#yes you. you know who you are and why I wrote this

[fromchaostocosmos]

Hey OP everything I'm about to say I'm saying out both kindness and frustration.

I'm guessing that you are not Jewish because what you wrote really does not reflect the reality of life for Jews in the USA at that time.

Jews would not be socialites or rubbing elbows with wealthy and elite. And no matter how much any Jews would have stripped away any their Jewish identity they still would have been viewed as classless and lesser by the upper echelon.

Jews were immigrants who primarily did not speak English and mostly were on the east coast.

Fun fact about Jews during this time: Jews who kept Shabbat would have to look for a new job ever week because they would be fired for refusing to work on Shabbat.

As for San Fransisco Jews only came there due the California Gold Rush which happened the mid point of the 1800's.

Jews were heavily involved in Unions and were a major backbone of the Labor movement.

The Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire of 1911 is something that is major keystone is labor rights and movement history. You can not learn about unions and labor laws or anything to do with that without hearing about this. But you know what always gets glossed over, ignored, and often outright erased? The fact that the majority of the workers were Jewish girls and women.

In fact if you look at pictures of many labor marches you will notice that the signs are in Yiddish.

The Jewish identity of the Jewish contributors the unions, labors laws, child labor laws, and labor rights get erased and they become immigrants of X country when their Jewishness played a important role in why they fought for what they did, but also why they faced the discrimination and unfair labor practices they faced.

Also Oscar Wilde would not have had anything to do with anything related to Jews because he was a massive antisemite.

There is this thing that people often do, such as what you have, where they write Jews as having wealth, privilege, and access thinking that they are being inclusive when really what is happening is the furthering of antisemitic tropes and stereotypes as well as a revision of history when this happens in historical settings.

You want to make the Jewish character the prince of the story no problem. Have them be an organizer for a Union and the ball can some kind event or even march or something related to unions.

That can be a connection point between the two of them. The prince title can be a nickname or another connection point where her name, either first or last, is mispronounced by non-Yiddish speakers.

You could even have it be that she is going out and doing out reach to different jobs to get them to unionize/help unionize.

as for views towards their child being gay honestly it would vary with how religious the family was, but also the fact that she was a girl and not a boy it would not as much as a deal due to religious understandings.

While a lot of parts of Yiddish culture has been lost due to the loss of many Yiddish speakers their has existed within this culture a whole queer culture/world though they had their own words to describe it.

This idea has merit and could work it just need to fix the historical inaccuracies and cultural insensitivities in regards to the Jewish parts.

I'm not Chinese so I can't speak to those parts and I don't OP if you are Chinese so again I don't feel it is my place to speak on any of those parts.

Because I do not want Sephardim to left out or forgotten I want to point out that Ashkenazi Jews are not and have not been the only Jews in the USA.

1934 saw San Francisco's first Sephardi Synagogue.

So while yes there was in the 1800's a large influx of Jewish immigration of Ashkenazi Jews to the USA that doesn't mean that there were no Sephardim in the USA already or Sephardim who at the time who were moving around the USA or immigrating to the USA.

I don't want Sephardi history to be ignored or erased.

There is nothing wrong with having the Jewish character be Ashkenazi, I just want to make sure that if I'm accounting for proper historical record in regards to Jews then I'm doing that and leaving out Sephardim.

cinderella remake set in 1880s san francisco where cinderella is a chinese immigrant with bound feet and also she’s a butch lesbian and the prince is a butch lesbian too but she’s a paris-educated german-american socialite and a darling of the transatlantic arts and literary world so the connotations of her gender nonconformity are completely different. oscar wilde is there

[l0lita-luv]

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ “Polar Opposites!!”

Fluff+Smut!!

Summary-Some fluffy hcs about you and Vi, along with other arcane characters. And some sweet sex at the end.

Warnings-Use of y/n, reader is described as hyper!fem, Powder still exists, Caitlyn is a friend, Vander, Mylo, & Claggor are still alive, Switch!Vi, Mostly Sub!reader, Fingering R!receiving, Oral R!receiving, pet names: Angel, baby, sweet sex :)

a/n- Wrote this before act lll came out so…

men dni!!

Sfw!!

Vi has always loved the way you dressed. Your frilly dresses and skirts, not to mention your adorable little shirts. When she first saw you, she just knew she had to have you!

When the two of you met, she was wandering the streets of Piltover going to visit Caitlyn. But when she saw you struggling to carry your groceries, she sprinted to help you

“Hey! Uhm-let me help you with that!” Vi said nervously, “Oh thank you so much!” You beamed at Vi’s kindness. She almost melted when she saw your adorable smile.

“You ok?” You asked snapping Vi out of her trance, “Oh yeah! Uh no problem!” Vi stumbled helping you carry your groceries to your car.

“Could I maybe get your number?” You both asked in unison.

Everyone who knows her is so sick of hearing about you, specifically Powder

“Did you see what she wore today? It looked great on her right?” Vi said rambling to Powder once again, “Mhm…she looked great Vi.” Powder said her voice dripping in annoyance. Sighing as Vi opened her mouth once again.

But when everyone meets you they understand why Vi is so utterly in love

When Powder sees you she’s just so stunned by your clothes, hair and everything about you!

She’s tries to contain herself from stealing the bow in your hair

When Claggor and Mylo meet you, their very akward

Stumbling over their words, and saying things most would find offensive!

Vi was obviously staring them down the whole time

When you first met Caitlyn, you were a bit scared of her…why? Well because of the amount of stories Vi has told her about you, you were afraid you would make a horrible first impression

But when Caitlyn greeted you with a warm smile and a hug, you knew everything was fine.

Overall, everyone loves you

She also likes how your style and hers clash

Def calls you angel, doll, and love

She tries to act tough whenever the two of you are out but behind closed doors, she’s such a sap

Buys you whatever you want!

“Baby…can I get this?” You ask holding up a pair of heels. “Of course you can! They would look great on you.” Vi responds looking at the price tag nervously.

But it was worth it! Because let’s just say you payed her back…

Nsfw!!

Absolutely loves when you wear skirts and dresses

Lowkey gets annoyed when you try to take it off

“Babe-“ Vi tries to speak between kisses, tugging your skirt up. “Keep it on!” Vi manages to get out.

You love when Vi gets like this, you pay her no mind continuing to grind on her lap making her groan as you took your shirt off.

You were so focused on teasing her you didn’t even notice when she took of your panties, until she slipped in a finger only to pull out and rub your clit sweetly. “Vi!” You squeak, “Please���”

She only smiles at you, flipping the two of you over so that you can be under her. Quickly taking off her shirt.

“What do you want Angel?” Vi asks taking one of your nipples between her fingertips pinching them, making you whine. “Y-your mouth…” You whisper loud enough for her to hear.

Vi chuckles softly at your desperation, leaning forward to kiss you making her way down to your throbbing cunt. Almost immediately getting to work, she was eating you like you were her last meal. “Oh!” You yelp, reaching for Vi’s hair tugging her head closer. If even possible, she starts moving her tongue even faster making your moans louder.

You practically start screaming when she enters a finger pumping it in and out gently, looking up at you. “Think you can take another Angel?” Vi asks sweetly her face still buried in your cunt. “Yes!” You whimper your legs beginning to twitch. Vi gently slipping in another finger, her pace being generous.

“Vi…” You whisper, “Hm?” “Kiss me…” You whine. Vi comes back up, her fingers still moving. Leaning down to kiss you passionately, “I love you Angel.” Vi says, reaching for your hand, holding it. Your grip became tighter as you came undone, moaning into her mouth. “I love you too baby.” You respond back, catching your breath.

[felassan]

David Gaider on Cassandra (the last of these retrospective character threads), under a cut for length:

"This is the last of the (major) characters I wrote during my time on Dragon Age. I could go into others, and considered moving onto Stray Gods... but I feel like fewer would be interested, and I honestly can't keep up the pace. So let's make this the last, for now. So, yeah. Cassandra. We knew early on that Cassandra would come into DAI as a companion, along with Varric, that this was part of what DA2 set up for the sequel. Now, I'd written Cassandra's short scenes in DA2, yes, but I wasn't her writer for DAI. Initially, she was Jennifer Hepler's character. By mid-project, in fact, Cassandra was more or less fully written. Jennifer did a great job - solid character, solid quest. The sticking point, it turned out, was her romance. Now, to be fair, Jennifer told me straight up when we began that writing romance wasn't her forte, but she'd give it a go. The problem with the romance as she wrote it wasn't in its execution but more a clash between the character as Jennifer envisioned her and the requirements of her being a romance. See, I mentioned previously that a romance arc inherently limits the kinds of stories you can tell with a companion. Many responses I got can be summed up as "lol skill issue", but consider this: a companion romance isn't a fic you can just throw up on AO3. It's an investment of a lot of resources. If a companion has one, most of their resources need to be devoted to it - it's not "now let's ALSO add a romance"."

"That means it needs to take priority in who they are as a character and their arc. What's more, they need to be *appealing* to a big chunk of the player base - or at least someone we can imagine being broadly appealing, anyway. Thankfully, there are still many many stories this can accommodate. 😊 This, however, wasn't one of those. Was Cassandra a fascinating character? Absolutely. Her romance, though... Well, Jennifer DID warn me. She'd written Cassandra as a serious, self-righteous, pious woman who put the Inquisitor on a messianic pedestal. Romancing her meant changing her view of you. You did this by being... pushy. Jennifer didn't mean it to, I'm sure, but sometimes it came off as, at best, negging. At worst, a bit harassy. And Jennifer would have fixed it. This was a 1st draft, and the issues - while serious - were something a skilled writer like her could handle. No problem. Thing is, Jennifer left. You may not remember, but this was around the time a bunch of GamerGate dudes decided Jennifer was somehow responsible for ALL of BioWare's faults. Oh, the power she wielded! She, a writer, could even command the combat Bio made! The result was a LOT of ugly harassment. 😞 Is this why she left? You'd have to ask her, but it undoubtedly didn't help. The important thing is, she left - and there was nobody as senior nor as superhumanly fast as her to take over any unfinished work. This is where Patrick Weekes comes in: a solid, senior writer who could fill her shoes."

"It was great timing - not only did Cassandra need a writer, I'd slowly fallen more and more behind. It was clear by that point that I'd never be able to write Dorian AND Cole AND Solas as planned. They needed to pick up two. And I let them choose the ones who interested them, like all my writers. Patrick taking Solas was no surprise, and while I had Big Plans for Solas in the future I knew at least he'd be in good hands. I was reeeeaaaally hoping Patrick would then pick Cassandra... but they wanted Cole. My baby. Who I created in Asunder. I grumped, but Patrick clearly loved the character. They had ideas for Cole which... yeah yeah, sounded cool. Fiiine. 😅 Now I had to figure out what *I* was going to do with Cassandra. We couldn't move the romance to someone else, all the other female characters were well underway, and I didn't know the character well enough to fix her with tweaks. That meant a re-write. I didn't WANT to erase all that good work, but I needed to start from scratch. Yet how? A pious, self-righteous character was already a risk in terms of romantic appeal. There are only a small number of traits sorta considered universally unappealing but they're on that list. In this instance, Cassandra already being a known character helped. I came across a webcomic (by aimo, I think? AHH I wish I could find it now) that made a joke about Cassandra reading Varric's books. Off-hand, no basis for it, but funny. 😆 And I thought: YES. THAT'S IT. THAT'S WHAT I'M MISSING."

