#yes i stole this pose from better man

[docileroamer]

4 likes to make this.....

[arc-misadventures]

It Was That Easy?!

Jaune, and Coco:

~~~

Velvet: That was fucking it?!!

Coco: Yeah...

Velvet: You two have been dancing around each other for months! And, what finally gets you two to start dating was the fact that you two wouldn't hang out as much if you started dating other people?!

Coco: Yes...?

Velvet: We tried to set you up for months! A simple conversation got you together?!

Coco: You tried to set me up?

Velvet: We locked you in a closet!

Coco: Oh, I remember that closet... That was quite cramped...

Velvet: The time we stole all his clothes so you would walk in on him naked!

Coco: My man looks like a marble statue. Mmmh~! Those abbs~!

Velvet: The tickets you gave you guys to go to that resort in, Vaccuo! You two were all alone, and you didn't do anything?!

Coco: We defiantly had plenty of beach suit fashion shows. For the record: Speedos do not word on, Jaune. That bulge... I have various mixed feelings after seeing that...

Velvet: We spiked your food!

Coco: You spiked our food?!

Velvet: There was faunas grade aphrodisiacs in your food! And, nothing happened?!

Coco: Wait, was that in the fish dish you made us. Because we had the runs after eating that.

Velvet: All that planning, all that work, all our scheming, and none of that work?!

Coco: Sorry...?

Velvet: That's it! You're going to the closet!

Coco: What?

~~~

Velvet: Get in there!

Coco: Whoa hey, Vel, what are you...?! Ooph!

Jaune: Uhh... Hey, Coco...?

Coco: Jaune...?

Velvet: This time you better do it!

Nora: Or, I'll spike your food again!

(Slam!)

Jaune: ...?

Coco: ...?

Jaune: So... I take it, Velvet let you know about her schemes to get us together too right?

Coco: Yeah, apparently she was the reason why were locked in a closet for the first time. And, she stole all your clothes so I would walk in on you naked. Got us those tickets so we could stay at that resort. And, she spiked out food.

Jaune: Oh, it was , Velvet who did that. Nora told me a different story about what she did.

Coco: What did she do?

Jaune: That resort we were staying at actually had two beds in it, Nora some how got rid of one of them.

Coco: What? The bed was made into the wall; How did she do that?

Jaune: Best not ask. She actually go that distress call from when we got stuck in the cabin in the mountain.

Coco: She did?

Jaune: Yeah, she wanted us to... mingle to stay warm before she rescued us the next day.

Coco: Posing naked in furs was certainly a way to mingle...

Jaune: And, she spiked our food...

Coco: And, after she learned that we got together because we didn't want to stop hanging out, she shoved you in the closet as well...

Jaune: Yeah... And, while i wouldn't mind us having some fun here in the closet~!

Coco: Oh, really~?

Jaune: But, they put us in the wrong closet...

Coco: Eh?

Jaune: It's too cramped, I can't move...

Coco: Grr... come one. I can...?! Grrrr...! I'm stuck too...

Jaune: Can you reach my scroll?

Coco: Nope, my hands our stuck here feeling up your broad chest~! You?

Jaune: Maybe...? Let's see if I can... Ahh found it! Uhh... Password?

Coco: 0-2-2-4.

Jaune: Okay... Calling...? Glynda...

Coco: Good choice.

Glynda: Hello, Coco do you need something?

Coco: Hi, Triple G! Uhhh... So, Jaune, and I started dating...

Glynda: You two started dating?!

Coco: Yes... and...?!

Glynda: Fucking finally!

Coco: ...

Jaune: ...

Coco: We should have started dating months ago...

Jaune: Yeah...

[coralhoneyrose]

i stole this idea from a post you reblogged but, do you have any "deleted scenes" from your fics? stuff you really wanted to include but just couldn't find the right place for?

I do, yes! Or like...sort of?

Basically, I have a "passage graveyard" where individual lines, passages or chunks of scenes that I couldn't find a way to work in all go to rest, but I would say it's fairly rare for an ENTIRE scene to get written out and cut. Usually I realize part way in that it's not gonna work for whatever reason and hop ship there. But probably more often the 'deleted scenes' are scenes that DID wind up in the main fic but took a slightly different direction than I initially planned, or where I had two competing ideas for how to execute something and wrote them both out and then obviously could only use one.

Occasionally I'll go fishing through the graveyard and find a line or two that can be repurposed somewhere else, which is always a nice surprise! But most of them are specific enough to what's going on that they're unlikely to see the light of day.

Not sure if you have interest in reading any of them, but here's a few random scrapped bits from various parts of PtLY. This first one would have been somewhere around chapter 11:

“You’re still wearing your dress from the tea earlier,” Chrom observes. Robin smiles ruefully. “I didn’t have a moment to come back and change until just now. Lord Dorian insisted on best three out of five.” It takes conscious effort for Chrom to keep his expression from slipping into a frown. “He insisted, did he?” Robin shrugs. “I didn’t mind. It was nice to have a new opponent.” “Was it a fun match, then?” “Oh yes, he’s a formidable foe," she answers. "I’d say he plays a bit better than you but not quite as well as Virion.” Now Chrom scowls outright. It’s silly to be so bothered by it; he plays a passable enough game, but it’s not like he’s ever invested much effort into mastering chess. Still, if Lord Dorian plays so much better than him, Robin will have scarce reason to keep up their own games together. Chrom doesn’t want to relinquish even that much to this man.

From early in chapter 12:

It’s alarming realizing the last morning he need duel with such feelings has already passed. He’s going to confess to her the truth of his heart, and if Robin loves him as he does her—and if she loves him enough to want to be with him—then waking with her in his arms will no longer fill him with bittersweet yearning. He’ll be able to hold her as close as he wants and cover every inch of her in kisses. It’s a frightening crossroads to be standing at. One way or another their fake relationship is drawing to a close. It’s only a matter of if a real one will take its place.

From Chapter 6, in Chrom's room after Frederick leaves:

“You’re going to have to get used to it, you know,” Robin continues. She keeps her voice light but her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes anymore. “This sort of thing comes with the territory of being engaged and sharing a room. No matter what we do, people are going to make assumptions. Are you sure you want me to stay here if it means dealing with that?” Chrom doesn’t hesitate in his answer. “Of course I’m sure. Embarrassed or not, I’d much rather have you stay here. Your safety is far more important to me than any damned notions of propriety.” Confoundingly, Robin flushes more over this admission than anything Frederick said to them.

Last one for now, from...either chapter 2 or 4 I think?:

Loving Robin came effortlessly to him—it was hard to pinpoint when, precisely, it began when it seemed so intrinsically interlaced with knowing her at all. It was a talent he’d accidentally honed through endless practice—every moment at her side a whetstone that sharpened his adoration further. It came so naturally to him that he had no idea how to stop doing it now that it posed a very real risk of unraveling everything.

[corruptedcaps]

Blast from the past: Redux

Some of my older stories have been banned permanently from Tumblr due to some NSFW images. So every once and awhile I will repost them with new SFW images (look for the #cc unbanned tag). This is one such story. Enjoy!

----

"Hey Shaun what is this stuff?" Chloe called out to her husband while sifting through the few remaining undamaged boxes from their flooded basement. She found one marked 'Shaun and Jordan'. Shaun hurried over but when he saw the box he seemed to go pale.

"Oh. That's stuff from my last relationship, way before I met you." He said slightly guilty as Chloe opened the box and started sifting through.

"Leather jackets? Switchblades? Cigarettes? Keys to a motorcycle? And what's this?" Chloe said pulling out a stack of pictures with the top one being one of a young rebellious couple making out next to a motorbike. Her leg was wrapped around him and his hands were all over her. Chloe realised that this was Shaun and Jordan. She was taken aback.

"Wow Shaun I never knew you had a biker phase." She said half teasing half curious.

"As I said it was a long time ago, I'm not proud of that period of my life. I stole, fought, commited such heinous criminal acts. But that’s not me anymore." He said. Chloe moved onto the next picture which was of Jordan posing suggestively on a bike.

"And what about her? What about Jordan?" Chloe asked.

"She... She died in a motorbike accident. After she died it was like I woke up to all the stupid shit I had been doing with my life. I packed up all our belongings into that box and forgot about it. It's not who I am anymore, don't worry. I should go into town and get some supplies to clean this all up, I'll be back in a bit." Shaun said kissing his wife goodbye.

Chloe, however, had flipped to another picture of just Shaun on a bike and she was fixated. He seemed so in charge, so manly, so tough in the past, it was kind of turning Chloe on. Sure she loved Shaun now but sometimes she wished there was a bit more fire to him.

Chloe flipped back to another picture of Jordan. She was stunning and had the tightest body Chloe had ever seen. Her eyes were so piercing that Chloe felt intimidated just looking at her. Chloe felt light headed as she heard a voice drift into her mind. "He could be that man again." It said.

"But how? How can he get his fire back?" She said in a dreamlike daze.

"He needs his bad bitch girlfriend by his side. You need to become the new me, the new Jordan. I'll help you bring the bad boy Shaun out." Jordan seemed to say from the picture. In her daze it made perfect sense to Chloe.

"Yessss of course, he needs to remember who he was." She said in a trance.

"You want to be me, you've always wanted to be a bad ass bitch and now here's your chance. I'll warp your body and mind into Shaun's perfect little slut then he'll be yours forever and together you will be the baddest couple around. Doesn't that sound good?" Jordan purred.

"Mmmmm fuck yes, Chloe is such a pathetic loser. I want to be Jordan." Chloe moaned in pleasure as she felt her pussy get slick.

"Goooood. Now if that is to happen then you'll need to look the part. Don't worry, this will feel amazing." Jordan whispered as Chloe felt her tits expand out of her sweater. She moaned in pleasure as she groped her new breasts in pleasure.

"YESSSSS fuck yes I want more! Make them bigger!" Chloe demanded.

"Now you're acting like me." Jordan said cackling to herself as Chloe fell more under her corruption. Her tits swelled even bigger and Chloe ripped off her top to better appreciate her new weapons.

"If these don't light a fire under Shaun nothing will. I'm such a hot bitch now." Chloe said vainly touching herself all over.

"You're nearly there. Now pick out a tight outfit from the box to really become me." Jordan enticed her but Chloe was already a willing victim. She pulled out a form fitting leather corset and loved how it barely contained her new tits. The more she admired herself the more of Jordan slipped into her.

"Mmmmm soon I'll have my alpha male back and then we'll show this town a thing or two about fear." She said cackling to herself. Chloe was almost completely taken over by Jordan but there was still an annoying little piece of goodness residing in her. Jordan knew just how to get rid of it and fully take over.

"That's it my little pet, now just one last step and we will be one. You'll be a true evil bitch like me, maybe even badder. Go to the garage, I have a gift waiting." Jordan said and Chloe felt a shiver of anticipation pass through her like it was Christmas. A smile curled up her lips as she entered the garage and saw waiting for her was a motorbike. Not just any bike though.

"Your bike." Chloe said running a hand across the sleek metal becoming more and more turned on as she did.

"You mean your bike? Don't you want to be Jordan? Don't you want to be me?" Jordan whispered.

"More than anything." Chloe said her voice dripping with lust.

"Then climb on and start her up." Jordan said and Chloe stalked over obediently. She threw her leg over the powerful machine and instantly felt at home. She turned the key and started it up. The vibration from the engine made her wet as she straddled tight to the machine.

"Doesn't that feel good? Only thing that beats it is a good hard fucking. Now Rev it up. The more you do the more of me you let in." Jordan said seductively. Chloe revved it again and again each time getting closer and closer to orgasming. She moaned as she felt Jordan's soul begin to merge with her own with each Rev.

"Oh fuck FUCK! Yessss I feel like such an evil bitch. I feel like a hot bad ass slut! I feel like Jordan! NO! I AM JORDAN!" She screamed as their two personalities crashed into one another. At once Chloe had new memories flood her mind. She was Jordan now and it felt perfect. She ran her sharp nails down her transformed body in ecstasy.

"Shaun has been missing a real woman's touch and a real woman's pussy but once he gets a look at me he'll forget all about weak little Chloe." She said tieing her hair up into a mohawk. She loved how it looked. It made her look like a woman not to be messed with. Just then she heard a car pull up outside.

"Hmmmm speak of my devil. Time to get him playing on the dark side again." She said with a wicked smile. She heard him go into the basement with the supplies he just bought and she followed patiently after him. Her high heels clacked loudly on the metal stairs she descended causing Shaun to turn around.

"Chloe? Is that you?" He said certain it was but began doubting himself the more he looked at her.

"Try again lover." She said in a breathy voice and tone he did not recognize her having before. It was like she acting like...

"Jordan? No this can't be real." He said backing away.

"What's the matter baby? You look like you've seen a ghost." She said smiling knowingly while approaching him

"What have you done with Chloe?" He said unable to take his eyes off her body while he continued to back away.

"Me and Chloe had a little talk and decided it was in everyone's best interest if you got a little of your fire back, a little of your passion. That's why I'm here baby, you need your evil muse." She said eyeing him sexily and hungrily.

"No I want Chloe back, I'm not that man anymore I'm a better man. I'm a good man!" He said as she backed him into a corner.

"A good man maybe? But a better man? Not even close." She said and then pounced on him locking her lips on his. He fought at first against her soft warm lips but the more they continued the more he lost himself to her. He was transported back to when he was young and carefree, when he only gave a fuck about one person. After about a minute he was pushing her against the wall and moved from kissing her lips to her neck.

"Oh you fucking nasty slut I've missed you. And I've especially missed this tight little thing." He said as he stroked her pussy.

"There's my man." Jordan said while helping him take off his pants. She undid his belt and his pants careened to the floor.

"Mmmmm nice to see somethings haven't changed." She said licking her lips as she gazed at his huge member.

Original note count before ban: 285

[fallershipping]

In which Looker was a man sent to slay a dragon, as any mindless beast that poses a threat must be better off dead.

Holy fuck the Guzzlord mission is a tale of a maiden, a dragon, and a knight to pure-hearted for his own good.

AU notes:

Looker meets Anabel as a dragon and bonds with her in that form for some time. She opens up about her side of the story: that the lord who sent Looker after her stole the source of her magic out of spite some time ago and she's been keeping up a bluff. The lord wants her dead, not knowing she can't fly or breath fire or do other dragon stuff without the artifact he stole-- and Looker snatches it from under his nose.

Her powers return to her and she regains her shapeshifting abilities (much to Looker's shyness over her uh, form) and they're both effectively fugitives. I just love the idea over exploring the dragons' plight and how their numbers are dwindling from human action and a knight/dragon coming to understand and appreciate each other on equal terms.

Also Looker eventually becomes a dragon himself because yes :)

[marchsfreakshow]

Only Me [John B]

Smut

You're planning to head out to John B's boat with him, but halfway through your outfit decision, he just can't help himself.

Um, Christ yeah. Another obx fic I'm not sorry I'm slightly obsessed with this man. Cover made by me and yes that is me in the cover, do not comment on my body. Prepare to be blocked if you do.

Warnings!: Possessive John B, dub-con (almost), praise & degredation, PnV, nearly Dark!John B, fem!Reader (but that's obvious), crud smut writing :p

18+!- MINORS DNI. READ MY SFW WORKS

No one's perspective.

⊹˚.⋆ ₊꒷ᘏᘏ︶ଓ︶꒷꒦⊹˚ᗢ₊꒷︶ଓ︶꒷

You adjusted the belt in front of the mirror, tugging at it a bit. Letting out a sigh, and cocking your head, you looked over to John B, who just seemed to be staring at you. A regular sight for you. Trying on an outfit in front of the floor-length mirror, and he'd be sitting there staring and admiring you with half-lidded eyes. Lust was what the man felt whenever you got changed regularly. Seeing how different clothes of yours fit you, and they encuatined parts of your body.

The jeans you were adjusting once belonged to your mom, she was a bit bigger than you, so you both figured these old jeans would fit you fine. They hugged your butt almost perfectly, making it seem more perky than it already was. They fit around your thighs the way you wanted and flared at the bottom a bit. The knee area was slightly discoloured from wear after the years, but to you, that made it look better. Constantly staring and posing slightly made you huff, and you turned around to John B. "What should I do with these? Like, what top?"

