#yes youre supposed to reply to it
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askcometcare · 1 year ago
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unma · 2 months ago
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hey. Hey moots. Pss Pss. Do any of you want to see a character who's finally grown past their flaws be betrayed by the person they loved and trusted most and immediately regress as a result? Do you?
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ryssbelle · 5 months ago
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Me when someone thinks they’ve won by blocking me but now I don’t have to see their rancid takes in the tags anymore
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zeeckz · 8 months ago
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thank you anon!!
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fussypaws · 9 days ago
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uhmm.,...... isss it really a fooddd iff you cannn makes a rabbit out of ite?? *confuzed doggy*
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dullahandyke · 13 days ago
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Scientists have observed a 90% increase in me saying 'sea' instead of 'yes' since leaving Ireland
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nickbutnodick · 6 months ago
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lets play the really fun game of do i use the womens bathroom and risk getting kicked out for being a dude or do i use the mens and risk my family asking about it?
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novelcain · 2 years ago
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I will never forget the day my former boss looked me dead in the eyes on my orientation day and said: I'm a great judge of character. I can tell that you're an extrovert.
Me nervously laughing because every time I had interacted with this man I was masking my ass off to get this job and most certainly was NOT an extrovert but also didn't want to somehow risk my new job by saying otherwise: Yep! You got me!
#there was also this one time i got this male customer by himself at noon so ofc he just had to talk to me#and this bitch literally asked are you always this bubbly?#and i said yes ya know like a liar#because wtf else am i supposed to say?#no i'm actually never like this and if my wages didn't come from GENEROUS tips of my customers i'd never show a single ounce of emotion#bc im autistic (didnt know it at the time tho) and i really hate dealing with bitches like you first thing in the morning#and then this bitch had the NERVE to ask me YoU wErE rAiSeD bY ChRisTiaNs WeReNT yOu?#and i was so shocked i didn't know how to respond and ended up fumbling out I'm actually not Christian#AND THIS MOFO HAD THE AUDACITY TO SAY oh i can tell but that's not what I asked#LIKE BITCH WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE#so me just wanting desperately for this conversation to be over i nervously say yes#and he says yeah i can tell you were raised by a good family#WHEN I TELL YOU THIS WAS THE CLOSEST I EVER CAME TO BREAKING I COULD FEEL MY EYE TWITCHING WITH HOW ANGRY I WAS#I SWEAR I WAS ALMOST SCREAMING AT THIS MAN ABOUT HOW TRAUMATIC IT WAS GROWING UP WITH A CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN FAMILY#luckily i kept my composure (and my job) and awkwardly replied haha yeah... i should go check if your food is done now#AND WHEN I TELL YOU I FUCKIN SPRINTED TO THE KITCHEN#istg you couldn't pay me all the money in the world to work customer service ever again#fuck that fuck olive garden and fuck that guy in particular#there's reason you was eatin lunch alone bitch
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cryingforcrocodiles · 2 years ago
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I do live in the uk! arsenal fans annoy me so much that when a mutual on here, a good friend I have known for many years became an arsenal fan recently I almost immediately unfollowed them. bc I knew how annoying they'd become 😮‍💨 and I was right about that but I've held off on unfollowing them for now
that said, it is on sight if I catch somebody talking shit about saka
otoh I've known many city fans over the years and they could never in a million years match the annoyance or arrogance even if they tried. still hate the club but it's almost a passive hate atp. I would never knowingly be friends with a fan though snndmf passive hatred is still hatred
arsenal losing at the last minute would be so fucking funny to me. banter club for life <3
?@?@?@? HOW MANY YEARS IS MANY YEARS BIG MANC ANON... idk that's crazyyyy to me 😭 i mean hey. if friends aren't annoying at least a little bit, are they really ur friends? 🤗 oh my god...
!!!! yes !!!! im glad everyone loves saka REGARDLESS of club. he's perfect n arsenal are so happy & lucky 2 have him. id snatch up immediately but yk. his heart is in north london n he will be an england & club legend!
aksjsje passive hate. i see what ur saying i see it. and i feek it. idk ive been called and have myself "the only guy in the world who cares the manchester derby". all that territorial... animalistic history shit that comes with being that guy will make you wanna one up city sooooo bad and make them fall sooooo fucking bad. so the dislike is large. larger than what it should be, for me. but im glad that ur hateful n stuff, classic traditional hatred. lovely stuff, glad to see the world is still in the order.
boooo big manc boooo 😭💔 man shitty still have a chance 2 win a TREBLE. i do not arsenal them to bottle ANYTHING i will kill myself in that ugly ass stadium if they win the ucl, the fa, and THEN the prem. ill kill myself infront of ... idk YOU maybe if ur down. but i need arsenal to win. also i need yi (my dearest arsenal friend) happy.
maybe funny. devastating. DREADFUL. but a little bit funny. like funny "i bet my house on this..." hysterical laughter
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always-a-joyful-note · 2 years ago
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@catkin-morgs Yessss....from what I recall of the snippets I managed to find + some of the Road to Yesterday's shorts (some of which I did read...and I may have read them all but I cannot for the life of me remember, given that I read them all out of order), it definitely is a more dark and slightly more anti-war book. I believe I managed to find said snippets online through google books, a few blog posts here and there (which a quick google search seems to offer), and a lot of desperation that I think may have opened gateways into unknown and unreturnable (not a word, sadly) waters
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Also thank you very much!! I quite like my username as well, for unspecified reason ;). And your username is fun, as well (anything with cat or some animal in it wins for me)!
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lostfracturess · 1 month ago
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say it again — satoru gojo x fem!reader
you've been married to satoru gojo for so long, but you've kept it quiet, so you can imagine his satisfaction at finally hearing you call him "husband" in public.
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You've managed to keep your marriage to Satoru Gojo under wraps for nearly two year now. It isn't that you're ashamed—far from it.
Being married to one of the most powerful sorcerers simply comes with complications, especially given his clan's tendency to meddle in everything.
So you both agreed to keep it quiet. No flashy announcements, no public displays, just you and him. Sure, it means wearing your ring on a chain under your clothes and careful planning for your living arrangements, but it's worth it for the peace and quiet.
That is, until you slip up at the most mundane possible moment.
You're both at an official appointment regarding some property documentation. The clerk has been droning on about paperwork when she asks about your relationship to Satoru for the forms.
"Oh, he's my husband," you reply absently, still scanning the documents in front of you.
The scratching of Satoru's pen stops abruptly. You look up to find him staring at you with the most ridiculous expression—somewhere between absolutely delighted and utterly self-satisfied.
"What was that?" he asks, a grin spreading across his face.
You blink, realizing what you've just said. "I mean—"
"No, no, say it again." His eyes are practically shining now. "What am I to you?"
"Satoru," you warn, very aware of the confused clerk watching your exchange.
"Come on," he says, leaning closer. "One more time. What am I?"
"We're in public," you hiss, but you can feel your cheeks warming under his gaze.
"Please?" He bats his eyelashes at you in that ridiculous way of his. "For your beloved husband?"
"You're impossible," you mutter, but you can't help the small smile tugging at your lips.
"Impossibly charming? Impossibly handsome? Impossibly perfect as your husband?"
The clerk clears her throat. "Should I... put down 'married' then?"
"Yes!" Satoru answers before you can. "Put down that I am this wonderful person's husband. Their spouse. Their better half. Their—"
"She gets it," you cut him off.
