#yeah i'm envious of attractive people

[afusionoffandoms]

I often think about how easier my life would be if I were conventionally attractive.

Don't get me wrong. I don't look myself in the mirror and wish I looked good for the sake of looking good. I just wish I were treated that way.

When you're conventionally attractive, you get better job opportunities, and you get better paid. You get more social opportunities, from being first pick for games or projects, to having more friends, love interests and overall being more desirable to spend time with. Your opinions weigh more, and people are more inclined to listen to you, and care about you. Me? When I was a kid/teenager and the PE teacher had us form a circle or something, people literally refused to stand closer than 6 feet away from me, even though I've always been a very clean person. I've never been given pet/nicknames. I know for a fact that if I were to start a GoFundMe to help my medical expenses, I wouldn't get a single dollar.

If you're conventionally attractive, you get compliments just for existing. You post a selfie and people actually compliment you. Slay, girl. Smash. Daddy. Goals. Pretty thing. I've never experienced that. Not once have I been complimented on a random pic of myself, I'm only complimented if I've done something truly spectacular. All compliments have to be hard-earned and even then, they're very conservative. People have to be careful not to seem like they're attracted to me, for that would be embarrassing and make them seem weird. I could never use myself as a model to show something I've created, or in order to create something, since it would negatively affect what the subject is. Never have I been praised for simply existing. The world has never told me I have any reason to feel good - or even neutral - about the way I look.

I think about how my medical history would've looked so different and been so much easier for me to work through, how much more healthy I would've been today, if only medical professionals had treated me like they treat conventionally attractive individuals. If I would've been given the same treatments and trusted and taken seriously the same way. If people had an instinctual wish to treat me right.

I think about how movies, books, comics, series, music, video games, photography, art, podcasts, every single medium keeps telling me I'm undesirable both as a partner and a friend, that my existence is comical, that I'm unintelligent, selfish, lazy, greedy, filthy and evil unless proven otherwise. I can never find myself represented in media, or when you can build your own character. In perfect fictional worlds, I don't exist. Any instance where this stereotype is criticised or disproven, is treated as controversial and an exception to the rule.

I wonder what it would be like to be in a public space without being unfairly ignored or judged. It's either one or the other. You either don't exist at all - and don't deserve the time of day - or you exist too much and you're taking up too much space, judged mercilessly and picked apart. I can't go to the gym without getting looks of disapproval and disgust, which does nothing to encourage me to work harder. Imagine how much that damages you over time, even when you do your best to learn how to ignore the haters. It still doesn't change the fact that people do it. Doesn't change the fact that the average person still wants to treat you this way.

I'm not saying attractive people don't have challenges as well. I'm not saying there are minorities who don't have it worse.

But that doesn't change the fact that this is my life, and being unattractive means I have a considerable amount of additional hurdles to overcome - hurdles that I can't change with my mindset, hurdles that are unnecessary and wouldn't have to be there if people simply decided not to place them in my way.

[tomriddleslovergirl]

House of the Dragon Incorrect Quotes

You: Are we fighting or flirting? Aemond: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck- You: Your point?

You: I feel like doing something stupid. Aegon: I’m stupid, do me.

You: Crushes are the worst. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting stupid. Aemond: You always act stupid. Aemond: Aemond: Wait...

Alicent: Did you wash the dishes? Aegon: I thought you wanted to do that... Alicent: *chuckles* You were WRONG.

Aemond: People tell me I have a unique way of lighting up a room. You: It’s called arson and those people are called witnesses.

You: Are you ever going to listen to me? Daemon: Yes. Absolutely. You: When? Daemon: When you're right.

Aegon: We have a problem. Aemond: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.

You: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you... Daemon: Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.

Aegon: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes. You: Wow, I've gotta hear this. Aegon: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share. You: You forgot pride. Aegon: No, I'm pretty proud of this.

Aegon: What do you call people you go out with but don’t try to sleep with? You: ...People?

Daemon: This is bothering me. You: Well, you are digging up a corpse. Daemon: No, not that. That's, uh, pretty par for the course, actually.

[luminouslywriting]

hey love! can you do a BoB boys when their partner has the same personality as them? please?

love your work 🤭❤️

Hi Nonny, you're so sweet :) I'm glad that you enjoy my work so much! Reminder that my requests are open and that I don't mind spam BUT PLEASE, I don't write actual smut scenes/imagines/x readers :) So don't ask?? Thanks??

Cut for length, more under the cut:

Dick Winters:

-You mean this man finds someone of equal responsibility, maturity, kindness, and social grace? The world is unprepared for the level of wholesome that this relationship is going to be.

-I think that naturally, this is the type of person that Dick Winters attracts anyway, so it all works out

-You know that quote about how the Lydia's of the world don't attract the Mr. Darcy's? Yeah, totally applies here. To be in a relationship where there's equal level respect, focus on the job, and genuine care for one another is rare

-He's very grateful for you and for the relationship and never misses an opportunity to express this

-The men of Easy Company easily consider you the parents of the group, hands down

Lewis Nixon:

-This relationship is so chaotic, SMH—like—this man is out here getting drunk most of the time and so are you, as you helpfully suggest an unhinged thing that actually works

-The level of genius and smarts is unparalleled, it's just soured by the attitude that is doubled when the two of you are together

-He considers you his soulmate (like, way more than Vat-69 is) and vice versa

-I think that ultimately, this is a relationship that is consistently burning and like a wildfire, but in the most sensual and best of ways—you're there to help each other be both simultaneously worse and better

-Iconic, if I do say so myself

Ronald Speirs:

-Scary dog privilege goes both ways now?? Iconic, truly.

-Two rather quiet people who are there to work hard and get the job done by whatever means necessary meet and fall in love and therefore the stories about the two of you are UNHINGED

-But behind closed doors, you're both just very soft for one another and in love

-And if you steal as much as he does? It's maybe a competition to see who can flatter the other person more via stolen Nazi goods, but hey—if it works for you two lol

-Honestly, the leadership and compatibility in the way that you two work together is unparalleled

Buck Compton:

-Two college kids that are out there with natural charisma and fun but care about the men in Easy Company more than anything else? Bestie, this is just for you

-This man is utterly besotted with the way that you can talk college/academics with him and not even miss a beat

-There's a fun and healthy level of competition when it comes to games and downtime, which the both of you enjoy

-And everyone knows how good you two are at keeping spirits up and preserving morale, especially for each other

-The kind of emotional atunement to one another is rare to find I think that everyone is slightly envious of the two of you

Carwood Lipton:

-A responsible mom friend meets another responsible mom friend—and you know what? The level of married couple that you two are off the bat from meeting one another is just too much haha

-It's the domestic details and trying to check in on people/their mental health throughout the war, it's the way that the two of you know exactly how to care for one another in a non-overbearing sort. of way—

-If Lipton is the undisputed leader of Easy Company during Bastogne, then you're the undisputed right hand person—always putting the needs of the men and your S/O before yourself

-Selflessness and genuine love is also really rare to come by and I think that this is just what Lipton really needs—a support who is just a little bit too much like him

-You two are easily married by the time you end up in Austria

Joe Liebgott:

-Why is this giving gremlin energy? I can't explain it, but the way that the two of you constantly flirt and joke and have each other's backs is amazing

-Everyone is just like, "Lieb, there's two of you" and they're not wrong

-Supporting one another's beliefs and vengeance—because sometimes it's not about making the other person better, it's just about accepting them as they are and loving them anyway

-Easy Company simply adores the two of you and the way that you two succinctly work as a team and in tandem most of the time

-But you two are also so incorrigible and horny at any given time, so that's their one vice with the two of you

Donald Malarkey:

-This man?? Right here? The best friend energy that he exudes and now gets to have with you? Amazing

-It's the way that your relationship feels like breathing air because the two of you are so easily able to talk to one another, are each other's best friends, and the way that you care fiercely about one another and everyone else

-Sometimes it's like looking in the mirror though and the two of you are like, "please just go take a nap,"

-And unwillingly taking charge of situations w/Easy Company because it's just you or him that's left to lead? Also part of the deal, but everyone is on board with you

-Lots of hugs and cuddles are needed between the two of you

Eugene Roe:

-Oh goodness—two people who are out here burning themselves out for everyone else because they care so much? You two are either the most passionate lovers ever or you two are arguing about how the other person needs to take care of themselves and there's no in between

-You're both nurturers and lovers by nature and so being in this war is hard for the two of you

-Exchanging stories from home and sternly commanding the other to please "get some sleep or eat something" because you love them?? It's a love language

-No one wants to be on either of your bad sides—let alone the two of you at the same time. It's giving the energy of upsetting the nicest and clearly bravest people ever.

-If you two aren't engaged by the end of the war, then what's the point?

Bill Guarnere:

-Loyal to a fault, good sense of humor, probably from Philly? I mean, it's no wonder this man fell for you, you're just him in another font

-Literally everyone out here just wants to be friends with the two of you because you're already lowkey married, if that makes sense

-The conversation alone leaves everyone just wishing the two of you would get a room though

-Physically affectionate best friends who also makeout and maybe have some serious feelings for one another? Absolutely

-He absolutely writes you letters throughout the rest of the war after Bastogne and wants to marry you ASAP

Joe Toye:

-Quiet energy that lowkey makes people scared because of an RBF but then is super gentle? Oh yes, the two of you were made for one another

-You two easily become friends and easily fall in love—after all, the level of devotion and friendship, but also the ability to actually talk to one another? Unmatched

-He always has your back and vice versa; he already wants to talk about domestic life and you're out here naming your future dogs together

-And then Bastogne happens and you promise that you're gonna make it home so you can take care of him

-And no one is surprised when the same week you get home from the war, you end up married to him

George Luz:

-The comedic value here is too great and far unmatched. You're either super menaces together and leadership hates the two of you or you are carrying the morale of Easy Company on your backs.

