#you can be proactive

[techmomma]

There is a degree to which we are responsible for our emotions. And certainly, we are responsible for our reactions and behavior.

In situations that we have control, situations where a friend is hurting us, like yes, maybe they shouldn't be hurting you. But there are also actions you have to take on your part.

Think of it like an ocean wave. If you go to the beach and a wave surprises you and gets you wet, and you're upset by this, that is perfectly reasonable.

If you keep standing there, letting yourself get wet and get more upset, when you can move away, then that's on you. I mean, it's your choice to do so. If you don't like getting wet and you just stand there getting wet when you can take a few steps back, you can do so. But it's also unnecessary stress, and you give up your own agency. Saying "I can't control this" when there are very much parts you can control denies your own responsibility in this situation. You can't control the waves from crashing, but you can step away from them.

If you know that a friend is going to keep disappointing you, there are two different actions we can take here: a proactive, and a reactive action.

A reactive action looks like knowing they're going to disappoint you or upset you, they do so, and you react to this. Nothing changes, and it keeps happening, and you continue to be upset. Your anxieties remain unaddressed and continue to hurt you.

A proactive action looks like knowing they're going to disappoint you or upset you and taking the steps to mitigate stress in anticipation of this. And THAT can look like setting down a boundary, removing yourself from the situation (no longer participating in the thing that your friend disappoints you about or no longer asking them to do X when they won't), or accepting that they will disappoint you--meaning you are at peace with the idea of them disappointing you, not "I am going to continue letting them disappoint me but it's going to upset me every time."

It means addressing the source of your stress and what upsets you before it actually does. And like. That's hard! It fucking sucks!

Especially for those of us who've grown up in situations where we didn't have any choice but to be reactive, because oh I don't know, we were children and didn't have any other options. And now we've grown up into adults who feel like there's no other option but to sit there and take it. Like there's no other choice but to be stressed and upset.

Part of healing from this kind of abuse, managing our stress in proactive, responsible ways means we no longer settle anymore, for being hurt. "Just taking it" when people hurt us and won't change. And as adults, that is kind of our responsibility and no one else can really do that for you. That's kind of part of being emotionally mature, is understanding yourself, and being responsible with your own emotions.

We sometimes can't change what other people will do. But we can change what we do, in response. And we can take care of our stressors before they stress us out.

[seiwas]

cw: pro-hero bakugo, reader has boobs, kind of explicit/nsfw? idk i describe boobs, reader is smaller and shorter than bakugo, unedited sawry

bakugo's muscle tee looks as ill-fitting as it'll ever be draped over you.

there are reasons for this, perfectly founded and logical reasons for why that is—the main one being that, it's, well, his; two, maybe even three sizes larger than what it should be to fit you properly.

but, he can't stop staring, and there are reasons for that too—the main one being that, it's his, and yet, the only way he can ever imagine it now is when it's being worn by you.

your hips sway to the song you've been humming for the past five minutes. it's the same one, the chorus on a perpetual loop. he's sure it's the only part you know; you do this often enough that it's the only part he knows now, too.

the hem of his tee hits right at the top of your thighs, concealing just enough to tease, but he’s confident that if you reach up even the slightest bit for the cupboard overhead, there'll be nothing to hide.

he feels a little bit like a creep like this, watching as he stands in the middle of your shared living room, but it's impossible too look away—you've got to be doing this on purpose, right?

heat flares inside of him when you turn your body ever so slightly, the armhole of his muscle tee large enough to give him the clearest view of skin—

he gulps.

it's smooth, sloping just right; the side view of your under boob curves into its perfect shape and he can imagine it, feel—

(is this considered perving if he's been with you for years?)

the pan in front of you sizzles as you plop in god knows what. you pour in something from the side and wait, one hand propped on the hip you pop out. then, you pick up the pan, attempting to flip what's inside (probably a pancake, now that he thinks about it).

it’s hard to focus on what you’re cooking though, especially when all he sees is plump flesh jiggling, bouncing as you further agitate the pan.

he just got the pants of this suit readjusted, and now they're fucking tight.

bakugo normally runs hot; it’s kind of part of his dna. but this warmth is different, flushing him from head to toe. it creeps up the side of his neck, painting the tips of his ears a blooming red.

you turn around then, plopping the pancake on the plate atop the counter behind you.

