#you can be hurt by someone and still love them. both sides are valid in their emotions but those being hurt are still in the end hurt

[nana-mizu-shiki]

[[Hehehe >:] Of course! Imma put the tags I used for the 2nd post I made below bc I had made plans and I wanna use them as reference lol. Also, I'm absolutely loving doing this, but I will only continue after someone else rb's, I'd rather have every other reblog be mine than every one in a row. Idk, just feels weird reblogging my own part of the story. Anyways, I hope you guys like this as much as I do :) .]]

[[ #tim drake #danny phantom #dc #fanfic #funny #batman #dpxdc #tims mild stalking aint that mild but its mild for him #i know i made it sound like tim cheated jazz in but he didnt. what he did was still very illegal though #i was going to put more but my wifis being weird and i had to rewrite that last part like 3 times #next would be danny having a flashback to him punching red robin and recognizing their Vibes(souls/core) #this IS all also happening in Metropolis too btw #he has no reason to be in Gotham #cafes are overused. ive only heard of the Danny Diner once #jazz is amazing #yes the fenton parents are dead #how? idk #why? bc i wanted Danny to be Vlads ward #tim is also going to be calling him Daniel until told otherwise #anyways #;> #im obsessed with this lol ]]

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Danny had been exploring the new city he was living in invisible, intangible, and flying-able, as one does, when he had spotted what was obviously a mugging.

Now, Danny wasn't flying about in his ghost form looking for trouble- well, actually, he was- but he wasn't doing so looking to fight those doing the trouble. He was making sure where he was was safe, making sure he and his sister didn't accidentally move directly in the middle of a dangerous gang's territory or something. (They didn't, this wasn't Gotham, (But it sure was close(literally)) but he still had to check, y'know)

So anyways, on his way back home he spotted a mugging, not much honestly, but he still felt bad just thinking about leaving the poor dude, clearly just some teen struggling as is, to the fate of possibly not eating tonight because some jerk took his budget.

....He is NOT projecting, sush it! Sure, not everything the Fentons made was edible and sometimes he or Jazz had to spend all their own saved money on occasion to not be poisoned but- Whatever!

Danny had flown about a block away before shifting back alive in some dark alley- surprisingly so for Metropolis- and then walked back casually back to where he knew it was happening, intending to help the teen via distraction.

However, when Danny had actually gotten the Thief's attention, somehow ending up cornering the guy while the teen ran, some short red figure had dropped in front of him and knocked the guy out swiftly, having shocked both the Thief and Danny thoroughly with his sudden appearance.

With the red figure turning around, Danny punched them before he could be attacked and stumbled to the entrance of the alley, more in the light with more room to run should the Red figure approach.

The Red one had stumbled back as well, more due to Danny's punch rather than his own violation. And Danny heard as he tripped over a few cans that had fallen out of nearby trash cans. Danny had watched the Red one rapidly as they recovered from the punch, and had come to a slowly dawning horror of realization as he recognized what they were wearing as a superhero suit. He didn't know which one, but it was definitely one of them.

The Red hero had looked up as Danny had finally realized what he had done and they had simply stared at each other for a while before...

Before Danny decided, once more, to just Book It.

He wasn't dealing with this bullshit, not today.

••••••••••♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧••••••••••

Danny blinked out of the memory as he stared at the boy by the door, holding out what must be more than at least 4 dozen roses in one bouquet and smiling sheepishly with a hand (not holding the bouquet) scratching his neck.

He was... the Wayne boy he had punched, like, months ago.

And also... that Red Robin hero he had run into, like, a few weeks ago.

Danny blinked once more at the flowers, looking around the diner, between the would-be-criminal and his apparently-secret-admirer, and once more at the flowers.

Yeah. He had absolutely no idea what was going on.

He didn't mind much though. The guy was pretty cute for someone he'd punched on multiple occasions.

....And for someone who was so clearly alive but had such Obsession that he had formed his own mini-core. The Obsession didn't even seem to be focused on one thing! Not that Danny can tell, really.

And. Huh. That's definitely something Danny didn't know was possible. Whatever, he was literally-technically prince of an entire realm that's the in-between of literally every universe in existence, this probably just makes him liminal in some other technical way. Liminal-Adjacent or something.

The silence almost stretches onto becoming awkward, and so Danny just blurts out his answer, not even really remembering the question.

"I… I mean, sure? Why... not? I mean, you seem cool, I guess."

Danny shrugged awkwardly, looking down at the passed-out would-be-thief as he began to flush, seeing out of the corner of his eye as the Wayne boy grinned like he gave him a million dollars (actually, bad analogy, he's like a billionaire so that's probably loose change to him, whatever, it's the principle of the thing).

"Great!" The boy exclaimed, skipping over and placing the roses and a note that he pulled from nowhere onto the counter Danny had hopped over.

"I know this place closes soon, so if you don't have anything planned already I'd love to take you out later today, my numbers on there if you want to fish this out more over text. I'll see you later Daniel!"

"Wha.… How the hell did I score some sickly pretty rich boy?" Danny muttered absently as he watched the other skip out the door grinning ear to ear.

Shaking himself out of his stupor once more now that his apparent soon-to-be-date left his store, Danny focused back on the passed out dude loitering on his floor.

"Hm. Now what do I do with you?"

Sorry, Rich Boy

If there was anything Danny hated more than anything, it was doing what Vlad wanted him to do. Especially when he'd done it thinking it was against the fruitloop's wishes and the man gave him that smirk that tells him Danny had played right into the fuckers hands.

So Danny had gotten good at sniffing out a scheme. And, honestly, he didn't need to do much sniffing here.

Vlad had invited him as a plus one to a Wayne (Yes, that Wayne. Brucie Goddamn Wayne.) Gala, meant to take place only a few days from now. Vlad must have suspected Danny would never agree, would have thought it was another attempt for Danny's loyalty where none of his friends could help. Unfortunately for Vlad, Danny was a spiteful fuck and he wouldn't let Vlad go to a Gala full of rich fools alone. Not when Vlad had previously admitted to how he'd gotten his fortune in the first place.

So, there Danny was, keeping an eye on Vlad. At a Wayne Gala. In Gotham, New Jersey. Fuck his half-life.

It was a horrible idea, really. The suit is stuffy, the room is stuffy, and the people are fucking stuffy. He hangs around the food for the most part, only because Vlad keeps coming back to it which makes keeping an eye on the guy somewhat easier. He admits coming was a good idea only when he sees Vlad making buddies with the Wayne troop themselves and that smirk is on his face. Well, fuck that.

He catalogs the group; not including Bruce Wayne there is a scowling child (immediately off the table, he’s not some fucko like Vlad okay), two teenage boys (one of them black and built like a small brick wall. The other a white boy, scrawny as hell, and looking a breeze away from passing out), two teenage girls (one a peppy blonde and the other a ravenette, off to the side laughing together), and a man (big).

Overall, if he had to pick who to go after to cause the most fuss, it’d be the kid. However, he has morals, so he sets his sights on the skinny white boy instead. He’s skinny, obviously, but upon a closer look has some muscle on him that makes Danny less guilty for his choice. Sorry, rich boy, but Danny has a godfather to piss off.

He sets down his drink, walks over, and decks the poor boy in the face. The look of horror on Vlad's face is well worth the absolute confusion coating the entire group.

And, just for the cherry on top, he turns to Brucie Wayne and the fruitloop, "Your Gala sucks and so does your city. Fuck this place, never bring me here ever again Vlad."

[borderlinereminders]

If you’re someone who needs reassurance from loved ones that they love you, that’s really valid. But the way you ask for it matters. Hinting at it with comments like “nobody loves me” can actually be hurtful to your loved ones. It’s also a good idea to try and reassure yourself first!

The truth is that for a lot of people, giving reassurance constantly is exhausting. It can lead to issues in a relationship over time, and negative feelings on both sides because they may end up avoiding the other person. This is especially true if someone doesn't ask for reassurance directly but hints at it with things like "No one cares about me."

My advice is if you are finding yourself struggling is to first try and self soothe either with skills or things that have helped in the past. Here is my post on self-soothing ideas! And if that doesn’t work, then ask for it in a healthy way.

Some other examples.

Keep screenshots, letters, cards etc that affirm you are cared about by your loved ones. You can even ask someone to give you a recording of them saying it that you can listen to. Bonus: Keep these things in a self-care box that you can use in times of crisis and pull out that has other things in like affirmation cards, favourite treats, self care items, etc.

Examine the evidence. By this I mean try and keep a list of things they've done to show they care about you. For example, I have a list of things my partner has done for me besides saying "I love you" of both big things and little things that I can read when my brain decides to be rude to me and make me doubt he cares.

If the other person has done something specifically to make you feel they don't care, it's important to step back and look at the situation and check the facts. There's a difference between someone lying to you or doing something intentional and someone not replying to you because they got busy. Here’s my post on checking the facts!

Here’s a post on Challenging Irrational Thoughts!

ACCEPTS is a really good skill for distractions! Here's a post on it.

TIPP is a good skill if you are needing to calm down in immediate crisis. Here's a post on it.

If you're having urges to accuse your loved one of not caring, consider Urge Surfing (here's a post on it) and then using a skill or plan that helps you.

If you aren't able to self-soothe that's so valid! It really is. I recommend trying it because sometimes you will be able to. But then sometimes you won't be able to and that's okay. In this case, if you need to get it from someone, ask directly for it instead of doing it in a guilting/passive aggressive/hinting way. You might say "Hey. I know you care about me, but my brain is being rude. Can you please give me some reassurance?" instead of "Sorry I'm such a bad friend/person/burden/etc".

It might also be worth having a conversation when calm with the other person to establish some boundaries and ideas for communication.

For example, if your friend regularly feels drained by you asking for reassurance, they could set boundaries on how often they're okay for you to ask for it.

You both might decide that they will try and message you randomly to offer reassurance because it can mean a lot when that happens.

This might be where they send you messages/recordings/etc that you can read in times of need.

If the friend is doing something specifically, even unintentionally, that makes you question things then it's really valid to have a discussion about it! I recommend using some I-Statements or other communicative skills to talk about it. Even if they aren't doing something wrong, it's still valid to talk about your feelings and see if you can come up with a solution. For example, maybe it's really hard on you that they disappear randomly for a couple days when their energy levels plummet. And this causes you to spiral and think they're ghosting you or etc. In this situation, maybe you and your friend come up with a solution where you establish a single emoji (specific for this purpose) that the friend can send with low energy that says "Hey. It's not you but I'm feeling drained and need to not reply for a bit."

[phoenixrisingastro]

The Dark Side of the Moon 🌑

Every Moon sign has a shadow. It’s the part of yourself you wish wasn’t there, but it always comes out when emotions get the better of you. Let’s explore the toxic trait each Moon sign struggles with but rarely wants to admit.

Aries Moon

You’re the emotional firecracker of the zodiac. When something sets you off, everyone within a 10-mile radius will feel it. Aries Moons can’t help but react in the moment—they’ll yell, slam doors, and walk out before calming down five minutes later. But here’s the problem: while you’re quick to move on, others aren’t. People can feel blindsided by your emotional outbursts, and sometimes, they never quite recover. You mean well, but your “act now, think later” tendencies can leave behind emotional wreckage you didn’t intend to cause.