-He's never met someone to match his humor so well or encourage him in the same way that he does others—and it's a beautiful match made in heaven

-Everyone is half-convinced that you're just his twin or something, but then the two of you are in love and everyone is rooting for the two of you

-You probably both propose to one another in a joke at some point and then have to actually do a proposal later on at the end of the war

-Everyone shows up for the wedding because no one was gonna miss out on the speeches that the two of you prepared haha

[transmascutena]

I've been browsing your blog for a bit looking but I couldn't find anything so I thought I'd just ask: What's the deal with Shiori? You seem to like her a lot more than I did and so I feel like I'm probably just missing what she had going on. From my POV she just seemed to want to hurt Juri, and I didn't read any romanticism in there. Apologies if I just missed any analysis posts you've already made about her!

i have not actually done any proper analysis on shiori, which i want to change. i find her character very fascinating.

you're right that shiori wants to hurt juri, there's no real debate about that. the interesting part comes when you start to dig into why she does it. in her black rose episode, it becomes very clear that shiori is incredibly insecure, especially when it comes to juri, who is apparently perfect at everything. this is similar to every other black rose duelist, who are envious or resentful of people who are "special" (even if being special is not something to actually strive for in ohtori. that's something i've talked about a lot.) but, also like the other black rose duelists, shiori has romantic tension with her corresponding student council member. unlike the other's though, at least at a glance, it is juri who has unrequited feelings for shiori, not the other way around. but is that really true? my read on shiori's character, like many other people's, is that she does return juri's feelings. i mean, come on. "i loved the look in your eyes when i hurt you"? yeah. all those things about juri that shiori was envious of, like how pretty she is, are really things shiori finds attractive about her. the problem is that shiori has just so so much internalized homophobia (that becomes externalized homophobia aimed at juri when she Realizes) and also that those insecurities about being worse than juri at everything are still very real. which manifests in her trying to "steal" boys from juri, just to have one thing over her. of course this isn't actually what hurts juri, but instead that shiori (seemingly) doesn't realize or return her feelings. which is something that leads juri to very unfairly resenting shiori as well. both the negative and positive feelings they have for each other are mutual, and that is what makes their relationship so interesting to me.

anyway yeah. once you realize shiori isn't just doing these things for no reason, she becomes a much more sympathetic character. and also she's literally 15 years old, so while she is a pretty cruel person, it's not unforgivable and she's not "irredeemable" like some people say. i think what sets her apart from a lot of other utena characters in some people's minds is that there's no real way to argue that she had good intentions with the things she did. if we're talking characters who are close to juri, some people argue that ruka is a better person because he at least believed he was helping her and wanted to do something good, which is the opposite of what shiori does. i just don't think that matters very much. shiori intended to hurt juri, but failed to do it in the way she wanted. ruka intended to help juri, but only ended up hurting her. and i think that's a lot worse.

[thefemcelthatdeservesbetter]

Um i haven't been on tumblr in so long

Summer has been going fine... I think. I felt a lot better because i had fun thrifting... After going on a small vacation trip I've been just staying at home doing nothing.

I was at the mall once, as i walked by a guy i noticed he smiled, looking at me. I wasn't quick to react so i only smiled back for a second.. i felt so insane my heart was beating so fast but yeah.. Later on i realized he didn't smile at me he just happened to look at me while laughing with his friend. Ugh. But it's fine.

I think that buying clothes makes me a bit happy, i feel like they could maybe make up for my lack of attractiveness. I don't want to consider myself a loser or an incel anymore even if it means becoming what i hate about girls my age. If i become a bitch will i fit in???

I thought maybe the only reason i feel bad sometimes is because I'm lonely, kinda?? If i had friends to hang out with i wouldn't care about the way I'd look, I'd just have fun. My bestfriend's never available and I'm starting to feel like she doesn't like me anymore. We never text, barely once a week or less. I know I'm super boring but i can have conversations sometimes. But it's she doesn't even want to. I know she has other friends and she texts them all the time probably. I don't know how to be funny, I don't know how to be interesting. Especially over text ... Because when you're with your friend irl, you're stuck with them, if you don't wanna get bored, you HAVE to talk. Since they'd be fine with anything to be kept entertained, i can just yap about some show i watched or food i ate.

However when you're texting they can just ghost you or leave you on seen... Every time i send her a reel she doesn't even text me back but just emoji reacts to it, with the same stupid meat emoji. I wonder if she even watches them. I mean.. the least she could do is give her opinion on it??? I don't know..

I feel like we're so different. She texts that dude she used to like (who is the same dude that was ashamed to be my "friend") and when i realized that, i was like oh ok. He initially was MY friend, not even a friend, a classmate. I'm not saying that in a "ohh im so jealous he's MY friend not HERS!!!!" way. I'm clarifying that because it sounds like it. I'm jealous, yeah but not about him specifically. It's just that, I've known him for longer than her, they don't even go to the same school, they're not even SUPPOSED to know each other. He didn't text me once this summer even though we're "friends", oh yeah right, except for when he wanted to know my results on final exams. While he texts HER , probably everyday. Just like how he snaps girls in my class. I'm not jealous, like jealous, I'm just confused on why am i the only one treated differently.

I don't know if it's because of how i look or if I genuinely act like a retard. Am i not fun???? Am i boring??? Am i not girly enough??? Am i not enough of a teenager?? Is it my body? The way i talk? I'd like to understand why. I'd like to know what they have that i don't.

My best friend has mental illnesses, she says she feels empty and depressing stuff like that. When I'm normal, I'm psychologically healthy. People usually mock people that are mentally ill but oh it's TOTALLY fine because she's "hot". She's "a baddie" so she can be fixed. I'm not jealous, just envious that they have a different treatment. I'm not thinking "they don't deserve it" but just why not me too.

I keep asking myself what about me i have to change to be like them. Am i not mature enough?? Do i not look mature enough? Am i too much if a kid??? I want to be the "omg i wanna be her friend so bad" girl and not the "ah that's the retarded weirdo of the class". Why are teenagers complicated like that?? I wish i was more confident. I think that it influences the way people treat me too, my lack of self esteem and affirmation makes them feel superior.

I'm so nervous about back to school. I'm finally entering highschool and uhh I don't know how to feel about it. I don't want to. I'm worried of standing out tok much, I'm worried of not standing out enough. I want to be noticed, just not in the wrong way. I don't wanna be a stuoid loser anymore. I want to weak make up too and dress pretty and do everything other girls do. I want my highschool years to be just like in movies. I wanna make girl friends who i can talk about girl stuff with. I want friends who will hang out with me all the time, and throw slumber parties with them. That's lowkey so unrealistic but i still hope for it a little. I'm afraid it'll actually be the worst years of my life.

I need to put on weight and buy some makeup. I don't think i even care about boys anymore. I just want to fit in and have friends. Boys at my school are so lame, that's why I don't have a boyfriend. I don't need one, I'm super young.

[fallingtowers]

you are so pretty and I'm jealous and wish i could look like you do

been thinking about this ask all day. because it's really flattering, yeah, but also because it struck me that just a couple of days ago i said this exact thing about someone else. and it's like... whenever someone expresses attraction to me or envy over my looks or whatever, my kneejerk reaction is always to be dismissive, because, after all, whoever it is is not as well acquainted with my body and all its flaws as i am. but if i can feel that way about myself, who's to say a person whose appearance i envy can't feel the same about themself? after all, surely they're more well acquainted with their body and its flaws than me, right? the fact of the matter, of course, is that nobody's appearance is "flawed" -- this stuff is all totally subjective, and informed by a bunch of bullshit norms and beauty standards which in turn are informed by every flavor of bigotry under the sun. if i told someone i found them beautiful and got a dismissive response, it would be a little frustrating, because of course i wouldn't actually be able to prove that they're beautiful. but if someone else tells me i'm beautiful, i can control my own reaction -- and if i try to get out of own head and accept that their point of view is no more or less valid than mine, then we'll both walk away happier than if i dismiss the compliment out of hand because it doesn't align with the stuff i've internalized as fact. all this to say, thank you, anon -- i'm frequently unhappy with many aspects of my appearance, but it's good to be reminded that the things i feel aren't necessarily always true. and this applies to you as well. i appreciate the compliment, and i get feeling envious of other people, but do try to get out of your head every now and then and remember that all the mean things you think about yourself aren't immutable truths just because they feel that way, ok? love you. kiss

[leffee]

I've been thinking about those deadly sins poll you did awhile back and I decided to put my two cents into who I would say is each sin

Pride - Russell - my interpretation of him is that while he is very prideful in his organization skills, he does tend to be a know-it-all and even flat out condescending, which annoys the others to no end. He also likes being the "leader" of the group and being the one everyone turns to, if someone is shown to be more organized/smarter than Russell he would definitely feel threatened. But he's not just prideful of what he does, he's also very proud of his friends and tends to brag about them in conversations sometimes "Yeah, my friend is a model AND singer. Why do you ask?" "Oh, you're the parent of that one kid with the magician at his birthday party? Yeah, that's my friend. Pretty impressive stuff, huh?"

Greed - Minka - I mean... yeah. Have you seen how she is with shiny stuff? I kind of have nothing to add here tbh :/

Lust - Zoe - I think some people missed the assignment of that poll. Guys, she gets heart eyes at some unfortunate guy that crossed paths with her and now she declares that they're soul mates, she is literally MADE for lust :(

Gluttony - Penny - ehhhhhh I really didn't want to put Penny for gluttony but I kinda had no choice. Gluttony doesn't really fit her, but it doesn't really fit any of the other pets either. It just feels... fatphobic to place the chubby one as gluttony. I'm sorry girl 😔

Envy - Pepper - >:) hehehehe. Pepper just screams envy to me. And she has been canonically jealous in the show. It's something, okay??? And I headcanon that she has a MAJOR problem with comparing herself to others. Why can't she be as smart as Russell, as attractive as Sunil and Zoe, as kind as Vinnie and Penny, or as creative as Minka. She'd be lucky if Mitzi and Clement even look her in the eye, they could turn around and date any of her friends, and she wouldn't even even blame them. Every person she comes across, she always finds some way to compare herself to them. Why wouldn't she? Literally every single person in the goddam universe is better than her in some way while Pepper is a selfish asshole that no one wants to look at for more than two seconds

Wrath - Vinnie - Anger issues for the king. I think that during one of his outbursts, he ended up accidentally hurting one of his friends. And he has never forgiven himself, no matter how many times his friends assure him it's fine and nothing a little rest can't fix. And Vinnie brings the person he hurt all kinds of gifts, their favorite things, favorite food, etc. It legitimately scares Vinnie because his outbursts are uncontrollable, and he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he hurt someone again, or worse

Sloth - Sunil - sorry bestie this is all I had left, although it kinda fits since he was in a very sleepy mood when his best friend was missing :/

Oh yaaay, thanks :D.