But Satoru isn't done. For the rest of the appointment, he manages to work the word "husband" into nearly every sentence. "As her husband, I think we should sign here." "My lovely spouse and I would like copies of that." "Do you need both myself and my better half to initial this?"
By the time you leave the office, you're ready to strangle him.
"You're enjoying this way too much," you say as you walk to the car.
"Can you blame me?" He wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you close. "It's not every day I get to hear you call me your husband in public. Usually it's all 'this is Satoru' or 'we're together' or my personal favorite, 'yes, I do unfortunately know him.'"
You roll your eyes, but can't help leaning into him. "You know why we keep it quiet."
"I know, I know. The clan would be insufferable." He presses a kiss to your temple. "But maybe we should tell them anyway? Can you imagine their faces when they find out we've been married this whole time?"
"They'll have our heads for this."
"Perhaps. But you have to admit, the thought is tempting. No more sneaking around, no more hiding that ring." He catches your hand, thumb brushing over where your ring should be. "I want everyone to know exactly who you are to me. And what I am to you. What was it again?"
"Don't push your luck."
"Come on," he coaxes, "just say it once more."
You pretend to consider it. "And what do I get out of this?"
"My eternal love and devotion?" He gives you a long look. "And I'll do the dishes for a week."
"You're supposed to do those anyway," you point out, but he's already pulling you closer, that insufferable smirk of his growing wider.
"Say it again, love," he says, and the way he looks at you then—eyes soft and full of adoration—makes your breath catch in your throat.
All your defenses melt away under that gaze, the one he reserves just for you, the one that makes you forget why you ever try to deny him anything.
"Husband," you breathe, and feel him tense slightly against you.
"Just like that," he whispers. "Though I prefer when you add my name to it."
"Don't get ahead of yourself."
"That's what I do best," he says. "Besides, my darling wife, I think you secretly love it when I am."
The way he says 'wife' sends a shiver down your spine—something you know he notices from the satisfied look in his eyes. "You're impossible."
"Impossibly yours," he corrects, and despite his playful tone, there's something sincere in his gaze. "What do you say? Ready to scandalize some elders?"
Looking at him now, you can't remember why you ever wanted to keep this secret. "With you? Always."
He doesn't wait for more, just leans in and captures your lips with his, and you think maybe going public isn't such a terrible idea after all.
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© lostfracturess. do not repost, translate, or copy my work.
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solxamber · 1 month ago
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Pick Us!
In which you have to choose a club and it looks like everyone wants a piece of you.
Part 2 (Choosing a club)
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You were minding your own business, dodging Grim's increasingly creative ways to get you to buy premium tuna, when Crowley swept in with his usual dramatic flair.
“Ah, my dear pupil!” he exclaimed, arms wide like a bad community theater actor. “To better immerse yourself in school life, you must join a club. It’s mandatory!”
Before you could protest or ask any clarifying questions, he disappeared in a swirl of his cape, leaving you standing there with nothing but Grim’s unsympathetic shrug.
Naturally, this information traveled faster than you could process it, because the next thing you knew, Ace was practically dragging you by the arm across campus.
The Basketball Club
“Alright, listen,” Ace began, spinning a basketball on one finger and grinning like he just invented the sport. “You’re obviously joining the basketball club. It’s the best. I’m here, Floyd’s here, and even Jamil’s here, so really, it’s a no-brainer.”
“Is that supposed to sell it?” you asked, crossing your arms.
“Uh, yeah!” he said, tossing the ball toward you. It immediately bounced off your hands and hit the floor. Ace, undeterred, caught it mid-bounce and gave you a wink. “Don’t worry, I’ll teach you. I’m, like, super good at this. Just ask him!”
From across the gym, some poor guy—bless his heart—tried to nod in support, but you caught the nervous look he shot Ace instead.
“Okay, sure,” you said, “but isn’t this just an excuse for you to show off?”
“Maybe,” Ace said with zero shame, dribbling the ball dramatically before attempting a layup. The ball bounced off the rim and into Floyd’s waiting hands.
“Shrimpy!” Floyd called, tossing the ball behind his head without looking (and still somehow making the shot). “Join the club. It’ll be fuuuuun.”
You hesitated, because with Floyd, “fun” could mean literally anything. “Define fun,” you said cautiously.
“Simple! You, me, and Ace crushing people in games!” Floyd grinned, leaning closer to you. “And if anyone tries to mess with you, I’ll squish ‘em.”
Ace groaned. “Floyd, you can’t just threaten people into joining.”
“Why not?” Floyd asked, genuinely puzzled.
“Because it’s weird!”
“No, it’s effective,” Floyd countered, shooting you another toothy grin. “C’mon, Shrimpy, you’re already here. I’ll even let you call the plays. Or, you know, not. Whatever.”
“...You’re just bored, aren’t you?”
“Obviously,” Floyd admitted, leaning lazily against the wall. “But hey, if you join, I won’t let Ace hog the ball. Win-win, right?”
And then there was Jamil, who had been sitting silently on the sidelines, observing the chaos with his usual exasperated expression.
“Are they done?” he asked, finally standing and walking over to you.
“I don’t think so,” you replied, watching as Floyd tried to steal the ball from Ace mid-dribble.
Jamil sighed. “Typical.” He glanced at you, his tone cool and measured. “Ignore them. They’re just trying to drag you into their antics.”
“Antics?” Floyd repeated, offended.
“Yeah, Jamil,” Ace added, narrowing his eyes. “What’re you implying?”
“I’m implying you’re both terrible at convincing people,” Jamil said smoothly. He turned back to you. “If you’re interested in joining the club, you’ll actually get something out of it. Physical exercise, teamwork, strategy. And if you stick around, I’ll make sure you’re not stuck with them during practice.”
“Hey!” Ace protested.
Floyd just laughed. “Jamil’s still salty about the last scrimmage.”
“Hardly,” Jamil said, arching an eyebrow. “I’m just pointing out that if you want to learn how to actually play, you’d be better off with me.”
You blinked. “Are you… offering to train me?”
He shrugged, but there was a faint smirk on his face. “If it means saving you from their nonsense, yes.”
All you can do is sigh and say "I'll think about it"
Track and Field Club
You barely made it out of the basketball club’s gym alive when Deuce grabbed your wrist like his life depended on it. His expression was that unique combination of earnest and panicked—classic Deuce.
“Wait, don’t decide yet!” he said, already dragging you down the corridor. “You haven’t even seen the track and field club! You might like it better!”
“Deuce,” you began, trying to keep up without tripping. “I haven’t even—”
“Just come on!”
Before you knew it, you were standing on the edge of the outdoor track, blinking in the sunlight as Deuce shoved you forward like he was presenting a prize to a panel of judges. Jack, in the middle of sprint drills, stopped mid-stride to look over at you. His tail flicked once, and he jogged over with that intimidating mix of focus and curiosity he always had.
“You’re trying to recruit them?” Jack asked, crossing his arms.
Deuce nodded, puffing out his chest like he was making the ultimate sales pitch. “Yeah! Track and field’s way better than basketball. No offense to those guys.”
“I take offense,” you muttered, but neither of them heard.
“Plus,” Deuce continued, “we’ve got variety. Running, jumping, throwing—you can do anything. It’s not just bouncing a ball around, you know?”
Jack nodded in agreement. “It’s good for discipline. Builds strength, endurance, and focus. If you want to improve yourself, this is the place to do it.”
“Uh-huh,” you said, glancing at the track. “And what if I… don’t exactly have focus?”
“That’s fine!” Deuce said, grinning brightly. “We’ll help you! Right, Jack?”