"Hm?" He shook his head out of whatever fantasy he was thinking deeply about and shrugged. "I don't mind, everything looks good on you." The sentence was ended with a wink, which you rolled your eyes at. At the moment you were just wearing a pyjama top, so you went through your tops drawer and picked out a normal, sage t-shirt, and a light blue tank top. A few holes near the top of it, but you didn't mind. No one would care really. That's what John B thought anyway, to you everyone would probably stare at you, positively or negatively.

You switched your pyjama top for the sage one and figured it would look better once you actually put a bra on. Your head swished around to your boyfriend again. "Does this one look okay?" You ask, doing mini poses while going back to yourself in the mirror.

"You know the answer to that." He winked at you again, immediately melting you inside. That wink-and-smile combo could kill you at any given point. It earned a giggle out of you, so you took the t-shirt off and replaced it with a tank top. The small poses started again and you hummed as you checked yourself out. "Fuck.." John B let out a small whine, but loud enough so you heard. You turned around and walked a bit closer to your boyfriend.

"You okay darl'?" You asked. He stood up and looked at you darkly. Before any other words could be said he grabbed the button of your jeans, pulling you close. A blush appeared as your body was immediately pulled to his. Harsh kisses were exchanged and as soon as you pulled away, "Fuck, what, was that?"

"you're wearing this outfit for me only. Understand?" He whispered harshly in your ear. His hands were wrapped around your waist, and your fingers gripped at the loose shirt he wore. You nodded as you gulped thickly. Just as quickly as you took a breath, John B stole it away from you and kissed you again just like he did a second ago. Instinctively, you sort of hobbled backwards, your legs hitting the back of your bed. "Mine." He hissed as you were pushed onto the bed.

He hastily undid your trousers, yanking them off you. It made you let out a small groan at the feeling, but you happily let it happen. "These,, are mine." He gripped your thighs, referencing the fact that the jeans curved around your butt and thighs perfectly. "Hips up." You obliged as soon as he said the words hips and pulled your underwear off.

"John B.." you whined as a knee was placed between your thighs. It took every ounce of self-control in you to not grind against his knee, your own desire for him growing with every kiss he placed on your neck. He stared into your eyes, his soul-baring into yours, as he threw his top in one direction and his shorts in the other.

"Such a good slut, wet already and I haven't even touched you." He chuckled lowly, leaning over you. He was telling the truth. Seeing John B so possessive and horny for one simple outfit made you feel warm and wet. His own feelings didn't help when he was looking down at you. Your hair spayed in all directions, your hands resting around the crooks of his neck, and your legs spread wide already for him.

In response, you nodded, but he tutted and took hold of your chin, pulling you up. Your noses were touching and your elbows helped you up. "You're so wet, aren't you? Who fucking for?" He asked "Huh? Tell me." He impatiently waited for an answer.

"you, John B. I'm wet, for you." You breathed heavily. He let go of your chin, and you threw yourself back down onto the mattress.

"good girl."

Those two words made a groan escape your lips, and you impatiently pulled him down to kiss him again. "Pup.." John B chuckled, reaching down to his cock. Every word that left him drove you crazy and the desire for him just grew.

Heavy and breathy kisses were exchanged as John B was jerking himself off. Almost painstakingly slowly, it felt like torture. A grin plastered on his face while you desperately kissed him. You knew he was revelling in the fact that he had this effect on you. So desperate for his dick, practically humping his thigh, just for some pressure on your clit. "awe, so cute." The man on top of you chuckled.

His chuckle sent a shiver down your spine, but it was interrupted by a loud moan. He finally thrust deep into you, and your reaction could have been in porn. How quick and deep he went into you, and how your back arched. A hand immediately slapped over your mouth. "not so loudly. You want the others to hear you?"

You shook your head as you muffled your moans into John B's large hand. "Words pup."

"No...no I don't." You groaned out as he continued to thrust into you, almost drilling you as he stretched your pretty cunt out.

"such a good puppy." His brown curls landed on your neck, and his face was hidden by your skin. Occasionally small bites made you let out a little 'yeowch-' In-between your moans. Marks left in the subtle crooks and crevices of your neck, so people would know you were John B's girl.

Quicker and harder.

It was becoming difficult to be quiet, your knees pushed to your stomach, tears threatening to leave your eyes. You knew your limits, he knew his. His pace wouldn't slow unless he saw an uncomfortable look on your face. In fact, it was the opposite, you were biting the blanket you stuffed in your mouth, eyes practically gone into the top of your head, and your hands gripping any fabric or skin they could find.

"You feel so good pup." He groaned as he thrust up harder than he had before, and you felt his nails dig into you. "Fuck...Gon.. gonna come." The man on top of you whimpered, it sent a jolt of pleasure through you, hearing the usually dominant man whimper that he was gonna cum.

Those pretty little moans of him overwhelmed you. Your orgasm came and ended quick. But he felt your cunt throbbing, every throb sending him closer. His own urge to edge himself, and make you come twice, backed down once the ropes of cum ended up in you.

As you lowered your arched back, you felt John B's weight on top of you. "I love you." You sleepily whispered, reaching a tired hand to John B's hair. He let out a happy sigh, laying on top of you. But not a few minutes went by, before he pulled out of you, and immediately grabbed a small random towel off the floor, cleaning you up.

"I love you too my puppy." He whispered, smiling widely at you.

"You still want to go out to the boat?"

"Nah."

⊹˚.⋆ ₊꒷ᘏᘏ︶ଓ︶꒷꒦⊹˚ᗢ₊꒷︶ଓ︶꒷

Tag: @slvt4jamesmarch

[m--rtyr]

Unsure if you done this, but what’s your lore for Menphia?

i did get an ask about it but i lost it idk if it's just been tumblr-deleted or i have it in drafts somewhere.

Basically, Athena wasn't born divine. She earned it. Similarly to how Kul'Zak took the godliness of another.

She was a knight in Tu'La, living as a man in order to keep her station. Her kindom lay deep between mountains, where sun could never reach it, so one day she climbed the highest mountain and stole a ray of sun, intent on taking it back down to her people. However, by the time she reached the kingdom, the ray was no longer in her hands, the only evidence of it the burns running up her arms and across her chest from holding it. But, as she sat in the kingdom's central square, the sun rose above the kingdom, raining down light.

Whilst the sunray inside of her imbued her with enough godly ability, she is always strongest in the sun, or after a long day of sunbathing. Fire can give her some energy too, but the first time she ever felt truly... empowered was when she stood by as a travelling healer used magic in front of her, the light more powerful than anything. That's how she met Irena.

Menphia was still posing as a dude around this time, in part because it was easier than rocking around Tu'La as a butch. But she did her hand at dressing pretty for Irena, who promptly shut it down and told her she rathered menphia how she wanted to be. Because gays flirting OH MY GOD.

She eventually just began living her truth, she even became a priestess of a temple of the sun. Because where better to be than worshipping the very thing that gave her the power she has?

Priestess doesn't mean she laid down and lived a life of luxury, the priestesses were frequently bounty hunters and warriors. It was a very 'keeping peace in the name of our religion' type thing, Menphia racked up COIN working there, and she spent it violating the celibacy vow she took with every pretty woman who could be paid for that sort of thing.

When her and Irena reunited, she was kind of drunk on wine and women, but she was living her best life. She actually quite liked working alongside the Divine, it felt a lot like her sisterhood. And then Judgement came about. he made her feel weak, like he was sapping her energy. She wasn't fond at first.

But he was her competition for Irena, so she played nice. She's not a bad sportsman. Eventually she became fonder of Judgement, but he had to earn that respect. How fond she became with him is between her and her god. But she bore no ill-will towards him, So when everyone wanted him dead, she just... noped out.

She loved Irena, yes, but she didn't think it was okay to screw over Judgement just to keep the woman she loved. She didn't want to hurt any of them, so instead of partaking in the fighting, she just left. She couldn't find herself complicit in any of it. Obviously letting it happen was bad, but she couldn't do much anyways. Siding with Judgement meant siding with killing innocent people, siding with the divine meant siding with killing innocent people. she'd rather be uninvolved.

I will also mention, the magic she used was very alike witchcraft, like Enki. Whilst his was centred mostly around the studious aspects, hers was more... intuitive. She draws power from the sun ray inside of her, and she uses it by sheer feeling. It's why she's seen as so angry, because the best way to focus magic was to feel very very strongly about what she wanted. She believed that witchcraft should simply be a natural process, whilst he believed it should be learned and honed to be safer for the user and those around them.

[iiiiiiis-things]

"infernal hell"

pairing: Vox x femblack!reader

cw: valentino (tried to tone him down here), cursing, bitchiness, slight nswf, lmk if i missed anything .

blurb: how you died and climbed you way to the top with the vees & your relationship with vox .

a/n: hey .. 😗 look yall i js- school has been- man look js buy my lip gloss yall . the color in my writing is js to add a little pop to the story & i didn't color code everything, but in the flashbacks everything in red are either related to or ARE the lyrics (click if ydk what im talking about)

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"yes darling, more-"

*SNAP*

"you're making me SO horny right now"

*SNAP*

"arch your back just a tad more baby"

*SNAP* *SNAP*

"YES !! eat those bitches up for breakfast, lunch AND dinner !!"

*SNAP*

Valentino continues to feed into your already enormous ego with his encouraging words, following his instructions you arch your back just a tad more against the soft, white, silky sheets beneath you. you were at a photoshoot, obviously- and all the flashing cameras and bright lights? oh yeah, definitely your scene. The way that as soon as you stepped inside the studio, you stole everyones attention as their eyes were specifically on you, from melting your lace, to putting on a soft glam, and even getting dressed everyone was waiting for you !! the star of the show. you were modeling for Valentino's new lingerie line for his limited edition valentine's day collection collab with velvette that was coming out in just two weeks from now. now originally- you weren't even supposed to be the one advertised, you decided to take the place of your friend so he doesn't have to deal with all the bullshit that val puts him through. it only took a little convincing pink looks ten times better on brown.

you sit up and straddle the bed and grab your tits softly toying with them through the bra as your robe falls off of your left shoulder. "oh yeah babe that's the stuff, don't be scared to pop a tit!!" moving around into a more lewd pose you lie flat on your back and spread your legs wide open while grabbing the back of your ankles, the lacey baby pink panties on display for the multitude of cameras that were being operated by Val to zoom in on, causing your boyfriend, Vox, who has been standing next to him this whole time (visibly irritated), screen glitch out for just a spilt second while letting out a groan in anger.

"alright that's enough!! you've gotten enough pics asshole now can we please wrap this up ??" Vox eyes grows and shrinks in size as he lets out his frustrations "babe we're only 3 hours in.." you're now sitting up cross cross with your hands filed over your chest. val leans into him in a teasing manner "awww cmon, just a few more?? I'll even save the most explicit ones for you voxy poo-" "stop calling me that." Vox immediately shuts down the nickname and quickly walks up to the platform, "can we talk?.." he takes a quick moment to look around "alone?" his eyes are narrow and his eyebrows are furrowed, which lowkey worried you and although you weren't exactly ready to take a break just yet, the way Vox looks at you is agonizing- saying there's something he needs to get off his chest, and knowing vox- it would remain on his chest until he could tell you the problem, in private letting out a small sigh you give in. "fine" quickly hopping off the surprisingly comfortable bed you yell out "sorry Val- everyone take 30!!"

everyone starts to scurry around including valentino who lets out a few curses in spanish under his breath. now on your feet Vox takes the leads as the two of you stroll through the halls to your dressing room. He opens the door and waits for you to come inside, after walking in he closes the door behind you, you sit down in your dressing chair touching up your lip liner "so? what's the problem?" "babe, I love you, I really do and i know how much you want to help that slu- i mean- your friend who is an actual sinner with feelings, i'm trying to support you- but i don't like the idea of you in lingerie on hundreds of bill boards, magazines, and god knows what else val might think of to make money." as he continues to rant he paces around your trailer with his hands on his head, obviously upset.

"I told you, this is only a one time thing" you understood why vox was upset. he's a man who doesn't like to share. "I just need you to trust me" after fixing your edges you set the comb down, standing from your chair, walking over to him wrapping your hands around his neck as his hands slides down your waist and down to your thigh, lightly stroking it "it's not you i don't trust" his hands trails back upwards lifting your robe to settle on your ass "it's him" squeezing a nice handful of it, he brings your body closer to his "babe- we've been over this.. Val wouldn't voluntarily do anything to hurt me or make me uncomfortable and we both know this ." he sighs and you rest a hand on his chest "Besides i think i look pretty good in this" Vox let's out a frustrating groan, leaning his head (screen 💀) into the crook of your neck "which is exactly why I don't want the world to see you, you're mine and mine only" oh how you loved it when he got possessive like this . you couldn't help yourself but to laugh at him, he lifts his head looking at you in confusion "what's funny ?" "you're hot when you get possessive" before he could respond there was loud banging on the door

"fav !! you in there ?! i've got food !!"

you were a popular bitch. hot bod, hot boy, cheer captain, plus you were rich and it was towards the end of your senior year, the time where some people was stressing over finals, college, prom. while others was just ready to leave this shit hole . today was a game day so you were obligated to wear your cheer uniform alongside your brand new kurk geiger purse you had just used your daddy's card to purchase not to long ago. your fresh braids, that were pulled into a high ponytail, with a white ribbon tied into a neat and perfect bow, swung from side to side as you held your binder close to your chest and made your way down the hallway to the small crowd that was forming. stopping infront of the group you look around until you make eye contact with velvette, each of you on the opposite side of the room, the two of you make the tacit decision to go around the crowd and meet up

"hey babe, what's going on?" you questioned her as she typed away on her phone. before she answers your question she holds out her phone infront of the two of you "selfie!" you make a quick cute pose as she snaps the pic and clicks to check it

"ugh cuteee this is definitely going on my main . anywaysss Julie Jenkins lost a leg in a wreck and everyone's depicting her as some type of female heroine" she continued typing on her phone, most likely posting the picture the two of you had just taken. you grew upset as everyone was being overly chatty with this 'jenna' bitch, leaving you with no attention (making you feel slightly insecure) "the fuck? why is everyone being so sympathetic? we have other things to worry about like prom" velvette looks at you and laughs "fav, seriously, relax we both know you got this in the bag" she nudges your shoulder, giving a knowing smile. and this ? this is exactly why she was your favorite. she knew you- the real you, not the persona you displayed for everyone. hell she knew you better then your own boyfriend did. the binder that you held close to your chest is now in vel arms as you begin making your way to the girl in the wheelchair, you didn't have to push anyone out the way to get to her, because the crowd made a clear path just for you .

"hey! jenna right ??" you speak in a fake nice tone eyes blown wide and a huge grin on your face . "oh um actually it's julie" the girl was obviously shy, her rosy cheeks became a shade darker, your presence slightly intimidating her, "shit im sorry, im y/-" "y/n. i know we take computer science together" you started at her for a moment as she had spoken with attitude, 'who the fuck is she talking to?' you think staring at her with your mouth open tryna to figure how to respond with out coming off as mean, after all- you still had a reputation to maintain

"i'm sorry that was rude" jenna apologizes, pushing her thick, black, glasses back up her face "no- no it's on me !! i guess i just never noticed you before" "we were partners once..." she had managed to gag you once again and you were starting to get irritated because this amputated bitch was making you look bad in front of damn near the whole school; seriously who even was she ?! standing with your mouth open, you scratch the skin between your lip and nose, letting out a fake laugh "god i'm so sorry you know with everything going on-" you look down digging into your expensive purse looking for a writing utensil "cheer, finals, prom- i've just been so swamped" pulling out a marker you bite off the cap "and for that-" you kneel down infront of her wheel chair, still speaking with the cap between you teeth, you gently grab her casted arm and look up into her eyes "i sincerely apologize" looking back down you sign your known nickname (so she could feel some sense of comfort with you) in big cursive letters taking up almost the whole space on the front . julie had a big smile plastered on her face, happy that some one as popular as you had been the first one to sign their name on her cast . quickly getting up you walk away meeting back up with vel and hearing in the commotion behind you everyone asking to sign her cast right next to your signature.

