#yknow actually thinking abt this makes me feel better
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comas-are-for-sleeping · 10 months ago
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me referring to myself -> he/him occasionally a they sprinkled in
other people referring to me -> they/them
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skitskatdacat63 · 9 months ago
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Forced against my will to post these(thanks @flopnandoalonso and @schumigrace ...) , but please enjoy gifs of: Fernando at the spa (PLEASE DON'T BLOCK ME)
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puppyeared · 6 months ago
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If I close my eyes and concentrate realllyyy hard I can pretend im in my animal crossing room
#im in need of a change I don’t like the way im living rn.. a lot of my belongings were picked out for me#by people who thought their way of doing things was better and Ive had to find workarounds my whole life bc of how I live differently#Ive never thought of myself as someone who cares abt how their room looks. but i want it to have things I like even if its just preference#Ive thought abt it for a while and I dont think Im picky I just dont like it when ppl buy me things expecting me to use it the way they#expect me to.. I just end up with a lot of crap that I feel too guilty throwing away just bc someone thought of me#the only way I can describe my taste is that I know what I’ll like when I see it.. if I can clearly see myself making the most out of it#if I constantly have to use workarounds just to use smth you decided for me im not gonna wanna use it unless I have to#literally i could not be bothered to pull out a notebook and write down important information until I got a blues clues notebook#because I liked it and it made it fun for me to whip out that I actually wanna use it. yknow#so rn im trying to get a drafting table because the one that came with my loft bed is ass and I cant cut my prints on it#I end up cutting on the floor and my back hurts if I do it too long.. and I wanna get a bookshelf for my closet and a bench for my bag#things Ill look at and want to use because I already knew how I wanted to use it and just do it without thinking too hard#yapping#diary
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mossy-covered-bones · 4 months ago
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Idk if im aroallo but i agree with their beliefs
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piplupod · 5 months ago
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the very nice guy who works at the centre was asking me abt my art and i was so anxious the entire time bc i didnt want to ramble or talk more than i was supposed to, but he kept asking questions and didn't seem like he was in any hurry to go talk to other members so i just kept talking and I'm like. so scared I did smth wrong w the amount i told him but fhdksl I didn't know how much I was supposed to converse with him and I was trying to be so careful in case he needed to go talk to other ppl but he hung around for so long (probably not even ten mins in reality but it felt like absolutely ages, i never get to talk that much with a person in a setting that isn't strictly one-on-one,,,, that was wild) so I guess ,,, i was okay ?? idk, im going to be overthinking this for the rest of the day now augh 😭
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yioh · 2 years ago
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am i the only one who feels slightly annoyed when ppl draw sumeru characters with the canon skin tones lol
#LIKEEEEEEE . it’s just so ugly hndbdkdb why would you wanna draw that😭#tighnari with deep brown skin tone is so beautiful he would have one of my favourite designs if he didn’t look like a fucking zombie😭#maybe it’s because i grew up w shows like fairy tail and full metal alchemist like despite the flaws each character was BRIMMING with#idk personality and unique features and colour schemes and they weren’t all paper white and skinny ??😭#i think genshin showed potential w character design during the start of the game but now that we are 4 regions in and every character still#looks so plain . it’s like …… i literally am not interested in any of these characters 🥲#al haitham and tighnari and cyno candace dehya all deserve better#yknow what even raiden shogun yae miko too 😭 i don’t get why they would sexualise cultural historical outfits that aren’t even of their own#culture#like why would you make a shrine maiden’s outfit the opposite of modest i teult don’t understand#and butchering a kimono like that 😭 you can stylise outfits without disrespecting the culture smh it just feels so off#i know i complain abt this every other day i barely even play genshin anymore but it makes me sad to think abt the potential it had#considering how huge the fan base is#the concept of genshin is so cool with the lore and the region but the expedition doesn’t live up to it at all in terms of actual in game#content it’s such a disappointment 😭#execution* not expedition i can’t type
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softshuji · 11 months ago
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y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.
