#yet again i could just be really wrong but it rotates in my head so much

[16wolke11]

Notice Me - Lando Norris

A/N I just wanted to write something short and fluffy...Maybe one part of this was unsuccesful :D

WORDS: 2578

_____

Working with the Formula 1 team of McLaren wasn't my dream, but somehow, I still ended up working in their team after graduation. Slowly making my way up from simple duties, nothing with much responsibility, until I reached one of the upper levels of the PR team. Starting to work around the drivers, brainstorm for videos and content with the rest of the team and it feels like I am finally settled into the group.

Even though McLaren is paying me generously, I still like to take my bike to the headquarters. Only needing a fifteen-minute ride through some fields is as quick as driving a car. And usually that it is no problem, but right now it is pouring outside. I sigh at the thought of being drenched after seconds and that my clothes are probably going to be muddy after driving over the dirt road. Just when I want to step outside, someone calls my name.

When I turn around, I see Lando approaching. He and Oscar were at the headquarters today to film some stuff, spend time in the simulator and I am sure the bosses even squeezed a meeting into their time schedule. I like Lando, he is always friendly to the team, even though he does express when he isn't really interested in filming videos. But he knows we just do our job and in the end, he and Oscar usually still have fun in the end.

"Let me drive you home, it's on my route home anyways," Lando speaks up, gesturing outside and I look at him confused. My apartment being on his way home isn't exactly true, at least that's what I thought.

"I thought your house is on the other side of the city. Like...the opposite direction." I ask Lando with a hesitating voice, thinking I might have got something wrong in my memory, but he just laughs softly.

"Got me there." He admits, before adding, "Still, I don't want you to cycle through the rain." I bite on the inside of my cheek. This is a nice offer, but I can't take it. There is no way I am going to allow Lando to drive me home, taking a longer route to finally get home as well. He is spending so much time away from home and I don't want to stop him from doing it as soon as possible.

"But I need my bike to get here tomorrow." I quickly say, which is the truth, because currently I don't have a car and even though I could be walking or take the bus, I don't want to get up earlier, just because the bus leaves at such an impractical time. "And I need to shower anyway." I then add with a shrug of my shoulders. There is nothing better than taking a warm shower after being drenched in the rain. Lando looks at me for a moment, testing like he is trying to figure out if I just lied to him, before he shakes his head.

"Get in my car. I am going to pick you up tomorrow." Lando tells me and I can't let him do that.

"Lan..." I try to speak up, but he just cuts me off.

"Not discussing that." I look at him, debating with myself, but decide that I am not in the mood to discuss this with him.

"Fine." I huff and let Lando lead me to his car, which is luckily parked on the covered part of the parking lot. He puts on the heater during the drive, and I sigh to myself, maybe it isn't too bad being driven home instead of cycling through the rain, being miserable.

"Thank you." I mutter to Lando, who just smiles proudly of himself for getting what he wants.

The weeks go by, and the season starts again, but I stay working at the headquarters. Not long enough in the team to be in for a race weekend yet, or more, not on the rotation list yet. McLaren tries to give the team a balance between being away from home and being able to stay with their families and as much as I appreciate it, I still would like to experience a weekend at the track, preferable sooner rather than later. Being occupied by racing again, Lando and Oscar aren't as often at the headquarters as before, but still come by from time to time.

"You are in early." I notice when I step into the room where we film the teammate videos and Lando is already spread out on the couch. Usually, he stumbles into the room last second, looking like he would fall right back asleep if we let him.

"I can be on time." Lando huffs, sitting up, before he stretches his arms and adds, "If I want to."

I laugh at his words and start to prepare the room for filming. Open the windows for some fresh air, get the scripts for the video. All that was followed by Lando's eyes. At one point, I frown and look at him, no longer accepting being stared at.

"Everything okay?" I ask him and Lando flinches like he is deep down in his mind. Then he reaches for his backpack, pulling out a bag from a bakery. I lean my head to the side when Lando holds out the bag to me and I hesitantly grab it.

"I got you these." Lando mutters, eyes now looking everywhere but at me and I open the bag to look inside. There it is, my favourite pastry in all its glory. The cinnamon smell immediately flooded around me and I looked at Lando in awe.

"You got me franzbrötchen?" I ask him, eyes wandering back to the pastry which I love so dearly, but just don't manage to get in England. Craving them from time to time, but not talented enough to bake them myself.

"You said you liked these, so I brought them for you." Lando shrugs his shoulders like it is no big deal, but I know how difficult it is to get these. And yes, I tried so many bakeries that I lost count of them.

"Where did you get those? I am searching for a bakery selling them forever." My voice is excited like a child on its birthday, and I really hope it is not one of those high-end bakeries that are way too expensive. Well, I might even pay the price if that means I get to eat my favourite pastries again from time to time.

"That's my secret." Lando grins mischievously and adds, "But if you are nice to me, I will bring them more often."

There is a soft smile on my lips, and I can't do anything to be happy about this gift. "Thank you, Lan."

Finally, my first race weekend has come and even though it might be stressful, I still can't get the smile off my lips anymore. Right now, I am on my way to get Oscar and Lando for a bit of filming, but stop in my tracks when I hear them talking. Knowing it is not nice to overhear them, but can't stop myself from doing so.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Oscar. It is like she doesn't even notice me." Lando groans and I tilt my head to the side. I have never heard him be so desperate and I wonder who the girl he is talking about is. Ignoring the soft ache inside of me, I keep listening to them talking.

"Maybe you just need to tell her and not only show her." Oscar suggests and I think that's good advice. Sometimes words are better than actions, even though sweet actions are still a great way of showing feelings. It sometimes just needs a little bit more. "And embarrass myself because she doesn't like me, no thanks." Lando huffs and my heart clenches at his tone. Looks like he is really in love with someone.

"Did you ever think about the possibility that she might also be like you, but isn't sure if you are just nice to her." My heart beats quicker, part of being scared of getting seen listening to the boys and part because it gets me thinking. Lando does do some nice things for me, but that could mean nothing. Or?

"I am not letting a baker specifically make someone's favourite snack or drive them home in the rain, so they don't get sick." Lando's voice is so low now that I need a minute to realise what he said. Getting the favourite snack, especially made for someone...that sounds like the time he got me my favourite pastries and the thing with the rain? Slowly, more pieces click into place, and I step around the corner, deciding I've listened to enough of their conversation.

Oscar spots me first, eyes widening just slightly, but Lando has his face buried in his hands and doesn't notice. I take a deep breath, trying to act like nothing happened, but every time I look at Lando, my heart stumbles again.

"Boys, are you ready for the filming?" I speak up, startling Lando to look upwards. His eyes glimmer with frustration, but I feel like I have to act like I don't notice anything is wrong. Like, I just stepped around the corner and didn't hear him confessing his crush on me.

"Sure." Oscar is the one to answer and then we just go on with our day.

It only takes for Sunday to come until Lando snaps. I wanted to give him time, give myself time to think about everything and doubt all of it. Did he really mean me? Of course he did. Do I want to make the first step? Hard pass. Would it be better to give him signs that I like him as well? Totally. Still, I don't dare to say something, not before the race anyway.

Right now, I am chatting with one of Lando's mechanics. I am amazed by what they are doing every weekend. How they manage to tweak the car exactly like the boys like it and it kind of makes my work feel small. Like it isn't important. He tries to explain me stuff, but when I look at him, more than confused, we both just burst into laughter.

Just then, fingers curl around my wrist and with a harsh pull, I am forced to walk. "Lando, what?" I ask him, almost stumbling behind him while he pulls me away under the confused looks of the mechanics. Lando doesn't look at me, just keeps pulling me behind him until he reaches an empty door, slamming the door close behind us.

"What is wrong with you?" I ask him, trying to lower my voice, but the anger and confusion are bubbling inside of me. Rubbing my fingers over my wrist, trying to ease the soft ache, while Lando just paces up and down.

"What is wrong with me?" He asks like I am imagining things, before huffing, "What is wrong with you!?" I blink at him once, twice, not even knowing what I did wrong from his point of view.

"I just chatted with one of your mechanics, you were the one pulling me away like a madman." I explain my side of the situation and finally, Lando stops the pacing, but he doesn't look at me, eyes planted firmly on the ground.

"You were laughing with him." He mutters and I need a second to understand what he just said, before arching an eyebrow.

"And I am no longer allowed to have fun?" I ask him, leading to him ruffling his curls.

"Fuck, you are...I am just." He tries to explain, stumbling over his own words, before he starts pacing up and down again.

"Lan, what is wrong." I ask him, trying to keep my voice soft. When he doesn't react, I am the one grabbing him by the wrist and finally, he stops in his tracks, before whispering.

"I just want you to see me."

"I don't understand." I manage to choke out, not able to connect the dots, but then Lanno starts to ramble.

"And I just try to figure you out." He just starts and before he even really starts, the fog in my head is clearing up.

"You always have different songs stuck in your head and hum them without even noticing." Lando tells me and I blush a little, hating that I forget the people around me when I have a specific song stuck in my head and just hum a mixture of melody and lyrics.

"You make everyone around you feel wanted." He continues and I know Lando likes to observe his surroundings, but didn't know he thinks that about me.

"You scrunch your nose a little when you think about something." There is a soft smile on his lips, and I can't stop myself from offering him one back.

"And your favourite colour is blue! Not a bright one, but one like the ocean on a stormy day." Lando lets his voice trail off and my heart flutters. This isn't something everyone knows about me, but Lando listens, no matter how dumb or unnecessary the fact might be.

"Lan..." I whisper, trying to tell him about my feelings, but the words get stuck in my throat.

"Fuck, I fell in love with you months ago and tried to show you because I am not good with words, but if I have to stay away from you for any longer, I am going to explode." Before Lando starts his pacing again, I grab his second wrist, holding him in front of me.

"Can I kiss you?" I blurt out with a shaking voice, not knowing how to form the right words to confess my feelings for him. So why not show?

"What?" Lando asks back, eyes wide, flicking between my lips and eyes.

"Can I kiss you?" I ask him, slowly, while looking at his face.

Lando doesn't even answer, doesn't nod his head, instead just leans down and lets his lips crash down on mine. Like he is afraid the moment is going to vanish if he hesitates.

It might not be perfect, a little too desperate, a little too messy, but kind of perfect for us. His hand holding up my chin, my fingers getting tangled in his hair, while my other hand rests right over Lando's heart. I try to stand on my tiptoes to get more out of his touch and he sighs softly against my lips. When we finally break apart, it is just for gasping for air. Mind not ready to be parted, but our lungs are craving for air.

"You have no idea how long I wanted to do that." Lando sighs, forehead resting against mine and his arms wrap around my waist to keep me close to his chest.

"I can imagine when I think of the time when all of your attention started." I smile at him and a laugh rumbles in his chest. Thinking back, I can figure out when his liking for me started and I don't know how I didn't notice earlier.

"I am sorry for not noticing earlier." I apologise to Lando, who just tightens his grip around me, whispering an "No need for apologising" and then presses his lips on mine to kiss me over and over again.

[legrzybek]

finished ts shit finally omg. um. im nervous

AZURETIME HURT/COMFORT FLUFF FIC THING ^_^

in case you're not familiar with my prior posts, it's abt my own post-forsaken au versions of them :D soo theres a bunch of my hcs involved here,,,, most notably two time being referred to as breeze instead

tw for a brief mention of s/h !! but other than that it's mainly silly soft tickles and cuddles bc i need them to be happy ong

mb if it sounds kinda off and repetitive i tried my best 💔 i suck ass at wording LMFAO this is just smth i wrote for fun & comfort anyways soo it's not meant to be smth super amazing but i hope its enjoyable regardless bleeh

quick random bonus doodle to get ur attention bc im nefarious like that

okaY read it under the cut if u want fire emoji

What did they feel?

Nothing?

Everything?

They could not tell at this point. They could not grasp it. All they knew is that it did not feel good. Not at all.

Why? Just why? The same question kept rotating in their mind. Earlier, they were fine. Content. So why are they like this now? Why?

Everything feels wrong. So wrong. They hated this. Hated this strange uneasiness that came to them out of the blue. Subtle enough to feel like they're just faking, just imagining it... yet prominent enough to crave for it to stop. It only caused their mind to spiral all over again. To sink deeper and deeper into things they'd rather not remember. The things they've done. Maybe this was their punishment? They deserved this.

They would never stop blaming themselves.

Because they hated themselves more than anything.

They didn't even register someone had entered. Not until they heard that familiar, echoing voice.

"...Breeze?"

He recieved no response. They sat hunched over on their shared bed, arms tightly crossed, nails digging into their skin... Eyes unfocused, staring blankly at nothing. Their whole body completely unmoving. Frozen in place.

Immediately alarmed by the sight, he hastily approached closer. He sat down directly in front of them, resting his body on the mattress. The four vine-tentacles which protruded from his back drooped down around him, highly alert, just in case he had to stop them from any dangerous behavior...

"Breeze... Hey... Look at me."

His worried tone had a slight hint of demand to it. He was very familiar with situations like this by now, but... it always pained him the same to see them in a state like this. He had to get through to them.

"Talk to me, please... Are you not feeling well? Did anything happen?"

Their mind raced. It's him. Why did he even care at this point? They're nothing but a burden that he would be better off without. Not deserving of the care he insists on providing them with. Not after what they've done to him. It's all their fault. He should just leave them alone.

"No... nothing...I don't- urgh...no...I don't know...I-I don't-I don't know- okay?!"

Frustrated, they snapped back at him. That... seemed to pull them back into reality. They immediately felt horrible. He's only trying to help, and they start talking to him like this...? They did not deserve him. Not one bit. They couldn't look at him, pulling their legs closer to their chest, burying their head further in-between. They wanted nothing more than to disappear altogether...

But... Azure didn't take any offense to their tone or mannerisms, no... it only made him even more determined. He knew they didn't mean for it to come out so aggressively... they were simply not in the right state of mind.

"Nonono...shh, shh...It's okay... Don't agitate yourself further..."

He moved one of his flower-covered vines closer to them, making it carefully pet their back, trying to see if they're fine with being touched right now. Their anxious breathing slowed down a bit... They seemed content with it... good. He already had an idea in mind as to what could help with their current state. They really needed a distraction, something for their mind to focus on instead... Something that yielded a great result everytime he'd previously done it. He swiftly rearranged a few pillows, before trying to console them, get them to sit up again...

"Breezy... my nightshade... I'm not mad at you, not at all...shh... I understand your frustration, you're evidently not feeling well... I'd like to help you with that, okay?"

He patiently coaxed them to reveal themselves again. They avoided any eye contact, staring down at their knees.

"...I-I'm...No...I'm...I'm sorry...I'm sorry..."

The weak, hushed voice they spoke in... How shaky they were, how they felt guilt for even such a small thing... It made his heart ache so bad.

"Sweetie, no... Hush now, it's okay... it's okay... don't apologize. There's no sorries needed. Just follow me now, alright?"

He guided them to lay down on their back - to his relief, they obliged without issue, even if he noticed their hesitation. He adjusted the cushions a bit further to ensure the environment was as cozy as it could be. Next, he wrapped a tentacle around their legs, gently binding them together to prevent any accidental harm that might come from their usual, happy kicks. He loved seeing them, it's just... they were quite strong. And sudden. He scooted closer, his much taller frame carefully sitting down on their snuggled up legs, facing them directly.

They could already guess what he'll do, feeling their heart beat even faster, seemingly getting a bit nervous just thinking about it... Why did he still want to do this? Even after they acted awful like that...?

"Ah, I... think you know what's coming already, hehe...

You need this right now. It's okay."

Azure kept reassuring them, knowing how much self-doubt and hatred plagued them in moments like these - exactly why he was dead-set on his goal right now. He gave them a loving headpat before speaking up once more.

"I won't prolong this then. Is it alright to start now? All comfy?"

He tilted his head to the side while asking, softly smiling at them with his zipped mouth. His gentle, purple eyes looked at them with immense care. Even his hat had a fond, yet slightly saddened expression on it... Following a brief moment of waiting, he recieved a quick, shy nod in response. They couldn't stop their tail from swishing around impatiently... That told him everything he needs to know.

"Got it, sweetheart... Just relax now... It'll do you good, I promise.

As always, if it becomes overwhelming or unpleasant at any point, just say the word, okay?"

As he finished speaking, the tip of the vine that hugged their legs, along with another free one, started softly brushing against their soles, occasionally shifting to a more scratching motion. It felt...nice... He knew they liked the unique feel and texture of his extra 'arms', often clinging onto or idly playing around with them whenever they were near him. And they seemed to like it now, too...

"Aah...h-hm... he...hehe..."

Along with a tiny gasp, some stifled giggles were already earned by that first move. At the same time, he carefully lifted their shirt up, just enough to place his claws on their stomach. Despite how they may look at first glance, they were not very sharp, making them essentially perfect for this... His fingers glided over their skin like a serene breeze... a familiar, soothing feeling. They really tried to hold back, but...

"Pfft...aaw...eheh- h-hahah- o-oh my...aaahahaha- oh my Spaaawn- nuuh-heehehe...!!!"

They just... couldn't help it anymore. Even if they still had their doubt on whether they really deserve this affection, those thoughts were starting to slip away. They already broke into a soft, quiet laughter that warmed Azure's heart... He felt their body tense up involuntarily to even the lightest touch, before relaxing and giving into it over and over again. Any of their involuntary kicks were negated by the vine that kept their legs wrapped up, along with his own weight.

"That's a lot better..."

He spoke warmly, relief washing over him upon observing their reactions. He knew this would work like a charm, help them let go of the stress they felt... Continuing the motions, he kept a watchful eye on them - their eyes were closed akin to a content kitty's, their free arms placed over their chest, fidgeting around, not even trying to pry his away... and most importantly, that growing, genuine smile...

"Gosh, hehe... do you even know how adorable you are...?"

With awe, he uttered that sweet phrase that ran through his mind everytime he managed to put them in this state. It was a sight he'd never get tired of. And he only just started...

"Nooooo- I'm-ah-hehehe- noo-nohohohot..."

Lightheartedly, they tried to dismiss his comment. It made them even more flustered than they already were... And yet, he was quick to make his point clear again.

"Nono, hush now... you absolutely are, my nightshade."

Almost as if he wanted to prove it, he proceeded to ramp up the 'attack', now tickling gently at their sides as well. To keep them engaged, he constantly alternated between different movements - sometimes slowly running his fingers up and down, sometimes scribbling around in a more unpredictable way... even softly squeezing them. He could feel how much healthier in shape they've become when he did that. How they gained more weight compared to early days... it made him proud. He moved up a bit, trying to feel their ribs... less prominent, too. Their tail kept excitedly moving from side to side, a lot less stiff than how it used to be.

"Nuuuuhuuuuh- hehee...nooohohoooo...!!!!! Azuu-uehehee-Azuureeeheheh- aahaha-"

"Awh, shh... don't you hide that pretty smile now. No need to be ashamed, sunshine..."

They were enjoying this a lot, having fully given in... he was having lots of fun, too. He found it so sweet how even amidst their silly laugh, they still wanted to call out his name. He himself couldn't keep a sincere smile off of his face right now... Breeze tried to cover theirs up, though, making him shake his head in playful disapproval. He took ahold of their hands, effortlessly pulling their arms off to the side, holding them up in the air, before speaking up in order to reassure them.

The pause in the affection on their waist gave them some room to breathe, yet it left them a little disappointed... that didn't last long, however. Two more of Azure's tentacles hovered closer, beginning to run along their underarms, back and forth... Still holding their smaller hands in his, he felt how their grip on them tightened in response to the tickles...

"You're doing so well, hehe..."

He chuckled, gently rubbing their hands with his thumbs, observing intently... He couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness whenever he saw those scars which littered their arms, even if majority of them were healed by now. They still inflicted that upon themselves. And... he never wanted that. Heavy regret washed over him... Wishing he could've been there for them sooner. Or even... prevented everything altogether... If only he pried further, learned the truth about their 'ascension'... he could've saved both of them. But why? Why didn't he...?

"Awwh- awwhahaha- ehehe- Ahahazuu- Azuuureeehehe-!!!!"

...Their laughter snapped him out of that train of thought. No... he needs to focus on the present. On them. They're here now, safe and sound with him. That's what matters.

"...Yes, dear? Is something wrong?"

Perhaps influenced by his previous thoughts, a sudden bit of concern grew in him, wondering why they were calling his name again... Did they want to tell him something? Was this too much...?

"Nooohoho- aaahehe- I...I lo-ooho- I loove yooou...!!! Ehehee-"

...Quickly enough, those words lifted that weight off his chest, soothing his slight worry. It was a pleasant surprise to hear, filling his heart with so much pride and joy... He leaned down to give them a little kiss on the forehead, making them let out another giggle.

"Awwh, Breezy... I love you lots, too... More than anything in the world, hehe..."

He decided to let their arms down and move onto the next spot. The two tendrils now made their way towards their neck area, wiggling gently against their skin, trying to get to all the nooks and crannies... Breeze hugged onto them while being taken care of, feeling their slight squishiness that they liked so much. They instinctively tensed up their shoulders, as if trying to protect themselves... even if they didn't actually want this to stop. The soft nightshade petals that coated his vines provided an additional, light sensation to the mix...albeit unintentional.

By now, all their previous horrible thoughts turned to mush, washed far, far away by the waves of comfort that their partner's affection brought upon them. Exactly what he intended from the start. They trusted him so much in order to allow him to even do this, caress them all over like that... they would not react well if anyone else tried. Being a heavily touch-repulsed person, contact always caused them mild annoyance at best, intense discomfort at worst. He was well aware of that fact, but... he was a major exception to it. His physical closeness brought them much needed relief from their troubled mind. Even if they sometimes struggled accepting it, believing themselves not worthy... they really do crave it. They craved it all this time, missed his presence beyond measure... Azure felt the same way about them, unbelievably grateful he could hold them again... Help them heal after everything they had to endure.

He cupped their cheeks in his hands, his thumbs repeatedly brushing over them, knowing they were ticklish even here... Feeling them lean into the touch, he continued to poke around.

"You're beautiful, sweetheart..."

He uttered that with honest adoration, wholeheartedly taking in the sight of their features, their delighted expression... he can't get enough of it. When he placed another soft kiss on their nose, they only responded with more endearing giggles.

Soon, Azure deemed the job done for this side. He aided them with turning over, their body now entirely flipped around, laying on their stomach instead. Their arms held onto the pillow they rested their head on, reflexively hugging it tighter once he resumed his tender loving care...

The open-back shirt they were currently wearing undeniably gave easy access to that area... a canvas for him to paint on. He began lightly scratching all over it, drawing various patterns and shapes with his clawed fingertips. One vine slowly slid up and down their spine... from the back of their neck, all the way to the base of their bony tail. They momentarily flinched upon feeling the touch there, though not out of pain - it was simply extremely sensitive, along with the spots where their spawn wings sprouted from. He always made sure to be extra careful with those places, as too much force applied could feel unpleasant for them... However, if done just right, it proved to be very beneficial and soothing instead. Taking care of them was important due to the chronic ache and itchiness they still felt there... having your flesh and bone contort into new appendages isn't something the body gets used to easily. The countless times he had to witness their transformation back in that hellhole... not a pleasant sight at all to remember. But he shook off that thought. Again, he had to focus on the present.

He shifted his attention to their shoulders, relieving the tension they still held in their muscles by providing a gentle massage, occasionally catching them off guard by switching to a more ticklish motion for a brief moment. Proceeding to move further down, he finally reached the wings. Very lightly and methodically, he started rubbing the areas with just the right amount of pressure, tracing slow, lazy circles on them... With the tentacle, he did the same for their tail, which ceased its prior wagging, now resting off to the side in relaxation.

"Aaaw...hm... mmmhm... h...hehe...aawww..."

Their laugh shifted into a bunch of sweet, content hums. It felt incredible... If they could purr, they'd be whirring like a car engine right now. It's as if he was pouring out his love for them through every move, every touch... and they could feel it.

He thought his heart was about to burst from the overwhelming fondness he felt for them. They were just too adorable, too precious... He couldn't help himself anymore, deciding to deliver one final 'attack'. He took his hat off, thus losing his ability to speak, patting her as he settled her down. He shifted his position, practically laying down on top of Breeze - holding himself up a bit using his tentacles, though... in order to not crush them with his full weight. With his claws, he reached for their sides and gently scribbled on them again, simultaneously peppering little kisses all over their back... The zipper attached to his mouth unintentionally tapped against their skin with each quick peck. The long braids and hair made of vines did the same, shifting everytime he moved his head around.

"Aaweeheheee- Azuu...ueheheee- Azuuure- whaahaha- whaaahahat are yooou- uuahah- dooohohoing...!!! Daawww... aawwhahah...hehe..."

They burst out into another stream of happy giggles and coos... Azure only hummed and chuckled quietly in response. He nuzzled his head against them, his hands now changing their method to soft kneading. They melted into a little puddle of pure joy in his arms, barely even able to form a coherent thought anymore... He repeated the motions for a little while longer, before deciding to finally let them get some rest, feeling them grow a bit tired now. After all, cuddles are in order after such a thorough session of affection...

He made a change in his position again, resting on his side... Breeze was soon pulled close to him, encircled by his arms. They locked eyes with him - those slow blinks signaling how comfortable they felt right now - before curling up, snuggling their head against his chest. Once they settled in, his tentacles closed in, gently cocooning them... the feeling akin to being wrapped up in a living, weighted blanket. They disappeared near entirely in their beloved's embrace, only their head poking out... it was unbelievably cozy. He was well aware how much they loved this, how therapeutic this - and everything prior - was for them.

The room was quiet and peaceful... One of Azure's vines repeatedly pet their head, idly playing around with their fluffy, messy locks. Without words, the silent lullaby hummed by him communicated that it's okay - even encouraged - to take a nap right now, if they so desire. And so they obliged, shutting their eyes... It didn't take long for weariness to start taking over... The conditions were ideal for it. Their beloved's coziness that enveloped them was lulling them into a state of full relaxation, their breath turning slower and steadier, slowly drifting off into their well-deserved rest... In this moment, their tortured soul was at complete peace. Something they once thought they would never get to experience again... yet here they are, proven wrong.

Even as everything became hazy... one final thought still echoed in their mind.

Maybe, just maybe...

This was the true blessing they were meant to recieve.

♡

i die of death now. bye

also info ion thinj i have revealed on this blog yet. azure's hat has a name in this au, peony 🔥 it/she pronouns because why the fuck not

[forest-of-sunflowers]

Thinking many normal thoughts and opinions on Rowan’s backstory rn, so here are two/maybe three theories I think about a lot.

- Rowan being related to a royal family

now, this is a theory I think about often, since we don’t know much about her. but re-listening to certain episodes I keep getting thoughts about this theory. In episode 4 around 5 minutes in Jamie mentions how all the party is hiding their identities in one way or another, which seemed to be brushed off because we didn’t know much else (and it was only ep 4).

Another thing that had me thinking was in ep 12 at 35 minutes in, Rowan left the hayloft while Aurelius, Kieran and Neph were talking about taking a role of a leader, or not ready/wanting to rule a kingdom. That’s something I never questioned before I re-listened to it a bit. There was also a few times when I was looking through the playlist beck had made for Rowan to see a few songs such as “Our Word” and “Dollhouse” that started my thoughts on this theory. The only thing we can tell from recent episodes is that her family has a lot shady business(?), not to mention from ep 21 she has been holding onto Junipers hand the whole time and trying to distract from the current mission which is the party going Kruivia. I believe that her family could/is related to the Kruivia Royal family

- Rowan somehow related to the Forsindicated

I don’t know much about this theory myself, but I’ve seen a few post about this theory that she could have some connection to the Forsindicated. All I know on this theory is from what we know about the Forsindicated is they’re a very powerful group that seems to be known throughout the kingdoms. While what we know about Rowan’s family seems to be really shady, and powerful. There could be some connections between this theory but I’m unsure, I would love to hear more about this one though.

