#yeah I’m not going to diagnose what’s going on with him
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browngonzo888 · 10 months ago
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Temp Lesser Head Agent Crenshaw
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Yeah the guy with the Gman voice from the 1st game.
Hollis had a candidate prepared for 2nd head but there was some drama about her having a relationship with them, so to play it safe, she sent them away to a different agency location and chose the boring Crenshaw instead. The man doesn’t talk to his adult children, he buried his ex, and sold his house to live in a depressing apartment where, he says, at least someone will notice if he’s died. People assure him he’s not old enough to prepare for death like that.
Now as lesser head, he’s faced with interns, who are wild teens of the new millennia. They are way less responsive than average, rolling their eyes as they text on their flip phones or listen to their MP3 players. He’s personally given up on them and doesn’t intervene when Raz tries to reach them.
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kimetsu-chan · 4 months ago
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My dad told me there was something weird going on in my brain(jokingly) while we were on our bike ride 0-0
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creaturebehavior · 2 years ago
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here’s how i arrived back to the conclusion that i probably am autistic: always thinking to myself damn for someone who’s not autistic i sure am autistic as hell
#i’m being silly in this post but in all seriousness i have been coming to terms with my symptoms and all the comorbidity#and that getting a diagnosis when you’ve got a whole bunch of stuff going on with your brain is like throwing diagnoses at the wall and seei#*seeing what sticks#like more than anything i am familiar with my symptoms#and i have reached a point in my life where i’ve stopped telling myself it’s impossible to be diagnosed with bpd and be autistic at the same#time.#And i very much believe that me being undiagnosed autistic or having undiagnosed adhd has been possibly one of the causes of me developing b#**developing bpd to begin with.#unless the bpd was also genetic.#cuz my dad’s side of the family is very similarly mentally ill.#but yeah i also believe my brother is autistic of has adhd#**or has#and he’s not the type of person who even wants to address his problems he’d rather not think about it or not go there#but he came to me recently and said he thinks he maybe had adhd#which i have always thought we’re probably both on the spectrum or have adhd. i was like dude i believe you and i know what ur talking abt#When i was 18 my dad came to me and told me he thinks I might be undiagnosed autistic and initially i didn’t know what to make of it#he thinks my brother is too but my brother is more closed off about mental health and is especially closed off to our dad#so he never mentioned it to him#but yeah it’s been 9 years of me wondering in the back of my mind i if i’m on the spectrum or have adhd or what#i used to wholeheartedly believe and say i was autistic in my early adulthood#but things get so confusing and muddled along the way especially when you’re getting treatment for other things#like i was in treatment for addiction and they don’t specialize in autism diagnosing ya know what i mean#although once my therapist did offer to finally help me seek out a diagnosis but it would have been incredibly expensive#so my dad said no when she said she had a place she could refer me to#So anyway. It’s a long journey. But what sticks and what resonates with me is i believe i’m autistic or something#and i know for sure i have BPD and am relieved to have received that diagnosis because i always also felt like i had that too#and i really believe it’s both. and i don’t think i’m making things up or faking it#i am open to finding out the truth. but i also am aware that diagnosing someone can be tricky when there’s a lot happening at once#like if it were easy to know i would know by now#it’s a literal guessing game even for professionals i’m just saying. that’s my experience
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no-144444 · 4 days ago
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guilt tripping- o.piastri
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summary: oscar asks something of you that you know you can't do. you do it anyway and it ends in you two almost breaking up. almost.
pairing: oscar piastri x fem! chronic illness! reader
a/n: hey yall, I just broke two ribs (lol) and got diagnosed with a chronic illness (lmao) so I might not be posting as frequently- just dealing with it physically and mentally so yah 😹
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“I don’t know if I can go,” you sighed, feeling even worse. 
“That’s alright,” he assured you, but you could hear the way his excitement depleted and his mood lowered. 
“M-maybe I can work something out, I don’t want to leave you alone,” your guilt grew everyday, this wasn’t healthy for either of you. 
“I don’t want you over-exerting yourself,” he spoke softly into the phone. “I’ll just ask mum if she has any friends that want to go or something. She always brings a million people with her.”
“I don’t want to leave you hanging Oscar. Melbourne is a big race. I’d be happy to come over like a week before, and then come to the race once I’ve had a few days to heal,” you bargained. A 22 hour connecting flight was not something you’d ever wanted to do. You couldn’t do it. You knew the pain would be too bad, yet you still stood there, offering it anyway. “And then I’d come for the race on Sunday, or just small bits on all the days.”
“Really?” his voice picked up, excited now. “You’re sure?”
“I’m sure Osc, I love seeing you race,” your smile was more of a grimace than anything, but still, the guilt in your chest lessened as you listened to Oscar speak animatedly about the race weekend, while your anxiety ran through the roof. You couldn’t do all the things he wanted you to do, you never could. This had been a problem at the beginning of your relationship, every time he’d plan a date that wasn’t dinner or a movie, you’d have to break the news that a 15 kilometre hike wasn’t something you’d be able to do on a whim. Things like that took planning, physio, and preparation. Your chronic illness was no joke, and had limited you since you were a teenager. In the past few years he’d gotten much better at everything, from helping you with your physio exercises, attending pilates classes with you, knowing what to do on bad pain days, and always looking out for you in public. You knew he was just getting away with himself, and you didn't want to disappoint, so you agreed to it all, hoping against hope that it wouldn’t be a bad week of pain or flare-ups wise. 
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You got into Melbourne and sobbed when you got in the car. Thankfully, it was Hattie picking you up, so she just held your hand as you silently cried, the joint and too much to bear. You went straight to bed as Hattie explained to the rest of the house that you were exhausted, and Oscar took it at face value. You usually get extremely tired after long days, and you’d just had a 22-hour day of travel. 
“I’ll go check on her-” he started, desperate to see you but Hattie cut him off. 
“NO!” she squeaked, trying to not sound suspicious. Oscar raised an eyebrow. “She’s really tired and she’s already gone to sleep.”
“Yeah, well I’m tired so I’m going to bed,” he explained, stretching then yawning. 
“Osc,” Hattie sighed, knowing she had to tell him. “She’s not… alright. She can’t do 22 hour travel days like you or I can. She has Lupus and she’s still trying to figure out her medication, so it hurts all the time. She cried from the airport to here, all to support you because you asked her to, and she feels guilty every single time she can’t say yes. She’s done real damage to herself by coming here. I want you to understand that, do you understand that?” 
Oscar nodded, because the other option was breaking down into tears. Yes, he’d felt guilty that he couldn’t be there to take care of you while travelling, and he knew he was asking a lot of you when he asked. The guilt settled deep in his stomach and made him nauseous, but still he continued on to his bedroom where you were sleeping peacefully. He could see the puffy eyes, the red nose, the open bottles of medication on the nightstand. He wrapped an arm around your waist, another in your hair and pulled you as close as possible, whispering teary sorrys into your ear. 
When you woke up the next morning, you knew what you had to do. This wasn’t fair on either of you, and you needed to make a change. You quickly (but silently) got up, and started to leave the room, but Oscar grabbed ahold of your hand before you could leave. 
“Please don’t sneak out on me,” he begged, sitting up. He looked wrecked, puffy eyes, red rose- had he been crying? God, had you made him cry? 
“Osc, what’s wrong?” you asked, concern clear as day on your face as you cupped his face with your hands.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “I knew I was asking too much when I asked you to come here, I’m so sorry.”
Your heart tightened in your chest. “Osc, I’m alright, I was just tired last night and-”
“Hattie told me,” his voice was deep, deeper than usual, and he pressed a gentle kiss to your hand. “And I’m so sorry.”
“Osc, I could’ve said no if I didn’t think I was able for it,” you tried to reassure him but he shook his head. 
“Y/n, you did say no and I didn’t take it as an answer,” he scoffed. 
You were stunned into silence. “I think we need to have a talk about us, Osc.”
He nodded, taking your hands in his. 
“This isn’t fair on you. I know I can't control my illness, and neither can you. It sucks, but it’s a fact. I wish I could be there for every single race and cheer you on with the other girls, but I can’t. It’s not in the cards for me right now, and I don’t know when it will be. Oscar, I love you so much, and you’ve been with me through everything and I know you deserve someone who can always be there for you, and I’m not that person right now. I love you but I know it’s not enough,” You finally looked at him and he was biting his lip as tears streamed down his cheeks. “I’m sorry.”
He shook his head and stood up, dropping your hands as he paced his bedroom. “You know how much I love you, don’t you?” he asked and you nodded as you held back more tears. “So you know that I still feel your support even when we’re in different time zones or on different continents, right? You know that I value you being in as little pain as possible more than being at the barricade after a race, right? You know that I fucking love you more than I love racing, right? Y/n, I’ve been here the entire time, since we were 14 years old. You’re the reason I get in the car, you make me better, all the time it’s just you. I plan on being with you for my whole life, Y/n. I want to be there for everything. I plan to sit there through every appointment about medication until you find the one that actually helps you, I plan on being there for every day where you don’t feel up to it, I plan on being there for you, always. I never want to let go of you, and yeah, it is nice to be able to see you after a race, and I know that because fucking facetime exists. If you still want to break up because I fucked up by asking you to come here, go ahead, but don’t ever think that I’m without because I’m with you. I am so in love with you, Y/n. I mean it. I want to marry you one day, I want a family with you, I want to be old with you so we get to reminisce on the good ol’ days and make some more while we have time. ‘The good ol’ days’ will be the days I spend with you. More than any race win, more than any trophy, or than anything. My favourite part about a race weekend is coming home because I know no matter what my result was, you’ll be there with open arms, loving me anyways. You’re more than enough for me.”
You crossed the room and wrapped your arms around him, crying into his hoodie as he held you. “I love you too.”
After a few moments of both of you calming down, he finally spoke. “Can you forgive me for being such an asshole?” he asked, wiping his eyes. 
You nodded, a small smile on your face. “I can, can you forgive me for being such an idiot?”
He chuckled. “You’re no idiot,” he picked you up and gently placed you back on the bed lying beside you. “I love you.” 
“I love you too.”
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navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)
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moonstruckme · 2 months ago
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What if you wrote something with like... Poly EMT marauders or poly doctor marauders.. with a reader who is a type 1 diabetic, but is horrible at managing it. So like... Their omnipod or dexcom expires and they just don't realize it. As to why? Idk, like they're forgetful or maybe they were just diagnosed with it recently? Whatever sounds more interesting to you lmao
Thanks for requesting! Funnily enough I got this request the same week my uncle was in the icu with a blood sugar of over 1000 (the highest the paramedics said they'd ever seen!) so this was one of the only emt marauders drabbles I've ever done where I didn't actually have to do a bunch of research because I already knew about it haha
cw: diabetes, reader is impaired/faint, mention of needle
emt!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 628 words
The television blurs in front of you. You have the vague impression that you used to know what was happening in this show, but now you can hardly tell one character from another. A hand touches your face, sweeping hair away from your eyes and scratching nicely at your scalp. 
“Getting tired, dove?” 
You hum. 
“Want to go to bed early?” 
“I think I could sleep here on the couch,” you admit. 
For a moment, there’s no reply. You feel the couch shift, and then a hand is gently turning your chin, directing you towards three concerned faces. It always makes you shy, being at the center of their combined attention, but right now the usual effects don’t feel as intense. 
“Are you feeling okay?” James asks you. 
“Yeah, I’m just tired.”
Later, you’ll learn you’d been slurring terribly. 
“Where’s your phone, baby?” Sirius starts looking for it as you try to recall. He finds it before you can, clicking it open and tapping at the screen until he finds what he’s looking for. “Her blood sugar’s at 300.” 
Remus’ brows push close together. “How’d that happen, hm?” he asks you. The sleeve of your pajama top gets pushed down. “Where’s your pod?” 
You blink, working hard to remember. Sirius gets up from the couch. “It’s…I don’t know. It expired,” you say. 
You hear the sound of the freezer opening, and a shrill beeping fills your kitchen. “Found it,” says Sirius. 
“Fucking hell, you’ve got to stop putting it in there.” Remus sighs, though you don’t think he’s really angry with you. “I heard it earlier, but I thought I was going mental.” 
“Sweetheart, why didn’t you get a new one when that one expired?” James asks. He rubs your calf from further down the couch, infinite in both sweetness and patience. 
“I was going to. I forgot.” You’d gotten distracted with something or other, dishes that needed to be done or something outside the window or an attention-deprived Sirius calling you from the next room. 
“You can’t just forget, silly girl.” Sirius gives your knee a mean (loving) squeeze as he sits down again. He sets a new omnipod on the table, filling it expertly with a syringe of insulin. 
“Do you have a swab?” Remus asks, and Sirius hums, passing him one. “Thanks.” 
Remus cleans off your arm, using one hand to ensure you’re still while Sirius gently presses the new omnipod to your skin. He runs his fingers around the adhesive a few times for good measure. 
“4 units, yeah?” James asks, thumbing something into your app after the others agree. You wince when you feel the needle, still not used to it, and he makes a sorry sound. Presses a conciliatory kiss to your knee. 
“There you go, babylove.” Remus sits back against the couch cushions, a tension you hadn’t noticed before dissipating from him. His hand finds your hair, carding through the strands close to your scalp. “You’ve gotta start taking better care of yourself. We can help if you want us to, but this is important, yeah?” 
“I know,” you sigh, leaning against his shoulder. “Sorry, I just forget.” 
“We’ll help you remember,” James offers in his easy way. 
Sirius nudges both you and Remus over so he can squish in on your other side. “Can’t believe we were about to go to bed with you sky high.” He pokes your thigh. “That wouldn’t have been very nice to wake up to tomorrow.” 
Your heart heavies, thinking of your boyfriends panicking and you nearly comatose in bed the next morning. “I’m sorry,” you say again, meaning it. 
“It’s alright, dove.” Remus drops a kiss to your hair. “We don’t mind taking care of you. We’ll help you get the hang of it.”
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heartswithinreach · 4 months ago
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LaDS with an autistic MC
a/n: another one i’m writing for me. but i tried to touch on different symptoms so others can feel included 😊
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Xavier
He’s been asked if he’s on the spectrum more than once so he’s aware of what autism is but not much else.
That quickly changes when Xavier finds out you’re autistic. He does as much research as he can, both through books and online articles, and then subtly does his own study with you.
If he’s on his phone, you can bet he’s noting your preferences (food, texture, smells) and your interests for future reference.
Pleasantly surprised by how you start to change as you become more comfortable around him. He’s very glad to be allowed into your inner world.
Xavier never wants you to feel like a burden or you’re broken somehow. You are simply you. And he wouldn’t change a thing about his beloved partner.
Zayne
Autistic!MC 🤝 Autistic!Zayne
Zayne was diagnosed before you but didn’t pay it much attention until you got the same diagnosis in your teenage years. He added autism to his studies for medical school, learning how to care for you and himself at the same time.
When you come back into his life, he surprises you by remembering all the strategies and signals you made to support each other when you were young.
Masking has always been difficult for him. Hiding aspects of himself exhausts him so he makes sure you know you never, ever have to pretend with him. You can be yourself around him.
Zayne is in no rush when it comes to how your relationship evolves. You can both take your time in figuring this out and he’ll always be there.
Rafayel
“Yeah, I knew you were a weirdo from the day we met.”
Rude! But if you were worried telling him would change how Rafayel sees you, you have nothing to worry about. He’s loved you for so long, it’s just something new about you he gets to discover.
He loves how radiant your smile is when you talk about your interests. He could listen to you for hours, just basking in your light.
Rafayel also loves the opportunity to play hero.
“What’s wrong, cutie? You’re anxious and wanna leave early? Eh, this party was boring, anyway. Come on, I’ll get you something sweet on the way home. Don’t worry about offending anyone, I’ll take care of everything — you just breathe, okay?”
Sylus
With how rocky the beginning of your relationship was, it’s not unreasonable to think he would get frustrated with you the same way he did when you couldn’t resonate with him.
But no. Sylus is actually your most fierce and loyal advocate and very protective of your peace of mind.
He takes care of potential issues before you can even think of them and is slowly turning his home into a place of comfort for you — while keeping his aesthetic, of course.
Sylus happily allows you to cling to him in public, taking pride in how you go to him for protection. And if you have to go somewhere alone, you’ll hear Mephisto’s cry following you.
Never touches you without warning and always stops at the first sign of discomfort. Anyone who doesn’t do the same is swiftly handled by Luke and Kieran.
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oimitocat · 1 month ago
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MIND ME | HC
txt ot5 (separately) x gn!reader
reacting to reader with dark/trauma humor + implied past suicidal tendencies + implied past trauma + coping with humor + therapy sessions + idol au! + implied eating disorders
a/n: literally fair warning, if you can’t handle it, move on. this is fiction but with real life tendencies.
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—HUENING KAI
one day you had to do your therapy session over the phone due to your busy schedule. kai had come in to sit with you as your session was close to an end. the basic “see you next time, call me if you need to chat or have questions” thing goes on and then you hang up.
he’s comfortable in your bed, you crawl in to cuddle with him.
“anything new?” he asks, he’s always so caring, so tender.
“nah.” then you pause, smiling.
“what is it?” he asks, “why are you smiling?”
you shake your head, “just remembered this joke i made to my therapist.”
“a joke?” he asks, curious.
you watch him, smiling at the mess of his hair. “so like, i use to self harm-“ his eyes widen a bit, yet he quickly fixes his expression, “-and so she asked if i still do it and i joked and said ‘no i have alcohol now’…” you sigh, “she didn’t laugh.”
and you bust out laughing when kai purses his lips, unsure if he should cry or find it funny either.
“y/n!”
“kai! i don’t drink! be for real!” you cackle as your cuddle him, easing his worries.
—CHOI BEOMGYU
“y/n, do you want to stay with me and keep practicing?”
“what? you’re saying i suck and need to keep practicing?”
beomgyu gasps, “no! what? i just- well the step we keep messing up! we should practice it!”
“so you’re saying i’m bad at it and you’re covering it by saying we both do? great, another thing i’m bad at.”
“what’s the other thing you’re supposedly bad at!” he argues, smiling at you.
“oh it’s a long list,” you say with a grin.
“as if.”
“no for real,” you pick up your water bottle, back facing his, “killing myself is number one. apparently i’m bad at it.” you shake your head before pausing.
“what?”
“i’m joking,” you say quickly, seeing the worry in his eyes. “beomgyu.”
“ah…” he just watches you, messing with his water bottle. “am i allowed to laugh when you joke like that?”
“if you want, i don’t care. would be preferable.” you pat his back, “let’s practice yeah?”
—KANG TAEHYUN
you were watching people getting their bones popped. it’s crazy what areas can be popped to soothe the body. yet you and taehyun were cringing and laughing.
“oh- ah!” taehyun flinches, watching how they popped someone’s neck.
“dude maybe i should go get my neck snapped.”
“don’t you mean popped?” he asks, smiling at your silliness.
you shake your head, “no. i mean snapped.”
taehyun rolls his eyes, “you wanna die or something?”
“always have.” and you get a smack on the arm, to which you laugh at. he knows your joking, and that makes you feel warm.
—CHOI SOOBIN
literally you love food. sadly the industry makes you develop a decently bad relationship with it sometimes. so, one day you’re eating sweet bread and go- “shit, i’m supposed to be on a diet for our comeback.”
“huh? why?” soobin frowns. “wait, really?”
“it’s okay, i’ll just starve until then, it’ll be like this never happened.”