#i was thinking abt it earlier#but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why#actually i do kinda know why.#i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me#earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject#too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i#was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often#especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d#everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just#cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even#consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural#but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other#peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something#something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they#move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less#sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can#always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response#and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone#it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything#not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i#feel like im not actually being heard or listened to#and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you'#or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore#god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it#for everyone else all the time#is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say#this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice#god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover#and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel#like they actually like me
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exopelagic · 9 months ago
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sudden realisation that the thing holding my art back is that I never had an anime phase
#going to find a time machine and get my younger self into death note or smth#I have been driving myself insane for the past few years bc I wanna draw characters but all I know how to do is portraits#I’m trying to figure out how I could recreate smth similar now and tragically I think it does just come down to draw more :/#however! I am also going to try using brushes which will be bad for sketchiness and better for lineart bc I might need to force myself here#I just gotta simplify things down to basic shapes how hard can it be#[has been thinking this exact thing for years and it’s not worked]#I am getting better every time I do stuff I’m just not satisfied bc art is frustrating when you know what you want but can’t get there#god it’s 2am I should not be awake rn but I could draw again tonight so I was taking advantage#endlessly frustrated by hair. why is it so awkward. I need to understand hair better how do I do this#i have a feeling it’s bc I’ve not figured out how to apply the shit I figured out abt volume yet#I’m also getting impatient bc I’ve been trying to do a study thing for some art styles but I decided I wanted to draw ocs instead of that#when I hadn’t gotten to the actually important bit which was. making smth new. but I can still do that#and I ended up doing a different style anyway (someone pls stop me rounding everything make me use high opacity square brush for my health)#the Other problem is I never wanna switch brushes. like I want to use one brush for whole drawing bc the extra clicks annoy me#I wonder if there’s a shortcut to swap brushes#anyway I’m gonna stop complaining bc drawing is fun but god I wish I’d drawn some more pokey mans when I was a teenager yknow#ideally younger. would rlly like to not have to actually think to figure this out rn#I’m probably overthinking stuff anyway honestly and I KNOW I’ll get it if I practice enough but goddamn it is hard to practice#especially when my me insists on making the bad things look better by making it more realistic#instead of figuring out why the shapes aren’t working#OKAY IM DONE WITH THIS NOW. GONNA TRY NEW ART THINGS LATER STOP TALKING <3#luke.txt
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welcometogrouchland · 2 years ago
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I'm on hiatus from thinking for the next while. Discursive and analytical fandom practices I love you so so much you are in everything I do, including the silliest of headcanons and comics but FUCK I am not equipped to think about. Anything right now
#ramblings of a lunatic#tbh my art muscles are exhausted too so i think I'm just gonna. be a bottom feeder for a little while.#like a deep sea creature letting plankton drift into it's mouth on the ocean floor yknow#hard to do when half your dash is about stuff u are not a part of and the other half is abt the fandom that's in hiatus#and approaching it's finale (and the end of a show should NOT be the end of a fandom it should NOT but. i know how these things play out)#and i can't just rewatch the episodes bc I've literally seen them too many times now#and watching them is like. oh hey episode! blink. it's over#bc everything is MEMORIZED AT THIS POINT#the obvious answer would be to go watch something else rn but i keep TRYING AND IT'S NOT WORKING. I ONLY WANT THE SPRINTEREST RN#but i also don't if that makes sense. i want the spinterest to be new but also comforting and different but also the same#aka i want a new episode to release bc i dislike the quiet fandom during hiatus BUT i don't want it to air bc then the show is over#so I'm just kinda. sitting here. frustrated#sitting on all my art and text posts bc I'm in a funk rn and none of them feel Right™#bc (CIRCLING BACK AROUND TO THE ACTUAL BODY OF THIS POST) they're all my usual hc/analytical fair#but i like to always have a good sense of character when i make those but those require REWATCHES FOR ME and i CAN'T REWATCH#BC OF ALL THE ABOVE THINGS I MENTIONED#oh man. i feel a bit better writing it down though. getting it out there somewhere in a semi-articulate way#I'm not done with my current hyperfixation- far from it depending on how the show ends- I'm just pre-bummed about the finale#and how it's gonna impact the fan environment that normally supplements my own fan activities like rewatches fanart etc#ohhhh my god that felt good to explain#it's to no one in particular but it felt good. this talking about your feelings shit actually works man#anyway please pray for me that i go to sleep some time tonight bc i slept for 5 hours in the middle of the day#after staying up the previous night#and i do not wanna throw my sleep schedule too far outta wack#(i think..i need to watch more movies? less commitment than series but distract me for a good bit. send reqs ig!)