"I sat down and wrote the "fangirl" scene, just to test it out. Everyone loved it, and it served to change my image of who Cassandra was - a view of the inside, at the idealistic and awkward passion she felt, for so many things... AND the Maker. "Yes," I thought. "I could fall in love with this." Who knew Cassandra could be funny? Not anyone, coming out of DA2, yet here we were. It worked so well and her voice came so easily. Miranda Raison was game ofc, and amazing. Though Caroline did gripe that, if we ever met more Nevarrans THAT accent meant we'd have the Tali Problem all over again. 😅 Cassandra's romance is burned into my brain as the time when we THE most awkward conversation with the animators ever. See, that moment during the sex scene on the picnic blanket when she leans back and... there were suddenly these strategically-placed candles, juuuust covering the Sordid Bits. Thing is, they were so obviously placed just to do that. Plus, we'd already decided to do full nudity in DAI, hadn't we? WHY WERE THEY EVEN THERE? Turns out, the nudity thing was still pretty new to the team. They'd forgotten and put the candles there almost as a reflex. So prudish. So Canadian. 😂 I do find it kind of funny that, these days, what I mostly hear about Cassandra is from female fans upset at me because she wasn't a lesbian option. I mean, right? Who wouldn't want that? Technically not my decision, but I guess I WAS behind the companions having set preferences so... fair enough?"

"Some of them do take it to an entitled place, though, like Cassandra *should* have been a lesbian. Why? Because she looks like one, apparently, and that that's a bit of stereotyping which feels... odd? But it's not as if lesbian players are spoiled for choice left and right, so again: fair enough. It did lead to the best end credits VO perhaps ever, and overall I'm pretty happy with how Cassandra panned out. Things never end up like you expect, right? But such is game dev lyfe. 🥸🖖 Did you know Cassandra was THE most-romanced DAI character, by a good margin? Least, by a good margin? Dorian."

[source thread]

User: "Did you have any hand in her writing for Dawn of the Seeker?" David Gaider: "No, none. Nobody at BioWare had any hand in Dawn of the Seeker, outside of maybe Mike approving the script or direction? Only he could say for sure." [source]

User: "Was Miranda a specific casting choice by anyone on the team (similar to your picks for Merrill/Fenris/Solas), or was she simply a lucky find? I loved Miranda on the BBC series "Spooks", so I was very pleasantly surprised to learn she voiced one of my favourite DA characters" David Gaider: "I don’t remember how Miranda was cast. Auditioned, I expect, and she had a good “steely warrior voice” which is surprisingly uncommon among actresses. The accent she made up was all her, as well." [source]

User: "What's the Tali Problem?" David Gaider: "When Tali was the only Quarian, the actress doing a made-up accent was fine. Once there were others… do we get them all to mimic her? That’s a tall order!" [source]

User: "I'd say Solas is the most popular nowaday, but you need to be such a specific race/gender combo + most straight guys wouldn't go for him, i get hes not on top of the list, but I'd have expected Josephine over Cass." David Gaider: "You can’t go by how fans online talk about playing the game. There is almost zero correlation between the playstyles of the vocal hardcore and the masses." [source]

User: "I was a Dorianmancer. The cut content in Trespasser DLC was sad to read, it definitely felt short/abrupt for Dorianmancers. Anyway to share what was cut at all?" David Gaider: "I don’t know what was cut out of the conversation, as I never played it. I just heard about it after the fact." [source]

User: "Those end credits are truly incredible. Do you remember who wrote them? I'm guessing a combination of Mary Kirby & you?" David Gaider: "I wrote them, but I recall the entire team kind of took part in brainstorming the pieces of it." [source]

User: "I’m very curious- Do you know what direction you would have taken Cole and his story if you’d kept him?" David Gaider: "It's hypothetical at this point, but I suspect I would have been less willing to lose the serial killer aspect... or, at least, would have made that transition occur as part of his arc in DAI. Yet that's easy to say from this side of the divide. Who knows, really?" [source]

User: "With Cassandra you created one of the best characters in DA history." David Gaider: "Personally, my favorite response of hers is where she gets mocked for loving romance and she comes back with a retort about how it's a strength - how loving something and striving for the ideal takes courage. To me, that's central to her core." [source]

User: "inquiry: did you not write any of the Awakening characters?" David Gaider: "I wrote Anders, Justice, and Nathaniel in Awakening - but it was such a hurried project, my memories of it are pretty much a blur. "Yes, I worked on that" is almost all I can say about it, I'm afraid." [source]

[sinofwriting]

Insane Person - Max Verstappen (I ❤️ MILFS verse)

Words: 667 Summary: Max wants to be sure he can give Pan kids. (Part of the I ❤️ MILFS verse) Note(s): Takes place during the original I ❤️ MILFS fic, before Max finds out Pan’s age. Max is insane btw, this has been a blurb idea since I wrote the original fic and finally it has been written so enjoy, lol.

Masterlist | Support Me! | I ❤️ MILFS verse

“I’d love to give Logan a sibling or two.”

The words so soft had made his heart speed up as soon as he heard them and now thinking about them, letting them play on repeat.

It’s early in their relationship, though they haven’t yet talked about it yet, no matter how much Max is dying to do so. But Max wants to be the one that she gives Logan siblings with.

Which is why he’s sitting in front of his computer and looking at medical studies.

A lot of it is going over his head. The most schooling he sat through was the first four or five years of it. He can grasp engineering, anything to do with cars and their data, but medical terminology goes over his head.

He powers through, he doesn’t know Pan’s exact age, his mother would smack him over the head if he even thought to ask her age, but she’s got to to be mid to late thirties if not early forties considering Logan is twenty.

The studies say she’d be fine getting pregnant, shouldn’t have trouble conceiving, and his cheeks burn at the word, at the image it puts in his mind. They haven’t quite got their, but they’ve gotten close. They throw out the term geriatric pregnancy which makes him flinch because forty wasn’t old, at least not if you weren’t a driver and to see it be called something like that felt harsh, rude. Another one calls it advanced maternal age which really isn’t any better, but it’s just relieving to see that’s still possible. And then a study mentions that if people are having trouble conceiving that not only does the person birthing need to get checked, but both do and a new panic takes over his brain.

What if when it came time to try, he was the problem? It would really be his luck. Things had been going very well for the past few years, it would be his luck that he couldn’t give the woman he loves more kids.

And Logan wanted siblings, the panic grows as he remembers Logan chiming in that he’d love some siblings. Oh god, what if he failed in giving Logan siblings? He wanted the younger driver to like him, to really like him.

His fingers act quickly, wanting to know how he can know if he can have kids and the results make him blink because it couldn’t be that easy.

He just had to provide a sample in a cup?

Max’s brain struggles to compute that after just reading everything that women have to go through to get their fertility checked.

His hand goes to his phone, he rarely if ever called his doctor, but this was important.

He goes through the motions of confirming he is who he is, wondering how weird it must be for other people to do this for him before he finally gets asked why for the purpose of the appointment.

“I want to check to see if I can have kids.”

“Okay, are you and your partner having trouble conceiving?”

His cheeks burn, “We aren’t trying yet. I just want to make sure that it’s possible on my end.”

“Okay, it’s a simple procedure at our clinic and we could see you in the next three days if that works for you at any time we are open.”

“That’s perfect.”

“Alright, we’ll see you in a few days, Mr. Verstappen.”

He gets the results back five days after his appointment, an email sitting in his inbox, and he forces himself to take a deep breath before finally opening it.

There are words he doesn’t know, ones he doesn’t really want to think about, but there at the end, a note from his doctor that says everything looks great, and he shouldn’t have troubles getting someone pregnant and his fist goes in the air, a quiet but excited yes leaving him.

He could give Logan siblings and Pan more kids, thank fuck.

[makeitmingi]

When Flowers Bloom In The Dark [Chapter 8]

Genre: Romance, Mafia!AU, Violence, Angst, Slow burn

Pairing: Hongjoong x Reader (y/n)

Characters: Florist!Reader, Mafioso!Hongjoong, Mafioso!Seonghwa, Mafioso!Yunho, Mafioso!Yeosang, Mafioso!San, Mafioso!Mingi, Mafioso!Wooyoung, Mafioso!Jongho

Summary:��When you appeared and wept at his mother's funeral, Hongjoong found himself wanting to find out more about you. A regular girl, who owns a flower shop in his territory and has a relationship with the mother that he hasn't spoken to in years, why hasn't he ever noticed you before?

[Warning(s): 18+ for violence, use of weapons, smoking, alcohol consumption, slight gore, gang affiliation, tattoos and character deaths. Minors DNI. This is a work of fiction and does not represent the Ateez members in real life.]

Word count: 3.2K

"You can add a layer of natural compost to provide the plant with the nutrients its missing. Then add a layer of this mulch right at the top, it'll help keep the moisture in. Your plant should be fine right after." You smiled, handing the bag of mulch and natural compost to the customer after she paid.

"Okay, I'll go home and repot it properly. Do I stick to my regular watering schedule?" She asked.

"Water it every alternate day instead. Since we're retaining moisture, there's no need to water it every day now. Or it might drown the plant." You informed.

"Ah, I don't want that to happen." She giggled and you nodded with a laugh.

"Come back if you need any other help." You told her, walking her to the door. She bowed her head and left your store.

Once she left, you went back to working on online order pick ups. You recently received a big order for a huge event so you were trying to clear orders and you were not able to take in anymore new orders.

"Excuse me. Are you open?" The door opened.

"Yes, I am. How can I help you?" You wiped your hands and went out to greet the customer.

"I need a bouquet for a friend in the hospital. Do you do that? Maybe a small teddy bear, I don't know..." She smiled in embarrassment. But you knew what she meant and what she wanted so you waved her further into the store.

"Do you know the person's favourite flower? If not, there are sunflower bouquets, those are popular because of how bright they are." You chuckled.

"She doesn't have a favourite flower... Let's just go with the sunflowers. I know she likes blue, can that be added?" She asked.

"Of course. I'll wrap the flowers in baby blue tissue, there'll make it really pretty." You smiled.

"Thanks." She sighed and sat down to wait. You hummed softly to yourself as you picked out the sunflowers and began to trim the stems, remove the excess leaves and arrange them.

"I'll add some extra flowers on the side if that's okay, just to bulk up the bouquet." You checked with the customer.

"Sure." You nodded.

She watched as you laid everything out in a bouquet arrangement and tied the stems together with a rubber band first. Then you wrapped the bottoms with wet tissues and began to wrap the whole thing in decorative tissues. The girl watched you as you worked, securing the bouquet together with a ribbon.

"These are the designs of small animal plushes we have. You can pick one and I'll add it to the bouquet. Also, you can write the card." You placed the box on the counter for her to pick.

"This one. She likes cats." The girl explained. You placed a holder and positioned the flowers while she wrote the card.

"All done. Is there anything else I can do for you?" You asked as you walked her to the counter.

"No, that's all. Thanks for all your help, the bouquet is beautiful. I don't know anything about flowers. I just know you get it for people when they're sick." She shrugged.

"Of course, happy to help." You showed her the bill and processed the payment on her card.

"Thanks again." She bowed and walked out of your store.

"Now, where were we?" You continued to work on your online orders. Suddenly, someone tapped you on the shoulder, making you flinch and jump, letting out a small yelp in surprise.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you, I forgot to ask for a name card." The girl from earlier asked.

"Sure, sorry about that. I overreacted." You tried your best to maintain composure as you went to retrieve a name card for her before she left again. Your heart was racing, you didn't know why you reacted so badly to someone touching your shoulder.