[feral4daryl]

Ok so first of all. My main man you do understand you can’t claim you actually made the “art” you “made” right? It’s AI generated.

“If it's created by AI, nobody can claim ownership of it or copyright it”

That’s law dude. You didn’t make any of the “art” your showing off. Anyone can come post it anywhere and claim it with no repercussions because quite literally. NO ONE MADE IT. It was made by AI. A robot. Not even the company can claim it because it was their bot that made it. Not them.

Lastly 👀💦 and this is no like jab to you at all but. Why not just draw or write this stuff yourself? It’ll always come out 1000% better than AI no matter what level you’re starting at. I mean dude. Ai can hardly render hands or complexity 90% of the time. Not to say I can either but like 👀 bro. Plus it always looks… the same. Like you can pose things however you want but it’ll always have that ai sheen to it ya know. No real heart or soul to it. You’re literally feeding a bot when there are so many artists out there that can be benefiting from this that would be willing to put everything they had into it (shading, dynamic posing, lighting, backgrounds,) for a few dollars or experience if you know them and ask nicely enough.

hello, good evening! ^^

yes, you are totally right. it's wrong for someone to claim rights over something an AI did, specially if it's supposed to look like art or a drawing.

however, i never did that. you probably saw my pinned post or the watermarks i started adding to the images, and I suppose that's why you sent me this, but just to clarify things, i do not care at all if people repost those ai images. like, I really don't. I've seen them being reposted countless times, specially on pinterest and i don't claim to have "created" them. all i said I did was write a prompt and the ai generator did all on its own. I made that very clear more than once.

I had an issue with that one specific creator I talked about on my pinned post because they were doing exactly what you're saying, they were claiming to have spent HOURS working on those "edits". they even said that I STOLE them. and when I confronted them, I made it clear that those were made in seconds.

and that's exactly why I started adding the watermarks. I didn't wanna do it in first place as I've said before, but it really pisses me off, you know? when someone tries to get clout for something that they didn't do. the watermarks prevent that from happening again, since they make it clear that it's ai generated. I mean, it literally says "made by ai".

also, i understand the issue regarding all that ai art thing, i really do. but those images are not made off art tho... you can tell they are realistic, since (as long as I know) the ai used real images (of real people, taken by cameras) that are available on internet. I'm also very against those ai arts too, that's why I never post any art looking images (or even if they're slightly artsy) that the ai generates from time to time, because I'm very aware that they steal from artists. I mean, i'm an artist myself. I'm not "feeding" a bot because... it feeds itself.

when I started posting the images, i was just trying to have some fun and share it with the fandom, I don't benefit from this at all. i mean no harm, and honestly, it's not that serious. if you don't like how it looks, well, you can block the hashtag "ai" (I always tag my ai images posts with it) and you won't see it again. you can even block me if it's not the type of content you're interested in, no hard feelings at all. anyways here's a screenshot that shows that I never took any credit for any of the images:

well, I hope you have a great day, and thanks for addressing this issue. it's very important to talk about that. ❤️❤️❤️

[sunlessea]

what a strange question, to have posed to him now. he stares at it, where its claw crosses x over its own unbeating heart ... and even now, he can still imagine his father, the sordid patriarch of the helsing name, the ashburnum family, preaching to him every sin he has ever committed since the day he'd walked into that factory and demanded irons fall in love with him. it would have been brilliant, had it been a plan to kill his first master, and he would have been the greatest actor in all of europe's history, both above and below, to have made mr irons believe that he'd actually loved it, only to turn wood to its heart when it lay in his bed, so trusting of him. his gaze saddens, then, his countenance melancholy. it sounds like one of the stories mrs frontispiece would publish, sold by the dozen in his store. what history, that tale would've made.

"yes." the admission feels poisonous to admit, but he has never been dishonest ... not in matters of his heart, that is. "if i'd killed you, everything i suffered would've meant something. i used to cry all the time, after you stole the city. and my father was not an empathetic man. he didn't tolerate weakness, and i was his successor. my parents loved my siblings, but i didn't have room for imperfection. they beat my brightness out of me, until i was the perfect hunter, until i could kill a hundred kindred without breaking. innocents. lovers. but i would still hide after, and just cry, and cry, and cry, because i'm not a murderer."

he snaps out of it, blinking himself from a daze he hadn't realized he was in. he thinks it's probably the other half of his soul, lying dormant in the glory, somewhere. if he focuses too hard, drifts too far, he can see things he's not supposed to. "and what was the point of all of that, if the beast i'd been trained to slay was my soulmate? even worse, what did that say about cassius, if he was capable of falling in love with a monster?" he rolls his eyes, sighing heavily as he shifts his weight, holding his hand out to it. better then, to take it from the backyard of the canals behind once upon. it seems he really would have to redress its wounds. "the ashburnums are holier-than-thou, no better than the ones they hunt. you're hardly a picture of morality, and you'd not have me defend you as such. but you do not pretend to be holy. my father... is a terrible, terrible man, masquerading a saint. all my life he's made me believe that i am only worth the blood on my hands, but i don't want to be a murderer. or a revolutionary. or a god. everyone wants to change me... my family, the masters of the bazaar, the false stars..."

he leads it back to once upon's back entrance, fiddling with keys long enough only to get the door open. a stray cat dashes past him, into the store, and he pays no mind as he beckons irons inside. the door closes safely behind them, and the silence feels so heavy for a man who so rarely stopped talking. "but you didn't. you showed up... and i really liked you. so, i suppose i decided it didn't really matter what that said about cassius, if he fell in love with you. i'm the one who'd killed him, after all." he looks and sounds like he's going to cry, but he doesn't. for as much as he used to, he doesn't think he has it in him anymore. perhaps his father truly had beaten his humanity out of him. maybe he'd just lost it along the way. his gaze trails to irons, then, and he sighs. "all it would've done is broken my own heart to have betrayed you. even had i done it, it wouldn't have changed anything. i was never going to be enough... and that's fine."

he scrunches his nose, raises his claw to tap the tip of it knowingly, then turns to start scouring supplies in his store. better to accept his own reality, he supposes, than waste time crying himself to sleep at night. he isn't a kid anymore, wailing at his father's approval with bloodied arms. he doesn't look up, again, until he hears its writing 'pon its notebook, squinting against the fairylit storefront. he furrows his brows, then after a moment, sighs, exasperated.

"you're going to babysit me? i did almost kill fires, once. i can take care of myself." but he knows. as much as he complains, he knows why it demands to come with him : he doubts it would ever admit to it, but it's probably scared for him. he was a great vampire hunter, once, for better or worse. but he is still just a man. "don't make a face. i couldn't stop you if i tried. i know that you'll do what you want." he smiles, vaguely, but comes back to its side, armed now with more bandages. if only kindred had the same healing prowess as garou, he laments, looking it over. he, himself, doesn't seem so surprised at the concept of family between them, for all he has lamented. if he notices that it has been taken off guard, for once, he does not let it show. "i suppose so. that is how family is meant to be, isn't it? when it isn't broken." he hums, squinting, as he takes its arm, and decides to start easy. this disarms it of being able to write, but oh well. "you and fires have terrible form, by the way." his expression, dull, seems distant ... but he does smile, a little. "you fight too recklessly..."

perhaps it is being too lax, unconcerned with either the blood on its tongue or dripping still from scratches and open wound, too caught up on the inconvenience of it all. where its business never mattered before, now it is publicized—printed on its own presses scandalized stories of itself and the lover it'd taken. mr pages had confronted it once, when he had started wandering london with more than two holes in his neck ; but it hadn't supposed fires still cared enough to take matters so personally. itself hadn't forgotten, how the lesser spires burned and crumbled to ash : though the incident had passed in all but a blink, and who was cassius ashburnum was never heard from again 'fore they conceded and stripped him of all but his own beating heart. it supposes itself hadn't expected much after, either—certainly not to be where he stands, claw in claw, and certainly not the nights it spent curled up in his bed, letting him doze half strewn across it. its no wonder the city eats their story up.

" did you ever reconsider? " it rasps, relenting when he reaches up and pulls free its claws tangled in his hair from where they settled—it'd take hold of his hand, instead, were he not so seemingly intent on searching for its own pulse. how rapid it'd beat, it wonders, if it could ... perhaps it wouldn't race in circumstances like this, but it can't imagine it wouldn't still skip a beat under his touch, tender. " when you fell in love, when you realized who it was you fell in love with. you had the opportunity. " its hands raise, finally, cross over its chest in an 'x'; the meaning is clear, even with its jaw held taut and expression otherwise unreadable. did the thought ever cross your mind?

never can it imagine a moment where it has ever been so vulnerable; even among the skies, with those of its kind and the games they played ... the rule was simple : to always keep your guard, be vigilant, be quick, concise, and clever. it can't recall a moment alone where it has been as open and at the mercy of another, even in its imprisonment, it found a way to keep itself guarded. but not with him. he had all but stormed in, bright and brilliant, and it was blinded—it can no longer tell if it was shock, awe, or adoration that left it stunned into its silence, that called it to stir. for all it bristled and bared its fangs, in hindsight, it felt most for show. elysium had every opportunity to kill it, had he wanted to, and it had every chance to do the same : it could have humiliated him, buried him where he stood, or slaughtered him more privately, blood staining wood-grain—but it didn't. every time it buried its teeth in his skin it was never for peril, far the opposite. it had never truthfully felt threatened by him, and it cannot imagine he ever truly feared it, either. they had the means, but never the urge. what all was determined for them, they'd fought against, and loudly.

that does not mean it was never left embittered, but never by his hands, nor his intent. it suspects he notices where its lip curls into a pout, the subtle narrow of its eyes when it reaches up to brush hair away from them. " were i ever hurt, it would not be because of you, or of ours. " there is a phantom pang of some long-forgotten ache; though it cannot say for certain whether it was for their cities, their stories, or their betrayals. it may have voted against, but it was still as much at fault for a crime far worse than what left them exiled. its expression sours, the more the thought lingers, and it almost winces where it cuts its words short, raises its hands again. he'd learned enough to follow, its certain. " THE BAZAAR ... IS A SOURCE OF GREAT MISERY. HER CRIMES COUNTLESS IN NUMBER, BUT IT IS ALSO A HOME. IF YOU SPEAK WITH EITHER, I WILL ATTEND WITH. THEY CAN BOTH BE UNREASONABLE. " understandably, but it is not here nor there. he is well aware, and the sternness it wears nearly matches the swiftness it moves its claws. " YOU ARE NOT GOING ALONE. THE BAZAAR WILL SEE YOU IN RUIN BEFORE SHE WILL HEAR YOU SPEAK. "

it pauses, briefly—in mention of family. curiouser, still; he certainly gives it no end of surprises, concepts to explore and consider. its claws curl into its palms, and it almost looks a touch contemplative, where it motions between them. " IF WE ARE ... A FAMILY, THEN IT STANDS TO REASON I SHOULD ATTEND REGARDLESS. "

[hollywoodsargeant]

logan pics i’m a bit crazy for (shame edition)

so i love logan sargeant. yes? and of course some pictures of him are… better than others. but sometimes i look at photos that are objectively terrible and once would’ve given me some type of ick but now in my current state of florida boy psychosis make me a bit looney. make me go a bit “holy fuck i’m in love with him.” make me need a couple bullet lobotomies.

it might get worse as it goes idk the order isn’t really thought out. but be warned: all of it is bad

we will start pretty normal. i mostly just think this is a stupid fucking pose. what are you doing. why are you like this. what is your deal with posting black and white gym selfies and can you stop

golf cart selfie … i hate you. soz for cropping out the other guys idk who they are. not the point. this picture is dumb and he looks DUMB fuck you and your backwards cap and your stupid little smile and your. fuck you. i can’t believe i’m this crazy about a man who GOLFS for FUN.

i’m like. 1. i cropped out SO MANY fish 2. what the fuck are those flip flops 3. i hate you. but hi kyle! idk who the other guy is. anyways. this i stole from a tweet that says something like “this has been logan sargeant and kyle kirkwood catching big ass fish” and that says a lot about society. and me. mostly me. i have no real explanation for this one i think i just find him cute

look me in my eyes. Look Me In My Eyes. this is a horrible photo. one, i can’t see his face at all, and also he’s like actively fishing on a boat, which is a whole thing, and i need to die. I NEED TO DIE! blinded by a.) logan sargeant and b.) the little bit of his stomach showing where his shirt is riding up. so disgustingly weak for him, actually. i need to be put to rest

i am still neglecting to post the full image this is from for reasons (there’s blood in it) but he is so dumb and i love him. hi kyle (again) for some reason i frequently just Stare at the full of this picture like a freak. consider that logan is wearing WHITE SNEAKERS on a boat with BLOOD ON THE FLOOR. horrible. that thing next to logan’s head? the sword part of the swordfish. Yeah we slay

nice fish dude. no further comment on this matter.

and i know i’ve posted this one about 7 times but that’s because i MEAN IT. and i’m STILL MAD. him and his untied white shoes and the shirt riding up and the big fucking sunglasses and the. he is so loserboy. so florida. sooo i’m in love with him and every day it gets worse. the logan sargeant psychosis has reached completely untreatable levels! get shorter shorts

[lord-of-gender]

A Small Problem - Part 1

My version of @deyageka’s Childinnit au. 3145 words

Dream revived Tommy, but there were unforeseen consequences

"Dweam! I hungy," Tommy complained, he had appeared in the cell after getting revived, with almost no memory of his life. And he looked to be only five or six years old.

"Look kid, all I have are potatoes," Dream snapped. He didn't know which was worse, teen Tommy that actively disregarded him and never listened, or toddler Tommy who was just annoying and never stopped complaining.

"No, no poo-tato," he grabbed the potato Dream had handed him and chucked it in the lava. Tommy had been talking with the same mocking tone all week.

"You have got to be kidding me," Dream glared at Tommy, resisting the urge to kill him again, knowing it would be better if he was alive, even in this state.

"La, la, la, I'm singing, I'm like Wilby," Tommy said, knowing perfectly well he was getting on Dream's nerves.

"Oh thank god," Dream said when he heard footsteps echoing over the lava. "Sam! Get this child out of here!"

"Hi Sam!" Tommy yelled, his high pitched voice hardly recognizable by Sam. "You have a funny name! I am looking for Wilbur!"

"T-Tommy?" Sam said, the disbelief clear in his voice. "Tommy go the the corner in the water!"

"Why?" Tommy asked, clearly not getting the urgency of the situation.

"Just do it you child," Dream demanded, pushing Tommy towards the corner of the cell.

"Okee," Tommy made his way over and stood in the water. Within seconds he was on the other side with Sam. "Hallo! Hehe, Techno always says that. Ooh! I'm big and scawy like Techno!"

"I'm so confused, how are you alive, and why are you, younger," Sam said, not expecting a response.

"I dunno," Tommy shrugged and with a huge smirk began running away from Sam. "Weeeee, freedom!"

"Tommy!" Sam ran after him, eventually cornering him as Tommy came up to the other lava. Noticing the kid's fearful and entranced expression as he started at the lava.

"No, lava bad," he muttered, backing away from it, he didn't know why, he just didn't like it. "Where's Wilbur?"

"I don't know, why don't you come with me and we'll find him," Sam reached his hand out for Tommy to take. Eventually he did. Looking between the lava and Tommy, Sam didn't feel right making him go through all the protocol, not like this. So he lead Tommy through the guards' secret passageways until they got to the main entrance of the prison.

"What is this place," Tommy asked, "why is Dweam in there?"

"This is a place where bad people go, and Dream is a very bad man," Sam said, leading him to the lockers. "Go into the chest and give me the card in there."

"Are you going to put Techno in there," Tommy asked, opening the ender chest and pulling out what Sam had told him.

