#yes I do have the adhd how did you ever guess.)

[other-peoples-coats]

For reasons that don't need going into, I'm once again thinking about the logistics of hyperspace travel, and like.

Ok so you know how map makers put in trap streets and fake islands and alter the elevation of mountains and generally put in teeny tiny (or not so teeny tiny) errors to catch plagiarists? That, but hyperspace maps.

Like there has to be a fuck load of -- if not laws, at least generally accepted norms? about what you can and can't do, because... look, at the distances you (hypothetical GFFA space faring traveler) would be traveling, you're off by a fraction of an inch when you launch in the direction of planet funtimes-vacation-land and you end up like. 80,000,000,000 lightyears away from your goal, at planet oh-fuck-deathworld and/or in the literal middle of a moon and/or lost in deep space forever and ever, where no one can hear you scream.

So there has to be a sort of mutual agreement that hyperspace maps can't be like, 'oh yeah, there's def a planet here😉 it for sure orbits this totally real star😉😉 at 90000skm (space kms) a syear (space year)😉😉😉'; because, like. otherwise everyone would die and no one could use hyperspace ever, basically.¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Only takes one 'whoops they were trying to avoid our fake planet and crashed into an inhabited planet, killing all 4 billion inhabitants via the most literal meaning of terminal velocity' to make hyperspace travel a wee bit dubious as a concept.

(and also get your particular cartography company/space-gps company sued out of existence, either by the people who survived Alderaan V-0.01, navigational error edition, or by the big scary conglomerates that had interests in the outer rim mining planet you just got blown up, as relevant.)

Ditto altering the speed at which planets (moons asteroids etc etc what the fuck ever space shit is out there) orbit their relevant local stars; again, fractions of a second off really adds up over that sort of scale.

I'm assuming that there has to be rival cartographic companies, simply because like. gffa is medieval end stage capitalism on steroids. There's multiple map companies, even if it's just that kuat drive yards have their hyperspace maps for their ships, and dodgy-joe's shonky ships have their maps for their ships, and the jedi temple have their maps (which they have to install on the jedi ships by way of jailbreaking/rooting the navigation systems, presumably, every jedi runs the equivalent of a mid 2010s iphone with a million sketchy apps sideloaded), etc etc.

Anyway. Fake planets (moons etc) are out for reasons of not turning random tourist space-bus no #7629 into the Death Star (analog edition), ditto altering the speed of existing planets, ditto, presumably, putting in things like extra space stations or fake hyperlanes or black holes or whatever.

Which basically leaves you with renaming things! presumably most mapping places go real world analogous, and pick something pretty easy to think is real - asteroid #12-z-3095-y labeled #13-z-l14r, or the 56th moon of ult'klssyk and the 59th having their names mixed up, etc-- but presumably at least some do like. the most obvious examples.

Long story short nine million words later there's at least one map that labels Alderaan as Coruscant and Coruscant as Mandalore and Mandalore as Alderaan, and the ensuing media shitstorm/spwitter hot takes/spunglr memes takes over the galactic news for like. a month and a half.

At the minimum.

[writerjayne]

I was thinking about things cause I saw a Supernatural edit, and my ADHD brain followed the thought train to Teen Wolf as it often does, and I have thoughts.

As much as I LOVE Stiles raising a baby/having a baby/ finding a baby and being naturally good at it while Derek is out of his depth when you break it down, it makes no sense.

Stiles and Scott? As only children and BOYS when did they ever have a chance to look after children? (While I think boys are perfectly capable of caring for children parents tend to favor girls in child care so like when would they have even had an opportunity?)

DEREK, on the other hand....

A) he has a younger sister with a fairly significant age gap. B) he had a pack that canonically is referenced as to having children, and with family/pack dynamics, it would not be a stretch that Derek has at least SOME experience with children, especially since it's implied Cora is closer in age to Stiles and co whereas Derek is in his early 20s in season one. (Obviously, we all know what a mess the Teen Wolf timeline is, but for the sake of this post early 20s)

Derek's not good with teenagers... As we know... *insert every early interaction with Stiles and Scott ever* But kids and babies? No problem Think about how he is with everyone in the show but then how he was with those little trick-or-treaters. He scared them sure but he also gave them candy, when he could have just as easily ignored them.

I just feel like if you gave him a baby, he would just be like: "I'm a father now, yes I need the most expensive diapers possible!"

Which after having this conversation with my roomie, I realized would make magical Nemeton baby Eli (My favorite explanation) make SO much sense. Found a clearly werewolf baby in the woods? Guess he's a dad now.

Now don't get me wrong, I do think Stiles would pick up very quickly on taking care of a baby, he's very empathetic and cares very deeply, but initially, I think he wouldn't have a clue what he was doing. He would love the baby and WANT to take good care of the baby but wouldn't really know what he was doing. And babies, especially younger babies can be overwhelming.

So what I'm saying is I need a fic where Stiles finds a baby, has no clue what he's doing and Derek is like: "No that's not how you hold a baby/change a diaper/ hold a bottle" and Stiles falls in love so I'm going to write one

Thanks for coming to my ted talk

[kozumesphone]

✮⋆˙ 𝐂𝐑𝐀𝐙𝐘 = 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐔𝐒

⤷ leo valdez x daughter of athena!reader

masterlist

♡ fandom | percy jackson and the heroes of olympus

♡ includes | best friends with hints of romantic feelings (if I ever find the energy to make a part two, it’d actually be cool 😔), barely any angst to comfort, collective adhd levels being off the charts, yapping.

♡ in which | y/n and leo sharing a common love for designing and building things <3, reader and leo, both have nightmares (not described too vividly), reader uses swear words <3.

♡ a/n | jdkfcjqdkb I wrote this and forgot to post it ;-; anyway, this is one of my new fav leo fics i've ever written bc I get to geek out 🫶 + the technical part of this is inspired by my love for fast and furious + my new interest in f1, so enjoy!!

♡ wc | 1.0k

✮⋆˙ y/n’s pov

“are you ready, child of athena?” a god’s voice boomed around us. I took a few steps to the front to be side-by-side with my brother, malcolm pace.

“you’re not leaving me, now of all times—”

“i’m sorry, mou ilios, I have to. you know I do.”

“mal, please, I— who’s going to lead the cabin if you’re gone? how can you be so selfish—”

“you, n/n. I know you can do it,” malcolm said, and stepped in front of me. he raised his hands and gently pushed me further behind him, enveloping me in his shadow.

“it’s one child of athena you want,” malcolm paused. “take me.”

“PLEASE NO—”

fuck.

I sat up on my bed. I picked up a watch from the bedside table—a watch that once was malcolm’s, but mine, now—which read 2:47.

I threw my blanket to the side, which did little to cover me up anyway, and got up to check on the little kids. they were all sound asleep.

for the next 10 minutes—or what felt like an hour—I walked around the cabin, cleaning it up and trying to fall asleep.

but when has sleep ever come to you when you needed it the most?

I feared reliving malcolm’s last moments before he left me, everytime I closed my eyes. stranded me here, disappearing without any advice on how to lead, or how to live.

I leant against the cabin door and felt the cool air from the bottom of the door blowing onto my feet. finally realising that I couldn’t go back to sleep, I decided to go out for a walk.

“and where are you off to?” annie’s voice whispered from her bed. she was still half asleep and groggy.

“heading out for a walk. can’t sleep,” I said.

“take the cap, and don’t get caught. i’m not helping you out with the dishes if you get caught by those harpies,” she grumbled. I smiled and took her cap from the coat rack beside the door, and stepped out into the cold night in nothing but sweats and a tank top.

great choice, y/n. good job on not realising what you were even wearing. now, you can die of the cold, if the harpies don’t get you first. yay!

