#you can get away with being so much more neurodivergent on the internet!

[blueshadesfandomstuff]

Yes, please do.

Messaging people for the first time is so hard. What am I supposed to say? Like, "You seem really odd and your blog intrigues me. Do you want to have philosophical conversations or perhaps talk about fictional characters?" What! Whatever. I will just follow you back and stare at your blog with my big beautiful brown eyes.

[la-galaxie-langblr]

what is going on w my brain

[drchucktingle]

a moment to check the gears and cogs

feel like i want to talk a little on the message of a recent post because i think it is an important point. when i say that you do not need to QUALIFY OR DEFEND your love of tinglers or my work in general, i am pointing out an interesting social anomaly that happens with my art and with queer art.

as an autistic buckaroo i notice patterns, and on social media i see them a lot. little phrases that come up again and again with my art. ‘yes THAT chuck tingle’ ‘its ACTUALLY good’ ’my favorite author i have never read’ ‘so bad its good’. these are always added after a POSITIVE comment about me

they also all have something in common. they are trying to distance the posters SINCERE JOY and give them an out socially. it is very very very subtle, but they are all saying ‘yes i like this but here is a sliver of acknowledgment that it is also weird or bad or ironic. in not REALLY fully in'

essentially these are added because it means the poster can escape their very real joy if needed. try applying these phrases to any other popular author. its much more subtle with the first two: ‘i liked all fours by miranda july, yes THAT miranda july. its ACTUALLY good’. what does this imply?

the other examples are a little more blatant but lets try them with other authors anyway. imagine saying ‘youre my favorite author i have never read’ to stephen king. would you EVER say that to someone? what does that imply? how about 'i love your books theyre so bad theyre good'. horrifyingly rude

lets dive into saying 'CHUCK TINGLE is my favorite author i have never read’ sounds unusual when substituting other authors because theyre usually not queer or autistic or making outsider art. to be blunt, why CHUCK gets it all the time is because it really means 'i like chuck tingle but im not gay’

while we have mostly culturally evolved past the idea that saying ‘no homo’ is some kind of joke, that FEELING is still around. it has just burrowed a little deeper. honestly it might never go away, or at least take centuries. remember these people GENUINELY LIKE MY BOOKS but feel they MUST qualify

should also be pointed out that LEFT and LIBERAL people are the ones who say this stuff to chuck. they do not MEAN to harm, and if you ask them directly how they feel about queer or neurodivergent people they would not express the same opinion as their subliminal comments might imply

the final elephant trotting by is while some of this is homophobia and fear of a neurodivergent other, it is also just plain old IRONY POISONING. its conditioning from being raised on an internet where sincerity was ‘cringe' and loving something was a weakness or joke. these problems work in tandem

so whats the point? what can we do? first of all, just recognizing these patterns is a start. i didnt HAVE to write all of this today but i think its important to be aware and to look inward and think about the gears and cogs that churn behind the things we say. NEXT step is trying to push past it

if you have done these things in the past, i want you to know i am NOT AT ALL UPSET. i am not mad or hurt and i do not think any less of you. you can trot by my side any day and you are trying your best to prove love. we are ALL just tryin our best, just consider this a friendly chat between buds

proving love can happen in BIG WAYS and it can happen in SMALL WAYS that we barely see. just take a moment and think ‘WHY am i saying this? WHY am i in this pattern to distance myself from outsider or queer art?’ a little moment of consideration goes a LONG way buckaroos. LOVE IS REAL

[enderblogs-25]

"Everyone's autistic now," "Why's there so much autism," "So many kids faking autism these days."

You know. I had been suspecting I was autistic since I started to understand what that meant, around middle school. I was working with two different autistic kids in a Girl Scout troop I led with my mom, and they did/said things that felt familiar. But I didn't dare bring up those thoughts, because my little cousin was autistic, that was his thing, and I didn't want to seem like I was looking for attention.

I started looking into autism for real when I hit my 20's, because those suspicions never went away... just buried. I had been focusing on other areas of my life anyway - my transition. But that was over, and I could see that things were still "off" about me. I love diving deep into different disabilities, disorders, and mental illnesses, but avoided autism because I was scared of what I'd find. I took maybe one test, masked up and guarded as hell, and because of that it said I wasn't autistic. I didn't answer truthfully, so I went looking elsewhere. ADHD, maybe. I ended up trying to get an ADHD diagnosis, and got misdiagnosed with a personality disorder that can be misdiagnosed in autistic adults. I felt I didn't have an option but to accept the diagnosis, because I was on my way to Chicago; out of time and out of money.

Nearly six months after the misdiagnosis, while I had been looking into the personality disorder and knew for certain I didn't meet the criteria for a diagnosis, (but masked through the appointments, which is how I got it) I had worked extensively on unmasking. I learned many neurodivergencies masked, and thought I'd give unmasking a shot, soon realizing I'd been doing it forever. Once I got better at unmasking, I eventually looked into autism again. What would it hurt to be told no twice? I took a couple quizzes again. Slowed down, answered honestly, and gave every answer my full attention. And I scored high on every one. It was terrifying. But it was also... a relief? While a few of those quizzes weren't too be taken seriously, I did take tests on official sites made by and for autistic people. When I came home from Chicago in summer 2022, I told my mom and showed her all my past scores on official tests like the RAADS, one of which I take annually. Part of me still has doubts that I'm not faking it, I guess.

All of this, at least past 2021, has occurred while people have been posting their own stores about discovering and getting diagnosed as adults. While I initially started looking into things on my own, hearing these people's stories on occasion really, really helped. Random strangers on the internet in a reel telling me they'd been overlooked because they were afab, did well in school, and didn't have many other adults around to see a difference... really helped. I could sneak into the autistic tags on Tumblr and look around at posts, relate to them silently, write down my findings in my little notebook, and go about my day. This "autism boom" as it were really helped, just because everyone suddenly showing off who they are, telling the world "I'm different and that's okay," really, really... helped. I know why I've always felt different and wrong, I know why I struggle with certain things, and I know why certain things will likely never be possible on my own. That's so much better than going thrift my life wondering and beating myself up because I can't function like everyone else.

Everyone isn't suddenly being diagnosed as autistic, now. People are just... starting to listen. Starting to get more comfortable. Obtaining more resources. And it's really nice. ❤️

[destiny-smasher]

(Nemona getting totally blown off and stonewalled once again and trying to shrug it off once again, she's so determined! </3)

Since people on the Internet get fussy with this shit, let me state upfront these are my opinions, from the perspective of someone who shares a lot of personality traits in common with Nemona and used to be a lot like her in my younger years. Nemona's lying when she says Scarlet's behavior and needless secrecy doesn't bother her at all. She keeps enduring the neglect (and sometimes straight up abuse), because she thinks that's what Scarlet needs atm. It's hard to say how things will pan out atm imo.

The manga mischaracterizes Nemona in some ways for me -- or I guess it's more proper to say, I do not think the way the manga characterizes Nemona is as positive as the games. The manga so far really makes her out to be less mature, less healthy mentally/emotionally, and kind of a pushover who actively lets others step all over her. I don't prefer it lol

She experiences an 'invisible wall' between herself and everyone else. And Scarlet's behavior so far in PokeSpe would only exacerbate that -- BUT, the two could clearly have a very meaningful bonding if they both stick things through, in a way the game version of Nemona doesn't because the story forces the protag to more just go along with everything.

I want to believe the manga will eventually have Nemona learn to adapt to Scarlet, Scarlet slowly open herself up to Nemona over time, start doing GOOD for her in return, and heaven forbid, maybe even apologize for mistreating Nemona -- though I don't expect the latter for sure.

It can be very exhausting and draining to endure what Nemona is enduring, but if you have that determination and willpower to put up with someone's worse traits because you see the good in them, sometimes it's good to use that to be there for the other person.

Everyone's struggles are unique and people exhibit their flaws in different ways. Nemona is "too much" and Scarlet pushes back in hostile ways. Their personalities are potentially toxic for one another, tbqh, but there's so much value imo in them bridging that gap.

The core of most fictional relationships I genuinely care about and many of my real life ones is the idea of bridging the understanding gap, through communication and gestures and time spent together, where there is mutual growth and reassurance.