Yes, I absolutely think some people missed the assignment on that pride poll but oh well. There's always the chance they didn't, I guess. Still, Zoe is absolutely the most obvious to me, lust all the way, cause come on. Everyone up to Penny I gave the same reasoning pretty much so yeah, I agree.

My other conclusion is that you and I just really like when characters are envious of other cause angst material so naturally we want to give it to our favourites xD. I'll be honest though, I don't know if Vinnie was envious once caononically, Pepper though was. Part of me thinks maybe they didn't give that to him cause "haha, stupid and has no emotional range" but I might be very much wrong. Still, I agree with wrath as well. The man is Satan himself. And no, I don't know Helluva Boss lore, I just know bible lore :].

And let me talk about the gluttony one, I mean, none of the sins really 100% match anyone cause you know, they're from children's show, it's not like they ever did anything that wrong really. Gluttony means overindulgence in food and drinks, as in you consume those when others need them more but you take it all for yourself. Penny never did that of course but like, they've never been in a situation like that. Still, she's the one whose thing is eating a lot, so she naturally fits the best even if she doesn't exactly fit on her own.

And another conclusion is that sloth is just assigned at random to whoever is left cause it just fits nobody lol which I agree with btw. Like, someone has to have it, but no one really fits. Some fit better, some fit worse, but no one really fits. And yeah, Sunil might have been sleepy when his literal besite went missing, but let's be honest, no one did much to find him :/ (still salty). Plus, I'm sure if you tried hard enough you could find at least one moment for each of them when they could be considered lazy cause that's just something all people or in this case pets do.

Next time we're voting who has the sluttiest waist btw.

[envoy-of-the-system]

Fuck it, we vent. That's what I made the account for (besides sharing my OC metaverse), right?

I recently graduated high school, but unlike most Americans my age, I actually went to five different schools. My parents work for the foreign service, so I never really stayed anywhere that long. Tenth grade was my first time being in a school with actual people besides my siblings for the first time in two years, since I had gone into homeschooling (kinda) for 8th grade and then...well...COVID was with me for all of 9th grade.

Needless to say, it was a big moment, and in addition to all the friends I made that first year, I also discovered something every young man should have the honor and pleasure of experiencing at least once:

Attractive people the same age as you that you're friends with.

I had a few friends like that my first year, two girls and a guy (yeah we Pan with this one). The guy was in the year above me though, and moved away after the first year. That was rough, and the first girl...well, we just ended up being friends. There wasn't enough middle ground for me to really engage. But the third one...let's call her Katy.

Katy was kind, strong of character, beautiful, and had a fanTAStic singing voice. She was in my band class and PE, and sat at the group table. In the first year, I asked her to the Valentine's dance, at which point I ran into my first emotional red flag (again, this was more of a red flag for my own health, rather than a reflection of her personality, because she [while not perfect] was amazing): she was already in love with my best friend.

Now ordinarily this wouldn't be a problem, but my best friend was a member of the Church of Latter Day Saints, and his father...wasn't exactly a fan of the idea of him dating. I mean, I don't blame Katy, (we'll call him) Don was a strapping young man who was witty, fit, did bikes and woodcarving for fun, and always walked with a little swagger in his step, but not in a cocky way. More like a "life's going great and there's nothing you can do about it" way. You know the type. He also whistles in-tune, which is a feat in and of itself, but that's besides the point.

So there we were, caught in this awkward high school love triangle bullshit. And despite all evidence to the contrary, my heart still belonged to Katy. I couldn't help it. I had fallen hard, I was down bad, and there was no getting back up. This was an entirely new feeling, and it was crazy! Poets and writers often compair love to flames, and I had always been skeptical of that description until it actually HIT me full-force and I was like "holy shit they were right!!" This went on for about the rest of the school year, but I succeeded in not letting my love for Katy get in the way of our friendship.

And then Don announced that he was leaving.

Y'see, Don was also a foreign service kid, and his post time had started two years before mine. Since the place we were living was a 3-year post, my first was his last. Understandably, Katy and I were sad, her maybe a little (lot) moreso. And I still feel disgusted with myself to this day, but some small, envious part of me fueled a black hope that now that Don was out of the way I could take a proper shot at Katy. And you know the damnedest thing?

It was right.

11th grade rolls around, the guy is gone and the other girl is dating another classmate (I don't really care at that point, like I said before it wouldn't have worked out). Katy and I are getting along fine, with the exception that now I'm not in band class, because I've started doing the two-year college prep program they had, and that means I can't do the school-funded extra classes like band or computer science, or PE. But despite that, I still found and made time to talk to and hang out with Katy. Eventually, I almost felt like she was warming up to me, since our brief exchanges of physical contact were increasing in frequency.

There's three things we need to acknowledge before we move forwards though:

1. Katy was Asexual

2. One of my primary love languages is physical touch.

3. The FUCKING NEW GUY.

Listen chat, I knew I was cooked when Katy TOLD me that they had KNOWN EACH OTHER from a different POST. Now at first it didn't seem like a huge problem, but I was still wary. Life was good though, and there weren't any clouds on the horizon. Then I made some bad decisions I probably shouldn't've made, and that came crashing down. I was too short-sighted, and even though I never asked or confirmed anything, I still think about the moment that Katy found out, and can't help but feel I betrayed her in some way. The worst part is I never even apologized.

That was right before winter break of 11th grade. When we got back, in the first week during lunch (because we always stood together in the lunch line) Katy tells me she's dating The New Guy.

And then my world dropped out from under me.

I had sort of seen this coming, but to have my anxieties confirmed in the worst way possible was not helping my mental state, which was already sort of stressed from the college classes.

And despite all that, I still loved her.

I was a fool.

They dated for a few months before breaking up, and The New Guy dumped HER, his reason being he just "didn't love her anymore." Now I know that under normal circumstances that would be a normal excuse, but ofc me being me I was outraged.

So being the lovesick idiot I am, I thought that if I simply rode this out I could score points. Instead, she only became more isolated and distant from everyone, at least for the rest of the semester. I tried to talk to her about it, but after a certain point I recognized that prodding would only make it worse.

Senior year, and I was seeing less and less of her and more and more of my work. I spent almost no time of the breaks outside the classroom where before I would actively look for her and walk her to class (something she vocally appreciated). I still stood with her in the lunch line, but as the gap between when I arrived at the mess and when she arrived at the mess widened, even that dropped away.

And I still. Loved her. Glimpses or short conversations were the highlight of my day, but we had so little middle ground at this point that they were always painfully short. Eventually I even just stopped engaging entirely, settling for a wave. Then one day while doing art for my final exhibition (minimum of 4 art pieces, I was doing 6 but it was technically 8 because the final piece was a triptych), this song (the song from the beginning of the post, remember that??) came one. Well, rather it was the Good Kid cover. I wasn't even aware that it was a cover, it sounded so much like Good Kid 😂

"What's a girl to do?"

That line resonated with me, for some reason. I mean the whole song sent me into a feels-spiral that almost had me in tears in the middle of class, but that line touched me in particular, and I think it was because it was a question, and it also implies that the singer (and by association me) is in a helpless situation. But I wasn't. If I couldn't be her lover, then I was gonna be her friend and bury my love deep down inside and try to ignore it (I couldn't, but it helped). I re-engaged in all the old things, and just generally tried to build that bridge again. By the time the second semester rolled around, it was like night and day, and I was in tenth grade again.

And then senior prom.

For context, the school had two major dances: the winter formal, and prom. At each previous exchange, we had always danced l, so I always looked forwards to the major events. The highest my love ever felt, the brightest I ever burned, was always in those two minutes where I could hold her with music, and enjoy the two things I loved most deeply in the world at the same time. But senior prom was different...from the start (pfft- I'm sorry 😂). For one, I was FINALLY involved in theme picking, since as a senior we were allowed to give the prom committee ideas, and were the ultimate democratic judge of the party's theme. It ended up being "starry night," which I think was named for space, not the Van Gough painting, but even if it was, I wanted to go with space anyway. As a result, I wanted to do something bold, go out with a bang. I was gonna dye my hair.

Now some of you reading may be going "whoa, so dramatic!!" but for me it was a pretty big deal. It was something I had always teetered on the edge of, but had never really quite gotten around to doing it. Add that on to the fact that every person with dyed hair/hair stylist that spoke English I ever met always told me that my shade of blonde was PERFECT for dying hair, and you'd have thought that I would've done it sooner. There was one problem though: the country I was living in had basically no FUN hair dye. What dye they did have was hard to find and only in normal hair colors. I wanted SPACE hair. That meant (for me) blue, purple, and red. It was mock exam season when I told Katy my plan, and both mock exam season and normal exam season are both off-timetable, so if you didn't have a test, you didn't need to come to school. That effectively meant that there were some days that it was just Katy and I at the table, and it was one of those days that she spoke an arrangement of words that threw senior pr into a whole new light.

"We could do it together!"

I struggled very hard to keep my cool for the rest of the conversation. Her sister (who had graduated last year) would be in town at the time of prom, so she could bring colors from the US. Great! And then the plan was set: I would go to her house to get ready, we would get our hair dyed, and then her mom (who was my guidance counselor, college coach, and also just a good friend at this point) would drive us to prom.

UNDERSTANDABLY, I WAS FREAKING OUT JUST A LITTLE BIT.

