#you can do that all you want but dont be surprised if people react negatively or ignore you lmaooo

[thewarnerbrothers]

i am begging people to learn/remember basic posting etiqutte. spamming fandom tags is annoying and inconvenient. while not necessary anymore due to the native 'expand' feature, using a read more is good practice for extremely long posts. (mobile users will thank you.) last but not lease PLEASE spread out your posts to main tags. if you post 5 times a day you're clogging things up and will probably get blocked by a bunch of peope for excessive posting 💀

[k-nkypills]

Just had the most sexually charged / weirdly queerly platonic but still sexually charged experience of my life help (FRIENDS INVOLVED IF YOU SEE THIS NO YOU DONT LEAVE ME BE🧍🏻)

Me: *tells gecko I love when him and fly tease me in front of friends, how I wish they would do it more often (because lowkey something queer platonic and very very sexual lurks within this server istg cuz my friends be FINE AS FUCK sometimes man, I’ll explain in an end note)*

🦎Gecko: *takes me up on it, we get consent from the group of friends we’re gaming with because we’re at that kinda friendship / bond level and the conversation turns to my tumblr because the conversation had been a lil sexually charged for a HOT second.*

Me: *attempting not to die in our game, fully and well embarrassed and flustered because this is extremely hot and everyone’s focusing on me, I’m trying to think but literally all my blood rushed to my dick on top of me being stoned*

A friend of mine: *asks about getting a link to my tumblr and asking if he should read out my posts*

Me: *silently asking god if this is what people feel before dying because I’ve never been that unfocused, highkey so hard I might cry and light headed*

🦎Gecko: *dms me a picture of a post I made about 🌅Haven*

Me: *feels my heart stop and I fully blue screen, im definitely gonna have complicated feelings about this later but that’s not my business*

Another friend: *makes a comment about how none of this surprises them, adding to my embarrassment n struggle to think properly (not negative)*

Everyone: *making comments about me like I’m a dog they’re cooing at, getting called cute by gecko in DMs, one of my other friends making a comment about how flustered I am making my head swim*

Bonus:

*me and a friend texting, I’m stoned and wanting attention and someone to game with and I keep begging them to join me and I’m being a brat about it and we’re lowkey kinda being gay and sassing one another*

Nonbinary (Ikyk) friend of mine: “keep begging I dare you, I might get the wrong impression”

Me: *literally stop’s functioning and my brain turns off a second before I react totally normal and in a normal way* “YOU CANT JUST SAY THAT TO A HOMOSEXUAL”

(Note: something homosexual keeps happening in this server istg, this shit keeps happening and istg at some point two (or more) ppl are gonna kiss and everyone who’s been flirting platonically is gonna fuck😒. God help us all /j this little note is mainly a joke, we all flirt, and some of my friends are hot; can you blame me? However THIS made me hard and I will be thinking about it later)

(Are you really a large friend group of poly, queer/trans assholes if you don’t act like a large polycule)

(Another note: I love my boyfriends and only my boyfriends romantically, sometimes the homies can hit is all 😌) (I fear what they’ll do with this, am actively anxious help)

[wc-confessions]

I don’t want so say I don’t want discussion about my comic (the comic is literally meant to start discussion, thats what its for) and imply that I think I’m like, above criticism or anything because I’m certainly not. I wont ask you to delete the old stuff and I don’t really want you to because there’s good discussion there!

But like, in future cases, like you said in your tags it’d probably be best to keep talk about specific people vague or nonexistent, unless there’s genuine evidence of them doing something nasty (alla sagutoyas) because it can be kind of jarring coming to a tumblr blog and seeing people talk about you like you’re a display at a museum instead of a person, y’know? I don’t think you or even most of the people that sent in asks meant ill and I don’t hold anything against you!!! It was just kind of weird and gross feeling.

Again I deeply appreciate your thoughtful and kind responses, it was a very pleasant surprise, esp after og anon basically indirectly accused me of zoophilia. That’s an absolutely awful thing to say about someone with no basis other than “they talk about sex and that makes me uncomfortable.” Thank you so much again for being responsible, respectful and kind about all this!!! I have a lot of respect for you for doing so, with both this and other situations I’ve skimmed through here.

King Mystrie put my intentions w the comic into words very well; tiptoeing around the topic of sexual abuse doesn’t do anything good for anybody except for predators themselves.

If anyone has concerns about the way I write my story I’m happy to discuss that, just come to me on my deviantART and talk to me instead of accusing me of horrible things on tumblr. (Directed at og anon, not you, blog owner)

Sorry it took a second to respond, I have Symptoms Syndrome so I’ve like reread my own ask like ten times to try and make sure it comes across how I want it to lol

i already have a rule that states id rather people vauge and ive been ignoring talk about creators (with the exception of their work unless the ask is inciting harassment or bullying). ive had people tell me its weird in the past so im doing my best to try to detect when asks cross a boundary but its also hard because im easy to react and often dont really understand what people mean when they say certain things. dont wanna say mainly bc of autism but perhaps people on the internet dont always get their feelings or point across well through text, like sometimes you cant get the same benefits from irl convo than text. but yea i think its my fault for even entertaining the anon before anything. i feel im not the best at handling that kind of stuff but i am open to criticism it helps me immensely bc i dont want this blog to be like negative i want people to have fun and talk about stuff they like too. thank you for this and you seem like a really nice person!

[luvvatlantis]

Hey Bestie! I'm here to ask for some ✨Tendō✨ hc of how he would react if you go on vacation to for example the Netherlands or sum (I'm original ik)

That's all!

Love you (platonically) - Ghost 🕺

HQ Tendo Satori Reacting To You Taking A Trip

A/N: ofc you can have vacation headcanons of Tendō Satori! Thank you for requesting lol <3/p. Also i hope I did this right for ya and did your idea justice. Okay enjoy!

Category: Headcanon(s), Chaotic Fluff(?), Super Minor Angst, Some NSFW

Pairing: timeskip!boyfriend!Tendō Satori x gn!reader

Characters: Tendō Satori, Ushijima Wakatoshi

Content Warning: Completely unedited. This headcanons list contains NSFW segments. These segments include m-masturbation and mentions of nudes but these segments aren’t super graphic. This is word vomit/loose ideas! These are listed in the order I thought of them.

Word Count: just over 1k words

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

• Netherlands Trip

boyfriend!Tendō who will send you a list of the most interesting places to see or visit in the Netherlands just to make sure you’re never bored. He also scouts for himself.

boyfriend!Tendō who will try to teach you random Dutch words just so you can know them. If you already knew the word(s), he will find you so smart. But, if you don’t know it, you have a 50/50 shot of remembering the word.

boyfriend!Tendō who will make sure you know all about the Netherlands and how to exchange currency. He can’t have his love lost.

boyfriend!Tendō who will find out that the Netherlands has the tallest men in the world and immediately be jealous. Not that he’s insecure in his height (187 cm or about 6 foot 2) but he’s always been taller than most other people and can no longer brag about it.

• General Trip

boyfriend!Tendō who would be absolutely thrilled that you‘re taking time to yourself after all the times you’ve been stressed recently.

boyfriend!Tendō who would help you pack for your vacation; if not do your packing for you. Literally, you will never need to worry about having enough clothes or the right traveling items when you date him, he has you covered.

boyfriend!Tendō who would call you the second you land to see if you’re okay. He would also base his entire schedule around the ability to call you right before you go to bed at your time.

boyfriend!Tendō who would drop you off at the airport still begging you to take him with you. He’s really not a fan of being away from people, especially the light of his life.

boyfriend!Tendō who would call Ushijima after you leave to talk about how much he already misses you and how he’s thinking about buying a ticket to surprise you.

boyfriend!Tendō who would be the first person to volunteer to pick you up from airport when you get back. He’ll wait for you inside the airport with flowers and a box of chocolates he made.

boyfriend!Tendō who would know all the details of the trip before you go to make sure he won’t negatively intervene.

boyfriend!Tendō who would buy a ticket to surprise you half way through your trip. Either because he missed you or you missed him. Dont worry though, if you don’t want him there he is perfectly understanding and will stay at a different hotel.

boyfriend!Tendō who will secretly cry from missing you if your trip is super long. He would cease to exist before he tells someone his heart aches for you that much. Most people know he’s head over heals anyways.

boyfriend!Tendō who will ask for so many pictures that you end up taking at least one picture everywhere. It’s adorable to see his reaction, always telling you that you look nice.

boyfriend!Tendō who will send you nudes at important times just to tease you, even if he can’t see your face when you receive them. Important meeting and he has free time? Get ready.

boyfriend!Tendō who will send you videos of his jacking off, in full audio, just to tease you more. He’ll cut it off right before he cums every time because he likes to keep it private.

boyfriend!Tendō who will be practically inseparable from you from the second you get back. So, so, so many cuddles on the day you get home; and sleeping in with him is absolutely immaculate.

boyfriend!Tendō who will listen to every story you have from your trip like he’s absouletly never heard your voice before. He loves your voice and to hear you talk so deeply about a certain thing makes his heart swell.

boyfriend!Tendō who will take you back to the location of your favorite vacation for an anniversary trip. He’ll enjoy everything either way, doesn’t even matter if he doesn’t know how to do an activity there.

boyfriend!Tendō who will have a picture from the two of yours most recent trip as his home screen on his phone. Doesn’t matter if you hate the photo, he thinks you look absolutely adorable.

boyfriend!Tendō who will bring you a souvenir from every trip he takes and will buy you one from every trip you take together. If you bring him back one it’s now his favorite possession or he will steal the one you bought for you when he misses you.

boyfriend!Tendō who will pay for your plane tickets no matter where you’re going or if you’re with him. He will put in an effort to pay for your ticket like his life depends on it.

boyfriend!Tendō who will occasionally forget that time zones exist and FaceTime you at ungodly hours. If you pick up he won’t even notice but if you don’t he’ll mentally scold himself for forgetting. He’ll text you a little heart every time you don’t pick up.

boyfriend!Tendō who will make you playlists when he misses you and will make playlists about what he thinks the trip is like. Acts of services and random gift giving are definitely his love languages. (He likes quality time too so please love on this man.)

boyfriend!Tendō who suggests a trip to your home town every time you mention you want to go somewhere for a vacation. He just wants to see the place that made such a beautiful person.

boyfriend!Tendō who is always mildly disappointed when you get up early to leave for a trip because he knows he didn’t get to snuggle you awake and that he won’t feel your touch for a while. He’s a heavy sleeper so he hardly wakes up when you’re up early for a trip.

boyfriend!Tendō who will text you a picture of the flag to where you’re going on the day you leave. It’s mostly dumb but he’s excited for you and it means the world.

boyfriend!Tendō who will seek out and take you on the trip you’ve always wanted to go on, just so he can become fiance!Tendō. Probably the most perfect trip of your life.