Because of how I've been mistreated in the past, it's REALLY difficult for me to look at Nemona/Scarlet even just as friends and not be very worried about them. They're not self-aware yet, much less mature enough to navigate their differences. But they COULD be.

Many of the most edifying and growth-defining relationships of my life were due to stark differences in personality being reconciled with mutual care, assurance, trust, and just plain holding on. I think these two can totally reach that. I just don't know if they WILL here.

Because the fact is, Scarlet's behavior is hurtful. She clearly has reasons she is this way, and sometimes you just gotta get that shit out. And having people strong enough to endure that shit can be valuable, even if you don't realize it at the time. But it's a fine line.

Scarlet seems to be dealing with mental health issues, or at the least neurodivergency -- and Nemona at least has the latter going on, too. That creates a lot of tension. But that also means they can be there for each other in a meaningful way if they can work that shit out.

At the current rate they're going, however, Scarlet's behavior isn't improving so far. It's like she just gets to be a jerk and 'get away with it' and everyone is supposed to be fine with that? Doesn't settle well with me, and Nemona sure doesn't deserve this treatment.

But at the same time, Nemona IS one of those rare people with the willpower and stubborn determination to keep being there for Scarlet in spite of things not going well for a while -- even a long while. She sees the good in Scarlet even if Scarlet doesn't.

The manga has NOT done much at all so far to sell us on Scarlet/Nemona working out even just as friends, but it feels deliberate how their dynamic has been set up. So I want to have hope there, but it does remind me a bit too much of stuff from my past, so I get trepidatious.

In a way, part of Operation Comet Punch (my long fic) entails exploring that very trepidation and (I hope) coming up with at least one 'version' of reconciling things in a healthy, mutually supportive way for everyone involved (and that goes beyond just Nemona and Scarlet).

I hope the manga can figure out ways to do this, too. Because I like the idea of Nemona and Scarlet at least becoming good friends over time. It's just difficult to see right now if you're being pragmatic.

"Desma this is a manga primarily targeting middle school boys wtf are you talking about"

Look, between my own fanfic about these characters and my real life experiences, I can't help but analyze and try to be optimistic on all fronts. I get triggered a bit by 'toxic yuri' and this is reminding me of that, but I want to believe in it EVOLVING beyond that (pun intended). And I know it can.

[gunkbaby]

Thinking about Shuu BPD headcanon again. He’s 21 in TG, and given his loneliness I think it’s fair to assume Kaneki was his first favourite person. Like I acted very similar to Shuu when I had my first favourite person - including when the ‘relationship’ (i wouldn’t call what i went through a relationship personally. It was an internet mutual lol) ended, it went on to affect me for several years, to today, mentally and physically.

I get sad when I think about it, because I don’t like thinking about Shuu going through or feeling what I have - that horrible moment where you look back on your experience with someone, and you can only feel guilt, because you can see now that all you acted so inappropriately. Being overly clingy - dependent - on someone you barely know - because Shuu doesn’t know Kaneki in TG. Not deeply. He’s still in the moment of only wanting to eat him, everything he learns is compartmentalised as knowledge to use as manipulation and such. So his breakdown when Kaneki is taken away from him is a shock to his system - because this is the point where maybe one realises that this is not just about wanting him to eat anymore. It’s indicative of Shuu feeling something more for someone, which he’s probably never had before, and one can imagine how it might feel to realise - oh. I really fucked this person I adore up, because I didn’t understand myself well enough. And that shit hurts man.

Whilst a neurotypical person might be able to look at this realisation and handle it better, for someone with BPD/neurodivergence, this can affect one’s mental and physical health for years afterwards. A known symptom of BPD is not being able to recover ‘typically’ from breakups (meeeeeeeeeeeeee), often leading to self-harm, depression, and such, as well as taking a much longer time to actually recover from the breakup (generally. Ofc not everyone has it like this).

This also explains why in :RE, Shuu is seemingly just as obsessed with Kaneki - because he can’t fucking let go of it. He goes out of his way to ‘get Kaneki back’ for his own benefit, and I wonder if maybe, Shuu wants that Kaneki back so he can right his past wrongs. His newer awareness of his past actions weighs on him, and he wants to show that version of Kaneki that he has changed, that he’s not like That anymore - but he is, in a way. He’s still ill, and this is never brought up. Shuu gets better throughout :re, but we never see how, and either man’s on Elvanse or something, or he’s actively making an effort to restrain the ‘BPD side’ of him. I compare having BPD to having a dog on a muzzle - controlling it is horrible and it’s difficult, but if you don’t, the muzzle comes off and your dog is going to maul someone. Having BPD can be really terrifying sometimes - note: people with BPD are not monsters and if I see one more person say Shuu’s feelings are ‘creepy’ istg—

In early :re, Shuu’s actions can be viewed an overcompensating - trying to fix the damage he feels he might’ve done to Kaneki. He wants Kaneki back for himself, but not to eat him, to show Kaneki that he’s not the person he was. That he’s changed - but he hasn’t. He’s become self-aware, but this isn’t enough to change someone. Shuu still doesn’t understand that. He’s like a beautiful butterfly in that stage where the chrysalis is clear and starting to shake, but the butterfly isn’t out yet, and when it is out, it still has to wait for its wings to dry. Shuu is impulsive, and fails to properly think things out especially in a social situation (another symptom of bpd is impulsivity, particularly in regards to self-destruction). So he’s bombastic in rushing in and trying to get that Kaneki back, even if he doesn’t exist, and we can argue that this brazenness, this impulsivity, goes on to foster more destruction.

Therefore, it becomes even more weird that Shuu seems to recover after Kanae’s death in particular, because I feel like Shuu was already grappling with some guilt in regards to his past self. Kaneki throwing Shuu from the rooftop is met with Shuu’s acceptance of it - it’s a passive kind of suicidality. What better repentance is there - what is the best way to say sorry - than letting the person you hurt kill you? I know I’ve attempted or hurt myself in attempt to repent and say sorry for the people I’ve hurt, (I even became Christian, briefly!) But Shuu isn’t killed. Kanae is, and directly because they save him. Shuu’s love for Kanae is evident by this point, so one has to question how someone who already seemed to be passively suicidal, who presumably held a quite a hefty amount of self-loathing - would be able to recover from someone they love dying specifically to save them. Shuu tells Kanae to save themself (in my translation), he seemed passive in the prospect of Kaneki killing him, so this turn of events should be absolutely fucking devastating to him.

His entire family, bar one person, were killed to protect him. People gave up their lives, for him - a person who was extremely mentally unwell. Shuu is egotistical, arrogant, and selfish, but too often I see people conflate this with narcissism or self-love - narcissists don’t even tend to love themselves, it seems the opposite (I am not well-versed in npd pls correct me). I don’t think Shuu likes himself, particularly in :re. I’m honestly surprised he survived through :re sometimes, because I feel like the events of the Tsukiyama extermination would eventually kill someone who was already mentally unstable.

But after the Tsukiyama arc, there is very little acknowledgement of Shuu’s mental state. It’s like, oh, he’s fine now. Kanae isn’t even mentioned again, (I think), and it’s really weird. One can argue Shuu is just pretending to be fine, maybe Kaneki being back is enough to shift his focus from those events back to his favourite person - but that’s not mentally healthy. That’s not recovery. You can argue that maybe he learnt to cope, did DBT or whatever, but I doubt he would’ve had time for that in :re? Iirc it was kind of busy, I mean…Man got fired from like 4 jobs after losing his family - self-worth must’ve been in the shitter fr

Shuu is supposedly better by :re and the end of :re, but I can’t fucking buy that. Maybe I’m projecting too much, but I still haven’t recovered from my favourite person and it’ been three fucking years, and I have a parent who is willing to literally die for me, and it feels like shit. These things don’t just go away. They condense, and they stay. It’s like the dog won’t die unless you do, and even then, the pain stays.

I’m off track - the point is. I don’t like it. I get narrative time and that - Shuu isn’t the main character, but still. TG has so much depth and nuance in its characters and I wish more work had been put into Shuu post-Tsukiyama arc. (I also wish Kanae hadn’t died but fuck my stupid Baka life i guess)

I can’t help but feel like Shuu was ill at the start of Tokyo Ghoul, got even iller. And by the end of :re, he’s still very much ill.

sorry if this doesn’t make sense I cried halfway through and im tired

[iamunabletothinkofablogname]

Isn't it SO fun to be harassed and bullied at school? /sarc

People call me a "FUCKING WEIRDO!" (Yes, that's word for word.)