My biggest question was "is this a date," and after consulting with my sibling (who happens to be on this platform but whom I will not out) we decided that while it might look that way, she probably didn't consider it that. It was SOMETHING, but it was too little too late, and not enough.

Mocks came and went. Real exams came and went.

Small anecdote: while I was chilling for the first week of final exams (because the classes I picked got me NO EXAMS THE FIRST WEEK, HAHA), I got a text from my sibling saying that Katy had sat down at their table, and had said the words "I feel so lost without [MEEEEEE]!" I had originally not been coming to school because the food at home was simply better, but after that I started waking up at 6:45 to get to the 7:20 bus again like everyone else in my house. Worth it.

So anyway, prom day arrives. I had roller hockey the same day, so they let me use their shower before I got dressed. My dad had paid for a fitted suit, so I was pretty dripped out. We dyed hair before dressing, her all blue and me...well, all the colors 😂

Once I was dressed Katy disappeared and I took the opportunity to pounce upon their full-size keyboard like an eager child (as I had done every time I was at their house. My keyboard is missing a full octave on each end, and it can be painful sometimes to miss a piece by ONE FUCKING NOTE). I played Once Upon a Time and Fallen Down by Toby Fox, and then I played Zelda's Lullaby. And then I played the title theme from OMORI. I couldn't help but feel like my hands were trying to tell me something...and then Katy came out in her dress and my mind pulled a blank. She really was a rare creature.

So we went to prom, and we danced, and we partied, and it was fun!

And then the slow dance. That was the most perfect moment of my life, and it continues to go unmatched, because we sang. Together. One of my secret hopes and dreams had come true at the height of my emotional vulnerability, and it was perfect. Ever since I heard her being the first time, I had always wanted to sing together. She was a beautiful soprano, like silk ribbons. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm a pretty mean baritone/tenor when I want to be, and I'm that moment I wanted to. The song, I will not disclose. It was a moment for her and I, and you were not present nor were you invited.

After the slow dance, I asked her if she knew a song by the name of From the Start by Good Kid, as kind of a one-off question. To my surprise, she answered yes, but not by Good Kid. Then she took my outside away from the crowd noise, and sang the original, and that's when I cried.

Not long after I graduated, and not long after that the last day of school rolled around and we said goodbye. After three years of being quiet, I finally told her I loved her, in no uncertain terms. She said she knew, and I already knew she knew, but I wanted to say it. Just once.

After that I saw her for the last time, and boarded the bus. At that point, all the going-away parties and whatnot had already happened so it really was the last time we would ever see each other.

"But what about social media," you might be asking. And while it's true I do have means of contacting her...I don't want to. This love was...deep, and dismantling it and moving on will take time. Holding onto the connection will only make that harder, and I told her all this at the bus lot, and she understood. She still reached out back in July, but I only replied in very brief (but friendly) messages. I also reiterated my no-contact decision, and I haven't heard anything since.

And now, finally, we arrive back at the song at the top of the post. A random recommendation by YouTube, but a beautifully funded version of both the original and GK cover of From the Start, and as I listened mine and Katy's relationship flashed before my eyes, and suddenly all the feels were back.

What's the moral? Don't wait. Go get 'em. The worst they can do is say no and then, at least, you don't have to live in uncertainty.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. Good night.

[aroaceconfessions]

my sexuality is so confusing and nebulous and label-defying it's so frustrating

right now for the most part i just ID as grayaroace. not in the "experiences attraction but very infrequently" way, but in the "experiences attraction but it's very mild" way. that's where i get tripped up. there's more to it than that

i both like the idea of participating in sex and hate it. i enjoy self-pleasure, reading erotica, and imagining fictional characters in sexual situations (though i don't like going into too much detail with it). sex sounds nice in theory, but awkward and terrifying in practice. the part that freaks me out the most is the idea of someone seeing me naked, especially my genitalia. i think it's mostly due to gender dysphoria-- i'm transmasc, which is important context for most (or all?) of this

i'm attracted to women, and when i say that i don't mean i get crushes (though i think i had one once?) or that i ever care enough to seek out sex with any one woman in particular. but i am definitely attracted to them in a way i am not attracted to men. when i try to imagine myself in a romantic or sexual situation, it's with a woman. i do find women hot, find their bodies arousing, but i don't really want sex. i do, but not really.

see how this is confusing? i both am and am not, i both do and don't. i'm so envious of people who can just be like "yeah i'm gay/bi/lesbian/ace". i wish it was that easy. i wish my orientation fit into a neat box

i often go down tumblr rabbit holes of aspec posts and they only ever make me more confused. every time i'm reminded that allo people can also be sex repulsed i start to spiral, thinking maybe THAT'S what i really am, and my hesitation to have sex is because of my dysphoria. i have a below average libido too, which makes it harder to tell. it makes a lot of sense to me, but i don't know how to know for sure. i'm getting sick of labels because they've been so annoying to try to navigate. every time i think i've got it, the rug gets pulled out from under me again

if there is one label that i find myself relating to a lot it's stone butch. i'm pretty sure it's exclusively a lesbian term because that's the only context i ever hear butch in, and because i don't identify as a woman or woman adjacent i don't ID as a lesbian or feel comfortable using their terms. but the idea behind stone butch fits me very well. i only like the idea of giving in a sexual situation. i feel drawn to the idea of hand stuff and giving oral, but despise the idea of being on the receiving end of either. i don't want to be penetrated, but would gladly penetrate a partner if we had a strap. this definitely ties back to my gender dysphoria. it has me wondering, is there a transmasc version of stone butch? i've never seen anyone talk about anything like what i feel. all the transmascs i see online are mlm

it also makes me feel pretty insecure in queer spaces that, despite being queer in multiple ways (aspec + trans) i'm quite vanilla and almost hetero with my sexual interest. so on top of everything else i feel like a fake queer person. i feel alone

i don't know how to end this but if you got this far thank you for reading, and thank you to the person who runs this blog for providing a space for me to vent

Submitted April 16, 2023

[massiveangelflower]

More of Jordyn and Vanessa.

Vanessa : The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was changing their name to Jordyn .

Vanessa : I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you...

Jordyn : Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.

Vanessa : When was the last time you cried?

Jordyn : Uh 15 minutes ago, why??

Vanessa : really? That recent?

Jordyn : Yeah *voice crack* is that an issue? *starts crying again*

Vanessa : My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized.

Jordyn : *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely*

Vanessa : That one. I want that one.

Jordyn : Vanessa , I beg of you. Please, PLEASE go to the doctor.

Vanessa : Hey, I'm sorry. Is this OUR stab wound?

Vanessa , trying to flirt: So, you come around here often?

Jordyn , confused: I mean, this is my house, so yeah.

Kidnapper: I have your partner.

Vanessa : What? I don't have a partner...

Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face?

Vanessa : Oh my god, you have Jordyn .

Jordyn : Hey, Vanessa , what do you think it would be like if we had kids?

Vanessa : What would it be like? Inconvenient, mostly.

Jordyn : No, I mean, what would they be like, the kids? You ever think about it?

Vanessa : Can't really say I have.

Jordyn : You know, for someone as eccentric as yourself, you can be boring as fuck sometimes.

Vanessa : Sorry, Jordyn . For what it's worth, I'm picturing them now. A boy and a girl. Two perfect little freaks of nature raised by people who've clearly got no business bringin' up anybody.

( They're literally raising Gregory and Cassie)

Vanessa : I want to kiss you.

Jordyn , not paying attention: What?

Vanessa : I said if you die, I won't miss you.

Jordyn : I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes.

Vanessa : Wow, I've gotta hear this.

Jordyn : I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share.

Vanessa : You forgot pride.

Jordyn : No, I'm pretty proud of this.

Jordyn : What’s your body count?

Vanessa : Do you mean sex or murder?

Jordyn : *banging a pen on the table out of frustration*

Vanessa : Stop that. How would YOU feel if I banged you on the table?

Jordyn : I—

Jordyn : I don’t know the correct answer to that question.

Jordyn : *on the phone with Vanessa * I can’t talk right now, I’m doing hot girl shit.

Vanessa : You’re pulling Oreos apart and saving off the frosting to make a mega Oreo, aren’t you.

Jordyn : Maybe.

Jordyn : Ayo, what the FUCK is this?!? Vanessa , sitting down, surrounded by corpses: I won Mafia, that’s what.

Vanessa : *Kicks the door open, looking panicked*

Jordyn : What did you do?!

Vanessa : NOBODY DIED!

Jordyn : WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

[nothingtherefornow]

I think Lila enjoys ruining the life of whoever is aware how much of a snake she is and actively trying to do something against it: Like in the episode you mentioned she threatened to put Sabrina in jail if she doesn't give her the proof and goes along with her lies.

Yep, I personally think Lila may see and consider the people around her in four possible ways (WARNING watch out there's seasons 5 spoilers in the third category):

First, there's the people Lila sees as guillible followers who can't resist her lies because it's "what they want to hear", and who often, if not always, give her what she wants : attention, admiration, and indirect help in ruining Marinette's life by always taking Lila's side (the classmates and teachers thus fit into this category) But Lila also doesn't care about hurting this category of persons if it means getting at her "ennemies", or if those persons become a threat or an obstacle to her plans

Second, there's the people Lila mostly think are on the same page as her, and whom she considers allies, like it was the case with Gabriel/Monarch before, and it's currently also happening with Chloé. Although Lila may considers Chloé to be her "true" and only friend because she doesn't need to use her lies with her, she just need to appeal to their shared toxic hatred against Maribug. But even this category of people isn't totaly spared from Lila's manipulations (she always find the right words for Gabriel and Chloé to do what Lila needs them to do)

Third, I think there's the people Lila may think that she guenuinly "loves", but in fact she mostly feels either attracted or attached to those people, but she couldn't care less about hurting them and abusing the trust they have in her. Kagami, Adrien, and Lila's "moms" fit in this category in my opinion. Lila seems to really think she's in love with Adrien (see the episode Onii-chan), but just like Gabriel she treats him as possession whose happiness is irrelevant to her. She mostly became "friend" with Kagami to get at Marinette and hurt her, and also probably because Kagami is someone rich, famous and pretty just like Adrien, and this is the kind of people Lila likes to be associated with. And to me, Lila's "mothers" are like trophies to her, she uses them for her falses identities, and to get further goods and nice attention, but she "likes" them enough to seem sad when one can't spend time with her (see the episode Onii-chan) and to learn sign langage for another (see the episode Revelation), and while I think Lila got close to Sabine to find another way to hurt Marinette, Revelation left me with the feeling that if Lila had the chance, she would definitely make Sabine one of her fake "mothers"

And finally fourth, there's the persons Lila hates or despises with all her being, the ones Lila sees as "ennemies", and whom she would gladly destroy (either by ruining their lives or killing them, yeah sound crazy but I'm sure Lila is insane enough to be capable of murder) wether it is persons who are aware of Lila's lies and refused to let her get away with it, or people she's jealous and envious of, or a combination of both. Marinette and Ladybug fit to this category. It doesn't matter if Ladybug apologized to Lila and saved her or that Marinette decided to leave Lila alone at some point and to no longer try to disprove her lies, Lila will always hold on to her petty spite and grudge, because she's just that crazy and toxic of an individual, the smallest offense or threat to her person will set her off.

