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viviennevermillion · 2 years ago

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finding solace

notes: i don't feel like this one lives up to my usual standards of writing i hold myself to because i wrote it while experiencing writer's block and mental health issues but i really wanted to write something.

also if you like my works, feel free to commission me!

word count: 2.7k

contains: leona kingscholar x gn!reader, comfort, reader has depression

warnings: symptoms of depression, non-sexual nudity (taking a shower together)

dark content creators & consumers do not interact

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

The sun broke through the blinds in an almost grotesque, unnerving way. Or at least, that was what it felt like for you. Seeing Leona of all people be more active than you was a bad sign by itself, but your own mood was something you could hardly ignore at this current moment. The more time passed, with you idly laying in your boyfriend’s bed, covered only half by the blanket and the bedsheets a mess from the tossing and turning you had done throughout the day; the worse you started to feel. But anything you could do seemed as pleasant of an idea as climbing a whole mountain right now. You scolded Leona often enough, but this was probably what he felt like all the time. Minutes seemed to turn into hours and you wanted to cry but the tears were far from coming out. You knew crying could sometimes make one feel better but it seemed like not even that was an option for you now.

You scrolled mindlessly through your phone, tired and exhausted; then setting it down and trying to rest but ultimately realizing destiny was hellbent on keeping you awake, no matter if your eyes became red and felt like they were burning. So you gave up and picked up the phone again. What was the point of anything right now?

You wished there was at least something you were looking forward to in the near future that would motivate you to do something or make you feel happier. But all there was, left a bland taste in your mouth and a hopeless expression of defeat in your eyes as you gazed up to the ceiling in a desperate search for anything that wouldn’t bore you to death. Leona wasn’t a big help either. He had his own depressed state of mind to deal with and right now that consisted of laying in bed next to you, not doing anything as well. You tried to snuggle closer to him but no position you found in his arms brought you the comfort and happiness you were used to. It was warm in Savanaclaw and you wished the blinding sun and the heat would be replaced by a cool wind of the night, even if it was just 10 minutes.

Leona had told you a story once of one of the kings of the past who ran away from the palace after a coup when he was just a child; collapsing in a merciless drought and destined to die of thirst and heatstroke had it not been for two kind strangers who’d take care of him and look after him. That was how you felt at this moment. Like you were left in a barren wasteland as the sun was looking forward to grill you alive, even though Leona had put up a ventilator in front of the bed so you’d be more comfortable.

You could see from the corner of your eyes that he was watching you, silently, as the minutes passed and nothing happened. You wondered what was on his mind. He gave you your answer soon enough.

“You don’t seem to be doing too well there, herbivore”, he commented and turned your head to face him. You simply shrugged, not knowing what to respond. Leona’s expression darkened. He was used to this attitude from himself, but seeing you like this; with the same lack of energy and optimism as him; made his heart ache. He had long since given up on himself but in his eyes you deserved so much. You deserved that beautiful smile he slowly but deeply fell for and you deserved to feel excited and hopeful.

He hated to see you like this. If anything motivated Leona on days like these it was trying to make sure you were at least content. Ever since he had confessed to you, he had been coming to classes more frequently and trying to fill his day with more activities. He could hardly motivate himself to do anything for himself but doing things for you gave him that final kick needed to get up from the bed and stay up.

He absentmindedly looked at you for a while; lying next to him with your eyes closed. Leona was lost in his own thoughts and when his attention shifted back to you, he noticed there were tears staining your cheeks now. Your slowed breathing indicated that you had fallen asleep at last and Leona propped himself up on his right elbow to press a kiss to your forehead. Get well soon, herbivore…, he thought and gently caressed your cheek before getting up from the bed.

When you woke up, Leona was nowhere to be found. You tried calling out to him but he didn’t respond. Just as you sat up to scan the room for signs of where he might have gone, the door to Leona’s room opened. Your boyfriend entered and tossed his leather jacket loosely onto the desk chair. You hadn’t even woken up by him leaving.

“Where did you go?”, you asked curiously. “You’ll see”, Leona gave you a reassuring smile, “I got a surprise for you. But first, we should take a shower. It’ll do you good.” You rubbed your eyes in an exhausted motion and kicked the bedsheets off you. “Are you trying to say I smell bad?”, you groaned and Leona rolled his eyes. “No. The counselor they sent me to after I…uh…got a little too enthusiastic about winning the Spelldrive Tournament; well anyway, they said that sometimes a cold shower, a walk or somethin’ like that can already make a big difference in my mood or whatever”, he ran a hand through his hair. That’s a very mild way to say ‘overblotted’, you thought but refrained from commenting on it. “By the way, I got us food”, Leona handed you a bag with a bunch of meaty snacks, “I even got you a vegetable.” You reached inside the bag, inspecting the contents. “Leona, that’s just a whole cucumber.” “If ya don’t want it, I’ll give it to someone else, herbivore.” You glanced at him for a moment before starting to eat the cucumber. Not what you would have picked for lunch, but it was the thought that counted, wasn’t it?

“Anyway, you comin’?”, he asked and gestured towards the bathroom. You nodded weakly before Leona went to grab some towels, but you didn’t find the energy to get up; scrolling through the same five apps on your phone again but having run out of anything new to look at. “Herbivore?”, Leona called out and entered his room again, to find you with one leg and one arm off the bed; trying to motivate yourself to just get up and join him. He sighed and grabbed a water bottle from the desk. “Your mandatory hydration”, he commented dryly as he handed it to you. You raised an eyebrow at him but drank quite a bit of it, finding that you’ve needed this after all. As soon as you had finished, Leona just picked you up and carried you to the bathroom, gently putting you down on the edge of the bathtub.

“Thank you”, you sighed, grateful that Leona had done for you what felt like it’d take you another 30 minutes. When you stepped into the shower, you wrapped your arms around Leona’s waist and rested your head on his chest, closing your eyes once more as you let the water run over you. “It’s cold”, you complained as Leona took care of everything for you. “It’s supposed to be, genius”, he mumbled as he applied the shower gel to your skin, “otherwise you’d probably fall right back asleep and wake up feeling even worse. Trust me, I know.” The last sentence was nothing more but a quiet whisper but you picked up on it anyway.

You remembered the past few days and how you could hardly tell what happened on which day of the week because they all seemed to blend into one another like a never ending loop of mediocrity. You remembered the stress and your worries for the future. And suddenly you couldn’t hold it in anymore. Quiet sobs left your lips and Leona’s ears instantly perked up at the signs of distress coming from you.

You gasped in surprise as you were met with the cold water from the shower head directly into your face. “What the fuck, Leona?”, you hissed. “It got you to stop sobbin’”, Leona shrugged and you noticed that he was right; you were becoming aware of your surroundings again and your breathing calmed down a bit. Leona lifted your chin up and looked into your eyes. “I love you, herbivore. So cheer up. Don’t make me worry so much, alright?”, he said and patted your head.

He hugged you from behind and his voice became softer as he nuzzled your neck. “I love you so much. Don’t forget that, okay?”, he whispered and pressed kisses to your cheek and your neck repeatedly until you had stopped crying, “I can’t stand to see you like this.” To see you like me, he thought but kept that to himself. “I hope I can lift your mood a little”, Leona gave you that soft smile only you got to see and kissed your lips gently.

Once you stepped out of the shower, you felt refreshed and already a lot better than before. You helped Leona dry off his hair, a smile finding its way to your face when you saw how the water pearled off his ears and how they flicked when you were rubbing them with the towel. This didn’t go unnoticed by Leona. He crossed his arms with an annoyed expression. “Why is it that when you feel like shit and you smile for the first time again, it’s always from treatin’ me like an oversized cat?”, you could hear the pouting tone in his voice and a chuckle escaped you. “You’re cute”, you smirked and booped his nose. “Stop that”, he warned but leaned into your touch immediately when you started to caress his ears with your fingertips, sighing softly, "the things I put up with to see you happy..."

“So, what was that surprise you wanted to show me?”, you asked once the two of you had gotten dressed again. “Put on a jacket. Something warm”, Leona grabbed a small backpack and you could hear the jingling of keys, “we’re gonna go on a small trip.” Curious about where he would take you, you followed him out of the dorm. Outside of the Hall of Mirrors, Leona gestured towards a Magical Wheel which had been parked at the side of the building. “I rented that one while you were slumbering”, he tossed you a helmet and smirked at you, “hold on tight or I might just lose you and never look back.” You poked his side in response to his teasing.

“You should put on a helmet too”, you crossed your arms. “I’ll be fine”, Leona said, putting the key into the engine and starting up the vehicle. “Leona.” “Fine, I’ll wear the damn helmet”, he rolled his eyes and then grinned at you, “I’ll keep it on for the rest of the day and watch you complain that you’re not getting any kisses.” You sighed but got onto the vehicle behind him after Leona had put on his helmet. You wrapped your arms around Leona's waist, trying to adjust to the movement of the Magical Wheel. It was a little intimidating at first, given how different it was to a regular car; but Leona kept you safe and even though he teased you a little, you could tell he made sure not to drive any faster than you were comfortable with.

As you made your way down the path on the hill that Night Raven College was located on, you could see the village on the island as well as the ocean; the light of the sun now seemed a lot softer and bearable than it had been about an hour ago. You could feel the pressure of the wind as Leona drove the vehicle across the island, giving you the scenic tour of the area.

The two of you stopped by the lake and the forest for short breaks, laying down in the grass next to each other while gazing up at the vibrant green of the trees and the red apples that grew on them. You could hear the humming of the birds and watched the clouds pass by. “That one looks like you”, you pointed at one and poked Leona. “How the fuck does that look like me?”, the second prince raised an eyebrow, clearly questioning your overactive imagination. “It’s pretty”, you just shrugged and Leona leaned over you, smirking and pressing a kiss to your cheek. “I can live with that answer”, he chuckled and his ears twitched while he did this.

You kissed his lips gently and could feel Leona smile into the kiss.

The sinking feeling in your chest you had felt for the whole day wasn’t fully gone yet, but every new thing you saw and every word Leona spoke to distract you seemed to soothe the pain a little and made it something you could deal with and overlook with ease.

Your final stop was the beach near Royal Sword Academy. The sun was already beginning to set and you had taken your shoes off to walk along the shore, holding Leona’s hand. He squeezed it gently and gave you a reassuring smile, as if to tell you silently that things were going to be okay eventually. You’d figure things out together.

He then grabbed your hand and took a bite out of the hot dog you had bought for yourself. “Hey”, you protested and Leona smirked at you. “Sorry herbivore…but surely you don’t mind sharing with me, right?”, he wrapped an arm around your shoulder, “take some pity on me, the bird took mine.” He gestured towards the seagull in a couple meters distance, picking at Leona’s meal that it had stolen from him. “Prince Leona Kingscholar, king of the beasts, bested by the common seagull”, you exclaimed with a false notion of drama and tragedy in your voice. “I could grill that little bastard here and now if I wanted to”, he crossed his arms and furrowed his brows, “I decided to have some mercy today.” “Sure”, you laughed and raised your eyebrows.

The waves crashing onto the shore felt cold when they met the skin of your feet but in a way the sensation also helped to ground you. “Feeling better?”, Leona asked and you could hear worry in his voice; something he only felt comfortable showing around you. “A little”, you nodded and picked up a seashell from the sand, inspecting it as you turned it in your hand. “Do you feel ready to go back to the dorm?” You hesitated for a moment, then shook your head.

Leona sat down in the sand, pulling you onto his lap and resting his head against yours as the two of you watched the sunset together. “That’s fine by me”, he said, wrapping his tail around you, “we can stay here for as long as you like. I don’t mind.”

You remained silent for a while, running your fingers along Leona’s tail absentmindedly. “I love you”, you whispered and leaned back against his chest. “I love you too”, Leona said quietly, closing his eyes as the wind brushed through his hair and the sunset made his skin feel a comforting warmth. Things weren’t easy on days like these. But both of you knew, come what may, you always had each other to lean on. Things had changed from the days of being alone with your thoughts and having to sort out your feelings by yourself. Whenever one of you was feeling down, the other usually found the strength to get up and drag both of you to a place that gave you comfort.

“You know, I think I’m going to keep the ride for a while”, Leona nodded towards the Magical Wheel with a smile on his face, “nothin’ much to see here after 3 years of being on this island but I’ll make it work.” You nodded and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Thank you, Leona”, you whispered and squeezed his hand, "for everything."

#twisted wonderland #leona kingscholar x reader #leona x reader #leona kingscholar x you #twisted wonderland leona #leona kingscholar #twst leona

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groovygladiatorsheep · 11 months ago

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Ohhhhhhhhh really like your humanizations of Ink and Error!! Do you have any headcanons about their etchnicity? Or headcanons in general

Thank you so much !!! As for Headcanons, I’ve had some in the past but they changed a bit with time.. hcs for these humanized twos on my side currently are - French-Filipino for Ink and Afro-American for Error !! I hope this is what you meant 😭

As for general Headcanons ? I do !!

What I like to imagine is how the whole multiverse works and functions together.

Ink is the protector of aus, I imagine his reputations wildly varies from aus to multiverses, especially after the whole utmv event reputation. In my head, joining the star Sanses was a way to continue to do his job while staying on the good guys sides, you know ?

I see Ink as genuinely a guy doing his best. He needs the creators creations to be alive and to thrive to exist. Upsetting the creators by not letting them do angst ?? No sir. In his head, he’s simply letting characters be characters. He’s aware of the situation he’s in, of the string he’s holding onto ( the emotions and life given to him by the creators. It always comes back to them. )

He shouldn’t have been able to survive ripping his soul apart. He’s a miracle in himself ! But does he sees himself as that ?

Ink being unable to power through life without his vials means so much to me. They’re like the only thing allowing him to exist in his world, without them he’s physically not there. He needs them, and guess what Joku’s Dream ( because fanon Dream is much different ) thought of that ? That Ink is faking his emotions and he’s obviously evil if he can’t feel a thing.

How DAREEEm !!!! It’s so much more than that !!!! Ink’s vials allows him to feel the way he CANT feel, they allows him to show what he would WANT you to show !!!! He’s trying !!!!

Basically, Ink’s vials are a way for him to be able to fuel himself, a side important effect is that the difference flavours allows him to reflects emotions he could have had. Despite that, he still sucks at stuff that requires understanding social cues..

The flavours/different emotions can be hard to get since they come from how the creations were created. With tears ? Happiness ? Anger ? Envy ? That’s where he gets them. I’d imagine he learned to mix them when he needs one in particular !

I’d also imagine his memory makes him lose space and times. My bad memories does !! If he doesn’t have something in mind ? It doesn’t exist, nah. That’s why he notes stuff on the scarf because at least he knows he wears it all the time.

I really love the hc Ink has synesthesia, go check out @sunnemona for deepening information of that hc actually

As for Error !!!!

Error has always been the guy I’ve drawn more than thought about, but I do have so much thoughts on him too.

I see Error as an anomaly. Ink is a miracle ? Error was a mistake. He was not an happy accident held by strings, he’s a mistake that holds itself together by said strings.

His role in the multiverse is pretty interesting !!! He’s that menace everyone except the big guys fears. He destroys aus amongst aus, citizens of the multiverse have rarely seen his face except before their death, he’s a menace, not a balance, not a secret saviour, a machine that had a goal and keeps doing it without even understanding what he’s doing it.

I see it as this : Error goal and motivation , like other errors, was formed the day of his death and birth, the time right before Geno got errorified.

“Why didn’t I get an happy ending ?”

Feelings of hatred turned into a misinterpretation of the people surrounding his lost white space, and there it was : “everyone is a glitch !! They should all die !!!!!”

Aside from that, I Headcanon him to have a nest, a bit like spiders. His souls are his victims stuck on the web, and the strings surrounds his entire little home. Sofa for comfort, etc etc.

He’s very similar to spiders, actually.

#ask #anon #they means so much to me #btw yes I went on a ramble.#ramble #utmv #ink sans #error sans

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sydneydoesstuff · 4 years ago

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Dear DSMP fans (specifically my worriers),

c!Tommy’s not going to die, nor is cc!Tommy quitting the SMP.

The absolute uproar I’ve seen because cc!Tommy was acting sus in today’s stream is absolutely insane.

I understand the worry over his character dying, or that he’s going to quit the SMP, but it’s unlikely that either will happen.

Take a breath, it’s going to be okay. I promise.

—

First, about cc!Tommy.

“Tommy’s more focused on YouTube, and this could be him attempting to exit the SMP and quit streaming.”

Yes, Tommy’s been more focused on YouTube, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to quit streaming. He’s testing out new content on YouTube to see if his fan base will enjoy non-SMP related videos. This is a common procedure YouTubers do to see what content works and what doesn’t. Right now, streaming is where he gets a good portion of his YouTube videos, and he won’t just stop streaming without any notice. He says he’s really enjoying YouTube at the minute, and while he is streaming less, he still likes to stream!

As for quitting the SMP, if you pay attention to other cc’s perspectives, you’ll know that they have plans that involve Tommy’s character. Jack Manifold has been working on a scheme to kill Tommy with Niki’s help, and there are way too many loose ends to tie up before that happens.

Hypothetically, if he did quit playing on the SMP—which he’s not, take a breath—he’s going to be in DSMP S2, so it wouldn’t be long until we see him playing with everyone again.

My next point is that, career wise, it wouldn’t make sense for him to completely quit playing on the SMP. The SMP allows him to collaborate with a multitude of creators, and as such, the SMP is the primary reason for his huge influx in success. While he may take a step back, I don’t think he’ll fully leave.

Lastly, Tommy has said many times that he really enjoys playing on the server and hopes it never ends. He’s been playing on the server nearly everyday offline—he said so himself.

He’s not losing interest in the server, he just wants to explore new things.

—

Now, for c!Tommy.

I have the utmost faith that Tommy’s character is not going to die tomorrow.

Narratively, it doesn’t make any sense for several reasons:

Dream.

Dream has made clear that his story with Tommy is not over and won’t be for a very long time.

“I don’t think our story will ever be over, Tommy. I think that, you’re just too fun.”

Dream plans on keeping Tommy alive, for a very long time, to torment. As he says, Tommy is just too fun to leave be. He’s his primary source of entertainment, and I don’t think Dream will ever willingly leave Tommy in peace—and that includes allowing him to die.

“It’s not your time to die yet, Tommy.”

“It’s never my time to die.”

“That’s true.”