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glitchdollmemoria · 1 year ago
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yknow the cool thing about having a ptsd induced bad dream is it gives me more motivation to go watch cozy movies and eat comfort food til i feel better
#after spending an hour in bed scrolling through tumblr waiting for my muscles to power on ofc#anyway little vent abt that ahead#no one has to read this ofc its really mostly just me working through it and processing it yknow#had a dream i was still involved with a couple people who are now gone from my life hopefully forever#also still dating my gf though? but he wasnt there :(#and we were in a uhaul or smth and were driving around and i felt very Uneasy#and like. i was actively in a flare up in that dream so the brain fog was making it harder to think clearly#so i felt very dumb the whole time#and so we drove through this like... pathway? with tall dark plants on either side#some kind of overgrown decorative shrubbery#and we were just chatting and i was trying to pretend i didnt feel uneasy#and then we came to this plant archway but the way was blocked by a bush about waist high#which. i have some particular feelings about that imagery. but idk if i wanna say it cus maybe im just being schizo#anyway we got out of the truck and left it there to go to the little restaurant cafe place we could see on the other side#and once we were inside we realized it was very clearly run by and for the jewish community which made me feel a bit better#so we sat at one table for a while i guess just to wait? then moved upstairs to another table to actually eat#and one of the people i was with started arguing with me and insulting me while the other one just kinda let him#bc he was like mad that i didnt tell him when to say a certain thing in a prayer i guess even though it was written on a thing on the table#and even though i was brainfoggy as hell and didnt know to expect that and he couldve looked himself and it DID NOT MATTER...#so i threw a metal thing holding the piece of paper at his head.#it kinda just bounced off him but then i walked off and he followed me and started beating me up lol#i woke up right as he started throwing punches. i think people were about to step in though#the weird thing is i think at the beginning of the dream i was ONLY with my current gf#idk how to word it but like. these other two just kinda barged right into the dream#anyway that dream is def Up There among dreams that i feel might have some deeper meaning but also not the MOST Up There#might delete later also bc The Paranoia#anyway! claps! time to watch old pokemon movies and eat pancakes
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upsidedowngrass · 2 years ago
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BTW . hyperfixating on pkmn soooo hard lately BUT object shows are existing in my brain again SO !!!! soon... soon......
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1980ssunflower · 2 years ago
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aouhhh 🥺💖💙🥰
#ot3: ❤rhyme💛easy💙#tape entry circa 1980#ngl ive been feeling like a bit sad like... i just miss them sm hfdjks#i just wish so SO soso so badly that i could go home to them both back in the 80s#to be w the loves of my life but ALSO to have someone i can talk music to and we can just talk abt music for hours <33#i can just talk abt it to them and theyll completely understand and give their own thoughts abt whatever song/band/album im talking abt#and id love to hear them go on long insane rants abt their own favorite albums and for them to show me a new album they listened to#something theyd know i like cause we love the same music genres#fuck i just miss them so much... they understand me more than anyone and get along w me more than ANYONE#i couldnt even try to imagine a person who better suites me than them even if i tried to create the perfect person for me#they just ARE already the epitome of perfection for me like we were made to know and love eachother to get along so well to be inseparable#i love them... god i love them both so much just thinking about them always makes me cry#i almost never cry its only ever because of them that i cry...#i miss them so so fucking much i keep thinking about them throughout the day#just imagining me being w them to be able to kiss and hold them and show them just how much i love them both#actually today i was picturing them here w me which is something i never do#i just love and miss them... i feel lonely and just ah... idk i wish i could go off on an adventure w them rn#i want to escape the life im living rn and just run off on the road w them chasing after our dream of being rockstars#tbh id also just love to experience the train together and get to see all that crazy stuff yknow? would make good song writing material lol#idk i feel like i cant truly get into how much i truly love and miss them w/o sounding super depressed and pathetic tbh#so i keep holding myself back from really expressing how i feel abt them
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arolesbianism · 1 month ago
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Sometimes I just look at Isabeau and just know that if isat came out and I got into it when I was like 16 he would be my favorite character and I would've gone absolutely buck wild over this man and feel like he was laser targeting me. But alas Odile has a grip of steel on me rn due to her virtue of being a middle aged woman