Who were you kidding? Of course you knew. Because it was like the guy that was at the club. You shivered as a flash of what happened passed in your head.

And at the same time, you wondered if the guy would come back and sought revenge against you. Or was he even alive?

"Don't think about that." You scolded yourself with a frown. You didn't know the state Hongjoong left the guy in, he could be dead or alive.

"Focus on work." You let out a long, shaky exhale and proceeded to throw yourself back into your work. Hopefully, that will be the last that you encounter Hongjoong.

You didn't know what he did and what he was but at this point, you'd rather not find out.

"Hi. I'm here to pick up order #2140?" A male came in.

"Yes, sure. Let me help you get that. Can I see the order confirmation? Just to be sure." You wiped your hands against your apron. He nodded and showed you in email.

"That's great. Here it is, order #2140. You can check that everything is to your liking. Then you can pay." You told the customer. He scanned the bouquet and nodded in approval, going to settle the payment. It was a standard bouquet that you had on the website, an anniversary bouquet that was quite popular.

"Have a nice day." You wished as he left. Since there was a little bit of lull time, you stopped working on orders and worked on your botany.

"Tincture." You opened your botany book. Tinctures were made of dried and/or fresh plants and herbs, steeped in either vinegar or alcohol to extract their properties.

"This, this and this." You sought through your collection to find what you needed.

Following the recipe, you picked out the herbs that you needed and placed them into a glass jar then added concentrated alcohol.

"Ready in 4 weeks? Wow." You wrote the date and type of tincture on a piece of tape and taped it to the jar. Then you placed the jar on the shelf to let it mature.

"Hi (y/n). Here for today's pick ups." The delivery man came through the back door like always.

"Hey, Mr Kim. Let me see which orders are for delivery." You went to the area where all the prepared flower orders were.

"Looks like it's all these here." You gestured. He nodded and began to bring the flower boxes out to where his truck was parked in the alley. You helped him carry the bouquets while he picked up more of the wreaths and flower boxes.

"You've got the addresses already right?" You confirmed. He hummed and scanned all the barcodes on the order invoices against his checklist to make sure everything was there.

"There's a bouquet missing it seems. Order #418?" He showed you the screen.

"Hmm. Let me check, it could be mixed up with the pick up orders." You went back into the store and looked for it.

"Roses bouquet with black and grey tissue." You checked the description on your order list. Maybe you had missed out on the order while wrapping the flowers.

"Sorry, Mr Kim. Let me quickly put that bouquet together." You bowed and apologised.

"No worries. It happens." He waved you off.

"Feel free to have some tea while you wait." You gestured to the pot of tea that you always brewed in the shop, it's usually for yourself or familiar visitors like delivery men. You quickly picked out the flowers that you needed and made the bouquet. It was a standard rose bouquet with baby's breath surrounding the red roses.

"There, sorry again for delaying you." You handed him the bouquet once it was done, all wrapped in the layered tissue and secured with a thick, silver ribbon.

"No need to apologise, (y/n). Thanks for the tea. Have a nice day." He patted your shoulder and left to make the deliveries.

"You too!" You waved as the truck drove off. After that, you went back to getting orders sorted.

Finally when you sat down, you winced as you lifted your leg. It was a sprained ankle, nothing too major but you've been hiding the bandage under pants and the pain with a smile.

"Hello~" Jihoon entered through the back door and you quickly put your leg down, making sure your pant leg covered the bandage.

"Jihoon, what are you doing here?" You blinked in surprise.

"Well, hello to you too, neighbour. I'm here to deliver you a warm lunch! You're welcome." He held up the paper bag and the iced drink that he was holding.

"Thanks, Jihoon. Let me know how much everything is and I'll wire it over." You smiled gratefully as you stood up. At your words, Jihoon shot you a flat look. He knew you would insist on paying but he didn't want you too.

"Hush, just eat. Don't worry about paying." He sat you back down and cleared your table so he could put the sandwich and drink down.

"Hmm..." You shot him a look but sighed in defeat and patted the seat beside you. Before sitting down, Jihoon poured himself a cup of tea from your warmed tea pot.

"This is nice. What is this?" He pointed, taking a sip.

"Mixed dried berries with raspberry leaf." You replied, taking a bite of the warm sandwich.

"Isn't that what pregnant women drink?" He raised an eyebrow. You shot him a surprised look but nodded in confirmation.

"Yeah, my mom gave a lot to my cousin when she was pregnant with my nephew. Supposed to make birth easy or something. I swear she even bathed in it once." Jihoon scoffed.

"It'll help with muscle cramps too, it's an anti inflammatory and anti oxidant." You explained.

"Hopefully it'll get rid of my calf muscle pain then." Jihoon chuckled and took another sip. You laughed and continued to eat your sandwich, enjoying your chat with Jihoon. Mrs Kim was always your lunch time companion, Jihoon must know that you would feel the absence of her presence and come.

"Do you miss her?" Jihoon asked. Your hands stopped and you paused your chewing before nodding your head with a hum, knowing he was referring to Mrs Kim.

"You know that she was the closest thing to a mother figure that I have ever had." You replied.

"Mhmm. I also know you didn't even give yourself a break." Jihoon stated.

"I don't need a break, Jihoon. Continuing and distracting myself with work is what helps me, not sitting at home and crying." You shrugged, standing up and going to toss the trash.

"Don't you have a cafe that needs running?" You chuckled, changing the subject so you wouldn't harp on that topic for too long.

"They'll survive without me." Jihoon waved you off. You laughed and shook your head.

You and Jihoon continued to chat until your lunch break was over and you chased him out. No doubt his workers were good but you didn't want to be the reason why their boss slacks. So after giving him a bouquet of flowers to decorate his shop with, he left.

"Welc- Hongjoong sshi." You blinked, stopping in your tracks. Having heard the bell, you thought that there was a new customer. You didn't expect Hongjoong to come in.

"Good afternoon." Hongjoong bowed his head as he entered your shop.

"W-What can I help you with?" You blinked.

"I... wanted to make sure you got your ankle looked at." Hongjoong cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Oh! I'm fine, it's just a sprain. Nothing big. Please, have a seat and make yourself comfortable." You forced a small smile and gestured to the seats by your work table.

"I'm glad. Thanks." He unbuttoned his jacket and sat down on the stool. You poured him a cup of tea and offered it to him.

"Please, don't let me stop you from your work." He gestured to the materials that were scattered around.

"So, how have you been Hongjoong sshi?" You asked to try and prevent an awkward silence from falling down on the both of you. You kept your head down, focusing on the bouquets you were preparing to put in the display and fridges for walk in customers. Hongjoong watched you, sipping his tea.

"Same as always. What about you?" He asked back. You had stated clearly the last time you met that you didn't want the incident to be brought up again but Hongjoong couldn't help it.

"Fine. Same as always, too. Just here, running the shop, fixing orders, you know..." You shrugged.

"Hongjoong sshi, I don't mean this in any way at all but what's the real reason you came here?" You finally asked him.

"(y/n) sshi, I feel like I owe you yet another apology." He confessed with an honest look on his face. The way he looked at you, it just reminded you of Mrs Kim.

"If it's about what happened last week-"

"No, I mean, yes. Partly. I... I know we're practically strangers but I've been treating you unfairly." Hongjoong sighed

"Okay, now you've lost me." You chuckled. Hongjoong was relieved that you laughed, making this conversation a whole more lighthearted than he thought it would be.

"Like I said when we first met here... Whatever my relationship with my mother was shouldn't have clouded my view or attitude towards you. It's just... I don't know... It seems like we knew her as a different person entirely." He rubbed his temples.

"I get it..." You nodded your head with a hum.

"But that shouldn't excuse how I've been towards you. I have to deal with my demons myself." He confessed.

"It's okay, Hongjoong sshi. I know it can't be easy with everything that's been happening. And honestly, it's conflicting to me too." You empathised with him.

"So I'm not crazy." He cracked a smile.

"Far from." You giggled, fixing up the bouquet. You momentarily left the conversation to put the bouquets in the fridge.

"But still, I apologise." He insisted.

"There's no need to but if you insist, apology accepted. And I think at this point, we can drop the formalities." You turned your head to say to him as you arranged the bouquets.

"I'd like that." He smiled kindly as you returned to the work bench. You noticed his ears turning a light shade of pink. Dropping formalities didn't immediately mean a friendship but at least you two were no longer just strangers. Whether you liked it or not, the universe keeps making your paths cross.

"(y/n), I have another request, if it's okay with you." Hongjoon gulped as he mentioned. You nodded.

"I'm not ready to talk about my mother. My relationship with her, your relationship with her. I'm not ready... But when I am, I hope you'll help me." He looked at you with desperate eyes.

"Of course, Hongjoong. Any time. Whenever you're ready." You smiled softly.

RINGGGG

"Ah, hang on." Hongjoong clicked his tongue, annoyed that his phone broke that moment you were having. He looked at his phone to see Yunho calling.

"What?" He hissed, turning away slightly. You weren't gonna eavesdrop so you just continued your work.

"Look, Yunho. Just... hire another gardener, you don't need to tell me this! You make decisions too, all 8 of us do. If you need some sort of approval, ask Hwa." Hongjoong threw his head back with a groan.

"Fine, fine... Yeah, sure. I'm not sure why you want to add to my workload with this but I'll look when I get home later... Yeah, whatever. Goodbye." Hongjoong hung up with a grumble, glaring at his phone as he did.

"Everything okay?" You stifled a laugh.

"Oh, yeah. It's nothing. One of my brothers can't seem to hire a gardener himself all of a sudden." Hongjoong clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes.

"Well, if it's not too much. If you're too busy to find a gardener now, I could help you in the mean time." You offered.

"What? Really? I don't want to make you busier, I'm sure you have a lot to do with the shop." Hongjoong shook his head.

"I wouldn't have offered if I couldn't. My shop is closed Sundays and Thursdays anyway, I could go once a week on those days to tend to the plants." You shrugged.

"Just until I have the time to find a gardener." Hongjoong said.

"Sure, whatever you're comfortable with. Do you have a picture of your backyard?" You asked.

"Oh, let me see. Although, I don't know what plants we have." Hongjoong took his phone out and scrolled through his pictures, trying to find the last time he took a picture of the backyard garden. When he finally found one, he showed it to you. Your eyes widened at the huge backyard. The fenced garden only took a portion of it.

"Wow... That's a big garden..." You couldn't help but be in awe.

"It is. But you'll just need to tend to the fenced area. The rest of the field behind it is not necessary." Hongjoong informed. That was where they killed or practiced weapons sometimes.

"Sure, I'll be there on Monday." You smiled, excited to be working in such a big garden space.

"Here's the address." Hongjoong took the small piece of paper from the table and scribbled it down for you.

"Thank you." You took the paper and tucked it into your pocket.

"When I came in here, I didn't think I would leave after having offered you a job." Hongjoong admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. You nodded in agreement.

"You never know what the universe has in store for you." You chuckled and cleared your work table.

"Thank you, (y/n). I have to return to work now but I'll see you soon." Hongjoong slid off the stool.

"You're welcome, Hongjoong. Thank you for stopping by. I'll see you Monday." You walked him to the door. He nodded and bowed politely before exiting the shop. You watched as a chauffeur opened the door for him to enter a luxury car before returning to drive off.

"What just happened?" You asked yourself in disbelief as you walked back to your shop counter. You told yourself you should steer clear but here you were, offering to work for him.