A/N: uhmmmmmmmmmm Idk it just ate at my brain. I don’t personally like this too much but i hope you do! Also, happy New Year! I am getting to all requests I’m just busy rn. thank you for your patience <3 also u messed up my wrist so that’s fun :P

Reposts and notes are greatly appreciated. Plagiarism, copying, or creating videos of this work is prohibited. This work belongs to @ashlynxswhore on Tumblr.

[tsunderedoctor]

im sorry for the late night request purple. i dearly love you,

but i have a very verbally abusive brother (and sometimes physically) and im wondering how my husbands luffy, sanji, corazon, and denjiro

( and if youre comfy ) my wives nami and vivi would react to that-

so many character you dont have to do them all if you dont want to,,,,,,

you can chose owo 💖

Thank you for being so patient with me while I catch up on asks!! I hope you enjoy boo!! Just in case, the characters we agreed on were: Sanji, Cora, Vivi, and Robin!

Going to put on TW for mentions of verbal abuse, just in case!

Babes Below~!

Vinsmoke Sanji

He’s one to understand abuse the best, especially coming from siblings. He might want to “talk” to your brother and throw some feet, but will respect your wishes if you don’t want him to. He does his best to let you know, that no matter what people say, even your family, he still loves you and thinks you’re amazing! 

If you are having some bad days say after a fight, he will make your favorite meal and cuddle with you on the couch or in bed! Letting you know that people have opinions and sometimes we don’t always share the same side and that’s okay, but it’s not okay to lash out at someone like that. He will reassure you that you are deserving of love and he will love you always!

Donquixote “Cora-san” Rosinante

Cora also understands sibling abuse! Though he and his brother haven’t seen each other in such a long time, there is still some bad blood there that makes it hard for him to move forward in life. So, he gets the harbored feelings both towards your brother and at yourself. Though at times he can be a bit violent, he tries to think his actions through and wants you to have a good relationship with your family some day, so he doesn’t want to do anything to ruin that chance. 

Similar to Sanji, he will let you know what you mean to him and wants to be a shoulder for you to cry on. Let him know how to help you and the man will be your best supporter!

Nico Robin

Robin knows that people don’t always get along, so it doesn’t surprise her when you tell her you got into a fight or witnessing it first hand. She’s the type who will mediate if needed, but also knows this isn’t her place and will support you after the argument. If the fight does get out of hand, the she has no problem ending it quickly. 

During the more difficult times, she will be a good source of reassurance and logic in the situation. It’s easy to let out emotions control how we feel, so she will be your reminder to help you understand both sides of the argument. Again if needed, she doesn’t mind helping you make up either! Since she doesn’t have any family anymore, she wants you to value the family you do have!

Nefertari Vivi

Vivi also knows families fight and don’t see things eye to eye at times. Though she never experienced any negative backlash from her arguments, she does understand that some families aren’t so lucky. She will support you though! Always letting you know that despite what your family might say in the moment, they still love you and wants what is best for you in their own ways. 

Another validator in the group (I swear they all are words of affirmation lovers-), she will do her best to remind you everyday how much she loves you and how much you mean to her! Between random “I love you”s or simple peck on the lips, you own her heart and she wants you to know it!

Tag List: @chloe-nanami @musical-apple @luxiditea @macdonaldsmanager @onepieceya @undercoverweeeb @athenaportgas @simping-master-69 @portgaslari @sanjissunflower @xxtoothachexx @lukasismissing @chocolate-n-cheese @cipher-p0 and anyone else who wants to join in@

[writingwithcolor]

Elderly Black man with autism and anxiety

@xcherry-popx asked: 

I have a Black man in my story. Some main features of him include 1) being an older (60+?) man and 2) being rather nervous (and likely having anxiety). I've also considered him having autism, but I wanted to handle the anxious aspect first since it will be more prominent.

when creating him, I started out with the idea of an anxious older man and then decided on race. I'm still working on how his anxiety tends to manifest, but my current thoughts include some anger (not violence) and self-soothing in ways like running his hands through his hair. [autism + anxiety is ownvoices]

my main concerns are that:

     A) having his anxiety manifest in anger could be seen as an Angry Black Man, even if he doesn’t hurt anyone (this is in a story where there are some incidents where someone is attacked by someone else, so its not as if his anger is being toned down for the audience)

    B) his anxiety-autism could be seen as infantilizing him (its not immediately obvious, and he is seen as a father figure by many of the other characters. he will probably mostly grow stronger on his own rather than relying on the rest of the cast [if he does use their help, its more indirect, such as someone’s courage inspiring him or another nervous character working through their problems together])

I haven't heard a whole lot about 'weak’ (used very loosely here) Black man stereotypes, but i wanted to double-check since i know i dont have a whole lot of experience

Do you think he may come across as an 'infantilized Black man’ stereotype, or to a lesser extent, an 'Angry Black Man’ stereotype?  

[ask trimmed due to length]

The possibility that he’s undiagnosed 

Depending on the context of the story, it wouldn’t surprise me if his autism and anxiety went undiagnosed (mental health can be a taboo among some Black communities). So one of the questions is : does he know or not ? 

Dealing with emotions / how he handles things

Also it’s hard to deal with really strong feelings, sometimes irrational when you don’t know why you react like that. Being undiagnosed could explain his anger. But judging by his age, he could have learned to live with it ? We don’t know his personality and his life so it’s hard to tell.

Also, I don’t see anything wrong with not being strong or just having weaknesses. It’s human. You just have to take your character’s past into consideration when writing about it, but the rule for the story is that he must evolve. It doesn't mean he should finish entirely strong, without any weaknesses. It’s all about change and being a better person (or not, it depends on your themes and the message you want to convey). 

He hates being helped ? He learns to accept it and ask for help when needed. This is evolving. He could also find a relieving practice to sooth his anger, or that helps him control his emotions. This is evolving too. Or it could get worse, he could totally close up to the others because of the frustration of not being understood, of feeling weak for needing help. That’s life. He’s old and sometimes, people just stop trying. But again, I don’t know what your story is about so I can’t tell you if you should go towards a positive or negative character’s arc. Just remember : it’s all about his evolution.

Anyway, there’s only one thing that will probably prevent you from falling into stereotypes : make him as human as you can, with all his qualities and flaws.

- Mod Lydie

First of all, I second everything Lydie said, especially that first paragraph.

Undiagnosed (potentially) & coping

Being able to write part of this character from experience will be helpful, but you noticed correctly, being a Black man on top of that does have an impact. Like Lydie mentioned, he could easily have gone undiagnosed. There is a taboo in some Black communities, but keep in mind misdiagnoses and lack of professional support can happen as well. Though there are great psychologists out there, there are also those who will be influenced by racial prejudices, who simply won’t take people seriously, and Autism is still poorly understood outside of stereotypes a lot as well.

Going undiagnosed or even just a late diagnosis really impacts a lot of one’s experiences growing up and how you see yourself. It could be another deeply influential part of his identity that mixes things up again so do keep in mind if this is the case for him. Especially when he’s reached 60+, comorbid is very common aside from the anxiety (depression and C-PTSD come to mind). Not that you need to put those in there, especially because it really depends on his background and direct support group, but something to keep in mind as you further flesh your character out.

At such an advanced age one will probably have learned to mask a lot (though a turn to masking less can be seen in older people, especially men, as well). They might have grown used to being different, including feeling misunderstood, frustrated, could become withdrawn or a people pleaser as a coping mechanism, but all of this is all highly dependent on their character as well as their experiences. 

Dealing with his anger & stereotypes 

Thinking outside of the box of how anger can manifest could help as well. Sometimes people express their anger in less obvious ways, or the anger could be hidden under a secondary emotion. His anxiety and Autism will probably be affected by each other as well. Like sensory overload coming hand in hand with anxiety attacks of one leading to the other.

Your concern for having him turn into or interpreted as an angry Black man stereotype is something to look out for. Make sure you fully develop his character, show him to be multifaceted, and give him agency.

I personally don’t see how he’d be seen as infantilized as you described him in your concern B paragraph. It sounds to me like he’s doing to opposite, trying to be hyper self-reliant, but yeah, depending on how you let his anxiety and autism manifest, it could be an issue. It’s hard to really say a lot more than this without more specifics.

Characterization 

To me, this character comes across as one who could have a lot of depth and complexity to him. He would be flawed, he would be interesting, could easily be made relatable as well. But as you guessed, it will take work, care and research to pull him off without falling into potential pitfalls. Having weaknesses and having your character grow is a good thing (and mentioning for anyone who needs to hear it: Autism and Anxiety are in itself not character flaws or weaknesses, but they can lead to someone manifesting them). This is not only due to the stereotypes, but also because there’s not that much rep out there and you will be battling against ingrained biases and stigma as well. 

That said, this is the type of character I always look forward to reading. 

- Alice

[palmett-hoes]

per your post "every single one of the monsters is autistic and/or adhd" will you elaborate on that?, if you do i will love you forever (not that i wont if you dont do it)

oh boy i would love to!!! unironically nothing brings me more joy than writing long, convoluted character analysis posts

---

okay so i’ve written several posts before about why andrew is autistic. his moral code, the roundabout way he communicates, his body language, his stimulation-seeking behavior, his strict adherence to transactional deals, the emphasis on honesty, and a dozen other details. at this point i just take andrew being autistic as fact, not just an interpretation

h o w e v e r  i also hc that andrew is dyslexic, which is also a neurodiverse condition

- - -

similarly, i’ve seen more than one person interpret kevin as autistic, and i absolutely agree that it fits. not just the hyperfocus on exy but mostly the way he communicates. he’s very indirect, especially in his affection but very direct with his opinions. he tries to be helpful in a material way to the people he cares about, even if he comes off as negative. he wants the people he cares about to be safe and successful so he pushes them to work hard and reminds them in measurable ways how to stay healthy. he doesn’t factor in a lot of room for emotions, so instead he focuses on quantifiable things that he can improve. i personally act very similarly. approaching someone emotionally is hard for me, so when the people i care about have problems all i can think to do is try offering solutions, check up on their well-being, etc. practicality instead of conventional sentiment is extremely common with asd

- - -

so now let’s talk about neil. i had to think on this one for a WHILE but ultimately came to the conclusion that neil is adhd, probably hyperactive type. 

like obviously neil is high energy. i would say he probably does the most exercise of anyone on the team. morning run, morning practice, afternoon practice, night practice with kevin and andrew, plus he doesn’t have a car so he runs to class (on a BIG ass campus), and goes for an extra run when he feels stressed. that’s... insane, honestly.

neil reminds me SO MUCH of this post that goes:

“Was just informed by my mom that I do in fact have ADHD and the reason I thought I didn’t was because ever since I was seven whenever I got super energetic my mom would have me go chop wood so now when I’m feeling The ADHD I go chop wood”

(phenomenal post) and that’s neil to a t. tell me this isn’t exactly how neil handles his problems and also exactly what mary would have had to do to keep her unmedicated and very energetic son focused on the task of staying alive

neil also definitely has that ADHD on/off switch with his interest. the obvious being exy which is like the definition of a hyperfixation, but you can see it in other things: the way he runs totally hot or totally cold with people, his complete disinterest in his schoolwork, the way he can’t seem to sit still long enough to follow movies. but then there’s also the hyperfocus. doing the same drill for hours on end. watching exy game after exy game. staring at andrew until time falls away

what’s more, neil on many occasions shows racing thoughts, both in an anxiety way (and anxiety often goes hand-and-hand with adhd) but also as a way to quickly and accurately take in details about people to build a character profile of them. this is what allows him to connect with the foxes, how he manages to get through andrew’s puzzles, and even how he knows what to say in order to knock riko down a peg. his brain just works so fast and it takes in a lot of very specific details and disparate information to make connections.

but also like,, neil has a HUGE problem with time blindness. like the instant he didn’t have his mother around to manage and direct him anymore he lost all sense of time. he stayed in Millport for a YEAR. and what did he keep telling himself during that time? basically “i really need to move on, but not just yet.” for a YEAR! then he gets to palmetto and he’s like “i’ll cut and run in a month or two” then he doesn’t “i’ll be gone by halloween” wrong again “i’ll leave by the raven’s game” nope. like,, the boy just has NO sense of time and he can’t seem to make himself DO anything outside of an externally enforced schedule. and even then,,, HE HAD 48 FUCKING DAYS TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING TO DO TO NOT GET MURDERED! 48 WHOLE DAYS. he didn’t make a plan, he didn’t write down any letters with goodbyes, he didn’t GO TO THE FBI LIKE HE’D INTENDED TO THE WHOLE TIME! nah he just made out with andrew and when he finally got to zero he was just like “ah shit, that was fast. oh well guess i’ll die” and that’s time blindness, babey!

---

let’s move on to nicky. 

now i think it would be really easy to say nicky is just adhd because he’s high energy and forgetful but tbh,, i don’t think that’s all of it. like if you really look at nicky’s character and especially at his problems, he has asd problems just as much as he has adhd problems.

so nicky is dual diagnosis asd and adhd. also nicky reminds me a lot of a girl i used to know who was autistic/adhd

so, adhd:

very generally speaking, ppl with adhd will struggle with sitting still, listening to and following instructions, planning/organization, following a schedule, and some social boundaries like “appropriate” times and topics of conversation

i would say you see hints of this with nicky. he’s definitely a rambunctious personality, constantly on the move, constantly stimulation seeking. he’s very tactile. he likes to dance, he likes to party, he complains about it but he’s an elite-level athlete. he’s also decidedly very chatty, and doesn’t seem to really pay attention to what he’s saying. he distracts himself and the people around him have to keep him on track. he has some trouble with boundaries. he’s a little all over the place. he’s almost a bit of an adhd stereotype

also one thing i find interesting is that when neil sees him in the library doing work neil is surprised to see he’s capable of that, especially bc when we see the upperclassmen doing work they generally do it in their dorms or on the bus and/or with other people around. that hyper-social nicky would be alone in a quiet place is weird. but this is like the most common tip for dealing with adhd. don’t do it in a familiar space. have a designated space and time to do work. limit distractions. just a lil detail

so now, asd:

in all honesty, most of nicky’s actual problems in the narrative could be viewed as stemming from asd symptoms. his number one issue being that he has a lot of trouble with nonverbal cues (and tbh, verbal ones too). the twins are mostly quiet. andrew especially (when he’s sober) communicates primarily nonverbally, and nicky seems to have a lot of trouble with this. despite knowing them for the longest on the team, nicky honestly seems to have the least insight into the way either of the twins actually thinks or processes things. he loves them, and he’s very forgiving of them, but he fundamentally doesn’t understand them. 

the twins, andrew especially, put up a LOT of nonverbal boundaries, and nicky sort of inadvertently keeps trampling all over them. he’s touchy in a way they don’t like. he talks a lot about their personal lives to other people. he treats them like they’re joking when they’re serious. etc. and like,,, you kind of get the sense that the upperclassmen feel similarly about him. beyond the homophobia, beyond the fact that he’s loyal to andrew, the upperclassmen still treat him with this sense of,, bafflement, i suppose? it’s clear that they don’t really understand him and he doesn’t really understand them. although, nicky IS curious about the upperclassmen, while the upperclassmen are pretty dismissive of him. it reminds me of when my sweet, floppy dog tries to play with my cat. their body language is different; they’re each receiving different signals than they believe they’re sending out

only,, nicky loves people!! he likes being around them, he likes talking to them. he’s interested in their lives and stories, but it’s very clear that he can’t read between the lines on people. he has an incredibly hard time with people who expect their actions to speak for them, which is most people, but is especially his cousins.

actually this is very much also an issue that i have: things need to be spelled out for me. the way i deal with it is i ask a lot of questions. ‘how do you want me to react to this potential situation?’ ‘what are specific things that make you most comfortable?’ ‘please explain to me exactly how you feel and what has prompted those feelings?’ and i’m always communicating vice versa like that with other people. a lot of specifics in both questions and answers

and the interesting thing is, when i was skimming through the books reviewing dialogue styles for another ask, i noticed that, actually, nicky DOES do this. with neil and the upperclassmen, nicky asks a LOT of quick, clarifying questions. things that ask after tone, that ask after intent. it’s kinda sad that he does this for communicating with acquaintances, but with the twins, the people he’s closest to, he makes a lot more assumptions. and i’m really proud of nicky for having this coping skill, because i can’t imagine it’s something he grew up doing. there’s no way he was raised in an environment that fostered this kind of open communication so it must have been something he learned about much later, probably in germany with the kloses, which would also explain why he’s a lil imperfect about it

---

now last but not least, aaron

this is another one i had to think through for a long time before it felt like it fit

much like how i felt that it would be easy to read nicky as simply adhd rather than also asd, i think it would be easy to say aaron is autistic simply because he is quieter, less rambunctious. however, i actually think he’s adhd, likely primarily inattentive type

in all honesty, aaron’s #1 character trait for the first two books is basically that he’s disconnected. detached. separated both from his family and his team. not in the same forcefully apathetic way that andrew is, more,, spaced out. he’s just kind,, there. not really paying attention to what’s going on, tuning in every once in a while only if something really catches his eye/ear then tuning right back out again. just sits in his corner and plays on his phone. and the thing is, from the moments when he does tune in, you can tell that he actually does care. he backs nicky when seth insults him in tfc, and we know he cares deeply about andrew even if he’s become disillusioned with their fraught relationship. he even hangs with his family, doesn’t seem to really try and slip away to other friends besides katelyn, he’s fine spending his leisure time with the monsters. so it’s not totally apathy, he’s just,,, tuned out most of the time

and, yea, that sounds like adhd. it’s not the type that most people are familiar with, and for a lot of people this causes it to slip under the radar. it can make it hard to get help or a dx because it doesn’t fit with how adhd “should” look or how someone “should” act, but difficulty focusing your thoughts and staying in tune with the current moment is absolutely part of adhd

addiction is also a huge problem for people with adhd. a lot of stimulants affect people with adhd very differently than neurotypicals, especially in small doses, and an adhd kid who’s struggled their whole lives with the disorder might try speed or god-forbid meth or fuck even coffee and suddenly find that things are a lot easier for them. they start to self-medicate, they don’t actually know what they’re doing, and then they’re addicted, and everything spirals out of control. we don’t know too many details about aaron’s addiction other than that his mother enabled him, but wouldn’t this fit? it’s also an explanation for aaron still taking drugs at eden’s, given that cracker dust seems to be a mild amphetamine. (aaron talk to betsy about the neurocog and get an actual prescription please)

(total throw away but aaron plays videogames and videogames are like,, adhd culture)

[simplepotatofarmer]

hii about your post about dream seeing c!tommy as something in a way to his happy family and therefore needing to control him.

i was wondering how the "you're so fun!" and the whole reviving him and killing him over and over again and the "we could be immortal together" fit into your analysis.

to me that always indicated that he was more obsessed with c!tommy than anything. i dont know how he couldve did that and still only saw c!tommy as smt in the way or a means to an end.

i'd love to have your input cause your analysis was very well-written :)

yeah, i was thinking about that when i wrote that post!

i think that there was kind of two things at play:

one, i think c!dream wanted c!tommy to question dream's motivations. you see that a lot in exile where dream tells tommy that he's his only friend. tommy is an easy target (and i've talked about this before) and i think that's in part because tommy is a loyal person and would do anything for the people he considers his friend.

so it's like he's trying to beat tommy down while convincing him that they're friends. and you can see that it does work to a degree because c!tommy goes back and forth on whether they're friends when he first comes to c!techno's cabin. which is kind of the way dream is trying to control tommy: isolate him from his friends, beat him down, convince him they're friends while not hiding the negative things c!dream is doing.

basically, it makes sense that c!dream wants c!tommy to feel like this is all a game. it's fun! tommy's fun! that's how he thinks he can control him and if he can control tommy, then that's another step to getting what he wants.

two, when it comes to the statements c!dream made in prison, especially in regards to reviving tommy, at that point it feels less like dream has any sort of actual plan or goal other than proving he's able to revive people and also. just kind of the effects of being in solitary confinement for so long. it doesn't really surprise me that he would say as much. i actually think he would've said the same or similar to c!techno had techno been more aggressive about not believing him. (now that's not saying tommy deserved it or provoked it, at all, he didn't, just that dream reacted differently to the different approaches.)

though i'd still say that he'd view tommy as kind of the main key to achieving his goal. so proving he could revive him, saying they could be gods, knowing that the people tommy cares about could be killed.... it's leverage. his first tactic didn't work but maybe this will, you know?

this is getting really long and i'm so sorry. basically, i do think c!dream is obsessed with c!tommy in the way that he believes fixing this 'problem' will get him what he wants. and we know what dream wants. it's all about the end for dream and tommy is the means.