That’s all . I made this post really long, but I got so many thoughts and opinions on Rowan lore. I want to know more, I’m gnawing at my enclosure

[goldenhourology]

SLACKING OFF.

pairing: jeon wonwoo x f!reader

genre: smut, angst, fluff, coworkers to lovers, friends to lovers

summary: being technologically averse, yet a complete control freak to your core, you tend to annoy senior IT specialist, jeon wonwoo, to no end. but after an apology brings you two closer together, wonwoo finds himself reaching out to you more often than not. on and off slack. despite what you two had originally perceived, you find yourself thrown into feelings that neither of you could've ever prepared for.

warnings: handjobs, fingering, oral (f!recieving), unprotected sex, missionary position, belly bulge, grinding, praise, wonwoo is a service top!!, multiple sex scenes, jerking it in an corporate office bathroom lol, drunk horniness, miscommunication, reader is learning how to open up<3, mutual pining. nsfw (minors / ageless blogs dni).

word count: 19.2k

note: hello new ppl, welcome to the first goldenhourology one shot ✨ I've written things in the past, but this is my first really long one shot. the longer it got, the more I stressed out lol. but I've seen a lot of people do this 20k word one shots, so I thought I'd try my hand at it! also idk much about tech, so if I got anything wrong in this, pls ignore it. thank you to anyone who gives this a read!!

in rotation: picture you, chappell roan / dress, taylor swift / valentine, laufey / diamond boy, sza

Some said your late 20s were the last few years of fun before you fully allowed yourself to be an adult, so why were you always drowning in work?

It didn’t help that you were an executive assistant in one of the biggest software companies in the U.S. When you took the job, surely, you should’ve known that you’d be signing up for an exorbitant amount of work, ranging from invoice management, planning travel for your boss, to even research for senior managers. Despite the constant stress you were under, you liked this job. You liked the trust that your boss had in you. You liked that they let you be independent and figure things out on your own.

And when you couldn’t … you simply contacted IT.

It helped that a senior IT specialist sat right across from your cubicle.

Jeon Wonwoo wasn’t the most talkative cubicle buddy, nor was he the most pleasant. He did his best to give you a smile every once in a while, but he had to fight the urge to throw his head in his hands whenever you send him a message on Slack. You didn’t typically need help with anything, except in the area of tech. You were so organized and incredibly smart – it didn’t take an idiot to see that – but god forbid, sometimes … you could be so technologically averse.

Maybe he just had too many years of schooling under his belt – he was 28 now with both a Bachelors and Masters in Software Engineering – but you surprised him with some of your requests. Sometimes, you’d delete files by accident, need to renew your subscription to important apps, even locked yourself out of your own computer once. He had interns underneath him that could be available to help you, but you had consistently messaged him. And he sat directly across from you. No matter what, it was always going to be Wonwoo that had to help you. Fate had made sure of that.

There were times that you realized you were bothering him. Either you heard him curse from behind his extremely large monitor or he adjusted his glasses so much that you thought he might break them in half. And to be honest, you liked being in control of your own work, so you’d try to find a solution. Typically, solving your own tech problems left your computer in more disarray.

And there was Wonwoo to save the day yet again.

You [10:58 AM]: Morning, Wonwoo!

You [10:58 AM]: I screwed up

You [10:59 AM]: Boss sent me some documents that were password protected, but he’s away for the next two days and not answering his phone

You [10:59 AM]: So I might’ve downloaded some software to help me unlock it and I think it’s attempting to hack my email as we speak

You [11:01 AM]: I’m so so sorry! I didn’t want to bother you

Jeon Wonwoo [11:01 AM]: I’ll be right over.

Luckily for you, Wonwoo was able to fix the problem and stop your email from getting hacked. Whoever was the owner of that virus-filled program you tried to download didn’t gain access to those password-protected documents before Wonwoo secured your computer. But it was close. Too close.

Not only that, but he had a multitude of other projects today. He had to train two new interns … have one of those annual performance reviews with the head of IT … change over a dozen new passwords for people … and then he found out that they’re changing servers. Which meant everything backed up on their former server had to be transferred over to the new one. Fucking great.

He wasn’t sure how many times he sighed today, but it had to be over a hundred. When he couldn’t stand to be sitting anymore, he stood up and paced around the third floor of the building. Today felt like the longest day of his life. And there was a mustard stain on his green sweater vest. And he got a shitty haircut a few days ago. And he probably needed new glasses because he was getting headaches. 

It was time for a coffee. As well as a day off.

Coincidentally, you were also headed to the break room that afternoon in need of a green tea. You were about to walk in when you heard your cubicle mate letting out a frustrated breath while talking to another IT specialist. He was clearly fed up about something, or maybe just tired of this day. You hid next to the doorframe, and just when you thought it was safe to step out, you heard your name fall from his lips.

“I don’t understand how she does it,” Wonwoo complained, hands smacking against his sides. “Seriously, it’s mind boggling. I’m pretty sure she has her Masters in Business Administration, but she does this shit that just makes me … Oh my god, she literally tried to download some faulty software off the internet today, instead of just asking me or someone else for help.” 

“Oh, yeah, everyone wants to turn to you when you got that attitude, man,” someone – Lee Seokmin, maybe? – joked.

“You get what a mean.” Wonwoo watched the first couple drips of shitty office coffee fill his cup. “I was able to save her computer, yeah, but it would be nice to avoid an emergency for a day.”

Seokmin slapped him on the back. “The joys of working in IT.”

You huffed, stalking away from the break room and back to your desk. There was only so much office gossip you could take, especially when it involved you. As soon as you sat down, you finished typing up an email at the loudest volume possible, your fingers basically punching themselves into the keys. You heard Wonwoo slide back into his desk chair, the fresh smell of burnt coffee wafting across to you, and he didn’t say a thing. Not that he would ever know you had eavesdropped. But not a “hello” or “how has computer been after this morning?” He went back to work, burning his tongue on the overly hot liquid.

Maybe Wonwoo was right; maybe you did need to just stop overthinking and ask for help instead of figuring stuff out on your own. Or maybe this asshole needed an attitude check.

You decided to not bother him for the rest of the week, complaining to your friends that Friday night about your shithead of a coworker. They said he might be looking out for you in his own fucked up way. You said he might just be an asshole.

Come Monday morning, you had realized your ignoring hadn’t effected him at all. He still sent you the same small smile as he walked in and sat down across from you. Could he really not see how pissed you are, or had the facade you’d crafted for so long as the perfect corporate employee work too well?

You should just be upfront with him, take control of the situation. Like always. 

You [9:44 AM]: I heard you in the break room a few days ago.

You [9:44 AM]: I just didn’t want to bother you. That’s why I had tried to figure out the issue on my own. Didn’t realize that was a crime

Jeon Wonwoo [9:46 AM]: Crap.

Jeon Wonwoo [9:46 AM]: You weren’t supposed to hear that.

You [9:47 AM]: Well, I did

Jeon Wonwoo [9:50 AM]: Listen.

Jeon Wonwoo [9:50 AM]: Not that it excuses anything, but there’s so much going on at work. It wasn’t all about you. I was complaining just to complain and I didn’t mean any of it.

Jeon Wonwoo [9:50 AM]: I’m sorry.

You [9:51 AM]: Wow

Jeon Wonwoo [9:51 AM]: What?

You [9:51 AM]: You’ve never come across as someone who can apologize well

Jeon Wonwoo [9:52 AM]: Are you sure you aren’t projecting right now? We sit across from each other. I’ve seen how stubborn you are.

You [9:53 AM]: I thought you were apologizing to me????

Jeon Wonwoo [9:56 AM]: I’m sorry. Again.

You [10:01 AM]: Okay, you’re forgiven

Jeon Wonwoo [10:09 AM]: Can I make it up to you with a coffee?

You didn’t go out on dates. The last one you went on was … years ago, probably in undergrad. Once you go for your Masters, all energy to date goes out the window.

Not that this was a date. This certainly was not a date.

This was an apology coffee after work, since the two of you seemed to have an affinity for caffeine at late hours.

Even if, per chance, he thought this was a date … you’d eventually have to let him down easy. It probably wasn’t in your best interest to date someone like Jeon Wonwoo, but you’d also closed yourself off from love for far too long. It wasn’t that you didn’t get lonely – you did, very much, especially on late nights where it was just you and your favorite vibrator – but it was just … scary. Opening yourself up. Losing just a small semblance of control. You weren’t even sure you could physically allow yourself to do that after being alone for so long. 

Your heart had been tucked away so many years ago, locked inside a box, and then in another box, and so on. With the final lock being so complicated that only someone who knew the last four of your social security number could answer. No one was opening up that box. Your heart was safe from the outside world.

You were independent, reliant on only yourself, and you liked it that way.

Once he had gotten both your coffees, he sat down next to you at a hightop table, folding his winter coat over the back of his chair. He had managed to remember your latte order and it tasted perfect. Your eyes flitted up, ogling him for a moment. When you’re not under the fluorescent lights of the office, Wonwoo was … attractive. To say the least. Maybe he always had been and you were too blind to see it. Maybe his face was perpetually hidden by his monitor.

His hair was tousled in the way that it looked effortless, even if he hadn’t brushed it after rolling out of bed. He had a tendency to wear sweater vests with white t-shirts underneath, or button-downs with jeans. But it was only when he showed off his forearms that you realized he was surprisingly built underneath his oversized clothes. He was tall and his shoulders were broad. You liked his glasses too; they always sat on the edge of his nose. A thin line was etched into both lenses, suggesting age, but they framed his face well.

Yeah, you thought to yourself, he is handsome.

“Why are you staring at me?” He asked, knocking you out of your stupor.

You blinked and looked down at your coffee, removing the lid. “Oh, I … uh … good question.”

“Listen,” he started, eyes flickering to his hands, “I’m really sorry about what I said –”

“You don’t have to keep apologizing.”

“– And I understand if you want to go to HR about this –”

You shook your head. “Wait, what? Why would I do that?”

He glanced around, until finally, his eyes were on you again. And suddenly, you were wondering if his eyes were dark brown or the color of cinnamon. “Isn’t that what any rational person would do?”

He had you stumped there. If this were a different situation … you probably would do that. “I’m not going to tell HR about this, Wonwoo. You apologized and said you didn’t mean it. I have to trust that.” And you didn’t trust lightly – hardly at all – but something about Wonwoo made you feel like it could be easy with him.

“We all have shit days,” you added, taking a sip of the scalding hot latte. “You have a ton of stuff on your plate. Doesn’t give you an excuse for what you did, but we all say things in the heat of the moment that we don’t mean. I have so many things to organize throughout the day, and sometimes it gets the better of me. Remember when I had book that last minute trip for our CEO and I was on the phone for hours with Delta and Suzanne in finance had the nerve to start bothering me about some invoice? I lost it on her for a straight minute.”

“Oh, my god, yeah,” he chuckled, pinching the bridge of his nose as the memory resurfaced. “Her eyes almost came out of her skull at your reaction. To be fair … Suzanne needs to be knocked down a peg sometimes. She always blames IT when she can’t get into her email, but it’s because she’s constantly typing her password with one letter off.”

You couldn’t help but giggle. Your hand hit the tabletop a few times as you let your workplace personality fade in front of your coworker. “Those new IT interns don’t know what’s coming once Suzanne comes for them,” you joked.

“The IT interns don’t know anything. Period.” He jabbed his finger onto the table. “I mean, they’re interns, but it takes so much time to train them. If I have to teach them JavaScript one more time …”

“Say it, Jeon Wonwoo,” you egged him on, a chuckle filtering at the end. “What will happen if you have to teach those good for nothing interns JavaScript?”

A slow smile made it’s way onto Wonwoo’s face, and … damn, you were actually a really cool person. “Well,” he cleared his throat, “I’ll tell you what will happen …”

Jeon Wonwoo [12:13 PM]: Did you bring lunch today?

Jeon Wonwoo [12:13 PM]: I just found this new cafe down the street and was thinking about grabbing something there in a few. Did you wanna come?

You [12:14 PM]: Do you think they have a chicken salad sandwich on the menu

Jeon Wonwoo [12:15 PM]: I can only assume so?

You [12:15 PM]: SOLD

You both go out for more coffees, before and after work. You found yourself excited to wake up early, to meet up with Wonwoo at the coffee shop located in the lobby of your work building. Always getting there before him, you typically ordered two coffees – remembering his order to a T – and when he walked in five minutes late, he promised to buy the next round. You never let him.

You began planning lunches over Slack, discussing what was on special at that cafe he found last month. In fact, you two talked most of the day on Slack. A message from you had once gotten on his nerves, and now … he was eager for it. Eager to hear your thoughts throughout the day, excited to talk about what new dumb question an intern asked him today or to see more pictures of your grandma’s cats.

And Wonwoo … Wonwoo was easier to get along with than you thought. You just had to peel back the layers before he finally got comfortable, and honestly, you could relate. To be fair, you had a few more layers than he did, but he was slowly learning that you were more than what he perceived. After that first coffee, he realized how funny you were, and then a couple lunches later, he learned you were an avid romance and thriller reader – and nothing in between. It wasn’t until last week that he finally cracked you open enough to learn about your love for Elder Scrolls Online. He was sure you were joking at first, but when you clarified how serious you were, he almost fell off his chair.

“I’m not shocked that you play it,” he said over coffee one morning. “What I’m shocked at is that you’d rather play Elder Scrolls Online and not Skyrim.”

“Of course, you would say that,” you replied, rolling your eyes. “I don’t really have an interest in the game universe. I started playing Elder Scrolls Online to relieve stress while applying to colleges, and then I just … didn’t stop.” You shrugged.

Much to his own surprise – even with your take on Skyrim – Wonwoo thoroughly enjoyed your company. It was insane that you both had spent almost two years sitting across from each other before realizing how much you liked each other. Words always left unsaid. Eyes staying glued to computers. It had been a routine for you both that you had never strayed from – until now. So many tech requests over Slack … and now he was actively looking forward to work everyday. To seeing you. To talking with you. 

You.

Jeon Wonwoo realized how much he liked stockings. Specifically, he liked the way you looked in them.

And that’s when things got dangerous.

He started to notice the days you would wear them, and then concluded which day you did laundry. You liked wearing blouses with a pencil skirt and stockings on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. Those were now his favorite days. 

Wednesdays you’d wear dress pants and maybe a sweater, whereas on “Casual Fridays,” you were clad in a t-shirt with a cardigan layered and jeans. You always looked nice at the office, but those stocking days … they were getting to him.

Sometimes, he’d watch the way you walked away from your desk – either to the Boss’ office or to the finance department – and he couldn’t help but let his eyes trail down your legs. You had these stockings that had a slight tear in the back, and he wondered if you realized, or was he just too much of a perverted loser to be the first person to notice? He wanted to purchase a new pair for you. He wanted to replace all your stockings and buy you enough that you could wear them with a skirt everyday, just so he could see you in them.

Maybe he was a loser.

You looked up at him, even in heels, and you had this way of smiling at him that left him questioning why you liked hanging out with him in the first place. His personality couldn’t be that charming to warrant your attention. But you were warm – even when your hands were perpetually cold – and kind, never straying once he was in front of you. And you had this lip gloss that stained your lips magenta and made them shine. Even in the dim fluorescent lights. When his chair turned just slightly and he let his eyes glaze over you, one finger rubbing at his top lip, he couldn’t help but be curious if the gloss had a flavor to it … and then, he’d get distracted by your legs again. And your blouse, and your hair. 

Don’t even get him started on the way you smelled.

Maybe he was a loser. No, he was most definitely a loser. 

It was a Thursday night. Almost 7 PM and you were still at the office. You had plans to go out tonight to celebrate your friend’s new job, but you ended up having to cancel when the Boss placed a stack of paperwork on your desk before leaving the building at promptly 6 o’clock. Why he couldn’t have given you all these invoices and memos hours ago was beyond you, but you weren’t even halfway through this stack and the janitor was now mopping beside you.

When a Slack notification appeared on the side of your monitor, you didn’t even read it before spinning around in your chair. There Wonwoo was, leaning back in his own chair while a progress window ticked on one of his dual monitors. You raised a brow. “I didn’t even hear you over there,” you commented. “Why are you still here?”

“A month or so ago, the IT head told me that we’d soon be transitioning servers, so all of our backups and data need to be transferred over to this new server.” He explained, adjusting his glasses and glancing over at the progress window. It changed from 23% to 24% finished. “Someone had to be the lucky person to stay after hours and make sure it all went smoothly.”

You twirled a pen in your two fingers and crossed your legs. “Oh, that sucks.” Your skirt hiked up a little, and just that small flash of exposed skin had Wonwoo averting his eyes.

“Yeah,” he said, clearing his throat. “I’m assuming you’re still here because of that.” He nodded towards the pile of paper.

“No, no, obviously I love being here after hours with you,” you replied, sarcasm dripping from your tone, but it still ignited a short spark of hope within him. (Wonwoo, can you chill the fuck out? He chastised.) “You know the Boss has a penchant for letting invoices pile up. He just so happened to let that pile end up on my desk before he left today. And some of these needed to be filled out …” Your eyes skimmed the first paper on your desk. “Oh, yesterday!”

Wonwoo offered to help you while also keeping watch of his computer – 28% finished – but you insisted you could handle it. “I already bother you enough during work hours,” you said before turning back to your desk. He knew by now that you were simply too stubborn to give up control of the project. Once you had started it yourself, you needed to see it through. He wasn’t sure if you two were close enough that he could be completely honest, that he could tell you that it was fine to let go this independence that you kept on a tight leash. He was willing to help. (God, was he willing.) 

But he chocked it up to telling you once that you were “so fucking stubborn.”

Your reply had come in the form of a swift kick to his knee.

Wonwoo glanced at his monitor. 67% finished.

It was 10 PM and you were just about finished with the paperwork, but you were running on fumes. Just a few memos left and you’d be done. To get you through the next hour, you needed something. So you headed to the break room, suddenly craving some burnt workplace coffee. (What was it about this coffee maker that gave it such a distinct burnt flavor? You’d never know.) After placing the pod of coffee grounds in the slot and filling the water, you pressed the start button, turning around with a huff to see Wonwoo striding into the break room. A crushed, styrofoam coffee cup was clutched in his large hand before he tossed it in the barrel beside you. 

“How’s your transfer going?” You asked, crossing your arms over your chest. Coffee had started to pour from the machine and into your cup.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s at 88% now. Hopefully should be done in the next hour.”

“Me too, if all goes well.” A sigh escaped your lips. “I still have a few more papers to fill out. Shouldn’t take me more than an hour, but I haven’t looked through them all yet.”

Wonwoo stepped forward, reaching in the direction of the styrofoam cups. “If you had let me help you –”

You tried sidestepping out of the way to give him some room, but his hand brushed against your arm anyway. Your chin tilted up as your eyes met his, back pressing against the counter. “It wouldn’t have helped,” you finished for him.

His arm paused mid-air, and he looked down at you. Eyes narrowing, he replied, “You’re one of the most stubborn people I’ve ever met. You have this desperate need to be in control of everything.”

“And why is that a bad thing?” Your tone took a hard edge. The last thing you wanted right now was to put effort into arguing, but you were tired and already on the edge of a breakdown. “I’ve relied on myself for as long as I can remember. I like being in control. I like being stubborn. If I didn’t do most things myself –”

“You ask me to fix something on your computer at least once a day.”

“That’s different.”

“You’re right,” he agreed, and you noticed then just how close he was. Your chests were practically touching. “Sometimes you do try to figure things out yourself and almost break your hard drive.”

His progress window was probably at 93% finished now. He should head back to his desk, but his feet stayed planted right where they were.

“Why does it matter?” You exhaled loud, your hands slapping against your hips. “Do you want an award or something? You have your way of doing things, and I have mine. I’m not perfect, but I … I like things the way they are.” Change is scary, you thought to yourself, but didn’t dare voice it out loud.

He was so close that he could smell your perfume. The scent of lavender mixed with orange blossoms and vanilla filled his nostrils, swirling around his brain. He could get addicted to this smell, to you. Maybe he already was. When his eyes roamed down to your legs and he saw his favorite pair of stockings on you, he damn near collapsed. In fact, he hadn’t even realized the soft groan had left his lips until your gaze found his, your pretty irises growing wide.

You were just so … captivating.

His hands were on both sides of you, pressing your back further into the counter. Your black coffee steaming and fully abandoned in the coffee machine. He was holding himself back, his knuckles going white with restraint. But he wasn’t like you. He could only keep himself in control for so long. And with you here right now, your perfume surrounding him, your stockings-clad thigh brushing against his leg, your a hand placed on his chest … he was a goner.

“Wonwoo,” you whispered, palm still resting on his shirt, “we …”

When your voice trailed off, Wonwoo’s instincts got the better of him. “Please, just …” One hand came up to smooth against your cheek, and he was almost out of breath as he pulled your face to his. “Let me do this.”

He gave you enough time to shove him back, to yell at him, to tell him you didn’t like him in that way. But your neck was craning towards his, and he took that as a sign to crash his lips onto yours. They were softer than he expected, and the taste … your gloss tasted like – well, like nothing. But if he pretended, he could’ve sworn there was a slight cherry aftertaste. His glasses bumped into your nose, but he’d been too overwhelmed to remember to take them off. Mouth moving against yours, his hips crammed you more against the counter, hard enough to leave a bruise on your spine. You didn’t care though. His shoulders were so wide that they shielded you, inviting your body into his, and your fingers fisted into his button-up. Tongues tangled, eager to taste more and more of each other. 

Wonwoo could kiss you forever. You didn’t want him to stop.

But all good things must end. Because when he instinctively placed his leg between yours, he knew this was going too far. Especially because you two were still at work. In the break room.

He instantly removed his leg, his lips breaking from yours. Your eyes connected, the room filled with only the sounds of heavy breathing, before you wiped a trail of spit from your chin.

Wonwoo’s head spun behind him. Thank god, there was no CCTV camera by the coffee maker.

Jeon Wonwoo [9:09 AM]: Good morning.

Jeon Wonwoo [9:09 AM]: I shouldn’t have done that last night.

Jeon Wonwoo [9:10 AM]: Still friends?

You [9:14 AM]: We probably shouldn’t be talking about this on Slack

You [9:15 AM]: Here’s my number: 855-777-0821

You [9:18 AM]: But yes friends :D

Wonwoo did not want to be just friends. But he was utterly terrified of what you would say if he voiced that. You had kissed him back, yes, but … hadn’t you agreed to be friends far too quickly? You had both hung out post-kiss – he liked to call this period of time A.T.K. (after the kiss) – and you didn’t seem to be ruminating on it like he was. Of course, he didn’t know what you were thinking, and you could be so hard to read sometimes when your layers weren’t stripped back enough. But …

Could it really have meant nothing to you?

If that were the case, he didn’t know how it was possible for you. He couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss even if he tried. When he saw you the next day – Friday, January 9, A.T.K. – the first thing he noticed was your lip gloss and all he wanted was to have it smeared over his mouth again. He noticed the way your hair fell over your shoulder, remembering how soft the strands felt when his fingers had slipped between them. He noticed that you were wearing those jeans that hugged your ass just right, and – god, now he was wishing that he had touched more than just your cheek. Wonwoo wanted to touch you everywhere. And vice versa. He didn’t care if your hands were constantly freezing or if they were dry during the winter. He wanted you to touch him however you pleased. He wanted to grab you and kiss you and hold those cold hands in his warm ones –

Oh, my god. He had a boner. At work. Just the mere memory of a kiss had him shifting himself in his pants underneath his desk, hoping no one noticed.

Eventually, he stood up, trying to keep a casual hand over the bulge in his pants as he fast walked to the bathroom. Nobody batted an eye, but you did steal a glance over at him once his back was turned. Your brow raised at the way he was practically sprinting for the elevator, not realizing that he was heading for the second floor restrooms. He must be excited for something. Probably a package, you thought before turning back to your computer.

Wonwoo felt like he could finally breathe once he was inside a stall. He rested his head against the cool tile wall, feeling the ache start to settle in his groin. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this way. What 28-year-old gets a boner from a kiss? You had him acting like a goddamn teenager.

What had you done to him? Just one kiss and he was completely under your spell.

(Or maybe he’d been this way all along.)

His fingers fumbled with the zipper on his jeans as he finally pulled himself out of his jeans, stroking from base to tip. Thankfully, no one was in the bathroom. He couldn’t believe his life had come to this. The last thing he ever wanted was to be that guy who jacked off in the bathroom. But you had to wear those goddamn jeans –

Wonwoo wasn’t good at hiding his feelings, but he was doing a pretty good job even as this was killing him inside. He wasn’t like you; he found it hard to restrain himself, to ignore everything that was bubbling up inside him. He could feel himself cracking. What would be the thing that finally broke him?

The answer was simple: alcohol.

Lee Seokmin [11:26 AM]: Dude lol. Why’d you run away from your desk like that

Lee Seokmin [11:26 AM]: I think you could win the Olympics with that kind of sprint!

Jeon Wonwoo [11:39 AM]: Don’t ask.

Lee Seokmin [11:40 AM]: Alrighty then ;)

Lee Seokmin [11:41 AM]: On another note … you free next Thursday? My buddy in the marketing department, Josh, finally has a night off from his kid so we were thinking of getting a group together for drinks after work. Interested?

The last thing you ever expected was to be invited to drinks with Seokmin and some of the managers in marketing, but Wonwoo said you should come. “In fact,” he had clarified, “you should come so I don’t have to deal with DK’s drunk antics all night.” Who were you to deprive him of your presence when he was that desperate? Plus, there was a nice girl in marketing that was also invited; maybe tonight was the night to befriend her.

But the marketing people knew how to party. You were only halfway through your second beer whereas the rest of your group was on their fourth. And three tequila shots deep. Wonwoo, seemingly, had an affinity for tequila, unlike yourself. He was able to throw them back like it was nothing; he didn’t even need a chaser. When Seokmin had requested they all get a fourth, he was met with a round of cheers, and even Wonwoo – quiet, introverted Wonwoo – threw his hands up with excitement. You placed a hand on his shoulder, whispering in his ear, “Are you sure about that?”

Wonwoo felt his whole body freeze when your hot breath reached his ear. A pale, pink flush appeared on his cheeks, but you chocked it up to how drunk he was. Eventually, he waved away your worry with his hand. “I’m fiiiiiiiiine. Hey, how about I get you another beer?”

“Are you even coherent enough to get me another –”

“HEY! Bartender! Can I get one more of these?!” He shouted, waving your empty glass in the air. “Oh, and more tequila!”

Seokmin slapped a hand on his friend’s shoulder, laughing along with him. As you made friends with the rest of the marketing department, you found yourself glancing at Wonwoo every so often. His cheeks were so rosy now, and his glasses kept slipping down his nose. To be fair though, everyone in this dive bar seemed to be in the same state of mind. Seokmin was singing along to the Sabrina Carpenter song blasting through the speakers. Josh was so drunk that he was crying about how much he loved his friends. They had even gotten Suzanne in finance to come out, and she was making friends with everyone for once. And Wonwoo … oh, god, Wonwoo’s head was now on the bar top and he was closing his eyes –

You abandoned your beer and walked over to your friend, shaking his shoulders. His eyes instantly opened, expecting to see Seokmin, but when his gaze met yours, he instantly felt all warm and fuzzy. “Okay,” you said, trying your best to hoist this 6 foot man off the barstool, “you’ve had enough. I’m taking you home.”