"Not unless I have to," Sam said, the thought had crossed his mind, but if he did attempt to Phil would defend Techno. The two were powerful, but had stayed isolated in the mountains and didn't currently pose a threat.

"Is this all mine," Tommy looked at the contents in the regular chest in wonder.

"Yes, but we can leave it here or I can hold onto it until we figure this out," Sam said, talking about getting Tommy back to his normal age.

"But it's mine," Tommy said, he pulled out the axe and tried swinging it around, but the weight was made for someone bigger and stronger than him so he ended up falling to the ground. "Uh, you have it. Too heavy."

"I'll give it back as soon as you get back to normal," Sam said, ruffling Tommy's hair as he put the Axe of Peace back. "But first let's get out of here."

"Okay," Tommy said and Sam took him to the secondary exit he made just in case. They landed down in the water the prison had been built on and Sam helped Tommy swim to the shore.

"Tunnel!" Tommy said, pointing at the tunnel leading to Snowchester. "Let's go there!"

"Alright, I'll take you to Snowchester." Sam crafted a boat and got in, with Tommy getting in behind him, humming to himself as they headed towards the snowy biome.

"Who lives here," Tommy asked, taking in every bit of detail and rubbing his hands together to warm up.

"Tubbo does, I think Foolish and Ranboo do as well," Sam said, he knew he would have to go back to the prison to double check all the safety protocol and move Tommy's items.

"Tubbo," Tommy perked up, "let's see Tubbo!"

"I don't think he's here right now," Sam said, he would have to go back to the Dream SMP to see if Puffy or anyone else could watch Tommy, but then he'd have to explain what happened. "Come on Tommy."

"I'm cold," he said, trudging through the snow behind Sam to Tubbo's cabin.

"I know, but you need to stay here while I go do some things," Sam said, grabbing a cloak from a chest and wrapping it around Tommy. "I don't think Tubbo will mind if you look around."

"Who's up there," Tommy asked, hearing noises from the attic. He went over to the ladder and climbed up and opened the trapdoor to see Micheal entertaining himself. "Hallo! I'm Tommy."

"Oh, that's Micheal," Sam said, climbing up behind him. "Be careful. I have to go. Don't go outside, okay?"

"Okee," Tommy said, looking intently at Micheal as he snorted to himself. Tommy then made some piglike noises, making the young zombie piglin perk up and squeal in excitement.

"Wait, you know piglin," Sam asked, pausing as he started back down.

"Techno teached me, he's a pig-in," Tommy said, then made more noises and the two children continued to talk to each other. "Go away now."

"Well have fun, stay safe Tommy," Sam said, climbing down and closing the doors behind him.

Michael started to point at the photos of him, Ranboo, and Tubbo. Tommy looked at them and searched his memory, as far as he could remember Phil didn't have any pictures like that. Michael oinked as he offered Tommy a handful of cake. His stomach rumbled as he looked at the treat.

"Here I can give you a potato," Tommy said, offering one of the raw potatoes he had left over from the prison. "I don't like them." Michael lit up and took the potatoes, happily eating them.

"Hi Michael," Tubbo came up to see them, they hadn't even heard him open the door. "I'm back buddy."

"Michael wishes you and Ranboo were home more, and he's cold," Tommy said, pulling Tubbo's attention to him. "Hallo!"

"I- hello, who are you," Tubbo asked, he didn't think any other children were on the server, let alone human children.

"It's me, Tommy, remember me Tubbo," Tommy grinned, cake frosting covering his mouth. Tubbo froze. There was no way, it was impossible, he was seeing things. He had to be. Slowly Tubbo climbed back down the ladder.

"How is he," Ranboo asked, carrying a armful of red berry branches, he had slowly been working on clearing out all the berry bushes so Michael could safely walk around outside.

"I-I uh, he's cold," Tubbo stammered, still not fully processing what he found out.

"I can make him a coat, we do have the extra fabric," Ranboo said, he climbed up the ladder to see Tommy and Michael.

"You need this more than I do," Tommy pulled off the cloak and wrapped it around Michael. "I'll ask them to put a fireplace up here."

"Well hello there, who are you," Ranboo said, closing the trapdoor behind him. He sat down in front of the boys.

"Tommy," he said gleefully, "I was stuck with a bad man called Dweam, Sam took me here. He's looking for Wilbur."

"I- okay, do you remember anything before that," Ranboo asked, wondering if he knew everything that Tommy did. "Do you remember me?"

"Uh, no, but you're Ranboo right?" Tommy asked, "and why is Dweam in prison? What bad things did he do?"

"Well he killed multiple people, he blew up something that used to be Tubbo's, he stole some things of yours and did alot of bad things to you," Ranboo said, not mentioning how Dream had used him as well.

"Well I don't remember," Tommy said, he looked at Michael who had been jumping in the corner and snorted to him. "He wants to go outside."

"You understand him," Ranboo asked, he had been trying to find a book on piglin but now that he knew Tommy could speak it that would be a big help.

"Yeah, Techno taught me," Tommy said, making Ranboo feel stupid. Of course, he should have asked Techno to teach him, but then again he had no idea when he would wake up, and he might end up having to tell Techno about Michael.

"What do you remember," Ranboo asked, trying to get a better idea of what happened to Tommy, even if he wouldn't remember.

"Uh, Philza and Wilbur are my family, Techno is a friend of Dadza's, he was the ruler of some place," Tommy stifled a yawn, "the Antarctic Empire."

"Do you want to stay here until Sam comes back," Ranboo asked, Tommy nodded, leaning his head against him.

"Mhm," Tommy mumbled, the events of the past week finally catching up with him. Now that he was outside and could see the sun his lack of sleep started to take hold.

"I'll see if we have an extra blanket," Ranboo said as Michael looked at Tommy curiously. He went down the ladder to see Tubbo muttering to himself.

"Ranboo, please tell me I was just seeing things up there," Tubbo said, pacing around. "Cause I thought I saw Tommy, young Tommy."

"Oh he's there alright," Ranboo said, "I didn't believe it at first, but of course I've never seen young Tommy. So he couldn't have been an illusion."

"But how is he alive," Tubbo said, sitting down on one of the chests.

"Maybe Sam will know, cause Tommy doesn't remember why he was in there," Ranboo said, he grabbed their extra blanket. "But he is cute like this."

"Don't let him know that," Tubbo let out a small chuckle. When Ranboo went back up Tommy had fallen asleep in Michael's bed, Michael was lying down by him.

"Tubbo, get up here, you need to see this," Ranboo whisper yelled.

"What is it," Tubbo came up and 'aww'ed when he saw the two boys sleeping next to each other. "I forgot how peaceful he is when asleep."

"He sleeps like a baby," Ranboo said, "we're not letting this go when he gets back to normal, right?"

"Definitely not," Tubbo laughed, imagining the amount of teasing they could do with this.

"Ranboo, Tubbo, are you guys here," Sam called from downstairs.

"Shh, Tommy just fell asleep," Ranboo jumped down with Tubbo following behind. "So why is he like this?"

"Dream said he brought Tommy back," Sam said, "and he isn't happy this happened."

"Back, like back from the dead," Tubbo clarified.

"Yes, I'm going to try to look through my books and see if there's anyway to fix this," Sam said, "I just wanted to make sure Tommy was okay, are you guys good to watch him? If not I'm sure I could find Puffy or someone else."

"Well once he wakes up I could take Tommy with me, he's talked alot about Phil and Techno," Ranboo offered.

"I don't know, Phil hasn't been the best parent to Tommy in the past," Sam said, "I'd much rather have him stay here, where I know he's safe."

"Well we can't keep this a secret forever, the entire server knows he died," Tubbo said.

"But if the Eggpire knows he's alive they'll go after him," Sam said, "Sam Nook warned me that they were trying to kill him."

"I think alot more than just them were after him," Ranboo said, "If I remember correctly Niki said Jack had tried to kill him." He left out the part of Niki trying to as well, but she had changed, and she was part of the Syndicate.

"So we keep this between us right now, once we get Tommy aged back up he can decide what he wants to do," Sam said.

"I'll look through Phil's library for a solution," Ranboo pulled out his book to write down a reminder.

"We still have to tell someone, there's going to be times when we're all busy," Tubbo said, "and Tommy's not going to be as willing as Michael to stay here all day."

"I think we can trust Puffy, and possibly Quackity, that way he can be around different people," Sam said, he would have to check how close Tommy and Quackity were. Foolish was an option as well, and could protect Tommy if it came to it, but with the Eggpire attacking Foolish he wasn't so sure.

Later that day Ranboo had met up with Philza to help him work on his cabin. Phil was in the basement, trading with Techno's villagers.

"So Phil, can I ask you about something?" Ranboo said, coming down to help him.

"Of course mate, what's up," Phil said.

"What's the 'Antarctic Empire'," Ranboo asked, what Tommy said earlier stuck with him. And he knew it was safer to ask Phil before Techno.

"Do not ever bring that up with Techno," Phil said, his tone dark and warning. "Where the fuck did you hear that?"

"I- uh, Ghostbur mentioned something about it so I got curious," Ranboo lied, remembering that Sam had wanted to keep Tommy on the down-low for the time being.

"Alright, just don't tell Techno that I told you," Phil said, "the Antarctic Empire is a land far from here, it's where Techno lived before coming here. It's not quite an empire anymore and is the reason he hates government. He saw the state of everyone who lived there and hated himself for it. So he ended his reign and went into hiding, watching as the Empire tore themselves apart."

"That's crazy," Ranboo said, "but it does explain alot."

The next day Sam had run into Quackity while trying to find Puffy or Ranboo. He needed someone to watch Tommy, but Tuboo said he had other things to do.

"Oh thank god, Quackity can you do something for me," Sam said, stopping him.

"Uh, what is it," Quackity asked as Sam threw a book to him.

"Read that and go into the second floor suite of Tommy's hotel," Sam said, "you are to tell no one, if you have any questions find Tubbo or Ranboo."

"What the fuck, I have things I need to do myself," Quackity called as Sam ran off to finish repairing the prison, but with the mining fatigue he didn't know how long it would take him. Quackity sighed as he looked at the book, it wasn't titled and he decided to just pocket it. He walked to the hotel and when he confirmed Jack wasn't there, went up where Sam told him.

"Hallo!" Tommy waved, making Quackity jump. "Are you Big Q?"

"No, no, no," Quackity shook his head, it had to be some cruel joke.

"No?" Tommy said, "are you sad?"

"No! What's your name?" Quackity said, there was no way this was Tommy. He wasn't a kid, he was dead.

"Tommy, I'm five," he said, then walking back to what he was doing. He took a yellow paper he had cut out and put together, and put it on his head. It was a crown. "I'm like Techno!"

"Okay, but why are you a child," Quackity pulled out the book and began to read it. It explained to him the situation as far as they knew, that he was to keep Tommy hidden, and the added death threat if anything happened to Tommy.

"What's wrong with being a child," Tommy asked, everyone had been talking as if him being like this was wrong. This statement make Quackity burst out laughing, the older Tommy would have never said that.

"I don't know, I mean you're probably less of a handful at this age," Quackity said, ruffling Tommy's hair. He had to make the most of this, and he had the perfect idea of how. "How would you like to help me annoy an old grumpy ghost?"

"Sure," Tommy grabbed the moth toy he had spent all of last night begging Sam and Tubbo to make. "Ready."

"What's your moth's name," Quackity asked as he and Tommy left the hotel. Tommy waved by to Sam Nook as they passed him.

"His name is Clementine," Tommy said, Quackity tried not to laugh again as his British accent fully came out when he said the name. "And you have to say it just like me."

"Okay kid," Quackity spotted Jack in the distance, he was coming in their direction. "Listen to me, we're going to play superheroes right now. My name is Big Q, and yours, what's a name you like?"

"Bird man!" Tommy said, Quackity shook his head, there was no way Jack would buy that. "No, um, Sleepy Boi! It's what Wilbur would call us."

"That works. Now I need you to tell everyone you see that's your name, cause we're under cover and we can't let anyone know our real names," Quackity said, he just had to hope Jack would fall for it.

"Okee Big Q," Tommy said as they passed Jack. He originally walked right by, but did a double take when he saw Tommy.

"Wait is that- no that's impossible," Jack stopped, he said it to no one in particular, but Quackity had heard him.

"Who? This kid," Quackity asked, playing it off. "Why don't you tell Jack your name."

"I'm Sleepy Boi!" Tommy said, putting his fist in the air. There was a moment of confusion on Jack's face, but he seemed to buy it.

"Well if this little guy wants to have a room in my hotel, I might be willing to give it at a discount," Jack said, "well I have work to do, see you around Big Q."

"But that's my hotel," Tommy said as Jack went out of earshot, "Sam told me."

"Well right now you're not old enough to own the hotel," Quackity said, "and because Jack is the only employee he automatically got ownership when you were in the prison."

"I'm going to fire him as soon as I take it back," Tommy said, his head held high.

"Alright, you do that," Quackity chuckled, there was a small chance he would actually do that once they found a way to fix him.

[cynettic]

Hello! Can you do Kaeya x reader who’s Xiaos sister and kinda looks like him. 💖

Summary - Kaeya falls in love with S/O who he can show his vulnerabilities too, he wasn't aware of the temperamental sibling they had.

Pairings - Adeptus!Reader x Kaeya

Warnings - N/A

Penpal - Ahhh- tysm for the request, I fell in love with the hc after a bit. I hope you don't mind that I made the reader an adeptus, its just easier cause its Xiao's sister.

Me, and My Menace of a Brother

Kaeya is a flirt.

Everyone in Monstadt knows this, most ladies ( his attractiveness doesnt escape men either- ) become enamoured with him, even for a short period of time. Oh to date Kaeya, to be the one he lulls to sleep or the one he presses to his chest just to whisper soft little things into your ear.

But there's sides to him that Monstadt doesnt see, sides that he doesn't want others to see. Yet its you that lends him a shoulder when guiding him back to his apartment when he’s all drunk. Its you that has countlessly saved his ass when a mitachurl or two has caught him by surprise. Its you that takes him into your arms when unwanted tears fall from numb eyes.

He loves you.

Fated stranger who ventured into Monstadt and stole his heart, he blames you immensely for it. He expects you to take responsibility.

It isnt his facade that makes you fall in love for him. The window and his title as ‘Cavalry Captain’ are just added bonuses.

No, its the vulnerability he is capable of showing you.

Growing up with the excuse of an emo depressing brother has rubbed off on you in the worst ways. You love Xiao of course, care about him to bits. But boy can he get aggravating, especially when he shuts everyone out and refuses with his very being to let anyone in. Even you, someone who’s stood alongside him for as long as he’s lived isnt allowed to see him vulnerable.

“So persistent,” Kaeya mumbled, his hand treading along your scalp and brushing away locks of hair. “If I speak of what goes on in my mind, I trust you’ll do the same?”

An easy tip to even begin to start your venture into Kaeyas heart.

Dont lie to him. Ever.

Something easily applicable for you, which is why he trusts you the way he does. At the beginning of the relationship, he doesnt speak of his past and neither do you. Its you who has to open up first, voicing your worry because you are an adeptus. Someone who has lived decades and centuries more than him, you’re born a fighter, a protector.

Kaeya loves that.

He loves you.

“Protector of Liyue hmm-?” He hums when you press a chaste kiss to his forehead. “No wonder you manage to tackle any hilichurl that takes you on. Archons, I’ve seen you take down Ruin Guards with ease.”

A smile adorns your face when hearing his words, fingers locking with his as you lay on the couch. ‘Of course,” was your sole answer. You didn't find your strength exceptional, Xiao could do better if he really tried.

“My protector?” Kaeya whispered into your ear, his teasing tone tickling the hairs on your neck.

You hummed in reply, “It seems I have the urge to defend ones who need saving as well.” When you heard the audible dramatic gasp from him, you chuckled, leaning further into him. “Nothing to be ashamed about, protecting you is a way of expressing my love.”

At this his eyes softened, gaze never leaving your face. “I’m always here to protect you too,” was his only reply. “Please, rely on me.” Tone soft and vulnerable, you wanted to hold him in your arms for an eternity of time. “I’ll be here for you, always.”