They make faces at me like I'm sort of disgusting slob. (And they SHOW it and they WANT me to know they think that!)

Along with that, one kid pretended to gag and throw up at the sight of me, and used solar eclipse glasses to not look at me.

One kid called me ugly today! (YAY! /sarc)

They poke and prod at me like I'm a science experiment.

They fear the fact I smile all the time, that I tend to keep an emotionless expression in my eyes. (I'm only following Alastor's advice!)

They love to annoy me... But it's getting tiring.

Only a select few enjoy my presence, they keep me in and go along with my antics. My friend group likes having me around. And other kids I don't know much and we're neutral with each other.

I know I'm "weird" by their standards. But what's the fun in the world without differences?

I know I took on the persona of "weirdo" in my class. I want to go up to a teacher and cry. Because I didn't deserve to be treated like this?

I didn't deserve to be told "You know you should kill yourself" when I'm already suicidal. Did I?

Get told I'm retarded like 10 times already? Maybe more? (I'm not even exaggerating...)

And considering I might have mental illnesses such as possible autism, that's even meaner. At this point I'm not living, I'm surviving.

There's a reason why I've given up. My best friends are on the internet. I don't think without them I would be able to live today. Why do the people who care about me, share my interests, accept me for who I am, respect me, and TREAT me like I'm a human being, so far away?

I know I may be Xenogender, but that's no excuse for treating me no better than some sort of inferior species.

I see no one else getting treated like this, I'm the subject, no, the OBJECT of their bullying.

What the fuck am I supposed to do??? What do you fucking EXPECT me to do??? "Be yourself"??? I AM being myself, and you're fucking BULLYING me!? AM I SUPPOSED TO PUT ON SOME SORT OF MASK? I AM SMILING, MOTHERFUCKER, YET YOU STILL BULLY ME WHEN I DO HAVE A MASK!? /not you, to them

Like, please. Let me rest. Let me have a normal day where I don't have to face discrimination. Where I get treated with love.

I get treated so awfully so much, that I don't even know who I am anymore.

I lost myself.

My catchphrase has to be "I'm so done-" because I said that more than I needed to.

I feel like the next time someone does anything to me, I'm just going to burst out crying.

🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

I hope you're doing alright right now, first things first, i need to let you know that you do matter, and you certainly don't deserve to be treated as subhuman as they treat you, I only wish the worst upon them <3 They are bitches who are a waste of oxegyn, they need to put you down to feel something or feel like they matter, and for that they are the weakest most disgusting subhuman people, genuinely hope they get more fucked up than they ever made you feel 🧡

It's pretty obvious that they're trying to make you feel shit, and i wish i was there to fight them off or comfort you when it happened, i said it before and i'll say it again, you don't deserve any of this. You deserve to be happy, and to feel like you are loved and cared for, the way they treat you is uncalled for and it's disgusting [them, not you, your cool] And agreed, your gender or your neurodivergence shouldn't be the reason you get bullied, they aren't things you can control, or things you have to change, they are litterally a part of your being/existence, I can't believe all of the shitty things they're doing, you don't deserve it. Have you tried to tell anyone? [although that doesn't work often, it's worth a try]. It seems like it's really affecting you, whether you admit it or not /nbr /npa I'd reccomend telling a teacher/principle [the meaner the teacher the better], if that doesn't work fight back, physically i wouldnt reccomend but if you have to, do it. Theres not much we can do about bullying, which is fucking shitty, but please hang in there at least and take care of yourself, i care about you and love you /p

I hope it gets better and they stop, they're pieces of shit who shouldn't be making you feel like this, they're insensitive cunts who should have their face cut up, hope they get bullied those fucking assholes

[coldpapernightmare]

if any of you were on the fence about looking into Pillowfort, here's their statement about the inauguration

Hello Pillowfolks.  The result of the US election was shocking and dismaying to me, as I’m sure it was to most of you. For a while I struggled to find anything to say, and I expected the despair to last a long time. But after having a few days to process it, I curiously find that my perspective on the future has not changed much.  The outlook for the next few years is frightening, undoubtedly, but in a way I see this as an opportunity for us to reaffirm the things we already believed in and commit to uplifting our communities. It is tragic to see so many Americans gleefully throw in their lot with bigotry, cruelty, and plain selfishness; but they cannot take away the compassion and solidarity we have for each other. I won’t lie, I am nervous about what the incoming Trump administration will mean for Pillowfort. Republicans, for all they claim to value “free speech,” have already made pushes to regulate how social media sites are allowed to operate & what kind of content they can host, based purely on their own moral prejudice. With Musk & Zuckerberg owning the web’s largest social media platforms and being pro-Trump, it will be more important than ever for there to be social media networks committed to protecting the freedoms of privacy & expression for all marginalized people. I can’t promise that there won’t be loss and pain. Everyone has their own methods for what will help them get through this– I personally have found rage and derision to be very curative for me the last few days, but some may find anger more draining than energizing. It is perfectly valid to focus on reserving your energy and caring for yourself and your loved ones if that is better for you. The important thing is: we will not simply go quietly like they want us to. - Julia The last few days I, along with all of my friends and loved ones, have been processing an immeasurable amount of grief and fear from the results of the United States election.  My heart is broken.  I’ve made it no secret that I am proudly genderfluid, queer, neurodivergent, and disabled. Project 2025 targets someone like me. And I know there are many members of my community that are part of the Pillowfort Community. Now that I have had a few days removed from the recent election I want to take a moment to reassure you that at Pillowfort.social we absolutely do not tolerate transphobia, racism, sexism, bigotry, homophobia, extremism, or fascism on Pillowfort.  If you are someone directly impacted by the upcoming Trump Administration and no one has told you yet: You are seen and you deserve to exist. I hope in the last week you have been able to be surrounded by love and support. Pillowfort will continue to be a safe space for BiPOC, disabled, and 2SLGBTQIA+ users. We will not abandon you.  HOWEVER - we fully support you if you need to do things like remove your pronouns or Pillowfort badges for your safety or if you decide to deactivate your account. You are still you. We won't forgett who you are.  Some of the immediate actions we will be taking to support the Pillowfort Community include establishing an official Mutual Aid Community. We’ll update this post with a link when it is ready. We will also be compiling resources for folks on topics such as how to minimize digital footprints, internet safety, and vetted actions allies can take to stand in solidarity with marginalized communities. To help us make sure we are providing accurate information: We are looking for BiPOC, disabled, and 2SLGBTQIA+ voices to amplify in the upcoming months. If you are a leader of an organization please either send me a DM on midnight-thoughts, Staff, or e-mail at info@pillowfort.social. No matter what happens, we will be here with you. Exist out of spite. Do not give up your joy without a fight. The first pride was a riot.  - Midnight 

[marigoldbaker]

hi i would like to ask about evie because. i love her

i have a few questions

if they were in a high school au, would evie be like, a mean girl with a heart of gold? that's kind of the vibe i'm getting from her but i'm not sure if i'm right

is evie super protective of her sisters. she is right

would she get along with faith i feel like she would

sorry just. lots of assumptions & vibes i want to check. also. IS EVIE BISEXUAL. DOES SHE LIKE GIRLS

non-evie specific questions now. which of ur ocs r neurodivergent. do they autism. whom. whom autism. WHOMST AUTISM

:)

would sophie get along w art

WAIT IDEA. of the ocs in what you make. and your bakery ladies. what would their relationships be. which would be the favorite cervenak of every one of bakery girls

apparently jaheira has kids? who are they? are they also ocs

okay i love you and your girls. write more original fiction abt them please so i can read it even though i dont know bg3. okay thx

<3

HI OMG THIS IS SOOOO CUTE???? thank you SO MUCH for enabling me to talk about these guys! fair warning this WILL get long lol.