"oh! you're done," you greet him with a smile. so. fucking. casually.

as if your tits aren't fucking peaking against the gray fabric of his tee.

as if you think he buys the fake innocence poorly concealing that sly, conniving look in your pretty eyes.

as if you aren't standing in front of him in his muscle tee, wearing nothing underneath it like you didn’t do this on purpose. like you don’t know what it fucking does to him.

his eyes squint suspiciously, deep vermillion staring straight into yours.

you tilt your head, the tips of your lashes kissing the top of your cheekbones as you blink. you reach for a bottle of honey.

“everything okay?” you ask, voice syrupy, sickeningly sweet.

your movements play in front of him languidly, the corner of your lips curling up slightly as you smirk. honey catches on your finger as you pop open the bottle cap.

he’s supposed to be out the door in five minutes if he wants to make it in time for a meeting at the agency. technically, he should already be there if he wants to keep up his track record of consistently being fifteen minutes too early.

but you start to approach him, rounding the kitchen island. there’s a narrow space between him and the slab of marble, but you slide into it like it was made for you.

he’s certain it was, from the way the tip of your nose brushes against his as you tiptoe. your tits are right fucking there, brushing against the skintight material of his suit.

there’s too much fucking fabric if you ask him, between cotton and spandex.

your grin widens, and he feels hot, the heat from his cheeks radiating.

then you whisper, still saccharine, “breakfast is ready,” before kissing him on the lips lightly. a short peck, soft in the way that promises more before you slip away, giggling in your retreat.

he huffs, watching you leave. his feet shift as he thinks.

five minutes, huh?

like hell he’s going to eat these damn pancakes for breakfast today.

[sosuigeneris]

why is being feminine seen as catering to patriarchy?

I enjoy putting on my make up, heels, I like looking good, I enjoy traditionally “feminine activities” like baking and cooking, I love a good gossip session with my girls, I’m empathetic and warm when I want to be, I can be very nurturing if I choose to be, I want kids someday and I want to be married. I can do all these things and still work my ass off in my business, close massive deals, be invited to speak for interviews, and conferences, be perceived as a leader without emulating alpha male behaviour.

By saying that doing feminine things caters to the male gaze and patriarchy, you’re putting women down. You’re inherently stating that being masculine is “correct” and “cool” and enjoying being feminine is “weak” and “vulnerable.”

oooooh buT YoUre doInG aLL tHiS fOr a MaN-

and even if I did, sometimes, do those things because I like a boy - what’s the issue?? If I’m invited on a date and I like him, and I want to look great, what’s the ISSUE? If he’s going to show up dressed well and groomed to look good for me, why won’t I? And if you’re going to choose to go out with a man who is an absolute dusty rat that doesn’t care about his appearance and hygiene, sorry but that’s on YOU. The first date might be a human error of judgement which happens, but going on a second date with said rat is unforgivable.

“meN aRe NeVeR subJecTed to tHesE stAndarDs”

by YOU. I sure hold men by the same standards that I hold myself. My standards are high. Just the way I hold myself to a certain standard, I hold men to the same. I’m not going to muck around with a guy who clearly does not meet my expectations. I’ve told off men for bad breath, bad manners, I ensure that my brothers and my closest guy friends are always looking good when needed, and I tell them when they do and don’t. I surround myself with good male friends I know I’d be ecstatic to marry my sister off to. Don’t pretend like your shitty low standards and mine are the same.

I don’t believe in blame game and low standards and it shows.

You guys really need to understand that it is alright to be multifaceted. Just because I enjoy baking doesn’t mean that I don’t like adventure sports, just because I enjoy doing my self care and meditation doesn’t mean I don’t understand politics and history and “Big Boy Subjects.” I may not enjoy F1 and sports but there are girls out there who do, and they also enjoy wearing dresses.

stop the unnecessary labelling and categorisation of people.

[annabelle--cane]

biting this scene. sinking my teeth right in.

[bonefall]

I’m rereading Po3 and despite its flaws I really enjoyed the introduction to the three. Jaykit isn’t mentioned to be blind in the first few chapters and instead they chose to show how much MORE capable he is compared to his littermates; until at the end of chapter 3, he brings up his blindness on his own. It makes forcing him to be a medicine cat SO much more frustrating because it really feels like they’re setting him up to be a warrior and choose his own fate (note i haven’t finished the reread this is just my first impression)

I like how you seem to take that path in BB regardless! It makes his arc so much more enjoyable

His arc in canon is super frustrating because he's such an independent character who clearly wants to make his own decisions in life, but then he just gets shoved into the medcat den. I LIKE that he ultimately goes there and that he enjoys it; but it was still really fucked up that they stripped away his autonomy in the process.

