#like ‘oh thank goodness someone is figuring this out’ it’s so true and so funny skskdkdjd

[itspileofgoodthings]

one of my favorite things about getting older is that I’m just more sure and more confident in taking control in social situations and making other people feel at ease. I really love it!

[mochiwonz]

─── YOU'RE ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS ୨୧

PAIRING. fem!reader x jake sim .ᐟ FEATURING. riki (enhypen) & yoonchae (katseye) CONTENT. strangers to lovers , romance , fluff , cursing , petnames , reader calls yoonchae ' chae ' and riki ' rikster ' and has other nicknames for them too ^ ^ WORD COUNT. 4.3k NOTE. literally spent a whole day trying to figure out how to make my christmas theme cute...so i hope it doesn't disappoint (ᵕ—ᴗ—) enjoyy :D

[ 🧸 ] ... ️ ㅤ' make my wish come true , all i want for christmas is you '

oh how you loved winter. you loved the snow, the chilly weather, the smell of freshly baked cookies and pine tree, being able to snuggle up under your comforter and three other blankets, and most of all— you absolutely loved christmas. but you felt like something had been missing for the past two christmases, you felt lonely.

and instead of something, it might've been someone you were missing.

you always felt like christmas was the best time of the year. wait, scratch that, you knew christmas was the best time of the year. there was always this joy and comfort of christmas that you couldn't really explain, it was just something so special. but of course, you're an adult now and you don't know what happened— but some of that magic had just faded. you didn't really know why or what happened, maybe it was just you becoming an adult and growing up.

but finally, you realized what the problem was after talking with your bestfriends, riki and yoonchae.

you felt lonely. you didn't feel that joy of having company. and even though you had your friends and family, it felt like you yearned for something more. or a special someone, a significant other.

for awhile, you had yourself convinced all you needed was you, your family, your friends, and some food. however, after watching a few k-dramas and seeing couples literally everywhere— social media and while you were out an about, you couldn't help but want a boyfriend, too.

you didn't know who this boyfriend would be, when you would be able to find a boyfriend, and how you'd do it, but you were getting kind of desperate. i mean, you had a whole pinterest board for things you wanted to do with your future boyfriend...yeah.

you had your doubts, maybe you wouldn't end up finding a boyfriend. but riki and yoonchae were sure, very sure, that your certain someone was out there waiting for you— and they were right!

now, enter sim jaeyun, or what everyone calls him, jake.

jake was just like you, he loved christmas and everything that had to with it, as well. and he was also going what you were going through, that lonely feeling. yeah, he really wanted a girlfriend. he wanted someone that would have genuine interest in him, someone that was funny, someone that was pretty, and of course— someone that absolutely loved the christmas season.

luckily for you, you checked all of those boxes.

today was november 30th, a few weeks 'till christmas. the joy was there, but also kind-of not. yesterday, yoonchae had asked you if you could go christmas shopping with her today, and of course you said yes. you just decided to brush off that lonely feeling, you were going to hang out with your bestie today, anyways!

and thank god you decided to go shopping with her, because if you didn't— you would've never met him.

yoonchip : hey girlie yoonchip: u still up for tday?

you: hey :) you: yeah, i'll meet u at xxx !!

yoonchip: sounds good ^ ^ see u at 5

right, you guys were meeting at 5pm and it was— oh shit.

it was already 3pm?!?

you don't know why you always lost track of time, but you did. so, you washed up, picked out a cute outfit— fit for the holiday season, and did your hair and makeup. you managed to get ready in just an hour and a half, which was quite rare for you.

your outfit :

you felt much better after getting ready and all dolled up. you were excited to walk around town and shop with yoonchae, you really did need an outing. and yes, it was snowing!

you wanted to bury yourself in the snow, it was just so gorgeous.

you made yourself a warm peppermint latte and sat down next to your large window, looking out at the pretty environment. the snow, the people, the way the sun was setting, it looked like a scene out of a movie.

you pick up your phone, remembering you had to go meet up with yoonchae. you quickly finish your latte, grab your scarf, and exit your apartment.

after what seemed like a long 16 minute drive to the town, you had finally made it. the pretty christmas decorations on all the buildings, the decorated christmas trees surrounding the street, and the warm yellow lights made you feel so happy.

you quickly walked to the shop where you were meeting yoonchae, and there she was— your bestfriend.

"chae!!" you exclaim while running up to yoonchae excitedly.

she's startled, but realizes it's just you and turns around to give you a warm bear hug. you really loved spending time with yoonchae, she was one of the few people you trusted most in your life. you really saw her as your younger sister.

"y/n!! i missed youuu" she says, you both still hugging one another.

"missed you more chae, now let's shop before all the stores close" you respond and she nods in agreement.

in a span of 45 minutes, you guys had went to 4 stores and already had 2 bags in hand each. let's just say both of you ended up shopping more for yourself rather than shopping for gifts.

"oh my god chae, my arms are already tired" you say, sounding exhausted.

"me too, want to just go back to your place?" she suggests, sounding just as exhausted as you are.

"no, not yet, i still have to find gifts for riki, and he's gonna have an attitude if i show up with nothing for him, ya know?" you explain, and yoonchae nods and rolls her eyes. riki was your guy's bestfriend, and he was supposed to be hanging out with you guys— but of course, he totally forgot.

you both sit down on a bench and place your bags down, giving your guy's poor arms a break. you and yoonchae decide that you just wanted to take a quick break, scrolling on social media for a little and enjoying the snow.

little did you know, a certain someone had been watching— no, admiring you from afar. that someone was none other than jake sim.

you first caught his eye when you were in the same clothing store as him, shopping around with yoonchae. you'd walked by him, and he got a whiff of your perfume— you smelt just like vanilla and freshly baked cookies. he immediately turned to look at you and holy shit, you were gorgeous, you looked like a dream. he never thought he had an ideal type, well, until he saw you.

he was in a trance, just staring at you. thank god you hadn't seen him, you probably would've thought he was a weirdo. the way you were dressed, your silky hair, your pretty big eyes, your voice, shit, he was falling in love.

and he overheard you talking to yoonchae about how much you loved the christmas decorations and snow outside, oh my god. something in him was telling him that you guys were soulmates, and he had to talk to you somehow— it was now or never.

he quickly shakes off the nerves and slowly makes his way across the street, towards you. at first, you don't notice. but yoonchae does, and she nudges your shoulder.

"y/n, girl, look up" she whispers and quickly looks back down at her phone.

you look up and holy shit, he's so pretty. his hair was so fluffy, he had such a tall nose bridge and pretty plump lips and wait, he's walking towards you? fuck, you could already feel your hands getting clammy.

and before you know it, this insanely handsome man was standing right in front of you, smiling while looking down at you. he looked kind-of nervous, but you found it quite cute.

"hey uhm, i'm jake. i just saw you from over there" he points to the store across the street, "and not to be weird, i just thought you were so gorgeous and uhm—" he cuts himself off, he's just rambling at this point. he can't bear to look you in the eyes, he's too nervous.

' goddamn jake, cmon, don't scare her away ' he thinks.

you giggle at the way he suddenly freezes, looking at the ground.

"thanks jake, that's sweet of you. i'm y/n" you say while smiling, and he almost melted. your voice sounded so sweet, so pretty.

you quickly look over at yoonchae and you spot a slight smirk on her face, as if she's holding back a little laugh.

you did sound kind-of nervous, and she was probably going to tease you about this afterwards.

"yeah of course, so like, is there any way that i could get your number? or i could give you mine, uhm yeah anything works" he says, sounding just as nervous as you were.

you can't help but smile at him, he was so cute. and of course you were going to give him your number, how could you not?

"of course, here" you tell him while handing him your phone, "you can put your number and name in"

he was smiling, really hard. he was getting your number, or wait, you were getting his number, whatever. and the cherry on top? you were the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. he definitely wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight, that's for sure.

"yeah uhm, thanks y/n, i'll text you later" jake says while giving you your phone back, finally looking you in the eyes and shit, he might've just peed himself.

your eyes were so...sparkly...?

you smile at him, your heart was basically melting at this point.

"okay, text you later jake!" you say while giggling as he walks away, you can't help it— he's so cute. you've never met a guy that had this effect on you, maybe jake was special.

as soon as he's out of sight, yoonchae wheezes.

"yoonchae i almost shat myself—"

she wheezes again and puts her hand on your shoulder.

"i know girl, i could tell but did you see him? he looked so in love, so lovey dovey, maybe he's your christmas present" she says, teasingly.

"yoonchae stop" you laugh while playfully shoving her, but maybe she was right.

maybe he was your christmas present, and perhaps you were his. you just weren't quite aware of that yet.

after another hour, you and yoonchae both parted ways. and as soon as you got to your apartment, you absolutely freaked the fuck out. all of the excitement just came rushing out of you, and frankly— you didn't even know that you were that happy, after just meeting a guy.

well, a really cute guy.

once you calmed down a bit, you decided to change into your comfortable gingerbread pajamas and go onto instagram. what you expected was to just see your normal feed, your friend's posts and whatnot. what you didn't expect to see, at all, was jake's post right there— all up in your face. you guessed it was because he was in your contacts now but shit, he looked so good in person and online.

you were contemplating if you should like the post and follow him, until you realized he had already followed you and actually left you a text message.

jake: hey y/n :))

you pause for a second and text him back.

you: hii jake

while waiting for a response, you hop back onto instagram and follow him. i mean, it's fine, he was already following you.

your eyes were blessed with his face when you clicked onto his profile. you were also looking at his other posts, and you found out he had a dog named layla, cute.

jake: i see you liking my posts jake: hehe

you giggle.

you: okay annddd? you: you literally followed me first and liked 90% of my posts

jake: damn, you got me there jake: jake 0 , y/n 1 jake: lol, anyways i was wondering what ur interests are?

you sit and think for a good minute, your interests only really had to do with winter and christmas, and maybe watching movies?

you: i'm kinda boring :p you: i really like christmas, and snow, and i guess watching movies

you see that he reads the text, but after one minute— he still hasn't responded. god, was he laughing at how boring you were?

unbeknownst to you, he was actually kicking his feet and giggling. so you did really like christmas. and you liked the snow and watching movies, too? fuck, you were his perfect match.

jake: sorry had to go get smth jake: but that's cool, and ur not boring :) i rlly like christmas too

you let out a sigh of relief after reading his texts.

your guy's conversation goes on for another one and a half hours, talking about your interests and stuff related to christmas. he was so interested in christmas, just like you. your heart was beating out of your chest, in a good way of course.

after you both said your "goodnights" to each other, you had tried to fall asleep. but you couldn't. you were daydreaming, about him, jake, his pretty face and cute personality. how he loved christmas and movies just like you did. how he didn't find you boring.

you wondered if he was already fast asleep, or daydreaming just like you.

and yes, he was indeed daydreaming— just like you were.

he'd never felt so comfortable around someone, let alone a female. he'd never really been good at even talking to females since, well, ever. he loved how you had the same humor and interests as him, he loved how naturally cute you were, and of course— he loved how you rambled about how much you loved the christmas season.

fast forward a little more than a week later, you and jake had been "talking" and god, he was your dream guy. you were sure of it now.

he was respectful, always holding doors open for you and walking you to your apartment when it was dark. he always complimented you and told you how gorgeous you were, even if you hadn't brushed your hair or gotten all dolled up. and best of all, he was always listening when you talked, even about the stupidest things. even when you were rambling about how gingerbread pajamas are cuter than snowman pajamas, he was genuinely listening.

oh, and you absolutely adored his smile and the way he laughed. honestly, he was like a human golden retriever.

you were falling for him, but...did he feel the same for you?

the quick answer, is yes, definitely yes.

he was sure that he was already in love with you when he laid eyes on you that first day. you looked so unreal and beautiful, and your personality was just as beautiful, too. that's what really locked him in. you were sweet, caring, funny, loved animals, loved christmas, and enjoyed making legos with him.

yeah, you were the one.

he just hadn't found the balls to ask you out properly, yet. but he knew he had to, at least before christmas.

today was the 14th of december and for some reason, jake decided that he actually had the balls today. you'd invited him over to make some cute christmas legos and watch home alone together, and of course he couldn't say no.

once he arrived to your place, he was in awe of how pretty you had decorated it. your tree was beautiful, ornaments and all. and your house smelt like a warm hug, like vanilla and christmas tree. but what he was even more in awe of was how beautiful you were, i mean, every time he saw you he was in awe.

but wow, you looked so gorgeous with your bare face. the way your hair was in a messy bun and you were in your cute little gingerbread pajamas, he just wanted to squish you. in a loving way, of course.

"hey jae, come in!" you say as you open the door. you'd started calling him jae, and he didn't mind it. in fact, he thought it was quite cute.

he ruffles your hair as he walks by you.

"wow y/n, your place is so pretty" he says, and you thank him.

"okay so, the lego set is already ready to be made over there" you point to your living room, "but i was actually thinking of doing face masks before..." you grin at him, "wanna do a face mask with me?" you ask while giving him puppy eyes, of course he couldn't say no.

the thing is, he never really knew what a face mask did, or how to do it, but he just wanted to make you happy, and it really did.

you had bought special christmas face masks for this special occasion, and jake— of course, found you adorable. you gave him a santa one and you gave yourself a snowman. and after finally putting the face masks on, you decided to take some cute selfies with him.

' we look like a couple ' you think, and you feel your ears start to get all red and hot.

"y/n? why are your ears so...red?" he asks, slightly giggling while brushing his hair back with his pretty fingers.

god, this was embarrassing, really embarrassing. he looked so beautiful and naturally just perfect, and you here you were, looking like a blushing mess.

and yeah, you might've thought of it as embarrassing, but jake was even more embarrassed because of how cute he found your red ears. he was already so in love with you, and at this point— he was really holding back the urge to just kiss your pretty face.

"uh i'm just cold, here wait, i'll go turn on the heater" you say, quickly getting up to go turn on the heater, even though that wasn't really the cause of your red ears.

he just nods and stares, he can't help it— you're literally the cutest in every way possible.

30 minutes later, you find yourselves building the lego set together. it's so much fun, you never had an interest in legos before this, but now you definitely did.

"jae—"

he quickly looks up from whatever he's doing, did you just call him jae? he felt his heart beat a little quicker at the cute nickname, he wishes you would accidentally call him that more often.

"sorry jake, uhm" you clear your throat, "i'm kind-of hungry" you mumble, focused on trying to piece together a lego.

"not going to lie, me too. oh my god, y/n, let's make ramen and hot chocolate" he suggests eagerly, but you turn your head in confusion. you've never heard of that combo before, but you were willing to try it since he was so excited about it.

"okay, i need a break from this anyways" you laugh, "i have all my ramens and instant noodles in the cabinet next to the stove" you tell him, as you go to get your phone from the couch, first.

he immediately gets up and happily runs to the cabinet, cute. he got so excited about little things, and it made your heart melt. he was so...genuine.

"i'll make chapagetti!" he says, grabbing a pot and filling it with water.

"okay, i'll make the hot chocolate" you respond, walking over to the kitchen and grabbing your needed ingredients.

you're both focused, he's making his favorite chapagetti, and you're making your y/n signature hot chocolate. there was silence, but a comfortable one. you liked it, and so did he.

however, you're interrupted by a knock on the door. you hadn't invited anyone except for jake. you curiously walk over to the front door and open it.

"hey miss y/n" riki says as you open the door.

"hey rikster" you respond, "i didn't invite you but come in, i guess..." you tell him, rolling your eyes playfully.

you notice the present in his hands.

"is that for me?" you ask curiously, but also matching his playful tone.

"might be..." he responds while putting the gift on a small table near the entrance.

"oh and i have a guest over—" you try to tell him while walking over to the kitchen, but you're cut off by riki's excitement.

"jake hyung?!" he exclaims while running up to jake, who is caught off guard.

"oh my god, riki" jake laughs, "wait— how do you know y/n?"

"bro, i've literally told you about her" riki says while plopping onto your couch, his favorite part about your place.

"wait" riki says, smirking at you and then at jake.

"are you two dating or something? why are you here jake?" he asks teasingly while raising one of his eyebrows.

you both freeze. you wished riki would just shut the fuck up sometimes, honestly.

you quickly glance at jake, and his cheeks are slightly pink. he was just as flustered as you, and that somehow made you feel little butterflies in your stomach.

"riki shut the fuck up for once, please— we aren't dating" you say sternly while scratching your nape.

you and jake weren't dating, but fuck, you really wished you were.

you catch how jake's expression slightly changed when you told riki that you two weren't dating, did he feel the same way you did?

jake thought he made it obvious, but i guess not.

"anyways" he clears his throat, "i finished making the chapagetti" jake says, placing his finished ramen on the counter.

wow, it looked good.

"nice! the hot chocolate is done, too" you respond.

you were about to pull out a chair for you to sit on but jake beats you at it, and pulls out the chair for you.

you just stare at him, you're taken aback. how could one be so respectful and funny, yet so beautiful? is he even real? you were actually wondering if you were hallucinating him.

"y/n this isn't a k-drama" riki reminds you while laughing, and you're embarassed.

"shut the fuck up" you tell him, annoyed and embarassed because he literally just did what does best— calling you out.

jake just lets out a little laugh, still waiting for you to sit.