Although Lila's hatred and jealousy toward Marinette seems to have turned into a worrying obsession, so I think Marinette is kinda a unique case for Lila

[daxwritesstories]

Assistant Yasmin: Episode 7 - She's So Mean

Scene 1

INT. Yasmin's bedroom - Morning

Yasmin is sitting at her vanity, applying makeup. She looks more dolled-up than usual, wearing a sleek black dress and red lipstick. Felix is watching her from her bed, kicking his feet in boredom.

FELIX: How long are you gonna be out for?

YASMIN: Not sure. Knowing Bria, it could be all night.

Felix giggles.

FELIX: She sounds fun.

Yasmin doesn't reply so they go quiet for a moment.

FELIX: Are you sure I can't go with you?

YASMIN: It's rude to invite yourself to things.

FELIX: Why?

YASMIN: Because sometimes people don't want you there.

FELIX: Sounds fake.

Yasmin smiles and rolls her eyes.

FELIX: What if I promise to be on my best behavior?

YASMIN: You're not invited.

Yasmin's phone buzzes, catching her attention. She picks it up to read the message.

YASMIN: Ah, they're already on their way to the restaurant. I should get going.

Yasmin stands up and grabs an expensive-looking shawl from her coat rack. After checking herself over in the mirror, she walks over to her bed where her purse is. She goes to pick it up but Felix grabs it too. Yasmin sighs in annoyance.

YASMIN: What?

FELIX: Text me when you get there, okay?

Yasmin seems surprised by Felix's request.

YASMIN: Uh, yeah. I will.

Felix doesn't say anything and lets go of the purse. Yasmin takes it and swings it over her shoulder. And walks toward the door. Felix stands up.

YASMIN: I'll, um, see you when I get back.

FELIX: 'Kay. Don't have too much fun.

YASMIN: Shut up.

Felix laughs.

Scene 2

INT. Fancy Restaurant - Evening

Yasmin walks into the dimly lit restaurant and approaches the hostess.

HOSTESS: Good evening, Miss. Do you have a reservation?

YASMIN: No, I'm actually meeting someone. I think she has a reservation though.

HOSTESS: Of course! What's the name?

YASMIN: Should be Bria.

The hostess looks down at the desk for a moment, reading the reservation list.

HOSTESS: Oh yes! Right this way.

The hostess begins walking to the table and Yasmin follows.

They soon arrive at a booth where an attractive couple is sitting. They both already have drinks in front of them. The girl calls out to Yasmin.

BRIA: Hi Yasmin!

YASMIN: Hey Bria.

Yasmin sits on the bench across from Bria and her boyfriend.

HOSTESS: I'll let the waitress know you're here.

YASMIN: Thank you.

The hostess leaves. Bria gestures to her boyfriend.

BRIA: Yasmin, this is Josh.

JOSH: Nice to meet you, Yasmin.

YASMIN: Nice to meet you too. Bria's told me lots about you.

Josh raises an eyebrow at Bria.

JOSH: Oh really?

BRIA: Only good things, I promise!

Yasmin smiles.

YASMIN: Yes! She tells me you're an established businessman.

JOSH: Ah, well, I'm just a hard worker.

BRIA: Oh don't be so humble! He just got promoted to an executive position in his company.

JOSH: A low-level executive.

YASMIN: That's still very impressive.

BRIA: Mhm! You should be proud of yourself, baby.

Yasmin smiles and glances back and forth between the couple, looking a little envious of them.

BRIA: So what about you, Yasmin? How's work going?

JOSH: Oh yeah. Bria said you started a new job recently.

YASMIN: Yes... I'm an assistant for a CEO. I, um, live in his penthouse.

JOSH: So I've heard. Is it hard to live in the same place that you work?

YASMIN: No, it's actually quite comfortable. It's a really nice place.

BRIA: But you seem like you're always working. I hope you're getting enough time off.

YASMIN: My boss just has a demanding schedule. Especially right now. His company is working on this big collaboration. They're making a whole new collection of perfumes.

BRIA: He owns a perfume company?

Yasmin nods.

JOSH: Which one?

YASMIN: It's called Aroma Vault.

BRIA: What?! You didn't tell me that! I love Aroma Vault!

YASMIN: Really?

BRIA: Yes! I get all my perfumes from there. Hey, do you think you could get me some free samples?

Yasmin giggles.

YASMIN: I'm sure I could.

The waitress walks up to the table, interrupting the conversation. She sets a glass of water down in front of Yasmin.

WAITRESS: Hello, miss. Can I get you something to drink? Or some food if we're ready?

BRIA: Oh! I haven't even looked at the menu yet.

YASMIN: I'll have a sangria, please.

The waitress nods.

WAITRESS: I'll give you some more time to look at the menu.

YASMIN: Thank you.

JOSH: Excuse me, miss? Is there a smoking area?

The waitress points off camera.

WAITRESS: Just through that door, sir.

The waitress leaves and Josh slides out of the booth.

JOSH: Excuse me.

Bria smiles at Josh and Yasmin waves as he walks away. Once Josh is out of earshot, Bria leans onto the table.

BRIA: So? What do you think of him?

YASMIN: He's very handsome. And polite.

BRIA: I know right! I'm so in love.

Yasmin smiles at Bria.

BRIA: I know I said this about the last couple guys, but I really think he could be the one. Am I crazy?

Yasmin shakes her head.

YASMIN: No. I think he really likes you.

BRIA: I sure hope so.

Bria glances in the direction that Josh went in and then looks back at Yasmin.

BRIA: So what about you?

YASMIN: Hm?

BRIA: Are you seeing anyone?

Bria smiles excitedly. Yasmin, on the other hand, looks a bit nervous.

YASMIN: I... don't really have time to date right now.

BRIA: You always say that. Come on, Yasmin, you need to start putting yourself out there. We're not getting any younger.

Yasmin sighs.

YASMIN: I'm not interested in finding a relationship at the moment. I wouldn't even know what to look for, to be honest.

BRIA: Well, what type of guys do you like?

Yasmin shrugs.

BRIA: Oh come on! There has to be something that comes to mind. It doesn't even have to be a guy. If you prefer girls, that's totally cool too.

Yasmin snickers.

YASMIN: I mean, maybe I do. I don't know. That's not really the problem.

BRIA: What is it then?

YASMIN: I'm just not really interested in most of the people I meet. At least, not in a romantic or sexual way.

Bria looks confused.

BRIA: Really? But you've gone on dates before. You really didn't like any of those guys?

YASMIN: Well, they were all nice but... I don't know. They were just boring.

BRIA: Hm... You might need a different approach then. What do you fantasize about?

Yasmin is taken aback. She blushes and becomes flustered.

YASMIN: I– I'd rather not talk about that.

BRIA: Come on, you know you can tell me anything.

Yasmin nods past Bria.

YASMIN: Josh is back.

Bria turns her head and sees her boyfriend walking back to the table. She looks at Yasmin again and speaks in a hushed tone.

BRIA: We'll talk about this later.

Yasmin smiles and rolls her eyes.

Scene 3

INT. Givenchy Residence living room - Evening

Felix is performing a simple dance and lip sync routine to loud music while Kirk, Valerie, and Gwen watch from the couch. He's wearing a simple tank top and shorts along with pleaser shoes.

Valerie and Kirk look bored, but Gwen is watching with wide, dazed eyes and her mouth is slightly open.

The routine is almost over. Felix does a few more moves and then one final pose as the song ends. He waits a while for a response but no one says anything.

FELIX: So? How was that one?

KIRK: What do you want us to say? It was the same as the last three times you did it.

FELIX: No it wasn't! I changed, like, half of the moves.

KIRK: You did?

Felix sighs and shakes his head.

FELIX: You noticed the difference, right Valerie?

VALERIE: Yes! ...I think.

Felix rolls his eyes.

FELIX: What about you, Gwen? You haven't even said anything this whole time.

GWEN: Uh, um–

FELIX: Oh my god, you're all useless.

KIRK: Hey! It's not our job to critique your dance routines!

FELIX: Who cares? You're all terrible at your actual jobs anyway.

KIRK: Watch what you say, brat!

Without warning, Felix picks up a mug from the coffee table and throws it at Kirk. The chef ducks out of the way and the mug goes flying past the couch, hitting the wall behind it and smashing on the floor. Gwen immediately gets up to clean it but Valerie grabs her wrist to stop her, pulling her back down to the couch.

VALERIE: Both of you need to calm down.

KIRK: He's the one throwing stuff at me!

FELIX: I wouldn't have to throw things at you if you'd just listen to me! If Yasmin were here we'd actually be making progress.

KIRK: Then you can wait until she gets back. Since you can't seem to function without her!

Kirk stands up and stomps over to the front door. Felix goes quiet as Kirk slams the door behind him. There is a long moment of silence before Valerie speaks.