Taurus Moon

Comfort is everything to you—sometimes to your detriment. You’ll cling to toxic relationships, bad habits, or outdated routines just because they feel familiar. Taurus Moons fear instability, so you stay in situations that no longer serve you, convincing yourself it’s “better than nothing.” But deep down, you know you’re playing it safe. This stubborn loyalty might seem admirable on the surface, but it often holds you back from real growth. Your challenge? Learning to let go when something (or someone) stops nourishing your soul.

Gemini Moon

You process emotions at lightning speed—too fast, sometimes. Gemini Moons are masters of compartmentalization, stuffing feelings into neatly labeled boxes and pretending they don’t exist. You distract yourself with endless conversations, new hobbies, or scrolling through memes, but the truth is, those unprocessed emotions are still there, waiting to ambush you. People think you’re carefree, but you often feel emotionally scattered, unsure of what’s real and what’s just noise. Your gift is your adaptability, but your challenge is learning to sit with your feelings instead of running from them.

Cancer Moon

You’re the emotional nurturer of the zodiac, but your depth comes with claws. When you feel betrayed, your go-to move is the silent treatment or passive-aggressive remarks that cut deep. Cancer Moons don’t forget hurt easily—you replay it, nurse it, and sometimes use it as armor to protect yourself from future pain. But this emotional self-defense can isolate you, leaving others feeling like they can’t reach you. Your strength is your emotional intuition, but your shadow lies in learning to forgive, both yourself and others.

Leo Moon

You thrive on love and recognition—it’s what fuels your soul. But when that attention isn’t there, the shadow side of your pride emerges. Leo Moons can get defensive, dramatic, or overly self-focused when they feel ignored or underappreciated. You’ll never admit how deeply rejection stings, so you cover it up with bravado or an “I don’t care” act that fools no one. Beneath the surface, you just want to feel valued. Your challenge is finding that validation within yourself instead of always seeking it from others.

Virgo Moon

Your inner critic is relentless. Virgo Moons analyze every interaction, dissecting what went wrong and how you could’ve been “better.” This self-imposed pressure creates an emotional loop where nothing feels good enough—not your relationships, your work, or even yourself. People think you’re put together because you rarely show your vulnerability, but inside, you’re constantly questioning your worth. Your superpower is your ability to problem-solve, but your shadow lies in learning to embrace imperfection—both in yourself and others.

Libra Moon

You’ll do anything to keep the peace—even if it means lying to yourself. Libra Moons crave harmony, and you’ll bend over backward to avoid conflict, often ignoring your own needs in the process. But this constant people-pleasing builds resentment, and when you finally reach your limit, you explode in a way no one expects. It’s hard for you to admit when you’re angry because you hate feeling “selfish,” but putting yourself first isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. Your journey is about learning to balance your own needs with others’.

Scorpio Moon

Your emotions run as deep as the ocean, and you feel everything with an intensity most people can’t handle. Scorpio Moons are masters of emotional control, but when that control slips? Chaos ensues. Jealousy, suspicion, and revenge are your go-to defenses when you feel threatened. You hold people to impossibly high standards of loyalty, but sometimes, your walls are the very thing blocking intimacy. Your strength is your resilience, but your shadow is learning to trust—both yourself and the people who truly care for you.

Sagittarius Moon

Freedom is your drug, and anything that feels like emotional “weight” makes you bolt. Sagittarius Moons have a hard time sticking around when things get too heavy or complicated—they’d rather crack a joke and change the subject than deal with the hard stuff. But deep down, this avoidance keeps you from truly connecting with others. People admire your optimism, but sometimes it feels like you’re emotionally unavailable. Your challenge is learning that freedom doesn’t mean running—it’s about facing life head-on and growing from it.

Capricorn Moon

Your emotional walls are skyscraper high. Capricorn Moons hate feeling vulnerable, so you bury your emotions under work, responsibilities, and a “nothing can break me” attitude. People see you as strong, but they don’t realize how heavy it is to carry the world on your shoulders. You fear being judged for showing weakness, but in doing so, you miss out on the support and love you desperately crave. Your strength is your resilience, but your shadow lies in letting people in.

Aquarius Moon

You process emotions intellectually rather than emotionally, which makes you seem detached. Aquarius Moons care deeply about humanity as a whole but often struggle to connect on a personal level. People might feel like you’re “there but not there,” leaving them confused about where they stand with you. Your challenge is learning that vulnerability isn’t weakness—it’s the bridge to real connection.

Pisces Moon

You feel everything—your emotions, other people’s emotions, the entire world’s emotions. Pisces Moons are incredibly compassionate but often lack boundaries, letting others drain their energy. When life gets overwhelming, your first instinct is to escape, whether through daydreams, distractions, or avoidance. Your gift is your empathy, but your shadow is learning to protect your energy without shutting yourself off from the world.

What’s your Moon sign, and does this hit home? Drop your thoughts below.

[nicromancytarot]

ALL ABOUT YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE 18+ themes, lots of information!!

This is a general reading based on a collective of people. Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. If you don’t feel the pile resonates with you, don’t be scared to try another, if it still doesn’t feel right, that’s ok! Maybe our energies aren’t as connected and my readings are not for you.

I do these strictly for fun and educational purposes. I don’t change for these readings and I do not fake readings. I would tell you the cards I got but I pull like 15-20 cards each reading and that just slightly a strenuous task to write them all down lmao.

(This took me 3 days lmao, please like, follow and reblog)

PICK A CARD READING

I asked my spirit guides what you need to know about your future spouse, pick a pile to find out!!

Pile 1 ———> Pile 2 ———> Pile 3

PILE 1 (TW sexual abuse)

“I need to take time for myself” “let’s take this to the next level” “i don’t want anyone else”

Their appearance

I’m seeing lighter hair, light brown to a blonde-white, I’m seeing they may have muscles, or just a nicely toned body. It also looks like their back may be very prominent to their appearance, they may work out extra to achieve really nice back muscles. They could honestly have a large top half and skinny bottom half (Miguel O’Hara for example.) I’m seeing someone quite tall, they may have an interesting shaped head, like not in a bad way, it might just appear more prominently on them. For a guy, long third leg.. (They allowed me to say this one.) Possible big ears, or maybe even wears earrings or something to highlight them. The right side of their face is the best for them lmao, they might pose showing their right side for pictures.

About them

They‘ve have been through some hardships in their life, they’ve been fucked over pretty bad in the past, and while they don’t like to dwell on it, I wanted to bring it up. It’s seeming like they may have gone through sexual assault, I’m seeing that they used to appear quite sexualised in the past, something they did themself, however, someone close to them felt valid enough to abuse their power and cause harm to your partner through their self-expression. This hurt your partner a lot, they’re still healing, I’m heading “please take your time with me” when it comes to sex, they have some extreme vulnerability about it, they need you to understand that; they’re begging me not to sexualise them, and they’re asking you nicely to do the same, give them the respect that someone thought was ok to steal from them.

Due to this mass betrayal, they appear very closed off to new love, they have a lot of people that want them, and fawn over them, but this situation has completely made them turn a blind eye to those who see them. It will take you a while to crack this person open, however once you do, it will be more than worth it.

They will be very slow to start this connection with you, but once they are sure that you can be trusted, and they feel safe around you, they will set up camp by your side, and they don’t plan on leaving.

Their career

They’re very financially successful, but I see that this took them a while, I think they began building up financial abundance due to wanting their family to be there for them, and take notice in their achievements.

In work I think they may be underestimated, appearing as the lioness, I can only be reminded of the over glamorisation of lions, and the societal irrelevancy of lionesses, even though they do more for the lion population than the lion, as a collective do for themselves. Unfortunately this being said, I see they are idolised for their body, rather than their talents (I’m getting Sidney Sweeney, and Vinnie Hacker for this, both talented people, who are only seen as pieces of meat, or some type of chew toy.) Your person is really disrespected and it’s making me so mad, man. They’re trying their hardest to break out of the stereotype, however I feel as though there are colleges of theirs that constantly sexualise them, making them feel very uncomfortable. Again, I’m getting the same message as before, they are yearning for someone to treat them like a human being, and not just a vessel of sex organs.

Their family

Mentioned prior, they do not have the best relationship with their family, I think there’s some deep-rooted and ínstense trauma from possible childhood, I see they were the type of child to get all perfect grades to try and impress, and make their parents proud, however I don’t think it worked. Their parents seem very self focused and absorbed in their own life, and business.

They assumed that becoming even more successful, making a name for themself, earning masses of money would make their family proud, but it never worked.

They may have cut their family out of their life, or they are considering it. If they don’t decide to cut their family off, it most likely comes from hope and fear, they are scared that their family won’t notice all their biggest achievements if they cut them out, and they hope that eventually they will be able to achieve something big enough so their family is proud of them. They blame themself a lot for “not being enough” and not making them proud.

How they are in bed

I was not able to get much for this, but I do see that they need to really be able to trust you fully before getting into bed with you, they need a lot of time and reassurance, they really need you to understand their fears. The first time you guys have sex, you may unintentionally bring up some hidden wounds, they’re telling me to tell you not to worry, they’ll look into your eyes and it’ll be gone. They may need eye contact the first time, they need that constant reminder that it’s you, and that you won’t hurt them.

They gave me a few explicit messages, so for that I got

“Cum on your face”

“Make a sex tape” (I feel like they would burn this onto a hard drive and keep it in a place only they know about, only showing you if you asked them to.)

“Food play”

When I got these messages, I had a fan on so I needed to put the papers under something so they didn’t fly away, I unknowingly put them under the chariot card, so I’m really getting again that you will need to work for this. The chariot was also the only sexual illustration I got.

Another thing is that they don’t want you telling your friends about your guys sex lives, they don’t want more people to sexualise them.

They also may finish very fast the first time, this could be out of sensation since I don’t think they would’ve had sex for a very long time by the time you guys meet and start dating.

Their love language

Acts of service, they enjoy doing things for the people that they care about, unfortunately it seems this has stemmed from their neglecting childhood, they feel as though they must do something for someone to feel loved. They do not quite understand that love is not a give to receive, you may have to be the one to teach them this. Your future spouse only believe people will love them if they do something for that person in return.

Quality time, they like to be with the people they care about, i’m seeing two people sat in silence on some arm chairs, one person is resting their head on their arm while scrolling aimlessly on their phone, meanwhile the other is reading a book, holding it with one hand as the other plays with the hand belonging to their counterpart, their fingers tracing the skin of their lover’s hand gently, fingers only just intertwining.

Their shadows

Your future spouse does not see their own self worth, they do not value themself as a person, or even a creator, whatever they do in life, they are a very creative and diverse person, yet they don’t feel that way. It’s as if they suffer from imposter syndrome, they never feel worthy of their achievements, because no one ever made them feel as though their success mattered.

They can be very closed off with their feelings, they become resentful towards their emotions and just wish they could rip the feelings from their body. They may say things they don’t mean in the moment, mostly because they don’t feel worthy of your love, but as soon as they realise what they have done, they will bring you to their chest and hug you tightly.