[harley-style]

mcyt brain rot for you all

this is both anysis and headcanon and au scenario, all blended together. you're welcome :D

----------

i have this headcanon,,,, cobbled together by some tumblr posts i read,,,, but some of them point out that wilbur is like, good at manipulating people as well to a point, right?

so i was thinking. what if his reach extended far beyond what anyone thought of? *what if wilbur's influence spread to dream?*

i know we've discussed this before (or sparrow analyzed it idk) but like. hear me out. this headcanon has to do with how wilbur wants to create a narrative. pit it against dream and his presumed original desires to create a safe happy place for his friends. wilbur's insistence that dream is the "tyrant". what if wilbur saw how dream was pointedly staying out of conflict, decided, "i dont like that," and began twisting the storyline and pulled dream's strings (pointedly off camera bc headcanons, babyyyy) so that dream would eventually fall into ruin, as the disgraced tyrant?

and dream...he KNOWS what wilbur's doing. to him specifically. and he's struggling so hard at the beginning, judging by his soft, passive demeanor when wilbur asks about the tnt.

i think, that somewhere along the line, dream lost sight of where his boundaries lied, and falls right into wilbur's plot pit and became The Villain. and he's like, fuck. I went and done it, oh no.

and....it worsens.

i had this whole scenario in my head that dream fully embraces the villain role, plays wilbur's game and completes the "narrative"...but is so fed up with wilbur and his stupid fucking ploys that he...bends the rules a little. changes shit up.

something...oh, a little like "lets speedrun my fall into villainy" bc it wouldn't be dream without the speedrun.

fast forward to prison. maybe if dream finally gets to resurrect wilbur. and wilbur is Not Pleased with how dream has decided to handle his narrative.

but its like. dream doesn't give two shits about wilbur's goddamn narrative anymore. he **played wilbur's game**. he's done with his role. he's given them peace, given them a happy end.

sure, he's given the rest plenty of trauma, but hey, it all turned out okay in the end, right? theyve got their happy ending. theyve BEATEN the big bad nightmare. his role is OVER.

but wilbur doesnt like it. doesnt like the lengths dream went to. it wasn't supposed to be like this. dream wasn't supposed to turn out this much of a *monster.*

and dream laughs. "will, wilby, wilbur," he croons madly, in his pretty little cell, preening like a cat. "i dont care," he hisses. "you fucking wanted this. you WANTED me to be this way. right? mr. revolutionary man? come on now, dont tell me you never expected this."

and wilbur tries to protest, but dream cuts him off.

"no. NO. dont' play your stupid littke games on me wilbur. you udnerstand? im DONE. im so sick of your bullshit, your countries your wars and your stupid fucking "story". I WANTED PEACE AND SAFETY. ALL i asked was "hey, don't be jerks, we're all one big community," and you didn't even have the DECENCY to just adhere to those rules, not even a little bit! you -- i let you in here because of TOMMY, you know that? the reason you even got to BE in this world was because tommy "vouched" for you. said you would be a great addition. and tommy-- i loved that kid back then, you know? he was bright and annoying and he made the server FUN. you took that brilliance, took that kid, and turned him against me, against ALL of us -- for what? independence? I HANDED YOU INDEPENDENCE AND YOU SPAT IT IN MY FACE LIKE IT WAS THE MOST VILE THING YOUVE EVER RECEIVED. i didnt even ENFORCE my rules, they were so loose literally EVERYONE broke them at some point.

but you? you had the audacity to call me a tyrant. to call me selfish, greedy, controlling. and then you declared war. the pet wars, the first disc wars weren't even close to the intensity you brewed during the revolution.

you had this little ideal in your head. and ill have to hand it to you, it was certainly impressive. but you didnt need to press it, to pressure it on the people of my server. you did anyway. you created this plot, this scheme to paint me as the villain, as the final boss. and you know what? FINE! if this is what it takes for them to be safe and happy, i'll be the villain.

but don't come in here expecting me to play that role again. i DID my part. i united them. my work is over.

but you, wilbur? heh. you get to deal with ALL the consequences of your war games. you'll be the one dealing with tommy's nightmares, tubbo's anger, everyone's hatred, fuck, you even get to deal with the egg!! isnt that nice? i was willing to deal with the egg, you know, it appeared before the whole election thing. but since you're here, you may as well take over. because you're SO great at directing them, you know? better than i ever could.

point is, wilbur, you don't get to use me as the tyrant, the final boss, the bad guy, and the villain anymore. when i said i would be putting the most powerful person in here, I wasn't fucking lying!"

"but tommy said you were going to put him in there!"

"you know, with the amount of times ive practically lied to that kid, im surprised he still believed me. i was never planning to put him in here. no one else would be put in here. hell, even techno and phil would just have gotten stuck here for about a week. i had guidelines, you know. i put them in a book somehwere, in one of my bases. no one was supposed to get unfair treatment. unfortunately i seemed to have pulled the short end of thr stick. that seems to be all that im doing these days."

"dream—"

"no. don't do that. don't pull me into another one of your plots wilbur. i don't want to hear it. you got your villain. your villain is gone, wilbur.

it's time to be the hero. :)"

basically my points here are like.

-wilbur made a narrative that dream didnt agree with

-this narrative painted dream in a negative villian light so dream basically said "yeah fuck that" and spedran his role

-headcanons galore i really do like the idea of dream creating that prison for himself to be locked in

-once wilbur is back he visits dream and explains his displeasure that dream went and did the things he did bc 1) hurt a lot of people personally and 2) did not adhere to the villain role wilbur specifically assigned to dream

-additional mentions: both wanted peace but in different forms. dream wanted peace for peace's sake but wilbur wanted peace after struggles. dream genuinely loved everyone on the server, but had to shed those attachments because to him, PERSONALLY, it would be a weakness towards his "villainous" role. his threatening of tubbo in front of tommy so tommy can "be the hero like spiderman and batman" shows that he knows exactly how empowering attachments are. lastly, dream only began manipulating people after the pogtopia arc. he mostly stayed the neutral party during it, and was just reacting with plans among plans during the lmanburg revolution.

-additionally, wilbur really wanted to stay dead, but dream said "haha no" and alived him again bc if he has to be the one to inflict trauma onto people then wilbur has to suffer leading the efforts to recovery.

hi @dreamsclock u keep giving me brainrot so im tossing this at u thank u goodbye i hope u dont mind the tag

[tigerdrop]

Cringe is dead, talk to me about the funny half-life men and their relationship

okay here is my essay. it is titled These Guys Actually Like Each Other, and Gordon Freeman Is Just Kind Of A Dick*

(disclaimer: these are just my 2 cents. dont take me too seriously! im just some guy online who has watched this shit too many times.)

first things first. these guys actually like each other. this is a key aspect of their relationship. benrey, obviously and textually, digs gordon freeman - you dont flirt that heavily with guys you arent into, and so much of what he says and does is geared around making gordon crack up. thats pretty gay.

but the counterpart to this is that gordon freemans pretty fucking gay for benrey, too. you may say, “oh, but word of god says its not requited!” and to you i will say: bull shit. gordon is uniquely obsessed with benrey compared to all the other characters. if gordon didnt like the fucking guy, he wouldnt giggle with him and share in-jokes with him and bring him up every 5 seconds when benreys not around. thats concern, bro. thats worry. thats real shit

but i cant blame people for thinking that gordon freeman genuinely doesnt like benrey. benreys partially responsible for some of the worst things that have happened to him, the Arm Thing among them. and gordons very insistent afterward that he doesnt like benrey. he even goes so far as to try to kill benrey a couple times. to this, i must argue that gordon freeman is just kind of a dick.

lets talk facts here. canon. Lore. from the moment we hop into gordons shoes, we can see that he is a jerk to every npc on his way into black mesa. this is his default: a dude who just runs his mouth and says rude shit. he calls tommy a freak within 5 minutes of meeting him. he infantilizes the guy and barely considers him a real scientist. he doubts that bubby is a real name for like no fuckin reason. in “real life”, this is because its funny, and wayne is trying to make a funny half-life stream. in a textual sense, this is because gordon “hlvrai” freeman is a dick. this is the way he acts, consistently, throughout the series.

(brief aside: this is why the whole “gordon is a nice guy and a great dad” characterization baffles me. the way he actually acts in canon is, in short, bitchy and lacking in self-awareness. and i love that for him, i really do. it makes the moments where he just tries to be a nice guy stand out. but thats the thing: his intermittent moments of decency and kindness are not the whole of his personality! this dude kind of sucks most of the time!)

the way that gordons general asshole attitude extends to benrey is complicated. in fairness, benrey makes it his job to annoy the shit out of gordon as much as possible, and that warrants a negative attitude, but gordons pretty paranoid and ends up blaming benrey for nearly everything that happens to him, regardless of if its warranted. this is a pattern he exhibits both before and after the Arm Thing. its a little bit of a dick move! especially considering that, prior to the whole “betrayal” subplot (which was not exactly planned very far in advance), benrey is no more malicious or annoying than anybody else gordons having to travel with.

(okay, this is kind of a subjective evaluation, but still. my point stands that benrey is not any more of a hindrance to his progress than anybody else in the science crew, and neither is he particularly more violent or murderous. hell, gordon freeman has probably killed more guys than benrey. benrey just tends to get.......special treatment.)

all that said, i am still convinced that gordon really fucking likes benrey. please consider with me the following: it would be remarkably easy for gordon to just ignore him and do what he has to do, but he doesnt. he could stop engaging. he could stop thinking about benrey. he could stop bringing benrey up to the rest of the crew every time benrey leaves to do his own thing for awhile. but he doesnt. and, again, yeah, the extra-textual reason for this is “two guys are doing an improv comedy thing and bouncing off of scorpy is kind of the point”, but within the text it reads to me as gordon not being about to get the dude off his mind.

and this is in addition to all the times we see gordon being genuinely nice and receptive toward benrey! its in the little things: laughing the hardest and longest at benreys jokes. only ever reciprocating that stupid underwater “BBBBB” thing with benrey. trying to catch benrey when he falls, despite his insistence moments earlier that benrey should hop in the wack ass crystal generator and get hypermurdered. fondly remarking that benreys sweet voice sounds beautiful. his sort of flustered responses to most of benreys overt flirting. none of this is the way normal people react to a guy they hate. this is all fuckin gay to me, man.

its this combination of the outward insistence that gordon hates benrey with his inner eagerness to be around him and think about him and engage with him that gives off strong “repression” vibes, to me. for whatever reason - pride, embarrassment, resentment - gordon maintains a front of hating the guy and wanting to kill him for a lot of the series, but it doesnt gel with the way he fucking giggles and plays along half the time that benrey starts fucking with him. its a game, and that game is one of the only ways gordon knows to manifest affection for him.