Re: they are not real, they are writing choices. Taking away the choices a disabled character can make over their own life, forcing them into a celibate nun role, and then going "awwwww dont worry see? he likes it! This was the best thing for him :)" was fucked up.

And imo it didn't have to be that way! You wouldn't have to go the FULL route I did with big changes, he could just be more involved in the descision to stop being a warrior apprentice and it would be fine. Minor change that would make a world of difference.

I do also have to interject to say though... blindness should really not be an extremely severe impairment for a ThunderClan cat.

I'm dead serious.

Whiskers are built-in sensors that tell you the exact position of everything within several inches of your head, ears swerve to pick up sound, and the jacobson's organ provides a sense of smell so keen that I have an entire Clanmew expansion draft because I needed to make WORDS describing the power of this sense that humans do not have. I cannot stress enough how delicate their other senses are, felines do not rely on their sight like primates do

ThunderClan lives in a mixed-oak woodland, where sight is already often obscured by foliage, objects are close together (for whiskers to feel), and nearly every movement makes noise against the leaf litter. RiverClan and (moor-running) WindClan cats would have a harder time with this disability than Thunder or Shadow.

Cat sight SUCKS to begin with. It sucks BADDD. They don't have color vision, they're significantly nearsighted, and they can't track up-and-down movements well. WC doesn't write realistic cats (more like small fuzzy people really) and I also work with more humanesque eyesight, but the only thing Jay should really lose is an ability to rapidly track a small animal swerving fast. Blind cats are often still excellent hunters in spite of that!

So it's an extra big waste that they railroaded him into a position he didn't choose, saying he couldn't be a warrior. This is the perfect disability to write, if you want to explore how ableism can impact the characters in this society who ARE legitimately still capable of nearly full independence, but still need to find accommodations for what they can't do.

In the same arc they're doing the dumb Cinder Reincarnation Plotline, no less!! Where SHE is also feeling like she has no choice over her "destiny," and gets a conflict over a potentially disabling injury

"Oh nooo if cinderpaw breaks her leg she wont be a warrior!"

"What the f-- Im Jaypaw and im reporting live from the scene where a Category 1 Idiot Moment is taking place. Woman breaks leg, suddenly everyone believes she is a horse, more at 11."

One of these days I should really make "herb guides" just covering how various sensory disabilities impact the lives of Clan cats and some tips for writing them as warriors, especially between Clans. Stuff you wouldn't usually consider, like how much noise deaf cats tend to make, how RiverClan would get a ton of sinus infections and lose their sense of smell, being blind in Sky vs Thunder, etc.

[brown-little-robin]

it turns out that every time you establish a friendly working relation with a professional in your area, your Talk To Professionals meter fills slightly, and after like three or four of them (in my case) it gets easier to get over the initial terror-driven petrification and start to ask questions and take charge. and even Succeed. at interacting with mechanics and doctors and stuff. incredible

[rawliverandgoronspice]

Beyond surface appeal, what makes Ganon a compelling antagonist

I think cruising my blog would provide a good number of possible answers, but I guess my tl:dr would be (otherwise I could probably make a full 24h conference about it at this point): because he does reveal (if one is willing to look) the brutality of a world in which gods uphold a natural order through a given kingdom that will not budge on its god-given right to rule, and him as both a rebellious disorder to that status quo which also ends up devoured by said status quo as just one natural part of a cycle of creation and destruction that ultimately always kind of stays the same.

Also, I find the setup of a man born to a tribe of outcast women, considered exceptional by birth while also having to figure himself out + the role he needs to play in that kind of structure and in a very difficult context, someone who both is being granted a lot of natural power while also still being sneered at and considered lesser and/or inherently evil by those blessed by the gods (while also carrying a lot of unexamined baggage of their own), is just so juicy and interesting and brimming with potential psychologically speaking (especially when applied to his motivations of: why does he want power, why does he always alter his own body, his uncanny resilience, etc). It does come with a lot of baggage, as "the evil man from the desert" is far from being a neutral concept coming from a neutral historical place --but examining what kind of world would come to such conclusions is also deeply revealing of said world.