But it was too late to regret now, what's done is done. You knew you couldn't go back on your word.

You'll just go, tend to plants and leave. Simple.

"I'm not ready to talk about my mother. My relationship with her, your relationship with her. I'm not ready... But when I am, I hope you'll help me."

Hongjoong's words from earlier replayed in your head. It was so different, he looked and sounded so involuntarily vulnerable.

To be frank, you were not ready too. You were fond of Mrs Kim, she took care of you, cared for you.

But were you ready to hear how sour Hongjoong's relationship with her was? No, you were not ready to hear any of that. Especially since that wound still felt so fresh.

"I hope I don't regret this." You muttered to yourself.

~

Series masterlist

[rosemariiaa]

𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 02, 𝘽𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙖𝙨 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧𝙨

“Some things are better left unsaid.”

rosie’s note: hi :), sooo don’t yell at me y’all know i’m sensitive, but yes apologies this was supposed to come out wayyy sooner but i’ve had a lot going on with my personal life i barely had time to write but luckily i finished this up! ik almost people were confused on the cliffhanger so i hope i explained it well in this chapter :) happy reading lovelies 💌

pairing: Paige x Azzi

themes: hurt/comfort, guilt, angst

enjoy!!!

march 21, 2014

The cursor blinked at me, expectant. Judging.

Her name sat on the tip of my tongue. Not the one she introduced herself with, not the nickname she had tossed at me under the swing set like it was armor. Her real name. The one she’d trusted me with just days before everything shattered.

I hovered over the keyboard. How many times had I visited this account in the past two months? More than I could count. The anonymity she clung to should have been enough to keep me from connecting the dots. But the username—UnicornPuppy35—was a clue I couldn’t ignore, not after that rainy night, not after the slippers and the shirt that practically screamed it.

Azzi.

The realization should have made me stop, made me put down my phone and walk away. She didn’t know it was me. She didn’t know I was the one lurking, soaking up every word she wrote, piecing together her sadness, her anger, her loneliness. And she couldn’t find out—not like this.

If she did… God, if she ever found out, I wasn’t sure what would happen. She’d hate me more than she already did, and I couldn’t stand to see that look on her face again.

I leaned back in my chair, running a hand over my face. The memory of her tears still burned, sharp as glass.

flashback ⤑ february 13, 2013

The rain came down hard that night, the kind of downpour that soaked through your skin and left you raw.

I didn’t know why I left the house. Maybe it was the yelling, or maybe it was the silence that followed. Either way, I ended up at the park. The swings creaked under the weight of the wind, and the only other person there was huddled on one, head bowed as rain dripped from her curls and onto her bright pink unicorn shirt.

I almost walked away. She looked like she wanted to be alone, and honestly, so did I. But something stopped me—a tilt of her head, maybe, or the way her shoulders shuddered even as she sat still.

“Hey,” I said, stepping closer. The ground squelched under my shoes.

She looked up, startled. Her eyes, wide and brown, met my baby blues for half a second before darting away. “What do you want?”

I hesitated, shrugging. “Nothing. Just… didn’t think anyone else would be out here.”

Her laugh was bitter, like she didn’t believe me. She didn’t say anything else, just looked back down at her feet, the tips of her sneakers brushing the muddy ground.

I should’ve walked away. Instead, I sat on the swing next to her.

Over the next two weeks, those nights at the park became a ritual. When the lights in our houses went out, we met under the cover of darkness, sharing pieces of ourselves with kind of fully unraveling almost everything.

She told me about the girl at school—the one who dunked her head in the toilet and called her the f-slur. Her voice cracked when she said it, and my chest ached with something I didn’t quite understand.

“She’s just a bitch,” I said, reaching out without thinking. My hand landed on her shoulder, the fabric of her hoodie rough and wet under my palm. “You didn’t deserve that.”

She didn’t pull away, but she didn’t look at me either. “It’s not just her,” she muttered. “It’s… everyone.”

The night Azzi told me about the girl at school, something in her broke. Her voice cracked, a sharp edge slicing through the usual monotone she used when talking about her day.

“I didn’t even do anything,” she said, hugging her knees to her chest. Her breath came out in shivers, her curls dripping rainwater down her back. “She just—she said I was looking at her skirt, and the next thing I know, I’m—”

Her voice wavered, and she stopped. She didn’t have to finish. I could picture it: the cold porcelain, the laughter, the humiliation.

“She has to be insecure or something,” I said quickly, fumbling for the right words. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Azzi. She’s just taking her misery out on you.”

Azzi didn’t look convinced. Her lip trembled, and she pressed her face into her knees, hiding the tears I knew were falling.

I sat there, helpless. I wasn’t good at this—comforting people, saying the right thing. But I didn’t want her to feel alone.

“You wanna egg her house?” I joked, my voice soft. “Or, I don’t know, slash her parents tires?”

She huffed a wet laugh, the sound muffled by her hoodie. “She’d probably call the cops.”

“She’s a snitch, too?” I gasped dramatically, hoping to coax another laugh out of her. “That’s it. We’re definitely egging her house.”

Azzi peeked up at me, her eyes red and puffy but lighter somehow. “You’re stupid,” she said, but there was a ghost of a smile on her face.

——-

A few nights later, that’s when things fell apart.

I was at the park first, waiting for Azzi, when a group of girls from my neighborhood showed up. I didn’t know them well, but they were loud and funny in that kind of way that made you want to laugh along just to fit in.

We were sitting on the picnic table, their chatter filling the silence, when one of them asked, “Hey, Paige, why do you always hang out with that girl?”

I blinked, caught off guard. “Who?”

“You know, that Azzi girl,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “Nobody hangs out with her.”

My stomach twisted. “Why not?”

The girl snorted. “Her mom’s, like, weird. Always with a new boyfriend or whatever. It’s embarrassing. She’s just a weirdo and looks weird.”

My jaw tightened. Before I could respond, another girl chimed in, laughing. “And her hair! It’s like, doesn’t she know what a brush is?”

The table erupted in laughter, but I couldn’t bring myself to join in. I glanced at the path leading to the swings, my heart sinking.

“Paige,” a voice said behind me.

I froze.

Azzi stood there, her face pale and her eyes glassy with unshed tears. Her mouth opened, then closed, and she shook her head, stepping back as if I’d physically struck her.

“Azzi, wait—” I started, scrambling off the table, but she was already turning away.

“Don’t,” she said quietly, her voice trembling. “Just… don’t.”

I ran after her, catching her arm as she reached the edge of the park. “Azzi, I wasn’t—”

“Wasn’t what?” she snapped, whirling around. Her eyes were brimming with tears, her voice rising in anger. “Wasn’t laughing at me? Wasn’t sitting there while they trashed me?”

“I didn’t say anything!” I protested, my chest tight.

“That’s the problem!” she shouted, her voice breaking. “You just sat there, Paige. You didn’t even try to stop them, you let them say those things.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but the words stuck in my throat.

“Forget it,” she muttered, yanking her arm free. She wiped at her face angrily, her curls sticking to her cheeks. “I should’ve known better.”

“Azzi, come on,” I pleaded, my voice softer now. “It’s not like that—”

“What’s it like, then?” she asked, her eyes narrowing. “Because from where I’m standing, it’s pretty clear. I just don’t understand after all those nights I cried to you P.. how could you?”

She didn’t wait for an answer. By the time I found the words, she was already gone.

present day 2014

It’s been weeks since Azzi and I started talking online, just the two of us, anonymously. We’ve gotten comfortable—well, as comfortable as we can with the fake names and hidden identities. I try not to think about the lies I’m keeping from her, but I know deep down it’s the only way I can stay connected to her. She has to trust me, or she’ll leave. And I can’t handle that. Not again.

It’s the last day of school, and I’m practically buzzing with excitement as I head to the bus. I can’t wait to get home, and send Azzi a message—anything really. I don’t care if it’s about her puppy or the weather or something ridiculous. I just want to talk to her.

I find a seat on the bus and pull out my phone. As the bus rumbles on, I open up Blogspot. I scroll through the messages Azzi and I exchanged earlier, just before school started. I can’t help but laugh at the part where she told me her dog, Stewie, peed in her shoe. That image—her tiny, brown wiener dog peeing in her brand new sneakers—was so perfectly her. Her humor, her frustration, her charm.

I giggle, but then it hits me. The guilt. It crashes over me, sudden and sharp, like a wave I didn’t see coming. My thumb freezes over the screen, hovering over the keyboard. I look at the conversation, at the funny banter we shared this morning, and my chest tightens. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve her.

If she knew who I really was, if she knew the truth about why I was pretending to be someone else… she would never look at me the same way again. She’d leave me. She would never trust me again.

I feel the tightness in my chest grow, and I look out the window, trying to distract myself. But it’s no use. The guilt is like a weight on my shoulders, pressing down harder the longer I sit with it. Every word I’ve typed to Azzi, every moment I’ve shared with her—it’s all a lie. And I hate myself for it.

But I can’t stop. I can’t let her go again. It pained me the first time…it won’t happen again.

I stare at the phone in my hand, biting my lip. What if she finds out? What if she figures it out before I can come clean?

What if? What if? What if?

The thought is too much. I set the phone down on my lap, staring out the window, hoping the weight in my chest will ease.

A few minutes later, my phone vibrates in my lap. A new message.

unicornpuppy35: p, i just got home and stewie’s tryna eat my shoelace again. i swear this dog’s scheming.

I smile, but it doesn’t reach my eyes. My thumb hovers over the screen again. I want to reply, want to send something funny, something comforting, but all I can think about is how this isn’t real. None of it is real.

boogers_p: obviously. stewie’s prolly like, “shoelaces are phase one. world domination’s next.”

unicornpuppy35: no fr, this little dude really thinks he runs the place.

boogers_p: i mean… does he not? u literally pay rent in shoelaces and snacks.

unicornpuppy35: and socks. don’t forget the socks. he got one of mine this morning smh.

I bit my lip, trying not to laugh too loud as I typed back.

boogers_p: rip to the sock. gone but not forgotten.

The typing bubble popped up and disappeared a few times before finally settling on:

unicornpuppy35: ur so ridiculous, p. u know that?

boogers_p: i’ve heard rumors.

I paused, smirking at the screen. Then, a thought hit me, and her fingers flew over the keyboard.

boogers_p: ok, real question. what’s stewie short for? or did u just look at him and go, “yup, that’s a stewie”?

There was a pause before Azzi’s response came through.

unicornpuppy35: named him after breanna stewart.

I blinked at the screen, my smile softening. Of course she did.

boogers_p: oh damn, respect. stewie’s a legend fr but no surprise you chose her.

unicornpuppy35: p, language. and duhh, hence the name.

boogers_p: my bad my bad, but u really said, “lemme name my dog after greatness.” iconic move, puppy.

I knew the nickname would get to her. It always did. The reply came fast.

unicornpuppy35: stop calling me that!!!

boogers_p: nah. it fits too good. also, it’s cute. like u.

Shit. There was a long pause before I saw the typing bubble flicker again.

unicornpuppy35: u really know how to get on my nerves, huh?

boogers_p: talent, tbh.

Azzi’s response came slower this time:

unicornpuppy35: sometimes i wonder why i even talk to u.

Paige snorted, her thumbs moving fast.

boogers_p: cuz i’m funny. and charming. and u lowkey love me. just admit it.

The reply took a moment.

unicornpuppy35: …maybe stewie loves u. that’s as close as ur getting.