Dream has way too many plans for Tommy to simply kill him off. What’s the point of the discs if the person who cares about them is dead?

Niki and Jack Manifold.

If Tommy were to die, it would—from a meta perspective—throw off Jack and Niki’s plans.

Jack’s plan is riding on Tommy making it past tomorrow. In two weeks time, Jack and Niki plan on luring Tommy to a nuclear test sight to “accidentally” kill him. There’s no way to do that unless Tommy makes it out alive tomorrow.

Their revenge arc would feel pointless if Tommy were to die tomorrow, and it would leave their characters in limbo. Niki and Jack’s characters currently ride on Tommy’s existence, and they have no further motivation past him.

Wilbur.

Wilbur is currently experiencing a resurrection arc. If Tommy were to die and become a ghost, it would completely overshadow Wilbur’s arc.

Wilbur’s arc is moving pretty slow at the moment, and if Tommy were to interrupt it by dying, it would quickly overtake Wilbur’s story.

Technoblade.

Tommy, while briefly reunited with Technoblade, has not resolved his conflict with said man.

It would feel out of place for Tommy to die without fully resolving that tension. Their dispute would take the back-burner, and it would cheapen their issues.

Overall.

It would be messy. Tommy’s death would make the entire story feel never-ending, with loss after loss after loss. It’s not good storytelling, and it would ruin too many threads throughout the narrative.

The heroes need to have losses and victories, and a permadeath is much too heavy of a loss after just losing L’Manburg. That’s why it’s more likely that Tommy’s ends up in prison than canonically permadying.

The prison, while said to be the equivalent of losing all three canon lives to whoever’s put there, inspires action.

It’s not a coincidence that Tubbo has nuclear weapons, and we have no way of knowing how those nuclear weapons stack up against the prison. There will eventually be a need to test that power.

While it’s possible Tommy and Tubbo may win their fight tomorrow, it’s not very likely, as Tommy would dub it “the end” of his story.

“Once I get back the discs, it’ll be finished, the melody will be over.”

And we all know Dream’s not going to let that happen any time soon.

Tommy’s story is not over, and it won’t be for a very long time.

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rachelbethhines · 4 years ago

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Tangled Salt Marathon - Lost and Found

Another plot episode and another mountain of missed opportunities, failed set ups, and foreshadowing that goes nowhere. But outside of that it’s pretty entertaining. Are we seeing a pattern yet?

Summary: Rapunzel and Eugene go on a journey to retrieve the fourth and final piece of the scroll that will lead them to the Dark Kingdom. They receive help from Vigor the Visionary, who reveals himself to be Lord Demanitus himself, the author of the scroll depicting the purpose of the Sundrop and Moonstone. He leads them to the maze that he hid the last piece of the scroll in. Guiding them through the maze, they obtain the last piece, which united the four into one singular map. As they are about to leave, they are attacked by a stone monster.

Maybe That’s Why You Should Have Brought the Only Person Who Can Read It Along?!

Once again, having the characters acknowledge their stupidity in meta dialogue doesn’t alleviate the fact that the audience is going to think them stupid.

Regardless of your personal feelings towards Varian or what he has done in the past that does not change the fact that he is literally the only character in the show thus far who can translate the scroll. The mains knew that before leaving and they knew from the get go that they were going to need the scroll piece which is why they took it from him.

Not bringing him along, not getting a translation key from him before leaving, nor even showing us a scene of Raps trying to ask him to translate the scroll for them before leaving and then having him refuse to do so, is a plot hole.

Timeline Hint...Sort Of...

Rapunzel said last episode that it had been almost year since they left Corona, and it’s now close enough to her birthday again that Eugene could be tricked by it but not enough to actually be her birthday.

So...when are we again?

I’m going to guess 10 months after Secret of the Sun Drop? Maybe... It could also be 9 or 11 who knows... but I am still seeing fall like trees which is our only indication of a changing season in this show because the creators don’t understand climate apparently.

Maybe cause we’re now further north of Corona we see fall/winter leaves even into early spring?

Where Was This Rapunzel In Season 3?

Rapunzel actually giving a crap about what Eugene wants is as rare as seeing a fawn in the woods. It happens, but most of the time you forget it's even there.

While come season three, Rapunzel will just shoot the poor deer dead.

Madame Canardist is a Wasted Character

I’ve already discussed at length the biggest problems with Madame Carnardist in my Vigor the Visionary and Curses reviews. So I won’t rehash those talking points here again. However what I spoke about were larger problems with the media industry and bigotry as a whole and not the specific impact the character has on the story. Which is next to none.

The crew went through all of this trouble to make a deleted character from the film relevant to the series’s plot, and even there they failed. Madame Canardist is nothing more than a translator for Vigor when Demantius isn’t around. The story doesn’t utilize her properly despite her connections to one of the more plot important characters.

What is her relationship to Demantius and Zhan Tiri? How did Vigor come into her care? Why is she the only person who understands him when Demantius isn’t in control? If Vigor is centuries old by this point than how old is she? What is her stake in all this and why does she bother with Rapunzel at all if she has nothing to gain from it? Why doesn’t she go along on this important quest through the maze seeing as how she is Vigor’s caretaker?

She’s not completely useless, but like with Lady Caine, Xavier, and Hector before her, she has far more potential than the series is willing to explore with her.

So Much For Caring About What Eugene Wants

Welp that lasted all of five seconds.

Man, Rapunzel is a shit girlfriend.

The Pay Off Works, But It Then Serves No Purpose Afterwards

I don’t mind the idea of Demantius being the monkey. I mean it is one of the very few plot points in the show with proper foreshadowing and follow through. And yes, Demantius does accomplish one thing here, by helping Raps obtain the last scroll piece.

The problem is, nothing changes with this revelation.

No one’s perceptions or interactions with Demantius/Vigor are altered after this reveal. No one changes their plans, goals, or motivations afterwards. Things carry on more or less afterwards the same as if they had never met. The only thing of importance here is the scroll pecice and that’s only relevant in Cassandra's Revenge and is then forgotten about completely for the rest of the series.

What’s the point of having a plot twist if the status quo still remains?

If the information being revealed doesn’t alter the story then why keep it secret to begin with?

How Could You Research Them If You Never Found Them?

So did Demantius write the incantations or not?

He is the one who put them on the scroll, so it’s natural to conclude that he did create them, but he couldn’t have done that unless he had studied both the moonstone and sundrop to see the effects the two macguffins had to the spells.

Now according to this exposition dump, the sundrop and moonstone had been around for ages before Demantius and had become legends by his time. It is possible that someone else studied the two macguffins before him and came up with those incantations, but who?

The ancient people of the Dark Kingdom might have studied the moonstone since they were tasked with guarding it, but no one knew where the sundrop was until Gothel found it.

The audience needs to know this sort of information in order to understand the motivations driving the conflicts of the characters.

Imagine a Lord of the Rings trilogy that never bothered to say where the one ring of power came from or how it came into Gollum’s possession. You’d be left wondering why everyone was fighting over what amounts to an invisibility spell that once belonged to a small deformed hobbit who used to catch fish.

This Explanation Goes Nowhere

Why did the disciples betray Demantius? What did they gain from siding with Zhan Tiri? Why was Gothel with them? Did she betray everyone once she found the sundrop? What was Demantius and Zhan Tiri fighting over to begin with?

Don’t expect any of those questions to be answered. The series inexplicably makes a big deal over Gothel being connected to Zhan Tiri, but then never actually explains what that connection is, what they’re relationship dynamic was, nor how it connects back to Rapunzel’s and Cassandra’s current conflict.

That’s the real failing of the show’s lore and backstories. They don’t connect back to the current conflict. It’s just there.

In a well constructed show, Demantius would have been a parallel to Rapunzel who was also ‘betrayed’ by people she trusted. It would have been revealed that it was Demantius’ own actions that drove away his followers and caused them to side with Zhan Tiri. Thereby serving as a warning to Rapunzel herself and forcing her to realize in the end that in order to save everyone she’s have to apologize to those she hurt. We also would have gotten three betrayals instead of two since that’s more thematically impactful.

But this isn’t a well constructed show and the characters in it don’t ever evolve.

This Contradicts What We Find Out In Season 3

We find out in the last season that Zhan Tiri was originally from this world and that the only reason she was ‘bent on destruction’ was because of Demantius ticked her off somehow. She also had no magical powers of her own until after Demantius had banished her to that other realm where she was imprisoned.

Also Demantius didn’t use any powers. He just chucked her into a portal he had built without any warning or trail, with zero idea if it would kill her or not, all because she just stood there yelling at him. Like there wasn’t even any physical fighting, so it wasn’t a case of in defense either.

Demantius should have been revealed to be the real antagonist all along but that would require the showrunners to be actually clever for once and not misogynistic towards their female characters.

This Makes Zero Sense

First off, when was Zhan Tiri ever looking for Demantius? She’s been too busy trying to escape from her prison and it’s been centuries. She has no reason to suspect that he’s still alive nor does she care. Zhan Tiri’s plans are not dependant upon whether or not Demantius still exists.

Secondly, how is the host body still alive after centuries? Why go with monkey when I’m sure there are actual human beings out there who would agree to living forever. Does the transfer actually destroy the mind? Cause if not you could have had an actual coherent host that could have helped out when Demantius was dormant.

And don't give me any guff about ‘ethics’ because this is the man who played judge, jury, and executioner to his supposed friend/possible lover and probably killed one of his disciples as Sugarbee’s spirit was trapped in his device.

Not the Best of Plans My Dude

So Demantius is basically committing suicide here for no real reason.

Unless he was just already dying anyways when he made the transfer, then Demantius is drastically shortening his conscious life span. The monkey will live on, but he won’t.

So why? He had no way of knowing that the sundrop would become a person in the future, it’s completely coincidental that he met Rapunzel just at the right place and time to help her, and as stated above, Zhan Tiri was no longer a threat to him or the world since he imprisoned her and defeated his disciples.

Like what was his thought process here? “I just really, really want to be a monkey?”

Eugene Isn't Wrong

Look, I am a deeply religious person and I have faith in many things, but even I know that critical thought is necessary for basic survival and that scepticism is just plain common sense. Believing in something doesn’t mean shutting your brain off and never thinking for yourself.

Demantius has yet to give any reason for why Eugene and Rapunzel should trust him. Him saying ‘have faith’ repeatedly does nothing to instill confidence and in fact does the opposite. If you want to people to believe in you, especially in a dangerous situation that you dragged them into, then you need to earn that trust.

There’s a world of difference in assuming the best in people and being a fool, and Rapunzel is not the better person just because she blindly goes along with anything because she stubbornly wants to do whatever she wants and assumes she’s always right.

Eugene is Still Right

Is ‘Faith’ the new ‘Destiny’ now? Are we just assigning different meanings to random words in order to push the story’s narrative along?

This entire maze only involves solving puzzles, answering riddles, and a bit of running and climbing here and there. ‘Faith’ has absolutely nothing to do with it.

This theme doesn’t even work when you take into account the reveal that it’s Eugene who needs to have faith in Rapunzel. Because Rapunzel isn’t the only one doing these things and getting them through here.

In fact Demantius being here, and being the one who built the maze in the first place, kind of negates Rapunzel’s importance in this area. Secondly, Eugene is doing half the work anyways so it should be a message about having faith in each other. But they already have that so...yeah what’s the point of Demantius constantly bringing it up?

Why Are You Caring About Money While Stuck In a Death Trap?

You’re rich now, Eugene. You’re the future prince consort and live in a palace. As soon as you get back to Corona or a place that recognizes Corona as a kingdom you’ll have plenty of money to spare. But you can’t do that if you’re dead inside a maze.

Moreover, Rapunzel still has money on her. She just threw two coins in to the well; one for her and one for Demantius. You two live together! You’ve been traveling inside a caravan together for over a year now and neither of you work. Ergo, you should logically be sharing your finances at this point in time. Especially since that is what you’ll be doing anyways once you’re married for real, as you’ll both be heads of state.

That’s Now How Faith Works

Faith is evidence for things unseen, or to put it more accurately the evidence for things that are unprovable. God, death, the future, creation, souls, the meaning of life, ect, are all concepts that can’t be proven nor disproven. No one upon this earth will ever know for certain what happens after death, how the universe was made, or if there is any intelligent life out there beyond ourselves.

People don’t like the unknowable.

Believe systems of all kinds, whether they be religious or not, exist to bring us comfort when face with the dread of such existential questions. Even if that belief system is agnosticism itself.

Gravity, weight, and basic physics however are all provable concepts that have been around since Ancient Greece, if not longer. Man has always known that if you drop something it falls, even if they didn’t have the math to back it. It’s just a fact of life.

‘Faith’ isn’t going to stop Eugene from falling. It’s not going to make the bridge more sturdy. It’s not going to magically make him as light as a feather. It won’t turn the acid below him into water. “Faith’ can’t literally give you wings and make you fly; that’s just a metaphor.

What Demantius is promoting here isn’t faith. What he’s asking Eugene to do is to blindly follow his orders without question.

This is especially jarring when you consider that Demantius is supposed to be a famous scientist. He should know very well the importance of critical thought and that having faith doesn’t mean shutting your brain off.

The Scroll is Such a Let Down

We’ve spent a season and a half finding the pieces for this thing and it won't actually be relevant until the halfway through season three. Mostly because the one person who can translate it isn’t here.

On top of that, it’s no longer important outside of one episode. It’s an example of the payoff not living up to its hype.

So This Is a Lie

The scroll only contains four incantations on it, and one is on the back in invisible ink and not the fourth pecice itself. None of those incantations involve combining the moontsone and sundrop together. In fact, after using two of those incantations only once they’re never seen being used again for the rest of the series. Furthermore, once the moonstone and sundrop are combined they only allow the user to perform the healing and hurt incantations, which Rapunzel can do anyways without the moonstone.

Demantius wrote the dang scroll himself! He should very much know what is on it and what it does. This is yet another case of the writers not planning things ahead.

Being Good at Riddles Doesn’t Make You ‘Pure of Heart’

Being ‘pure of heart’ means that you are kind. One does not need ‘faith’ to be kind. Being kind is doing the right thing and helping others even if it doesn’t benefit you at all.

Not only does running through a maze not have anything to do with faith, it also has nothing to do with kindness.

The only thing it proves is that Rapunzel enjoys running through a maze, and will do so in addition to dragging others along with her regardless if those people want to do it or not.

That’s not being kind.

If anything Rapunzel has only proven thus far in the series that she is a very selfish person who shouldn’t be trusted with such grave responsibility.

But as already pointed out, Demantius doesn’t care about actual faith, kindness, or purity. He just wants blind obedience. He’s mistaken Rapunzel’s exuberant and stubborn nature for nativity; not realizing that her complancany is only because they both desire the same goal.

Had he asked Rapunzel to do something that she didn’t already want to do, she wouldn’t have been so ‘pure’ to his mind.

That Is a Very Valid Question

Eugene has a point. There’s no reason to go on this quest. In fact knowing about season three in hindsight, turning around now and not going to the Dark Kingdom would be the better option for everyone.

Cass couldn’t steal the moonstone. Zhan Tiri would never be freed. Corona will never be destroyed and the brotherhood never mind trapped. As for the black rocks they will just sit there impotently not doing anything.

Even freeing Quirin, not that Rapunzel cares, only requires the hurt incantation, which she already has.

The only problem is that Cassandra has ZT trapped in her mind but without the moonstone that has no consequences outside of Cass hearing a annoying voice in her head that she is perfectly capable of ignoring. And even that wouldn’t have happen if they had turned around after the Great Tree.

SHOW DON'T TELL

Nothing in the show back up what Demantius is saying here. We haven’t seen the rocks being active since season one. Even when Rapunzel was lollygagging around or going off the path.

When they do become active again in the next episode it’s to help her, and after that in season three it’s all Cassandra’s doing.

Also in season three Rapunzel is able to rebuild Old Corona around the rocks with little problem even though she didn’t reunite with the moonstone.

In a Competent Show This Would Be Foreshadowing. This Is Not a Competent Show.

I genuinely thought this was hinting at Moon Eugene, when I first saw this. Now couple that with the talk of ‘three betrayals’ earlier and I thought Eugene would be the final ‘betrayal’ and that a true love's kiss, after Rapunzel had apologized to him, is what would reunite the two powers and save the day.

I’m not going to fault the show for not living up to my expectations and predictions, but I will fault the series for failing to utilize Eugene properly and not working him into the main conflict. He’s the duel protagonist of the franchise. He should have just as much weight in the narrative the same as Rapunzel has.

Oh How I Hate Where This Arc Goes

What the show does wind up doing to Eugene however, is incredibly stupid and frustrating.

Remember how I said that ‘faith’ in this show is just blind obedience?

Yeaaaahhh....

That’s what Eugene takes from all of this. Not that he should support and believe in his partner, something that he already was doing by the way, but that he needs to be a doormat to her and her whims.

Like with Rapunzel yelling at Hook Hand in Brother’s Hook, this is the point where Eugene’s character starts to break. You just wouldn’t know it until after watching season three.

This Is Such a Lazy Cop-Out

Like the audience has these questions too. Neither us nor Rapunzel will ever have these questions answered. You just backed out of committing to any real answers because you didn’t have your story planned out like you should have.

Why Does Everyone Act Like There’s a Prophecy When There Isn’t Any Actual Prophecy?

Once again, Demantius had no way of knowing that the sundrop would become a person. No one did. There’s no prophecy and there’s zero explanation for his psychic abilities, which are inconsistent at best. In fact I don't think he does have such powers, otherwise he’d be more helpful inside the maze. I think those are reserved for Vigor only and we don’t know where he got them or if he even is a ‘real’ psychic.

Tangled the Series wants to act like it’s running on a predestination plot. That events must occur and will occur regardless of what actions you take to prevent it. Now ignoring how that causes problems with the characters’ agency for a moment; you can not have any predestination if there’s no actual destiny.

Chosen one plots often have prophecies for a reason. Predestination is there to evoke either tragedy that can’t be prevented or present consequences for if/when the main hero doesn’t follow along. Either way it’s there to establish conflict.

Everyone in TTS acts like there is a conflict when said conflict hasn’t actually been established!

This is writing 101. You need conflict. You need to establish shit. You can’t just pretend that a conflict exists where it doesn’t. ‘Fake till you make it’ doesn’t work in long term storytelling and television animation. It has to be pre-planned.

