in bruises and small cuts. To be honest, Y/N expected more damage after being a witness to his near-death beating. 

“May I come in?” Bruce asked softly.

She blinked rapidly, realizing she had yet to invite him inside.

This was all reminiscent of that night.

And Y/N didn’t appreciate the memories and feelings Bruce was stirring up.

An awkward silence settled between them. The silence of her apartment was doing nothing to help.

“Are you okay?”

Y/N knew the question was sincere, but Bruce still managed to ask it without showing any ounce of emotion – as if he wasn’t personally invested in the matter. 

“I’m fine,” she answered quickly. Her eyes softened. “Are you okay?”

He simply nodded.

Silence again.

“You can never do that again,” Bruce declared.

“Do what?”

“You risked your life to save mine. The boys refused to tell me what happened, but I saw the footage. You threw yourself in front of me.”

Y/N remained calm as she said, “You did the same for me.”

Bruce shook his head. Because they both knew it wasn’t the same thing.

The truth was that Bruce woke up to find Dick crying over Y/N’s dead body. And then a few minutes he had watched as Dick begged Zatanna to help him.

And Bruce? Bruce had been unconscious when Y/N had needed him the most.

He had protected her all these months – with his own family and his own home – just to be useless in her final moment of need.

When Bruce finally woke up recovered to find out that Y/N had fled the manor, he knew he needed to go to her. He needed to make sure she never did something so stupid as risking her life to save him.

But now Bruce stood before her and he knew he needed to tell her so much more than just that.

“What are you doing here, Bruce? Did you just plan on lecturing me again?”

But Bruce wasn’t realized he couldn’t use any words tonight.

Ever so slowly, he stepped into her space, putting less and less space between their bodies. Y/N could feel the heat coming from him. And she sucked in a gasp from his proximity. She breathed in his cologne that she’d grown to love so much that it instantly relaxed her.

Her heart beat faster and faster as his eyes shifted down to her lips, hesitating in a way that was excruciating to Y/N. But it gave her time to resist, to allow her to shut this down before it could continue.

But Y/N didn’t want to do that.

Bruce brushed her hair away from her face, then his hands shifted slightly to cup her face. His touch wasn’t soft, but insistent.

He pressed his lips to Y/Ns. Brisk and determined. 

The tension finally snapped and pushed them to a passionate kiss that was long overdo.

Was this only going to cause them both more pain in the future?

Or was this what they should’ve done long ago?

Bruce pushed Y/N against a wall.

And then everything became a blur.

Bruce picked Y/N up and wrapped her legs around his waist for her, silently instructing her. 

Clothes were unzipped and unbuttoned, and thrown around the apartment without thought.

Their breathing was heavy and reactive to the way their hands raced across each other’s now naked skin. 

For never being at this particular safe house, Bruce found his way to the bed with ease.

From the movement of their bodies and obvious desire for one another, one thing became clear: they were never meant to only share one night together.

————

Y/N had tried with all her might to stay awake – even if that meant pulling an all-nighter.

She was trying to break the pattern. And even though Bruce had exhausted her body to no end, she didn’t want to wake up to find his side of the bed empty.

But she was shocked to open her eyes and find not only that Bruce was still in her bed, but that she had been sleeping on his bare chest with his arms wrapped tightly around her.

Y/N could feel that he was awake. Apparently he was much more disciplined than her.

Little did she know Bruce hadn’t slept at all, not wanting to miss the feeling of her against him. 

Y/N slowly lifted her head, “Hi.”

He smirked at the sleepiness in her voice.

“Hi."

“Didn’t expect you to be here still,” she admitted quietly.

“I can leave if you want.” And he meant it, even though it would hurt.

“No,” she scolded him in a breathy gasp.

The tension in his body released. 

Y/N shifted off of his chest

“And where do you think you’re going?” Bruce questioned.

She shifted so she was no longer resting on his chest, but laying on her side beside him so she could see his face.

“I just wanted to look at you,” she whispered innocently.

Bruce smirked at her answer.

Y/N made sure the bed sheet was successfully covering her nudity.

Bruce seemed amused with her sudden modesty, but said nothing of it.

“How did you find me here?” Y/N asked him.

It had been the first thing she’d wanted to ask when he showed up to her door last night. But Bruce hadn’t exactly given her a lot of space to speak last night.

Bruce’s jaw tightened, which was a message in its own. 

“Bruceeeee,” Y/N pushed back with irritation.

“You aren’t going to like the answer.”

She glared at him. “Did you put a fucking tracker on me, Bruce Wayne?”

“Your phone.”

“When?” She asked.

“After you tried to turn yourself in to the Talons.”

Y/N sighed, clearly annoyed by the answer.

They both knew she could easily disable it now that she knew about it. Even if he hadn’t confessed it, she would’ve figured it out on her own eventually.

“You’re upset,” Bruce observed.  

“How would you feel if I did the same to you? But it’s…you. And I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“Need I remind you that we only met because you blackmailed me and threatened to expose my identity to the world?”

“You know that wasn’t the same,” she shot back as she rolled her eyes. 

“You’re right.” Bruce sighed. “I promise I will deactivate it.”

“No,” Y/N surprised him by saying. “But I will make you a deal…you can always know where I am if I can know the same for you.”

Bruce knew this was a test. Because Y/N expected him to immediately shoot down such an offer. Couldn’t such information be used against Batman?

“Deal,” he agreed.

Y/N was so shocked by his compliance that her overwhelming emotions forced her to lean into him and capture his lips in a kiss.

“Should I make us breakfast?” She whispered to him after barely pulling away from his lips. 

She lightly bumped her nose against his. 

Bruce nodded with a grin.

But before Y/N could ask what he wanted, a knock at the door interrupted them.