VALERIE: I'm sure he just needs a minute to calm down.

FELIX: No, he's not gonna come back.

Felix sighs.

FELIX: You two might as well go home too. It's getting late.

Valerie pauses for a moment before responding.

VALERIE: As you wish, sir.

Valerie gets up to leave and Gwen quickly follows behind.

Felix is left alone. He walks over to the couch and lazily sits down. He sighs and glances around the room, already bored. He then sits up and leans forward to grab his phone from the coffee table. He turns it on and opens his conversation with Yasmin. He types "When will you be back?" and sends it. He then leans back on the couch again, checking his nails in boredom.

Scene 4

EXT. Downtown street - Night

Yasmin, Bria, and Josh exit a bar together. They are all laughing and joking around. Bria is notably stumbling a bit and clinging to Josh's arm.

BRIA: And then I said, "If you don't do it, then I will!"

YASMIN: Exactly!

All three of them burst into laughter. A ding can be heard and Yasmin suddenly stops. She looks through her purse and pulls out her phone. Bria and Josh notice and stop too.

Yasmin turns on her phone and sees the message from Felix.

YASMIN: Ah, shit. I gotta head back.

BRIA: Aww but I was gonna invite you to our place!

YASMIN: Uh...

Yasmin and Josh exchange glances. Josh laughs nervously.

JOSH: She's just joking... That's a nice watch.

Yasmin looks down and realizes she's wearing the watch that Felix gave her.

YASMIN: Oh! Thank you. My boss gave it to me.

JOSH: Wow! You must be great at your job then. That's a pretty expensive brand.

YASMIN: It is?

Yasmin examines the watch more closely.

JOSH: He's probably just trying to show his appreciation.

YASMIN: Yeah... Well, I should head home. You two have a good night.

Yasmin turns and walks in the opposite direction.

BRIA: Call me next time you have a day off!

YASMIN: I will!

Yasmin looks back and waves at the couple before quickening her pace.

Scene 5

INT Givenchy Residence - Night

Yasmin walks in through the front door and locks it behind her. She then makes her way into the house but stops suddenly when she almost steps on the shattered mug.

YASMIN: Whoa!

Yasmin looks around the empty living room.

YASMIN: Felix?

Felix walks into the room from the kitchen.

FELIX: Ayy you're back!

Yasmin points at the smashed mug.

YASMIN: What happened?

FELIX: Don't worry about it. Come here.

Felix grabs Yasmin's wrist and leads her into the kitchen. There is an opened bottle of wine on the island, along with two glasses. One of the glasses has already been used and there is a bit of wine missing from the bottle. Felix leads Yasmin to the island and immediately starts pouring them both a glass.

FELIX: I was worried I'd have to drink this entire bottle by myself.

Yasmin doesn't argue. Felix slides one of the glasses over to Yasmin and she gladly takes a sip.

FELIX: So, how was your night?

YASMIN: It was fun. It was nice to see Bria in person again.

FELIX: And what about her new boy toy? Did you like him?

Yasmin gives Felix a disapproving look.

YASMIN: Her boyfriend is very nice.

FELIX: Just nice?

YASMIN: Yeah. What do you want me to say?

FELIX: Is he hot?

YASMIN: Oh my god!

FELIX: I just wanna know.

YASMIN: I don't like to talk about other people's boyfriends like that.

Felix furrows his brow, unconvinced. Yasmin sighs and gives up.

YASMIN: Okay fine. He's handsome, I guess.

FELIX: Not your type, huh?

YASMIN: I don't have a type.

FELIX: Sure you don't.

Yasmin rolls her eyes and takes a big sip from her glass. Felix ignores the gesture and walks over to where Yasmin is standing. He wraps his arms around her waist from behind. Yasmin suddenly seems a little nervous.

FELIX: I missed you.

Yasmin snickers.

YASMIN: I wasn't out for that long.

FELIX: So? It's boring around here without you.

Yasmin turns her head to give Felix a confused look.

YASMIN: Where is this coming from all of a sudden?

Felix doesn't respond and instead pulls Yasmin into a kiss. Yasmin drunkenly kisses back. After a moment Felix takes Yasmin's wine glass out of her hand and sets it down on the island. He breaks the kiss to turn Yasmin around to face him. He kisses her again and she wraps her arms around his neck.

They passionately make out and Felix places his hands on the counter behind Yasmin. He leans forward, forcing Yasmin to bend back a bit. As Felix's hands slide along the counter though, he accidentally hits Yasmin's wine glass and it topples over. The sound of the glass breaking distracts both of them.

FELIX: Oops.

YASMIN: That's the second thing you've broken today.

FELIX: I told you not to worry about that.

Yasmin smiles.

YASMIN: I was drinking that, you know.

Felix smiles back and reaches over to grab his glass, pressing his body against Yasmin in the process. He holds the glass up in front of Yasmin.

FELIX: Have mine.

Yasmin rolls her eyes and takes the glass.

YASMIN (sarcastically): What a gentleman.

She takes a sip of the wine. Without warning, Felix grabs Yasmin's hair and tilts her head back slightly. At the same time, he pushes the bottom of the wine glass upward.

FELIX: Nah, I'm just trying to get you to drink faster.

As soon as Felix lets her take a breath, Yasmin starts giggling. Felix just smiles at her.

Scene 6

INT. Felix's bedroom - Morning

Yasmin wakes up in Felix's bed. She looks around in confusion, not quite realizing where she is yet. She sits up and rubs her eyes. The blanket falls off of her as she sits up and we can see she is still wearing the same clothes as the previous night.

Looking at the other side of the bed, Yasmin's eyes land on Felix. She immediately panics.

YASMIN: Oh my god!

Her outburst wakes Felix and he groans in annoyance.

FELIX: Ugh, you're so loud.

YASMIN: Felix! Why am I in your room?!

Felix sighs and sits up.

YASMIN: Oh my god, did we–

Felix giggles and Yasmin shoots him a glare.

FELIX: Relax. We didn't do anything. You got too drunk and fell asleep.

YASMIN: In your bed?

Felix shrugs.

FELIX: My bed's more comfortable than yours.

Yasmin opens her mouth to argue but then pauses and thinks about it.

YASMIN: That is true...

She shakes her head.

YASMIN: No one can know about this, okay?

FELIX: Why? I told you we didn't do anything.

YASMIN: Because, it's... it's unprofessional. I know you don't care what your other staff think of you, but I care what they think of me.

Felix just rolls his eyes and checks his phone. Yasmin throws her legs over the side of the bed to stand up.

Just then, the bedroom door opens and Valerie walks in.

VALERIE: Mr. Givenchy, breakfast is–

The maid freezes when she sees Yasmin.

VALERIE: Oh, um... pardon me.

Yasmin groans and buries her head in her hands. Felix starts laughing hysterically and Valerie is left standing there in confusion and shock.

Scene 7

INT. Givenchy residence kitchen - Morning

Felix, Yasmin, and the maids are eating breakfast together. Kirk is busy cleaning the kitchen. Everyone is awkwardly silent. Felix doesn't seem to be bothered by it though, eating his food like normal.

After a while, Yasmin finally speaks.

YASMIN: Valerie, a-about earlier.

VALERIE: Hm?

YASMIN: I can explain.

VALERIE: There's no need, Miss Post. I'm not here to judge what you do outside of work hours.

YASMIN: That's why I need to explain. I didn't do anything. I just happened to... fall asleep in the wrong place.

Yasmin slumps her shoulders in shame as she realizes that that doesn't sound much better. She sighs.

YASMIN: I drank too much last night. That's all.

Felix stops eating in favor of listening closely to the conversation. He is intrigued.

VALERIE: Alright, Miss Post. I understand.

YASMIN: So you believe me?

VALERIE: I have no reason not to.

Felix starts giggling. Yasmin glares at him.

YASMIN: What are you laughing about?

FELIX: I think Valerie knows that I'd be in a much better mood if–

Felix is cut off by Valerie loudly clearing her throat. He looks over at her, annoyed.

VALERIE: Gwen and I should be getting to work.

Valerie stands up but Gwen doesn't move. The younger maid looks flustered and she is blushing.

VALERIE: Gwen.

That seems to snap Gwen out of it and she promptly stands up.

VALERIE: Excuse us.

Valerie and Gwen quickly leave the room. As soon as they are gone, Yasmin groans.

YASMIN: This is so embarrassing.

KIRK: What exactly happened?

FELIX: Mind your own business.

Kirk rolls his eyes and goes back to cleaning.

FELIX: You don't need to worry, Yasmin. It's like Valerie said, she won't judge you.

YASMIN: For some reason that doesn't help much.

Yasmin's phone rings, distracting both her and Felix from the conversation. Yasmin picks up her phone from the table and checks who it is.

YASMIN: It's Jazz.

FELIX: What does he want?

YASMIN: It's probably about the collaboration.

Felix rolls his eyes and stands up.

FELIX: I'm gonna have a nap.

YASMIN: You just woke up.

FELIX: So? I'm hungover.

Yasmin looks like she's about to argue but then realizes that her phone is still ringing. She answers it just as Felix exits the room.

YASMIN: Hello?

INT. Jazz's car - Morning

We cut to Jazz, who is driving as he talks on the phone.

JAZZ: Good morning, Yasmin! How are you today?

We cut back to Yasmin in the kitchen.

YASMIN: I'm doing alright. How are you?

Yasmin groggily brushes a hand through her hair as we hear Jazz speak through the phone.

JAZZ (through the phone): I'm great, thanks for asking! So, uh,

We cut back to Jazz in his car.

JAZZ: I'm on my way home from the office but Ms. Roosevelts gave me some paperwork that she wants you and Mr. Givenchy to have. I was wondering if I could swing by while I'm out.

We cut back to Yasmin. Her eyes widen in panic when she hears the question.

YASMIN: Um, sure. How close are you?

JAZZ (through the phone): Perfect! I'm about five minutes away.

Yasmin now looks even more panicked. She squints in order to keep it together.