I put on annie’s cap, watching my shadow disappear with me. I walked around aimlessly, thinking of malcolm helping me pick my first dagger, which was currently concealed with the help of the waistband of my sweatpants.

my feet subconsciously drag me to bunker nine, where I heard noises from. I go closer only to find light glowing from the open door.

I was facing my best friend’s back, hunched over a project, probably. if he turned around, I bet he’d look sleep-deprived and in need of coffee.

before I could take off the cap, he said, “hey, n/n!” and turned around with a grin.

“shut the fuck up, man, how did you just do that—” I complained, taking the cap off.

“I felt the sleep deprivation and negativity enter the room and guess who it was?” he wiggled his eyebrows and left his project unattended behind him.

“whatever,” I rolled my eyes at him and flopped down onto his couch. we looked at each other for an entirety of a few seconds before I opened my arms and he tumbled onto me.

“nightmares?” I asked.

“mhm.”

“same.”

“cuddle?”

“fuck yes, please.”

timeskip

it was around 4 in the morning when we wrapped up our movie night—movie morning?—with leo’s face buried in my neck, cuddling.

“wanna stay like this forever,” he said, his voice muffled. I smiled.

“or we could finish building what you were working on before I came,” I suggested. he looked up suddenly, with all his energy regained.

“hell yes!” he whisper-yelled, pumping his fist in the air and getting up. pulling me up from the couch, he continued. “I was working on building my own 1.6 litre four-stroke turbocharged 90 degree V6 double-overhead camshaft reciprocating engine. there’s these things called street races in tokyo, and this engine is basically my ticket to winning the next series there! wanna come with me and check out the coolest cars ever, next year?”

“oh, dude, you’re on! i’ve heard it’s basically motorsports heaven—”

“it is!”

“and we’re building our own fucking engine!?”

“we are—”

“oh, this is SO cool!”

“i’ve gotta start reworking on the specs, because I keep getting them wrong. can you take a look at them once?” he asked.

I nodded and moved towards his work table where used plotter papers lied. after taking in his planning and figuring out where he went wrong, I pulled out a new paper, and sharpened the blunt pencil.

I wanted to put my hair up but realised I forgot my hair tie at cabin six. I turned around to ask leo if i’d left any here when he removed a black hair tie from his wrist and dangled it in front of my face.

my cheeks flushed at the thought of him wearing it everyday. it felt so intimate, but it wasn’t that deep, really.

right?

I thanked him quietly and he pulled two chairs in front of the table, on which we sat down and started working on drafting the new specs together.

after about an hour, neither of us could keep our eyes open and moved to the couch, falling asleep together with whispered promises of finishing the blueprints the next day.

“cute fit, by the way,” he whispered. I looked down and realised it was his birthday gift to me from last year, and smiled.

[smytherines]

Fuck it, here's an Agent Mega dissertation

Alright since I have such elaborate headcanon for my beloved precious Owen Carvour, I guess I should do it for Agent Curt Mega too. Sigh.

So, going off of the last big one, if Owen is born in 1928, then I'm gonna say Curt was born in 1930. I'm forever won to the Texan agent mega headcanon, but I think it's safe to say that Mrs. Mega is not from Texas, probably more like New York or I've seen people say New Jersey.

We know nothing about Agent Mega's dad, but I imagine he was kind of a loser and low level con artist and moved his pregnant wife down to Texas to do scams around the bustling oil industry, and then soon after Curt was born a scam collapsed and he ran off. It's either that or an Aladdin 3 situation where he was secretly a spy the whole time and had to go into hiding.

So we've got mama Mega, raising a VERY hyperactive (read: ADHD) little boy on her own, in a place where she doesn't have any support, and he just becomes her entire world. But she has to work a lot, so Curt becomes used to taking care of himself, and most importantly- keeping himself busy so he doesn't lose it.

In this headcanon Curt would only be 15 when WWII ends- not old enough to fight, but definitely old enough to have personally known a lot of kids from his hometown who come home in caskets. I just truly think of WWII as a formative experience for both these guys. For Curt it just feeds into that inferiority complex.

Now anybody who has ADHD knows that you already spend a lot of your life feeling inadequate, feeling self-conscious about not being able to be the person other people want you to be (*especially* if you're queer). You get defensive, especially when criticized. You also get restless.

I headcanon Curt as growing up in Abilene, Texas, mostly because I have a friend who grew up there and I've visited and the vibe is right.

I don't know if anybody has ever seen The Last Picture Show, but its a film set in small town Texas in 1951-1952 (so a little late for our timeline but still) and it's (more or less) about two high school seniors essentially trying to escape this suffocatingly small, dying town before they become doomed to spend their lives trapped there.

That's definitely what I think about Agent Mega too- this gay, ADHD teenage boy climbing the walls of this little town, never being able to fully be himself. But he's got a lot of energy (and more than a little anger) to burn off, so he does sports. It's Texas, so football for sure. Maybe wrestling too. Perhaps wrestling is even where he has his gay come to jesus moment.

And when he isn't doing sports, he's home, alone (mama Mega is working so hard), out back drinking a beer (or two, or three) and teaching himself how to shoot. I think he becomes hyperfixated on becoming an expert marksman, because with all of this shit he cannot control, all the stuff he is supposed to be but isn't, this is one area where it feels like he has the power here.

What starts off as "kid drinking beer to feel cool and rebellious" starts to morph into a lifetime dependence on alcohol. Substance use is a big issue for a lot of ADHDers for the same reason I think it would be for Curt- it calms him down. It eases that constant restlessness in his bones. It softens the edges of other people's criticisms of him. It makes him care a bit less what others think about him.

In a vicious cycle, he drinks to avoid feeling those big feelings (especially as a man, especially as a gay man, especially as a gay man in Texas), but the drinking leads to more criticism, which leads to more drinking to numb the emotional response to that criticism.

But his hyperfixation on learning to shoot pays off. Let's say he becomes a junior state champion trapshooter (did I look up trapshooting competitions from the 1940s? yes I did). He's good, especially when he hits the sweet spot of drinking just enough to calm his ass down but not so much that he's useless. Maybe this is how he comes to the attention of the A.S.S.

And he fully believes that these skills he cultivated, the ability to hit hard and run fast and shoot accurately, his ability to escape when it doesn't feel remotely possible, is why many years later he just kinda rolls his eyes at Owen for insisting that they do things carefully and methodically. Careful didn't get him out of small town Texas. Careful didn't get him the exciting non-stop life he has now, a life where he *almost* gets to be himself a lot of the time.

When Owen "dies," and its Curt's fault, he naturally turns to drinking to numb that pain. But its a lot of pain, so it takes a lot of alcohol to kill it.

I'm sure I could go on, but as always I have rambled a lot here so I'm just gonna leave it.

[lutawolf]

My Personal Weatherman and the D/s element Ep 4

If you haven't read the others, they can be found here.

Ahhh, nothing gets me going like a sub wearing what their Dom picked out. That subtle ownership. Why yes, I do pick out all my husband's clothes except the dreaded work clothes. I refuse to take the blame for those tacky things.

Right off, we can easily see that this is not an M/s situation. The fact that Segasaki is asking Yoh what he wants to do, tells us exactly what we need to know. Yoh is explaining what he is going to do. That is not something a slave would ever even think to do. We can easily tell that he is a subby sub though, cause when Segasaki brings out the Dom, Yoh eases back.

OMG, that chin grab! @bl-bam-beyond pretty please gif that chin grab.

That chin grab with the "No." Ugh, how all my lovely subs doing? Are you still here? Have you been able to finish the show? Or are you stuck here on rewind?