This reaction will never escalate further than a shout of anger.

I sense they might refuse therapy, you may have a lot of arguments about this, they try to tell themself that they do not need therapy, but this is mainly because they fear they will be laughed at, for coming to this person with trauma that even they struggle to understand, even after having gone through it. I would encourage you to try your best to get them to go to therapy, maybe even both of you together so you can get to know each other on a more intimate level.

Please be gentle with them my pile 1, they are truly a blessing of a soul.

PILE 2

“I’m not ready” “you’re too good for me” “let’s take this to the next level” (you may have been attracted to pile 1, if so maybe go check it out.)

Their appearance

Lighter hair, for a select few of you, it’s black. I think they might have longer hair, and like to wear it up, or they enjoy covering their head with a hat or other accessories. I’m getting medium height, maybe even shorter than you, or possibly only a little taller than you. I think they enjoy dressing more provocative, perhaps having shirt buttons undone, or just not wearing a shirt at all, they really like their body, and they know they have a good one. If they have abs, I would say they are there but quite faint, not toned, just enough to show. Their hair could be curly, or it’s just the first thing you notice when you meet them. I’m getting pirate vibes, they might dress up more like a pirate honestly, buttoned down blouses, a bandana on their head, their hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. The area of their nose, lips, philtrum, and chin is very prominent, a main focal point on their face. Their eyes make them look tired and drunk, the classic sleepy eyes. They may wear a lot of jewellery, specifically gold. Their skin seems more into the tanner tones for the dark haired individuals, they may be part of the latino/a community. For the people with lighter hair, I see they could be based around Europe.

About them

I hate fuelling delusions like this, but multiple cards are pointing to this person being an ex, it seems like they had your heart at one point and came back for more, after having messed up the first time. They do seem very remorseful for their previous mistakes, they want you to know that they were naive and selfish, they didn’t know how to treasure something as important, and valuable as your love, however they want you to know that they are ready now. I see they could have cheated on you in the past, left you for another person, or just been toxic with you, and just treated you badly. Please take in mind that I do not want you to get back with any super shitty ex, you have free will so don’t do that, however I do think this person has changed for the better. With the chariot, and hanged man, I’m seeing they worked on themself to be able to be good for you, it may have taken them a few years.

For those of you who’s future spouse is not an ex, I would say that the first time you guys met, there was a sense of competition and it turned you completely off from them, or they just came across rude, and arrogant while trying to impress you, and you just weren’t feeling it. They’re coming back around to show you how serious they actually are about making this relationship with you work. They will need some time, one sided enemies to lovers lmao.

Their career

I feel as though they have a good amount of material wealth, they seem to have everything they could desire, they could be a little bit of a workaholic, which possibly can cause some drama between you, you will need to remind them of how important spending time together is, they will listen, they are always willing to compromise with you.

Their job is one filled with a lot of competition, I’m honestly getting technology, they could work with technology, they could be under a tech company position, or maybe they even work from home doing their own thing on their computer.

They can appear secretive when it comes to their job, they’re not trying to keep it a secret, or hidden from you, they simply just don’t really think to talk about it that much. Lowkey, they could be a moderator for some type of famous streamer, (lmao??) or they could work in a position where they help people with managing publicity, like an agent or something.

This job does seem interesting, but it does come across a little like they do it more so for the money, than for an actual enjoyment that they find. Some of them do enjoy their job, but I don’t think they would stick with it, if it didn’t offer them the money and exposure that it does.

Their family

I honestly feel like it was their family’s influence that got them to start working on themself, I get the sense that their mother was possibly the one to force them into therapy, she may have even sat through his first session lol.

I think he’s mainly closest to the woman in his family, I’m getting a close friendship with their 1-2 sisters, possibly older, rather than younger. Im getting that they see them a little puppy that needs training, if you guys get into an argument, and they go to their sisters, the oldest one would be quick to correct your future spouse on their mistakes, and convince them to talk to you again and apologise for whatever they did.

Their family love you, if it’s a second chance scenario, they are so happy that you guys get another chance at loving each other, they truly want you to stay part of their family.

I’m seeing a young girl, possibly around the age of 5-6, you will be very close to her, I’m feeling it’s a niece or cousin, who is constantly around when you visit the rest of the family.

How they are in bed

They honestly appear quite vanilla, all bark no bite to be honest, they will say the flirtiest things to you, and they appear quite sexual, but once you get into the bedroom, they become all shy and reserved, there is a potential for you to bring them out of their shell however.

I’m seeing that sex for them is more-so about their own pleasure, they can seem a bit selfish during sex because of this, they may also see it as a way to compete with others, I’m hearing “I have them in a way that no one else ever will,” they may deal with a little bit of jealousy when it comes to your relationship, they are you as a very desired person, so they worry that someone will steal you away from them, being intimate with you is like proof to them that you are there’s and no one else could have you in such a compromising position.

They may finish really fast, I’m seeing someone who is struggling to keep their attraction in, the way your eyes penetrate into theirs will have them a stuttering mess, unexpectedly pushing them to their climax, though I feel like you will be nowhere near your own. You may need to help them with how to pleasure you, so you also reach your destination!

They could be a virgin, they don’t seem very experienced, they may have even waited for marriage, so this could be the night of your wedding.

They’re on top, it makes them feel more masculine and in charge of the situation, I also think they need to be able to pick their own pace to make sure they don’t overwhelm themself the first time.

They will be bursting with anticipation every time you initiate something with them.

They may have a desire to watch you touch yourself, they know about the important places of pleasure for people of your gender, however they don’t know exactly how to treat those places, so they may ask you to touch yourself to show them, this could lead to an intense session of mutual masterbation, for the select few of you, this will come before your wedding, they’ll ask you about how they should pleasure you on your wedding night, and you will show them, they will get into the mood as well and join you in the bed, this will almost make them cave in and take you there and then.

“Pull my hair”

“You make me so hard/wet”

“Let me taste”

Their open to whatever you’re into, just give them time to adjust to the new sensations of sex first, before you spring any random kinks onto them.

Their love language

Physical touch, they enjoy being around you and putting their hands on you at any chance they get, they like to hold your hand, to wrap their arms around your waist, they just like how you feel under their touch, if they feel like they’re working too much, they will invite you to sit with them, possibly on their lap so they can have you with them.

They like their bare skin to touch yours, I don’t think they sleep with much on, maybe shirtless with a pair of underwear, they will press their front of your back, making sure their bare chest hits your bare back, and back of shoulders.

Gift giving, they like to buy you things, I think it’s in a way of trying to make up for how they treated you in the past, they use their money to prove to you how serious they are about you and their relationship with you, they’re very possessive of their material wealth, so sharing it with you is something massive, and unexpected. If you see something in the store window, they’ll notice you even as much as glanced at it, and they will make sure it belongs to you in no time.

Their shadows

Their can appear a little selfish at times, I think they’ve had to protect and defend themself all their life, so now they feel as though shutting people out and not letting them in is the best answer to cure and keep away any upcoming insecurities.

Your future spouse needs to lose things to understand how much they actually mean to them, they don’t appreciate things enough until it’s taking away from them, luckily for them, they tend to work hard enough to manage to get this back, ensuring that it will never be taken away again.

Their downplay their transformations, they don’t exaggerate, but honestly the complete opposite, they feel as though their past and their future and two completely different identities, they need constant reminders that their success is still their success, no matter how long ago it was.

PILE 3

“I don’t want anyone else” “do you feel the same?” “you’re the only one I want in my life” (again, you could’ve also been attracted to pile 1, I wouldn’t recommend going back up however, I think it may have been the warning that caught your eye rather than the pile itself!)

Their appearance

I’m getting chestnut brown, to black hair, for a woman, it’s casts down her back, quite long. For a man, It’s around medium length, maybe just above their shoulders. Their back is very prominent in this pile, I feel like they have nicely defined back muscles, however I do not think they are an incredibly muscular person. They could honestly dress more punk/emo, wearing black leather jackets which are decorated, and bedazzled with silver spikes, I do see a possibility for a more alternative style for men, feminine outifts for women, types of styles that accentuates their hips and bust.

They might like going outside a lot, they’d be the type to suggest a camping trip, so they wear clothes that are suitable, and durable for being outside for extended periods of time. Big black boots is another thing I’m getting, their hair could also be spiked up for a select few of you. (I’m honestly picking up Johnnie Gilbert similarities for this pile, maybe Johnnie’s future wife is watching, and they just don’t know, that’s crazy.)

About them

They know better than to overwork themself, they may be the type that needs to mentally recharge after being around people for too long, they also seem to take in a lot of energy when around people, they’re like a little portable charger, however this does mean that they get burnt out very quickly. Luckily, they are not one to ignore the signals of their body and mind, so if they need to rest and be alone for a little, they will do that, this can however make them appear a tad aloof.

I don’t think they’re the best at expressing their emotions, they keep them hidden for a reason, I believe out of fear of judgment, or getting hurt again. I’m seeing someone who may have been cheated on by an ex partner, I don’t imagine they got closure on whatever this situation was, if it wasn’t cheating, it was some type of intense betrayal. They may appear a bit condescending at times, this is their way of trying to push you away before you find out about their feelings, they weirdly think you will leave them or condemn them for showing any natural, human emotion.

Their hardworking in all areas of their life, mainly self improvement, they want to become the best version of themself, so their partner can be comfortable with them. I do see that they will have a dramatic change of circumstance, or just who they are as a person, around the time that they meet you, which would be done for you, or for some of you, they will improve themself right before you guys meet, this change in their life will bring you to them.

Their career

They have a job where their workload and work time is flexible, they have the ability to not work one day, and pick up the work the next day if they so please. This is good because it means they will be making sure they always have time for you, to make you feel appreciated.

Their job is focused around nurturing responsibility, they are a leader of their area, but not a leader overall, they may have some type of job where they have to be a role model for people of a younger age, mild fame or influencing is showing strongly (bro which one of you are Johnnie’s wife, this is getting too specific.)

The job brings in a lot of material abundance, I don’t see they have to worry about too much, other than understanding that their work can be overwhelming, and that they need to pace themself, allowing themself to take breaks is super important with this pile.

It’s a job that offers them long term stability, and more money with the higher their position gets, if this person is mildly famous, or some type of influencer, the more fame and fans they gain, the more money they will be raking in, however they do need to remember where their loyalties lie, and always make sure to appreciate the fandom that gave them what they have now.

Their family

Their family are so different from them lmao, like polar opposites, I’m seeing the sweetest mother who always makes baked goods, sometimes they can appear a little interesting, but taste good nonetheless. Their father calls them by a nickname which your future spouse hates, their father is really sweet, I’m getting someone a little more laidback, who would rub your partners hair to mess it up for absolutely no reason.

You will feel very welcome into this family, they do not discriminate since their son/daughter/child has gone through some intense stuff in their life, and they are just thankful that you are able to bring them security, and safety, your person could’ve struggled badly with mental health, and it may have worried their family, so their parents are super happy that you’re able to keep them happy. However, please remember that someone’s mental health is not your responsibility solely.