“y/n, what?”
you glance at him while chewing, “what?”
“why the hell would you starve?” he eyes you, “wait, what does your diet consist of then?”
“coffee and antidepressants.” you joke.
“funny.”
“i know.”
—CHOI YEONJUN
it’s a task. literally, all of you are on a reality show and you have to fill out a questionnaire or something. you’re thinking on this question.
“what’s wrong?” yeonjun asks you while beomgyu and soobin make ruckus about what their answers are.
“i’m not sure what to put.”
“y/n, it’s basic questions.”
“that’s what my therapist said and then i was diagnosed a bunch of stuff.”
“the question is literally what’s your favorite childhood memory?”
“so about that, i don’t remember cus apparently — fun fact, when you experience some sort of trauma as a kid your mind blocks any memory during that age and time. i don’t remember shit,” you whisper. “what am i supposed to put? that my mom beat me with a spoon until i finished my homework?”
he stares at you, unsure what to do with that bomb drop. he knows you cope with humor, hence, “steal one of mine then.”
“bet.”
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norrizzandpia · 1 year ago
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Longing Glances and Whispered Confessions (Part 2) (LN4)
Summary: In which the one person they thought would reject them completely is the person that forces them together again.
Warnings: language, sexual innuendos, Lando and yn are sad as hell, happy ending tho, Pietra being a real one
Note: i loved this story line also here is the link to part 1 if you need it
“There’s nothing louder than the silence between two people who used to love each other.” - unknown
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Lando was never the same. Max noticed the way his best friend suddenly became a shell of a human, dark and blank. The brother was left to question why the closest person to him in his life was no longer than themselves. He tried to take the boy out, bringing him to movies and dinners, trying to understand the root of his depression. However, he began to put it together when he saw the way Y/n lost herself a bit too. If he was being honest, Max always had an idea that they held repressed feelings for each other, but he never entertained it. He was so afraid of that thought that he refused to diagnose their lingering eyes and prolonged touches.
Pietra was the first to voice his internal thoughts, “You know, it’s no coincidence that they’ve both suddenly stopped talking to each other.”
He groaned, looking at her from his side of the couch, “P, I’m not doing this with you again.”
He got up, walking out of the room only for her to follow him. She trailed behind his steps, pushing, “No, you are going to do this with me. I’m not going to let you ruin two people’s happiness because you can’t set your pride aside and let them be at peace.”
He forcefully turned around, staring down at her annoyed, “What are you saying?! They were sneaking around together behind my back?! Come on, P.”
She scoffed, “Maybe they were! You said it yourself that they were spending more time together! What do you think they were doing?”
He shook his head, “Being friends! Like they always have been!”
Pietra let her hands yank at her hair in exhaustion over her boyfriend’s obliviousness, “MAX! WAKE UP! THEY WERE NEVER FRIENDS!”
Her yelling silenced him, his eyes staring at her before floating down to his feet, “You think I really am the source of their unhappiness?”
She sighed, padding over to him and bringing his body into her hold, “I think you played into it, but I don’t think you’re the whole reason why. Y/n and Lando are so stubborn, they probably pushed each other away with how much they love each other.”
His head reared back, “Love each other?”
Her eyebrows furrowed, “Yeah… Max, you really think they would be this heartbroken over something that wasn’t love?”
The revelation was crushing, his eyes bulged and he stood, jaw agape, “I… I don’t know. I didn’t think they would be able to explore a relationship that much to realize they loved each other.”
She tilted her head, “Max, you don’t know how long they were together.”
And that was something he knew he needed to find out.
Lando dragged himself over to his door, eyes drooping from the lack of sleep. No matter how hard he tried, every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was her walking out on him.
He opened it, not saying anything as he let Max in. His best friend closed the door behind himself, following Lando into the living room and sitting on the couch beside him. Hesitantly, Max laid his hand on Lando’s knee.
He breathed out, “I’m worried about you.”
The blanket around Lando’s shoulders loosened as he moved his hand to rub over his face, “Why?”
“Because you’re not sleeping, you’re not eating, and you’re canceling on everyone. I keep having Oscar or Carlos or Daniel or any of the other drivers text me asking where you are, what’s wrong. You’re not the same person anymore, Lando.” Max retracted his hand, turning fully on the couch to stare at the boy’s side profile.
Lando huffed, standing up and trying to flee the conversation, but Max was quick to grab his arm, pulling him back. Lando gave Max a look that was so angry, so furious that he realized this anger wasn’t directed at him, rather at the world for putting him through such pain.
“Can you fucking leave me alone?” Lando gave, arm trying to move from Max’s grasp, but failed.
“No, I’m not leaving until you tell me.” Max tried.
Lando rolled his eyes, “Tell you what?”
His response was immediate, “Tell me what happened between you and her.”
Lando fell silent, his demeanor shifting and his eyes softening. Vulnerability and brokenness flashed in his eyes, such a pool of grief, Max hated himself for causing it.
Finally, Lando broke from his hold and walked further into his apartment, “I don’t know who or what you’re talking about.”
Max followed him, “Yes, you do and you’re going to tell me what happened between you and my sister.”
Lando aggressively turned around, his attitude changing quickly, his fiery gaze creating a tense air, “CAN YOU FUCKING STOP?”
Max shot back, “NO! I CAN’T LET THIS HAPPEN! IT’S NOT FAIR TO ANYONE TO KEEP YOU FROM EACH OTHER IF THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU’RE SEPARATED!”
Lando’s teary voice, stricken with yearning for someone he thought he wouldn’t have to yearn for anymore, yelled back, “NOTHING HAPPENED! NOTHING HAPPENED BETWEEN US! NOTHING-”
His words got cut off when a small sob racked through his body. The lie and deflection of their relationship hit him hard. He didn’t want to deny what happened with her because what happened with her was so important, so close to his heart. Denying her and the love they shared was like affirming their end, he couldn’t deal with that.
Max watched his best friend break down in front of him, the sounds of miserable tears filling the room as he rushed over and caught him. He had never seen him like this, agony making him cling to his best friend in search of something to ground him.
Max couldn’t stomach the way his best friend was crying, much less for the fact that he was crying for his sister and whatever happened between them.
He itched to know and knew Y/n would be able to tell him.
He used his key to get in. The apartment was dark and quiet, and Max almost thought no one was there, but the fresh tissues on the counter and romantic movie playing softly in the background told him his sister was somewhere within the few walls.
He wandered around, silently looking for any clues of her relationship with Lando. He mingled over to her desk, hoping to find some picture of them together and gain physical evidence of the things that happened behind closed doors. He was ready to give up in that spot when he didn’t see anything on the surface, but when he caught a glimpse of a small drawer hiding under it, he crouched down. His hands slowly opened it, creaking and groaning under the force.
What he found, clearly something that was trying to be hidden, shocked him. What he found was a large handful of printed out pictures, all of them consisting of Y/n and Lando. He took them out carefully, their edges worn as if someone had continuously worked with them. The pictures got progressively worse to see, in terms of knowing that he was the one to stop the love they had for each other.
The first photo was of the two of them laying on her couch, the piece of furniture sitting two feet away from him. Lando’s lips were pressed against her cheek, one hand holding the other side of her face to him. Whatever was happening in the moment must have been amusing seeing as his sister was in the midst of hard laughter. Her mouth open, smile exuding through, she seemed comfortable in his presence, the kind of comfortable Max had wanted to forget existed between them.
The second photo was in Lando’s kitchen, this time only of the boy himself. Y/n’s reflection was in the window, again laughing at his cooking skills, as Lando stared beyond the camera. His gaze was trained on Y/n, a lovesick glint in his eyes as he held a spatula and a bowl. He was smiling so hard at her, Max wanted to claw his eyes out and forget he ever saw these photographs. They were a living example of what he had destroyed.
He continued to look through them, however, as his curiosity got the best of him. The last one, the eleventh and final one, was the worst to gaze upon.
This picture was taken by Lando, it being of Y/n sitting on her couch. She stared down at a ring in a box that she held firmly in her hand, teary eyes staring at Lando behind the camera. She was smiling with her mouth slightly opened, as if she was in awe over the gift.
It was the worst to see because he remembered the day he clocked her wearing it, asking her where she had gotten it.
THREE MONTHS PRIOR
“Where the fuck did you get that?” Max asked, his eyes trained on the sparkly band on his sister’s middle finger, left hand.
She tilted her head in confusion, following his gaze before realizing what he was referring to and trying to suppress a smile.
“Oh, it’s nothing. Just a gift.” She said vaguely, trying to be nonchalant.
Max shook his head, laughing softly, “No fucking way, is this person in love with you?”
She mirrored his laughter, yet it had a nervous undertone, “What are you talking about?”
Max grasped his sister’s hand, inspecting the ring, “Anyone who gets you something this expensive is in love with you. I mean, Y/n, this is, borderline, promise ring.”
She had joked with him, “What if it really was?”
He stared at her, trying to decipher whether or not to take it seriously. In the end, he hadn’t, “Then, I’d say I wanted to meet whoever gave you this. Clearly they want to marry you.”
She laughed it off, waving her hand around, “No need. There’s no one to meet.”
PRESENT DAY
It had been right fucking in front of him. He had prodded and joked that there was someone in her life, and there had been. It had been his best friend and he was too selfish to recognize it. Who was he to dictate their lives? Who was he to stop them from being happy? Who the fuck was he to stop Lando from making good on the promise he had made to his sister?
With the picture in his hands, Max stalked to her bedroom in the back of her apartment. He flung the door open, clearly waking her up from the nap she had been partaking in, scaring her to death.
She yelped out, “WHAT THE FUCK!”
He shook his head, pacing around the perimeter of her bed, “What is this?”
He waved the picture in her face, dropping it on her lap, and staring at her as he walked around.
Her face dropped and then she was staring at him with vengeance, “You went through my stuff?”
She had said it coolly, quietly, and that scared Max gravely. His sister was furious.
He scoffed, “Yeah, I did! Because I saw Lando earlier this week and he fucking cried in my arms because I confronted him about what happened between you, and he couldn’t fucking handle it. I still don’t know what happened! What the fuck happened?!”
She stood up, “AND YOU THINK THAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO LOOK THROUGH THESE THINGS? THESE PICTURES WERE FOR US ONLY AND YOU FUCKING RUINED THAT, MAX! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?”
Max shook his head and put his hands up in front of him, “I’m not mad, Y/n. I support you two if it makes you happy. I’m just fucking shocked as shit because I asked you about that ring and you lied to my face.”
She shrugged, “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU WANT ME TO DO? TELL YOU THAT I HAD BEEN FUCKING YOUR BEST FRIEND?”
Suddenly, he realized that if he hadn’t told her about his knowledge of the photos, she wouldn’t be as rageful as she was standing before him. Max was hit with a wave of emotions, wondering if he had just ruined the trust he had built with his sister over the course of their entire lives.
“Y/n,” He started, but she interrupted him.
“Get the fuck out.” She whispered, clutching the picture in her hands.
“What?”
“Get out of my house, Max.” She said again, this time stalking toward him and beginning to push him away.
He grabbed onto her arms, “Y/n, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that finding those pictures would make you this upset.”
When they reached the living room and she saw the drawer open with all the pictures strewn about, she leaped toward them, frantically gathering them up carefully.
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?” She screamed, ears turning red.
Max stayed silent, “THESE ARE MY PHOTOS, MAX! THESE MEAN SOMETHING TO ME! IT WAS NEVER YOUR PLACE TO FIND THESE!”
He walked cautiously over to her, letting his hands take hold of hers as they tried to gather all the pictures. She was crying, the tears becoming harder as she looked upon all their times together. Her brother gently coaxed them out of her hands and pulled her into him, cradling her head to his chest and trying to stop the tears that were wetting his shirt.
“I’m sorry, Y/n. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” He whispered repeatedly in her ear.
Over time, as he continued to say those two words to her, they both knew the meaning of it was changing.
At first, he was sorry for finding the photos and infringing on her privacy, but, then, he was sorry for making her think she couldn’t love openly.
Sitting down on her couch, he passed her tea to her and silently urged her to start talking.
She took a deep breath, then began, “Lando and I dated for a year. I’ll just break that to you now.”
Max’s mouth fell open, he had not been expecting for it to be that long, “Okay… continue. I’ll be okay.”
She nodded, smiling lightly, “We had loved each other for many years before that, but we only got together after a night when he picked me up drunk and I told him about the feelings I had for him. He came to my house the morning after and demanded to know if what I had said was true or just my drunk self being reckless, but everything I had said to him that night was, so he kissed me and we made things official. At first, we said we would keep things hidden until we were certain we saw a future, but that plan was shit because, from the beginning, we saw forever with each other. So, all we were left to do was aimlessly wander around until we stumbled across a time to tell you. However, we could never agree. He wanted to stay secret, afraid of everything that would happen if we dated publicly, but I was more of a ‘fuck it’ person. I wanted to be with him and when he rejected the notion I continuously brought up about us telling everyone, I felt fully rejected and that caused an ungodly amount of fights. Toward the end, all we did was fight. I think that’s what did us in. There was never a time when we weren’t yelling at each other and, for the life of us, we just could not see eye to eye. The thing that broke everything was when he told me to come to him when I believed he loved me and I realized I would never become comfortable with that idea. I would never fully trust him if he continued to treat me like a mistress, so I broke up with him.”
Max nodded, “And that’s when you two stopped talking and I found out.”
She agreed, “Yeah, I’m surprised how quickly you put it together.”
He chuckled, “No, it wasn’t me. It was Pietra. She basically yelled at me and told me that I was ruining both of your happiness by refusing to come to terms with it.”
The look that Y/n got in her eye told Max that he didn’t know the full story, “What?”
His little sister giggled, “I knew she knew!”
He tilted his head in confusion, “What?”
She shook her head, “One time, Pietra came over to my apartment unannounced and she had chosen a time when Lando and I were… uh…” Y/n wiggled her eyebrows at her brother and his face scrunched up in disgust.
“Oh, fuck no! Move on!” He yelled, waving his hands around.
She smiled, “Okay, okay, well, anyway, she used her key and when we heard the door open, her voice yelling out my name, Lando hid in the closet. When she came into my room and saw me with no clothes on under my comforter, she just looked at me weirdly. Her conversation with me after that consisted of her walking around my room and looking behind curtains and all that. I’m surprised she forgot to look in the closet because, if she had, she would’ve found out. But, anyway, after that, she just always dropped little comments about me seeing someone and, one time, she asked me if I had feelings for Lando. I, of course, refused, but it was something in the look that she gave me that told me she knew and she wouldn’t tell.”
He scoffed, “Damn you, P.”
The siblings laughed together, but once it died down, Max gave her a serious look.
“Y/n, you need to talk to him.”
Her shoulders sank, “I don’t know if either of us could handle that right now.”
He shook his head, “Not to get closure, but to get back together.”
Her head pulled back, “What? Max, he probably hates me. He definitely does not want to get back together with me after I ripped out his heart, threw it on the floor, and stomped on it.”
Max looked at her weirdly, “No way. You didn’t see the way he broke down in his apartment. You weren’t there and you haven’t seen the way he’s been after everything ended. He loves you and he needs you. He always will.”
She mulled it over in her head, inviting her brother to continue, “Why’d you break up with him?”
“Because I was hurt and I doubted how we would ever continue healthily when we didn’t agree on this one thing. Plus I didn’t believe he loved me the way I did him.”
Max shot up from the couch, picked up the photo of Lando looking at her while he cooked and shoved it in her face, “Y/n, that is the look of a man so gone for you, he’s never coming back.”
Her fingers traced over his face on the paper, smiling softly at the boy she missed, before looking up at her brother, “How do you know for sure? What if I give myself to him and it doesn’t work out?”
Max leaned forward, took her hands in his, and squeezed them tightly, “I don’t, but I can guarantee you that for as long as he lives, Lando will never move on from you. You give him another chance and he will never stop loving you. He’ll never stop loving you whether or not you’re there to reciprocate it or not.”
She tearfully stared up at him, “Yeah?”
He nodded, wiping her cheeks, “Yeah.”
Lando groaned, wanting to tear his face off with the knocking at his door. He just wanted people to leave him alone. Why didn’t anyone get that?
He forcefully pulled it open, shaking his head at whoever was daring to startle his mourning.
However, when his eyes met hers, their color shimmering with regretful tears, he breathed out a sigh of relief. Even though the reason for her presence wasn’t clear and his ability to reach out and kiss her wasn’t there anymore, he was still at peace to see her.
“Hi,” She whispered, stepping through the threshold hesitantly.
He stood, completely shocked, and she chuckled at his state before closing the door for him. Her hands landed on his waist as she coaxed them over to his couch, sitting the two of them down and taking his hands in hers.
She didn’t say anything for a few minutes, the two former lovers staring at each other and letting a loud silence take over. A loud silence between two people who still loved each other dearly.
When enough time passed, she exhaled and began with the speech she had been rehearsing for days prior, “Breaking up with you was the worst decision I ever made. Yet, it was something that had to happen. Without us parting ways, Max would’ve never found out and we would never be here, having the ability to be together publicly. I’m sorry for giving up on us, I wake up every day and wish I could take it back. But, I came here today because Max and I had a conversation yesterday where he made it clear that I had to come see you. Come fight for you. I love you and I want to be with you, always have, always will. I’m giving you everything I have and I’m hoping, fucking praying, that you’ll embrace your fears like I am and let us be together.”
Lando looked down at her, absorbing her words for a few moments. He stayed silent, staring at her before smiling. He let go of her hands to grab her face, bringing it to his. He kissed her like it was their first kiss all over again, signaling that he wanted to start over with her like she did with him. His lips nipped and sucked at her skin, only pulling away to whisper his love for her.
When they ran out of breath, he met her eyes and softly said, “Of course, I’ll embrace my fears for you. I was so fucking stupid not to before. You’re the only person that I’ve been able to get lost in. I love you like I’ve loved no one before and I’d be so idiotic to let you go again. That day, when you walked out, I should’ve followed you, I should’ve shown you, proven to you, how much I love you. Hearing you say that you would never believe I love you was like a million stabbings all at once and I should’ve used that emotion, that pain, to communicate how much you mean to me. I’m sorry for that and I’m so sorry for shutting you out the way I did before. Of course, I want people to know you’re mine. That’s always been it for me and the fact that I had it, and still didn’t take it, is lost on me. However, this all goes to say that I won’t let that happen again. I will love you and I will love you and I will love you until you’re sick of me.”
She laughed through her tears, pecking his lips shortly, “I’ll never get sick of you.”
He continued to grin at her, hands still holding her face to his, “Better not. If you did, I’d just force you to stay with me.”
She giggled, blushing at his words, before he melted fully into her. Hitting her nose with his, emotion pooled in his eyes, “Please never leave me again.”
She kissed his cheek, then his neck before coming to stare at him, hugging him as tightly as possible, “Never again. Ever. I promise.”
A tear slipped down his eye and she wiped it away. At the gentleness, he nuzzled his face into her neck and breathed out, feeling the weight of the world being lifted off his shoulders.
Another silence followed, yet, this time, it was a silence of two people who would never let the other go again.
Comforting and loving.
End.