"ah sorry, thanks jae" you thank him and of course, you accidentally blurt out that cute nickname. you feel your heart drop to your ass, silently praying that riki wouldn't tease you.

he just nods and smiles at you, seemingly nonchalant. however, he was jumping and giggling and screaming on the inside.

you brush it off and you both start enjoying the food, and damn is it good.

"wow y/n" his eyes widening as he takes a sip of the hot chocolate, "your hot chocolate might be better than mine"

you playfully smack his arm, but end up accidentally feeling the muscle. the world was against you right now, you were convinced.

"thanks mister sim" you tell him, trying to play off whatever the fuck just happened to you.

after eating, you both continued building the cute lego set together with riki bothering you guys the whole time.

"awh you two look like a couple"

"are you sure you guys aren't dating?"

"couple goals"

"you guys win couple of the year"

"oh my god riki can you shut the fuck up" jake finally snaps. he might sound disapproving, but he wishes that riki's words were true.

"damn, my bad bro" riki says while playfully putting his arms up, and you giggle. you had no clue they knew each other, but you don't mind it.

once you guys finished the lego, you took a picture of it and placed it on your coffee table. the lego set was two reindeers in a winter wonderland, and for some reason— it reminded you of you and jake.

now, you're both sat on the couch with a blanket over both of you. yeah you were sharing a blanket, but it wasn't weird for friends...right?

"cute" jake accidentally blurts out.

you assume that he's talking about the lego and you nod your head in agreement. however, you don't notice that he's literally staring at you.

"i'm gonna go now" riki says, getting up from the couch. finally, you were waiting for him to get his ass out of here.

"bye" you and jake say in unison.

"bye lovebirds" riki says playfully as he exits, and now there's silence. not as comfortable as earlier, either.

you're fidgeting with your nails, why was the silence so loud. you glance over at jake, and you're taken aback at how he's already looking at you.

this was his chance. he had to do it now.

"y/n" he says gently.

"mhm?" you hum, staring down at your hands.

"i like you" he tells you.

your brain shuts off, oh my fucking god. jake did feel the same way.

you slowly look up and you're met with jake's pretty brown eyes staring right into yours. he has the sweetest smile on his face, you almost started tearing up.

"jae"

his heart melts at the nickname.

"i like you, too."

oh my god, he could scream.

"really?" he asks softly while brushing your hair behind your ear.

"yeah" you respond in almost a mumble, you know your cheeks are red as fuck right now. your ears, too.

instantly, jake gently pulls you closer and wraps his arms around you. you smell so good, just like vanilla. he slowly brushes your hair with his fingers, head resting on your shoulder.

"this okay, pretty girl?"

you smile at the petname and how adorably soft his voice sounds.

"more than okay, jae"

you were both unexplainably happy right now, and stuck in unbelief. you had found your perfect match, your person.

you finally found the person that you'd be able to spend your christmases with. he was all you wanted and needed for christmas.

jake sim was the best present you could've ever wished for.

please like, reblog, and comment if u enjoyed :3 u can find my other works here !

© mochiwonz ― all rights reserved. do not copy, steal, or translate my work.

[talaok]

Drooling

Pairing: Joel Miller x reader

Summary: You find a lake and convince Ellie and Joel to take a swim, according to Ellie, giving Joel the perfect opportunity to confess his feelings for you.

warnings: just fluff

"Hey it's warm!" you shouted, waving at them as your fingers grazed the small lake's water.

"no fucking way!" Ellie shouted running towards you as Joel stayed behind.

"oh my god it's true" she looked up at you, eyes wide with excitement "Joel come here!" she shouted too now, waving at Joel, who reluctantly, started down towards you.

"so what do we do?" Ellie asked, ecstatic

"We go in" you immediately suggested

"wait" Joel interrupted "we don't know if it's safe"

You glared at him "c'mon Joel how long has it been since you showered?"

Ellie chuckled "yeah dude, seriously" she pinched her nose, joking.

"very funny" he sighed " it's not safe" he looked at you

"Well then how about I go in..." you said, taking off your backpack and jacket "and tell you if there's anything wrong..." you continued, taking off your shoes "and if there isn't, you can just join me?" you asked, "how's that sound?"

"no y/n-" Joel tried to talk

"it sounds very good to me, how 'bout you Elllie?"

"sounds great" 

"perfect then" you grinned, not giving Joel time to protest before turning towards the lake and taking off your shirt, only your white tank top left beneath as you eagerly entered the water.

Joel's heart forgot for a moment how to work,

Wow

God, it felt good.

You hadn't taken a bath in so long that you had forgotten how good it actually felt, especially in warm water, something unimaginable in the QZ.

"fuck" Joel breathed out at the sight, and Ellie just glanced at him, smirking amusedly.

"I think you can come in now, nothing's happened to me!" you shouted, smiling as you let your body rest in the water 

Ellie looked at Joel a moment for approval, and once he unenthusiastically nodded, Ellie was in the lake with you in no time, splashing around and laughing mindlessly at the precious feeling.

"this is so great!" she smiled

"I know" you nodded "I've missed this," you confessed, trailing off as your eyes caught Joel's figure, standing still on the edge of the lake, but looking the other way.

"Joel!" you called for him, and when he didn't turn you got closer, ending up right below him "Joel!" you called again, splashing some water onto him.

He turned now 

"what are you doing? get in"

"Someone had to keep guard"

"oh please no one's here" you rolled your eyes "get inside right now Joel"

"I-" he opened his mouth to say something but stopped midway.

"c'mon, just five minutes" you pouted, and once again, his heart took a toll. He could never say no to you, not when you were looking at him like that.

"fine" he sighed, and you smiled happily, as he warily got in.

"it feels good doesn't it?"

He glanced at you, sunkissed, happy, and as much as he fought it, he couldn't help but smile.

"yeah" he agreed "yeah it does"

"see" you smacked his shoulder playfully "you should listen to me more"

"I listen to you y/n" 

"oh you do?" you cocked an eyebrow

"yes, just not when it's about survival"

"What?" you gasped, "you think you're better at it than me?"

"well I do vaguely remember a time you almost shot me in the leg by mistake" he tilted his head, making you laugh, and god, did that sound sweet to his ears.

"That was one time" you complained

"and it was enough" he chuckled

"fine" you surrendered, moving to his side to peek at Ellie, who looked busy testing her apnea skills.

"Thanks for doing this" you rested your head on his shoulder, "I know you don't like to waste time"

Joel wasn't sure if he was dreaming or not, just like every time you touched him.

You looked up at him once he didn't answer, and he had to force himself quickly out of his trance.

"It's fine," he said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible "I like this"

"I'm glad" you smiled, nestling a bit more onto his broad chest, as you closed your eyes.

The five minutes eventually mutated into an hour, an hour Joel spent pretending not to be staring at you as you rested on him, the warm water drowning out his thoughts as he finally put his arms around you.

he didn't know what he had done to deserve this, but whatever it was, he was gonna agree to all your suggestions from now on.

You opened your eyes, and as you did, you pretended not to notice Joel looking away.

"how long has it been?" you asked, your voice a bit tired.

"an hour I think"

"oh" you breathed "we should go"

"why didn't you tell me?"

Fuck

I didn't want you to move away from me,

I want you this close forever.

"I didn't wanna disturb you"

you smiled "you're cute" 

He didn't know what to say

"uh-thanks?"

Your smile only widened and you called for Ellie, telling her it was time to go.

"We should dry up," you told him, and he nodded, following you as you got out of the water.

His eyes never left you.

As you were busy drying your hair with one of your shirts, he let his glare wander all over you, from the bottom lip you were caging between your teeth, to the cheeks the sun had reddened, and, as much as he tried to refrain, his eyes couldn't stop wandering to the now see-trough tank top stuck to your body, that was granting him a visual of your bra, and of what it couldn't cover.

You always looked beautiful, but now, now a bit too much for Joel's poor heart.

"If you don't close your mouth you're gonna drool"

what?

He looked to his right to see Ellie grinning smugly at him.

He just grunted, going back to dry himself.

"y'know, I gave you some alone time there before, but you wasted it" she shook her head, as if disappointed.

He frowned at her.

"you could have made your move, dude!" she raised her eyebrows "it was the perfect moment!"

He glanced at you to make sure you weren't listening, but still didn't answer, not wanting to give Ellie the satisfaction.

"Listen if you want my advice”

“I didn’t ask for your advide”

She scowled at him“well anyway, I think you should just tell her" she shrugged "I mean, it's not like she doesn't already know "she laughed softly "you're really not good at hiding it"

"shut up" he grumbled, putting on his jacket

"what? it's true Joel, you look like a fucking serial killer" she chuckled "always staring at her and shit" 

He wanted to fight back, but she was kind of right on that one, he had noticed it too.

"Fine" she sighed "maybe I should just tell her then "

“no-Ellie-" He abruptly turned to her

"so you are admitting it!" she smiled "you like her"

"no-" he let out a frustrated sigh "I'm not admitting anything, just don't say shit ok?"

Ellie nodded, still a smug smile on her lips "fine"

"but at one point, you're gonna have to"

[written-in-flowers]

Dying Twice: Thanos x Fem!Reader

Pairing: Thanos / Choi Subong x Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst, smut

Word Count: 5k

Summary: "The heart no longer races when hearing the music play, tryna pull up. Seems like time has stopped. Oh, that would be my first death I been always afraid of" - BTS "Black Swan"

Or you should be scared to play the games, but what is the point in fear if you've already died once? What else is there?

Tags: k-rapper!reader, angst, mentions of drug use, drug use, mentions of partying, vaginal sex, vaginal fingering, dom/sub undertones (if you look closely), slight choking.

****

You really landed yourself in a bind this time. As if getting scammed and having to scrape to get by, you sunk low enough to end up here…wherever here was. You still couldn't figure out what kind of place the masked men brought you to. In colors of sickening pink and eye sore yellow, the maze of stairs reminded you of a painting you'd seen. The stairs went up and down and side to side. They went upside-down and sideways. Like with that, you had trouble gauging the path to your destination. Perhaps that didn't matter. You followed the rest of the players through the maze guarded by masked men. They said you'd be playing games for a cash prize. It sounded too good to be true…

But you couldn't pass it up. 

Standing in line to have your photo taken, someone tapped your shoulder. You turned to see a young woman with a short ponytail standing with an excited smile on her face. A pang of dread hit you when you recognized the signs.

“You're B.Kat,” she beamed, getting a better look at your face. “From The Rap Battleground. I've listened to all your songs, and went to your shows! Oh my god, this is so cool! I love your music!”

“Yeah, thanks.” 

“I saw you at The Rap Battleground,” she continued, “When they paired you up with that one rapper.”

“Sik-k,” you said. 

“Yeah, and you burned him so bad,” she laughed. “Oh my god! ‘tell these boys to get back, don't they know I'm fucking S-class’” she repeated, mirroring your gestures. “Ah, this is so sick! I always wondered what happened to you after your last album.”

Everything went downhill, that's what. You'd trusted Nico to manage your money, and instead he embezzled it. You’d given him everything: your heart, your body and soul. The trust the both of you shared went beyond lovers. Hearts beating like one, you swore your souls meshed together the night you met. They’d imprinted and became one form instead of two separate ones. The day you found out what he’d done, your heart physically ached. The threads keeping you together pulled and snapped, the metaphorical red threads falling to the ground. That thread might have never existed to begin with. Nico went to prison but you'd lost everything. All the money you made with your music suddenly disappeared overnight. You tried rebuilding your career, but being a woman in a male dominated industry was rough. Not many producers took you seriously. You’d even been snubbed at Battle, where the judges chose a man over you despite what audiences believed. It didn’t matter how masculine you tried being, you’d never fit in with them. 

“Hey, can I get a picture?” she asked excitedly. “Please?”

“Yeah, me too!” A man nearby overheard and jumped into line with you. “You and Thanos are my favorite rappers. You're both lyrical geniuses.”

“And me!” said another woman, coming over to you. “And can I get your autograph?”

“Um, look, I-”

“-Now, now, everyone. Let's not crowd B.Kat like this.”

You recognized him right away. Long brown hair slicked back from his face, his jacket read ‘124’. Funny, you thought, you were 126. The club manager from Club Pentagon, Namgyu. You remembered the smooth way he'd integrated himself in your inner circle that first night. He'd come bearing drugs and free alcohol that you eagerly accepted. Smooth talking and flirty, you hadn't minded his advances since he’d been before Nico. 

“You can all take a photo with her and Thanos,” he said to the group. 

He gestured over to a man with spiky purple hair. Thanos. A cold sweat went over you seeing him in person. The last time you’d seen him, you both were panting and bottomless in the Battle dressing room. A part of you shivered recalling how his hands felt on your body back then. In that dressing room, he’d pressed on every weak spot as if he’d already known. He’d worked you easily, driving you crazy and nearly begging for him to enter you. When he finally did, it was better than any high you’d ever had before. You sometimes thought he’d been better than Nico. 

“Wassup, Senorita?” he said, and you almost laughed from his cringey opener. “I haven't seen you since Battleground.”

“I've been around,” you lied. 

“Let's take a photo with our fans,” he said to the delight of the group. “A real artist doesn't deny their fans.”

Before you could reject the offer, Thanos and Namgyu pulled you to the camera station next. It reminded you of times that pulled at your broken heart. The fans who used to come to every single show regardless of location; the ones who posted about you on their social media and streamed your music. You didn’t care about the fame they brought, but the acceptance and energy. When you stood behind your microphone, you were home. You could breathe amongst them. Nowadays, you can hardly bear it. Your last album disappointed a lot of people; they said it sounded too manufactured and not like your old sound. You’d gotten a ghostwriter to help you, and that itself was a disaster. The group of followers circled around you for the photo before a masked man stopped you. 

“It's only one photo!” said the first woman told the guard. “You took our phones so we can't take the photos ourselves!”

“Don't you know who they are?” asked the man. “This is B.Kat and Thanos. You know, the rappers?”

“It's not allowed,” the masked soldier said again, crossing his arms in an X symbol. 

The group groaned in disappointment, but Thanos turned to them. “Tell you what. When we get out of here, B.Kat and I will take photos with all of you.”

“Or just with you,” you said. 

“We might even do a friendly rap battle, eh?” he teased you with a nudge. 

“Ooh yeah!” The group cheered, excited by the prospect. 

“I don't think so-”

“-Please step aside,” said the masked man, “And take your individual photos.”

You were the first to obey. However, they weren't done with you. Thanos came up beside you. 

“You know, it’s not cool to snub your fans like that,” he said in matter-of-factly tone. “People will start thinking you’re a snotty person.”

“I don’t have fans anymore,” you replied, not meeting his eyes. 

“You have plenty,” he reasoned, gesturing to the people behind you. “Like, who were those people then? Paid fans?” When you did not answer, he said, “Where’ve you been, B? You haven’t been in the game for a while.”

“I retired.”

He scoffed, “You can’t retire. You’re too young to retire.”

“I did.”

“Why?”

“Just wasn’t feeling it anymore.”  

You missed it. You missed being on stage performing for a crowd of people, just feeding off one another's energy. In the dark rooms and dim lights you could release everything laying inside you. You could be another person. But, then it stopped. The music that used to flow out of you felt stuck and dry. It no longer brought the same excitement as before. Every time you thought about stepping on stage, shame came and drove you away. You sat in your room for ages trying to write lyrics or music, but it didn’t happen. The worst thing that could happen did happen: you’d lost your passion. 

“That's a shame,” he said. “I liked your music. I enjoy your flow better. You have a lot of control, so you're precise but still spitting like crazy. Like,” he chuckled, “‘This ain’t a movie, wake up. You’ve lost your sense of reality. Fall away far from here.’ It flows so well. I hoped to hear more after that album of yours.”

You didn’t want to talk about your album. Nico’s betrayal hurt enough without adding your stupid decision to it. “Thanks.”

You all walked into an open roof room. Nothing in it but sand and a large animatronic doll at the end of the room. A female voice explained the rules as Red Light, Green Light. 

“We're playing Red Light, Green Light?” Thanos scoffed when it was announced. “This will be a cake walk.”

“I don’t think so,” you said, eyeing the doll at the end by the tree. An ominous feeling crept inside your bones, stiffening them as you walked. 

“Why?”

“That’s too easy. There must be a catch.” You searched the room for the answer, but you saw nothing unusual. “They wouldn’t give a bunch of broke people a chance at money without there being some challenge to this.”

“You’re being paranoid.”

“Maybe.”

You felt him stand closer to you. “Don’t worry, B,” he said, winking, “I’ll protect you.”

You somehow doubted that. When the game finally started, your suspicions were proven right. A man-Player 456-told you that the doll was a motion detector and if you moved, they’d shoot you. Nobody believed him the first time, scoffing and laughing at him. 

“He’s like my old man when he comes home drunk,” Thanos said with a smirk, “Just spitting nonsense.” 

“He’s not drunk.”

“What do you mean? Look at him.” 