How they are in bed

I don’t think they would’ve had sex for a while before you guys got together, I think they may have done some type of sexual cleanse, they were possibly a fuck boy/girl in the past, so they quit it to help themself improve and be the best version of themself.

They may need a little while to really get ready to be intimate with you, it might come as a conversation that the two of you share, explaining that you would like to have sex with them, and them setting a date for it so nothing can go wrong. I see them prepping by shaving their entire body lmao, they’re going all out, if it’s a man, they’re going to get so many cuts in all the wrong places, and they will definitely complain about it to you. They do expect you to be as prepared as they are, so get yourself ready, find yourself a nice, new perfume and get to it.

I do not think they will have sex with you outside of the relationship, I feel as though they have so many sexual requests from people, it makes them feel only valuable for their body, they don’t want to be seen as just a warm body that you get to lay under, the first time you are intimate with them. You have to prove yourself before sex, and even then, it may take a while. I’m getting around eight to ten months after dating, they really don’t want to be fooled and used for their body, especially after their sexual cleanse.

They like to be on top, they may honestly end up sweating and shivering at the end of it, like that one scene from Titanic when Jack is shaking in the carriage while laying on top of Rose with a blanket.

The sex will get progressively more rough and interesting over time, but the first time is just pure love making.

“Look into my eyes”

“Fuck you silly”

“Tie you up”

I’m getting that they will need aftercare more than you will, while both of you will be giving it to each other, they are a lot more in need of it, I feel like you would be fine to just go into the kitchen and make yourself something to eat, meanwhile they desire to be in your arms for the next couple of hours.

Their love language

Physical touch, they need to be at least holding your hand at all times, they would lowkey like to wear a lipstick stain you created on their cheek or jaw, they like people to know that you are theirs, and they are yours. They may also really like when you give them hickeys, they will absolutely allow those to be on show for everyone to see, they are too proud to hide them. They like to hold your stomach? Perhaps it’s when you sleep, they like to rest their hand on your stomach, or perhaps they want to get you pregnant, they may be very serious about having kids sometime in the future.

Words of affirmation, they really appreciate when you tell them how good they look, or how the outfit they’re wearing is amazing on their body. They specifically enjoy your compliments, you have a way with explaining things, that makes it seem so much more authentic and honest, they trust your judgment a lot. I do see they have a tendency to feel very insecure, and although so many people tell them how beautiful they are, your future spouse struggles to believe them, thinking it’s some kind of sick joke, but they know you would never joke or make fun of them about that. You’ll be very surprised to find out about their insecurities, you may even think they’re playing with you the first time they mention it, this could make them feel invalidated, so be careful how you tackle this!

Their shadows

They constantly ignore their problems, they have an “out of sight, out of mind” way of thinking, which is just barbaric because it means they don’t sort through their issues and instead push them out of the way. You may need to help them with healing from some past trauma, and realising that they are allowed to feel hurt and anger from those past situations, as they were not at all ideal.

Your future spouse is quick to push people away when they feel as though they’ve said too much, and opened up more than they desired to, due to this, there may be a few times when you feel helpless, and they seem helpless, this is something you can work through together.

They get very defensive, very quickly, if you say something that unintentionally triggers them, they will shut off, going into some type of hermit mode until they feel ready to talk about whatever it is that bothered them.

[saveyourblood]

Pretty Boy - Ch 5 (Buddie x Reader)

Summary: You can feel Buck staring. When your eyes meet his, you realize he’s staring at your hand, which is still on Eddie’s knee. You slowly retreat, which makes Buck turn his attention to your face. You smile softly. He just looks out the window. The one where you’re an advanced paramedic, Buck and Eddie are firefighters, and you think you might be in love with both of them.

Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4

Chapter Summary: There's a sudden divide between you and Buck.

A/N: Me? Desperate for validation? It's more likely than you think Word Count: 3.8k Warnings: none

You make your way through more of the rubble, taking frequent breaks in an attempt to conserve your energy. It’s probably been less than an hour, but it feels like you’ve been trapped for days. You used most of your effort to free Russ, which proved futile, so now you’re simply exhausted.

At some point, you see a glimpse of light between two pieces of crumbled concrete. Using the blunt side of your axe, you begin chipping away at the space. More light begins to break through. The sight causes you to catch your second wind, and you begin swinging harder. Eventually, you make a hole big enough for you to crawl through.

You climb over some of the bigger pieces of the fallen structure and slip between others. You sneak between a few vehicles. You keep walking, though you aren’t sure what you’re looking for. Something in you gut is pulling you in this direction, and you have nothing else to go off of, so you’re going with it.

You hear a cough.

Your head snaps in the direction of the sound. You start moving so quickly that you stumble a little and have to slow yourself down so you don’t break an ankle. You shine your flashlight to the side. It lands on a little girl. She squints her eyes and lifts a hand to block out the brightness.

“Kat?” You ask.

She nods.

You laugh. You laugh with joy. You laugh with relief. You laugh until a few tears spring into your eyes. You cut yourself off—no way are you breaking down in front her. You’ve both come this far, and you’re going to see each other to the end. If you’re saving anyone today, it’s her.

You reach into the inner pocket of your jacket, eternally grateful that you took on the added weight. “You looking for this?”

It’s her shoe.

Kat smiles and nods again.

Kat’s tired, and so are you, but you carry her on your back anyway. You swear that, in the distance, you hear a car alarm, so that’s the direction you head in.

“What if we can’t get out?” Kat asks quietly.

“What? Hey, come on, don’t start talking like that now,” you gently scold. “We’ve already made it through the hard part!”

“I guess…” She says, unsure.

You hear the shifting of rubble, but only a little. You think you might hear voices, too. You take off in that direction.

Concrete shifts, and you see more light—a lot of light. Like, your headlamp times ten. You scramble towards it, ducking a little so as to not hurt Kat.

As the dust settles, you can make out at least ten firefighters standing around the scene. You can’t help but smile.

“Hello fellas,” You say, taking a few more steps forward.

A firefighter from a different crew helps Kat off of you. Your attention immediately focuses on two particular firefighters in front of you, both of which have ‘118’ on their caps.

“Welcome back,” Buck greets with a grin.

You laugh and stumble forward right into his arms. Once again, you find yourself holding back tears. You feel someone pat your back and leave his hand there, and you don’t have to look to know it’s Eddie.

You make it back to the triage area, Kat walking in front of you. The moment she sees her parents, she takes off running. On instinct, you jog behind her, but when you see her collapse into her parents’ arms, you stop and simply watch.

They look over at you and nod. You smile and nod back.

Hen insists on looking you over, testing everything from your range of motion to your vision. Even you surprise yourself a little when you pass with flying colors. Hen steals a quick hug before she gets back to work. You just sit there, dumbfounded. You’re exhausted, but you’re okay. You’re alive.

“Hey you,” Buck says, taking a seat next to you.

Somehow, that’s all it takes for the floodgates to break open.

“Woah, hey, come here,” Buck wraps an arm around your shoulders.

You wrap an arm around his waist and lean your head on his shoulder. You breathe out a few sobs but slowly quiet yourself. You can feel Buck’s lips pressed to the top of your head. You sit up straight, wiping your eyes. Buck keeps his arm around you.

“Sorry,” you whisper, shaking your head a little. “Just… rough day.”

“Russ?” Buck asks quietly.

You smile sadly and nod, a few more tears escaping in the process. “You know he wasn’t even scheduled to work? He just heard about everything and wanted to help. And now he’s dead. Because I couldn’t save him.”

“But you were there for him,” Buck points out, rubbing his hand up and down your arm. “Even if you couldn’t save him, you were there for him. He didn’t die alone. You did that.”

“Yeah, I guess. It just doesn’t feel like enough, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.”

You clear your throat a little. “When I was alone and thought you guys might not find me, I made recordings. I wanted the people I love to hear from me one last time. Can you guess how many I made?”

Buck just watches you. His expression is a mix of intrigue and sympathy.

“Five,” you answer, even though he doesn’t ask. “I made five recordings, one for each of you. That’s it.”

“What about your parents? Siblings?”

“My mom died when she gave birth to me,” you answer. “My dad fell into a bottle. I haven’t spoken to him since I moved away from home seven years ago. People tell me he changed after she died, but… that’s the only way I know him. It makes me feel like I got cheated out of both my parents instead of just one.”

The two of you sit in silence. It’s broken when you laugh.

“I don’t know why the hell I’m telling you all of this,” you chuckle as more tears form. “I guess I just need someone to know that… this job is quite literally my entire life. It’s my passion, my work, my home, and my family. Most of the time, I feel lucky. On days like today, though, it just… scares the hell out of me. Because I’m either gonna die doing what I love, or doing what I love will kill me. I don’t know which one’s worse.”

“I get that feeling,” Buck agrees softly. “I can’t think of anything else I’d rather do. I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather do it with, either.”

Once you all returned to the station, you hopped in the shower. When you got out, Buck was waiting for you in the locker room. He insisted on driving you home, making sure you were okay. When he told you, you rolled your eyes, but your heart swelled. The last thing you want to do is navigate LA traffic, so you accept his offer.

When you both started to leave, you noticed Eddie was making phone calls and texts. You learned that he was trying to find a ride to Christopher’s school; he hasn’t had the chance to buy a vehicle yet.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Eddie asks again as you all get to the parking lot.

“Just get in the damn car, Eddie,” you say.

The ride is a little tense. Eddie touched base with some of the school staff, so he knows Christopher is okay, but it isn’t the same as seeing it for himself. He taps his phone against the car windowsill. You insisted on sitting in the back, and for good reason: you can already feel yourself dozing off.

Buck pulls over, and you look up to see you’ve arrived at the school. Almost before the car is in ‘park’, Eddie flings open the door and runs up the stairs. Christopher is standing in the front hall, a staff member off to the side. Eddie picks him up in a hug, spinning him around.

“They’re really cute,” you mutter, mostly to yourself.

Buck is too busy watching them to even register what you said.

Eddie thanks the staff member before opening the door for Chris. The two make their way back to the car, Christopher a little bit in front of Eddie. For a kid with crutches, he moves quickly; the poor kid is probably ready to go home.

Eddie opens the side door for his son, setting the crutches on the floor. With his father’s help, Christopher joins you in the backseat.

“Chris, these are my friends,” Eddie says, pointing at you and Buck as he introduces you both.

“It’s nice to meet you, Chris,” you smile.

“My dad talks about you. A lot,” Christopher says.

You giggle in surprise. “Does he, now?”

Even in the dark, you can see Eddie’s face get red. “‘You’ as in the 118,” he clarifies.

Buck shakes his head and laughs softly as he pulls away from the curb.

This might be the dumbest call you’ve ever been to, and that’s saying something.

A bunch of women decided to get drunk at 11:30 in the morning, and as a fun drunk activity, one of them stuck her head in a tailpipe. The only problem is she couldn’t get it out, so now it’s the LAFD’s problem. Medically, she’s clear, so you and Hen stand back and let the boys do their thing. Unfortunately, the drunk girl has drunk friends and said drunk friends are relentlessly hitting on Eddie and Buck.

“What are you so tense for?” Hen asks.

“I’m not.”