YASMIN: Okay. See you soon then!

JAZZ (through the phone): See you.

Yasmin quickly ends the call and stands up. She quickly walks out of the room, yelling.

YASMIN: Felix! You can't sleep now, we have company!

Kirk just watches as Yasmin leaves.

Scene 8

INT. Givenchy Residence entrance - Morning

Yasmin opens the front door and Jazz is standing there with a large folder in his arms.

YASMIN: Hi Jazz. Come on in.

Jazz smiles and steps into the penthouse.

JAZZ: Thank you!

INT. Givenchy Residence living room - Morning

We cut Yasmin leading Jazz into the living room.

YASMIN: Please have a seat anywhere. Felix will be downstairs soon.

Jazz sits down on the larger of the two couches and sets the folder on the coffee table. He smiles and looks around the room.

JAZZ: So you really do just use first names with each other.

YASMIN: Oh I called him Felix, didn't I? Sorry, I'm kind of tired today.

JAZZ: No worries! I don't mind at all. Actually I'm a bit jealous.

Yasmin looks confused by that, but Felix walks down the stairs before she can respond.

FELIX: Okay I'm here. What do we have to do?

JAZZ: Good morning Mr. Givenchy!

FELIX: Oh. Hey Jazz.

Felix walks over to the vacant couch and plops down on it, already looking bored. Yasmin joins Jazz on the larger couch. Jazz happily opens the folder on the table.

JAZZ: So, Ms. Roosevelts has prepared three proposals for each of the seven scents in the new collection. She would like your input on which ones you like the best.

Yasmin slides the folder closer to herself and examines it.

YASMIN: Wow. There's a lot of stuff here.

FELIX (skeptically): Prima's really gonna let us pick these?

Jazz anxiously twiddles his thumbs.

JAZZ: Well, she just asked for your input. I can't guarantee that she'll agree with you...

FELIX: So it's just a formality then. Tell her she can do whatever she wants. Why waste everyone's time?

YASMIN: You could at least participate a little, Felix. Ms. Roosevelts is trying to work with you and you're just being stubborn.

FELIX: I'm being stubborn? She's the one who has to have everything her way.

JAZZ: She really would appreciate your feedback, Mr. Givenchy.

Felix rolls his eyes.

FELIX: She just wants us to compliment her.

YASMIN: Felix!

Felix stretches his arms out and yawns.

FELIX: This is boring.

Felix stands up and starts walking back towards the stairs.

FELIX: Why don't you just take care of this for me, Yasmin?

YASMIN: Where are you going?

FELIX: Upstairs. Let me know when you're done~

Yasmin just sighs, too tired to argue further. Jazz watches as Felix goes back upstairs.

JAZZ: Does he usually make you do all his work like this?

YASMIN: Don't even get me started.

Jazz chuckles.

JAZZ: Well I can help you with it. I'm sure we can get it done quickly if we work together.

YASMIN: Oh, thanks but you don't have to.

JAZZ: No, no! I insist. I'm ahead on my work for this week anyway.

Yasmin stares at Jazz for a moment, looking surprised, but then she smiles.

YASMIN: Okay. Thank you.

Scene 9

INT. Felix's bedroom - Morning

Gwen is alone in the room, making Felix's bed, standing at the foot of it. She is almost finished, just straightening the blanket. As she runs her hand over it to smooth it out, she pauses and stares down at the bed. She contemplates something for a moment and then looks over at the open door.

When she sees that no one is there, she slowly bends down and grabs a small section of the blanket. She bunches it up in front of her face and inhales deeply. She closes her eyes as she smells the fabric, clearly enjoying herself.

She doesn't let herself sniff for long though. After getting a good huff she lets go of the blanket and stands up straight again. She sighs and then fixes the part of the bed that she messed up.

FELIX: Are you almost done in here, Gwen?

Gwen jumps when she hears Felix's voice. She turns to face the doorway, flustered.

GWEN: S-sir! I didn't realize you were there.

FELIX: It's fine. I just got here. Answer the question.

GWEN: Oh, um, yes. I just need to finish tidying up the bed.

FELIX: 'Kay. Hurry up then. I wanna listen to music.

Gwen nods and goes back to what she was doing. Felix makes his way across the room towards one of the side tables but he stops next to the bed when he gets an idea. While Gwen tucks in the blanket at the bottom of the bed, Felix knocks one of the pillows onto the floor. Gwen notices this and looks at him, confused.

FELIX: Oops. Better pick that up.

Felix folds his arms and watches as Gwen rushes to pick up the pillow. As Gwen bends over to grab it, Felix kicks the pillow under the bed. Gwen freezes up and glances at Felix.

FELIX: Are you gonna pick it up or not?

GWEN: Uh... yes sir.

Gwen slowly gets on her knees and bends forward to reach under the bed. Felix just stares at her body while she retrieves the pillow. He quickly grows impatient though, complaining as Gwen stands up again.

FELIX: God you're so slow.

GWEN: Sorry sir, I–

Felix snatches the pillow from Gwen before she can finish her sentence.

FELIX: I'll just do it. You can go now.

Gwen opens her mouth to speak but quickly shuts it again. She just nods instead and hurries out of the room. Felix watches with a glare as she leaves.

Scene 10

INT. Givenchy Residence living room - Afternoon

Yasmin and Jazz are working together in the living room. They have the papers that Jazz brought spread out on the coffee table and organized into small piles. Yasmin is sitting in front of her laptop next to the piles, typing something. Jazz is standing up, looking at the piles thoughtfully.

YASMIN: So... why did we pick the lavender base for the violet one again?

JAZZ: Uh...

Jazz flips through a small notebook in his hand.

JAZZ: I jotted it down somewhere... Oh! Here it is. Lavender is a popular scent used for aroma-therapy, which is often linked to spirituality and wellness. The things that violet represents. The calming effects of lavender are also a great way to end the collection.

Yasmin hastily types as Jazz reads out his notes. She quickly finishes up and sits back.

YASMIN: Okay. I think that's everything...

JAZZ: Yep! Honestly this is above and beyond what Ms. Roosevelts asked you to do.

Yasmin is a bit nervous about her work.

YASMIN: I want to make a good impression.

JAZZ: I think she'll be very impressed!

Jazz's phone begins to ring, interrupting the conversation. Jazz takes his phone out of his pocket to read the screen.

JAZZ: Speaking of her...

Yasmin nods and politely gestures towards the phone. Jazz answers the phone and holds it up to his ear.

JAZZ: Hello, Ms. Roosevelts.

Jazz flinches, surprised by whatever Prima's response was.

JAZZ: Oh, I'm still at Mr. Givenchy's house. Yasmin seemed like she needed help with reviewing the files so I stayed to help. It... took a lot longer than we thought it would.

Yasmin watches Jazz with concern. Jazz flinches again and closes his eyes as he listens to Prima.

JAZZ: Y-yes, I understand. My apologies.

Jazz looks down in shame, listening again to Prima's response.

JAZZ: Yes, yes. I'll be home as soon as possible.

Jazz hangs up the phone and sighs.

JAZZ: I'm sorry. I guess Ms. Roosevelts didn't really give me permission to help you with this.

Yasmin stands up, looking apologetic.

YASMIN: No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you in trouble with your boss.

JAZZ: Oh, don't worry about that. Ms. Roosevelts has a bit of a temper so she gets mad about little things like this a lot. It's only because she works so hard though. So I'll be okay, she never stays mad at me for long.

YASMIN: Oh. That sounds kind of rough.

Jazz shakes his head.

JAZZ: Not at all. I love working for Ms. Roosevelts! She's an amazing boss! I admire her a lot.

Yasmin looks surprised to hear that. She collects herself quickly though, smiling and nodding.

YASMIN: That's good to hear.

Jazz proudly smiles back.

JAZZ: Well, I need to go now. Ms. Roosevelts wants me to be back at the house right away.

YASMIN: Of course. I'll walk you out. And thanks again for your help.

JAZZ: No problem!

Jazz starts walking towards the front door. Yasmin hesitates before accompanying him, taking a moment to think about what Jazz said. Thinking about the way he spoke about Prima.

Scene 11

INT. Felix's bedroom - Late afternoon

Felix is sitting in front of his vanity. He has his phone pointed at himself, posing and taking pictures. He doesn't seem to notice or care when Yasmin walks in through the open door.

Yasmin walks right up to the vanity and throws a small pile of stapled-together papers onto it.

YASMIN: This is the report we sent to Prima, in case you wanted to go over it.

Felix doesn't take his eyes off his phone.

FELIX: I'm good.

YASMIN (sarcastically): I see you have more important things to do.

FELIX: I looked great today. The world needs to see.

Yasmin rolls her eyes and turns around to leave. This makes Felix finally stop taking selfies.

FELIX: Yasmin, wait.

Yasmin stops and turns around again. She gives Felix an annoyed look. Felix turns around in his chair and smirks, beckoning Yasmin with his finger. Yasmin takes a few steps closer, standing right in front of him.

FELIX: Sit on your knees.

Yasmin looks confused.

YASMIN: Why?

Felix shrugs.

FELIX: Just do it.

With a sigh, Yasmin kneels down on the floor. She waits for Felix to say something, but she gasps when Felix puts his shoe on her shoulder instead. Yasmin looks up at Felix to say something but she quickly looks away again.

FELIX: What?

YASMIN: I can see up your skirt.

FELIX: It's okay. You can look.

Yasmin sighs again, trying not to look.

YASMIN: Why am I on the floor?

FELIX: Did you work hard today?

YASMIN: Yes. No thanks to you.

Felix giggles.

FELIX: You had help.

YASMIN: I guess. But it still took way longer than expected and it had to be done well so we can make a good impression.

FELIX: And you did all that for me.

YASMIN: Well, yes. It was your work.

FELIX: You did it because I told you to.

YASMIN: Well... yes...

Felix puts more pressure on Yasmin's shoulder.

FELIX: You'll do anything I tell you to, huh?

Yasmin frowns.

YASMIN: You're my boss.

FELIX: I think we both know it's more than just that.