And then, Wind Waker gives him even more of a window to reflect on his own rage while also never apologizing for the horrors he commited, mourning what he wanted and what he became while also being the only one calling the gods of Hyrule out for being terrifyingly cold entities --far more than he could ever hope to become.

Yeah, I think Nintendo has been sleeping on Ganondorf ever since (even if I defend his TP appearance). But he has a fascinating cross-game story(ies), and I find him to be a deeply tragic --if horrendously flawed-- figure, which is partially why TotK was so disappointing to me, because TotK saw nothing but the surface level + the fact that putting him in a game sells and makes people horny.

(you'll notice I didn't mention Demise, because I think that, while the whole cycle thing wasn't bad or not that interesting, fans really overly simplify this concept in a way that has contributed to make Ganondorf extremely flat, which I am not here for.)

[itspileofgoodthings]

one of my favorite things about getting older is that I’m just more sure and more confident in taking control in social situations and making other people feel at ease. I really love it!

[popcorndispenser]

Hershel is actually the only character I've ever projected my dpdr onto. Idk, it fits him really well imo. Des' PTSD gives him uncontrollable fits of anger, Layton's makes him dissociate.

For those uninitiated:

[koszmarnybudyn]

Yeah I know that's not a tape recorder this is a doodle and i didnt google it before i drew it. Anyway.. dndads tma au because its plauging my mind again so have a little snippet that i wrote in class:

Uh...Willy, told me to do these logs now as a way of catalouging our "adventures" and archiving the older stuff. I heard before my times there were reports but it seems kinda hard to belive since i've worked here for ages and never seen any, literally none. Guess some unfortunete soul needs to get stuck with the paperwork and today it just happpens to be me.. great. For some fucking reason writing or recording this shit digitally doesn't work, so Norm decided we could use these..tapes? Or whatever, I'm not a nerd. So yeah I'm now stuck in this stuffy basment speaking into a beat up dictaphone like some wacky sci-fi scientist that's going crazy, I guess. *Sigh* Fuck I spend too much time with Norm i'm starting to sound like him.

So where to start..? *Pause as the voice gets slightly further and muffled supposedly reaching under the desk* I guess one of these is as good as any, I think its from... Well definitly before i started working here. Let's just get this over with...

[casterhex]

mark's life philosophy

[ineffable-gallimaufry]

okay so this is like the third time?? i think he's already got me by now guys

[transfaguette]

i see some people very fixated on the idea that everyone should seek out their "ancestors" and connect with their "roots" and that will unlock some secret purpose or something. and obviously I think thats fine but . my roots are here, there's nothing for me to go and find. My great grandparents were immigrants and I was very close with them while they were alive but they lived here for most of their lives, too! They were more American than they weren't! I'm kind of over being told to look back because there's nothing there!!!

[mildmayfoxe]

two modes

[blujayonthewing]

if losing weight was simple and obvious we wouldn't have to have teams of nutritionists meticulously crafting weight-loss programs based on taking advantage of extremely specific and obscure biological processes and that still have like a 95% failure rate

[fluffypotatey]

Skill issue maybe. But kindness certainly didn't help the prosecuted for the rest of the show.

Maybe a balance is needed between me being proactive and merlin being kind, bc merlin sure needed a bit of the former (this is really more of a complaint for the showrunners rather than merlin. I read so many fics of merlin being proactive and helping magic that canon is slap in the face with his passivity and class traitorness)

yeah Merlin’s approach to certain issues definitely show the writers’/showrunners’ hands than his actual character (where he is pretty outspoken in these topics) but there’s also the nuance of keeping his magic secret and yada yada

but also, one of the reasons we like Merlin is because of his goodness and open-mind. there is a reason he is a foil to Morgana, who was proactive in magic users rights, had an identity crisis of her own, and descended into villain-hood. there is a reason why his struggle between his duty as Emrys and Destiny is so compelling and how it slowly become his struggle between Destiny and Arthur

are there moments where i wish Merlin did certain actions differently? 100% yes i do (2x08 for example and his relationship with Morgana) and i know a lot of the time these narrative choices were made in order to keep Merlin in his 5 season struggle of ideologies by the showrunners themselves which just hurt his character in the long run (similar to how they revert Arthur’s character back to his s1 caricature sometimes 🙄) bc if he progressed too “quickly” then it could lead to a different outcome than they wanted at the end of the show

but i digress