1. actually now i am legally obligated to write about all of them in high school situations. let’s go. as i write this i’m pretty sure in a high school au mari, ros, and norie would actually just be, like, friends, not actually adoptive sisters – ros has her very big and loving family, norie has a really tense situation as Adopted Chinese Daughter of Rich White Parents Who She Hates, marigold uhhhh god wouldn’t it be interesting and insane if she was still living with her bio mother and sisters? this is my narrative and in any narrative of mine high school is the worst case scenario, lol. evil evil place i will never go back to.

marigold is i am pretty sure in a world without magic hyperfixated on science/biology/nature, so she does really good when it’s anything related to that or cooking and really bad when it’s Literally Anything Else. she complains a lot about there not being some kind of home ec class until it’s explained to her that home ec would not JUST be cooking and she’s like oh well i don’t care about that then. she earned the position of student council vice president by bribing the general high school population with baked goods and only served half a term before realizing she hates talking to most people. REALLY tight with the cheer squad bc that’s roslin’s group, so she brings them a lot of snacks and hangs out on the bleachers with norie while ros cheers <3

evie has like 2 friends and one of them is a dead rat possibly and when marigold finds out about this she does her usual Marigold Response To Evie (edging awkwardly away so she doesn’t have to actually be an older sister about it). keeps on getting detention, mostly for small scale things like graffiti and skipping class, occasionally light arson. punched a kid in the mouth one time and maintains he was asking for it. she’s SUPER small though so she doesn’t do a lot of damage in fights but that does NOT stop her from trying SO HARD. (that girl is a teenage cryptid and the only reason she’s got friends in her twenties is because hot + confident gets you A LOT OF PLACES.)

roslin is a cheerleader yay hooray <333 the most #basic girly you will ever meet. has a not insignificant tiktok following that’s driving thea up the wall and they get into a lot of fights about internet safety (these fights are super limited by the fact that thea kind of doesn’t know what the internet is). despite being one of the most popular girls in school, she refuses to spend her lunch breaks with anyone NOT norie or marigold, and will blow off literally anyone and everyone to just sit on the roof with her girlies.

lenora is angling for the position of most weird goth girl of all time. full face of makeup, a whole bunch of piercings (all of them are fake bc she’s scared of needles), lots of very expensive black outfits that earn her absolutely no respect from the goth crowd at their school bc they see her as just a rich kid buying the look. she’s the only one among the three girls who actually gets good grades and they are constantly cheating off of all of her homework all the time. she’s apathetic acerbic and kinda bitey but she will go around the school holding roslin’s hand all the time and if anyone comments she will pull a knife on them. normal activities. (a lot of people assume ros and norie are dating and they are absolutely mutually outraged by the concept.)

thea teaches PE and has been momming the shit out of mari ros and norie ever since norie got into a screaming fight with thea in front of the entire class when thea was like “you don’t get to walk the mile giving each other piggy-back rides anymore” (reasonable request) and norie was like OH SORRY MOM I DIDN’T REALIZE WE LIVE IN A FASCIST SOCIETY!!!!!! then realized she’d called their gym teacher “mom” in front of the entire class and lost so much street cred in that moment, and the psychic damage she took was so adorable to thea that thea was like ok those are my kids now i think. she already SORTA knew roslin bc thea’s friends with roslin’s mom, but finding out about norie (terrible parents) and marigold (horrifying mother) ??? thea’s been sort of trying to semi-legally figure out a way to usurp parental rights for the last few years. also tried to put a hit out on marigold’s mom but was informed by one of the two (2) friends she has that that’s “a bad idea.” (she still thinks it’s a good one.)

lion is still in his teens too so he’s mostly just evie’s twitchy quiet friend who hangs out with her and the dead rat under the bleachers. they don’t talk a lot but they’re kind of inseparable. evie’s mom hates him. marigold said something derisive about lion once and evie tried to punch HER in the mouth, which marigold got blamed for, somehow, which evie then spent like half an hour hysterically monologuing to lion about on the phone. they are hopelessly in love with each other and mutually convinced it won’t work all without ever talking to each other. he writes “mr. lion northaven” on his notebooks sometimes

a bonus elodie! evie’s twin sister. blends perfectly into the background. gets the best grades in the family and is somehow in every extracurricular without anyone actually really knowing her. quiet, organized, neat, perfect. not a lot of people actually realize they’re twins because they carry themselves so differently and they’re never together at school. mom’s favorite.

2. evie’s biological sisters are marigold and elodie and she loves them with the force of a thousand suns and for a lot of complicated reasons this uncomplicated love of hers is not exactly returned in the same way that it is given. marigold’s adoptive sisters are roslin and lenora and she loves THEM with the force of a thousand suns and evie is the kind of girl who’s fine with it because her love does not change shape even when those who love her think maybe it should.

3. evie would come onto faith and faith would i think be immediately and cruelly dismissive specifically because evie would resonate with a lot of things about faith that faith violently hates about herself. (starved for love, loves hard and without her own permission, incredibly casual about sex to the point of detachment, absolutely no sense of self preservation or self worth).

4. oooh let’s make a sexuality list actually!!!

marigold is bisexual! enamored with people she can easily drag around on a leash, independently of gender.

evie is bisexual as well and i don’t think she has a type that is really established all that well beyond “people who want me.” evie has many problems

roslin is my single token heterosexual. absolutely impeccable taste in men, it’s just that all of her relationships always end in ways that are extremely amicable but Really, Really Weird. one guy left to join the circus. one guy left to man a lighthouse. one guy’s in witness protection. That kind of thing

lenora is a lesbian but it takes her a while to figure that out because she hates everyone indiscriminately, so for some time she just identifies as bisexual until experiencing attraction to a lady and going OH. OKAY. SURE

thea is a butch lesbian, and also nonbinary, though i don’t think she’d ever actually use the word to describe herself. her relationship to the concept of being a woman is less self-identification and more a label she likes to use and define as “being attracted to women.” she’s a woman because her love of women is coming from a female identified place, but other than that gender is of no use to her. she’s too old for the bullshit.

didn’t realize it until right this moment but lion (who i can include on this list even with his 900 psychological issues idc. that’s my son who was never gonna make it out) IS bisexual it’s just his Home Situation was such that the internalized homophobia’s keeping him closeted. not really something he’s likely to figure out, though; evie’s the only person who’s real to him and when he notices a man is hot he mostly just freaks out because what if evie leaves him for that objectively hotter guy. surely this will never cause any problems

5. man i honestly feel like all of them have some degree of neurodivergence simply because that’s where i’m coming from and that’s how i write them? i will say though that the places i feel like the qualities manifest the strongest are marigold (autism) my new girl beetle (autism) and evie (adhd) though i did recently get the feedback that norie reads super autistic :’) i will say if you see it it’s probably there lol.

6. :D

7. i had to really think about this one for a second ngl? sofie is for sure the most autism baby of all time actually so she’s really standoffish and awkward around children her own age, and i actually think art’s method of just running up to people and deciding they’re friends would melt her heart pretty immediately. she’s delighted by immediate acceptance and attention! they’d be inseparable and bella would go BALLISTIC.

8. i am running through all the girls in my head and i am actually 100 percent sure that almost all of them attach themselves to nora. mari has mommy issues x5000 + nora reminds her of thea, norie (lenora) and nora (eleanora) are literally deliberately cut from the same cloth and would get along like long lost sisters, and thea is genuinely obsessed with sharp-tongued moms who have emotional issues but love their kids tremendously (woman wants to homewreck so bad and will not succeed). roslin and evie are the outliers; roslin loves donovan’s warmth and positivity, and evie gets really really really attached to bella. so fast.

9. delighted to inform u that jaheira’s kids are canon, we meet them, they give her SUCH grief, and i love them, and so does she.

10. VERY LIKELY I WILL! idk when the muse will strike me next, but things are percolating :’) and thank you SO much for this, it was a delight to answer!!!