Her heart raced at the thought of another intrusion – and a less welcomed one.  

Bruce frowned, but remained calm.

“Stay here,” he warned before placing a light kiss on her bare shoulder.

Before she could argue, he slipped out of bed.

He put his boxer briefs on, but didn’t bother with a shirt or pants.

Even though Bruce told Y/N to stay put, she still figured a mysterious knock on the door was a sign to put clothes on.

She practically threw on her underwear, but couldn’t find a single piece of clothing she had on yesterday. Yet somehow she found Bruce’s white button down and quickly buttoned on to give herself some semblance of decency.

Bruce looked through the peephole. 

He held his breath.

Bruce would’ve rather it been an attempted attack on Y/N than…this.

“Y/N, I know you’re there,” Dick called from the other side of the door.

Bruce knew she couldn’t hear him. But he knew there was no other choice than to open the door.

Bruce looked apathetic as he faced his first protégé.

But Dick knew Bruce well enough to see that there was guilt hidden underneath.

He took in Bruce’s attire – or really, the lack there of.

Dick huffed out a laugh, “Of course. I should’ve known better.”

He shook his head and turned to leave.

Bruce slammed the door shut and rubbed his face in distress.

Before he could even think of something to say to Y/N, she rushed past him and threw the door open again.

“Dick! Wait!” Y/N called to him and caught him in the hallway.

By some miracle, Dick stopped and turned to her.

He looked her up and down, lingering far too long on the white button down she was wearing that so clearly belonged to Bruce.

“Needed some time alone, huh?” 

Throwing Y/N’s own words back at her was meant to come out harsh and cold. But it ended up sounding heartbroken and betrayed.

And, honestly, that was worse to Y/N.

She have any idea what to say to him.

What would even make him feel better?

So, Y/N just watched Dick slowly walk away.

She stepped back into the safe house with tears in her eyes.

Bruce immediately moved to her. 

“Y/N–”

But Y/N shook her head, stopping him from saying anything more.

“I should go,” Bruce told her. 

He couldn’t help himself as he reached to wipe her tears away.

“I should probably give you your shirt back,” she said between sniffles.

Had the situation been different, it would’ve sounded funny. 

But there was no humor here. 

Bruce’s innocent touch of wiping her tears away made it hard for Y/N to concentrate.

So she escaped into the bedroom and quickly changed into her own clothes.

When she walked back out, she had all of Bruce’s stuff in her arms.

Once Bruce was in his clothes again, he didn’t know what to do or say next.

It was hard for Bruce to leave Y/N when she was so visibly upset. Dick wasn’t here to make Y/N feel better this time...and that was all Bruce’s fault.

“I’m not used to saying bye to you,” Y/N finally broke the tension.

Bruce’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

A sad look flashed across her face as she processed her thoughts. “Usually I wake up…and you’re gone. You don’t even give me a chance to.”

Bruce bowed his head in shame. “I shouldn’t have done that to you,” he finally admitted to her.

Y/N nodded slowly, agreeing with him.

“But you did,” she whispered. 

Her voice sounded congested from all the tears she just shed. 

“And all this time, I let myself think it was OK or even that I was the one who had messed it all up.”

Bruce quickly shook his head. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Y/N.”

Her eyes darkened. “Why did you have to make it so hard to stay away from you, Bruce?”

An he knew he deserved that. “I’ve been selfish,” he confessed.

Bruce hesitated before giving her a slow kiss on the cheek.

It was the first time Y/N had ever seen him unsure of himself.

Without saying anything more, he turned and left.

“Goodbye, Bruce.” Y/N whispered long after he could still hear her.

----------------------------------------

Part XI

Did I ruin your life? Let me know 😂

[koimiya]

Hiii! Hope you doing well! Can I ask for immortals + Kaeya with gn!reader who's really sick, like gravely, but they manage to get better and heal completely in the end?

immortals with gravely sick reader

parings : xiao x reader , zhongli x reader , venti x reader

summary : how genshin impact immorals and kaeya would react to a very ill reader !

warnings : sickness, drinking, overall just angst BUT fluff at the end :)

notes : hello!! i would like to say i have left out kaeya’s scenario because it was getting too long BUT once im finished with these few requests ill be post that ! besides that thank you for sending a request i really appreciate it ! i have a lot of fun working with different scenarios and thinking of how these characters would react <3

btw the quotes at the end of the hcs is you talking ^^

zhongli

he would act like calm, but in reality he’s stressed out

he’d be the type to never leave your side when you are sick and especially now since this has been the worst illness you have had

he would do everything for you now that you haven’t been able to get up yourself

it would put him under a ton of pressure. caring for you, worrying that any day you could be gone, and having to stay calm for you so you don’t stress and make yourself sicker than you already are.

but even then he never left your side when there was no one else to care for you <3

ay what we is ?

4lifersss ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

he really pressed baizhu to find something to help you get better

childe would probably be paying for the medicine cause i know it has to cost millions of mora.

baizhu praying on our down fall i swear _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):

besides that when baizhu does manage to make a medicine that’s making you better zhongli is happy !!

he really thought he was going to lose you and to see you getting better makes him feel so happy :)

ILL SAY IT AGAIN 4LIFERSSS !!!