It was like pulling teeth to get him to tell you his address, but you guessed you shouldn’t be surprised when the man on your arm was blackout drunk. After flagging a taxi, you shoved him in the seat next to you and rubbed your hands together to get them warm. Wonwoo’s head was on your shoulder the second you sat down, his eyes fluttering closed as the taxi sped off into the night. You watched his fingers twitch on his thigh as he whispered sleepily, “I think my family would really like you.”

“Is that so?” You chuckled, squeezing his arm for reassurance, but little did you know just how much your touch effected him. “Why’s that?”

“Because you’re you,” he replied, and then yawned. “Only you and Mingyu would do this for me.”

Your brow furrowed. “Who’s Mingyu?”

The taxi pulled up to a brick apartment building then, and your cold fingers struggled to get cash out from your pocket while Wonwoo was practically laying on top of you. Finally, you did your best to haul him out of the seat, thanking the taxi driver before gathering an arm around Wonwoo’s shoulders. The building was definitely old with vines of ivy crawling up one side. There was a dead tree with snow covering it’s branches directly by the door, spilling snowflakes on your head as you struggled to input the code Wonwoo managed to remember. And then, you were pulling him up two flights of stairs, which took far longer than you estimated. You had basically ripped his keys from his hand once you reached his apartment and continued to drag him inside, laying him on the old couch that was conveniently right near the door.

Wonwoo grumbled as soon as his head hit the armrest, and he almost fell off the couch if it weren’t for you catching him and rolling him back onto the cushion. “I’m going to go get you a glass of water,” you said, quickly rushing off to his kitchen. “Please, for the love of god, don’t fall off the couch again.”

He whined for you to come back, but you pretended you didn’t hear it, because if you did, you’d have to reckon with the tingle that bloomed between your legs at the sound of his desperation.

The entrance of his kitchen was right in front of a small hallway that sectioned off two ways. There was a bedroom door on each side of the hall, and once you walked inside the kitchen, you found a tiny table from the 80s and the dishwasher currently running. You didn’t have time to contemplate that now, and instead pilfered through his cabinets until you found a glass and filled it with tap water. Rushing back to his side, Wonwoo was already laying halfway off the couch and you sighed.

You set the glass of water on his coffee table and lifted him back up. With a little bit of help from you, you both managed to shrug off his winter jacket and you tucked a throw blanket over him to prevent him from falling off again. A heavy exhale slipped past your lips as you knelt by his side, and you couldn’t help but reach out to pushed back his hair from his forehead. His eyes were closed, but you knew he wasn’t sleeping. You smiled to yourself.

Were coworkers supposed to show this much affection for each other?

“Wonwoo,” you said softly, and he cracked one eye open. “Do you want some water?”

He shut that eye again, grimacing at the thought of anything entering his body right now. “Ab…absolutely not.”

“It’ll make you feel better,” you persuaded, but he still shook his head. “Okay, so what do you want right now?”

His breath stilled for a moment. “Can I be honest?”

“That’s never stopped you before.”

“I …” No, he couldn’t be that honest. “I want you to … keep p–pushing back my hair. It’s … relaxing.”

You chuckled, “Okay, you got it.” Your fingers were at the crown of his head again, smoothing back the strands. You hadn’t noticed until now that he had a freckle on the left side of his forehead; maybe you’d just never been this close to notice. Well, actually, you had. There was this thing you two did called a kiss –

“If you’re going to fall asleep, I’m going to take off your glasses,” you informed him, slipping his glasses off and setting them by his glass of water. It was late, much later than you anticipated on staying out, and you both still had to go to work tomorrow. 

But then his hand was grabbing your wrist, his grip surprisingly firm for how intoxicated he was. “Can I b–be honest again?” He slurred, his eyes half open to meet yours.

You sighed, placing your hand on top of his, thumb brushing over his knuckles. “Just know whatever you say will be used to make fun of you tomorrow –”

“I can’t … I haven’t …” He took a breath to formulate the words in his head. “… Stopped thinking about our kiss.”

You blinked down at him, watching the way his eyes began to close again as he relaxed into the old couch cushions. “You can’t just say shit like –”

He scoffed dramatically. “I’m noooot,” he defended, his hand slipping off your wrist to curl underneath the blanket.

“Wonwoo …” Your voice trailed off, the words dying on your tongue.

“Who the hell are you?”

You immediately got to your feet at the sound of another person’s voice behind you. Eyes growing wide, you took in the sight of the man in front of you wearing nothing but a towel around his waist, droplets of water trailing down his chiseled abdomen as he shook a smaller towel through his hair. He might’ve been taller than Wonwoo, only by a little bit, and his skin was a golden tan that reminded you of summertime even in this harsh winter. Why was Wonwoo hiding handsome men in his apartment? The man looked at you, waiting for an answer, his brows raised.

“Oh,” you cleared your throat. “Um …”

“Leave her alone, Mingyu,” Wonwoo groaned from the couch, turning away from them to lay on his side.

So this was Mingyu, you concluded. This slightly god-like dude that looked like he walked straight out of a porno was the only other person who’d help Wonwoo when he was blackout drunk. Interesting.

Mingyu raised his hand awkwardly for you to shake. “His roommate,” he clarified.

“Oh,” you replied, grasping his hand for a moment and telling him your name. 

Mingyu instantly grinned, laying the small towel over his neck, holding both ends. “So you’re her.”

You blinked, not knowing how to respond to that. Perhaps there was no way to respond; the silence was comfortable enough. You decided to keep that in mind for later though.

“He’s … well, he got very drunk,” you informed Mingyu, gesturing to a now-sleeping Wonwoo with both thumbs. “I wanted to make sure he got home okay.”

Mingyu nodded, and then sighed. “I’ll take care of him. Don’t worry,” he promised, opening up the door for you. “Get home safe, okay?”

Wonwoo: Sorry about that the other night. I won’t get drunk like that again. It doesn’t happen very often

You: it’s okay! I’m used to handling drunk people

You: don’t get me wrong, I like to have my fun but it’s easier for me to take care of other people than like … be incoherent and anxious lol

Wonwoo: By the end of the night I was starting to feel that way. Not fun

You: DRINK WATER

You: your roommate is hot btw. does he always walk around without a shirt?

Wonwoo: Of course, he didn’t have a shirt on when you met him

Wonwoo: Everyone likes Mingyu

You: well, I like you [UNSENT]

The bi-annual sales meeting was started to boost morale and talk with other departments that you didn’t see as often. It was typically held at a hotel in the downtown city, with the company flying in all the sales reps from across the country. There were even a few from overseas. In reality though, this was usually the week where coworkers made mistakes. At least one person was let go after these sales meetings, and HR had their eyes peeled for an entire week.

You never made a mistake at one of these. And you didn’t expect to any time soon.

This was a week of rubbing elbows with slimy sales reps and making sure some old man hadn’t spiked your drink. For most, this was a week to slack off, but a woman working in corporate couldn’t relax in these settings. You’d been making corrections to your boss’ presentation for the entire company for what felt like forever. (Realistically, it’d been almost two weeks.) You probably went through the 50 slides at least twice as much, checking for spelling mistakes and making sure it was in the right place on your desktop. Not on some random external hard drive. Not in the trash. 

But it was finally the day you’d been dreading. Presentation day, and everyone at the company was eager to hear the Boss reveal if they hit their goal for the year, amongst other things. You checked the slides another time, and then made sure no one would trip over the HDMI cord connected to the projector. The Boss gave you a reassuring smile, and then it was go time.

Your boss could be a shit bag – what CEO wasn’t? – but he had a way of speaking that made everyone so excited for the future. He was probably the reason why morale was always so high, and everyone looked forward to his presentation at these meetings. Your finger hovered over the right arrow button as he went through his speech, pointing out company statistics and what he wanted them all to accomplish this year, before finally getting to the goal reach. And his answer was nothing short of what the audience wanted to hear. He congratulated all of them, and everyone clapped together at the good news.

When you looked out at the crowd that had gathered, you realized almost every seat in the ballroom was filled. Some were even standing near the door and – wait, there was Wonwoo, leaning against the wall in the back. IT didn’t need to be here for this presentation. In fact, they were encouraged to be doing other things, like manning a table near HR and offering on-the-spot tech help. A smile made it’s way to your lips, watching the way Wonwoo was listening intently.

Once the presentation was over and the room erupted in small talk, your boss came over and thanked you for helping out yet again. “Of course,” you replied, as if there was anything else to say. He gave you a comforting squeeze of the hand before walking off to talk to some of his favorite sales reps.

As you shut your laptop and began to place your things in your backpack, Wonwoo slipped into the chair beside yours. Just the sight of his grin set you at ease, but also made you nervous at the same time. Why were you suddenly so nervous? This was just Wonwoo.

Just Wonwoo. Just Wonwoo. Just … your Wonwoo.

“Congratulations,” he beamed, giving you a high five. “I know you’ve been working on this all week, but you did it!”

You always stressed so much about this presentation, but at the end of the day … “All I did was press a button,” you shrugged.

Wonwoo rolled his eyes. “Well, yeah, but you didn’t accidentally delete your file like every other time you’ve messaged me on Slack.” He chuckled, and you scoffed at his teasing. “I’d call that a win.”

The second to last night of sales meeting week was the longest night of the year. It was a tradition for everyone to go out to a bar the company rented out, drinking whatever alcohol they could get their hands on while celebrating a job well done. You only saw half these people twice a year, and half of the time they’d have a beer in their hands. 

You did your best to ignore every sales rep that tried to speak with you without slurring their words, but that was damn near impossible when some were already on their second cocktail. However, no matter how embarrassing it was, you did allow them to compliment you and your hard work. Who were you to turn down the validation? And when the time came, even your boss came over to compliment you again, and you realized there was truly nothing like being good at your job. 

Just for a moment, everything felt okay. It was like the loneliness dissipated, the sting of years without pleasure or having someone by your side … it all faded when you were rewarded for your hard work.

Maybe tonight was the night you had fun for once.

When you finally found Wonwoo later that night, he was surrounded by a few younger members of the IT team, debating what computer language everyone should be obligated to learn. You waved to him from where you stood by the bar top, and that was all it took to have him walking away from his team and towards you. He wrapped one arm around your shoulders, insisting to buy you drinks for the rest of the night, and you didn’t hesitate to agree. If there was anyone here you trusted enough to hand you a drink, it was Wonwoo.

Just Wonwoo.

The hour was reaching midnight now, and you weren’t sure how many martinis you had, but you were hiccuping a storm. That was a telltale sign that you were totally, thoroughly drunk. Wonwoo was only drinking beer and pacing himself, unlike that night at the dive bar, but he was enjoying the sight of you finally letting loose. You hung on his arm, staring up at him with your big eyes, glazing over from all the alcohol coursing through your system. He didn’t like how this effected him; he shouldn’t be attracted to the way your gaze looked while you were intoxicated. But he couldn’t help but wonder if your eyes held the same shine while your lips were wrapped around his –

No, this was too much. He should take you back to the hotel.

The two of you glanced around the bar, realizing it was mostly cleared out. You definitely needed to leave now.

He tugged on your arm, wrapping one of his around your waist to support you. “C’mon now,” he grunted, helping you walk out. “Let’s get you back.”

“I didn’t f–finish my drink thoooooough,” you argued, despite letting him lead you out of the bar. “And I can walk … on my own. Swear!”

“Listen, you took care of me once,” he said as you two walked into the brisk cold air. The hotel was, thankfully, only a block away. “Let me take care of you.”

Even with the alcohol pumping in your veins, just the sound of those words falling from his mouth made you grip him tighter. You felt like your bones were made of jelly, and it wasn’t just from the vodka. It was him, and the way he made you feel, and how secretly warm he was, and the way he took care of you as you took care of him, and – oh, god, you wanted to cry because you liked Jeon Wonwoo so much.

So, so much.

It was much easier to get you back to your hotel room than his apartment, seeing as this hotel had a working elevator. You slumped beside him, tripping over your feet every so often, as he hauled you down the hallway to your room. You gave him your keycard easily, and once the door was open, he squeezed your hand to silently let you know it was time to move again. He helped you into the room, shutting the door behind him, before laying you down on your bed with the clumsiness only he could have. 

You were laughing now, hiccuping from the alcohol, but laughing nonetheless. And he was laughing at your hiccups. Or maybe he just liked the way you grinned at him.

He assisted with taking off your boots and jacket, too embarrassed to remove anything else. And it definitely wasn’t appropriate to either. Tearing back the covers, he nestled you underneath them, and said, “You got everything, right? I’m a call away if you need me.” He grabbed one of the small trash cans in the room and placed it at your bedside. “If you need to vomit and can’t make it to the bathroom, just use the trash can here –”

You hand came out to wrap around his forearm. “Stay, Wonwoo.”

Your sleepy eyes were killing him, making his inhibitions melt and his cock throb at the same time. He sighed, sitting on the side of the mattress, and before he could stop himself, he was tucking hair behind your ear. “You know I can’t do that,” he said, his voice like a caress. “You know how it would look if someone saw me leave this room tomorrow morning. HR is on all our asses this week.”

“I know,” you slurred, and then pressed your flushed cheek into his palm. “I j–just thought you … were taking care of me thoooooooough …”

His resolve crumbled into a million pieces. This was complete, utter torture. You had to know how you effected him, but of course you didn’t, because you were stretching under the covers and yawning like you didn’t just make his heart stop. 

That’s how he ended up in your bed, shutting off the lights and settling underneath the comforter. Until you came closer and rested your head on his chest. Despite how fast his heart was beating, he felt so at peace, and you both fell asleep in the clothes you wore out tonight.

Only a few hours later, you woke with a clear head and the beginning of a hangover. Your head was pounding like crazy, and it took everything in you to slip out from the comfort of your bed and pad your feet over to the bathroom. The bright light was burning your eyes, but you needed it to find the Tylenol you left by the sink. Filling a cup with water, you took the medication and prayed it worked sooner rather than later.

You squinted at yourself in the mirror, realizing you were still in the outfit you wore yesterday. With a sigh, you picked up the big t-shirt you left on the floor yesterday morning and stripped yourself until you were in nothing but your underwear. You pulled the t-shirt on and slumped against the wall, pressing your forehead against the cold tile. Now this felt like heaven for your headache.

It took a couple of minutes to get yourself to move again, feet slapping against the floor as you walked out of the bathroom. You noticed Wonwoo was awake too, in the midst of slinking back under the covers, and you saw his jeans abandoned by his bedside.You crawled back to your cocoon of blankets, and he instantly wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you against his chest. And you … you didn’t move away. In fact, you pressed yourself closer, finally hearing how his heart raced. Wonwoo didn’t care if it was probably 4 AM and he probably had to leave in a few hours – before anyone else woke – because he was holding you and smelling you hair. You smelled … god, you smelled so good that it made him hard almost instantly.

You felt his hand splay against your spine, as if trying to hold himself back, and it was then that your eyes opened. The room was dark, but you knew when his gaze was burning into yours only seconds later. You slipped one hand out from the covers, cupping his cheek as your thumb brushed over his lower lip. Under his breath, he muttered a soft, “Shit,” because you both knew where this was going.

You agreed you wouldn’t do this again. You agreed to be friends.

But now you’re kissing again.

Your hand moved from his face to his neck, and his hands are gripping your cheeks to make sure your mouth stayed on his. His fingers were shaking. He kissed you desperately, as if he needed this just to be able to breathe again, and maybe he did. You were like putty in his hands, molding yourself to his body as your tongue tangled with his. Whatever ache you felt in your temples drifted between your legs, causing you to moan into his mouth. And fuck, just the sound of you made his cock swell, precum soaking through his boxers.

The room felt so hot all of a sudden, but your cold hands came in handy as they rested on his neck. His left hand slid down to your ass, finally giving it a firm squeeze after kicking himself for not doing it when he first kissed you. That made you moan again, and he decided he’d never stop touching you like this, just so he could hear these sounds fall from your lips.

He slid his knee between your legs on instinct, and you didn’t hesitate to start grinding against his thigh. The friction felt delicious and soothing. You both kissed each other slower, a little messier, focusing on touching each other everywhere you dreamed about all these months. Your fingers traced down the column of his neck, down the thin cotton of the shirt he was still wearing from yesterday, while bucking against his thigh. His lips left yours, dragging across your cheek so he could nibble on your earlobe, feeling it grow warm and red from all the attention. “You have no idea how long I’ve needed you,” he whispered, and you damn near almost came from that confession.

You weren’t used to this; you couldn’t remember the last time you experienced pleasure like this with someone, but you couldn’t imagine stopping. Not when he angled his thigh just right, the muscle in his leg rubbing against your clit, your panties completely soaked. You cupped him over his boxers, feeling his bulge throb in your palm, and you cooed, “Can I …”

He groaned. You didn’t need to say more; Wonwoo was smart enough to know what you were insinuating. He felt disoriented, drunk off of you and your touch, smell, everything. “Are you … are you sure you don’t want to …” His voice was giving out, but from the way your fingers were slipping under the waistband of his boxers, you knew you wanted just this, and he’d give you whatever you wanted. “Yes. Yes, of course. That’s fine,” he finished.

You chuckled softly. He smiled against your neck. Pulling his cock out and wrapping your palm around it, you began to stroke him slowly. “Oh, god,” he was sighing into the crook of your neck, his brain in such a state of disarray when you resumed grinding against his leg while also pumping him from base to tip. This couldn’t be real; he had to be dreaming, but he could feel your wet panties sticking to his thigh. He could feel himself shake as he clung to you and pressed sloppy, wet kisses to your throat. It was all too much, but not enough at the same time. 

“Wonwoo,” you whimpered, and he dragged his lips back to yours just to feel how your mouth moved when you said his name. You bucked your hips faster, your arousal coating his thigh, and warmth bloomed between your legs. When your hand on his cock reached his head again, you rubbed the pad of your thumb over his slit, making more precum bead onto your knuckles. “Wanna cum with you,” you begged, stroking him faster and in time with your hips.

“I know you do, I know,” he breathed against your lips. “Just a little faster … yes, just like that. Fuck.”

Only a moment later were you trembling, hips stuttering as pleasure took over your body. You came hard, squeezing his thigh between your legs, and your cry was swallowed by Wonwoo’s lips. If he didn’t kiss you, he knew he’d moan so loud it would wake the entire hotel. Because – oh, god, he was cumming now, and he was sighing against your mouth as he erupted in your hand, ropes of cum staining your t-shirt. He could’ve swore he saw white. He’d never felt a release like this before; not with anyone else. Not even when he jerked off. But maybe it was because this was your hand and you were cumming on his leg, and fuck –

You were still shaking in each other’s arms, minds blank and reeling, bodies coming down from the high. It took the kind of strength that moved mountains to slip from his arms and clean yourself up. But by the time you came back from the bathroom and cuddled up next to him, Wonwoo was already fast asleep.

Jeon Wonwoo [6:08 AM]: I had to leave early this morning before anyone woke. But if you want, I’d like to see you at breakfast this morning :)

You [7:31 AM]: Jeon Wonwoo, I’m begging you to just text this to me

You [7:31 AM]: Also, was your phone hacked? Since when do you use emojis?

There wasn’t much to do on the last day of sales meeting week. The only things on your plate were to make niceties with some of the new reps, and probably attend a few presentations by HR. When you had finally woken up this morning to just you in the bed, you almost considered skipping the HR presentations, feeling too guilty and like they might see right through you. It was irrational, but you were sure that this was the only way to feel after realizing that you hooked up with your coworker and friend. 

Not that you hadn’t wanted to. Not that you hadn’t been thinking about it since your kiss. No, it wasn’t like that at all.

So why were suddenly terrified to see him at breakfast?

You got ready as quick as you could – but of course, making sure you wore that V-neck sweater that showed off your cleavage just right – and threw your hair up before leaving your hotel room. The line for the breakfast buffet was packed, but you waited patiently and decided to sit near the bar once you plate was full. The rest of the dining room was filled with people and you weren’t awake enough to make shitty small talk. Sitting here at the bar top was peaceful and quiet –

“Is this … seat taken?”

Your eyes met his instantly, and you noticed the way Wonwoo was cringing at the line he threw at you. You decided to forget it, for his sake, and gestured for him to sit down. Fuck, you were so goddamn nervous, even though you had agreed to meet him in the first place. You wore this low-cut sweater for him. You both sat in silence for a bit, crunching awkwardly on the burnt bacon, and shifting in your seats. 

“Did you …” You were surprised that your mouth was moving on it’s own volition, spilling any words that came to your head. “… Do anything this morning since you were up early?”

Wonwoo choked a bit on a strawberry, but recovered quickly. “Uh … yeah, yeah, sure. Once I came down here, one of the IT interns found me in a panic because he couldn’t set up one of the rep’s new work phones. Created a whole scene over nothing.”

You snorted and sipped your coffee. “Is that intern still breathing?”

His eyes flickered to yours, a slow smile growing on his face. “Yes, actually.”

You fell into sync then, letting the awkward silence melt away as you joked about Wonwoo’s interns. He wasn’t meant to teach college students, god help them. But as your plates became empty and a server came around to take them, you two were left with only the mugs in your hands, strangely reminiscent of that apology coffee he bought for you so long ago.

Wonwoo sighed. “Hey, so about last night – or I guess, this morning …”

“Thank you for taking care of me,” you interjected, setting your coffee down. “I have a hangover, but I am thriving.”

He blinked. “Well, that’s good. But I was referring to –”

You almost couldn’t look at him when you said, “The fact that we’re definitely not just friends anymore?”

He chuckled. “Yeah, that part.”

“I …” You licked your lips as you gathered yourself. There was this … terrifying flutter in your chest. You’d never felt something like this before, but you weren’t keen on letting it go. Not yet. “I would like to see you again. Like that. Definitely not during work hours. If you catch my drift. This is awkward.”

Wonwoo had to turn his head so you wouldn’t see him trying to hold in his laughter, but it was clear as day. You sighed loud and hit his arm, making him look at you once again as he snickered to himself. “You know, you could just ask me if I want to hang out.”

You leveled a look at him and huffed. “Okay, Wonwoo, do you –”

“Yes,” he beamed. “Always, yes.”

You found yourself at Wonwoo’s side more often than not. What used to be work get togethers transitioned to meeting up at a bar, or checking a new restaurant on the weekends. Sometimes he’d ask you to come over so you could taste test a new recipe he found. (Unfortunately for both of you, Wonwoo wasn’t very good at cooking, but he was getting better. Somewhat.) Those recipe nights, however, always led to him lifting you up on his creaky kitchen counter and kissing you so hard that you almost forgot to breathe. Until Mingyu came into the kitchen, making a gagging sound, and you two instantly detached from each other.

Friday nights were known as Mingyu’s Movie Nights, and Wonwoo began inviting you to those. He had said that this would help knock a few movies off your Letterboxd Watchlist, but you knew that was just an excuse for wanting to see you. You probably saw him more than anyone now, but you couldn’t deny that you … wanted to see him too. Having him in your life made everything suddenly better. He was kind and smart and thoughtful. He made you laugh in ways you couldn’t explain, and obviously … he didn’t have to do much to make you want him. He’d simply have to look at you and you’d get on his lap. If Mingyu wasn’t there, of course.

Wonwoo seemed to blossomed with you. He was more excited to leave his apartment, more eager to become a better cook. He spoke up often, whether it be at work or out with you, rather than letting someone talk. He wanted to learn all the things that you liked, wanted to touch you exactly where you needed it, wanted to find new ways to leave you breathless. Because it was for you.

Even Mingyu noticed a difference in his friend. He’d known Wonwoo for so many years now, but he’d never made this much of a change for anyone. One night, when you and Mingyu were alone in the kitchen, he mentioned, “He’s different around you.” And then kept pouring wine in three glasses while Wonwoo picked a movie from the living room.

There were also times where Wonwoo was a booty call, of course, and neither of you had any problems with that. Some nights, Wonwoo would call you after Mingyu went to bed, begging you to come over, but ended up settling for phone sex. His attraction to you in stockings only went up, and it was difficult for him to contain his arousal at work when you strutted around just knowing how it affected him. There was days where all he wanted to do was pull you into a janitor closet and fuck the living daylights out of you. But it wasn’t like you’d let him anyway.

You had your fair share of desperate moments too. Especially tonight, as you were out drinking with your friends at a local spot you’d been coming to for years. The live band was loud and you’d had your fair share of shitty margaritas already. One of your friends was tugging on the arm of some rando she met on the dance floor, yelling over the music that she was leaving and she’d text you when she was home safe. That left you shit out of luck for a ride home, and suddenly very lonely. The last thing you wanted was to drink alone at a shitty bar on a Saturday night.

Wandering outside, your heeled boots crunched in the snow as you looked for the nearest Uber. The fastest one around would take over 20 minutes to get to you, and as you looked around the empty city streets … wait, didn’t Wonwoo live around here? Maybe all the tequila was just getting to you. But you called him anyway, and despite the time reaching 1 AM, he answered instantly. He heard the slight lisp in your voice, and once he got out of you exactly where you were, he realized you were right. It only took him about 10 minutes to get to where you were, parking on the side of the road. 

He sighed at the sight of you sitting on the curb, shivering and hugging your jacket around you. Various drunk people filtered in and out of the bar, but none of them checked on you – a freezing girl just sitting on the side of the road. “Why didn’t you wait inside for me?” He asked, his breath hot against your cheek when he pulled you up in his arms. Your dress rode up a little, and his hands were quick to yank it back down. “It’s the middle of winter.”

“I jusssst thought … the cold air would sssssober me up,” you slurred, letting him place you in his passenger seat before running back over to the driver’s side. His car was warm, making you bury yourself in your jacket, but his hand on your thigh was even warmer somehow. If your fingers weren’t so cold, you’d wrap your hand around his wrist, inching his palm up higher as he drove.

Once he was parked, he wasted no time getting you out and helping you up the stairs to his apartment. Mingyu was passed out on the couch, an old movie from the 80s playing on the TV, but you could hardly register it because your brain was spinning and Wonwoo was practically dragging you to his bedroom. He was grateful that all the lights were off so you couldn’t see how messy it was, but honestly, it was a miracle if you could see anything clearly right now.

He sat you down on the bed and you looked up at him with bleary eyes, which made you so fucking hard to resist. All the tequila you drank was pumping through your bloodstream, and you couldn’t help but fist your hands in his t-shirt and try to kiss him. He evaded your lips though – no matter how much he wanted to – and you whined, “Whyyyyyy won’t you kiss me?”

“Shhh …” He whispered, yanking off your boots. “Inside voice. Mingyu’s sleeping.”

You smacked your hands against his mattress. “He’s sleeping in the living room!”

Wonwoo got back to his feet, gesturing as he instructed, “Arms up.” You were too intoxicated to do anything but oblige, lifting your arms as he struggled to pull your dress over your head. Once it was off and thrown to the side with your boots, your hazy vision caught him looking through his drawers for clothes for you to wear. But didn’t he just take your clothes off? You could’ve sworn he did that because he wanted you too right now.

You protested when he tried putting you in one of his simple white tees, but your body felt too limp to fight. He slipped the shirt over your head before pulling back his comforter and wrapping you in it. With your eyes half open, you watched him come to the other side of the bed, yanking his pants down and crawling in bed beside you. He reached over you and set his glasses on the side table. You sighed dramatically. Now he was just torturing you. Wonwoo simply chuckled to himself, realizing what you were angry about.