I barked out a laugh, the sound drawing a curious glance from the kid across the aisle.

boogers_p: i’ll take it. tell stewie i’m his #1 fan.

unicornpuppy35: he’ll probably steal another shoelace to celebrate.

boogers_p: a king. truly.

I stared at the screen for a second longer, my chest feeling warm and tight in a way I couldn’t even describe.

unicornpuppy35: u good, peanut? u seem kinda off lately.

My fingers hesitated over the keyboard, my mouth forming into a small smile at my nickname. Azzi always asked. I didn’t know how she managed to carry so much and still notice the little things about me. God.

boogers_p: yeah, i’m straight. just tired, you know?

unicornpuppy35: don’t let it get to u p. me and stewie got ur back.

Paige swallowed the lump in her throat, her reply coming slower this time.

boogers_p: thanks, puppy. u and stewie the real mvps fr.

Pup- I mean Azzi’s reply was just a string of eye-roll emojis, but I could picture the grin on her face. I wish I could just see it for myself.

boogers_p: love u too.

So much.

I send the message, knowing I can’t keep lying forever. But for now, I’ll hold on.

——-

Paige walked into her room, shutting the door with a quiet click, as if any louder might let her thoughts escape into the world. Tossing her bag into the corner, she kicked off her shoes and peeled off her clothes, leaving a trail toward the bathroom. The hot water scalded her pale skin, but she barely noticed, the familiar ache in her chest louder than the pounding spray.

When she came out, dressed in an oversized T-shirt, her damp hair sticking to her neck, she flopped onto her bed. She should sleep. She needed sleep. But instead, her hand reached for the scrapbook tucked under her nightstand.

Opening it, her heart clenched as she stared at the first photo—Azzi on the swing set, caught mid-laugh, her curls bouncing wildly as she leaned over, her dimple deepening with every giggle. Paige could still hear the sound of it, bright and free, almost as if Azzi were right there in the room with her.

The second photo wasn’t much better. Her and Azzi at the diner for her 15th birthday, Azzi’s arm slung around hers like it belonged there. Paige could almost feel the ghost of Azzi’s touch, the warmth of her hand on her arm, the way Azzi’s voice would soften when she scolded her for cussing too much.

She flipped the page closed before she started crying again. It didn’t help.

Her fingers brush over the closed scrapbook, tracing its edges. She knows it’s pathetic to feel this way, to let herself get so tangled up in someone who probably doesn’t even think about her anymore. It’s dumb, she knows that. But it doesn’t change the way her heart clenches at the thought of Azzi laughing somewhere else, with someone else, as if Paige never mattered.

Because the truth is, she’s never felt this way about anyone before. Not like this. Not about their friendship, or whatever it used to be. Friendship doesn’t even seem like the right word anymore. It feels too small, too simple for something that made her feel whole in a way nothing else ever has.

Will you miss me, Azzi? Paige swallows hard, her jaw tightening as tears blur her vision again. Will you miss what we had? Because I do. I miss you so much it hurts. It fucking hurts.

Her voice dropped to a whisper, her eyes closing as the words spilled from her heart. God I think I’d miss you even if we never met.

Paige dragged a hand over her face, trying to will the tears back, but they came anyway, hot and relentless. She clutched the scrapbook tighter to her chest. I miss you. Every day. Every second of every day. I miss you so much it’s pathetic.

She let out a shaky laugh that turned into a sob halfway through. “It’s so dumb,” she muttered, shaking her head. But no matter how many times she said it, it didn’t make it any less true. It’s the realest thing she’s ever felt.

Because no one had ever made her feel like Azzi did. Not before, not since. She wasn’t sure anyone ever would.

She wipes at her face, but the tears won’t stop. Because no matter how much she misses Azzi, Paige knows it’s her fault she’s gone. She clings to the scrapbook, the pictures inside the only pieces of Azzi she has left. And as much as it hurts, she knows she deserves this. Every ache, every tear, every lonely second.

Because she let her go. And that’s something she can never take back.

——-

Azzi sat quietly in the backseat, her hands clammy as she rubbed them over her shorts, trying to calm the nerves that had been with her all morning. Her brothers had hyped her up about making the team, calling her the coach’s “princess,” but it didn’t help. She was still terrified. What if she didn’t make it? What if she wasn’t good enough?

She whispered to Stewie, who was in her lap, his small body a source of comfort. “What if I don’t make the team, huh? I know it’s stupid, but it keeps running through my mind… what if I mess up?”

Her mom glanced back at her from the front seat, a soft smile on her face. “You’ll do fine, Azzi. You always do.”

But Azzi couldn’t shake the unease, the thoughts spinning in her head as the car pulled into the gym parking lot. Her stomach twisted into knots, and her heart raced in anticipation. They arrived early, her mom wanting to meet the coaches first, so Azzi was the first one there.

She stepped out of the car, still trying to calm her breathing. As her mom led her inside, Azzi forced herself to smile and greet the coaches, though her mind was a hundred miles away. She excused herself once the introductions were made, eager to find the locker room and settle in before tryouts started.

The gym was empty when she walked in, the silence amplifying her every step. She meandered down the hall, her fingers grazing the walls as she took in the pictures of past players, their smiles frozen in time. She felt her nerves rise again, the pressure of what was to come weighing on her.

But as she rounded a corner, her body collided with something—or rather, someone.

“Sorry!” Azzi blurted, quickly stepping back. But when she looked up, her breath caught. There, standing in front of her, was Paige. She froze, heart pounding in her chest. Her mind screamed for her to move, to say something, anything, but her body just wouldn’t cooperate.

Paige stood there too, her mouth slightly open in disbelief, her eyes wide. The silence stretched between them, thick and heavy. Then, almost as if the world had shifted, Paige finally spoke her name.

“Azzi?” she whispered.

Azzi’s stomach churned, but she couldn’t stop staring at her. How? How could she be here? How had she found her, of all places? This wasn’t supposed to happen, not here, not now. Not ever.

But Paige was looking at her like she hadn’t missed a beat, like the time apart hadn’t meant anything. Azzi could see the recognition in her eyes, the same as she felt in her chest.

It was instant. Her face was older now, sharper, but it was still her. Those blue eyes. The way she stood. Even the slight tilt of her head when she was unsure of herself. Azzi hadn’t expected it to hit her this hard.

A year ago, she swore she’d move on. Swore that she’d forget what Paige meant to her. But now, standing here, all she felt was the sharp twist of memory and the burn of anger.

How could she not recognize her? Paige had been the first person to make her feel seen, to make her feel like she mattered. But she had also been the first person to hurt her more than anyone else had. Azzi couldn’t forget that. Not the way she laughed with her, not the way she’d come after her with apologies she could never quite believe.

Azzi had convinced herself she was past it. Past Paige. But now, here she was, staring at her as if nothing had changed. It was too much, too fast. Does she really think I’ve forgotten?

Paige stepped forward, her movements tentative, unsure. Azzi almost wanted to take a step back, to run, but she couldn’t move. She stood there, feeling the weight of everything that had happened between them pressing in on her.

“Azzi,” Paige said softly, her voice almost hesitant.

Azzi blinked, her heart racing. She forced herself to act like she didn’t know her, even though everything inside her screamed that she did. “Sorry,” Azzi said, her voice steady despite the tightness in her chest. “Do I know you?”

——-

rosie’s note: well..yeah!

taglist ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

@thaatdigitaldiary @pattyshome @sierrale8ne @lupinqs @ohbueckers @imaginespazzi @pazzilover101 @makethemhoesmad @d3arapril @pboogerswbb @kmoneymartini @mrsarnold @absolutelydreadful @authentic-girl03 @melpthatsme

[saraptor-art]

Saraptor, what was it that drew you to the fishman community? I see you as an advocate for their rights,Sometimes, even like a mother to them.💪🏽🦖

Apparently I had A LOT of things to say to answer you question!

I’ll add that I’m honestly surprised Arlong had so little fans and fanart especially before the live action! I don’t understand too well why Crocodile and Doffy have such a fan base, is it just because we haven’t seen Arlong in a while?

I know there is a case to be made for Doffy and his relationship with his crew/family but they all have a bit more of a cult vibes to be actually wholesome I believe. And that he is also a product of his world, not as simple of a villain as I say ;) And yes, Arlong does threaten those who want to leave his side.

Edit : I wrote Neptune in that last panel, but obviously was talking about Pluton ! I'll edit the image soon

[polyhexianbirb]

OOKOSJEKJ SO I HAVE AN AU FOR EPIC I call it the Double Mulan au.

So Penelope, who is blessed by Ares does a Mulan and dresses in Odysseus's armour and head to war disguised as him. She cuts her hair and binds her chest and Ares gives her a gift that will make her voice deeper than it is. She can fight bc she is Spartan ofc.

But there cant be two Odysseus's running around, so when Odysseus realises she is gone, he starts dressing like her and pretending to be her, and he looks after Telemachus. He keeps the country in tact and gets to stay with his son, and Athena teaches him to weave. Just for authenticity's sake, he also grows his hair, and Athena gives a similar gift to him that Ares gave Penelope, just to make his voice more feminine.

Au notes down below:

And i have a whole plan for this au like. Penelope still gets gifted the Moly by Hermes bc he can respect the dedication to the bit. Penelope only reveals herself as a woman during Other Ways bc Circe had thought it was a man's chest and disnt mean to touch actual women Boobas how embarrassing--

Oh and the Cyclops thing is different. Penelope doesn't care enough about her crew and Ares is all about the passion of war (which is why he and Aphrodite are a thing, they're both passion and ugliness and desire and red and blood) eo he gets upset that she didn't care to bring back the dead bodies of the crew. She still yells Odysseus's name to puss of Ares, except literally only Ares and Athena know about the swap rn so Poseidon is just forever angry at the wrong person.

Sirens well just say that the only person to see the illusion is the person they're targeting, so only Penelope sees Odysseus, the others just see a siren. Otherwise it'd make Odysseus look like a second Narcissus. And she still kills them.

"I see your man with a wife who is haunting, a lady with a trail of bodies"

"WHO?"

Calypso is just happy to have someone there. She definetly knows this is a woman, but Penelope still tries to keep up the ruse. By God Games the gods who were all in it all found out by now about the switch, and hold up lemme wrote their arguments:

Apollo: she fought against Troy, she is one of the main reasons one of his temples is in disarray! How dare she! Plus the prophecies state Odysseus should've been the one to fight, that didn't happen though!

Hephestus: she literally didn't care, like seriously. His argument mostly stays the same, and Ares finds it hard to defend her on this one, because yeah, her family is her main priority, but she's passionate about them at least?

Aphrodite: my man is weak to Aphrodite. Her argument is that she left her beloved alone, disappearing to the middle of the night with no word of where she went, that isn't love, she disnt even say a proper goodbye. He tries to say that she loved him enough to leave, and Aphrodite is like 'you're lucky I love you, we're having such great ******** tonight"

Athena: she is upset because Odysseus has been alone, Penelope is cunning yes, but her champion was meant to be the one in the war, not Ares's he stole her spotlight, her champion is suffering now, and he should deal with the consequences. He basically uses logic against her, saying she is being emotional for a change and explains that if Penelope stays away, Odysseus will just keep suffering.

Hera: "look how much she loves him! They're so in love they think alike! They have both been loyal!" And Hera ofc eats that shit up.

And I feel like for Odysseus's side of things he couldn't really teach Telemachus too much in fighting, bc the suitors are there messing with everything. Instead of Athena helping Telemachus in a fight it's Ares, an then when he sees how stressed Odysseus is, how far the charade has gone, he realises Penelope has to get home.