“im better you don’t have to stress about me anymore” :)

xiao

as much as he would say he didn’t have human emotions he sure was showing them now

he would be terrified and he wouldn’t be able to hide it from you :(

seeing you not even be able to get up or smile at him was a nightmare for him

he’d probably vanish leaving you to be taken care of by verr

ONLY FOR A BIT THOUGH

the shock of knowing you could die at any time scared him more than anything.

when he came back he felt worse knowing you might have thought he wouldn’t come back for you

but he knows he has to pull it together if he wanted to see you get better, or at least try

he wouldn’t leave your side either, only when your medicine needed to be picked up but it would only take a few seconds before he was back

not needing sleep as much as mortals did he stayed up to change the cloth that was keeping your forehead cool

when he saw you getting better he was so relieved <3

during the night for a few minutes he would take you to the balcony to get you fresh air to get you used to being outside again :)

seeing you smile again has to be one of the best moments in his life

your smile has kept him going during his darkest times and he want to be there for you like you are for him

when you finally recovered you and him took a long walk your liyue ! sweet kisses, holding hands and rubbing his thumb against yours, sitting in his lap as he puts crystalflies in your hair !! ( ´ ▽ ` )

THE WHOLE SHEBANG

“thank you for caring for me, you make me feel so special” <3

venti

venti, although is more familiar with mortal sicknesses, is still afraid for you

he’d still make jokes to make you laugh, but how can he fool you if can’t even fool himself

during the night he’d leave to outside of mondstadt and drink until he couldn’t feel anything anymore.

he’d never want you to see him like this but the thought of losing you bring tears to his eyes

he would still care for you even though it hurt him to see you so,, sick

he knew had to consult someone more professional after your illness was still present after weeks of you being sick.

though him and zhongli don’t get along the best, he knew zhongli had to know someone who could help you.

zhongli really had no reason to not help him besides, zhongli thinks you are a sweetheart ~(⁎⁍̴̆Ɛ⁍̴̆⁎)

so once again zhongli talks to baizhu and he manages to make a medicine that could help you

thank you zhongli ( ´ ▽ ` )

and ofc childe is paying cause other of the archons are broke asf :D

regardless, venti gets the medicine to you can in about a week you are doing better than ever ^^

* que happy venti *

“you can't get rid of me that easily.” >:)

© KOIMIYA - do not modify, repost, copy, or claim any of my works as your own.

[kim-poce]

Virginia's Pig

This is a commision requested by @cupcakes-and-pain, using his character, Virginia, from this amazing series.

Words: 1206

CW: hand whump (no nail whump), multiple whumpers, dehumanization, captive, implied starvation, noncon body modifications mention, skining.

=-=

There was only one thing worse than being picked by Virginia to be the ‘toy of the day’, and that’s being picked when Virginia’s friends are over too, a bunch of people that are a few screw ups away from being just another victims and yet act as if they own all the power of the world.

But well, they were lucky enough to be on Virginia's side instead of under her. Pig, on the other hand, wasn’t known for his luck, if he was lucky he wouldn’t be there to begin with. Still, why does it feel like he is the only one being chosen to suffer between everyone else?

“Hey, Pig, missed me?” one of Virginia’s friends asked, their voice was disgusting and terrifying to hear. “What, cat got your tongue?”

“N-no, I’m sorry, I mi-missed y-you,” Pig forced out. It was an obvious lie, but his fear was just as obvious and he hoped with all his might that this would be enough. He held in a groan when another person kicked his side, the pain of the blow mixed itself with the pain of hunger like a hellish cocktail.

“Who allowed you to talk, your idiot? You come here so often and don't even know the rules?”

Pig shivered, he fucked up even before the party started, he is screwed and the laughing and mockering arounf he just proved it, he hoped that the laughing would stop, and regreted imediately when it did.

“That’s enough,” Virginia said, her voice silencing everyone in the room. And if Pig got any more scared maybe it would silence his heart too. “Have I told you why I picked this thing today?”

“You didn’t. I wanted to play Horse!” one of her friends said, and Pig must be a selfish bastard for wishing they would truly just pick up Horse instead.

“So I’ll tell you,” Virginia said, a smirk could be heard in her voice. She placed her big —dangerous, scary, please take it away— hand on Pig’s shoulers, tying her grip as if he would dare to run away. “This stupid thing was caught stealing, what is to be espected from a fucking Pig.”

He could feel his blood running cold, cold sweat dripping from his chin. No one allowed him to talk yet so he didn’t doesn’t matter how much he wanted, and what would he even say? ‘I was hungry’? This would be the same as begging to be starved to death, and he didn’t want to starve, else he wouldn’t have stolen that bit of food from the floor when he thought no one was looking. He should’ve known better than that; there is always someone looking.

———

“Tyler, what should we do with a thief?” Virginia asked, visibiling tightening her grip on the captive, who was a lot more well behaved now than at the start, at least he isn’t fukcing passing out all the time now.

Tyler smiled, he was waiting to be allowed to choose the main punishment for a while, so he for sure wouldn’t let this opportunity pass on, “What else?” he smirk. “Let’s go for the hands.”

The laughing around him showed that he chose well, and more than anything Pig’s dread was so delicious to look at, fuck Horse, this sight is where the fun lives.

Pig whimpered pathetically, he was shivering so much that someone could accuse him of fighting back, surprisingly no one did, everyone’s mood was good, that thing was so lucky.

———

Being Virginia’s toy —being Pig— is permanent, it will only end with his unavoidable death. Pig knows that, but his heart still tries to jump out of his ribcage whenever some permanent change is made on his body. It makes the forever feel real, it makes it impossible for him to hope to get out of that hell.

Does Tyler know that? Do these people even know how fucked up they are? Do they feel guilty or ashamed in any way ever? Or is Pig too much of a thing and nothing of a person for it to matter? 

Pig tried to stay quiet, he really did, but who would even be quiet while being strapped down on a chair by a bunch of fucked up sadistics? He had the right to shake and back away, excetp that he isn’t a person so he had not a single fucking right.

The fear that usually keeps all the words in made him speak against the reason. “P-p-lease, don’t, please don’t cut please-” Pig shut himself up before someone else did, tears were alredy corving his whole face, dripping along with the sweat and the torture didn’t even start.

