#yeah it's august whatever
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if i think too hard about marshal steel i'm gonna end up on the news. he is making me actually insane. dog dad of the year. hated your guts when he met you. a kind and gentle lover. has made unforgivable mistakes. has also made charming stupid jokes. i can't tell if i want him to have a good calm life or if i want his guilt to devour him from the inside out. and on top of it all hes gay. happy pride month 🏳️🌈
#yeah it's august whatever#fhr#marshal steel#wei chen#not putting this in the body of the post but i'm also blinded by lust for him. he's so fucking fine#UGHHHHH i understand every reason behind every decision he's made and i see his logic and he's so understandable and also like oh my godddd#he's my little bug in a jarrrrr i put him in a jarrrr and i look at hiiiiiiim#i wanna examine him under a microscoooope#i love him i want what's best for him and also NOTHINGGGG was more satisfying than letting my sidestep (ripley ofc argumentative bastard)#just ABSOLUTELY GRILL HIM and make him squirm and feel every ounce of guilt over. retribution spoilers. but iykyk. The pictures.#like ugh YESSSSS MAKE HIM SUFFERRRRRRR EAT HIM ALIIIIIIIVE ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️#i want him so bad it makes me look stupid. i shan't say more
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"...For twenty-eight years I only knew one thing. That my parents sent me away." ["We did that to give you your best chance."] "...But it doesn’t change the fact that, for my entire life, I’ve been alone."
#ouatedit#ouat#once upon a time#emma swan#lily page#neal cassidy#august booth#I know that very few people care about them but.......I NEEDED this gifset#they make me want to gnaw on my own arm#the lost kids#(because I can't help but call them that. and)#the lost children#(because that's the actual name for them :') and I didn't realise for such a long time)#also yeah lily is here because she deserves to be#also hey listen. I know these gifs are a little...rough. but I'm still learning how to do overlays or whatever you call it please be nice
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there’s something so epic about hetero chinese period dramas and i think one part of it is that there is absolutely nowhere in the narrative i could exist.
lately i’ve been on a western media detox— i’ve cleaned english language music out of my playlists and have never been able to stomach western dramas anyway, so that part is easy— which might seem funny, because if i’m in singapore and i hate it and i won’t touch american music then what’s left? the answer is the false binarism of chinese period dramas, at least for me. the badly written ones are misogynistic and stupid and the better ones are less of those things, but regardless the world that emerges is clean-cut and easy to parse. there’s someone to root for and someone to hate. there’s a girl and a boy. there’s the comedy and the drama, the sheer thick drama, the music that signals to you precisely how to feel before the scene even starts going
try to jam a fifth culture transnational transgender they/them with 2 mental illness and 1 autoimmune disease into this world and it simply doesn’t work. and that’s kinda epic lolzers! it’s like watching high fantasy, or super hardcore sci-if. it both represents a simulacrum of the real world and is so far from the reality you know that you understand it as a hypothetical universe, one that disincludes you on principle. i exclude myself from the story and in doing so fangfei from moyuyunjian’s steely gaze becomes all the more important. i give so many shits and laugh and yell and spectate. but i am safe from the eyes of its inhabitants. if i entered the story it would break. so i sit outside of it, clapping by myself
in other news, we gave up on mysterious lotus casebook 16 episodes in. there are many character archetypes in these shows that i can no longer stand; the salacious sexy seductive supervillain lady is not necessarily one of them but the way they did miss ‘this man didn’t even Look at me when all men fall at my knees so i hated him’ ‘no one is allowed to steal buttchin from me’ jiao was way up there. surely a woman can have multiple personality traits and yet you would think from this drama that that is not at all true. and the strange harem that grew around li lianhua despite his absolute loser attitude— like i get it, he’s the gintoki of this show, that’s hot, but the way the women who were into him were written made me want to Eat Horse. it bothered me that di feisheng and lianhua’s homo as fuck dynamic was so intriguing and them + fang duobing was a winning trio but all the women in the show were written like complete fucking ass, and one of the big antagonists being a woman, the stakes throughout were not only lost to me but also Pissed Me Off. also, that case about the corpse flowers dragged on forever and all my pocky wilted
I Just Think, women deserve better in these damn stories. make them slutty as hell, sure, but make them other things too and i mean this in the most generous sense. slutty and proud. slutty and weird. slutty and oblivious. literally anything at all so they don’t come out cardboard flat from all angles. this is why i have a personal vendetta against the ditzy clueless female protagonist as well because if everything stems from the fact that she doesn’t know shit it’s like please someone Please tell her shit i’m on my hands and knees begging. give her more to chew on she’s dying of boredom over there
this is why i liked the so called antagonist of blossoms in adversity best (spoilers ahead). he was cruel as hell to huazhi and gu yanxi’s only parental figure. he was paranoid and selfish and lonely and craved a son’s love from the one person he couldn’t hold onto. in the end he is pushed further and further by huazhi, who won’t give in, to isolate yanxi from the people he loves and to lash out at those people as a way of punishing yanxi. and when he dies it’s because of his own distrust, his own negligent parenting, his absent cruelty from decades of insomnia and lack of faith in his people. but he cries for yanxi, and there’s something so human about that. to think of evil not as a first principle but rather an adjective for a verb that is set in motion by other events. to be honest, i haven’t seen such thoughtful writing in any chinese period drama before or after that and i strongly suspect i will never see such writing again in this genre but man, it was so fucking good (spoilers end).