Also The Timeline Doesn’t Match

Demantius said that it was a millenia when the sundrop and moonstone fell.He also just said he’s been waiting for a millenia to ‘meet the sundrop’. Yet Demantius acted like the sundrop and the moonstone were already legends by the time he started to search for them. That means they had to be around longer than he has. It also brings us back to the first question of who wrote the incantations if he and Zhan Tiri never found them?

Believing In Someone Does Not Mean Shoving All the Work Onto Their Shoulders

You’re supposed to be in this together. Couples should work as a team. Both of your lives depend upon getting out of here so you should both be coming up with ideas and working together.

Not only does this miss the entire point of what ‘believing in your spouse’ actually means, it’s also incredibly unfair to both of these characters. It’s unfair to Rapunzel for put so much pressure and unrealistic expectations onto her and to have her be the person to carry both of them through when Eugene is perfectly capable of physically doing things. It’s also unfair to shove Eugene to the side and make him a useless character all of a sudden.

Rapunzel Does Nothing To Earn Such Blind Devotion

Rapunzel’s magical hair has nothing to do with Rapunzel as a person. It’s an entity separate from her being. Literally. The hair can move of its own accord as shown here and it’s possible to physically separate Rapunzel from her powers as seen in the finale.

Believing in Rapunzel should be about believing in who she is as a human being, about her individual character. It should not be because she has magic glowing hair.

Not only is this a betrayal of Rapunzel and Eugene’s relationship and why they came to love one another in the first place, but it’s also a betrayal of Rapunzel’s growth as a character. It’s not only Eugene who blindly kisses her ass after this point, it’s everyone, even though she gives them little reason too.

This the Last We’ll See of Vigor and Madame Canardist

Three episodes spent establishing these characters and now they’re just gone for no reason. They’re never seen of nor mentioned again beyond a single meta joke. Despite the main conflict revolving around Demantius and them both having the closest connection to that character.

This Is Bad Foreshadowing, But At Least It’s Actual Foreshadowing

Up till now any ‘foreshadowing’ we got for Cass’s villain arc has been confined to poorly thought out background images; the painting of the moon, the broken mirror in Gothel’s tower, and I won’t even dignify Chris’s bullshit about her handmaiden dress being blue.

Not to mention all of that was only in season one. Outside of her conversation with Eugene about their parents, way back in Cassandra vs. Eugene, we haven’t had any real foreshadowing until we hit the Great Tree.

Since the Great Tree we’ve only had a couple of bitch fights with Raps, which I personally don't consider real foreshadowing since no ill will was attached to those, and her glaring angrily at Rapunzel after escaping the shell house.

In light of that, this scene is at least genuine foreshadowing, it’s just poorly done foreshadowing.

While the other attempts at foreshadowing were too subtle, this one is too obvious. It gives the game away too early because there’s no other viable options within Rapunzel’s group. Adira comes closest and she’s not actually here and not really considered a friend by Rapunzel herself.

So what winds up happening is that Cass’s arc feels rushed despite being planned since the beginning.

Conclusion

I spent three days fighting tumblr to get this review posted! Appreciate it!

As for the episode itself, it’s fun to watch in isolation, but it’s such a let down knowing what’s to come from it all.

#tangled #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure #anti-tangled #demanitus

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silenceofthecookies · 4 years ago

Text

One Piece OC Charlie - the beginning

The first writing I’ll be publishing of my oc Charlie! I hope you enjoy!

Visual made with this creator

The sounds of gunshots and steel clashing with sleep echoed through the air. The stench of gunpowder and blood was overwhelming, but nobody seemed to pay it any mind. Another day, another battle for the Whitebeard pirates.

An upcoming pirate crew had come to challenge them. They had gotten drunk off their fame up in their own little part of the sea and had now come to swim with the big fish. Before the Thorn pirates challenged the Whitebeard pirates, they had no idea just how big the difference between their strength was, but they would soon find out.

One by one, the Thorn pirates started dropping. People lost their lives, people got too hurt to fight back,… the battle went south for them pretty fast. Some noticed this and decided to flee, taking a small rowing boat and getting as far away from the two ships. Some yelled at them to take them with them and jumped overboard. Others stayed to fight with their captain.

The Whitebeard pirates were amused by their actions. The Thorn pirates had a reputation of being incredibly violent and merciless, yet here most of them were, running like cowards. Only a few remained on the deck of their ship now, the fire still burning in their eyes. These people were the captain, the first mate and a handful of other crewmembers.

One of the crewmembers stood out against the others. A woman with long, brown hair and eyes as blue as the sky itself. What stood out the most were her arms, which currently weren’t arms, but big white wings, which would have given her an angel-like appearance, if it wasn’t for the blood that now stained them.

Whitebeard stepped forward towards the remaining people.

“Your crew has abandoned you. Are you not going to run like them?” he asked. “Unlike them we’re not cowards. We’ll see this through to the end.” the captain of the Thorn pirates answered. The few remaining pirates nodded at their captain's words. Whitebeard grinned at their spirit. “Very well, then we shall continue this battle to the end!”

As soon as the words left Whitebeards mouth, the two crews clashed once again. To honour their spirit, the commanders stepped forward to fight the remaining crewmembers, while Whitebeard himself fought the captain.

As the battles on the ship of the deck continued, one battle took to the sky. Marco, commander of the first division, had shifted into this Phoenix form to fight the winged woman. She grinned when she saw his phoenix form and shifted as well, taking the form of a big swan. As they flew around at a high speed, everyone watching soon realised the woman didn’t stand a chance. Marco flew faster, hit harder and to top it off, he had the advantage of his fire. It didn’t take too long for the swan to drop from the sky and fall onto the deck of the ship. The woman returned to her human form and tried to get up one last time before she dropped and fainted.

Whitebeard looked down on the bodies of the Thorn pirates, all either dead or dying from the wounds they sustained. Though they were violent and unexperienced, he liked their spirit. After one last look, he made a decision and turned around.

“Take anyone who’s still alive to the infirmary. Those who survive will become my children.”

The reactions of the crew were diverse. There were those who sighed, wondering what trouble taking in people like this would bring. There were those who smiled at the kindness of their captain and father. There were those who cheered, happy to see their makeshift family grow. There were, however, none who opposed Whitebeards orders. Anyone who was dead or wouldn’t make it for sure was left on the Thorn pirates ship, which would later be lit aflame for their funeral. The others were brought to the infirmary, where Marco and the nurses tended to their wounds. Once the sun rose the following morning, there was but one survivor: the winged woman.

Marco wondered if he had gone easy on her, or if she was just resilient. She did get medical help pretty soon after sustaining her injuries though, so he guessed that’s what pulled her through. Anyone who didn’t take the last stand with their captain had already died from their injuries. The captain and first mate had chosen death, as had a few other of the remaining pirates. Only three people had the chance to be saved, and only one had made it.

During that day, Marco stayed in the infirmary as much as he could. The woman would be confused when she’d wake up for sure, and he wanted to ask her some additional questions to make sure she was fine. On top of that, the infirmary was a quiet place, and Marco had some work to catch up on.

Around noon, he heard shifting in the bed where the woman was sleeping. He got up from his desk and walked towards her, reaching her bedside just in time to see the woman open her eyes. There were several emotions going through them. Confusion, pain, sadness, and once her eyes landed on him, anger. She tried to bolt up to hit him, but she winced in pain and fell back into the bed before her fist could even get close to hitting Marco. He chuckled and held up his hands.

“No need for that anymore, the battle is over. You’re in the infirmary. I’m Marco, captain of the first division and doctor on this ship. What’s your name?” “...Charlie.” “Nice to meet you Charlie. I’m sure you’ve got many questions, but first I want to ask you a few, ok? After that, you can ask me all you want.”

Charlie nodded, distrust still very visible in her eyes. Marco couldn’t blame her. He asked a few more questions about how she was feeling, asked her to move things like her arms and hands, going off a checklist he had in his mind of all possible side effects. Once all was cleared and Marco was sure she was recovering well, he smiled and nodded.

“Alright, that’s all.” “What happened?” Charlie wasted no time asking her first question. “Your crew was defeated by ours. Pops said to treat anyone who was still alive. You're the only one who made it through the night. I’m sorry. We made sure to give everyone a proper burial on their ship.”

Sadness flashed through Charlie’s eyes for a second before she went back to her distrusting and aggressive behaviour.

“So why keep me alive?” “Pops wants you to join us. He likes your spirit.” “And he thinks I’ll just sit back and say ‘oh, sure, I’ll join’?” “No, though it would be nice if it’d be that easy. We’re quite some ways from land, and I don’t think we’ll be docking anywhere any time soon. Take this time to get to know everyone. See who we are, see who pops is. Then you can decide if you want to join or not.” “And if I don’t?” “Then we’ll part ways the next time we dock.” “You’re not going to kill me if I say no?” “We’re pirates, not barbarians.” Marco laughed.

Charlie was dumbstruck. If this was the Thorn pirates, certainly anybody refusing to join would have been murdered. The Whitebeard pirates certainly had the strength to do the same and their reputation was even more fearsome than the Thorn pirates'. Why would they allow her to walk away? What did they have to gain from it? Would they just stab her in the back as she walked away? Was this a trap?

“Look, it’s about time for lunch. If you can get up, why don’t you come with me to the mess hall, so you can see for yourself?” Marco asked.

Carefully, Charlie got up and got to her feet. She was wobbly, in pain and felt weak, but she was standing. Marco nodded in approval and took her to the mess hall, where most people were already eating.

“Hey, Marco. I see she finally woke up?” Izo asked as he saw the pair enter the room. Marco nodded. “She sure did. Charlie, this is Izo, he’s the commander of the sixteenth division. Izo, this is Charlie.” “Nice to meet you, Charlie.” Izo smiled, and Charlie felt herself get even more confused. Another commander and another softie? No way. This had to be an act. “Oh? So it’s Charlie, huh? I’m Thatch, commander of the fourth division and chef of this crew. Come, sit down. You’re still recovering and you’ll need your food to do that.” Thatch winked at Charlie before setting more food on the table. Despite her distrust, the food looked amazing and Charlie felt her mouth water. She did feel hungry. Charlie sat down at the place Thatch pointed out to her and started eating. Confusion and decisions could wait until later, first she’d eat.

---

During the coming weeks, Charlie got to know the Whitebeard crew in her own way. She picked fights with them left and right, she called them weak, she insulted them about the littlest things, trying to get them to reveal any ulterior motive they certainly must have had. Much to her surprise, they didn’t. They got mad at her and she got scolded, but nobody tried to kill her. They didn’t even threaten her. Much to her surprise, she got treated as one of their own. As their sister. Charlie had always assumed the Whitebeards calling each other family was some kind of strange emotional bribery or something, but she realised now that it was just what it sounded like. People without a place to belong, finding their place out at sea with kindred people. If she thought about it honestly, she had to admit that she liked the idea. People who’d love and accept her. People who’d support her even if she was showing a weakness. There was no way she’d trust them all so fast, but by the time they docked at an island to stock up, Charlie had made up her mind.

As she stood at the walkway, Whitebeard walked up to her, followed by a few of his commanders.

“Are you leaving?” he grinned. Whitebeard was no fool. He had already seen her attitude change over the past weeks. Her answer was obvious, but he wanted to hear her say it. “No, I think I’ll stick around a little longer. I’m not calling you pops, though.” Charlie answered with a grin of her own.

Whitebeards laughter echoed through the air, followed by the laughter of the commanders. Another person had joined his family and he couldn’t be happier.

#cookies oc #charlie #oc writing #one piece oc #one piece #cookie writes #my idea #scheduled post

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aspoonofsugar · 5 years ago

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Hi ! I'm re-watching Psycho Pass and there's one thing disturbing me that I thought you might have some idea of an answer ... I have the impression that Makishima has a fair answer to free will, system sibyl etc, but that the story didn't know how to integrate it with the original idea of following people who had agreed to serve the system Sibyl, so they made this character a murderer in order to facilitate the thing and balance - good bad sides for the narrative. Is it just me or ... ?

Hello anon!

Makishima, like all the other characters of the series has been written in a way so that he can be used to explore the ideas and themes the story wants to explore. The first thing about Psycho Pass that was probably born was its world aka the idea of a dystopian society which works in a specific way. Starting from there, they decided to develop the story in a way which both used and subverted many tropes used by dystopias. One of the tropes they subverted was the one according to which the hero of the story has to fight the system. In Psycho Pass they chose to write the person fighting the system as a negative character. The result was (imo) a very fascinating and complex character who says many true things, but is also hypocritical and unjustifiable.

I would say that Makishima has been written in a way that explores the positive and negative aspects of Sybil.

Sybil is a system which gives security (both in terms of personal safety and economic security) to the majority (?) of the population, but it does so by sacrificing minorities, contacts with other countries and two main human qualities. It sacrifices aggressivity (even a healthy degree of aggressivity which lets people react when in danger) and the ability to think critically.

These two human attributes are often discussed throughout the episodes and they are often the main theme of single cases. For example, episode 3 shows how aggressivity can’t really be eliminated and so how unhealthy mechanisms are tolerated in order to keep it in check. In the factory the MCs visit bullism is accepted and encouraged, so that everyone’s psycho-pass is kept under control. Similarly, it is shown multiple times how art and creativity are not encouraged by Sybil and that many artists are latent criminals. This is something explored in Yayoi’s backstory, for example, or in Rikako’s one.

Because of this, Makishima is a character who embodies both these human attributes. On one hand he is extremely intelligent and has an amazing culture. On the other hand he uses violent methods to reach his objectives. Tbh, I think that Makishima’s choice to nurture people’s violent sides is partially born by the fact that these parts are the ones Sybil actively represses.

We know that what triggered Makishima into becoming who he is in the series is his realization of not really being accepted by society. As a matter of fact Sybil not being able to measure his psycho pass means that Makishima is not really a human being according to it. Because of this discovery, it is understandable that Makishima would have started questioning Sybil much more than a normal citizen would have done. By doing so, he has managed to understand the system and its short-comings pretty well and he has found that it influences people into repressing aggressivity and into losing critical awareness of themselves and the world. Because of this, Makishima gives critical thinking and aggressivity importance. This happens because Makishima wants to negate Sybil in order to affirm himself (aka a person whose existence is not recognized by the system) and so he uses what Sybil negates.

This is also why Makishima’s attempts keep failing and he keeps discarding people. In the end, the ability to develop critical thinking is not linked to the ability of expressing one’s aggressivity without any restraint. However, Makishima keeps expecting the latent criminals he meets to immediately develop critical thinking just because he gives them the chance to express their most violent parts. Rikako is the best example of this. In the end, Rikako is a girl who is angry because of her father dying and leaving her behind. The system doesn’t give her a healthy way to process this loss and so she ends up harboring negative feelings which cloud her psycho pass until Makishima finds her and validates those feeling and encourages her to express them in a violent way. However, in the end Makishima discards Rikako like he had discarded others because he claims that she is not able to develop a deep enough point of view on things. This is not fair because in the end he is asking a teenager who is venting for her father’s fate to develop a highly deep and informed perspective on things. As if Rikako had any chance to properly think about things in the situation she was in and as if she had not all the time in the world to develop her personal perspective as she grew up.

In short, Makishima is a person who uses violence because Sybil wants to eliminate aggressivity from society as much as possible. What is more, Makishima’s choice is perfectly coherent with the information we are given about his character, his motivation and his past.

Of course, it could have been possible to write a character who embodied these two attributes, but who was more sympathetic than Makishima and had a more acceptable ethical system, but this would have meant not to explore a series of ideas and themes and would have ultimately (imo) made the story less interesting.

For example, let’s consider this scene:

Societies, just like people, have defense mechanisms which keep the truth hidden. The conversation between Akane and Kogami makes clear that what happened because of Makishima has clearly shown a series of contradictions of the Sybil System and its society. However, citizens will keep ignoring them and will try their best to go back to their usual lives. This is an interesting concept and it is linked to the idea that Sybil works not because it is perfect, but because it acts as if it were and people choose to believe it.

What is more, the way Sybil works is firstly introduced thanks to two minor cases: the case of episodes 4 and 5 and the one of episodes 9, 10 and 11.

Mido and Senguji, aka the two antagonists of the two cases, explore themes linked to identity and to the concept of immortality:

Interestingly, they both make references to Plato and their stories explore two different dynamics which will turn out to be key ones to explain how Sybil works.

Mido’s story is about a man who lacks a proper self-identity and who has chosen to escape in a world made of avatars. However, Mido has become so obsessed with these personas that he has chosen not to accept the fact that behind them there are imperfect people. Because of this, he is progressively killing these people and maintaining their avatars alive. He claims that after losing their original creators the avatars have somehow become perfect because they have been modified and made better by the ideas people have of them.

This concept is very similar to what Sybil says here:

In other words, Sybil is made perfect by the idea people have of it. This is why the system is so powerful and its society works.

Senguji is a man who has almost completely turned himself into a cyborg. He makes some interesting points:

Basically, he is highlighting how society has become too much intertwined with technology. The journalist’s dependence on her personal computer resembles the dependence of society as a whole on the Sybil System. What is more, Senguji claims that he is simply a step ahead of the rest of society when it comes to his dependence on machines. However, we are later told so:

In short, Sybil is far ahead of Senguji when it comes to this specific technology and so it is closer to immortality than him ever was.

In synthesis, Sybil works because of these two dynamics and pieces of technology which are commonly found in society. The difference is simply that Sybil has developed them to the extreme.

I really like that the series has gone out of its way to present these aspects in its introductory episodes because it fits with what a dystopia should do. Dystopias should ideally take aspects of the current society and exaggerate them to show how they can be damaging.

This is something Psycho Pass does very well imo because, while the idea of a hive mind who judges people’s mental health and their abilities might seem far away, avatars and cyborgs are not.

In short, Sybil exists not despite people, but because of people and it won’t be overcome until society refuses it, unless a person chooses to use violent methods like the one Makishima endorsed.

Another interesting aspect of the series is the fact that in the end Akane grows, but still chooses not to join Makishima and to work with the system.

Psyhco Pass is a dystopia inspired by some classics of the genre:

Makishima directly quotes and mentions them, so I think there is no doubt about it. In many classic dystopias it is often shown how humanity loses itself to the system so much that in the end the system is somehow accepted. This can happen because of different reasons. For example, in 1984 the main character in the end is tortured and lost the thing he had defined his whole humanity on.