“Oh, you don’t want it, Pig?” Virginia asked, grabbing his chin up, he didn’t look at her eyes, he knew better than that, he also didn’t breathe, not because he wasn’t allowed to, but his lungs just wouldn’t move despites his efforts. “Okay, we won’t cut them off.”

If this was in the beginning, Pig would be so relieved they decided to be merciful, but not now, not anymore, now every sweet word was worse than any threat. Virginia is many many things, and none of them is close to merciful.

“What are you thinking?” a friend of hers asked, running their finger on Pig’s hand, his wrist were strapped down already, and even if they weren’t, he had no permission to move his hand away.

“We leave the little fingers behind and just take the skin away,” Viriginia said, enjoying Pig whimpers and foolish attempts not to cry. “That’s what you wanted, right Pig?”

She let go of his chin and he nodded, what else could he do? Pig closed his eyes when a knife came to view, but he wasn’t even allowed that, as Tyler forced both his eyes open.

“You don’t want me to gouge them out, do you?” he said, sending a chill down Pig’s spine, he was enjoying it way too much.

Pig stared helplessly as the knife on Virginia's friend’s hand went closer and closer, he kept staring as it broke the skin and shed blood, he didn’t scream just yet, he had it worse, he learned to be quiet.

But he just managed to be silent up to the moment Virginia pulled the skin, first so painfully slow but soon —as she had not the paintience or delicacy— pulling it all in one go, tearing the skin away from the flesh, in a new sharp and burning pain. Pig screamed his throat out, barely hearing the laughing and the “Pig is grunting a lot today”

There was no time to breathe, there were so many people, and they were going from both bleeding hands at the same time, making a small cut and ripping the skin over and over, Pig wondered just how much skin can a hand have.

When he was about to shut down, someone pulled his hair from behind.

“Hey pig,” Tyler whispered, “Don’t you dare to pass out now, we are only getting started. Keep looking.”

Pig did, but he couldn’t make out what was blood and what was exposed flesh, he didn’t even remember what he had done to deserve this anymore.

=-=

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

ahdflksjaklf;jsls ok buddies - I hate talking about 14x13: Lebanon, but it has relevancy in the “John Winchester is a villain and cannot and should not be redeemed” discourse as well as being a crucial piece of finale denialist lore so I Have Been Thinking About It Too Much.

As you may recall, the Occult Object of the Week - the pearl - in Lebanon is supposed to grant Dean’s “heart’s desire.” Dean and Sam are Very Sure this means expelling Michael (the Dean Winchester Must Be Saved installment of season 14) (honestly that premise always seemed a little slim to me, I was hoping for Dean’s heart’s desire to be Cas, on Dean’s car, naked, covered in bees). 

Instead they summon Dad of the Year, which at first feels infuriating.  However after discussion with my earworms, I Have Fixed It (and also turned it into a grenade to launch at 15x20.)

Finale denialists and John Winchester derogatorians ASSEMBLE! and let’s discuss after the cut.

I’ve written in depth about Dean’s struggles with the cycle of abuse, so I won’t go too far into it here, but if you want to revisit any of that meta this is a good place to begin.  This post hinges on the same theory - that Dean’s true freedom is established in his release from that cycle - that is the logical outcome of any hero’s journey for him, and where he would finally be able to accept happiness and love.  This logically would also make release from the cycle of abuse and the feelings of self-hatred Dean struggles with his “heart’s desire” for purposes of the pearl.  When it comes to emotions, we also know Dean doesn’t deal with them well.  He punches things instead.  So odds are, Dean hasn’t really worked through these feelings.  

Dean also mentions when John returns that “it was what [Dean] wanted since he was 4″ - when they lost Mary, right before John became obsessed with revenge.  Season 12 Mary canonically remembers John as a “good dad,” so we can draw a line from that to the abuse really starting shortly after her death.  This is also corroborated by Dean himself:

DEAN: You know when you died, it changed Dad. 

(A visual of the John Mary remembers) (just my excuse to put pictures of Matt Cohen on your dash) (I shouldn’t need an excuse) (Matt Cohen hi you are on Tumblr please don’t read any of this I’m embarrassed).

So what Dean has is pre-Mary’s-death John and post-Mary’s-death John, post-Mary’s-death John being the one whose abuse created Dean’s own damaged persona.  Dean thinks the fix is to stop things on the front end (he is ignoring any process-centered solution, he just wants it to never have happened, he is in denial that he has to work through this and just wants it to be erased, etc etc etc).  

***also keep in mind that going back in time to change things on the front end as a “fix it” is a storyline SPN repeats regularly***

***and it always ends up being impossible to do*** 

Ok so for Dean, his damage/anger/brutal nature/darkness is always linked to John, and this cycle “began” for Dean once their family was torn apart by Mary’s death.  So the fix is his “blood family” together.  That’s his heart’s desire in Lebanon because Dean hasn’t really worked through any of his emotions, and it’s his very Dean way of fixing it - “oh if my family gets put back together I will be put back together too.”

***speaking of quick fixes, I’d like to note that any case in SPN that is referred to as a “milk run”  inevitably becomes complicated and messy***

***continuing the thematics of there’s no such thing as a quick fix***

This is no different.  Stopping the cycle by simply erasing it from the narrative erases anything else that happened along the way during the journey.  It erases this Mary (who they know as a person by this point and not just the mom on a pedestal) 

and (most importantly) it erases this Cas (the episode specifically replaces Cas with one who Doesn’t Know Dean).

We Emphasize This Of Course In The Dialogue In Case You Missed It

DEAN Cas, you know us. ALTERNATE CAS I don’t know you.