Jack nodded. “Of course. We’ll start with basic drills.” He gave you a once-over, sizing you up. “How’s your stamina?”
“Define… stamina,” you said cautiously, because you had a feeling your answer wasn’t going to impress him.
Jack’s ears twitched, and he leaned slightly closer. “How far can you run without stopping?”
“Uh,” you began, nervously shifting your weight. “To the fridge?”
Jack blinked. “...You’re joking, right?”
Deuce coughed loudly, clapping a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about that! Everyone starts somewhere, right? Besides, they’re here because they want to try something new.”
You stared at Deuce. “I don’t remember saying that.”
“Exactly!” he continued, ignoring you entirely. “Think of how awesome it’d be to have us training you! We’ll get you in the best shape of your life. Right, Jack?”
Jack, who was still mildly horrified by your fridge comment, hesitated. “...Sure.”
Deuce, now fully in salesman mode, gestured to the track like it was some sort of holy land. “And you don’t have to worry about teamwork stuff! You can focus on your personal goals and—”
“Unless you’re in a relay,” Jack interjected.
“Right, but relays are cool!” Deuce added quickly. “Like… team spirit, you know?”
You glanced between the two of them, taking in Jack’s intensity and Deuce’s enthusiasm. They were both staring at you with a mix of hope and determination, and honestly, it was kind of endearing.
“Okay,” you said slowly. “If I join, do I get to skip the first practice?”
“No,” Jack said immediately.
Deuce grinned sheepishly. “But we’ll go easy on you!”
“Jack doesn’t look like he believes that.”
Jack tilted his head, his tail swishing once. “You’ll thank me later.”
“I’m not sure I’ll survive later,” you muttered.
Deuce ignored that, clapping his hands together. “Great! I knew you’d love it here! C’mon, let’s give them a quick demo, Jack!”
Before you could protest, the two of them took off around the track, moving at speeds that made you feel dizzy just watching. Deuce kept glancing back to grin at you, while Jack stayed focused, every stride perfect.
You stood there, bewildered and vaguely impressed, wondering if joining any club was a good idea at all. Still, as Deuce stumbled back toward you, sweaty but grinning like a puppy who just fetched a stick, you couldn’t help but laugh.
“Think about it, okay?” he said, hands on his knees as he caught his breath. “We’d love to have you here.”
Jack jogged up beside him, barely winded. “You’ll fit in if you put in the effort.”
“Yeah,” Deuce agreed, nodding earnestly. “So… what do you think?”
You hesitated, glancing at the track, then at them. “…I’ll get back to you.”
Deuce grinned like that was a victory, and Jack just nodded approvingly. As they walked back to their drills, you realized you had yet another club to consider—and these two weren’t going to make it any easier.
Board Game Club
Before you could make your escape—or even fully process the events of the day—your wrist was suddenly seized by Ortho, who zoomed in out of nowhere like a missile with a purpose.
“There you are!” Ortho exclaimed with unsettling cheer. His grip was surprisingly firm for someone who probably didn’t even need to touch you to move you. “Big Brother’s been waiting! Come on!”
“Wait—what? Ortho, where are we—”
“No time for questions!” And just like that, he lifted you into the air like you were a deranged package and he was some kind of express courier. You barely had time to flail before he rocketed off, delivering you with precision to the board game club's headquarters.
You landed with an unceremonious thud, right in front of Idia, who nearly fell out of his chair.
“Ortho!” Idia hissed, his flaming hair flaring. “You can’t just abduct people like that!”
“But you said you wanted them to join!” Ortho chirped. “Mission accomplished!”
Azul, seated calmly at the head of the table, adjusted his glasses and smirked. “Well, well. A delivery service—how efficient. Welcome to the board game club.”
You were still processing the fact that you’d been airmailed when Idia slouched lower in his seat, muttering, “Ugh, so embarrassing. Ortho, seriously…”
“Uh,” you began, brushing yourself off. “Hi?”
Azul gestured grandly to the table in front of him, where an array of meticulously organized board games was displayed like they were ancient treasures. “Here, we focus on strategy, intellect, and the fine art of outwitting your opponent. Unlike other clubs,” he said with a pointed glance at the door, “this one doesn’t require you to break a sweat.”
“That’s actually kind of appealing,” you admitted, still wary.
Idia perked up slightly, his hair flickering a little brighter. “See? I told you it’s cool. I mean, if you like, uh, not running around like some NPC.”
Ortho leaned over, nodding enthusiastically. “And Big Brother’s really good at this stuff! He’s undefeated in our club tournaments!”
“That’s because you’re the only other member who’s not a liability!” Idia blurted, before realizing what he’d just said. “Uh—I mean—you’d totally, like, be an asset. Probably.”
Azul cleared his throat, clearly annoyed at being excluded from the compliment. “Allow me to demonstrate. Why don’t we have a quick match? You against Idia.”
“What?” Idia sat up straight, his hair sparking nervously. “No way! That’s not fair—I can’t just—”
Azul gave him a smile sharp enough to cut glass. “Don’t tell me you’re afraid of losing, Idia.”
Idia’s face turned pink. “Fine,” he grumbled, setting up the board. “But don’t blame me if I crush them.”
You sat down reluctantly, realizing too late that this was probably a trap. Idia’s fingers moved at lightning speed as he set up his pieces, muttering calculations under his breath. Ortho leaned over your shoulder, giving you completely useless advice like, “Just believe in yourself!”
To your surprise, you managed to hold your own for the first few turns. Idia glanced up at you, his eyes narrowing slightly as if he were reevaluating your existence.
“Huh,” he murmured. “Not bad. For a newbie.”
“Is that a compliment?” you asked, moving your piece cautiously.
“Don’t let it go to your head,” he said quickly, his face turning red again.
Azul chuckled from his spot at the table. “See? A game of wits and strategy. Isn’t this far superior to running laps or throwing balls into hoops?”
“Hey!” you said, pointing your game piece at him. “Don’t diss the other clubs. They’re passionate too!”
Azul raised an eyebrow. “Passion doesn’t win battles. Strategy does.”
The game dragged on, and by the end of it, you were completely out of your depth. Idia, on the other hand, looked like he’d just stepped out of an anime boss fight, his hair flaring dramatically as he made his final move.
“Checkmate,” he said, grinning slightly.
“Wrong game, Big Brother,” Ortho corrected.
“Whatever!” Idia snapped, but he didn’t look too upset. “It’s over, okay?”
Azul leaned forward, smirking again. “So, what do you think? Ready to join?”
You leaned back in your chair, your brain fried from trying to keep up. “I… I need to think about it.”
Ortho beamed. “That means they’re considering it! Success!”
Idia muttered something under his breath about “too much pressure” and “why is this so stressful,” but you caught a tiny flicker of a smile as he fiddled with one of the game pieces.
Azul, ever the businessman, handed you a brochure as you left. “Take your time. But remember—intellect always wins.”
You left the board game club feeling like you’d just survived a high-stakes negotiation. And as Ortho cheerfully waved goodbye, you couldn’t help but wonder if all the clubs were this intense.
Film Studies Club
You were rounding a corner, still recovering from your latest club recruitment ambush, when a perfectly manicured hand shot out and grabbed your wrist.
Before you could even yelp, you found yourself being gracefully pulled into the Film Studies Clubroom by none other than Vil Schoenheit. His strides were purposeful, his posture impeccable, and his expression…well, let’s just say it was the definition of I’m doing you a favor, peasant.