You both know it’s a lie. Until she said it, though, you didn’t realize that your jaw was clenched and your brow furrowed. You roll your shoulders and turn your neck a few times, hoping it relaxes your muscles.

The women are bothering you. And it’s really stupid and childish, especially considering that neither Buck nor Eddie is your boyfriend. They’re just your coworkers, so you have literally no right to get upset that women besides yourself find them attractive.

“I uh, I don’t think I’m what you’re looking for,” Eddie politely rejects one of them. “I have a son.”

“I’m gonna puke!” The woman says from inside the tailpipe.

“You better not!” One of her friends shouts. “These fire guys are totally hot.”

You can feel your jaw start to tense again.

After getting the woman free from the tailpipe, you all begin to make your way back to the engine. Buck and Eddie are a few steps in front of you. They’re trying to be discrete, but you make out every word.

“Hey, so is your son really the reason you don’t date?” Buck asks.

“That, and.. They weren’t my type,” Eddie shrugs.

“I’m talking in general,” Buck continues.

“It’s complicated when you have a kid.”

“Come on, that’s a weak excuse.”

The conversation is cut short when Eddie gets a phone call. He takes a few steps away while you and Buck linger behind. You don’t have to hear anything to see Eddie’s body language change. Buck sends you a knowing glance.

It’s about Christopher.

It’s always weird going past the ER of a hospital. It feels like you’re in forbidden territory, like you’ve stepped outside your bounds. The nice thing about having few family members is you barely have to cross the picket line.

You, Buck, and Eddie get off the elevator. Eddie is a few steps ahead and quickly sees his aunt in a nearby waiting area. They chat a little, and you can see that Christopher is standing near a few nurses, completely eating up the attention. It makes you smile.

Eddie’s aunt explains that it’s his grandmother who’s in the hospital—broken hip. When she was watching Christopher and called him inside, she slipped on a porch step. Christopher had to call 911.

“Who’s this with you?” His aunt asks, turning her attention to you and Buck.

“We work together,” Eddie explains after saying your names.

“Mmm, I thought you just dressed alike.”

“This is my Aunt Josefina—Pepa,” Eddie introduces.

“Hi,” you both say politely.

Pepa begins to lecture Eddie about leaving Christopher with his grandmother. You can tell Eddie feels bad, but you can also tell he has no other options. He dismisses himself from the conversation by meeting up with Christopher.

“Must be rough,” Buck remarks.

“Raising any child alone is rough,” Pepa agrees.

“Eddie’s a saint,” You praise.

Pepa smiles. It’s bittersweet. “I pray for him anyway.”

Christopher ends up spending some time at the station, and it’s one of the best shifts you’ve had in a long time. Eddie’s aunt was busy working when his shift started, and with his grandmother still in the hospital, he truly had nowhere else to take him. It was either bringing his son to work or calling in from work to watch his son. Eddie chose the former.

You’re able to take him on a simple MVC call with no suspected injuries. As you all work to free the drivers and passengers, Bobby explains everything to Christopher. He’s standing on the ground while Christopher stands on part of the firetruck, holding one of the rails for stability. Bobby has an arm around him for the same reason.

When you get back to the station, you make him a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. He approves. Then, Chim swoops in and teaches him how to play pinball. At some point, all of you are standing around the firepole, helping Christopher slide down it.

Pepa shows up, and the fun is over. Before Eddie walks them out, he pulls Cap into a hug. You and Buck look at each other and smile.

“This was a really nice idea, Buck.”

“Eh, I figured we could all use a little stress relief,” Buck shrugs.

“Well, clearly Eddie appreciates it. I guess it really does take a village.”

Buck nods in response and begins to walk away.

“I’m thinking of going to nursing school,” you blurt out.

He turns back to face you. “What?”

You clear your throat. This wasn’t how you planned on telling him, just springing it on him in a random conversation. You knew that if you didn’t say something soon, he would hear it from someone else first. You definitely didn’t want that.

“You remember that conversation we had at breakfast a few weeks ago? You know, the one about what we’d be doing if we didn’t work at the 118?”

“You wanna be a nurse?” Buck frowns. “I mean, nurses are great; Maddie’s a nurse. Or, well, she was. You just… don’t seem the type.”

“Uh, yeah, I’ve kind of always been interested in flight nursing. You know, like, going up in a helicopter, responding to scene calls, that sort of thing,” you explain as you wring your hands.

“So that means you wouldn’t work here anymore.”

“That’s… a long ways down the line. Like, at least 18 months, probably closer to 2 years. Bobby said I could always stay on casually, pick up shifts whenever I want.”

“You already talked to Bobby,” Buck rubs his neck. “You must be pretty serious about this, then.”

“I guess,” you shrug. You’re trying to sound casual, but the thumping of your heart in your chest doesn’t cease.

Buck smiles. The expression doesn’t meet his eyes. “I hope everything works out the way you want it to.”

This time, he walks away for good, leaving you with a bitter taste on your tongue.

The 118 is called to a helicopter crash site. The pilot tried to make an emergency landing in a park football field but landed in the bleachers instead. After Buck pulls one of the victims from the scene, you do an assessment and quickly realize that, by some miracle, she’s completely fine.

Buck makes his way over to the two of you. “Hey, do me a favor and say ‘And on the 405, speeds are under five miles an hour, making your morning commute a rough one.’"

You look over at him with a raised eyebrow. “Seriously?”

“I-I know that voice. It's, uh, it's Taylor Kelly reporting, right? Skywitness News Eight,” Buck says, pointing back to the helicopter.

“That’s me,” Taylor says with a soft chuckle.

“Wow. Um, it's weird to hear that voice come out of a face.”

Taylor laughs again. “Thank you?”

They’re flirting. You clench your teeth together so hard you think your jaw might pop. You start randomly tossing supplies back into your bag, zip it up, and hop back into the rig before you can hear the end of the conversation.

The next time you see Taylor, she’s at the station. She doesn’t come alone, either—a man holding a television camera is a few steps behind her.

The first one to approach her is Buck, of course. Then Eddie, Chim, Hen, and finally, Bobby. You watch everything happen from the loft; there’s no way you’ll willingly engage in whatever conversation they’re having.

Bobby makes his way up the stairs.

“What’s all that about?” You ask as he walks by.

“Ms. Kelly wants to do a story on the 118,” Bobby says.

You frown. “Is she even allowed to film in here?”

“The chief’s office is on hold. Something tells me that we’ll be seeing quite a bit of her and her cameraman the next few days.”

Bobby’s already gone, but you still roll your eyes.

Taylor manages to track down everyone and get an interview: everyone except you and Captain Nash. She follows along on a few calls, on which you can mostly ignore her. It's much harder to ignore her when she corners you in the loft.

You’re eating breakfast alone at the kitchen island when Taylor bombards you, her cameraman beside her like always. She gives you a massive grin, and something about how it looks makes you nauseous.

“Can we have a few minutes with you?” She asks, still smiling.

“No,” you respond simply.

“...No?”

“No,” you repeat, taking a sip of your coffee. It’s cold.

“Look, I know this is probably a little awkward and uncomfortable-”

“It’s not,” you interrupt as you stand. “I just don’t want to talk to you.”

You head towards the coffee pot to warm your cup. You refill it and take a sip as you lean against the counter. Taylor just stares at you.

“I want you to know I only have one goal here: to tell a story. Your story,” Taylor says, forcing the smile back on her face.

“Oh, really?” You ask, setting your coffee on the counter behind you. You push off of the counter so you can approach Taylor. “And uh, how much money do you think you can make telling my story?”

“Excuse me?”

“That’s what this about, right?” you challenge. “You have a chance to change the trajectory of your career. You can go from the girl who talks about traffic to the woman who sheds a light on the unsung heroes. You’d be stupid not to jump on that opportunity.”

Taylor looks at you. “I suppose.”

“And I would be stupid if I actually believed you have good intentions,” you continue, “because you don’t give a damn about us. You don’t care about the 118 or what we do everyday—you care about yourself. So no, I don’t have a minute and I don’t want to talk to you.”

“You missed the show.”

You open your locker with a huff. You shrug as you pick up your shoes. “Bummer.”

“You were barely in it,” Buck continues. “Something tells me that wasn’t exactly an accident.”

You take a seat on the bench so you can change your shoes. “What makes you say that?”

The only sound in the room is you kicking off your boots and slipping into your converse. You begin tying the laces, then pause.

You look over your shoulder at Buck. “You talked to her, didn’t you?”

Buck looks everywhere but your face.

“You know what I said to her,” you say. It isn’t even a question: you can tell by how he’s acting.

“I just don’t understand why you were so rude to her.”

“Oh my god, seriously, Buck?!” you say, standing up to face him. “Her?!”

He crosses his arms. “What does that mean?”

You scoff and shake your head. “It means you haven’t changed at all.”

“What?”

You pick up your boots and toss them in your locker, which you slam shut. “You heard me.”

“That’s not fair,” he argues, moving his hands to his pockets.

“It’s not?” You ask, cocking your head. “I’m pretty sure a few months ago, you were sleeping with whatever woman fell for the whole ‘hero’ act. So how exactly have you changed?”

“Why are you so pissed at me?” Buck asks defensively. “I mean, it’s not like you care enough to stick around.”

Your heart drops into your stomach. “How dare you throw that in my face.”

“Am I wrong?”

“You’re wrong,” you confirm, stepping towards him. “Not that it’s any of your goddamn business, but I haven’t even applied to anything.”

“If it’s not my business, then why’d you make it my business?” Buck provokes. “Why’d you even tell me?”

“Because I thought you were my friend!” you shout. “I thought you would be happy for me!”

“Be happy that you want to leave?”

“Be happy that I want more for myself!”

“Well, I’m not happy,” Buck says, crossing his arms again. “You say that we’re your family, and then a few weeks later, you’re talking about other jobs. I mean, was that just a bunch of bullshit?”

You scoff again, and this time, angry tears fill your eyes. “Fuck you, Evan.”

“Yeah, whatever,” he says, turning to the door.

There are a million things you want to say. But then, you remember: you’ve already said them.

You reach into your pocket and come back with your phone. As Buck walks away, you hit the ‘play’ button on a recording you never wanted to listen to.

'Pretty Boy,' your voice in the recording crackles.

Buck stops and turns around.

'Evan Buckley… where do I even start with you? I’m not gonna lie: I really didn’t like you when we first met. And that’s funny, because now, you’re probably one of the most important people in my life. You definitely proved me wrong, man: you were good. You are good. And you have to keep being good, okay? I might not be there to see it anymore, but you should still do it. Do it for the both of us, will ya?'

You hit the ‘pause’ button and stuff your phone back into your pocket.

“You can be pissed at me all you want, but don’t you ever say that I don’t care about this job,” you whisper as you walk towards him. You poke a finger into his chest. “Don’t ever say that I don’t care about you.”

“I-”

Your shoulder slams into his as you walk out.

