#yes yes i have adhd
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are there rlly people that can like.. make a plan to do their work and then… actually do their work??
bc i would literally give anything (firstborn, kidney, soul, etc etc) to experience that just once ;-;
#like shit if i could actually just do work when i wanted to i’d be so powerful#got the drive just not the execution#i wanna do stuff (ie write a paper or do a project) SO BAD#like it’s not even that i don’t want to or am consciously putting it off#i just literally can’t start until i get a random spark of extra motivation here and there#yes yes i have adhd#i take meds but it’s prob a bit below what i need#it’s just that anything higher starts to make me jittery and worsens other problems#so then here i am at 3 in the morning trying to keep myself up for if i happen to gather up enough motivation#i’m so sleep deprived idek what i’m saying anymore#whole ass rant in the tags#adhd#procrastination#i’m tired#relateable#? maybe#less and less coherent by the second#i also didn’t sleep last night either#neurodivergent
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i think if i focused really really hard i could grow a leaf
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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So, I responded to a post over on my personal blog about people behaving "weird" in public and mentioned that being a bit smelly is not, in fact, a moral failure. And I just looked at the comments and feel deeply moved to reiterate:
Smelling bad in public is not a moral failure.
In fact, I'll go one step further:
There is no moral dimension to cleanliness.
There are all sorts of reasons a person might be dirty in public. They might not have access to the facilities or products they need to stay clean, they might be coming home from a dirty activity, they might have mental or physical conditions that make it hard for them to maintain their personal hygiene, they might be dependent on other people for their hygiene needs and those needs aren't being met.
Also, with smells in particular, "bad" is subjective. I'm personally extremely sensitive to perfumes and aftershaves, and while I can sit quite peacefully in a crowded bus that smells of BO, I often have to leave shops or get off buses because someone's perfume, which they no doubt think makes them smell lovely, is actually making me gag.
You don't have to go and huff great, gusting lungfuls of air around the next smelly person you bump into in the corner shop. By all means, breathe through your mouth, change your seat, open the window, wish the situation were different.
But you do need to let go of this idea that a smelly or dirty person is also a bad person. They're literally just a person - just another human animal living in their animal body, trying to get from one day to the next. Sometimes, people are dirty. Sometimes, they smell bad. If that's not something you can encounter without taking personal offence, you need to seriously reassess your own expectations of being in public.
#not podcast related#oooooh some of those comments got me so mad!!!!!#literally just sometimes people smell bad idk what to tell you#as a former rugby player and someone whose adhd makes it hard for me to remember to wash#i have absolutely been a Smelly Person on public transport#and do you know what? everyone survived#even me#and yes even the person wearing so much perfume that i can taste it#is not actually a bad person#just a smelly one
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himiko at UA shenanigans part 1
#yes there will be more#i just think it would be a little awkward#mha#my hero academia#himiko#ochako#togachako#himichako#izuku#izuku in fact does have adhd
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charles rowland is not an idiot. he’s just a boy with ADHD and dyslexia who grew up in the 80s undiagnosed and being TOLD he was an idiot. and edwin makes charles FEEL smart, and he’s never felt like that before, edwin doesn’t care that charles gets distracted easily or hates reading because he knows charles is a damn good detective and an amazing, intelligent, wonderful person, even if he doesn’t believe it.
#i feel like not having a super homoerotic ‘you’re a good detective’ moment was SUCH a missed opportunity#and i’m talking ferocious eyecontact hands on shoulders the whole nine yards#so just like their usual homoerotic moments#dead boy detectives#dead boy detective netflix#dead boy detective agency#edwin payne#edwin paine#charles rowland#payneland#adhd#adhd brain#adhd feels#yes i have adhd#no i don’t have dyslexia i have DYSCACULIA#IM ACTUALLY HYPERLEXIC#no one cares montyfinchirl…
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"Wow, you're so self-aware! It takes most people years of therapy and dedication to get to that point." Thanks, I constantly feel completely disconnected from my physical being and the material sensation of my body, brain, and spirit/soul is so overwhelming that I often have to see myself as an objective third-party instead of an integrated entity. Father son holy spirit and all that.
#yes I know that Unitarianism and Trinitarianism are different#let me be mentally ill#maladaptive daydreaming#immersive daydreaming#bpd#borderline personality disorder#adhd#just cptsd things#gothic literature#spirituality#new age spirituality#satanism#the satanic temple#dissociation#derealization#depersonalization#metal as fuck#i have a headache
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I really feel like one of the best details in “A Scandal in Bohemia” that I never see people fixate on enough is that the story starts with Watson stopping in to see Holmes at Baker Street on a complete whim, because he happens to see that he’s home (and Watson is now married and living elsewhere). Like he doesn’t send word first, he’s not invited, he just shows up and surprises Holmes. Which is not that weird but then Holmes is like “oh good, I’ve got a case anyway, you might as well hang out!” which just makes it funnier when the King shows up and is like “I’d really rather speak to you alone, actually” and Watson tries to leave and Holmes is just like “anything you can say to me, you can say to my best friend John Watson, and if you ask him to leave, I would consider it a grave insult, you would be my enemy and I will not help you ever!!” And the king is like “…ok” and just moves on.
like, that is crazy behavior. Holmes is talking about how there’s probably lots of money in this case, and then almost turns away the client for…not knowing who the fuck Watson is?? He’s not even supposed to be there?? He just came to say hi?? “It is both or none”… girl, GET UP.