Tags: @luvrrish @sinofwriting @minkyungseokie @lisa24x @toasttt11 @prettyisntprettyenough21 @giuliaabergamini-blog @landoslover @arshiyuh @ophcelia @vellicora @sage-butterflyy @ironmaiden1313
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lacesoflove · 6 days ago
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NOW SHOWING: LOVING YOU
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WARNING – afab!reader. nsfw. smoking. not proofread. there’s a bit of misogynistic language from y/n/narrator’s (?) pov. y/n has anxiety but it’s only mentioned and used once for a single line. it sort of turns into a lot of yapping at the end lol because i cant edit dialogue for shit
AUTHOR’S NOTE – been in a bad writer’s slump due to depression but miraculously got this out in 30 mins on my notes app ?? like hello ?? what ?? (its very obvious it was written in 30 mins though) also, for non smokers a pen is like a vape but with weed idfk. and this is based off of a redactedasmr’s patreon video!
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YOU HAD TAKEN A LIKING TO BEING ON YOUR KNEES LIKE THAT.
You remembered the catalyst - which is what you refereed to do as the day it started. It was late and you had found out your boyfriend had blown you off because his trust fund bimbo ex girlfriend had walked back into his life and one “it’s you, it’s me” conversation over, later, you were single and desperately horny. You had remembered your hot neighbour next door and suddenly you were knocking outside his door and there he came, opening the door, a blunt loosely held in his fingers and his eyes low. You can’t recall what you said to get in, but next thing you knew you were on his couch, smoking his blunt and it felt nice. And in the depths of your delusional high, it felt like he was your boyfriend and this was your life.
You’d run into each other more frequently, you’d come over more. It was never serious and it was always friendly until you had made some dumb joke about ovulating and he had laughed and then something in the room shifted and then you both shifted and then suddenly he was eating you out on his couch. And it was like that mostly, you’d come over, you’d hang out, talk to him about shit and then you’d both fuck. You’d never understood friends with benefits but maybe you did - sometimes you didn’t because you wanted more, but sometimes that just felt like small but of loneliness nagging.
Then it became more serious and you started going places together and he’d introduce you to his friends; the very same couple you’d see occasionally. And they’d share knowing glances when they both knew his eyes had travelled up your legs far too often and that he knew way too many minute details about you for someone he introduced as a, “casual friend and neighbour”. It was obvious but he was just a neighbour? Right? Right.
Until he wasn’t, until it was about two months into your entanglement and you were in between his legs, your cheeks hollowed as you took him in your mouth. He stared at you with a fucked out gaze, there was something underneath that gaze that, at the time, you couldn’t point out.
“Fuck, you take me so well.” He managed to get out, in between his soft whimpers and whines. “That feels good?” You asked him as you pulled away, with a string of saliva following. “You like when I do that?” “Yeah.” He breathed out.
You took him back in again and he fell back into the Heavens.
“You like this?” You mumbled, full of him. “F-fuck I’m gonna-“ he threw his head back. “Take me so good. Always take me so good.” You just nodded, as you waited for the inevitable now that his hormones were right at the rim. Like clockwork, his warm seed eventually spilt out. You stared up at him, doe-eyed, practically covered in his cum. A silence fell over the room. You were waiting for him to let out a small quip about sex - what you weren’t expecting was an I love you.
Neither was he. He felt a sense of shame wash over him. Had he actually just told you he loved you, during head?
“Hamzah what? What do you-“
“I’m sorry,” he was rambling, every corner, syllable and entire tone was laced with an anxiety even you, some diagnosed with anxiety, couldn’t comprehend. “I love you but I didn’t mean to say it now during head. I’m sorry. I mean - I’m not because I do love you a lot Y/N, I’ve liked you since I moved in here and couldn’t make a move and I’m sorry for ruining this.”
In his waterline you could notice the welling up of tears. “I’m so sorry, but I love you-“
You stared at him for a moment, dumbfounded, but then it came to you and you realised, honestly? You did love him too. You had loved the way he understood you, you had loved coming over to his apartment and seeing his cats. You had loved when you texted him to come help you take groceries into your own apartment. You had loved how he understood your body and made everything you detested about your body something you loved. You had loved the way he held your hands as he ate you out or kissed your forehead in missionary. So yeah, you did love him - you had come to realised.
“Yeah no. I love you too? I think.” “Yeah?” “Yeah. I do?” “I’m serious when I said I love you,” Hamzah whispered with a slight stutter. “You don’t have to love me back though. I don’t want you to think I said that shit because of the heat of the moment or the weed. I’ve been wanting to tell you. Ask Mandy or Martin or even your friend, Ashley about it.” “Baby, I know you love me.” You said smiling. “You do?” “I do.”
“C’here!” He said scooping you up from your knees and up onto the couch into his lap. You kissed him silly and he kissed you back. “In the morning, I’ll take you out to that cafe you like. And I’ll get you what you want. And then we’ll go to that park you like afterwards.”
“Uh-huh,” you couldn’t help the grin coming onto your face.
“And we’ll go to the lake that you like?”
“What about what you like?” You interjected.
“Don’t worry about it - what I like is you.” He said dismissively with a smile. “And I’ll tell you ‘I love you’.”
“You just did.”
“I can never stop telling you that - and this time it’ll be proper and not during sex or anything and shit, you know what? I’ll ask you to be my girlfriend.”
“And I’ll say yes?” You asked him, coyly, as you began playing with a loose curl. Entranced by the way it bounced back when you pulled on it. Everything about him entranced you honestly.
“Of course. I’ll even propose to you with those fake plastic frog rings you like.”
“And I’ll be your girlfriend?” “And you’ll be my girlfriend.” He said, staring at you with a love that felt like a thousand burning suns. “And I’ll be your girlfriend.” You affirmed. “And then you’ll marry me and I’ll be Mrs. Fantastic?”
“Okay!” He giggled, as he kissed the crook of your neck. “Let’s not get too far.”
“It has a nice ring to it.” “It does.”
“Fuck I love you.”
“I love you too.”
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taglist: @adiormoi @lordofthefrogs11 @venus-planetof-love @homesick4la @titus-androgynous-69 @cheesecakeluver @Ifegoeson @iluvhamzah
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starlightkun · 3 months ago
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❧ word count: 26.1k ❧ genre: angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, paranormal/supernatural au, ghost!jisung ❧ warnings: mentions of death, prominent side character dies early in the fic, depictions of grieving, family member of the reader is sick (it’s dementia-like, though the disease is never named in the fic), family tension/drama (reader has some family members that are not very nice to her), reader has some sleep/physical health issues at one point, reader is just really going through it in this fic for a while ❧ extra info: the reader’s mom in this has early-onset memory issues; i didn’t name a specific disease because im not a medical expert of any kind and didn’t want to misrepresent any real-life illness in this fic. i combined both my own experiences with my own family members who have had these kinds of illnesses and some research, but i am not an expert and the representation in this fic may not be entirely accurate! ❧ author’s note: i don’t think i’ve done a spooky fic like this before? but this one was super fun! also i will say it takes a little bit for jisung to show up, so please be patient when you don’t see him in the first few scenes, he’ll be there, i promise! ❧ sequel
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That night, the rain was still pounding against the windows. Your mom had gone to bed a while ago, but your mind was restless. Something had happened again as you were helping your mom get ready for bed. Your stepdad’s reading glasses, which were on the nightstand on his side of their bed, as they had been since he passed, had fallen off with seemingly no rhyme or reason. Not wanting your mom to get spooked about the house again, you reassured her that you had just bumped into the furniture—her back was turned when they fell—but it left you with an uneasy feeling.
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“Hi, Hyukjun.” You picked up the phone call from your stepdad as you headed back towards your office building from the restaurant you’d taken your lunch break at.
“Hi, sweetheart. How are you?” His warm, familiar voice was on the other end as always, though there was something different about it, something you couldn’t quite put your finger on from the quality of your phone speaker. Your steps slowed thoughtfully as you listened more attentively, a pit growing in your stomach.
“I’m good,” you answered shortly, suspicion creeping over you. “How are you two?”
It wasn’t that you didn’t appreciate hearing from your stepdad, you were on good terms with him. Your father passed when you were a little girl, and your mom continued to raise you on her own, not even considering any romantic prospects until you graduated high school. She and Hyukjun only dated for six months before marrying and had been happily married since. Hyukjun was a mild-mannered divorcee with three adult sons of his own, all of whom were at least a decade older than you, and none of which you were exceptionally close with. When your mom had been diagnosed only five years into their marriage, he began taking care of her—no question and no complaints. With her condition, you were fairly certain that you visited them more than Hyukjun’s own kids did, despite all of them living nearby to your knowledge.
He at least didn’t beat around the bush anymore. “She’s getting worse, Y/N.”
“How bad?”
“She thinks the house is haunted,” he admitted. “And I…”
“What?” You prompted him.
“She’s been asking for you. I know you’re busy, but if you could visit soon, I think it’d really help her.”
“Yeah, I have some time this weekend,” you agreed immediately. “I’ll be there.”
“Thanks.”
You were arriving at the building then, slowing to a stop outside as you prepared to hang up. “My break is ending, Hyukjun, I’ve got to go.”
“Of course,” he acquiesced. “Hey, I love you.”
“I love you too.” You looked up at the gray storm clouds gathering in the sky above you. “And tell Mom I love her, and I’ll be there soon.”
“I will. Have a good rest of your day at work, sweetheart.”
“Right. Bye.”
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When your mom and Hyukjun got married, you already had a lease on a small place closer to your job in the city, so your mom sold your childhood home and moved in with Hyukjun. Despite the small twinge of sadness at her selling your childhood home, the place where you, your mom, and dad had all been together, you were happy that she was no longer there by herself. Their home was a quaint two-story, two-bedroom townhome, with well-tended flowerbeds and a porch swing out front. A long time ago, you knew that this house had been your stepbrothers’ childhood home, the three of them sharing what was now the guest room, Hyukjun and his ex-wife occupying the primary bedroom that was now his and your mother’s. Hyukjun had been divorced for many years before he met your mom, you didn’t know the exact number off the top of your head—you weren’t sure if you had ever been told.
The snapdragons were in bloom, stalks of purples and blues and pinks, and you squatted down next to one. Feeling a bit like a child, you gently squeezed the sides of one flower to make the “mouth” of the dragon open, like Hyukjun had shown you one of the first times you’d met, the very first time you ever went to his house. The front door opened, and you looked up to see your stepdad stepping out of the house. You stood up, walking up the three short steps from the sidewalk to meet him on their porch.
“I saw you coming up the street,” he explained, gesturing to the front window. “It’s good to see you, Y/N.”
“Hi, Hyukjun.” You hugged him. “Good to see you too.”
“I just wanted to give you a heads up. She’s calm, but she’s not exactly… here,” he explained. “I didn’t want you to be caught off-guard.”
You nodded in understanding. “Okay. Thanks for letting me know.”
Following your stepdad into the house, he guided you towards the living room at the back of the house.
“Hon?” He poked his head into the living room.
Your mom looked up from where she had been reading a book in an armchair, her face breaking into a gentle smile. “Oh, Sangwoo, you’re back.”
“Yes, I picked Y/N up, just like you asked.” Your stepdad stepped aside to let her see you.
You pushed aside the alarms going off in your mind to give your mother as calm of a smile as you could, approaching her with your hand outstretched. “Hi, Mom, it’s Y/N.”
“Y/N, hi, sweetie.” She beamed at you, taking your hand that was offered and squeezing it tight. “How was school?”
“It was good, I had a good day,” you answered brightly. Looking down at the book in her lap, you asked, “What are you reading?”
Your mother had been a Literature teacher for all her life, before her diagnosis forced her to retire many years before she ever wanted to. She would read to you at any opportunity when you were a kid, especially at bedtime. It was always easiest to get her talking now about whatever book she was reading, no matter where her mind was.
“Oh, I’ll tell you about it later. First, do you have homework?”
“No, Mom, nothing today.”
Hyukjun cleared his throat then. “You must be hungry, Y/N. Would you like something to eat?”
“Yes, yes, go get a snack.” Your mother insisted.
“Okay,” you acquiesced, giving her hand another tight squeeze. “I’ll be right back after my snack. I want to hear about your book.”
In their kitchen, you turned on your stepdad with wide eyes. “She’s not just mixing up your names anymore, she thinks you are my dad!”
“Sometimes…” Hyukjun nodded, leaning against a kitchen counter. “Not always. She has her lucid days still.”
In the bright kitchen lighting, you could see a certain tiredness in Hyukjun that was new, a pallor in his skin, a hitch in his breaths, a lag in his movements, none of which used to be there.
“What’s wrong?” You asked, eyes locking on his. “With you? You were going to tell me something on the phone, and you didn’t. Tell me.”
He sighed, the sound dragging out into a wheeze and then a hacking cough that he covered in his elbow, and you winced just watching him. When he’d caught his breath again, he answered, “They found a tumor, in my lung. I have maybe six months, Y/N.”
“That’s it?!” You blurted out. “I-I mean, even with chemo, or radiation, or whatever?”
“I’m not—”
“It’s not treatable?”
He cast a sidelong glance down the hall, at the room where your mother was. “Someone needs to take care of her. I need to be here, and after I’m gone, our savings will go towards her care. We can’t spend it all on something that might give me another few months.”
“Another few months with her! With us!” You grabbed his arm, knowing how desperate you sounded. “What about your kids? Do they know what you’re doing?”
“No.” His voice was heavy, but determined. “I know you all don’t talk… but don’t tell them, please.”
His face wavered in your vision as your eyes filled with tears. You tried to swallow them down, but a couple spilled over. “Let me move in, and help. I want to take care of both of you. Please.”
“What about your job?”
“I’ll figure it out. Don’t worry about me. You’ve done enough for me, for us. Let me do something for you.”
“Thank you.”
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Your work agreed to let you move into a part-time remote position. Most days you were able to get all your done, early even. Not only was Hyukjun there, but a memory care aide named Nayoung came by for an hour three days a week to assist as well.
It had been a month since you moved into the primary bedroom on the second floor, the bedroom that used to be your mom and stepdad’s. You found out that they moved their things into the guest room on the first floor two months ago, when your mom hurt herself on the stairs. It had only been a skinned knee, but Hyukjun didn’t want to risk something worse.
That night you laid in bed with your laptop open, desperately trying to finish up a report that was due the next day. Today had been rougher, your mom needing constant redirection and reorientation, not to mention the conversation that you had with your stepdad earlier this evening. Usually after your mom went to sleep, the two of you would watch a movie or a couple episodes of a show, or just have a drink and chat. It was a nice, slow, easy part of your day with just the two of you. But this time as you rooted around the for the fresh tub of ice cream that you had just bought from the store, and called to him over your shoulder asking if he wanted a bowl, you saw him waiting for you with papers in his hand.
One of the errands he’d sent you on today, in addition to groceries, the post office, and the pharmacy, had been to an attorney’s office. You’d known that, you weren’t stupid. There, you had been handed a large envelope with the law firm’s name embossed on it, and your stepdad’s name typed on a label under that. You didn’t inquire as to the contents of the envelope from the receptionist, nor your stepdad when you delivered it to him upon returning home. It was none of your business. But at the kitchen table that night, he showed you the documents that he had drawn up.
Once he passed, you would own his house, the one that you lived in now, as a life estate pur autre vie. For the life of another. Until your mother passed, you would own his house, and could stay here and take care of her. Then, once she passed, the house would go to his sons, your stepbrothers, as he’d always intended.
You sighed and deleted the sentence you’d just written. “Stupid, stupid,” you muttered to yourself. Looking at the time, you let out another sigh and rubbed your face in exasperation. “I’m never going to fucking finish this.”
Setting the laptop aside, you pushed your covers off yourself and got out of bed. Keeping your footsteps light, you crept downstairs and into the kitchen to get yourself a glass of water. After drinking a whole glass in the kitchen, you refilled it to bring it back up to bedroom with you. Halfway up the stairs, the sconce on the wall next to your head flickered on, making you pause. You’d left all the lights off on your way down. Peering behind the frosted glass cover, you reached your hand back there and tightened the bulb. The light stopped flickering, and you looked around at the empty, dark staircase again. Shrugging to yourself, you finished your journey to your room.
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Cutting up your mom’s breakfast into small pieces, you hummed a song that had been stuck in your head. The sound of something clattering startled your peaceful reverie, and your head snapped up immediately. You darted around the kitchen counter to get your eyes on where your mom was sitting at the kitchen table.
“You okay, Mom?” You asked, eyes searching her for any signs of injury or distress.
“Oh, I’m fine, sweetie,” she reassured you, pointing at a point on the floor further away from her. You saw that a silver utensil was gleaming up from the tile. “I dropped my fork, that’s all.”
“I’ll grab you another one when I bring your food in, don’t worry about it,” you reassured her. “Leave it, I’ll pick it up in a sec.”
Returning to the kitchen, you finished cutting her food, then prepared yours and Hyukjun’s plates. Carrying all three of them in, along with your mom’s clean fork, you cocked your head when you saw the fork sitting on the closest edge of the table to the kitchen. Looking at Hyukjun, who had joined your mom at the table in the interim, you said, “You didn’t have to pick up the fork, Hyukjun, I was going to grab it.”
His face betrayed his momentary confusion, looking between the food you just set in front of him, then to the fork on the edge of the table. “That was there when I came in. I didn’t move it.”
As you set your mom’s food down for her, you asked, “Mom, did you get the fork?”
But her eyes had a familiar far-out appearance, and you knew she wasn’t going to be able to answer you. You shook your head at yourself, putting your own plate down and grabbing the dirty fork off the table. Dropping it in the kitchen sink, you then returned to the table to take your seat next to your mother and across from Hyukjun.
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You weren’t sure why you were awake at first. Everything seemed quiet, but something didn’t feel right. Sitting up in bed, you checked the time on your phone. 2:48 a.m. You desperately wanted to go back to sleep, but you couldn’t shake the uneasiness in your mind, and so you pushed the covers off of you.
As soon as you were at the top of the stairs, you could hear voices downstairs, your mother’s and your stepdad’s. Your stepdad was clearly trying to keep his voice down, but your mom wasn’t, and she sounded distressed.
“Sangwoo, I’m telling you something’s wrong with this house! We need to go! Where’s Y/N?!” She demanded of him.
“She’s fine, she’s sleeping. Please, tell me what’s wrong with the house, and we can try to fix it,” he pleaded with her quietly.
You finally made it to the hallway just outside their bedroom, taking in the scene of your mom’s wild, scared eyes and Hyukjun’s desperate concern. “Mom, I’m here, I’m okay.”
“Y/N!” She let out a gasp of relief as soon as she saw you. “Oh, you’re okay.”
“Yes, Mom, I’m okay.” You offered her your hand, and she grabbed it tightly. “What’s wrong? Why are you up?”
“I’ve been trying to tell your dad—” She gestured to Hyukjun pointedly. “But this house isn’t right.”
“What do you mean?”
“It just isn’t right,” she repeated insistently. “What happened to our old house? We need to go back there!”
You looked at Hyukjun desperately, at a loss for words to explain that she sold it years ago. Thankfully, he took over.
“It’s late, hon. We can’t go all the way back to the old house this late at night, especially not with Y/N. It’s not safe,” he persuaded her gently.
She seemed to relax a little at this. “Oh. Right. It’s late.”
“Can you read me something, Mom?” You requested sweetly.
This finally brought a smile to her features, and she nodded, her grasp on your hand turning tender. “Oh, of course, Y/N. I’m sorry I woke you, sweetie.”
“It’s alright, Mom,” you reassured her, leading her back into their bedroom. “Everything’s alright.”
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Hyukjun’s funeral was quaint. It was kept to family and close friends, and organized mostly by his sons and ex-wife. You didn’t mind, your mother was in no shape to organize a funeral, and you were more than happy to step aside and support her through this while they dealt with the details.