Yoh actually questions Segasaki as to why not. Anybody still thinking Yoh a slave? Cause not to be rude, I can't fix stupid. This boy, a brat. Fuck, this whole scene is really showcasing their dynamic. "But we made a promise." "Tell her that you can't go anymore. Do it. Do you even know why you are in this house." And once again, we're back at the misunderstanding stage.

A fangirl, I see. OMG, this is adorable. Yoh is like, sure. Let's look at the tie of my Dom, bestie.

Yoh calling with Segasaki standing over him. This episode is killing me in the best possible way. Don't revive me! (No! I have not taken my ADHD meds, don't judge me!) "I was ordered to stay home." Hahahaha! Then the ahhhh, after he tells her that he will make it up to her. Letting you know he was likely just punished by Segasaki. Yes, my mind went here.

Then the reward of the head pat, "you did good."

She showed up to check on him! Woot! Haha, she is about to find out who is boyfriend is. Hahaha. I'm dying. Meanwhile, his boyfriend is like, "guess it's time for a face off." Ya'll I'm not okay. I'm laughing so hard.

And Yoho stepped over a line and got put in his place. But he is too busy having a crisis to care! 🤣🤣🤣 Her face is my favorite.

That effortless lie. He wasn't feeling well. Uh huh. I love these two dumbass friends. I need sake too!!! I'm dying. Shit, I can't breathe through the laughter.

Now it's Yoh's turn to be jealous. Ahh, he got drunk and fell asleep on the floor. The places we find comfortable when we are drunk.

Nope, he doesn't want to go to the bed. I love the outer dialogue we are getting. I really enjoy that we get Yoh's side of things and from his perspective, but this rounds it out a bit for me.

And look at that beautiful smile when Segasaki finds out she's married. "Are you in your rebellious phase." Does this sound familiar to certain people whom I will not mention by name!?! Hmmm! Brats! Stop breaking my heart! Make him stop Segasaki, make him stop!

Fuck, I love these two so much. Everything he is describing is very much a Brat Tamer. Bossy but gentle. Controlling but caring. Charming and unreasonable. Brat Tamer.

The way his squishes Yoh's face! Ahhh, these two are gonna kill me!

"It would be nice if you stayed drunk forever." Because of the honesty. Segasaki likes Yoh's quirks, but he also wants the honesty and the connection.

I need the curry story now! But apparently, I must wait. Heavy sigh.

Hope you guys enjoyed this! Let me know in the tags if you did. 💜💜💜 See you next time.

[marvelousbuckley]

The saddest part of me (chapter 13)

Sooooooooooooo

Yes.

This fic has: ex to lovers, BuckTommy, angst with a happy ending, a depiction of ADHD and rejection sensitive dysphoria, platonic Buddie being bestfriend because Eddie FINALLY went to therapy, Hen being worried for her friends, Madney original child character, someone punches someone, everybody is happy for now, even the author

You can find my work on AO3

Excerpt:

“Chim, listen, I know I fucked up. I shouldn’t have left my emotions get the best of me. I am truly sorry that I acted like a fool during your party.” He then bit his lower lip, exchanged a look with his best friend before he continued. “I’m not sorry I punched him though. Plus, Tommy forgave me.” The confession made Bobby react and he turned to his team, a proof that he had been listening to them from the beginning. “He did?” “Bobby, how come a man your age be the biggest gossip ever?” Hen said, visibly amused. “I’m not!” “You are Cap.” Replied Eddie, smiling too, before he turned his attention to Buck, a smug look in his eyes. “But I am too. Tommy really forgave you?” Buck smiled a shy smile, and his head fall into his shoulders. “I guess so, we only exchanged a few texts b-but, you know…” He left his sentence hanging, and the whole crew started cheering. It felt good, really good. It gave him hope.

I'll be a little bit bold tonight and i'll tag all the people that seemed to have an interest for the fic, feel free to dm if you are mad at me ❤️

@goldenhxurs @captainwitharedstar @girlwonder-writes @xofemeraldstars @do-androids-dream-ao3acc @searching-for-the-moon @shaunashipman @nymeria1105 @typicalopposite @kinkley-are-adorkable-flirts @rdng1230 @leandra-winchester @aaronntviet @bangpop91 @theotherbuckley @v88sy @banxnq @laundryandtaxesworld @kinardevans @bidisasterevankinard

[tryslora]

learning sentence level editing

It’s no secret that I hate editing.

I’ve told this story before: When I was in high school, I had an English teacher who told us on our first day of sophomore honors English that she would not give an A for a first draft. She had a rigorous outlining/drafting process that she was determined to teach us. Me, I had undiagnosed ADHD and was a dyed-in-the-wool pantser. So I resolved on that first day that by the end of my time with her, I would get an A on a first draft.

My final essay of junior year AP English (yes, same teacher two years in a row), I wrote about Victorian morals and literature. I read it aloud. I got an A. I only ever wrote one draft.

What that taught me was how to write very technically clean drafts, something that has stayed with me for almost four decades now. Which is great!

What it did not teach me was how to be patient enough to properly edit. And I have never really learned. In fact, that is one of my ADHD sticking points (yes, I know, that’s obvious from my reaction to her statement in the story above). I often feel that a large part of the reason I have never made it as a writer—have never broken into tradpub—is because I do not have the patience to not only write, but then create an outline from the draft, then rewrite, then do it all over again and fiddle with each sentence until it’s perfect.

I’m learning, but I’ll admit, I’m still not there, and I’m not sure I ever will be where novels are concerned. 

But right this moment, I’m feeling very accomplished and proud of myself. I had a short story that every time I worked on it, it grew. Every time I cut it, it felt like it lost its heart and like the taste of the words stopped feeling like mine. My voice disappeared.

I had finally worked out a version of it that was just under 7500 words long, and I thought it was decent. It got no traction, and I was frustrated. I put it up for critique on SFFOWW (a critique group site) while I was active there a year and a half ago. It was chosen for an Editor’s Choice review, and the first half of it got some great comments. Which I promptly had to ignore because I was dealing with other editing problems.

I returned to it recently, because I saw a call I wanted to send it to. The problem was, the call was for stories under 6k, and I wasn’t sure I could cut this story again and still retain its punch. But hey. The biggest feedback I got was about how I handled my descriptions and dialog, and the amount of repetition that slipped into my words. So I absorbed that, and I dug into the story, and I started ripping it apart.

I didn’t edit it, exactly, nor did I completely rewrite it. I printed it. I read it twice. Then I placed it on the desk and went a few paragraphs at a time and started with a blank file and filled it in. Some pieces went in verbatim. Most of it changed. Huge chunks disappeared, and a few new things appeared. Some of it got rearranged. The wordiness disappeared.

Here’s an example…

Before:

"You get one hour," Lana says softly. "One hour with him, and then you're leaving him behind. You're taking your fate and you're setting him free."

After:

"One hour," Lana says. "Then take your fate with you and set him free."

The new version of the story came in under 6k. I did it, and the best part is, I don’t hate it. In fact, this was sentence level revision of a style I had never done before. The closest I’ve come to it is editing flash fiction to be under very tiny wordcounts (or drabbles of exactly 100 words, which gods, those take me longer than writing a short fic!).

I’m not sure I could’ve done this without the editing I did for Into the Split over the last many months. I had to dig into that in ways I have never edited a novel before, and it prepared me to dig even more deeply into this short story.

I’m learning. I guess you can teach old dogs some new tricks.

[thoseyoulove]

Just finished Part I of The Vampire Lestat and here are my first impressions (I skipped IWTV *for now* since the show has already covered it... I'll read it eventually):

I can't tell yet if I like it or not.

So far, I enjoy the concept and the characters seem to be compelling. In terms of eventfulness, there hasn't been much, but I do have some interest in these people. They all appear to be complicated and have a lot of baggage, which I guess makes them appealing and gives the story potential. Let's see where this goes.