in the meantime, i’ve dragged my mother to moyuyunjian/the double for the return casting of liu xiening and wang xingyue who are Eating so hard. they’ve got wang xingyue done up with the sluttiest makeup and liu xiening is breaking my heart with her pout and her Sassy Mean constitution and this is a revenge story, yes, but it’s a double revenge story. it’s a grief story. and fangfei is carrying more on her shoulders than lingbuyi imo, and doing so with much more grace too. her step mom’s a dick but she’s a smart, 5d chess playing dick who wears hot shades of green so i’m personally interested enough to keep watching (something lotus casebook DID NOT accomplish with their epic female antagonist…. mein gotte). and the princess too. unhinged as hell but god, so charismatic. and beautiful, with scary big eyes and the sweetest head tilt. fun fun fun! that’s fun character writing right there. the comedy might be too straightforward for my tastes but everything else is kind of hot and sexy And after the coming of age ceremony when jiangli appeared amidst the flowers i felt my throat close up even though we saw her for all of one (1) episode). i was like yes. they got me alright. i Care now
really that’s all that matters isn’t it. we want stories about people we care for. we want to give a shit. why else would we listen to the stories of other people. we are looking for us and the people we love in them
oh also moyuyunjian soundtrack goes hard as hell i love a little three step waltz. here’s a pic from the ‘gym’ for ur time. guten night
#gelmo#i get so. i get so angry when women write ass female characters like fr ur kicking urself in the crotch rn#you can be innocent/clueless about The World and still be so compelling#thinking about guxiang from word of honor. she was goofy and oblivious but she also had Teeth#and she was strong! and had opinions and stuff#so important to have opinions….. especially in the pre internet age#i hage so many more thoughts on this topic but i took melatonin which should knock me out so#this is not a well organized argumentative essay this is just me yapping in an empty room#but yeah i was disappointed at lotus casebook. particularly given its high as fuck reviews#reviews? i mean ratings. and stellar reviews or whatever#also the ending (sans 24 episodes of context granted) was ASS i was like ??? it’s over ??? surely not#idk it didn’t work for me. glad it worked for some other homies. fang duobing let me rescue u and the dog from this shit ass story#anyway……….. i have been unable to listen to english language music in some weeks now#this is quite major for me. given my 2 year indie folk phase. but i need a break from america and the ideological west at large#no more taylor biden…. justin kahan…………#just my chinese drama insert songs nct 127’s sixth album WALK and jacky cheung#it’s true i keep landing myself in these spots where i’m sick of america and i’m sick of singapore so how are my friends (from these two#countries) supposed to approach me. well the answer is they are not the country but it’s trhe i am in one of those weird holes right now#glad i’ll be leaving in august briefly! watch me go. awooooo
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I forgot adults existed oops hi guys ^_^
#jadetheblade#jade post#i should probably put in my tumblr bio that im a minor but i turn 18 in August so#well just because ill be turning 18 doesnt mean that people shouldnt be cautious or whatever#yeah im gonna. put my age#seems more sensible than putting minor because yeah of my birthday#heh#i can go from minor to major like the music#coolio
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don’t worry y’all, caleb can still use four whole spells (including counterspell!) from his spellbook since they don’t have a verbal component. and more importantly, his boyfriend loves him a lot and presumably has dark star prepared to do 8d10 force damage to ludinus’ stupid face
#yeah i spent my lunch break combing through caleb's known spells to see which ones don't require a verbal component#if you're curious it's two cantrips (control flames and friends) and then catapult and counterspell#plus whatever spells he's picked up in the last 10 years that we don't know about#cr spoilers#critical role spoilers#cr3 spoilers#cr3#caleb widogast#shadowgast#august chats
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im considering going back to making shitty youtube videos edited on imovie again just to try and feel some sense of purpose. dont have brawl stars downloaded rn because i kinda fell off on it, but i could to twst vids or something. record my dot connection game dailies or something, idk, just something to do.