But an eternity was a great long stretch of time. “Meet my brother,” was your only reply. “I want to stay with you, ‘always’ as you put it. But my brother expects my return, and…” You’d lived for centuries, yet the thought of introducing your boyfriend to Xiao still sent shivers down your spine. “I think its important you both meet.”

Of course he said yes.

Getting a few weeks off from Jean wasn't a hard wall to conquer, especially when it came to you. You’d formed friendships and relations in Monstadt with most of the civilians, especially the adventurers and the knights. Helping when it came to terms of fighting and such.

It only took a day to reach the Inn Xiao and you had been residing in for the past few decades. Kaeya had explored far before, so the scenery change wasn't much of a surprise.

Xiao greeted you before you and Kaeya even entered to meet Verr. You were only gone for a few months, so of course your brother hadn't changed in the slightest.

“You both look shockingly similar.”

To say Xiao was unhappy when learning of the relationship between you two was barely touching it.

He was livid.

The twisted smile on his face reminded you of the one he’d made countless times after a dear ones death. A facade, just like the one Kaeya had put on. Except that you werent capable of breaking past it. “A mortal?” Your brother asked instead, venom dripping off his tone. “I expected more from you, sister.”

You simply rolled your eyes, walking past him with Kaeya and making a show out of pressing down on his foot. Hard. “I have a list of expectations too,” was your response. “Have you visited Jueyun Karst like I asked you to? Like you promised to, brother?”

He only scoffed, turning on his heel and storming away.

“Lovely,” Kaeya mumbled.

“He’ll come around, trust me.”

Eventually, Xiao has to. Kaeya and you are renting out a room at the Inn, and with you showing the Cavalry Captain around Lisha and Liyue Ports, Xiao is bound to see you. Or maybe he’s just tailing you both to make sure Kaeya’s treating you right.

He’s not worried about you being in any danger, he knows you can take care of yourself perfectly well. But you’ve both been emotionally hurt during the past centuries, he doesnt want some mortal man taking advantage of that.

But you look happy.

Xiao supposes he can make a little effort to get along with your boyfriend.

And so one night, when both you and Kaeya are cleaning the room and putting on some bedwear to go to sleep, Xiao shows up at your window. “Come with me,” he tells Kaeya.

You dont see either of them till morning.

But when you do, the awkward tension that was there is gone, and Xiao seems a tad bit relieved. The smallest slouch in his shoulders is gone, Kaeya having an arm looped around his shoulder and making a joke. It makes you smile, to think that Kaeya could be something good for Xiao too.

Xiao never poses an issue with you and your boyfriend after that, even going far enough to ask when he’s coming back to Liyue to visit.

[starshipsofstarlord]

All This Hassle, and What For?

Pairing | Loki Laufeyson x reader

Summary | getting taken hostage, along with Loki, is far more amusing than ever intended to be, despite it leaving your captors anything but impressed.

Warnings | kidnapping, mentions of depression, swearing, implied smut, innuendos

Based off this tiktok. All original rights to the plot go back to the creator.

Quick link to my masterlist, if you’re interested in reading more of my crap 😬

Opening your aching eyes, you found yourself to be in a large room, there were plenty of feet stood at your eye level, and such a sight made you frown. You certainly didn’t remember being knocked out, but who would, the exposure to unconsciousness was most likely sudden.

But nevertheless, you raised your head, glaring up at those whom had captured you. As your eyes scoured the room, your eyes landed promptly on the god of mischief, who had his hands bound and shackled in chains, and by Odin, did he look good.

However, your attraction the man who once reigned terror down upon New York wasn’t the focus now, and so you licked your lips, and kicked the nearest guard in the leg. He stumbled, the noise loud enough to draw the attention of all others, and you were pleased to stifle a laugh. Loki frowned at your behaviour, knowing that this was not the way that you were trained to be an avenger, but it was clear that you were no longer on earth, so human pleasantries did not apply here.

“And by the gods, who in the galactic council’s name do you think you are?” The closest asked, wrapping his large hand through your hair, and tugging your face up to stare up at him, wanting you to be treated as the lesser being he thought you as.

“Actually, he’s the god.” Tilting your head, you diverted it towards Loki, who squinted feebly at your answer. “But I think you already knew that, since you have him rattled in metal. Just a word of advice, rumour has it that he likes to be restrained in such ways; really, you’re doing him a favour, and you may just earn yourself a big tip.”

You sent a wink up at the commander, watching with inward joy as he grimaced at your development within your speech. “Quite a nice sight, to see him so vulnerable and at someone’s mercy, so thank you general.”

Sending him a smile, he huffed, whilst Loki tried his darnedest to contain an amused grin. It wouldn’t be the first occasion that you had made suggestions regarding the new troop of the avengers; even when he was around causing mischief, (which he still tended to do), there were always words said that gained the god’s intrigue.

Tony at the time, and to this day, despite him being a part of the heroic team, which Thor was ‘inclined’ to drag him into, thought nothing more than disgust at your meaningful jokes. In his words, ‘you two may as well screw so we don’t have to listen to anymore of this dirty banter, you in regards to reindeer games’.

How you wished right now, preached silently even, that Tony could bare to listen again, so that he could send in the team whom could deal with these aliens that were keeping your imprisoned. But all communications were cut, and that just left you and Loki.

By no means did you doubt if Loki got the chance to escape, he would leave you. It was in his nature to do so, but if you could pose a lack of threat, they may loosen up on their efficiency in guarding you. After all, Loki was the one they wanted, not you. And then, both of you could get away from this galactic nonsense.

“Humans.” The general huffed, causing you to grimace as the stench of his breath wafted through the air, and hit your nose. “You all think that you are so special, but when it comes down to it, those who are not from your planet do not care. Loki here, this god, does not care about you little one. And he never will.”

“That’s okay with me, because I don’t care about him either. It’d called self preservation.” You informed your captor, noticing Loki staring across at you with an icy gaze. Who were you kidding? Of course you cared about the god, but right now, you would do anything to get out of this predicament.

“Aw would you look at that.” The feet moved back towards the main reward of their capture, staring down at the green eyed trickster with mocking eyes. “This woman has attitude just like yours, if either of you cared, I’d call it a match made in Asgard.” A laugh bellowed from the wide chest of the being, finding his own comedy quite humorous.

“Excuse me, I’m way out of his league!” You pretended to be offended, bringing your hands that were free of restraint to your chest. They thought not to tie you down as they did to him, after all, you were nothing but a midguardian. That was their mistake. “What’d you want with old horse shagger over there anyways? Don’t be alarmed, but he actually does some kind of good now, even if it be out of his own self interest.”

A heavy sigh fell on deaf ears, as the protector of space glanced unsurely between the pair of you. “He has the tesseract, and I wish to take it from his slippery hands, he cannot be trusted with such a powerful source of energy.” His words bellowed a laugh of absolute surprise from your mouth, earning a frown from those keeping you hear, and a cock of the head from the god of mischief.

It was clear that not only was he confused by your supple, yet somewhat pleasant burst of amusement, but he was also in the dark about what in the Hela this predominant being was speaking of. Yes, he had had the tesseract at one point , however, no longer was it in his untrustworthy grasp.

Thanos had taken ownership over it, after killing many of the people that he had saved from the events of Ragnarok. It was not just some energy source, it had been an infinity stone all along, tricking the eyes of elders and the young to believe that it was nothing more than a harbouring of power. But it had indeed been the space stone, and it was taken from him, in exchange for saving Thor’s life.

The Guardians of the Galaxy had found the pair of them upon the aftermath of the wreckage, taking them in, amongst plans of taking Thanos down. It had been a failure, up until the avengers went back in time, going to their past that would not affect their future, so that they could reverse the affects the Titan had brought upon earth and everywhere else.

During that time, Loki had nurtured his brother, watching as he fell apart with the responsibility of their people, and collapsed into a spiral of depression. You had also been there for Thor, doing your best to take the drink away from the bulky god, but to no avail did you manage to succeed. And so, during those tormenting five years, you and Loki would sit side by side, both basking silently in your failures.

“I thought you guys’d know everything, but I guess that you and your highness are stuck in one time line; all of them. But for us humans and every lesser being, there are multiple, and that Loki that stole the tesseract, yet I say again, is one much different. And we are on the search for him, to stop his disruption and crossing over of the times!” An exonerated, and audible exhale of air left you after your little speech.

Loki smirked, at the premise of you protecting him with the admission of the truth. But he couldn’t help but feel a feeling of warmth flutter within his immortal insides, it was rather a nice feeling he realised. “He is quite difficult to catch, we have been tracking him since the time heist went sideways.”

“That’s because he’s you!” You pointedly exclaimed, unable to pin some of the blame upon the god himself. Sure, in recent times he had changed, and was much different from back when he wanted all mortals to kneel before him (which you’d willingly do if it ever came to that, though you’d never tell him under which circumstances that would be), but at the end of the day, that had been him once!

The tricks and the lies still remained, but he had found a reason to thrive, and a long and enduring career that he was well at tackling. Often, he made out being an avenger, despite the government’s rouse of concern, to be a bore, and that he had far better things to do. But he stayed, with a light in his eyes, and continued following along with the heroic traditions, breaking a few rules here and there.

“Dear, why do you always have to put the blame upon me? I was not the one who decided to put that green dye within your shampoo, but I’ll have to admit, did you look so enrapturing.” He was running a ploy, dragging out the time that you spent bantering in hopes of something happening.

Unlike Heimdall, he did not have foresight, but it was a requirement whilst the pair of you were on your expediting mission, that you check in with the base, via the comms that had cracked under brutal feet. And so, he spoke, with the promise that you’d return the conversation and leave all others in the room confused with your meaningless discussion.

“I did, didn’t I?” You asked, to which he hummed in reply, lightly nodding his head, as his feline eyes ran up your body, paying ample attention to how your limbs were free, unlike his own. “But I’d say fine sir, that the blame is down to Clint, and if I’m correct, may we kick his ass as soon as we get back home?”

“Of course we can my beloved-“ you froze at his choice of words, and it appears that he did too, suddenly realising his mistake. Gulping for a second he went to speak again, but the commander felt much inclined to but in, and stop the headache that was bubbling in his large head.

“Shut up; the pair of you!” His scolding made you feel as though you were in school over again, it was impossible not to drop your head down and try to contain your laughter. Loki too found such enjoyment in this predicament, sporting a cheshire grin to emit his emotions.

“I’m sorry, can you say that again? Maybe a just a tad louder?” You pinched your thumb and forefinger together to show how much, and it was clear that you were pissing this primal being off. He began towards you, and you were prepared to fight him, you were never one to back down, which was one feature upon the various reasons that Fury had initially recruited you.

Awaiting the first strike, you stood despite the others around you, your eyes wide open as you bravely stared up at your opponent. But before the fight could begin, a distant crash assumed preference in your ears, causing you to turn your head in the direction it had came from. And then, all of a sudden, a ship crashed through the dock, guns blazing from its side.

“What are you waiting for?” The distinct voice of Rocket asked, and obediently you ran through the terror, finding Loki already upon the ship, but then, he appeared behind you also. “Quill, get ready to go!”

Taking glances, you stared between the two practically identical copies, a light frown on your face. Both were restrained, yet the one that was seated beside Groot, whom was playing a game on some nineties device, was glaring up at the pair of you.

“An avenger, really?” The seated one laughed, mocking his once future self, as you felt the ship steer clear away from the scene. Your Loki quirked his brow, smirking at his self that had avoided the wars that he had chosen to fight upon earth.

“Yes, an avenger.” He responded, causing his other to languidly scoff. An ‘I am groot’ came from the tree, and it was uncertain in your spoken languages of what he had said, but either way, you were more intrigued by the conversation that was happening between the Loki’s. “And I’ll have you know, that she is infinitely more brave than you, you cower-some fool.”

“Oh, so we’re going there?” You asked, causing the pair to snap out of their mutual rivalry, and stare haphazardly at you. “No, don’t mind me, feel free to continue.”

“We’re not going to be unable to unbind your until we reach earth.” Gamora cut in, speaking to the Loki that you knew to be the original.

“That’s fine.” He nodded humbly, before casting his attention back at his alternate reflection. “And this woman, is not only an avenger. She was there for your brother when you were not.”

“Aw.” The other Loki smirked, almost cruelly. “So she’s your beloved?” He remarked rudely, and it seemed to break something within Loki, him wishing not to listen to the other version of himself. He decided he did not like him, and understand how you must have felt upon your initial meeting.

“Yes.” You went to speak, but instead, Loki stood before you, powerlessly pulling your face to his own, and colliding his lips upon yours. On impulse, you ravenously replied with much affection, clasping his jaw and allowing him entrance into your mouth. It earned a disgusted groan out of the Loki that had caused all this hassle.

“I hate to interrupt...” Rocket returned, after putting his gun down and having gone to the front of the ship with Quill, so that he could contact Stark. “But these may get those off.” He held a pair of golden pliers, that were far larger than his body. At the sight , you pulled away from Loki’s face for a moment, raising a brow.

“It’s fine, I think I want to keep them on.” You smirked, earning another sound of disapproval from Loki’s identical rival, pulling him back to your face. Wildly, he hummed into the cavern of your mouth, as the pair of you stumbled around on the spaceship.

“Bedrooms are down the hall to the right.” Nebula informed you, her voice monotone, and in turn, you dragged the god towards said direction, finally releasing all the tension that had been pent up through the years.

Tags

@nickkie1129

[lillian-nator]

Everything below was made by Me, Eye, and Ethan over the course of like 3 days

Thank you (with additions from sleepy my beloved)

Like

Okay

So

Wilbur isn’t the oldest

Techno is

But it’s a war run empire, they take pride in their troops and armies and triumphs

The soldiers come first

So Techno is the commander in chief , the general

Wilbur, second born

Is heir to the throne

To the diplomatic side of the empire

and Tommy Gets shit

He doesn’t even understand why Phil had another kid

Of course there is the situation where Techno or Wilbur dies, or one of them steps down, but it won’t happen

Was he really born to be the understudy

he was born as a backup

Tommy was an accident but they’re not gonna let the public know that

like he's the Zuko

Phil doesn't really pay attention to him so his mother picks up the slack

Wilbur is 21

Techno’s 23

Tommy’s 17

However I have a really good idea for prince Tommy, just like what if he doesn’t like the way that people treat him? Like he doesn’t want all these yes men he wants to be he wants to be told now, he want somebody to tell him he that’s against the rules he just wants him like structure he just want someone to hate him he want someone to not like him and say no and tell him that he’s stupid which is why he does all of the stupid shit that he does

Ever since he was like 4

Everyone has said yes

He wants to defy them

He wants to just do something to make someone say no

That and he lowkey

He wants ~~Phil~~ Wilbur to pay attention to him

Is a Little Shit who causes so many problems on purpose to try and find someone who will push back against him

He wants someone to give him structure and discipline but overall he just wants his family’s attention

He’s broken shit, thrown temper tantrums, he’s started fights and he’ll he’s even snuck out and stole things

He’s never been stopped

People consider him snobby and spoiled

He's a brat

He gets everything he wants, but he doesn’t really want it, he just asks to see if they’ll tell him no

Tubbo = Stable Boy

Ranboo = Prince of another country (probably the americas)

Ranboo could definitely fit the role of an overseas royal prince who Tommy sees as a regal, spoiled, uppity little shit. Like Tubbo, who Tommy sneaks everywhere, has met Ranboo and likes him. Tommy can't possibly see why, he's unbearable.