[anonzentimes]

LONG ASS ASK INKOMING ZEN so its super cold in brazil today so typing is a little hard and there might be weird typos fkshdkjd but

when i was like 14 i had online friends that were also 14 and were into danganronpa but all they talked abt was the flaws of the series and how much they hated the more problematic aspects of it, it was a constant wave of gender discourse and sexuality discourse and nagito is a bad portrayal of mental illnesses and miu iruma is too sexual and this character is bad cause of xyz and that character is bad because of this and that and honestly whatever the fuck else you can argue about this series about, whenever i mentioned that danganronpa seemed fun and id like to get into it my friends would tell me that its not worth it, that the series is fucking horrid that i should run the other way and be glad i never entered the hellhole that is being a danganronpa fan

so thanks to this and like constant fucking weird shit coming out of the hell hole that is the fucking dr fandom on Twitter for like, four whole years I straight up didn't touch the series. a series that I was so fully aware that I would love btw, because i was always into gorey art and i found the art of dr so pretty and the characters had such intresting designs and the pink blood was so cool and i love the killing game genre and the mystery solving aspect, of danganronpa seemed so cool, i did not go near this series with a fucking 10-ft Pole

until literally maybe some months ago at 18 years old a streamer I like said on stream something like "oh yeah danganronpa is fucking awesome im so glad i played it" and I was like fuck it, this guy has high standards, if he likes it it cant be that bad. and so I downloaded trigger happy havoc and i was so pleasantly surprised by it, sure case 2 is a case that exists but like other than that i immediately fell in love with this franchise, i loved almost everything about the game, then i started sdr2 and nagito took over every single part of my brain within 0.2 seconds of gameplay AND DR2 IS SO PEAK JUST IN GENERAL udg was super fucking fun i love touko and komarus relationship and the warriors of hope so much, dr3 was awsome even if i didnt really care for future arc despair hope and 2.5 were awasome the end of drv3 hit me like a truck and it genuenly took me a couple hours to understand that my beloved class 77b wasnt just retconned out of existence and currently im trying to kill executive dysfunction and procrastination and read dr0 and again want to replay dr2 cause my hyperfixated ass would rather play the game when she should be alseep to know what happens next than play it when she isn't too tired to understand whats happening lmao

and after i was done with the series i sat down and thought about how i let 14 year olds on the internet who im not even friends with anymore keep me away from something that now i hold so dear and close to my heart, and i wonder how many people who would love danganronpa will never give the series a chance because not only does the wider interner find it cringe but the fandom constantly tell potential new fans to stay away and act like its the worst midea ever written, the way some people are unable to enjoy what they love without guilt is so sad because not only does it affect them but also others

and this is super personal but i wonder how danganronpa would have impacted me if i got into it back when i found out about it at 14, how much different having danganronpa to hang on to would have made my life when i was burning out at school because i was trying to survive neurodivergency hell with undiagnosed autism and possible adhd

dangabronpa is awsome i love it so so much

YOU JUST MADE ME FEEL SO UNBELIEVABLY YOUNG OH MY GOD. I HEARD ABOUT DANGANRONPA WHEN I WAS 11 I'M PRETTY SURE AHHHH HAHA!!! Overall I think this raises a good lesson that we should trust our guts and from our own opinions on media. Look into things you're curious about, learn if it's worth it yourself, and come to your own conclusions! I feel bad for those who never get to understand Nagito Komaeda, let alone know he exists. This franchise has some negatives but the positives outweigh the issues entirely to me and I wish people gave it more of a chance. dangabronpa is awsome INDEED lmfao.

[ccaptain]

☀ What’s your rp pet peeve?

cracks my knuckles -- Anonymous

Immature ways of non-communication to communicate.

Passive-aggressiveness, if used as a method, will put you in so many weird situations it's not even going to be funny or satisfying when used. Particulary, it's not going to work and will just make things more complicated- and it will piss people who know how to healthily communicate off.

Me first of all, because I'm trained to recognize it.

Once I am fed up with being consistently jabbed at, cold-shouldered or any other methods involved in this weird, parasocial communication, I will warn you, once, that I'm aware of the passive-aggressiveness being thrown at me, I have aknowledged it, and will be the first to open a channel of communication where we can talk without weird tip-tapping around eachother. Otherwise, I refuse to address it unless there's direct communication between me and the other person that allows us to either tackle the problem even if we don't come to a solution or we actually solve it.

I'm never going to feel guilty for taking away a person's options to be aknowledged while employing these sort of stuff until the little dusty button that says COMMUNICATE AND TALK is the only one left. I expect the handling of a conflict to be mature.

As long as you're open to come to me and tell me ''sam, we have a problem we need to talk about'' and it's explained to me what this problem is, I will do my very best to sit down with you and try to come up with a solution that helps us both. The older I grow, the more weird and time-wasting any other methods of communications that dance around the subject seem to me. Not to mention that often it's a pointless thing, as neurodivergent folks like me don't ''get'' hints and have to be talked to. If you DO grab and tell me ''sam, I want to communicate but I am not ready to do that yet'' I will give you as much time as you need, as words are pretty hard sometimes.

Have I done something to upset you? Best bet is that you come at me first, so I can realize I did and apologize. Are we shipping, and you've lost interest and would like some space until you can summon it again? Come tell me, so we can set boundaries for the time being. I didn't tagged something properly? Shoot me a message to help me correct it!

As someone who, in her early teenager years, used passive-aggressiveness for a while as a form of communication when she was upset: jabbing, growing colder towards a person thinking that they know why you're doing it, refusing to engage with them without a clear explanation, etc. are all things that hurt and confuse the other person and push them to grow apart from you. I never obtained anything by being passive-aggressive or giving the cold shoulders to people if not to alienate and make them distrustful of you. If you pick this road first, there's the possibility that, once you're ready to properly communicate, the person won't want to hear you out and you'll lose a friendship.

I will repeat myself that, if there's a problem I'm involved with, I'm open to discuss about it in order to find a solution.

I can't force you to communicate with me. But, if being passive-aggressive is the preferred method of communication you choose to use, I will slowly close any channel of communication that we have and make myself unavailable for my own comfort. And that's a stance I'm not backing out of, nor softening or making concessions about.

I will not engage in anything else that is straight up talking about it, nor I will be dragged into this weird trend that morphed the word ''self-care'', something to describe maybe skincare routine or curating your internet space to cater to your comfort or interests, into something that validates people that are already trash at communicating to continue avoiding getting better at that and bringing harm to other people by refusing to communicate properly.

[cazort]

I turned off anon messages because I've been getting an inordinate amount of anon hate, some extraordinarily nasty, in response to people misinterpreting some commentary I added on a post recently, as being antagonistic or negative when that was not my intent.

Here is the full thread in case anyone is curious.

I get that my added commentary may have come across as unnecessarily antagonistic. I was in some pain and other physical distress from long COVID symptoms last night when I reblogged that post and wrote that commentary, and perhaps this made my tone came across as more snarky than usual, which was not my intention.

Still, the level of negativity and hate I have received is wildly out-of-proportion to any slight negativity in my tone. Like people were writing things calling me a terrible person and worthless, using dehumanizing language, and stopping only very barely short of suicide baiting and/or violent threats. One of the posts was bad enough that I reported it to Tumblr, and I worry that anyone who would harass me in this way would be highly likely to harass a long list of other users as well.

I want people to know that I harbor no negativity or hard feelings towards the author of the original post in question, I really enjoyed the post and its humor and was trying to add some tangential commentary that highlighted one of the many reasons I like Tumblr, how you can have a post that is basically like a shitpost, and people can add totally unreasonable commentary to it but at the same time other people can add very reasonable commentary that adds insight, and this is one of the things I love most about Tumblr.

I wished people could see this instead of just assuming that I am some kind of mega asshole.

I also think that a lot of this negativity, frankly, is an example of the absolute intense bias and bigotry, hate even, that people hold against neurodivergent people.

Yes, I take things literally sometimes. Yes, I choose to take things and engage with them literally even when I know they are not intended to be taken this way. Yes, I like deep commentary. Yes, I like writing long text posts. No, this does not make me a bad person.

And if you think it's okay to threaten or harass someone because of these things, especially when a person expresses themselves without making personal attacks or without voicing overt hostility, if you think it is acceptable to initiate or greatly escalate any type of negativity or hostility just because someone said something that you perceived as mildly antagonistic, then maybe, just maybe, it would be best for you to spend some time away from the internet.

For now though, anons are off. I haven't received any legitimate anons in weeks so it's not like I'm missing much. I have no interest in allowing myself to be verbally abused by people who lack the courage to show their face. Anon messages were for positive, encouraging compliments, or questions that people were too shy to ask, they have never been turned on with the intention of exposing myself to hate messages.