When the doll called out a second and third time, the true catch was revealed. Bullets came flying from different directions, piercing through people that moved even a smidge. Hot blood sprayed on your face as the man in front of you got a bullet to the head. You could taste the droplets near your mouth, and the stench of blood stuck to your nostrils. Staring down, you realized you’d never seen a dead body before. Not even at a funeral. The man, pot-bellied and bald, laid lifeless at your feet. When it came time to move, you stepped around him and kept going until you reached the end. More people around you and Thanos dropped to the ground. You turned to see your own horror mirrored in his eyes. 

The game ended, and you stared at the field of bodies left on the ground. You wondered what you’d gotten yourself into for real. This wasn’t normal. This wasn’t real. It’s a nightmare that you’d wake up from any second. Yet, as you walked on shaky legs back to the dorm, the blood you wiped from your face made everything real. Nobody spoke as you entered the dorm. You walked right to your bunk in the far corner, visions of the dead still clouding your mind. How could they do that? They’d shot those people so easily. What kind of person came up with “games” like this?

“This shit is crazy, man.” Thanos took the bed beside yours, shocked and confused. “What the fuck is going on?”

“I don’t know,” you replied, hugging your sides. “I…Those people…It’s…”

Neither of you spoke for a while. You saw the same horrified expressions on the other players. It was the small click that broke you from your thoughts. Thanos had retrieved a large cross from under his shirt and opened it to reveal several different colored pills. Nico used to have a vial of cocaine he kept on him at all times. He always shared it with you. He said he’d do it with nobody else. You wonder now how true that was. 

“Want one?” Thanos offered the cross to you, chewing down on one of them. “It’s crazy good, man. Like nothing I’ve done before.” 

“No, thanks.”

“Come on, I know you pop too. We did it together that night.”

“No.” 

He closed the cross, and finished chewing. “Your last album was shit,” he said out of nowhere, still watching the rest of the group. “Who wrote the music? Nico?”

No point denying it. “This guy named Huey.”

“You used to write your own verses. I saw you doing it during Battleground. What happened?”

“It stopped coming to me.”

“You thought getting a ghostwriter would make it easier?” 

“I needed to make money.

“And lose all your cred in the process?”

“I didn’t think the difference would be that noticeable.”

“Psh, well, it fucking was. Everybody was talking about it. They said you’d finally sold out.”

“I know what they were saying.”

“People already thought a girl rapper was a joke,” he said, “And right when you were showing people you were the real deal, you-”

“-Keep talking and I’ll shove that cross down your fucking throat,” you snapped. “I already know all that. You think I don’t know it? I’ve known since before Battleground when they picked that clown J.D. over me. I heard the shit those fuckers said behind my back: that they thought I was somebody’s girlfriend when they saw me and how I’d make a better groupie than a rapper. I don’t need a pill popper telling me how I fucked up my career. My boyfriend taking my money is already embarrassing enough.” 

“Nico took your money?” This made him turn his head. 

“Yeah.”

“Damn,” he huffed. “That’s ten times more fucked up. At least the guy who scammed me didn’t know me.” 

“Who scammed you?”

“MG Coin,” he scowled, “He told us to invest in this coin and we’d be billionaires. Then the guys who made the coin took all of the money and ran.” He stared into the crowd, “And now he’s here.”

“He is?”

“Yeah. I’m gonna get my money back from him one way or another.”

“Me too!” Namgyu appeared hanging from a bunk above you both. 

“Namsu-”

“-Namgyu-” he corrected Thanos.

“Yeah, Namgyu and I bonded over our shared misfortune,” Thanos said. “We’re gonna get our money back from him. All of it.”

“In order for him to pay you back, he’s got to be the sole winner,” you said, “And in order to be the sole winner, we’d have to be dead.”

“I ain’t dying,” he scoffed, “And neither are you.”

“I already did, so it doesn’t matter.”

Your chest tightened whenever you thought about it. The last time you’d held your notebook, you’d stared at the pages until you gave up. When you last heard one of your songs, you felt nothing. A part of you, you felt, had died. The excitement that used to come out of you no longer existed. It was your first death. Dying in these stupid games would only be a second one. 

“Pill?” He offered his cross a second time, seeing your watering eyes. 

You took a red one without hesitation this time. Crushing it between your teeth, you knew the chalky substance would sink into your bloodstream and you’d forget about it. 

“Can I get one?” Namgyu asked eagerly, trying to get closer to him. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Thanos said as if he weren’t already tucking the cross away. 

The masked men returned to the room, and everyone gathered in the center. They told you the new accumulated amount, then for a vote. People could vote to either keep the games going or stop them and leave with a share of what’s left. Seeing the amount left, you knew what choice you needed to make. 

“That would barely put a dent in my debt,” you said out loud to yourself. 

“Same,” said Thanos. You saw the drug starting to take over him with his restless body. “So, it looks like we’re going back into the fray together, B!” 

“Looks like it.”

As expected, even with the amount of bloodshed they’d witnessed, most people picked to continue the games. You heard some people say ‘just one more game can cover my debt’. That depended on how many people died in the next game. As the drug starts running in your veins, you let yourself get lost in the euphoria. 

Hey, if you’re going to die a second time, you’d enjoy the time while you could. 

****

“Fuck, you taste good.”

His tongue swirled and dipped carefully over the hard nub and hood. Your nails dug into his hair, purple hair tangling between your fingers. 

“Better than anything I’ve had before.” 

A slight rush of cold on your side pulled you from the hazy dream. 

“That’s a good girl…Yeah, just like that…You look so pretty like this…Can we just stay here? You feel so fucking good, baby. I don’t want to stop.”

His hands and lips were fire on your skin. His length sunk deep in every thrust, stretching and filling you. Your hands slipped into the dark purple spikes of his hair, scratching his scalp as you tugged on it out of habit. He kept you pinned with his body as he slowly rocked his hips to yours. 

“Subong…”

His body came first. He slowly uncurled you from your sideways position for more access to you. A pair of lips started pecking your neck, starting at your shoulder before reaching the curve at the base. Your mind stayed in between dreams and reality, unable to register what was really going on. Soft breaths buried themselves in your hair, while two hands went around your middle. 

He withdrew just to rub against your clit. His girth pushed your swollen lips apart, sliding over the sensitive nub before slipping back into your entrance. You didn’t think Subong would be any good, but here he was driving you crazy. 

“I was that good, huh?” his voice filled your ear, pulling you from your wet dreams. “So good you dream about it?” You responded with a weary whine. “You sounded so sweet whimpering my name just now. You should do it again.” 

You whined at the hands toying with your nipples. His fingers whirled slowly around the softness to stimulate them, which wasn’t hard to do. That familiar tightness built between your thighs. It had been a long time since anyone coaxed this feeling out of you. You reached around through Thanos’s arms, grabbing the nape of his neck to touch as much as you could. He grinded into you, his hardness poking against your ass each time and causing him to groan. Whether it was the pills or you really had talked in your sleep, you didn’t care. You didn’t want him to stop. 

“Open your legs,” he whispered, turning your head to draw you in for a kiss. His tongue slipped over yours in the deep kiss, passionate like the first time. He explored your mouth with his tongue before ending it with a few soft pecks. “Let me see how wet you’ve gotten.” 

You let him slip off your sweatpants to reveal the plain cotton underwear. Rubbing your thighs together, you knew there must be a small wet patch already there. You got confirmation when three fingers rubbed over it, and he groaned. 

“It must’ve been a nice dream if you’re this wet already,” he said, lightly dotting kisses on your neck. “I remember how wet you got for me in that dressing room. It was running down your thighs when I started fucking you. You remember that, don’t you, baby? You remember how sticky and sloppy your pussy was before I railed you?”

“Ye-yes…” You let go of his hair to feel down his body to his center. He quivered at your touch, breathing heavily as you reached the bulge pressing to you. “I remember how hard you were by the time I put you in my mouth.” 

“Best blowjob I ever had,” said Thanos, pushing into your hand as he spread your wetness through your panties. “I got so jealous when I heard you started dating someone. I would’ve treated you a billion times better than him,” he traced his tongue along your ear, “And fucked you as much as you wanted.” 

“Why do I believe that?” you giggled, giving his cock a squeeze. 

Thanos chuckled as he turned your head to kiss you. His tongue instantly darting into your mouth, your arousal grew feeling him harden in your hand. Not particularly big, you knew he’d make you see stars by the time you finished. You slid over the hard tip before teasing the sensitive underside. You couldn’t stop thinking about him inside you. His thickness pulsing and twitching in his boxers brought memories of how perfectly he’d filled you that night. Nico wasn’t very big, but Thano’s was the perfect length. 

He’d also gone longer. 

Soon, Thanos pushed through your panties, and a rush of cold air made you tremble. Two fingers holding your swollen lips open, a third one flicked over your clitoris. You flinched at the single swipe, earning light chuckles before he did it a second time. The tip of his finger rolling around it, you put your hand in his boxers to feel his hot, hard cock on your fingers. A light trickle of precum became the lube you used to coat his tip. The squishy bulb leaked into your palm in every stroke, and his low moans filled your ear. You sensed his need beginning to build with yours, making you stroke him more. 

“Pl-please,” you whimpered, eyes closing and back arching as he teased your entrance with two fingers. “Please…”

“You’ll get it soon, baby,” Thanos promised, free hand sliding up to your throat where he held in your place. “You’ll get it really soon. Be a good girl and be quiet for me. We wouldn’t want to wake anyone else up.” 

Your leg going back over his, Thanos pinned it down with his arm. Volume really should be a concern, but the overwhelming pleasure overcame that sense. You squirmed in his hold while he teased you. Spreading your juices around, you heard the faint slick sounds in every move. It was when he slipped the fingers inside that your thighs closed, trapping his hand there. 

“No, no, no,” he said, pulling your thigh back up, “You’re keeping these open for me.” 

“Subong,” you whined quietly, your voice barely above a whisper. 

He sunk them deep, wriggling the tips around as he curled them. “How can I touch you if they’re closed? You have to keep them open if you want me to make you feel good,” he continued, seeing you moan and writhe from his touches, “Just turn your brain off, and let me take care of you.”

His palm tapping your clit made your thighs and legs tremble. Your back arched against him as your hips moved into his hand. They reached right to your g-spot like they’d done the first time. You recalled everyone having gone home, but you’d stayed to keep rehearsing in your dressing room. He’d come innocently, wanting to talk about music and songwriting, but then it became less innocent. The thought it might’ve been a bet between the men came to you, yet it had been a while and you thought he was cute. It’d been by luck that nobody knew about what you two had done in the dressing room. 

“You hear that?” He asked, as he fingered you quickly. He made sure you heard the squishing sounds of your sex gripping his fingers. “That’s all you, sweetie. That’s the sound of your sweet pussy drenched and wet.”

Your body shivered as he went deeper and faster, the sensation crippling you. The deep, tongue-clashing kiss you then shared was what sent you over. Your body suddenly became sensitive to his touch. Muscles tensing in their grasp, eyes squeezed shut as you restrain your orgasm with his mouth, you got lost in the euphoria coursing in your like a drug. 

You didn’t have a moment to process anything before the cock in your hand replaced his fingers. Thanos continued the steady pace, holding onto your thigh to keep your legs spread. You could feel him spreading you out, mixing your wetness with his own inside your pussy. Like last time, he hit your core dead center and had you grinding into him for more inches. His faint whimper at your hips whirling to his stroked your ego a bit. 

“You had sounded hot too, you know,” you moaned between kisses, keeping his hand on your pussy. 

“Oh yeah?” Thanos lifting your leg up and changing his angle slightly. 

“Yes,” you said, clenching your jaw as you suppressed more moans. “I love hearing guys moan.”

He took immediate advantage of this information. Lips to your ear, his groans tickled the edges. Hearing it out loud, even in the quiet room, lets you imagine all the pleasure he must be experiencing because of you. Your walls dragged across his cock in each thrust, and you purposefully clenched them to make yourself tighter for him. Thanos drew closer as he lifted your thigh upwards, holding you by your ass instead as he thrusted faster. It showed in the way he gripped your body close to him, wanting to touch more of you. You thanked God you didn’t have anyone sleeping above you. 

You were jelly by the time he pulled you underneath him and forced your legs open. As you knew he would, he gently tapped and rubbed against your clit. Overstimulated but wanting more, you cupped your breasts and brushed your nipples for added pleasure. Thanos didn’t allow this. Pushing your hands aside, he pinned them to your sides as he pushed his cock inside you. You couldn’t stop yourself from grinding against him, loving every inch he gave you in his thrusting. 

“Just as good as I remember,” he grunted in your ear, not holding back anymore. The bunk might’ve pushed into the wall if it weren’t bolted to the floor. Yet, the light smack of his hips to yours could be heard. “Best pussy I’ve ever had.”

The best dick you’d ever had, including Nico’s, though you didn’t say so out loud. Your mouth could not word the thoughts going through your head. Even back then, Thanos’s cock turned you into a senseless, incoherent mess. You could lay in that bed and take him forever. In the half glow of the dorm, you could see his shirtless body hovering over you. Dark hair hanging over his face, eyes full of lust, he’d look the same in the dressing room. 

“I'd vote X if it meant I get to have-have this,” he said in your ear, hands keeping yours to the bed as he took long strokes. “Get to have this tight pussy to myself…all the time…whenever I want…”

“Subong,” you whined, your second orgasm approaching.

“I love when you say my name,” he groaned against your shoulder, “Say it again, baby.” 

You said his name like a mantra, the word matching the pace of his hips. You noticed he went particularly hard the times you whined his name instead. He released your wrists and knelt up, lifting your hips from the bed. In this new, elevated position, you could only grind on him as he pumped himself inside you. His muscles constricted from the hold his orgasm and position had on him. As your walls squeezed him, his head fell back, eyes closed and mouth open in every quiet moan he forced back. You reached out for him, grabbing his forearms and keeping him close this way. Trembling in his hold, Thanos sensed your next orgasm and chased it down. 

He stuck two fingers in your mouth right as you came around him. Moans muffled by the digits pushing down on your tongue, occasionally pushing to your throat. You forgot where you were at that moment. Pleasure and bliss washed over you in waves, crashing down in trembles and twitching. It controlled every sense in your body, keeping you going but also wearing you down. You held onto his wrist to keep his fingers in your mouth, regardless of the drool they created. Eyes locked on one another, he didn’t tear away even when his own climax approached. Something deeper happened in that moment that had nothing to do with him cumming inside you. Legs hooked around his waist, you kept him close as he emptied the last few drops into your cunt. 

“Fuck,” he huffed, settled between your legs and head on your shoulder, “Fucking amazing.”

“Very.”

This is where you expected him to roll over, mutter a goodbye, and start heading back to his bunk. He didn’t. Thanos did lay beside you in the bed, but he didn’t leave. You didn’t mind. It felt nice having someone next to you again. Perhaps you’d let him come back tomorrow night just to have the closeness. Feeling his cum starting to leak from you, you knew you should do something about it, but why? You might not make it out of this place. What did it matter if anything came from this? 

“I know what you mean, by the way,” he said in the quietness of the dorm. 

“About what?”

“Dying twice.” 

The stab wound in your heart reopened at his words. “I was standing on the bridge when that ddjaki guy came up to me,” he said. “I thought about ending it all. Who was I without my music? Okay, the money thing really affected me too, but not like how losing my passion did. It felt hard to make anything. Putting words to my feelings was hard, and it didn’t give me the same excitement it used to. It was like I’d already died, so big deal if I fell from the bridge?”

The confession surprised you. Thanos never struck you as the type to have that mindset. But, as you turned to look at him, you realized you weren’t talking to Thanos, the cocky rapper. You were seeing Choi Subong, a man who once had passions and dreams that became shattered in a single second. A lot like you. Snuggling to him, you put your head on his shoulder as he put an arm around you. You pictured him standing on the edge of the bridge, looking down at the water and contemplating everything that happened to him. He’d lost the lifestyle he worked so hard to achieve, and going back to the bottom was rough. 

“But, we’re both good rappers,” he said, “Maybe if we win this, we’ll get our money and our passion back.”

“And if we lose?”

“We’ll be dead and nothing will matter. So, that’s why I’m playing like I’m going to die anyways. If you play like that, you’re not scared.”

“Being high for most of it helps too,” you sneered, hand finding the cross laying nearby. 

“It does,” he chuckled. “Want one?”

“Sure,” you shrugged. 

Why did it matter? You’d already died once. Dying a second time wouldn’t be so bad. 

****

A/N: haha love that my first squid game fic is for Thanos. I have others on the way, but hope you enjoyed my first!

[arseniy-arsenicum33]

All Hermits in Hero Forge!

Season 10 is coming! And I've finished modeling every Hermit (Thus far) in their TCG-cards poses!

Special thanks to Hoffen for their original minecraft models...

You've already saw these eight models in my Life-series minis showcase, slight tweaks and costume changes... I really need to buy Hero Forge subscription, so i can manipulate fingers individually... Now, for the new guys... Guess what?! I've figured out how to make links! Now you can see my references directly! Technology!

Ren got his cool casual look...

Docm77 inspired primarily by Belmarzi's design, such as this... It was very funny to suddenly stop in the middle of this project to model him hugging Snoop Dogg...

JoeHills, unsurprisingly, based on real-life Joe Hills... But I did have this comic by my side while modeling him, for moral support, because modeling someone's likeness is always stressful...