Yasmin's frown disappears and she shyly tilts her chin down. She inhales deeply in an attempt to calm herself.

FELIX: Yasmin, look at me.

Yasmin looks up at Felix. He smiles at her, pleased. He then takes his shoe off of her shoulder, resting his foot on the ground instead. He leans down so their faces are just inches apart.

FELIX: I like the way you look at me.

YASMIN: Uh– that's–

Felix pulls Yasmin into a kiss before she can say anything else. Yasmin immediately closes her eyes and breathes deeply again. Felix lets the kiss last a while before he pulls away, nipping at Yasmin's lower lip. Yasmin is rendered speechless.

FELIX: Pretty sure we had a few other things that needed to be done today.

Yasmin groans.

YASMIN: Ugh, I forgot.

FELIX: You'd better get to work then.

Felix turns in his chair again to face the mirror.

YASMIN: Felix! It's your work too!

FELIX: I'll kiss you again if you do it for me.

YASMIN: That's not how this works.

Felix just laughs.

[anemia-rp]

I don't think black roses get enough appreciation for all of their meanings, just their dark and goth aesthetic. My rose? I got it for a few meanings but mostly because they symbolize uniqueness and mystery. But I also got it because it can represent peace and tranquility, which is something I was searching for a lot when my last relationship ended.

In a way I have kind of been envious of people that are able to get angry. I usually am the kind of person to cry when I get angry. I am, I'm much more caring for others because it just feels easier and more natural to do.

That's okay though, everyone expresses their emotions differently. And as long as you're not hurting anyone, but it probably would be better to find another outlet for it. There are a lot of other ways you can express yourself. There's all kinds of art forms or even more physical things like exercise.

I'm not sure if I'm surprised that you encourage people fighting sometimes, but I can see you standing back and laughing some at people that are fighting. I try to avoid fights as best as I can.

That makes sense, I've always imagined that it must be a very intimate thing. I don't think you are giving yourself credit, I think more of a good person than that.

For real. But I like the fact that they seem to symbolize sorrow as well sometimes. Guess that's how they're interpreted by most though. So hope you found your peace and tranquility?

Okay, that sucks. How to be taken seriously when you start to cry, huh? I can really see why you attract toxic people. Not saying you're the perfect victim, but I've got a clue about what abusers look for in victims. I'm in for former victims though which take revenge 'cause I'm one, too. And I took my revenge, just like my neck tattoo says. However, who knows what I'd be if I'd have some more points on the psychopathic scale.

Excercise. Sex even, too, hah. I'm not big on excercising though, and with sex I'm picky as well, so that's a struggle.

Sometimes it's fun to rile people up. Maybe even manipulating them a lil' bit so something happens. But as I said, my compassion is mostly too high to have me become truly toxic. Unless my demons come out…but even then I snap out of it quickly mostly.

You'd say so? Even more? I can't really tell. I mean, yeah, the demons wanna make me do evil stuff sometimes, but I don't wanna let them win. Guess that makes me a good person eventually.

[stayathomesurveys]

172.

How would you spend a day at the beach? Laying out, playing in the ocean. Eating nice snacks! If I'm with friends, taking cute pictures for the 'gram ofc. Just having fun and getting some sun :)

Have you ever experienced altitude sickness? Yes. Very mild, though.

Was the last show you watched a re-run? Yes. I'm currently binge watching Law and Order: SVU. I'm on season 9.

Is there anything, any event, you wish you could remember more clearly? Yeah, a lot of things from my childhood.

When your school has a snow day, how do you spend it? It really never snowed much here. But we would get "snow days" for the little bit of snow, ice, sleet, and flurries that we would get. I would always spend it sleeping, watching TV, and playing in the little bit of snow that we got.

For you, what is the hardest thing about writing? Figuring out what I want to write.

if you could change your gender for a day, would you? Nope.

Do you respond to the people that yell out their car windows at you? No. 

What’s your biggest priority right now? Losing weight, getting a job (the job market sucks here I am so upset), and going back to school.

Did you pay attention to anything you were being taught in health class? Yeah.

If you could describe high school in one word, what would it be? Interesting? I don't know.

If you’ve stayed overnight in a hospital, how did you entertain yourself? When I was admitted overnight before and after surgery, I was on a Morphine drip so I mostly slept. I watched TV. My parents and best friend visited me for a little bit. I texted my boyfriend at the time. That's about it.

What does it feel like to fall asleep in someone’s arms? It depends on how you're positioned but it's always felt nice.

Do you recall the first time that you learned the truth about sex? Lol, not really.

Do you need the opinion of others to make yourself feel worthwhile? Sorta :(

What is a common sleeping position for you? I sleep on my stomach with one knee bent and my hands under my face/pillow. Sometimes I fall asleep on my side with my hands tucked in towards my face.

Have you ever rubbed anyone’s feet? Nope.

Is there a food that makes you sick just thinking about it? Italian subs. Although I am slowly getting over my aversion to them! Finally - it's been like 5 years. 

What is one thing you fantasize or daydream about doing? Traveling.

Do you know anyone that’s kind of stuck in another generation? I don't know. Sure.

When was the last time you were on a swing set? Last summer?

What would you rather: lethal injection, electric chair, or hanging? Lethal injection.

Have you ever had “perfect attendance” in school? I think I had perfect attendance for ONE quarter. I missed a lot of school.

Do you find extreme body builders’ bodies to be attractive? No. 

When was the last time you wore flip-flops? No idea.

Do you/would you own a pair of giant sunglasses? Yeah.

Are your hands unsteady? Sometimes.

Are you envious of anyone’s artistic abilities? Of course.

[wanna-doodle]

Hello! I see that your request box is open and I wanna request a yandere headcanons for Beelzebub (Obey Me) himself. I'm really curious to see how he does/acts as a yandere to MC. Thank you!

~ A Beelzebub stan <33

Thank you for the ask! This is my first one and I am really excited!

Also I am a Beel stan as well! <33

So yeah, I hope you enjoy!

Yandere Beel Headcanons

Tw: Yandere themes, violence and vore

I think Beel would be a sweetheart and is more on the protective side, wanting to keep you safe. But not with those people who have a crush on you!

It started slowly, really slow, almost unnoticable he fell in love with you.

But it really started when he noticed that you see more in him, that you see that he was actually smart and kind and not just hungry all the time.

At first he was surprised and sceptical. But he got happier everytime you weren't reducing him to his bottomless hunger.

He started to hang more around you, loves to talk with you or doing anything, really.

When Beel goes to the kitchen to eat some food he makes sure to bring you something. A pudding, a sandwhich or something like that.

He noticed how he isn't that hungry when he hangs around you. But it feels like he is starving on a different level. He wants to hold you, be close to you!

After a while he starts to cuddle with you. You are so warm, emotionally and physically.

He loves to hear your heartbeat during the cuddling sessions.

He makes sure not to squeeze you too tight. You are just a fragile human that dies so easily. So he watches his strength and makes sure you eat properly!

But this stirs up some other feelings as well. Since you are so fragile he needs to protect you! There are demons who would hurt you and not to mention other humans!

He starts to train even more to get stronger. He really wants to protect you!

About the training: he loves when you watch him or even train together with him. The compliments he gets from you makes his heart flutter

Its kinda easy to protect you. You are kind to everyone, treating everyone with respect so there aren't that many threats. Also your kindness is really attractive for him as well!

Now when you two are in the human world, its much harder. Humans can be really nasty and disgusting.

He loves to meet your friends and family, is kind to them and they are kind to him.

Everything seems to he totally fine until someone confessed to you. He gets so mad and envious, his stomach is growling.

He feels so so so hungry, its almost unbearable, it hurts him. So when you sleep, he searches for the person who makes him so hungry and mad

When Beel finds him, his feelings and hunger are taking over and he starts to eat the person, biting chunks out of them and ignoring the terrible screams.

After eating him, Beel feels so much better and full. It was delicious and he feels like you are much safer now. What if the person would treat you badly in a relationship? This is a terrible thought!

Of course he returns at your side, sees that you were still sleeping. He lays right beside you, not wanting to wake you up.

He would never tell you what he did. It's a secret that he will take to the grave. And yet he doesn't hestitate to eat all of your admirers just to keep you safe.

He will make sure that you feel good around him, treating you like royality.

Bonus:

If you are chubby, maybe having stretch marks, he does everything to make feel yourself good. Kissing the stretchmarks, giving you compliments everyday.

[none-shall-caricature-me]

Pushkin is an Interesting Character

Pushkin was made unlikeable by BSD. This by association taints his 'the weak deserve to get away with more than the strong do' philosophy as only pathetic and evil. Yeah it's messed up, but he's justified in being envious / afraid of those who were born with great talent / power just because of their genes.

Now look, Pushkin hate is understandable. I'm personally neutral about him. But I hope nobody hates on his worldview without dissecting the logic behind it.

Because the world shits on average / below average people unfairly, and everyone rallies with strong people. Most people don't care about the weak at all. Pushkin may well be afraid that he'll suffer just because he has average intelligence and talent in a world full of attractive super geniuses and powerhouses. Which is a very valid and very human concern.

Such a person will eventually believe that the common human should have some extra privileges, in order to even out the playing field with superpowered Deus - ex - Machinas. If an ordinary person were transported into BSD's harsh, perpetually dangerous world, wouldn't they want the same thing ? Wouldn't they be right in not wanting to lose out on good stuff just because of a genetic game of chance ?

What Pushkin could've done to become more likeable for basic - as - heck readers, is to ally with good / 'cool' people and be consistently useful to them. So why doesn't he do that in canon? Now listen up. We don't know his backstory. Maybe disheartening events made him think that in a cruel world, the weak would be trampled by the strong if they didn't prioritize their own wellbeing.

But yeah, his backstory is nonexistent, so all this is a mere theory. Plus I haven't read irl Pushkin's works, I've based this entire analysis off the manga only.

DON'T DARE TO REPOST / PLAGIARISE / REUPLOAD MY ORIGINAL ANALYSIS / THEORY