Oh and Penelope definetly makes some Poseidon Sashimi on the way home.

[blueishspace]

Hero, Villain God 19

(Prev) (Next) (First)

*Grian's pov*

The final interview ends up being really boring and long, even more then the literal test, you might have lived for billions of years but you have not felt such levels of unfun ever before... You have to give it to them, this is definitely impressive.

All about law and respectability and rules, things you understand are important for an hero to know but are so uninteresting to you...

... In contrast the questions created by Hotguy are a shift in tone that's for you, you don't even need the interviewer to tell you Hotguy wrote these because It's so blatantly obvious to you... They are also somehow much more thought invoking then the previous ones... Less...cut and dry...they are also phrased in a way that's not just prose and proper nouns and all that stuff.

You can tell that Hotguy really cares about this, you suppose he has every reason to... Then is another complete vibe chance as the last question comes, this one has Hero Association written all over it so much that it might as well count as an autograph.

"Do you believe you can fit in with the Hotguy brand?"

You know the god of heroes, you have talked once or twice or maybe a few hundred times, he would absolutely cringe at the thought of the profession being considered a brand. From what you have seen of HotGuy he probably does the same.

"Yes."

"How?"

You would make a joke about being very hpr but that would be equivalent to shooting yourself in the foot...Well, you have planned the perfect twist for this.

"Hotguy is the first hero with two powers."

"Indeed"

The interviewer is clearly not getting what you are trying to say, good. Surprises are always welcome.

You generate an arrow in your hand while spreading your wings.

"Hopefully, I'll be the second"

The interviewer is shocked, you tend to have that effect on people it seems... You silently say goodbye, now you just need to wait for an answer.

*Scar's pov*

You are called by the council, you don't really know why. You are sure you sent your questions, were they bad or something?

"We have found the perfect candidate."

Oh!...Wait, what?

"A-Already? It's been less then-"

"Yes, this one is special"

That's uh... Usually not good when they are the one to say it. Who did they pick?

"Special...? How?"

"He's like you."

Like... You...??

"... Uh?"

"Two powers. Wings like that of Sheriff and an ability to summon weapons at will... Has a fascination with arrows much like you."

"Oh...oh! . . . Oh I didn't expect that to ever happen... heh"

... You aren't the only one anymore...if he's better will you be replaced? ... No, no! They wouldn't...they wouldn't.

You should meet him then, if he's going to work with you then you are going to have to get along.

Well, if he answered your question at least mostly correctly then you are sure you are going to get along well... You'll have to ask Cub for his score.

"HE GOT ALL MY QUESTIONS WRONG!?!"

"Don't shout in my lab Scar"

"... Sorry Cub... I just... I just can't believe he got all my questions wrong and still got a 98% in the interview."

"I can, your questions were the last ten out of five hundred made by the association. You should have really written more."

"Oh...well maybe they should have written less... five hundred questions for an interview is insane."

"Can't argue with that"

Ok, so maybe you and the sidekick think nothing alike, that's fine, you can still be friendly... You are sure you can trust the association... It's not like they have ever...well, not too often... not always.

You open the door and-

"Coffee guy???"

[siriusgoneserious]

to be a better boyfriend

a/n: uh so not the best thing ever and this did not turn out like i wanted to but i had no energy to rewrite sooo this is the result of all the lyrason reqs in my anons and isn't based on one single bc like i said idk what i wrote myself.

words: 1,150

ships: lyra x grayson

enjoy ig-

Grayson Hawthorne was positively upset. Walking back to their apartment, hand in hand, Grayson still could not shake off the strange feeling of anger he felt when those random guys were flirting with Lyra.

He wasn't even paying attention while Lyra was telling him about a random incident that happened when she was 11.

He shook off his hand intertwined with Lyras' and instead snaked his hand around her waist and rested it possessively on her lower back.

He definitely wasn't jealous, why would he be jealous? Grayson was Lyra's boyfriend after all, not those unoccupied loafers roaming the streets harassing every girl they saw.

Grayson broke out of his trance when Lyra snapped her fingers in front of his face as he had not picked up her constantly calling his name.

"Were you even listening to what I was saying." Lyra remarked.

"Oh, my mind was somewhere else."

"Clearly." Lyra replied dryly.

"What were you saying?"

"Never mind, it wasn't that important."

"No, it was. Everything you say is important."

"You be honest with me, are you genuinely thinking about those guys who were testing their overused pickup lines on me."

Grayson's eyes wandered around to meet anything that weren't Lyra's amber orbs. "No, of course not. That would be so stupid."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night Grayson, you're forgetting that I know you very well."

"I'm not thinking about that." Grayson continued to insist his lies.

"If you don't want to talk about that, then sure. But you should know that I have standards and eyes only for you."

They both entered their apartment and Grayson closed the door from the behind, silently cursing how Lyra knew him so well.

She was right anyways, he should not dwell his mind to ponder over such unimportant matters. At least that was what he decided.

But needless to say, his brain did not stop revolving around the incident and when it was midnight and Lyra had long gone to sleep, Grayson would be highly reluctant to admit to anyone that he took out his phone and began searching. 

He clicked on the first website that appeared relevant to his query and skimmed through its content while making up scenarios in his mind about them. 

Would they even work...

He glanced towards Lyra sleeping peacefully on his right and for a while was caught off guard by her beauty. 

Her full lips slightly parted open and a few strands of hair were landed on her cheek which with a gentle movement of his hand, Grayson parted away. The right side of her face was illuminated by the moonlight entering through the open window and Grayson had to contain himself to not hold her close to him. He could count all the freckles on her nose if he leaned in closer-

Oh god, this girl would be the end of him.

He sighed and turned his phone off, lowering his body under the blanket to rest his own body and Lyra's face was the last thing he saw before he closed his eyes into darkness.

The next day was a Sunday so both Lyra and Grayson were present at home. It was a regular breakfast morning before Grayson decided to speak whatever had been going on in your mind.

"You look very pretty." 

Lyra stared at him, "Pretty? While I'm still in my night dress without my hair brushed?"

Grayson mentally facepalmed himself; he knew he shouldn't have said this.

"...You look pretty anytime, sweetheart."

Lyra chuckled as she flipped the omelet from the frying pan, "What's with you and these compliments."

"Can a man not compliment his beautiful girlfriend?"

"Yes he can, but these came out of nowhere and right now I feel suspicious."

"You're being dramatic, sweetheart, I have no intentions but the best."

Lyra eyed him suspiciously before saying, "If you say so." 

She then gave him his prepared breakfast and headed towards the table with her own cup of coffee.

"Do you have any plans for today?" Lyra asked him after a while.

"No sweetheart, all my day is for you and you only."

Lyra burst out laughing, "Why are you acting so flirty, Gray? It's so uncanny, did you stay up all night watching cheesy romance movies?"

"What's so wrong in being flirty?" Grayson smirked slightly.

Lyra moved closer to Grayson, "There's nothing wrong, but this," she tapped the tip of his nose lightly, "is highly out of character for you Mr. Hawthorne. Are you trying to seduce me with this behaviour?"

"Depends... Is it working?"

"Hm well, I think you'll have to try better than that." And with that Lyra got up from her chair and gathered the dirty dishes heading towards the sink as Grayson contemplated his own attitude.

.

"So that's why you've been behaving weird all day. Oh, you're unbelievable Grayson Hawthorne." Lyra said in a loud voice to no one but herself and Grayson sitting in the room.

Grayson gave her a confused look and his mouth turned into a small 'O' as Lyra showed him the screen on her phone which had "how to be a better boyfriend" searched on it.

He had completely forgotten that Lyra had his account logged in on her phone since a few days for work purposes. Shit. And his search history had shown up on her phone too.

"How to be a better boyfriend huh? Why do you even think you're not good enough in the first place." Lyra put down her phone and turned to face Grayson.

"It wasn't that-"

"Then what was it? You know I fell in love with the Grayson you are, not a Reddit made flirt."

"I just want to be better and more interesting for you, sweetheart."

"You are perfect to me." She said to him with her eyes reflecting sincerity.

Lyra got onto Grayson's lap and straddled it, "But I must say, I like you better when you're like this." She then brought Grayson's hands to her waist and her face millimeters away from his, smirking.

"Are you trying to seduce me now." 

Lyra pretended to think, "Depends, is it working?"

"You should know it works every single time."

And with that, Grayson was the one to close the distance between the two of them.

This was the feeling he could relate to the most, his lips pressed perfectly against Lyra's moving in sync, her fingers messing through his hair, and his hands moving underneath her shirt on her bare skin. Oh, she was a missing puzzle piece to him which he had connected to.

Screw those guys from yesterday.

Screw how to be a better boyfriend.

Screw those forced techniques to flirt.

To him this was better than everything.

[i-will-cry-you-a-river]

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

It was weird to be home. Thankfully, neither his parents - who were kinda absent, so he never really thought it would be a possibility -, not his siblings - in all honesty, Shen Yuan had been prepared for his kidnapping and atticsiblinging - insisted that Shen Yuan had to move out of his home. His siblings fretted, for sure, and he could see that his meimei and da-ge had to keep back er-ge from saying something, but it was okay. Shen Yuan even agreed to the “nanny” his siblings paid for to make sure he survived living alone. It didn't matter; he could continue to live alone! That was one hell of a relief.

Still, it was weird to be home. He kinda got used to the comings and goings of the nurses, the smell of disinfectant, the low murmurs of life outside of his room. And his meetings with Hospital Guy, but he was not thinking about Hospital Guy. Hospital Guy who?

The point was, he was kinda… just maybe a tiny bit… lonely. After his siblings went home, he felt relieved, but after a few hours of complete silence, it became…

Overwhelming. Lonely. 

His thoughts were too loud. 

Sighing, he switched on his phone. A message awaited him; he didn't notice it even after his siblings left. He just didn't have enough energy to look at his phone.

Fall: Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, it's always wrong?

Shen Yuan blinked at the screen, caught off guard by the question. He frowned; the message had been sent six hours ago. Shit.

Hoping Fall didn't resent him for not responding, or think Shen Yuan was deliberately avoiding him, he wrote, “Yes, but I think everyone feels like that. Every choice you make has negative and positive sides - so you just have to concentrate on why it was right to do the thing you did.”

He thought about it for a second, then added, trying to lighten the mood:

Shizun: Except if you wrote a 1000-chapter-long porn with no redeeming qualities, no plot, no world-building, no great characters, nothing. Then, I have to confess, my friend, there's no save for you. But see? There's no such thing as “everything you do is wrong”. Even Airplane has done something right!

There was a long pause, and Shen Yuan was left wondering if he'd said the wrong thing. He should have looked at his phone sooner. He should have been more compassionate. Maybe he shouldn't have sent the last message. Maybe-

Fall: Yeah… ig your ribht. Its just hard to shake sometimes…

“Oh, shit,” Shen Yuan swore. His friend never was as grammatically correct in their messages, as he had been, but this? This was a cry for help.

His fingers were hovering over the screen, but his mind was empty. He wasn't sure how to comfort somebody, especially through text, especially someone he'd never met in real life. But Fall was his friend. He was there for him, and Shen Yuan wanted to be there for his friend too.

Shizun: For what it's worth, I don't think everything you do is wrong. You are a great friend. You are supportive and fun, and so easy to talk to! I don't know what you are going through right now, but you have me, if you want to talk about it. And you have me if you don't. 

A few seconds that seemed like .minutes passed before Fall's next message came through.

