#y/nxconradfisher

[grapejuicestyless]

Kalopsia

Conrad Fisher x fem!reader

Summery: You convinced yourself you were in love but, was it for the wrong brother?

Kalopsia. A Greek noun that by definition means, The delusion of things being more beautiful than they really are.

A word that I had not known existed moments ago, but became aware of now. And how funny it was that in all the languages there were I managed to find the word to perfectly describe what was happening.

Love causes Kalopsia. More than we as people could ever realize. The way our hearts race and our cheeks blush. We put on our rose colored glasses that hide the red flags for the people we love.

That’s what makes this so funny. Because that’s what seemed to happen for Jeremiah.

I was so infatuated with the golden retriever with the boyish grin, icy blue eyes and tanned skin that I forgot that appearances are exactly what they are meant to be. Only appearances.

To me, he hung the sun and the moon in a rotation, spreading the stars along the sky just for me. I let myself become blinded by his perfections to see his side glances and his sly smirks that lingered on his cheeks.

I chose not to believe it when I’d heard he’d fallen for the shorter brunette with the long eyelashes and pink lips. Continuing the fantasy I had constructed in my head, the continuance of the paradise Jere had sold to me almost a year ago.

But how can you remain so ignorant to something right in front of your eyes? How can you lift your head and smile like he’s still the only boy in the world when your world is in the pool making out with his best friend?

I should’ve seen it. Their longing touches and side glances. Her hands cupped around his ear as flirty whispers were exchanged.

I wanted to rip Belly apart. I wanted her to feel the pain I was feeling, ripping her apart piece by piece emotionally. I wanted to keep them apart. Yet, I knew it wasn’t her fault. She was in love with the same man as I, and we both knew the affects he could cast down on us. I couldn’t help but almost feel a sense of pity towards Belly.

We were childhood friends, just like she was the fishers. My mother had a home down the street but Susannah kept a bed warm for me as I stayed there every night. We were so similar. The only thing separating us was our blood, our physical features and our age. She was a year younger while I stood at the same age as Conrad. Maybe that’s what made her believe she would be different. That Jere would love her more than he ever could to me.

Yet I could see it. We were so similar I could see that in time, she would endure the same fate as Jeremiah would once again get bored and run off behind her back. Too much of a child to have the guts to end things before starting something else. But then again, what we had was dead from the start. We just chose not to believe it.

I made no sound when leaving the scene. Exiting just as I came, quiet as a mouse, heart heavy and shoulders slumped. The world kept spinning without him, and that’s what seemed to be the scariest part.

Catching my two friends together didn’t leave me in the unspeakable despair I had imagined it would. Instead I was left feeling very ambivalent. Torn between my feelings. One one hand, I was hurt by the boy I had adored so much. My heart cracking thinking about all of my firsts I’d given him. My first kiss, my first dance, my first love. It was a hurt that touched the surface level, cutting my skin and making me bleed. Yet, on the other hand I felt more numb. Almost relieved in a way. While Jeremiah would always carry the title of my first love, it felt almost wrong to call him that. We loved each other, sure. But after the newness of it died, it seemed that so did his end of it. Could he really be my first love if everything we did was one sided?

And how stupid I felt for wearing those glasses and letting the Kalopsia happen all because I’d told myself it was love. I’d never known love. I’d never had it. How could I have been so blind and allowed myself to believe that it was meant to be that way? It was like a huge bullet was coming my way, and somehow in his own selfishness and his large ego, he acted as the shield to protect me from that ultimate heart break.

I grabbed my tote bag, slinging it over my shoulder, holding my surf board firmly under my other arm. I hadn’t planned to go to the beach today. I had only put on my swimsuit to go swimming with Jere in the pool. But I knew I wouldn’t feel up to returning to that pool in minutes knowing what had happened, and the beach had always been a sanctuary that wrapped my anxiety in a blanket of peace.