#im in a rut of rewatching and rewatching old content and doing nothing all day#and im technically hired rn. but theyre running background checks and then ill have to do a physical and a drug test and whatever#ill probably not even be on the schedule til august. and even then. i could only find a part time position. 30 hrs every two weeks.#im actually starting to feel excited for school to come up just to give me something to throw myself into#so i can ignore my constantly depleting mental health and maybe even find someone else to talk to. in person#i only ever consistently talk to three people outside my family and all communication is on discord. nothing irl. which sucks.#it sucks that i don’t like going outside and meeting people. it sucks that i don’t get to hang out with friends irl. everything sucks.#so yeah. might just start recording dailies for games or something. just to have something im doing.#yea. youtube same name. there’ll probably be a video there tomorrow.
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my mum has stage four cancer
#we found out a week ago#august 4th - the worst day of my life#so there were a bunch of tests that mum hated so her team of doctors could have all the info they needed#but the last few days we've been out of hospital and. adjusting to life back at home#i've become a decent nurse#i lost feeling in my nose for four days due to intense crying#there are. no words for how devastating this has been#mums been sick a while. but neither of us could have predicted it was something so serious#and it's. very serious. i was in hysterical denial at first but#while i do believe theres a chance she'll live. that a miracle will happen#its very likely my mum. my wonderful mum will die#its not the ending she deserves. she deserved to have decades more. to hold her grandchildren#but it may not be#we have no idea how long until. nobody does. could be weeks. could be years. i'll take care of her#and she's on heavy painkillers around the clock so whatever happens? she won't go out suffering#i wasn't looking forward to telling y'all because. i knew it'd make me cry again#but i feel like using tumblr again. so i felt i should say something#i have been open about this to my close friends tho to be clear. i havent been bottled up. but yeah#ahead of time i say: thank you
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no way ive been walking around for like 3 weeks with my bank card and drivers license in a whole other purse…found that out today when i was tryna pay for the shopping
#normally my mom gives me her card but sometimes it doesnt go through or i just dont know the pin so i use my card#i havent done the shopping in a while so naturally i forgot the pin#so im like okay whatever ill just pay#im going through my purse and my card is NOT THERE im like wtf#i have cash on me but it was this whole ordeal to cancel the order and use that receipt to pay at customer service etc etc#but yeah i called my sister to see if it was in thsi clutch bag that i took to a wedding at the beginning of august#..it was#🦀
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"why do I feel so weird and awful" says man who already made a post half an hour ago that included the reasons he feels weird and awful
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#I'm trying to work out if I need a fun distraction or if I need to do something cathartic instead#I feel strange in a way I can't quite place. I think I might be having emotional flashbacks#and I'm not like... upset at the moment? but I feel like in a couple of hours I'm gonna be hit with emotions I don't want to deal with#there's a very specific feeling that I can't seem to describe in any normal way which might mean I need to write poetry about it instead#something about summer evenings seems to fuck us up sometimes and it's just occurred to me that I think we write more poems in summer#and I only just noticed this pattern because I think we got to the start of summer last year#and started writing poems about how much the summer fucks us up#the thing is I like summer and I've been looking forward to it but it also comes with this kind of weird nostalgic feeling#and it ends up being really bittersweet#it's like that quote or post or whatever about August giving you some of the most beautiful but bittersweet moments of your life#every so often I'm like ''okay I say we get summer depression and winter depression but we're depressed all the time#so are we really getting special kinds of depression in summer and winter?'' and then I get to like June and November#and I'm like ''oh okay yeah no this is a different feeling to the background level of depression we have''#this fucks us up in new and exciting ways that I don't want to fucking deal with but will do anyway because I don't have a choice
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moments like this when im really glad im a sad little cynic who always considers the worst possible outcome and never lets herself truly get comfortable and trust the good things in her life to stay there and builds her life around trying to soften the blows of the eventual disappointments just waiting around the corner lol never leaving my edgy teenager era peace and love