Today of all days was one of your mother’s better days, possibly one of the best that she’s had in a while, and you didn’t know if that was better or worse. Better, you decided, so she could say goodbye to him properly. After the small funeral was the wake, held at Hyukjun’s home—which was now your home, you realized—and was a more open-door affair. Your mom’s memory care aide, Nayoung, came as well, which you were glad for. While your stepbrothers and their mother played host more than you, greeting guests as they showed up, chatting and reminiscing with them about all their shared memories of Hyukjun from years or even decades ago, it was still your residence, and you couldn’t bring yourself to just stay in a corner. Hyukjun had been your family too, for however brief a period of your life.
You were alone in the kitchen getting refreshments for yourself, your mom, and Nayoung when you sensed that you weren’t by yourself. Turning around, you did in fact see your stepbrothers entering the kitchen, followed by their mother.
You offered them all a small, polite smile. “Hi.”
“Glad we caught you, Y/N,” the oldest brother flashed you a grin. “You got a sec?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“We know it must be really tough for you, taking care of your mom by yourself now,” their mother said, her voice coated in an over-the-top sugary sweet sympathy.
You shrugged noncommittally. “Nayoung helps.”
The youngest jumped in, “We just wanted you to know that you and your mom can take as much time as you need to move out.”
“Of course, of course,” their mother agreed. “You know, a week or two.”
They all nodded and murmured in agreement, focusing the same overeager, empty, sympathetic faces on you that made you feel like you were surrounded by some kind of predator that wanted to empathize you to death. Steeling your nerves, you met all of their eyes in turn as you went to answer.
“We’re not moving out.” You informed them firmly. “Hyukjun left the house to me to keep taking care of my mom. After… it’s all yours.”
“And we’re supposed to believe you’ll just give it to us?” The youngest scoffed, immediately dropping his kind, caring act. All of their faces were somewhere between disbelief and anger.
“No, he set it up that way. You can get your copies of the papers from his attorney, Mr. Shin.” You brought out the business card for the attorney who drafted the papers. You’d tucked it into your wallet absentmindedly when it’d been given to you on your initial errand from Hyukjun, and you were glad you hadn’t had the time to clean out your wallet since. You set the business card down on the counter between you.
The oldest snatched up the card. “There’s no way…”
“We’re going to fight this. No way the house is yours,” the youngest swore.
The middle son spoke finally, his gaze hard as he glared at you. He practically snarled, “You’re not his family, you’ve never been.”
“It was good seeing you all again,” you said, no emotion in your voice. Abandoning your three glasses, you scooted around the counter, then around them, heading towards the kitchen door that they had been blocking the whole time. “Please have all communications about the property go through Mr. Shin. He’ll be able to answer your questions better than I can.”
Crying at a wake was normal. Encouraged even. But you weren’t amongst loved ones, remembering someone you’d lost. You were alone, sitting at the top of the stairs in the dark, crying into your arms to muffle your sobs as you tried to compose yourself from the confrontation you’d just survived. Barely. Your hands were balled into fists to keep them from shaking.
“Are you okay?” A quiet voice caught your attention, gentle, then hushed as he seemed to be speaking to himself, “Why are you asking that? Stupid, stupid.”
You picked your head up out of your arms, quickly wiping the tears that had been streaming down your cheeks as you spotted a young man at the bottom of the stairs. He had dark hair and was dressed in a pair of black pants, a white shirt, and what looked like a black cardigan over the shirt. You didn’t recognize him from the wake, but you hadn’t greeted everyone, nor did you know all the mourners personally. Many were either family friends of Hyukjun’s from before he met your mother, old colleagues, or distant relations.
Sniffling and trying to right your clothes, you offered him as much of a smile you could muster, “I’m sorry, it’s uhm, been a long day.”
He froze, his eyes locking on yours and going wide. The man looked behind him, as if expecting you to have been addressing somebody else, and upon seeing an empty hallway, he turned back to you and hesitantly replied, “That’s… okay. Are you alright?”
“Oh, as alright as I can be, I suppose,” you admitted, dabbing at your eyes with your sleeve again. You weren’t sure why you were telling this random man that, but he had spotted you sobbing at a wake, so there wasn’t much of a point in covering that fact up. “Were you looking for the bathroom or…?”
“No, just stretching my legs.” He pushed his hands into the pockets of his cardigan. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you.” You nodded. “I don’t think I saw you at the funeral. How did you know my stepdad? Family friend?”
“Yeah, I was around when his kids were growing up.”
“Oh, are you a childhood friend of his sons or something?”
“Friend is a stretch, I think,” he chuckled.
You couldn’t help but laugh bitterly as well, adding a polite but hollow, “I’m sure they appreciate you coming out to pay your respects.”
As he shifted on his feet, the shadows on his face lessened, letting you see his features better. You furrowed your brow with interest.
“How old are you? I mean—You don’t look older than me, you must’ve been much younger than them growing up.”
“I-I mean, we weren’t very close,” he stammered, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.
Feeling bad about putting him on the spot in this sort of scenario, you offered him a sympathetic smile. “Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by that. I didn’t grow up with my stepbrothers, so I guess it’s a bit hard for me to imagine them having friends—Oh!”
As soon as the words were out of your mouth, you slapped a hand over it, wishing you hadn’t said them, especially not to some stranger, who for all you know could turn right around and repeat it to your stepbrothers. That would be the last thing you needed, to give them another reason to hate you, and by extension, your mother.
“That didn’t come out right!” You desperately tried to backpedal, holding your hands out in front of you. “I-I meant that I haven’t met a lot of their friends, since our parents got together later in life, and—”
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he reassured you calmly, taking a couple hesitant steps up the stairs. You scooted over to make room for him to sit next to you on the top step. He pressed himself against the banister, leaving plenty of space between you two. “I didn’t mean to, but I heard some of what they said to you in the kitchen.”
“I would normally be upset at you for eavesdropping, but I’m kind of glad that somebody else heard some of the shit they said to me this time,” you chuckled cynically.
“‘This time?’” He repeated questioningly. “Are they always like that to you?”
“I don’t see them that often. I think the first time I met the middle son was at the wedding, actually,” you said. “They started spending more holidays with their mom instead of Hyukjun when my mom… after her diagnosis.”
“Oh.”
“God, sorry, you don’t need to be hearing all this shit.” You shook your head at yourself. “I mean, I don’t even know your name.”
“I’m Jisung.”
“Y/N.”
“For what it’s worth, I don’t think it’s true. You and your mom are his family, too.”
You messed with the sleeves of your shirt as you stared at the bottom step, gnawing on your bottom lip, ignoring the metallic taste of blood when you broke skin. Finally, once you’d swallowed down the lump in your throat, you replied with a tight, “Thanks. And I mean, I understand why they would be upset. Their dad just died and two people who are essentially strangers to them are now living in their childhood home. Of course they feel weird about it.”
“That’s... gracious.”
“It’s true. And like I said, their dad died, they deserve some grace.” From elsewhere in the house, you could hear your mom calling your name, and immediately jumped to your feet. “Sorry, I’ve got to go.”
“I understand.” Jisung nodded to you. “It was nice talking to you, Y/N.”
“Yeah, you too. Thanks for listening, Jisung.” You waved to him over your shoulder as you rushed down the stairs and off in the direction of your mother’s voice.
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The next day, you had habitually started preparing three plates of breakfast before you caught yourself. In the first couple days after his passing, it was painfully in the foreground of your mind with everything you did, but this was the first time you’d found yourself going about a daily task and it had slipped your mind. You left the full plate of food in the kitchen to clean up later, and took just yours and your mom’s plates to the kitchen table.
“Do you want to go on a walk after breakfast?” You proposed as you ate.
It was something that Hyukjun and your mom did every morning. Sometimes you joined them, but usually you took the opportunity to clean up around the house or get work done in the quiet. Your mother had no trouble ambulating, it was her mind that was going faster than anything else. With Hyukjun no longer here to walk with her, you didn’t want her to lose that precious time going out, or the exercise. Not to mention, you needed to get out of the house again.
“Oh, I’d love to, sweetie,” she agreed with a smile, one that you noticed didn’t reach her eyes.
“After we’re done, I’ll clean up while you get ready.”
As you scooped the extra food into a plastic container at the end of breakfast, you realized the lid that you’d grabbed was the wrong size. Opening the cabinet that contained all the plastic containers, you squatted down with a sigh, mentally preparing yourself to ransack through the absolute mess that greeted you down there. Hyukjun normally kept it meticulously organized, all containers accompanied by their proper lids, but in your rush to clean up after everyone left the wake late last night, you had effectively ruined all of it.
You tried to just look under a haphazard stack of plastic containers, and they of course all came crashing out onto the kitchen floor. You groaned, plopping down onto your butt as you got ready to have to put them all back. But as you went to pick up the first one, an overwhelming, crushing feeling of loneliness and sorrow hit you like a bus, and you covered your face as you started sobbing. The hot tears stung your eyes, every shaking breath you took hurt your chest, and even the task of putting the tupperware back seemed impossible and monumental now.
Rubbing one of your eyes, you inhaled and forced yourself to grab just one container to put back. “Come on, don’t have time for this.”
Slowly, you put the containers away, until there was one lid left that had slid much further away from you. You crawled over to it, realizing the shape seemed familiar as you held it in your hands. Standing back up, you fitted it over the container of leftovers you had perfectly.
“Huh.” Your sobs petered out as you looked down at it curiously. “That could’ve been easier.”
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Throwing open the front door, you grunted as you hauled your heavy grocery bags into the home.
“Y/N? Is that you?” Nayoung’s voice called out. She had increased the frequency and duration of her visits since Hyukjun’s passing, and today you took the opportunity to do some much-needed restocking of the kitchen during her stay.
“Yeah!” You yelled back.
“Do you need any help?”
“No, I’m fine!” You hopped on one foot as you tried to wedge your other foot behind the door to close it. “Just—Shit!”
The door suddenly came loose, slamming closed even harder than you had opened it. Nayoung came around the corner with wide eyes, looking rather startled.
“Is everything okay?” She asked, taking a couple bags from your hands, looking you over inquisitively.
You looked between your still-raised foot and the door, a bit dumbfounded. You swore you hadn’t kicked it that hard. This wasn’t actually your house, after all.
“Yeah, Nayoung, I’m okay,” you reassured her, leading the way into the kitchen. “Do you have a window open? There must be a cross-breeze or something.”
“No, I don’t think so.”
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It was pouring rain outside, the sky dull and gray, occasionally lit up with flashes of lightning. The constant pounding downpour was interspersed with cracks of thunder that would rattle frames on the walls. The weather was so bad that Nayoung couldn’t even make it out, leaving just you and your mom all day. It wasn’t so bad, today was a better day for her. She was calm at least, despite the weather, absorbed in her books for most of the day. Maybe a little too absorbed, as it was hard to tear her away for meals or snacks. But you could get your work done and do chores around the house uninterrupted, and once you finished your own to-do list, you were able to sit down in the living room with her and read as well.
After a particularly bright flash of lightning, followed by a boom of thunder that made you feel like you were in a low-level earthquake rather than a thunderstorm, the lights went out entirely. You heard the telltale clatter of your mom dropping her book in surprise as she gasped.
“Mom?” You called out to her, both to check on her and so she knew that you were still there.
“I’m okay, sweetie,” she promised. “I just got startled and dropped my book.”
“Stay there,” you directed her, pulling out your phone and turning on your flashlight. You could see that her book had skidded some distance away from her, out of arm’s reach. “I’ll check the breaker. Don’t get up, I don’t want you tripping over anything.”
“Alright. Be safe.”
Opening the utility closet in the laundry room, you threw your hands up in exasperation as you looked over the circuit breaker. You had no fucking clue what you were doing. Right as you had turned on your phone, fully intent on searching the internet for what the fuck you were supposed to do now, the power came back on all on its own.
“Well, there we go!” You called out through the house, starting back towards your mom. “I’m a genius!”
Upon your return to the living room, you stopped when you noticed one key difference: The book was no longer on the floor. It was on the side table next to your mom. There was no way your mom could’ve moved fast enough to have gotten the book and then sat back down in the time since the lights turned back on.
You sighed gently. “I told you not to get up, Mom.”
“I didn’t.”
“Then how’d the book get there?” You pointed to the book knowingly.
“I didn’t—” She looked at it curiously, then at where it used to be on the floor. “Oh… I guess I must’ve… Sorry, sweetie.”
You walked over to rest a hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay, Mom. I’m sorry if I seemed upset with you. I just don’t want you getting hurt.”
She patted your hand. “I know, Y/N. You’re doing a good job.”
The rain was still pounding against the windows that night. Your mom had gone to bed a while ago, but your mind was restless. Something had happened again as you were helping your mom get ready for bed. Hyukjun’s reading glasses, which were on the nightstand on his side of their bed, as they had been since he passed, had fallen off with seemingly no rhyme or reason. Not wanting your mom to get spooked about the house again, you reassured her that you had just bumped into the furniture—her back was turned when they fell—but it left you with an uneasy feeling.
You’d pocketed the glasses instead of replacing them on the nightstand, and were staring at them on the kitchen counter now, fondly remembering the way he used to peer at you over the lenses as he read the newspaper in the morning and you made sarcastic quips about whatever headlines were on the pages facing you.
“Hyukjun?” You said his name into the empty air, uncertainty making your voice waver. After a beat of silence, you hissed, “Of course you weren’t going to get a reply, stupid, stupid.”
Trying to gather yourself, you moved to open the freezer, securing the tub of ice cream from inside it. Sitting at the kitchen table with two spoons, you set one in front of Hyukjun’s spot across from you. Glumly spooning some ice cream into your mouth, you barely tasted it as you stared at his empty chair.
“I miss you,” you said softly, not expecting an answer this time. “A lot. It’s not fair. I know that’s what your sons think, it’s not fair that it was you and not her. But… it’s not fair that we only got… so little time with you.”
You sniffled against the oncoming tears, eating another spoonful.
“I wish… I wish my mom had met you earlier, I wish you didn’t leave us so soon, I wish we got more time…” You looked down at the tub in front of you, your appetite gone. “And I wish I wasn’t eating your favorite ice cream by myself.”
You stood back up, taking both spoons with you into the kitchen. Dropping them into the sink to deal with in the morning, you put the ice cream away and shut off the kitchen lights. You left his glasses on the kitchen counter, deciding you would put them back in your mother’s room tomorrow. As you headed up the stairs, you paused at the top step, a memory of Hyukjun’s wake coming back to you. The nice guy who sat with you and listened to you. You really wished you could have somebody to talk to again.
Something in you made you look over your shoulder then, back down at the bottom step. You swore a darker shape was standing there, unclear in the night. Your heart rate spiked.
“Hyukjun…?” You whispered, hesitantly going down one more step to try to make out what you were seeing better. The shadow seemed to back up one step at the same time you did that, and another name came to your mind.
“Jisung?”
The figure moved closer, a beam of moonlight illuminating half of his shocked face. “You remember me?”
You should’ve yelled. You should’ve shouted at him to get out, called the police, any number of things ahead of what you actually did. Getting even closer, you nodded slowly. “Of course I remember you, Jisung.”
He was still staring at you in disbelief. “And you can see me? Again?”
“Yes,” you confirmed, standing on the step right above him. “You’re a ghost.”
It was meant to be a question, but it came out like a statement, like you had known all along, just saying common knowledge.
He swallowed. “Yes.”
You peered at the space around and behind him. “Is my stepdad here?”
“No.” He shook his head. “He wanted to stay, for your mom. I told him if he stayed, he could get stuck. He decided to go.”
“Go… where?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted.
“What about…” You looked up into his dark eyes hopefully. “Is my dad here?”
“It’s just me,” he answered quietly. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m glad he’s not… stuck. Either of them.” You breathed out, a mixture of relief and disappointment in your chest. Remembering what he told you at the wake, you asked, “You used to live here?”
“Before your stepdad bought it, yeah.”
You recalled the surprise on his face both tonight and at the wake when you addressed him. “You’re not used to being seen, are you?”
“No, I’m not. You’re the first person who’s seen me since…” He trailed off, biting the inside of his cheek as he seemed to be picking his words. “Since I’ve been like this.”
You nodded slowly, understanding what he meant. “Have you been… helping? Picking up my mom’s book? And closing the door? And the tupperware lid and the fork?”
Jisung nodded fervently. “I didn’t mean to scare you, or make you sad. I’m sorry. I just wanted to help you.”
“What about Hyukjun’s glasses today? Did you knock those off?”
He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “It was an accident… They were really close to the edge, I didn’t want them to fall off and break. So I tried to move them away from the edge, but there was this thunder, and I dropped them.”
You couldn’t help but burst into laughter at the mental image of a ghost getting spooked by thunder, slapping a hand over your mouth as you giggled. Jisung wasn’t laughing, but he did have a soft smile on his features as he looked at you.
“Sorry, sorry,” you were still chuckling as you tried to compose yourself.
“It’s okay…” He assured you. “I’m sorry for dropping them.”
“You didn’t break them, it’s fine.” You looked at him thoughtfully. He was wearing the same thing he was wearing when you met him at the wake, dark pants, dark shoes, a white button-up, and dark cardigan. You tilted your head curiously. “Are you sure my mom hasn’t seen you? She swears the house is haunted, you know.”
“I think she can tell that something is… off, sometimes. But no, she’s never seen me.”
“I’m guessing you have no clue why I can see you right now?” You surmised. “They don’t exactly give you a ghost handbook, do they?”
Jisung shook his head. “No, I don’t know.”
“Thank you again, by the way. For being so nice to me at the wake.”
“They really shouldn’t have been talking to you like that.” He frowned. “They have no clue… He loved you and your mom so much. You two are his family, too.”
You chuckled sadly. “So did you actually hear all of it, then?”
“I was already in there when they went in after you,” he confirmed. “I thought you might… I could create a distraction in another room if it got bad.”
“Do you do that a lot? Follow me around?”
His eyes widened as he clearly began to panic, shaking his head fervently. “N-Not like that! Only like, in normal places! I mean, like, there’s not a lot to do when you’re a ghost stuck in a house, and I think you’re cool—Oh god, I meant, uhm, I mostly stay on the first floor, promise!”
You couldn’t help but giggle again as he had missed the light teasing in your tone. “Mostly?”
Jisung visibly gulped. “I woke you up one time, when your mom was having a really bad time in the middle of the night and your stepdad couldn’t calm her down. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—”
“Jisung, it’s okay,” you tried your best to be reassuring, even as you let out choked laughter. “I don’t expect you to sit in a corner for eternity. Thanks for staying in normal places.”
“Thanks for not being creeped out…” He muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.
You let out a yawn, covering your mouth with your hand. After it passed, you gave Jisung a sheepish smile. “If I go to sleep right now… will I still be able to see you in the morning?”
“You… want to?”
“Yeah.” You smiled and shrugged. “Better than just talking to my mother, Nayoung, and myself like I usually do every day.”
The corners of his lips twitched as he went to nod. “I’ll try to be here in the morning. You should go to sleep.”
“Alright. Goodnight, Jisung.”
“Goodnight, Y/N.”
Halfway up the stairs, you turned back around to see him still standing at the bottom, watching you. You threw back a teasing, “Promise you’ll stay on the first floor?”
“Cross my heart.” He made an X over the left side of his chest.
“Not sure how much that’s worth coming from a ghost,” you grinned. “But I guess it’s the thought that counts.”