(remember “oh my god, hes got a knife!”? that was the gayest shit i ever seen in my life. tittering like a schoolgirl while benrey chases him around like “im gonna get you haha”. insanity.)

the cool thing about repression is that you can have it manifest in a lot of ways! and this is where things like “headcanons” and “my own personal affection for repressed bisexual men” come in. a lot of how i characterize their relationship is an extrapolation of a lot of things like gordons canonical insecurity issues/anxiety, gordons whole anti-bootboy thing screaming “internet wokeboy who means well but probably has a lot of repressed baggage” to me, etc.

how do you get massive amounts of sexual repression out of what you see in canon, you might ask? well. if wayne would stop having gordon talking about being jerked off by the suit, or talking about chugging a 40-gal drum of potion and having to hold his piss, or worrying about being eaten by benrey the moment he sees benrey at setscale 10, maybe i would have a higher opinion of gordon “hlvrai” freeman and whatever latent psychosexual issues hes got going on. but here we are

i havent even touched yet upon how benrey feels about gordon. this one is helpfully made a little more plain by the fact that benrey very much wants to suck his dick in canon. (i dont even have to go into details. we all know.) but IMO the best part about this ship isnt just that they dig each other, but how. benrey gets overtly flirtatious in the second half of the series, but IMO his preferred method of flirting is just fucking with gordon: chasing him with knives, shoving him around in a bathroom, trying to get scans of his feet. but all in like a slapstick, giggly, fun-and-games sense, you know? at least when it works.

a lot of the time, though, it doesnt work out that way. he clearly just likes doing it whether or not gordon responds positively. which is, you know, Weird. not very nice. but also in line with the way everybody else treats gordon freeman. gordons kind of the universes chew toy in any given universe, and the same holds true here. hes kind of helpless......subjected to 4 demons attempting to make his life as difficult as possible. in a way its cathartic.

sorry. i got sidetracked. anyway, benrey very much likes to mess with him and unnerve him and demean him and i will be perfectly frank with you: that is hot. i have problems and illnesses and one of them is that i am a masochist who goes crazy for that kind of thing. calling gordon a “dirty lil boy” and telling him to “look at the mess [he] made” is some straight up kink scene shit.

i like to imagine that a lot of this behavior isnt caused just by the guy who played him wanting to be funny and antagonistic, but by benrey as a character not really understanding what constitutes “pushing a joke too far”. hes not human, and whatever he is doesnt have a very normative way of understanding the world around him, full of people who actually get hurt for real and die for real. benrey expresses what seems to be genuine surprise and distress after the Arm Thing, as if he didnt know that his actions would have serious consequences. and it doesnt seem to fully sink in afterward, either.

it reads a lot to me like hes used to video game rules and treating people around him like NPCs. if they get hurt, its no big deal, because its not real. he likes jamming random buttons on gordons interface and seeing what comes out. its probably a lot of fun for him, the same way that seeing a streamer or a youtuber suffer for our amusement is fun. its like, you know, in my opinion, gordons very cute when hes frazzled. hes also cute when hes laughing. pushing gordons buttons has a 50/50 chance of either of these things. and this is how he ultimately flirts with gordon: by pulling his pigtails.

but at the same time, benrey does legit care about gordon and knows some boundaries. benreys the one most often shooting at enemies to protect gordon, and he spent most of the last act trying to convince gordon to turn around and not fight him because they were friends (best friends, to be specific). he just lacks a lot of the emotional intelligence it would take to express the feeling of “he digs gordon and likes seeing his face get all red and sweaty regardless of the cause”. and gordon lacks the emotional intelligence it would take to express the fact that he doesnt know if he likes or hates benrey and hes scared as hell that its the former

because, lets be real. unironic benrey-liking is a sign of problems disorder. just look at all these words ive written about it.

can you imagine? this bizarrely powerful, non-human entity that can shrug off gunfire and grow to the size of a building has decided that youre his new plaything. benreys the bored guy booting up skyrim and fucking around in the console, and gordons the hapless favorite follower that hes taken a liking to. its a really fun dynamic IMO

after all this, its safe to say my title is a little misleading. the asterisk stands for * and So Is Benrey, Actually. they are both kind of awful dudes who thrive off of teasing each other and they deserve each other. and i am crazy about it. thank u for coming to my TED talk

[strawnarrries]

Hey love ! Can you do one where y/n is doing that video for Vogue (morning routine) and then Niall appears whilst she is doing the video and he kisses her , hugs her , tell her he loves her and then he finds out about the video and also they had a secret relantionship and people just found out .... you can go from there. Thank you! By the way I really do love your imagines !!!!❤️❤️💕💕

ooh this is so adorable i got a little carried away so its really long for a blurb lol and i added some “comments” and i literally made up usernames from the top of my head and im hoping they arent real but i hope you enjoy bc i adored writing this!! //

when vogue asked you to film your morning routine, you immediately said yes. you adored those videos and was excited everytime they posted a new one with a different celebrity. you always thought they were super interesting and loved to see everyone’s routines. they always had such huge celebrities so you were honored and super excited when they asked you to do one.

you got up early that morning to give you plenty of time to film and refilm if needed. it was about 9:00 when you sat at your vanity and set up the camera. niall was still sleeping in your bedroom but you didnt bother to wake him up to tell him you were filming your video this morning.

you clicked the record button and began, “hey everyone! it’s y/n y/l/n and today i am gonna be showing you my morning routine!” 

you began your routine, explaining every step in detail. you showed your products to the camera, explaining what they did and how you apply them and being your goofy self as well. over halfway through your routine, you heard rustling from your bedroom right behind the bathroom door.

the door creaked open and your eyes widened and a small smirk erupted on your face when you saw a shirtless niall walk into the room in the viewfinder of your camera. he was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes before he stood behind you, draping his arms around your shoulders and dipping his head down to press a sweet kiss to your temple, and mumbling in his deep and raspy morning voice, “hey baby” 

“g’morning” you giggled, still staring at him through the viewfinder, a huge smile now on your lips. his hair was an enormous mess, sticking up in every direction and his eyes were slightly red from rubbing them. you loved niall in the morning, he was the absolute cutest when he woke up.

thats when he lifted his head and looked up at you through the mirror, spotting the recording camera staring at both of you. his eyes went wide and his jaw dropped open and you started giggling at him, “oh my god im sorry, i didnt know ya were recordin’ today” 

“no its okay, its about time we let everyone know” you grinned, lifting your head and look up at him from behind your shoulder

“ya think?” he hummed, cocking his eyebrow up 

“mhm” you nodded, smiling softly and getting lost in those gorgeous blue eyes he had. 

you and niall had been together for almost 10 months and early on, you both decided to keep it quiet as long as possible. neither of you wanted the backlash or the attention of a new relationship that came with the fields both of you worked in. youve been seen in public together many many times and have been asked about each other but both of you say “we’re just friends”. everyone speculates and thinks you’re lying but neither of you ever admit the truth. your friends and family knew about you all, but the public eye did not. you were surprised you had kept it quiet so long but at this point you wanted to show off your handsome boyfriend. 

“i love ya” he grinned, leaning down and pressing a sweet kiss to your lips

“i love you too” 

***

you had sent your video into vogue and they had finally finished editing it and it was now live on their youtube channel. you were nervous about the reaction. this was huge for both you and niall because now the entire world knows youre together. you assumed the worst and thought every single one of niall’s fans were gonna kill you, especially after the reaction he used to get with his past girlfriends. so you were a bit nervous, but niall was so very good at comforting you, “theyll love that im datin’ ya! i mean cmon, yer y/n y/l/n!” 

“you make it sound like im beyonce” you rolled your eyes playfully 

“yer my beyonce” he smirked, batting his eyelashes at you

“oh my gosh, stop, that was so dumb” you smacked his arm softly, rolling your eyes again and giggling at him

you had posted a picture of the thumbnail on your instagram, promoting the video so your followers could go watch it. you and niall were sitting down on his couch when you decided to go through the comments to see how people were reacting to yours and nialls now public relationship. you were absolutely shocked with the amount of positivity that was flowing through your comment section. of course there were the occasionally hurtful and upset niall fan comments.

nialls_got_cake: ew why her shes not even that pretty 

                  niallismybae4lyfe: ikr like out of all the people in the world why y/n

“ouch” you giggled, pointing to those comments. its crazy how no matter how many positive comments you get, one bad comment can weigh down on your mind for days

“babe dont look at those, those are 2 bad comments out of the 20 thousand positive ones. those are from fuckin 12 year olds who wanna be you so bad ‘cause yer so fuckin’ incredible.” 

you giggled at his attempt to make you feel better as he scrolled through the comments on your phone finding positive comment after positive comment.

taylorronns2: officially adapting a new morning routine

niall1dhorannn: I FUCKING KNEW IT IM SO HAPPY

                   niallsnewangel: MY ACTUAL FUCKING PARENTS I LOVE THEM

hpk2001: i think she watches @skincarebyhyram

rosie123: why is she the prettiest girl in the entire world im so jealous

bde.harold: omg niall and y/n are the literal cutest i want thAT SO BAD

“look they love ya!” he grinned, going through comments and picking out the positive ones from his fans and reading some off to you 

you smiled at the sweet comments, trying to put the negative ones in the back of your head and focus on the thousands of people supporting your relationship, jokingly giggling, “okayy maybe they do love me” 

“‘course they do. and even if they didnt, it wouldnt matter ‘cause we’re happy together and i love ya” 

“you’re disgustingly cute today” you teased

he scrunched his nose up at you, chuckling “fuck off, ‘m tryna make ya feel better” and pulling you into his chest and holding you tight against him.

“i love you too” you smiled up at him, molding your lips within his. 

“ya glad we did it?” he asked you, rubbing circles on your arm

“yeah. now i can finally treat you like my boyfriend and not like we have an awkward friendship” 

he giggled at your comment, pressing another sweet kiss to your soft lips, telling you how much he loves you. 

[descendantofthesparrow]

If you had the chance to rewrite Mal to be a better (or more likable) main character for the Disney descendants franchise, how would you do it?