“Vil?” you sputtered, barely managing to keep up. “What are you—”
“I need to vet you,” Vil said simply, his voice calm but leaving no room for argument. “The Film Studies Club could use some fresh blood, and you look… adequate.”
“Adequate?” you echoed, mildly offended but too intrigued to argue further.
He led you to the center of the room, gesturing for you to stand under a perfectly angled spotlight. “Don’t misunderstand,” Vil continued, crossing his arms and regarding you with a critical eye. “I’m merely evaluating your potential. Our club requires both talent and diligence—qualities that, if I’m being honest, are rare in this school.”
“Uh, thanks?”
Vil ignored you, pulling out a script and flipping through it like he was deciding your fate. “If you can’t pass the audition, you can still join as a backstage hand,” he said airily. “We’re short on those too.”
“Wow, what an inspiring pitch,” you muttered, but Vil’s sharp gaze silenced you immediately.
“Read this,” he instructed, handing you the script and gesturing for you to begin.
You hesitated, glancing at the lines. “You’re serious? Right now?”
“Do I look like someone who jokes about art?” Vil asked, raising a perfectly sculpted brow.
Point taken.
Clearing your throat, you started reading, trying to put some effort into it. Vil watched you intently, his expression inscrutable. He occasionally tilted his head, as if mentally dissecting every word you spoke, every movement you made.
When you finished, you looked at him expectantly, waiting for his verdict.
Vil tapped his chin, his eyes narrowing. “You’re not hopeless,” he said finally, in a tone that made it sound like a compliment. “Rough around the edges, yes, but I’ve seen worse.”
“Gee, thanks,” you said dryly.
“Don’t be smug. You’ll need work,” Vil continued, ignoring your tone. “But I suppose you have potential.”
“And if I didn’t?”
Vil gave a delicate shrug, his expression cool. “Then you’d still be useful behind the scenes. But consider this your opportunity to elevate yourself. Being part of my club means striving for excellence—no exceptions.”
You couldn’t help but smirk. “Is this really about me, or are you just desperate for members?”
Vil’s eyes narrowed, but there was a flicker of amusement there. “Desperation has nothing to do with it. I’m simply ensuring that my club remains unparalleled. If you happen to benefit from my guidance, so be it.”
“Well, when you put it that way, how can I refuse? I'll think about it.”
Vil’s lips curved into the faintest of smiles. “Smart choice. Now, don’t make me regret it.”
With that, he turned on his heel, leaving you standing there wondering what exactly you’d just signed up for—and if Vil’s idea of “elevating yourself” involved a complete personality overhaul.
Science Club
You barely had time to process Vil's dramatic exit when a familiar voice whispered theatrically, “Ah, my muse! Fate conspires to bring us together!”
Before you could react, Rook Hunt appeared—swooped, really—out of nowhere and expertly whisked you away from the Film Studies Clubroom. It was less like being led and more like being caught mid-flight by an overly enthusiastic bird of prey.
“Rook?!” you yelped as he practically danced you down the hallway. “What is happening?”
“Mon ami,” he declared, his eyes glittering with fervor, “you must see the science club! A world of wonder awaits you!”
“Wait—science?” you echoed, incredulous. “You’re in the science club?”
“Ah, oui! Science is but another stage upon which the beauty of nature and humanity performs its eternal dance! The experiments! The cultivation of life! The creation of culinary masterpieces! All expressions of art, no?”
You weren’t sure if he was describing scientific principles or poetry, but before you could argue, Rook had dragged you into the science clubroom.
The room was a chaotic mix of activities. One corner housed a vibrant garden under grow lights, another had chemistry equipment bubbling away ominously, and a third corner smelled suspiciously like freshly baked bread. Trey Clover stood near a counter, pulling cookies out of an oven as if this were the most normal thing to happen in a science lab.
“Ah, there you are,” Trey greeted, smiling warmly. “Rook said he’d bring someone by. I’m guessing you’re deciding on a club?”
You glanced between Rook, who was already gesturing dramatically at a rack of test tubes, and Trey, who held up a tray of cookies like a peace offering. “I�� guess I am?”
“Bien sûr!” Rook exclaimed, sweeping an arm toward the greenery in the corner. “Behold! We grow life itself here! Tomatoes, basil, flowers—anything your heart desires!”
Trey added, “We also bake and cook as part of our activities. It’s a great way to learn about chemistry and make something useful at the same time.”
“And explosions!” Rook chimed in enthusiastically. “Occasionally, there are explosions.”
Trey shot him a look. “Not… intentionally.”
Rook turned back to you, his expression radiant. “Think of the possibilities, mon ami! With science, you can cultivate beauty, create masterpieces, and perhaps even unlock secrets of the universe! And, of course, I am here to guide you—to nurture the artistic soul that dwells within!”
“Also,” Trey added, far more pragmatically, “we’re not picky about what activities you want to try. It’s a flexible club, so you could do a little bit of everything.”
You considered this as Trey handed you a cookie. It was warm and delicious, which admittedly swayed your opinion a little.
“Hmm,” you said thoughtfully, “so I could garden, bake, and blow things up all in one club?”
“Exactly!” Trey said with a smile.
Rook leaned in closer, his voice dropping to a stage whisper. “And think, mon cher—if you hone your talents here, you could support Vil in creating the cinematic beauty he so envisions! Science and art, united in harmony!”
You blinked. “Wait, are you trying to recruit me for this club and help Vil at the same time?”
Rook grinned. “Nature does not limit itself to one purpose, mon ami, and neither do I.”
Trey sighed but didn’t deny it.
“Well, this is definitely… something,” you said, nibbling on the cookie. “I’ll think about it.”
“Ah, a maybe!” Rook clasped his hands together like you’d just promised him your soul. “A victory in itself!”
Before you could say anything else, Rook twirled you toward the door, clearly ready to drag you to your next destination—or possibly just keep talking about “the poetry of chlorophyll” until you gave in.
Pop Music Club
Just as you were beginning to suspect Rook was about to wax poetic about “the lyrical mysteries of yeast fermentation,” a sudden voice interrupted.
“Oh-ho, what’s this?”
Before you could even react, Lilia Vanrouge materialized out of thin air, practically glowing with chaotic energy. “Ah, my dear friend! You’re far too bright a star to waste away on science experiments! Come with me—pop stardom awaits!”
You blinked. “Wait, what?”
And just like that, you were swept up in Lilia’s whirlwind. He dragged you down the hallway with a skip in his step and a mischievous laugh, leaving Rook and Trey in his dust.
“Lilia, I can walk, you know!” you said, stumbling to keep up.
“But where’s the drama in that?” Lilia replied, cackling as he pushed open the doors to the Pop Music Clubroom.
Inside, the room was a cacophony of sound and color. Disco lights spun, a half-finished banner reading ‘Next Big Thing!’ hung lopsidedly on the wall, and Kalim was gleefully banging away on a drum like it owed him money. Cater sat cross-legged on the floor, scrolling through his phone and periodically snapping selfies with sparkly filters.
“Oh, hey!” Kalim greeted you, waving so enthusiastically he almost hit himself with the drum stick. “You’re here to join us, right? This club is the best! We have music, dancing, and it’s all just super fun!”
Cater glanced up from his phone, his grin wide and just a little too calculated. “You’d fit right in! Think of all the magicam-worthy moments we could create together. Plus, the followers you’d get? Off the charts.”
“Followers?” you echoed, glancing at Lilia.