***Simply erasing the origin of Dean’s trauma erases all of Dean’s growth.  It erases this family that Dean is so proud to tell John he has now. It erases everything he has already overcome despite how hard it was to achieve it.

So, John goes back.  In that way, the pearl does give Dean his heart’s desire - his realization that this is not about a quick fix, it is about the journey to the good, and all you gain and become along the way (kind of similar to “Happiness isn't in the having. It's in just being. It's in just saying it" eh?).  it’s the process.  It’s every moment along the way.  It’s the people who help him get there.

And then he starts the healing journey by taking control of his own life, by owning his feelings instead of displacing the blame, by recognizing he is NOT guided solely by the actions of his father and this cycle:

DEAN

And for the longest time, I blamed Dad. I mean, hell, I blamed Mom, too, you know? I was angry. But say we could send Dad back knowing everything. Why stop there? Why not send him even further back and let some other poor sons of bitches save the world? But here’s the problem. Who does that make us? Would we be better off? Well, maybe. But I gotta be honest – I don’t know who that Dean Winchester is.

And the episode fucking ends with Cas, the Cas Who Knows Them coming into the bunker and asking them what happened, calling each of them by name just to emphasize again That He Knows Them, because Cas knowing Dean, and Cas being Dean’s family is the cornerstone of what Dean’s heart desires.

[CAS walks in from the door at the top of the stairs. SAM, DEAN and MARY walk out from the library to see him.]

CAS Mary, Sam, Dean. What happened?

So yeah, it took 14 damn seasons but Lebanon is where Dean realizes he can be defined by more than the acts of his father.  (That’s why it’s so terrifying for Dean when Chuck snatches back any control he gained in Season 15.  Because for Dean, Chuck is just John Winchester Controls My Every Action all over again, except he’s God which makes it even worse.) 

That’s also why the final blow to Chuck is not Dean killing him. 

The last stage in the journey that begins here with Dean’s “I’m good with who I am” - [I’m still bad and dark and damaged but I’m good with it]

is Dean’s “that’s not who I am.” [the most caring man on Earth; the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know]

Thats equally why 15x18 is so brilliant, 15x19 is at least acceptable, and 15x20 simply does. not. work.

Dean Winchester’s perfect heaven cannot possibly center on the blood family.  It does not have John Winchester and Mary, husband and wife, who took away his own free will.  It is THIS FAMILY.  The found family.  Cas and Jack and Sam and the Mary that was resurrected.  Dean’s entire character arc supports this journey, and to have it culminate in something that is so established in the season prior to this one as something Dean knows he no longer wants is maddening.

I’m even more mad now because I just remembered that the most prominent picture above Dying Sam’s bed was the blood family portrait from this episode; almost like they wanted us to remember this particular stupid lesson.  This show is so stupid when it could have been so so so very good.

***I want to say thanks again to all of you who read my spiraling if you got this far.  It’s therapeutic for me to do it, but it makes it all the better that people actually read it.  Seeing you in my notes MAKES my entire day****

[vidavalor]

I can't help but notice that back in the first episode, Walker referred to Sam and Bucky as "Cap's wingmen" to Sam, implying that he doesn't really view the relationship between them as anything but this. He sees the Captain as the show and his backup as sidekicks. As much as Walker did genuinely care for Lemar, he also treated him like this in the group settings the whole show. He does all the talking, doesn't introduce Lemar to Sam and Bucky, who have to ask him who he is. Lemar could temper Walker a bit but Walker still sees himself as the show and Lemar a tool to help with his success more than anything else. Why does this matter in the context of Sam and Bucky?

Because John uses the word 'partner' to Bucky twice in reference to Sam and this implies that he can tell that Sam and Bucky roll differently than he does and treat one another differently. But Walker thinks this is dumb because Sam doesn't have the serum and Bucky is stronger physically. He doesn't get why Bucky doesn't act like Walker himself does-- in the leadership role, with Sam following as his wingman.

Bucky replies that Sam has dealt with worse than Karli (and clearly, ironically, means The Winter Soldier in part here, plus Thanos, etc.) He is making it clear that he doesn't see Sam as lesser than him because he's not a supersoldier-- that it isn't all about brute force. In saying this, he's saying that Sam has strengths to bring to the table that are not super physical strength and Bucky respects them. (By contrast, try to imagine Walker recognizing that Lemar had similar strengths. Imagine him saying it aloud, in front of other soldiers, including ones who were objectively physically stronger than him. Impossible, right?) Just by saying this, Bucky is showing another kind of strength that he possesses that John does not-- he's man enough to be a good, respectful partner. Which brings us to that word...

Bucky adds that Sam isn't his partner. This can be read a lot of different ways and has several overlapping meanings that are all probably a bit correct. On one level, he is saying they aren't working together as partners. (Even if the show has proved they are.) They still haven't really defined what it is they're doing together to one another and like hell is Bucky going to let John Walker be the one to label it, right? On another level, saying Sam isn't his partner is saying he doesn't view it that way because he is actually there to back up Sam. He's following Sam. Sam might see Bucky as a partner (even if they haven't discussed this) but Bucky might see it more as his role to back Sam up, similar to how he backed up Steve during the war. Sam, likely, wants to be more partners and has been allowing Bucky that space-- it is what they have evolved into-- but it isn't as clearly defined between them yet. But there's also the other use of it...

Walker, the physical embodiment of toxic masculinity, is attempting to bully Bucky a little, using words because he can't possibly best him physically at this point. The use of 'partner' from Walker comes off as aggressively sexual so here is a case of Walker being that asshole on the football team that we all know he was, trying to look bigger and tougher and more macho through thinly-veiled harassment of guys around him who dared to be comfortable with backing each other up and showing any caring openly. It is worth noting here that we have seen Sam and Bucky's whole evolution in the works here but Walker was just shown two guys he had no idea were arguing with one another because they put up a completely unified front in front of him. To Walker, this all is a little much for him and he tries to slander it by implying that it is gay, which he sees as not masculine.

