#yeah it's probably going to be 3 hours
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still thinking about this absolutely insane 3 hour wait for a table at liuyishou tonight lmao
#the thing is we showed up and they didn't lie to us#they were like#yeah it's probably going to be 3 hours#anyways we did wait for 90 min because liuyishou is that good#and we were hoping people would drop out#but at 7:30 we were like we gotta bail and get food#and it was apparently the right decisions because jesus
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Sword PHIGHTING! period cramps moodboard
Gods mightiest warrior…….
Og image:
ANYWAYS EXTRA BITS!!!! So. Yeah. I wasted exactly 27 hours and 29 minutes of my life making this over a period of like. ~a week and a half LMAO????? I THINK IT WAS LONGER?? Yeah all of these are completely redrawn from the Og “panels”, replicating the dungeon meshi style is. MISERABLE I don’t know why I did this to myself holy fucking shit, all of you blame @squiffer-salad for this monstrosity she’s the reason why this exists in the first place /silly
anyways, I highly recommend looking at the panels individually because I put a lot of fun extra bits in them and just. A LOT of effort in general, any likes, reblog’s, or comments are insanely appreciated since this did take such a long time :’DDD, everything in these minus the backgrounds are completely redrawn/shaded/and colored by hand, this includes mid/screen tones as I used specific layers for those! anyways thank you for coming to my period cramp projection ted-talk I’m going back into my Everglade hole.
#JESUS FICKING CHRIST#WHEN I SAY#27+ HOURS#DUDE…….#FOR A SHIT POST….. THIS IS INSANE…… WHY DID I DO TJIS TO MYSELF#ANYWAYS now that I’m free from this fucking BEAST of a project I’m going to be working on a lot more comms/personal bits since I have much#More free time on my hands!#School is still kicking my ass but at least I’ve been doing well :3#Scored a 10/10 on a AP world test today! Probably gonna end up failing my math unit exam but oh well wouldn’t be the first /silly#Anyways for some smaller extra comments#I honestly don’t really know how I managed to commit to this if I’m gonna be real#This honestly was more of a test of endurance if anything and I think it came out really well especially since I’m not used#To spending THIS much time on a single piece#It taught me a lot too#Specifically more about midtone layers and different types of line art and such#Anyways yeah I am. So horrendously tired#More art soon though! I got stuff in the oven for reals!!!#art#phighting!#phighting#phighting fanart#digital art#phighting roblox#artists on tumblr#phighting art#roblox phighting#roblox#roblox art#roblox fanart#roblox game
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i have no stake in this whatsoever since i’ve never even watched good omens and absolutely 100% unequivocally think it’s a good thing that an abuser is seeing the consequences of his actions but i don’t really see the point in shortening the 3rd season? rewriting it so he doesn’t get money from it? yes absolutely, but if that’s the reason, why not delay the season and do a full six episode rewrite? or just cancel it altogether instead of an inevitable disappointing finale. he’ll still be receiving royalties from the first two seasons and whatever ideas they use for the episode plus whatever he’s already contracted to receive so making a short season feels like it’ll impact the cast and crew more than him; they won’t be paid for a full season of work that they were expecting to have in an increasingly unstable industry
#i dont know how streaming royalties work for all i know hes contracted to get money per episode or something#when compared to a full seasons worth of story an hour and a half isnt enough time to satisfyingly wrap it up#so saying its for the fans is a bit of an eh thing#especially when they will probably either go off the book or his notes so he will still be paid for his ideas#i dunno#obviously a tv show is the very last priority when it comes to something like this#and i havent heard anything about how netflix is handling it considering sandman (thats him right? i think it is)#but people are entitled to be upset about this dont be mean#people have invested their emotions into these characters and this world theyre allowed to be upset#just acknowledge its not the most important thing and move on#but yeah out of everyone it feels like this decision impacts him the least#unless im completely missing something#but i dont think i am#it feels like this is more amazon covering their ass then a genuine desire to not give money to an abuser#which considering amazon is a multi billion dollar company is exactly what theyre doing#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#good omens#neil gaiman#aziraphale#crowley#ineffable husbands#good omens s3#good omens season 3
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Hi has anyone binged a fic so good you just. Don’t know what else to do with yourself? Like. Hello??? How dare you alter my brain chemistry like that?? Who invited you?? Oh who am I kidding, I invited you and I wish I could forget you so I can experience you again for the first time. Teehee!! Normal activities from yours truly tonight!!