“Ah, but of course!” Lilia said, flinging his arms wide as if presenting you to an adoring crowd. “The Pop Music Club isn’t just about music—it’s about presence! Charisma! The ability to captivate a room with a single note or a dazzling smile!”
“It’s also about having a good time!” Kalim added, spinning in a circle for no reason other than sheer joy.
Cater nodded, holding up his phone. “And don’t forget—every moment is a potential viral video. You, me, Lilia, and Kalim as the dream team? We’d own the algorithm.”
You hesitated. “Uh, I don’t even play an instrument.”
“Neither does he!” Lilia said brightly, pointing at some unfortunate bystander.
“Hey!” he protested. “I play the Kalimba!” He promptly tried to play a note, missed the rhythm entirely, and Lilia laughed like it was the funniest thing ever.
“See?” Lilia said, unfazed. “Talent is optional here. All we need is your spirit!”
Cater stood, brushing imaginary dust off his pants. “We also dabble in choreography, so if you’ve got two left feet, don’t worry—we’ll teach you how to make them look intentional.”
“Come on, join us!” Kalim said, grabbing your hands and bouncing up and down like an overexcited puppy. “We could totally use your energy!”
“What energy?” you asked, deadpan. “I’ve been dragged between clubs all day—I barely have any left.”
“Exactly!” Lilia said with a wink. “We’ll channel what’s left into a glorious crescendo of pop music excellence!”
You weren’t sure whether to laugh, cry, or just surrender entirely to the chaos. Lilia’s grin was practically infectious, Kalim’s enthusiasm radiated like the sun, and Cater was already adjusting the angle of his phone to catch you in the best light.
“Well,” you muttered, “at least it sounds… lively.”
“Lively is an understatement,” Cater said, snapping a selfie with you and Lilia in the background. “Hashtag PopStarsInTheMaking! You’re gonna love it here.”
“Let me guess,” you said dryly. “You’re already planning to upload that, aren’t you?”
“Oh, absolutely,” Cater said with a wink.
Lilia clapped his hands, his eyes sparkling with excitement. “So, what do you say? Ready to unleash your inner star?”
“I… will think about it,” you replied, edging toward the door.
“Think fast!” Kalim called after you. “The bass is calling your name!”
You bolted before anyone could shove an instrument into your hands.
Equestrian Club
As you hurried down the hallway, still reeling from the pop music chaos you'd just escaped, you nearly collided with a flash of red.
"Ah, there you are!"
You blinked up at none other than Riddle Rosehearts, who looked as though he'd been scouring the entire school for you. His eyes narrowed, and his voice carried a tone of stern authority mixed with subtle relief.
"I've been looking for you," Riddle said, crossing his arms. "Ace and Deuce mentioned that you’re considering which club to join. As housewarden, it’s my responsibility to ensure you make a proper choice."
You blinked, still processing. "Oh, uh… thanks?"
"Enough dilly-dallying," Riddle said briskly, taking your wrist with surprising firmness. "You're coming with me to the Equestrian Club."
"Wait, what—"
Before you could finish, Riddle had already begun marching you toward the stables. You were half-dragged, half-guided, catching snippets of his lecture along the way about the merits of horseback riding, discipline, and poise.
When you arrived, the warm scent of hay filled the air, and the sound of soft nickering greeted you. The stables were pristine, the horses sleek and well-groomed. Standing nearby were Silver and Sebek, both tending to the horses.
"Riddle, you found them" Silver greeted you with his usual calm demeanor. He gave you a faint smile as he gently brushed a dappled gray mare. "Perfect timing—we were just about to go for a ride."
Sebek, on the other hand, straightened like a soldier at attention, his voice booming. "THEY WILL JOIN US, OF COURSE! IT IS ONLY FITTING FOR AN INDIVIDUAL OF WORTH TO EMBRACE SUCH A NOBLE ART!"
"Sebek, indoor voice," Riddle said sharply, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"I AM OUTDOORS!" Sebek retorted, though he did lower his volume slightly.
You glanced nervously at the horses. "Uh, I don’t know if I’m… horse material."
"Nonsense," Riddle said, his tone leaving no room for argument. "Riding teaches discipline, focus, and responsibility. It’s the perfect club for fostering growth—and for avoiding unnecessary distractions like some less dignified clubs."
"Pop Music Club?" you guessed.
Riddle sniffed, his expression sour. "Among others."
Silver walked over, still holding the brush, and gave you a reassuring nod. "Don’t worry. The horses are gentle, and we can teach you everything. It’s a peaceful activity once you get used to it."
"Peaceful!" Sebek exclaimed, throwing his arms wide. "It is a pursuit befitting the greatest warriors! EVEN LORD MALLEUS—"
"Sebek," Riddle interrupted, his patience clearly wearing thin. "Focus on the matter at hand."
"Apologies!" Sebek barked, saluting.
Riddle turned back to you, his expression softening just a fraction. "The Equestrian Club isn’t just about riding horses. It’s about elegance, partnership, and understanding. You could benefit greatly from it."
"And the horses are great listeners," Silver added.
"Unlike some humans," Sebek muttered under his breath.
You bit back a laugh as Riddle gave Sebek another glare.
"What do you say?" Riddle asked, stepping aside to let you see one of the horses—a chestnut with a kind, inquisitive gaze. "This is Vorpal. Perhaps a ride would convince you?"
The horse whinnied softly, and for a moment, you considered it. There was something appealing about the tranquility of the stables, the camaraderie of the club members, and the undeniable charm of working with such majestic creatures.
But then you remembered the drum chaos, the science experiments, and Vil’s dramatic vetting process.
"Let me, uh… think about it?" you said, taking a step back.
Riddle sighed, though he looked more exasperated than disappointed. "Very well. But don’t wait too long—indecision is unbecoming."
"Yeah," you mumbled. "Got it."
As you made your escape, you could hear Sebek booming, "RIDING A HORSE WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!"
You weren’t sure about that, but you were certain that escaping club recruitment was starting to feel like an Olympic sport.
Magift Club
As you staggered away from the stables, thoroughly frazzled by Sebek’s enthusiastic yelling and Riddle’s intense lecture on discipline, you barely had time to catch your breath before—
“Yo, gotcha!”
A pair of hands grabbed your shoulders from behind, and you let out a very undignified yelp. You turned to find Ruggie grinning up at you like a mischievous hyena that had just found its next meal.
“Ruggie! What—?”
“No time for questions, boss,” he said, practically dragging you down the path. “Leona’s orders. He told me to bring ya to the Magift Club.”
“The Magift Club?” you repeated, already sensing disaster.
Ruggie nodded, smirking. “Yup. Let’s go, let’s go!”
“But—wait—I don’t even have magic!” you protested as he hauled you toward the field.
“Details, details,” Ruggie waved off, his grip on your arm firm.
Soon enough, you were dumped unceremoniously on the sidelines of the Magift field. Leona was lounging on the grass under the shade of a tree, looking entirely too comfortable for someone allegedly trying to recruit you. Epel was nearby, aggressively practicing his throws while muttering something that sounded suspiciously like “I’ll show ‘em.”
Leona cracked one eye open lazily as Ruggie dropped you off. “’Bout time,” he drawled.
“Leona,” you said flatly, “why would you want me in the Magift Club? I don't even have magic.”
He yawned, looking entirely unbothered. “Yeah, I know that. You’re still better than the other herbivores running around. You can be the manager.”
“Manager?”
“Yup,” Ruggie chimed in, plopping down next to Leona. “You’d handle all the boring stuff—paperwork, schedules, snacks, makin’ sure Epel doesn’t throw a fit when he gets tackled.”