Bucky denies being Sam's partner here for the already mentioned reasons regarding how they work together and that kind of partnership but make no mistake, he knew exactly what Walker was saying. So, another way of interpreting it is that Bucky was answering not in terms of the field work (where they do act as partners, really, even if Bucky might still be viewing it as something a little different... and, if he is, I hope Sam sets him straight on this being equal footing)... but I think Bucky was answering it regarding the sexual/romantic partners that Walker was trying to call them. But he did so in a way that is protective of Sam and makes him, ironically, a good partner.

Bucky is the character, remember, whose experience in the modern world included testing out and not minding casually outing himself as interested in men in the first episode, to a woman he was on a date with, no less. This isn't to say he's torn off the closet door from the era he grew up in in which he would have had to have been into men in secret. One thing he does get though is this kind of asshole like Walker that has sadly not evolved since the 30s. He responds in a way that he means to be protective of Sam, which is to say with his tone essentially "no, John, actually we are just like this because we aren't assholes like you and even if we were, we would still be better than you." But even if you think Bucky and Sam are already a thing by this episode or are aware of each other's potential feelings, Bucky isn't denying it to Walker as if it's something that makes then vulnerable or lesser as men. He doesn't have the same definition of it as Walker does.

Bucky is responding in a way where his tone says he gets what Walker was implying, thinks Walker is shit for not having a clue when it comes to what being a man is, and then casually answers the question as if Walker had meant field partners because, of course, that's what he meant, right? He makes Walker look stupid (which he is) by answering with word choice that says he didn't get the insinuation, even if his tone says he totally did. So, why not just be like "and so what if we were fucking, Walker! We still could kick your dumb ass anyday!"? Because Sam.

Because Bucky, who knows what it is like to be a soldier forced to sometimes be around guys like Walker, likely does not yet know how Sam approaches it. He likely doesn't know if Sam is out. The canon plays it as if literally everyone just assumes Bucky is bi or gay or basically anything that isn't straight but Sam is a different story. Bucky is not about to out Sam in front of everybody. He likely doesn't know yet how out Sam even is with others or how he feels about it. Out of respect for Sam, he's not about to let Walker's attempt at deriding them get anywhere. They literally could have been sleeping together for awhile now and Bucky is still not going to do anything about others knowing, least of all John Walker, unless or until that is what Sam wants and based on the canon, I would doubt very much if that had been a conversation they've already had by Ep 4.

But Walker, the terrifying awful dumb fuck, tries it again later-- this time, not in front of Sam. He saw what Bucky was doing, understood it, was embarrassed by Bucky making him look like a fool so what does he do? He bullies again. He goes at the core of Bucky in the way only the worst bullies can. He does it when Sam had to be in there alone, with a supersoldier, and Bucky is confident in Sam and giving him the space to do his thing, and then Walker lashes out at this less macho and violent plan to Bucky, calling Sam Bucky's partner again, trying to twist a knife by saying how could Bucky leave Sam in there and does he want his blood on his hands?

It's unspeakably cruel. But you might me mistaken if you think Bucky gave in here, even if it was a worry he had as he always worries for Sam because he cares and he has lost so many people and hurt so many that thinking about it happening again hurts him deeply. Bucky didn't verbally respond to Walker's taunts-- he did something much stronger than words could convey.

He didn't deny any definition of partner for Sam to Walker and he let Walker see how cruel he was by tearing up a bit, the pain in his eyes. Walker had no idea what to do with this. He had been trying to make Bucky angry. Instead, Bucky is silently strong enough to show how he feels *without* masking it all behind a macho, angry cover like Walker. Bucky's face says it all: yeah, you asshole, I love him. Yeah, I'm worried I could hurt him and have his blood on my hands. But also yeah, I survived being the Winter Soldier-- in general and just recently-- and I go to therapy now and I'm making amends and I'm free. Freer than you will ever be because which one of us will tear up and be a little afraid for another man and show him open care in this episode and which one will respond to pain with violence that begets nothing but more trauma and pain? Which one of us, Walker, is a brainwashed soldier and which one of us is a strong, decent man trying to be a good friend and partner? Which one of us, by the end of the episode, will make his partner feel like he'd take the serum in a heartbeat and which one of us will respond to his partner's fear at being vulnerable with "I'm going with you"?

He didn't speak a word in that scene but man. Whew. When it comes to toxic bullies?

Bucky Barnes can do this all day.

[dilucids]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤSacrificial duties, Mondstadt ver.

would they sacrifice you or mondstadt?

includes: jean, lisa, kaeya, diluc, amber, albedo and venti.

( i'm too socially inept to request for someone to do this so i took matters into my own hands. )

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 JEAN GUNNHILDR ━━ DANDELION KNIGHT 〕

━━ is this even a debate? jean would sacrifice you to save mondstadt.

━━ the question would tear her apart though, she'd spend so much time trying to find another way to save both her city and you that she'd neglect her health ( basic needs, like eating, sleeping )

━━ if it were a person or god who was demanding these terms, she'd try to negotiate anything to save both, even her own life, though if you were willing, she'd hesitantly ( literally beg you to not go through it and reassure she'll find another way ) let you go.

━━ no matter what she chooses, she'll still feel incompetent in the end, as if she isn't good enough to be the acting grandmaster and would probably overwork herself to try and focus on something.