Cleo's pose pose a challenge, It uses a transparent one-legged skeleton inside the main body... Like a real armour-stand magic! I like how it turned out...

I've started watching Zedaph very recently, so both Noxolotl's and Applestruda's portrayals of him were very helpful in forming mine...

Blaise's Hermit line up was used for Cub and Hypno, which you will see down the line... Bee's art was helpful, once again, and these Cub-arts by Sylvan...

My main goal with Jevin was to somehow convincingly make a slime look slimy... I was so ready to make him as rotund as this art, but alas, program restrictions...

This art was used for False at the very beginning, but it drifted so much with the addition of cheekbones, that it doesn't look like it at all anymore...

Hypno had a surprise for me, because before making this model, I've never saw this brown line on his chest as a boob-window... But now, I am convinced... This is the art, that guided me to that conclusion... Ghostea's and Locus's portraits were useful for figuring out his face...

Iskall lifted from this art... Hero Forge doesn't have any cool one-eyed visors, so I've settled on monocle for him and Doc...

Hero Forge also for some reason doesn't have a hand-held flower, so pretend, that Stress doesn't hold a pen, okay? And has a cardigan... Based mainly on this and this art, which was also used for XB...

My best guess with Keralis was that he is doing Edvard Munch's "The Scream" ommage... Thanks to Myra and Cole , without them, Keralis would've looked more like a bug with them big ol' eyes...

Oh, boy, XB... A true enigma for me... Pictured here, lightly jogging... Only you could tell me, if I did a good job with him, I sincerely have no idea... Since this is in part a TCG-inspired project, it would've been wise to use references from the actual TCG-cards... To bad, I've came up with this idea near the end of a project...

I have made so many Xisuma-costumes, and only now I am showing you the main friendly-neighbourhood DoomGuy cosplayer himself... Do I need to credit id Software for this?

WelsKnight is my champion in regards to how many references I needed for him... 1 2 3 4 5 6 7! Despite how many armour options Hero Forge has, making something coherent out of them was difficult... Especially, keeping in mind, that one day I'm going to model HelsKnight as well...

And finally, TinFoilChef, based heavily on this stunning artwork... And somewhat on this skin by Ink-Ghoul... It all comes around...

And the Creator Himself! Beef! And his wonderful portraits: 1 2 3 4...

I actually going to use him as an example, to address something...

Here is how my screen looks, then I am working on a model... My method of creation is derivative by nature, it requires the art and creativity of other people... And I have SO MUCH anxiety about this... Not being an artist, but still trying to make something with my limited capabilities... And post it on the internet, oh horror...

With recent talks about plagiarism and AI-art, it has come to my attention, that I myself not so different from AI, just not so efficient... So, this is why I so obsessively document my influences, it is the least I can do... Credit the artists, that I stole from... Please, check out everyone mentioned, subscribe to them, commission new pieces of art...

And if you've liked my dorky "minecraft youtubers made in DND character creator" models... Thank you...

Sometime later there will be a google doc on my blog with links to every model I've ever made, go nuts with them... Try Hero Forge for yourself, it's fun...

[morganski-19]

The One with Sleeping

Steve wakes up with someone’s arm wrapped around his stomach. Which is odd considering he didn’t have anyone over last night. And he’s on his couch with beer bottles on the coffee table and what looks like two crushed ends of a joint in the ash tray.

But he’s too groggy to figure it all out, and it’s probably just Robin anyway, so he leans his head back down and starts to fall back asleep. Until the other person stirs and sits up rapidly, causing him to fall off of his couch.

“What the fuck,” he grunts, slowly getting up from the ground. At least he’s awake now. “Why did you throw me off the couch Rob-.” Steve stops as he sees who’s on the couch. “You’re not Robin.”

Jonathan stares at Steve with a mix of concern and fear. “No, I’m not.”

“Why were you sleeping on my couch?”

“Why were we cuddling?” Jonathan asks, acting as if it was the more pressing question of the two.

Steve collects himself off the ground. “I don’t know. I tend to sleep cuddle people.”

“You sleep cuddle people. That’s a thing?” Jonathan sits up, running a hand through his tangled hair.

“Yeah. Ask Robin, she has a lot of stories about it.” Steve fixes his shirt, it having twisted weird when he fell off the couch. “Thanks for throwing me off the couch by the way.”

Jonathan makes a sheepish face. “Sorry. You scared me when I woke up.”

Steve sits down next to him. “It’s fine. So, why were you sleeping on my couch.”

“I don’t know,” Jonathan scratches at his chin. “I remember coming over last night for some drinks, and then we got high. We must have just dozed off.”

“Together, on the couch,” Steve reasons.

“You don’t think we, you know. Did anything, right?” Jonathan asks cautiously.

Steve laughs. “No, no we’re good. Even cross faded me knows not to flirt with my friends.”

“Does sober you know not to do that?” Jonathan deadpans. Having witnessed Steve play flirt with Eddie multiple times.

Steve clears his throat, avoiding answering that. “The point is, I wouldn’t have tried anything. Not with you, so we probably just fell asleep and somehow ended up in this position.”

“What do you mean not with me?”

“Oh my god,” Steve rolls his eyes. “Now you’re offended? You don’t even like me like that.”

Jonathan scoffs. “And neither do you.”

“Exactly, which is why I wouldn’t have tried anything.”

“But if it was Eddie, would you have tried something.”

“I’m not answering that.” Steve gets up to clear away the old bottles, carrying them over to the recycling can. “If it was Argyle, would you have?” he finally counters.

Jonathan’s face breaks out in a flush that he tries to hide with a cough. “Can we agree not to mention this is anyone?” he changes the subject. “Say I just stayed over and slept on your couch, alone.”

Steve shrugs. “I guess. What, you ashamed that we cuddled on my couch or something?” Jonathan looks away. “Oh my god, you are. How fucking dare you?”

“What do you mean? This isn’t exactly normal for the two of us.” Jonathan stands.

“Sure. But you wanting to hide it means you’re ashamed. Are you ashamed that you slept with me.”

Jonathan gives him a blank expression. “Please don’t call it that.”

“I am calling it that, because it was true. The two of us, slept on the same couch, together, also while cuddling a little bit. It happens, it was an accident. We use it as a funny story and move on.”

“Or we don’t mention it at all.”

Steve crosses his arms. “Alright, under one condition. You admit that was the best sleep you’ve gotten in a while.”

Jonathan huffs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I think you know exactly what I’m talking about. Chronic insomniac Jonathan, falling asleep for what looks to be about, oh I don’t know,” Steve looks at the clock on the oven. “Six or so hours, undisturbed. That had to have been a good night’s sleep.”

Jonathan scrunches up his face before giving in. “Fine, ok.”

Steve laughs in victory.

“It was the best night I’ve gotten in a while, you’re right.”

“For me too, actually.”

“Wait. Wasn’t Robin here last night?” Jonathan remembers.

Steve’s eyes widen. “Yeah, she was. Where is she?” He lightly taps on her door before opening it, finding an empty, unmade bed. “Shit, she’s gone.”

“So, she saw us,” Jonathan accepts defeat. “Great. Where do we think she is?”

There is suddenly a loud burst of laughter from across the hall. “Oh no,” Steve groans.

“We’re never going to live this down, are we?” Jonathan asks with a wince.

“Nope,” Steve says defeated. “We go in together?” He turns to Jonathan.

Jonathan nods. “Only way to do it at this point.”

Steve heads across the hall to Nancy and Eddie’s apartment. He nods at Jonathan before opening the door to ruckus laughter.

“There are the sleepy heads,” Robin teases on the couch. Waving her phone in the air. “Hope we didn’t wake you up,” she fake pouts.

Eddie comes out of his room with a picture in his hand, holding it close to his chest when he realized Steve and Jonathan are there. “Oh, hey guys,” he says with a knowing smile.

Nancy starts laughing. “How’d you guys sleep?” she asks innocently.

Argyle sits on the armchair with crossed arms. “Terribly, I hope.”

“I thought this would happen,” Jonathan whispers while pinching the bridge of his nose. “We slept as good as two people sharing a couch do.”

“You admitted it so fast,” Robin barks. Cackling.

“You all already know,” Steve defends. “Also, what the hell is in your hands?”

Eddie tries to cover the picture with his hands. “Nothing.”

Steve walks toward Eddie. “So, I can see it then?”

Eddie runs to the other side of the room, Steve chasing after him. They do a whole back and forth at the kitchen table, Eddie almost running into the counter when he gets away. Steve fails to catch up with him as Eddie does another lap.

Jonathan moves out of the way before he gets run into, walking over to a still upset Argyle. “It really wasn’t that great,” he lies.

“Don’t lie to me,” Argyle says, avoiding Jonathan’s gaze.

Eddie runs into his bedroom, unable to lock the door before Steve gets it open, following him in. There’s a crash, causing Nancy to perk up with concern. But when yelling and sounds of wrestling continue, she sits back on the couch, sipping her coffee.

“Fine, it was the best sleep I’ve had for a few weeks. But it doesn’t mean anything, it was an accident I promise.”

“Are you weirded out by this,” Robin whispers to Nancy.

She just shrugs. “Not really.”

“It was really an accident?” Argyle asks.

“Yes, I really didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”

Argyle finally looks at him, his face softening. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

“No,” Eddie yells from the bedroom. “Don’t rip it.” Followed by a “Ha, got it,” from Steve. He walks out victoriously with the picture.

“Neither of you are bleeding, right?” Nancy confirms, not really caring anymore. Steve shakes his head.

Eddie comes out of the room, leaning on his doorway, panting. “Please don’t tear it up. It was my last piece of picture paper.”

“Out of all of us, why is it you that has a printer?” Robin asks. Eddie just shrugs.

“What is it?” Jonathan asks, wincing.

Steve walks over to show him. “What you think. Why did you print it out anyway?”

“To put on the wall of many shames,” Eddie says, pointing to the wall covered in pictures of the group scattered along the back wall. Some with pictures drawn on their faces and other various situations they’ve gotten themselves into.

Steve looks at Jonathan, who just shrugs. With a roll of his eyes, Steve walks over and tapes it to the wall.

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or taken off) @slowandsteddie, @annieofhearts, @cacdyke, @ubpd, @captain--low, @thespaceantwhowrites, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @anne-bennett-cosplayer, @lunaticparisianlady, @apomaro-mellow, @dolphincliffs, @dragonmama76, @maggiebug417, @stevesbipanic, @fearieshadow, @mentallyundone, @eightpackdiaz, @au79burger @bookworm0690 , @practicallybegging, @potato-of-the-lord

[depressopax]

Hi!!! if it's okay (and if your request is still open) I was wondering if I could request a fluff scenario for Jimmy McGill? :D where he gets all soft and loving sjdjdj can be both sfw and nsfw ... thank you !! ���

Thank you for the request!!! <3 Been meaning to write about Jimmy for quite a while, so this was the perfect sign to do it lmaooo I was gonna do a NSFW too but realized that the SFW version was at 1K word already 💀 Will do a part 2 tho!  Oh well, enjoy these cheesy Jimmy headcanons 🥹🫶

Jimmy McGill relationships headcanons

Fandom - Breaking Bad/Better call Saul

Jimmy x gn!reader || SFW HC's

Pairing: Jimmy McGill/Saul Goodman x gender-neutral reader Genre: Fluff, headcanons Warning(s): None that I can think off?? Cuss words maybe, slightly angsty Jimmy lol. Reader is gender-neutral and referred to as "partner" and gn!pet-names. Words: 1.1K Summary: Being in a relationship with Jimmy McGill would include... English is not my main language, if I make any spelling mistakes please let me know so I can improve my writing! <3 || AO3 link || Masterlist || Request || NSFW version ||

Jimmy is not good at figuring out his feelings.

That’s why it took him a while to realize he’d fallen in love with you. 

It’d take some time for him to accept what he’s feeling though.

Homeboy would be in denial at first. He’s scared to fall in love with someone, in fear of commitment and getting hurt etc…

But he’d show interest in other ways, without realizing it himself.

We’re talking about cheesy stuff: - Always looking good (and that’s not so difficult, HE GORGEOUSSSSS 👀) - Trying to impress you with his knowledge about things - Making sure to say something funny and make others laugh when you’re around, to let you know how funny and amazing he is lol - Compliments and teasing 

Noticing his attempt, you straight up ask him about it. “...Do you like me, Jimmy?” “What?? I-” … “Yes. I do.”

Once it’s said and done, he eventually asks you out on a date.

Listen… Jimmy may be overconfident, especially when it comes to his seduction skills

However, there’s something about you that makes him nervous.

What you think about him and how he comes across matters to him.

That’s why he plans a date weeks ahead, trying to make everything perfect

He tries figuring out what you like and dislike so he can use that to make a good impression. 

He takes you out to some fancy restaurant (RIP early season Jimmy’s wallet 😭)

The date goes well and he is very smug with his effort.

After a few dates, Jimmy realizes he’s fallen for you.

At first he tries to hide it. He doesn’t want to come across as “desperate” or “needy”. 

But then again… He’s not good at hiding his true feelings.

Luckily, you feel the same and eventually you become a couple for real. 

He was the first one to say “I love you”, and did so without realizing it.

You were leaving for work or something and he just goes: “Bye, love ya!” Completely flustered when he heard what he just said.

When you say it back, he feels a wave of relief. 

After that, he makes sure to say ILY as often as he can.

He won’t shut up about you. Like ever. 

“So then my partner said…” “My partner brought me this shirt!” “I’m taking my babe out on a date tonight” And everyone else will eventually be like: 😐”Shut up”😐

He’ll refer to you as his spouse/wife/husband, watching everyone confused “You’re married?” “I will be soon” 🤭

Jimmy’s a sucker for cute pet names. And yeah, some of them are probably “cringe” but that won’t stop him 

Baby, Boo, Sugar, Sweetie, Hot stuff, Doll, Kitten (😭)

He loves it when you wear his shirts. Especially as lounge clothing or when sleeping.

Jimmy also finds matching outfits adorable. 

Would probably take you shopping for either suits/blazers or just hoodies that you can match. 

He also buys matching jewelry, towels, morning robes etc etc… He’s one of those guys 😭

He has a picture of you standing on the desk in his office, as a way to carry the sweetheart with him all the time. 

…And also to brag about you to anyone that enters his office (but he puts the picture away when dealing with some of his unpredictable clients, homeboy is overprotective)

Speaking of being overprotective: He deals with a lot of shady people, so he’s very careful with who he chooses to trust when it comes to talking his love to you.

He prioritizes your safety over anything else. 

Ofc he’s scared for his own safety too, but pretty much puts it aside to make sure you’re safe first off. 

If danger comes up, he’d make sure to find somewhere safe for you to stay whilst he deals with it.

He would go so far as hiring a bodyguard for you tbh.

Being with him might be a struggle too

Homeboy is a bit unpredictable and impulsive

Doing stupid things is his speciality- 😭

No but literally, you’ll sometimes have to stop him from acting out on his weird revenge ideas or stuff that could get him into trouble.

“I was just gonna-” “No.” “But…” “Jimmy, no.” 

Sometimes you succeed, sometimes you don’t. But you love him either ways. <3

He also likes talking shit about people with you *cough* probably Howard *cough* - sure, a bit rude - but he finds it hilarious lol 

Lot of in-jokes between you and him

Jimmy is a daydreamer and is easily distracted

Especially by you.

He sometimes gets stuck thinking about you when doing boring work.

Until Francesca tells him to pull himself together lmao

Jimmy spends all possible time together with you. 

He is ambitious and serious about work, but after you and him became a couple his priorities changed. 

He finds time to spend with you. Last thing he wants is for you to feel like he cares more about work than he does for you.

If you’re adventurous and like being outdoors, he does too.

But honestly? He prefers cuddling at home and watching movies with you.

He is not a good chef, so he buys a lot of food from restaurants and brings it home if you’ve had a long day at work.

He makes sure to be a romantic bastard too. 

Candlelit dinners, taking baths together, picnics… You name it. He loves spoiling you. 

He wouldn’t admit it to anyone else but hear me out… Home-spa dates 👀

He did use to have his office at a nail salon, so he knows his way around those things

If you allow him to, he likes painting your nails - with him choosing the color

Like I said, Jimmy enjoys cuddling you.

He has a lot of feelings, traumas etc pent up, which he dares to let out around you.

He has learnt that he can be vulnerable with you and not get judged, which he appreciates.

That’s why he loves coming home to you after a long day and simply resting in your arms.

He prefers being the little spoon - to feel protected and loved by you. <3

To summarize: It might take him a while to put the pieces together and actually confess his feelings for you - but once he does he spends every day letting you know how much you mean to him.

I just remembered why I love Jimmy sm AHHH he deserves love and happiness <3<3 Part 2 soon!

[velvetvexations]

This is a protective ask. It encourages you to check whether you really want to answer the asks beneath yet. Be good to yourself, you do good work for all of us <3

Thank you, anon. <3

sick of feeling like queer spaces seem to expect masculine people to be protectors and supporters without ever expecting to have to give us protection and support too. it's always how trans mascs can be allies to trans femmes and never the other way around. it's what about the scary trans man in the women's bathroom and little discussion of the threat we are under in these scenarios. it's always use your masculinity to protect me, but nobody can give without receiving. support and protection are features of community and community needs to be at least somewhat mutual. I refuse to constantly put myself in danger to protect someone who sees my suffering simply as an inherent duty of my presentation. let me be butch and slow and gentle for a change. let me be scared and held please.