His arms instantly wound around you, his lips pulled into a smile at your hairline. You looked up at him with a scowl and your voice slurred, “Whysss your eyes closed?”

Wonwoo snickered under his breath. “Because it’s late and I’m tired.” His hand on your lower back traced circles, attempting to coax you to sleep.

“I thought you wanted meeeee,” you complained. Your hand reached in between you two, smoothing your palm against his groin as he slowly started to harden under your touch. You heard his breath hitch slightly, so you kept going, a soft ache beginning between your own legs at just the thought of putting him in your mouth. 

“Sweetheart, I always want you.” He then grabbed your wrist, moving your hand away from him, and then lacing your fingers together. Pressing a kiss to the side of your forehead, he sighed sleepily, “But you’re much sexier when you’re sober.”

You started to realize why you didn’t usually do this, why it had been so long since you let someone see every part of you. What you looked like completely stripped down – both inside and out – completely vulnerable for your person. How your face contorted during pleasure, and how it relaxed when you were taken care of.

Catching feelings like this meant giving up control.

You didn’t work on the weekends unless you had to, and when the Boss sent you a high priority email on Saturday morning, you didn’t hesitate. He had transferred over a bunch of sensitive files that were needed for a board presentation first thing Monday morning. But of course, something just had to go wrong: the files were corrupted and you had no way of figuring out what to do. And it wasn’t like your boss was on call like you were on a Saturday.

This was how you ended up at Wonwoo’s apartment.

You had called him in a panic, explaining what had went wrong, but he didn’t seem too fazed. He was used to your tech emergencies by now. But by the time you got to his apartment, out of breath after running from the train station, he had realized just how serious you were taking this. You both sat down on his couch and you let him work his magic. His fingers moved across the keys as if he were a musician, and you couldn’t stop biting your nail nervously.

Mingyu came back to the apartment after grocery shopping, waving at you before putting all the food away. Seeing as you were here, maybe they could all go out and have fun tonight. He went into the living room, ready to mention a band that was playing at a local venue later, but upon seeing the stressed look on both your faces, he exhaled. “It’s a Saturday,” he stated matter-of-factly. “Why do you two look like that?”

“Corrupted documents,” Wonwoo answered quickly, not even looking up from the monitor. 

“I don’t even want to know more,” he said, grabbing his leather jacket from the coat rack and tugging his arms through the sleeves. “Just your faces are making me anxious. I’m heading out. Don’t wait up.”

You gave Mingyu a wave as he left, but Wonwoo was too focused to even say goodbye. It took about another hour and one cup of coffee, but Wonwoo eventually figured out how to uncorrupt the files. You let out a sigh of relief as he handed the laptop back to you and you were able to open each of them without issue. Thank god, you had managed to figure this out before Monday morning. And … having Wonwoo wasn’t too bad either.

“Thank you,” you beamed, not being able to resist pinching his cheek. “My hero.”

Silence engulfed the room as you both noticed how the sky was already getting dark. You cleared your throat, slipping your laptop back into your bag and muttering, “Thanks again. I know I kind of barged in and wasted your Saturday afternoon –”

Like the saint he was, Wonwoo simply smiled at you. “No time with you is a waste.”

Whatever words you were about to say clogged in your throat. You swallowed hard, attempting to hide your fluster, but you ended up choking out, “I … should go.”

“You don’t have to.” He stood from the couch, walking over to you and running his hands down your arms. His brow lifted. “Do you want to?”

You let the strap of your bag fall to the floor as your hands cupped his neck. “No, not particularly.”

Wonwoo chuckled, leaning in and letting his lips just lightly graze yours. “We have the place to ourselves,” he hummed, slowly dragging you backwards with him. “Mingyu’s gone … probably won’t be back until midnight.”

You bit your lip to suppress a giggle, letting him lead you to his room, as limp as a rag doll. Once he shut his bedroom door behind you, he flicked the light on. You pressed your back against the door and your eyes roamed around the space. This was the first time you saw his bedroom with the light on; every other time had been pitch black. You liked that his walls weren’t bare – they were filled with posters of his favorite musicians or photographs. On his desk was a large monitor and a gaming set up, but also a camera with stacks of film next to it. His furniture was old – probably from the 90s, probably passed down from his family – but the scratches within the wood told a story. And unlike most men, his sheets were gray.

Wonwoo realized you were scanning his room, and he became acutely aware of the clothes scattered amongst his floor. He muttered something to himself, beginning to pick up the clothes piles and chuck them into his hamper. “Sorry,” he murmured. “I wish I inherited the organized gene like Mingyu.”

You tilted your head, striding over and pulling him up, making him halt his actions. Your hands went to his face as you brought him closer. With a smile, you whispered, “I don’t want to talk about Mingyu,” before pressing your lips to his.

The kiss became deep far too quickly, or maybe time was passing faster than usual. Your lips crashed so hard against his that they’d bruise. He took off his glasses, setting them on his drawer, before his fingers hooked into the belt loops of your jeans. You stepped forward, making him step back, then another, and another – until you had him falling back on his bed. You straddled him, arching your back so you could lick into his mouth just how he liked. Hands sliding up his shirt, you felt his abdomen flex underneath you. His fingers in your belt loops jerked you closer, pressing your hips to his, and it wasn’t long before he was moaning into the kiss.

You smiled against his mouth, dragging your lips down his neck, and then even further, as you slinked down his body. Your eyes were trained on his, and he was trying his best not to look like a complete idiot in front of you. But it was difficult when you were looking at him with those eyes and – oh, now you were pulling down the waistband of his sweatpants, practically salivating when you noticed how hard he was already.

But … this was what you guys always did. Not that he had an issue with you giving him blow jobs, but none of this felt particularly intimate. You never really let him worship you; you took control of the entire situation. As if you were bringing your professional stubbornness to the bedroom.

“Wait,” he choked out as you palmed his growing bulge. “Can we … can we try something different?”

Your brows furrowed and you continued pressing sloppy kisses above his groin. “Why would we do that?”

Wonwoo let out a frustrated sound, and before you could prepare yourself, he was yanking his pants back up and pinning you underneath him. You blinked up at him in surprise, and he was gripping your wrists above your head now, his bodyweight pressing you into the mattress. He almost looked shocked that he had the strength to push you back, but his blown-out pupils gave away his true desire.

“What was that for?” You asked incredulously. Nerves clouded your thoughts, making you stutter. “I thought … I thought you liked …”

“No, trust me, I do,” he assured you, and then tipped his head as he gazed down at you. “I just … why won’t you let me take care of you?”

You scoffed then, trying to cover up how petrifying this conversation was becoming. Were you that transparent now, or did he simply know you far too well for your own good?

“I have no idea what you’re –”

Wonwoo gave you one of his infamous leveled looks, and you sighed. “You’re in constant need of seeking control when it’s always at your fingertips. It’s okay to let it go; it won’t slip away.” He let go of your wrists then, but kept his body hovering over yours, holding himself up by his elbows resting near your head. “Please, just … surrender it for once. Let me take the lead.”

You glanced down at your hands on your chest, twiddling your thumbs. Eventually, you murmured, “It’s hard. I’ve never done that before.”

“Can we try? I like …” He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, then let his head fall as he chuckled to himself. “This is so awkward. I just – I like prioritizing your pleasure. It feels much better for me and I think it will for you too. And if you don’t like it –”

“I’m not good with change,” you blurted.

“I know,” he whispered, his voice taking on that husky tone that made warmth pool in your stomach. His eyes flickered to your lips now, noticing how swollen they still were. “I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. It was just a suggestion, and I probably ruined the mood.”

You shook your head immediately, allowing your fingers to tenderly sweep over his shirt. “No, I …” A voice in the back of your head told you this was a good thing, and you did want this, but the fear of change was overwhelming. You wanted to step out of your comfort zone, desperately, for once. You were allowed to do this; you were allowed to be happy. 

Your gaze met his again. “I want to try.”

His eyes softened with affection, but then he asked, “You’re not just agreeing for my sake, right?”

“Now when have I ever done that?” You laughed, making him smile along with you. 

But as soon as his mouth met yours, that awkward, giggling persona seemed to melt away. Jeon Wonwoo morphed into an entirely different person, someone that possessed your jaw in his large hand, pulling at your bottom lip before kissing you harder. It was enough to leave you gasping for air once he pulled away, spit connecting you two, and he continued to suck and nip his way down your throat. He made sure to leave marks in places that could be covered up for work, but he’d know exactly where they were. God, would he even be able to control himself at his desk, knowing where his bites were hiding under your clothes? 

Tugging your sweater over your head, he practically whined at the sight of your breasts, constricted in the bra that you told him was too old once, but you kept wearing it anyway because he said it was cute. He lifted you for a moment, expertly removing it with one hand, before licking the valley between your breasts. You arched into him, sighing into your arm when he swirled his tongue around your taut nipple. He glanced up and realized you were hiding your face, so he pushed your hand off. “I want you to look at me while I do this,” he cooed, but it sounded more like a demand.

Despite the embarrassment, you did as he asked, feeling completely bewitched as you watched him cup the swell of your breast, tugging on your nipple. This felt like a goddamn Pornhub video. You two have had sex before, yes, but not like this. Never like this. Wonwoo had always let you do what you were comfortable with, keeping his other side at bay while you rode him hard on the couch. But this … this felt like something else entirely. The way he was lavishing both your nipples, coating them with his spit, demanding you to watch … Expletives filtered softly from your mouth, wetness gathering between your thighs. It suddenly felt too hot and your jeans were still on.

Wonwoo was taking his time with you though, and it was very clear to you that this wouldn’t just be one of those nights where you had sex for 10 minutes before ordering pizza. When he lifted his mouth from your left nipple, he asked calmly, “Do you like this or do you want more?”

You sneered, “Well, of course, I like –”

His hand came up instantly to pinch your other nipple, and you couldn’t stop the whimper that came out of your mouth. “No teasing,” he said, lowering his head to flick that nipple with his tongue. “Just answer me.”

“More,” you choked out, your hips arching off the bed, seeking friction. “Please, more.”

He chuckled, pressing a kiss between your breasts once again, before lowering himself down your body. His eyes never left yours as he dragged his lips down your stomach. Eventually, he had to stand from the bed so he could finally unzip your pants, tugging when they got stuck around your ankles. When the cold air hit between your legs, you realized how soaked you were already. Wonwoo smirked to himself, slowly rolling your panties down your legs.

“Don’t let it get to your head,” you joked, kicking your panties off into a pile by his bed. 

He lifted your ankle, nipping playfully, and replied, “Told you that you’d like me taking the lead.”

You rolled your eyes as he settled between your thighs, bending your knees back so your feet rested beside his head. You bit your lip as he placed sloppy kisses on your inner thigh, biting hard enough to make a bruise. Wonwoo fought hard to maintain a sense of composure, but god, the sight of your pretty pussy oozing slick made him wonder if he could cum untouched. You had let him finger you before, but had never been in the mood for this. And this was something Wonwoo had been fantasizing about since the day he noticed that tear in your stockings. He could jump for joy if that didn’t make him look like an absolute fucking loser.

He pushed your folds apart with two fingers, running a hand down his face as he attempted to school his expression. It was just so fucking hard to act cool when you were this aroused. Your teeth sunk into your bottom lip. You reached out and brushed his hair back from his forehead, deciding to quip, “Wonwoo, can you even find the clit without your glasses on –”

Without warning, he spit on your pussy and buried his face between your thighs. The words died on your tongue immediately, and you let out the loudest whine he’d ever heard in his life. He smiled, but that didn’t deter him from circling his tongue around your clit. He wound one of his arms around your thigh, holding you in place as he pressed his face further.

Wrapping his lips around your clit, he sucked and drew out the prettiest sounds from you, using his free hand to slip two fingers inside you. You tasted exactly like he dreamed about, sweet and tangy and so unmistakably you. He looked up at you from between your legs, curling his fingers in the spot that made tears prick at your eyes, and when your gaze found his, it was like something in him snapped. “Fuck,” he muttered, his voice muffled, feasting at you like he’d been starved for days. 

Your fingers were in his hair now, pressing his head more into you, which only made this more enjoyable for him. He nearly came in his pants when your hips began to buck against his face, but this was about you. And him experiencing you cumming on his face. But mostly you. His fingers pumped faster inside you and his tongue was now flicking your clit, allowing more of your arousal to invade his mouth. He’d never get tired of this taste; he was obsessed. Now that he finally got a taste of you … he never wanted to not be doing this. Never wanted his face too far from the apex of your legs. Not when you had the sweetest taste that could move heaven and earth between these thighs.

And when you finally came on his tongue, he noticed that your legs shook like an earthquake. Your essence flooded his mouth, and he moaned – god, did he moan – lapping at you, never missing a drop of what you gave him. His fingers kept curling inside of you, making your orgasm feel like forever. When he finally removed them with a wet pop, he didn’t miss the opportunity to have more of you, wrapping his mouth around those two fingers and licking off the last of your release. You watched him, completely mesmerized by the way he savored you, even darting his tongue out to capture the whatever seeped out of you. Your hips jolted, suddenly so sensitive, and he grinned up at you.

You hardly caught your breath before he crawling up your body, kissing you hard and letting you taste yourself on his tongue. Your hands fisted in his t-shirt, and when you ripped your lips away from his, you arched a brow. “You are still fully clothed,” you reminded, and then swiped at the spit lining his bottom lip.

Wonwoo simply smiled, ghosting his lips over yours before trailing them to your ear. “I’m getting to that part. Patience,” he whispered, nibbling on your earlobe. “You must really want me inside you.”

“I want to not be the only one naked.”

“Say it,” he prodded in a weirdly casual tone.

“What?”

“Say you want me inside you.”

“This is ridiculous –”

He lifted his head from your jawline. “I can easily leave this room and order a pizza,” he teased, and you blinked at him. He was actually being serious. He would completely ignore what looked like a throbbing erection in his pants, just to make a point. You knew he wasn’t trying to be mean; he wanted to get you out of your comfort zone. This was so stupid, because you did want him inside you. Embarrassingly so. He had just given you one of the best orgasms of your life, but you still had this … aching need to be filled. Your cheeks heated just at the thought of it.

“I …” Your eyes closed for a moment, trying not to make your whole face turn bright red. With a sigh, your eyes connected again, and you answered, “I want you inside me, Wonwoo.”

He rewarded you with a kiss, pulling away before it could get too heated again, and stood from the bed. “Well, when you ask nicely …” He smiled, that dominating demeanor slipping for a moment as he pulled his shirt off. You’d never get tired of the way Wonwoo looked without a shirt. He didn’t let anyone see it very often – he wasn’t like his roommate – but the moments he did, you felt eternally grateful. His torso was toned, with defined abs and pecks that made your mind boggle. You liked that his arms were long and muscled; his hands large and slightly calloused. 

You liked everything about him.

When he finally went to kick off his sweatpants, he noticed a large precum stain on the gray fabric from just eating you out. Which was probably the biggest jab to his calm and collected attitude right now, but he didn’t let it slip. He simply threw the sweatpants to the side, coming up close to the bed again, where your legs were now hanging off the edge. You gazed up at him as if he held the world in his palms, watching the way he reached into his boxers and pulled out his cock. Your eyes widened at the sight, never used to the size. He was slightly thicker than average, but long. Longer than you ever expected. With a pretty pink head leaking sticky precum.

It was killing you how long he was taking. Your legs shifted, ready to make a move to yank him underneath you, but he was faster than you. He pinned your wrists about your head with one hand this time, using his other to keep a firm grip on his cock. “You want to be in control that badly, huh?” He asked, tilting his head.

His hand was moving up and down his shaft now, letting precum dribble on your stomach. Your eyes flickered from his cock back to his eyes. “I just … I need you, Wonwoo,” you begged, your voice taking on a new tone. And somehow … wanting him so bad like this was ten times more arousing than riding him on the couch. “Please, please, Wonwoo. Please, fuck me.”

Your pleas had him falling apart, and he sighed, letting go of your wrists to discard his boxers too. His cock flopped against his stomach, hard and aching and – fuck, had he always been veiny? He got on top of you again, cooing against your lips, “I know, baby, I know.” His rubbed the underside of his length against your wet folds, moaning at the slightest bit of friction. “I’ll fuck you real good. I promise.”

Pressing the head of his cock at your entrance, his breath hitched at just the feeling of your arousal coating his shaft. You both had never taken your time with sex. But he was doing that tonight now that he was in control, letting himself slowly push inside you, feel you completely stretch open for him. You mewled, slinking your arms around his neck and carding your fingers at the nape. And when he finally buried himself to the hilt, his lips fell open and he groaned. You felt so good he could cum right now, but he needed to get a grip. The last thing he needed was to cum too fast.

Not that you would like him any less if he did.

“Wonwoo,” you cried, your hips arching up to meet his. “Please.”

Your voice snapped him out of whatever trance-like state he was in. He settled more on top of you, resting his elbows on both sides of your head, and pulled all the way out so only the tip remained. You whined at the emptiness, which soon changed to a gasp when he bullied his cock back in. Your fingers tugged at his hair; your legs crossed around his waist, drawing him deeper inside. “Fuck,” he muttered, still feeling how tight you were, how you molded yourself for him. “So fucking … god, so wet.”

His restraint could only last so long. He’d gotten his fill of feeling you adjust around him. He couldn’t take this anymore, or he was going to cum before you both had even started. With a deep breath, he set a brutal pace inside of you, his hips snapping forward. Tears rolled down your cheeks; how could something feel so good that you cried? Wonwoo seemed to be thinking the same thing, because he was burying his face in the crook of your neck and groaning, “God, so good … you feel so good … how can anyone feel this good?”

The only word you could choke out was, “Ditto,” which you’d regret for hours after this. But now was not the time.

He was fucking into you so hard that you were already sore, but you were holding onto him for dear life, clinging to him as that warmth burned in your gut. The way his cock curved and grazed your g-spot perfectly, making you tremble and whimper his name like a prayer. He placed a hand on your stomach, feeling how deep his cock nestled inside you, and you noticed him shiver in your arms. He was trying desperately to fight off his release. That coil in your gut began to tighten, and from the way Wonwoo was breathing, you knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. He wanted you to cum first though – like always – wanted to feel you clamp around him, squeeze him so tight that he saw white. 

So he did what he did best: reached in between your bodies, finding your swollen, sensitive clit so easily, and rubbed slow circles. He lifted his head from your neck, wanting to see that familiar look in your eyes when you saw stars. “Are you gonna cum for me?” His voice was so deep that it reverberated against your chest.

And finally, as he pressed his thumb down hard and pushed into you just right, you felt your orgasm crest. “Fuck, Wonwoo,” you sobbed, body shaking as you came undone. 

But Wonwoo wasn’t stopping. He kept fucking into you, making your eyes roll to the back of your head. And when your walls squeezed him so tight, he buried himself completely and came hard, a generous amount of fucks leaving his lips. His cheek pressed against yours; his groans muffled by the comforter. You held him close as he filled you to the brink with his release, and it almost felt like hours before he realized he finished. 

You exhaled together, allowing your heart rates to settle. He turned his head slightly, pressing a kiss to your cheek, and then to your nose, and now he was kissing all over your face. Your cheeks instantly tinged pink, but you let him do as he pleased. He didn’t even make a move off you, letting his cock soften inside your warmth. When your eyes opened, he was staring down at you like you were the sun. You searched his eyes, “What?”

His dark gaze flickered to your lips for a moment, and then he asked, “Did you really say, ‘Ditto,’ during sex?”

You and Wonwoo had gotten into a routine. Of course, you saw him 5 days out of the week at work, but you wanted more of him. You figured out Mingyu’s schedule, coming over most nights when he wasn’t home – besides Mingyu’s Movie Nights. You would let Wonwoo cook for you, and he promised he was getting better, before he led you to his room with kisses to your neck and a firm grip on your hand. 

He always went with whatever you were comfortable with, but you found yourself letting him take the lead more often than not. You liked letting him prioritize you; you liked being selfish with him. Giving up control felt … much better than anticipated. Everything about this felt too good to be true. But you couldn’t help yourself, and you didn’t want to spoil it by asking him the dreaded, “What are we?” For now, you’d exist in your safe little bubble, where he would smile at you at work and then fuck your brains out after hours. It felt perfect, simple.

You approached sex through a different lens now. Instead of simply riding him on that godforsaken old couch, you let him go at his own pace: placing you on his lap, having his way with you and making you cum at least 3 times before he sunk you down on his cock, bouncing you up and down as you clung to him, practically letting him use you as a flesh light. Even when he let you sit on his face, it was on his terms: his hands gripping your hips hard enough to leave a mark, trying to suffocate himself with your pussy, not allowing you to cum until he said so, no matter how much you needed to. But it felt too good to stop. You didn’t want this to stop. You liked the lack of control, liked the way he took care of you. The way he bent your knees back as he slid into you, keeping eye contact, so you’d feel him that much deeper … the way he could feast on you for hours, never getting enough of your taste … there was something about it that made you feel more than beautiful. 

Especially when he looked at you as if you were his world.

Especially when he fucked into you and you realized you might be in love with him.

You tended to get lost in thought while laying in bed on an early morning. The birds chirped outside, your phone chimed along with each new notification. Curling underneath your comforter, you held your pounding head, reminiscing on last Sunday. You had gone over Wonwoo’s apartment and he had surprised you with a spaghetti dinner. Mingyu promised that it was “more edible than usual” before he left you two alone in the apartment.

You had noticed the shine in Wonwoo’s eyes, how excited he was to do this for you. He had never bothered to learn anything for anyone, but all he wanted to do was please you. To make you happy. And you could see that in the way he gazed at you, making your stomach do flip flops. Letting him have all this control over you, letting him see past the fortress you’d kept up for who knows how long … it was scary and exhilarating all at the same time.

He taught you how to play his favorite video game after dinner, placing you in between his legs on the couch and letting you lean back against his broad chest. His arms cocooned around you, nestling your body in his embrace. Sometimes he would nibble on your ear as you fought to maintain hand-eye coordination with the controller. Eventually, you had given up and asked to watch him, but that led to his hand dropping the controller as the enemy killed him off. And then his fingers were slowly slipping down the waistband of your leggings, rubbing your slit over your panties. You had arched into him, your ass pressing against his hardening erection as he pulled your panties to the side, already finding you wet and ready for his touch. He chuckled in your ear, “How long have you been thinking about this?” His index finger rubbed tight circles on your clit, and all that you could formulate for a response was a moan as he –

You cut yourself off from the memory before it could end you.

Your stomach churned. Despite your better judgement, you had completely fallen head-over-heels for senior IT specialist, Jeon Wonwoo, and that was terrifying. He had seen your personality unfold, seen the most vulnerable parts of you. But nothing was more scary than admitting to yourself how much you liked him, maybe even loved. You were frantic to the point of exhaustion, so stressed that you felt sick. Soon you were shivering, your head pounding as a fever came on, and you stayed home from work for a few days. Your phone notifications be damned – you stayed in your bedroom with the blinds closed, sleeping the days away.

Every so often, you would hear your phone chime. Your phone screen would light up with another text message. But … you couldn’t bring yourself to answer him. This behavior was illogical and stupid; you just simply couldn’t help yourself. You were an avoidant. The only thing you knew how to do was slowly push him away before he saw all the layers underneath your carefully crafted facade.

What if he finally saw how anxious you were all the time?

What if he knew how you secretly craved to be loved your entire life, but you looked for it elsewhere, in places like workplace praise or crowded bars where you couldn’t see another person’s face?

What if he knew you weren’t as organized up in your head as you were at your desk?

Or worse … what if he didn’t like you back?

TUESDAY, APRIL 22

Wonwoo: What’s going on?

Wonwoo: I managed to find out that you’re sick. I can make you soup, if you want? I know my cooking is terrible. But what if this time it’s good and it cures you?

Wonwoo: If I threaten to message you on Slack, will that make you reply?

Wonwoo: I promise I won’t. Unless … lol

Wonwoo: You’re not dead, right?

Wonwoo: Please, answer me.

FRIDAY, APRIL 25

UNKNOWN: hey, it’s Mingyu. I found your number in Wonwoo’s phone. he’s really messed up right now and worrying about you.

UNKNOWN: idk what’s going on between you two, but I don’t like seeing him like this.

UNKNOWN: just … call him. or text him. or something.

Jeon Wonwoo [10:13 AM]: Did your computer die and you need a new charger?

Jeon Wonwoo [3:21 PM]: I miss you.

When you finally returned to work, it’s on a day that your cubicle mate had decided to work from home. You couldn’t decide if that was a blessing or curse until the next day, when you wished that he decided to work from home forever. It was on a Tuesday morning that you finally faced him again, locking eyes with him from across the boardroom table in an all-hands meeting. You weren’t sure what to say, weren’t sure what you could say, but … he didn’t speak to you any way. In fact, even when you both got back to your desks, he kept quiet, throwing on his headphones and focusing on whatever task was at hand. His attitude change wasn’t exactly surprising, but you couldn’t bring yourself to speak to him either.

All your other coworkers looked bewildered. The silence between you two made just about everyone feel awkward. They all saw how close you and Wonwoo had become, and now everything just felt … flat. Silent. Empty. It was like you two were strangers. Maybe you had never really known each other in the first place, if you could both discard each other so easily. 

But that just seemed too good to be true. You thought about him everyday, despite yourself, and he had to think of you too. You caught his eyes on you every once in a while, and you couldn’t help but yearn for him in silence. It was probably time for you to take charge again and make the first move, but you found yourself hesitating. Again. You were overwhelmed with thoughts of rejection. 

This was why you never gave up control with someone before. It left you suddenly so, so doubtful.

You [1:34 PM]: I can’t get into my Outlook. I think I’ve locked myself out 

Jeon Wonwoo is now offline.

You [1:36 PM]: I miss you too

It was a busy Sunday, the first notes of Spring evident in the air. You needed to go to the post office today, the supermarket, probably check in on your parents … but that was all discarded when you made the sudden decision to take a taxi to Wonwoo’s apartment. Your hands were shaking more than his when he first touched you. Your leg was bouncing with anxiety, and when the taxi finally pulled up to his building, you considered never getting out. 

But you couldn’t continue being a coward. Besides, this driver had places to be, with the way he was arguing for you to pay in cash.

You were lucky enough to slide in through the building’s entrance while someone was walking out. The less you had to embarrass yourself by calling Mingyu to let you in, the better. The walk up those two flights of stairs was long and tiring, and it wasn’t because you always hated them. You physically couldn’t make yourself go faster, too frightened of what he was going to say when he saw you. Maybe he wouldn’t say anything; maybe he’d slam the door in your face. And you couldn’t blame him, because now you were at his door and – oh, god, you wanted to hurl.

The door was opening before you could even catch your breath. When you caught that first glimpse of Mingyu, you realized how much of a mistake this was. You could always turn back, run down the stairs before anyone could say a word.

But as soon as you both locked eyes, Mingyu raised his brow, but not in a mocking sense. It was as if … he expected you to be here. He sighed, leaning against the door, and without looking back, he called out, “Wonwoo! You got a visitor.”

Your eyes went wide, and then Mingyu was pushing past you, leaving the door open and muttering, “Good luck.” He was rushing down the stairs two at a time before you could even say a word back. But then you were seeing him, and you wondered if it had always been this hard to breathe around him.

Your fingers played absentmindedly as you both stared at each other. His glasses were slipping down his nose, but he made no move to fix them. His own hand was too busy dropping the controller that had been in his grip, now clattering to the floor. His hair was messed up and he was wearing his favorite comfy sweatsuit, and you … you were put together, as always. Your hair unwashed, but pulled up in a ponytail, and wearing that cardigan he liked so much on you. If he wasn’t so hurt, just the sight of you would have him on his knees right now, begging to have you.