"I'll do it," Jean looks back at you, horror flashing through her eyes though you didn't falter, still staring the entity in her eyes. The wind picks up as if feeling the ameno swordswoman's vivid emotions, she shakes her head, taking small steps towards you as she reaches out for your hand. You cringe when she fell to her knees, "no no no, please, you don't have to do this."

You don't look at her, knowing it would only make things worse for the both of you, you didn't want her to be the last thing you saw nor did you want your face to plague her dreams like a ghost. "I care about Mondstadt too, Jean." You hope she understands that you were also doing this for your city and doesn't blame herself, "it's my duty."

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 LISA MINCI ━━ WITCH OF PURPLE ROSE 〕

━━ lisa is a bit more of a wild card.

━━ lisa only oversees the library of mondstadt but it's really unclear the extent of her care for the city itself.

━━ it's impossible for one to say if she would hold a lover priority over a city due to lack of background so that's why she's more of a wild card right now, because i could see her potentially doing either.

━━ though i'm leaning a little towards sacrificing you because of her closeness with jean and her involvement in the knights of farvonius, she knows it would be morally wrong to sacrifice an entire city for one person, lover or not.

"It's okay," you reassure her, smile still gracing your face albeit the heavyweight pressure of death for your city digging it's claws into your shoulders. "I'm sorry," she apologises for the nth time and you can do no more than squeeze her hand in affirmation, knowing a hug would be too much for the both of you right now.

You feel her fingers slip through yours and your hand is embraced by the winds of Mondstadt, a sudden change from the electricity that plagued her fingertips and passed onto yours. You take a shaky breath and leave her behind you, her eyes watching your back along the way until you were nothing more than a dot in the horizon━━ ready to become a star in the sky.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 KAEYA ALBERICH ━━ FROSTWIND SWORDSMAN 〕

━━ another wildcard!

━━ unlike lisa, however, i'm leaning towards sacrificing monstadt.

━━ even with all his background knowledge, kaeya is still a character that holds a lot of secrets and it's canon that he's a mysterious figure, cavalry captain or not.

━━ don't get your hopes up though, because he still may sacrifice you ( after a talk with jean or diluc/j )

━━ kaeya lets anything happen as long as it falls into place of how he has expected to end, he really doesn't know what to do when an unknown entity shows up and demands the price of you for his city or vice versa.

━━ really hard to get a grasp on him.

━━ i could see him spending one last day with you after deciding he was going to give you up ( you obviously knew of this ) but after 24 hours with you, away from mondstadt, he might realise that, even if he regrets it for the rest of his life, he'll never be able to give you up.

━━ alternatively, if he didn't open up to you about this or went to jean or diluc, they would convince him to "do what's right" and give you up.

"No. I'm not doing it," his tone differed from the norm━━ he was never like this, not even on official knights' business. His eyes unnervingly determined, tone you were unable to refute, and words that scared you. "Kaeya, you have to," your fingers place themselves over his, which were barely touching your cheeks.

"I'm not doing it," he reaffirms, sounding as if he were trying to convince himself out of all people. "I'm━━ I'm not losing you to some city. I can rebuild a city, we can find a city elsewhere," he states, eyebrows furrowed and not taking a single breath between his words. You pry his fingers away from your cheek, holding them over your lap. "Kaeya, this isn't just 'some city', it's the city you love. The city we love." You coax, finally getting him to look into your eyes. "You're the person I love." He says, exasperated.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 DILUC RAGNVINDR ━━ DARKNIGHT HERO 〕

━━ hate to be the bearer of bad news,, and as biased as i am to this man, he would give you up.

━━ wouldn't open up to anyone about it, he'll just drive himself insane pondering both options.

━━ and although it would literally make him insane even thinking about losing someone precious to him ( again ) but his loyalty lies within the city of freedom and the city alone.

━━ even after the dispute with the knights of farvonius ( in the webtoon ), he still remains as the protector of mondstadt and i don't think nor am i able to see it will ever change.

━━ unlike kaeya though, i don't think he'll be able to see you at all once he decides to sacrifice you, he'll just be reminded that he'll never be able to see you again and the terrible decision that he's going to go through with.

━━ will also throw himself into extensive work to get you off his mind afterwards.

"You okay there?" Your eyebrows furrow, leaning against the open door of Diluc's office, seeing his hair tied back into a bun, hands in his face as he gazed deeply at his wooden desk. His head flies up at the sound of your voice, clearing his throat, "when did you get here?"

You shrug, taking steps towards him as he leans back into his chair, "being a hero taking a toll on you?" You tease him, taking a seat on his desk next to him and placing your feet on the chair, leaning forward to cup his cheek. He turns away. You're no stranger to his austere ways so you merely lean back, balancing yourself with your hands against his desk, telling him about your day.

"━━and then he wrapped it up and sent it to me, which was awfully disturbing might I add."

"I'm sorry," your eyebrow quirks when he suddenly cuts into your storytelling. You push yourself forward, reaching out for him and redirecting his gaze ( which hadn't looked in your direction even once ) onto you. "What's wrong my dear?" He only grimaces at the nickname━━ wincing almost and still refused to look at you, gaze cast upon the floor behind his bangs. You couldn't even see his eyes.

"Your guilty act is making me ponder if you've had previous relations with someone else, Master Diluc," you frown a little, using your other hand to force him to peer at you. He leans forward, placing his forehead on yours and whispers, "never."

"I just wanted to apologise for the future," you smile a little and place a kiss on his forehead. "I will always forgive you."

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 ALBEDO ━━ THE CHALK PRINCE 〕

━━ albedo's original creator hails from khaeri'ah and venti, archon of mondstadt, was one of the original seven who aided in the destruction of khaeri'ah; is that enough reason to destroy it for a lover? no.