#leo’s yapping#yeah I.#I binged 55043 words in a few hours#in the dark#exploding and internally screaming through it all#because yes#it was SO GOOD#(be the fic was Natural Satellite by Dirtbagtrashcat on ao3)#((please go read it it’s a finished work but STARS IT WAS AMAZING.))#(((if I had any energy rn I would draw fan art but I don’t so I won’t but I would!!!!!!!!!! that’s how amazing it is!!!!!!!!!!)#I would @ them but I won’t 😔😔 because that would be annoying to them probably 😔😔😔😔#ok ok ok fr im done yapping in tags but just in case they see this-#in stars and time#only one tag. because I’m selfish teehee :3
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im on vacation how can i make this about the murder time trio. mtt fresh out of a flight and the minute that they leave the airport dust stops horror and killer for the smoke break. because being around a smoker is like that. and while horror is dying and coughing from the cigarette smoke and killer is pretend coughing to make dust feel terrible theyre both simultaneously roasting the shit out of dust for being such an addict smoker. cancer speedrun GO says horror. refreshing his signature smell says killer. dust just glares at them and blows smoke in their face (horror literally takes damage he's at 0.7 HP)
#killer ended up liking that btw. he later asked for dust to extinguish the cig on him. freak#this is absolutely based on my own personal experience#only a person who knows a smoker knows how annoying it is when they take smoke breaks everywhere#car rides are TAINTED by dust having to smoke. eating out is interrupted because dust gets up every 15 minutes to smoke#his bones are a dusty color but not because of the dust but because the smoke has turned them gray from the inside out#i'll need to figure out the right time to post this but the mtt grind never stops even while inter nations ‼️‼️‼️#i MUST relate every single thing i do to the mtt. a similar situation just happened to me like 15 minutes ago#im in germany oui oui or something idk#i cannot wait to come up with a bunch of travel related mtt headcanons this is gonna be so fun#the only fun i'll have during this trip is the imaginary characters in the head i sound delusional#delusional??? like like like horror sans. like like dust sans. is killer delusional. probably idk#update on horror character analysis: i finished some of it on the flight but smh#UNFORTUNATELY i have a human body so i needed to sleep so thats 4 hours wasted on NOT mttmaxxing#and it turns out i REALLY shouldve pre translated time to go mad so i could localize it on a flight with no internet#yeah i didn't think that one through. but at least i got parts of the analysis done WITH NO MUSIC. im a god#since Mad Time Series was so eye opening and fun to translate i cant WAIT to see what Time to Go Mad will be like#calvateyla after being canon dusttale's lord and savior. even after not posting on ask dusttale for years they still manage to surprise me#i almost lost my apple pencil during the flight i swear i was tweaking out#how can i connect this to the mtt#how can i make EVERYTHING about the murder time trio#3 is my favorite number. K D H are my favorite letters. when i see a knife i think of killer when i see a hood i think of dust when i see#mtt brainrot goes hard just like me. im hard. fortunately not like like an erection the mtt brainrot never goes away#top ten most outrageous triglycercule statements#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#tricule hc
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aabria going, "as aimee who maybe wants to have a friend sit by you soon" is going to haunt me for the next two weeks. i can already tell.