I don't hate, but I also don't love Anne's writing style. I don't think she narrates and describes things very well, she lingers on stuff I don't care that much for and doesn't provide details on things I'm actually curious about? There are some abrupt changes that annoy me sometimes as well.

I do believe this might be an attempt to get ourselves in the mind of Lestat and how he process to the world around him, though? It would make sense considering how chaotic he is.

Another thing I like is how he got so obsessed with the 20th Century, music and theater. The descriptions really give me the idea of someone experiencing the world for the first time (in a while) and considering how isolated he was growing up or after everything that happened with Louis/Claudia, it makes sense that he is so fascinated by all these discoveries. And it's really immersive and sweet to see how he in awe he is with all of it.

He also speaks like he is somebody born in the 1700s. So I give her credits for that as well.

Pretty sure Lestat is neurodivergent at this point (ADHD is basically a yes from me, maybe he has dyslexia and/or autism too).

And his memory is trash. So often he doesn't know if he actually did something, or if it were someone else, or if it was just a thought... I'm like, ARE YOU OKAY (he isn't)? By the way, this is painfully relatable because I also have poor short (and long-term) memory. Heaven help him (and moi).

That boy is a water sign if I've ever seen one.

He cries A LOT. I don't remember ever seeing any (book/show/movie) character cry that much, specially in such a short time lol. And the fact this is coming from a man and not a woman... There you go with defying gender norms, king!

Lestat having Borderline Personality Disorder isn't even a headcanon at this point, but a FACT.

He probably hasn't been hugged enough times in his life and it SHOWS.

Even with the abuse in his family, his frustration with his mother and the "malady of mortality", he manages to stay optimistic in a way that feels so childlike and naive that makes my heart warm and ache for him. I'm like, you deserve better.

Again, I don't know if I'm enjoying or not, but I do like the fact I can imagine Sam's Lestat doing all of this on season 3. Picturing Sam bringing these moments to life is the BEST PART of the reading.

Would I still read these books if the show never existed? That's what I need to find out.

I can see why some people got so invested in this character, though. At least for now. Some stuff hit close to home and I find myself rooting for him. I imagine that for the ones who read it at as a teenager, it must've made them feel less alone and seen to some extent.

At this moment, it's Lestat > Gabrielle > Nicholas for me.

Lestat's father isn't a person I care about, but depending on how the show adapts him, I guess it could be a good opportunity for a blind actor. It would be killing two birds with one stone, because it would develop Lestat's backstory, but also give space for a category that barely gets any job in the industry. I would love to see a powerful guest star that is a an actual disabled person playing a disabled character. Sure, we would hate him, but if someone manages to show their potential, book more roles and maybe even earn an award or nomination, why not?

Whenever Lestat talks about kissing his mother I get confused if the incest is already happening or not lol. Because I normally would just imagine a platonic kiss on the cheek or forehead and I haven't seen anything explicitly inappropriate. I don't know if it's because I'm reading the Brazilian Portuguese version, or if Anne wasn't that clear, or maybe I'm slow and naive, but nothing big seems to have happened? But I'm familiar with those spoilers, so... Anyway, whatever. It's not like I was counting the days to read about incest, so I don't really care about it being evident or not. I just mean that for now they seem to be more of a "parent that didn't want kids, but cares for him in a distant, but still real way and child that seeks for any crumbs of love and affection" kind of relationship.

Speaking of that, Lestat is SO DESPERATE for love, omg. Nicki was basically the first person besides his mother that was nice to him and he told the guy ALL OF HIS LIFE STORY AND FELL IN LOVE almost immediately? Get up!

Peak BPD/ADHD/maybe autistic/water sign/Scorpio behavior. MY GOD.

Still don't know how to picture Gabrielle and who I fancast playing her. I do think I have some sense of who she is now, which is nice. I also have some actors that could pass for Sam's parent and have the appropriate age to play her in my mental library, but I can't form a face yet. Not the face of a real actress or even an imaginary face, it's just a blur so far. Which sucks because I loooooooooove imagining fancasts, specially for a show as great as this one, but I'm just waiting for the revelation to come to me lmao.

[bomberqueen17]

ugh

I can't sleep and I'm just sort of stewing over how unprepared I am to be entirely on my own managing my own healthcare. blech.

Did I mention, Farmsister was suffering from hip pain and went to her doctor and was diagnosed with the exact same problem I have?

Diagnosed, I said. Yes! Her doctor actually investigated the cause of her pain, diagnosed her, referred her to a physical therapist, but also came up with a plan of treatment. Told her physical therapy often can't resolve this issue, so after a set amount of PT, if there wasn't enough improvement she'd refer her to an orthopedist instead.

Imagine that. My doctor was like "you've got intermittently debilitating pain? You should go see a doctor about that." and that was that. I went to a physical therapist because that's what she recommended, but I don't have a plan, I'm just spending $150/wk to work out in a room full of other people. I guess I'll ask my PT if there's a plan or like timeline or like, idk, something we should look for, or what. IDK what a realistic goal is. Pain-free seems out of reach. I'd settle for largely functional, I guess? But I don't know, and I guess I'm on my own to figure it out.

And the same with the ADHD! She was like "oh, your insurance isn't going to cover it and it's probably going to take months of waiting, but you had better go see someone about that", and refused to engage any further. So I messaged the psychiatrist today and he doesn't check the messages on that platform so I texted the admin who was like oh usually medication is adjusted at follow-ups, and I'm like well in the three minutes he talked to me it didn't come up I guess, so then they texted back that he says to try taking two pills a day for a couple days and then schedule a follow-up.

I've asked around, and usually I guess the regular adderall pills, you take in two doses at separate times. But if the point is that I'm trying to see if a higher dose helps, I'd probably better take them at the same time??

It's just that when the small ineffective dose wears off four or five hours after I take it, without my ever having had a good phase, I get horribly drowsy and also get this kind of gross formless yearning that I think might be a dopamine crash, where I roam the house in itchy horrible discontent trying to think of something that might help me, but it's not candy and it's not reading a book and it's not napping, and I guess I understand why people turn to drugs or self-harm because the feeling is awful, spacy and wrung-out and aimlessly needy.

But I guess it's up to me to research what that is and what to do about it, and then at my $250 three-minute follow-up appointment in three days or whatever I'll tell the psych what I want prescribed to me, because it's sure as shit not like he's going to have any fucking advice for me.

And like. Laugh out loud at the notion that my primary care physician would give a single shit about this. Maybe I didn't mention this on here either but literally the only thing she has looked into about me is that my blood tests came back with a fasting blood glucose level of 5.7 (idk what units, just that she's fixated on that number) and it is exactly entirely that post circulating about """"pre-diabetes"""? She has put in my chart that she wants to start me on Metformin!! Christ all fucking mighty, it could not be more obvious that she took one look at my fat ass and was like "this bitch eats only candy! I'd better scare her straight!"

Ma'am fuck off. She wants me to get my blood retested in July and I am figuring I'll take advantage of having to have a visit then anyway to get the ADHD stuff entered into my main chart, and I'm also going to tell her that since she was so disinterested in literally any of the conditions actually debilitating me (my hip pain and my ADHD) I had to research those so I could treat myself, and in the course of researching that I found out about the fake "epidemic" of "pre-diabetes" which isn't a thing, it's a fucking PR gambit to sell drugs, and so if she prescribes me diabetes drugs when I do not fucking have diabetes I will not be taking them, and I will also be looking for a new doctor, because I do not appreciate her fixation on treating a condition I do not have while ignoring things that are literally preventing me from leading the life I want to, wherein I can do things like, stand/walk as much as I like and can also like, perform tasks.

So there's my timeline.