Besides just burning D3 to the ground of course

hmmm, i guess it would be exactly how I'm rewriting her in my poyw rewrite series? i think in my rewrite ive just like...written basic empathy into her??? and writing that fucking god complex outta her?i really dont know how to explain how i would write her better other than what I've been doing with rewrite??? like as far as the feedback I've gotten from my readers I've been doing a good job at making Mal a better/likable character? but Mal is a character..that just doesn't seem to have basic empathy or sympathy past D1? like she just doesn't seem to realize that other people exist and have feelings? like she just doesn't seem to comprehend other people like....exist? which is why i think she has a combo of a god and superiority complex or something like that 

like

this just describes Mal for me, like by the time D2 comes around, we see it when she goes to “negotiate” with Uma, and when Uma challenges her, she doesn't even try to see what Uma wants, so sure that she WILL win, because according to Mal, she always has against Uma (which I fully believe is not true, I'm sure Uma has a handful of victory against Mal, its just Mal blocks that shit out because again, god/superiority complex) this is also present in D3 when she tries to go against Hades on the bridge, she just is so sure that shes this all powerful being that she can defeat a FUCKING GOD, and when she gets her ass kicked and wins only by a hair, it surprises her?! like Mal, you are not that powerful, you are not that fucking important, I'm sure if Uma had been fighting seriously the day of Cotiliion, she would have fucking demolished Mal, Uma can summon storms and control water, what can Mal do? fly and breath fire, that's fucking it, Uma is much more powerful that Mal and i will stand by that.

anyway before this turns into a Uma is awesome post, ill wrap it up with, All Mal really needs to be a likeable character is...some empathy, because that's a part of her D1 character that is good, she had empath/sympathy, she realised Ben’s “feelings” for her and that made her rethink the wand plan, she realised her friend's feelings about Auradon and that made her rethink the plan. by D2 it seems like all that has disappeared, she only focuses on herself and her feelings, she doesn't seem to think of Ben, or Evie, or Jay, or Carlos! its the same with D3, when she makes the “decision” to close the barrier, she doesn't even seem to try to think of another option, it's just “close the barrier” immediately, right out the gate, no “up the security” no nothing, its just close the barrier, to which ben, rightfully, reacts negatively to, and Mal tries and somehow convinces him to agree to closing it when there's still hundreds of kids on the isle that want/deserve to come to auradon, and she just rips that away without a second thought. later she says to Evie that she was trying to protect their life, but she doesn't think of what Evie and the boys would feel, they wouldn't want that life anymore if others couldn't share it with them. they aren't Mal, and Mal doesn't realise that.

ANYWAY to sum it up, all Mals character needs is basic empathy/sympathy and shes pretty much fixed (along with most of D2/3s plot because the lack of it is what causes most of the plots) 

[slasherbastard]

Can i get a matchup? If not just ignore

Im 5'2. Afab and i go by all pronouns. I love to draw and read. As well as write. I have diagnosed DID. I can be motherly, and gentle. Or I can be a straight up bitch. I like to playfully insult people but if they don't like it ill stop. I love cottegecore, Goth , vintage and dark academia lifestyles. I love to sleep and eat. I love to be crushed in hugs. I love gentle people and i love people who are bad influences too. I love love love cheesecake. I always buy a whole set. I love to cook. And i love to feed people and be fed. My love language is feeding,eating together,touch, words of affection and ect. Im salvadorian. My food stay seasoned. I love cats and animals in general. I catch feelings way to quickly to. Like you can open the door for me once and I'll call in love. I have trust issues like i dont trust easily or sometimes i trust to much and yeah i cant make a decision to save my life im nonbinary pansexual multi aesthetic bitch who cant get my life together

As I was reading this I just knew 2 things. 1) a  nonbinary pansexual multi aesthetic bitch who cant get their life together? Same here. and 2) This just screams one name-

Brahms Heelshire!

(gif credit: boodalinski-gifs)

Where do I begin, Brahms loves you. When you first entered the estate for your nanny job, he thought you were pretty but he didn’t realise how amazing you’d be. He did get a bit jealous about your interactions with Malcolm, though - ESPECIALLY when he mentioned that there was a place in town that made the best cheesecakes and he was happy to take you there for a “professional courtesy” as he liked to call it. You’re surprised that Malcolm is still alive - even after you discovered Brahms, Malcolm did try to take you up on the offer every few weeks. How you’ve kept Brahms hidden from him is beyond you - not to mention you definitely had feelings for him early on during your stay. As Brahms watched you through the walls he fell in love with you even more, you treated the doll so well and the thought of Malcolm stealing you away angered him. Your love for the gothic and vintage aesthetics and cottagecore/dark academia lifestyles only grew during your stay at the Heelshire Manor. Everything about it fascinated you, from the secluded manor to the literature stacked on the shelves to the old toys in doll Brahms’ bedroom, you love all of it. When you’re not busy with chores you sort of just sink into this space where you feel like you’re in a story.

Telling him about your DID is a huge step, and it isn’t hard for Brahms to process this new found information. He thinks it’s interesting and he will have a lot of questions about it as any curious person would - if he oversteps any boundaries, know that he means no harm since this might be the first time he’s heard about it. If you ever feel ashamed of yourself, Brahms will not stand for that and will prove to you that his feelings for you won’t change because of your disorder. Even though they are two different things, Brahms thinks that if you can love him for his face, then he can love you for your DID. Brahms tries to learn more about it so he can be prepared, he’ll also try to be more observant to make sure that anything that may be bothering you or harmful to your health is gone and if you’re under any stress he will leave you alone - as much as he doesn’t want to though. Even if it’s for a few hours, he’s still going to miss you - but if you want him around, he’s more than happy to stay with you. 

Brahms sees you as not only a caregiver but also a significant other.  He loves your cooking, especially since it’s been 20 years since he ate a proper homemade meal that wasn’t cold by the time he was able to leave the walls to take it from the freezer. Brahms is gonna put on a bit of weight from how much you feed him, the first time he tried your cooking he nearly cried over how good it was. Brahms thinks - no, knows. He knows - that you’re the sweetest person he’s ever met and he would probably tear everything to pieces if he lost you.

Brahms doesn’t like animals at all but you could probably convince him to get a cat. “Cats eat rats, it could definitely solve the rat problem. Then we won’t need the traps.” If you managed to convince him to adopt a cat he’d want to pick the breed and name it then avoid it. He’d probably want one of those really fluffy white ones and he’d name it after a character from one of the many books he’s read, Elizabeth, maybe. The day you bring it home you’d have to force Brahms to sit down and see what happens, hoping that neither of them react negatively to each other. Elizabeth will come up to him and rub against him while Brahms sits there frozen, you’d try to hide your laugh as he watches you, thinking “What the hell is it doing?” Long story short, these two are going to be inseparable - except for when it needs to be fed or it’s litter tray needs to be cleaned out. Brahms likes having Elizabeth around but you’re gonna have to be the responsible one and properly look after it.

[purekesseltrash]

This is my final ask talking about BTD so it has to be perfect, I literally created a google doc so I wouldnt fuck it up before I sent it

Shoji replaying a song over and over while doing a task reminded me of when I listened to “Ophelia” by The Lumineers on repeat while drinking coffee on my kitchen counter and lemme tell ya, I’ve been chasing that high ever since

Yeah knowing you'd have *some* family but not all of them after coming out sucks major ass but its the truth, I'm ever so grateful that the only person who would react negatively that I know would be my maternal Grandmother whos a narcissistic bitch who I haven't spoken to in years so like, i dont give a shit what she thinks but I know that it would be hard on Shoji seeing how family oriented he is in this story and him knowing his relationships with his siblings and parents would be rocky makes my heart break for him

OOOOO BITCHHHHHH HES TEXTING HIMMMMMMM

That went over a lot smoother than I thought it would, I mean i'm incredibly happy that they’re like, getting together, but I honestly expected it to be more drawn out

Awww Tokoyami getting their as fast as he could and Shoji being soft for domestic Tokoyami

Sweet jesus I can relate to Shoji just randomly thanking his friend for being his friend, the amount of times I’ve wanted to just ominously text my friends a “thank you for everything” is too many to count

I LOVE GRITTY, HE REMINDS ME OF MY CAT WHOS A MAINE COON (his names Chewie if you're interested)

I knew Mic would suck at cooking, its just so him

I practically squealed at Shoji changing Tokoyami’s contact name to Fumikage

Okay, little background story, I keep a list in my notes app of headcanons for Tokoyami and literally one of them on there says word for word “Dogs absolutely love him and he loves them right back” so im SO GLAD you made him a dog person, making him a cat person seems like the easy route

LAWYER MOM IS INTRODUCED i honestly didn't picture her as a blonde but now I see it

Tokoyami’s mom being incredibly enthusiastic reminds me a lot of my mom, she always get excited when people have pride flags hanging up and suggested we get a pride flag so that made me appreciate my mama more than I already have been

I swear to god my eyes got as big as saucers hearing the part about cheesecake because I'm from New Hartford and forgot Hartford was a different city.

I can just picture Aizawa SLAMMING the brakes and whipping his head around, hair flying, as he looks at Shoji

“And he let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding” how much more cliche could you get, not gonna lie that made me laugh

All right I have to confess something. I've skipped every transcript of Put Your Sticks Up because I was impatient and wanted to get to the story. Now you know my biggest secret, I always felt bad but would get frustrated cause I wanted to hear ‘bout my boys.

The last precious worm ask! I am finally on my laptop so I can give this the proper attention.

Ngl, when my head isn't working, I will just put on one song and play it over and over and over and over and over until something comes into my head. My ShinOji fic 'Gold Rush' came from that. Still not sure how I managed to make a somewhat decent fic out of a song about gentrification but my mind is a wild and wonderful place.

Yeah, Shouji goes through it with his family. One thing that I can say though is that as Shouji starts to get more and more successful with his art, Tokoyami starts to spitefully send articles and reviews written on his work to his parent's house. He never gets a response but doesn't expect to, he just feels like they should see how amazing their son is, goddamnit. The one day, a letter comes back. Tokoyami opens it, expecting it to be them telling him to knock it off and instead, one of the pictures has been sent back with 'This is beautiful' written in pen, an arrow pointing to one of his vases. Tokoyami then has to show it to Shouji and explain what he did. Shouji cries basically all night. That starts a very, very tenuous back and forth with his mom.

Gonna put the rest of this under a break because it's gonna be long

You should have seen my first outline if you thought this was quick with them figuring it out. Basically, the only reason that Tokoyami broke it off in the first place was because he didn't see that there was a chance of it working. They worked so well otherwise. Amazing chemistry, complimentary senses of humor, Tokoyami didn't want to break it off at all. He just felt like he had to because otherwise they were both going to get more hurt. So when Shouji was like 'okay, but actually I do want to try this', he was all in.

Ojiro is legit Shouji's first real friend. Which is really really sad given that they met when they were eighteen but Shouji never really got a chance to do anything normal.

Maine Coons rule and Chewie is an excellent name for them. I was going to name their cat after Marie Phillipe Poulin, the greatest women's hockey player ever, but I decided that Gritty would be funnier. Mic as a bad cook is deeply satisfying, I picture him being like me, just all 'okay but I just do enough to make something to survive on and uh.... who needs all the details and stuff'.

The name change actually came from my beta. They asked why his contact was still Western Civ Tutor in the beginning of the chapter and I was like 'oooo, great way to show how they have changed'.

And maaaaaaaaaan. I'm sorry but how is someone who is a bird gonna like a cat. Nah. Tokoyami is a dog person. They do go on to get a dog. They were going to get a Shiba Inu or something catlike until Kenta came through with a hound puppy that he'd found in the rain while on his route and just dumps it in Shouji's lap like 'Surprise!'. They name it Lu after Roberto Luongo, famed goalie. The dog is a goddamned menace and Shouji ends up having to take it to classes and learn about dog training so they can all keep their sanity. He ends up loving Lu the most. (I do some part time dog training so I had to throw that in)

Tokoyami dyes his hair. He's actually a mousy blond under the dye like his mama. And yeah, my parents are hella supportive too. I figured it would be healthy for one of them to have accepting parents.