[married-2-the-music]

K-pop Discography Deep Dives: TXT

A Disclaimer: I was planning, when I first started Tumblr, to be a lurker, but then I began an office job and needed something to listen to to keep myself occupied. And then, I started going through entire K-pop groups’ repertoires, album by album, and jotting down my thoughts. And then, I stumbled into K-pop tumblr and decided, you know what, there’s at least four people on this hell site who would read in depth rants about these discographies and at least five who wouldn’t read it and then get mad because it’s kind of our job as K-pop fans. My lukewarm takes should be taken with an entire silo of salt and the knowledge that this is completely for fun and occupying my very bored, very neurodivergent brain. All this to say, for the love of god, I’m a sleep-deprived student and I don’t have time for internet hate, so don’t kill me. With that being said, enjoy!

Here are my credentials: yeah…none. I think the amount of TXT songs I know can be counted on one hand, and besides one, they’re all singles. But like with BTS, I’ve been a K-pop fan for four years and I figured that it was about time I make an effort to give them a try. It’s funny; I feel like with every girl group I cover I’m like “well obviously it was July 2017 because Joy had red hair” and with every boy group I’m like “um…are there seven or eight of them again?”

But I digress. TXT was formed in 2019, by Big Hit Entertainment, with five members (and yes, it’s five, I googled it, I promise), Yeonjun, Beomgyu, Heuning Kai, Soobin, and Taehyun, and they’ve been pretty popular since then, which is an achievement in and of itself, coming from an agency best known for the biggest boy group of all time.

They debuted with double title tracks, the first of which was Crown. With the somewhat moodier image they have now, I didn’t expect to think their debut so adorable, but that’s definitely the word I’d use. Despite them being a 4th generation group, the way this is shot, the bright colors, and the comic book drawings remind me very much of late 2nd, early 3rd gen, which hey, I’m not complaining. The song, fittingly, is upbeat and bubbly, very much pop with some synthy influence. Overall, I liked it, as a 2nd and 3rd fan, but something about it doesn’t leave that much of an impact on me. Maybe it’s that I’m not the biggest fan of very young-sounding music, and this is a little too reminiscent of Chewing Gum by NCT Dream for my liking.

Cat + Dog is also from this first EP, and basically all of the comments I had for Crown repeat here, though I did like Crown more. I know that this is more me than the song, but something about this one just…creeped me out?, in a way that Crown didn’t. I know that they were young when this came out (between 16 and 19), but they’re acting like they’re 10 and it’s a bit unnerving. From the EP The Dream Chapter: Star, I liked the calmer but still poppy beat of Our Summer, though I wish it was a little slower to stand out from the other songs in the album more.

Run Away is a song I’d already heard from TXT, but I like it more in the context of their work thus far. It’s still pop, still full of that youthful energy and hope, but leans into an ethereal and nostalgic feeling, and overall feels a lot more suited to them as older teenagers. It has some good humor, and both its Harry Potter references and its message of running away from the monotony and cruelty of the real world with your friends turns it into something universal.

From The Dream Chapter: Magic, I enjoyed the odd percussion and the melodic chanting in New Rules, the gentle vocals in Magic Island, and the sweet love story between childhood friends in 20 CM. My favorite was probably Can’t We Just Leave The Monster Alive, for the interesting trope deconstruction and its encouragement of taking your own path in life.

Can’t You See Me starts with some interesting almost-stop-motion in its ruffling pages, and I couldn’t decide where I thought it was going to go. At first, it combines both the young love idea of Crown and the themes of magic and isolation from the world from Run, which work pretty well, but it soon devolves into something resembling a cry for help with its unusual structure and odd vocal fry segways. It leans very into ethereal, while speaking about the dark side of a friendship gone bad. It took me a couple listens to make up my mind, but I do like this one.

From The Dream Chapter: Eternity, I had two standouts in Fairy of Shampoo and Maze In The Mirror. Fairy of Shampoo (despite the odd name) feels a bit like floating with its citypop synth and jazzy background, and I wish it’d been promoted as a special single instead of Puma. Maze In The Mirror is another song here that was written by the members themselves about their time as trainees, the difficulties they faced, and their friendship. As I’ve said before, some of my favorite songs in k-pop are this kind of acoustic, genuine b-sides that convey such honest emotions, so of course I loved this one.

Blue Hour’s very calm vocalizing and acoustics caught me off guard before the synths I was expecting came in, and I found myself nodding my head. Like with Run, I appreciated the brightness and humor here much more than I did in the first couple of songs because I thought it was better balanced here without overdoing it on the aegyo. It’s not a world-changing song, but I did have a good time with it and it made me laugh a few times (especially with that cowboy hat because what on earth were they thinking).

Minisode 1: Blue Hour reminds me a lot of BTS’ ON album, down to having a song about COVID (in this case the aptly titled We Lost The Summer), which I can’t bring myself to actually critique because of how sweet it is, though in the year of the whoever 2023 I wince to remember 2020. Besides it, I loved the airy vocals and video game esque synthy production on Ghosting and the anthemic chorus in Wishlist.

0X1=Lovesong was another song I had already heard of TXT’s, because I happen to be a fan of Seori, who’s featured on this track, and I have to say that my biggest gripe with the track is that she’s just not featured enough, but that’s really the only criticism I have of this one. I confess that I love this song, and it was actually the reason I wanted to do this review. Remember how I called Wishlist anthemic? Well, clearly I don’t know the meaning of the word, or didn’t until I heard this song. It takes TXT’s youthful energy and pairs it with a full on alt-rock ballad. It feels like a follow-up to Run with its immaculate roadtrip energy, and though the verses are a bit slow, that chorus is just a knockout and just makes me want to be a kid again, grab my best friend’s hand, and run for the goddamn hills. Probably won’t be lighting a car on fire, though, sorry.

Far be it from me to dissuade from some extra drama, but LO$ER=LOVER…well, it’s giving full on “when I was…a young boy…my father took me into the city…”. No but really, I want to think that this level of ridiculousness is some kind of intentional My Chemical Romance parody, because it’s honestly hilarious. It has some of that anthemic quality that I so loved in Lovesong, but that great build-up in the front half of the chorus is just undercut by a lack of payoff and the abject silliness that is “I’m a loser, I’m a loser, lover with a dollar sign is a loser.” I think that I would like this more if I was sure that the joke is intentional, but I’m honestly not sure that it is. Either way, they’re clearly having a lot of fun with this, so it’s tough to dislike.

From The Chaos Chapter: Fight or Escape, I have a lot to talk about, since it’s such a long album. Firstly, I already knew the chorus of Anti-Romantic due to its popularity, but I liked it more in context with the rest of the song. No Rules (which I assume is a follow-up to New Rules) has a great beat and in my humble opinion, there’s never enough disco. MOA Diary, a song for their fans, is very sweet and I can totally see it being a crowd favorite at a concert; I loved the harmonizing. Dear Sputnik was probably my favorite though; it’s another song written by one of the members and has an excellent alt-rock drive that totally should’ve made it be the single instead of LO$ER=LOVER.

Good Boy Gone Bad had me wincing before it even began, because the title already hints towards more non-self aware drama. And it turns out my instincts were right, because while LO$ER=LOVER is so ridiculous it’s basically camp, Good Boy Gone Bad just had me rolling my eyes and wondering not why the good boy had in fact gone bad but why I had to hear about it. Also why Yeonjun was driving a motorcycle in a faux fur coat, but that’s a story for another time.

From the EP Thursday’s Child, which is the second “minisode”, I liked the intro Opening Sequence more than I expected, mostly due to the charisma in their vocals, which really do the heavy lifting in such a minimalistic song. I also enjoyed Trust Fund Baby (give it a chance, I know the title doesn’t inspire confidence), again due to the strength of their vocals and the emotion they carry, when singing a song about a relationship that’s ended due to poverty. This is overall a very melancholy EP, a sharp contrast to Blue Hour’s optimism. Even the more synthy Thursday’s Child Has Far To Go isn’t totally upbeat, but as an album closer, it does hold a little hope that things won’t always be bleak and ended up being my favorite.