The sand filled the crevasses between my toes and stuck to the backs of my calves as I ran. It kicked up behind and left little divots behind in my wake. I dropped my bag somewhere behind me, next to a towel I recognized faintly and continued my path. My feet didn’t stop moving until my board was underneath me and my stomach was pressed against it. Even then I let my legs kick harshly.

It was then I remembered why I hadn’t gone to the beach today. The waves had been horrible all weekend and the weather was sucky. The birds were quiet and the wind was gentle. There was no chance of letting out my frustrations on the water. But floating was always an option.

“Hey! Y/n/n!” The voice was loud, gruffly and deep. It held a playful tone, lacking any heaviness. Refreshing, almost.

I knew the voice as Conrad’s. The older, more serious brother of the two. His hair was blonder, and straighter. His eyes a darker blue, yet they held more emotion and depth in them than Jeremiah’s ever did. His skin was less tan but still glowed a warm color. Everything about him screamed summer. He was my best friend before Jere and I got together.

It wasn’t like we fell out, we continued to hangout just as much as before. Only, Jeremiah always felt the need to join in on our movie nights and our bonfire carpools even when it was clear that it was our tradition to do so. The one thing we had was our surf trips. We never told anyone when we’d go on them, so the waves became our hangout. Maybe it was fate that we’d both gone out here tonight, but it was probably just a coincidence.

I nodded my head, acknowledging him while shifting on my board carefully. I laid on my back, staring at the stars. The stars I once believed Jere had painted across the sky just for me, but now knew it was just me being a fool.

“I didn’t expect to see you out here tonight. I though you were going swimming with Jere?” His smile was genuine, his teeth showing and slightly parted. He sounded almost out of breath.

“I didn’t expect to be out here tonight either.” I smiled back, only half of what he gave me. My tone was shaky, lower than usual. I felt my board bounce slightly, shifting enough to have my posture stiffened and my body sitting up. I let my legs straddle the board.

Looking over I saw an apologetic Conrad, cheeks reddened, I realized he had just bumped into me. Now, we mirrored each other. Both straddling the boards, facing each other.

“Did he fall asleep on you again? I told him to stop staying up so late with Steven but he never listens.” We laughed, my eyes closing for a moment. I let us fall into a silence, pulling in more air to speak.

“No, I uhm. I caught him kissing Belly in the pool.” There was no laughter this time. My hung head lifted to meet his gaze. His eyes were wide. Mixing with sadness and anger. As well as what I thought to be a sort of relief?

“What the fuck?” His brows were drawn together, hands clenched so hard his nails were digging into his palms. I placed my hand delicately over his, peeling his nails away from his soft skin.

"Conrad, hey. No, it's fine. Honestly, I should've seen it coming. Jere lost interest in whatever we had a long time ago." My confession felt like a weight coming off of my chest, Conrad’s face contorting into more confusion and sadness.

“I don’t give a fuck about him, Y/n.” His eyes met mine. His hand was now clenching over mine, holding it in the more firm grip I’d ever experienced. Like I’d disappear if he didn’t hold on.

“I care about you. You loved him, Y/n/n. He might have treated you like shit in the end, but we all saw the way you looked at him. Like he was the only person in the room. In the world.” I shrugged, looking out into the sea.

“We were both sick, we just wouldn’t admit it. What we had died a long time ago, Con. I was just too afraid to accept it. I think I was more afraid of losing one of my best friends than losing him romantically.” We looked at each other, letting out a deep sigh.

“I think I realized that on the way here. I always thought that the day we ended I would be inconsolable. That the world would end and I would be left in little tiny pieces. But, when it finally came, guess what? The world kept spinning and my heart kept beating. I didn’t feel like I lost a piece of myself. It was almost like, I gained something back.” I caught myself rambling, Conrad’s eyes boring into mine. Teeth tugging at his bottom lip.

“Sorry, fuck. I know he’s your brother.” He shrugged.

“Us being related doesn’t give him the excuse to be an asshole. Jeremiah has always been the flirty one. That’s just how it is. He goes around, finding anyone he can, making them feel special and then dumping them for the next.” My lips were drawn back in a tight line, a swift nod of my head as I avoided his eyes.