#rat rambles#stars posting#I feel like the biggest change in my taste in characters as the years have gone by is Im now far more biased towards old ppl lol#although tbf I was also the one person in 2016 who actually liked asgore so maybe Ive always liked parhetic old ppl#but yeah the reason isa is past me bait is because hes an exploration and subversion of the sort of tropes I Hated as a kid#and I still dont like them so isa still appeals to me its just not as much as he would have to a younger me#I do genuinely love all the party very dearly tho theyre all soooo good#I think my favorite part of isabeau is how like. of everyone we get to see the least facets of him but like in a very good way#this is a man who hides and bottles shit hes so fun to rotate#his self image is so carefully controlled compared to everyone else which makes him an incredibly interesting character to analyze#and I love that despite him seeming like the most emotionally stable person here on the surface he still clearly has like. hashtag issues.#like he's in that beautiful zone where its so so fun imagining what it would look like to truly break him#<- normal things that normal ppl say. like me.#I may have my very light beef with alt looping aus as a concept but hes probably the most interesting alternate looper to me#also my light beef exclusively relates to king quest stuff which is why Im a big fan of duo looper aus with sif#but honestly. isa might be the only one that I genuinely think works better as a solo looper even with taking king quest into account#although bonnie comes close. I <3 looper bonnie I <3 seeing fictional children go through the horrors#I think theres a lot of fun to be had with any alt looper au tho I just am a huge king quest fan so I like it when my favorite elements of#it dont have to be handwaved#but yeah the real question is how would younger me feel about mirabelle#because on the one hand: acearo character#but on the other hand: I have always been a little hater abt romance so idk if younger me would rly be able to follow her character well#I wasnt exactly good at character analysis back then lol#except for the instances in which I was but I dont have that sort of faith in my younger self#yknow Im thinking abt my history of favorite characters now and I think me being one of few 2016 alphys enjoyers might have been a prophecy#she was my quote unquote third favorite but in reality she was second#I think she chara and peridot su teamed up to define my taste in fictional characters for the next several years#and somehow that lead to olivia becoming one of my favorite fictional characters of all time#I say somehow as if that isnt a very natural conclusion
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friendlessclown · 3 months ago
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i love blood girl so much
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evature · 6 months ago
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just got backseated by a close friend
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al-luviec · 2 months ago
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I ran out of tag space but oomf had some good notes
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smthn easy for today (sorry)
#Kronos is the worst dad no. 1#I remember that fic where he made it obviously that Acronix was unwanted until he found out he's the master of time too 💔#<- prev tags#prepare for a whole rant that doesnt make sense from me#its not really a hc BUT in my brain the time twins are the first and only time in ninjago history that a power has been used by two people#so when krux was born first... kronos just assumed he was the only one to get time. this is coupled with the fact hes a faster learner than#acronix. so he was the first one to actually present the power of time. i think nix finally did YEARSSS later but until then he was seen as#a bit of a failure... my son who is very smart and has this strong power ... and then my other child who never listens to me and is weak#(acronix having adhd and being treated like a bad child because he presented undesirable traits... yeah)#and because of this there was quite a bit of animosity between the twins. even though they loved each other. nix was very very jealous of#krux for soooo many things. krux was treated better and it wasnt like it was *his* fault .. they were KIDS !!! but when youre a child angry#at the world... its harder to express that anger to the adult causing you harm vs someone on more equal ground to you. if that makes sense#'i will not yell and scream at my warrior father but i will refuse to play games with my brother' . obvs this didnt last forever but yknow#neither of the brothers were really able to be who they wanted to be. they couldnt really express themselves properly. but krux was always#able to mask better than acronix. so a bigggg part of that jealousy is also misunderstanding. like krux isnt happy either but when youre a#child its hard to clock how others feel. idk. and then after nix was discoveres to be a master of time .. straight to the grooming to be#child soldiers !!! the culture 60 years ago in ninjago was veryyy different. during the serpentine war i imagine most of the elemental#masters to be 20 ish ? some in their 30s but they had been elemental masters for basically MOST of their lives#esp wu and garm... they grew up and had to fight and never really had that time to be kids. which is how i like to imagine the time twins#theres a lot of parallels between those 4 and i want to gif their fight bc i realized that nix kept looking to krux like 'what do we do'#time twins are very codependent on each other. wu and garm rapidly aged when they were separated. etc#dont think nix couldve lasted those 40 years without his brother. krux takes big brother leading the way to the next level#3 minutes apart !!! but you wouldnt be able to tell that bc they act years apart. well prior to them actually being years apart#the way krux was piloting the iron doom and nix was the co pilot. the plan to go back to the past. nix just going along with stuff#hes more prone to stick to a plan krux makes than krux is to stick to a plan nix makes ... which is kinda canon#like how krux sent the snaks to destroy the borg store (veering off the plan) vs nix who kindaaa needs his brothers leadership or he'll die#in my version of s7 krux gets sent to the time vortex and then acronix is the one waiting years and years. ALSO FUCKKK smthn i realized :#wu isnt really one to hold a grudge like that and so i find it interesting that he WAITED for acronix at the monastery#like for morro and aspheera . they came to wu. vs wu who came to acronix to finish what the twins started all those years ago#thinking about how the time twins were heroes at one point. thinking about how the ninja didnt recognize them in the painting. thinking abt
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