Fall: Thanks. It means a lot

It wasn't much, but… it was something. Shen Yuan hoped he was helping. And if their messages took on a slightly different tone from there on, it was met with relief. They were still joking around, ranting about things, talking about fanfiction and PIDW - but they were talking about other things as well. Not just surface level things; about their deeper emotions and thoughts as well.

It was great.

Shen Yuan still thought about Hospital Guy from time to time, wishing they could have a similar relationship like the one he had with Fall, but… it was okay. He had Fall.

And strangely, Airplane.

The banters between Peerless Cucumber and Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky have always been something like a spectacle for other readers, but ever since Airplane actively responded to his comments, instead of just passively adding things to his chapters just for shits and giggles, it became something entirely different. Other readers would watch their back-and-forth with amusement, and more often than not, their interactions would turn into petty insults, while the other readers egged them on.

Peerless Cucumber: Another chapter, another “surprising” plot twist. I never would have guessed the protagonist would survive this near-death experience. Nor that he would fall from the cliff, straight into the bed of a demoness. What a creative genius you are…

 Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky: It’s called dramatic tension. Not that you’d know anything about it, even if it bit you in your ass!

Peerless Cucumber: Sure, if by "dramatic tension" you mean rehashing the same tropes over and over again. Ever thought about trying something new? Or are we just going to keep watching Luo Binghe fall to his doom and survive everything by fucking more and more uninteresiting maidens until the end of time?

Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky: Look, maybe if you wrote something instead of whining, you'd understand. Oh, wait - I'm sorry, do you actually write? Or do you just complain? Or you could just leave PIDW to people who can appreciate it, and just read anything else

Shen Yuan’s fingers froze over his keyboard. Was Airplane... goading him? Was he really upset by his comments, or was it just to stir shit? Was he really-

Shen Yuan didn’t know what possessed him at that moment, but he typed something out before he could stop himself.

Peerless Cucumber: Maybe I do write. And maybe it’s better than the endless trainwreck you’re passing off as a novel. Maybe one of my chapters has more emotions and sense than all of your chapters all together!

There. That should give him some satisfaction. If Airplane wanted to humiliate him for not being a writer, he has another thing coming!

But, strangely, when Airplane didn’t respond right away, Shen Yuan felt an odd twinge of... regret? Maybe he went a bit too far? He shook his head. No way. He wasn’t going to feel bad for Airplane, of all people. Airplane was the one constantly dishing out subpar writing. It was Airplane who baited him with his little digs in his chapters and notes and his replies!

Still, the silence stretched on longer than usual, and Shen Yuan started to wonder if maybe - just maybe - he’d gone too far this time.

It was a shitty feeling.

Almost as shitty as being ignored by Hospital Guy.

-*-*-*-

When Airplane did reply, it was short and almost... despondent. It is hard to really know how somebody was feeling through text but… Yeah. Airplane was clearly Not Okay.

Fuck.

Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky: Well, if your writing is so much better, maybe you should just stick to that. Or maybe you should stick to reading fanfic. I heard there's one that's “way better than PIDW could ever dream of”. Probably less painful for both of us.

Shen Yuan blinked at his phone. That was... not the kind of response he was expecting. For the first time since their banter had started, Airplane didn’t sound defensive or snarky; he just sounded tired.

Tired and so fucking sad.

That was not what Shen Yuan wanted. He knew he was an asshole. But not this much of an asshole! He actually liked PIDW and Airplane! That's why he was so frustrated all the time! He wanted the story to be better! To be as good as he knew it could be!

But it seems his complaints were seen as…

Bullying.

He was a bully.

Fuck.

Peerless Cucumber: Hey, calm down. Just because I critique your work doesn’t mean I hate everything about it. I mean, I did read over 600 chapters, right? You’re clearly doing something right. You have to know you are doing something right.

There was no immediate reply, and Shen Yuan stared at his phone, wondering if Airplane had ever been doxxed before and if yes, where he could find his address. He needed to shake some sense into this idiotic author!

For all its flaws, PIDW had its moments, and it was those moments that had kept him reading despite his frustrations. The story itself wasn't a masterpiece, that's for sure, but Airplane was a creative genius and it was a shame he didn't realize how much potential he had. Besides, even if Airplane’s writing could be infuriating, it took a certain level of dedication to write a story that long.

Shen Yuan typed another message.

Peerless Cucumber: Listen, some fanfics might be better at some things, like world-building or avoiding the... uh... gratuitous papapa scenes. But at the end of the day, they are still just fanfics. Your story is the foundation. Without PIDW, they wouldn’t exist at all! My - and others' - writing wouldn't exist if it wasn't for you!

This time, the silence dragged on for so long that Shen Yuan began to wonder if Airplane had just decided to ghost him entirely. A strange pang of disappointment bloomed in his chest. Maybe he’d pushed too hard after all. Maybe-

But then, Airplane finally replied.

Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky: ...Thanks.

That was it. Just one word. But somehow, it felt like the heaviest response Shen Yuan had ever received from him.

-*-*-*-

Shen Yuan didn’t usually get caught up in his feelings, or at least, he tried to pretend he didn’t. He had a system for dealing with the world: sarcasm, avoidance, and pretending that everything rolled off his back. It was a good, working system. It didn't break when he finally accepted that he would never be his parent's perfect (nor the preferred) child. It worked when his first (and last) interned boyfriend broke up with him for being Too Much. It was a perfect system when he dropped out of college, when he realized no company would ever hire him because of his health issues.

But sometimes, it all caught up to him. Like tonight.

The hospital had been exhausting. Not physically, but mentally. Ever since he’d been discharged, he couldn’t shake this strange heaviness that had settled in his chest. Maybe it was the way things had ended with the guy in the other room - the one he’d developed a little crush on. Shen Yuan had tried so hard to be there for him, to make sure he had everything he needed while he recovered. But in the end, the guy didn’t seem to care. He never asked Shen Yuan to visit, didn’t seem to notice all the little things Shen Yuan did to help him out. And when Shen Yuan said goodbye, all he was left with was rejection.

The previous days were exhausting; his fretting siblings, moving back to his apartment, getting used to being alone again, Fall’s bad mood… all of those were emotionally taxing.

And then there was Airplane.

The snarky banter between them had been fun, sure, but when Shen Yuan had complimented PIDW - genuinely, for once - Airplane had gone silent. Completely ghosted him.

At first, Shen Yuan had brushed it off. It was Airplane, after all. He could be moody, and maybe he just didn’t know how to handle praise. But the longer Airplane stayed quiet, the more Shen Yuan started to feel like maybe he was the problem. Maybe he’d gone too far, even when he’d been trying to be nice for once. Maybe everyone found him too much.

Staring at the ceiling of his apartment, the weight of it all felt unbearable. The hospital guy, Airplane..

Even Fall failed to message him much today. It was like everyone in his life was drifting away, and Shen Yuan couldn’t figure out why.

He grabbed his phone, his heart pounding, and opened his chat with Fallingfromsky1. It wasn’t like him to vent like this, but he couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Maybe he really was Too Much. Bothering somebody with his emotions… he really was greedy, wasn't he?

Shizun: You ever feel like… no matter what you do, it’s never enough? Or like you’re just too much for people? Like… everyone eventually gets tired of you?

He hit send before he could second-guess himself, immediately regretting it. This wasn’t the kind of thing he usually talked about, especially not with someone he hadn’t even met in person. But the words were out there now, and all he could do was wait for Fall’s response.

He watched the three little dots appear on the screen, then disappear.

Then reappear.

Then disappear again.

He guessed, he had his answer. He didn't really know what exactly he was expecting. Comfort? Reassurance? He wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he felt hollow inside, like he was sinking. 

Several minutes passed before Fall finally responded. It was one question:   "Are you okay?"

Shen Yuan stared at the message. He didn’t even know how to answer that. Was he okay? No, not really. But that felt like too much to dump on someone, even if they were friends, even if Fall had always been kind and understanding.

But Shen Yuan was too far gone to hold back now. The dam had broken.

Shizun: I don’t know. It’s just… things keep happening, and it feels like I can’t do anything right. I tried helping someone in the hospital, you know? There was this guy I met, and I thought we were becoming friends. I even… I don’t know, I liked him. He was awkward and didn't really talk to me, but I thought he appreciated my ramblings. But maybe he didn't react to most of the things because I didn’t even exist to him. When I was discharged, he didn’t even care. Didn’t even ask me to visit. I just feel like… like I was too much, or not enough. And then Airplane… I tried to compliment his writing for once, and now he’s completely disappeared. Just… nothing. I guess I complained too much that now he doesn't even believe me when I'm not berating him for once. I think I messed up again.

Shen Yuan closed his eyes after sending the message, feeling sick and embarrassed. Why had he sent all that? He’d just dumped a whole mess of insecurities onto someone he didn’t even know in real life. 

He really was too much.

There was a long stretch of silence after that, and Shen Yuan’s heart began to sink. He stared at his phone, wondering if he’d just ruined things with Fall too. Maybe he’d pushed too hard, said too much. He always did that, didn’t he? Overthought everything, expected too much from people, and then got hurt when they pulled away.

But just when he was about to put his phone down, the screen lit up with a new message.

Fall: Shizun. I don’t think you’re too much. You’re kind. You care about people, and that’s never too much. Maybe the hospital guy didn’t realize what you meant by all the things you did, and that’s on him. But that doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. And Airplane… well, maybe he’s just not great at dealing with compliments. Some people aren’t. But I know it’s not because of you.

Shen Yuan read the message over and over again, his eyes stinging for reasons he would deny to his death. He was not crying, okay?!

The words were so simple, but they hit him harder than anything else had in a long time. He wasn’t used to people being kind to him, especially when he felt so… raw.

Shizun: Thanks. I’m just… tired, I guess.

There was another pause, and then Fall’s next message lit up his phone. It wasn’t what Shen Yuan expected.

Fall: Can we meet?

[paperstorm]

I've finally caught up with season 3 missing moments, and I wanted to ask you about this bit:

“How come you never asked me?”

Carlos is quiet for a moment, and then he softly answers, “I think it had to be you.”

TK presses a kiss to his temple and inhales the scent of his hair. He thinks so, too.

I was curious how they both came to this understanding that TK should be the one to ask? Obviously we know Carlos's secret but TK doesn't (and I suspect nor did the writers when they wrote s3!). I love the series btw!

Thank you!!

You know what even before the 4x01 reveal I always thought that it had to be TK doing the proposing and I think that remains true regardless of the Iris thing. I think it boils down to the fact that TK proposing heals something vital in both of them:

For TK, it's a necessary bookend to the trauma of what happened the first time he proposed to someone. He tried to end his life when the last person said no, and TK needed to work through all the pain of that and get himself to a place where he could conquer that fear and propose to someone else with no fear that it would happen again (also why I think his middle of the night proposal with no fanfare was also important, he needed to be so secure in their love that he could ask Carlos at 3:18am with morning breath and bedhead and know that Carlos would be saying yes to him and to their life together, not to the spectacle of a big public romantic scene).

For Carlos, it's the necessary bookend to both the trauma of his adolescence, and also of the break up. Carlos is the one who fell in love during the first dance, the one who has let his heart get ahead of his brain and made mistakes like making romantic dinners for a booty call and buying surprise lofts. He couldn't do the proposing because he would probably have a hard time trusting his instincts about whether TK even wanted to marry him after the debacle with the loft, but even more importantly Carlos needed to be proposed to because after he spent his whole life thinking he'd never have this happy ending, he needed someone wanting forever with him so bad that they had to startle him awake at 3:18am because they couldn't wait another second.