“I don’t throw fits!” Epel yelled, narrowly missing a hoop with his throw.
Leona smirked. “Sure you don’t.”
You crossed your arms, unconvinced. “Why me, though? You’re telling me I’m the best candidate for this?”
Leona sat up slightly, his sharp eyes locking on yours. “I’m sayin’ you’re the least annoying option. I don’t need some herbivore manager who’s gonna cry every time I take a nap instead of practicing. You’re not useless, so quit whining.”
Ruggie leaned in conspiratorially. “Basically, you’re the only one Leona doesn’t feel like chasing off the field after two days.”
You raised an eyebrow. “Sounds like a ringing endorsement.”
Leona shrugged. “Take it or leave it. Makes no difference to me.”
At that moment, Epel ran up, panting slightly from his practice. “C’mon, you should join us!” he urged. “You don’t need magic to be part of the team. And if you ever wanna learn some tricks, I can teach ya!”
Leona gave him a lazy side-eye. “Don’t scare them off.”
“I’m not scarin’ ‘em! I’m convincin’ ‘em!” Epel shot back, glaring at Leona before turning back to you. “Seriously, we could use someone like you. The club’s fun, I promise!”
Ruggie snickered. “Fun’s a stretch. It’s more like… survival of the fittest with a ball involved.”
“And napping,” Leona added with a smirk.
Epel crossed his arms. “Well, maybe if someone practiced instead of nappin’, we’d win more games!”
Leona waved him off with a scoff.
You sighed, rubbing your temples. “I don’t know, guys. This sounds like a lot of chaos.”
“Chaos is half the fun,” Ruggie said with a grin. “C’mon, boss, think of all the free food we get during games. And you’d get to boss Leona around as the manager. Ain’t that worth it?”
Leona snorted. “Good luck with that.”
You glanced at the trio—Epel brimming with determination, Ruggie radiating mischief, and Leona looking like he didn’t care but also somehow cared just enough to try. It was… weirdly tempting, in its own way.
“I’ll… think about it,” you said finally.
“Fair enough,” Leona said, already reclining again. “Don’t take too long, though. We’ve got a game next week, and I’m not filling out paperwork.”
Ruggie winked. “Don’t worry, you’ll come around. Everyone does.”
As you left the field, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you’d just been almost recruited into something much more taxing than a simple club.
Mountain Lovers Club
Before you could escape the Magift field and all its potential paperwork, you took a sharp turn—only to smack right into what felt like a wall of polite menace. A soft, knowing chuckle sounded above you.
“Oh dear, do be careful,�� came Jade Leech’s unmistakably smooth voice.
You took a step back, already dreading the conversation. “Jade,” you said warily, “what are you doing here?”
His sharp smile grew ever so slightly. “Waiting for you, of course. Word travels fast, and I’ve heard you’re in the market for a club.”
“Oh no,” you muttered. “You’re not here to—”
Before you could finish, he was already guiding you away, his hand light on your arm but unyielding, like a vice hidden under a silk glove.
“Come now,” he said, his tone as polite as ever, “I simply must show you the Mountain Lovers Club.”
“The what now?” you asked, bewildered.
“The Mountain Lovers Club,” he repeated, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
“And… who else is in this club?”
“Why, just me.”
You stopped in your tracks. “It’s just you?”
“Yes.” Jade smiled serenely, as if this were not a glaring red flag. “I am the founder, leader, and sole member. But with your arrival, that could very well change.”
You blinked at him, unsure if you’d misheard. “Wait, so you’ve been running a one-person club this whole time?”
“Indeed.” His expression didn’t falter in the slightest. “The Mountain Lovers Club is dedicated to the appreciation of all things mountainous. Hiking through beautiful terrain, foraging for wild plants, observing unique ecosystems, and—on occasion—befriending the local fauna.”
“Befriending?”
“Examining, petting, observing closely…” His eyes gleamed. “Perhaps all three.”
You shook your head, trying to process. “So… why me?”
Jade clasped his hands together, the picture of poised enthusiasm. “You strike me as someone who appreciates unique experiences. The Mountain Lovers Club offers a chance to explore the great outdoors, expand your horizons, and develop a deeper appreciation for nature’s wonders.”
“And by ‘great outdoors,’ you mean mountains?”
“Precisely.”
“And it’s just you?”
“For now,” he said, his tone warm but his gaze uncomfortably intense. “But every great journey begins with a single step. Yours could be joining this club.”
You gave a nervous laugh. “Uh… I don’t think hiking through mountains is really my thing.”
“Ah, but how do you know unless you try?” Jade’s smile widened. “Besides, I’ll be there to guide you every step of the way. No need to worry about getting lost… or encountering anything unexpected.”
The way he said “unexpected” made you want to run for the hills (ironic, given the circumstances).
“Look, I appreciate the offer, but—”
“I insist,” he cut in smoothly, his tone polite but with a note of finality. “At least allow me to show you the club’s activities. Perhaps a short hike this weekend? I’ve already prepared a route.”
You stared at him. “You’ve already…?”
“Of course.” His gaze was calm, calculating. “Preparation is key. I’ve even packed a lunch.”
You didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Jade, I—”
He tilted his head, his smile remaining perfectly composed. “Surely you wouldn’t refuse without at least giving it a chance? I’ve put so much thought into this.”
“Why do I feel like I don’t have a choice?” you muttered.
Jade’s smile was razor-sharp and utterly unrepentant. “Because you don’t.”
You sighed in defeat. “Fine. One hike.”
“Excellent,” he said, his tone soft and victorious. “I’ll see you this Saturday at dawn.”
“Dawn?!”
“Oh yes,” he said, his eyes gleaming with enthusiasm. “The mountains are at their most beautiful in the early morning light. You’ll love it.”
As he sauntered away, leaving you to process your fate, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you’d just agreed to something far more treacherous than a simple hike.
Gargoyle Research Society
The moment you finally reached Ramshackle Dorm, exhausted from the whirlwind of club-hopping and increasingly bizarre sales pitches, you let out a long sigh of relief. The day had been nothing short of chaotic, and all you wanted was to collapse onto your creaky old bed and forget the words “club activities” ever existed.
But just as your hand touched the doorknob, a familiar voice, deep and regal, called out from the shadows.
“Child of man.”
You jumped slightly, spinning around to see none other than Malleus Draconia emerging from beneath the pale light of the moon, his presence as imposing and enigmatic as always. He stood by one of Ramshackle’s crumbling stone walls, his expression calm but his eyes bright with an unreadable intensity.
“Oh, Malleus,” you said, your voice tinged with weariness but also a touch of warmth. “Didn’t see you there.”
He tilted his head ever so slightly, his gaze never leaving yours. “I was merely admiring the architecture of your dorm. It has a certain… wistful charm.”
You smiled faintly. “I guess that’s one way to put it.”
Then, with the sort of graceful confidence only Malleus could manage, he stepped closer, his presence looming but never threatening. “I have heard,” he began, his tone soft and deliberate, “that you have been seeking a club to join.”
You blinked at him, caught off guard. “How did you—”
“The winds carry whispers,” he said cryptically.
“Right,” you muttered, deciding not to question it.
Malleus folded his hands neatly in front of him, looking every bit the picture of regal sincerity. “If you have not yet made your decision… I would like to invite you to join my club.”
Your brain, still reeling from Jade’s mountain escapades and Leona’s managerial demands, stalled for a moment. “Your… club?”