#i mean if the alternative is whatever the fuck is going on with my best friend rn then hooooo boy#cancelling therapy immediately i never want to change i wanna keep my trust issues forever and ever if its gonna save me from THIS#is he a dick? kinda. yeah. and a coward because if dude was sure he didnt want it since AUGUST and didnt have the guts to end it till now#actually he didnt end it. she was the one who finally snapped. but we seriously fought twice before because she just woudlnt listen#when i said that girl this isnt gonna work and you trust him too much and you're attachment styles are incompatible as hell#your*#but nvm. the least you could do when a 7 years younger girl who's clearly obsessed with you is breaking up with you#cause she just cant take it anymore. and you can see she's still in love with you because you've been lying to her for half a year.#imo the least you could do at that point is just. dont tell her that jfc. just say you're sorry it didnt work out etc etc#dont fucking tell her you stopped being in love with her in fucking august#and just 'didnt know how to end it' and lied when she asked if everything's alright#like my god. yes ig this would never have happened if she hadn't trusted him so completely and expected love to fix her whole life#but jesus dude. she's not even 23 she has a right to be naive. you're almost 30. you DONT get to be a man child anymore#christ. okay.#anyway i wish i could help her but telling her to 'trust less' and 'never truly rely on other people' sounds horrible and cringe and edgy af#but i genuinely dont have any other advice#like babygirl im sorry but your bestie is a piece of human garbage and she's doing the best she can but her best is Not Much alas
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i understand that remembering birthdays is Super Ultra Crazy Hard and whatnot like i get it, by all means i GET it, but if ONE more person fucking forgets when my birthday is i’m going to cancel any plans i was planning to make on my birthday and not see a single fucking person for that entire week. come hell or high water. [do not rb]
#neg#i don't think a single person i have EVER dated has remembered my birthday.#and if one of them did then it was the one that did not care about me in any capacity. great job guys!#fierce competition from the suitors tonight!#like look. i forget birthdays. i forget EVERYTHING i forget my own fucking name sometimes.#but when i forget. i ask. i ask and i ask until i REMEMBER.#so all my friends fucking ASSUMING that my birthday is in january or may or october#when it's in AUGUST it's always been in AUGUST it has never been anything BUT august i've known some of these people for YEARS.#is a little goddamn infuriating.#but whatever! whatever it's not like i like any of these people it's not like it matters.#it's not like it's important No no not at all when was I the important one in a relationship?#this is why i watched nine parts of desire this is why i fucking cling to it because it UNDERSTANDS.#it UNDERSTANDS the feeling of love it understands how iraqi women like me love#in a way that nobody else will ever understand#it's just a birthday. it's just a fucking birthday. and people give me so much SHIT for bringing up my zodiac sign yeah well#bring out the fucking calendar baby let's play.#do not rb
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genuinely except for maybe a passing interest in seeing camelot (which is closing too soon for me to do anything about anyway) i haven't wanted to actually Go To New York to see smth on broadway since the music man. i am going to do everything in my power however to go see this cabaret tho
#i still think it would be most at home in the cits but it's at the august wilson. oh well i'm gonna salivate over it anyway#OMG and it'll be almost exactly ten years since i first saw it on broadway with the last revival too. meant to be#sasha speaks#anyway i don't even think camelot is a great show but that's mostly from a book side of things#and i'm still very curious what changes they made to the book with this production#plus i just really like what bartlett sher and lincoln center theater are doing in general with these classic revivals#never got to see it though. alas...#maybe it'll tour...the cast won't be as star studded but if i can see it then i'll see it#and yeah 1776 and sweeney both looked interesting too but those weren't anything i couldn't wait to see#1776 i just caught on tour anyway and sweeney will tour within the next two uears so whatever#i guess parade looks interesting but honestly i think i'd only go if i was already in the city. i wouldn't plan a whole trip around it#the last show i caught in nyc was fiddler in yiddish which was great but also It's Fiddler and that was off broadway#actual proper broadway i haven't been interested in since the music man lol#(i did also see six but that was more for my mom than anything else. i thought it was Fine.)