Sugar Rush Ride is, thankfully, a return to the synthy, ethereal, upbeat sound that has become TXT’s signature for its verses and pre-choruses, but for some reason opts for a very simple whistling hook and an incredibly jarring anti-drop chorus instead of resolving its great build-up. The bridge, likewise, feels harsh in what’s otherwise a calm song, and honestly, I find this song more disappointing than I would if it used a style I hate throughout, because I really enjoy the greater part of it…but I just can’t get past that chorus.

From The Name Chapter: Temptation, there’s three b-sides I want to talk about. Devil By The Window is a fully English song, which normally I would complain about, as I often do. But this one’s actually really good; it’s tense, attention-grabbing, and has a very taut arrangement. Also, this is probably me reading too much into it, but the chorus is giving me such queer energy (“I met the devil by the window, traded my life, temptation touched my tongue, spread the wings of desire. He’s whispering ‘give up, don’t you put up a fight.’”). But…c’mon guys, maybe I’ve missed something, but last time I checked straight people don’t get seduced by random devils of the same gender standing near their window, but hey, how should I know?

Besides that, I also liked the acoustic guitar in the pop-rock Farewell, Neverland and the chill vocals here as they sing goodbye both to a childhood lover and to childhood as a whole. Tinnitus (Wanna Be A Rock) pleasantly surprised me with its Afro-pop influences, because it’s not a common pairing in k-pop and I was surprised by how well it works here. Also, apparently some of the members wrote both of these, so kudos!

Do It Like That is an English-language collaboration with the Jonas Brothers, and between its very mainstream pop sound, the English, and its beat, I admit that it gave me war flashbacks to Dynamite. Here is where I invoke my disclaimer of: Dynamite is not a bad song (see my way-too-long BTS review for a whole two paragraphs of thoughts on that), but k-pop doesn’t need to try and replicate it. I know that this is totally down to my own bias, because Do It Like That isn’t a bad song either, but I won’t be returning to whatever concerningly white void they filmed this in anytime soon.

Back For More is another English-language collaboration, this time with Brazilian singer Anitta. I was preparing myself for another paragraph of disclaimers and having to do some overly dramatic sighing, but actually, I liked this! It feels like any other TXT single with its disco influences and catchy beat, just in another language, as it should be. I also appreciate that they collaborated with a Latin pop star, who sings in both English and her own language too, which made it feel less like a cop-out. The first time I heard this one, it was the shortened version that they performed at the VMAs, but the longer version with the bridge really elevates the song and I’m glad I watched it. It’s not my favorite but I’m not going to throw a tantrum if it comes on.

Chasing That Feeling is from their latest comeback just a month or so ago. I was feeling optimistic from the first verse’s beat, although after being burned by Sugar Rush Ride, I was still a bit wary. But, thankfully, Chasing That Feeling does what it predecessors didn’t do: it delivers, with those head-bopping synths, citypop influences, and electronic background. I admit that I wish it had a bit more of a climax and went against the grain, but it’s hard to not be won ever when a song’s chorus starts by saying “I’ve turned my back on heaven” and telling fate “come on and kiss me”.

The Name Chapter: Freefall is another full length album, so I have a lot of highlights. I loved the exploration of a harsher version of rock mixed with metal in the teen angst driven Growing Pain, which their voices were surprisingly suited to. I also enjoyed the vulnerability and slowing rising vocals in Deep Down’s pre-chorus, the acceptance that “life is not a fairytale” but is still worth living in Happily Ever After, and the moody Skipping Stones, which tells the listener not to be too hard on themselves, because what they’re going through will pass. I think that Skipping Stones was also written by the members themselves.

So, I enjoyed this more than I expected! I confess that I did expect something similar to BTS, which is probably unfair given the fact that besides having the same company, they have nothing to do with each other. Calm down, I’m not laminating my stan card just yet. I’m not a MoA, but I think that I could probably consider myself at least a casual fan after this. We’ll see how it goes. Maybe the next comeback will absolutely blow me away.

My Top 5 songs are Lovesong, Run Away, Thursday’s Child Has Far To Go, Dear Sputnik, and Maze In The Mirror, with Skipping Stones as an honorable mention. TXT gets an 8.75 out of 10 from me, which, again, is a surprise for both of us. I do love synth, rock pop, and disco, and I’m excited by the fact that they’ve already written a bunch of songs. Here’s hoping that they keep getting better and they end up getting as much creative freedom as some entirely self-produced groups.

We’ll be covering a girl group next week (that was supposed to be a one parter but accidentally became two posts long, oops), so stay tuned! Tschüss!

[afuckingsystemsthoughts]

ik theres a lot of backlash from people about social media being bad and blah blah blah, but id like to provide a reality check for those people.

before social media, people didnt show as much empathy toward neurodivergent, mentally ill and traumatized people. they were seen as broken and needing to be fixed but unable to be fixed. ostracized. seen as crazy and like their feelings and wishes didnt matter. seen as "pitiful" and getting more of condescending treatment than real empathy. the only resource they had to share their voice was person-to-person in the flesh, and back before social media gained traction there was danger to that openness in-person. ridicule, fear and discrimination. this is why people have the "mentally ill or abused people arent open about it if theyre real mentally ill/abused" idea.

before social media, people with rare neurodivergence (intellectual disability, down syndrome, for example) couldnt really meet other people like them. sometimes the closest person with down syndrome was 30 minutes to an hour away from the other. these kids grew up around little to no people like them and in a time where they were dehumanized for having down syndrome. this led to the mass abuse of these kids and other kids with neurodivergence in the 20th century. because they were rare, had no way to band together and make their voice heard, they were seen as the stereotype and mistreated.

before social media, people with rare mental disorders couldnt meet each other outside of a mental health facility, they couldnt band together and make their voice heard. they were left to feel weird, broken and different. and depending on the rare mental disorder, they were made to feel evil, fear themselves and feel guilt for something that wasnt their fault and 8 out of 10 times doesnt make them dangerous to others. the stereotypes on them didnt help. they refused to be open out of guilt and fear of what people would think.

before social media, abuse survivors who were abused in rare, unique, or unconventional situations were ridiculed upon being open about their abuse. they were seen as crazy and like they were making it up, causing all abuse survivors who were open about abuse to have their credibility questioned even today. survivors of mind control and sex trafficking are prime examples. or men abused by women (which goes against societys view of who can abuse and who cant. this view that only men can abuse and only women can be victims existed before internet, maybe even before tv. its dated and false.) but with social media, these people had a safe space where they could hide their identities for safety and meet other people like them. they can feel valid knowing they arent the only ones. and they can raise awareness for all types of abuse, even the seemingly rare situations- they turned out to be more common than people thought.

before social media the silent groups never had a voice, they never had a way to speak for themselves and the people just like them. they never had a tool to fight back against stigma and dismantle societys harmful false stereotypes and ideas. they never had a way of knowing other people like them and that they werent alone, crazy, or broken. they never had a safe space where they could anonymously seek help when seeking help in-person or with their identity known would be dangerous. social media is a tool for good. it has so much positive potential and has been used for these purposes. it has saved lives.

just know every tool meant for good, or has good potential, is going to be used for bad, its going to be infiltrated. yes, theres people who use social media for bad purposes and it has costed lives. there are people who dont have the mentality to use social media because theyre self-centered and competitive, causing them to feel depressed or just bad about themselves in general when they dont get "enough" likes or followers. let me tell you this: there is no ideal amount of likes or followers. social media is not for attention. its for linking people together who otherwise without social media would not be able to make those important connections and interactions. mainly for ostracized stereotyped groups like neurodivergent people and the people with rare mental disorders who more than likely wont meet another person like them in the flesh, offline. however, i am a firm believer that social media isnt a total replacement for offfline in-person interaction- thats just as important and unless you cant socialize in-person because its dangerous for you (like if youre being abused) then dont replace it with social media. have an equal balance of social media and in-person interaction.

we have a tool to make the world better and dismantle societys harmful stereotypes, ideas and constructs. we, civilians, seemingly in no position of power, have all the power we need in our hand when we pick up a smartphone or turn on a tablet or a computer. lets use it for what its intended and make a better world for everyone. focus on the good and turn the lemons into lemonade. social media isnt bad, its how you use it. use it for good, make a change.

[erigold13261]

Sorry if I sound nit picky but… if queerness is so common in your NSR universe, why is homophobia and transphobia prevalent?

The same reason why it is in our universe. People are assholes.