#critical role#critical role campaign 3#critical role spoilers#cr spoilers#what does that MEAN. who else do they have sitting in the back room pretending they don't exist. who now has to come back later#WHAT IF ITS ZERXUS#(guy who only knows one fictional character voice)#my points to back this up are: 1. apparently we're doing a betrayer god thing so probably would be a betrayer god pc showing up#2. he's the only other champion of a betrayer god pc we know. there could ofc be a new one but i'm insane like that#would it probably actually be a spider queen person? oh yeah probably. but WHAT IF#of all the episodes for me to pick up cr again (god i hope not i need to have a sleep schedule) after having watched calamity recently#i was so ready to go to bed like an hour later than usual and then aabria said 'you maybe want someone with you on your side of the table?'#and i live watching this yt stream now. or rather. in 2 weeks#thanks for coming to my ted talk. i am the conspiracy board meme
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Honestly your tags are so fun to read every time, i'm almost more excited for them than the actual post (but not entirely because your art is SO GOOD!!!! i adore it). If you don't mind me asking, what are you studying?
i am studying psychology because i refuse to see a therapist so ill figure out whats wrong with me myself !!!!!!!
#snap chats#WITH. a minor in human resources ☝️ because im evil or something#and whatever character/s i decide to fixate on for the next three years i will also psychoanalyze them I Guess. //loud coughing//#tbh i only saw a therapist to get medicine but since bloodwork is expensive without insurance i dont even do that anymore. sad !#but yeah im a certified rambler if i dont share every thought i have so people understand me as much as i want them to ill die#which is why charles xavier if youre out there you have full rights to my brain .......... //gross wink sound//#why cant telepaths be real itd make my life so much easier. i woudnt have to talk a mile a minute anymore#because i do talk very fast because growing up my mom would cut me off a lot#so now i talk fast in fear of being cut off without all my thoughts being heard. anyways.#thank you for also enjoying my art :] a sideshow to the glory that is my tags i KNOWWW but im glad my efforts are not unnoticed 😌#back to My Major tho when i was in middle school i thought i wanted to go into comic books#but then i thought id lose my love for drawing if i did it professionally so now i do it. semi professionally#on my own terms babyyyy thats right. and if im lucky i get paid to draw my faves im living the dream babes#thats why my text posts take nine years for me to type im legitimately sitting here thinking if i said everything i wanted#and if i worded it right but even then after it's up im like 'but did i word it right tho' but its like 'bro just fucking POST IT'#'ITS NOT THAT DEEP' its as my favorite professor once told me 'youre very paranoid' and he's right !!!! im very paranoid 🥰#ok im done now. see thats why i say Ok Im Done Now its a sign im forcing myself to shut UP#wait not done Almost but not quite i was rewatching 97 to Try to get caps of charles in his combat uniform#and i fear i still cackle at erik telling charles to shut up like PLEAAASSE...... i need that bit CLIPPED#it makes me giggle ... someone remind me to clip all of erik's cameos in the squirrelgirl podcast btw#ive been meaning to do that for weeks but. oops <3 i need all my grandpa's moments CATALOGUED and AT THE READY..#ok i done fr now i have class with my you're-paranoid professor in like an hour and i wanna get some work done before then#BYYYYYEEEE. FOR LIKE TWENTY MINUTES PROBABLY IDK
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this is a pass to do a couple things:
finish the manga!!! u can do it so u can follow all the other blogs without getting blindsided by a spoiler
do the ship ask thingy for amoneki :]
Gahh I'm trying !! I'm so busy with school and life stuff so it's hard to squeeze in time to read but I'm trying! I'm getting through volumes very slowly but hey, I'll get there ! Just. Well. There's 16 volumes so. Okay it might take a bit orz
For now I'll just be in my little fandom limbo corner I suppose orz, as for the ask thingy:
when I started shipping it if I did: Several months ago, probably a few months short of a year? It's a bit complicated, Basically I decided to rewatch the anime (because my original exposure to tg was. the anime :') ) and vaguely remembered that I really liked Amon (honestly the encounter at Kanou's Lab/Cochlea was one of the scenes I remembered the most), and after rewatching and seeing Amon and Kaneki's interactions they piqued my interest again. Then I got into the manga and. Yeah that interest turned into insanity and now i'm here