“Yes,” he said, his voice brimming with quiet pride. “The Gargoyle Research Society.”
“The… what now?”
“The Gargoyle Research Society,” he repeated, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. “I am both its founder and sole member.”
Of course, he was.
Malleus seemed oblivious to your stunned silence as he continued, his expression softening into something almost earnest. “The society is dedicated to the appreciation and study of gargoyles. We explore the campus, observing their intricate designs and marveling at their history. There is so much beauty in their silent watch over us.”
You blinked. “So… you just walk around and look at gargoyles?”
“Precisely,” he said, his tone unironically enthusiastic.
“And… that’s it?”
Malleus nodded solemnly. “Indeed. It is a noble pursuit, one that nurtures both the mind and the spirit.”
For a moment, you were at a loss for words. Of all the clubs you’d encountered today, this might just take the crown for most niche.
Malleus, however, seemed utterly earnest. His eyes bore into yours, his expression sincere and unguarded. “I understand if this does not align with your current interests,” he said, his voice softening. “But should you ever feel the call of the gargoyles… know that you are always welcome.”
There was something so genuine in his tone, so quietly hopeful, that you felt a pang of guilt for even thinking about brushing him off. You sighed, offering him a tired but sincere smile. “You know what? I’ll definitely consider it.”
Malleus’s eyes lit up, his calm demeanor giving way to a flicker of pure joy. “Truly?”
“Truly,” you said, nodding.
“Then I shall look forward to the day you join me,” he said, his voice as soft as a promise.
With that, he gave you a small, graceful bow before disappearing back into the night, leaving you to wonder how you’d managed to end the day not only agreeing to a potential club but also feeling oddly flattered by the idea of studying gargoyles.
You shook your head, a small smile tugging at your lips. “What a day…”
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Masterlist
Part 2: Choosing a club
a/n: it completely slipped my mind that ortho is in film studies sorry :(
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helluvapoison · 11 months ago
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imagine leaving lipstick marks on lucifer
18+
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ
imagine harmlessly kissing his cheek before he heads out to a meeting. you pull back and laugh to yourself. lucifer looks at you dreamily but when your giggles don’t cease he gets nervous
“what? do i have something on my face?”
“yes, actually.” you sigh out a final bubble of laughter, scanning your vanity for a wipe to clean his cheek
lucifer’s breathe hitched when he peeped in the mirror. whipping around, he snatches your hands thus stopping your hunt. his eyes are wild, he’s literally bouncing with excitement
“gimme more,” he breathes
“luci, you were supposed to leave already!”
“please? pretty please with a cherry on top? one more and-and i’ll go. yeah, just one more.” he sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than you
“you, lucifer, the king of hell,” you stepped closer and closer until he stumbled back into your vanity. he completely forgot he was holding onto you. “are gonna go to a meeting covered in lipstick?”
lucifer whined, a heavy blush erupting across his face. his fingers tightened and he swallowed thickly on nothing
“covered?” he peeped
“oh you poor thing,” you hummed, “you can’t think about anything else, can you?”
you slid your leg between his and felt the answer. with a moan, lucifer’s head dropped back but you were quick to catch and cradle it. his hat fell and rolled off the vanity onto the floor. nosing his exposed neck had him trembling in anticipation
“please?” he slurred
“this isn’t responsible, ducky.” you replied, pulling his bow tie loose and adding it to the ground’s collection
“no,” lucifer agreed breathlessly
he pathetically gripped your shirt, trying desperately not to grind against your leg
“but it’s what you want?”
you were already unbuttoning his shirt with one, adept hand
“yes.”
even though lucifer knew it was coming, his body jolted when you kissed his neck. he was always so sensitive, so responsive, so good
you gifted him loving bruises that would later peak out of his collar, and in return he sang for you. his moans and whimpers were your favorite to hear and he never failed to give you what you wanted. lucifer couldn’t stop himself from rutting against your leg as you painted him in a shade that was undeniably you
after successfully transferring the lipstick onto lucifer, you retreated. gods did he whine when you did. you pulled his hair to force his gaze towards the mirror
“look how pretty you are,” you purred in his ear, gently planting a kiss there too
out of the corner of his eye, lucifer could see the collar you gave him. it damn near drove him over the edge. his dick was painfully hard, it was a miracle he didn’t cream his pants
“gonna go to that meeting?” you teased sweetly
lucifer shook his head like you’d asked something ludicrous, “nuh-uh.”
“good,” turning his head back to you, you presented the tube of lipstick, “i wanna get messy.”
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lxvvie · 9 months ago
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Couples Shit with Simon Riley (Part 2):
Having a giggle/chuckle fest almost every time you are intimate. It first happened at the beginning of your relationship when you would giggle every time you two kissed. It opened the floodgates, had let that nervous energy out, and Simon was right there chuckling with you. ("Heh—aw, fuck me.")
Swearing up and down that you're gonna fuck each other's brains out but as soon as you hit the bed, you and Simon are out like a light. The last time this happened, he was supposed to go down on you, but the next thing you know, you woke up to him fast asleep with his head on your stomach.
Kissing the bridge of his crooked nose and Simon turning into putty every time. Hell, kissing any and every dent, bruise, and scar, and making your man melt.
A nice round of horizontal tango turning into a cuddle session after you comforted Simon through a charley horse. Poor baby.
Initially making the telly watch you two make sex but turns out whatever you're watching was pretty decent after all so you guys are back to watching the telly again.
Getting hot and heavy one time but you were so intrigued with the mole you discovered on Simon's inner thigh that you spent the next half-hour or so trying to find other moles on his body.
Telling Simon that you "always wanted to do this" and when you get him hot, bothered, and hard, it turns out what you always wanted to do was measure him. His disappointment was immeasurable... even if he was interested to know the number.
Twinning in some way, shape, or fashion whenever you're out together.
Talking mad shit about his snoring but let him tell it, he doesn't say shit when you take up about 80% of the bed, covers, and sleep under him.
Speaking of talking shit, having disagreements like every couple does and when you go to bed, you're angrily cuddling each other. And yes, Simon still wants your kisses in the morning, even if you two are still mad at each other. Simon doesn't give a shit, you're still gonna love on him, dammit. And him on you.
Being mad with Simon when he arrived too late to get the creepy crawler that was harassing you. Harassing you by doing what it does best: be a creepy crawler. Simon tells you you'll have to conquer your fear one day. You tell him to conquer the couch tonight lmao.
Agreeing to disagree about the superior ice cream flavor in the house. It's too bad there's not any of his favorite ice cream in the freezer. There's some of yours, though. Why? You didn't get any because it was so superior that you wouldn't "dare sully it with your hands". Cue the judgemental stare and him eating YOUR ice cream afterward. Rude.
Scaring the ever-living shit out of Simon on the rare occasions he gets to sleep in. He woke up to you sitting up in bed with his mask and paint on. Oh, and he calls bullshit. He did not nearly fall out the bed. Nor did he jump. Okay, Simon.
Chilling and drinking with Simon. Finding out he gets hot and sweaty pretty easily and off comes his clothes. Waking up hungover the next morning and you're the big spoon to a naked and equally hungover Simon. Choosing to do fuck all but sleep it off that day.
Playfully calling or referring to him as the Missus, especially in front of your co-workers. When they finally meet Simon and ask him who he is, he replies in pure deadpan Ghost fashion: "The Missus".
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ellebakers · 2 months ago
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I have standards
summary : you overheard Rafe talking about you to Topper and Ruthie.
warnings : angst ; language ; and sex innuendo.