(Yeah my insurance won't cover blood testing a second time in a year so that's gonna cost me $200ish, and the phone doctor visit she insisted on to discuss the results last time was $45 and it'll be that again for this one, but I mean, eventually I'll hit my deductible maybe.)

I don't know, people tell me that they have medical professionals that actually listen to and treat them and give them like actual good actionable advice on how to improve their various health conditions but as far as I can tell that all sounds fake and isn't a thing.

Unfortunately, I am too fucking debilitated by my Can't Think Good disease to do a competent job at caring for myself, so I guess I'm just going to have to fucking muddle through somehow, or something.

Probably I should put together my citations on how Pre-Diabetes Is Fake so that when I unload that on my doctor I can do so with fucking footnotes at least. Lord knows I can't sleep at the moment so I might as well do something productive.

[autisticlancemcclain]

thank u @zenstrike for the tag <333333333 i see ur mic and i'm elated about it

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

185! but i haven't updated in like a week and a half so we're probably closer to 190

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

556,104. i am very excited to watch it jump up when i finally finish my longfic teehee

3. what fandoms do you write for?

literally just voltron lol. well not counting baby me's wattpad lol. i started writing almost two years ago and just went ham basically. i've been intentionally avoiding things that i know i will get hyperfixated on bc i don't want to stop my writing obsession lol

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

ooooou i'm excited to check. i know it's changed quite a bit over time. i usually sort them by hits!

i will grind you to sand (beneath my louboutin heels) [voltron, 2573 words]: bamf lance fic where i give him a revolver and let him go ham basically

mr. snuggles [voltron, 1656 words]: one of my very earliest fics! lance, lover of weirdo animals, finds a demonic cat-sized spider and adopts it despite his friend's freakouts

he might not look like he gets bitches (but honey that dick was eleven inches) [voltron, 1136 words]: this one is so dorky lol but it's just secret relationship klance coming to light in the most embarrassing possible way

does anyone know where the love of god goes (when the waves turn the minutes to hours) [voltron, 4283]: a canon divergence au where lance is a seer and convinces the skeptics on his team of his abilities by ending the war

this is the part of me that you're never gonna ever get away) [voltron, 3262 words]: a lance & shiro hurt/comfort with a small autistic lance character study! i'm very proud of this one

5. do you respond to comments?

i definitely do on tumblr! it's one of the first things i do when i wake up actually. on ao3, though...i'm pretty sure i have about eight hundred unanswered comments sitting in my inbox 💀 it's an ongoing issue

6. what’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i'm almost sure it's this post-game show lance leaving fic, because i got comments and asks for weeks begging me to write a happy ending lol. but this fic from the hana universe, from when keith is little and shiro is fighting for custody and they haven't figured things out yet. that one is sad. this dream pov adashi fic is also sad and has no happy ending bc, you know. shiro is in space and adam thinks he's dead and everything. my loneliest series is also still in progress and as such there is no happy ending. and this is my earliest angsty-ending fic with MCD

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh god pretty much everything i write has a happy ending?? if i’m being serious?? frankly i don’t do a lot of linear plot. i just write Scenes that are vaguely connected. BUT my h2o fic had a plot that ended happily, as did my cowboy fic, but truly i’m more of a slice of life kinda gal. all my active wips are plot-driven, though, and i plan for all of them to end happily.

8. do you get hate on fics?

oh god yeah. i get it on brown eyed lance, autistic lance, adhd keith, allura just in general (are you sensing a pattern), my refusal to use readmores, and lately just some demands for me to write differently/more?? most of it is just funny so i post it to goof on it lol, but some of it i just delete and pout about until i forget about it 💀

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

yes and it’s nasty and i will literally never ever post it. although i guess i’ve written some softer stuff that’s more allusion than anything, like in my loneliest series.

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

not anymore, but i did when i was a kid?? i think i wrote a pjo/hoo/divergent/the mortal instruments/homestuck/a bunch of other shit fic when i was 13. i’ve successfully blocked that era out of my mind tho so i’m not sure. i do a lot of insane aus, tho. i wrote a fic based off a country song written in the sixties. so.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

i’ve had people write continuations of my wips?? which i didn’t rly like. i just ignored it.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

someone has asked me about translating a fic before! haven’t heard anything since tho.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have tried. i’m not very good at it. i have very Specific ideas about things and can be very controlling, so it’s honestly better that i don’t lol.

14. what’s your all-time favorite ship?

klance, easy. been in the trenches of this goddamn fandom since i was 13 years of age. it’s been a Journey.

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

god, the butterfly effect. i get people asking me to update all the time and i genuinely feel bad, because i have absolutely no ideas or plans for it. i might try to come up with an ending of some kind?? but i wrote that like two years ago, so i have changed a LOT about my writing since then.

16. what are your writing strengths?

dialogue and humour, i think. and sometimes writing lack of emotional communication (if that makes sense — i like to try and write around an emotion).

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i over explain a lot. and i overuse dialog ur tags sometimes. i have a Very Specific scene playing out in my head and i want everyone else to see it like i’m seeing it, which is my downfall a lot. i’ve been trying to work on implicit stage directions.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i think sometimes it’s necessary? it can be a good tool for humour, like with cussing that can’t be achieved in english. but while i understand and read several languages i have always always struggled to speak or write in them. it’s very frustrating so i often avoid the subject entirely lol.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

i’ve been writing fanfic in my head since before i knew what it was, but i started typing things at around 11 when i used to homestuck roleplay with my friends lol. messy messy times.

20. favorite fic you’ve ever written?

oh i am my own target audience. i have several.

i need a man (who’s patient and kind): keith-centric post canon (divergence) fic where lance takes him to his family and keith is good with kids and just keith being loved is the whole point. always.

what if i lose it all: an alternate universe where lance, as a baby, loses both his parents, and then is raised by his oldest siblings. in luis’ pov.

when does a ripple become a tidal wave (when does the reason become the flame): brogane fight & angst canon divergence post season 6; covering shiro’s guilt complex and keith’s unwavering loyalty

he’s into superstitions (black cats and voodoo dolls): halloween verse with witch lance and vampire keith! i have barely spoken about this au on here but rest assured i’m thinking about it all the fucking time

the applebee’s universe: modern au with young keith and lance learning how to love each other

ceilings (plaster): non-linear dream-like fic that’s just so trippy and strange i’m obsessed with it

if the sky comes falling down (for you) there’s nothing in this world i wouldn’t do: a keith character study about how the biggest bleeding heart in the universe loves

the hana universe: brogane-centric universe as their family starts rocky and grows

thank u again for the tag zen <33 open offer for anyone else who would like to hop on!!

[thetinyadventurer]

Thought that made me sit straight up in bed and say “God damn!”: I first saw the trailer for Disney’s Atlantis: The Lost Empire on a VHS tape of the movie Dinosaur. The next year, my parents bought our first ever dvd player and Atlantis was the first dvd we ever got. This was like in 2001/2002. The beginning of a new century and technology was already advancing at a rapid pace… Now we have streaming and such and, damn, do I feel old!

I also think it’s cool that they released Atlantis at the beginning of a new century while the movie took place in the previous century (1914). And it just blows my mind to realize how much of an influence this film had on me: This is the film that introduced me to my love for history (specifically the early 1900’s). Helga Sinclair’s little flip back onto the hot air balloon inspired me to try out gymnastics. Yes, with some help, I actually used to be able to do that on the bars.