Bench Trio = Best freinds

I think that Tommy and his brothers were always very very close

they just have jobs and shit

They took over Phil's shit

they probably drift apart as they get older, Wilbur and techno have duties and Tommy starts his quest for attention, they grow apart from their little brother without realizing it

Tommy and his mother (kristin) are always and have continued to be close

she definitely chides him, and tells him quietly to not do things for all of his "misbehaviors"

but there is only so much that she can do, because she has the duty to not make a scene

that and she's not who he's looking for attention from

You may be asking "How is crime recognized, identified, discussed, and atoned for?" more specifically, "Is it a 'you stole my bread so without asking anyone I'm cutting your hand off' or is it the US court system" ~~You may also be Ethan~~

The answer is:

like the UKs

But more like

Okay so the Supreme Judicial system, but Phil (and then Wilbur) has teh final say

Court system, but with Phil overseeing everything

instead of a judge

HOWEVER, that's in the national level

in smaller villages, its more of the cut your hand off system

because the judicial system isn't regulated

So bonus questions:

Punishments and the identification of whether a crime counts as a crime?

soldiers can call crimes out, and citizens can file reports

Phil's not really shit, he just doesn't show Tommy any attention because he's busy with the other two

Just honestly doesn't even care about most shit Tommy does

Like, doesn't pay attention to it until it affects him, he's busy running a country and training the boys to running a country

I don’t think they (the brothers) realize how badly everything is affecting Tommy

The only one who knows anything about the full extent would be his mom, and she’s in a similar boat to Tommy

Phil doenst really see her much either

Not like she could “Make a Scene” trying to get Phil to pay attention to his youngest, to actually love his child, he’s barely around

Kristin and Phil spend time together at night, but during the day everything is for the cameras

its like the UK royals, how they do shit just for the people

And Phil doenst want to hear about the kids at night, he wants to spend time with his wife

Tommy has stolen a car and will do it again

Just fucking hopped in and took a joyride

With Absolutely No Repercussions

Do you think Phil ever tries to hire like, a nanny or something? In the aftermath of the Car Incident? Yes, and it never worked

Tommy, like 15 at the time, pissed as hell as a random ass woman tries to tell him to go to bed at 8:30 pm

Tommy wants somebody to tell him no but not somebody hired to tell him no mannn

Tommy goes to like parties - like ragers

he has a network of really famous friends like young actors and shit

dude is a party animal, underage drinking, rumors of drugs, he’s the PR Teams worst nightmare, but they’re not going to say anything

The press makes up SO MUCH SHIT

The press once said that he had done cocaine when it was really one of his friends

Tommy adopts two dogs (hello Betty and Walter) without asking either of his parents

Betty is short for Elizabeth

He brings them in off the street

Literal abandoned street dogs and he goes, mine now

He like, walks down the street with sunglasses on, and just doesn't look at anyone as he walks the dogs, who have like black nice leather leashes

The paparazzi always finds him walking the dogs

like a modern celebrity

Mans can and will call the paparazzi on himself - because he is a drama queen ETHAN Tommy voice "hello pa pa. I have hired two new staff, pa pa." "Huh?" "they have found work in this palace as emotional support animals, pa pa." "....ok." tommy voice "he didn't even blink, elizabeth the fourteenth" END OF ETHAN MAKING FUN OF THE BRITISH

By the way just to clear things up with you all, Tommy addresses Phil as "Father"

most of the paparazzi's pictures of Tommy are him flipping the camera off

He poses for them

just sees a camera and fucking sticks his tongue out and flips them off

He’s wearing some atrocious outfit while walking his dogs and he just has a full on fashion photshoot of poses for them

If his dad won’t give him attention at least they will

Tommy befriends some of the staff

he hates a lot of the butlers tbh

thinks they're stuck up

but likes to gossip with the maids, and sit in the kitchen as the chefs cook lunch "Heyyyy, chef!" "Your highness, what is it, are you hungry?" "Can't a man just talk to his chef? Befriend his castle staff?" "Ah."

that and the kitchen gives betty and walter treats

Top ten Prince Thomas microaggressions

Number One: he calls Phil "your highness"

For context, kings are referred to as Your Majesty

He calls Wilbur Your Majesty

It was a joke when they were younger, a habit from then on, but now it’s to spite Phil

Tommy spends an ridiculous amount of money on clothes all at once, purely to see if Phil would yell at him for using the family debit card for it

He never wears the clothes

He doesn’t particularly like any of them anyways

Instead he donate them all anonymously

Tommy may be a brat but he isn’t wasteful

By the time Tommy’s 12 he’s started acting up, and it escalates slowly until he hits 15 where things just start snowballing and he gets worse and worse

he's definitely nicknamed by the press as some sort of party animal or fratboy

a spoiled brat

He’s 16, and he knows his place in the family, he is forgotten and glossed over, but he won’t be ignored, not if he can help it

The Public gives him the attention he wishes his father would give him, he walks his dogs with the paparazzi tailing after him, just hoping that maybe one scandal or one horrible picture will eventually be enough to make his dad actually See him

he'll tell the paparazzi what they want to hear

and give every magazine a story to tell

they notice him

he just wants somebody to tell him no, somebody tell this boy no without being paid to please

Tommy probably has like, pierced his ears or smth. Gotten tattoos.

he has holes in his face yes.

he pierced his ears and his nose

He has a tattoo on the inside of his finger that matches with Tubbo and Ranboo

Maybe the picture of him plastered from last weekend will make his dad reprimand him

Maybe the weed found in his backseat will get his Dad to ground him

Maybe the bottle of fucking pills he was “holding for a friend” but got caught with Will get some sort of reaction

and its not like he's only doing it for attention

he starts it for attention, but he loves it he does

he has fun, he loves his friends, he likes the parties and the air

but, he also loves the attention, he's not gonna lie

Tommy who took adderall at a party once but it didn’t do anything for him, he seemed to function a little better actually

Tommy who knows Techno has adhd and takes adderall for it, Tommy who puts two and two together Bc he’s not fucking dumb

Tommy realizing his dad never cared to even get him diagnosed or treated

and Techno does notice, he does figure it out, but he does either a "hey..." or a "m8 I'll just get you your own if its helpin you focus" and tommy is furious

Tommy's life here is just

'trying to be yelled at HARD MODE'

Just wants to be screamed at, lowkey

I think, Wilbur avoids the tabloids

And the press

And the news

However, his advisors often read him the shit about Tommy - or anything about him

But they never see the pictures

They don’t see the picture of Tommy drunk on a strangers balcony

They don't see how bad it is

Tommy however? LOVES reading what the press has to say about him

Phil sees it however,

And he’s so disappointed

He gives Tommy so many talks but it never works

Because it doesn’t get him to love Tommy, to care about what Tommy does

Not like their mother

And he never makes a scene, not in the way Tommy wants to

It's all about "YOUR RUINING OUR IMAGE"

not: "YOUR RUINING YOUR LIFE"

He never asks if Tommy is ok

He never asks if he’s safe

Tommy's mum however, SO MANY AWKWARD "STAY SAFE" TALKS

He doesn't just fucking jump off shit because of her, he's slightly less reckless so that he can come home alive to her

I just think that Wilbur, no matter how busy, would find time to concerned yell at his baby brother if he were to find out about the pills

Weed and alcohol? Not great but ok.

Pills though?? He is full blown concerned Wilbro there

His brothers care. Their father is busy. He's a jerk sometimes too.

Wilbur does put out the fire a bit

He’s glad Wilbur had his best interest in mind

But man

The news headlines

They do him dirty

Shit like “Prince Tommy Caught Doing Cocaine at Frat Party” really fuck him over

They really just try their best to make him look like shit 95% of the time

Tommy loves it, just a little

Bad press is still press

He laughs at the headline Bc he knows he wasn’t doing cocaine, but Phil doesn’t, wilbur and techno don’t know that

It’s a tense week after that headline is released

His mom doesn’t even know if Tommy would have actually done cocaine

They just don’t know

Kristin asks him

She’s the only one who believes him

I think Wilbur wants to believe him, Techno too

But it’s hard to, especially when you’re not even sure you know your own brother anymore

Wilbur says something along the lines of being disappointed in Tommy, if he thought Tommy was trying to be better

Tommy scoffs and says he is trying, but that it’s real rich of Wilbur to be or entering to care now

This isn’t even the worse headline

One time a blonde kid got picked up from the same party Tommy was at on a stretcher, he had had an allergic reaction

Some shitty journalist saw and automatically assumed it was Tommy

They ran with the story that the prince had fucking overdosed for at least a week

The things they say are close to the truth but not quite

The PR Team tries their best to help but

They don’t even know what’s true or not

Tommy goes on a bender for a week, and walks into their office with coffee and pastries to apologize

They all know that presents mean a rough week of damage control

But Tommy imports them these Bomb ass donuts so

Fair trade really

Also heaven forbid tommy gets seen with a girl

It’s the worst shit

Tommy gets caught, drunk off his ass, pushing a couch out a window

(To be fair the people were moving soon anyways, they didn’t need the couch, it was a going away party)

And the next morning, recalling what he did

He orders up those pastries and calls the coffee place

Swings by to pick up the coffee and picks up the pastries all within the next two hours and delivers them on the third with an apology note

It’s fucking DAMAGE control

Thinking about Tubbo and Ranboo being Tommy’s DDs when they can

They are

When Tommy’s handler isn’t around

Them doing wild shit together but not Wild Shit

Tommy teaches them how to do burnouts and donuts in a fucking lambos in an empty mall parking lot

Ranboo goes everywhere incognito, Tommy practically flaunts his rank, Tubbo is considered a nobody and doesn't have to do anything but show up in casual clothes. He has a uniform for stablework.

Ranboo's parents are approving of his friendship with the fledging prince, as they hope he can wrangle Tommy to regality and he's building positive relations between the two kingdoms.

Phil is disapproving, worried Tommy will taint Ranboo and his rep and cause a tense air between the two kingdoms. Tommy loves Phil's worry, he practically bathes in it, it's the attention he so craves.

Tommy definitely will hold Tubbo's hand when he walks with him, because the headlines all scream Tommy is the gay?? and while he's very incredibly straight, he finds this hysterical.

Ranboo isn't always in Tommy's kingdom and rather spends most of his time at home. He might be second to heir or the crown prince himself, but he does have to spend time in his own country. Tommy face calls him a lot and he and Tubbo are ecstatic when he announces he's going to visit

I imagine he's second to the throne because that means he can focus on building relations instead of training to be king.

Older sibling Fundy, gets chronic illness, and Ranboo has to take over the throne for a bit

One of Tommy's worst stunts was hitching a ride to the Americas/Ranboo's kingdom without telling anyone.

Whether by boat or plane, he was gonna go visit his young king friend no matter what.

I say "young king" but he's still a prince. Just filling in for fundy

But all eyes turn to Ranboo and Ranboo is stumbling with attention he'd never known. Tommy has to help, doesn't he?

He expects such a punishment for stowing away to visit, but the headlines are... positive. Prince Tommy's friendship with Princr Ranboo becomes.... legendary, practically. Tubbo is always excluded from the news, even when he comes with.

Never too fantastical for classism

But no, the headlines see Tommy's visit not as the young, rebellious prince stowing away, but as a young boy risking his skin to visit his stressed friend.

Tommy is appalled.

And Tommy just groans and shows him the phone

And Ranboo laughs and goes

“There there Tommy, I’m sure dragging me to a frat party will be enough to ruin the good press.”

“Maybe get a dui, you’ll have diplomatic immunity so no jail time?”

“Boo, I wouldn’t get jail time even if I wasn’t em-mune, I am simply too poggers.”

“Sure man, let’s go with that.”

Tommy’s like “maybe I need to actually start doing hard drugs”

Ranboos just like “no -“ just “Please god no, your brothers will kill both of us.”

The Boo is terrified of Techno and Wilbur

Not as royals though, simply as Tommy’s older brothers

Like he knows about Tommy’s issues with validation and feeling unloved, he knows his Brothers are often very busy

But he also sees the way they look at Tommy, and the way they look when people talk bad about Tommy

He knows if something were to happen and he was to cause harm to Tommy or cause Tommy to cause harm to himself

It probably wouldn’t end well for him

Wilbur and techno try as hard as they can

But they’re SO busy

That they can’t do much especially when Tommy’s so persistent on doing his shit

Tubbo is great with the horses he tends to, and Tommy adores them. Ranboo is an excellent, regal rider and Tommy and Tubbo are more rough and ballsy, so races are fair and fastpaced.

Ranboo once got bucked by a royal stallion and Tommy and Tubbo never let him live it down.

I imagine Tubbo lives on the property, as some servants do. He either doesn't have a family, has a bad one, or his family doesn't live close to the palace.

So Tommy 10/10 sneaks to the servants' quarters and he and Tubbo sneak out to ride the horses.

I feel like Wilbur makes more of an effort after the pills and cocaine incident, he tries to ask Tommy about the headlines

Purples is Tommy’s friend

Rich family, old money

Throws a lot of the parties Tommy goes to

Purpled and punz :handshake: Tommy

Frat Boys

I think you guys are underestimating the time that Tommy spends at the castle

Like he still has school, and usually 3 days out of the week he follows around his brothers like an endearing little shit

But those 4 days where he’s gone (which includes weekends) plus nights, he’s doing shit

Also, yiu know Pongo right

101 Dalmatians

That’s how Tommy walks Betty and Walter

They are like standing completely proper and walks straight

ah yes, the royal bitches and also betty and walter are there too

the paparazzi taking pictures of Tommy and the dogs

and Tommy turns, taking his sunglasses off, and smiles big and wide "They have names you know? You should stop callin' them 'the royal dogs'."

One of the guys, he's familiar with the prince turns on his camera and asks "what're their names Prince Tommy?"

"Betty and Walter. Give them some respect."

Tommy visits Ranboo sometimes. Ranboo was looking for him one day and just found him standing in a long hall, staring at a portrait.

It's Ranboo, just barely younger, hands folded behind his back, the perfect picture of regality.

Tommy is staring at it because he knows that at home, there is a portrait of Wilbur looking like that, and one of Techno, and one of Phil and Kristen, and one of himself.

But somehow this image of Ranboo is.. haunting

Not because it doesn't match with the Ranboo he knows, but because it does.

It haunts him because he can stare at his portrait for hours and never see himself, but this is so plainly Ranboo that it's chilling.

Ranboo stands beside him, hands folded behind his back as they always are when he is in nice clothes and his eyes are visible. Tommy glances over and Ranboo is facing him, but staring up at the picture. It's still him.

The clothes are different and his hair is longer now, but Tommy can't tell the difference past that.

He knows that Ranboo is what his family wants him to be

He knows that Ranboo is him if he hadn't strayed, the same past

Ranboo knows exactly what’s going through his head right now

And he knows exactly what he needs too

They get fucking piss ass drunk in Ranboo’s room order takeout and FaceTime Tubbo

They can party tomorrow, Tommy doesn’t need to be in public right now

ANywyas

Tommy and his mother have a wonderful relationship

she teaches him literacy and history, they have a tutor teach him maths

they eat breakfast together every morning

the whole family does

but his mum tries to eat lunch with him at least 3 times a week

he goes out for lunch the days he doesn't eat with his brothers or mom, out to some resturant, sometimes, they trash it or party, sometimes he just brings Tubbo, no big group, and they just chill

With Ranboo in line for kingship (the way royalty works is that if the ruler dies, it will always go to the next in line of blood, never by marriage. Even if every heir was dead, it would still not go to the ruler consort but instead to a family member of the late ruler), rep is so much more important

he can't really be seen with Tommy sometimes

not on the bad weeks

not when Tommy just destroyed a bnb or set off fireworks with his friends, or was caught throwing chairs into his friend's pool

Tommy likes sport cars

big car guys

He has an exorbitant amount of fancy cars

its truly like

disgusting

how many cars he owns

Wilbur makes fun of it Bc the kid is just now legally old to drive

But Wilbur has so many expensive instruments

Some of which he doesn’t even know how to play yet

to be fair

Wilbur doesnt go breaking his instraments

Techno, techno has swords, which makes sense Bc he’s a general

But the amount swords he has just hanging on his wall

Never meant to be used

It’s so many

I feel like Tommy has a few cars that he doesn’t even let get scratched tho much

His babies

he has his expensive cars that he wrecks

and then his expensive cars that he treats like gold

They’re named

Clementine is this horrendous orange car that he absolutely loves

Its a bright orange ferrari

(He loves it Bc it was a gift from Phil, one of the first cars in his collection)

(Tommy doesn’t know that the idea was his mother’s, his father didn’t know what to get him)

all of his cars have padding in the back for his dogs

Tommy hates purse dogs, the girls with them are always fake and horrible

but he wishes his dogs were that small

Easy to transport

but they got all gangly limbs like him

and stand up to his hip

Henry is his sleek black classic mustang convertable

its what he drives when he doesn't want to be followed by the papp

It’s what he drives when he takes The BT to lunch

its not that the paparazzi doesn't know its him

they know

but he's not in one of his bright fucking obscene cars

The press and Tommy have a weird sort of understanding

He creates their headlines and they let him have moments to himself

If someone breaches that

They risk getting blacklisted

that car was what he drove to his grandmother's funeral in

im not naming his grandmother, but all royals live like forever

Clementine barely sees the road I think

She’s kept in top condition

By Tommy’s own hands

But she probably doesn’t get driven to the parties

Or the brunches

Or the clubs

She's used pretty much exclusively for black tie events

Tubbo is his driver for those Bc he trusts no one else with the car

And he has to exit her before she’s parked

So Tubbo valets and then meets him inside

It’s also how Tubbo gets into the black tie events

so its modern right

so its like thousand-dollar suits instead of capes

so, Tommy just refuses to wear blazers and suit jackets

he always wears his button-ups rolled to his elbows

Maybe, maybe you’ll get him in a vest

But most of the time it’s a button up, rolled up sleeves, and the tie is most likely incorrect or untied

The only reason it’s correct half the time, is because Wilbur makes him let him tie it

Tommy won't wear the jacket because he prefers to roll his sleeves up - he's able to do anything, party or just like rough housing with his brothers, or helping out the staff

Wilbur won't wear a tie, or a button up most days, opting for a high-end sweater and loads of jewelry; its just much more his style.