Ch 6

[prettyboypistol]

Yo, cis guy here, I've always felt a lot of shame about being super gay for the tf2 men, because it made me feel like less of a man. You reckon I could possibly get a scout or engie x reader when theyre calling the reader handsome, pretty boy, big man, and lots of masculine petnames? Smut or fluff or ignoring this is fine

I really like your work dude 😁

fellow cis guy here- I totally get it man. i'm glad that other guys like me enjoy my work. I also struggled with my attraction to men and fictional men were (and still are) my escape from homophobia and biphobia. Stay safe, you're valid.

TF2 Mercs With a Masculine!Male Reader

Scout

He loves squeezing your muscles and feeling your abs, totally not thinking of you as a goal for himself!

Nicknames include: Big man, big boy, sweet cheeks, hot shot/stuff, bossman, stud, etc.

likes the feeling of your facial hair when you kiss him- it tickle/scratches him in the best way!

Soldier

Thinks of you as the best man in the unit of RED! You're an exemplary man with gusto and power to spare! Solly fell for you when he caught you on a morning run "to keep yourself fit". That dedication got his heart skipping!

Nicknames include: Soldier, pride, the unit's pride and joy, big man

arm. wrestling. as. flirting., sparring. as. flirting. honestly anything that gets him up close and personal to you

Pyro

Hold onto you like a damsel in distress and loves how protective you are over them. As much as Pyro would and has protected you from enemy Spies, they like depending on someone who can hold their own.

nicknames include: My fire, firefly, my fireman, big boy, handsome

They love how you treat them like "just another one of the boys" rather than "the creature"- it really hurts their feelings when they're excluded due to how they cope with life.

Engineer

God he couldn't have asked for a better assistant. You grab heaps of metal for him, toolboxes, and sentries you can pick up with both hands and carry over to him!

Nicknames include: Hoss, handsome, big man, sir, boss

loves watching you work out while he works on his bench (sometimes even being your bench weight)

Demoman

He treats you like how he'd treat any partner of his, no changes. Demo's kind, loving, tender, but would let you fend for yourself to not baby you.

Nicknames include: dear, darlin', lovely, loverboy, handsome, best-shag-of-my-life

loves cuddling up to you and just burying his face in your muscles- but when he's not sleepy he is constantly hooting and hollering about how awesome his boyfriend is.

Heavy

a lot more friendly about his romance, treating you more like a best friend than a romantic partner in public mainly due to his anxiety about "being caught"

nicknames include(mostly in russian): lover, love, handsome man, hero, heart

he loves kissing your strong hands and sliding his hands over your muscles, it assures him that you're strong enough to take care of yourself, and that eases his worries.

Sniper

god this is a useless gay man. he sees you crush a bonk can and his heart skips a beat. you take off your shirt and he's speechless. you make him unprofessional and it ruins him internally.

nicknames include: Hotstuff, love, mate, darling, chickadee, big bugger, bear

he likes asking you to carry his stuff, complaining about his aching arms (totally not to watch you carry his things!!!)

Medic

ooooh god this man is a HOMOSEXUAL for you. on GOD.

nicknames include: honeybear, my love, my heart, my magnum opus, big man, beast

can, has, and will continue to flirt with you on the battlefield, no matter who sees him do it. If anyone gives you shit for being gay, he's instantly at your side and ready to beat them down with you

Spy

i mean... if you have a degradation kink go ahead i guess? he treats you like a bodyguard in public and is cold and callous in other's eyes. they think he hates you. In private however he is all over you. kissing, holding, embracing, etc., whispering sweet nothings in your ears.

nicknames include: my sweet love, my man, my handsome, big beauty, sweetness

although he seems uncaring in public, anyone who disrespects you gets backstabbed as "target practice" later when they least expect it.

[domwitch]

I was just thinking about how... weirdly comforting cnc can be?

I have a lot of hangups and insecurities when it comes to sex and sexual desire. Actually, in general, I have a hard time asking people for things that I want 😭 So the idea that I could love and trust someone enough to let them *force* me is so freeing, actually. It's okay that I'm nervous, she's going to take me anyway. It doesn't matter if I'm scared, or even if I protest. My body is getting used, and that's just how it's going to be. And the thing is that I'll *like* it. It's going to feel so good, she just had to make it so I didn't have a choice. Having my choice taken away is not only hot for kinky reasons, it's an excuse for me to relax and just let myself enjoy being fucked.

And on the flip side (because despite my trepidation, I do feel that I'm a switch), it would be so freeing and validating to have someone trust me enough to basically tell me "do whatever you want, it's ok. It's even ok if you hurt me a little. I'll still love you. I'll still want you. Let out all the gross and selfish desires you've been holding back. I want to enjoy that side of you."

Idk if this is a thing all guys experience, or if it's more specific to my upbringing, but it's always been so frustrating to me that, in regards to romance and sex, I've always been taught that I have to be polite and gentle and perfect, but I also have to take charge. I have to be the man. But not too much.

Idk, I know it's not for everyone, but I'd love to find someone who I can just indulge with. And we can both agree that we want each other, and there are no limits or niceties except the ones we establish together.

That's what cnc is to me. The beauty of trust and lust, without any shame, whether you're using or being used. And afterwards, we can check in with each other, and reassure each other that we're ok. That nothing was ruined. That's what I want with someone I can truly give myself over to.

(Sorry this got long winded 😭 Sometimes I get these thoughts in my head and I want to share them. Hope you have a lovely new year 🤍)

Wow, your take on cnc is really romantic! It's nice to hear from the other side why cnc is a turn on. I can def relate to the part where cnc is like letting loose all of your "ugly" desires, it really is liberating and wonderful to have someone who trusts you so completely that they let you do that to them. Personally I find cnc hot because I get to be a horrible person without consequences and that makes me feel powerful, but your perspective is so much more sensitive and romantic which I admire.

[rmgold-blog]

I truly can't understand where this idea that you're either on Teen's side or Agatha's side comes from.

The way I see it - Teen and Agatha are so so similar. They'll probably bond over this when they both put their guard down.

They've already put in so much effort to show that Teen and Agatha have a genuine connection, one that doesn't depend on what Teen's identity is. We have every reason to believe that we can get back to that place.

Agatha didn't just give up on Teen after she found out he "wasn't Nicholas" she still cares, and is looking to him for support and the unconditional belief he's had in her in this hard time. But he can't give it because he's hurt.

Teen wants to believe that Agatha can be good - he's believed it all along. After Alice's death he's hurt and angry, and this whole time everyone's been disregarding him despite how helpful he truly has been. He's found the clues, provided answers, and put himself in harms way for this coven, and they still don't see him as a part of it - merely as an accessory. And so what he wants from Agatha is validation in these feelings. That he's his own person, that his feelings are valid, and that other people are upset too. But she can't give it because she's hurt.

In Agatha's eyes Teen doesn't believe in her anymore. So she puts her walls up. He wants to act like he's better than her because she accidentally killed someone, even when she feels guilty - well he can be just as bad as she is.

In Teen's eyes, the person who once seemed so genuine, who once told him "you don't need to know someone's name to know who they are", the person who actually seemed to believe in him and his abilities - well now he's "so much like (his) mother" he's not his own person, he's her, he's pet, he doesn't get a say, he's not part of the coven. If that's what they think of him, then fine. He's done being nice.

When Teen and Agatha feel out of control - they take control. But they both want to be understood, and they want to be loved.

That's what pulled them together, but now they've hurt each other. They just need to find that mutual understanding again.

[biscuitboba]

I've talked about this before here, once again thinking about how zoro and luffy have so much trust in each other, that oftentimes they don't even feel the need to worry about each other.

From luffy's side:

Skypiea

Or Dressrosa

However, having complete trust in each other ≠ having zero concern for the other person. You can have complete faith in another person but still worry about them and don't want them to get hurt.

Luffy and zoro are confident in each other's abilities, but sometimes (quite often actually) they just can't help but worry... Especially when the other person is right there with them, where they can see the exact moment when they are about to get hurt/already hurt. (Because sometimes it is easier to cling to your faith when the other person's not around)

All im saying is that i love when monkey d. "he (zoro) can pull through anything!" luffy shows his worry-wart side to his first mate:)

Orange town

Sabaody archipelago

And of course, Wano

---

Also while i'm at it, sometimes people use the moment in alabasta (when zoro's worrying about luffy) to question zoro's faith in his captain's strength. Once again reminding people that when you love/care about someone, you can both have complete utter faith but also can't help but worry about them at the same time. Sometimes one of the two is more dominant than the other one and that's OKAY. At that time it was kinda hard for zoro to suppress his worry-wart side for his captain, but that's FINE. Zoro's concern is VALID and it doesn't mean that sanji has more confidence in his captain's ability more than zoro (because believe me when i say, some people use that particular moment to shit on zoro's faith in luffy while praising sanji's faith in luffy a little too often for my own liking)

[violetsastrocytes]

unhinged regulus (my fave)

hey hello i thought i'd quickly talk about regulus in my lotss fic... i feel like people are gonna have problems with him—so here's some musings/ramblings etc!

so i really enjoy the idea of exploring human nature, and to me this means a flawed character. in lotss regulus is not a good person. there's good in him, sure, but on the whole he's morally corrupt and has a detrimental fuck-it-we-ball attitude. he relishes in destruction and indulges in his volatility. like he persuaded sirius to literally bind them together with a potentially fatal and 100% illegal spell at ten fucking years old, because he was like whelp. i'm gonna miss you when you go to highschool. and he's manipulative as shit, because sirius was like oh yeah, horcruxes, solid plan, and then does it.

regulus joins the army, yes to protect sirius, yes so sirius doesn't have to, but he would've joined anyway. he LOVES the power it gives him. he finds murdering fun. genuinely fun. he likes to tease his victims, he likes to draw their death out, he thinks it's hilarious when they cry and beg. and sure, okay, these are unambiuously bad people, veela traffickers etc, reg doesn't feel this way when he's on the battlefield and it's basically soldiers just like him. but still, it does take a certain character to not only carry out, but relish in murder.

i took a lot of inspiration for his and General Riddle's relationship from Silko and Jinx (from Arcane). i thought that dynamic was the best ever, like here are two hurt, damaged, chaotic and morally deranged people. they enable each other, they care for each other (genuinely). i'm obsessed with Arcane so think about it way too much, but Silko's last words to Jinx "you're perfect" make me wanna scream. because to him she is. that's what a daughter is to a father—a true father. flawed and tainted and morally ugly, blood all over her hands—but she is still his daughter, he forgives her, he loves her. despite, because of, regardless.

anyway my whole point with this ramble—i feel like lots of marauders fics ive read ultimately try and either validate, justify or redeem a character's unjust actions or corrupt nature. that's totally valid obviously, but that's not what i've done in lotss. regulus never regrets his behaviour, even when it ends up costing him someone he really, really loves. even then he continues to do it, he continues to enjoy it. he never has any big revelation and goes fuck. i messed up.

and general riddle—we've seen him manipulate, coerce and trap nagini. so we're against him. but then we see him from regulus' pov—who admires and trusts him—and he seems like a nice guy. so then we're like okay, is he a dick or is he nice? but isn't everyone both sides of that coin?

i really tried to show that while, on the whole, he's an upstanding leader, fighting for good causes (and is non-discriminative: there's a vast and inclusive representation of genders and races in the death eater army, something which is notably absent from the ministry-affiliated order and bmaf) even then riddle's hungry for more power. he wants to experiment and test the limits of his magic. my whole moral of the story thing with lotss is that power corrupts. there is NO GOOD SIDE. i'll say it again: no one wins in war.

like that line in hotd, where alicent says wtf are we even fighting for anymore? and rhaenyra is like lol idk. i was reading about the vietnam war recently: america and australia sent all those men in, then realised they were being fucking decimated and were like, oh fuck, and pulled them out again. thousands dead. literally for fucking what. anyway, all that to say: i'm not trying to use a character (regulus) who is generally well-liked by the fandom in order to try and justify or advocate for violence. his behaviour is just me experimenting with another way trauma can play out, like don't forget the circumstances of his birth, or the fact that he had to watch sirius being abused. sirius' magic was tested by orion to the point where he almost died multiple times. it effected sirius one way, it effected regulus another.

anyway! it's a story loves, not meant to be serious xo as i said before, take it all with a pinch of salt. and if you happen to watch arcane, tell me so we can try about it together!

