#you are not your addiction
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pfhwrittes · 3 months ago
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i said this on my other blog but if any of you (but especially any one who is an addict) needs an open ear to talk to, i’m here.
if you relapsed last night/today, i love you.
if you white knuckled your sobriety last night/today and you’re exhausted, i love you.
if you wobbled or felt doubt or had that fleeting thought of “just one to take the edge off” and feel guilty and ashamed, i love you.
i love you and i want you to be kind to yourself. you deserve love. you deserve comfort. you deserve kindness.
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asteroidtroglodyte · 6 months ago
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5 years ago, I was in Rehab.
10 years ago, I was watching my Potential and Opportunities dissolve and evaporate in an ocean of cheap gin and expensive whiskey.
But 5 years ago, I was in Rehab.
One of the exercises they had us perform was to imagine ourselves happy, 5 years in the future.
Many of us in that room had forgotten how to imagine nice things happening to them. A few snorted (well, I snorted), finding the notion that we’d even still be around in 5 years grimly humorous.
For about half of us, it was the last stop on the way down.
But I indulged the therapist. I was there, after all, because I did not want to die. So, I imagined myself, 5 years hence.
Happy.
It came to me all at once; an artistic remix on Norman Rockwell’s Freedom From Want, reframed with myself placing food at the table.
Sunday Dinner At My Place, I answered, when it came my turn to share my fantasy. I was asked what food I imagined eating.
It’s not the meal itself, I said, it’s the implications framed around it. Sunday Dinner At My Place means that I have a Place. It means that I have Family that will actually speak to me and friends who actually want to see me. It means money enough not just to feed myself but others too. It means having the time to spare to take the time preparing the meal.
A lot of nodding heads all around me. A struck chord. Many people with no Place, in that place. Nowhere that would lament their leaving.
5 years hence, as I lay down to sleep in my Home, with my Wife and my Son, surrounded by my Art and my Flowers, I reflect.
It was a long road. It was hard. We lost people. So many people. There were long days and long nights and hospital stays. Angry arguments with ghosts. I changed, in ways I never hoped for, or expected. Good ways, finally, for once. Slowly, against the backdrop of a world in chaos, I found my mind.
Sometimes, My Wife wondered aloud, what she did to deserve me. After some stumbling with my feelings, I eventually settled on an answer.
I’m a Rescue.
She gave me a Home.
And, so, I gave her a Family.
It seemed fair
This Sunday, my folks, which whom I have not had a shouting match in years, will come over for dinner. We will cook and eat together. My Friend became My Wife, and she took a piece of me and with it she made Our Son. There will be many hugs, and no violence. Good Things Happened.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t know what the future holds.
don’t give up yet, ok?
It could get good, even.
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slutdge · 1 year ago
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i want addicts to be safe and fed and housed and loved unconditionally i am 100% serious
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uncanny-tranny · 4 months ago
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I guess what gets me about fatphobia is seeing someone literally recovering from addiction and gaining weight being framed as a bad thing because a substance use problem that is eating you from the inside out is preferable so long as you are twenty pounds lighter.
It has never been about people's health.
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mohntilyet · 2 months ago
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but we're more like brothers (even if it kills you)
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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chloesimaginationthings · 6 months ago
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might I interest you in a Michael doodle today?
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I’ll finish this soon, trust 🙏
IM ALWAYS INTERESTED IN A MICHAEL DOODLE…
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aimdoesart · 10 days ago
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This game either brings me levels of serotonin or pure unadulterated anxiety.
There is no in between.
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luxmoogle · 18 days ago
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I often get asked why I don't want new KH games coming out when I'm such a big fan and everyone else seems to be lusting for new content, it's because when one comes out my whole world stands still, all my plans crumble in the face of a new release, because for the few weeks before and after there's nothing else on this earth for me than Kingdom Hearts ...and it's exhausting
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thepeacefulgarden · 9 months ago
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urpersonalpublicgalaxy · 8 months ago
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trying something out
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drop-dead-dropout · 21 days ago
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I've said it before but I really really really need everyone in the disco elysium fandom to like. look at themselves for a moment and make sure they're not being insanely ridiculously dehumanizing to addicts because I see it way too often. I'm not talking about saying that harry is a bad person, depending on your choices in your playthrough he could absolutely be described as a very shitty person, I'm talking about this weird insistence that harry as an addict/recovering addict/whatever doesn't deserve love or friendship or community because he's just That Bad and he will ALWAYS be That Bad and inflicting him on someone else would be cruel and unusual punishment. like... actually fuck each and every last one of you who says shit like that I'm not joking.
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theeroticlover · 1 year ago
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Kiss me like this....
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moonlitalien · 2 months ago
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Oh, who is she? A misty memory A haunting face Is she a lost embrace?
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sillyandquiteawkward · 3 months ago
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im gonna b sick (he keeps saying this every time a new mouthwashing qna comes out)
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babyangelsky · 2 months ago
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Best QL Parental Figures of 2024 💖✨
Welcome to Babyangelsky's 2024 Wrap Up! To commemorate my second year of watching QL dramas, and my first year of actually talking on my blog, I've compiled a series of lists to celebrate all the QL things I loved this year!
Please feel free to take my categories and make lists of your own and tag me in them if you do!
💜 All the lists can be found here! 💜
I decided I was the mother of several QL characters this year who happened to have shitty parents but it's always worth remembering that not all QL parents and parental figures are shitty. Some of them are decent and they deserve to be recognized.
Not my favorites, the best. Because if they're the best, they're already my favorites because the bar is in hell.