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In the morning, you sat with your feet dangling over the edge of your bed for an extra few seconds, very calmly contemplating your sanity. You had been spending the majority of your time in this house, talking to nobody else except your mother and Nayoung, who came five days a week for three hours at a time, your only other regular human interaction coming in the form of emails or the occasional phone calls with your co-workers. Was it really so unlikely that your brain was inventing someone new for you to talk to? How could you even determine if he was real or not? Did that even really matter?
With a sigh, you got to your feet and shuffled into your bathroom. Your mom had always been an early riser, something that hadn’t changed now, and you had to take care of your own morning routine before she woke up. While the shift in your schedule initially took some getting used to, the daily alone time that you got to devote to your own self-care was something you treasured, and helped you start your day in a good headspace.
Coming out of your bedroom refreshed and in clean clothes, you meandered down the stairs, listening for any signs of life in the rest of the house. If your mom was up, she would at least be moving around her room, if not elsewhere in the house. And then there was the possibility of seeing the ghost again.
Right as you reached the bottom of the stairs, your mom’s bedroom door opened, and she poked her head out. You smiled and walked over to her.
“Morning, Mom.”
“Hi, sweetie.” She took your arm, looking around the hallway.
“You okay?”
“Did he go out?”
You tilted your head, keeping your tone light as you asked, “…He?”
“Hyukjun,” she answered. “He usually leaves a note.”
You bit your lip and nodded. “Yeah, he had some errands, said he’ll be back soon. You can get on him about forgetting your note when he gets back.”
Her features relaxed, and she rubbed your back. “Thanks, Y/N. Don’t know what we’d do without you.”
There was a knock on the front door then, and you went to go open it up for Nayoung. As she helped your mom with the rest of her morning, you headed towards the kitchen to start on breakfast. A figure was already at the kitchen table, however, his back to you as he sat in the fourth chair that had always been empty for as long as you’d been in the house. Jisung turned around when he heard your footsteps, giving you a small wave.
“Morning,” you smiled and nodded, hoping you didn’t look too put-off. You weren’t sure if you would’ve been more surprised if he was here or not.
“Good morning.” His eyes followed you as you continued into the kitchen. From his seat, he could still see you over the kitchen counter. His hands were folded politely in his lap, and he watched you as you started pulling out ingredients for breakfast.
“So, what do you do all night?” You questioned. “Do you sleep?”
“Sometimes. Sometimes I read, or look at the moon, or think.”
“I think I’d hate being alone with my thoughts for eternity.” You shook your head, bringing down plates from the cabinet.
“It’s not so bad.” Jisung shrugged. “I wasn’t much of a talker before anyway.”
“An introvert?”
“Yes.” He tilted his head curiously. “You don’t normally cook for Nayoung.”
You looked down at the plates in your hand and realized that you had grabbed three instead of the normal two. Nayoung always ate breakfast before coming over, so you just had to make food for you and your mom. You’d done this before, accidentally making a serving for Hyukjun out of habit, but you knew that wasn’t what happened this time.
Putting the extra plate back, you said, “No, I was… I think I was about to make you a plate. Felt like I had a guest over.”
Surprisingly, this made Jisung crack a smile. “I appreciate it. Your food always looks good.”
“I don’t think it’s anything special.” You shrugged, turning on the stove. “I learned to cook from my mother, we just did it to survive. Hyukjun was a much better cook than either of us.”
“To survive?”
“After my dad passed…” You pursed your lips as you tried to think of how to phrase it, pushing around food in the pan. “She sort of closed up. My mom gave me a good life growing up, don’t get me wrong. But it’s hard being a single parent, and she never really made any friends, she spent all her time taking care of me or working. Then when I moved out, she closed up even more. I was kind of afraid she’d close all the way up, until she met Hyukjun.”
“I see…”
You heard footsteps coming from down the hall, and halted your conversation. Nayoung and your mom entered the kitchen dining area just a few moments later, paying Jisung no mind, clearly not seeing him at all.
“Y/N, were you on the phone?” Your mother asked as Nayoung guided her to her usual seat.
Nayoung took Hyukjun’s old place beside her.
“Oh, yeah, work call,” you fibbed. “Something urgent, couldn’t wait until I clocked in, I guess.”
“That’s inconsiderate.”
You chuckled, then looked to the aide. “Coffee, Nayoung?”
“If you’re making some, please.”
“Was just about to start a pot.”
Sitting down at the full table with your food and coffee in front of you, your mother to your left, Nayoung across from you, and Jisung to your right, you couldn’t help but smile, an odd sense of peace settling in your chest that hadn’t been there in quite some time.
That night, after your mother went to sleep, you traipsed into the kitchen, opening up the freezer. Turning to Jisung with the carton of ice cream in your hand, you said, “I don’t suppose you could help me with this?”
“Unfortunately not,” he chuckled.
“Figured I would ask,” you sighed, grabbing a spoon. “Come on, I’m thinking a movie?”
Curled up in the corner of the couch under a blanket, you had just opened the ice cream when you realized you left the remote on the coffee table out of your reach. Jisung was still standing, seeming unsure of where to sit.
“Can you pass me the remote?” You requested, stretching an arm out towards it but ultimately not reaching it.
“Oh, sure, sure.” He picked it up with ease just like you would, handing it off to you.
“Thanks.” You turned the TV on. He was still standing, so you gestured to the rest of the empty couch. “Sit, Jisung.”
“Right,” he mumbled, taking a seat next to you.
“You haven’t seriously been standing there like that this whole time, have you?”
“I… sit sometimes, yeah.”
“Good.” You patted his arm—or you tried to pat his arm, but instead your hand hit the back of the couch, a cold shiver running up your arm starting at your fingertips. You jerked your hand back in alarm, eyes going wide. “Shit! Sorry! Did I just like, smack your lung or something?”
Jisung laughed hard, his nose scrunching up and his hand flying up to cover his mouth as he giggled. “I’ve never thought of it like that. I don’t—I don’t think so, no.”
“It didn’t like, hurt, did it?”
“No. Feels a little weird, like… Ah, I don’t know how to describe it if you’re still corporeal. But it doesn’t hurt.”
“Okay good,” you breathed out. Looking down at the remote in your hand, you frowned thoughtfully. “How come you could grab this just fine, but I just go through you?”
“It used to happen with objects, too,” he informed you, reaching his hand out towards the coffee table. The ghost moved it down, his hand effortlessly gliding through the table just like yours had gone through him a few moments earlier. “I can control it now. But for some reason, people, I still can’t.”
“That sounds… lonely.”
Jisung shrugged, offering you a sort of sad smile. “Hey, I just spent a few decades not being seen or heard by anybody either. I’ll take what I can get.”
“Alright, what are we feeling?” You hummed as you pulled up the streaming service. “Ghost movie?”
He gave you a skeptical look. “You hate horror movies. You made Hyukjun turn all the lights in the house on when he put ‘Saw’ on.”
“Aw come on, no laugh? Not even a chuckle? Ironic scoff?” You wrinkled your nose at him.
“I’m laughing on the inside.”
“I was very brave for watching it all, though, wouldn’t you agree?” You grinned, grabbing a big spoonful of ice cream.
Jisung’s amused smile was apparent that time. “Very. If I had gold stars to give out, you’d get one.”
“Okay, what about ‘The Batman’? The one with Robert Pattinson, I literally don’t care about the other ones.”
“I’m not sure who that is, but sure.”
“Jisung, I’m about to change your afterlife. Possibly for the worse.”
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From when you woke up to when you went to sleep, if you were at home, Jisung was usually around. You found that you didn’t mind his presence, if anything it was comforting, he made the house feel less empty than it would be with just you and your mother—and occasionally Nayoung. You had to catch yourself from talking to him when your mom or Nayoung were within earshot, or looking too obviously at where he was standing or sitting when they were in the room. Your evenings that you used to spend with Hyukjun were now spent with the ghost, watching shows or movies, showing him your favorite music, or just talking.
This morning, as your mom bathed herself and Nayoung waited for her in her bedroom, just in case, you had some extra time. Which you were glad for, as you knew you were moving slow, feeling more like a zombie than a functioning human being as you prepared breakfast. You yawned, covering your mouth with the back of your hand before gripping the tomato again and continuing your cuts.
“So what—”
“Y/N!” Jisung’s cry of warning came before you registered your tomato juice-slickened fingers slipping down the food and under the blade.
You looked down to see crimson red welling up and joining the tomato’s seeds at the same time you felt coldness on your hands. Jisung had tried to grab you, both too late, and in an ill-fated attempt even if he hadn’t been, as his hands went right through yours. You belatedly hissed as your sleep-slogged mind finally registered the pain, made extra by the sting of tomato juice in the cuts. Jisung swore under his breath as he grabbed a kitchen towel instead, wrapping it around your fingers and pressing hard as his other hand knocked the knife out of your uninjured fingers that were still lamely holding it. He reached over to turn the sink on, and pulled you over there by the grip he had on the towel. He couldn’t move your hand under the water once he took the towel off, though, staring at you pointedly.
“Right,” you mumbled, putting your fingers under the stream of the faucet to rinse the cuts clean of tomato guts. “Thanks, Jisung.”
“What—” He was cut off by the doorbell ringing.
You hurriedly ripped off a wad of paper towels to press to your cut, calling out to Nayoung, “I’ll get it!”
You knew Jisung was following you, not bothering to keep his sighs quiet as you peered through the peephole first—habit. A pit formed in your stomach when you recognized the man standing on your doorstep immediately.
Forcing your features into a pleasantly neutral expression, you opened the door just enough to greet your eldest stepbrother. “Good morning, Seohyuk.”
He fixed you with the same wide, dazzling grin that he always had, one that made you think he should be doing real estate instead of whatever his real job was—investment broker or something. He was in a suit, looking like he had stopped by on his way to work. You bit back the urge to look down at your own lounge clothes and hair still damp from your shower.
“Y/N! Good morning!” He was still beaming. “Looking beautiful as always.”
“Can I help you?” You asked politely, stepping onto the porch and forcing him to back up a step off the welcome mat, keeping one hand on the door handle.
He then seemed to have noticed your hand. “Are you alright? Did you hurt yourself?”
“Nicked myself with a knife in the kitchen just now. I’m fine,” you shrugged off his concerns. “Why are you here?”
“Oh my god! We should go in and get that washed out!” His hands fluttered over you with feigned worry, trying to usher you back into the house, put you stayed put, firmly shutting the front door behind you.
“I already washed it out,” you informed him flatly. “What do you want?”
The expressiveness immediately dropped off his face, and a cool, suave smirk overtook it as he sized you up. “Alright. Big girl can handle herself.”
“We’re both adults, Seohyuk, I’d appreciate it if you can act like one and get to your point.”
“Funny, my dad never seemed to think you were one,” he sneered. “You were the little princess he never got to have.”
“If this is all you came for, I’m going back inside,” you sighed, reaching for the handle again.
“I came to inspect the property.” He finally gave you his reason, holding his chin up. “As is my right, to make sure you’re not letting it go to ruins. So you have to let me in.”
Right, as if the house could’ve fallen to the wayside and become dilapidated in a week. You turned back to him, meeting his gaze head-on. It was easier like this, just one of them. Especially Seohyuk, he didn’t have a temper like his younger brothers, nor did his words cut as deep as his mom’s, he was just… a jerk. You could deal with a jerk.
“And, as I’m sure you saw when you continued reading the papers, you have to give me at least twenty-four hours’ notice before conducting any inspection of the property. So, I will see you in twenty-four hours.” You grabbed the door handle again. “Goodbye, Seohyuk.”
You didn’t wait for his response, rushing inside and slamming the door shut behind you. You locked it up as quick as you could, not wanting to take any chances.
“You’re not seriously going to let him come in here?!” Jisung blurted out, wide eyes focused on you. Of course he heard everything again.
As you opened your mouth to answer, Nayoung stepped out your mom’s room hesitantly, worried eyes focused on you. You turned to her instead, offering her a reassuring smile.
“Is there anything I can do, Y/N?” She asked quietly. You didn’t want to know how much she had heard.
“I’ll try to arrange it so the inspection is during your time. If she’s up for it tomorrow, could you take my mom on a walk? I need to be here, and she really shouldn’t be.”
The aide nodded quickly. “Of course, yes.”
Back in the kitchen, Jisung pulled the first aid kit down, and you applied your own bandages to the cuts on your fingers. You could feel his eyes boring holes into your hair as you bowed your head to pay extra close attention to your injuries.
“Y/N—”
“What did you want me to do, Jisung?” You hissed, not meaning for it to come out as venomous as it did. “They’re entitled to inspect the premises, it’s technically also kind of their house. I would’ve been in bigger shit if I told him no!”
The ghost was quiet, and when you finally looked up, you saw the hurt on his own face. You sighed, throwing away the bloody paper towels and bandage wrappers. Rolling out your shoulders and your neck to relieve the tension that had built up there, you loosely wrapped your arms around yourself.
“I’m sorry,” you said quietly. “I’m not mad at you, none of this is your fault. I’m just… stressed, and I slept like shit last night. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”
“It’s okay, Y/N,” he reassured you. “I just… hate the idea of you and that guy being in this house by yourselves, you know? I don’t trust him.”
“Oh, we won’t be alone.”
“I know I’ll be here, but that’s not the same as having someone who could actually do something.”
“I know you’ll be here, and that’s reassuring,” you replied, an amused smile playing at your lips. “But that’s not entirely what I meant.”
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“Mr. Shin, thank you for coming on such short notice,” you greeted the attorney with a polite bow, welcoming him into the house.
Mr. Shin was an older man, around Hyukjun’s age, with salt and pepper hair, who hastily returned the bow. He wore a simple black suit, white dress shirt, and black tie, thick-framed glasses perched on his nose, and he held his black briefcase tightly to his side. He was exactly as you pictured him from speaking to him on the phone yesterday—when you picked up Hyukjun’s papers, you’d only dealt with his secretary.
“Of course, Ms. Y/L/N, it’s my duty,” he replied briskly. “Your stepbrother has not arrived yet, has he?”
“No, I’m expecting Seohyuk in a few minutes.”
“Good, good.”
“Would you like some coffee? Or tea?”
“No, thank you, I couldn’t intrude.” He shook his head fervently. “Your mother isn’t home, is she?”
“She stepped out for a walk just before you arrived. She doesn’t need to be here, does she?”
“No, no, not at all.” He seemed relieved at this news, if anything.
The doorbell rang then, and you smiled at the lawyer. “That should be him.”
Looking out the peephole first, it was in fact Seohyuk. You opened the door wider than yesterday, offering him a polite smile. “Good morning, Seohyuk.”
“Alright, Y/N, it’s been twenty-four hours, let me in.” He skipped pleasantries entirely, a glare already on his features.
“Of course.” You obliged gracefully, opening the door all the way for him.
He obviously hadn’t seen anybody else, as he faltered upon stepping inside and spotting Mr. Shin in the entryway. It was as if a magic spell had been cast on him, Seohyuk straightened up, adjusting his own tie and throwing on his charming smile, offering a hand out to him. “Kim Seohyuk, nice to meet you.”
Mr. Shin once again bowed formally, ignoring the hand in front of him. “Attorney Shin. I’m the lawyer in charge of your father’s estate, and I’ll be overseeing this inspection.”
“Great. Yeah, I’m glad Y/N remembered to call you like we talked about,” Seohyuk lied through his teeth, keeping his voice casual. “She’s been a little all over the place with taking care of her mom by herself since Dad passed, so I offered to, but she insisted she would do it since she only works part-time now.”
You clenched your jaw to not call him a piss-poor liar to his face. Or punch him in the face. His ‘she’s a mess, but we love her’ tone really irked you. Jisung had been lurking in the corner the whole time with his arms crossed over his chest and chose now to mimic choking Seohyuk—it took everything in you not to burst out laughing, but it successfully dissolved the anger that had been bubbling in your veins.
Mr. Shin either didn’t believe him or didn’t care, as he simply nodded and then looked to the both of you. “If there are no questions, we will begin in the kitchen.”
The inspection was uneventful—you passed with flying colors, of course—and at the end, you got to see both Mr. Shin and Seohyuk out at the front door simultaneously.
“I will be making note of this in the estate’s file, of course,” Mr. Shin said in closing. “So as to not intrude on Ms. Y/L/N and her mother too much, inspections are limited to once per year, as you know.”
“What?!” Seohyuk’s jaw dropped. “Th-That’s per person, right? Like, if my brothers wanted an inspection—”
“I’m afraid not, Mr. Kim. One inspection of the property per year. Unless good cause is shown.”
“Good cause? Like what?”
“If there is some damage externally that would lead you to believe Ms. Y/L/N has caused similar damage internally, or if she posted pictures to her social media of the inside that showed some damage. Something like that.”
You had to cover your mouth to keep from laughing in Seohyuk’s face as his jaw gaped open like a dead fish. After composing yourself, you gave the both of them a cheerful wave. “So I guess I’ll see you two next year.”
“And hopefully not any sooner!” Mr. Shin confirmed, bowing deeply once more.
You closed the door with a satisfying click. Turning back around to Jisung, you finally burst into laughter with him. He pumped his fist victoriously. “Gone until next year!”
Holding your hand up, you cheered, “Whoo! Come on, ghost five!”
Jisung whooshed his hand through yours, and the chill zipping up your arm only served to make you more excited. Finally, a win in all this.
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3:16 a.m.
You glared at your bedside clock like it was doing this to you personally. Rolling onto your other side, you let out a disgruntled sigh. No matter how comfortable you were, how exhausted your bones and your brain were, you couldn’t fucking sleep. Sitting up, you threw your covers off of you and padded out of your room.
In the kitchen, you drank a glass of water, but couldn’t bring yourself to go back upstairs to your room. You wandered into the living room, plopping into your usual corner of the couch and pulling your knees to your chest. Turning your phone on, you once again glared at the time like it was invented to hurt you in particular.
3:20 a.m.
You could be doing something better right now, reading a book, laying very still with your eyes closed, meditating, anything but scrolling on your phone.
3:49 a.m.
Had you ever gotten a good night’s sleep in your life? You couldn’t remember in that moment. Your eyes stung looking at the screen, they stung when you closed them, but you blinked it away.
4:17 a.m.
“Y/N?” Jisung stepped into the living room. “Why are you still up?”
“Mm, Jisung, hey,” you greeted him dully, setting your phone aside on the arm of the couch. “I’m surprised it took you this long to find me.”
“I figured you were just getting a glass of water or something. I didn’t want to bother you. But you’ve been out here for almost an hour now.”
You sighed, resting your chin on your knees. “Can’t sleep.”
“Is something wrong?”
“I slept for a couple hours, but then I woke up and I just... couldn’t go back to sleep,” you sighed.
“Staring at that screen isn’t going to help you get back to sleep.” He frowned.
That made you chuckle. “And how do you know that?”
“Your mom used to get on your stepdad about using screens too close to bedtime,” he confessed. “Something about the light keeping your brain awake.”
You smiled as you could imagine that perfectly. “Yeah, that sounds like her.”
“Can I do anything to help? Do you want like, hot chocolate? Or…” He trailed off as he was clearly wracking his brain for another option.
“You want to keep me off my phone?”
He nodded.
You stood up, your fingers tapping over the spines on the bookcases before you grabbed one. You offered it out to Jisung. “Read to me.”
Jisung gently took the book from you, then nodded to the couch. “Sure. Lay down.”