[howlsofbloodhounds]

I feel like Killer often had to act dumber than Nightmare around him. I just know that Nightmare is the kind of guy who wouldn't take kindly to not being the smartest person in the room at any given time. It mostly stems from his own childhood traumas (I'm sure that the fact that nothing he ever did was good enough to make him deserving of not getting abused stuck with him post corruption), but to me he's a walking inferiority complex.

And the thing is that Nightmare isn't stupid. He's a very studious person and he probably retains a lot of the stuff he reads about. But Killer is undoubtedly more observant and logical than he is. I feel like he probably picks up on stuff much quicker (even though he also probably forgets a lot of it just as quickly because of his memory issues).

And, well, I saw a couple of comics of them playing chess and Killer winning every time. And I do think that, realistically, if he played at full capacity every time, he would win against Nightmare. Chess is a game that rewards his kind of smarts so much more than Nightmare's.

But I also think he'd know not to win most of the time (unless his purpose is to piss off Nightmare that day). But, here's the kicker. I think it would be just as humiliating for Nightmare if Killer dominated the entire game only to make some very obviously porpuseful fumbles at the end. Of course, Nightmare could call him out on it, but then he'd need to admit that he would have lost had Killer not thrown the game. And he's not gonna fucking do that. Not when they both already know and Killer is staring unblinkingly at him, challenging him to say something, to admit defeat.

No, he's gonna take that fake victory and he's gonna massage his bruised ego with it. Denial is always a powerful shield.

Yeah absolutely. Killer knows how to stroke people’s egos and notice their insecurities, he will use both against someone for his own benefit. He knows he needs to walk a fine line with people like Nightmare and Chara—those that tend to have huge egos, that are also very fragile. Those whose first instincts are to lash out, and in Chara’s case, throw violent tantrums.

It’s like managing the moods of very explosive, highly dangerous bombs. It’s just that sometimes Killer can’t resist playing a little careless, in a calculated way. He is not above putting himself in huge danger and playing with his life just to gain momentarily pleasure in pissing them off, or to provoke them into hurting him just to alleviate his soul crushing apathy and boredom in controlled bursts.

Like micro-dosing on a drug that is pain, or simply because he knows (or thinks) it is inevitable that they will hurt him today, so he will provoke them earlier and take away their satisfaction in hurting him by taking away their control and bruising their egos.

Let Chara think he loves them. Let Nightmare think he’s stupid and blindly loyal. Those are the things he knows to maintain control over them. On the flip side, a way to keep Killer under control (particularly Stage 2), is to let him think he has more control than he actually does.

Imagine how powerless Nightmare could make him feel if he were to say, find a way to destroy any pleasure and satisfaction Killer gets out of pain. If he takes away the framing of torture, punishment, and pain as “fun” and “playing” in Killer’s mind.

I wouldn’t be suprised if Killer finds a sense of pride in his ability to not only endure but enjoy vast amounts of suffering—especially if he ever got some form of validation or approval for it. He views it as him still having power and control even as he is being “dominated”—because he can say that he enjoys it and therefore it means nothing and has no genuine impact on him beyond the satisfaction and pleasure.

People being unnerved and annoyed when you laugh in their face after they’ve broken your bones just means that Killer still has control over their emotions.

Yet another way he is views himself as sort of, above others. Not in the self loving ego stroking way, but still in a superior, ‘I’m above you, so don’t try me’ way. He’d likely look down on anyone who runs from or hates pain— or anyone who obviously lets it show. Viewing them as inferior and weak.

If Nightmare can take that away, then pain is just pain. Potentially sending Stage 2 deeper into his apathetic, nihilistic, fatalistic worldview—“just get it over with if you aren’t going to make it fun.”

Which is probably the reason why physical punishment wouldn’t work on Stage 2 at all—not until you can take away his sense of control in these situations—psychological stuff like isolation and sensory deprivation certainly would.

I feel like another way would be to greyrock him whenever he tries to provoke someone into violence and hurting him—not giving him the reaction he expects and craves. Which would either make him quickly lose interest, or motivate him to keep escalating until he gets what he wants.

Killer has definitely greyrocked Chara and Nightmare before as well— refusing to give them any type of satisfaction or control over him by not giving any response or reaction they want from him. And sometimes giving the exact opposite of a reaction or response that they want.

All in all, I can definitely see Killer underplaying himself and his own abilities to satisfy others egos and play into expectations if it benefits him or avoids inconvenience. And he’d definitely use their egos to lure them into little mind games and traps—like the one you described.

{ @stellocchia }

[ofallthingsnasty]

Omg Hi. I saw request were open. Could you do B J L for Ace? (Yandere Alphabet) Thank you!!!!

Yandere Alphabet letters a, h and t for Ace

oh wow, he sure is popular!! i hope you don't mind me putting these two asks in one post, i thought it would be easier to read that way. as always, ace is... wet and soggy, so beware.

tw.yandere, emotional manipulation, minors dni

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Very messy. We’ve seen what he was willing to do for Whitebeard - what do you think he’d do for the person he loves more than life itself? Ace is a dangerous mix of being utterly traumatized and very young. He is desperate for your affection, devotion, happiness - and he is young enough to be swept up in that storm of emotion fully and wholly. Some yanderes are cool, calculated, almost laid back - he is nothing like that. I don’t think he’s the type to kill a rival, but he does have the potential to get incredibly violent with people who he thinks are slighting you - not to mention the ones who actually hurt you.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Yes and no - with Ace, it’s complicated. 

Sex is a hard limit for him - he isn’t going to force himself on you, ever. No matter how desperate for validation he gets, or how pent up. He’s already torn between feeling like the devil himself for keeping you by his side and being absolutely sickly-sweet in love and dependent on you - could you imagine how he’d feel if he pushed you too far, if he suddenly remembered the way your hands tried to push him away while he buried himself into you? He’d go from being blissfully delusional (because you enjoyed it, didn’t you? He just had to work you open, but you liked it too, desire him, too) to falling into the deepest, darkest pit. He’d never forgive himself for it, trust me. That uncertainty mixed with his insecurities makes him quite careful and reluctant when it comes to the more intimate parts of your ‘relationship’. If anything, you’d have to initiate any sexual contact - which will be both taken as proof that you love him and that you truly want it. Any power imbalances between him and you are conveniently ignored. On the other hand, cuddling, kissing, holding you - those are way less invasive and much more needed. You don’t want to be constantly held in between two too-hot arms? Well, there is nothing much you can do about it. He craves your touch and affection unlike anything else - and doesn’t care if you go stiff as a board beneath him or try to wiggle yourself out of his grip. 

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Considering how insecure he is, yes, absolutely.  He’s constantly comparing himself to others, whether he knows them or not. Someone else wouldn’t be so wretched like him, someone else who isn’t a pirate could give you a quiet and settled life, someone else wouldn’t be so utterly unlovable like he is. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been taken by him or not, you’ll find him moping around, just sinking deeper and deeper into some mental rabbit hole quite often. And it’s your job to get him out of there - only you can soothe that sting, only you can put a band-aid on deeper, way more pressing issues that you’re not at all equipped to handle. It’s never enough, but you’ll learn to maneuver his moods with time. 

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

He’s a goddamn limpet. If that man could eat you whole, he would. But in general, he isn’t that different from the way he usually is (at least when he's ina good mood), he just lets you in a little more. He shows you every side of himself - from the carefree, cheerful Ace, to the insecure, hurt little boy he still is somewhere in his mind - but he’s always a little closer to you than to others, one arm slung around your waist, shoulder, hip. Like I said in the other alphabet for him - you’re his everything; so you get everything he has to offer. 

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Ace is a little charmer, definitely. Not the type to simply club you and drag you into his humble abode, that’s for sure - but he also won’t try to chat you up. He goes the good old friend route - one, because he wants to get to know you better and two, because he feels like he can’t just up and woo you. He fears rejection, doesn’t even want to think about the possibility of you refusing his advances. Not only that, I also think Ace isn’t one for love at first sight. He might be intrigued, sure, but do you really think he allows himself to fall for any warm smile, any comforting face? With that many things going on in his head, with that inherent feeling of being unworthy of love especially - I can’t really see it. His affections for you start out innocently enough, only to be twisted into something way more unhealthy over time - and before you know it, the man you considered to be a good friend forces you to play-pretend, hangs onto every word that comes from your lips. Not only is it fucked up, it’s also going to give you whiplash - you know Ace as an easy-going, upbeat guy and suddenly he’s sniffling wetly into your neck, saying that he needs you.

[borderlinereminders]

When you accuse loved ones of not caring about you, you may not realize it, but it’s hurtful.

I say this as someone who has been on both sides of this. I get the insecurity. I really do. But having now been on the other side of it, it is hurtful to be told that I don’t care about someone when I’ve been exerting energy to be there for them. I understand it’s from their own insecurity but it still hurts.

If you’re feeling insecure, it’s valid but this isn’t an okay way to deal with it. And it can actively damage your relationships and create self-fulfilling prophecies. Try to self-soothe. And if you can’t, it’s okay, but please seek out reassurance in a healthy way.

[utilitycaster]

forgive me if i don’t make sense bc i don’t really know how to articulate this, but taliesin talked a lot about “trying to figure out what punk means in exandria” and wondering what’s there to be angry about. and after the last string of episodes i feel like that it’s a question that he baked into ashton’s character. like yes ashton is punk and they have justified anger but the Rest of their anger is deflective to stop them from interrogating themselves and their decisions further. idk it’s really interesting to me

It is! It's something I really love about Ashton and it's something I think Taliesin was very thoughtful about in his character creation. I think Taliesin is extremely strong in character creation in general, and it's a rare person who can make a character based on a philosophical premise who also feels very real.

That really is the core of Ashton, and I think it's a great commentary. I do still intend to watch The Decline of Western Civilization Part III (winter break perhaps?) but I am broadly familiar with the gutter-punks on which Ashton was based, and again, the punk movement as a whole. There have always been politically-minded punks; but I advise you look up the backgrounds of, say, the average Fugazi/Minor Threat, Bad Religion, Dead Kennedys, or Propagandhi musician because they are, by and large, middle-class white guys with relatively stable and happy childhoods, and the idea of Ashton as someone dedicated to the Tumblr uwu kindness is punk "look at this perfect baby who doesn't steal pennies how kind and generous to only take literally everything else" archetype was always a massive projection. They've always been far more in the model of the Break Shit, Get Wasted punk than, well, the straight edge and veganism of the above.