Techno won't wear a vest because it restricts the places he can hid weapons, and he almost never keeps his tie tied.

Tommy trying to walk past Wilbur to leave with and untied tie

“Wait! You know you can’t leave like that, come here.”

Tommy’s groans and slumps over but walks over to Wil anyways

“I’m just gonna untie it halfway through the party, you know i will.”

“Well, I’m not letting my little brother walk a red carpet with an untied tie, you know I won’t”

The second half said in a mocking tone of voice, very clearly mimicking Tommy’s whining

It’s a soft moment, they stand there together, brothers

And as Wilbur’s pat the finished tie, they make eye contact and both of them have undeniably fond looks on their faces, damn they’re brothers n shit

“Thanks Wil.”

It’s quiet, it’s soft, it’s Tommy

“Of course.”

Just as soft, just as quiet, wholly Wilbur

Wilbur clears his throat breaking the soft atmosphere of the room

“Now go, you gremlin. Don’t be late”

Wilbur ruffles Tommy’s hair, careful not to mess it up too much

Tommy rolls his eyes And quickly heads for the door “Bye Wil! Love you! Don’t wait up!” Wilbur quickly yells after him

“Love you too! Don’t do anything stupid!”

“Oh Wil you know I can’t promise that!” Wilbur just rolls his eyes and returns to his book

Yeah Tommy stays away from tobacco I think

Just weed

and I wouldn't be surprised if like hits peoples vapes sometimes, but doesn't smoke cigs

for sure, its stressful

Wilbur smokes cigarettes though

and he can't act out like Tommy can

and Phil loves him..

Techno and Wilbur watching Tommy rebel in the ways they never got to

They feel kinda sad, that they never got to be kids like that, sad that Tommy feels like he has to act out for attention

he gets to do shit

like he gets to be a real teen

the whole, dumb rich 17 year old experience

like yachts, and expensive hotel rooms, and sport cars

And sure they probably wouldn’t have been going to frat parties or crashing brunch places, but they see him with BT

See him have actual friends

And they’re happy for him

But it hurts a bit

And Tommy's hurting too

It's a lot

but its like

even if Phil wasn't shit

its a lot of attention

like everyone is watching them at all times

Techno and Wilbur have to stay refined in the eyes of the press

Tommy gets to put on a show for them

Yeah yeah

Do you know how much a drunk picture of Prince Tommy is worth?

Too much

Some random guy on his first paparazzi job, gets a pic of Tommy, shirt mostly unbuttoned, tie tied around his head, drinking out of a beer bottle, and flipping off the camera while stumbling out of the most expensive hotel in the UK

The guy never has to work again

Purpled son of some billionaire, and Ranboo a literal prince is with him

They are both laughing at him

Tommy swung on a chandelier that night

A picture of that ends up online, some socialites Twitter

The amount of people in her dms for that picture?

Ludicrous

Like just the random pictures from Snapchat stories

Magazines pay thousands

Yeah the amount of double takes people have done going through their friends Snapchat stories like

Just tapping through

“WAIT WAS THAT PRINCE THOMAS????”

So, Dessert Drinks

It’s alcoholic beverages that have like chocolate or gram crackers or maybe candy in them

That are meant to taste like a dessert

So there’s chocolate cake margaritas, or like s’mores drinks

They’re Tommy’s favorite things in the world

Everyone thinks that he’d like the like strong, burning, whiskey esk stuff

But no

He wants the sweetest thing you got

Like he’ll drink straught vodka, but not if he doesn’t have too y’know?

He also like wine strangely enough

The like really expensive wine

Bc it reminds him of Wil

They have it down in the cellar

Techno is the whiskey dude

Or like 1942

Which is just a really bougie tequila

He just likes the shit that burns

Tubbo will drink literally anything

He’ll eat anything too

It definitely comes from the spot that he didn’t have that many choices like Tommy, but he genuinely just likes anything

Which is why Tommy really likes to treat him out to fancy fucking restaurants

One of Tommy’s favorite past times is spoiling his loved one

Fucking loves giving presents n shit

It's his love language

Ranboo doesn’t pay for anything when he’s visiting

Tommy insists on paying

Tommy has millions from the throne, he will use it

Plus he uses his daddy’s card so like, Phil can afford to spend the money

Oh he has one of those black cards doesn’t he

And by he I mean Phil

But you know, Daddy’s card

Black amex all the way

Boujie motherfuckers

Tommy's drunk like persona is different depending on the environment

When its Wilbur and Techno having to deal with Drunk Tommy

He’s like an excitable puppy, he would switch from rowdy to sappy real quick for his brothers

So they’re trying to get a drunk Tommy to bed but Tommy’s 100% clinging to them

Just full of affection

Techno tries to leave to go study and drunk Tommy just looks so fucking sad

Kicked puppy

He’s very much turning on the little brother charm, full scale pouting, whining, nicknames and all

making grabby hands, sitting on thr ground, fluffed up hair, shirt all wrinkled

"Fucking - fine. What are you gonna do without me, hm?"

He’s a god damned puppy and it’s hard to believe this is the same kid who got in a bar fight last week

he hangs off the chandeliers of boogie hotels

he also trashes his friend's rentals

on the other hand, he hugs his brothers

and steals Wilbur's crown

when he wears Will's crown it goes over his eyes

Still does after all these years

He’s grown but Wils head is simply too big

Tommy has his own crown of course

he just doesn't wear it as often as Wilbru does

Wilbur wears his all of the time

Tommy wears his when

A. he's drunk and with friends

B. at formal or royal events

he likes wearing it when he's partying

still thinking about drunk Tommy and his brothers having to deal with him

He makes techno give him a piggy back ride

He can walk fine, he just wants a piggy back ride man

Can you blame him?

They all really miss being little

They miss being able to be kids n shit

when their mother took care of them

and their father did all the king shit

And when Techno would give Tommy piggyback rides in the garden

When Wilbur had all the time in the world to learn how to play guitar

Even if it comes from Tommy getting drunk off his ass they’re glad they can still find the childish joy that they once had y’know?

Techno gives Tommy a piggy back ride to his room, and Tommy steals Wilbur’s crown and they talk and it’s nice

And as everything winds down Wilbur plays his guitar

And it’s so similar to when they were younger man

...

but then,,, Wilbur gets called down for an emergency meeting

and Techno has to make sure the guards are doing their rounds

and Tommy's left all alone in The Prince's Chambers

and people wonder why Tommy likes partying

fills the time, doesn't it?

He wakes up cold and alone and hungover

And he calls Tubbo and they just fucking day drink man

It’s a bad two days

Yeha but basically after this night he and Tubbo get fucking drunk as hell and they don’t come back to the castle for two days

And Tommy is barely sober during those two days

After those type of days happen Tommy always goes completely straightedge for a week

He doenst need to develop an addiction y’know?

Plus the chaos doesn’t have to happen drunk

He’s pretty irrational sober anywyas

half of the parties he's at he's not even drunk

sometimes he'll get high

but he just likes the adrenaline

and just hanging and being fucking assholes with his mates

POV you are an emotionally wrecked prince who is hanging onto this present as proof that your dad knows who you are at least in the slightest and you find out it’s not actually a gift from him but something your mother told him to get you

He didn’t even think twice just called the dealership and asked for the car, didn’t even know which one it was

mmmmm Tommy wrecks Clem that night

It’s not a good night for anyone

Got drunk as hell man

No dd

Car crash

I don’t think Clem is totaled

And Tommy is ok

But she’s scratched and dented and it’s just a representation of how Tommy feels

Something about Clementine being symbolic of hope and the idea that his father knew him

And with that crashing down

Clementine was bound to crash too

Tommy gets out with some bruises and Clementine can be fixed

But it happens on a public street so it’s everywhere

Tommy wrecks Clem

Then fucking goes on a bender

just destroys shit

parties so he doesn't think about it

and then he fucking crashes

Wilbur and Techno and Kristin all know what the car meant to him, what it symbolized to him

So when there’s a headline and a picture of Tommy staring at a wrecked Clem, they don’t know how to feel

maybe he mentioned something about upgrading Clem to Phil, or offhandedly at family dinner

And Phil asks something like “Right and when did you get this one?” Very rudely y’know

And Tommy’s like, it’s the one you got me for my birthday last year, and Phil just says something about how he has to be more specific because he doesn’t even know which one that is

And Tommy feels everything crumble around him and he just tensely says, “never mind...” and goes back to his food

The other three watch the whole exchange like, “fuuuuuuuuuck”

And then as soon as dinners over Tommy’s out the door man

He’s gone

he doesn't take the dogs, which means he's causing damage

He doenst even take Tubbo

they can hear the handler hand Tommy the keys

Tubbo comes to Wil to ask if he knew where Tommy was and that’s when they realize Tommy’s going out to cause real damage

And Tommy’s phone is turned off

They can’t contact him

Tommy gets handcuffed

he won't get arrested, but he'll get brought back in a police car

he fucking like crashed into a poll on purpose

like it was less on purpose and more like he definitely wasn’t not trying to hit something

And then they fucking breathalyzer him and he’s drunk as balls

Straight vodka type night

there's a bottle in the cupholder

He gets out when he wrecks and you just see him dead eyed staring at the scratches on her hood

The dent in her door

The cracks in the windshield

And he just takes a swig of the bottle

He lets the police take the bottle and handcuff him, taking him back to the palace

Clem is towed back too

He doenst care man

this is bigger than party to distract Bc it’s all he’s thinking about even drunk n shit

So I feel like he’s absolutely crushed

he spends like a week or two in a depressive episode won't leave his room, won't talk to his dad

and then he asks his mom "why didn't you tell me?"

and she just purses her lips and and shakes her head

and he's out

he needs to leave

he doesn't need her pity

and he just goes to Purp's and parties

because he just wants to have fun for one night before he learns that everything is a lie

His brothers are there as much as he lets them be

Tubbo too

Ranboo would try to make it over after seeing the headlines

he gets on a jet

and goes as soon as he sees the news

cause Clem was Tommy's baby

He loved that fucking car man

And then

Boom

One dinner is all it took to ruin everything

Phil's just left like "what'd I do?"

Techno is straight faced

Wilbur rolls his eyes at Phil

And Kristin just looks stressed

She’s still staring the the door Tommy all but ran out of

none of them finish dinner, Kristin waves the butlers over to clear the plates

They don’t, and Phil is just so confused and frustrated and he doesn’t know what happened

Top 10 Prince Tommy Headlines: 10. Mourning or Disrespectful: Prince Thomas caught smoking outside grandmother's funeral 9. New Connections? Prince Thomas and Prince Ranboo seen outside Palace walking Royal Dogs 8. Protective Older Brother; Crown Prince William shielding Prince Thomas from cameras while walking down London streets 7. When Will He Stop? Prince Thomas continues his week-long bender 6. Another Frat Party: Prince Thomas found stumbling drunk after rowdy night at The Ritz London 5. Boy Crazy? Prince Thomas and Mystery Boy seen dancing at Crown Prince William's Birthday Ball 4. Is Prince Thomas's Rampage Over? The Prince seen hungover, nursing a coffee at London Branch Costa Coffee 3. Time to stop; Prince Thomas caught doing cocaine at socialites party 2. A good friend - Prince Thomas flew to the United States to help Prince Ranboo with new responsibilities

1. When is enough, enough? Prince Thomas crashes after driving drunk, arrested.

10 Tommy doesn’t smoke cigs so mans was just getting high at his grandmas funeral

he was real close with his granny, it was a sad day

It was because his father said something like “oh, I didn’t know you were coming Tommy”

It was his fucking grandmother Phil

Tommy just puts his sun glasses on, and sits as far away as he can

Number 5, the boy is Tubbo, Tubbo thinks it’s fucking hilarious, Tommy is pissed

Some of those headlines seem like they’re from the car month

Obviously number one is

But then the bender headline

Then the coffee one

And then the Wilbur one

They seem like a series of events

big month for the press

Tommys hungover and he calls Wil asking for him to pick him up

And Wilbur drops everything Bc he’s just glad Tommy’s coming back home

wilbur fucking glares at the cameras

Tommy's used to it

And then the press tries to mob them and Wilbur Almost breaks decorum

Like almost fucking yells at someone who gets too close

and Wilbur never does that

he's so in-line

he never breaks the rules

but goddamn if they take one step closer -

He’s been especially stressed, and all he wants is to get his baby brother home man

He’s been smoking a lot more since the wreck

He just wishes he could make everything better

Tommy relishes in talking to the press

Wilbur will clart someone who gets to close to his baby brother

The press who’s never seen Wilbur as anything other than composed and charming suddenly being faced with a very angry older brother who smells slightly like cigarette smoke

Wilbur in the Pogtopia coat but it’s some designer piece that’s expensive as hell

It’s his smoking coat

And it’s what he picks Tommy up in

So he smells like smoke

And not the tasteful cologne he usually wears in public

just like a dark overcoat

really expensive wool

Wilbur using it to cover them from the cameras

when they were younger, like 16 and 12, Wilbur would hide Tommy

like no one got a picture of Tommy until he was 14 or 15

Kristin really hid the boys when they were kids too

Tommy trying to peak out and make faces at the camera

it was illegal to get pictures of them younger than 10

like immediate blacklist

And also maybe some legal issues

Wilbur pulls Tommy's hood up over Tommy's head

And it’s very older brother of him too, he pulls it over to protect his face but then cinches the strings to be a little shit

Those Wilbur and Tommy brother moments comps exists in the universe too

But it’s just shit like that

Tommy has a great support system

He really does

His brothers love him

His mom loves him

He has two amazing friends and a bunch of other great friends as well

And sometimes he feels like a brat for throwing all these fits over his dad y’know?

Wilbur always tries to like, keep an arm around him when they're doing red carpets

And keeps Tommy sitting next to him at Royal events

but also like, steals food off his plate

and ruffles his hair

Tommy whispers the fucking worst jokes about the dignitaries and nobles and Wilbur has to keep a straight face

god thats tommys favorite thing to do

he tries so hard to get Wilbur to laugh and lose his shit

The fucking big boobs bit

But it’s Tommy whispering it to Wilbur completely out of context and randomly at a gala

ALSO

THE WHOLE EXTENDED FAMILY BULLSHIT

TOMMY HATES IT

LIKE WHO THE FUCK IS THIS LIKE AUNT TO HIM?