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"I don't live with a Pogue... i have standards." his words rang in your head as your knuckles curled tightly around the menu.
You swallowed your tears and approached his table, you cleared your throat and his smirk disappeared to let a surprise and guilty look on his face.
"Welcome, here's the menu." You smiled politely to his group, Ruthie, the mean girl she is chuckled.
"Ouch... looks like she heard you Rafe.." you licked your upper lip to try and stay calm as you replied.
"She, is right here." You said while looking at her and the brunette laughed more but didn't replied.
Her superior laugh gets on your nerves and since you and Rafe weren't together anymore, because there is no way on earth that you'll stay with him after what he said, you had no more reasons to be polite to his friends and god, Ruthie was the first one on your list.
"As i said, here's the menu, will you be okay or do you need help to read and understand it ?" You asked sarcastically.
Your best friend Samantha that was serving the next table stopped and widened her eyes with proud as she looked at you.
Topper's girlfriend on the other hand was fuming... but you swore you saw Rafe smiled at your sassy reply.
"What the fuck is that suppose to mean ?" The brunette asked angrily as she rose up from her seat, ready to throw a tantrum but you didn't backed away, you only moved closer.
Rafe grabbed your waist before you could approach and Topper moved his girlfriend away as the girl yelled. "You have no right to talk to me like that bitch ! You're a dirty Pogue who thinks she had a chance with a guy out of her league !"
You scoffed and shouted back "Take a look in the mirror honey, blondie is only dating you because you are a bad version of Sarah, it's pathetic."
Ruthie gasped angrily at your words but Topper lead her outside as Rafe hold your waist from behind with a proud smirk on his face.
.
When you came back to reality you moved away from him "Don't touch me." You scoffed and walked away, leaving the bar to get some fresh air.
Rafe sighed in frustration but followed you as you paced on the beach.
"Babe-" he started but you cut him
"Don't. Don't call me babe." You said with tears of anger in your eyes which only made him more guilty than he already is.
"But you're my baby." He said softly and you shook your head "Not anymore. We are over." You said and tried to walked past him but he grabbed your forearms softly.
"No we're not." He said calmly and you shook your head again "Yes we are. You know what i don't even know if we were a couple for a minute." You said with hurt in your voice and he hold the back of your neck softly.
"Yes we were, we always were and will we always be. I've been head over heels for you since that day when you spilled a cocktail on my shirt because you were too anxious for your first day at work." He said casually while tracing patterns on your cheek as his hand gently landed on it.
You were too stunned to speak but finally you find the words "Then why did you said that." You asked and he sighed "Because i'm an asshole who's too proud to admit he's in love with a girl who isn't his usual kind of girls-" he started but you scoffed "Is that supposed to be nice ?" But your sassy tongue only made him smirked and he kissed you to shut you.
All your stubbornness and female rage were gone the moment his lips were on you, once satisfied he pulled away.
"I'm an ass, I'm stubborn and too proud but i fucking love you princess." He whispered as he put his forehead against yours.
"You hurt me.." you whispered and he caress your bottom lip with his thumb "I know, and i'm sorry, more than i ever been before."
You looked at him in the eyes, Rafe do a lot of things but apologize ? Never.
"Did you just said you're sorry ?" You asked with a satisfied smirk and he playfully rolled his eyes. "Yeah yeah yeah.."
You chuckled and licked your lip "If i forgive you and if i give you another chance, will you assume our relationship ?"
Rafe nodded "Hell yeah, i'll even tattoo your name on my chest." His comment make you smirked.
"You know... maybe i should ask you to kneel and ask for my forgiveness.." you teased and he cupped your face.
"Princess, if it's all it takes, i'll go on my knees right now and beg you for forgiveness, then i'll make you forgive me with my tongue." He whispered seductively against your lips and you playfully pushed him away.
"Pervert." You exclaimed and he laughed "Can you blame me ? Seeing you all sassy and fierce with Topper's girlfriend got me all worked up." He smirked as he gently squeezed your hips.
"She deserved it, and if we." You gestured between the two of you "Are gonna be a couple, i won't back down in front of your jerk of friends." You pointed and he smirked.
"Oh princess that's all I'm asking for... besides..." he trailed and leaned closer "You know how much i love your waitress uniform.." he whispered and you pushed him away again.
"Unbelievable.." you exclaimed playfully and walked back to the bar as Rafe looked at you with a fond smile as he tought about how lucky he is to have you and how much he loved you.
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raz-writes-the-thing · 1 year ago
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Sweet Like Chocolate (Venom Drabble)
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Eddie/Venom x GN!Reader / requests are open
Summary: Venom's enjoys it when you're his host.
CW: fluff, making fun of Eddie
Venom Tag List: (send an ask to be added to a tag list!)
___ ___ ___ ___ ___
WE ARE NOT A BABY.
You tut and continue about making Venom’s tater tots. It hadn’t really been a genuine thought. It’s just that when you and Eddie trade Venom between you like parents trading a toddler for alone time, it kind of felt that way at times. Not that you were complaining, of course. Any time with Venom piggybacking in your head was time well spent in your own personal opinion. 
It was just a shame that you weren’t a better match. Then he could come around with you more often. But no, that was Eddie’s responsibility, it would seem. 
“I know, V- you know how human brains work. Thoughts just pop in unannounced.” 
I WILL ALLOW IT.
 
You chuckle and pour yourself a glass of wine. A tendril of Venom’s form spreads from your back to put the wine bottle away for you, and you thank him kindly. Checking the timer on the tots, you frown. They were going to be at least another fifteen minutes. 
“What do you want to do tonight, V?” You ask, plopping down on the lounge chair and taking a sip. 
WE WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU. 
You smile softly, and Venom chuckles in your brain in response. That took some getting used to, actually, hearing someone laugh in your mind. But like all things, you acclimated. 
“We’re doing that, buddy,” you reply. 
YOU ARE FAR NICER THAN EDDIE. EDDIE IS MEAN. 
You take another swig of your wine and flick the TV on quietly, flipping through to get to Venom’s favourite channel. 
“How do you mean? Eddie’s a sweetie deep down,” you respond, finally finding the channel and putting the subtitles on for yourself. Eddie was always a sweetie. It was just that he was a bit gruff. Venom grunts. 
EDDIE’S AN ASSHOLE. 
You hear the bathroom door creak open and turn around, seeing Venom’s tendril rooting around in there for something. You don’t question it further than that, knowing that whatever he’s looking for will be found. 
You’re proven correct when the tendril returns with your hairbrush. You dutifully fluff your hair out from the neck of your cardigan for Venom, who hums appreciatively and begins to brush at your hair. 
It’s something he likes to do for you. You’re not sure whether it’s because he enjoys the sensation himself, or whether it’s something he does for you. It could be both, all things considered. Your eyes flutter shut, and you lose yourself in the motions for a few minutes. 
“He can be an ass,” you finally acquiesce. “But he means well.” 
Venom’s head materialises from over your shoulder and faces you. His tendril pauses its ministrations in your hair for a moment, and he appears thoughtful. 
“I suppose,” Venom replies. “We prefer you. Prettier host.” 
You flush pink and brush a hand over Venom’s cheek. Or what would be his cheek, you supposed? 
“You’re a sweet thing, V.” 
Venom nods, ripples of his skin flowing over his form. 
“Like chocolate, yes?” 
You laugh and make to get up when the timer for the tater tots goes off. 
“Like chocolate.”
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