He had to turn around and walk away. If he didn’t right now, he’d just –

“Wait,” you said, walking in and closing the door when he spun away. “Please, don’t. I –”

“What could you possibly say?” He snapped, facing you once again. You had never heard his voice at this octave before, never seen so much distress on his face. “I thought we knew each other well enough that you wouldn’t cut me off out of nowhere. As if I’m just some guy you met at a bar last weekend.”

Your mouth opened, and then closed. 

“Do you … do you even understand how worried I was about you?” He ran a hand through his hair, voice cracking for the first time in forever. You took a step closer to him. “You weren’t answering me and I just … my head went to the worst. I thought Mingyu was gonna kill me the next time I mentioned your name. And then, to see you at work and realizing that you were actually just ghosting me was a fucking punch to the gut. I didn’t get it. I still don’t get it. But I’m so pissed at you for hurting my feelings that I’m not even sure if I wanna know.”

“Wonwoo –” You started.

“Please, don’t say my name like that,” he sighed and pinched his nose. “I realize that you came all this way to finally break the news to me, but I’m good. It’s very obvious to me now that you don’t like me as much as I like you, and to save us the pity party, let me get you home –” He reached for his wallet to grab some cash for your next taxi.

But you interrupted before he could finish.

“I love you.”

He paused, looking up and making sure he heard you right. “What?”

“I’m in love with you,” you said it again, and it felt so freeing to have this weight lifted off your shoulders. You moved closer, now standing a foot away, but refusing to touch him for your own good. “And I’m not just telling you that as an excuse. Ignoring you was cruel and I can never forgive myself for hurting you. I just … when I realized how deep my feelings for you were …” Your throat closed up, as if your body was acting on instinct, preventing you from being vulnerable with him.

Wonwoo closed the distance. “Hey,” he whispered, tucking a hair behind your ear. “I’m right here with you.”

His voice was so reassuring – as always – opening you up like a blooming flower. And suddenly, your mouth didn’t feel so dry anymore and your nails stopped making crescent-shaped indents in your palm.

“I got scared,” you confessed, your gaze locked on his. “And I ran away, because that was the easiest thing to do. I thought ignoring you would be best for both of us, and I stubbornly didn’t want to hear your opinion on any of this. What I did was wrong and I … I hate myself when I do stuff like this to people I care about.”

Tears pricked at the corner of your eyes, but he wiped them with his thumb before they could fall. You sniffled, noticing the hurt in his eyes had faded, replaced only by adoration. Your lips pursed as you searched his gaze.

“I’ve just … never allowed anyone to open me up like this. I’ve never given my feelings to someone and let them care for me.” You blinked, your eyes rimmed red. “I’ve hardly been able to comprehend my own feelings because I’ve been scared shitless of them in the first place. But I can’t … I can’t justify pushing you away anymore. Because I love you. I don’t like being alone anymore and all I ever want to do is see you. Sometimes I’m afraid if I stop holding you, you’ll disappear. You do so much for me; you literally fix something on my computer everyday. I think if I let you go right now, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, and I –”

Wonwoo cut you off by pressing his lips to yours. You couldn’t remember the last time he kissed you like this: so gently with his palm cupping your jaw. You felt yourself relax when he slipped an arm around your waist, pulling you flush against him. His tongue licked into your mouth, sighing with relief when the familiar taste of you entered his orbit again. The taste of coffee and peppermint gum and the peanut butter and jelly you definitely had for lunch today. It was everything he loved about you, and he smiled into the kiss.

When he finally pulled away, he said, “Sorry, I interrupted your monologue.”

“It’s okay. Someone needed to before I got into the Hamlet soliloquy I prepared.”

He chuckled, grinning from ear to ear, and just that had a blush creeping to your cheeks. “I forgive you,” he whispered, leaning back in to ghost his lips all over your face. Your warm breath fanned his mouth. “Just don’t do that again. I know I don’t show it very often, but I’m secretly very …” He smiled softer this time, pecking just slightly on the corner of your mouth. “Sensitive.”

Your fingers hooked into the waistband of his sweatpants, wanting him all the more closer. “I know. I promise.” You brushed your nose over his. “If I ever ignore you for even a couple hours, you have full permission to annoy me on Slack.”

Wonwoo had to cover his mouth from letting out the loudest laugh possible, but it made you feel all the better to see him happy. You could spend forever seeing him this happy. You got up on your tiptoes just to stare at him more, to press yourself closer and feel his grin against your cheek.

But he was holding your face now, sighing down at you with a smile that almost made you swoon. “For the record,” he replied, “I love you too.” 

[lilimalia]

LET ME SEE YA MOVE ! // windbreaker

SYNOPSIS... windbreaker boys and courtyard sparring with their crush who combats their unique martial art styles in (im)perfect synergy ! But maybe… that synergy means more?

CHARACTERS... suo hayato, sakura haruka, kiryu mitsuki, sugishita kyotaro, togame jo, kaji ren, umemiya hajime

DISCLAIMERS... cursing, this is anime only based, i haven't gotten to the manga yet so the interpretations of their fighting styles are based on my own novice observations!

BARISTA'S INTEL... absolutely obsessed over this anime i finished the whole season in one go, i loved being able to study the different styles of each character so most of these are based on what I think they trained themselves into! bit of a martial arts nerd myself...

CAFE TUNE... Zettai Reido // natori

SAKURA HARUKA (taekwondo+karate reader)

"HEY! Your fights in front of you so start looking with your head! Stop ignoring me!" Sakura’s booming voice yell, throwing hooks left and right that spin past your ears as you duck in an attempt to leg sweep him.

Your eyes are focused on the way he’s two little mismatched hair strands bounce as he’s sporadically jumping. If you could pause him midair, you’d swear you’d see them form some sort of heart shape… But wait- maybe that’s just you? Before your thinking gets ahead of you, your tuning back into the angry ball of black and white launching himself towards you.

Leaping over your outstretched leg he instead compromises the missed opportunity to punt you by rotating on the ball of his foot, leaping back as he roundhouses you aimlessly-

Straight to the gut.

The whole of his body powers through the 360 spin and sends you straight to the ground as your caught off guard.

…

“Holy shi- ow, ow, woah, okay did not expect that. Sakura that one really hurt man…”

“Oh crap- wait your not actually hurt are you?! Wait what am I even saying I’m not worried or anything! Your just, well, are you-“ before Sakura could finish his nervous stammering you smirked and let out a satisfied huff as you popped up in a sudden jerk of motion, swinging your own body around before sending your own one-of-a-kind 360 spin.

“Wha- Hey! That’s cheating you cheater!”, he’s scrambling for words as he backs off, ducking under your flying foot into a crab walk as he kicks from below.

“You started it! Catch up Saku, or eat my dust!”,

Your grinning as you turn around to land your back kick, taking keen steps back as his flushed red face pummels towards you in combat. His ears are strangely glowing in a red and pink closer to the moniker of his name rather than their usual pale complexion…

Honestly, is his face always that red when he’s fighting people? And is his nose supposed to be that scrunched up as he’s fighting people? It could really give the wrong impression…

It doesn’t seem like he’s not too worried about the state of his flustered face at the moment though, his conveniently paying extra attention on how to kick you off your feet (pun intended) as he lands an agonizing axe kick down the top of your x-crossed arms.

Much to your surprise, the blow hits.

Sending you tumbling down as your knees bend from the pressure and practically snap you down onto dusty grounds of Bofurin’s courtyard.

“HAHA! I’ve got you now idiot! Stop getting distracted next time and- Woah!? Hold on are you okay?! Shit, I didn’t overdo it again, right? Wait hold on is this another trick-“, he’s off into his own world again.

“N-no… That one definitely hit that time… Ouch… Hey Sakura can we stop here, please... I might need a bruise check…” you mumble, heaving a small sigh of exhaustion, which only proves to hurt you more as your side aches. That 360 spin really did a number on you, didn’t it…

Before you lift yourself up and steady Sakura’s already frantically running towards your pre-prepped med kit.

…

Before long the both of you are propped and sat against a tree’s forgiving shade away from the blazing Japan sun as your poking at the bruises that had started developing over each other.

“Oucch… H-hey not that it hurts or anything but go softer with that ointment dumbass!” , there he goes again, putting on his tough guy act whilst still looking adorably goofy as his affection radar goes off. Really, it should be a crime to have such a big personality and be one of the strongest people ever.

“Saku, I’m watching your body have a visceral reaction to the medicine, it hurts. Calm down, I’m trying to care for you so chill out dude. Your acting as if I'm strangling you to death.... Jeez..."

Looking up from his restless leg bouncing his eyes are still darting wildly to anywhere and everywhere that wasn't on you. Your gaze probably isn't helping his own anxious emotions, knowing for sure that he's noticing your pause in swabbing his abdomen with soft cotton and sanitization fluid. Maybe his little fearless kitten act sparked the connection in your brain, out of pure unleashed confidence that seemed to have come from nowhere you ask,

"Hey, Sakura?"

"Huh? What is it now?!"

"You are so stinken adorable you know that?"

"HUH?! W-what the hell is that about?! Are you crazy?! What the hell did my punches knock the sense out of you are som-"

"Your so annoying dumbass. I'll do it myself."

Before he's jumping to his feet, your grabbing him by his cheeks, which by the way, are soft and squishy and are so perfectly molded into your palms, and his eyes, his pretty little eyes, their shining like new marble, and oh my goodness- oh my gosh-

Your kissing him.

You've just kissed Sakura Haruka.

And this time for sure, your a hundred percent sure, that he is not supposed to blush with his full face and body. But the way his lips are so sweetly clasped around yours and the way his surprise melted off his stiff stone cold body as he leaned in and closed his eyes (thank goodness... it would have been weird if he kissed with his eyes wide open too), really swept you off your feet. His hand is practically grappling with your own hand as he's pulling it down and lacing his fingers with yours off of his cheek, when finally, it seems he's reconnected the puzzle in his brain.

"Y-you, I-, what-, wh-what. What. The. Hell. Was even that?!!"

SUO HAYATO (freestyle wrestling)

"Listen... All I'm saying is being all sly and hinting never gets you anywhere Suo", rolling your eyes, you glance over at Suo.

He's busy whistling to one of the stores radios. Once more flashing his annoying little grin as he accepts an apple from the store owner.

"Who said I was being sly? I've got nothing to hide! I'm not sure what you mean dear", bowing as he accepts the saccharine apple he nods his head in approval. Grinning, his eyes, or is it eye? Pirate man over here might not even have more than one... Before side eyeing you, watching you groan at his antics.

"Suo you are quite possibly the most conflicting man I've ever met... You know what I mean. Like just now! You called me 'dear', what sort of friend does that?" grumbling, you snatch the apple out of his clasped hand.

Chomping on it in one clean bite, crisp juice running down the side of your lips. Sweet, and cold, perfect for the warm summer weather.

"Hmm?... You consider me a man? Wow! What an honor [name], truly I couldn't ever ask for a better friend.", before your answering, he grasps at your hand. Sneaking a glance at you as he cheers,

"Not everything is about being blunt and forward [name], mmm, if I had a say, maybe you're too aggressive!", lacing his fingers between yours. His fingers sweep them up past his own body, intertwining your body in front of his.

"My apple!", but-

Oh gosh, oh wow, is the Japan heat getting hotter or is it the heat radiating off of you?

Your standing stunned, turning around to glare at his sudden theatrics, only for him to snake his other arm around your waist. Pressing your bodies together. The apple now long forgotten on the dirty ground.

He is really, really, way too good at this...

Leaning into your ear, pressing his body into yours, his arm sits around your waist as he grabs your other wrist. Pushing it away as you try to strangle out to punch him.

"Suo I swear-"

"Wouldn't you say [name]? Not everything is about strength is it..." his lips press against the canal of your ear. Whispering softly into your ear. His grip lets loose before he pounces down, dropping as you swing-

"Suo you absolute fucking brute-",

"Aw come on... Is that the best you can do? Are you really even trying sweetheart?" Palms facing outward, thumbs neatly folding in, Suo mocks you.

He's smiling all innocent like, -gosh you could just kiss that smirk off him- toying with you as he hops over your shots. Bouncing up to your knees, you hop towards him, shoving at his shoulders angrily.

"Whoops! Looks like your hands slipped dear!", tilting on the front of his foot, he sweeps the side, pushing your outstretched hands past his shoulders.

"Goddamn it Suo come here!"

Taking a single leg shot, you knee flies past his right foot. Grappling at his knee as you finally clasp around his leg. Lifting it up in one swift motion. Palming the back of his knee downwards, watching as he falls-...

Back into a flip.

Landing gracefully on his toes, bouncing up and down, he smiles. Launching at you, he spins, flying upwards as he lands the axe of his leg downwards. Eyes widening as you tumble past him, loosing his moment you abandon your technique.

"Now you've done it brat!"

Reaching out hands wide, you wrestle him down by the waist. Tightening your grip before he somehow slips, crashing harshly into the hardened dirt of the towns shopping plaza.

"Ow-... Ouch... Okay that was totally not deserved", you grumble, opening your eyes from the impact, looking down.

"Well, this is interesting... Hello sweetheart", oh god. He's underneath you.

His smiles lost, his eye making contact with yours as he shifts awkwardly underneath your weight.

Oh gosh- He's gorgeous. Wait- How has his eye patch not shifted at all? Is it just permanently glued to his face?... What if-

Get a grip [name]. Suo is right under you. And right now, he is awkwardly watching you, oh wow, his eyes... They're really reflecting the light now...

"Well, I do suppose you deserve some closure after that little stunt..." painfully, he's avoiding eye contact now, shifting his gaze conveniently to whatever was more interesting behind you.

"So... Do you... Mean it like that?"

Regaining himself, he chuckles,

"Like what?", and in one swift motion, he grasps at your wrist, flipping you over.

Oh god. Now you're under him.

"You- I- You know what I mean!"

"Mmm? Are you a child? Please, do tell?"

"Never fucking mind!-" you snap, glaring at him as you puff your cheeks, kicking your feet as you try to get up. God, he was such a lost cause.

"May I kiss you?"

"What-"

"May I?", he's really uncharacteristically quiet and forward now... He's gotten all serious, looking at you in longing. His eyes are watching your own surprised shock.

"I don't know?! Yes? - Maybe? - Where did this-"

Mwah.

His lips just pressed perfectly against yours, warm as they molded against your own. Sweet and faintly tasting like ginger and some sort of biscuit; had he spent his morning trying out new tea cakes again? They taste really good on his lips... Maybe you should ask-

Focus! He's kissing you! Get a hold of your stinken self [name].

His hand finds its way to the side of your cheek, stroking gently against it as he licks across your lips.

Only to abruptly stop and shoot upwards to his feet.

"What? - Suo why did you-"

"We're in public! I shouldn't have done that... Really how improper of me... How shameful" he shakes his head, patting off his hands on his BoFurin pants as he covers his face with his hand.

"I can't imagine if one of the townsfolk saw us... Truly how shameful"

"But- Suo-", your reaching out. Is it weird you desperately want to continue?

Continue what?...

But before your grabbing for him you notice a small dusting of red spread across his usual teasing face.

Oh my.

He's embarrassed.

You're sure to soak in this memory like a blooming bud. He is never living this down.

"Suoo..." you smirk, watching as he frowns and mutters to himself. Cursing himself for his impropriety maybe?

"Look [name] I apologize, that was so very rude of me. I just... You were there and I couldn't hold myself back. Really what kind of man does that-"

Mwah!

You peck his cheek. Smiling.

What happened to adulthood Suo?

Kiryu Mitsuki (muay thai+kickboxing (video footage of reader))

"Come on Kiryu, I swear, put some effort into this... You're killing me!", grumbling as your shins make contact with air, yet again.

Kiryu sways his knees, -gosh, like an old grandma he is- as he flips your leg up and away. Eyes widening in surprise as you flip over yourself. Tumbling backwards in full force against his tai-chi.

"Come on, come, on, come on, dude! Just a little push Kiryu! Then we can finish training!" you yell, scrambling up on your feet as you switch your legs in a twin kick.

Just as quickly, he sweeps them off himself, swaying with your momentum.

"But this is so tiring... And it really isn't cool to sweat all the time..." he mutters, yawning as his hands, palms outwards, retracts.

"Kiryu! [name]! Hurry up and finish sparring! You should both be tired by the end of today! Try harder! Fight faster! You kids need to-", Hiragi yells, spitting out at you both as his forehead wrinkles. It really is so weird how his face looks forty at the age of 17- has he always had sharp jawlines? Weird-

"Now who's the one not focusing [name]... You heard our senior... Put some effort in!", is he mocking you right now?

The absolute nerve of the punk.

"Why you- Come here you lazy piece of gum!", now you're really frustrated, throwing punches as you level change. Kicking at his shins and elsewhere as you watch him sway against your movement.

Damn those old Asian grandmas who taught him tai-chi.

"You stupid sly little brat! Where is your energy! Are you some perma-frozen over nutjob?!", he's got this stupid lazed smile as he sways against you. Nudging your attacks with barely any effort left and right. It feels like moments before someone finally butts in, both you and him dancing around maniacally, taking over the whole of the tatami mats.

"Aww... Is our little Saenchai getting pumped up? What happened to all the silly antics [name]?" Suo teases, pompous little him standing straight hands behind his back as he walks up. Having finished his own sparring against someone else.

"Shut your mouth Suo! Come here and show me you can beat this asshat before you talk to me!" you yelp, panicked as Kiryu suddenly grasp onto your shin, pushing you out.

Only for you to thankfully slip into a tumbling square off.

"Eh? Wow [name]! You were so quick with that one! That was so cool!..."

The nerve of the kid. "Come on [name]~ Open up your eyes! Watch him! The more you let your emotions effect your body, the more he uses it against you!~" Suo grins, backing off as Kiryu stops mid swaying block to whine,

"Heyy...! That's not fair!... That's cheating now Suo! Not cool at all!"

The unfortunate thing about Suo, is that regrettably, he's worth listening too...

As you slow down and pace yourself, bouncing up and down, you watch Kiryu copy your pace, sleeves bouncing lightly as their way to big for his body.

One strike, to the leg.

He grabs it and flips you over again.

Another fist to his face.

Watch as he backs off and shoves it past you.

Finally, watch as his arm lifts up to follow yours in a pass to the side. And land your kick straight to the side of his gut.

"Eh?- Woahh!-" he slips and falls on the hard wooden mats.

"That's it you two! Finally! Hurry it up and clean off!" Hiragi yells, pinching his forehead in disgusts as Kiryu chuckles and palms off the dust on his crisp trendy uniform.

"My, my... Now that was certainly the improvement [name]!" Suo chuckles, helping Kiryu to his feet.

Man, those two would really be the death of you.

...

Watching as he licks a piece of yellow custard off the side of his lips, the cool air conjures up puffs of white smoke. Tasty little breaths of air escape his lips as he huffs a small sigh.

"Mann... I wish they didn't make us train during winter. It's way too chilly for this [name]..."

"Your custard bun is piping hot Kiryu, finish feeding your stomach with cozy treats before you talk about how cold it is dork!" you grumble, flicking his forehead lightly.

"Ow!... That really hurt. You know hurting people isn't a trend, right? You're so uncool [name]..." he mumbles, taking a nibble at his pastry again, watching keenly as the steam wafts up into the air. A sweet vanilla scent wisping into your own nose as you scoot in closer to him on the bench.

"Mm? What's with the sudden closeness? Are you cold too?" he raises one of his pretty green eyes, looking at you so naively as you glare back.

He looks absolutely kissable right now...

His lips are perked up and rosy pink as the rest of his face is. Pink hair frizzed up a little more wildly then usual as his earmuffs puffs the strands out. His cheeks are so warm looking, and quite honestly, invitingly holdable.

And then you're realizing you've been staring too long.

"Oh shut up Tsuki- No wait I meant Kiryu-" you panic. Turning your glance quickly away from him as his eyes widen in shock. Pupils dilating.

"Eh? No wait! What did you call me just now?...! Let me hear it again!" He's held down his steamed dessert now, leaning into you more as if you weren't embarrassed enough.

"Come on... I liked it. Let me hear it one more time please..." he mumbles, shying away as he looks down at his pastry.

"What- What did you just say?"

"Hmm? I liked it?..."

"It didn't make you uncomfortable?..."

"Nope... Not at all... Actually, it sounds really cool coming from you."

"Don't-... Lie about stuff like that-" you mutter, huffing embarrassment. It would be really nice to drop dead right about now-

"But I'm not?... I don't mind at all...", he's whispering, watching his tone carefully as you look away. Ignoring him in an effort to gather yourself.

"Hey... Listen to me [name]..."

"Heyyy..."

"[name]?"

When all of a sudden your face is getting pulled over back to him.

Cheeks pressed against the chill of his own finger tips.

"If you won't listen to me, then I'll have to kiss you..."

"What- Kiryu, let me go- Your being childish!" trying to rub your face away, he lets go easily, much to your dismay.

"I'm only acting like how you were... Now will you listen?"

"Hm... Fine-"

"May I kiss you then?"

"What?-"

"May I?"

"You're absolutely fucking crazy Tsuki'. Yes- Yes you can dumbass"

He's quick to plant a quick chaste kiss on your cheek.

"You fucking missed!"

"Eh? Did I really?... Be patient love..."

With one more quick sweep, his lips plant against yours. Wetting them between as he cups your cheek. Hot steams of smoke bouncing off the both of you against the winter air.

His tongue rolls over your bottom lip in quickness, soft touches against your cheek as he rubs his thumb up and down your cheek bone. Comforting you as he scoots in.

What's left of his pastry drops to the floor as he takes a hand to the back of your head. Peppering kisses around your mouth, leaving you gasping for air in the momentary escape.

"I guess... These are for bruising my hip earlier..." he smiles, lifting up to look at you through your fluttering eyelids.

He only lets you huff in annoyance before attacking your poor neck next.

SPECIAL BREWS... nonavailable, sorry customer!

BARISTA'S INQUIREMENT... part II of two, up next togame jo, umemiya, sugishita, and kaji ren! look out! I just so desperately needed to get out these routes into the world first... I must admit windbreaker has definitely been helping me write fight scenes and characters... (pls send me questions abt why I chose each readers martial art im so desperate to explain lolol)

word count. 1k-ish

tag list form !

PART II

@lilimalia do not copy, repost (on other platforms), or plagiarize ANY of my content

banner credit: satoru nii

[threepandas]

Bad End: Happy Hunting! (1)

I should have known better. They told us. TRAINED US. Over and over, drilled into our heads! Don't assume! Don't PROJECT Human body language onto alien species! Think that just because they look similar, are ACTING similar, their brains are in any way WORKING similar!

Not every species pack bonds! Some of them are PREDATORS. Be CAREFUL!

I was an idiot. A fucking IDIOT!

I gasped for air. Ran. Ran and ran and RAN. Desperately trying to put distance between me and the hunters behind me. I could hear screams. Crashing. The sound of weapon fire. The air here wasn't RIGHT. Too high in oxygen? Too low? Some other trace element, slowly poisoning my lungs?

I didn't know. Scared! Oh god, I'm so scared!

I thought he was my friend!

Thought THEY were my friends! Stupid. So God damned stupid! You really will pack bond with ANYTHING, won't you?! They bare their teeth and you fucking thought it was a SMILE! No wonder I barely graduated. They never should have-!

A root catches my foot.

Crashing to the mulch of the forest floor. Scramble to get up. My ankle on fire. Hurts. Oh god it hurts! Ignore it. Go! Keep going! Gotta get OUT! Find a ship. Any ship! Radio for help!

All the trees look the same. Am I even going in a straight line? Deeper or across? Away from civilization? I don't know how to survive here! Can I even drink the water? No. Run! Just RUN! Nothing else!

I can't hear them.

Him.

I thought he was my friend.

My grades were shit. Worst of the Best, but ultimately good enough. Got to see the stars. The galaxy. Meet real life aliens. Was a glorified gofer for the Earthling Diplomat's Entourage. Galactic Council offered staff. Wasn't really an offer. We took um. Some of them were the "better" guards then the super military badasses we had brought.

Military badasses were pretty offended.

But I was a gofer. Not my circus, not my monkeys. Just here for the aliens, right? Yay getting to meet some, right? I couldn't even PRONOUNCE their species name. I was mortified. Tried my damnedest. They thought it was hilarious. My pronunciation was god awful. Was calling them the cutesy babified version of "office chair".

Met Wolfe. He seemed FRIENDLY. Kind. Considerate. He told jokes. Asked about my day. I started sharing. Hobbies and interests. Stories about home. Explained weird human behaviors. We were close. I... I thought we were close! Was it a lie? Was everything A LIE!?

When my rotation in space was coming to an end, I was SAD! Fucking HEARTBROKEN! That I might never see my friends again. Since communication between our two planets wasn't even stabilized yet. Might never be. I wanted to savor our time together. Treasure it!

But then things started to go wrong.

Random malfunctions, that delayed and delayed us. Lost communications that nearly caused interplanetary incidents. Took days and weeks to fix at a time. People went MISSING. We looked. Every time we LOOKED!

They're dead, aren't they? Oh god. Dozens of crew members DEAD.

Then the engine "broke". Conveniently just close enough for us to make an emergency landing on this planet! And oh, would you look at THAT! A sacred cultural festival!? They won't help us unless we join in.

It's a MARRIAGE HUNT.

Heavy emphasis on the HUNT part!

They weren't surprised. Not a single one. Every last one just turned too different people and... and...! Wolfe planned this. THEY planned this! We're gonna die. I trusted him and now I'm gonna DIE! Can't breathe! Branches whipping at my arms and hair and face, as I RUN. Down slopes. Across shallow rivers. Even as my limbs BURN. I... I HAVE TOO-!

A powerful wall of muscle slams into me.

I scream. Thrash, even as I fall. My arms are easily tucked and pinned against my side, as the body covering mine rolls with me down a slight incline. The smell of wet plant matter and upturned soil thick in the strange air. Dizzy. I feel sick. Oh god please no!

Heat and pressure pin me down. Arms like thick steel bands. Still, I struggle, like a cornered animal. I have too. They always tell you to FIGHT. Only chance and survival. The deep rumble of crooned reassurances in an alien dialect fill my ear. I can feel how DEEPLY he breathes me in, before each sentence. Like hes been holding back and finally no longer has too, is giddy with it. How his hands already spread possessively, eager to explore.

And he's strong. Oh god, he's so strong! Please please please! Let go. LET GO!

"Shhhhhh shh shh, is 'okay' now. I have you. You ran so hard! Did so well! My precious little human~ so brave. So strong. You did it! Now, no one can EVER seperate us! You don't have to worry anymore. No more tears~" Hunter, Warrior, oh god it was never a GRIN-! His teeth are so sharp. Pressed so close to my skin!

"I'll take care of EVERYTHING~"

I'm scared.

[tom-foolery-incorporated]

Do you ever think you'd write for swerve being a little mean to his human s/o while having sex? Like a little bullying? I know you write that for Bumblebee, but I think it could also apply to Swerve's prankster ass too lol

If you don't like the idea, that's a-okay! We love all you write!

Swerve x reader, reader has a vagina, altmode sex, teasing, dirty talk, mentions of public sex, Swerve is kind of an asshole (lovingly), full nelson, creampie

You could feel the heat radiating off of Swerve’s undercarriage. The mechanical lines and wires pressing up against your nude back as his spike pushed between your thighs.