Psycho Pass goes at it in a different way. In the end, the main point of view character chooses the system as a result of a character arc and of some personal growth. It is an ending which is powerful for different reasons and one of these is that when you starts watching the series you would not believe this to be something which can be pulled off in a believable way. This is simply because the society created by Sybil is not a society many viewers could truly accept when they start watching (and hopefully it is not one they come to accept in the end). However, the fact that the story develops in a way that by the end you are allowed to root for characters who want to stop a person who wants to destroy a wrong system is interesting and adds to the complexity of the whole story.

In short, things like the defense mechanisms society uses to protect itself and why people come to accept the system are shown to the viewers very clearly thanks to Akane being the main point of view character instead of Makishima.

That said, I would like to highlight that Makishima’s fair answer you talk about is not really lost because it is accepted as it is by Akane herself:

What Akane disagrees with are Makishima’s methods which she recognizes being born out of envy:

All in all the ending of Psycho Pass is an open ending:

Kogami states that if everyone were to be like Akane Sybil will not be necessary anymore, while the system states that if everyone were to be like Akane the Sybil would have reached its objective. Who is right?

And again:

Akane says humans will keep evolving and conquer Sybil, while Sybil says it will keep evolving and conquer humanity. Who is right?

Let’s finally consider the very last frame:

Is this a reference to Sybil? Or is it a reference to real justice which will conquer Sybil? Or is it simply a reference to Kogami’s character who is chained by his view on justice? All in all these are all questions left open and to which people can give different answers according to their own understanding of society and of humanity.

In conclusion, when it comes to your question, I would say that Makishima was written in a specific way for several reasons among which, as you say, there is the choice of wanting to explore the society through the eyes of people who are initially supportive or neutral to the system because they are much closer to the average citizen than a person opposing Sybil. However, I do not really think this is a cheap reason to make such a choice.

Thank you for the ask!

#psycho pass #psycho pass meta #makishima shogo #shogo makishima #asksfullofsugar #anonymous

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carrotwine4captainhops · 6 years ago

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Major Character Death as a creative writing tool

I’ve always been interested in the craft of writing. I’ve been mulling over the way Major Character Death is used as a tool in fiction for awhile, and after watching the extremely problematic death of Quentin Coldwater, (and the self-congratulatory responses of the show’s producers who apparently believe they invented the concept) I thought I’d give you the the high school level compare and contrast MCD essay you didn’t really need or want.

Before I start, I want to be clear that MCD as a tool is not a bad thing by itself. Many, many fiction authors use it in a very calculated way, and as long as it serves the story well, they’re doing their job. Many essays and books about the craft of writing discuss its use because it is just another tool in the creative writer’s tool box. When done well, it makes you cry in a good way; when done badly, the death feels like a cheap gimmick to force an emotion without doing much work as a story teller. The latter is definitely what happened with the season finale of The Magicians.

If season 4 of the magicians had been a novel, it would have been sent back for major revisions before publication.

The first MCD that came to mind while watching the season 4 finale of The Magicians, wasn’t technically an MCD, but may as well be: the ending of the Golden Compass trilogy. The two protagonists have recently fallen in love, and make the difficult decision to return to never see each other again as a way to save the multiverse from the damage caused by traveling between worlds. They won’t even be able to contact each other, and will have to live out their lives as if the other had died.

It was incredibly painful to read (it’s the first book I cried over), but it was beautifully written and a very logical conclusion that the author set up from book one. The books are about (among many other things) the failures of adults and authority when they make selfish decisions, and by choosing to put the health of the universe above their own happiness, they made the bravest, most adult decision they could. It’s a message about the hope that younger generations can fix the things that their predecessors broke if they’re brave enough. The Magicians almost had a similar message.

The second MCD I thought of was that of “Wash” from Firefly. Like a lot of other fans of the show, I got angry at this death in the movie Serenity (essentially the series finale of the TV show). Wash was the comedic relief and voice of optimism in a dark and dystopic show. While Quentin was clinically depressed, and, in the words of Margo Hanson, ”moderately socially maladjusted”, he also acted as the voice of hope to his peers. Both characters were the emotional core of their shows, which was a big reason why they were chosen by their perspective creators as the deaths that would be most felt by the audience. They both got a funeral scene, to really drive home how much the other characters (and by extension, the audience) would be impacted by their death.

In Wash’s case, having his death be accidental impalement during a crash didn’t feel entirely satisfying or necessary. It felt like a lazy way to make the audience sad and motivate the rest of the characters to Really Get That Baddie… BUT, this cheapness is balanced by the symbolism of an outlaw pilot literally dying at the helm of the ship he loved while trying to save the world. It also didn’t send any problematic messages to the audience. Wash was not the protagonist or a “self-insert” the way Quentin was; he wasn’t suicidal or part of an underserved minority group (and make no mistake, by making Quentin sexually fluid/bisexual, the producers signed themselves up for a more thoughtful treatment of his death, if it had to happen.)

The message from Wash’s death is one that is very familiar to readers of genre fiction MCDs: simply: “not everyone lives” and “people who put themselves in high-risk situations sometimes die”. Both of which are painful but fair messages to absorb.

This same tactic was used again by Whedon with Agent Coulson in The Avengers. As an optimistic “plot-armor-free” side character who had become a fan favorite, he was given an entire arc in the movie that the audience wasn’t expecting, made to be even more loveable, and then killed off in a long emotional death scene which was then used in the third act turning point of the movie. Whedon made it clear in interviews that the whole death was coldly calculated to squeeze emotion from the audience, and up the stakes in a way that a large body count couldn’t. It upset a lot of fans, it wasn’t perfect, but it was well done and fitting for the narrative and made the movie stronger, and, again, he wasn’t a member of a minority group. (And as a side note, a different creative team knew how popular Coulson was and managed to resurrect him for his own TV show and managed to do it in a way that wasn’t flip-his resurrection had consequences that lasted at least until season 5, the current season).

There is no mitigating balance to Quentin’s death. He was suicidal from day one of the series, and he left via (a purposefully plausible) suicide. His first question, once he realizes he’s dead, is not, “Did the plan work?” or “is Eliot OK?” (the friend he’d been working so hard all season to save) or even “is Julia/Alice/Josh/all my other friends ok?” These are questions that would be plausible and fitting in a character who’s journey has about helping friends and the world out of tough situations. But no, the first thing he asks is “did I finally kill myself?”

With one sentence, his character returned to the self-centered, timid, low-confidence, suicidal mess he’d been established as within five minutes of the show’s pilot. He had no self-realization until after watching his own funeral, at which point he happily and peacefully goes to heaven. At best, that’s heavy-handed symbolism. At worst, it’s erasing all of his character growth and making his entire story pointless, while sending the very dangerous message to the audience.

The writers stated in interviews that they made his death all about suicide on purpose, and now (as of this writing) they continue to refuse to grapple with how problematic that is.

Another MCD that seemed to do the same thing was Tris from the Divergent series. Like Quentin, she was the protagonist. Also similar to Quentin, her arc was almost too on the nose: she was born into a clan literally named “Abnegation” and indoctrinated from birth to sacrifice herself for her community. She wasn’t even allowed to look into mirrors in case she caught even a smidgen of self-regard. And how does her story end? By her sacrificing her life to get the “big baddie” and save her friends and family.

Like Quentin’s death, a lot of her character growth appeared to be erased in the last few chapters of the book. Prior to Book 3, Tris had been learning to question her upbringing, to think for herself, that it’s ok to look for happiness for oneself, and that selfishness takes many forms, not all of them bad. When she makes the decision to kill herself in the end, it left a bad taste in my mouth. The plot didn’t require her death, (for example, there were other characters who could have gone in her place, and as a leader at that point, the more difficult decision probably would have been to send someone else on that mission and learn to live with the guilt). Her death and the manner of it, seemed to say, “just kidding, actually the only way to realize your self-worth is to is sacrifice your happiness and entire self for your community.”

Sound familiar?

Quentin Coldwater was just starting to learn (and because he had an audience, to teach) many of these same things. For three and a half seasons, we see him form strong friendships (when he thought he couldn’t); help people (when he thought he was useless), pursue romantic relationships (when he thought no one could love him); he lives an entire lifetime with Eliot during a quest on alternate timeline, where he’s shown having to make the difficult decision every day, to stay alive, to keep working on the tedious and almost hopeless task of completing the puzzle to finish a quest, and then it turns out that the answer to the puzzle all along WAS that daily struggle. Later, in season 4, he tells us that he hopes to be a dad (again) someday; he shows more and more confidence in his magical abilities every season. All of that was erased by the way his death was written.

Even with the uneven messaging of Tris’ death, there is at least lots of room for interpretation. I believe the author was trying to show her final sacrifice as a way of reclaiming part of her upbringing that wasn’t toxic. The character went through a rebellious phase during book one, during which she seems to reject all parts of her former life, even the good ones, right after leaving the Abnegation community for the hedonistic clan of Dauntless. It would definitely be good growth for her, as part of self-actualization, to accept the good parts of her upbringing. I don’t necessarily believe that’s the message we get at the end, but we at least have the possibility. Not everyone has reacted negatively to the way Quentin’s death was handled, so maybe there is more possibility of interpretation than what I see. I’m willing to be proven wrong, but nothing I’ve seen from critics or the showrunners statements has yet convinced me.

Another (highly speculative), parallel I couldn’t help but make over the last few days, is between the Magicians showrunners’s treatment of this MCD and Joss Whedon of a decade ago. His recent fall from grace has finally allowed more critical examination of his past works, but I remember how, at his peak, he could do no wrong. He was the voice of hollywood feminism. He was lauded by critics, peers, and fans. Any voice that questioned him was mocked, dismissed, and even harassed. Anyone else remember when critics call “Dollhouse” a feminist show? None of that has not aged well, has it?

The Magicians producers, riding high off of critical acclaim of Quentin’s homosexual romance in Season 3x05, had ample chance to make the braver choice: to allow a queer suicidal boy make the choice to keep fighting every day despite how hard it was; To break rank with 99% of other TV shows and allow his homosexual romance to be explored and given the same consideration as the hetersexual romances. Instead, they made him kill himself and be happy about it, literally saying in interviews that he had nothing left to live for. Without even addressing his feelings for Eliot. They buried yet another gay, all in the name of a shock-value gimmick, and they think they’re being “revolutionary” and that anyone critical of their choices is “just sad”.

There are about a thousand different ways season 4 could have gone that would have made the writers’ intended message less problematic, more impactful, and more satisfying, and none of them involve a MCD OR a trite “happily ever after”. Consider, for example, that Zelda could have completed her redemption arc in some kind of sacrifice similar to quentin’s. Everett was much more her “big baddie” than he was Quentin’s, it’s just strange that she never got to really confront her mentor-turned-enemy. Consider that, since Quentin’s main focus and motivation all season was to get Eliot back, that he actually succeeds, but, their reunion and relationship is strained. If we must push this idea that “magic comes from pain”, think how much more painful it would be to be to have Eliot finally confess his love to Quentin, but now Quentin is unable to pursue that relationship because of all the trauma he’s suffered at the hands of Eliot’s possessed body all season. Consider that he finally breaks under the strain and excuses himself from further questing, which would easily allow Julia, Kady, or Alice to get more screentime. (I mean, this is just stuff off the top of my head. For a hundred other ideas, check out Archive of Our Own).

They did just about everything wrong with this particular major character death, and I don’t think their choice is going to age well in the years to come.

#cw: suicide #cw: self harm #the magicians #spoilers #season 4 #meta analysis #writing about writing #words about words #major character death #quentin coldwater #bury your gays

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ariadne-rx300-blog · 5 years ago

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(R)e:volution

Summary: The RX300, arguably the most elusive design of Elijah Kamski's creation. An undisclosed prototype tasked with human-android relations espionage, equipped with a real-time observational UI, social protocol, combat tactics and looks to kill. How does a painted genius so easily lose track of his own spy? (Android OC/Connor)

Additional Tags: Pre-Deviant Connor, Pre-Android Revolution, OC backstory, Mostly Canon Compliant, Elijah Kamski has ulterior motives, OC is Kamski’s surveillance android, sort of like when people say Google is listening to your conversations, she’s kind of like that, OC observes Connor at work, for “observational research purposes”, this totally isn’t one of those types of romances, except it totally is, probably, Drama & Romance, Fluff and Angst, Deviant Love, Connor Deserves Happiness, Big Brother is Watching

Link to Chapter 1

2 || At Any Cost

Chapter Summary: "What makes me what I am?”

RX300 #151 073 925 - 21

Awaken, fair Eve, skin as alabaster in the light of an artificial moon. The Garden has unfinished business with you.

AUGUST 15TH 2038

P a r a d i s e

As dusk fell, Kamski's simulated arboretum[1] had taken on an ethereal light, jarring in Eve's vision as she stepped forward into inverted god-rays on the rocky path. One foot in front of the other, she pushed past glowing plants with fronds brushing synthetic skin, tickling her cheek had she been capable of the sensation. Her LED spun blue in the simulated darkness, displaying her calm distance from that which was subjectively beautiful. The pathway before her formed itself slowly but steadily, illuminated by her steps as she went with her main directive in mind.

He stood on a pedestal in this dreamscape, arm extended as he stroked a large paintbrush across a previously-incorporeal canvas, hues of blue forming on the pillar before him, contrasting the inverse nature of the world around them.

"Elijah," Eve addressed him, simulated breaths expressed in glittering plumes. He paused, a smile passing over his features as he set his idle painting aside. Stepping from his pedestal and down to her level, he regarded her with the kind of consideration that could only be expected of a man in constant search of answers.

"Eve." He hummed as he approached, eyes glimmering curiously, "I've been closely watching your work. As you're already aware, you are equipped with the latest observational technology--in particular, an interface that I as your sole director may obtain oversight of at any time." She stood still as he circled her contemplatively, her face fixed forward, expression unchanged. "You are my eyes. Anywhere that you can go, I can go. It is a great gift, but one we must hide."

She blinked like a child with tired eyes to his lecturing. He placed his hands upon her shoulders, reaching just a bit taller than his own, his eyebrows rising and falling as he processed her rigid response to his grasp. "Your task is of great importance to me," He gently chided, "to my company. To the world, inevitably. The information we need is imperative to the advancement of human history."

"I understand," she spoke deliberately, "it is my purpose to uphold the expectations you have for me. I am designed to impress, not disappoint." Words fit for the ears of her creator. He'd programmed her well enough to give him adequate lip service, even in the event of a miscalculation or subsequent error.

"Good," He grinned, heaving a sigh that seemed to betray his outright confidence in her abilities. "At the moment, I believe I have an urgent case worth looking into." He stepped backward, finding his place among the luminescence of simulated flowers, turning on his heel and spreading his arms wide. His hands closed, fingers splaying to conjure a transparent monitor in the space before him. Pictures and videos flooded the screen, as well as various taglines heading the articles that surfaced on its intangible display.

Eve surveyed the images, poised to take in only the details that would be deemed necessary. A prominent variable caught her attention and easily debunked this mentality, however; an android detective, purportedly on active duty in the same location, its[2] conventionally approachable appearance wavering in the ether.

"I've arranged transportation, your alibi has been forwarded to you. The authorization you'll need has just been cleared by the DPD. Survey the crime scene, and keep an eye--" Elijah gestured vaguely to the enlarged image of the android in question, "--on that one. Take note of its actions. Don't let anyone onto your motive. This is strictly confidential observational research."

New Objective Received.

A wave of sensory overload flooded Eve, causing her eyes to harshly blink open. Blueish, bruised moonlight caressed her arm where she stood at a large, arched window looking out over broken waves. CyberLife Tower. The room that greeted her was more or less a glorified walk-in closet, complete with an array of outfits fit to dress both androids and humans--or, in the case of Eve on covert occasions, androids posing as humans. This mission required as such, seeing as the DPD wouldn't take kindly to any android apart from the obvious showing up to observe an active deviant threat.

Tensions had risen so quickly, with curious attachment to the Detroit area. It made sense that Kamski would be so adamant about attempting to frame deviancy from every angle, as had been Eve's clear goal since her inception. Being unable to show up to a crime scene himself without flags being raised by reporters and by the American public as a whole--this was why he'd been so determined on sending her instead. On the outside, he'd declared his apparent resignment long ago, secluded himself away from the public eye for sake of personal privacy.

On the inside, he still headed the operation, pulling strings where needed and providing his legacy with the occasional adjustment; new amendments to his original formula where necessary. If he couldn't be where the action was to see for himself, at least he could have someone to act in his stead. In this case, something with the power to act as his inside source, his live feed.

AUGUST 15TH 2038

T h e P h i l l i p s ' R e s i d e n c e

Exiting the taxi had proven a hassle in itself. Eve moved through the throng of people who had gathered at the perimeter, buzzing with curious minds and excitable conversation over the active threat that was taking place high above them. The entrance of the apartment building burst open to reveal a disgruntled police officer holding a woman securely by the arm, escorting her through the flickering line of holographic police tape. She struggled frantically, and Eve saw her chance to move past personnel as the woman began to wail, much to the morbid curiosity of the gathered crowd.

"It has my child!" She bawled, "If you aren't going to save her, let me do it myself!"

Slipping into the complex and onto the elevator with ease, Eve ascended to the 70th floor. She prepared herself, armed only with words (to angle herself away from suspicion), a convincing ID (to provide evidence of the truth to her lies), a pen and notebook (to act as decoys; she had no real use for them aside from aiding her disguise), and an olivine polyester jacket (an aesthetic touch tailored to enhance her visual impression.) With some luck, the attention would be on the event at hand and not on her sudden, mysterious appearance.

She entered the luxury suite's foyer, casting her gaze around in silent surveillance. A framed photograph of the once-happy family to her right, a partly-drained aquarium to her left, shot-up yet still intact. On closer inspection, a single dwarf gourami swam within, unfazed by the circumstances that had befallen the household. The water that clung to her heels indicated the fish had recently been lying on the floor, leading to the conclusion that someone had carefully put it back in its rightful place. No human fingerprints... an android had saved it. Strange.

"Excuse me, miss, may I see your ID?" A prompt, as expected. Given the importance of the current events taking place across the country, DPD was sure to have the place on lockdown. What had once been a family home had turned into a crucial, currently-escalating case of deviancy.

Eve regarded the officer that questioned her, the woman's face drawn into a deeper emotion beyond her recognition. Eve shuffled in her jacket pockets, preserving her disguise as she put on a ruse of human forgetfulness. She 'found' her fake license soon after and proffered it to the officer, "I'm a journalist with Detroit Today," she lied, smiling with about as much excitement as she could simulate. "this is my first big break!"