#I get it though#sometimes your bestie gets married and you don’t talk to him for weeks?? months??#because you’re normal about him and also have pretty serious adhd#so you forget that communication even exists on top of being very sad and lonely and burying it with work#and then he shows up at random and the object permanence kicks in again and you force him to help#with your latest case because otherwise who knows how long it will be until you get to hang out again#and you know you’ll need someone to throw a smoke bomb through a lady’s window AT SOME POINT#PROBABLY#you can’t commit minor crimes by yourself that’s boring!!#and Watson loves your dumb disguises! he’s always said so!#I know we get distracted by the Irene Norton née Adler of it all#but Holmes is incredibly rare (gay) form in this story#a scandal in bohemia#sherlock holmes#acd canon#acd holmes#acd watson#john watson#it’s giving ‘this is my friend Madison and she drOVE ME HERE!!’#you 🫵 yes you! suffer my holmesposting
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I find it fascinating how every single one of my health issues can be mistaken for laziness
#tw ableism#->#'ugh why doesn't she pay attention to classes?? lazy' -> I'm ADHD/2e. your lesson isn't interesting enough.#'why does your table have wheels? why do you have to work from your bed? that's clearly an excuse to be able to lay down wnvr you want'->#there's something unidentified happening with my back that makes me unable to sit straight for long periods of time and it hurts LIKE HELL.#'why did you only get up at noon? that's such a lazy behavior' -> my circadian rhythm is nocturnal. I'm only truly awake past midnight and+#+it has been like that since the day i was born. mom had to stay up with baby me until 3am#tw fatphobia#->->#'why are you so fat? are you eating healthy? are you going to the gym? smaller portions girrrrllllll' ->#first of all go to hell. but anyway i actively enjoy eating healthy food#i love salads.#and yes i go to the gym regularly. almost every day.#but i have a very fun thing called PCOS and it messes up with my hormones in ways no professional could help me yet 👍#but again. go to hell.#nonsims#non sims
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Adhd!sans my beloved!!!
alsoo his pal Anx!sans!! yayayay
adhd!sans by: gudulle_vinyls (on tiktok)
anxiety!sans by: @hheisa
#undertale#sans#anxiety!sans#adhd!sans#undertale au#yes I am an adhder I know that pain but hey#let us have some nice rep instead of some weird steriotypes by neurotypicals :)
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scars
#liltaire's art#digital art#cr2 fanart#cr2#critical role 2#critical role c2#critical role mollymauk#critrole#critical role fanart#critical role#caleb widogast#cr caleb#mollymauk fanart#cr mollymauk#caleb x molly#mollymauk tealeaf#widowmauk#widoleaf#widomauk#the mighty nein#mighty nein#cw scars#okay i have no idea if caleb's scars are canonically correct i'm on ep20#do i draw molly's tattoos different every time?#yes i do i have adhd and a terrible memory#i have no idea what i'm doing at this point#also... showing each other your scars is a sign of trust#am i right??#i was deciding whom to give freckles to for 3 arts#decided to give freckles to both of them freckles are cute
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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Scar and Cleo being Workout Buddies for No Reason Other Than I Wanted Them To 🏋️♀️🏋️♂️
This is an old weeklong challenge I did wayyy before limited life, but it seems relevant now :D
#zombie cleo#zombiecleo#zombie cleo fanart#zombiecleofanart#goodtimeswithscar#gtwscar#goodtimeswithscar fanart#gtwscar fanart#my art#Featuring my favorite exercises#Now that I think about it I predicted the clockers a little bit with this#Should’ve added Bdubs but they’re in 80’s clothes and everything#I just really wanted Scar and Cleo to interact lol#hermitcraft#hermitcraft fanart#Oh and this is where Scars design came from for the Family Photo I did#Behold the ogs#Does anyone read these or can I keep rambling#I talk a lot#Yes I am autistic and have adhd why do you ask
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Having ADHD is so fun like one day you are completely normal and the next thing you know is you are obsessed with yet another fictional weirdo and make it your entire personality for the next 3 months
#yes this is about astarion#also about some other characters but rn it is he#i know having adhd is never normal that part was a lie#but you get what im saying#anyways#astarion#bg3#reki kyan#rei suwa#kirishima eijirou#bakugou katsuki#silent hill#just to name a few#adhd things#hyperfixation#send help
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So, today my husband said, "Some people think Shanks is a radial leftist, but I think he's the most centrist character in the show. Dragon fills the role of the radial leftist/anarchist that people often attribute to Shanks."