Swerve’s suggestion for altmode sex honestly scared you a little. You didn’t want to get crushed or ran over but Swerve assured you that it’s not like just laying under a car and he can control his body just as well in his altmode.

“Think I could fuck you in a parking lot like this on Earth?” Swerve teased as you panted under him. The hot tip of his spike was kissing your pussy yet no matter how you moved, Swerve wouldn’t let you spear yourself on him just yet. “Think anyone would notice you getting fucked by what they think is a car?”

You whined at the idea. Being so vulnerable in a public space as Swerve fucks you in his altmode. Would anyone really notice or think to look under what they presume is a normal vehicle? Why would anyone think to look under a car for someone getting fucked? Yet you would be and right in front of groups of people none the wiser.

“Felt you get wetter,” Swerve teased with a rev of his engine. The vibrations moved through his frame and vibrated your bones against your back. “Dirty little thing likes the idea of getting fucked in public?”

“Swerve-“

“Think I could drive around the ship with you strapped to me down there?”

“Swerve, stop being mean and fuck me!”

“So needy,” Swerve cooed. “Go ahead, baby, it’s all yours.”

You huffed and positioned your hips up so Swerve’s spike pushed against your hole. Your mouth watered in excitement to finally be able to have your pussy spread open around his fat mechanical cock. Just as you pushed your hips back you felt Swerve roll backwards making you jump a bit and hit your back on his undercarriage.

“Swerve!” You scolded

“What?” Swerve asked pretending not knowing what happened. “Did you want my spike or not?”

You grumbled crawling backwards and lifting your hips up once more. You ran your pussy along the head of his chubby spike letting Swerve feel how wet he had you. Your clit bumped up against his tip making you both moan as you pulled your hips away to position his spike at your entrance once again. The leaky fat head of his cock kissed your hole and started to pull the walls of your pussy apart as you pushed back.

Then you felt Swerve roll backwards again.

“Swerve!” You whined frustratedly. “Please!!��

“I’m just as desperate as you are,” Swerve said trying to hold back his laughter. “Come on and hurry up!”

You grabbed onto one of the pipes on his undercarriage causing Swerve’s whole frame to shiver. You backed yourself up once again so his spike pressed against your hole. You braced yourself expecting Swerve to back up again but instead you were greeted with his spike plunging into at full force as he instead rolled forward. You gasped and choked having your pussy stretched out so suddenly. Your muscles contracted around his shaft gripping him like a vice.

“Finally,” Swerve groaned trying to keep up the facade. “You were taking too long. Hope you don’t mind me picking up on your slack.”

You puffed out your cheeks frustrated at his teasing. “Shut up and let me ride you already,” you huffed gripping onto Swerve’s undercarriage to brace yourself. You rotated your hips getting used to the feeling of being split open so wide.

“Well if you wanted to ride me you’re at the wrong part of my altmode,” Swerve teased as he inched backwards teasing you with the threat of taking his cock out of your needy cunt.

“Nooo!!” You whined shoving your hips back to regain whatever inches of his shaft you loss. “Let me ride your spike for god’s sake!”

“So needy,” Swerve teased but by the sounds of his cooling fans you knew he was just as desperate to fuck you as you were him.

You moved your hips in a circle getting used to the sensation of Swerve’s metal cock stuffing you. Your rear bumped up against his undercarriage as you did so making the mech’s frame shiver. With all your concentration you set a steady pace moving your hips in a rolling motion against the phallic cable.

“Feels amazing,” Swerve groaned with a rev of his engine. He couldn’t help rolling forward causing the tip of his fat spike to kiss your cervix. You yelped and clenched around him not expecting him to reach so deep inside of you. “Sorry, sweet spark,” Swerve moaned trying to keep himself still.

“You’re in my guts,” you panted as you frantically humped your hips forward and back. “Fuck I can feel you in my stomach!”

“Primus, babe,” Swerve said breathlessly. “Don’t say those things.”

You whined and moaned when you felt his spike rubbing up against your sweet spot. You could feel the heat radiating off his biolights as they lit up your vaginal canal like a circus. The fat middle of his metal cock had your walls spread open as far as they could go.

Swerve had to put his emergency brake in place to keep himself from flooring it directly into your womb and spearing you on his spike. The way you moved your hips chasing your high had Swerve’s engine roaring and his tires screeching in desperation to move. He could feel the heat radiating off of your soft body against the metal of his undercarriage.

Your needy cunt practically juices his spike for all he was worth. Each teasing squeeze of your walls made Swerve shakily moan out your name. The sensory experience of fucking you in his altmode was so beautifully different. Although he couldn’t see you underneath him, Swerve could feel the electric pulses coming off of your body and feel the way your heartbeat rushed through your core.

“Shit,” Swerve moaned as you fucked yourself on his spike. “You’re acting like I never give that cute pussy attention”

“You just feel so good,” you panted jerking your hips in whatever direction got his spike kissing your sweet spot.

“Maybe I should go down on you more often,” Swerve laughed airily. “Really push the limits on what you can take. Hey what if I got a double spike mod and we try some DP-!”

Swerve exaggerated the P sound in surprise as you sped up your pace. His fat cock was the only thing consuming your mind as you fucked yourself beneath him. Swerve could hear your panting and how you moaned his name. He couldn’t help how he leaked transfluid at your state. He still couldn’t believe how he’d managed to get his little human to be such a spike drunk whore every time he was inside you.

Then he felt you tighten around him and the soft walls of your vagina pulsing. You wailed out his name as your body shivered in bliss. Swerve couldn’t help but transform around you with his spike still buried deep within your sopping cunt. The clicking, whirring, and grinding movement of his metal frame enveloped you as his servos gripped under your thighs to maneuver you into a full nelson.

You felt his servos snake up your body as he transformed until they were firmly cupped behind your head. Your thighs were pressed tightly to your chest as Swerve shivered in delight.

“Sorry,” Swerve groaned. “I couldn’t help myself.”

You cried out as he set a brutal, bruising pace. Your poor pussy was being used as nothing more than a toy for Swerve to fuck his throbbing metal cable of a cock into.

“My little fuck toy,” Swerve moaned as his pelvis clapped into your rear. “Best little valve I’ve ever had.”

You felt the tears dribble down your face as the overstimulation set in yet you wouldn’t have it any other way. There was no better place for you than as Swerve’s personal hole to fuck.

“Overload,” Swerve said with an electric buzz to his voice. “I’m gonna overload in you.”

“Please!!” You gurgles out between sobs.

“Take it!”

Swerve’s hot transfluid flooded into your hole like a dam finally being released. Your womb engorged on your metallic lover’s hot release all the while gobs of his robotic cum dripped around where his spike filled you.

“Frag,” Swerve mumbled humping his release into you. “You’re really taking it all.”

You only nodded as you watched where Swerve’s spike plugged your leaking cunt. You squirmed wanting so desperately to rub your finger over your flooded cunt and use his release to lubricate your clit.

“Hey,” Swerve laughed feeling you wiggle in his grip. “Why’re you getting so antsy? I don’t plan on pulling out any time soon so you better get comfortable.”

You squeezed around Swerve at the thought.

“I plan on using this cute body until I’m really empty,” you heard him laugh from behind you.

[perfectlysanexd]

How do you do your Final Fantasy edits?

The hard way, my friend. No AI is used here, I do it all by hand. 🥰 I assume you mean the screenshot manipulations I create? I'll try and give a simple summary... First, I boot up Remake on PC and use a "free camera" mod(you can find the links to the mods I use on my archive pages for manipulations, which is on my pinned post) to take a couple screenshots that I think will work well together. Sometimes I change my mind and choose a different one. It can be hard to match the camera angles and lighting, so sometimes I have to mess with that later, as well. But it's easier if they fit together from the beginning. We'll take my current WIP as an example. I started with these two screenshots:

I open them in the free program GIMP (GNU Image Manipulation Program), which anyone can download at gimp.org. Then the first thing I do is choose the base image. In this case, they're both facing the same way, so I choose to flip Sephiroth(you can't really do that with Cloud easily because of his earring, and his hair is less symmetrical). Since the camera was closer up on Cloud, and he's the smaller one, I usually choose Sephiroth's to be the base image. With that decided, I roughly cut Cloud from his background and paste him onto Sephiroth's image as a new layer. Then I position him, resize him, rotate him, whatever I need to do until he seems to be in the desired place, which ends up looking like this: (I ended up adding snow for this preview, so it would look more complete than it is when I showed it to my server, haha)

If you look at Cloud, you can still see a thick outline of his old background around his head. Once he's positioned properly, it's time to remove the rest of his background(I use a size 10 eraser with 100% hardness and zoom in about 5 times). Then I need to think about where they're connected, and how to make them look like they're touching, as well as layering to make them seem intertwined, as if they're truly occupying the same space together.

I cut away some of Cloud's shirt, and the rest of that effect will come with shading later. If I wanted Cloud even closer, I would make a duplicate of Sephiroth and erase his background, so that his lock of hair would appear to go over Cloud's face. I could also make it semi-transparent, so you could see the outline of Cloud's face through his hair. You can see I have some small game defects to fix, such as Cloud's hair clipping through his ear. I leave those tiny details for later, typically. Sometimes, because of their height differences, I have to "rebuild" missing parts of them from scratch, such as I did for this other manipulation:

It's a delicate process that's mostly the clone tool(to keep the textures) and some freehand drawing, but I don't have an art tablet, so I use my mouse for everything, which can be quite challenging. I've had a lot of practice from translating doujinshi, where I'd erase the words, rebuild the missing part of the image, and then place the translated words over that spot.

In any case, I decided I wanted more out of this manipulation than just leaning against each other. I wanted Cloud to be reaching up towards Sephiroth, and perhaps for Sephiroth to be pulling him closer. To do that, I needed pictures of their hands/arms like so:

I've taken hundreds of shots, so I looked through what I had first, but it wasn't the right angle, or was the wrong outfit for Cloud, so...then you open up those images and cut out the parts you want. After that, you work on positioning and things like that again. I haven't finished with that part yet, so it looks a little awkward. (And when you're doing these kinds of things, color matching is very important, but that's a bit advanced.)

I'm not fully satisfied yet, so I'll probably remove the rest of the background from the arms and then mess with the placement. As for Sephiroth's hand, I intend to thread it in Cloud's hair, so Cloud will need to be duplicated in order to create that layering effect, as mentioned previously. Which should end up looking similar to this one:

(I had to draw in most of Cloud's hand because I didn't have the camera mod back then, and the Sephiroth shot was provided to me by Coeurlwhiskers.) After that, it's a matter of shadows and highlights, remaining details, and finishing up the colors, etc. It's a long and difficult process, and can take many hours to complete, depending on how ambitious I get with it. Most of that stuff would be a much longer tutorial, and I did used to do some actual artwork a long time ago, so I...kind of know what I'm doing?? I probably do a lot of stuff the hard way(like not using layer masks) because I just don't have the time to teach myself more than the basics. 😅I know it may seem daunting, but it's really fun! I hope I managed to answer your question properly. Feel free to ask follow ups~

[talkfastromance4]

I have had more thoughts about Sugar and Jake and I was wondering… what would Sugar do/feel like if Jake was deployed? In my mind she sleeps in his bed every night because she misses him, and that’s how he finds her when he comes home. What are your thoughts?

I love this so much I wrote a oneshot for it! Title is inspired by Leon Bridges “coming home”

Wanna hold you close—Jake Seresin (An Arrangement Series)

An Arrangement Masterlist

Follow here for all updates as I do not have a taglist

word count: 3.1k

warnings: pure fluff and more than likely navy inaccuracies but this is ficland and anything goes

Feedback, asks, comments/reblogs mean the world to me!

Enjoy!

It’s been a good day. You were able to get off work early and so did Jake so he came and picked you up then took you to the coffeeshop you both love. Once you got home, it was a little after three and you changed into comfy clothes then settled on the couch to watch a movie. You quickly fell asleep, head in Jake’s lap and his fingers in your hair. 

When you woke up just as the credits were rolling, Jake suggested going to The Lark, the restaurant he invited you to when the arrangement was first brought up. The two of you changed again, you put on a pretty pink dress and Jake wore an olive green ensemble that really brought out his eyes. 

It was a wonderful way to end the day but once dessert arrived, Jake’s brows furrowed.

“What’s wrong? Is your dessert not good?” you ask peering over at his plate. He had ordered a lemon meringue bar drizzled with raspberry and blueberry sauce. Upon your inspection, he hadn’t even taken a bite.

“No,” he shakes his head, twirling his fork in his fingers. “I have to tell you something.”

“Okay,” you feel a weight in your stomach. The spoonful of creme brulee is shaking slightly in the spoon. “Tell me.”

You start thinking he wants to end things, that you aren’t really what he wants and that this whole thing is a big mistake. His eyes are still downcast, a frown on his face as he stares at the prongs of his fork rotate over the red and blue drizzle. 

“I got called for a mission,” he says slowly. 

“Oh…” you exhale the breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding. “Well, it’s only a few days right?” you pop the sweet custard into your mouth.

“No, Sugar,” he sighs, setting his fork on his plate. His green eyes finally meet yours, they’re still sad. “It’s longer.”

“How much longer?”

“Forty-five days.”

The weight in your stomach plummets. The longest he’s ever been gone is a week, and you were fine then because you weren’t living with him yet and you were so busy with work and Betty. But now, now that you’ve gotten closer and comfortable and more familiar with each other…now his job really sets in. 

You knew he would be deployed eventually, while he’s a Top Gun instructor, he’s still an active duty pilot. Your throat turns dry and your mind starts to race of any and all possibilities. As if knowing what your mind is doing, Jake’s hand covers yours that’s holding the spoon and works your fingers open. The spoon clatters to the table.

You were gripping the spoon so tight your nails were digging into your palm and Jake peeled your fingers apart so he could trace over the four crescent shapes indented into your palm.

“Sugar, look at me,” he says softly but you can’t find the will to do so. 

“Can we go?”

***

You remain silent in your thoughts on the drive home, Jake’s hand placed in its usual spot on your knee, his thumb stroking circles on your thigh. Once you’re home, you’re the first to get out and Jake follows you all the way to the wine room that’s just off the kitchen. His hands are in his pockets watching you go to the corner that holds your favorite wine.

In the kitchen, you’re struggling with the wine opener but Jake takes it easily from you and opens the wine for you. You lift it up and walk towards the back door, Jake following after he grabs two glasses. You flicked the string of lights on and fell onto the couch, taking a deep drink of the wine. 

“Okay, no glasses,” Jake sighs and sits next to you, watching you. “Okay that’s enough for now, y/n.”

Some wine dribbles down your chin, but Jake is quick to swipe it away with his thumb. 

“Are you mad?” Jake asks, suddenly feeling helpless. He’s never seen you act this way before. 

“No,” you tumble your fingers with his so you’re holding his hand. You trace the circumference of his Navy ring. “When do you leave?”

“Two days.”

Your head snaps up.

“So soon?”

“That’s the Navy, Sugar,” he nods, scooting closer to you on the couch. He cups your cheek.

“What are you…what do you have to do?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

“Why is it so long?”

“Can’t tell you that either,” he smiles sadly and you sigh. 

“Is it dangerous?”

“That’s always a possibility,” he licks his lips as he nods. 

“You’ll come home, right?”

“Trust me, leaving you is the hardest thing ever. I’m already counting down the days and I haven’t even left yet.”

Those words make your eyes sting and you quickly press into him, Jake’s arm wrapping around your back. You have to remind yourself that he’s not leaving you for someone else. He’s leaving for his job and it has nothing to do with you. 

For the next two days, you ask him all the questions you have and he answers as best he can. He reminds you that you can use the credit card he gave you for anything you need and that payments are already set up for Betty. Texting and calling won’t be easy but emails will work best and he promises he’ll respond when he can. 

Jake has no problem saying yes to you except when you ask if you can be there when he leaves and he says no. 

“You don’t want me there?”

“If you’re there, Sugar, I won’t get on the damned plane,” he pulls you into his chest. He kisses the top of your head. “I’d be kicked out for insubordination of not listening to my Commander.”

You’re giggling then but you know he’s telling the truth. You lift your head so your chin is resting on his chest as you gaze up at him. 

“I wouldn’t let you go either,” you admit and he bends down to give you a sweet kiss. 

***

The first day you felt his vacancy immediately, even though you woke up as he came into your room to say goodbye. He was in his service khakis and had a large duffel bag over his shoulder. He whispered your name softly then whispered sweet words and reminders before kissing you so sweetly you had no clue how he was able to pull away. 

“I’ll be coming home to you, Sugar, I promise,” he whispered. 

You held onto his hand as long as you could, watching him back out of your room. He told you to get some more sleep, blew you a kiss, stared at you for ten more seconds before leaving. It wasn’t until you heard the front door shut that you started to cry. 

You researched about Navy Fighter Pilots but only found articles or blogs from retired members that recounted the good ole’ days of their time in the service. They were great reads but not what you needed. You found a blog of wives, girlfriends, and other partners but theirs were mainly about how their children missed the one who was gone and what stores had the best deals.

By day nine you kept glancing at his open doorway in his room. You’ve only been in there once, when he gave you the tour of the house. You were aching to go in there but wanted to respect his privacy. 

You emailed him each day but still had no response back. Some of the articles said no news is good news but you were feeling the opposite. If something happened to him you wouldn’t know because you’re not family. You contemplated reaching out to his sisters, Annie and Nora but you haven’t met them so you thought that’d be weird. 

By day twelve you’re getting antsy from not hearing from Jake and you’re tossing and turning in your bed as wind howls against your windows. You haven’t been sleeping all that well since Jake left and you grab your phone to use the flashlight and you head towards his room. 

You flick on his lights just as lightning flashes beneath the blinds of his windows. His bed is clean and pristine and you see a piece of paper on the nightstand nearest the door. You recognize Jake’s handwriting immediately and begin to read:

In case you get cold and want a fire, the remote for the fireplace is on the coffee table by the couch. Feel free to use it as much as you’d like. See you soon, Sugar. Thinking of your smile as I fly through the skies. X Jake

That makes you smile and you shuffle over to the couch finding the remote exactly where the note indicated. It’s easy enough to figure out. When the fire ignites, you turn it to the medium setting, warmth emitting from it immediately. You grab the large knitted blanket from the couch and plop down, the cushions are comfy as a bed. You watch the flames flicker and dance and then you’re fast asleep.

By day twenty-two you’ve been sleeping on Jake’s couch every night and that’s when you finally get an e-mail from him. He apologizes for taking so long. The internet is pretty spotty on the carrier and it’s hot as hell, he says he’s never not sweating. He said he’s bunking with Rooster and it reminds him of their first years during flight school, Rooster always talks to him at night. 

He doesn’t mind so much now because Rooster asks questions about you and Jake is all too willing to talk about you. He ends the e-mail by reminding you the forty-five days are halfway up and he can’t wait to come home and see you. He also includes a photo of him and the squad on the carrier. It’s a little blurry but he’s in his real flight suit with his aviators on, his hair blowing in the wind. 

You printed it out and placed it against the stack of aviation books on the coffee table so it was the first thing you’d see.

Day thirty-seven had you rethinking your sleeping arrangement. During a very real dream, you rolled onto the floor and smacked your head on the coffee table. You saw several stars before you sat up and decided to move to the bed. You’re not sure which side he slept on so you chose the left side. His cologne and aftershave washed over you, his pillow plush and smelling more like him as you laid down. 

You made sure to put Jake’s picture against the lamp so you could see him.

It was the best sleep you’ve had since he left so you decided to sleep there until he got home. You’d make sure to wash the sheets so he’d be none the wiser. Sometimes, to help you fall asleep, you’d play The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face and you’d dream of him.

Reynolds assured you that Jake is very good at what he does and that he will come home without a hair out of place. You appreciated his assurance but you missed talking with Jake and eating with him in the kitchen or finding him in the pool when you’d come home from work. 

Day forty-five came and went and you were a worried mess. 

What could that mean? Was he hurt? Did they get stuck in bad weather? Do Navy Pilots get layovers?

All the thinking and worrying gave you a migraine so you called in sick and slept  with the fire on. The sheets were cool on your neck and head, the bump from the coffee table pulsated in pain every time you moved. 

***

As soon as the debriefing was done at the hangar, Jake bolted out of there so fast to his truck. His windshield wipers were on the highest setting as he raced home to you. He was irritated he had to stay for an extra three days because that was an extra three days away from you. 

Because he was still on duty, he couldn’t call or text or e-mail you until they were back at the main hangar. He’d thought of you everyday and kept a photo of you tucked away in his pocket and cockpit when he was flying. He took it while you were out for brunch and you found a small patch of flowers. You knelt down to pick them and Jake took his phone out so he could capture the moment.

He called your name and when you looked up, he snapped a photo. Embarrassed, you held up your hand laughing as he tried to get a clear shot of your face. It was his favorite photo. He gazed at it when he woke up, tuning out Rooster’s monotone snores.

When he was flying and things got dicey in the sky, he’d look at your smiling face and find it within him to persevere and give the enemy pilots hell. You filled him with adrenaline and a purpose so when three extra days went by he was antsy. 

He wanted to call you and let you know that he’s on his way home–on his way to you–but the numbers on his truck’s screen reminded him it was too late. You’re probably sleeping and he didn’t want to wake you in a panic, even though he was sure you’ve been panicking the last seventy-two hours. 

When he finally pulled into the garage and ran inside without his duffel bag. He took the stairs two at a time then noticed your door was open. Usually you sleep with it closed so that concerns him. He was even more concerned when he didn’t find you in your bed. 

Panicking, he ran downstairs but didn’t find you in the living room so he ran back upstairs. His door was opened wider than he usually keeps it so he went to investigate. Seeing you curled up in his sheets and comforter hit him with such want and a deep rooted care for you that he had to blink a few times to make sure he wasn’t imagining it. 

The fire was on and old re-runs of Friends was on his tv. He approaches you quietly, kneeling on his side of the bed (you were hugging his pillow tightly) when he notices the picture he sent you leaning against the lamp. That filled him with more glee. 

“Sugar,” he murmurs, brushing his fingers on your forehead and into your hair. “Hey…Sugar.”

You groan and shift, mumbling his name. 

“Sugar, I’m home,” he says a little louder, fingers still in your hair. 

“Am I dreamin’?” you mumble again into his pillow. 

“No, baby, I’m right here. Open your eyes,” he chuckles and your eyes flash open. 

“Jake!” you launch yourself at him and he has to brace himself so he doesn’t fall back on his knees. You breathe in his hair, his shampoo is different but you smell his aftershave, a little bit of sweat and his cologne and you feel comforted.

“I’m sorry I’m late, Sugar,” he kisses your shoulder. “Had a little difficulty getting home.”

“I was so worried, I didn’t know if I should contact someone or who I would even–”

“I made sure you’d be notified, but you don’t have to worry about that now. I’m home.”

“You’re home,” you repeat weakly. You fall back into his bed, pulling Jake with you. He hovers over you, one arm squashed beneath your back and the other caressing your face.

“And you’re in my bed,” he smiles.

“I–I couldn’t sleep. I found your note and I was sleeping on your couch with the fire on but then I fell and hit my head on the table so I tried your bed and it smells like you and is so comfy but you’re home now so I’ll leave–”

He silences you with a kiss that turns from sweet to passionate in seconds. You move further back to the center of the bed, yanking Jake with you. You hear his shoes fall to the floor, lips still connected as he lays over you. 

“Don’t want you to leave,” he mumbles on your lips. “Stay here with me.”

“Okay,” you whisper tugging his comforter over him. His body heat fills your space quickly, the weight of him on top of you feels so nice. He gives you another deep kiss, the arm moving from beneath your back to your waist. 

“Is this my Navy shirt?” he asks staring down at the shirt you’re wearing. 

“Um..yeah. I saw it folded on your bathroom sink when I used the bathroom one night and I like when you wear it so I…borrowed it. Is that okay?”

“Seeing you in my bed and in my shirt…it’s more than okay, Sugar,” he grins. “Better than I’d dreamed it would be. How long have you been sleeping in here?”

“Since you e-mailed me the first time…” you admit sheepishly. You’re tracing your finger over the chain of his dog tags that spilled out of his shirt when he clambered onto his bed. “If that’s weird–”

He’s kissing you again, this time rolling over so you’re laying on his chest. His hands are gripping your waist as you adjust yourself over him, his fingers tickling you in the process and you’re giggling. 

“What?” he asks, adjusting his head on his pillow.

“You’re interrupting me a lot,” you laugh. 

“I’d apologize but I wouldn’t mean it. I missed you so much, Sugar. Finding  you in my bed and my shirt is the best homecoming I’ve ever had.”

You bite your lip, his sweet words heat up your cheeks. Being in this position gives you the opportunity to touch his face, he has a bit of a beard on his cheeks. A little sunburn on his nose and forehead. 

“Do you want to watch a movie or have a midnight snack?”

“No, just wanna hold you close.”

You’re half draped over him, his arm holding you against him and your hands joined on his stomach. You’re playing with each other’s fingers, staring at each other in the dim glow of his fireplace. When your eyes start to get heavy you blink them open quickly to stay awake. 

“Go to sleep, I’ll be right here when you wake up,” he promises with a kiss to your head. 

“Welcome home, Jake,” you whisper then close your eyes. 

You’re safe and warm tucked against him, the sound of his heart lulling you to sleep, his thumb rubbing your hand and the soft hum of him singing your song sends you off into dreamland.

[grapejuicestyless]

Kalopsia

Conrad Fisher x fem!reader

Summery: You convinced yourself you were in love but, was it for the wrong brother?

Kalopsia. A Greek noun that by definition means, The delusion of things being more beautiful than they really are.

A word that I had not known existed moments ago, but became aware of now. And how funny it was that in all the languages there were I managed to find the word to perfectly describe what was happening.

Love causes Kalopsia. More than we as people could ever realize. The way our hearts race and our cheeks blush. We put on our rose colored glasses that hide the red flags for the people we love.

That’s what makes this so funny. Because that’s what seemed to happen for Jeremiah.

I was so infatuated with the golden retriever with the boyish grin, icy blue eyes and tanned skin that I forgot that appearances are exactly what they are meant to be. Only appearances.

To me, he hung the sun and the moon in a rotation, spreading the stars along the sky just for me. I let myself become blinded by his perfections to see his side glances and his sly smirks that lingered on his cheeks.

I chose not to believe it when I’d heard he’d fallen for the shorter brunette with the long eyelashes and pink lips. Continuing the fantasy I had constructed in my head, the continuance of the paradise Jere had sold to me almost a year ago.

But how can you remain so ignorant to something right in front of your eyes? How can you lift your head and smile like he’s still the only boy in the world when your world is in the pool making out with his best friend?

I should’ve seen it. Their longing touches and side glances. Her hands cupped around his ear as flirty whispers were exchanged.

I wanted to rip Belly apart. I wanted her to feel the pain I was feeling, ripping her apart piece by piece emotionally. I wanted to keep them apart. Yet, I knew it wasn’t her fault. She was in love with the same man as I, and we both knew the affects he could cast down on us. I couldn’t help but almost feel a sense of pity towards Belly.

We were childhood friends, just like she was the fishers. My mother had a home down the street but Susannah kept a bed warm for me as I stayed there every night. We were so similar. The only thing separating us was our blood, our physical features and our age. She was a year younger while I stood at the same age as Conrad. Maybe that’s what made her believe she would be different. That Jere would love her more than he ever could to me.

Yet I could see it. We were so similar I could see that in time, she would endure the same fate as Jeremiah would once again get bored and run off behind her back. Too much of a child to have the guts to end things before starting something else. But then again, what we had was dead from the start. We just chose not to believe it.