The world is not a monolith, just because the one city we and handful of people we see are queer or allies doesn't mean that is true for everywhere. Vinyl City is a more supportive and queer city, so of course queer people would flock to a place they feel safe or know their rights won't be taken away.

We have seen plenty of families/people that are super supportive, like Alyona, Nova's parents, Mama, Neon J, Zuke and West's parents are implied to be supportive and so is Eve's mom. But we also see people who are not supportive, like Matvey, Tila's parents, random assholes and internet trolls. People can also change over time, like Neon's parents who became supportive or West and Joust who were pretty shitty people who then turned out okay(ish).

Queer people attract queer people. Same with neurodivergent people. It is safer in numbers and a lot of queer and neurodivergent people get outcasted and turn to each other for help and support. Like my friend group in high school/middle school started out with a bunch of "cishet" kids and now we are all some flavor of the rainbow in one way or another. Even before any of us came out, we had an internal/subconscious gayday that led us to each other.

The world is really big. There will be communities that are super supportive with tons of allies. Then there will be places that are very hostile and unsupportive, even dangerous to be. We are just seeing the world from the perspective of queer people who have weeded out and curated their friend groups/work environment to be as supportive and accepting as possible.

And when we do see the unsupportive side, it is mostly in the past or happening to people without a choice to choose who they associate with (such as the Sayu Crew's families). Tatiana and Neon didn't choose to live in hateful houses just as much as Catherine and Nova didn't choose to be brought up in loving and safe (home) environments.

It is easier to walk away from a shitty "friend" than it is to get away from family. And even then, if you are in school, it can be hard to get away from asshole friends and jerks. So bigotry would seem more common in the cases of young people or families that you are stuck with. Though, of course there are still times where you can't get away from a bigot because of the situation.

That is probably why bigotry seems "prevalent" in my NSR universe. We are mainly seeing the past and present through the lens of "friends" and family. Like Neon's family being unsupportive, but that can be countered with his friends and navy crew that were supportive of him. Or Tatiana with a dick of a father, yet her mother was supportive along with the Goolings, Kliff, and a bunch of other people. Even the Sayu Crew who have varying levels of intolerance from their families still have each other, NSR, and a whole bunch of friends to support them. So while it does seem like bigotry in NSR is prevalent, there is just as much support and acceptance that is shown.

There will always be shitty people out there. Even in the most queer city there is. Heck, for an example of this, look at Zed. He is a person who HATES loud noises living in probably the center of the music capital of the world (not implying Zed is an allusion to anti-lgbtq mindset). But just because Vinyl City has a ton of queer people doesn't mean there won't be bigots.

Plus, a lot of the "random" bigotry that happens to the megastars is from online people. It is so much easier to be a dick online than in person, so people take this opportunity to spout homophobia, transphobia, all other kinds of phobias and hate-speech. It is easy to see the extremes of people (on both sides) online since they can come from anywhere with super easy access.

So I can see why you might think that because the NSR crew we see being made almost entirely (if not actually entirely) queer people, then "there shouldn't be bigotry" but that is not the case unfortunately. Just like there are pretty queer friendly cities in our world, there are also cities you can't even APPEAR queer without getting targeted for a hate crime or even worse. This is the same with the NSR universe.

There are towns and cities, little villages and counties, even just neighborhoods, that all have different beliefs. People will go to places they feel safe (whether that is a queer person wanting acceptance or a bigot wanting "freedom from gays"). Though this kind of separation does happen in cities (like the districts we see being completely different from one another) there are still a lot of melting of communities and beliefs that happen. Which is why there will always be bigotry, as there is no way that everyone will always be accepting of everyone else.

You can even see this in the queer community. Where exclusionists will tell Bi people to choose a side, that Ace and Aro people are basically straight, or that Nonbinary is not a "real" gender. So just because there are a lot more queer people in NSR, doesn't mean it is free of problems and bigotry.

Sorry if this is WAY more than what you were asking. I just had a lot of fun writing this. And don't worry about thinking you are being "nit picky" because I LOVE explaining my reasoning for everything I do as I usually have a lot of ideas behind my decisions. Though that isn't always the case, I do still love trying to come up with justifications for my world building. Otherwise, I could have just said there's bigotry to give the plot something to do without any real justification.

[f4y3w00d5]

Lovely, and ive got a lil more to add.

-if youre in highschool and the school provides you with a device, thats great. My parents always have a specific tracking\security app attached to all my devices that tracks EVERYTHING i do and everything i download, and sends my parents notifs if i do, but if its from school, even if its untrue you can claim that the school dont want any security like that, and itll be more believable if you suggest another (but be careful if they ban stuff, ive fucked up a few times. thankfully Mother doesnt know how to use this one too well, and doesnt check it often, but it means if im not on home internet and i avoid blocked sites, she doesnt so much as know im on my laptop)

-DEFINITELY do not get comfortable, even using incognito. A few years back, i used a different social media platform, obscure. I got comfortable and when my Mother walked in, switched too slow. it ended up banned on all devices, and i lost incognito on my google account.

-make MULTIPLE alt emails, use one to make a gmail account. Fake names that cant be traced back to you. 'Faye Woods' is mine, Woods i took from creepypastas, created it in grade 6. not sure where Faye came from, but there are no similarities

-if your parents check your phone, randomly or at designated spots, only have the designated stuff on there. Tell everyone you text not to text about stuff youre not supposed to, or anything that might make your parents suspicious. (my friends have fucked up a few times, shit about sex, swearing, social media)

-You get to see a therapist? Do not tell them a thing about anything that could get you in trouble, at least until you know for sure that they wont tell. A year or two ago, i mentioned online friends and discord to a new psychologist. They told my mother. The school psychologist understood that itd be hell if my parents found out, and when they called her to check it, together we convinced my Mother i had checked it out once cos my friends were pressuring me. she thankfully believed it, but ive lost access to discord now.

-if your parents are light sleepers and your room is near theres, dont use then to go and sneak food or money or anything. What you do is wait until theyre out of the house, downstairs or work so that you dont wake them. if you can try and get home from school before them, thats a good opportunity too

-if theres a pet, make sure theyre used to you wandering around so that they dont alert your parents

-find someone who your parents like and try and have sleepovers with them as often as your parents will let you. you'll get fed, youll be safe for a little while.

-if your parents tell you to not tell anyone, dont tell anyone until theres enough to be able to get you away until youre an adult. I told cps about a series of stuff, cos thats what kidshelpline said. they came to my place and my parents convinced them everything was fine, and it got worse.

-think about everything they do critically. Threats are not okay. find a place to record them. Ignore your parents if they say that its fine and normal. they touch you in ways youre uncomfortable with? record it. Thats not okay either. Insults arent good either. Telling a neurodivergent, queer, or any type of kid that you wish they could be normal? bad. anything that hurts physically or mentally, record it. if you grew up with something, it doesnt make it okay. it makes it harder to recognise whats wrong, though. so record everything that hurts you, it may not be abuse, but it also might be, and its better to have it all recorded. I use a book and i pass it off as notes for school

-Flattery!!! do what they want as much as often to the best of your abilities, itll make them more lax. you fuck up after being REALLY good? well, itll still suck but it might be not quite as bad. and try and make up for it. try to avoid breakdowns until late at night and keep them quiet. I know whenever i cry my father is like 'OH SHUT UP ILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT'. hes scary when hes angry. worse so since he tried to strangle me. if you cry when they dont see, its safer.

-get enough sleep. it makes it easier. ive gotten yelled at for not wanting to talk after pulling an all nighter. try and spend 'family' time with them, if they want. my parents like to pretend theyre good parents, and so they sometimes do family days (once directly after i was screamed at until i was sobbing and hyperventilitating and then trying to walk until i passed out)

-do avoid hurting yourself, starving yourself, any of that stuff. pain will make it harder to do what they want, and thatll prolly make it harder for you.

-try and go on walks whenever they get SUPER angry. like, at least an hour. Give them time to calm down.

-if you have siblings, back up their lies. theyll do the same with you, hopefully. look after them and theyll look after you

Thats all i can think of for now, i hope this helps

hey so protip if you have abusive parents and need to get around the house as quietly as possible, stay close to furniture and other heavy stuff because the floor is settled there and it’s less likely to creak