And, huh, yeah. People do often talk about Shanks like he's an anarchist, but he's really not. I've always said that Shanks is a mediator, keeping a tentative peace between the pirate tribes and the government until the time comes wherein the One Piece can be claimed and the mysterious consequences can happen, but that means he is effectively playing the part of a centrist—straddling the fence, as it were. The key difference, I think, is that Shanks knows for certain that change is coming in the form of a rubber deity, and he is trying to guide it into place. All his work is done behind the scenes with very little violence if he can help it.
Now, it's easy to assume that Shanks' plans involve the complete dissolution of the government as it presently stands; that he is simply using his power & influence to mitigate harm for the many until the "real fight" can begin (and, with him having recently decided to chase the One Piece, now it has), but that might not be the case (and, even if it is the case, a lot of centrists use "mitigating harm for the many" as a reason not to take action against some truly heinous acts). The reality may be that Shanks doesn't see the need for the total collapse of the government, or perhaps he knows something about it that we don't (i.e. because he might be of Celestial Dragon blood). I don't really believe this is the case because, as far as I'm aware, Shanks hasn't ever shown any real support for the World Gov but he has shown, time and time again, that he believes in dreams, in people's personal willpower, and in the ability of anyone to become strong and change the future. But the truth is that we can't know his intentions for certain without Oda giving us more information, so my husband's assertion that Shanks is a centrist makes some sense.
In particular, Luffy is what makes this theory interesting: slap him in between Dragon and Shanks, and there's a very real dichotomy between the two "fathers" in his life. See, Luffy idolises Shanks and thinks of him similarly to a father, but he might realise as time goes on that he can't be like Shanks; he might realise that Shanks' ideals will only carry him so far. After all, what good is it to be a pacifistic when your enemy is a powerful government that is comfortable with mass murder?
(My rebuttal is that Luffy is the only one who can be like Shanks. He is effectively Shanks' dream: Shanks wants to be strong enough to do all the work himself, to suffer all the pain himself, and while he is one of the strongest men in the world, he simply can't do that; what he can do is only achievable through the support he has at his side. Meanwhile, Luffy has close support in his crew, and he has the Gum-Gum Fruit! He can literally become a godlike figure and shape the world around him! He can do everything that Shanks wants and needs and, as sure as I am that Shanks wishes he could have done it himself—I'm thinking back to his days with Roger here—he knows that it was never meant to be him.)
This is where Dragon comes in. Dragon, in direct contrast to Shanks, uses violence as a tool whenever he can. He's all about the greater good, for lack of a better term. His thinking is along the lines of, "People are suffering now and we can help, and we have no qualms in forcibly dismantling a government that uses slavery, genocide, and imprisonment to control its populace. We don't wait for the right time to act, we simply act." Do I think Shanks would approve of Dragon's goals? Yes. Do I think he would approve of Dragon's means in achieving those goals? No, but mostly because Shanks is very self-sacrificial and tries to take whatever suffering is necessary for change onto himself, relying only on his small, personal crew, whereas Dragon is happy to let other people martyr themselves for the rebel cause. He lets a small, amnesiac child join them, for crying out loud—something Shanks would never do, not even if the child proved very capable.
If anything is to come from this difference of ideals, I think it's that Luffy will learn from both of them and find his own way to the One Piece and into the world waiting beyond. Why? Well, because Luffy is all about freedom, and no one on the side of Dragon or Shanks is truly free. As for the world itself, it's hard to predict what will happen after Luffy's done with it because it's pretty dependent on Oda's philosophy. For instance, Oda seems to approve of monarchies, which is not something I would personally imagine remaining in a world without a governing body—but, hey, what do I know?
Of course, we all know that the true centrist in the show is undeniably Garp. He will let real, undeniable harm befall those he cares about in order to maintain the status quo, or to stop the government from toppling because [gasp] that would be the worst thing ever! He's a man who believes the government is essential and joins up in order to change it from the inside, only to fall short of his own expectations because he won't stand up when it matters most. Not even for the sake of his beloved grandson.
#i haven't put these thoughts together in the best way but i just needed to get them OUT THERE#bearing in mind that neither myself or my husband are completely caught up in OP#we're on Whole Cake Island#but YES i still believe luffy will turn down being the pirate king for one reason or another leaving buggy to claim the crown#because let's face it: buggy has tripped into power roles so many times#and he was “overlooked” for the role of king (mostly because of his own self-worth issues/being intimidated by shanks' sheer potential)#so it would make sense for him to become king! that's his dream: recognition as he finally stands side-by-side with shanks. equals at last#(and yes i do believe that buggy looks up at shanks so much that he would need to get ABOVE shanks in stature to finally see them as equals#or something like that#anyway.... this was a long one.#(guess who's ADHD prescription finally got filled!? the med shortages are killing me. my brain is happy when i have my meds.)#somehow this became a “fuck you garp” post lol#i love garp tho#one piece#one piece meta#shanks#monkey d. luffy#monkey d. garp#monkey d. dragon#also shanks & pride is a super interesting combo that i must explore one day#shanks doesn't have a fruit—none of his crew do. neither did any of roger's crew. there's gotta be a reason for it#but what if—what if that reason was simply pride?#(that would make him a good match for mihawk)
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