my thoughts: Well I have a 119-slide 15K+-word google slideshow for starters. But I'm taking that to my grave so I guess I gotta condense that somehow. On one hand I feel like everything needs to be said about these two to the point that there's too much to talk about but also nothing needs to be said at the same time. They parallel each other in just about every way possible, it's impossible to ignore the ways that they foil each other. They also have had irreversible effects on the others' character. Kaneki finds resolve in Amon's words ('the world is wrong'), and turns to them at pivotal moments (when he leaves Anteiku, Kaneki's own mantra is also basically a derivative of Amon's, wishing to take out the "bad/wrong" things in the world, and he basically takes them to his grave, "The world is wrong", Amon's own words, being his opening to his final dialogue in the last chapter of the original series)
Similarily Amon is just haunted by Kaneki. Like. In general. He thinks about him constantly (even under more mundane circumstances, in the novels he gets reminded of Kaneki just by staring out a window because it reminded him of the Aogiri raid. lmao). Kaneki is basically the catalyst to his character development, and Amon is constantly bothered by his presence/existence, and even comes to recognize how they always encounter each other at important moments. Amon is so haunted by This Guy (creature) it's both a little funny but also makes me very insane. He's basically being a failure of a ghoul investigator, and it's even more ironic, given his hatred of himself for being raised by and potentially caring about a ghoul (also he's catholic, something something religious guilt), yet he seems to have a lot of faith in Kaneki, even to a faulty degree (I'd daresay it's almost to the point where he puts Kaneki on a bit of a pedestal/idolizes him to an extent. I have a whole other ramble about Just that on the self-rb'ed half of this post. Like I'm sorry but Amon definitely fell hard for this guy I'll die on this hill and I'm going to poke fun at him endlessly for it, he could've done so much better, he starts off the manga hating ghouls with a passion and his mentor's disdain for ghouls runs ten times as deep but nope now he's chasing after the dangerous somewhat unhinged (/affectionate) half kakuja guy and it's not even to fight/kill him like okay, sure.) They have affected each other in irreversible ways. They reflect each other so much even if they don't know it. They just want to sit down and have a conversation. They didn't get to. And instead They Killed Each Other (okay not really but it was very close and they absolutely could, not that they want that) ((It's also partially Kaneki's fault for losing control of himself and he feels awful for that (sidenote but any scenario with Centineki and Amon make me lose my mind))). They're also married by first-encounter marriage bite, apparently. I think we should talk about that more that's kinda?? Donato approves btw
What makes me happy about them: Everything that makes me miserable about them makes me simultaneously happy about them because I am an Angst Guy but honestly just how much they clearly respect each other. While they're not allowed to understand each other because of their circumstances they still very much Want to. They recognize that they probably share a lot of views and could really have a meaningful conversation with each other, and it really shows, even if they're fighting. Amon again has a surprising amount of trust in Kaneki (not assuming he's fighting for Aogiri when he saw him during the ward 11 battle, having faith in Kaneki as a person even if he just saw him potentially killing his superior and being presented with the possibility that maybe he was just being fooled all along, when he's nearly dying at Kaneki's own hands but says he won't die because that would make Kaneki a murderer, having faith still that he hasn't turned into one). They recognize that they're equals (well technically they're not, obviously Kaneki is much stronger objectively, being a ghoul, and a kakuja at that), but they treat each other as equals and that's what really matters. I just think it's a very neat dynamic and their roundabout way of caring about each other despite their positions makes me happy :)
What makes me sad about them: I was gonna put images but then I quickly realized that I'd basically be pasting almost all of chapter 133-134 just uh. The fact that Kaneki really lost control of himself and the parallel with him biting Amon's shoulder escalates to him cutting off his entire fucking arm, the way that Amon's first thought in regards to that is simply that Kaneki is strong, how he doesn't reprimand him for it whatsoever (also Amon's blow pretty much takes out the entire area of where Kaneki's kakuhou should be, which is a detail I find Extremely Interesting and I think it should genuinely be talked about more). This fucking line that happened literally the panel before all of that despite their mutual wishes for the other to simply Not Die:
Amoneki divorce. Absolutely life ruining :thumbsup:
(Also just. Again Amon Please. This guy bit your shoulder (probably gave Amon rabies honestly) and almost ate one of your colleagues; when he loses control of himself for the second time you just tell him to take a break, and now he's cut off your whole damn arm and you're Still not complaining and are instead praising him by calling him strong. I just. Yeah that's Not Normal. It's kind of impressive, really /derogatory)
Oh yeah also the fight at Kanou's lab also kills me and takes over my brain constantly but I wouldn't classify that as making me sad I would classify that as making me lose my mind, laugh hysterically and start climbing up and clawing at the walls (like Centineki, actually)
things done in fanfic that annoys me: Maybe I'm just extremely picky but I feel like people tend to fumble Amon's characterization a lot. It's kind of a fine line, and Amon has a lot of conflicting feelings as is, so I get it, but I'm especially bothered when Amon is written as way too harsh. When he's first introduced he has a strong hatred for ghouls, and it's not like that just goes away, but when he's written as especially harsh or even cruel towards Kaneki, especially if it's just because for him being a ghoul it feels like it kind of defeats the point, as Kaneki is supposed to be the reason why Amon starts changing his mind. When Amon sees him for the second time he doesn't think about fighting him at all, even that early on he decides he wants to talk instead, 'cause He's Different. I don't see this kind of characterization too often but I don't really vibe with it at all when I do (Also this is definitely just a me-thing but I wish there was more angst in the tag. Which is ironic considering these guys are surprisingly normal most of the time and have so much potential to be actually Happy but uh *vague hand gestures*, hurt-comfort would also be a decent compromise)
things I look for in fanfic: I love pre-:re fics that explore the complicated-ness of their dynamic. I'm really fond of fics where they kind of dance around each other in a sense, they won't just straight up completely directly interact because that's Still a bit dangerous but they see each other in passing, maybe Kaneki watches over Amon sometimes, etc. Also you probably saw this coming a mile away but yeah religious references mean instant bonus points from me. I could go into some (too much) detail but. uh. stares down at my feet look I'm normal I swear
Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Saying Amonhaise is definitely cheating but I'm not really invested in any other Amon ships. I'm not particularly against any I'm just neutral. As for Kaneki, like I mentioned in a previous post, I see potential with Etoken, and it's pretty hard to go wrong with Hidekane, though neither drive me to insanity like these two do at the moment
My happily ever after for them: Let them finally officiate their marriage ghsfdljbhf
who is the big spoon/little spoon: Well that's pretty easy huh. Kaneki small spoon he is a Little Guy just let him feel comfortable and secure y'know? Kaneki is probably someone who runs very cold and Amon is very warm so it works out :) If he's super tired he very carefully (and cautiously) wraps his kagune around Amon he will now be Trapped there until Kaneki wants to get out of bed (good luck)
what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Well I would say that Kaneki loves cooking for Amon probably. He makes food at home and tries to make new sweets following recipe books. It's a bit of a mess because y'know, he's a ghoul, and at first Amon tries to hide that, unfortunately, his previous experience with cooking does Not, in fact, hide the fact that he cannot taste or smell human food, but eventually Kaneki is able to get a hang of it (with Amon's help) and it's very nice :) That's what I would say but. well. Amon is Also a Ghoul now so that doesn't really work :')
#asks#ipsen#tokyo ghoul#tg#amon koutarou#kaneki ken#koutarou amon#ken kaneki#amoneki#amoneki ramblings#so. it took me like 3 hours to write this. it's approaching 1:30 am i have school tomorrow man orz (worth it)#anyways um yeah i'm normal definitely i think#ha ha. hghsdljfbhsdflhbfldbhsdfoubhserb#i. don't run this through a word counter i talk a lot (too much)#h. aha. haha 1.5k+ word response?? i have no idea what you're talking about#i don't think there's anything that needs to be elaborated on but uh#if there's something i mentioned that you want more details on i'll probably end up having another 1-500 word response for it#tomorrow though i need to go to sleep holy shit#most sane amoneki fan right here (definitely not lying) :))#they're just neat. i think#i got another ship ask for amoneki but obviously i just answered that. maybe i'll answer it with amonhaise instead?? we'll see :3c#thank you for indulging in the madness i had fun (i need to be Stopped)
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i think that linda and anne can be a little gay for each other sometimes actually . ! as a treat .