“I was surprised, honestly, over how long you lasted. What was it, almost a year now?”

“Yeah.” He tucked my hair behind my ears to see me better.

“For a moment I thought I lost you to him.” The ignorance and oblivion on my face was comedic, at his confession.

“I remember when he told me you’d kissed for the first time, I was so angry. I always thought you deserved better. Then, he stayed with you. He stayed loyal and I couldn’t help but believe he had found his person. And in doing that, he had taken mine away.” The realization had dawned on me in that moment, lips parting and eyes widened, Conrad met my face with a shy smile.

“You don’t mean…” I whispered, almost like if I said it too loud it wouldn’t be true.

“I’ve loved you since we were kids, Y/n. How could I not? You’re funny, competitive, compassionate. You’re everything I love. That’s what makes me love you.” And suddenly everything made sense. The days we spent on the boardwalk, talking for hours. Spending away all of our money we saved over the winter for these moments. I remember him blowing through thirty dollars to win me a stuffed animal after I’d seen the one he won for Belly. I always thought it was because he knew I felt left out, but now it made a little more sense. He had always gone out of his way to make me feel good. To spend time with me, to make me laugh. All of our shoulder brushes and long hugs clicked in my head, I’m sure he saw it.

“Shit, Conrad, why didn’t you tell me?” I let myself drift closer to him, concern and sincerity laced in my voice.

“You seemed so in love with Jeremiah, you said yes to him before I could even ask.”

“Damn it. Conrad, I only said yes to him because I thought you didn’t like me.” I shut my mouth quick, my hand flying over my mouth as a small laugh left Conrad a moment later, seeing my accidental confession. I let a laugh out too, his happiness contagious.

“Back up, back up. You’re in love with Jeremiah.” I shook my head. His mouth opened in disbelief, a smile pulling on his cheeks.

“I loved Jeremiah in a way that was different than a best friend, but it was nothing compared to what I felt for you.” I stuck my finger into his chest, pushing back a little.

“I always thought you were too good for me and, at the time I had harbored a small crush for Jere and when he asked me out, it felt like fate. Like maybe I was meant to be with him because he wanted me all along and you never did but, I guess I had it backwards.” We shared a glance, his eyes falling to my lips, mine following his stare to look at his mouth as well.

My eyes flickered back up to his, a silent understanding passing between us, the air grew heavier.

It was like gravity was pulling us towards each other, our fingers interlacing with each other, our noses close to touching. I felt his breath on mine, his words choppy and lingering with nervousness as he whispered, “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure about something in my life.”

Our noses bumped and a chuckle was exchanged. We moved slowly into it, not rushing what had been building for years now, letting it peak finally as his lips met mine in the most soothing kiss Id ever experienced.

With Jeremiah, it was sloppy, rushed and needy. Always so sexual and demanding. It was hot, but never the most fulfilling. However, him being my one and only, again I had fallen for the trap that kissing was just meant to be like that. Needy and rushed.

With Conrad, it was slow and sinful. His lips massaging mine smoothly as my hands found the back of his neck. I let his fingers curl into my hair, tangling themselves as we pushed each other closer together. It was a blur, almost. I felt my mind growing foggy at how badly I wanted to be closer to him, over how much I enjoyed this. My mouth opening and his tongue providing more closeness than before. It was hot, and wet all around. The water dancing over our legs. How inconvenient for us that the moment happened in the water. A place that restricted our movements. Yet, the same restrictions let us start this change in relationship off slow. Not rushing into anything too quickly.

Soft sighs of contentment and pleasure echoed between us, satisfied with what was happening. It was only the splashing of the current coming back in that pulled us apart, our forehead stuck together and eyes fluttered shut still. We breathed each others air while the minutes passed, and the peace settled in.

By then I had forgotten all about Jeremiah. He didn’t matter to me anymore. I knew he didn’t hang the stars for me, and I realized that I truly wasn’t in love with him. And in his infidelity, I found what I wanted all along.

His brother.