Also, Milo-freaking-Thatch! This guy gave me hope in a time in my life where I was a scared and confused little kid. I just remember tiny me going into the first grade the previous year: Brand new school, I was grieving the loss of my cat/dealing with my first experience with death and on top of it all, was aware for the first time in my life that I was VERY different from other children my age. I didn’t get formally diagnosed with ADHD until a few years later but even as a child I knew I didn’t fit in at all. I liked things other kids didn’t, was extremely socially inept and god did I read a lot of books! Anyway, here I am, a neurodivergent little girl who felt excluded and isolated from the other kids and here comes this skinny, kind, brave goofball of a guy with an ancient journal and a dream to find the lost city of Atlantis! Here is Milo James Thatch struggling to fit in with the rest of the group and, at times, getting left out just like me! Here is a guy who’s trying his best to help and making mistakes along the way just like I was! And in the end he finds friends, his dream comes true and he becomes brave! And that was SO COOL as a child to have a character out there that shared similar struggles! He helped me not to feel so alone and I’ll always be grateful for that. Oh, and most of all he taught me to stand up and do the right thing.

Also I HAVE to give a nod to Kida and Helga. Kida influenced me to be kinder to people as a child. She befriended Milo, listened to what he had to say and they learned so much from each other. Kida taught me what it means to be a good friend to someone.

Besides inspiring me to try out for gymnastics, Helga made me want to be stronger. She made me want to stand up for myself. Also, as a little girl, I thought it was so cool to see a lady be out there with the guys, kicking butt and taking names. In an era where a lot of young boys told me “Oh, you can’t do that because you’re a girl!”, Helga helped me to grin and say: “Oh yeah? Just watch!”.

As an adult she actually helped me in a way I didn’t expect. As an adult, Helga REALLY made me think. In an odd way, I guess she’s an example of what happens when you go with the flow of things; When you stay silent in a situation and go along with it, even if you know deep down that it’s wrong. That there are consequences to every action you take and yes, standing by and doing nothing is also a choice. Also, be careful who you give your loyalty to; That you can give absolutely everything to somebody but that they might not be willing to do the same for you. Sometimes, people can and will throw you under the bus (or off the hot air balloon in Helga’s case) for their own gains. This is something I learned the hard way and I’m still recovering from it over twelve years later. But hey at least I didn’t fall several stories onto solid pumice!

Also, for the love of god, do NOT screw around with special things from other cultures. ESPECIALLY if you don’t understand its significance! You could end up as a living rock!

Lastly, real life adventures can be scary but they are SO worth it! It’s better to take chances, especially if you have a dream that you want to accomplish. It may be terrifying and you may hit rock bottom and sometimes you’ll downright fail but don’t let that stop you. If Milo can do it so can you.

Night all!

[inevitably-johnlocked]

hallo!! What do you think sherlocks brain is like in Inside Out 2 form? I think he has a whole island dedicated to John :-)

Hi Nonny!!

Okay, so I thought long and hard about this, because I think it's really... timely you asked me this! You'll see why in a sec.

So, I haven't seen Inside Out 2 (I lost my Disney Plus subscription and I was wary about seeing it in theatres given how... disappointed their last few movies have been for me), but I generally know what characters are in it? Not enough to give you a good answer though.

BUT, guess what?

I literally just finished a couple weeks ago the game Disco Elysium, which is essentially an M-rated, ADHD-fueled, Inside Out for Adults, the Game. Seriously; the main character, Harry, is a high-ranking detective, and for an unexplained reason has 24+2 "skills" (which are essentially emotions) that talk to him almost constantly and help him make the decisions within the story after he had wiped his memory from a drunken, drug-fuelled bender. They are why he's great at his job, as "the city itself speaks to him". He even partners with Kim, who he pretty much imprints onto and it's LIGHTLY hinted, in the playthrough I did anyway, that Harry essentially changes because he wants to impress Kim and adores him (if that's the route in the RPG you choose to go. I'm SO UPSET I CAN'T ROMANCE KIM. I like to think that if they ever had got the chance to have done a second game, Kim would have been a romance-able option.)

The game itself is RIPE for a Sherlock AU: a brilliant drug-fuelled protagonist who can see things that other people can't who befriends a noble, loyal and reliable partner who is equally as insane but hides it better, and wants to change BECAUSE they care about their new friend. Said new friend is also ready to die for him on day one. After I played that game, I can totally see Sherlock's brain being more similar to that dynamic than the simplicity of Inside Out (NOTHING wrong with that, I just... DE really sat differently with me as a better way of showing how a neurodivergent mind works).

BUT to answer your question: YES, I DO think Sherlock has a John-Island (just like I believe in-canon Sherlock's entire Mind Palace altered after John's influence). I think he's got a whole-assed shrine in there. John on a little pedestal and everything LOL.

What a fun question! <3 Hope that this answer suits you! And give DE a try if you can; it's SO good and I'm currently super obsessed with it, LOL.

[cy-cyborg]

So... turns out the whole "discovering my autism later in life" wasn't entirely correct for me. I don't know what to say, it's all confusing as hell (confused rant ahead)

I found 2 neurospyc reports, one from when I was 10 and another when I was 16/17 that list traits and test results consistent with what, today, would be considered level 2 autism and ADHD. but then they both turn around and say the neurospyc chose not to diagnose...

The first one had at least a good reason. From my understanding, at that point in time, autism couldn't be diagnosed unless all other possibilities had been ruled out, and the neurospyc says that these traits could also come from brain damage from meningococcol (the illness that caused my physical disability). Meningococcol's effects on a developing brain weren't well understood back then, so I guess I get it. It does, however, lay out some further testing that could be done by other specilists to rule it out, as well as mention what we should expect to see as I grow if it is autism. I met all the autism points, and I have the other specialists' reports ruling out meningococcol side effect theory. I likely still couldn't have been diagnosed at the time, though, because autism and ADHD were considered conflicting diagnoses, but the fact they were still considering it is a big positive to me.

The second one though... doesn't acknowledge any of this. It lists all the same traits (plus the new ones I developed that the other report predicted), talks about their severity and then... turns around and says it's actually not that bad and I don't need a diagnosis 😑. It doesn't say it explicitly, but the second report talks a lot about how friendly I was, how I was doing well in school (I really wasn't, I had like, one class I did well in because it aligned with my special interest, and the rest I was bearly scraping by) how I maintained eye contact and number of other things. It concluded that a diagnosis wasn't needed.

It's worth mentioning that when the second report was done, not only was I only doing high school part-time (3 days a week) because the 5 day week lead to burnout constantly, but I was also receiving the most support I'd ever had because my school recognised something was up and got me extra help (they didn't need a diagnosis because of my physical disability). I literally had someone who's job it was to come find me at lunch and remind me to eat and use the toilet, as well as to help me with assignments because in both yr 10 and yr 11 I almost failed so bad i came close to needing to repeat (i'd already repeated once). Not necessarily because I couldn't do the assignments, though some i definitely needed support on that front too, but because I just forgot they existed and never did them/handed them in. I was also in detention pretty much every day in yrs 7-10 because the same thing happened with regular homework. I either forgot to do it, or refused because I was so burned out, i just couldn't do it. This was all mentioned in the report, and it mentions that the school even provided letters to back the claims up (though i dont have those) and this doctor was like "hmmm, yes, this seems like a person who is well adjusted and in need of no further support! These traits definitely won't cause issues for them in adult life, especially in a country where we make disabled people do time-sensitive paperwork on every single aspect of their lives and have to update said paperwork constantly"

(what no, I'm not salty about something specific to do with government agencies in the Aus disability sector, what are you talking about...)

And shockingly once those supports were gone I nosedived. I've been in pretty much constant burnout since 2019, it was so bad in 2021 I had to stop working (which gutted me, I LOVED my job), and when burnout lasts that long it can do permanent damage.