#very much an ace & probably arospec linda believer. but they can make it work. they can communicate. anythings possible with enough love <3#i should write more about them#linda talks for hours and hours about her books. and anne is just sitting there eyes shining going uh huh. uh huh. go on#and in her head shes just like. god i am so in love with you please never stop talking#z talks#sso#ssoblr#i wonder if they have ANYthing on ao3 lmfaooooooo#if mayalex only has 21 then... yeah i dont think theres much for linda and anne.
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The only spn show I would like to see at this point is a pre-series miniseries adaptation of ‘rising son’
let’s see John come inches away from putting his 7 year old son down like a dog he suspects could’ve been exposed to rabies
#This is one of those things where like. I don’t ned it to follow the comic necessarily#but a little look into John figuring some shit out about Sam#and into dean as the unknowing savior#and into Sam as the outcast for reasons he can’t understand#anyways I can daydream about a genuinely good spn spinoff can’t I#with production value and writers who just want to tell a good story#something that ends bittersweet with the knowledge that yeah. That dog does actually have rabies and he will end up biting#but John can’t put him down#And no Sam won’t hurt anyone on purpose#but the damage will end up happening#ok it’s past 11 and I got probably 3 hours of#Sleep last night so I should go to bed#lea speaks
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I'm hyperfixating on viewtiful joe again btw
#I forgot to make this statement sooner#y'know. just to keep it registered. so I can look back on it in the future#I think it's been a week or two since I've been hyperfixating officially#realistically it's probably been a bit longer but I didn't REALIZE that I was hyperfixating again yet#my theory is that the viewtiful joe side of my brain saw that qsmp surpassed its record#for media I spent the most time hyperfixated on#and it was just like#naaurrr#and it forced a vj resurgence on me#I'm not really SURPRISED . I've already accepted that my obsession w/ viewtiful joe is like a lifetime thing#but I'm just kinda like 'fucking god damn it not again'#anyway yeah ummmm dunno what this means for me bc like#I do not want to go back to the sad life that I lived when I was really into viewtiful joe#and I would spend hours making art just to post it and get 2 likes from my friends#so I dunno what I'm gonna do#I'll probably still be in the qsmp fandom tbh#or rather. I'm in the tazercraft fandom at this point#for the qsmp as a whole I guess I'm not that into it anymore#still love tazercraft thou :3#lucasings
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After a month of hyperfixation, I have finally come to the conclusion that Majimako is, and will always be, one of my favourite ship of all time at this point. Thanks for coming to my ted talk stay tuned for more 🤓✌️
#no but seriously#i could go on for hours and hours#i’ve never felt this way about a ship since A LONG LONG LONG TIME#like the last time i felt this way about a ship was years ago probably 7 or 8 years#and it was Sato and Yachiyo from Working#they’re still my number one ship of all time btw. i think nothing could top them in my heart but#i just have so many feelings for majimako#i love everything about them. their characters. their story. how it’s told. even their ending was SO satisfying to me#the hitman who became the bodyguard who became the lover…like#how they surpass their similar traumas together#the parallels between them#every time i listen to shiawase nara i stop everything i’m doing to think about them because. oh my god#the feels#i just love them so much#I’m just glad they exist#and i’m glad i discovered this ship and yakuza 0#because this game is so important to me#so yeah. thank you for everything yakuza <3#chiptalks#majimako
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My apologies to anyone at the gym who's noticed me wearing the same workout clothes 3 days in a row. They don't make many affordable workout clothes for short fat girls, and I also don't have my own washer and dryer. I'm just doing my best to maintain my body.