━━ would he still do it? yes, yes, yes.

━━ we all know he considers himself a threat to mondstadt but i don't think he would've ever thought this was why he was a threat, to hold an entire city in his palms and be able to destroy it with a single word was quite a terrifying thought.

━━ it wouldn't stop him though, i really don't think albedo holds any sentimental attachment to mondstadt, he only works and lives there as of right now but he's currently heeding his creater's words and pursuing the truth of the world.

━━ he might grimace over losing a few people that he holds dear and end up rethinking his decision but in the end, will choose you.

━━ another reason i think he would destroy mondstadt is that, once albedo discovers something or the feeling of enlightenment that comes with studying something new disperses, he is quick to stop studying that and abandon it due to the "bittersweet truth" hitting him so if he grew tired of mondstadt,,,,,, rip to jean 🙏

Your eyes flicker from the sight of his back to the unknown entity, hovering just above the floor, her eyes uninterested in you as she gazed into Albedo's eyes, maybe trying to read his expressionless face. "Have you made a choice, Kreideprinz?"

Nothing is said. Nothing from Albedo nor you, you didn't seem to have a part in this private conversation but you also seemed to be an integral part of it due to the way Albedo kept looking back at you, squeezing your hand as if to remind himself that you existed. "I'm choosing them."

She peers at you now, her eyes boring into yours as she scans you for something, "are you sure about this decision?"

For some odd reason, you're not offended by her words, maybe because she didn't sound like she meant it in a rude way ( it also seemed out of her standoffish character ) but was genuine in her curiosity if Albedo would go back on his words. He squeezes your hand again, rubbing circles on the back of your hand━━ something he did to calm you but it seemed that this action was to ground him instead.

"Yes, I am."

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 AMBER ━━ OUTRIDER 〕

━━ YOU.

━━ in the most heart breaking – heart warming way ever, she'd give you up.

━━ notice how more than half of these mondstadt fuckers would give you up? yeah 🙄

━━ on a serious note, a lot of them have devoted themselves fully to protecting the city and i don't see any one of them being able to give the command to destory the city, even if their s/o was being held with a knife to their throat right infront of them and amber is the very same.

━━ even though we don't know to much about her, she is seen as a perfect example of justice by kaeya, and is extremely devoted to her work, she's just below diluc and jean in the most to least likely to sacrifice you in my opinion. it's simply overlooked due to her lack of presence in the game.

━━ i think her compassionate and kind side will make it harder for her to come to a decision because she doesn't want to have to lose one thing to keep another but in the end, she will give you up.

Amber seemed extremely distressed, immediately running into Jean's office once arriving back at the Knight's base after finishing her usual trek of Mondstadt's surroundings. You had attempted to call out her as she ran through the halls but she didn't even look your way, which was peculiar to you but you could only guess something dangerous must've happened due to her eagerness of reaching Jean's office, slamming the door wide open.

You quirk an eyebrow and Kaeya, stood beside you, whistled briskly, hands on his hip. "Someone's in a hurry," you roll your eyes at his comment and simply grab his arm, dragging him over to Jean's office, "just shut up and come."

The minute you knock and open the door however, the room is quiet. Jean sat on her chair, elbows placed on the table and concern burrowed deeply within her furrowed eyebrows and Amber, who was shaking her leg up and down in anxiety, fiddling with her nails.

Kaeya seems a little amused by the situation, unlike you, who was extremely concerned by the little actions of anxieties Amber was exhibiting, striding over to her side in an instant. Placing your hand on her shoulder, she leans into you almost instantly and begins quietly sniffling into your shirt.

You mouth to Jean that you're taking her out and Jean nods, thanking you with a small smile on her face. You guide Amber into a quiet room in the headquarters, letting her silently cry as you attempt to soothe her. "Hey, hey, what's wrong?"

She shakes her head, only repeating a small, "I'm sorry."

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 VENTI ━━ WINDBORNE BARD 〕

━━ venti is characterised as a free spirit, like the freedom that the city of mondstadt represents, he carries that within him but at the end of the day, he is still mondstadt's archon.

━━ so we all saw this coming but you 👫

━━ i don't really think there's a lot to explain, he's their archon and even if he loses everyone he's ever loved, his priority is mondstadt.

━━ he'll probably take you on that ride on dvalin he's been promising you for the past year with no explanation.

━━ you'll ask him why he's dragged you from work and he'll just say he's feeling nice or that the winds are good for a ride right now.

━━ you'll stare at him with that, 'don't–you–control–the–winds?' look and he'll wink at you, telling you to stop staring at him or he'll blush.

━━ will completely come undone when he seed you happily laughing on dvalin's back, arms spread open as your laugh echoes into the wind.

Your excited whooping is all he hears, previous nervousness abandoned with his hands placed on your waist as Dvalin pierced up above the clouds; the ground nothing more than a fleeting dream to you both. It's such a shame that young, immature Dendro Archon got his hands on you first, gifting you his gift of Earth's nature━━ if not for the God of Wisdom, Venti would've gifted you heaven's winds if he knew how simply being in the sky made you so ecstatic.

The adrenaline finally dies down when Dvalin arrives just above the clouds, wings creating new and dispersing the old. You lean into Venti who takes this as an invitation to push himself further into your side and begin playing with your fingers, allowing you time to simply relish in the situation. "You're awfully quiet today," you muse, staring at Venti with a small smile.

He hums, "it's quiet up here," in nothing less of a whisper. You nod along with his words, fighting the urge to jump into the clouds, knowing you'll pass right through them. Venti sinks into you further somehow, like you were a passing cloud; his shoulder pressed into the crack of your arm and torso, head leaning on your shoulder. "You'll be okay Venti," and you embrace him.