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

re: years of labor

I do wonder if she would’ve been able to let go of the relationship earlier if the narrative around Joe wasn’t “the worst thing happened to me but it doesn’t matter because I found The One.” That’s the thesis of rep, basically. His love redeemed all her pain and loss.

Except that it didn’t really! Ending it wasn’t just ending it but also admitting what happened in 2016 wasn’t erased by him. Handcuffed to the spell she was under etc

That’s super interesting and I think I follow what you’re saying!

As someone who doesn’t know her and isn’t in her head, I don’t think that I’d feel qualified to make any definitive statements on that beyond speculation from what she’s written.

Most of the time I think that the very basic long and short of it is that she loved him, and that and the memories of when things were good kept her going through the bad spells, along with some determination to beat what she thought were her “Bolter” tendencies (and not maybe her gut trying to tell her their problems were more serious than anxiety).

I think there are probably a lot of what ifs around it, and I mean, from an outside perspective it seems like she maybe should have called it quits by the time she wrote YLM because it was clear things were very bad. But then it comes down to, it seems like she tried to leave and thought it was going to kill her, so maybe the real moral of the story is that she couldn’t leave for good until she absolutely had to, like she knew that there wasn’t a shred of hope that things were going to change.

And yes, I think now she understands that a lot of their relationship was tied into what happened in 2016, which again is why she revisits it in new depths on TTPD. Because coming to terms with some of the key traumas of her adulthood finally explained why she sought what she sought and coped in the ways she had over the years.

Almost like, his love in 2016 wasn’t the redemption or silver lining she thought it was, but more of a temporary tonic that staved off dealing with the actual trauma underneath. Hiding behind the bravado of rep (fuck you, you got yours but I’m going to get the last word, and in the end it doesn’t matter because at least I found my soulmate and he loves me for me) helped her deal in private, but it also painted over the severity of a lot of it it seems, and once she started clawing her way out of that and the trauma responses she’d developed, it seems like it might have started highlighting how different their outlooks were on life.

Like, I always took “handcuffed to the spell I was under” as more about the “one hour of sunshine” of it all: meaning, the rarer and rarer good times when everything felt like they did in the beginning were spurring her to stay because when things had been good they were GOOD and felt like an elixir. And she was clinging to the dreams they’d shared earlier on. But the idea that the spell is actually the fantasy about how he’s the thing that saved her from 2016 is such an interesting one and kind of falls in the same universe but a different facet of it.

[dealershipcoffee]

AAAAAA!!! Ok I have some thoughts on this too. I actually don’t want Korekiyo to be more likeable and I don’t really mind the whole inc3$t thing, it reminds me of Norman Bates. I take the whole feelings for his sister as another part of him being delusional and an unreliable narrator and they were never actually in a relationship. I don’t think anything nasty or gross should be “separated” from him, as that’s what makes Korekiyo, Korekiyo. He’s an absolutely insane guy that has extremely twisted views on humans and tried to explain why murder and other illegal things aren’t actually bad because people only made laws saying they were bad. And I don’t think that his backstory drives people away from the rest of his character, I mean half of the content you see of him is actually people pumping out sympathy points for him because of his fanon backstory. I also don’t think the writers should’ve done anything to make him more palatable. In fact, in the artbook, Kodaka wrote down how he was planning to make Korekiyo even creepier, but the staff told him it would be too much (this is literally a game about murder how would it be too much??) But yeah I really hate the whole gr00ming headcanon and whatnot. He most likely does have childhood trauma but he doesn’t need this overblown tragic backstory so he can just be another character who does terrible things but turns out he’s just misunderstood and now has a scapegoat for all his wrongdoing. He would still be an amazing character and villain. This might be a little too much opinion but I also don’t like it bc why are we blaming a girl who has zero lines who we never see on screen whose personality is only hinted by an unreliable narrator for a man’s actions….and there’s a lot of double standards in not just Korekiyo’s fanbase but the DR fandom as a whole as well. People sweep Korekiyo’s actions under the rug because of a popular fan theory, but Mukuro who was explicitly shown to be manipulated by Junko has multiple posts made about her and how she’s a terrible person too and she’s apart of organizations and stuff. Or when people downplay Korekiyo being a serial killer by saying “Maki killed people too” etc. Maki was at the hands of a cult, was tortured every single day, and had to kill people for her own life and for the lives of others. Korekiyo killed people with his own free will for his own sick reasons. And once you start analyzing the girls that he finds “unworthy” and why he praises Kirumi so much, you start to realize that he selects his victims based off of his judgement on how well a woman performs femininity in his eyes. I’m going to mention Victorian hysteria so here’s something to look back at for reference:

What I mean is, to make this segment as short as possible, Maki is quite blunt and tends to not sugarcoat anything which would most likely get her called a “b1tch” Miu, and yes I know she lacks any sort of boundaries, but she’s very vocal about her urges desires sexuality etc etc, and is disliked by Korekiyo for being too “vulgar.” If Miu were alive in the Victorian Era (which Korekiyo seems to be very fond of) she would be diagnosed with hysteria (aka what women who acted out of line with societal norms were diagnosed with), and these are the symptoms which she meets quite a few of.

I also wanna mention that Miu is literally on the same freak level as Korekiyo, has the same kinks as him and Korekiyo has even said some inappropriate things about himself out of the blue (when he mentioned the women of a village he visited begging him to stay) yet for some reason he hates Miu for having all of those common traits with him. He’s also rude to Maki and Miu on multiple occasions (ie. before the third trial) Like, Miu doesn’t even say anything remotely nasty here, and he just insults her unprovoked

And when you look at all of this, and then look back to Chapter 2 when he’s constantly fawning over Kirumi (who is literally the Ultimate Maid, and gets called “mom” constantly by the cast even though she’s expressed her dislike for that but i guess they don’t care), and then you look back at the “The Hysterical Female” article, especially the first paragraph, Korekiyo holding Kirumi to such high regards compared to literally any other girl in the cast starts to become unsettling.

So now that we’ve talked about how much of a jerk he already is, now I need to talk about how he literally starts entering douchebag territory.

Just listing a few examples:

the way he handles Angie (keep in mind she’s still alive just unconscious)

literally wearing her around his neck….carelessly plopping her on the floor, and then immediately knocking her over. and it gets worse.

“No, not just because I could” he saw an opportunity, and he took it, just because he could. Not only was Angie alone and had her back turned, but she was also killed around 2am. Everyone else would have been in the dormitories sleeping, so even if Angie didn’t get so unlucky, nobody would’ve been there to help her.

And….the love suite event. “The love hotels aren’t canon!” “It didn’t actually happen, it’s a fantasy!” I’m aware of that but I’m going to be treating it as such until people stop trying to cover up for Korekiyo. Nobody ever says that Miu is supposed to represent her abandonment issues at the end of her Love Suite. No one covers up for her, I sure as hell don’t. It sickens me how nobody takes what happens to Shuichi seriously and how even in situations where Korekiyo is clearly in the wrong, none of the sympathy goes to the person who he wronged. I’ll never understand how most of the reactions to his love suite were either “I wanna be Shuichi so bad” or feeling bad for Korekiyo somehow. Korekiyo mocking and taunting Himiko for how she’ll never forgive him also flies over people’s heads.

Dishonorable Mentions include Korekiyo’s birthday tweet this year from Kodaka:

yeah that doesn’t really help his case at all

Like I said, while I don’t mind the inc3$t plot (oh lord that sounds so weird), taking it away doesn’t make him a better person. He would still be a serial killer and he would still be manipulative, kind of misogynistic, not gaf about consent, a sadist, and just a pretty mean person in general. I honestly think that the staff should’ve let Kodaka make him even worse, I personally enjoy Korekiyo being an absolute menace to society. He’s a character who’s fun to hate because he deserves it, but also a character who’s fun to love because he’s so interesting. I apologize for writing the whole Declaration of Independence as well. Yeah but like I said I’m tired of people trying to find ways to make him more likeable. That defeats the point of his character.

am I the only one who’s sick and tired of people trying to make korekiyo redeemable, just curious

like tbh i prefer psychological horror antagonist eroguro bdsm Suehiro Maruo perverse artsy romanticist edglelord ninja sadomasochistic folklore cunt with a strict diet of human meat and psychedelics korekiyo over quirky nerdy guy that just happened to commit a few crimes but don’t worry he didn’t mean it and now he goes to therapy instead of the death penalty and hogs all the sympathy that should’ve been given to the near 100 young women that he brutally murdered and shows absolutely no remorse for korekiyo

and just a little thing to add I don’t think enough people acknowledge that korekiyo as actually kinda mean and manipulative as well

but yeah I love him as a character Im just pissed at everyone treating him like he’s innocent, and the writers didn’t do him dirty imo people are just mad that they didn’t make him sympathetic. also keep in mind this is a very abbreviated post about him. I’m currently in the process of writing an entire script for a video I’m making about him to truly get all of my thoughts about this out.

and dare I mention the fact that so many people still say “korekiyo is so overhated!!” or “he’s such an underrated character!!” as if 80% or more of the fandom is constantly glazing him. I also wanna mention AUs and fics where the serial killer part of korekiyo is just completely taken out and he reads more as misunderstood than creepy. from what I’ve seen people want a korekiyo that’s a good person, which doesn’t make any sense. he’s not 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 to be a good person. the entire point of his character is that he’s an icky disgusting genuinely creepy morally corrupt guy.

[sins-lil-blog]

Living & Surviving - Sin & Aliza - Short chat

..Im tired of this... all of this..

...All of this? What do you mean Sin?..

Im just-.. Im not living...

... But you are living? We havent died yet atleast!.. even though those monsters keep trying to kill us...

No no.. Im not talking about them.. you dont get it... what were doing is.. surviving.. Im alive yeah.. Im just not.. ALIVE, you know?

Hum.. I dont really get it...

...Um.. let me put it like this.. I am surving to stay alive but... Im not happy. Im not engoying living. Im not even gratefull to be alive. Im tired.. Im so tired of this... I just want to be happy... engoy everything else has to offer.. why'd I have to get stuck down here... becouse I sliped?..

Oh.. but if you hadnt fallen... You would have never meet me.. and I would have... died...

Right... maybe its not THAT bad... but its still really bad... It feels like it wont end.. a never ending nightmare...

... I- I know its hard now... for both of us.. but it might get better.. I know it isnt fair an-

But what if it doesnt get better?.... what if.. we stay like this forever?.. surviving... trying to stay alive.. just for a better day that never came?... talk about a poetic fate..

..Sin... look how far we've come by surviving... maybe one day.. we can both live again... and.. still... dont forget the small bits were you are happy... the small things count too you know?.. life's complicated... it always gets better im the end.. you just have to keep hoping for the best... things will brighten up..

... damn Aliza..... sorry... and thank you..... you are a great kid.. pffft...

Life is complicated, full of ups and downs, but hey, keep your chin up and think positive, no matter what, and if you cant find the good.. talk to someone, maybe they'll show it to ya ^^

[sacchiri]

Hellsing 2002 calendar illustration.

Ein wunderliche und erschröckliche Hystori von einem großen Wüttrich genant Dracole wayda Der do so ganz unkristenliche marrter hat angelegt die mensche, als mit spissen als auch die leut zu Tod geslyffen

A wondrous and frightening story about a great berserk called Dracula the voivode who inflicted such unchristian tortures such as with stakes and also dragged people to death