(I also think that while it's true that a lot of punk houses did take in anyone and were something of a refuge for many a la Color In Your Cheeks, there was also a lot of Missing Stair Fallacy shit going on in the punk community even then. Ashton is in fact an example of the flaws in that sort of subculture: the Nobodies were there until they really, really weren't, and that's not unusual for that kind of punk friendship. It's found family until you're too inconvenient and dangerous to make it worth it. Taliesin explores this a lot, incidentally; that was very much what he was doing with Molly, and I would love to hear him talk about that kind of surface-level closeness that isn't strong enough to stick because as someone who both participates in fandom and loves to observe and analyze fandom as a phenomenon itself, it's a very real dynamic.)

Ashton has had an awful life. That's the premise. Nothing good has happened to them. There are plenty of valid reasons for them to be angry. Some are people who deserve it (their parents for the fucked up ritual; the Nobodies for abandoning them; Jiana Hexum for exploiting them), some are people who don't deserve their anger but to be fair haven't done anything to deserve their respect either (Percy, the gods), but many have been perfectly kind and reasonable and Ashton has rejected them because they're in a position of authority or seemed too nice. And there's plenty of stuff he's mad about that isn't easily pinned on anyone; the chronic pain is a shitty side effect of one or both of his traumas but no one person is responsible.

Ashton is an incredibly cynical person, and this extends to himself. As I've said before, I think they absolutely mean it when they say that they would have done the exact same thing the Nobodies would do, and this has been used to both cover up the intense hurt that came from their abandonment, but also, I think part of Ashton's own self-loathing comes from the fact that yeah, they are the kind of person who'd have done the same, and that isn't a very good person, and being angry at the Nobodies and Jiana and the world at large has allowed him to avoid looking that truth in the face. Ashton has always bounced between "I'll be the best broken thing I can be" and "what if I could be more? what if I could be what I could have been if things went well?" and also "who the fuck cares" and the reveal, that when the chips are down, he will make an ill-advised and self-destructive choice from that place of pain and anger has really rattled them. He can't keep just being angry and using that to shield himself from difficult questions. It won't just kill them, but it will hurt everyone around them too.

A really ugly truth of life is that even when something is completely not your fault and even when you have been dealt a rotten, unfair hand, often, you do have some degree of responsibility to deal with it ("And if it isn't my fault, I certainly didn't do anything to deal with it," as Ashton says.) The mere act of being angry is cathartic but doesn't actually solve anything. I think that's Keyleth's message to Orym, actually; it's not fair, and you're angry that it's not fair, but you need to use that anger to do things yourself instead of letting it consume you or passing the buck because it sure as hell isn't your turn. Ashton has, since the solstice, been playing tug of war with the idea that this anger has perhaps not been serving him, and he finally lost. Initially they realized a lot of this anger had been self-pity, but then, as they said, one week of thinking their parents actually were something led them to do the exact same dumb cult shit. Instead of stopping and listening to Evontra'vir and Allura, he said "no, I'm special, actually." And to be clear I think their motives were incredibly complicated and well-thought-out on Taliesin's part. It's not just because of his parents, it's not entirely selfish or out of heroics but those certainly did play a part, he did genuinely think it would help but he also ignored a number of warnings that it wouldn't. Again, I think the parallels between Ashton and FCG are glaringly obvious this episode, except Ashton hid their feelings with anger and FCG with a focus on everyone else's needs.

[pinkblahaj]

rick riordan's female characters pt 1: annabeth

this year i reread pjo and hoo for the first time since finishing the series five years ago, and i now understand the (somewhat?) common opinion that the way he wrote female characters was definitely flawed in some ways. although, i don't completely agree with all the criticisms, and i still love the majority of his characters. because i have so many thoughts on annabeth, i'll make this post just about her and discuss other characters later.

i'm certainly not one of those avid annabeth haters, but i do think there are valid reasons to not like her- I think there are valid reasons to not like any character. for me, there are moments where she is a bit too arrogant or mean. but i don't think she should have been written with an entirely different personality either- it makes sense why she is the way she is, and all the characters are flawed in their own ways, which is what makes them relatable. i just don't relate to annabeth like i do to the characters i like more.

i see how some ppl dislike the dynamic between percy and annabeth, but i feel like a lot of those issues are just a product of their time. the judo-flipping scene in mark of athena has been made to be way bigger of a deal than it is. it was not annabeth "abusing" percy- it's more akin to play wrestling. but... i do agree that moments like this would be clearly unacceptable if annabeth were a boy (which, i know, those "if the roles were reversed" type discussions sometimes are used to weaponize the suffering of men in order to diminsh women's issues, and i am not trying to do that here). it unfortunately does make sense when you think about the whole anti-femininity trend that used to be so common, and existed in rick's books as well (ex: aphrodite's children). annabeth is supposed to be tough and scary, not soft and weak. but we should also keep in mind that every relationship's boundaries our different- annabeth might joke about percy being dumb, but it's obvious that doesn't bother him and he likes the nickname "seaweed brain".

annabeth's treatment of rachel in botl seems to be a dividing topic, and i can see both sides. i honestly was quite bothered by it when i reread botl, and i find it strange that some ppl will hate on percy on this book while not criticizing annabeth. but honestly that's probably because i'm a sensitive person. some ppl find it funny, which is probably how it was supposed to come across. it was probably just as obvious to rachel as it was to us readers that annabeth was only being mean out of her fear of losing percy... and rachel did indeed like percy. but i do wish that we would've seen someone call her out or see her apologize, and while her abandonment issues are an explanation for her behavior, they are not an excuse. but again, it's safe to assume that rachel was not that affected by it, and being a teenager who is rude to someone bc they like the same guy as you is not the worst thing a person can do. (i do think it's interesting how this situation is brought up more frequently than leo bullying frank, which actually did hurt frank.)

contrary to what i've seen other ppl say, i actually really liked annabeth in heroes of olympus. i thought her povs were great, and i loved to see her interact with the new characters, especially piper. i also found her more likable (ik some think she was too perfect, but i loved seeing her as a competent leader). the scene with frank and the finger trap was so cute and because i love and relate to frank, i will forever appreciate her for that. however she was def underutilized- outsmarting arachne by attacking her pride made sense because of arachne's backstory, but that strategy became overused (the way she defeated nyx was kind of ridiculous). and of course, who doesn't love the percabeth scenes- sure they were obsessed with each other, but that makes sense. they just met the rest of the seven, ofc they're not going to care about their new friends to the extend that they do for each other (side note: i don't disagree that seven felt like "co-workers", but i don't see a problem with it either).

leah was a perfect choice for the tv show adaptation. i honestly could not care less that she's not blonde and white. yes, the acting could be a bit better, but they're young and i've seen worse acting from older actors. what i do have an issue with is how annabeth was written in the show. i feel like the writers read that she's the brains of the group and she's serious and forgot that she's also a twelve year old girl. annabeth is a great character because she is strong, smart and skilled, but still flawed, realistic and relatable. i wish the show delved into other parts of her character, such as her love for architecture, the scene with the spiders, and her relationship with luke- this last one especially is such an important part they missed out on, because it's a huge source of her vulnerability in the books. i'm completely fine with them cutting out her crush on him, but the fact that she looks up to him and sees him as family is so central to why she can't accept that he's betrayed her. her believing that there is still good left in luke is also key to how they defeat kronos with luke's help. show luke says that annabeth is like his little sister, but without us actually seeing this relationship, it's going to be hard to understand in later seasons why annabeth defends him.

overall, annabeth is a great character and deserving of her popularity, but i don't think that if you dislike her you hate complex female characters. while she's not my favorite, i see her as a testament to both rick's ability to write good female characters and some of his shortcomings in this area.

[im-a-silly-goose]

it truly frustrates me to see the current state of the agere community, as someone who used to have an agere blog.

i dont know how long this has been a problem, but . so much of what folks view as normal just? isnt good.

to start off, caregivers are treated more as tools for littles comfort by MANY. its thought of as a relationship meant for the little, instead of a two-sided coin where both parties get something out of it. caregivers are treated as if theyre expendable, as if you can get a new one in a matter of days if anything goes awry. as if that sort of dynamic doesnt mean anything more than a casual situation meant entirely for the little.

and i hope you know, i was victim to this mindset to. the first person i ever took care of(and whom, i feel the need to mention occasionally took care of me) abandoned me without a word. and i never got a true explanation, she came back to tumblr to joke about her NSFW feelings about being called parental names and to abandon me again-but. thats a longer story.

but when she left, i blamed myself. and i refused to grieve or talk about it because i thought it would make her uncomfortable because our relationship was 'hers'. i thought that it wasnt mine to grieve AT ALL. even though i was objectively platonically in love with her. because, to many folk on here, regression isnt something for the caregiver to grieve. when the little traumatizes them, its still all about the little.

but it ISNT! it isnt and i feel like people should be able to be more open about having bad experiences caregiving. the enviroment that has been built around regression/caregiving, pushes folks to repress their feelings and not speak about their experiences. and thats not good! caregivers and regressors should be treated as equally valuable.

i may seem strange to say this, but regression and caregiving is a lot more important than its treated on here. i only take care of people when i platonically fall in love with them in a way ive only ever fallen in love twice. its not something that should be treated casually unless its agreed that its casual, because that could end in someone getting completely traumatized.

and, imo, caregiving has also become similar to speed-dating. you cant scroll through the regression tag without seeing people asking for randos to fill out forms, or to DM them to be their CG. which is so, so dangerous. if youre an adult and you understand the risks, go for it! but when minors post these forms, its not safe.

it also shows a lot about what caregiving means to people. people may want that support, and look ANYWHERE to get it. (and, im not bashing people who genuinely need caregivers when small. if you genuinely need a caregiver in that state, i understand why you would post such a thing) but its a massive risk, and there will likely be little commitment behind the loving sentiments. sure, you can build a caregiving relationship from scratch, but its much more risky. the likelyhood of you being ghosted, traumatized, or hurt, is much more than if you formed that dynamic with a close friend or partner.

you dont need a caregiver to be a valid little, and there are things you can do on your own that can help you regress. the culture here promotes folks taking risks for the chance of reward-gambling with your safety so you can maybe find the perfect caregiver-and its not good! at least imo, this isnt good or safe.

and, caregivers dont owe you anything. caregivers dont owe you love and care. they deserve respect and love. if someone chooses not to be your caregiver anymore, if you lash out at them you are being cruel. if you ghost your caregiver, youre being cruel. if you hurt your caregiver purposefully, youre being cruel.

i hope this doesnt come off as just. a hurt caregiver getting angry, its more attempting to focus on the culture thats been cultivated here. the speed-dating nature of caregiving, and the carelessness folks show to caregivers.

this one goes out to all the caregivers and littles who have been traumatized cause of this sort of stuff <3 yall deserve the BEST