“I’m not sleeping on the couch,” you snorted, taking your phone back off the arm and heading for the stairs. Tilting your head indicatively, you said, “Come on, you get to go to the second floor.”
His footsteps were quiet behind you, squeaking some of the same steps that you did as he followed you up the stairs. You opened the door to your bedroom, stepping in first and holding it open to gesture him in as he had stopped uncertainly by the threshold. Closing the door behind him, you then sat down on your bed again.
“Here.” You patted the empty side of the bed for him.
Jisung shuffled over, sitting up against the headboard with his long legs stretched out on top of your sheets. With amusement, you noted that he was no longer wearing his dark shoes, only black socks. You laid back down under your covers again, pulling your blankets up to your chin.
He clicked the lamp on his side of the bed on, and seemed to have read the title for the first time then. “Poems?”
“My mom used to read to me every night, way past the normal age that you stop doing that stuff I’m pretty sure. And whenever I got nightmares, or couldn’t sleep, I’d climb into her bed. It didn’t matter if I woke her up at two in the morning, she’d grab one of the five or ten books that were always on her nightstand and start reading to me until I fell asleep,” you explained, readjusting your pillow under your head. “That was one of my favorites. I figured it was worth a shot.”
Jisung opened the book to the first poem and began reading. His voice was soft and steady, deep and soothing. Despite your want to keep watching him and the focused look on his face as he read, his dark eyes following the words on the page, your own eventually fluttered shut against your will.
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When you woke up, Jisung was no longer in your room. The book was resting on the nightstand on that side of the bed, and the lamp was off. Upon entering the kitchen, you saw Jisung standing at the humming microwave. He perked up when you walked in, despite the confused look on your face.
“Good morning!” He said brightly, then gestured to the microwave. “I’m making you hot chocolate. I heard the shower.”
“And if my mother had walked in and saw the hot chocolate making itself?” You asked dryly, still rubbing sleep out of your eyes. Your shower didn’t do much to wake you up this morning.
Jisung visually deflated, looking around guiltily. “Oh. Right…”
“It’s sweet, Jisung, thank you,” you added with a smile, watching his shoulders relax. “You’re very sweet. I just don’t want to give my mom a heart attack.”
“Of course.” He was smiling again too. “Sorry.”
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Sitting halfway down the stairs with Jisung, you stared blankly at the front door. Dinner had been difficult for your mom tonight, and with no Nayoung at that meal, you had to do it all on your own. She was asleep now, and you held your head in your hands. Jisung was quietly sitting beside you, resting his elbows on his knees as his laced and unlaced his fingers in front of him. This was probably one of the best parts about having Jisung around. Despite being practically omnipresent at this point, if you didn’t want to talk, he didn’t talk. If you wanted to chat, he would talk to you about anything, but if you wanted utter silence, he would let you sit in utter silence—he just wouldn’t let you do it alone.
You felt nearly suffocated by the house in that moment, but you couldn’t leave your mom alone.
“Can you go outside?” You lifted your head to ask Jisung.
“Not very far,” he answered as if you were asking any other piece of trivia about him and his predicament.
“The porch swing?”
“Yes, I can go there.”
“Do you want to? Now? With me?”
He chuckled softly. “When have I ever told you no?”
It was a warm night, which you were glad for as you were only in your sleep shorts and a t-shirt as you sat on the wooden porch swing with Jisung. Holding the chain next to your head with one hand, you peered out at the nighttime around you, glad to be out of those walls finally.
“Pretty moon,” you commented, looking up at the silver half-moon above you.
“Mhm,” Jisung hummed his agreement.
“And stars,” you added, taking in the twinkling dots all around the moon.
“Mhm.”
“Pretty stars,” you clarified.
“Mhm.”
Looking at Jisung out of the corner of your eye, you kept the same tone of voice as you said, “Pretty garbage can.”
“Mhm.”
“Jisung?”
“Mhm?”
“You’re not listening to me.”
“Huh?”
“What are you thinking about?”
“Uhm… nothing.” He coughed. “Pretty moon.”
“Mhm.” You hummed back in the same sing-songy tone that he had. “I wish I could touch you.”
“Huh?” He spluttered out.
“Just feels like a nice moment to rest my head in your lap, don’t you think?” You looked over at him, meeting his dark eyes.
He looked down at his legs, then around him in what you would almost call an attempt to avoid your gaze. “Well… we could put one of the pillows on the swing where my lap is, and you can rest your head there and pretend it’s me.”
“That won’t be uncomfortable for you?”
“No, I’ll be fine,” he promised. “Just make sure it’s not too far over here, I don’t want to make you cold.”
After you settled onto your back with your head on a pillow, right on the edge of where Jisung’s thigh started, you could see Jisung and the porch roof directly above you. The corner of his mouth twitched as he looked down at you, and you smiled back up at him.
“Can you push the porch swing?” You requested.
“Sure,” he agreed, and you felt the swing gently push off backwards then sail forward.
You rolled your head to the side to be able to look at the moon again.
“Can I ask…” You poked your tongue on the inside of your cheek. “How did you die? If you want to tell me, you don’t have to.”
Jisung sighed. “I don’t know. I went to sleep one night and when I woke up, I wasn’t in my body anymore.”
You felt your eyes widen involuntarily. “Seriously? You weren’t sick or anything?”
“I felt fine,” he confirmed. “I didn’t even realize until I couldn’t grab the handle to open my bedroom door and leave. My hand just went through it. When I turned back around to my bed, I saw myself lying there. I thought I was still dreaming.”
“God... I’m sorry, Jisung.”
He shrugged, his fingers messing with the edges of the pillow that your head was on. “It could’ve been worse. It didn’t hurt, I wasn’t dreading the end or anything.”
You reached for his face, despite knowing that it wouldn’t work, holding your hand up as if you were cupping his cheek, hovering right on the edge of where your skin passed through each other. “Does that... I always feel cold when I try to touch you. Is this warm? To you?”
“I never notice that I’m cold until I touch you.” He hesitantly put his hand over yours. “Like when you’ve been outside during winter for so long that you don’t even feel temperature anymore. And then you step inside again and you can suddenly feel just how cold you are because everything else is so warm.”
“Is it… I don’t know, nice?”
“It’s… a lot,” he admitted. “It’s not bad, but I can never warm up.”
“Oh.” You took your hand back, resting it on your stomach.
“It’s late,” he said quietly. “Are you tired?”
“No, but I should probably head to bed.” You sat up reluctantly.
Only a few minutes after saying your goodnights, you were at the bottom of the stairs again, searching for Jisung. You found him in the living room.
“Can you read to me?” You asked, fidgeting with the sleeves of your shirt.
He chose a book off the shelves and followed you upstairs wordlessly. Back under your covers again, you listened to the sound of his fingers running over the edges of the pages, folding back the cover of the book before he started reading. It wasn’t the same book of poems as last time, instead you fondly recognized it as one of your favorite books from when you started reading novels as a kid, about a young girl who went on a grand fantasy adventure with all sorts of magical creatures. In the back of your mind, you thought to yourself that you were a little disappointed that you’d be asleep before the end, when she finally came home to her mother in the real world. That had always been your favorite part.
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“Do cameras work on you?” You asked Jisung as you kneeled by one of the flowerbeds at the front of the house. It was early in the morning, and you made sure to keep one headphone in your ear so that any passerby who did happen by on morning walks or jogs would hopefully just think that you were on a phone call.
“Don’t know,” he shrugged, sitting on the porch swing. “I think I would’ve found out if I was in the background of any Kim family photos over the years.”
Curious, you took out your phone, opening up the camera and pointing it at him. The sun hadn’t fully risen yet, but in the low light you could see the porch swing just fine, seemingly rocking along on its own on your screen. Taking just one picture, you paused your weeding to look at it from your camera roll. Again, you definitely couldn’t see Jisung sitting on the porch swing like you could with your own two eyes, but there was something going on in the picture this time. The air seemed to shimmer and distort in the vague shape of a person sitting in the photo, exactly where he was in real life. You zoomed in on the fuzzy edges that nearly turned into shadow, squinting as you tried to make out whether the distortion was in the image file itself or part of Jisung somehow.
“Well?” Jisung questioned, tilting his head.
“I got... something.” You stood up, walking over to show him. “It’s not what I see when I look at you. I see, like, a person.”
“Oh.” His face fell as he looked over the photo of the strange figure.
“I think it’s cool,” you tried to cheer him up. “Very mysterious, you know.”
He gave you a half-hearted smile. “Thanks, Y/N.”
“I get why you’re bummed, though. It’s probably been a while since you’ve seen yourself, right? I never see your shadow or your reflection. Can you?”
“No, I can’t.” He shook his head. “It’s… I have my dad’s nose, and my mom’s smile. I just thought that even if I couldn’t see them anymore, it’d be nice to see the parts of them that are in me.”
You blinked back the tears that were pricking at your eyes. “I know what you mean. My dad’s mom was alive when I was younger, and she always said I looked just like him. I used to sit on my bathroom counter in front of the mirror with an old picture of him from when he was a kid for hours to try to see it too.”
“Do you look like him?” He asked quietly.
“Don’t you see it? I look just like my mom,” you laughed and shook your head.
Jisung chuckled softly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, I know. I wasn’t going to spoil your connection to your dad for you.”
“It makes me happy to know that my grandmother saw my dad when she looked at me anyway.” You permanently deleted the photo you’d taken of Jisung. “I’m sure you have something else from your parents that you don’t need a mirror for, though. Like, for me, when I laugh really, really hard, I start wheezing—it’s honestly an awful sound—and clutch my sides and stomp my left foot. My dad would laugh with his whole body like that too. I didn’t even know until my mom pointed it out a few years ago out of the blue. I sneeze like Hyukjun now, too. Don’t even know how I picked that up in such a short time. I was dusting the other day and when I sneezed, I realized it sounded just like him.”
“Really?” He laughed, a real one this time.
“Yeah,” you smiled fondly at the memory. “I’m sure you’ve got lots of pieces of your family in you other than your nose and your eyes, Jisung.”
The ghost held your gaze, his dark eyes that you tried to imagine belonging to some ambiguous father of his that you could never recall, smiling up at you with a smile that matched a memory of his mother you didn’t have. Even if you would never know them, you remembered them in that moment for him.
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You chewed on your bottom lip as you leafed through the large tome of local genealogies in front of you. At first you were worried that Mr. Shin would have questions for you as to why you wanted information on the deed of the house, primarily who had owned it before your stepdad bought it. But instead, he simply had his paralegal fetch the information from the previous title search they’d done when drafting the documents for Hyukjun. You took the list of names with you to the local library, where they kept an archive of all sorts of birth, death, and marriage records, including genealogies of local families.
Kim Hyukjun had purchased the home from a husband and wife, the Parks, decades before you were even born. The Parks were the first owners, and despite neither of their names being Jisung, you figured he must be related to them in some way to have lived there before Hyukjun bought it; their son, a nephew, grandson, something.
You finally found a married couple whose names matched, and eagerly read on for their children. They had one child, a son, Park Jisung—deceased.
“Found you,” you whispered to yourself, tapping the name in the book. Taking a picture of all the relevant information, you shut the book and returned it to its place before taking down another one, death certificates.
Finally landing on Jisung’s, you read with bated breath and a morbid curiosity. It started with all the normal stuff—name, age, date of birth, address—and you skimmed on, trying to find the thing that you really wanted to know. But as you got to the end, and desperately re-read again from the beginning, more carefully this time, you realized there was no cause of death listed. They must not have requested an autopsy. As your chest deflated, you shook your head at yourself. What would knowing even change now? You took a quick note of the cemetery listed before shutting the book.
The information—or lack thereof—that you’d gotten from the library was still on your mind when you returned to the house. Nayoung was sitting at the kitchen table, and looked up from her phone when you came in.
“Ah, Y/N, how were your errands?” She asked, clearly noticing your empty hands.
“Fine,” you gave a non-committal answer. “Where’s my mom?”
“She’s taking a nap in her room. She’s been asleep for about fifteen minutes or so.”
“Good.” You glanced at the time on the stove. “You can head out for the day. Thank you, Nayoung.”
“I’ll see you all tomorrow, then.” She stood up and flashed you one more bright smile before showing herself out.
A few moments later, you heard the sound of the front door locking after her, then Jisung entered the room from that direction. He stopped next to you.
“So where’d you go today?” He asked curiously. “You didn’t pick anything up…”
You sighed, taking a seat at the kitchen table. “Library. They didn’t have what I needed.”
“What book were you looking for?”
You grimaced at yourself, picking at your nails uncomfortably as you braced yourself to tell the truth. “I wasn’t checking out a book. I was… I was looking up stuff in the archives, about you.”
Jisung’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Me?”
“I’m sorry, I was nosy and shouldn’t have done that without talking to you first,” you apologized. “I’m sorry.”
“Y/N, you’ve got a ghost living in your house,” he reminded you frankly. “Normal personal boundaries aren’t really applicable here.”
“I… guess that’s one way to look at it.”
“And I mean, all you did was look in the archives, right?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s fine.” Jisung sat in his chair next to yours, leaning forward towards you eagerly. “What did you find out?”
You chewed your lip nervously. “Not much. I know your full name is Park Jisung. Your parents didn’t have an autopsy done, so we still don’t know why you… passed. I know where they buried… you, though.”
He kept looking at you expectantly, waiting for you to say more. But that was all you had. When he realized that you were done, his face fell, and he let out a breath, sitting back in his chair.
“Oh.” He nodded slowly.
“I’m sorry, Jisung.” You instinctively reached for his hand that was resting on the table. You did a double-take when your hand didn’t impact with the wooden tabletop under him, though, but with him.
Jisung’s hand was cool to the touch, but solid, yours didn’t just slip right through it like usual. You stared down at your hands as you readjusted your grip in disbelief.
Your ghost was similarly bewildered, eyes locked on your hands as he squeezed yours back. “Are you…”
“Yeah, I can actually touch you!” You laughed in amazement.
He looked up from your hand to your eyes, lifting his other hand towards your face. “Can I…?”
You nodded, not trusting yourself to speak, or even breathe, in that moment.
Jisung’s fingertips gently caressed your cheek, his eyes filled with wonder as he murmured, “You’re so warm…”
“Are you… you know, cold? Is it like before?”
“No, it’s-it’s nice,” he said, clasping your hand with both of his now. “Thank you. For letting me…”
“Oh, sure, yeah,” you cleared your throat awkwardly, looking around the kitchen.
“It’s funny, it’s one of those things you take for granted until you can’t do it anymore.”
“What?”
“Touch people.” He squeezed your hand softly. “I used to complain when my mom would kiss me, or my friends would give me hugs. Now… I can’t believe I’m holding someone’s hand again.”
You patted his arm, at a loss for words, but hoping that you could give him some kind of comfort in the moment. It sounded like a heartbreakingly lonely existence. You couldn’t imagine what you would do if you could never hug your mom again, or even bump into strangers on the train—small things that reminded you that you were real, that you took up space.
You felt your heart truly shatter when Jisung leaned over, pressing his forehead to your linked hands, and you saw his shoulders shake with quiet sobs.
“Oh, Jisung,” you whispered, scooting your chair closer to gently stroke his dark hair. “It’s okay…”
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Tonight had been rough. This was the third night in a row that you had gone in circles trying to calm your mother down from a frightened state, afraid that every creak of the house settling, gust of the air conditioning rustling a curtain, or wind blowing a tree branch outside was a ghost. Despite being aware that your house was actually inhabited by a ghost, you knew it wasn’t Jisung doing any of those things.
You had finally gotten her back to sleep at almost one in the morning, and shut her bedroom door behind you with a sigh. Shuffling into the kitchen, you stopped in the middle of the room, rubbing a hand over your face as you just stared blankly at the countertop. You couldn’t even remember what you had come in here for.
“Hey,” Jisung called for your attention softly, his quiet footsteps approaching from behind you. “Did you want water? Hot chocolate?”
“Ugh, I don’t even know,” you groaned, turning around and burying your face in his shoulder. “I’m so fucking tired, Jisung.”
“Then let’s get you to bed,” he suggested, trying to usher you out of the kitchen, but you didn’t budge.
Looking up at him, you sniffled, “This is the third night this has happened… I don’t know if I can… What if I can’t—What if—What am I—What if I can’t do it by myself? What if I can’t take care of her like she needs on my own? She’s only going to get worse and I’m… Oh God, I’m tired.”
Tears streamed down your cheeks now as you felt an exhaustion from deep within. You felt it in every fiber of your being, in your bones, deep in your chest. You couldn’t remember a time when you didn’t feel worn out like this.
Jisung’s eyes widened as his hands frantically fluttered over your arms and shoulders, clearly unsure of where to settle as he went to try to comfort you. “Ah, Y/N, oh, no. Oh, God, I’m so sorry that you feel so tired. You’re doing so good.” He squeezed your shoulders. “You’re not alone. I know it can feel like that, but you’ve got Nayoung, too. Your stepdad left a fund to pay for your mom’s care, right? You can use that to have Nayoung here more if you need her to, can’t you? I’ve heard her ask if you want to adjust her schedule…”
“Yeah, she has,” you nodded, the admission only making you cry harder. “I just—I don’t want to think about needing more help, about needing Nayoung more, because that really means that she’s getting worse. But I can’t—She needs more than me.”
“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” Jisung said, his own eyes shining in the dim light. “I wish I could make everything better for you.”
You gave him a shaky smile, the best you could muster in the moment, patting one of his hands that were still holding you by the shoulders. “I know. Thank you, just having you here to listen to me means a lot.”
He wiped at your tears with his thumbs, his hands shaking slightly as he gently cradled your face. “Let me help you however I can—you know, without freaking your mom out. You can take care of your mom and I’ll take care of you. Please.”
It was all you could do to nod your head in his hands. He let out a breath of relief.
“Come on, let’s get you back to bed.” He wrapped an arm around your shoulders, guiding you out of the kitchen successfully this time.
At the top of the stairs, you stopped and grabbed his hand, pleading, “Don’t leave me, Jisung.”
He chuckled lightly, lacing his fingers with yours. “Where could I even go? I’m stuck here.”
“I mean, you always leave after I fall asleep,” you explained. “Don’t go this time.”
He nodded, using the index finger of the hand that was holding yours to trace an X over his heart, pulling your hand along with it. “I won’t leave you.”
You fell asleep curled up under your covers, Jisung reading a book of short stories to you, one of his hands resting on your head, fingers gently carding through your hair—a silent reminder of his promise that he would still be there in the morning.
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When you woke up, you felt terrible. Not only because of how poorly you had slept lately, but all of your joints and muscles ached, your sinuses felt like they were stuffed up with concrete, your throat was scratchy and sore, and it felt like someone had turned the thermostat up to a million degrees. You winced as you rolled over and threw the covers off of you, already feeling that your sheets and clothes were damp with sweat. Groaning and clutching your head, you involuntarily coughed, having to prop yourself up on your elbow to avoid choking on your own mucus. Gross.
“You’re sick,” Jisung said from the other side of the bed, his voice sympathetic. You’d forgotten that he was even there, actually.
Sitting up, you tried to look as normal as possible, shaking your head. “No, just had something in my throat.”
You winced at the sound of your own voice; it sounded almost as bad as you felt.
“Y/N, you sound awful,” he pointed out. “And you were tossing and turning all night.”
“I’m fine—”
“Y/N.” He was giving you what could only be called a stern pout. “We just talked about this last night.”
