#yes yes i have adhd

[imsosry-sir]

are there rlly people that can like.. make a plan to do their work and then… actually do their work??

bc i would literally give anything (firstborn, kidney, soul, etc etc) to experience that just once ;-;

[m3djed]

i think if i focused really really hard i could grow a leaf

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[shubbabang]

[monstrousproductions]

So, I responded to a post over on my personal blog about people behaving "weird" in public and mentioned that being a bit smelly is not, in fact, a moral failure. And I just looked at the comments and feel deeply moved to reiterate:

Smelling bad in public is not a moral failure.

In fact, I'll go one step further:

There is no moral dimension to cleanliness.

There are all sorts of reasons a person might be dirty in public. They might not have access to the facilities or products they need to stay clean, they might be coming home from a dirty activity, they might have mental or physical conditions that make it hard for them to maintain their personal hygiene, they might be dependent on other people for their hygiene needs and those needs aren't being met.

Also, with smells in particular, "bad" is subjective. I'm personally extremely sensitive to perfumes and aftershaves, and while I can sit quite peacefully in a crowded bus that smells of BO, I often have to leave shops or get off buses because someone's perfume, which they no doubt think makes them smell lovely, is actually making me gag.

You don't have to go and huff great, gusting lungfuls of air around the next smelly person you bump into in the corner shop. By all means, breathe through your mouth, change your seat, open the window, wish the situation were different.

But you do need to let go of this idea that a smelly or dirty person is also a bad person. They're literally just a person - just another human animal living in their animal body, trying to get from one day to the next. Sometimes, people are dirty. Sometimes, they smell bad. If that's not something you can encounter without taking personal offence, you need to seriously reassess your own expectations of being in public.

[miauiz]

himiko at UA shenanigans part 1

[montyfinchirl]

charles rowland is not an idiot. he’s just a boy with ADHD and dyslexia who grew up in the 80s undiagnosed and being TOLD he was an idiot. and edwin makes charles FEEL smart, and he’s never felt like that before, edwin doesn’t care that charles gets distracted easily or hates reading because he knows charles is a damn good detective and an amazing, intelligent, wonderful person, even if he doesn’t believe it.

[bamsara]

I love Arson he's my favorite heater but I should really get a cheap laptop one day so I can leave the house to write because the Noise. Is . Too Much. I need to go write in the forest

[ladycatashtrophe]

"Wow, you're so self-aware! It takes most people years of therapy and dedication to get to that point." Thanks, I constantly feel completely disconnected from my physical being and the material sensation of my body, brain, and spirit/soul is so overwhelming that I often have to see myself as an objective third-party instead of an integrated entity. Father son holy spirit and all that.

[sesamestreep]

I really feel like one of the best details in “A Scandal in Bohemia” that I never see people fixate on enough is that the story starts with Watson stopping in to see Holmes at Baker Street on a complete whim, because he happens to see that he’s home (and Watson is now married and living elsewhere). Like he doesn’t send word first, he’s not invited, he just shows up and surprises Holmes. Which is not that weird but then Holmes is like “oh good, I’ve got a case anyway, you might as well hang out!” which just makes it funnier when the King shows up and is like “I’d really rather speak to you alone, actually” and Watson tries to leave and Holmes is just like “anything you can say to me, you can say to my best friend John Watson, and if you ask him to leave, I would consider it a grave insult, you would be my enemy and I will not help you ever!!” And the king is like “…ok” and just moves on.

like, that is crazy behavior. Holmes is talking about how there’s probably lots of money in this case, and then almost turns away the client for…not knowing who the fuck Watson is?? He’s not even supposed to be there?? He just came to say hi?? “It is both or none”… girl, GET UP.

[simandy]

I find it fascinating how every single one of my health issues can be mistaken for laziness

[liltaireissocute]

scars

[icewindandboringhorror]

Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~

(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)

[sideofsheep]

Did I impulsively learn how to book bind so I could turn tma episode 1 into a book? yes, yes I did.

Did my dyslexic ass think it was a good idea to write the whole thing down for around 6 hours, instead of just printing it out? Yes, yes It did...

(also changed my mind on the pen almost halfway through)

[cb-writes-stuff]

“You can’t enjoy being neurodivergent/disabled/having X disorder if it makes you suffer so much! How dare you be making jokes about it!!!” Well you see, your bad days only suck a little bit so you don’t appreciate the good days very much. My bad days suck so much worse, so I only appreciate the good days that much more to compensate.

[mayhaps-a-blog]

Do you ever do something while thinking "this is the most logical and obvious thing to do", and then afterwards look at the result and go "hm. perhaps only to me."?

Anyway, funny story!

I've been dealing with a fungal gnat infestation; these are little harmless flies that like to hang around houseplants, which I unfortunately prefer to keep right next to my desk to ward of The Void (seasonal depression), which means that I've had a lot of fungal gnats hanging around In My Face, the worst place for a gnat to be.

So I've been idling my way through possible solutions, limited by the fact that I am 1) cheap 2) too busy to run to the store 3) keep food plants and worry about pesticides, which I also tend to dislike for environment reasons and don't want to spend a lot of time researching. So the fungal gnat problem has remained unaddressed, except that I've been keeping my eye out for cheap carnivorous plants.

Because a carnivorous plant would not only solve my problem but also mean getting another plant! Win win!

Most carnivorous plants available in my area are butterworts and go for around $20, which was more than I was willing to spend on a plant (that might die, my track record is... variable). But then! I saw one on Facebook for $5!

So of course I jumped on it, and less than 24 hours later, arrived home with two little butterworts.

Unfortunately, since this was an impulse purchase, I did not do my research before buying the plant, or before going to the store. Which I'd tied into picking up the plants, and was therefore not inclined to do again for at least a week.

Butterworts, for those unaware (such as myself as of a few days ago), are very particular plants. They require high-drainage soil (can't use regular potting soil) and ONLY distilled water. Or rainwater.

I did not have distilled water or rainwater.

Also, if they dry out, they die. Cue panic.

It was past 10pm and I was not going back to the store for some damned distilled water, even if I could find a store that was open.

So I did the ~logical thing~

I pulled out my largest tupperware, poured in some boiling water, floated a small bowl inside, covered it with plastic wrap and used a piece of candy to slope the plastic down to the bowl, thereby improvising a solar still. To get improvised rainwater. In case my new plants dried out in 12 hours or less. (They didn't.)

It wasn't until I was standing proudly over my creation, set on top of my heating vent since the Sol in solar wasn't available, to realize that. Huh. That's probably not the solution most people would jump to.

But hey, I got two tablespoons of water out of it! And got distilled water on the way home from work the next day. Butterworts are doing well and already doing their job, so all's well that ends well!