I made no sound when leaving the scene. Exiting just as I came, quiet as a mouse, heart heavy and shoulders slumped. The world kept spinning without him, and that’s what seemed to be the scariest part.

Catching my two friends together didn’t leave me in the unspeakable despair I had imagined it would. Instead I was left feeling very ambivalent. Torn between my feelings. One one hand, I was hurt by the boy I had adored so much. My heart cracking thinking about all of my firsts I’d given him. My first kiss, my first dance, my first love. It was a hurt that touched the surface level, cutting my skin and making me bleed. Yet, on the other hand I felt more numb. Almost relieved in a way. While Jeremiah would always carry the title of my first love, it felt almost wrong to call him that. We loved each other, sure. But after the newness of it died, it seemed that so did his end of it. Could he really be my first love if everything we did was one sided?

And how stupid I felt for wearing those glasses and letting the Kalopsia happen all because I’d told myself it was love. I’d never known love. I’d never had it. How could I have been so blind and allowed myself to believe that it was meant to be that way? It was like a huge bullet was coming my way, and somehow in his own selfishness and his large ego, he acted as the shield to protect me from that ultimate heart break.

I grabbed my tote bag, slinging it over my shoulder, holding my surf board firmly under my other arm. I hadn’t planned to go to the beach today. I had only put on my swimsuit to go swimming with Jere in the pool. But I knew I wouldn’t feel up to returning to that pool in minutes knowing what had happened, and the beach had always been a sanctuary that wrapped my anxiety in a blanket of peace.

The sand filled the crevasses between my toes and stuck to the backs of my calves as I ran. It kicked up behind and left little divots behind in my wake. I dropped my bag somewhere behind me, next to a towel I recognized faintly and continued my path. My feet didn’t stop moving until my board was underneath me and my stomach was pressed against it. Even then I let my legs kick harshly.

It was then I remembered why I hadn’t gone to the beach today. The waves had been horrible all weekend and the weather was sucky. The birds were quiet and the wind was gentle. There was no chance of letting out my frustrations on the water. But floating was always an option.

“Hey! Y/n/n!” The voice was loud, gruffly and deep. It held a playful tone, lacking any heaviness. Refreshing, almost.

I knew the voice as Conrad’s. The older, more serious brother of the two. His hair was blonder, and straighter. His eyes a darker blue, yet they held more emotion and depth in them than Jeremiah’s ever did. His skin was less tan but still glowed a warm color. Everything about him screamed summer. He was my best friend before Jere and I got together.

It wasn’t like we fell out, we continued to hangout just as much as before. Only, Jeremiah always felt the need to join in on our movie nights and our bonfire carpools even when it was clear that it was our tradition to do so. The one thing we had was our surf trips. We never told anyone when we’d go on them, so the waves became our hangout. Maybe it was fate that we’d both gone out here tonight, but it was probably just a coincidence.

I nodded my head, acknowledging him while shifting on my board carefully. I laid on my back, staring at the stars. The stars I once believed Jere had painted across the sky just for me, but now knew it was just me being a fool.

“I didn’t expect to see you out here tonight. I though you were going swimming with Jere?” His smile was genuine, his teeth showing and slightly parted. He sounded almost out of breath.

“I didn’t expect to be out here tonight either.” I smiled back, only half of what he gave me. My tone was shaky, lower than usual. I felt my board bounce slightly, shifting enough to have my posture stiffened and my body sitting up. I let my legs straddle the board.

Looking over I saw an apologetic Conrad, cheeks reddened, I realized he had just bumped into me. Now, we mirrored each other. Both straddling the boards, facing each other.

“Did he fall asleep on you again? I told him to stop staying up so late with Steven but he never listens.” We laughed, my eyes closing for a moment. I let us fall into a silence, pulling in more air to speak.

“No, I uhm. I caught him kissing Belly in the pool.” There was no laughter this time. My hung head lifted to meet his gaze. His eyes were wide. Mixing with sadness and anger. As well as what I thought to be a sort of relief?

“What the fuck?” His brows were drawn together, hands clenched so hard his nails were digging into his palms. I placed my hand delicately over his, peeling his nails away from his soft skin.

"Conrad, hey. No, it's fine. Honestly, I should've seen it coming. Jere lost interest in whatever we had a long time ago." My confession felt like a weight coming off of my chest, Conrad’s face contorting into more confusion and sadness.

“I don’t give a fuck about him, Y/n.” His eyes met mine. His hand was now clenching over mine, holding it in the more firm grip I’d ever experienced. Like I’d disappear if he didn’t hold on.

“I care about you. You loved him, Y/n/n. He might have treated you like shit in the end, but we all saw the way you looked at him. Like he was the only person in the room. In the world.” I shrugged, looking out into the sea.

“We were both sick, we just wouldn’t admit it. What we had died a long time ago, Con. I was just too afraid to accept it. I think I was more afraid of losing one of my best friends than losing him romantically.” We looked at each other, letting out a deep sigh.

“I think I realized that on the way here. I always thought that the day we ended I would be inconsolable. That the world would end and I would be left in little tiny pieces. But, when it finally came, guess what? The world kept spinning and my heart kept beating. I didn’t feel like I lost a piece of myself. It was almost like, I gained something back.” I caught myself rambling, Conrad’s eyes boring into mine. Teeth tugging at his bottom lip.

“Sorry, fuck. I know he’s your brother.” He shrugged.

“Us being related doesn’t give him the excuse to be an asshole. Jeremiah has always been the flirty one. That’s just how it is. He goes around, finding anyone he can, making them feel special and then dumping them for the next.” My lips were drawn back in a tight line, a swift nod of my head as I avoided his eyes.

“I was surprised, honestly, over how long you lasted. What was it, almost a year now?”

“Yeah.” He tucked my hair behind my ears to see me better.

“For a moment I thought I lost you to him.” The ignorance and oblivion on my face was comedic, at his confession.

“I remember when he told me you’d kissed for the first time, I was so angry. I always thought you deserved better. Then, he stayed with you. He stayed loyal and I couldn’t help but believe he had found his person. And in doing that, he had taken mine away.” The realization had dawned on me in that moment, lips parting and eyes widened, Conrad met my face with a shy smile.

“You don’t mean…” I whispered, almost like if I said it too loud it wouldn’t be true.

“I’ve loved you since we were kids, Y/n. How could I not? You’re funny, competitive, compassionate. You’re everything I love. That’s what makes me love you.” And suddenly everything made sense. The days we spent on the boardwalk, talking for hours. Spending away all of our money we saved over the winter for these moments. I remember him blowing through thirty dollars to win me a stuffed animal after I’d seen the one he won for Belly. I always thought it was because he knew I felt left out, but now it made a little more sense. He had always gone out of his way to make me feel good. To spend time with me, to make me laugh. All of our shoulder brushes and long hugs clicked in my head, I’m sure he saw it.

“Shit, Conrad, why didn’t you tell me?” I let myself drift closer to him, concern and sincerity laced in my voice.

“You seemed so in love with Jeremiah, you said yes to him before I could even ask.”

“Damn it. Conrad, I only said yes to him because I thought you didn’t like me.” I shut my mouth quick, my hand flying over my mouth as a small laugh left Conrad a moment later, seeing my accidental confession. I let a laugh out too, his happiness contagious.

“Back up, back up. You’re in love with Jeremiah.” I shook my head. His mouth opened in disbelief, a smile pulling on his cheeks.

“I loved Jeremiah in a way that was different than a best friend, but it was nothing compared to what I felt for you.” I stuck my finger into his chest, pushing back a little.

“I always thought you were too good for me and, at the time I had harbored a small crush for Jere and when he asked me out, it felt like fate. Like maybe I was meant to be with him because he wanted me all along and you never did but, I guess I had it backwards.” We shared a glance, his eyes falling to my lips, mine following his stare to look at his mouth as well.

My eyes flickered back up to his, a silent understanding passing between us, the air grew heavier.

It was like gravity was pulling us towards each other, our fingers interlacing with each other, our noses close to touching. I felt his breath on mine, his words choppy and lingering with nervousness as he whispered, “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure about something in my life.”

Our noses bumped and a chuckle was exchanged. We moved slowly into it, not rushing what had been building for years now, letting it peak finally as his lips met mine in the most soothing kiss Id ever experienced.

With Jeremiah, it was sloppy, rushed and needy. Always so sexual and demanding. It was hot, but never the most fulfilling. However, him being my one and only, again I had fallen for the trap that kissing was just meant to be like that. Needy and rushed.

With Conrad, it was slow and sinful. His lips massaging mine smoothly as my hands found the back of his neck. I let his fingers curl into my hair, tangling themselves as we pushed each other closer together. It was a blur, almost. I felt my mind growing foggy at how badly I wanted to be closer to him, over how much I enjoyed this. My mouth opening and his tongue providing more closeness than before. It was hot, and wet all around. The water dancing over our legs. How inconvenient for us that the moment happened in the water. A place that restricted our movements. Yet, the same restrictions let us start this change in relationship off slow. Not rushing into anything too quickly.

Soft sighs of contentment and pleasure echoed between us, satisfied with what was happening. It was only the splashing of the current coming back in that pulled us apart, our forehead stuck together and eyes fluttered shut still. We breathed each others air while the minutes passed, and the peace settled in.

By then I had forgotten all about Jeremiah. He didn’t matter to me anymore. I knew he didn’t hang the stars for me, and I realized that I truly wasn’t in love with him. And in his infidelity, I found what I wanted all along.

His brother.

[evilwickedme]

This wasn't asked for because nobody in their right mind would ask for this but this is a fic rec list of fics I cannot stop rereading

Just started yet another reread of Inimitable Verse by deniigiq and I fully plan on rereading their into the multiverse series which occasionally crosses over also - this is a Spider-Man/team red focused series, think comics canon infused early mcu-spidey since only homecoming had come out for a non substantial amount of time they were working on the series and the daredevil stuff is explicitly tv show AND comics. Also the multiverse series is how I got into Murderdock and therefore how I got into Spider Gwen

Unpretty's Sorrowful And Immaculate Hearts series which is just a loosely interconnected series of DC fics. My personal favorites are Empty Graves, in which Martha Kent keeps killing time travelers trying to kill baby! Clark; any of their clois fics but especially Third Wheel; and Anti-Social, which is a social media fic mostly about Tim and Bruce that made me cry laughing. Catch Bruce trying to get Walmart's employees to unionize. Also shout out to unpretty's only fic with Jason in it, it looks awesome but is tragically incomplete

This particular Reverse Robin AU which put in the work to reverse every single younger generation and is chef's kiss I LOVE this version of Tim he's wild

Both of Shoalsea's fics are in constant rotation for me I talk about Into The Brighter Night all the time in the tags of reblogs and stuff it truly lives in my head rent free. Anyway Tim gets kidnapped by aliens and the batfam have to watch as yj98 saves him and it's angsty and funny and such a good take on what could have been if the new 52 hadn't happened. And Compassion Builds No House is about Tim and Pru from Red Robin. Ugh they're both so good

Speaking of Clois (I did you've just forgotten this by now) brilliant (like a confession) by kathkin (penny-anna on the hellsite) is so fucking good I'm. Okay. Anyway it'll be listed as inspiration if/when I finally post my two person love triangle fic for them

I'm too anxious to catch up on this before it's done but jumble sale chic is hands down the best spideydevil fic series despite and because of the omegaverse

Make A Little Birdhouse In Your Soul is my favorite take on Jason, period, and has a lot of fantastic Damian stuff going on too. It's updating every few weeks still! Sometimes more often! I love you bacondoughnut it's me JustGail the person who will not stop commenting on your fic you're stuck with me forever

I lied above Rumspringa Murderdock is what got me into Murderdock but that series is second place. I found this one while scrolling through the tv show's mattfoggy tag, thinking I was safe

Speaking of Murderdock mattfoggy, The Lawyer All the Wickedness was written early on in spider-gwen's history and so diverges from canon really early in ways that I think are super interesting and creative

Oh also straight on 'til morning by merils (Tumblr url mamawasatesttube) does SUCH a great job unpacking Kon's trauma and building up healthy relationships around him including a budding timkon romance and yeah it makes me sad and happy at the same time

We're getting into poisonivory territory so just trust if you like the pairing and poisonivory is writing it you'll like it. Ok rapidfire

Like A Handprint On My Heart mattfoggy soulmate au with a twist

Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow? Damijon future fic/au. Jon came back from the future when both of them were 19. Demisexual!Damian at its best. Damian's terrified of being abandoned by Jon again and it made my heart hurt

I feel like I've already recommended every JayRoy fic by poisonivory and genuinely I do reread them all, sometimes in order of publication if I'm in a particular mood. Maybe the one I've read most though is I've Got the Feeling You're the Right Thing After All which is about Roy and Jason starting a fwb thing while Roy still harbors old feelings for Dick. Can't see anything going wrong here lmao

Mmm this post is long enough so I'll leave it at just superhero fic for now but I do in fact have the ability to do a whole post just for the Witcher or Leverage so I might do that. Anyway thanks for following me on yet another burst of insanity it will happen again

[mychoombatheroomba]

The Crucible (Part 1)

Between the Bones (Leon x GN! Reader) - Chapter 49

The final test begins, and while Leon and the others are away, questions begin to pull at you.

(Cross-posted from Ao3)

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter Index

“Where do you think you’re going?” 

“Um. Breakfast?” You thought the answer was fairly obvious, given you were only a few feet from the mess hall doors. Still, Doc took the time to stop you and ask the question. 

The old man just shook his head. “No you’re not. I’m down an assistant today, need your help organizing. Just got a new shipment of supplies.” 

You wouldn’t be mad at that, actually. Anything to take your mind off the fact that you weren’t testing with the others . . . and you wouldn’t be mad that you likely wouldn’t have to eat the cardboard they passed off as food, either. Still . . . “Don’t think Reed will be okay with that,” you grumbled. 

“Well, Reed can kiss my ass.” Doc’s response was curt and made you smile, glad to know that yet another person on base shared your sentiment about the CIA agent. “Krauser already okayed it. Can’t pull you out of any drills proper, but I am gonna enlist you at mealtimes and in your off-hours. Need all the help I can get. My other assistants and I are gonna be rotating to shadow your squad up in the hills, in case something goes wrong.” 

“Like what?” you asked, because you couldn’t help but be curious about what it was you were missing out on. You couldn’t help but worry, just a bit. 

Doc just gave you a look. “Krauser makes good tests, but it’s not out of the realm of possibility that someone gets hurt in one of them.” 

That just pinched your brows together. “They’re not doing anything that crazy up there though, are they?” Your turn to ask an obvious question and get an obvious answer. 

“It’s Krauser.” 

“Fair point.” 

Doc chuckled, but his expression turned more reassuring soon after. “They’ll be tired by the end of it all, but no. Nothing too crazy.” 

Somehow, you didn’t quite believe him. 

⧫⧫⧫

Rifles rose slowly in the silence, the act of breathing itself coming to a halt. 

No noise. 

Not if they could help it. And as they were, on a gravel path and surrounded by woods on either side, standing still was the only way they really could manage that. 

Another shrill screech from up ahead, overpowering the sounds of birds waking up, and Leon felt an old dread shoot through his heart, and he worried that the beating of it was so loud that it could be heard by whatever was out there. 

Eyes up, gun up. Not that it would matter, really. It was loaded with blanks. That was what made Leon think it wasn’t actually a Licker waiting for them in those trees. Krauser and Hellman wouldn’t throw them against a BOW without arming them first, surely. 

Right? 

“What are you all waiting around for?” A familiar voice interrupted Leon’s thought process, and he felt himself relax as he looked to his side. Krauser stepped through the trees, wearing his usual warning-smile. “You’ve got places to be, soldiers. Only problem is . . .” another screech, and the Major’s crooked grin widened, “. . . you make a sound, you’re as good as dead.” 

The first test, then. 

“Move forward without drawing attention to yourselves,” Hellman said in simpler terms as he appeared at Krauser’s side. “Manage that, then your next challenge will be waiting for you.” 

Leon looked to his side, his gaze finding Valeria’s at once, a silent question shared between the two of them; how do you move ten people without making a sound? The answer was obvious enough; slowly. Still, it would be easier said than done, and likely not enough. They would move when the woods made noise to cover them, and if that was not enough . . . he had an idea in mind. So, Leon switched his rifle to one hand, and then bent down with as little noise as he could manage. He took a larger stone from the path, and nodded to Valeria as she did the same. Once they both were upright again, they gave a simultaneous signal with the hand, the group began advancing forward, heel to toe, trying to make as little noise as possible on the gravel path. 

They made it several feet amidst the shrieking and shrill cries echoing through the woods . . . but, of course, it wasn’t long before a footstep made noise, a rock slipping out from beneath a boot and skittering across the path. 

As soon as it happened, Leon held up a signal for them to halt, and just as Krauser opened his mouth to no doubt shout a reprimand, Leon hefted the stone in his hand. There was some noise as he threw it, but not nearly as much as when the rock impacted with a tree far off the path. It struck the bark hard, the sound scaring birds into flight. 

With the distraction, the group moved forward again on Leon’s command, stopping when the forest went quiet around them once more. With no words from Krauser suggesting otherwise, it seemed the plan worked. All that remained was to repeat it. So they moved, a group of ten moving carefully through the trees. It was as they moved, under the cover of well-timed distractions, that Leon almost broke the quiet with a huff of breath. An exasperated sigh as he looked through the trees and at last glimpsed what horror had been making the shrieking calls in the woods. Or, rather, lack of horror. After all, there were many things to be afraid of, but loudspeakers strapped to the trees were not on the list, as far as Leon was concerned. 

Leave it to Krauser to be good for a scare. 

So, as Valeria threw a stone of her own, creating another distraction, Leon glanced over at the man shadowing them, the one who, not so long ago, Leon had borne little but contempt for. 

The Major, many times in the past, had only looked annoyed or judgmental of Leon’s efforts. 

Now, Krauser just nodded his approval. 

A good start, then, but he knew . . .

⧫⧫⧫

“It’s not over yet,” your voice cut out across the training yard, but you weren’t sure the recruit you were speaking to believed you. After all, it was hard to believe that you could win a fight after your weapon had been taken from you. You also knew that fighting well in that moment was all the more important. “Keep your guard up,” you instructed. 

The recruit did as you ordered, looking from you to his opponent . . . to the agent watching from a distance. 

The agent who was otherwise occupied with his own set of recruits. Two who circled each other, following Reed’s instruction. The man never looked your way - not if he could help it. You couldn’t help but watch them too, because Reed never seemed to object when they went for blows to the face. He never seemed keen to discipline hits that, in basic training, would have gotten you a reprimand at best. 

Krauser had always believed in learning through the bruises you received, but still . . . 

The movement of the two recruits you were training snapped your attention back to them. “Come on, you know better,” you sighed, “bend your knees.” 

They obeyed, and blunted steel streaked through the air, traded blow for blow. 

“Keep your blade in front of you.” 

You wondered if Leon was fighting up at the test. 

“Switch hands more.” 

Was he doing well? 

“Smaller-” 

“Fuck!”

You looked just in time to see the recruit land, his feet finishing the arc through the air and the rest of him crashing into the dirt. Then came the cry of pain, the wide eyes of someone realizing something painful had just happened. The same young soldier who had helped you up after Reed kicked your ass not too long ago - Grayson. His opponent let go of the arm he’d used as leverage in an instant, realizing something had gone wrong. When the one on the ground tried to stand but yelped when he put weight on his arm, you felt something in you stir awake. 

When Reed made no move to stop or help, you were at the recruit’s side in a matter of moments. You ignored the apologies of his opponent, kneeling in the dust at Grayson's side.

“Can you move your arm?” you asked, but with the way it remained at the young man’s side, you doubted it. 

“No-”

“Then get yourself to the infirmary,” Reed commanded, his tone indifferent as ever. 

The tension of being left behind during the test had already put you in a bad mood, and here was the man responsible. One who had now just overseen the injury of another soldier. So, you didn’t reign in the gnashing remark that came from snarling lips. “You make a habit of getting your soldiers crippled?” you spat up as you helped Grayson to his feet. 

Reed’s shoulders rose and fell, almost imperceptibly. “I make a habit of making sure they’re capable fighters.” 

“Then don’t fucking let them break their bones before they even get to the front lines!” 

“Your Major has expressed that you be prepared-”

“Prepared for our own comrades to knock us out of the fight?”

“Prepared to show no mercy,” Reed hissed, stepping forward, more tense than you had ever seen him. “Take you, for example. If that Umbrella soldier had gone for your throat instead of your side, then you would be dead, and they would have one less enemy. But here you are.” His nostrils flared, and you swore you felt a thrum of pressure in your healed ribs as you stared him down, Grayson’s good arm still slung over your shoulder. “These men cannot afford to make the same mistake and let their enemies get back up.” 

Fury coiled in you, and if you hadn’t been holding on to the injured soldier at your side you might have struck. You might have gone for Reed’s throat then and there . . . but instead you just fixed him in a scathing glare. “But we aren’t the enemy,” you snarled, then turned on your heel, beginning to help Grayson towards the infirmary. 

The agent didn’t stop you, or even speak another word to you. He just issued his next order-

⧫⧫⧫

“Keep moving!” 

That was the best command Leon could give, one that was easier said than done. An obstacle course was something they’d done dozens of times now, even if this new one in the woods was set up differently than what they were used to. Even the cases of ammunition they now carried, they’d had to handle before. 

The hands reaching up for them, though . . . that was an added challenge. 

Krauser and Hellman wouldn’t release true bioweapons on them, but they would find ways to imitate the grasping hands and hungry teeth of the zombies of Raccoon City. The solution to that had been simple; anyone could become a bioweapon, and so the squad had been split, and Valeria’s half now walked just below Leon, their hands reaching up. 

The goal? 

For Leon’s men, it was to get through the course with at least one of the ammunition cases. For Valeria’s, it was to stop that from happening. And they certainly had the easier job of the two groups. 

Leon felt sweat sticking his hair to his forehead as he moved, taking the ammo case from Williams. There had been no reprieve since they started this morning, no real chance at a break. Now, the sun was beginning the second half of its arc in the sky and hunger and exhaustion were beginning to press in on him. 

Still, he had to press on. That was the only choice now, because it would be the only choice in the field. He knew that better than anyone. 

They were almost there. Almost to the end, if Valeria and her men had been doing everything they could to stop them from getting there. They’d been instructed to remain on the ground, to more accurately simulate the zombies that Leon’s report had spoken of in Raccoon City . . . but Valeria had never been one to play by the rules. So, Leon was hardly surprised when, even with how she and Dina felt about each other, Valeria shook her head and took a running jump, one of her men boosting her. 

Leon was sure she’d go for him. That she’d try to jump Leon to try and pull him down through the bars. He should have known better. He should have known that Valeria was more cunning than that. 

So, when Dina called out his name, nearly falling from the bars, Leon knew it was a ploy. He knew it was a distraction, in the back of his mind . . . but he moved anyway. 

The case nearly slipped from his grip as he lunged, his body caught awkwardly across the bars in a way he knew would leave bruises behind. Still, he caught Dina’s wrist just before the tall woman was yanked off the bars, holding on to her with one hand, and the case in the other . . . 

And fighting off the memories playing in his mind all the while. 

“Oh, fuck!” Williams cried, kicking her legs as Valeria tried to pull her down, and Leon grit his teeth. It was a test - a simulation. Still, he could think only of the last time he’d been in a position like this. When he hadn’t been strong enough, and the woman he’d been trying to save had slipped through his fingers . . . 

So, he strained with all his might, willing his arm to bend. Forcing himself to fight.

“The longer they hold you, the more likely you’ll get bit!” Krauser shouted a reminder, but Leon didn’t pay much attention.

His muscles had ached for days upon days, when Krauser started training him. He’d thought, at times, that he wouldn’t survive. That the feats the Major wanted him to carry out would never be possible. 

Now, he felt only awe at the strength he had as Dina freed herself from Valeria’s hold, and Leon lifted the woman with only one arm. 

Williams swore as she met Leon halfway, beginning to pull herself up . . . just in time for one of Valeria’s men to jump too, grasping the ammo case with both hands. In his distracted state, Leon’s eyes flashed as he realized he’d been played, and he and his half of the squad lost that portion of the test within a few feet of the end of it. 

“Fuck,” he hissed, helping Williams the rest of the way up all the same. 

Hellman watched from a distance, shaking his head. “You prioritized your team over the objective,” he accused. “Admirable, but it will cost your team a resupply.” That meant less ammo for whatever was to come . . . but honestly? Leon didn’t care. Not if his friend was safe, even if this was just a simulation of a dire situation. 

Krauser’s own thoughts on the matter were hidden behind a stern expression and an order to switch out, but Hellman’s disapproval was clear. Williams and Leon both seemed to share the same sentiment regarding that. 

“What a fucking-”

⧫⧫⧫

“- asshole.” 

As far as you were concerned, the word was a bit gentle when it came to describing Reed. Grayson could have called him infinitely worse, and you wouldn’t have blamed him, especially now that he was taking up the same position you’d been stuck in for weeks. 

When you’d dropped him off at the infirmary earlier, you’d been told by Doc to return to drills for the day. Now, though, dinner had come around and you’d returned to help as instructed. When you found out that Grayson had been sentenced to the sick bay because his arm had popped out of socket, you had felt a familiar rage in you.

Well, in truth, it had just been more gasoline to the fire that had been burning all day. 

Even if Reed hadn’t dealt the blow this time, another soldier was out of commission on his watch. And more than that . . .

“If that Umbrella soldier had gone for your throat instead of your side . . .” those words replayed in your mind over and over and over again. How could they not? How could you not fixate on that wounding remark? 

Especially when something about it just didn’t sit right with you . . .

“Asshole is putting it mildly,” Doc agreed, as he sifted through his supplies. Getting ready to switch out with his assistants in the mountains had him rushing to be ready - he hadn’t been expecting the injury he had to deal with today to be here rather than up with Krauser’s group. 

“You’re going to tell the Major, right?” you asked, because, frankly, you thought Krauser might kill Reed for this. You’d like to see that, you decided. 

“You bet your ass I will,” Doc nodded, shaking his head in a display of his frustration. “Bastard is gonna have the whole base crippled at this rate . . .” 

Yes, he would. 

Even Hellman had shown remorse about your injury, and about having to cut soldiers from the ranks, if Leon was to be believed. Reed, though, never seemed to care. To Reed, you were all disposable . . . 

But then, if he knew that Umbrella was responsible for your injury all those months ago . . . 

When had he read your file? 

Had it been after he was assigned here? Or after? Because if it was before . . . if Reed had known about your injury and still decided to strike you in the ribs anyway during the interrogation . . .

“Hey,” Doc pulled you from your thoughts, stepping closer. “I know I’m breaking my own rule here, but the kid’s gonna be stuck in the same boat you were.” He gave a sympathetic glance towards the bed where Grayson sat, and then looked back to you. “And sharing is caring and all that bullshit.” 

You knew what he meant, and you had to admit that some part of you felt better when you handed Grayson a slice of pizza - one of several that Doc had stocked you and his assistants with for the next few days. The recruit’s face lit up at the sight of food that wasn’t what they served in the mess hall, and the two of you ate in the quiet of the infirmary . . . and had some small amount of fun giving Reed scathing glares when he dropped off the opened mail the base received that day - one letter for Grayson that the agent had read and ensured was safe. 

Still, as much as offering Grayson company distracted you from the test you were missing out on . . . you couldn’t help the other questions that began to gnaw at you as Reed left. 

Questions like-

⧫⧫⧫

How the hell were they going to get through this? 