♡ Jack's Grandma (Jack & Joker)
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What would Jack and Joke do without grandma? What would any of us do without grandma? She's the heart of their little family, full of love and forgiveness and protectiveness.
♡ Pop's Dad (Addicted Heroin)
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What a genuinely lovely man. Always trying his best to care for his family and guide his son. They may not have had a lot of money but he still provided a loving environment for his child after he and his wife separated.
♡ Tiger's Mom (Addicted Heroin)
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It was at this moment that this woman became my favorite character in this show. Your son's friends can't have their moms come to this school event for one reason for another? No problem, she's everyone's mom now.
♡ Ai's Parents (I Saw You in My Dream)
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Ai may have been their only biological child, but they had four children. They loved and supported Yu, Yo, and Ing like they were their own without hesitation. Not to mention the fact that they accepted all their gay sons while being very Catholic.
♡ Natsume's Mom (Cosmetic Playlover)
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It's so nice to see a BL mom be excited to discover her son has a boyfriend and immediately and enthusiastically accept said boyfriend into the family. We need more of that.
♡ Prince Anan (The Loyal Pin)
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In all the ways that matter, Anan is Anin's father. She may be his little sister but she's his kid. He loves her above all else. He never hesitated to defend her. Truly the only man in that palace worth a damn.
♡ Almond's Mom (Knock Knock Boys)
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Was she a little overprotective in the beginning? Absolutely. Did she come around when Almond finally took the time to talk to her and respect the boundaries that he set and help the boys help Peak? Also absolutely.
♡ Takara's Grandpa (Takara's Treasure)
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This man took a very unloved little boy and made him feel loved and at peace and gave him a hobby that would eventually lead him to finding the love of his life. Incredible work from an amazing grandpa.
♡ Dee's Grandma (Wandee Goodday)
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Khun Mon is the kind of grandma we all wish we had. That woman is so cool. She made Dee feel so loved and safe that he was comfortable talking to her about everything. She was his rock to lean on and I'm so glad he had her.
♡ Taichi's Grandpa (I Hear the Sunspot)
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This man made his grandbaby a birthday meal and it was in that moment that I decided that he deserves the world. Doesn't matter if it was burnt; it was made with all the love and care Taichi never got from his parents and for that it was the best meal ever.
♡ Hill's Grandma (Fourever You)
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Considering how awful Hill's grandpa is, it's especially important to me that his grandma is loving and wonderful and accepting of him. I need her to be okay again so he can have her presence in his life.
♡ Zen's Grandma (The Rebound)
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Zen's grandma wasn't just an amazing parental figure to him, but also to Ryu and to Atom, neither of whom had parents who deserved the title. She gave them a home and a safe harbor and she deserves to be happy and comfortable always.
♡ Peak's Dad (Knock Knock Boys)
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A lack of communication can seem like a lack of love and acceptance if its left to stretch too long but thankfully, that wasn't the case here. Peak's dad wanted him to be happy more than anything. He loved his child. He wanted a family for his child. And most importantly, he got the opportunity to really talk to Peak and make sure Peak knew all those things.
♡ Princess Alisa (The Loyal Pin)
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Now here is a mother who understood the assignment. Was she confused and shocked to learn that her daughter was gay? Quite. But then she immediately turned around and decided to be loving and supportive of Anin's choices and that is what we like to see.
♡ Oyei and Cher (Wandee Goodday)
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Listen, they're Yak's parents. Yak is their child. He's their pride and joy and they want to see him thrive and be happy. Yei stepped up when their father peaced out of their lives and became the father that Yak deserved and when Cher came into the picture, he did the exact same thing.
♡ Joe's Mom (My Stand-In)
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It wasn't just Joe that got a second chance when he woke up in a new body, it was the second Joe's mom, too. It wasn't quite the second chance she thought it was, but she still got a version of her son back and got the chance to make amends. She recognized her mistakes, learned from them, and repaired a relationship she thought she'd lost.
♡ Kram's Parents (Two Worlds)
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Parallel universe shenanigans aside, Kram always had wonderful parents who adored him. Dilok, his father, may be one of my favorite characters ever and it's a real shame that he didn't get to shine as much in the show as he did in the novel.
♡ Saint's Dad (High School Frenemy)
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Saint's dad has got to be my favorite example of how a parent can be imperfect and be battling their own demons but still genuinely care for their child. The man had his problems but he never took them out on Saint. He made sure his child was fed and cared for and wanted a good future for him and really, that's exactly what a good parent is supposed to do.
♡ Shao Peng's Parents (See Your Love)
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These two people adore their son. It's easy to fall into the belief that the only kind of good parent is a perfect parent but that's just not the case. Even the very best parents will make missteps, although only a fraction of them will take the time to reflect on those missteps and how they've affected their child. Not only did Shao Peng's parents do that, they apologized to him for it and made sure he knew they loved him exactly as he was.
♡ Style's Dad (The Heart Killers)
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He knows exactly what kind of person his son is and lovingly roasts him for it. Emphasis on the lovingly. Style's dad not only accepts that his son is gay, Style feels comfortable enough to talk about his boy problems with him. That tells me all I need to know about the solid relationship they have as father and son.
♡ Diew's Grandpa (Monster Next Door)
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Grandparents who are a safe haven for their grandchildren will always have my eternal love and respect. When Diew couldn't talk to his mom, he had his grandpa. He felt safe with his grandpa. He knew his grandpa would always be there to listen and support him and advise him in a way his mother couldn't. And not only was grandpa that steady rock for Diew, but also for Diew's mom, and he was ultimately the reason she could come around and recognize her mistakes.
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