#body maintenance#exercise#laundry#went shopping for workout clothes tonight#I shopped for 3 hours and only found one complete outfit for#there were only a handful of things in my size#it's like they don't want fat people losing weight until we're already a size twelve#I know there's some great plus size clothes online#but I don't want to spend $80 on one pair of leggings#our apartment doesn't have any washer and dryer#so nothing gets clean until we have time to go to the laundromat#I've been surviving on about 4 outfits to wear to the gym for a few months#but they're all shorts and tanks and now it's freezing cold#I just want to be active and maintain my body and not hurt all the time#I'm going to keep exercising because it's been good for me#the logistics are kind of a pain though#I'm going to keep being the fat girl there ruin the gym bros day#some of the serious gym bros will flex in the mirror and then get annoyed when they see my fat ass in the background#yeah bro I'm still here taking time on your bicep machine lifting 25lb#*smiles and waves*#I do not have a personal trainer because when they asked how much weight I wanted to lose#and I told them I didn't own a scale they would probably blue screen#which would be very funny#health over thinness
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something something down by the river
yeah i could draw something other than two characters gazing at each other with utter heartsick longing but I know what i'm about son
#beware the tags#oh no the vampire spawn is falling in love with the spider princess#also you will never guess where i got inspo from#yeah it was the man from uncle#i will make him look *more* lovesick dont worry. this is gonna rival my martin/hok stuff bc god#i still have not finished his quest bc i know its gonna make me step away from the game for probably 3 days while i recover#ugghhhh i am gonna scream! bc like the fucking headcanons i have about him and my evil little mermaid tav#she's never seen the ocean. bc menzoberanzzan. so when they finally get to the city she's like fuckin. struck by it.#never seen anything so big in her life. so to explain my running along the coast for hours to unfog the map i imagine he's humoring tav#and acting exasperated by her fascination with the water but he secretly thinks is adorable#and she doesn't know how to navigate a city like baldurs gate. bc where are the spires? the stalagmites? where are the stairs?#so he (knowing the city so well) has to basically be her guide/lead her through the whole thing otherwise it would take them 3 years#to find anything.#MEANWHILE she's having a crisis grieving over her recently dead spouse and fleeing her home for failing her 5th trial#and wants revenge on lolth of all things#so they make a little 'revenge pact' to each other but she's being slowly shown signs of eilistraee and having trouble letting go#bc she can never return home. and she misses her baby brother terribly bc he's only 12 and all 6 of her other siblings are not nice#and she's either gonna take the crown to become a god or have a breakdown at night by the water where she decides to move on#they can make each other better they can make each other so much worse
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Btw for anyone who's never visited my blog and/or doesn't use desktop, I just want you to know that it's a relic blog with an audioplayer, the old tumblr format of indented posts, and a custom floating gif that walks up the right side of the page. I put my love into this theme and I'm going to share it!
#erurandomness#erubabbles#I think I've had my theme like this since...maybe 2017ish? oh god how long has it been#The NieR image in the side is probably a 2017ish thing since that's when I played it. Maybe 2018 because I didn't lose interest right away#I also remember that the background (right side) was Tenebrae from FFXV which I was super into in 2016/17ish#so yeah I want to say the bones have been like this since 2017ish#though I've changed some things over time.#I think I used to have more blues or a different green in the solid color part of the side bar#I've also edited the fonts colors and headers#the audio player songs I've changed a few times. and need to do it again because 2 or 3 of the links are dead#and kain I added in a few months ago. it was a different gif before#but yeah! i don't know why tumblr is getting rid of people's custom blogs but for now I still have mine#I'm going to get really sad if they get rid of them entirely. i've put dozens if not hundreds of hours into customizing mine#and my side pages#over the years. both this one and side blogs. this year will make 11 years of being on tumblr man. so i've invested a lot of time into it!#i will say that this view is at 133% zoom but I don't want to make the theme itself any larger for the sake of ppl with small screens
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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