The policewoman breathed out a sardonic laugh, "This is my first big case, too." Eve's expression faltered as the officer reluctantly handed back her ID. "I wouldn't look so bright if I were you, it's a bloody hellhole in there. That machine made a right mess of the place." The policewoman seemed satisfied thereafter and returned to her work guarding the entranceway, a slight stutter to her steps. Eve nodded to herself in delayed acknowledgment, taking a moment to recalibrate.

Proceeding to the main room, she quickly observed the damage that had been done by the perpetrator in question. Two bodies to the left and right; fatally shot by near-perfect aim. The first bodies Eve had witnessed. Glass had scattered on the ground from the ricochet of bullets leading back to the foyer. That mother was lucky to be alive; why would she have wanted to risk her life? She was untrained and would easily have been apprehended. If anything, her interference would have worsened the situation at hand. Her daughter, taken hostage by their own domestic android.

Eve stopped dead in her tracks as her view was obscured, thought process unexpectedly derailed. A tall man brushed past her, heeding her no mind as he went to examine the body in the living room. A correction was quickly made as she noted a spinning LED--a tall android had made its way to examine the body, leaving her in the lurch for a moment as she took in this new information. Given context clues and the general information she had, the only androids that had been permitted access to the crime scene (aside from herself, secretly) were that of the deviant perpetrating the crime and the android negotiator itself. This one, the one Kamski had wanted her to watch, the prototype detective.

SWAT bickered in the other room, apparently unable to make positive contact with the hostage or the deviant that had taken her. A few stood at the doorway to the terrace, arguing amongst themselves as they repeatedly aimed and lowered their weapons through shattered glass. Eve was invisible to them, a quiet bystander in an unexplained moment of weakness. She caught herself gawking and immediately straightened her back, keeping to the shadows as she observed the detective at work.

The android kneeled by the body of a dead man, stopping still as its programming kicked into gear. It stepped over the body, turning, and for a moment its dark, piercing gaze seemed to look right through her. Was it equipped with a function unlike her own? At most, she was aware of her own ability to pre-construct scenarios, had she the need to defend herself. But, the ability to recreate events that had happened prior? Now that was an interesting function of which she was not capable.

The detective blinked, then stooped to interact with an object on the ground. An electronic tablet likely dropped by the victim in his last moments. A look of recognition seemed to pass over the android's features; it turned its head to the terrace entrance, occupied by armored officers, then stood up to stalk over to the other body. A blue-blooded bloodhound, as was the comparable analogy that came to mind. It was strangely incredible, watching another android acting solely upon its programmed instincts.

In turn, Eve paused, blinking her eyes closed as she sent out a cursory report on her findings. Come to find, when she opened her eyes again, the bloodhound was standing before her, watching intently. "Hello," it smiled as it politely introduced itself to what it had apparently assumed was human, "my name is Connor--I'm the android sent by CyberLife. I couldn't help but notice that you seem a bit... preoccupied with my actions." Bouncing gently on its heels, it seemed curiously eager to interact with her, even despite its current, rather pressing objective. "You said that you were a journalist, correct? Is there anything you would like to inquire about my functions?"

Her chest expanded as she inhaled, pupils widening like camera lenses to little effect. It couldn't scan her... but oddly enough she couldn't scan it either. "Eve." She reciprocated the smile, settling back into a more casual, 'human' stance. "What can you tell me about the bodies, Connor? I noticed you had little trouble looking them over." She chose her words carefully, lips falling open as she processed each phrase. "Is that part of your programming?" She readied her decoy notebook and pen.

"Yes," It gave a small nod, LED spinning yellow as it seemed to take in every detail of Eve's face. It blinked excessively, struggling in its repeated attempts at an assessment of her identity. No doubt, had Kamski enabled it to detect anything past her inherent cloaking technology, it would have been able to uncover her true nature off the bat. It was dangerous to be this close to something that could so easily dismantle you, had it reason to, though evidently this thought was lost on her. After all, she wasn't a deviant; she wasn't prey, and even in the crosshairs of the hunter she felt no fear. She felt nothing, frankly.

"I am an RK800 prototype model, capable of high-grade military combat and investigative tactics." Eve noticed it fall into humanlike mannerisms as it explained, its head tilting slightly, a lock of synthetic hair falling over its forehead. It was undoubtedly designed to appear trustworthy to the human mind and had facial features that were overtly soft in nature, with brown eyes that were almost... gentle? Odd. "Per your inquiry, I am equipped with the ability to scan and reconstruct past events using the evidence that is available," Its voice piqued interest and carried a warm, unassuming tone. "and I even have a social protocol, which you've clearly noticed." A wink, followed by that rapid blinking again. Eve's eyebrows furrowed.

"Where the fuck is that negotiator?" The SWAT captain, on his last straw, broke the atmosphere between the two like an arm. The detective android, Connor, straightened itself at the first sign of urgency, wordlessly refocusing its energy on the task at hand. It didn't waste any goodbyes on the false-journalist, strict in its obedience, instead returning with long strides to examine the dead officer lying in the center of the room. Eve scurried back into the shadows and out of the captain's warpath, though he set his sights on her the moment she made any sudden movements.

"You're obviously not one of mine;" he sneered impatiently as he approached, "Are you authorized?"

"I am." Eve insisted, standing tall and nearly as forthright. "Eve Turing with Detroit Today. I've already been cleared." He looked her over, assessing a final judgement, though she attempted to null his suspicions with mirrored impatience. "Exactly how many more times do I have to answer?"

"None," The captain, 'Captain Allen,' she noted, puffed indignantly. "Your name's on the list." He crossed his arms over his chest and gestured with a nod towards Connor, his demeanor relaxing substantially. "Just, stay out of its way. This is a high-priority case, and things are about to get hairier." Technically, Connor had approached her, not the other way around. She didn't dare argue that fact, though, instead dismissing herself from the conversation with a submissive nod. Captain Allen promptly turned on his heel and returned to his team, likely deliberating over a backup plan in the master bedroom.

Across the room, Connor crouched low. Eve stepped forward despite the captain's warning, stooping to better capture the android's actions. The detective reached forward, retrieving the deceased officer's pistol. It was against the law for androids to possess any form of weaponry, as Eve had been programmed to acknowledge--watching Connor holster the gun in its back pocket caused a stir in her. Was it still a crime if used to further the mission? In Connor's mind, apparently not. It had said that it was trained with military combat tactics...

'Fascinating,' She shut her eyes tightly to the sensation that abruptly overcame her, standing upright as she felt as though someone were digging around in her head with a fork. Kamski's commentary moved through her mind as though they were her own thoughts, yet still clearly foreign to her processing. 'It didn't even hesitate.'

When she blinked her eyes open again Connor was poised to exit onto the terrace. The detective slid the door open and she scrambled to frame the oncoming scenario, ignorant to members of SWAT who voiced their concerns for her safety. She perched herself at the shattered window as the primary event commenced.

A fair-haired android stood at the opposite end of the terrace, a PL600 of domestic function with a small human girl in its grasp--the deviant and the daughter taken hostage. Somehow the previous descriptions hadn't done the actual visual much justice. Things became real as soon as the situation had presented itself before Eve's eyes. The girl squealed, deviant gruffly murmuring under its breath. A shot ripped through the atmosphere as Connor entered onto the scene, the bullet making impact with its clothed shoulder, spattering blue blood and rendering its wounded arm exposed and sparking.

"Hi, Daniel!" It shouted, much to the dismay of the offending android. "My name is Connor!" A SWAT helicopter flew to hover ominously over the scene, the wind from its blades tugging aggressively on Connor's suit jacket.

"How- how do you know my name?" Shock evident in its tone, the deviant's expression quickly twitched into unadulterated anger. It was hard for Eve to comprehend the emotion that struck its synthetic skin so easily, as though what it was feeling were more than simulation, bearing deeper roots than its superficial make.

Connor started forward, slow in its steps. Calculated, monitoring Daniel's rising ire. "I know a lot of things about you; I've come to get you out of this!" Pool furniture having been flung across the terrace in the all-encompassing gale, Connor reached to push a chair out of the way as it continued. "I'm an android, just like you." The detective-turned-negotiator pleaded despite steadily worsening conditions, "I know how you're feeling!"

"What difference does it make if you're an android?" Sneered the deviant with little regard to Connor's shallow empathy, "You're on their side! You can't understand how I'm feeling!" Daniel growled frustratedly and the hostage frantically screamed. "Are you armed?" The deviant spat, one arm clinging to the squirming child with a death-grip, the other pointing a pistol at Connor with potentially fatal aim.

"No!" Came the instant lie. "I don't have a gun!" Eve held onto the windowsill with bated breath, eyes wide. Connor was especially brazen, approaching a highly unlikely situation and directly working to increase its chance of success. It was particularly breathtaking and nonetheless unprecedented.

Daniel called Connor's bluff, though the detective's resolve remained unshaken. "You're lying! I know you have a gun!" A tango with ultraviolence; it was ironic that the one who'd committed the crime would appear more frightened than that of its foil.

"I'm telling you the truth, Daniel, I came here unarmed!" Another bold-faced lie in the face of clear opposition.

A wounded officer lay dying in a red pool of his own blood, barely conscious. Connor set its sights on the man, multitasking. "They were going to replace you and you became upset. That's what happened, right?"

Eve blinked as the deviant seemed to momentarily withdraw its guard, somehow affected by Connor's words. "I thought I was part of the family. I thought I mattered..." It snapped suddenly, firing up into chaos once more. It shook the gun in its hand exasperatedly, the child along with it. "But I was just their toy, something to throw away when you're done with it!"

Steps away from the dying man, Connor poked at Daniel's nerve with a fine tool. "I know you and Emma were very close. You think she betrayed you, but she's done nothing wrong!"

"SHE LIED TO ME!" Daniel roared, "I thought she loved me... But I was wrong. She's just like all the other humans!"

The young girl in its hold, 'Emma,' wept openly. "Daniel, no..."

Connor's attention drifted from the dying man to the erratic deviant. It kneeled to address the wound that Daniel had caused--a bullet through the arm, the injury oozing blood onto concrete at an alarming rate. It was a wonder the officer hadn't already fainted from the trauma or faded altogether. "He's losing blood," Connor stated, expression vague. "If we don't get him to a hospital, he's going to die."

"All humans die eventually!" Daniel exclaimed with disdain and utter lack of sympathy, "What does it matter if this one dies now?"

The detective's lip twitched as conflicting orders flitted across its vision. "I'm going to apply a tourniquet," It said finally, moving to assess the officer's punctured arm. Daniel fired a warning shot, the bullet shooting sparks from where it crashed into the ground near Connor's kneeled position.

"Don't touch him!" The deviant ordered, "Touch him and I kill you!"

The threat was palpable enough. The PL600 had already murdered three people; Emma's father, and two first responders: one lying cold in the dining room, the other afloat, facedown in the terrace pool. Had attempted to murder a fourth, the officer under Connor's attention, and a fifth, the small girl helpless in his arm. Connor, however, was not a 'person' in that regard; solely by the given definition of being an android had it forfeited any right to individual importance.

"You can't kill me," Connor barked, quickly untying its tie and wrapping the wound tight. "I'm not alive." Daniel expelled a breath of frustration as the detective stood to its feet and resumed its careful approach. "Listen," It started, "I know it's not your fault." A pause, followed by a further move for sympathy. "These emotions you're feeling are just errors in your software!"

"No, it's not my fault... I never wanted this... I loved them, you know?" Daniel was selfish, shaken again by Connor's prodding and eagerly responsive with a volatile demeanor. "--But I was nothing to them!" It argued, still pushing back. "Just a slave to be ordered around!"

'Loved' them... A 'slave'... Eve's lips puckered in silent contemplation.

"I can't stand that noise anymore!" The deviant suddenly yelled, "Tell that helicopter to get out of here!"

Connor moved to optimal distance then did as asked, waving the helicopter away from the scene. "There," The terrace calmed as the windstorm slowly died. "I did what you wanted." Even as the negotiator acted in favor of Daniel, the deviant proved unsatisfied. Connor had reached the threshold, and the night was on its last leg.

"You have to trust me, Daniel!" It begged upon selective ears, "Let the hostage go and I promise you, everything will be fine!"

Daniel's pupils shook as retroactive weakness took hold. "I want everyone to leave... And I want a car! When I'm outside the city, I'll let her go!" With the gun to Emma's head, it switched objectives, attempting to bargain in the face of looming destruction. Striking a deal with the devil for the sake of self-preservation, a remarkably humanlike mistake.

With so many sins, what was there left to save? Connor's lips pursed into the fine line that kept the deviant away from its stained freedom. "That's impossible, Daniel." Justice to be served. It spoke logically, "Let the girl go and I promise, you won't be hurt."

"I don't want to die..."

"You're not going to die." It was almost laughable, the pile of lies that had built up to this point. "We're just going to talk. Nothing will happen to you. You have my word." The word of a being comprised of wires and synthetic skin, a mind made of mathematical equations and social protocol, of programming for the purpose of deviant suppression. The word of a deviant hunter. An untrustworthy, nonempathetic, inhuman being with no ounce of rank to live up to its own promise of credibility.

Hesitation. An atmosphere riddled with the pungent mixture of death, chlorine, and gunpowder. A final problem[3] waiting to be solved.

"I've spent my life taking orders..." Daniel lowered the gun, its free arm opening wide as it had inevitably surrendered to its fate, intending to take its hostage along with it as its shoes hit the edge. "...Now, it's my turn to decide."

Time slowed as the PL600 careened backward over the cityscape below. Emma's scream tore across the terrace, body struggling for purchase as gravity increased. Connor sprung into action, shedding its patience to meet Daniel's desperate act with its own. Eve gasped for air as the detective leapt for the girl[4], gliding forward to collide with the deviant and pulling Emma to safety in one fell swoop.

The two androids tumbled over the side and out of view as Eve left the scene with numbed haste.

THE TRUTH IS INSIDE

1 Similar to Amanda's Zen Garden, but instead centered around Kamski, acting as a sister subspace to the prior. The two exist separately, with Amanda's Zen Garden existing for Connor and Kamski's Paradise simultaneously existing for Eve; two sides of the same coin ("nature versus nurture.") As opposed to Amanda's emphasis on both literal and metaphorical 'nature' in the environment around her, Kamski's is a combination of nature and technology, with an infusion of cosmic influence to represent knowledge and the 'nurture' side of the argument. The name "Paradise" refers to the Garden of Eden from the biblical tale of Adam and Eve... more or less showing Kamski to be a self-proclaimed 'God' figure.

2 This is written from the perspective of Eve, a nondeviant android. Although Eve perceives herself with female pronouns, she perceives the other androids around her to be "it"s, like nonsentient objects. It's a blind irony.

3 Referring to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's infamous Sherlock Holmes finale "The Final Problem," originally intended as the end to the beloved detective's stories as a whole. Holmes and his archnemesis Moriarty duke it out, inevitably perishing together by way of falling into the gorge of the Reichenbach Falls. This is mirrored by Connor's act of sacrifice, as both he and Daniel die by falling off of the apartment building.

4 Software Instability ^

#detroit become human #detroit: become human #dbh #dbh connor #dbh kamski #elijah kamski #connor rk800 #rk800 #dbh oc #rx300 #eve rx300 #ariadne rx300 #connor x oc #ao3 fanfic #self indulgent #my writing

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nacsygen · 6 years ago

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here’s a fun fact i haven’t shared that’s been going on for a LONG time: at my work, for our logins, we have to change our alphanumeric passwords every quarter. after my first password, which i wasn’t thinking about beforehand so just used an old reliable of mine, i thought “hmm, well, this will be easier to remember if i have a system. hey...17 has thirteen members, and i know their age order, bc that’s how i learned their names to begin with. i can start with one based on seungcheol and go down the line, and if i get all the way to chan, well, i’ll know i’ve been at this job too fucking long.”

welp. i’m on minghao now.

however, with the way life is going, it’s looking like seungkwan’s gonna be my last Password Boy...bc YA BOI IS MOVING TO ATLANTA

probably. most likely. by early summer.

it occurs to me that while i often share anecdotes of the past, i don’t make many posts about my current circumstances. considering this is a new account, with far fewer followers and mostly mutuals, i think i’ll be making more blog-style posts here now.

for those who are newer or just haven’t seen me mention it, i’m currently a scribe, a transcriptionist/editor, working out of an almost call-center-like office in a florida college town. thankfully, having also done call center tech support work, the difference is we just process recordings. (dealing with tech support was so stressful, i got fucking scabies at 23 and missed a month of work, but that’s a story for another day). being a scribe is a phenomenally boring and isolating job, for the most part, and one i am very good at. it’s a very safe job for me, in a lot of ways. it sucks and i hate it, as one can find with basically all scribes throughout history, but it also takes a very particular set of skillsets, ones i happen to have, that make it easy as fuck. there’s good and bad. i set my own hours, within reason. there’s very little management meddling as long as i don’t fuck up. i can easily be a bit late and never have anyone talk to me about it as long as i get my hours done. however, it’s physically painful to sit and type for hours and hours, and psychically damaging, i’m sure, to spend hours a day wishing i was doing something else, to be paid a pittance (but it’s still above minimum wage so i guess i should be grateful?) as a skilled and experienced laborer to type all day about other people’s money, regularly including people who make as much in a month as i do in a year. on the other hand, my gods are some of the oldest and coolest (my favorites are seshat and nabu), and at this point, after almost 4,000 hours of doing this, i’d have to actively work to get fired. it’s safe. there’s no opportunity for advancement, there’s no sense of my time meaning something in the grand scheme of things, there is no meaning at all. i am grease in the wheels of capitalism. it robs me of the energy and prime writing hours to use my hands to put down my own words, not someone else’s. but it’s safe.

my apartment’s getting sold out from under me in a few months, and i was initially panicking, thinking about how i could find new roommates, where i could live that would be easily accessible to my work without a car, even looking up info about the apartment complex next door to it - which, between work, home, and publix, would limit most my external world to about a square mile.

then i was at work earlier this week and realized...why am i having so much anxiety about being able to keep a job i fucking hate?