I'll hold you. It's okay. You don't have to put yourself in danger to be a man, I promise.

people love love love to be blatantly misogynistic towards trans men/mascs and be like "well actually its subversive because he's a man! teehee!" was it subversive when i got told to shut up because i was the only women present (post coming-out) was it subversive when i got told i had to wear a dress to show off my feminine figure (post coming-out) was it subversive when i got called shrill mid-argument (post-coming out) was it subversive when nobody except me would clean the communal areas in the flat because i "did it so well" (post coming-out) was it subversive when i had my music taste made fun of when i was a 13 year old girl? is it subversive now that im a 20 year old trans guy? am i not the same person? is it subversive when people talk about trans men the same way people talk about teenage girls. is talking about teenage girls like that subversive if they come out as trans men later. or is it maybe a little different?

I'm sorry anon, you deserve so much better.

This discourse is always so fucking bizarre because IRL I'll be hanging out with trans women, getting fun updates from my friend on how her E dosage is going and her first foray into wired bras, spending time with the only other transmasc I know IRL at a 'women + nonbinary people' event because that's literally the only queer space near us intended for transmascs, and it's just incredibly obvious people perpetuating this discourse don't go outside

touching grass is vital

The shortest line joke reminds me of the fact that when I was more femme presenting & the women's toilets were blocked off, I went into the men's bathroom and a man went 'Ah! You scared me' and I was like at last, I am the threat <3 I haven't tested to see what will happen if I go to the men's bathroom now that I've started getting weird looks from women from being in theirs. Probably more of the same. It's hard out here being a bathroom liberation free the nipple communist

so true

i spent an hour arguing with a TRF and i'm exhausted. there's a reason i have a boundary with myself about getting into discourse. i don't know how you do it, but thank you for doing it from those that can't <3

I do what I must because I can <3

oh and then the same person said she think its funny to call trans men ‘birthday boys’… i neeeeed to mock and infantilise all trans men because a couple of them disagreed with me!

context

if someone treats you that way call them a slur back until they stop

(do not do that)

Yo it hit me over the head just now- i think there's a large portion of transfems who never did any gender work beyond their own. Like the running joke of 'of course every guy secretly wants to be a girl'; I'm not sure they can conceptualize us wanting to be masculine for any reason so there has to be some sort of 'ulterior motive'

Correct, though stupid selfish assholes with the same lack of comprehension or desire to comprehend the experiences of others come in all kinds.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

78 for 🧟:

---

“Sounds like you’ve never solved a bad day with a reality TV binge watch,” Buck observes. 

“You’d be right,” Eddie chuckles. 

“Okay, you’re laughing, but the library has DVDs of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills which I will be using to recover from this extended walk.”

“That sounds mind numbing,” Eddie replies.

“Have you tried it?” Buck challenges.

“Well, no,” Eddie admits.

“Ahh, see? You gotta. There’s not a lot of bad situations watching Lisa Vanderpump scheme can’t make it better.”

“I have no idea who that is,” Eddie says. 

“Oh my god, it’s like you came out from under a rock,” Buck jests. 

“I think it was a closet,” Eddie mumbles. 

Buck chest jumps with an unexpected peel of laughter. 

“Fuck. You’re funny,” he says. 

Eddie smiles at him. It’s a different sort of smile than he’s been using thus far. And for a second, Buck forgets where they are and what they’re doing. He’s completely breathless. Which… Whoa. Is not a feeling he’s expecting? 

“Eddie,” Buck exhales. “I, uh-”

He’s cut off by a sudden rustle of movement on the other side of the freeway barrier. Before Buck can even think, Eddie raises his weapon, side steps around Buck, and fires three quick shots. 

Ears ringing, Buck looks over his shoulder to see three zombies drop like flies. 

“Whoa,” he exhales. “Uh, good reflexes, man.”

Whatever energy had been buzzing between them before has evaporated. The danger having been clearly reinstated like the sounding of an alarm. 

“Thanks,” Eddie replies. “Just good training.”

“Right,” Buck replies. 

The conversation dies down a bit between for a while after that. 

▪️▪️▪️

By the time they’re walking by the Los Angeles National Cemetery, Buck’s brain is all over the place. He feels like someone is pulling his brain apart to reconstruct it or something. He’s not sure what to think. Because there was a moment there where Buck kind of wanted to kiss Eddie. And that’s not the sort of thing he usually wants. But now… Now it’s kind of all he can think about. 

Buck has never considered kissing a guy before. At least not with this level of serious intention. It’s not that he’s never, well, appreciated guys. He has. He’s not so insecure in himself that he can’t say when another guy is hot. Especially their ass. He sees a good ass, he’s gonna think about it. Gender be damned. He’s just never had a reason to think outside of girls, because he’s always been pretty content there. 

Being content doesn’t mean being limited though, right? Or is Buck just in desperate need of some physical attention? Will he go for this, only to discover he doesn’t really want it? That hardly seems fair to Eddie. But then again… How does Buck know what he wants until he tries? And right now, he really wants to try. 

With all this in mind, Buck does something potentially ill advised. Maybe a little invasive. Definitely sort of obvious. At least, he would think so. If he were Eddie.

“How did you know you’re gay?” He asks. Not long after the cemetery.

Eddie coughs. “Uh, what?” 

“Like, you said you got married? You have a kid.” 

“Yes,” Eddie says carefully. “That’s all true.”

“So obviously being with a woman wasn’t, like, terrible.” Buck assumes. “Or maybe it was?”

“No,” Eddie shakes his head. “No, being with Shannon wasn’t terrible.”

“So how did you figure it out?”

---

78 for 🪞:

---

“Okay,” Tommy says, passing Buck the injera. “What is it?”

“I’ve made a kind of big decision about my life,” Buck says. “One I’m pretty set on.”

For a moment, he feels like Abby. Making a unilateral decision that impacts a relationship without even consulting his partner. And maybe he is exactly like her. Maybe in doing this, he can understand her better. Because he knows he needs to do this, regardless of the romantic consequences. But at least he’s giving Tommy a proper, honest heads up. 

“A couple weeks back, we rescued this kid from a fire at a group home,” Buck says. “A little girl. Six years-old.”

“Okay?” Tommy replies, before Buck can really continue. “Evan, is this your way of telling me you have a love child out there you didn’t know about?”

Buck flinches a little. “Uh, no. No love child. But if I did, would that be a, uh, dealbreaker?”

Tommy frowns. “Well, I guess that depends on the situation.”

Buck’s stomach drops a little. This is not going well for them thus far.

“O-okay, well… Well the little girl we rescued… It turns out we’d saved her before. As a newborn,” Buck explains. “And then she was abandoned. Went into the system. Almost seven years later, she’s never had a permanent home.”

“Hmm,” Tommy says, sort of flatly. “That’s sad.”

“It-it is,” Buck agrees. “So, I got to thinking, how could I help?”

Tommy’s face hardens a little. “Evan, you know that’s not your responsibility.”

“Do I?” Buck replies. “Because, it technically isn’t anyone’s responsibility. But if no one does anything, then what future does she have?”

“I don’t really know,” Tommy says, with a little helpless shrug. His expression seems to say, what do you want me to do here? And, honestly? Show some empathy for Dove. That’s all. Buck isn’t sure why that’s hard.

“I’m going to try to adopt her,” Buck says. He just drops the news. Puts it right out there.

Tommy’s eyes bulge. “You aren’t serious?”

“I am.” Buck grits his teeth. “I’ve already moved forward with it.”

Tommy makes a frustrated noise. Buck’s jaw tightens. 

“Is this because of Christopher?” He asks. 

Buck blinks. That is not at all what he expected to come out of Tommy’s mouth.

“About Christopher?” He parrots. “Wh-why would it be about Christopher?”

Tommy sighs. “Look, I know you’ve been trying to make Eddie feel better as much as you can, but I really don’t think this is the way to do it.”

“What? I’m not adopting a kid for Eddie.” Buck protests. “I’m doing it for her. And for me!”

“Did you talk to Eddie about this before me?” Tommy asks dubiously. 

“Well, yeah. Because he’s a dad.” Buck says. “I valued his input on the matter.”

“But not mine?” Tommy asks. 

---

66 for ❄️:

---

But that certainly doesn’t mean Eddie can’t sit back quietly and collect information. Assess his playing field. Build up a long game. Right? Or is that horrible? Maybe it’s horrible.

For example, when Buck comes over that Sunday, and it’s clear something is on is mind, Eddie isn’t going to not ask to hear about it. Even when it becomes clear who it is about.

“What’s eating you?” He asks, when Buck flops down onto the couch beside him with a heavy groan. 

“Ah, it’s nothing,” Buck replies, waving a dismissive hand. “You don’t need to hear about it, man.” 

He’s been doing that lately. Ever since Christopher left. Buck won’t complain about anything in his life in front of Eddie, with the singular exception of Gerrard. A common factor in everyone’s misery. So if Buck is hesitant to tell Eddie, then it must be about something other than work. 

“Don’t do that,” Eddie says. 

“Do what?” Buck asks. 

“Treat me with kid gloves,” Eddie says. “What’s going on?”

Buck sighs. “It’s not a huge deal.”

“So what? I want to hear about it anyway.”

“It’s… Well, it’s Tommy.”

Oh? Is it now? Eddie tries to keep a neutral face.

“What about him? I thought things were going well?”

“I mean,” Buck shrugs. “They are. Mostly.”

“Mostly?” Eddie asks. 

“Mostly,” Buck nods.

“But?”

“But… Okay, when you were hanging out with him, did you ever find him a little…”

“A little what?” Eddie asks. 

“A little condescending?” Buck clarifies. 

“Oh,” Eddie says. “Not really? Why? Is he being condescending to you?”

“I mean, maybe?” Buck replies. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m misreading his tone.”

“Okay,” Eddie furrows his brows. “What’s the context?”

Buck shrugs again. “I think maybe I’m just bad with sarcasm.”

“He is kind of sarcastic,” Eddie says carefully. 

It never bugged Eddie so much. Eddie’s own sense of humor can lean towards sarcasm pretty heavily. But he can see why Buck wouldn’t like it, especially in a romantic context. Buck is so sincere in everything. Loud and passionate about what he’s feeling. Eddie can imagine enough sarcasm might almost feel like a rejection of that. 

[corazondebeskar-reads]

all I did was what I had to - part three

all I did was what I had to miniseries

part three: we can't both become the same

series masterlist | part one | part two | part three

dark!raider/hunter!Joel Miller x f!reader

Word Count: 2.3k

Summary: Joel realizes he never finished teaching you a lesson. (Takes place after part two but before part one.)

Warnings: dark, dub-con, dead dove do not eat, dark!Joel/raider!Joel comes with his own warning, bathroom control, watersports (yes again. much milder this time), d/s dynamics if you squint but not SCC/RACK/etc compliant, humiliation, degradation, praise kink, Joel is mean, spit play, vaginal sex

also on ao3

“Um, Joel?”

“Yeah?” he looks up from where he’s cleaning dirt from under his nails with the tip of his switchblade.

“I think the door’s stuck. Can I go around, please?” The bathroom is situated between your room and Joel’s, with entrances from both bedrooms. But obviously, you couldn’t just leave.

The request was a courtesy, an appeal to his penchant for politeness heldover from Southern hospitality before the world fell to shit. You were already moving to the door.

“No.”

You startle, turning on your heel to look at him. Sometimes, he likes to make these jokes that aren’t really funny to anyone but him, so you have to check. But there’s no smirk, no glint in his dark eyes.

“Oh, um. Okay. Can you help me with the door, please?”

“Ain’t stuck. It’s locked.” He’s gone back to his nails, but when you don’t respond right away, he peers up at you from his perch on the bed. Now there’s the hint of a smirk, the tiniest quirk of his lips in one corner.

Okay, you can do this. You’ve walked into a trap, somehow, but you need to figure out what you did wrong and see if you can make amends. “I’m sorry,” you blurt too quickly. With nowhere to go but forward, you sink to your knees in front of him.

“Oh yeah?” he leans forward, elbows on his knees, and draws the blunt edge of the switchblade down your cheek, the smirk spreading as you shudder. “What’re ya sorry for?”

“I—um—”

“Um—um,” he mocks, dragging the blade back up. “See, ‘cause this wasn’t a punishment. But now ya got me thinkin’ you’ve done something bad.”

Your bottom lip trembles. “I don’t know, I just—”

“Ya just what? Apologized for nothin’? You’re gonna make me think you only say sorry to get out of trouble, instead of meanin' it.”

You open your mouth but have nothing to say. Nothing to defend yourself by. So, instead, you purse your lips back together and try not to cry.

“C’mon now,” he says. “What’re you so afraid of? I ain’t ever hurt ya.”

It’s true. At least, as far as punishments go. He’s spanked you or smacked you around a little when he gets rough during sex, when he needs a little extra stress relief, but he’s never raised a hand against you in anger. He doesn’t need to.

At first, the humiliation and degradation were intense when you misbehaved. But you were one of those meek people pleasers your whole life, a teacher’s pet, tripping over your own feet in the rush to make someone else happy. It was how you ended up married to Noah, though you did tell him no. You told him no over and over up until the point where Joel made putty from his face.

And maybe that was it. Maybe, deep down, you were just grateful that Joel didn’t hurt you, didn’t starve you, didn’t leave you without water or medical attention. Instead, you were haunted by genuine guilt when you disappointed him. He protected you, provided everything you needed and more, and you thanked him with this disrespect?

He’s watching you with narrowed eyes, watching as yours dart back and forth while you scramble to catch up.

You look up to meet his gaze. “I’m sorry, Joel. I panicked. I didn’t want to have done anything to upset you.”

He softens a little and pulls the blade away, folding it and slipping it into his pocket. He replaces it with his warm palm against your cheek. “I know, sweetheart. You’re always tryin’ to be my good girl. You gotta understand, it just ain’t possible all the time. That’s what I’m here for. To help ya.”

Oh no. You have direly misunderstood the situation. You squirm a little, both from nerves and from the pressure the position puts on your full bladder.

It seems to remind him why you ended up there in the first place. He gives your cheek a couple firm pats and sits up. “I’ve done you a disservice, darlin’.”

Oh no. You dig your fingers into your kneecaps to keep your breathing steady.

“You remember when we had that little incident, and I had to teach ya a lesson in that fuckin’ Burger King?”

You nod. Of course you remember. That was the thing about Joel’s “lessons.” They were always effective.

“Well, I was thinkin’ about it, and realized I only gave you half the lesson.” He shakes his head.

All at once, you recognize what you’ve been missing all day. His suggestion that you take a day to relax together and stay in bed. How he’s only used your mouth all day. How he’s been handing you bottle after bottle of water. It was all so casual, so easy to lose track of as you played cards and read.

He’d even stopped you mid-blowjob to offer you a drink.

“Don’t worry, baby,” he says. “I’m going to make it up to you. Get your shoes on.”

You whimper but obey. As you always have, as you always will. Joel’s command is your north star in this wretched world.

He holds out his other jacket, the patched-up brown corduroy cradling you as you slip it on. You let yourself tune out the rest of the world and soak up the spice and musk of him that lingers in the lining. The heft of it on your shoulders reminds you that no matter what he’s about to put you through, you’ll come out the other side worthier of his tender care.

He unlocks the bedroom door after sliding into his own coat and looks at you for a moment. You burrow into the coat but give him a soft smile, and so he takes your hand in his and leads you through the hall, down the stairs, and outside the house.

It’s dark. You hadn’t realized it was so late. The moon is heavy, nearly full, and looming over the woods. A light dusting of snow has settled on the late fallen leaves, muffling the crunch under your boots.

He doesn’t take you far, not willing to risk Infected over a simple lesson. Just far enough into the thicket that you can barely see the house through the thick trunks of the trees, but still within the perimeter.

He lets go of your hand and takes your chin in his. “You gonna be good?” he asks gruffly.

“I’ll be good,” you whisper, the puff of your words spiraling to dissipate in his scruff.

“Alright. On your knees.”

The damp seeps in as soon as you’re on the ground, knees of your jeans soaked in snow and mud. You swallow hard as he looks down at you.

“Me first,” he says, pulling down his fly and fishing his cock out of his boxers.

You tense up and hold still, but he doesn’t demand anything from you, not even your focus, as he stands next to you, facing the other way, and relieves himself. You don’t watch, but you’re forced to listen, anyway. It’s not so bad.

When he’s zipped back up, he scrubs the sleeve of his jacket across his face and squints down at you. “Now you, sweetheart.”

“What?” You’re not confused by the demand but by how you’re expected to follow it like this. On your knees, fully clothed.

“It’s freezin’, baby, hurry up.”

“Can I take my pants off?”

“No, didn’t ya just hear me? I need that pussy to stay warm for me, can’t stick my dick in a fuckin’ freezer. Just hurry up and piss so we can go inside.”

You close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. There’s no getting around this, and even if you tried to wait him out from the cold, you know your aching bladder will lose the standoff. You whimper and look up at him with wet eyes.