The goal was simple, really; get through the course, avoiding as many “casualties” as possible, and retrieve an ammunition case from inside the structure at the end. Eliminate the “targets” between them and their objective. And just like the entire rest of the day, from dawn to dusk and now continuing after dark, the problem was the course in front of them. 

There were flashes in the night sky, resounding booms and cracks of gunfire. Screams. 

None of it was real. That was what Leon had to remind himself. Like with the sounds of Lickers they’d played in the morning, none of this was real. Even so, that didn’t make it easier as he crawled on his belly, moving through mud and under razor wire with his nearly empty rifle in his hands. 

His squad was close, and that helped. It would have been better if you were there at his side, telling him to keep going . . . but he could practically hear your voice in his ear, even now. 

Tripwires were disabled, spats of mock-gunfire evaded, and Leon pushed his men on. “Come on,” he insisted, “we get to sleep a whole four hours after this,” he grinned, cracking the mud that had caked on his face. 

“Oh, what a relief!” Alejandro huffed at his side, but Leon could see the man’s smile when he looked over at him. 

It was those smiles that helped Leon to push forward, even as he heard Hellman’s voice call out a consequence for ducking into cover too late. “Garza's hit! You’re bleeding soldier!” 

Leon grimaced, because he knew what would come next. They’d been briefed on what to do if one of them was designated a casualty. The goal was to simulate evacuating the wounded from a battlefield, and Krauser and Hellman both had been adamant that whoever was pretending to be wounded play the part. Alejandro might have felt a bit ridiculous when he started screaming, but for Leon, the sound was plenty convincing. 

What was it that you told him your Captain used to say? If you can’t run, you crawl. If you can’t do that, you find someone to carry you. 

Leon gritted his teeth and finished the last segment of the course with Alejandro laying across his back, the added weight of another man pressing him further into the mud, making every inch all the more of a struggle. Still, he pressed on, right up until he and the others were up against the side of the building they needed to breach. The loss of the ammo case earlier had cost them a resupply, so after a quick ammo check, Leon ordered Williams to remain with Alejandro while he and Alenko went in to handle the targets. 

Gunfire still echoed through the night as he and Alenko stepped up to the door, looking first to each other and then reaching out.

⧫⧫⧫

There was a little click as the lock opened and you felt your heart lurch. 

This was stupid. This was so fucking stupid . . . but you’d been doing a lot of stupid things lately, hadn’t you? It wasn’t too late, you could just re-lock the door and go back to setting up triplines in the dark. You could . . . but you wouldn't. You’d come this far, and you had questions that needed answers.

You tried to take some relief in the irony of the situation. Reed and Hellman had taught you how to pick locks, and now that skill was being brought to bear against them. It was stupid, but it didn’t stop you from slinging your bag of springs and wires over your shoulder and reaching for the newly unlocked door. 

It didn’t stop you because the entire day - hell, since you met them through the bars of a jail cell - you had felt something wrong about the CIA agents sent to oversee training. Perhaps it was just paranoia. Perhaps it was the fact that Reed had broken your bones. Either way, you found yourself moving into a dark office that night; one you absolutely should not have been in. 

Reed’s office held few answers. You found no personal effects, really, just the pile of mail that the agent had sorted through before delivering it to the rest of the base, an small and empty box that he’d no doubt confiscated. 

You picked the secondary lock on his desk with nervous hands, eyes glancing around all the while, and for a few moments, you skimmed through the reports you found inside in the light pouring in from the streetlights outside. 

𝚂𝚞𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝: (𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚎)

𝙵𝚛𝚘𝚖: █.█.

𝙼𝚢 𝚗𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚒𝚜 ███████ ██████, 𝚊 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚜𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚄𝚖𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚊 𝙲𝚘𝚛𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗. 𝙸’𝚖 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚝 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚔 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊𝚗 𝚘𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚛 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞. 𝙾𝚗𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔, 𝚐𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚒𝚗 ███████ 𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝. 

The same report Krauser had given you - you’d almost memorized it, you’d read it so many times. You didn’t have such a luxury now - every second you spent in here was another second you were at risk of being court martialed. Still, you had to know. You had to know what they knew. 

You didn’t have much time to sift through it all and read each report. You could only skim, hoping that something would stick out as different . . . 

And your eyes widened in the dark when you found that something. 

████-████████ ███████ ███ █████████████ ████: 𝚃𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙳𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 

𝙸𝚗 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚙𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚒𝚗 ███████ ████, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚄𝚂 𝚂𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚐𝚒𝚌 𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚟𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚐𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 ████████ ██████████████ ███████. 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚘𝚕𝚍𝚒𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚎𝚗 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚖 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚎𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚕 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚕𝚎𝚍𝚐𝚎 𝚘𝚏 ██████████ ███████ ████. 𝚃𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚛 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚕𝚎𝚍𝚐𝚎 𝚘𝚛 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 ████ 𝚒𝚗 𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚎 𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗.

Your eyes narrowed at that. Even with the blacked out text, even with the information all but hidden, it didn’t take much for you to put it together. Umbrella, bioweapons . . . they’d chosen teachers who’d had experience with both. 

Krauser had pulled you from the snow in Finland. He’d seen the corpses of the bioweapons there . . . 

How were Reed and Hellman involved? 

⧫⧫⧫

The rifle knocked back into Leon’s shoulders, his eyes set in a hard at the targets in front of him. There were only blanks in the gun - in all their guns - but the simulated fire was real enough. He and Alenko had cleared the first two rooms of the mock-safe house, and now they were on the last one. He took up the ammunition case that was their objective, and they were home-free. The final hurdle, then the first night course would be done.                                     

He should have known it wouldn’t be that easy. Never was. 

His rifle clicked empty, Alenko’s had run dry in the previous room. 

That, of course, was when he appeared. 

Leon turned just in time to see a shape in the doorway, all muscle and brutal strength. Alenko was knocked to the side with a kick, crashing into the wall. There was a knife in the Major’s hands, because of course there was. There always seemed to be. Leon knew what came next. 

Part of him wanted to stay. To fight. To test his blade against Krauser’s once more. 

But winning wasn’t the goal; escaping - surviving - was. 

They just had to get past Krauser, first. 

So, Leon looked to Alenko, seeing his comrade slinging his rifle over his shoulder quickly and drawing the practice blade strapped to his belt instead. Just as the Major moved forward, intent to take the ammo case from Leon and make the test an automatic failure. So, Leon threw himself back, avoiding a swing with Krauser’s knife, then slipping to the side to try and avoid the second . . . only for Krauser’s hand to close around his wrist, the one whose hand held the ammo case. Leon and Krauser both struck at the same time, Leon stepping in to aim a knee at the Major’s stomach, just as Krauser brought his knife down on Leon’s arm. Blunted metal still hurt as it dug into his skin, bruising him, nearly making him drop the case . . . but then Alenko was there, knocking into the Major’s side. 

Leon took the opportunity, wrenching the case away, just as Krauser turned to deal with his new attacker. 

He could have run, he supposed. He had the objective in hand, he had a way to go around his attacker. A way out. But it would mean leaving his friend behind, and that wouldn’t work for him. 

So, as Alenko occupied the Major’s attention for that split second, Leon wrenched his wrist free and turned. The ammo case swung through the air, and Leon hoped the Major didn’t mind a bit of pain, because that same case was crashing into the man’s arm a moment later. The older man growled in pain, and it was enough for Leon to push past, handing the case off to Alenko. 

They nearly made it out before Leon felt a hand grasp at his pack, pulling him backwards. 

"Should have run, rookie."

His eyes shot wide, nearly falling off his feet as Krauser yanked him back . . . but Leon’s now free hand was already closing around the handle of his own knife. He blocked with his rifle just in time as Krauser’s blade came up and around, aiming for his throat. Leon used the rifle’s mag to hook Krauser’s arm down and away, then turned as best he could. 

Krauser ducked under the stab of Leon’s knife but couldn’t avoid the push kick to his chest. The Major’s grip slipped as he was knocked down, and with that, Leon dashed out. He knew better than anyone that, sometimes, you didn’t need to defeat an opponent. You just needed to-

⧫⧫⧫

Get out.

You were gone from the offices in a flash, the reports returned to the desk you’d broken into, the locks back in place. Like you’d never been there. You hoped that's how it looked, at least. 

Your boots scraped against the dirt of the base, your mind a storm. You stepped between buildings, but as you moved from the offices towards the mess hall, the tripwires you set up were done so slowly. Your mind was not focused on the intricacies of setting up traps. No, it was elsewhere.  

Reed and Hellman. 

They’d had experience with bioweapons . . . or at least knew they existed before this. 

How? 

What had they done? What had they seen? How had they-

You didn’t have much time to question it before the sound of footsteps made you freeze in your tracks - too close to you. “Sergeant,” a cool, usually indifferent voice called out, and anxiety had to be wrestled down as you turned and found a man striding towards you. 

The very man whose office you’d just broken into. 

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter Index

[reimeichan]

As I start nearing 30 years old, and also as I become more integrated, I've started exploring who "I" am, as a person, and as a single identity. I know that not too long ago I made a post talking about these aspects of who I am, as a person, post-fusion. But I've also been finding more and more bits and pieces of myself and working through my trauma since then, and as new information crops up, I'm starting to once again re-examine who I am.

Mainly, I've been exploring my gender and sexuality. My sexuality especially has always been very clear to me since I was 14. I'm asexual. Nothing had really changed that for well over a decade. And not for lack of trying, too; I explored my feelings on sexuality and sex for a long time and it was something I would regularly rotate around in my head. Am I truly ace? I enjoy reading hentai and watching porn and reading smut, does that mean I'm sexually attracted to people? I'm hypersexual, how does that factor in to my ace-ness? Am I maybe aro as well? Am I demi-ace? Is my asexuality a result of my trauma? Does that make my asexuality more or less valid in that way? I explored every aspect of my asexual identity as thoroughly as I could, and each time I emerged on the other side even more certain that "asexual" was the best and closest label to describe my sexuality.

But, now... as I work through these different parts of me and understand the bits of me I had dissociated away, I'm starting to become more connected to... having sexual attraction to others. It's not that I was wrong about being ace for all these years; I think it's important to honor and acknowledge that part of my history. But I also think that to continue to call myself "asexual" is doing a disservice to myself. I do find people "hot". I do think about and fantasize about people's bodies. It's no longer about just the act of sex or kink itself turning me on (as it had been when I was ace), I'm very much attracted to people's bodies. And in that way I think it's more accurate to tell others that I am bisexual. And... that's quite a change, for me. To start acknowledging that I have sexual feelings towards others, and am sexually attracted to them, is so new to me, when in the past this wasn't something I ever felt like I had experienced.

And similarly, my gender. The thing that I could never figure out, but with each passing day I find further clarity. I think I know how to explain my gender now. I was a girl. For much of my childhood, I was absolutely a girl. But as I hit my preteen years and my teenage years, that started to shift. I saw myself less as a girl, and more as something.... in-between and outside of that. Nonbinary. Agender. Androgynous. I don't know what term works best, but I know what it was for me. And again, in early adulthood, that shifted yet again. I was genderfluid, a girly guy, a femboy. But I'm not going to be a young adult for much longer, and I find myself looking into the future. In my middle age, who I am? Who do I see myself becoming? And, beyond that, who will I be when I'm even older, at retirement age or even as an elderly 80, 90 year old?

And as I think about this future version of me, I realize that I am no longer a genderfluid girly femboy. I'm... a guy. I'm a middle aged Asian man. I don't know if "transmasc" or "trans man" really is the best way to describe that, but it's the closest word I have for what I see and what I feel. But really, just calling myself a guy is enough I think. I'm going to be a middle aged guy sooner than later, and I want to take some steps for this future version of me so that he can feel more comfortable in his skin.

I'm still a femboy right now. I like this version of me and I plan to stick with it as long as it feels right. But I also know this isn't who I'm going to be forever, and that's okay.

It's so weird, exploring all of these feelings at my age, especially when I thought I had it all figured out. But life isn't so clear cut, and you're never too old to figure out who you are. And it's okay for things to change as you get older, too. Either way, I'm excited for whoever I end up becoming, and I'm proud of who I am right now.

[theactualsunshinechild]

I have this incredibly specific WrioChi scenario rotating around in my head that I have to throw out there before it drives me insane. Imagine the following:

Childe seeing Wriothesley walking out of his office, calling out to him, and leaping right off the second floor of the administrative zone at him, and Wriothesley panicking and dropping everything in his arms to catch him and then reprimanding him to "Stop DOING that, you brat!!!" And Childe is just like "but it's fun and you always catch me!"

"I should let you drop," Wriothesley grumbles, though his hold doesn't loosen. If anything, Childe feels his grip tighten slightly as the redhead pretends to contemplate the possibility.

"Mmmm..." he hums thoughtfully, "well, I guess I'll have to hope I land on my feet!" The shrug that follows gets the Duke's brows to twitch lightly on his otherwise stone cold expression.

"You'll break your legs from that height." His grip tightens again. Childe grins. He knows this of course. Vision users have tougher bodies, so he'd have to land wrong, but breaking a bone was a very real possibility. However, he'd heal it off relatively quickly, especially compared to the havoc his Foul Legacy wreaks upon his body, and it was a risk he was willing to take. Not only did Childe have plenty of trust in his own body's capabilities and expertise in executing dangerous drops and cushioning rolls safely, but:

"You will never let that happen." Childe's confident reply echoes in the nonexistent space between them, reverberating through Wriothesley's bones.

"I just told you, I will let you fall," Wriothesley scowls down at him. His grip is a little painful, but his voiced threat is rendered ineffective against Childe, who smiles, softer this time, the sharp teasing corners tempered by the concern that was pacing a visible hole through the frost of the other's gaze.

"You told me you should, Your Grace, but your eyes say you won't." For a second those same eyes widen at his words, and Childe knows he hit the nail on the head. He grins in delight as Wriothesley averts his gaze silently, confirming it further.

For a man who was once meant to keep him captive and kept so many secrets, the Warden was a terribly easy man to trust in.

Childe was never a fan of... relying on others. It wasn't really in his playbook, couldn't be, with the kind of profession he was in, the coworkers he worked with. Physically, letting any part of his plans fall on anyone else's shoulders always came with a threat of failure and fatality. Emotionally, the idea of letting people close to him, like his family, in on his worries was even more devastating. Frankly, letting anyone else into his heart and head was always going to be out of the question. Or so he thought.

The Traveler, was one such newcomer into Childe's limited circle. And when they both found themselves in Fontaine once again for one reason or another, the Traveler, ever the networking expert, introduced him to Wriothesley over a cup of the Duke's fine tea. Introduced was, admittedly, a strong word for a situation in which Wriothesley already had his name, family's names, occupation, and detailed criminal record on file. It was a jarring experience to say the least, to have a complete stranger ask after the well-being of his siblings, but at the end of the day, he could finally put a face to the grand title he had heard so many times during his stint in the prison. Even with the amount of reverence people spoke of their Duke with, Childe had been unprepared for the kind of person he really was in the flesh.

Shrewd and cautious, stomping out problems quickly and efficiently. Polite and charismatic, yet tangibly dangerous and unafraid to resort to brutality when his hand was forced. Wriothesley was nothing if not reliable; he protected his values and people with a steadfast viciousness that Childe recognized intimately -- an indomitable, resolute determination that matched his own.

It seemed like there was nothing thrown his way that Wriothesley couldn't handle, and Childe couldn't help but want to test the limits. Posing himself as the world's most difficult problem to solve was an endeavor that came quite naturally to the Harbinger, but perhaps it was Childe's limits that had truly been tested.

Wriothesley had stepped up to the challenge before him and, while neither had expected to tumble into bed together in the process, it had not been unwelcome. Under the Duke's attentive gaze and steady hands Childe found himself being taken apart piece by piece and reconstructed into a version of himself that felt lighter somehow. It was months later that Childe lay awake with the realization that the lightness came with the missing pieces, the shards of his long-fragmented heart that Wriothesley gently pried out from his scars and bones and swallowed down diligently to keep them safe inside himself. And yet, Childe had never felt more whole.

He had come to trust Wriothesley to a degree he could have never even imagined. It was... less frightening than it should have been to have someone hold his heart this way. To have someone he felt so completely safe with. Childe knew that on a physical level he was the overall stronger fighter from their spars, but this did not take away from the serene sense of security Wriothesley's presence gave him. To put it simply, Wriothesley was someone he found himself comfortable with. He was someone who did not judge him at face value, but rather worked to understand his behaviors on a level Childe could never recall anyone bothering to do. Even now, it felt as though the other had already figured out Childe's motivations on a deeper level than Childe himself.

The Duke looks at him again, this time his eyes alight with a streak of mischief that makes Childe's pulse skip a beat in anticipation.

"...Tell you what, if you stop throwing yourself off the mezzanines, I'll reward you."

"A reward from the Duke himself? Must be quite generous!~" Childe fishes coyly for any further information with a lash lidded look and his fingers playing with Wriothesley's tie. The wolfish grin the Duke gives him in response sends a spark flickering down his spine. Wriothesley sets him down, one hand settling familiarly on his hip as the other comes up to tilt his chin up to hold his gaze.

"You'll have to find out, won't you? Although you can rest assured I am a firm believer in paying people what they are owed." Wriothesley's eyes glitter with promise, keeping Childe's breath hostage in the back of his throat. No precise details, huh? Well, Childe is a curious man by nature, so this suits him just fine; the intrigue adds to the fun of it all.

"I'll take you up on that then, Your Grace. I'll make sure to be a good boy for the duration of this visit, and we'll see if your reward is satisfactory enough for me to behave next time, " he teases lightly, and Wriothesley huffs a sharp chuckle of amusement through his nose, giving Childe's hip an affectionate squeeze of agreement before letting go to go pick up what he had dropped earlier to catch him.

Childe missed his touch already.

[mxtantrights]

Famous dc!au (dick's version)

TRACK NINE: ENDLESSLY

Dick Grayson is anything but great. Sure, he gets to see you again. Sure he gets to do what he loves, make music and music videos. But he knows that it’s different this time. He can’t ask you out after this. There is no way. It would come off as gross and creepy. 

He adjusts the earbud in his leg ear and grips the bouquet of flowers in his hand a little tighter. He’s quite literally taking a page from Jason’s book. If he couldn’t ask you out then he could sure just be your friend. 

Friend.

He would love that word when it came to anyone else. Except you. 

Cheesy love songs have been on rotation for him since he heard you accepted the offer, which was about two weeks ago. He just can’t get it out of his head. He missed his opportunity, his once in a lifetime. He can feel it in his chest right above his gut. 

He walks up to the craft services on set first. He wants to get you a morning drink with your flowers so the flowers aren’t the only thing in his hand. Just flowers would probably send the wrong message. But flowers with a morning drink says ‘thanks for being here’. 

When Dick picks up your drink, and his, he walks over to your trailer. 

This video would be different. It had a bigger budget this time because of how well the first video performed. But Dick didn’t want anything too exciting. 

As he gets to your door he can hear you speaking to someone. It almost sounds…romantic? Dick hesitates in knocking on your door. Almost being the operative word because he’s wondering if you had hit it off with someone already and his brain needs an answer to that question so his fist raps on the door. 

It doesn’t take long for you to answer the door. And of course you answer looking like an absolute miracle. You’re not even dressed in the costume, you’re in sweats and a purple t shirt. And you look amazing.

“Uh, hi—these are for you.” Dick says.

You smile and take the flowers and the drink, “That’s really sweet. Do you wanna come in?” 

Dick thinks it over for a quick second. No he does not want to see who it is you have in your trailer. He actually wants to speed run to his trailer and cry a little bit. But he can’t be rude. He can’t, not with you.

“I don’t wanna intrude.” he replies 

“You’re not, come on.” you smile.

Then you’re opening the door wider. Dick enters through the door his heart a little heavy, palms really sweat but he hides them in his pocket. Upon entering Dick is looking for someone but what he finds is unexpected and way better.

A small puppy on the floor playing with a chew toy.

Dick cocks his head to the side with a smile, “And who is this pretty little thing?” 

You walk over and pick up the dog , scooping it into your arms. Then you walk back over to Dick.  His hand imminently comes to scratch the top of her head.

“This is…well I haven’t named her yet.” 

“She’s very adorable, where’d she come from?” 

“Oh a guy was in front of my building and he had her in a box.” 

Dick is silent for a moment. He looks up at you with a certain look. Yes you lived in a fairly decent neighborhood but that doesn’t mean a random man with a box wasn’t suspicious. You caught the look he gave you and started laughing. 

“Look I know it was mostly not my brightest moment, but I’m glad I did it. Or I wouldn’t have met her.” you say and smile down at the puppy.

Dick chuckles, “No ideas for a name at all?”

“Nah. Why? Do you have something?” you ask.

Dick gives the pup one look over and the name hits him. It’s rolling of his tongue before he can even think to stop himself. 

“Haley, like the comet.” He says.

You smile and look down at the pup, “She does look like Haley.” 

Dick smiles but deep inside he’s going crazy. Why did he just do that? Why did he just open up a can of worms? What is he gonna do now, tell you to not go with the name? No way, you’re gonna think he’s weird. He manages to give you the excuse that someone else on set needed to talk to him and then he’s running out of your trailer. He hates the look on your face that reads confused at his sudden need to disappear. 

-

You watch Dick practically flee your trailer. It hits you then and there that he really didn’t see you in any romantic way. And that familiar ache in your chest is there. You’ll do the job and then you’ll pack up and try your hand at a normal job somewhere not in this state.

-

“You did what?!” Jason screams on the other end of the phone

“I accidentally named a dog after a love song set to release in a week.” 

“I mean, okay, well does it actually sound like a love song or is it up to interpretation?”

“No this is a fully fledged, Shakespeare would be proud, I’m totally gonna regret this love song.”

“Welp.” “Welp? That’s what you have to say to me? That’s all?” 

“I mean, isn’t this what you wanted?” “What?” “You wanted to confess your feelings. And maybe the logical part of you was holding you back and your intuition was working over time to get the job done.”

“Please help me. Please.”

“I think you might’ve helped your self dickie. I’m gonna let you go though.”

“No—wait don’t—“ dick fumbles.

Then the line disconnects. As if Jason couldn’t hear Dick on the other end begging for his help. One of the PA’s on set alert him that filming is set to start soon and he’s needed on set.

Today’s shoot looked more modern. The wardrobe and the furniture looked like things Bruce would pick up for the mansion. Dick can’t really remember what the video concept is at this very moment.  And he probably won’t remember it when he has to stand close to you for the dancing scene. At least that wasn’t today, that would be later and after a couple of proposed classes with you and a choreographer. 

[zenkor123]

Katniss saw what Peeta’s back looks like

October 5th 75 DD. As guard she was outside the bathroom, Peeta found his uniform to be a heat sink, and got an insect bite, he took off his shirt. Katniss saw the back which was filled with warts and scars, dotting his back like someone with psoriasis. They included burns, scars from puncturing, scars from slashes, atrophic scars from starvation and a form of torture that destroyed fat, bite marks, stings and keloid scars Peeta was about to enter the sink enclosure and didn't notice her. It horrified her,she put her hands on her mouth and she ran off then returned to the other side of the restroom door as Peeta applied water to the insect bite. Peeta dropped his journal and it was open to "Peeta Mellark ???-75 DD t shows Peeta with a Snake's tongue and eyes and a train of lovers in the d12 meadow. Her self hatred was magnified.

at the bottom read a eulogy, no a death warrant Peeta had written

"Was old Peeta really worth fighting for? This runt! If I had continued I would have spent the rest of his life having episodes, being treated like a charity case, mooching District 13's resources like a parasite, for the lie that I could become Peeta, with his memories and identity who does not spend the rest of his life in a hospital bed. Who really cared about Peeta anyway? Why am I so pathetic, with my back that looks like the surface of mars, hallucinations from hell, a mind empty of identity living on false hope that the destroyed identity would return, a person without a real past? I am useless! Johanna and Delly had called me a mutt and I wish I was one, I would have a purpose I would be needed. I don't want to be used, never again! But if I have no past, in a sense that makes me a mutt, because do mutts have a past like humans do? Everything about me is wrong. Restoring Peeta had given me a purpose, and a delusion that everything was fine I just needed to work on recovering memories of the quell, that this wasn't real. I have done all this work in the name of restoring Peeta for what? My memories are mine and don't affect anyone else. Katniss who was mentioned all the time in the memory restoration efforts clearly didn't care, she has everything whatever happens to me in the hospital wing does not affect her. If the treatment was done for the star crossed lovers how pathetic was that! She does not give a fuck about me and never did, I am just a mere threat at this point, that's all I am to her, and if all my memories of her are false doesn't that make her a stranger? It made it all the more sad that I did work she never could imagine, for someone who had everything and would just laugh at me for being so stupid and then put an arrow in my head. I was glad that Coin has finally ended this sham. I requested my doctors "destroy" the Capitol transplants, so my mind could be my own, so I stopped being a living tombstone, so lies that are disrespectful not just to Katniss but to me, that I was forced to believe, would be wiped out, which they refused to do. A corpse or ruined city has value apparently. A person without a past has a clean slate for the future. The Capitol must pay! It's time to stop this self pity, well its a warrant for the burial of the late Peeta it isn't  self pity.  America when it fell became Panem so too will time let the Old Peeta rest. Thanks to 13, Hope is not yet lost, amidst the thundering storm clouds a ray of light is present, red white and blue, the colors of 13. I will not give up on living, from Peeta's corpse something even better will emerge. Even after all the Capitol threw at me I'm still alive and kicking."

When she was on the rotation for Annie she saw a back that looked similar to Peeta’s but it wasn't as horrifying as seeing Peeta's back. Peeta using illogic considered them to be physical features of a mutt thinking how most people didn't look like rainbows but he did, and compared himself to a leopard he thought of decorating his scars with paint. In September prior to his funny ideas the scars had given him tremendous shame even to look at them. Peeta told her this and Katniss wanted to puke. Her mind would revisit the image of the debased back, and would make her wince it was a disturbing image it appeared in her sleep and was an intrusive image in her mind.

As Peeta ran to the bathroom after being stung all his therapeutic drawings fell to the ground it included depictions of his time in the capitol. Katniss picked up after him after she visited Peeta’s symbolic grave. Katniss could not hold it in anymore and sobbed. She picked up all the other drawings of various topics related to his time in the capitol, the insides of the capitol torture avoxes fighting for their lives,"plumpy Avoxes being served" Darius and Lavnia, "overcooked food"burnt bodies, mutts of all different kinds. An avox was shown feeding them human flesh, feeding him Darius with Annie eating his flesh. The subtitles usually have black humor, "yummy human steak" The doctors who destroyed Peeta are also shown with their names written. Dead bodies abound everywhere, and President Snow beating Annie with a Cane is seen in another drawing, there are over 66 drawings in total all dropped pn the floor as Peeta ran to the bathroom. Nobody wanted to pick those dark photos up so it fell to Katniss. There are numerous drawings of the torture machines and President Snow overseeing it. The hijacking is also shown with films, hijacking equipment, tubes with venom, and shiny bubbles The last one is a drawing of a pill marked "mind breaker-Killer of Peeta Mellark." Without any attempt at humor. She puts the postcards back in an envelope that is in the front of the book, which Peeta named "Happy times in the capitol for therapy" with a yellow smily face in front of the envelope.(☺) Peeta leaves the bathroom, Katniss quickly puts the book down. "What the hell happened to you?" Peeta asks Katniss decides to be honest otherwise Peeta is going to think well .... "I saw your drawings of your torture in the capitol" "right my happy times in the capitol" Peeta laughs. Katniss just stares him she leaves out seeing Peeta's symbolic grave. .