change is terrifying to me. it’s part of my coping mechanisms with my untreated adhd, i’ve come to realize (with the help of friends who have diagnosed adult adhd and are like no, yeah, you absolutely have it). i have to keep a very regimented rhythm of life just to function at all, which took me way too far into my 20s to even figure out. i need to wake up around the same time every day, get dressed to leave at the same time every day, make sure my wallet is in the outside pocket of my bag, my key is in the front pocket, i’ve got my publix bag rolled up in my purse (and now that it’s winter a hat and gloves just in case), and my umbrella (also just in case), and my tablet that was a gift from my beau (loaded up with pages to read offline while waiting for and on the bus), and a paper book or two (in case for some reason i can’t read on the tablet), and a snack for mid-shift so my stomach won’t spend all day hating me. all of this i verify both before i leave my room and before i close the locked front door behind me, especially the wallet and key.

if this sounds dreadfully mundane, please understand, i had to learn to make this a regimented routine, every step of which i need to consciously account for even while half asleep, or else i will forget something. more than once this compulsive checking to make sure i have my wallet and my key a second time before locking the door has saved my entire day. all that before even leaving the house. i had to learn this on my own to quiet the constant racing anxiety that put me in the ER a couple years ago with an inability to even keep down food because i had no idea how to be a functioning independent person. and so much of that is mentally tied to this apartment, to this job, bc at 26 years old a couple years ago, after over a decade of battling depression and adhd and finally getting treatment for the first, at least, i was finally equipped to and also forced to become an independent human being in a capitalist society. and it was terrifying. but routine is safe, now. i do the same thing every day during the week, at the same times of day, and sleep in a bit on weekends and do nothing. time passes and passes. i invent games and new routines for the day, meaningful boxes to tick, just to establish meaning back into my life.

i’m getting too far off track. sorry, it’s the adhd.

the point is, change is terrifying. but my beau - sorry for the awkward term, but “beau” and “sweetheart” fit us better than bf and gf, especially considering gender and long-distance stuff - told me as soon as i told him the news about the apartment that i could always come to live with him. i dismissed it as last resort at first. like, we’ve known each other for almost 10 years, more couple-y than ever the last two, and he visits me when he can. we’ve never lived in the same city, but in a sense, we both were there to watch each other grew up, despite that we first started talking as friends when i was probably 19 or 20 and he was 31. now i’m 28 and he’s 40. he’s inspirational to me, because for a long time, he was living the kind of life i am now - working bullshit jobs that don’t mean anything, working and living to survive, scrounging meaning and joy in independent scholarship and pop culture. but somewhere in his mid-30s, he changed the whole direction of his life to throw himself into a career in film production. it takes an extraordinary amount of self-motivation, courage, fearlessness, energy, time, EVERYTHING to live the kind of life he does, living the freelance life, going from shoot to shoot all across the southeast, constantly on the hussle. but he has a career. he’s doing something amazing that he’s good at and he loves, and bc he’s about the most likable guy alive, he has contacts everywhere, through all levels of the industry. and he’s just about the most capable person i know.

so when i had my realization, why am i so worried about keeping this job i hate, i realized swiftly on its heels that i was just terrified of change. i wanted to keep things safe, even if it was a marginal existence - still, a safe one. but change can also bring opportunity. moving in with him wouldn’t just be an act of charity on his part, but helping the person he loves to make a meaningful change forward in life. Atlanta is the capitol of the South. i could get a job in publishing in atlanta. i could get a job in the film industry in atlanta (fun fact: georgia is now the center of film production on the east coast. he knows a ton of people that worked on stranger things!). i could write for a living in atlanta. i could be a script doctor like Carrie Fisher, i could edit for a living for more than some finance office’s memoranda ephemera, i could have a life where i was able to create, and not just in my spare time and for fun. i could live in atlanta, and not just survive. my beau, as mentioned, has contacts everywhere, and has already hooked me up with a couple writer-type-creators in the industry to mentor me. i can do it. i will do it. even my mom said i’ll do better there than in the waypoint city i’m in now (and also helpfully reminded me she rents uhauls now as part of her own self-owned business).

tl;dr either in april or june, depending on what i can convince my current fairly indulgent landlord on, i’ll be moving to Atlanta and starting a whole new life. my beau has a two-bedroom (thank god, bc if i’ve learned anything from long-term moved-in relationships is that i need my space, and he also agrees on that on his end) and his place is less than a mile away from a publix and also a main bus line and a MARTA station, so i could be easily independent as a non-driver (important not just from a relationship standpoint, but also bc realistically he’s only home about a week out of a month, cumulatively). also, he has a cat! a tabby boy named dalek! bc he’s a fucking nerd!

#t #don't reblog /#i figure i'll have to get resigned to the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing as introduced to others #i don't super mind it it just doesn't feel...accurate #but if it's necessary to avoid awkward conversations and lend legitimacy in shorthand to how much we very much do love each other #then sure #long post

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deanspivey · 3 years ago

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I am 33 years old. I am a man. I use He/Him/His as my pronouns. I am a Demisexual. It is my dream to marry a man one day. However, right now I'm single. I'm a nerd. I suffer from chronic depression and anxiety. I’ve struggled with being obese my whole life. I have an addictive personality, I abuse substances to navigate my pain, I am socially awkward, I have a large family on both sides, I’m paler than than a marshmallow, and I am probably the most emotional and also irrational person you will ever meet.

I only came out of the closet in the fall of 2019. Even though most knew I was queer, it was “me” who had to discover and accept it for myself. It’s been quite a road of self discovery since then. A year and a half has passed and much has happened to me. Much has changed in my life including myself. I am not the same man than most of you remember. I’m not that little boy any longer. I am not overly innocent but I’m also not a bad person. I’ve made mistakes. Lots of mistakes. You could even call me the “Mistake Master”. But if anything, this past year and change has taught me that my mistakes don’t define me. My mistakes are not my identity, nor should anyone use them to try and understand me. To know me, you have to truly understand where I’ve been, what I’ve seen, what I’ve gone through, and how I’ve every time overcome my struggles.

About a year ago, my mistakes started to catch up with me. At that time, I was financially in ruin, addicted to Adderall, abusing alcohol, facing legal issues with possible jail time, ostracizing myself from friends and family, and borderline becoming a sex addict. That last part was the straw that broke the camel’s back. For you see I already have medical issues in my life. Being obese and a diabetic, my health has had a lot of ups and downs. It was because of that unhealthy lifestyle that led me to finding out in June 2020 that I am HIV Positive.

That diagnosis broke me. Hearing those words “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but you are HIV Positive,” destroyed all my hopes of having any semblance of a future. It was here that I gave up. It was here I gave up on everyone and everything. It was here that I lost all will and desire to continue this journey we call life.

Thank God for my my immediate family though. As much as I tried to keep this quiet amongst my family, my status being a secret was impossible. If you know my Mom and my family, you already know why. My family on both sides are so used to bad news that when the next thing comes at us, everyone assembles and prepares for war. My friends and family are kind of like “The Avengers” that way. People that are true angels sent into my life from God. Having them in your corner, makes taking on the world, seem like child’s play. I am very grateful for all of them.

Once my family and friends started finding out, coming to terms with my status became easier. Before that, I had stopped eating. I had stopped living. I had just stopped wanting to even be alive. I gave myself a death sentence that was completely frantic and unnecessary. Eventually I stopped crying everyday. Eventually I started making my bed again. Eventually I started to slowly breath again. The initial shock was starting to wear off and it was now time to get my health in check.

One of my older sisters guided me to The A-Team: HIV Clinic. It is a part of the Hackensack Meridian Family. An affiliation of Jersey Shore Hospital. It’s here that I went on medication and started to get this disease under control and begin my journey of healing. If it was not for her, I would of never gone to get help honestly. It was like a godsend that she knew to reach out to me the weekend I found out. It was a miracle that she knew exactly who and where I should go. It was just another time that one of my siblings helped saved me. I love you for that Jess.

Now we’re at the end of the Summer and my vitals were starting to respond very well to my medication. I slowly was starting to truly tackle this situation and then it happened. I had a nervous breakdown. I was at work that day. You see, at this point I had stopped serving and started working in the Deli at Walmart here in Brick. I was currently living with my mom and it was one of the few jobs I could get seeing as I couldn’t drive and the world being upside down.

I was at the counter this day when a woman came up to order deli meat to be sliced. She was an elderly lady. By herself. Shopping for probably just herself also. She wore very “grandma-like” clothes and had her list in her hands. I remember exactly what set me off. Her handwriting and how she asked for “liverwurst” reminded me of my own grandmother.

My gramma passed away in June 2018. This woman at the deli reminded me exactly of her. And it was right at this moment that all my grief came rushing back. It was here I lost it. My mind was not right. I began flipping out on my coworkers. I started accusing my mom of gaslighting me. I started freaking out thinking all these horrible things. It was here for the first time in my life, that I truly wanted to kill myself.

It scared me. It shook me to the core. My mind had already come up with numerous ways to do it and to do it while at work. I couldn’t handle things anymore. If it weren't for my faith, I would have done it. But because of both my grandmothers, I was raised believing in God and to have faith in difficult times. It was this small fact that saved me. I knew I needed psychiatric help and fast. That’s when I called my mom to pick me up from work and bring me right to the hospital. I checked myself in the psychiatric ward and hoped that this is where God wanted me to be. And it was.

It’s here that I would find the help and guidance I needed in order to start actually healing from my past trauma, here where I came face to face with my addictions, it was here that I decided I needed to change my life, and it was here that I knew I only had one choice, live or die. So, as you can see, I chose to live.

I chose to believe in the power of my creator, the power of love, the power of my own will, and I chose to “hope”. Hope can be one of the most powerful motivators. The bible talks a lot about faith but it just as much mentions hope.

Proverbs 23:18 “There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.”

As you see, it is because of my religious upbringing that I was able to get through this current situation. This is how I know my Gramma and Nanny are/were the two smartest women I know. They both knew that life is hard, they both knew life can be unforgiving, so they both made sure I had something to shine a light in my life when things got hard. Granted my religious views are not as black and white as they used to be, my faith is still strong, just on my own terms and in my own way. My favorite bible verse always has been and always will be:

Phillipians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!”

This moment in my life was a game changer. The hospital was setting me up with counselors and doctors to help get me better. My mom and family somewhat were caught up with what was going on with me. I needed help. I was at rock bottom. Either I was going to start preparing to die or I was going to start fighting to live. It was here that my nieces and nephews were my saving grace. I am not a father. I’ve always wanted to be one though. You can say it’s one of my biggest aspirations in life. Sadly I have not made that a reality yet. My nieces and nephews fill that void for me. Those babies and kids are my reason to fight. I fight for myself and my family and friends also, but it is them and their smiles that I push forward for. Even if I don’t accomplish anything with my life, the simple fact that I can be present for all their momentous occasions is reason enough for me to push through and get better. Parents talk about love at first sight with their children. I’ve had that too but with my nieces and nephews. I fell in love with them each separately and immediately. Each of them I’d die for. Each of them I’d take on the world for. Each of them I’d give the moon. Each of them is my reason to smile and not give up. My siblings do a great job raising them and I am very grateful for that. I am grateful for their love of me and their desire for me to be a part of their children’s life. I am truly blessed and rich. My family has always been my greatest treasure and sadly it took a life threatening diagnosis to make me realize it.

I am not writing all of this for sympathy. I’m not writing this for anyone in particular. I am simply writing this for myself. I don’t claim to be anything special or important. I am no where near perfect. I am beautifully flawed. From all my mistakes and wrong turns in life I have learned much. I have gained wisdom. I have grown. I have changed. And my story should be shared so that other’s realize they are not alone. People who struggle in their daily lives are usually the strongest people you may know. Most of us are survivors. We are warriors. And we are powerful. It is our imperfections that make us so useful to society. It is because of our screw ups, it is because of our bad judgment; that society is able to see the cracks of what’s wrong and what needs to be fixed.

No one is perfect. We are all villains in someone else’s story. We are all guilty of messing up. We are all guilty of being weak and scared. We are all guilty of being lost. For none of us live life in perfection. None of us have it all together. None of us should or can judge the other. Take my story. Take my tale. And learn. If you are like me, and you struggle to get your life together, if you find it hard to want to keep going, if you find it all pointless, read my words, YOU ARE WORTHY AND DESERVE THE WORLD!

Our addictions, our bad habits, our negative traits, our irresponsible behaviors, our prejudice, our insecurities, our mistakes, our problems, NONE of them are us. They are simply details. Your truth is who you are and not what you’ve done. Reading my words hopefully will allow some to feel not alone. Hopefully reading my words will shine a light on someone else’s struggle. Just maybe my words will allow all of us a chance to notice that not everything is perfect. There are those of us fighting to survive. There are those of us fighting to live. There are those of us that need love and support. Let my words be those things. Let my words motivate and teach. Allow my story to be a cautionary tale. Allow my hurt and pain be healing to others struggling to understand what they’re going thru. Allow my experience shine some light. Allow my life be an example of what not to do. Allow my struggle to be inspiration to make a better choice. Allow my writing to take you on my journey of healing and self discovery.

Hopefully over time the stories I write down, the memories I share, the heartbreak I’ve experienced, and the poor choices I relive; will be of aid to someone who needs it. This is also my way of saying sorry to all those I’ve hurt on getting to this point in my life. I’ve hurt so many that it’s impossible to say sorry to all of you and for everything. The only true apology I can give, is a life filled with change and growth. My apology to you all is a life of purpose and adventure. My apology to y’all, is living my life being a better man each and everyday. That’s my apology. It is a changed man and a new life. Those two things all could not be possible without everyone’s support. The blessings in my life now, are all because of YOU!

I am sorry and will spend my life in gratitude and growth in order to truly honor the gift of love and life you and God has given me. Laughter is also one of those gifts, but I suspect a lot of it was you guys laughing at me. That’s ok because at times, if you overlook how annoying I can be, I am actually quite funny.

This is where my new life and story begins. This point in time. This moment. So in order to truly enjoy it with me, you must know how it started, what happened, and why. Knowing those things will illuminate common issues many of us face and struggle to handle. I hope with writing down things from my past, I will continue to heal and grow. I love writing and am currently working on pursuing this passion as a career path or at least a way to live some sort of creative life that I sorely desire. My journey thus far has really brought to light things about myself I never clearly understood or realized. My love for writing is one. I’ve always written. I’ve always loved books. I’ve always loved words. I was born to write. I was born to share my life with the world. I was born to help change the world.

Hopefully this guy who wears his heart on his sleeve can do that. Hopefully I can use my passion to help make one person’s day better. Hopefully that will be enough. It has to be. For even a tiny spark can brighten a room. Even a small flame can ignite a grandiose fire.

I expect nothing from this blog other than to speak to at least one person. That is my goal. That is my purpose. Let these words, let my history, let my hardships, let my will, let my hope; inspire one person to make it one more day. Let my love be enough for you when you feel no one loves you back. Let me tell you that YOU ARE NOT unlovable. I LOVE YOU. I need you here. Don’t give up. I’m an example that it gets better. I am an example that YOU CAN overcome this point. YOU WILL see better days, I can attest to that.

This is where we being my written tale. I've always loved Harriet The Spy and this is that ending scene for me. This is my “Bilbo Baggins” book. This is my “Carrie Bradshaw” experience. This is my “Gossip Girl” moment. This is who I am and where I’ve been. I hope at least one of you will finally see the real me.

-Dean

“I’m still standing”.

-Elton John

“Still standing for something, while others are falling for nothing”.

-Tau Kappa Epsilon

#blogger #gayguy #gaypride #blog post #coming out #gossip girl #sex and the city #christianliving #lgbtqia

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thetakenpokemon · 7 years ago

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Final Simulation

[CREATOR OF SIMULATION - Osiris] [PRIMARY OBJECTIVE OF SIMULATION: N/A]

[FOCUS - Unknown Taken Entity] [SIMULATED LOCATION - Titan - Saturn’s Moon, New Pacific Arcology] [REALITY - Current reality] [TIMELINE - Present]

[PoV: Zen’Ro]

The first thing I feel are the soft vibrations underneath my feet and the rain that’s pelting my body.

I look around, my confusion increasing further.

The sky is dark, covered completely in ominous clouds. I’m standing on what looks like some sort of rig platform in the center of a violent ocean, or...a single rig platform that’s connected to a vast network other platforms. Yet the buildings themselves are in poor condition, as if left for many years in disrepair.

...Where am I?

...

Why...am I alive?

I remember it vividly, how I ended my life with my own blades as a last act of defiance towards the Echo of Oryx. Yet here I am, alive...

But at the same time, I don’t feel his presence in my mind anymore. The silence is almost deafening, yet...also comforting at the same time.

I turn my gaze out to the vast sea, noticing several ancient ships drifting on the waves. Yet all of them are in the same disrepair as the rig I’m standing on, some of them even partially submerged.

Over the constant waves and rain a sudden sound immediately catches my attention however, a distinct sound of a sudden hiss followed by a hum.

And it came from behind me.

I turn around and not far from me I see a white, triangular ‘rift’. The edges ripple and leak off energy, yet it only hangs there for a moment before something steps through it.

A human.

The human is garbed in long robes of dull grays and reds. Along with this are several what seem like gold ornaments on his body - a gold collar, gold bracers that pulse with white bands of energy, and a gold helmet that resembles that of a bird of prey. Wrapped around his face is a piece of cloth, covering all except his eyes and part of his nose.

In his hands however is what also draws my attention. Hovering over an open palm of one of his hands are three cube-like stones that possess a glowing blue carving on each side, and they’re all linked together to form some sort of shape. In his other hand is a...gun, a rifle-like gun made of bronze-like metal as well as possessing many white pulsing cables that run down its frame.

Another entity exits the triangular rift, this one being far...far smaller. The best way to describe it is a small metal sphere with several hovering spikes around its body, its overall size being no larger than one’s hand. In the center of this sphere lays a blue eye, radiating a glow that pierces through the dark atmosphere.

The three cubes hovering over the human’s hands unlink themselves, causing the triangular rift to vanish behind them.

I...have no idea who they are, but I am both suspicious and threatened by them. I have no idea where I am, what their motives are, or why I’m still even alive.

With dread forming in me I draw my blades, the two swords of energy flashing into existence. “Who are you?” I growl, my voice distorted and twisted. “Where am I?”

The small machine(?) floating next to the Human backs up somewhat. “Whoa there, big guy.” A feminine voice speaks from it. “We’re not here to hurt you.” She turns her gaze to the human. “Hey Osiris? You should probably put the gun away, I think it might be scaring him.”