Aizawa was pretty pissed, ngl. For all that he should know better, he got caught up in the same shit that coaches tend to slip into, which is a responsibility because they have someone with potential that they must mold and then when they go on to do amazing things, they can feel a part of it. But then he realizes where he fucked up and how he was so busy seeing Shouji the hockey player that he couldn't see Shouji the person.

Listen, it's my fanfic, so I'm gonna get as cheesy as I damn well please. I'd written a super cheesy ending for the end of 'Black Sun' and was waffling on keeping it until somebody was like 'it's a fic, be as cheesy as you want'. I can has my cheese, as a treat.

WHAT IN THE FUCK WORM. HOW CONFUSED HAVE YOU BEEN THIS ENTIRE TIME?!?!?! this legit made me laugh out loud when I read it. GO BACK AND READ MIC'S SHOW!!! I set up so much stuff to try and prepare the reader to understand the emotional stakes, not to mention the basic facts of hockey! That being said, I get the feeling.

Thank you for this last super mega grande worm ask, sorry that it took me so long, I wanted to be able to give it my full attention. <3

[jfcspencer]

PARA: big surprises!

WHO: journey smith @journey-j-smith & spencer stone.

WHERE: jo's house.

WHAT HAPPENS: jo is pregnant!

JOURNEY

Journey sat on the floor of her bathroom. She probably bought the whole shelf of tests this morning after dropping the kids off with her brother. Spencer was on his way over, like always, and she was so excited to tell him about at the same time she was scared. They joking talked about their future together and Jo had some truth being her words. She wanted everything they ever talked about. And now one of them was happening. She walked down stairs in her short shorts and bikini top just as she heard the door open. “There’s my sugar.” She called out as she hit the last step

SPENCER

this week, spencer was kid free so he was able to spend some more time with his girlfriend journey. on his way over he grabbed them a small six pack of beer to just hang out and chill around as the summer was coming to an end. when he got there. he opened the door and called out, “jo! i’m here!” he smiled before shutting the door behind him. when he saw her at the end of the stairs he placed the beer down on the couch and made his way over to her. “you know my birthday isn’t for awhile but look at this sexy present,” he winked, placing his hands on her waist and kissing her lips. “i brought some beer so we can just chill today.”

JOURNEY

She smiled softly as she kissed him back. “Well I’ll remember this outfit for your birthday then. But I was thinkin’ y’all would want me in a lot less.” She joked as she looked over at the beers. Oh how he knew his weakness. “Great! Let’s put them in the fridge for now. I have something to show you.

SPENCER

“hm, i would like to be surprise but you in anything is a great present,” he winked at his girlfriend. he felt his hands on her hips before nodded his head. his body moved to grab the beers and heading his way to the kitchen. “so,” he chuckled out opening up the fridge and put them in there. “what do you plan on showing me today?” he questioned, looking over at the beautiful blonde near him, closing the fridge. “a present?” he teased her, pressing a kiss to her lips a few times. “like an actual present because you didn’t have too babe.” hummed out the man, pushing her hair back from her face.

JOURNEY.

“No…not a present. A surprise I guess……” she thought for a moment. She let out a sigh and took his hand. “Just come with me.” The blonde lead him up the stairs. Feeling her heart beat start to race which each step. How was he gonna react? Was he gonna be happy? Or mad? As she walked into the bedroom she dropped his hand. She walked over to the bathroom and gesture inside. To the sink that had about 10 positive pregnancies tests sitting in it. “There…” she said in a small voice. The feeling of her about to cry welled up in her stomach

SPENCER

“a surprise?” he questioned, arching his brow up a bit while he listened to her for a short moment. he followed her up the stairs, he had no idea what he was going to walk into today. he never knew if this was going to be a good thing or a bad thing. was it like a break up talk or something? he wasn’t sure. when spencer saw her gesture for him to come into the bathroom, he followed slightly confused until he came face to face with the many pregnancy test on the counter. they had talked about having kids, they have been together this whole time. he loved kids, he didn’t mind having more at all. “holy shit,” he chuckled out, wrapping his arms around journey. “i know we talked about it a lot so i guess we saw this coming,” he chuckled, kissing her forehead. “are you ready for this? me forever? a big head baby?”

JOURNEY

The blinked up at him before bursting out into tears. Covering her face before hiding in his chest. She was just so happy and relieved to hear his words that she lost it. Bitting her lip she looked up at his with tears still rolling down her face. “I’m ready for everythin’ and anythin’ with you suga.”

SPENCER

spencer was taken a bit back when she burst into tears and burried her face into his chest, he quickly wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back. "why are you crying, baby?" he asked her in a quiet voice, his hand kept rubbing her back gently. "well, i'm glad we're on the same page about this little nugget here." he kissed her hair softly. "so i guess i brought beer at the wrong time then." chuckled out the man, looking down at her with a kind smile.

JOURNEY

She sniffled. “I don’t know. I recon y’all be mad….or,or upset.” The women sniffled using her hand to dry her face. “I was just scared.” The women said softly with a hiccup. “But I’m happy now.” The singer giggled lightly and shook her head. “No no. It’s the perfect time. You get to celebrate!” Journey smiled happily at him. In the past she really didn’t get the moment to tell her late husband that she was pregnant in person. It was always over the phone. And besides Lux, it actually didn’t go well at all.

SPENCER

the man stepped back, cupping her face to wipe her tears with his thumbs. "i could never be upset. we talked about having a kid, shit, if it came out negative i would pull down my pants right now." he laughed, trying to get her not cry and put a smile on her face. "i grew up by myself and i always wanted a big family. we're gonna be a family," he smiled, kissing her nose lightly. spencer wrapped his arm around her, walking them down to the kitchen. "i agree, a celebration beer is in need! i mean for me, we can get you whatever you want like a milkshake or something." he chuckled out.

JOURNEY.

The women couldn’t help but laugh at his words with her head in his hands. She never felt more safe then with Spencer. A dumb smile grew on her face. “We’re gonna have a baby.” The women followed him to the kitchen and pulled out a beer for him and popped it open. “For ya, sugar. You’re gonna be a daddy.” Journey said getting tears in her eyes.

SPENCER.

“we’re going to have a baby,” he repeated smiling down at her. spencer leaned down to kiss her lips a few times. he thanked her before taking the beer and bringing it up. “you’re going fo be a mommy,” he cheered out before bringing it to his lips to take a swing of if. he set it down and chuckled out. “baby, dont cry,” he wrapped his arms around her again. “id start crying if the kid comes out looking like me.” he laughed out.

JOURNEY.

She shook her head and wiped her face. “I’m just….” Journey sniffled and looked up at him. “I’m just so happy. This is the happiest I’ve ever been.” She beamed. “I’ve honestly never been this happy and felt this safe with anyone else. And I love you.” She smiled big and stole a kiss from him. “I can only wish to have a child like you.”

SPENCER.

spencer placed the beer down, taking journey's hands in his. his thumbs ran across her smooth skin, smiling down at her. "well, i am so very glad that i could make you this happy, jo. truthfully, i love you and you really do make me so fucking happy. i'm with you, this is the happiest i have been in such a long time and it's because of you," mused the blonde, resting his hands on her waist but slowly went to her stomach and rubbed it gently. "i love you too," he hummed leaning down to meet her kiss. "trust me, you don't." he laughed out, shaking his head. "lyric is just like me and i had to apologize to my mum."

JOURNEY.

“You make me happier then you will ever know.” She hummed softly at him. “I think we were that the other was waiting for all our lives. The missing piece.” Journey placed her hand on top of his as it rested on her stomach. “No I do. I really do. I wanna watch them grow up and become just like you. Having a little you is nothing I’ll ever regret.”

SPENCER.

"i agree with you, baby. i think we needed to go what we needed to go through so that we could meet each other in our lives," he told her, keeping his eyes on her and his hands on her stomach. his smile grew feeling her hands on his. "why are you so fucking cute?" he chuckled, pressing a kiss on her lips. he was sure that he had heard those words before but it never mattered until right hearing it from journey's mouth. "well, i hope they're just like you. kind, sweet, and with the most beautiful soul."

JOURNEY.

To out side world, Journey looked like she had a great life before meeting spencer. Married her high school sweetheart who became a war hero with beautiful kids. But Jo was never this happy. Felt this perfect. This love before then. She sniffled before nuzzling into him. “I think we have rethink our living together timeline.” She giggled

SPENCER

it was no surprise that spencer had been linked to many people in his career. some of them he did care for and loved and others were nothing but random hook ups. this relationship of his was different, he had never met anyone like journey before who quickly changed his whole mood, his life, his heart. she had this insane impact on him that wanted him to be a better person. “moving in huh? i can do that. we do got a tribe so we better house hunt soon for one huge ass house.”

SPENCER.

She giggled. “Swim-up bar!” The blonde cheered happily. “That was a requirement I believe wsaid while in Vegas. We can also just build one.” She said and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her tears drying slowly. “Big house. With room to grow. I just moved into here and I don’t wanna move again and let’s be real. We’re gonna have a big family because I’m one of 11. I think I need to hit at least 9 or 10.” The women only kinda joked. She was gonna have a big family

JOURNEY.

the man laughed and nodded his head. "i do believe we were in talks of having a swim-up bar. i don't know these terms of 'we build one' because i'm just going to hire people for that," he chuckled out, rubbing her back gently. he was happy to see her so joyful to be pregnant and start this future with him. now that he was with journey, he couldn't picture a life without her. it was so strange how quickly she just came into his life and completely changed it around. "big house, noted. big family so you hear that down there?" he pulled back to look down at his pants. "we got some work to do," spencer teased out. "nine or ten, huh? we got six already with the tribe. i can do maybe two more but if it happens later in the future then i'm so here for more with you."

JOURNEY.

She shook her head. “Y’all such a city boy. It’s cute.” Journey walked over and grabbed a water bottle for the fridge and found her way to her normal spot. Right up on the counter top. Her eyes rolled at him. “I mean….I can go for more but I know that’s a lot to ask. I mean….y’all took on the dad role to my kids already and I feel like that’s already asking for to much.”

SPENCER.

"you could never catch me building anything. i make music, not anything else. well and babies because ya know," he chuckled pointing down to his pants once more. he went over to grab his beer and bring it to his lips for a sip of it. "hey, i love your kids. i love all kids. as a dad myself, it's natural to me. i love them very much. plus our kids are the same ages and so yeah," he chuckled softly.