HE DOESNT KNOW HER

But Royal Families are always big on that shiit

They try to hug him n shit

And Tommy depending on how Brave n shit he’s feeling (how fed up he is) will either politely excuse himself or straight up say no and step back with a glare

he's honestly uncomfortable around the strangers

who say they're family

like he's too sober for this

He needs a god damned drink

But he’s in a vest and a nice tie and his crown is sat proper on his head

And he can’t have a drink

god he's like a little doll, he plays by Phil's rules

the crown comes on and he's the proper prince

He fucking hates it

he sips on Wilbur's wine, and does the whole "tequila for water" thing sometimes

Flask in his sleeve

Techno catches him with the flask once and is just impressed

god is that a look on Techno's face

He sees Tommy slip it from his sleeve and somehow sleight off hand take a drink

And it’s just a raised eyebrow and a head nod that says

Good for you

Bc techno also needs a drink during these events

Sometimes Tommy will spike his and Techno's drinks

as Wilbur regally sips on wine

Wilbur fucking also secretly wishing he had a flask during the drier events

Wine drink just isn’t enough sometimes

Wilbur puts on his best face

and pretends he wants to be there

and gives out a warm smile, and raises a glass

god he fucking hates it sometimes

and sometimes he loves it

but man, does he hate it sometimes

Tommy complains and Phil makes a passive aggressive comment about how

“Oh but don’t you love parties Tommy.”

Wilbur sits between them

The table goes

Techno Kristin Phil Wilbur Tommy

Tommy just sneaks another sip of the flask

he doesn't have time to deal with his dads shit

Slumps back in the seat

He probably wouldn’t even try to hide it after that

Not like Phil is actually looking at him

He can let the press have it

He doenst care

just like leaves the flask next to him

under teh table

and jsut takes large swigs from it

Tommy maybe having a group of his friends crash one of the stuffy events

Not an important one

So fucking dedication ceremony to some inane building

He just invites a wild group of socialites

It’s nice

It’s not as wild as a normal Tommy Innit party

But it’s not a stuffy fucking boring ass royal meeting

they just bring some fucking whiskey into the back room and chat shit

Tommy fucking has a group of friends crash this gathering

It’s not wild

But it’s not stuffy

It’s nice

Tommy even drags Wilbur back for at least a little

and that takes a whole lot of work

It really does, Wilbur isn’t even a little tipsy off the wine, and Phil been by him the whole time and it’s just been hell, he can’t get wiobur away from the “socializing” hes doing

but when Wilbur is a bit tipsy he just becomes more charasmatic

truly a king

Less someone putting on a mask for their father

A little bit more authentic

he's a natural, sipping wine with one hand, and shaking hands with the other, crown propped beautifully on his head, million dollar suits hanging off his frame

It’s nice to see his brother in his element

its a bit sad

but its nice

A little yeah, Wilbur’s

Wilbur’s leaving him, not really but

Wilbur being king is-

It’s going to be hard

Different

More than it is already

Wilbur will always love him

But eventually he’ll be too busy for Tommy

Just like Phil is

And it hurts

But that thought is what makes Tommy take a drink of his flask and drag Wilbur to the back room

Wilbur doesn’t have to forget him yet

Tommy looks real regal too

Wilbur wishes that Tommy could see what he sees

But he knows that Tommy’s self worth issues would take more than a nice hug and some warm words to fix

Tommy looks regal, and the gold crown really fits with the whole golden boy aesthetic

and he laughs, and makes conversation with everyome

and everyone eases up around him

Wilbur wishes that Tommy saw what he sees

also

Tommy and Ranboo's texts have been leaked once

Wow so many dog pictures dude

but also

:sparkles:state secrets:sparkles:

That was hell to clean up

it fucking was

it used petnames (which the public is never supposed to know about the nickanmes of royals fun fact)

and said shit about Phil

and detailed Fundy's illness which isn't public

and talked about meetings that Wilbur forced Tommy to attend

Tommy was terrified

Ranboo too

He was so scared someone would be angry at him for it

He doesn’t think he could handle be yelled at for this thing that wasn’t even his fault

like of course he could've not said it over text

but one of his best friends lives an ocean away

and his life is just all about secrets

dont make this something too

:sparkles: hackers :sparkles:

if someone god a hold of Tommy's IP, or Phone, or Phone number

or

dms

they could be using instagram, twitter, or snapchat to have some of these converstaions

dms can get leaked real easily

Mmmm you ever think about Crime Bous

Because all I can think about is when Wilbur does get out of the house, and just like every event they go to

Tommy isn’t a fucking party boy then, he’s just Prince Thomas, Crown Prince William’s baby brother

And they always get photographed and shit

But they have a great time

They’re always smiling when they’re together

Sans Wilbur being a really protective older brother, and when their grandmother died

It’s nice to just go get lunch together at that one specific cafe they’ve been going to for years

Or just walk the dogs together

Just hang out and be brothers

They sit at the same table every time, and Tommy has gotten a Raspberry Lemonade since he was 8

When they walk the dogs, Wilbur holds Walter and Tommy holds Betty

Sunglasses on, big wool overcoats, and pants that were sewn just for them

And they’re seen walking out on the streets during big events a lot too

To like take a breather

Tommy has made a habit of allowing the press to ask him questions whenever they find him

Wilbur on the other hand always knows exactly what to say to press that come up to them

He always shoos them off with a polite “we won’t be answering any question right now thank you” and a blinding smile

And Tommy’s making a face at the press from over his shoulder

Either like sticking his tongue out or making some sort of face at Wilbur

As he gets older, he stops doing it as much because it gets a bit tiring, everything is tiring

But he does it every once in a while, usually a sharp grin over Wilbur’s shoulder accompanied by a middle finger

when like press sees that Wilbur smokes like a lot

hm

big thin

and I feel like Wilbur would straight up be like "its not a big deal, its completely legal"

and hes like smoking 8 cigs a day, but its fine

He doesn’t have an issue

It’s just a little stress relief

King at 21 is a lot to handle

and maybe the stress is so much that it becomes a problem

but hey its his relief

its legal

he's fine

That’s Wilbur’s mantra most of the time

he falls asleep in Tommys bed a lot, waiting for the teen to come home

wilbur does

he finishes a pack, and sighs, rubbing his eyes

The empire is on the brink of war, it always is

He looks in Tommy's room, its empty

And he sits on the bed, waiting

10 minutes later he's asleep

The sheets don’t smell like Wilbur, and Wil thinks that’s what makes it’s so comforting

They don’t stink of nicotine or Wilbur cologne

The smell like Tommy

and while that smell like expensive booze, and coconut shampoo

its perfect

and the dogs are in Tommy's room too

he's a little less alone

Betty is the cuddler

She’ll come up and sleep next to Wil

but she wont do it to just anyone

its a bond, its trust

its the fact that Tommy likes Wilbur

she growls at Phil

she nudges at Kristin, LOVES kristin

anyways

its lonely and sad

because Tommy usually doesnt come back

Tommy snakes back in early in the morning and tucks Wilbur in

Though most times Wilbur falls asleep in Tommys bed

Uncovered

Completely dressed

He’s lucky bettys fur is sleek otherwise his very expensive clothes would be covered

I think Wilbur more often then not will wake up with Tommy in his arms, and that makes him very happy

like, Tommy comes it at 5am, and just snuggles next to Wilbur

It’s makes Tommy sad to know his brother is waiting up for him to never come

But at the same time he’s always so happy to see him when he gets home

I imagine sometimes butlers come to get Wilbur for work, and Tommy makes them leave so that Wilbur can sleep in "Hello your highness, we came to fetch King Wilbur for his morning briefing" "He's sleeping." "Well, I can see that Your Highness -" "So let him sleep." "Prince Thomas -" "Let. Him. Sleep. Okay?" "Yes, Your Highness."

I've decided that Tommy is the big spoon

in these vulranable moments, when Wilbur is weak, Tommy kind of holds him

like obviously there are a lot of tims, where Wilbur wants to hold his baby brother

however, Tommy kind of holds Wilbur, like wraps himself around Wilbur, and puts Wilbur's head in the crook of his neck

this happens when Tommy comes home to find Wilbur in his bed

either this, or Tommy curls into a ball and rests his head against wilburs chest

Tommy has daddy issues

Wilbur has the weiht of the world

Techno has ptsd

Phil: fuck you my kids are completely fine!

Wilbur’s nicotine addiction

Tommys abandonment issues

Technos fucking PTSD

Once, when the empires war was getting really, really bad, and Wilbur had to decide life or death shit

He smoked a whole pack in a day

And then just kept going

His hands wouldn’t stop shaking

why wouldn't they stop fucking shaking

Tommy stopped partying that week, he isn’t ignorant, nor a fucking dick

He was Wilbur’s right hand for as long as he needed him

Despite how badly he wanted to party until he could see straight

His brother needed him

His king needed him

And he will gladly serve Wilbur as long as he would have him

He stood right behind Wilbur

Every decision

He was right behind him

Even if it meant constant decorum and constant royal dress, Tommy was there

And that was a grounding fact

If Tommy hadn’t been there Wilbur thinks he may have lost it that week

Sometimes the only thing that kept Wilbur’s hands from shaking terribly was holding Tommy’s hands

When the advisors and court had left

Tommy would take Wilbur hands and make him do breathing exercises

Wilbur wasn’t allowed to look anywhere other than Tommy’s eyes

They would get through this

Together

They would, Tommy would make sure of it

Tommy in the room also made everyone a bit nervous and loosen up around Wilbur though

Because sometimes they act like they can boss Will around

And Tommy is stone faced, and has the media wrapped around his finger

The court knows that all it would take is one “scandalous statement” from Prince Thomas to end their careers

Wilbur could fire them, but he’s stressed

Any other day, he’s a fucking FORCE to recon with

But Tommy? He’s here to ensure the best or their careers would end

And you know that Tommy has at least 3 sources in the biggest news outlets in the empire

He could get ANYTHING out there

Wilbur’s throne is the biggest in the middle

Two thrones smaller aside him

Within the like office / study / planning room

Tommy's hasn't been used until just then

Tommy finds it quite uncomfy

But he can deal

Also Tommy drops the nicknames for the week or so

No “Big Man”

It was “Will” and “William”

Your Majesty at one or two points

But that felt a little too formal for both of them

Too alienating

Tommy learned a whole fucking lot of fucking politics that week

Not that he didnt listen in his lessons it’s just that

Well

He can’t not listen if he’s not there

It’s different IRL too

Seeing all the decisions

It’s terrifying

And he’s exhausted

Dressing nicely and talking for 12 hours a day about politics

And life / death decisions

So many cuddles dude

Just permanently cuddling if they’re not presently working or “coping”

And I think

That although Wilbur is the one who’s going through it

When they cuddle, Wilbur likes to hold Tommy

Just in the sense that Tommy’s here and safe

In the midst of all the death around Wilbur

He needs to know that his person, his kid is alright

Plus having this one thing this one routine helps him feel a little on control during this out of hand time

:sparkles: Prince Tommy PR leak :sparkles:

I talked about how Tommy was close to his grandmother

and how he was smoking outside of her funeral

maybe it was during that time in his life

really dark place in his mind

smoked and drank every day

Wilbur smoked a lot during that time yet

they probably drank together a few times

like straight up vodka

Just they’re so young and so tired

and so its like, pictures of Wilbur and Tommy (and just Tommy) drinking in the parlor, and in the like, bar area of their private living area, dark eye bags, red eyes, just straight from the bottle

Both of their ties were undone, no jackets, sleeves rolled up to their elbows, Wilbur's top 3 buttons are undone, they're both like manspreading

like they're just at their lowest, particularly Tommy, but Wilbur was having an adjacent bad time

Tommy's hair is a fuckin' mess

HOWEVER, they're both still clean shaven, neither of their shorts or trousers are wrinkled or stained

They may be going through it, but the royal image waits for no one

How does the castle react? Immediate lock down.

Interrogations or some shit

none of the princes are allowed to leave

they have to do clean up

they write scripts essentially for Tommy and Wilbur to adress the press

they need to send out a memo that they don't agree with underage drinking

its all structured, scripted, and written by advisors (and their father)

major damage control

which is just not what Tommy needs right now, because he's like trying to work through his grief

and Wilbur has a fucking fight with his father about that

Phil does not care

They fucked up

Someone else fucked up

And now they’re going to be big boys and fix it Like Phil's going to Tommy's room to get him to look over what his quick press tour and Wilbur jsut stops him in front of the door "He's fucking grieving - Let him have a moment will you? Don't you know how close he was with Gran?" "You messed up. He messed up. Now you're gonna be big boys and fix it." “You’re horrible sometimes you know that?” “I am your father” “Then act like it, your majesty”

meanwhile Tommy: in bed, hasn't slept, major depressive spiral, cuddling Betty, Walter standing guard at his door, holding onto a blanket that his grandmother gave him

just - can't even cry anymore

just empty

Literally just despondent

Staring at the ceiling as Betty noses his face

like good luck getting to get up, let alone read shit

He hasn’t showered in days

He is very much not presentable

like it's only been a week or two since his grandmother's death

and he still is processing

He is no where near done grieving

[lannasroleplaymemes]

Out Of Context Sentence Starters from my Own Roleplays

Adjust as necessary.

“It’s puppy birth blood! It’s happy blood!”

“I still think he was a K-Pop star. I’m going to try and look him up.”

“ I’d honestly rather be in a gun fight than do retail.”

“Just promise me you have blackmail on those two already. For my own personal reassurance.”

"Yes, they’re legal. No, I didn’t do this myself. Feel free to examine it, but there may be bugs.”

“ She only comes ‘round when she’s unhappy or frustrated. So how about I go ruin her life more?”

“STOP SHOUTING. SOMEONE’S GONNA HEAR.”

“I just saw them talking! They weren’t doing shit in public!”

“Oh, no. A bard.”

“Bro, she looks like Ariana Grande!”

“I am as glorious as the day I was born.”

"Listen, if you see a man around here wearing a grey coat and an ugly tweed hat, push him in the river for me."

“ I asked for his name, not his origin story. “

“Well, I guess you had better not die before you do anything worth putting in your obituary, then.”

“...You didn’t warn me you were going to be indecent.”

“All this information just lets me know that I want to be cremated when I’m gone. “

“...The T-Rex wasn’t even alive during the Jurassic period. Amateurs.”

“Do I look good in this shade of red?”

“Dad’s just mad I ain’t a ginger like him.”

“ I apologize for being a terrible escort so far.”

“The hell you creeping around for?”

“ Welcome to -- why do you have a cat with you?”

“Why did you all go quiet when I came in?”

“But just because you said that, I feel like being petty today.”

"Are you this flippant with all your clients, or am I just special?"

“She stole your shoes? What? Why?”

“Well you’re not getting into my bedroom that easy, buddy.”

“ I want to anihilate anything that brings him joy and then fuck him until he cries.”

“She said that soft pinks were the color of female oppression.”

“Since we’re both wimps, I say we stay away from horror.”

“Well, I see why he was assasinated then.“

“Yeah, yeah, but I’ll have lots of fans so you’ll have to work extra hard to remain the number one fan!”

“Oh, am I being threatened?”

“ Holy shit, this is the best dream ever. “

“ I’m gonna fuckin’ throw my lunch. “

“Just talking to you is using up a lot of my courage.”

“This was a very good plan in theory,  but now you’ve fucked yourself.“

“Sometimes a simple life is way better than what a lot of people are trying to achieve.”

“You know, I’ve never played Xbox.”

“ I need a trip to Disneyland.“

“WHAT?! FUCK! YOU WEE MINX! I TOLD YOU!”

“ I’ve got a good feeling that the stars are gonna align for you.”

“Time to make like a banana and get the fuck outta here!“

“What if I like being choked?”

“ You are even more sexy this close-up.”

“I thought I saw a UFO once, but it was just a hot-air balloon in the distance. I was very disappointed.”

“You have an arrow in your shoulder!”

“Turn around, do a twirl! Pose!”

“ I almost feel like the main character in a video game."

“ His accent is out of control…”

“Wow. Betrayal.”

“That sounds like a you problem.”

“How can I not take it personal?”