The Human named Osiris glances at the small machine before nodding silently. To my surprise I watch as the weapon vanishes into a stream of white energy, said stream fading into nothingness.

He rests his now free hand behind his back, the other still keeping his gloved palm open as the three cube-like stones hover over it. “We will answer your questions, Taken.” He says calmly, his voice sounding aged. “However we also have questions of our own, so there is no need to have your weapons drawn.”

I stare at them long and hard, trying to find...something. But his posture is relaxed, making my fears slowly turn to only minor doubts. Against my judgement I lower my blades...and let them wink out of existence.

The tiny machine floating near the human lets out an excited squeal. “Osiris, we’re talking to a Taken~!” She says excitedly.

The Human glances at the machine, his eyes narrowing with a twinge of irritation. “Sagira, keep your comments to a minimum.” He mutters lowly before turning back to me, his gaze easing somewhat. “You desire to know who we are, so I shall answer. My name is Osiris, and this...” He gestures to the floating machine with his head. “...is Sagira.”

The machine bobs in the air in greeting. “Pleasure!”

Osiris looks back at me. “We will quell whatever confusions you are experiencing, however...I first will ask you our first question. What is your name?” His eyes narrow somewhat again. “If however you do not have a name, then what shall we address you as?”

This...is very...very confusing. I’ve never talked to a Human before, or at least...from what I can assume from what tatters of memories I possess. “My name...is Zen’Ro, the Defiant Blade.” I respond carefully. I don��t know why I put in my title, since it doesn’t hold any meaning. I quickly shake my head “Call me...Zen’Ro.”

“Zen’Ro? Quite an exotic name.” Sagira comments. “Yet I’m not familiar with it, it seems to follow the same naming similarities as the Cabal...yet not quite.”

“Cabal?” I repeat, feeling my confusion intensify.

“Ignore Sagira’s musings.” Osiris tells me, shaking his head irritably. Yet this only lasts for a brief moment before he continues. “Your next question you asked is where you are, which I will explain to you.” He turns and starts walking towards the edge of the rig platform, Sagira floating right by his head.

I watch him carefully, still unsure of what to make of him. He stops at the very edge, only one step is needed for him to fall off the metal platform and plunge into the depths of the ocean below. “We are currently in the New Pacific Arcology, a floating city located on Titan.” His gaze drifts upwards. “One of the many moons of Saturn.”

With that the clouds slowly begin to clear, revealing the sky that was at first hidden.

And I feel my breath taken away from the sight before me.

Taking up most of the sky is a giant yellow planet, possessing brilliant rings. The sheer spectacle leaves me standing in awe, for I’ve never seen anything quite like it.

Wait...

I feel myself pause again.

“I know what you will ask next.” Osiris continues. “You wish to know how you got here.”

I nod my head silently.

“Before I give you this answer, I must ask you a question in turn.” He looks at me, although his dark green eyes are relaxed...they possess an intensity that belongs to an individual who has seen much during their time. “Where are you from, Zen’Ro? How did you become what you are?” The fingers of his open palm twitch slightly, causing the floating cubes to move slightly. “And...what do you last remember?” He fully turns his body to face me. “These are many questions to ask at once, however...to answer them will help us both understand the situation you are in. By helping me, I can help you.”

The doubt reinforces itself again, being pressed with so many questions putting me on edge. Are they trying to deceive me? To trick me into telling them everything so that they may use it against me?

...

I...doubt that’s the case, seeing how they haven’t shown any sign of hostility. They’re both calm, or at least Osiris is. Sagira seems to be watching me with rapt attention, her small form slowly bobbing up and down.

...

Maybe...they are truly trying to help me?

“I...am from...” I start to respond only to stop, for...I don’t actually remember where I’m from. Whatever land or place I came from is nonexistent in my mind, torn away from when Oryx Took me.

“What planet are you from?” Sagira asks me, specifying in what may be hopes of making it easier to respond. “No need to stress over a specific place.”

Planet...?

In the back of my mind I found something, a name. I immediately snatch it.

“Earth.” I tell them. “I am from Earth.”

“Earth?!” Sagira exclaims with surprise. “So he’s really-”

“Not now, Sagira!” Osiris hisses, his steely eyes glaring at her. The machine ceases her talking, however the blue eye narrows in irritation - this act being made possible by the blue glow of her optic thinning itself.

Osiris looks back at me. “How did you become Taken, Zen’Ro?” He asks me.

...

“I...don’t...remem” I start slowly but stop. Everything before me killing those Pokemon in that town is either empty or in tattered pieces, so I can’t recall what the specifics are. However...at the same time, after the Echo showed me everything of Oryx’s deeds...it gave me the tools to at least fabricate an explanation.

“I...was Taken by...Oryx” I continue. Everything is flowing to me, the information that made me realize how insignificant I was and how useless my agenda to take down the Deep was.

However...at the same time, I no longer need to fight the urge to follow the Sword Logic. I no longer need to combat the Echo’s attempts to lead me, no longer need to fight the Darkness within me.

My mind is clear, tranquil. Now that the Human asked me what happened, I can think about it and remember it all. I can piece things together, figure out what exactly happened to me without the stress.

Soon...I managed to piece it together, with what I’ve been doing in the past along with the visions that the Echo showed me.

“Before Oryx was struck down, he reached out and Took me.” I continue with increasing vigor. “But...because he was slain, I can only assume that the process was incomplete.” I glance at my claws. “It...would explain why I still have part of my will, why I was able to fight him and my urges for so long.” I shake my head slowly. “He created an Echo, one last Echo. However...this Echo was weak, too weak to do anything. I was the sole individual providing him tribute, so...I stabbed myself with my own blades to prevent anymore tribute from flowing. I...believe this left the Echo stranded, with no hope of ever becoming stronger.”

“This...is unbelievable!” Sagira squeals, briefly snapping me from my thoughts. The Ghost quickly notices the glare that Osiris is giving her, in which she quickly backpedals. “Sorry.”

Wait...

...

That vision, the last...final vision. Oryx’s final act...

‘He created a wound and chose to Take one creature from a completely different realm, a different universe.’

Suddenly, I believe I know the reason why this place is so alien and different.

“I am in a different universe, aren’t I?” I ask them suddenly, strangely calm with this realization.

This astonishes Osiris and Sagira, seeing Sagira’s full-body recoil and Osiris’ raised eyebrows.

“I am surprised that you’ve come to this conclusion.” Osiris starts, his voice sounding...impressed? “But seeing what you’ve told us, my answer is...most likely.” He glances at Sagira for a brief moment. “You say you come from a planet called Earth, yet...that is the planet that I also hail from. However your species seem unfamiliar to me, so I shall ask another question.” He crosses his free arm over his chest. “What are you?”

This...I can recall clearly. “I am a Scizor, a Pokemon.” I respond honestly.

“Hmmm...” Sagira shakes her whole body from side to side. “I have absolutely nothing on either of those names, or at least from what I pulled from the Vanguard archives before we were bani-” She catches herself. -before we left.”

Osiris nods his head. “Then it is truly likely that you hail from a different universe, which means that you are indeed currently in a different reality.”

That’s...quite...a realization.

And yet...I’m okay with this, oddly enough.

But that still doesn’t answer one thing that I’m confused about.

“I...should be dead.” I start again. “I stabbed myself with my own blades, destroying my body.” I look at them pleadingly, although my expressionless face is incapable of displaying emotions. “Do....you possibly know why I’m still alive?”

Sagira looks at Osiris questioningly, said Human closing his eyes and shaking his head. He raises his open palm and begins moving the floating cubes with his fingers, turning their sides and connecting them into an odd shape. Upon finishing another triangular rift forms, this time in front of him.

I feel confusion form in me again. “What...are you doing?” I ask.

Neither of them respond however, for they step through the triangular rift...and it disappears after them.

Leaving me stranded...

...

[ENDING SIMULATION...]

...

[VOCALS ONLY]

Sagira: “Can you tell me again on why we didn’t answer him?”

Osiris: “There was no further need to dwell in the simulation, for he answered all of our primary concerns that pertains to his behavior and existence.”

Sagira: “Okay, but that doesn't answer my ques-”

Osiris: “He is a simulation, Sagira. He is merely a manifestation of the Infinite Forest, a copy. He is not the true Zen’Ro.”

Sagira: “But-”

Osiris: “How would he react if we were to bring this information to light?”

Sagira: “Oh...good point. There’s no telling on how he’d react.”

Osiris: “Exactly.”

...

Sagira: “So, seeing how these simulations tend to work... He won’t remember this encounter...?”

Osiris: “Every simulation of Zen’Ro is based off of an existing format of him, anything that transpires within a simulation will not transfer over.”

Sagira: “So essentially...every new simulation of the guy will always have him starting off completely blinding to how things work, not knowing where he is or how he got there.”

Osiris: “Correct.”

Sagira: “Sheesh, kinda feel bad for the guy...even though he’s just a simulation.”

...

Sagira: “So, what now?”

Osiris: “We’ve figured out that Zen’Ro is from an entirely different universe, and I believe that the Vex are interested in him because of this. I have my suspicions, however we must investigate further to fully figure out what the Vex’s plans are.”

Sagira: “Basically start messing with their simulations again and do some tampering that'll definitely anger them. just like what we always do?”

Osiris: “That is one way to put it, but yes.”

Sagira: “Sounds good to me, you just make sure we don’t have another Dendron inci-”

...

Sagira: “Okay, now that was a scary look.”

#zenroscizor #osiris-guardian #sagira-ghost #taken #vex #plot #act 3-3

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elliegratrick-blog · 5 years ago

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Virtual studio visit

Saskia Cameron- Email Conversation!

Me and my friend had organised a trip to go visit Saskia Cameron in Banks Mill Studio. I had found Saskia’s work on the Banks Mill website when looking what creators were based there. Her work instantly drew me in. I particularly like her series of woodcut illustrated train tickets, following the West coast line. The blocky shapes, quite angular shapes used still show a sensitivity and sense of tranquility. The medium of printing means marks and textures come from the screens and lino which gives her work a lovely tactile feel. Unfortunately this visit was planned just around the time corona virus really became serious. It was safer for all our sakes to do the interview over email. It’s disappointing as I would have liked to see the space she works in and what is on offer after you graduate but not much can be done!

How did you get into illustration? I studied illustration at Edinburgh College of Art - I had done a foundation before that and honestly I don't think I really got the opportunity to try enough stuff there, I wish it had been a bit less narrow! I knew I liked drawing and I was good at it, and I was too impatient to do animation at the time, so I picked illustration! But I think overall it was a good choice - what I really love about illustration is how good it is at transcending boundaries, and now I dabble in textiles, graphic design, all sorts. Top 3 illustrators that inspire you? Oh man this is a hard question. I love Sophy Hollington's work - I work a lot in woodcut and lino myself and it's great seeing that someone else is out there doing that too. It's a weird medium to work in nowadays as it can really restrict how you work to a deadline, but usually if a client wants it they're willing to put up with those restrictions. Roman Muradov is a really great illustrator in the truest sense of the word - his work is clever and clearly communicates concepts visually. Jesus Cisneros is brilliant, his work always pushes me to loosen up and open my horizons about what drawing and narrative can be. Honestly although I do look at a lot of illustration, I think the most important thing is to have people who AREN'T illustrators to inspire you, don't get stuck in an echo chamber of your own discipline. Other creative people who really inspire me are: Jon Zabawa (graphic designer, illustrator, art director, allsorts man) Braulio Amado (graphic designer artist type - he's prolific and so creative) Palefroi (this is arguably illustration, but they're a collective of two, and focus on print, art, installations, small press and animation) Ako Castuera (artist and ceramicist) Ali Smith (writer) And that's just contemporary people - I like to look at a lot of stuff from the past as well, and if you asked me next week I'd probably have a different list of people! When you create a new illustration, what is your process? Research > rough exploratory sketches > thumbnailing > work up a couple ideas > pick one and refine it into the final thing. What's your favourite thing to draw right now? I'm really into drawing people's gardens at the moment, especially those ones that are really overly 'done' you know, with sculpted hedges and garden gnomes and stuff. I just think they're really weird. Is illustration your sole income or is it managed around another job? Nope! My illustration work has always always been wrapped around at least one other job. This has varied from cafe/bar jobs, to admin jobs, to teaching. At the moment, I teach part time on the graphic design course at Nottingham Trent. Most illustrators I know work other jobs most of the time - it's pretty standard, especially at the start of your career. Personally I like this, I think I'd go a bit crazy if I was working alone on my own work all the time. I try and stay open to what my working week looks like, because at the end of the day I need an income, and freelance work can come and go. For me, I don't plan to ever go full-time freelance - I don't like the pressure it puts on my work, it can suck the joy out of it when you need it to provide all your food and shelter. Honestly I still consider myself fairly early career, I'm only 26 and it can take a really long time to carve out a creative career, particularly if you don't come from a wealthy background that can offer you a safety net. I worked full time my first year out of uni as a studio assistant, then went from that to working 3 jobs, then did a masters at Glasgow School of Art and now I've moved back home to Derby and until recently I've been working 3 jobs again! Wrapping an illustration career around that has been tough going, so for me it's only now that I feel I have the time and space to start making this all work properly. If illustration is an income, is the work you produce mainly through commissions/selling prints/etc? Mostly commissioned work! I need to develop more of a passive income, and I'd like to get into selling work more. So far it's mostly practicality that's been stopping me, as I've moved every year for the past 4 years. I'm hoping to be a bit more settled soon! Do you find putting your work out there on Instagram helps? And what’s your attitude towards social media? There's no good answer to this. Yes, it helps. I've had a fair bit of work come through Instagram - and most art directors/clients out there look at it even if its not their main way of finding illustrators. But it's not the be all and end all, the work I've had through it is just a product of having my work out there in the world for people to see - that's the important part. So exhibitions, physical and digital mailouts, networking in person, all of those things are just as likely to find you work. Social media is good for getting seen, but it can be a bit of a sinkhole. My attitude is to use it but not get too reliant on it - really I should be a lot better at updating mine, but I find real life gets in the way a lot! Thanks for reminding me to actually get organised with that. Do you find it more productive having a separate studio space vs working from home? Oh my god yes. But as a caveat - I have never had the luxury of a dedicated space at home. I think if I lived somewhere with a spare room I could convert to a studio it would have a pretty similar effect. Studios vary a lot too - I'm on my own in this one, but usually they're shared spaces. I think my dream scenario is to find shared studio space so I have other creative people around me to bounce ideas off and keep me motivated! I think however you work, it is important to get out now and then. Either for a walk or for your second job, whatever it is. If you can say What are your ambitions or future projects? My current plans are a bit up in the air at the moment with the corona virus! As I was saying above - I'm finally getting into a position to push my illustration career a bit, so I'm working on getting some new, self-directed work together. I'd like that work to be a bit multi-discliplinary, and to involve making work to sell so my income is a bit more diverse. I have a lot of big ambitious plans, but for this week I'm just focusing on keeping alive the commission that came in last week - I know it could be a difficult few months ahead and it could be my last in a while. After that, at least I'll have a lot of time to work on personal projects, so hopefully at least my portfolio will benefit! I have a collection of illustrations that I'm working on putting into a book of some kind, and I'm starting to work on getting a collection of prints, textiles and objects together over the next 6 months to start an online shop! I'm looking to get into a more permanent work/home/life set up soon, but who knows - life looks like it's being put on hold for a while. It’s really interesting to hear from an young illustrator and relieves my own internal pressure of having to ‘have my shit together’ as soon as I graduate. I am particularly interested in the people who inspire her as they are from a variety of disciplines. It motivates me to expand my horizons and not be so narrow focussing on work by illustrators. The rebellious and chaotic style of Bráulio Amado is something I’m really drawn to. It welcomes me to accept my own mistakes and be more loose and free with my drawings. Not worrying so much if a hand looks like a hand! The colours are vibrant and full of life.

She mentions a shared studio space which something I hope for in the future. Working on your own, I often get in my own head and overthink my pieces. Being in a space with other creatives definitely boosts your own creativity and you can ask questions. It gives another opinion on your work and ways to improve. A shared space opens up avenues for collaboration and collectives. Hopefully I will stay in contact with friends from uni and could be something we all do together!

Action plan:

definitely look at manicured gardens and draw my own! there needs to be a poodle or worm shaped bush

explore more artists from different avenues possibly looking at film/ book festivals for directors, authors

read more books (i have the time now we are quarantined)

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itsraineyday · 7 years ago

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The Beauty of Slow Living

While everyone is in a fast quick and hurry, me– trying to celebrate my life by slow living. In this fast-paced world bombarded by busy schedules and piled up commitments, who wouldn’t think about having time to live a life as slowly as this? I guess rising stigmatism already circulating around nowadays when you move or act slowly.

Time flies so fast that we don’t even have much time to value every single moment of our lives… That’s why this time, I want to be more committed to cherishing each moment to be able to enjoy this journey of my life in a best possible way… Those moments I want to genuinely take hold, feel and embrace even if it is already in the past. Just letting you know that I am now at a quarter of my life and what scares me most as human, is to realise one day when I wake up, I am already old without enjoying every single piece of my life. That’s the worst-ever real nightmare for a human who can only live his life once. And so, my decision to live my life “slow” is born.

“Living slow is not about being lazy nor procrastinating. It’s more about taking time to enjoy the process and appreciate the journey.”

Living slow is all about appreciation, and connection.

Appreciation, in such a way, being grateful even in the tiniest moments of your life whether its a lovely weather, beautiful skies, catching the train at the right time or finishing a project before the deadline.

Connection, in a manner of having a quality catch up with friends, enjoying the presence of colleagues despite heavy workload or having an intimate conversation with your parents/loved ones. Because of this perception, I’ve come up with some tips for myself on how to live my life slow.

1. INITIATE PERSONAL INTIMATE CONVERSATIONS

I love the idea of a long conversation with family and friends about anything beautiful and beyond! This helps to strengthen the relationship and to deepen our personal understanding with one another. This is also a perfect chance to listen to them and give proper and sincere advice too. Yet, This idea would be hard for someone who’s family and loved ones are far away. I am currently in Sydney for the advancement of my nursing career and I am grateful that high technology came in to keep my constant communication intact and alive with my distant loved ones. A big shout out to Video calls on Facebook, FaceTime and Skype! They are, indeed, soothes my longingness to my family!:)

2. NATURE THERAPY

Are you the same as me who loves being with nature? There’s something in it that I can’t explain. Something that adds up positive energy and mindset. It also draws me closer to the Sovereign Creator of it–God. I feel like God is just around the corner listening and talking to me through the sound of waves, willowy trees, tweeting birds and breezy wind. It goes through my heart and suddenly a revelation and fulfilment came up. Try to sit or lie on the grass and meditate. Feel the nature and your heartbeat. I tell you, that’s THE BEST feeling!