JOURNEY.

Again she shook her head. “No, Spencer it’s different.” She said. “Their dad is gone….and he ain’t coming back. And they’re probably not gonna remember him when they get older. Lux never even met him. But they know you. And they’ll know you as their dad.” She looked at him. “I mean I’ll never let them forget Andrew but…..your here. It’s not like step dad….You’re their daddy already in their eyes. And I feel like that’s a lot to ask of someone…”

SPENCER.

spencer stood quiet while journey speak to him about the kids. he could never replace andrew, he never want too. he wasn't sure what to even say, what could he even say about that? he reached over to take journey's hand and squeezed his hand gently. "then we won't let the kids forget him at all," he whispered out.

JOURNEY.

She smiled and gave a half hearted laugh. “We?” She looked at their hands for a moment. “All that being said, I am so happy they have a man like you in their lives. Because they’ll never know life without a dad.” Journey smiled back at him. She knew her kids, and she knew what they thought of Spencer. They loved him, so much. Her oldest daughter had already made the slip of calling Spencer daddy already and she wasn’t exactly sure how he would feel about that.

SPENCER.

the man looked over at the fellow blonde and nodded his head. "yeah, we," he playfully nudged her shoulder lightly. "i mean, we did talk about getting married and starting our lives together so i want them to know who their dad is." he took the hand that he released her hand and brought it up to wrap his arm around her and pulled her closer to him. he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "so let's make sure they never forget." he told her, smiling down at her.

[dsmamedits]

LETTER-TO-C

June 10, 2020

Dear C,

I stopped calling you sweetie because I felt that things were lacking between us that we were growing apart. Doubt grew between us. I know when someone is lying to me or at least doesn't tell me the whole truth. I just know. It's just like how we both have a feeling when we'll message each other. It's an instinct instilled in us. I know you hide things for my sake because you did say that white lies are okay as long as it won't hurt the other person but for me lies are lies even if you say they are white lies because white lies are lies that hide things from someone but nothing can stay hidden, the truth will be set free. And once it is free and it's been proven that one wasn't transparent it will hurt more to the person who was kept in the dark. People are not weak, you don't need to lie to them to protect their feelings. Especially me, I'm stronger than you think. I can face anything. I'm stronger knowing there are people who have my back and love me. Isnt that how it's supposed to be?

There are things I can't let go of. I dont want a relationship built on Lies, doubt, dishonesty and no transparency. I may say things that hurt. I may have a cold heart. But it was all to protect you from more trauma and hurt and to protect myself. I know I too have things I still have left unsaid, I want to tell you but there's always something stopping me.

My reaction is a reflection of anothers treatment to me. I've seen relationships and I've experienced my own set of tribulations and I'm sure you have too. Im not insensitive, quite the opposite, You started to not care as much. The doubt grew when you didn't want to open up to me, you would usually tell me about your day the first few weeks of getting to know each other and then you didn't open up as much. I know you're usually detailed when talking about something you're passionate about but that stopped. I had to ask instead of you naturally telling me... That's alright because that helped me be more inquisitive and curious about others. But that was one change. When I told you about it you tried opening up more but I dont like telling people what they should know already. What should have come naturally if you really respected me and my feelings.

I don't like how you made a big deal about my virginity and blamed me for it how I could have prevented it and called me naive and simply didn't understand why it happened and insisted it was my fault. You should have let me go then when I was asking for it. For you to question my situation when you've slept around with other women was an unfair way of taking it out on me. I didn't bring that up anymore because you said you didn't want to say things that I could hold against you. But I'm bringing it up here so I can finally let it go and show you how unfair your way of thinking was.

I know my reactions could have been more lax but when you care about someone when you feel pain you may react the way I did. This is the first time I ever cared about somone to the point I would get mad because I was hurt. I know I could've dealt with this more calmly. This was my first time experiencing this much pain and hurt. I didn't know what to do. If I knew I would've known how to deal with it. With you. You made me fall in love with you and you decide to get sick of me after everything I've shared with you. Way to show me I'm not worth it. Not worth the trouble especially knowing my background. Thanks a lot.

You shut down in front of me. Didn't come after me. Didn't hug me and tell me everything is alright. And you didn't let me see anything. You deleted everything instead of showing me. You hid something from me. I'm not stupid but you kept making me feel stupid and I wanted to ignore everything and accept what you said but if you think about it.... Why would she call you just because you had that sickness before. You're not a doctor. And why would she call you several times. I know you wanted to protect all the women you dated. But I wouldn't care about them if you showed me you cared about me more. You protected them. You hid things from me. When I asked you again why you didn't add me on fb, do you remember what you said? You said, why do I need to add you on fb. In an irritated voice. I got scared and embarrassed. So I shut up and didn't insist on it. But I've always wanted to tell you. I can take care of myself. If anybody tries to bully me I have you. If you can't save me from your exes I have me. And if they try to ruin my reputation so what it's not the truth because the truth was that you and I were dating and you were no longer with them. So tell me, what was I supposed to be afraid of? Could you not have protected me? Why were you so adamant about keeping me out of your fb if it was just something you used. Why did you hide things from me. Did you not trust me?

I need a strong man to be beside me through thick and thin to prove to me that I'm worth loving no matter how imperfect I am and to help me get through it by offering something more tangible and helpful instead of telling me to handle my emotions more. Making me feel like I'm to blame for everything being ruined because I overthink about the things I can't make sense of because YOU wouldn't give me details when YOU used to be so detailed about everything!

I'd rather have someone be honest with me with the truth instead of hurt me with lies out of kindness. That is not kindness that is something that will eventually cause pain. Nobody's perfect and I understand that, that's why I gave you chances and you gave me chances but time and time again you made me doubt you. And all I could do was blame myself because I knew things could have been better.

Remember when we didn't go out for valentines? I didn't mind until you said you went out to dinner with your ex during valentine's before. I felt less important... then you said you needed to be with hero that day....I understood that but I felt you were defensive because I already knew that and you said it in a way like "dont be unreasonable", I kept quiet because I didn't want to make a big deal out if it but if you really wanted to spend it with me even just a few hours you would have. There are times when you pick hero up late. But that day I wondered why were you acting that way. We were just starting and I wanted to let it go because I didn't want to sound petty and it didn't help when you said you felt guilty and couldnt explain why, as if you were hiding something. If you really wanted too you would have put an effort. But you didn't. And now that time is gone forever.

I didn't want to keep silent because this might help you understand women more. If you think loving and showing a girl effort is just by feeding them, picking them up and saying words of I love you and making love with them, anybody could do that. If our roles were switched I'd be happy to do all that for you knowing it would make life easier for you. I bet thats how you felt too when you picked me up. Like you said that's what I deserved. But effort is more then that. Time is the most important factor for me. And you were willing to give it to me. You were gonna spare two days to be able to see me while juggling your work and life. I appreciated that...

I always came back when you asked me too and that was because I liked, loved, and cared about you. It annoyed me when you could see through me, when you took my seperation fits as jokes and said I just missed you. That was truer than true. I missed you so much and I was going crazy without you and surrounded by the negativity of everything. I started becoming obsessed with you because I had nothing better to do. You were my whole world. But you were becoming busier and I felt like I was neglected. I knew you were busy and you were trying to find time for me amidst your busy schedule. This is where I lack, communication, being honest about what I want to say. Instead of just telling you what I want from you I just become quiet and keep it inside because I dont want to be insufferable and a bother. But I ended up becoming one... I guess it ended up that way in the end. I remember the time we first met, how you accepted me for my messy past and got mad for me. I see things through rose coloured glasses. Everyone is kind, everyone has a reason for what they do. There is a story on how that person became the way they were. I didn't want to accept the grey and dark parts of the world.

I remember you telling me not to meet the guy in rockwell, I remember we watched the joker and we ate at the burger place, I remember watching in festival cell number 7 filipino version and we walked a lot, I remember going to your roof top and how beautiful and peaceful it was. I remember staying at your place and eating out at different places. I remember the first time we took edsa going to your place and how there were so many busses and I thought to myself, if we could get to your place faster by using this route so I could spend more time hugging you I don't mind taking this route all the time, I remember eating at that vintage burger place. I remember the wings and burger and raspberry juice. I remember that other burger wings place with a huge garage and how a truck passed by and you introduced me as your girlfriend, I was surprised coz you didn't ask me yet but it made me happy but also confused, was this how relationships worked? I remember walking by the river near your place and how I wanted to walk more but I was so tired and I wanted to go to the place you wanted to show me but fatigue got to me. I remember when we were at cloud 9 and I pretended to be not scared of how high up we were while on the bridge and you were acting cute behind me and I just wanted to bite and pinch you. And also punch you because I was getting more scared coz you kept making kulit. I remember how fun it was going home.

I also remember how the next time we rode the motorbike together you were a bit cold. You didn't like me hugging you and said you were having a hard time but usually you would laugh and say you liked it. Also you said you didn't like it when I was putting your shirt up and I thought you did because when we were going from cloud 9 you were laughing it off.

I remember how you got so red when you drank and fell asleep. I remember there was the one time where we did it and it was the most ecstacy I've ever felt, but when I found out the sad things, like how you were still talking to your ex and how you felt like you were distancing yourself from me, making love and loving you started to hurt.

I remember how you changed to letting me bite you when I told you that you got mad when I bit you. I remember taking lots of pictures of us together and of you when we went to the national museum and how paranoid i was about COVID19. I liked seeing you so serious looking around and hiding from you every now and then. One of my fave memories was when we went to celebrate my bday and how much fun it was to watch you sing for me. How we both could just let loose in each other's company. I remember eating at an open ventilated space in Makati with beautiful lighting and how you couldn't eat properly becasue you were having a stomach ache. I remember the time we were in jolibee and you told me about your mom and what she went through and the reason why you came back and how weak she became and how you teared up. You were beautiful.

I'm sorry I let my overthinking cloud the beautiful memories we made. I'm sorry I couldn't show you how much I loved you. I'm sorry I was mean and hurtful to you. I'm sorry that I wasnt enough. I'm sorry for being toxic. I'm sorry I couldn't love you the way you wanted to be loved. I hope you find someone who can love you the way I know you deserve to be loved. We're both too hurt to mend things. Sometimes something broken can't be put together and it's best to carry the broken pieces, glue it together with someone else to create something even better and unique. This is the closure I can offer. I know you've chosen a better path and i can only hope we both find the happiness we deserve. I can't help but blame myself because I know I pushed you to the limit. You got tired of trying because you thought that I was mean and confusing. Because I was toxic and I knew that, that's why I chose this path.

I wanted to let you know how I felt not for you but for my peace of mind.

#bittersweetmemories #loveletter #painfulmemories #youth #confused #distraught #sadness #ending&partings #THEEND