You opened your mouth to argue again, but faltered at the intensity of his gaze. Letting the tension fall from your shoulders, you grabbed your phone off your nightstand. “I’ll see if Nayoung or another aide can stay all day.”
Jisung finally smiled at that, standing up and moving to leave the room. “I’ll make you breakfast before your mom wakes up.”
You watched him walk to your door, and instead of grabbing the handle to open it, walked right through it. That must be why you were never woken by the sound of the door when he would leave in the middle of the night before.
Once Nayoung arrived, you hauled yourself out of bed and to the doctor’s office. As soon as you got back, you trudged right back upstairs. From the living room, you could hear the sounds of your mother and the aide chatting. In your room, you shrugged off your jacket and had just grabbed the hem of your shirt when Jisung appeared through the door.
“So what did—”
“Ah!” You yelped, yanking your shirt back down and whirling around to stare at him incredulously.
“Sorry! Sorry!” Jisung sputtered out, covering his eyes.
“Knock! I know you can!” You yelled, gesturing at the door with exasperation. “What is wrong with you?!”
“I didn’t think—I’m sorry!” He fully backed up and out of your room through a solid wall, still covering his eyes.
A few moments later, you heard soft footsteps accompanied by creaks on the stairs. Nayoung’s voice came next, “Y/N? Are you okay?”
“Oh, yeah, Nayoung, I’m fine,” you called back. “Just stubbed my toe getting dressed.”
“Alright…” She didn’t sound like she believed you, but apparently wasn’t going to press the issue. “I have another visit to make today, so another aide from the service will be here in the afternoon to take over from me. Her name is Hyesoo.”
“Okay, thanks for letting me know.”
“I’ll say goodbye when I leave.”
“Thanks.”
You heard her retreat down the stairs, and finished getting changed in peace. Sitting down on your bed, you then heard a soft knock at your bedroom door.
“Come in,” you replied, crossing your arms over your chest.
Jisung stepped through the door, averting his eyes to his feet guiltily. “Sorry...”
“Forget about it, Jisung,” you sighed, flopping all the way under your covers. “I’m too sick to be mad at you.”
“What did the doctor say?” He asked, perching on the edge of your bed.
“It’s just a cold, but he said that all the stress I’m under isn’t helping,” you huffed, fluffing up your pillow under your head. “He gave me some meds, they’re in my bag.”
Jisung picked up your tote bag from where you’d dropped it by your nightstand, handing it to you. “I’ll get you some water to take them with.”
After he’d left the room, you set two of the bottles on your nightstand, and tucked the third in the drawer. Your ghost came back soon with a glass of water, and you eyed him suspiciously as he gave it to you.
“Nobody saw the floating glass of water?” You questioned, sitting up to be able to properly take a sip.
“Your mom and Nayoung were in the backyard,” he confirmed, watching you knock back the pills. “Are you hungry?”
You shook your head, shuffling back under the covers. “Sleepy. That doctor’s visit took a lot out of me.”
“Take a nap.”
“Will you wake me up before Nayoung goes?”
“Sure. But sleep right now.”
You were faintly aware of Jisung’s cool hand resting on your head as you let yourself get swept away by sleep.
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Blinking your eyes open, you were greeted by the inky blackness of your ghost’s eyes first. Jisung was laying on top of the covers on the other half of your bed, cheek resting on his hand as he gazed at you. You rubbed the sleep out of your eyes as you rolled onto your back, suddenly feeling much warmer under the intensity of his eyes.
“The other aide just arrived, Nayoung is getting ready to leave,” he informed you quietly.
“Mm,” you grunted in acknowledgment. “Thanks.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Still feel like shit,” you admitted. “The doctor did say the meds wouldn’t start working until the second or third dose.”
You heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and both you and Jisung went quiet. There was a soft knock at your door.
“Y/N?” Nayoung said your name quietly.
“Yes, Nayoung?” You replied.
“I’m heading out. Hyesoo and your mom are in the living room. There’s an extra serving of lunch, would you like me to bring it up for you?”
You were hungry now, and against your instincts, agreed, “If you don’t mind.”
“Of course not. I’ll warm it up for you, give me a few minutes.”
You stared up at the ceiling bitterly, trying to swallow down the uncomfortable, shameful bile rising up in your body. You don’t have to do everything yourself, you can accept people’s kindness, you can let people help you. This was exactly what you were getting upset with Hyukjun for doing, putting others before himself at the detriment of his own health. If you didn’t take care of yourself, your mom wouldn’t have any family left to take care of her—only Hyukjun’s fund to pay for more aides.
“Y/N, I’m setting it down outside your room,” Nayoung’s voice was back outside your door, startling you. You hadn’t even heard the stairs this time. “I made you some tea, too. I hope you feel better. See you tomorrow.”
You were out of your bed and opening the door before Jisung could. Nayoung was still on the top step, and looked over her shoulder, clearly a little startled. You looked down at the plate of food and steaming mug of tea, recognizing it as Hyukjun’s favorite coffee cup. Tears suddenly filled your eyes, but you didn’t move to hug her, knowing that she’d be visiting more elderly and possibly immunocompromised patients today. Instead, you stayed put in the doorway, giving her a small smile.
“Thank you, Nayoung.” You couldn’t string together any more words than that, but she seemed to get it anyway.
She beamed back at you, her young features holding a gentle understanding and wisdom. “You’re welcome. Rest well, Y/N.”
After getting ready for sleep that evening, you were sitting with your feet hanging over the side of the bed, taking your next doses of medications. You took the two on the nightstand, then pulled open the drawer to fish out the one that you had put away earlier. The nap you’d taken earlier had thrown off your sleeping pattern, you weren’t near tired enough despite the time.
“Y/N?” Jisung lightly touched your shoulder. “Everything okay?”
You were staring at the orange pill bottle in your hands, gnawing on your bottom lip. “What if I can’t see you?”
“What?”
“He gave me stuff to help me sleep.” You looked up from the bottle to your ghost. “But what if I take it and I can’t see you anymore?”
Jisung sat down next to you, shoulder-to-shoulder, and took the bottle from you. He turned it over in his hands as he spoke, “You could see me before you started having problems sleeping, right?”
You thought about this for a moment, then slowly nodded, relieved.
“And even if you took these and couldn’t see me anymore for some reason—I would rather you be well than see me,” he said, pushing the bottle back into your hand and wrapping your fingers around it. He held your eye contact sincerely. “Okay?”
You swallowed the lump in your throat and nodded. “Okay…”
Jisung watched silently as you opened the bottle, shook one out into your palm, closed the bottle back up, and knocked the tablet back with some water. He stood up to move to his usual spot against the headboard, grabbing the book that was sitting on the nightstand. You crawled under the covers, watching him open the book to where he left off.
“Jisung?”
“Yes?” He turned his gaze from the pages to you.
“Will you—” You sniffled, rubbing at one of your eyes as you yawned. “Will you just lay with me?”
“Oh. Sure.” He closed the book back up and set it aside, then laid down on top of the covers facing you. “Do you want the lamp off?”
“Mhm… please…”
He reached behind him to turn the light off, plunging the room into darkness. You could barely make out the outline of him from a strip of moonlight filtering in from a gap between the curtains. Your eyes were getting heavier, and you desperately fought to keep them open, just in case this was the last time you could see him.
“Goodnight, Y/N,” Jisung murmured. He crossed his finger over his heart. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Goodnight, Jisung,” you managed to mumble back as your eyes fluttered shut.
When you woke up, you were face-to-face with Jisung, his eyes shut this time, eyelashes resting delicately on his cheeks. You would’ve almost felt bad for what you were about to do, but you didn’t think that ghosts actually needed sleep, so you threw your arms around his neck, burying your face in his chest.
“Y/N?!” Jisung squeaked, freezing up under you. “What’s—”
“I can see you!” You cheered victoriously, your voice muffled by his shirt.
He let out a sigh of relief, one of his hands tentatively patting your back. “And a good morning to you, too.”
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It was a couple weeks later, and you were all better. Just in time for winter, too. You let out a huff as you heaved your groceries up the porch steps, your breath coming out as a puff in the cold air. Unlocking the front door, you grinned when it was immediately opened for you, Jisung on the other side. He closed it behind you, taking your hat off you and brushing stray snowflakes from your hair, his brow furrowed in concentration. You mouthed a ‘thank you’ to him, well aware of the sounds of your mother and her new evening aide, Hyesoo, in the kitchen already. He just smiled and murmured “You’re welcome” back.
“Oh, Y/N, back already, dear?” Hyesoo greeted you brightly as you walked into the kitchen. The two of them were playing cards at the kitchen table. Hyesoo was an older woman, closer to your mom and Hyukjun in age, but insisted on you calling her by her first name nevertheless.
“Yep, just had one stop to make today!” You informed them, putting your bags onto the kitchen counters. “I think the snow kept everyone away, too.”
“It was snowing?” Your mom questioned, the disapproval clear in her tone. “You didn’t walk all the way there, did you?”
“I wore all my layers, Mom, promise,” you chuckled, beginning to unpack the groceries. “And my snow boots!”
“I’ll put those away,��� Hyesoo insisted, setting her cards down and standing up. “You go warm up, we’ve got a fire going in the living room.”
“Well, I do have some work to get done before dinner...” You said sheepishly. “Thanks, Hyesoo!”
You took the stairs two at a time up to your room to get your laptop, then ran back down to sit in front of the fire with it. Opening up your email first, you were unsurprised when a familiar figure sat down beside you, holding his hands out towards the flames. You hummed to yourself as you answered a couple emails, marking some under your to-do list to deal with later, getting the easier ones out of the way first.
“Ugh, not him again,” Jisung complained from next to you, having been reading them over your shoulder. “Decline!”
You elbowed him with an eyeroll, whispering under your breath, “He’s my boss, I can’t decline a meeting with him.”
“He’s not technically your boss.”
“Okay, supervisor. Still, I can’t decline a meeting with him.”
“They’re never about anything important.”
“Yeah, that’s every meeting ever.”
“He’s just doing it to talk to you. It’s an abuse of power.”
“We’re working on a project together and he’s actually in the office and I’m not. He gives me updates. It’s helpful.”
Jisung made a ‘hrrmph’ sound, pulling his knees to his chest as he opted to stare into the fire instead. You looked at him out of the corner of your eye, mild amusement on your features.
“What? Are you jealous or something?” You teased. “He’s like, married with three kids. Have I not mentioned that? He just doesn’t know how to use computers so he makes everything a video call meeting.”
“Oh.”
“Jealous, jealous...” You said in a sing-song voice. “I already spend almost 24/7 with you, what more could you want?”
You had meant it to be rhetorical, but you swore Jisung’s mouth opened, about to answer, when Hyesoo walked in.
“Hey, I’m going to start on dinner, unless you had something planned?” She pointed to the kitchen over her shoulder.
“No, no, go for it,” you waved her off. “I have to take a call anyway. If I’m late, start without me.”
“Weren’t you just on one?”
So you hadn’t been as quiet as you’d hoped.
“Yeah, different department,” you fibbed quickly, getting to your feet and bringing your laptop with you.
You could hear the soft footfalls of Jisung following you, and at the top of the stairs, you turned around to put a hand on his chest, satisfied that Hyesoo wouldn’t be able to see you here. Jisung pouted, looking down at the hand you had on his chest.
“Work call,” you whispered, gently pushing him back. “Wait downstairs. Please.”
He nodded, not looking very happy about it, but descended the stairs anyway. It’s not like there was anything that happened on your work calls that Jisung couldn’t hear, but you didn’t want to risk a floating object in the background, you looking over at Jisung, or otherwise reacting to him in any way during one of your work calls. It was just easier to concentrate without him there.
The call with your supervisor once again really could’ve been an email, but you didn’t mind catching up with him after you got through the two or three minutes of real work conversation that you had. He was a younger guy, and had been one of the people that you were friendlier with when you actually worked in the office full-time. He filled you in on how his three kids were doing, as well as his wife, who you would always chat with at office social events. He asked about how your mom was doing, and you did inform him that she needed aides in two shifts now, to which he reminded you that if you needed to adjust your schedule or workload, that could be discussed. You appreciated that, but if your workload was any lighter, you wouldn’t be employed, and you needed money. The fund from Hyukjun paid for your mother’s medical care, but you still needed to cover the rest of your living expenses like food, utility bills, incidentals, and yourself.
“And you know those staff dinners that get put on your calendar aren’t just to say we invited everyone,” your supervisor added. “You really are wanted there. We know it’s difficult with your mom, but everyone still talks about you.”
You smiled to yourself. “Thanks. Her evening aide is going to be staying the night a few days a week now, so I might be able to make it out one of these days.”
“No pressure, Y/N. Just wanted to let you know,” he leaned back in his own office chair, and seemed to take a glance at the time for the first time in a while. “Sorry, I’ve kept you for a while.”
“It’s fine, Mr. Choi,” you reassured him. “I always enjoy our chats. Give your family my best, will you?”
“Oh! I’m late for dinner!” He suddenly shot up straight in his chair. “Thanks, Y/N. I’ll talk to you soon!”
“Goodbye, Mr. Choi,” you chuckled, hanging up the call.
Closing your laptop, you went back downstairs to the kitchen to see your mom sat at the table, reading a book. Jisung was sitting in his chair across from her, and turned around expectantly at the sound of your feet. You poked your head into the kitchen to check on Hyesoo, who looked like she was still cooking.
“Hi, Mom,” you announced your presence to your mother, coming around the table to her seat.
She looked up at you with a smile, her eyes clearly focusing on you. You wrapped your arms around her shoulders from behind, resting your cheek on the top of her head. She held onto your arms with one of her hands, squeezing gently.
“What are you reading?” You asked, trying to glean any information from the pages that were opened in front of you.
“Oh, this was Hyukjun’s favorite book,” she explained, closing it on her finger to let you see the cover. “I was thinking about him today…”
“I think I read that in a Lit class I took in undergrad,” you commented. “I never knew it was his favorite.”
“Funny enough, it was your father’s favorite too.”
“Here I spent my whole life thinking ‘Goodnight, Moon’ was Dad’s favorite book,” you snickered, referencing the answer he had given you when you were a kid, one of the many children’s books you had at the time.
“Well, he didn’t really want to tell you about this sort of book when you were that little, I think.”
“Can you let me know when you’re done with that book?” You requested. “I think I’d like to reread it.”
“Of course.”
Hyesoo came into the dining area then with three plates, and you let your mom go to take your seat. Your mother set her book aside as dinner was set in front of her.
“Did you look at the mail today, Y/N?” Your mom asked.
“I skimmed it, threw out the junk,” you shrugged, taking a bite of your food. “Why? Did you?”
Your mom must’ve had a very good day today. She usually didn’t bother with things like the mail at all.
“Did you see that Seohyuk’s getting married?”
“Yeah, again,” you snorted. This was marriage number three, if you were up to date on your stepbrother lore. “I’m surprised we even got an invite.”
“Y/N.” Your mother said your name sternly.
“Sorry,” you mumbled. Clearing your throat, you kept your tone more neutral as you said, “Yeah, I saw. Good for them.”
“What do you think?”
“About what? I just said good for them?”
“Going.”
You looked at her incredulously. “Like, to the wedding?”
“He’s family, Y/N.”
“Hyukjun was family,” you didn’t mean to snap at your mom like you did, your voice filling with vitriol. “They’re just three assholes that Hyukjun had the misfortune of being related to. We don’t owe them shit.”
“Y/N!” Your mother gaped at you.
Hyesoo and Jisung had both been silently watching the two of you go back and forth, and you suddenly became aware of the presence of two others in the room again. You took a deep breath in, looking over at the aide.
“Sorry,” you muttered, pushing your chair back from the table. “Good food. I’m not hungry anymore.”
“Y/N, sweetie, can we—”
You ignored your mom’s pleas to talk, scraping off your plate into the garbage and putting your dishes in the dishwasher before storming upstairs. Flopping onto your back on your bed, you stared up at your ceiling fan.
When you heard a knock on your door some time later, you rolled your eyes, but called out to Jisung anyway, “Come in!”
Your door handle turned and opened, revealing not Jisung, and not even your mother, but Hyesoo. She paused at the doorway, obviously aware that you hadn’t been expecting her.
“May I come in?” She requested.
You sat up straight on your bed, nodding. “Sure.”
Hyesoo came and sat beside you, leaving a polite distance between the two of you. “I don’t want to overstep, Y/N… But I imagine there’s some stuff that has happened between you and your stepbrothers that your mom doesn’t know about?”
“Yeah, lots,” you scoffed. “They hate us. They’ve always been rude to me, but ever since Hyukjun left us the house… it’s just gotten worse.”
“When’s the last time you saw or talked to one of them?”
You breathed out. “Uh… probably when Seohyuk came to inspect the property a few months ago now. Mom didn’t even know it happened, Nayoung took her for a walk.”
“Hyukjun was family to you, right? That’s what you just said.”
“Doesn’t meant his shithead sons have to be my family,” you retorted. “They said to me, at his wake, that my mom and I weren’t his family. Like, how awful do you have to be?”
“Hyukjun saw you as his family. His wife’s daughter,” she said slowly. “Do you think, your mom might see Hyukjun’s sons the same way? I’m not saying you have to. But consider your mom’s feelings for a moment.”
You took a deep inhale, trying to separate your thoughts from your own swirling emotions in that moment. “I… I didn’t think of that.”
It was then that you saw she had something in her hands, and she held out two small pictures to you. One was the wedding invite, a picture of Seohyuk and his fiancée smiling on the front. The other was of a young man around Seohyuk’s age, the image grainy, as it was clearly older and taken on film. It was undeniable who this was, though—Hyukjun.
“Your mom was showing me some photo albums earlier, when she saw the wedding invite,” Hyesoo explained. “She didn’t say it, but don’t you think he looks so much like his dad?”
You swallowed the anger in your throat, eyes tracing over the two photos, the similar smiles, the way their crow’s feet crinkled, their noses, cheekbones, and jawlines. It was hard not to see Hyukjun in his eldest son now.
“Yeah, he does,” you agreed.
“Nobody is saying you have to go to the wedding and be best friends with your stepbrothers,” she said. “Or at least, I'm not saying that. But it might be a good idea to think about why your mom would want to go. Those ‘assholes’ are living, breathing pieces of Hyukjun that are still walking around. They’re his sons, and maybe she wants to feel connected to him by connecting with them.”
“He was such a good guy,” you reached for the picture of Hyukjun, holding it between your fingers. “How did he raise three absolute fucking jerks?”
“A mystery we’ll never be able to solve.” Hyesoo clicked her tongue. “I’m about to help your mom get ready for bed, do you want to talk to her before?”
You sighed and nodded. “Yeah, let me do that.”
She handed you the wedding invite as well, standing up from your bed. “She’s in her room. Let me know when you’re done.”
Steeling your nerves, you knocked lightly on your mom’s bedroom door. “Mom? It’s Y/N.”
“Come in, sweetie.”
You opened the door quietly, immediately spotting her sitting on the corner of her bed, as if she had been waiting for you. Sitting down next to her, you took her hand, squeezing it.
“I’m sorry, Mom,” you started. “I should’ve listened to you instead of being rude and talking to you like that. I was only thinking about my feelings about Seohyuk and them, and not yours. Can you tell me more about why you want to go to the wedding?”
“I-I know you and your stepbrothers haven’t gotten along, sweetie,” she prefaced her reasoning. “But… When I think about the fact that Hyukjun won’t get to see this… Even if he did see the first two, you know.”
The both of you snickered a little at that, bumping your shoulders together affectionately. You held the two pictures out to her just like Hyesoo had done to you.