“You can do it,” he murmurs. “I spent all day helpin’ ya get ready.”

The message is clear. You ball your hands into fists and squeeze your eyes shut, trying to relax enough to let go. You don’t let out your breath until your lungs burn.

“Please,” you whisper.

“Please, what? You want some help?”

You nod, eyes still shut tight, though you’re uncertain how exactly he plans to help. He kneels on the ground behind you and wraps his arms around your hips, one hand folded over a fist like he’s about to attempt the Heimlich maneuver.

“You ready?” His breath is hot against your neck. He’s pressed firmly behind you, and you’re not really surprised to feel him half-hard where his crotch meets your back. You bite your lip and nod.

He pulls his hands back, unrelenting pressure notched right at the top of your pelvis. It’s too much, and he doesn’t let up, increasing the force behind his grip until your body fails you (or saves you) and you begin to leak. You burst into tears.

“That’s it, good girl,” he says, pressing his lips against your neck to lick and bite. “Let it all out, sweetheart.”

You can’t stop once it’s started, and your eyes burn as the heat spreads down your legs, soaking your jeans. The sharp breeze turns it nearly to ice, stiffening the denim and sending your teeth chattering.

When he’s satisfied, he stands up, offering you a hand and pulling you to your feet. “Let’s get you inside and warmed up.”

He leads you back, though your cheeks burn as he brings you through the main level to the staircase. You’re sure the handful of hunters scattered through the living room are looking; it’s not often they see you outside. If they notice anything, which they surely must, they don’t say a word.

Joel crowds you into the bathroom and starts the shower. Hot water doesn’t last long, so he strips you both of your clothes and corrals you into the tub, drawing the curtain behind him.

You give yourself a quick, perfunctory scrub before rubbing between your legs and down your thighs until the rough sponge leaves you raw. You lather your hands with the bar of soap, and he lets you wash his hair.

The steam of the shower has warmed your bodies, and you’re slick where you press together in the tiny space. You run your hands through his locks, teasing the ends into curls and gently massaging his scalp with your nails. He groans, eyes closed, and obliges you when you tip his head back under the spray to rinse.

Once upon a time, you think this may have been when people would fuck in the shower. Way back when the hot water lasted more than six minutes and would soothe your sore muscles as you indulged.

Neither of you are keen to try it now, knowing the pressure will wane and the spray will sputter any moment, heralding the oncoming frigid blast. You’re out and dry a solid minute before it would have happened.

His eyes are heavy where they fall on your breasts, trailing over your stomach and down your legs. When he raises them to your face, they’re dark and sharp. You don’t even bother picking up your clothes, instead shifting so you’re facing him straight on when he steps forward to capture you in a ferocious kiss.

He pushes you back out the bathroom door with his momentum, hands on your waist guiding you to the edge of the bed. When you back into it, you immediately move up the mattress, widening your hips and making room for him between them.

He slides a finger through your folds and brings it up to his pleased grin, sucking it clean. He leans down to kiss you again, licking into your mouth to share the taste of your tang from his tongue. You moan, arching a little off the mattress to meet him.

He doesn’t bother to spread you open, opting instead to push the tip in until it splits you slowly, then shove the rest of the way inside. He swallows your cries like they alone could sustain him. When he sets a steady pace, he pulls back a little to study your face.

His brow is furrowed, even as his lips part in a pant from the tight grip of your cunt. “You’d let me do anything to ya, wouldn’t ya?” He watches your features, weighing your honesty as you nod.

“Yeah,” you gasp. “Anything.”

“Shit.” He closes his eyes for a moment. “Open your fuckin’ mouth,” he growls.

You do, just the way he likes, with your tongue out. He works his jaw and then spits right on your tongue.

“Swallow it, sweetheart.” He’s sneering, lip twitching like it wants to split into a grin. When you swallow it down and open your mouth to show him, it slips into a satisfied smirk instead. “Yeah, you’re all mine, aren’t ya?”

You nod, whining. You’re too close to feel the humiliation, instead waiting with your mouth open to see if he’ll do it again.

He does. But this time, after you swallow, he covers your mouth with his hand before picking up the pace, slamming hard enough that you scoot up the mattress a little with each thrust. He grips the headboard with his other hand so you don’t slam your head into it.

His hand muffles your cry as you cum again, and he pulls out, yanking you forward. You scramble to meet him halfway, and he fills your mouth. You hold it open, cum pooling in your throat.

He groans. “Swallow,” he says through heaving breaths as he comes down from his high. “That’s a good girl.”

It’s nearly dawn, now. He lets you up to use the bathroom, smirking at the hesitant way you ask, before settling down for a nap with you curled against him.

*title from "Jars" by Chevelle.

[howlingday]

The Ultimate Hunters

Winter: I am Winter Schnee.

Jaune: (Thinking) I remember reading about her. Apparently, she got top marks in all her classes, honors galore, and even leads multiple community programs. It's why she's referred to as the Ultimate Moral Compass.

Jaune: I'm Jaune Arc.

Winter: Mm, a strong name. You should thank your parents for it.

Jaune: Oh, uh, thanks-

Winter: But you should also do your best to not shame it! Never make them regret their choice to give such a potent name to a slacker!

Jaune: She's also kinda annoying.

---------------------------------------------------

Blake: I'm... Blake Belladonna...

Jaune: Oh, so this is the Ultimate Author?. She's been writing since she was ten, and published a romance novel when she was only eleven. I think it was "The Accountant." Apparently, it was such a hit, people all over the world named real-world accountants the hottest people to date!. Still, I wasn't really expecting her to look so... dark and gloomy.

Blake: W-Why are you staring at me?

Jaune: Oh! S-Sorry, I-

Blake: I know what you're thinking! You think I'm a freak, don't you!

Jaune: N-No! I only thought-!

Blake: I know what you thought! You thought you'd never seen such an ugly girl! And you thought it was soooo funny!

Jaune: N-No! That's not what I was thinking at all!

Blake: Don't even bother trying to lie to me! You can't stand to look at me!

Blake: B-But I'm used to it by now...

Jaune: Yikes!. Talk about inferiority complex. Never thought a successful author could be like this.

---------------------------------------------------

Yang: Hey! I'm Yang Xiao Long!

Jaune: Whoa!. She's the Ultimate Kickboxer!. They competed in the national circuit and won every single match!. Who hasn't heard of them?!.

Jaune: You're kidding me!

Yang: W-What? What's wrong?

Jaune: N-Nothing! I just, well, you're the Ultimate Kickboxer, so I kinda figured you'd be, uh...

Yang: What, were you expecting some big, dumb, jock guy?

Jaune: N-No,more like... Someone wearing boxing gloves and in a ponytail, like in that article I read.

Yang: Aw, geez... Not that picture! I hate that photo! I had to keep my hair tied back like that for the whole circuit. It doesn't look cute at all! So now I refuse to change my hair, not for anyone but me!

Yang: And, actually, can I tell you something? I... don't really like kickboxing. And to be honest, I hated going to my sparring matches.

Jaune: She hates kickboxing so much she never went to a sparring match? She must be some kind of prodigy!

Yang: So once I came here, I was done with it! So long, kickboxing! I've got my dreams ahead of me!

Jaune: Your dream?

Yang: Yeah! Playing music and jamming out all day long is the kinda stardom I want! All I need now is someone who can sing and a drummer, and I'm all set! I'm not stopping until I'm living like a real star!

Jaune: I can't believe what I'm hearing. I never thought I'd hear that coming from a kickboxing star!.

---------------------------------------------------

Neptune: I am the Neptune Vasilias! But if you want to use my nickname, "Your Dream Come True," I don't mind. By the way, what do you know about anime?

Jaune: Anime?

Neptune: Well, to the world at large, I am the one and only Ultimate Fanfic Writer! I once sold over 10,000 copies of my fan fic at con. Everybody knows it! Of course, dsome of them didn't get it. They said I had "tainted" the nature of the con. How ignorant can you be?!

Jaune: This is the first I heard about it, but to sell over 10,000 copies is pretty impressive.

Neptune: I'm a lot like von Burgh. Completely unappreciated in my time. That's why I toil day and night to spread the good work of fan fiction to the world at large! I'm sure if you read my work, Mr. Arc, you'd completely understand in an instant! For it touches mankind's deepest truths...

Jaune: Uh, what kind of truths?

Neptune: It's all about giving in to our most basic of urges...

Jaune: On second thought, I don't want to understand it...

---------------------------------------------------

Pyrrha: Hello! I'm Pyrrha Nikos, and I look forward getting to know you!

Jaune: The way she moves is mesmerizing, and there's a sweet scent wafting around her. When I saw her name on the attendance, I thought I recognized her name. She's the star of her own pop music group, "Hoplife," and as the Ultimate Pop-Star, she's the most desired woman for all the TV and magazine covers. But still, I'm more surprised she still smiling since... Nevermind. No need to get into that. But she looks so beautiful, like a goddess or something...

Pyrrha: I'm not a goddess. I'm a real person.

Jaune: Wha- How did you know what I was thinking?

Pyrrha: I'm psychic.

Jaune: R-Really?!

Pyrrha: No. I just have good intuition.

Jaune: Quick as a whip, she is.

---------------------------------------------------

Harriet: Heya! I'm Harriet Bree, but my friends just call me Hare.

Jaune: Harriet Bree. She's been breaking track records since she was a kid! I hear she's even supposed to be a competitor in the upcoming Vytal Tournament! Without a doubt, she is the Ultimate Track Runner. Everything about her technique, physique, and, uh, proportions have been widely talked about online.

Harriet: So, uh, what was your name again? I've already forgotten it.

Jaune: Jaune Arc.

Harriet: Right... I thought it was something like that.

Jaune: No, it's not something like that. It is that.

Harriet: Gotcha! I'll hammer it in my head right now! Jaune... Arc... Jaune... Arc...

Jaune: The way she's writing in her palm is really unnerving.

Jaune: What are you doing?

Harriet: You don't know?! If you want to remember someone's name, you gotta write it in your palm three times!

Jaune: Really?

Harriet: By the way, how do you spell your last name.

Jaune: It's spelled like it sounds.

Harriet: ...Ah, I'll figure it out later! Anyways, it was nice meeting you!

Jaune: Y-Yeah, same...

Jaune: What she likes in wit, she makes up with energy.

---------------------------------------------------

Qrow: Name's Qrow Branwen. Nice ta fuckin' meetcha.

Jaune: Qrow Branwen? As in... the leader of the largest bandit tribe in the kingdom?! He's earned the respect of every tribe around, earning him the title of Ultimate Gang Boss.

Jaune: ...Uh, nice to meet you, too.

Qrow: Hell yeah.

Jaune: I better be careful. One wrong word and I'm worm food!.

---------------------------------------------------

Penny: Hello, I'm Penny Polendina. Nice to meet you. I'm sorry if I seem nervous. I always feel so nervous when I meet someone new. I hope we can get along.

Jaune: Same here. Nice to meet you.

Penny: I'm sorry, but have we met before?

Jaune: Uh, no? This is the first time. That's why I said, "Nice to meet you."

Penny: Oh... I'm sorry.

Jaune: You don't have to apologize, y'know.

Penny: Right. Excuse me.

Jaune: Penny Polendina is renowned all over the world for her cutting-edge programs. That's why she's the Ultimate Programmer! She's also got this cute, scared, naive bunny thing going on that makes everyone fall for her. So she has a huge legion of fans!.

Penny: I... I'm sorry.

Jaune: For what?

Penny: I've upset you. You look really angry right now.

Jaune: No, no, I was just lost in thought, y'know?

Penny: Lost in thought?

Jaune: Yeah. It has nothing to do with me being upset or anything.

Penny: Oh, thank goodness. I was starting to think you didn't like me.

Jaune: Seeing her smile... I can see how she got so many fans...

---------------------------------------------------

Ruby: ...

Jaune: ...

Ruby: ...

Jaune: ...Uh, can I ask you your name?

Ruby: ...My name... is Ruby Rose.

Ruby: ...

Jaune: ...

Jaune: She's pretty quiet. But I don't think I saw her name on the list. I mean, I did see that there was someone other than me missing from the school muster sheet. Maybe she's the other unaccounted student?.

Jaune: So, uh, what are you doing here?

Ruby: What's that supposed to mean?

Jaune: No, no! It's just, everyone here is some kind of ultimate or another, so I'm wondering what you're the ultimate of.

Ruby: ...

Ruby: Why should I tell you?

Jaune: Huh? Well, uh, I guess you don't have to tell me.

Ruby: No. I don't have to. So I'm not going to.

Ruby: ...

Jaune: She's got a real iron mask going on. Guess this is where our conversation ends.

---------------------------------------------------

Nora: Hiiiiiiiii~! I'm Nora Valkyrie! Charmed, I'm sure!

Jaune: Anyone would recognize her. She's on every cover of almost every magazine in almost every store. She's the envy of every girl in the kingdom, an Ultimate Fashion Icon if ever there was one!.

Jaune: I'm not sure I got the right person?

Nora: Huh? Oh... You must mean my cover photo, huh? Well, duh, they're all photoshop!

Jaune: Photoshop?

Nora: Y'know, edited to hell and back?

Jaune: Oh, so they're not real.

Nora: Geez... Don't say it like that. Now I'm gonna get all depressed. Everything is all photoshop these days! I bet you'd even be surprised by a certain diva here.

Jaune: So many dreams... crushed like a nail under a hammer.

---------------------------------------------------

Ren: I am Lie Ren.

Jaune: Oh, geez, I almost asked him if he was a girl. The day I ask that out loud is the day I get turned into a human pretzel. But now I remember him. He's the world champion martial artist who won against guys three times his size. He's the famous Ultimate Martial Artist, with a win streak of 400 matches and 0 losses. Some of the online posts called him "Siren" and claimed he's secretly some kind of weird sea-primate; a missing link between man and fish. Honestly, standing in front of him, I kinda have to agree.

Ren: Excuse me.

Jaune: Y-Yes!

Jaune: Why is he poking my body?.

Jaune: Uh, what are you...

Ren: Your muscle quantity and quality are about the standard for a regular late teen male. Hm... Training with you would likely bring more harm than good. A shame.

Jaune: Maybe for you, but for me, it's a blessing!.

---------------------------------------------------

Weiss: I do not believe we have been introduced. I am Weiss Apfelkuchen.

Jaune: Weiss, uh...

Weiss: Apfelkuchen. It's my name. But if you don't mind, I'd prefer you to address me as Weiss.

Jaune: Uh, excuse me, but you are from this Kingdom, right?

Weiss: Of course. Why do you ask?

Jaune: Well, then, can you tell me your real name?

Weiss: I already told you. My real name is Weiss Schnee. But as I have also stated, please address me as Weiss.

Jaune: She's polite, but she's also forceful. Guess those internet posts were right about her. She really is the Ultimate Gambler who's never lost a bet in her life. She also loves dressing in elegant, white clothes like a princess in a fairy tale. They say she entered an underground gambling ring and walked out with everyone's money. They called her, "The Queen of Lies". She laughed about it, too, they say.

Weiss: I look forward getting to know you. Heh heh...

Jaune: She's smiling, but she's a wolf. I need to watch myself.

---------------------------------------------------

Fox: Name's Fox Alistair, Fox for short. Take it easy, yeah? I'm sure I will!

Jaune: Fox Alistair, known as the legendary "Truth-Hunter" in the psychic community, is the Ultimate Clairvoyant. To be honest, I don't really get that psychic stuff. It's out of my depth. Still, I can't help but wonder if there's any truth to it.

Fox: Mm... I give up.

Jaune: Huh? What?

Fox: I thought I saw it, but I guess I missed it.

Jaune: Missed what?

Fox: I thought I saw a giant dog chasing after a teenage wizard on a motorcycle with gold threads in his mouth. And that wizard... IS YOUR PURPOSE!

Fox: ...Ha ha! I'm just kidding! But we should get some cold ones and look deep into Mu and her lost culture.

Jaune: Cold ones? I'm not old enough to-

Fox: I am. I was held back a few times, so... Ah, it's a long story.

Jaune: A few times?. Yeah I'll bet it's a long story...

---------------------------------------------------

Coco: Name's Coco Adel.

Jaune: Hi, uh, nice to meet you.

Coco: ...

Jaune: That's the most half-assed character introduction I've ever heard!. But it's not like I can do anything about it. She's a special case, even among all these special cases. Coco Adel is the daughter and heiress of the most affluent financial conglomerate in the world. She's even got her own businesses with her own personal fortune. It makes sense for her title of the Ultimate Affluent. She's the very definition of "exceptional".

Coco: Are you done? How much longer are you going to stand there? Get out of here, I'm sick of looking at you.

Jaune: One look at her, and I know she's thinking, "You and I will never be equals." She's a queen in training.

[asleepyy]

Hello! I just did yet another reread of your comic, so here's a list of random things I love about it!! Sorry if this is a bit uuuhhhh MUCH but I just love your comic a lot, and want to share some of that love, and this seemed like the best way to go about that. So:

-The way Azazel's wings are so fluffy and Jophiel's are so sleek! Your stylization of them is so pretty.

-How you draw Azazel's hands always folded as if in prayer, or fiddling...even though the rest of him is often so still. Very true to Aziraphale, of course, but also fitting of an owl - still and always observing. But still, something that betrays that vigilance.