There's even a report that was with the neurospyc report from one of my pediatric amputee rehab specilists that states I can not go unsupported into the adult sector, I will not cope. I will not be able to communicate my needs effectively. My health will decline. It was backed up by the senior peds. orthopaedic surgeon and the senior peds. plastics surgeon (who all knew me my entire life). The report says they had to bring me back into to the pediatric hospital for a few checkups even after I was 18 because the transition was so overwhelming I just stopped seeking medical treatment. I remember that. I remember trying to talk to the adult sector specilists and them just not understanding me and not understanding what the problem is. I remember the issue at hand (issues with my knee) getting so bad, but not knowing what else to do. I stopped going because i didnt want to be told my issue wasnt that bad. I still don't understand what I did or said wrong, and it's still happening today. My whole pediatric team was right, i needed help, but sure, I don't need extra supports because the neurospyc said "I was friendly".

Just FYI, when they finally did an MRI of the knee it was literally falling apart. The pain I was complaining about was constant dislocation and a bone infection. That knee had to be amputated. It was serious.

My therapist asked me to find these neurospyc reports if I could. I knew I had them but not what they said, and she hoped that there would be something in them that would allow her to make a case to the NDIS that even though we "don't know the reason" because there's no official diagnosis, it's clear I need more support, and theres been proof of it for years. And now I've read through them... Just knowing how well documented it all was, knowing that my pediatric care team, my doctors, my specilists, my parents, my teachers etc all knew I was struggling and tried to get me help, but one person decided "nah" has me just... confused beyond belief. I have a binder full of everything I can find that I'm going to bring to my therapist. I hope we can do something with it now.

[windvexer]

Hi chicken! I’m in a bit of a sore spot when it comes to spirit work and psychism and have been for a LONG while. Between my hard skepticism keeping my brain bricked off from most of my intuition and my adhd preventing me from focusing for long periods of time I’m kind of at a loss… I have no idea if I’ve ever had an encounter with any kind of spirit, only one persistent instance comes to mind and I have trouble discerning if it’s just…an imaginary friend? A thoughtform? I have 0 experience with the latter for multiple reasons. I have no problems with mental visualization because my profession requires it, but where does normal visualization begin and spirit communication end? I’m not sure where im going with all of this, maybe I just wanted someone else to know my spirit troubles 🥲 I guess all this to say, I’m desperate to communicate with ANYTHING, but nothing ever comes except that one guy who may or may not be a spirit. Am I being too stubborn? Do spirits think my vibes stank? (I promise my vibes aren’t stank) honestly forcing open any psychic stimulation sounds good right about now, any opinions or advice would be incredibly appreciated 🙇🏻‍♀️

I am going to tell you something very terrible and claustrophobic.

I do not believe you are a skeptic, I am sorry to say. I find that all the best spirit workers are deeply skeptical.

Perhaps a good way to view skepticism is the ability to be comfortable with uncertainty. A skeptic is a person who can look at something and neither take it at face value, nor wholly discard the experience and refuse to accept it.

I am not sure I believe in such a thing as "hard skepticism." Skepticism is by definition and necessity soft. It is gentle. It tenderly accepts what is shown to it and cradles it whole, declining to pass judgement one way or the other.

What is the difference between the decision making process of a "hard skeptic" who refuses to believe, and a "true believer" who refuses to doubt? Both have bricked off parts of their minds. Neither are comfortable with uncertainty. Neither can hold onto a thing with soft hands and say to it with love, "I'm uncertain about you."

So I remain unconvinced you are a skeptic.

But that's not the terrible and claustrophobic thing I came here to say.

Where does visualization end and spirit contact begin?

Visualization does not end. They are not opposite ends of a polar spectrum. Visualization, as in, "I can see pictures inside of my mind" is not requisite to spirit contact and spirit contact does not stem organically from visualization.

Visualization in and of itself is one way some people process ideas. I am a very visual thinker. But I've also got one of those voices in my head that constantly says words. So I'm not only a very visual thinker, but I'm a very auditory one too.

When I communicate with spirits, of course I "see" them and "hear" them.

That was already how my brain was processing things!

I suppose when someone has a thinking style where they are aware of things sans pictures or words, they just hold onto that knowledge, right, it's just there with them, we'd call that claircognizant.

But it's not as if such a person would set out to be claircognizant.

It's just that such a person already had a mind that holds information sans pictures or words, and when they also open themselves up to spirit contact, that's still how they process information.

Earlier in my life I had a very troubled relationship with my own emotions. And when I started really healing my relationship with my own emotions, so that I could begin to actually feel them, face them with confidence, and so on, can you guess what happened?

Why, yes - I suddenly began to receive emotional input from the spirit world as well. Did I suddenly gain some new psychic ability?

No. Feeling emotions is not requisite for spirit work. Visualization is not requisite for spirit work.

Being in tune with yourself is requisite for spirit work. Understanding the channels within your body and mind that receive information is requisite for spirit work. Working on yourself to the point where you are able to understand how sensory input arrives within you, how you process it, and how it personally affects you, are requisite for spirit work.

It is you, your body, emotions, and mind, which is your primary tool for spirit work. Now, you already know some things about yourself. You know you are a visual thinker and you know it is likely you'll receive spirit input as visual images. And you have something else very great as well: a failsafe. Yes, your hard skepticism - the moat and drawbridge that keeps you safe.

But that's not the terrible and claustrophobic thing I came here to say.

That terrible thing is: how fortunate for you that you are a hard skeptic. How lucky you are that there is some part of your mind which, at every opportunity, seeks to totally block out the reality of the spirit world around us.

Because it is everywhere.

No, not spirits - although there are a lot of them and in many more places than we'd suspect.

The spirit world. It's everywhere. We're in the middle of it, right now. We're swimming through it. We breathe it when we meditate. We eat it with our omelettes. We step on it when we walk to our cars.

The first thing every hopeful spirit worker wants? "How do I do it, how do I connect?"

The very second thing? "Sweet Jesus, how do I turn this off?"

There is no difference between being able to see spirits and being able to see the spirit world. There is no difference in talking to a spirit and talking to a spell.

It all starts to dissolve - all the lines between dead and alive, sentient and merely present, within and without. You break down one or two barriers and suddenly you're scrambling back onto dry land, searching for lines in the sand on your hands and knees.

So you see - skepticism is totally vital. There's hardly a better way to survive the process than to look these experiences dead in the eye and say, "I am completely uncertain about all of this."

But you've got to be uncertain about quite a lot of it before you can be certain about any of it, and if you're anything like me those islands of certainty will be few and far-between.

I do not mean you're lucky to have your hard skepticism because the things out there are evil, or scary, or anything like that.

I find most of them to be joyous, friendly, beautiful - nice stuff like that.

I just mean that it's A Lot.

And it's everywhere.

And once you learn how to tap into it, the real skill is turning it off.

And once you've learned to dwell in it, the first challenge is finding your own little island - things that you can experience which you are no longer skeptical about, but become sure of.

Well, that's a bit misleading. It's never things you become sure about. It's yourself. The island is what you feel you can accurately discern and come to strong educated guesses about which pan out correctly a majority of the time.

Maybe your ostensible spirit man could help you with that - if he makes the cut.

All those exercises, you know - this or that meditation, this or that visualization exercise - they're really more for getting to know yourself, more like platforms to launch yourself off of. Convenient runways to barrel down.

I suppose it doesn't matter how nice the runway is when you always get to the end and say, "no, this isn't working - this isn't real; I can't believe it's real." That's the drawbridge keeping you in your nice, safe castle.

But maybe I'm being too hard about the hard skepticism thing. I mean, if you're operating under the notion that there is some way knowing your thoughts translates into having a conversation, I can see where the disconnect comes from.

The manual release switch for the drawbridge exists elsewhere. It is not experiencing your castle which is your problem - it is letting the rest of the world in.

So invite yourself to experience.

Then turn around and give yourself a good, long look in the eye, take yourself gently by the shoulders, and say with love: "I am completely uncertain about all of this."