3. JOURNAL IT!

Of course, living slow won’t be truly living slow without writing down everything that happens throughout the day. This is where you can put all your thoughts and feelings in a most tangible form — by writing it. I love the feeling of jotting down my thoughts. Actually, I have my planner/journal every year! I hope to share it with you next time. 🙂

4. READ INSPIRATIONAL BOOKS AND BLOGS

Turn off the telly and start reading intimately! Ingest every single wisdom the books or blogs have imparted to you. Part of living life slow is grabbing inspirational readings and getting some learnings from it. Get some tips and hacks from other writers, authors, and bloggers on how to maintain good relationships, how to pursue your wildest dreams and how to live life to the fullest. Be inspired by the beautiful stories and musings! In my case, I love reading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren (Highly recommended!) and The Life-Changing Magic of tidying up by Marie Kondo. These are my preferences in books. It’s still up to you which books you love to read and discover. As for me, I love to read more about life wisdom, career goal-oriented stories, travel magazines and also life-changing stories which also you can find on a blog!

Some blogs I recommend is Darling Magazine – I love how they inspire and motivate women. I guess this is a gift of a lifetime for women who really love to live purposefully and creatively. 🙂

Girl and The Word – This is a Christian lifestyle blog created by Anh Lu. She is one of my favourite bloggers who inspire me to get closer to God and create a Christian blog too! I love how she creatively uses her lifestyle as a meditation to relax and calm her readers and audience. Indeed, She is a blessing to everyone who wants to revive their personal relationship to God and find peace and happiness from within.

5. Lastly… be POSITIVE and SMILE.

There are tons of negative everywhere. And what is worst is we are more listening to them. Are you the person who highlights negativity over positivity? Well, I am (Guilty!). But not now, because what’s the use of focusing on it? All you can feel is just sadness, irritation and anger–Well, my friend, this should not be the path we are taking.

because Life is full of downs and grinds. The only thing to survive is to be positive and smile. We will only live once, let’s get the most out of it. I don’t want to grow old with full of resentment and regrets. That’s why I’ve learned to easily forgive and forget. I’ve learned to embrace moments and value the existence of those people around me–because they are not going to be here with me forever. Feel each moment, Love what you do, be positive and always smile. 🙂

So there. That’s that. The story of my life. 🙂 I hope you are fairly convinced now on why and how you should enjoy living your life slow! Remember, cherish the journey of life, not just the destination part. Ciao!

#inspiration #lifestyle #howto #lifehacks #happythoughts

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elriz · 7 years ago

Photo

I was nominated by Arli @findinglions, through her other blog, Quiet Maria, for this award. Thanks!

Here are the rules:

Put the logo/image on your blog.

List the rules.

Thank the person who nominated you and link their blog.

Mention the creator of the award and link their blog.

Tell your reader 3 things about yourself.

You have to nominate 10-20 people.

Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog.

Ask your nominees 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question.

Share a link to your best post(s)

What is the Mystery Blogger Award?

“Mystery Blogger Award” is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging; and they do it with so much love and passion. – Okoto Enigma Thank you for creating this award! – https://www.okotoenigmasblog.com/my-greatest-creation-yet/

Three Things About Me

I am a Filipino working here in Saudi Arabia since 2011. I was young-ish back then and going here was sudden and wasn’t really part of my immediate plans in life, but I thought it was a good opportunity.

I used to be into aquarium keeping. I was really passionate about it --it’s the only thing I can use the word ‘passionate’ with. I would spend lots of time tending aquatic plants, ‘gardening/landscaping’ the aquarium, or simply watching my fish, shrimps, and snails swim/crawl. Unfortunately, it had to end when I moved here.

(Not really an about me) I’ve been in Yanbu for almost four years and anytime soon (like, in a few days) I could be asked to fly back to Al Khobar for a new assignment. (That’s also why I’ve been a bit busy, decluttering, preparing things.)

5 Questions from Quiet Maria

1. What song currently describes your hopes in this life? Feel free to share the lyrics.

Stay Alive by Jose Gonzalez.

There’s a rhythm in rush these days Where the lights don’t move and the colors don’t fade Leaves you empty with nothing but dreams In a world gone shallow In a world gone lean But there is a truth and it’s on our side Dawn is coming open your eyes Look into the sun as a new days rise

2. If you are the answer, what is the question? (This was something we were asked – and we asked – on interviews for aspiring student journalists in our official publication in college!)

Whoa, this is difficult! Pass!

3. Share something funny about what happened on a recent or past trip you took – something you cannot ever forget until today!

My life is too dull I can’t even give an answer! Nothing I can remember that is funny. :(

4. If Present You could meet the You 10 years ago but for only just 10 seconds, what would you say to this person?

‘Take it easy. Don’t overthink. Love your family more. You’ll be fine.’

5. Share something that you want to thank God for currently.

I am grateful for the relationships that I have. The physical and mental strength that I have. And most of all, for simply waking up each day.

My Best Post:

It’s not easy to choose as my posts are mostly ‘photographs only’ and very few contain substantial ‘content’. But here’s a selection:

1. Red Sea Sunset gif, for having the most number of notes in all my posts:

http://elriz.com/post/99904340617/yanbu-al-nabah-twenty-seven-still-images-each-at

2. A House in Manila, my first post ot be featured on the tumblr radar back in 2011:

http://elriz.com/post/3892350369/a-house-in-manila-about-two-meters-wide-and-11

3. These baby grasshoppers that I found randomly on a tree in UP Diliman:

http://elriz.com/post/42633486003/closer-shot-of-the-babies

4. The Strangers Project Series where I photographed strangers and gave them prints: http://elriz.com/tagged/strangers-project

5. The Desert Up Close Series, simply because I miss the desert and taking mobile close-ups: http://elriz.com/tagged/desert-up-close

I hope it’s fine to skip tagging/nominating this time. Thanks again for including me in the list on your post, Arli.

#the mystery blogger award #findinglions #about me

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comicteaparty · 6 years ago

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February 18th-February 24th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from February 18th, 2019 to February 24th, 2019. The chat focused on Patchwork and Lace by Sooz.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Patchwork and Lace by Sooz~! (http://www.patchworkandlace.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PST), so keep checking back for more! You have until February 24th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 3. What has been your favorite moment between Sheol and Lilika? What about their relationship dynamic stood out to you? Ultimately, do you believe the two will wind up together romantically, or will the past keep them apart?

QUESTION 4. In regards to Sheol’s PTSD, what moment most stood out to you? Do you believe Sheol will be able to heal, and if so, what will it take? How might Sheol’s continued suffering affect the story or her relationship with Lilika further?

Delphina

I really like the scene with both Sheol and Lilika's flashbacks happening simultaneously. Something like that could have been very confusing, but it was laid out really well with the chain going down the middle. http://www.patchworkandlace.com/?p=451

Lilika's probably my favorite of the two main characters. She's sort of like this adorable dark demon-summoning cultist Card Captor Sakura. Darray is pretty new, but he also cracks me up.

Delphina

Lilika and Sheol's dynamic is interesting and falls a lot on hurt/comfort patterns. The kiss (http://www.patchworkandlace.com/?p=533) was satisfying, both as shipper kerosene and also because it was one of the few times that Sheol expressed something she wanted instead of just protecting Lilika or doing her duties. Even if it's not romantic, I hope there's more situations like that in Sheol's future where she discovers who she is and what she wants in (un)life, but I suspect that there's still going to be a lot of secrets she'll keep from Lilika before she really gets to a place of balance and peace. I suspect Lilika and Sheol will end up together, but only once Sheol is able to let go of the pain in her past and stop protecting Lilika from her secrets.

€heshire777

Sheol looks a lot like Unity from skin horse.

Stefan G

1) There are so many beautiful scenes, but my favourite one so far was this one ... I think the interaction/dynamic between the characters works really well/naturally and the ending made me chuckle. I enjoy humor like that

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. Who or what do you think Lilika is a vessel for? Why was Lilika specifically chosen for the role and why do you think they can’t just find a replacement?

RebelVampire

@Stefan G For future record, it's better to link the page by URL rather than post a screenshot. Many creators don't like screenshots of their work taken, and images also aren't included in the archive either. Thus, to readers to the archive, your comment would actually have no context.

Stefan G

Roger that

...this is so difficult

Delphina

It definitely seemed like Lilika was special and advanced in magic for her age. I'm just curious all around about the organization (cult?) she grew up in and what their motives are. It definitely appears that whatever they originally wanted for Lilika, she's a free agent now who's doing pretty much whatever she wants, so I would assume she got too powerful for them to control and ran away. So if they don't even have anybody on her power level because she's over 9000, it makes sense that they want to get her back.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 6. How exactly do you interpret Sheol’s past so far as it’s been shown? Who do you think her former master was? In the end, how do you think Sheol came to be on her own and will her former master come looking for her?

RebelVampire

1) i really liked the most recent scene where sheol is talking about leaving lilika while you can hear lilika just teaching the kiddo in the bg. before i felt their relationship was just kind of set in stone (romantic or not) in terms of them staying together. but this scene...this scene added doubt. now theyre not just star crossed lovers, but actually have to work at the relationship, whatever their relationship is meant to become. and i really like when stories add a complicated aspect like that, because relationships are work whether theyre friendships or something else. 2) Lilika. I just like this dynamic of Lilika being cutesy but summoning the most horrific looking creatures. Yet, even if the creatures are weird looking, she shows them a lot of kindness in a way. I also like shes more of a hiding her cards type of character. While I like Sheol, her emotional issues are pretty in your face so you can basically see her deck of cards. Lilika though? I don't know how she might be hurt or traumatized and I like that a bit more. Adds more mystery to solve. 3) I liked the scene where Lilika is offering understanding and comfort to Sheol being out of sorts. Just...it was such a positive interaction and really showed the depth of Lilika's care for Sheol beyond just having a bunch of shirts handy. I like in general how the two of them are somewhat opposite in personalities and yet have this subtle way of getting along and showing their care. As for the ship, I'm gonna be optimistic and say yes. And assume they won't go up in flames.

varethane

that answer to 2 is really interesting, because in that respect they're both kinda opposite to the usual tropes that tend to apply (the stoic/stern type vs the bubbly, upbeat type)

you'd expect that Lilika would wear her emotions and background on her sleeve while Sheol would keep everything close to the chest, but it's the reverse, haha

Delphina

Yeah, to get a bit meta about it, the webcomic title is a pretty obvious reference to the two main characters, so I think they gotta stay together.

varethane

I hadn't thought of it that way til I saw your reponse though

RebelVampire

4) The moment where Lilika asks if Sheol is good but Sheol was like, "no but ill manage." That was such a sad slap in the face but so true to trauma. Cause sadly life doesnt care if you are traumatized. Sometimes you have to go live life and just manage. And I liked seeing that in the story cause it made the trauma more relateable to me. As for healing? yes, but years and years and years and years from the current time. For now though, I think Sheol's trauma is actually gonna get in the way and stop her from helping Lilika when Lilika most needs her. Then drama and conflict ensues. 5) Probably this comic's version of cthulu. As for why specifically Lilika, like Delphina I assume magical talent. But I'm skeptical at the time cause if all it took was magical talent, they wouldnt need to chase her down. Just get a new student. So I feel there must be super special about Lilika's talent. Like she has some sort of connection even better students don't have. 6) I assume her master was some lord scientist who just felt like playing god. And that he was using Sheol to both prove his awesome and gather some sort of resource. Hence the whole targets thing. I personally think that Sheol just ran away cause she found some body part had murdered a shiz ton of people and could no longer live with herself of the selves she was made of. It sounded like he was alive, so I do think her former master is gonna come looking for her? Or someone close to him. I mean not everyday you hear about living flesh dolls, so someone is bound to be interested.

huh, you make a good point @varethane . actually had not considered that their types are different from the expected trope

Delphina

On the topic of Sheol's past, it looks like Zerymos assembled her. Nell and Lilika's cult seem to know of him from the recent pages, so I assume the dude is either a cult-adjacent individual practitioner or split off to do his own thing. From the flashbacks, Zerymos pretty much made Sheol go out and murder specific people on the regular. (From this scene http://www.patchworkandlace.com/?p=452 and the one that I can't find where the person recognized her mouth and wanted to "kiss their daughter" one last time - (Really wish this comic had an archive page...)) I first suspected Zerymos wanted corpses for more experiments, but in the first scene, she's not carrying the body back, so maybe he's a leader who just wanted to freak people out and flex his power over them? He certainly didn't seem to be worried about Sheol using discretion since she just walks into a crowded group of screaming people and chokes 'em. If she's been that overt and people have heard of her, then it definitely makes sense that she wants to cover up as many scars as she can, but I've also been curious why she's only covering the mouth because you can still see the stitchwork down the middle?

varethane

she's still gotta see lol

that's why the broad-brimmed hat I guess, it puts shade on the area she can't help but keep exposed (unless she invests in something like this )

Delphina

Maybe the big hat helps, but yeah, I'd get me a ski mask or veil or something if I'd been that murdery.

snuffysam

she could go all invisible man-style with bandages and a pair of sunglasses

and yeah if Zerymos wanted stealthy kills, he probably wouldn't have made her walk around naked

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Do you believe that Nell will succeed and capture Lilika? If so, what will happen to Lilika? What will Sheol do? If not, how will Lilika and Sheol manage to avoid capture? How will it affect their future plans?

RebelVampire

7) Nah. I honestly think Nell is going to vastly overestimate her skills and vastly underestimate Lilika. It's also 2 v 1 right now since her partner was sent off, so nell probably isnt gonna have a good time. Sheol, assuming she's present, will over course protect Lilika. Although this begs the question of how much of Lilika's past does Sheol know? I mean of course she knows of Lilika's demony magic stuff, but did Lilika mention anything else? cause if not, that's the point i feel Sheol is gonna go wtf and want answers. but yeah i think after all is said and done, theyre gonna skip town for a while together.

Delphina

Well, it seems like Nell is going to be forced into seducing Lilika away for reasons I don't quite understand (http://www.patchworkandlace.com/?p=589). So I suspect it's not going to be a physical fight (which I agree, Lilika and Sheol have the advantage with, especially if Lilika is irreplaceably powerful and Sheol has no visible physical weaknesses) but a love-triangly-psychological sort of approach. Drive doubts in both of their heads about whether they really love/trust each other so they're easier to manipulate.

varethane

I don't think Nell is likely to overestimate herself, lol. She admits right off the bat that she's not good at that sort of thing

RebelVampire

hey, someone can say theyre not good at something and still be far off the mark at how not good they are

RebelVampire

(the archive for the chat on Sombulus is up now! https://comicteaparty.com/post/182974467985/february-11th-february-17th-2019-ctp-archive @Delphina )

RebelVampire

QUESTION 8. What exactly do you think happened with the Way of the Bright Waters that has Sheol so interested? Is it something Sheol herself was involved in, or something from one of her memories that isn’t hers? Will she actually learn information about it?

RebelVampire

8) well we know there was a murder thing, but somehow the way sheol worded it makes me think she wasnt entirely responsible or something? which that to mean means two likely scenarios. either its the fault of one of her body parts or someone whose life force or whatever she stole and she feels she needs to take responsibility. or sheol might have like a detachment complex. kind of like how some media portrays assassins as guilt free cause they consider themselves like the sword or gun and it was the person who ordered them to kill's doing. so sheol might have some of that going on. not sure. what i am sure of is id hate to be in sheol's head cause if any of this is true it sounds like an identity hellscape

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. Do you think Sheol will indeed leave Lilika to pursue her own goals? Is she right that Lilika doesn’t actually need her, or do you believe Lilika has her own trauma regarding her past history that Sheol helps with?

€heshire777

No, or at least not until endgame.

It's a possibility that she will leave and be pursued.

Delphina

Yeah, I think if they do get separated (either because Nell succeeds in finding away to get in Lilika's head or just flat out kidnap her), it won't be permanent because they'll want to be with each other. Lilika hasn't really given much indication that she's having trouble with stuff from her past IMO, but y'know, growing up in a cult has gotta do something to a person in general. I think they're both going to realize eventually that they're happiest together and do whatever they can to stick to each other and continue their life of adventuring together.

snuffysam

I think Sheol doesn't realize how much Lilika likes her. Like she considers herself to be a burden or something.

Delphina

True, I think it's safe to say that the part of Sheol that thinks people like and accept her is severely underutilized.

She also may be worried about snapping and going out of control and hurting Lilika

RebelVampire

QUESTION 10. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

RebelVampire

i second. i def think sheol just has a large disconnect with how much lilika likes her. evend espite the kiss. almost like she thinks its all just some game to lilika and that eventually lilika will get bored. 9) the above being said, i think sheol is going to try at some point or another. i kind of get this impression sheol just thinks lilika is the this strong, carefree person who would be completely fine on her own and doesnt really even think too hard about all the times sheol has had to save her. and i think sheol needs to make the attempt to break this image. but will it be permanent? nah. i believe in them to realize theyre happier together. or be practical and realize safety in numbers. 10) im looking forward to learning more about lilika's magic and seeing what else the full scope of her capabilities are. like, what other creepy monstrosities can she summon. XD mostly just cause thats my favorite aspect right now.

Delphina

I'm looking forward to learning more about Lilika's past and both of them growing as characters. It's hard to say what Lilika might be dealing with beyond conjecture, so I hope more is explained about why she's so cavalier if that's indeed a defense mechanism. Sheol is clearly dealing with a lot and I'd love to see her develop more healthy attitudes toward self-care and growing and healing from her pain. While I suspect a lot of that is going to involve Lilika's affection and that's okay, romantic relationships don't and can't heal everything, so I hope some of it is also just self-reflection.

snuffysam

Oh this is extremely last minute, but - more sappy romance! can't get enough of it!

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Patchwork and Lace this week! Please also give a special thank you to Sooz for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Patchwork and Lace, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://www.patchworkandlace.com/

Sooz’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/itsasooz

#ctparchive #webcomics #comics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #bookclub #book club #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #patchwork and lace #sooz

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