-Jophiel's honest-to-someone mullet in Mesopotamia. I love him so much. His little curls give me life.

-How Jophiel is always moving, angling his head in funny ways, pulling absurd expressions! He's so fun and mobile, which is just perfect to contrast our very sad and stationary owl.

-just a second being overwhelmed again at the fact that Azazel risked and gave up everything for Jophiel and continues to do so after Falling for him I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine this is fine.

-The way they are so in character in this!! I love reverse AUs but it's very hard to keep them in character in them. You do so flawlessly, to the point that as I find myself trying to imagine future story beats, I struggle to because I just see them acting the way they do in the canon. Stellar writing.

-Jophiel's wink in Mesopotamia. This deserves its own point in this list. As does Azazel finally getting to look happy in the frame after, even if it doesn't last...oh sweet owl...

-Azazel tugging on Jophiel's abaya in Golgatha...completely unnecessary to get his attention, didn't need to pull him closer or anything, but it's like the fiddling of his hands wasn't soothing enough and he needed to reach out in this moment of fear for Jophiel, always asking questions.

-The return of Jophiel's mullet in Heaven! Hell yeah

-help you draw Muriel SO cute.

-Azazel's "I've personally witnessed an Angel become an owl" PLEASE it's so devastating yet so funny

-Every time we get a little frame of just Jophiel's eyes reacting with sorrow and anger at moments when it's so, so clear Azazel was never meant to Fall. His eyes are SO expressive. I don't think your future sunglasses are gonna hide the fact that you're constantly glaring at god my guy.

-I really love the way you draw Jophiel's nose, it's gorgeous!

-Jophiel. Calls. Him. Angel. Need to lie down

-Seriously, I should've anticipated it, and I didn't, that's on me, but my HEART was not READY and I'm obsessed with this scene and its implications. The way Jophiel, deep down, doesn't even see Azazel as a demon ("you were an angel once" "that was a long time ago"). How pleased and adorable Azazel is at being referred to thusly (the little hair poofs!!!). The care they have long held for each other, in its unique and strange manifestations, revealing itself as a tangible burgeoning affection.

-Jophiel's declaration on the most recent page to protect Azazel, having no freaking clue that he's frankly 4500 years late to the game. Glad to have you here, your demon friend has been protecting YOU since before time was invented! Woo...but seriously, such a powerful and touching moment all around.

Anyway, I know this is ridiculously long, but goodness knows long comments on my GO fics always make ME very happy, so I figured you wouldn't mind. ;) I eagerly anticipate every update and bit of art, and when you make this comic into physical form, I will be camping out front of the pre-orders like it's a Black Friday sale. Tent and all. And snacks.

Take care!

🥹🥹😭😭 THANK YOU!!! This is super super sweet thank you for taking ur time to do this!!! I think I’d create the first physical copy when we finish season one of the show in the story, and then if interest is still high, a second physical copy for when we tackle season 2!

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E21 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character/locations cheat sheet

Lakan - strategist. Maomao's biological father.

Lihaku - a young military officer

Pairin - one of the princesses at Verdigris House

Guen - the palace doctor

Lihaku is sparring and doing poorly because he is too distracted. Probably thinking about his true love Pairin and wondering if she is the princess who is having her contract bought out. Last time Maomao was at the brothel we learned that Meimei had some offers, but we haven't heard anything about Pairin.

Maomao is back in the Rear Palace and happy to be in the pharmacy with her old friend Guen, making him clean and organize.

We learn that Guen's family manufactures paper. They used to be quite wealthy until logging was banned and they had to cut back production. Under more dire circumstances, the eldest daughter chose to work in the palace. Guen volunteered to become a eunuch to follow her, but he never saw her again. Missing sister huh? Suirei maybe?

Hmmm... is there some connection here? Guen is a "doctor" and Suirei ended up being adopted by a doctor in the Outer Palace. Could she have learned the trade alongside Guen and used that knowledge to impress the Outer Palace doctor?

There is an issue with the paper that is manufactured for the palace, and the family is likely to lose their purveyor status if the problem isn't fixed. Luckily Maomao is a genius and can figure out the problem with minimal clues.

OMG, Lihaku. He's down sooooo bad for Pairin.

The man is dedicated. I will grant him that. He wants to know what he needs to do to buy out her contract. He's looking for an amount, and Maomao is stalling in giving him a direct answer. It's complicated since Pairin's desires can change that amount.

We learn that Maomao was a ward of the brothel. And induced lactation is a thing I just learned about today. Pairin was a mother figure to Maomao.

Maomao explains to Lihaku that Pairin would likely love to become a mother, but she is very lusty, and is difficult to satisfy in bed.

Lihaku: So she's perfect. Your point?

Okay, so Lihaku has won me over. I'm a sucker who has to support a man in love.

Maomao: Master Lihaku understands what Pairin does for a living and is still in love with her. He may act like a big dumb dog, but seems to be honest and a hard worker.

Yeah that all tracks.

Maomao tells him he has to come up with roughly 10x his annual income to buy out Pairin's contract. She then asks to examine his physique to see if he matches Pairin's tastes. And now would be a perfect time for someone to interrupt this scene. Preferably someone who views Lihaku as a romantic rival and can misread the situation...

Oh my god. Right on cue. Thank you storytellers for feeding your audience!

The looks on Lihaku's and Maomao's faces! They are so busted.

Friends. I am dying.

Jinshi: My apologies, but what exactly am I interrupting here? Maomao, brightly: Hi Master Jinshi! How are you?

About to go ballistic by the looks of it.

Lady Gyokuyou would love this. It's so funny.

Maomao's bright response to Jinshi's question let's me know that even if she isn't willing to acknowledge the situation she isn't ignorant to it.

But anyway, since Maomao won't acknowledge Jinshi's jealousy her only choice is to be so very terrible at reading the room that it seems like she's trolling Jinshi. She once again describes the situation in the most ambiguous way, so that the chance that Jinshi will misunderstand is maximized. It's 💋👌

There are so many good lines here, I'm tempted to write them all.

Maomao: Nothing improper was going on. I was simply taking a good hard look.

Jinshi takes psychic damage.

Jinshi: I didn't realize the physical form was of such interest to you.

Maomao: It was absolutely necessary... ...It was to see if his body would be good enough. What better way to judge that than to inspect him myself?

Critical hit. Jinshi's down. If he isn't actually crying, it's a close thing.

Jinshi: Humor me. Based on what you observed... were you satisfied?

Jinshi's entire outlook for the future hinges on this answer.... LOL

Maomao goes on to explain what she can deduce based on an assessment of someone's appearance.

Jinshi, jealous: Then you should be able to tell what kind of person I am by looking at my body.

No sir, you are the exception, she very deliberately won't determine anything about you that challenges her delusions.

Maomao: Wait a minute? Is he jealous of Master Lihaku?

Um.... yeah!

Maomao: I can't believe this guy's ego! He just wants to brag about being prettier than him!

You almost had it, Maomao. So close.

Maomao lives in her own delusional world where she can admire Jinshi's beautiful, well toned figure and still convince herself that she has zero interest in him.

Maomao: I'd offer to inspect your body too, but there'd be no point.

A final blow. Gaoshun is thinking about what a hassle it is going to be to motivate Jinshi to work in the next few days when he's going to be crying in the corner again.

Once Jinshi knows what's going on, he decides to involved himself in Lihaku's business. He offers to put up the money for Lihaku to buy out Pairin's contract. Is he trying to remove a romantic rival or earn points with Maomao by supporting her big sis? Both probably.

Jinshi: You've met my cat. So you know she can be the cautious type. And yet she's willing to give you advice and consider you to be a legitimate candidate to be her sister's husband. So, I think that says enough.

Excuse me, did he just refer to Maomao as his cat?

Damn, the day Lihaku nonchalantly gave Maomao a hairpin, really, really, has paid off.

In fact Maomao is a boon to everyone in her life. We saw it twice this episode with Guen and now with Lihaku.

Lihaku: In short, if she's comfortable letting her guard down around me, I'm trustworthy.

Yeah, Jinshi didn't like that. He's worked for nearly two years to get Maomao to let down her guard around him with little success, but by all appearances, Maomao will do so easily with Lihaku. And that's... true. Lihaku, is not, and has never been, a threat to Maomao's heart. She can stare at his physique or talk intimately and it means nothing at all to Maomao. But of course Jinshi doesn't know that. Which is what makes this hilarious.

And perhaps the unspoken part of this deal, is that Lihaku take the money to go live happily with Pairin, and stay the fuck away from Jinshi's girl.

Jinshi has done his research on Lihaku. It seems he comes from a good family, but was recruited by Lakan. Interesting. Jinshi is listing Lihaku's merits, and he sounds almost sarcastic, like he's forcing the words.

Lihaku gives a very nice little speech to Jinshi about wanting to use his own wealth to get Pairin. And he says some very important words:

Lihaku: While she might only be a courtesan to you. In my eyes, there's no other woman in the world for me.

See Jinshi? He has no interest in your girl? You can rein in your jealousy now.

And Jinshi is relieved. He says he'll need to speak with Lihaku again soon. As brother-in-laws maybe?

It almost seems like Jinshi was testing Lihaku and he passed. Maybe making sure that Lihaku has integrity? Maybe Jinshi is thinking about bringing him into his very small trusted circle? Lord knows Jinshi could use more allies.

Lihaku has come a long way from demanding Maomao compensate him for helping her visit her father outside the palace, to refusing the free money he needs to free the woman he loves.

Jinshi and Gaoshun walk away, and Jinshi is much happier after this conversation. He doesn't have to worry about Lihaku as a romantic rival any more. Which is good for Jinshi, but sad for me.

Lihaku's not giving up. He keeps training, trying to advance his career, save his money, and connect with Pairin however he can. Maomao seems to think it's a hopeful match.

A certain someone came to talk to granny about making a purchase at the brothel and some of the servant girls got the wrong idea. Lakan apparently. What the hell is his game this time? Mess with Maomao's sisters to draw her out of the Rear Palace?

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

Next episode:

Episode 22

[plague-karm]

Hadalpelagic Zone Part 11: Lena and Sebastian discuss their plans while Bentley, Valen, and Ellie exploit the fact that their friend (or in Ellie’s case “fucking abomination who really likes going near my best friend for some reason”) has become the towns urban legend.

“Did you get all that?”

Sebastian had set it up in a way she could (hopefully) understand, it was a diagram that took him a while to draw, detailing the ins and outs of Innovation Inc and how Lena could get the files into the system without drawing suspicion.

“How do you know all this stuff?”

“My old engineering class went on a field trip there”

“You went to uni too?”

“Yeah? I didn’t finish it though”

His eyes twitched.

“A minor inconvenience got in the way”

“Ohhh because you got arrested”

“Yeah. That.”

“I’ve taken all the routes in, when are we actually going to do this exactly?”

“What days do you not have work?”

“Wednesdays and weekends”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah, I work on analytics here so they let me off”

“Right…”

“So I have to import this into the system and make sure it can’t be erased?”

“Exactly, make sure it can’t be missed, you’re trusted, they’ll believe anything you say”

“Well not everything, I had a hangover and said I was sober once, I threw up, I cried”

“I…how do you want me to respond to that exactly?”

“I don’t know but I don’t drink anymore so that won’t be a problem”

“Thank god”

While they continued to discuss their plans, Bentley, Valen and Ellie were having an afternoon walk through town, Ellie and Valen were walking hand in hand while Bentley whistled and walked by his lonesome.

“Hey check it out!”

Valen exclaimed as he walked over to a nearby poster, the other two joined him to see the large cloaked figure on the poster.

“Looks like Seb’s been making a name for himself”

“All that talk about keeping his existence a secret and he does this…?”

“Hey don’t look at me…!”

“No one knows what he ACTUALLY looks like so it’s not an issue”

“But what if someone finds out?”

“We snuff ‘em out”

“WHAT?!”

“Ooooo that’s a good idea actually”

“Oh come on- we’re not REALLY gonna start killing people are we?!”

“Relax boy kisser we’re not actually gonna do it, it’s just an idea”

“An idea I’m REALLY tempted to go through with”

Someone else joined them, a younger looking girl, she looked a little nervous.

“H-Have you seen it?”

Bentley took notice and immediately turned to her, his voice took on a more gentle tone.

“Seen what?”

“The monster…”

“Hm…yeah, I have”

Valen looked panicked and whispered.

“What are you doing…?!”

“He’s a tall fella, real tall”

“Is it true that he hurts people?”

“Hm…only the ones who hurt him back”

“M’kay”

She walked back over to her mother.

“You’re SUCH a liar, he would kill anyone if it meant lining his pockets!”

“Ellie, the kid looked like she had seen a ghost, couldn’t spook her more than she already was”

“What if the rumours get worse…?!”

“Nah I think it’s funny, they all think he’s this evil behemoth when he’s actually just pissy and greedy, it’s hilarious”

“Two of those things are true…”

A lot of things happened that night, while Bentley was off making bank regarding the urban legend of his remote seaside town, said creature and Lena had other plans. He was waiting for Lena to come into his room to discuss their plans one last time before going out to transfer the files…where was she? He wasn’t normally this antsy but she had been that consistent up until now, she’s normally here by now, where could she be…?

“Great, maybe she IS an idiot…”

He slithered upstairs and knocked on her door, he crossed his arms and said…

“We were supposed to meet thirty minutes ago…open up”

No response.

“Don’t make me come in there”

Again, no response.

“For the love of god-“

He opened the door only to find her in a fetal position in her bed, his eyes widened and he went over to her without a second thought, like he was pulled towards the sounds of her pain. She was wincing, badly.

“What happened…?

“My legs feel like they’re on fire…”

Why did he feel so worried? Why did he want to put her wellbeing over the plan? Why did he feel so conflicted?

“You said I had to import the files first right…?”

“Yeah?”

“You said you’ll be there so just…get me in the building and I can do that, I need my meds first though”

Her voice was beginning to sound less strained, she still couldn’t stand though.

“Where are they?”

“In there”

God why did everything she own have to be so pointy and inaccessible to him? Who even buys cabinets this shape it’s so jagged!

“You’re almost there”

“Don’t patronise me”

“Sorry”

When he finally managed to open the cabinet he saw several bottles and his eyes twitched, of course tonight was going to have pitfalls, if only he still had normal hands, maybe he could sort through this quicker…he huffed, he needed to stop thinking “what if” and “if only” regarding his old life, he wasn’t human anymore, he was tempted to pull his hair out until he remembered he wasn’t alone. She was just sitting there, looking at him with wide eyes, but there wasn’t a single hint of fear in them.

Looking back, he doesn’t think he’s ever seen her show fear towards him. Valen’s always been jumpy, and even now he still gets a little apprehensive around him, Bentley looked like he was on the verge of freaking out when he told him he used to eat people to survive (something that definitely didn’t ring in his conscious in present day). But Lena had never done that, she either looked dazed or curious, he overanalysed all of them in his spare time to make sure they weren’t going to give him up if they were offered something, he could read Valen and Bentley like books, but Lena was like static, hard to make out with nothing behind her eyes.

“…Can you get them?”

He looked down at his claws.

“These things are being useless”

Lena tilted her head in response.

“Okay, I’ll try and get up”

This immediately lead to her falling flat on her face.

“Ouch”

He sighed and held her up to the cabinet, using one of his arms as a backrest for her.

“Just find the damn meds…”

“Okay”

She found them and took three.

“Thank you, my strength should come back in a little while”

“But we don’t HAVE a-“

He took a deep breath, he had to keep calm, he knew this wasn’t her fault, it was something she shouldn’t control, but he was so fixated on the plan…this couldn’t have happened at a worst time…

Unless…

“You’re lucky I planned around this”

“Hm?”

He kept her in his grasp and slithered down to his room.

“Wait did you get the-?”

She was already holding the hard drive containing the files.

“Oh”

“Yeah, I got it before you rushed me out”

“I didn’t rush you”

“You’re very fast despite your size”

He turned to her, he didn’t know whether to be flattered or offended.

“What’s THAT supposed to mean?”

“You’ve been eating a lot of meat lately so-“

“You know what? Never mind, you’re getting distracted, this is what I did in case your little condition started acting up”

He revealed that he made a secret opening in the floor which lead to one of Innovation Inc’s entry points.

“This will get us there”

“Wow…how long did it take you to do this?”

He looked away and spat some of his teeth out.

“You don’t wanna know”

“…”

“They’ll grow back”

“Okay…let’s go”

He continued keeping her in his grasp as they went through the secret entryway, and he hoped that nothing else unexpected would happen that night…

Well it did, he just wasn’t there to see it.

Bentley had been going around town and telling yarns about his encounters with the “mysterious creature” roaming town, and he was being given quite a lot of money for it.

“Should we REALLY be doing this?”

“Val, think about it, if we spread this about, more crazies are gonna wanna buy from him AND people are gonna stop wandering near where we live, ‘cause you know, abandoned”

“Yeah and the money’s good sooooo…”

Valen sighed, he might as well grin and bear it right?

Meanwhile the other two managed to sneak into the building and were currently wandering through its lower levels.