Discernment comes with experience. Telling thought from spirit comes with experience. We make mistakes. We make foolish mistakes. We make mistakes we will laugh about and we make mistakes that make our toes curl in rank shame.

Experience many things. Are you just sitting and meditating? Go talk to a tree. Build a shrine for your house spirits and talk to them. Talk to a god. Talk to an ancestor. Go out in the world and look at the spirits inside of people. Look at the spirits of highway intersections and old buildings. Look for the spirits inside your food, inside of old antiques, and inside of mass-produced garbage.

Look for spirits in corners and in the backs of dusty shelves. Look inside of churches and used car lots. Let uncertainty be your constant companion.

Give yourself permission.

Learn to turn it off again.

[faeriekit]

I just spent most of the day reading the trickery au (for the first time and lemme say? I'm very much in love (with the story, the characters, your *writing*, everything. Absolutely everything. I love them all so much)) and even though I was reading it all at once, I still got a bit lost with characters XD

I have no idea how you keep track of them all (*how* is your spreadsheet organized?? Plzzzzzz!!) I would love a (single time) character reminder thing of 'cabin' 'kids' 'parent if in hermes's cabin' because references are being made and I dont...know where exactly the info came from, so I can't look it up to check T.T (love all the minor god(desse)s you've tied in!)

Otherwise - curious about a couple things

1. Is Luke no longer getting nightmares? Thalia? (Didn't she get one or was it just anxiety? I thought I read she heard a whispering too at one point)

2. Was the masterbolt not stolen in this one? Bc I dont think that was actually addressed (the healm of darkness yes, but with the animosity between the underworld and Olympus, would hades have ever told them? Or I guess maybe he accused them and they picked it up from there?)

3. Cory? Did he ever get out of the gas station? (Or are we not meant to find out yet)

I love seeing how Percy's loyalty is tied to so many more people (especially Luke) and how thats changing so many things (he's a menace and I love him). I love how Luke is still angry, but how he's taking lessons from Sally in using that to get.things.done. (love that for him, its amazing, and I love him) (.....and pretty much all the characters. I love the new characters you've introduced us to (love that the number of girls has gone up!) And how they feel so *real*. They're not just....names to fill in space. They take up space as people and its amazing)

Anyways, this is getting very long so.....

XD

Okay one at a time:

Getting lost with the characters is super normal, haha. I tend to bring them up at random. That being said, I do post the chart when people ask, and update it about once a chronological year. The blacked out stuff is things you're not allowed to see yet. Ignore that. That being said, it is ONLY for the current cabin 11 kids, so any non-Hermes kids are in the wind. Metaphorically. Maybe also canonically. Luke is still shirtless.

IF you're looking for the research I use on the individual gods, though, I joyfully exploit theoi.com! Theoi dot com, for all your greek theological needs! (Nonsponsored)

Any dreams and or nightmares are on a plot basis! If you haven't seen any as of late, there haven't been any significant dreams. They are traumatized though. They probably have trauma dreams.

Yeah, weird how no one's mentioned the Master Bolt! Wonder what's up with that. 👀

All Cory things shall be revealed in time...probably. No, I have a plan. But. You know. Everything in its season.

Yeah, Luke's go-get-'em initiative with Sally's prioritization is truly a thing to behold. There are more girls because camp girls are scary, and I think no one on earth has ever done the feral nature of a girl released into the wilderness true justice. I was a little undiagnosed kid waiting for the world to make sense when a girl scout taught me how to break a man's arm. I hope she lives forever. That many kids? With minor superpowers? And ADHD? In a camp setting?? Chiron has to be the only reason this camp has not exploded in the last three hundred years.

Yeah, there are a lot of goddess moms, huh? I wonder if there should be more dads...but there aren't as many cool ones... Eros is cool but to be fair I decided he and his wife and Miranda's mom were all amicable in like the first ten minutes.

Thank you for writing in! Send as much as you want; no one's ever been angry for a lengthy write-in, haha. I love enthusiasm 😊

[copperbadge]

Sam, you’ve talked a bit about the anger that comes with going undiagnosed for so long, and with having parents that dismissed your struggles. I’m about your age and I recently told my mom that I am relatively sure I have ADHD and that I was looking into getting a diagnosis, and I was at least 60% expecting her to disagree. And instead she said. “Oh yeah, I always thought that.”

Like. ????? WHAT. WHY DID SHE NOT EVER SAY ANYTHING???? Also, she was a teacher for years, and she knows how much I struggled in school so I am just. I’m honestly not sure if this is better or worse than her trying to say I couldn’t possibly have it. Like, at least she acknowledges that I struggled I guess? :/ Anyways, how’s it going with you?

I mean, I'm a big fan of repression.

That's only partially a joke. I'm not a big fan of repression but I do believe in trying to correct negative/damaging thoughts when they can't lead anywhere productive. I'm not a "think positive" person per se, but...

Yes, I am angry I didn't get a diagnosis earlier, particularly since it's not like my family was ignorant about the issue. But meditating on that just makes me more upset, and discussing this with my mother is not going to be cathartic for me or productive for either one of us. Even if I just wanted to take out my anger on her, which is a childish but understandable impulse, it's not like she did it maliciously. She was doing the best she could alone with three kids to raise and she desperately needed at least one of them to be "normal", for reasons that have much more to do with her upbringing and mental health than anything to do with me or my siblings. 

And that's all a fucked up situation, but there's nothing to be done about the past. So when I feel annoyance or anger, I stop and think, okay, but there's no point in lingering. Get it out if you have to, but then let's move on to how you can repair that damage. Then I talk about it on here so other people will feel okay about it, and I try to practice compassion, to remember that my parents tried to give their kids a good life with the tools they had and with their own disabilities to deal with.

It sounds like you're in a different place than I am, so I don't know how helpful this is. Not that you really asked for help, it's sweet that you just asked me how I'm doing, but I like to be helpful anyway :) I think the anger you're feeling is normal; the "oh yeah I assumed you had a disability and DID NOTHING" situation is actually quite common, you're not the first person I've spoken to who's had that experience. But part of managing the anger is making a conscious decision about what to do when you feel it.

Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun, wrote a book called Start Where You Are that I read about five years ago and which I've found useful in managing emotions about things I can't change. I think it gets overhyped as a self-help book, but that's not really how it functions; it's more about explicating a specific line of Buddhist reasoning and using Buddhist practice to accept the difficulty of the world without buying into helplessness over it. Part of that is learning to sit in the pain of unhappiness -- to acknowledge an emotion, experience it, and move into either using it for a productive purpose or letting it go. It's a practice that doesn't come easily, but it does seem to help, at least for me.

Funnily enough, I started writing the Shivadh novels before I had a diagnosis but I knew from the first novel that Jerry was neurodiverse. Writing him with ADHD, even as a supporting character, has been very helpful for me because like me he can't really talk to his parents about it, with a father who has passed and a mother who is in denial. But he's still a fundamentally likable person who gets to demonstrably mature over the course of the books, to achieve things he couldn’t before and be praised for it. It's very satisfying to write about someone who got a late diagnosis and that made his life measurably better. Because it has, for both of us! I would rather have this diagnosis at forty than never have had it at all.

So yeah I'm sad, and angry, and struggling, but crucially I'm not taking it out on myself or others, and I know that this is a temporary situation. These are feelings that will fade in time because they arise from grief for could-have-been, and it's worth the sadness and the anger to have the diagnosis and to finally have help. I can't help the failures and bad relationships and mistakes I made because I had a disability I didn't know about, but I didn't know about it -- and now that I do I can improve my life going forward. What I'm feeling now is passing; what caused those feelings is permanent, and from now on I'll understand myself better (and, at least in theory, have access to bomb-ass medication to help raise my quality of life).