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so excited for the posting if UPS teamsters strike like “wjat about Packages Georg who is impoverished and disabled and queer living on a dirt road deep in the mountains and relies on daily UPS deliveries of food and medicine for his continued survival? What will he do during a strike? Should disabled people just die?”
#this is only slightly exaggerated from some rhetoric during the last big amazon strike#also yeah some posts wrt the potential teamsters strike are misleading like the strike authorization vote that#just happened is a standard part of contract negotiations and isnt a signal that the strike will happen#negotiations are ongoing and if the key demands are met there will be no strike#however last i heard from Connections UPS hasnt budged on some key demands so its#entirely possible#also theyve been limiting hours for PT sups (no union protection) all year and have forbidden vacation time in the month of august#in preparation for the circumstance of a strike where theyd have entire sorts being worked by pt supervisors and whatever scabs they can ge#which will be disastrous and very very funny
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im sorry but orangekip being part of the ecosystem of aew ships is just. so wild to me my god
#top 12. when maybe 90% of fics are written by two people. i know there are others but i think i can stake some claim into this#when last person in that tag that wasnt me or bugs posted in august i think? and even before that it was very rare#so like.. yeah. WILD#this just made me very happy. between all popular ships and guys and whatever.. they are up there. its just mind blowing#im gonna go back into my hole of trying to feel better now today has been a lot but this was nice 💜#night is an absolute mess on main
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are we one and done with these or we thinking they’re going to be a factor in the off arc???? 🤔
#this is vee speaking#idk maybe there’s some underbaked concepts presented here#and by that there’s more to come lol#i’d feel a little bit better if it was mixed up teams in whatever order for the ep art but here’s possibilities to consider lol#the first guidebook art tbh really has me like 🤔 even after all these years lol#it’s that divide man 😩😩😩 i wonder if my guess about it is still relevant lol but i don’t remember the specifics of it#i don’t remember exactly what i said about the cover but i’m sure it was wrong lmao still!!!!! what if unexpected relevancy!!!!!!#as for cross a line there is admittedly a lot in this i can see being relevant i’m just not entirely sure how lol#like gencha and hitoya for instance!!!!!!! yeah they do have a brother complex and carry their brother’s name with them!!!!!!!!#*leans in* and what are we doing with that lmao#sasara and kuukou!!!!!! they want to reform the world because they felt hurt from their families!!!!!!! great!!!!!!!#∠ ( ᐛ 」∠)_ will they be a leader combo finally oooooooooooooooooooorr????????????#rei and juto!!!!!!!!!!!! they both had the brilliant idea of working with the enemy for their goals!!!!!!!!!!!!#so what else we got???????????? 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂#like there’s very obviously stuff here is there more to it????????? there is right???????#*wheezing* w…………….. why isn’t it august yet……………….#c: rapping boys
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hi everyone im gonna fukcing Die now. i found literally the perfect fucking apartment a couple weeks back but i didnt move fast enough on it bc i was like. well the lease doesnt even start until fucking august. but GUESS WHAT!!!!! someone else snatched that shit up!!! in the last couple days!!!! so im so happy and thrilled right now ^-^
#i have a second choice lined up but its not located as perfectly as the first one was#but it IS like. 100 bucks cheaper in terms of rent AND its bigger so ig thats not so bad.#but it IS a much longer commute. like. i Definitely wont be able to walk to class :(#OH!!! also ig i havent mentioned it here yet but um!!! im moving to pittsburgh in august for nursing school so!!! yeah!!!!#so anyways. in the hopes that i dont lose this one TOO. im gonna fuckiin. apply. like Now.#and then hopefully have my aunt and uncle take a look around before i make anything official#whatever the fuck
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