“I forgot how big this place was…”

“The main computer is on a higher level, if I can lock the files onto that then we should be set to do whatever we want from there”

“And that’s exactly what I want”

“…Right”

“Are your legs working now?”

Lena looked down blankly.

“Let me check”

She rocked her legs back and forth.

“Put me down so I can try walking”

He put her down on her feet and slowly let go (in case she fell over again) and to both of their relieves Lena could walk once more.

“Thank god…”

He made sure she wasn’t looking when he quickly punched a hole through the steel wall.

“There’s an opening over there you can use, I’ll stay here and look out for you”

“Okay…”

Lena hummed as she went through it, she managed to find it after a while and exported the files successfully, he smirked when he realised that things were going well despite her physical detriments…they’d have to do this again VERY soon.

“Perfect…”

“Okay that should be going through their system now”

She still looked unsure about all of this, she knew it was for a good reason, but she felt like something wasn’t right…she hated feeling wrong, whenever she was “wrong”, something bad would happen.

“Why are we doing this again?”

He looked down at her as she stood by him, of course, none of these idiots liked to make life easy.

“I told you yesterday-“

“I don’t believe that”

He couldn’t tell what face she was making…was she trying to look stern? He genuinely couldn’t tell, she was his only ticket into this place so as much as he’d LOVE to argue with her he knew he couldn’t risk that, reaching out to any other person in town who would be crazy enough to help out would inevitably out him and his location and that’s something he couldn’t risk.

Oh god, he was actually being rational, all those anger management lessons from his mom were paying off it seems.

“Listen Lena the only thing you need to know about my intentions is that they’re good alright?”

“So other people don’t go through what you went through or because you want revenge?”

Boom, she got him, he tensed and hissed as she crossed her arms, he forced a smile as he said…

“What makes you say that?”

“You just…I overhear things sometimes…you’re just doing this for your own interests…”

“…I literally said that a life where they go defunct is the life I wanna live why are you so surprised?”

Oh god, she forgot he even said that, how was her mind getting WORSE? What did she have for breakfast this morning? Was it warm or cold today? Who did she talk to? She was getting overwhelmed, badly overwhelmed, she began to hyperventilate, he knew that they would get caught if she started doing something more verbal so he put her back in his grasp and travelled to the lowest floor of Innovation Inc, there wasn’t much here aside from abandoned experiments and barely functioning lights (which he didn’t mind because the less light the better). He wasn’t sure how to bring her out of this state so he reluctantly rubbed her back and kept her in his arms in case her pacing would alert security.

“Look if you forgot it’s fine but I’m not gonna go around and act like I’m a beacon of morality because I’m NOT…and I…DO need you, you’re the only one out of those idiots I can trust…they’d snitch, you won’t”

She mumbled and nodded, he could tell she was coming back a bit.

“And you’re not doing anything “wrong” either, you’re helping me with the takedown of an organisation that put you and the other two idiots through hell…if your conscious is eating away at you so much just pretend I’m not even there”

“…I don’t blame you for being angry at them, I just wish you just told me flat out “hey I want revenge against this corporation that turned me into something I didn’t want against my will” because I’d be more upset for it if you just said that”

“Why?”

“Because they hurt me too…but what they did to you was…I don’t really know how to describe it”

Oh she just opened Pandora’s box with that one, his eyes twitched as he made her look up at him with his claws. His rage was palpable and she could see that, she wanted him to get it out of his system.

“Imagine your body, your goals, your LIFE, allllll being taken from you because of a crime you didn’t even FUCKING commit!”

He sounded unhinged, but Lena remained in place, looking up at him, he was completely losing it.

“This ISN’T a body it’s a PRISON! I’ve been stuck like this for years and there’s STILL parts of it I haven’t figured out! YOU can’t comprehend what they did to me! I’ve heard it allll before from people like you! You have one little bodily problem and you think it’s COMPARABLE! Like we have something in common! I know something happened to you! It’s written all over your face! So if you even THINK of comparing whatever the hell you went through to me then just shut the fu-!”

“I’m not”

He was breathing heavily, he couldn’t tell if this was a release for him or an implosion, god, how was she not afraid? He’s had this talk plenty of times before, before he met her and the others, he’d bring people to tears, make them fear him, because the thought of genuine connection in a place like the Hadal Blacksite was ridiculous, it’s why him living with them felt so alien to him.

He couldn’t tell if he was happy or not, well, he was, he could see his mom and his siblings whenever he wanted, he could indulge in as much food as he wanted, there were things he still couldn’t do (like go out in public during the day or get a normal job) but it was better than bitter cold and constant starvation. He continued ranting, it eventually devolved into barely comprehensible Spanish that Lena couldn’t really make out but he kept her in his grasp throughout all of it.

She didn’t know why, maybe it was to keep him grounded? She knew that a lot more of his…animalistic traits had been popping up more as of recent thanks to the sensations and life he had been locked away from. The biggest one she had noticed was his fixation with blood, she had a tendency to accidentally cut herself whenever she made dinner and he’d loom over her, he’d then look away reluctantly and force out a simple…

“Sorry…”

It got to the point where he had to keep himself in his room whenever she cooked because it happened so frequently. His teeth would regularly fall out and grow back in quick succession depending on what he ate. Little things like that she took notice of, and she didn’t blame him for any of them, she knew what it was like to have parts of yourself taken away from you, but she didn’t know how to phrase in a way that wouldn’t make him angrier than he already was.

He slammed his left fist to the metal floor, his claws dragging through it with ease, he looked back at Lena…god…why was she still looking at him like that?! Lena wasn’t sure what to do…this was someone who actually knew what it was like, she knew he wouldn’t hear her out, but she wanted to get this out of her system, time to give Ellie��s advice a chance.

“Look…parts of me were taken away too, obviously it doesn’t show but…it was something similar-“

Oh he did NOT need to hear this right now, he glared at her and his grip tightened, his rage reaching its boiling point.

“AT LEAST YOU STILL HAVE A BODY!”

“At least you still have a mind…”

His anger came to a screeching halt, he wasn’t sure what he was expecting but it wasn’t that, he looked less angry and more taken off guard, the way she responded…it was so empty, and he knew that his one sided screaming match would get them both in serious trouble if he carried on so he kept his trap shut as he slowly travelled through the entryway he made.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Lena looked down at her hands and sighed, no going back now…

“When I was younger my dad always said that I had a brilliant mind that was being held back by itself…I didn’t know what he meant by that…until one day he did an operation on me, and I could do things I couldn’t do before a little faster…”

“How old were you when that happened?”

“Eleven”

Jesus Christ…

“It should’ve been one but he was impatient and they kept going…and after a few years the opposite happened, I couldn’t walk as well as I used to, I couldn’t think straight, I couldn’t cry, I was getting paler…I tried to tell him that he was hurting me, but he wouldn’t listen…so a week after my 16th birthday I just…”

And then it all clicked for him.

“…That’s why you ran away from home isn’t it?”

“Mhm, I moved in with Bentley after that, we grew up together…but something happened with his family and he moved to Cali to get away from everything so I just went to him since he made me feel safe…and I don’t even register that the person I was before the operations is even ME…we’re like two completely different people…I haven’t told Bentley or Val because I don’t want to be seen as something that constantly needs to be helped, Ley’s protective as it is I don’t want it to get worse. Im twenty four, he shouldn’t be worrying about me all the time…”

He could tell this had been on her mind for a while, this explained the scars she had too, he wanted to bring them up but the energy he lost from his emotional breakdown earlier was starting to catch up to him. She looked upset too, as upset as she could be, she was hugging herself as her dazed eyes looked downwards.

“The pain you felt when you got experimented on, I don’t know what that’s like, I’ll never know what that’s like…but I know what it’s like to have parts taken away from you when you don’t want them to leave, and when they’re gone…you forget what it’s like to even have them in the first place…and you don’t feel like yourself…even when you’re around people who love you despite all of that… and feeling wrong even though what happened isn’t your fault, you know it’s not but you blame yourself anyway…do you know what that’s like?”

That resonated with him, finally, someone who didn’t try and compare their pain to his, he knew she was someone who struggled with words, he knew she trusted him, he didn’t know why for the longest time, but she did. She looked up at him and he responded in an uncharacteristically soft voice.

“…Yeah”

“I want to help you, I really do, I just don’t want you to lie to me”

They made it back to his room, he finally put her down and he curled up by the pillow nest, he has a bed but he still makes the nests out of habit. Lena sat close to him.

“Fine, you’ve convinced me”

“That’s good”

“…Did the shouting overwhelm you?”

“Yeah”

“…I’m sorry”

“It’s okay”

That’s when they overheard commotion from upstairs, it sounded like the other three had been here for a while, Lena looked up at the door and tilted her head, the two slowly walked out to see what was going on.

“What’s happening up there?”

“I don’t know but I actually need to try and go to sleep so whatever it is they better-“

Bentley, Ellie, and Valen had all of the money they made on the table, celebrating with their adrenaline on full display.

“OH WE ARE DOING THIS EVERY NIGHT!”

“OH MY GOD YEEEESSSSS!”

“I can’t believe we got so much just for telling true-ish stories…”

“WE GAVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT AND WE GOT WHAT WE WANT IN TURN!”

“NOTHING IS GONNA RUIN THIS FOR US-!”

That’s when the three noticed that they weren’t alone, Sebastian put the pieces together pretty quickly and his rage spiked up yet again.

“HAVE YOU BEEN MAKING MONEY OFF OF ME AGAIN?!”

“Oh shit I JUST remembered my limo’s waiting for me outside and I can’t miss it byeeee”

Ellie ran like hell out of the house and Valen screamed as he avoided his inevitable wrath, Bentley managed to dodge his tail with ease as Lena yawned and went upstairs to get some sleep. After the chaos simmered down everyone else went to sleep…except for Sebastian, maybe he could actually trust her…not just as a business partner, not just as a roommate but also as a friend…yeah…

That sounds right.

[daishitheprofessionalfool]

(Set roughly before Nothing finds Ghost at the end of episode 10, and sometime after Hope faces Edge. I really hope you like it. Its a little rushed and I dont usually write emotional scenes so some stuff feels... weird. I wanted it to be a comic but then it got way too long for me to draw anytime soon so... i wrote it. @ihopesocomic)

As the dust settles, she spots someone else.

A lioness stands before her, paw help closely to her chest. A traveller maybe?

"Hello?" Hope calls out cautiosly.

What's in a name? - My Pride/I Hope So Crossover Oneshot

They settled down. Neither were leaving the weird space any time soon, might as well rest for a bit.

"So… who are you?" Hope asked the pale lioness. "I'm Hopeful, but you can call me Hope," she smiled, "pleased to meet you."

"My name… it's Nothing." She signed sadly.

"…Nothing?" Hope muttered.

"Yeah, it's not really a big deal, it's kind of funny actually-" Nothing started, with a very clearly fake smile plastered on her face.

"It's not funny, it's cruel." Hope said, stopping Nothing in her tracks. "No one should have to bear that burden." Hopeful thought back to Vicious, to Jasper, to hopeless. She wasn't deserving of that name, never was. "… who told you it wasn't a big deal?"

"O-oh." Nothing blinked, staring at Hope. She shook her head. "I mean it's just a name, what does it matter?"

Hope's face saddened. "Because a name is a culmination of who you are. You know, where I'm from, kids get their name based on their personality, on who they are. No one is worth nothing, it's a name unthinkable for anyone." And so was hopeless, she thought to herself. "So tell me, who are you?"

"I, I-I'm…" She stammered, at a clear loss for words. She opened her mouth a couple times, trying to figure out what to say, but nothing came out. Hope didn't say anything, and both stayed in silence for a moment. [10:12 AM] "I can't." She finally sputtered out.

"Hm?" Hope turned, flickering her ears.

"I can't pick a name for myself! I don't… I don't know what I could even name myself. I haven't done anything special, I'm not anything special!" She said, her voice raising an octave and tears pricking at the corner of her eyes.

"I'm… I'm Nothing and always will be." She added quietly.

"Now, that's just not true-"

"And how do YOU know about that?!" Nothing shot back.

Hopeful stared at Nothing. She thought for a bit and looked away.

"You know, I also had an… unpleasant name once." She started, slowly. Nothing lifted her head. "Hopeless. When mother- When Vicious, gave me that name, thats all I could feel. Hopeless."

"Hope…" Nothing muttered.

"But then there were so many others who helped me out. Clever. Storm. Adamant. They filled me with hope, and they helped me find out who I really was. My name is Hopeful. And so am I." Hope smiled. "I can help you, if you want."

"That'd… be nice." Nothing smiled.

They sat and talked, until the moon was low, and the light of the sunrise flickered in the little clearing they found. [10:12 AM] "I think I have some ideas." Hope happily said. "Meaningful, Corageous, Stalwart, Purposeful, Perserverant. Those are just some, you have a whole miriad of names you could come up with. You are brave, loyal, and resilent. There are so many others to choose from!"

"Thank you, Hope. You are so… good. I cant remember the last time someone was so kind to me." She chuckled. "Those are all good names… I will give it some thought."

"Take all the time you need. But no pressure! This is important, but you shouldn't feel pressured to choose something. Hell you can even discard everything I told you and go with a totally different name. Amber. Sand. Duststorm. There's a whole myriad of things to choose from." Hope assured.

"I think I got it." She smiled. "Braveheart. I think… its the name Sharptongue would have given me."

"That is a really nice name, Braveheart." Hope got up.

"Thank you." Braveheart smiled, and rose from her position.

Around them the wind flew past.

"Did you hear that?" Hopeful asked.

"Hear what?" Braveheart muttered, looking around.

"Hope! Hope!" Muffled voices could be heard calling in the distance.

"That's Adamant and Storm!" Hope turned to Braveheart. "Listen I…"

"Go. They are your family after all. It was nice meeting you!" Braveheart smiled. "Plus, I have my own people to look after. We're all looking for someone else after all, aren't we?"

"Yeah!" Hope grinned. "It was nice meeting you too! I hope we can catch up again. Good bye, Braveheart." She said, and turned to leave, rushing forward.

"Goodbye, Hopeful." Braveheart sighed, walking away.

[confused-rat]

for a long while I could not figure out why LO would constantly send death threats or threats of violence and get her stans to follow along. Like that is online creator rule number one to not go after other creaters, especially if they are popular or well liked. Heck a creator from YouTube/Tiktok of the name of Casual Geographics used the community page to call out his fans for being shitty. Note , this is some one who just makes funny animal jokes, not someone who makes video essays.

I was always confused about this by a logical stand point. I don't think LO is some mastermind because if she was, she would never be reckless with what she did or said.

Untill I got my hands on a book called "Virtuous Violence : Hurting and Killing to Create , Sustain , End and Honor Social Relationships By Alan Page Fiske and Tage Shakti Rai" [Note, this book it a but outdated and annoyingly expensive book so please talke what I say with a grain of salt. Also i might explain concepts from the book poorly so sorry.]

Essentially, what the book suggests is that what if morals can be tied into the violence , instead of a lack of morals that cause the violence?

What do I mean by that? Alot of poeple know that doing things for yourself is selfish but potentially with a morality of committing violence for another , you can think that is better.

example of this happening? Look at how kids like to bully others so that they can get closer to the other kids who is helping bully another kid. Or how some one will hurt another if they hurtsd the perpetrator or someone who the victim wronged and the perpetrator.

Okay you might be thinking, how dose this tie into LO? Well notice how when LO gets talked about , the stans tend to go out of their to harass or silence critics? It's because that's thanks to LO framing herself as a victim and being very close with her fan base , LO can essentially give her fans a way to get close to her by getting then to attack other because they care. Those other hurt LO therfore you should harass others who hurt her , they deserve it anyways.

Now you might think I am contradicting myself but here me out. From what Courtney has said, things were not good when they were young so what might have happened it that when LO was young , she may have realized at some point, maybe I am just speculating, that maybe others will not hurt her is she bullies them first or gets others to go after anyone else. And maybe like her habit of habitual lying, she just keeps the behavior as she got older and never stopped, especially since it got her what she wants.

A feeling of control over others by using the fact that alot if poeple do not like her.

That does make some bit of sense, though I also want to add that I think Lily does most of what she does through the justification of “horrible people did this to me, so I can do it back”.

She’s been bullied, by awful people for sure, so she has rationalized that she can return that energy and somehow be exempt from all backlash as she was victimized first. Her followers included.

The problem is, not all of Lily’s critics are her harassers, but she refuses to differentiate the two. She wants her followers to believe her critics are the same people deadnaming her in the farms, when that just isn’t true.

Lily just cannot tolerate any form of counter-opinion or criticism being raised against her own. She is right, and anyone who says otherwise is wrong, and even if enough people tell her that she is wrong, then they are stalkers and bullies who can’t handle the truth.

She jokes about her opinions not being up to debate, lamp-shading her own stubbornness, but it’s easy to see it’s just performative self-ribbing for her fans, playing it off as a “oh that’s just Lily!” when it is quite literally the sad truth.

(The sad thing is that Lily could deal with a good 80% of her own harassment if she’d just turned anon messages off, but she refuses to. A likely indication of her own habit to send herself messages? Or is it to give herself and her fans all the justification they need to continue their own harassment campaigns? Probably a bit of both really.)