#you always have a choice

[color-beyond-lines]

The parallels between Pete telling Way that he always has a choice and Babe saying the same thing to Kenta:

Way believes he is worthless because he failed to do what Tony wanted him to do. His actions cost him his closest friend and team. After ten years, he’s untethered to Tony and has the chance to become someone better. Pete did it. And he believes Way can too.

Kenta believes he is only worth something if he can succeed in doing what Tony tells him to do. His closest companion fled years ago, leaving Kenta feeling abandoned. He’s been trained to be a knife for Tony, who has provided him with more than anyone else, how could he possibly deny him? How can he have a life outside of Tony’s grasp? Babe did it. And he believes Kenta can too.

Sometimes it isn’t the person you’re closest to that gets through to you. Because of course they see the best in you and want the best for you. Best friends are supposed to do those things. Brothers believe in each other.

But when it’s someone you don’t know as well telling you that they see you. That they see good in you. That they believe in you.

That might break through the self doubt.

That might make you change your fate.

[allycat75]

Ron: “Why do I only date brunettes? You know sometimes you eat chicken and you get food poisoning, and then even the sight of chicken makes you sick?"

[anime-scarves]

AK writers rolled up and went haha time for a fucking bleak story!

[happytakes]

2023.10.21 | You always have a choice. Choose kindness - not just in your interaction with others but also the way you treat your self.

[allycat75]

Applies to a lot of things in this broken society.

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[reinbouxsworld]

Jamil and Kalim on their respective dreams 😭🏜

silver, a vanrouge:

[uncanny-tranny]

"What if I'm not trans, what if I'm choosing to be trans for [list of reasons]"

I am grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking you like a can of soda. If, for whatever reason, you looked within yourself and decided to be trans - you're still trans. We (as trans people) don't need to have an "I always knew" story. We don't need to have the ~magical transsexual gene~. It's incredibly hard for so many of us to figure out why we're trans, and if being trans was always a choice, the reasons for choosing to be trans would be complex. If being trans is always a choice, that doesn't negate that we deserve human dignity and respect for who we are.

It shouldn't matter if you chose your trans identity or not, becayse you still are a person. You breath the same air I do, and you deserve to live how you want, on your terms. You watch the same sunrises and sunsets I do, you are here. I, for one, welcome you no matter what your inner reflections are about your transness. You have a place in this world, you have inherent worth.

[casscainmainly]

God this panel kinda drives me crazy. From Batman & the Outsiders #17, Shiva asks Duke about his suit, whether it was his choice. And how does Duke respond? He... doesn't. He parrots what is clearly something Bruce said to him, but never clarifies whether it was 'his choice' at all. Because both him and Shiva know it wasn't. And he acknowledges that his suit, with all the Batty-ness (ears, symbol), was specifically designed to make him like Batman.

Then Shiva suggests dark red, which is what Duke wore in We Are Robin and has connotations to Robin as a whole. Duke's reaction - can we let it go? - can be read in many ways, but to me it suggests Shiva's words hit home. He does miss the Robin colours. Becoming the Signal wasn't his choice, but becoming Robin was.

(And throughout this run, Shiva says both Cass and Duke are being held back by Bruce. With Cass this is a clear allusion to being Orphan over Batgirl, so it's not farfetched to read this conversation as being about how Duke was denied Robin to become Signal).

Duke-as-Signal is a symbol of 'people like Batman', but Duke-as-Robin was a symbol of youth, of community, of diversity and of choice. He was a Robin formed without Batman. I know there's no going back, but having Bruce choose the name, the suit, and the time of day that Duke goes out makes the Signal such a fraught identity. I love the yellow, the suit, and the daytime aspect, but I just wish they were Duke's choices, not Bruce's.

[shelli-jay-says]

This...

[k1tty5]

the simplest words

[awhitebutterfly]

That instinct that tells me to go a certain way or not do something even when my environment is telling me to, or give me bad vibes, or give me good vibes to do something, I'm gonna listen to the tiny feel in 2023 in the hopes that it will make big changes!!!

[egophiliac]

the lovers, reversed

(aka I'm still freaking out about Jou)

[mindhustles]

There is always a choice

Now it is applicable everywhere. In every aspect of your life, in every situation. Though exceptions are always there. You have choice to live a life you want. Humans are creatures with choice of action. You can choose to shape up your body, career, to react to situations, to eat what is good for health, to believe what you want.

If you ask this question to yourself, you will definitely come up with number of learnings from your past. You might have behaved more politely with someone, showed some courage to deal with certain situation, worked more hard and score good marks and many more. There are plenty of things that you could change and improvise if you think about it. It is your choice to be as it is or change. 

Circumstances would never be consistent. Sometimes they would favor you, and other times they would be opposite. And you are totally responsible for your actions and reactions. Its always about what you choose. 

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[slavhew]

i reread this scene and i could just. picture it. so vividly.

[lazylittledragon]

detransition is something that should Absolutely be talked about but the idea of going into this tag terrifies me beyond belief