“I get what you’re saying, Mom,” you leaned your head against hers, looking at the nearly identical visages of Seohyuk and Hyukjun. “I miss him too. If this will make you feel closer to him, or that you’re honoring him or something like that, then we should go. I’ll support you.”
“Thank you, Y/N.” She ran a thumb over the picture of Hyukjun.
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“What do you want to do for your birthday?” You asked Jisung, searching the table for your next puzzle piece. Your mom had gone to sleep and the two of you were putting together a jigsaw puzzle in your relaxing time before your own bedtime.
Jisung dropped his own puzzle piece that he had been trying to place, staring at you from across the coffee table. “My what?!”
“Your birthday. It’s next week.” You finally fished an edge piece out. “When I looked up the genealogy stuff, it had your birthday on there.”
“I mean, I figured that’s how you knew, but I didn’t think you’d actually—I don’t know, I’m surprised.”
“What? It’s probably been a while since you’ve celebrated it, right?” You put your puzzle piece down. “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to, I just figured it might be nice.”
“No, I-I’d like that,” he smiled softly. “Just don’t get me a cake with an accurate number of candles in it, please.”
“I think that’d get more candle wax on it than frosting.” You wrinkled your nose, making him roll his eyes. “Are you telling me I have to plan it? I asked you what you want to do.”
“Just you remembering is enough to make my birthday feel special this year, Y/N.” Jisung reached across the table to grab your hand. “I don’t really care what else happens. But I’ll think of something, promise.”
One week later, and Jisung’s birthday lined up with a night that Hyesoo was staying over, so you couldn’t use the living room, as she slept on the couch whenever she stayed. So the two of you retreated to your bedroom after dinner. Closing the door behind you, you turned to Jisung with your arms crossed, narrowing your eyes at him.
“You still haven’t told me what you want to do for your birthday,” you reminded him, tapping your foot. “And your birthday’s almost over.”
“I know what I want,” he reassured you. “But you need to change into your pajamas first, so—”
And with that, he stepped back and through the wall, out of your room. You begrudgingly changed from your casual daywear into your pajamas, then called for him to come back in. Your ghost popped back in immediately, heading towards his side of the bed. You watched him suspiciously as he sat down and grabbed the book on the nightstand. Instead of turning on his lamp as he would usually do, though, he reached over to the lamp on your side of the bed and clicked it on, then offered the book out towards you.
“I want you to read to me tonight,” he requested.
“That’s it?” You frowned.
“That’s it,” he confirmed. “You can sing me ‘Happy Birthday’ too, if it’ll make you feel better.”
You took the book from him and sat down against the headboard, pulling your covers over your lap. Jisung laid down on top of the blankets, looking up at you, waiting. You sighed and shook your head, fondly brushing some of his hair out of his face.
“Happy Birthday, Jisung,” you said, opening the book to where he had left off when he’d been reading to you.
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“I can’t believe you’re actually going,” Jisung grumbled, handing you a lid to the plastic container.
“Me neither,” you sighed your agreement, snapping the container shut.
Today was finally the day of Seohyuk’s wedding. You, your mom, and Nayoung had just finished up lunch, and the aide would be helping her get ready while you got yourself dressed. Your ghost had made his distaste of the situation plenty clear.
“You couldn’t just send money and a card?”
“My mom wanted to go, and she doesn’t have another daughter to go with her,” you put the leftovers into the fridge. “I would’ve looked like a bitch sending her with an aide while I stayed home. And felt like a bitch.”
“Can’t believe that guy has even found three people who wanted to marry him.”
You laughed heartily at that. “Me neither. It’s got to be the money. Investment brokers make good money, right?”
“To fuck if I know,” your ghost snorted.
“Anyway, stay here while I get ready.”
Jisung saluted you, making you chuckle a little as you left the kitchen. The dress code was cocktail, unfortunately for you, meaning that you had to dress in the nicest outfit you’d worn since Hyukjun’s funeral. Most of your day-to-day wear was lounge clothes lately. After putting on your outfit, and doing your hair and makeup as well, you did a final once-over in the mirror, honestly a bit surprised at yourself.
Walking back downstairs, you could tell that Nayoung was still helping your mom in her room, so you looked around instead for Jisung. You saw his dark head of hair sitting on the couch in the living room, and started that way. He turned upon hearing your footsteps, jaw actually dropping when he spotted you.
“You’re going to catch flies like that,” you teased, pushing his chin back up as you stopped in front of him.
He looked up at you with wide eyes instead. “Woah…”
“Good woah?”
Jisung nodded, standing up and offering you a hand. You gently placed yours atop it, and he lifted it to twirl you around, making a giggle bubble out of you.
“Great woah,” he confirmed. “So not fair you look like this for that asshole’s wedding.”
“It’s not for him,” you scoffed. “It’s for me.”
“Still… I think the bride is going to get jealous.”
“Oh my God.” You rolled your eyes, putting your hand over his mouth insistently, despite you being the only person in the house that could hear him. “You’re awful, you know that?”
He was obviously grinning behind your hand, eyes crinkling up with a mischievous twinkle. You sighed and dropped your hand from his mouth.
“So not fair to be that cute when I’m trying to be mad at you,” you huffed, pinching one of his cheeks.
“Ow,” he pouted, covering the reddened skin once you’d let go.
You heard your mom’s bedroom door open, and her and Nayoung came out a moment later. You walked over to give her a hug.
“Mom, that dress is so pretty,” you complimented her.
“Oh, Y/N,” she cupped your cheek. “You look so beautiful, sweetie.”
“You’re really beautiful, Y/N,” Nayoung added quietly.
“Oh, thank you,” you brushed down your outfit. “Thank you for your help, Nayoung. We should be good to go, I think.”
“Yes, yes, we need to get going!” Your mom clapped her hands together. “Don’t want to be late!”
After putting your mom to bed following the reception, you crept out of her room with your heels in hand. Jisung was at the bottom of the stairs, clearly waiting for you. He held his hands out to take your shoes from you, following you upstairs.
“So how was the wedding?” He asked, stopping outside your door to let you get changed inside in peace.
“Oh, it wasn’t bad, actually,” you answered him as you got undressed. “I think everyone was on their best behavior because it was a wedding, you know?”
“That’s good.”
“Seohyuk’s wife is actually really nice,” you informed him, chuckling in disbelief. “I hope he treats her right. And if not, I hope she’s got a good pre-nup.”
“Did your mom have a good time?”
“Oh yeah, she tore up the dance floor.”
“Really?”
“Yup.” Finally in your pajamas, you called out, “You can come in.”
Jisung materialized through the door, and went to put your shoes away for you that he was still holding. “I’m glad you two had a good time.”
“Me too.” You plopped into bed, feeling the exhaustion of the night hitting you all at once. “I’m almost glad that I went.”
“Almost?”
“I’m still thinking about how I could’ve spent all night in my pajamas instead of getting hit on by Seohyuk’s best man.”
“Seriously?”
“Mhm…” You yawned and pulled your blankets up over you as Jisung sat down against the headboard and robotically grabbed the book on the nightstand.
“Was ‘fuck off’ not clear enough for him?”
“Didn’t tell him to fuck off,” you shrugged.
“What?!”
You winced and rubbed your ear. “Loud…”
“Sorry, sorry,” he quieted his voice down again.
“I was bored, and he wasn’t a jerk about it or anything,” you explained simply, closing your eyes and pushing your cheek against your pillow. “Still would’ve rather been here in my pajamas with you, though.”
“Oh. Okay…” Jisung took a deep breath, opening the book up to pick up where he’d left off in the story.
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You were putting leftovers from dinner away some nights later as Hyesoo dispensed your mom’s medications for the upcoming week. You knew your worry was written all over your face. Your mom had been having so many good days—so many lucid days—lately, but today was bad. She asked you why you weren’t at school multiple times, refused to eat, and had another fit over the house being haunted. You were putting her plate of food away right now, entirely untouched.
“It was stupid,” you sighed. “For me to think she was getting better. I know her diagnosis—she’s only going to get worse.”
“There will be ups and downs, Y/N,” the aide reminded you gently. “The important thing is to not blame yourself for any of it.”
You sighed. “You’re right. Thanks, Hyesoo.”
“You don’t have work to do after this, do you?”
“A little bit. You’re staying the night, right?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Good, good.”
“You know, I’ve been doing this for a while, dear,” she said kindly, shaking out a few pills. “And while I don’t know everything, I do know you can’t run yourself into the ground trying to take care of them. Or else there will be nothing left of you, and then how will you take care of her?”
“I know, it was hard to focus on work today, that’s all.”
“I mean—I’ve been with you all for some time now, and when was the last time you hung out with your own friends? Or went on a date? You’re a beautiful young lady, you’re doing the world a disservice staying cooped up in here all the time.”
You laughed and shook your head. “Really—”
“I’m being serious! Just think about it, dear. I promise, taking some time to keep living your life now won’t be the end of the world. This way, you’ll have a support system when you need it.”
You nodded in understanding, putting the leftovers away with robotic movements as your brain continued turning over her words.
Just about a week after that conversation with Hyesoo and you were fixing your hair in the mirror when a gentle knock came at your bedroom door. You called out to the person as you continued messing with your hair. “Come in!”
Jisung phased through your door. “Dinner’s ready, are you—”
He stopped his words as he seemed to take in what you were wearing, tilting his head with a curious frown. “You got changed?”
“I’m going out for dinner,” you told him, leaning over to focus on putting your earrings in.
“Out? Like, a work thing?”
“No, I’ve got a date.”
“What? With who?” He sputtered, then collected himself a little. “I mean—This is the first I’ve heard of it. How did you meet them?”
“His name’s Dongmin. I met him at the wedding last week.”
“Wait, don’t tell me he’s the best man you were talking about?”
“He gave me his number.” You shrugged. “So?”
“I thought you didn’t even like him?”
“What does it matter to you?” You crossed your arms.
“What do you—? Of course I care if you’re going on a date with some creepy guy who you don’t like.” Jisung ran a hand through his hair.
“I reached out to him, Jisung.” You didn’t know why you were getting so defensive, why you felt so on edge at the moment.
He crossed his arms. “Why did you hide it from me?”
“I didn’t hide it from you,” you scoffed. “I don’t have to tell you everything.”
“Yeah, but this is—”
“What? This is what?”
He held his hands up in surrender, looking away from you. “Never mind. Hope you have fun.”
“Yeah, that wasn’t passive aggressive,” you snorted, grabbing your phone. “You’re just pissed because I’m the only person you can talk to all day but I get to actually leave this stupid house and hang out with people other than you.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Jisung glared back at you, raising his voice to match yours. It was quite possibly the most venomous you’d heard the normally soft-spoken ghost be towards you. “You leave the house all the time, you always talk to your mom or her aides. I don’t give a shit.”
You checked the time on your phone, setting your jaw. “I need to go. I don’t have time for you to keep avoiding what you’re actually trying to say.”
“Oh, right, I’m the only one avoiding,” he retorted sarcastically.
“Lalala! Not listening! Too busy avoiding!” You said in a purposefully childish, loud, and sing-songy voice, plugging one ear as you threw your door open and slammed it shut behind you.
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The lights in the house were dark when you got back. Good, you didn’t want to face Hyesoo like this. It was already going to be bad enough risking running into Jisung. Hopefully he was still pissed at you and would stay scarce. Taking a deep breath to dampen your sobs for a few moments, you unlocked the front door and opened it as quietly as you could. No paranormal force on the other side opened it for you this time. Hyesoo’s light snores could be heard from the living room, but other than the sleeping aide, the house was eerily silent. You locked up behind you and started up the stairs, but couldn’t even bring yourself to make it all the way to your room. You all but collapsed at the top step, letting your tears stream freely again as you cried quietly into your hands, hunched over your knees.
That was a fucking disaster.
“Y/N?”
You opened your eyes back up at the soft, familiar voice. Jisung was at the bottom of the stairs, hands in the pockets of his cardigan.
“Oh, Jisung, hey.” You didn’t bother wiping your tears this time as you greeted him. He hesitantly shifted his weight from one foot to another. You patted the spot next to you for him. “Déjà vu, huh?”
He sat down next to you on the top step, deep frown on his features. “What happened?”
“Ugh, guy was an asshole,” you sniffed. “Like, I thought he was really nice and everything, but as soon as he realized I wasn’t going home with him, he turned into a jerk.”
“He didn’t…”
“No, he just said a bunch of rude stuff. Called me a bitch, a whore who was just using him for his money or whatever.”
“Y/N—”
“All that, I didn’t really care about,” you admitted, curling your hands into fists and digging your nails into your palms as his words came back to you. “It was what he said about my mom that really pissed me off. Essentially said I should just put her up in a home and get on with my life. I about threw a punch in the middle of the restaurant.”
Jisung let out a light chuckle at that, but the humor in his features didn’t last long. He scooted closer to you, tentatively wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “I’m sorry it didn’t go well for you.”
You shrugged, leaning against him and resting your head on his shoulder. “I don’t know what I expected, really. He was Seohyuk’s friend, of course he was going to be an asshole.”
Jisung wasn’t warm, but you found his cool embrace comforting enough, the steady pressure of his arm encircling you, his sturdy body supporting you as he let you lean against him.
“I’m sorry, for getting upset at you earlier,” he apologized quietly. “You didn’t have to tell me where you were going, and I shouldn’t have reacted like that.”
“I wasn’t being very fair either,” you replied. “I’m sorry too.”
“But… Why did you go out with that guy? I mean, if he had been nice, would you have… Would he…” Jisung stopped, apparently frustrated at not knowing how to phrase what he wanted to ask. “Why not me? I know that sounds so pathetic, but that’s all I wanted to ask you before.”
You squeezed your eyes shut tighter, biting your bottom lip against the emotions rushing up in your chest at his words. “Jisung…”
“I’m not… imagining all this, right? I mean, there’s something here, Y/N. A-A connection.”
“What kind of relationship can you even have with a ghost?” You asked sadly.
“Maybe the kind you need now.” He grabbed one of your hands, holding it tightly in your laps between you.
“I’m going to get older, Jisung,” you reminded him calmly, despite each word piercing your chest like a knife. “Not to mention—I won’t be here forever. Like, in this house. I don’t own it. I’ll have to leave once she… I’ll have to go. I can’t stay here.”
“Does everything worthwhile in life have to last forever?” He murmured, his voice practically begging now. “Tell me you didn’t think about me while you were on that date…”
Your breath hitched in your throat. “I can’t…”
“You did? Think about me?”
“The whole time,” you admitted. “Even when it was going okay, I was thinking about you.”
“Y/N…”
You looked up from your entwined hands, realizing that you were gripping onto him maybe even harder than he was you. Meeting his dark gaze, you blinked away a few more stray tears.
You finally let out a shaky breath and nodded. “Until it’s over, you and me.”
A smile overtook his features as he rested his forehead against yours. Readjusting your hand to cover the back of his, you moved his index finger to his chest, tracing an X over his heart. Your ghost watched your movements fondly, echoing, “Until it’s over, you and me.”
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“Do you have anything left here that’s yours? Hair in a locket under a floorboard or something?” You questioned, looking around your room.
“What? No,” Jisung scoffed.
“Figured I’d ask.”
The two of you were brainstorming. Jisung really wanted to be able to go somewhere out of the house with you, but the best ideas you had of course came from popular ghost media.
“Your stepdad kept a lot of the original house fixtures when he bought it. Maybe one of those,” your ghost suggested.
“I’m not carrying a faucet around in my purse,” you replied frankly. “Not to mention, I’m not allowed to damage the house while I live here. My stepbrothers could sue me for anything that’s not exactly how it was when Hyukjun left it.”
“What about…” Jisung walked through the closed door, and you could hear the squeak of the stairs as he went down them. A few moments later, he went back up them, then came through the door again. He held out something in his closed fist towards you.
You stretched out your hand palm-up, and he opened up his fingers to drop a small piece of metal into it. It had some weight to it, and you turned it over in your hand to get a better look at it. It looked like a knob to a cabinet or drawer, in the shape of an eight-pointed starburst. It wasn’t familiar to you at all, it didn’t look like he had taken it off any place in the house that you could tell.
You looked up at him with a furrowed brow. “Where…?”
“It’s one of the original knobs that was on the cabinets in the kitchen,” he explained. “Your stepdad’s first wife wanted them all replaced when she moved in. He put them in a box in the laundry room closet and they haven’t been touched since. I doubt your stepbrothers even know about them. She probably thought he got rid of them.”
“These were on the cabinets when you lived here?”
“Yep.”
You pocketed the cabinet knob. “Can’t hurt to try.”
Once you’d given your mom and Nayoung your goodbyes, you headed for the front door. Jisung was right behind you, looking positively giddy as he watched you put your shoes on.
Patting your pocket again to reassure yourself that the cabinet knob was in there, you stepped down from the porch and onto the walkway. After nodding politely to a jogger going by, you looked around hesitantly at the empty space on either side of you.
“Jisung?” You said quietly.
“I’m here.” He appeared next to you, beaming down at you. “I’m here.”
The two of you had never gone past the porch swing, not even down to the flowerbeds you had continued to tend to. You grabbed his arm to pull him down with you as you squatted in front of the snapdragons that had just come back into bloom. Pride and bittersweet nostalgia welled up in your chest as you looked at the flowers that used to be Hyukjun’s hobby.
“Do you know the secret with these?” You asked Jisung.
“No?” He replied, tilting his head.
You reached out to gently squeeze the sides of a pink flower, making the dragon’s “mouth” open and close. “You can make their mouths open and shut.”
Jisung watched you fondly, then tried it on another bloom. He giggled. “That’s kind of fun, actually.”
Standing back up, you continued to the end of the house’s short walkway, stopping on the sidewalk.
“This is the furthest I’ve been in… a while,” he said, eyes shining.
“We’re still in the lay lines of the property…” You kept your hopes guarded. “I don’t want to call it a success yet.”
Walking down the sidewalk, you kept your eye on Jisung the further you got from the house, waiting for him to hit some invisible barrier and disappear entirely, or at least flicker or something else to indicate that he was losing his connection to the house. But he looked… normal. Fine.
When you were a full three blocks away from the house, Jisung grabbed your hand, lacing his fingers with yours.
“Would you stop looking at me like I’m going to die again?” He joked.
“Sorry, sorry,” you sighed. “I just… can’t believe it. How do you feel?”
“Fine. Great!” He grinned.
You'd never seen Jisung in direct sunlight before, only ever the lights of the house, sunbeams that filtered in through curtains and windows, or moonlight at night. You were surprised at how… normal he looked. His skin had a lifelike rosy tint to it in places, his hair shone and reflected a dark brown at some angles, and he didn’t have any sort of ghostly pallor to him. The only thing that didn’t change were his eyes, still as dark and enrapturing as ever, his pupils melting into his irises.
“So where are we going?” He asked, swinging your linked hands.
“You’ll see.” You squeezed his hand before letting it go, hearing the sounds of other people around the corner that you were about to turn.
The destination you had in mind wasn’t very far, which was good, because your shoulder was getting tired carrying your tote bag. Veering off the sidewalk at a seemingly random place, you walked through a gap between two bushes. Jisung followed you diligently, keeping whatever questions he had to himself. The path underfoot was overgrown with grass and clover, only a path to a keen observer, or those who already knew it was there.
Finally, you ducked around a large tree and emerged at a clearing in front of a small pond. Jisung looked around in wonder as you proudly put your hands on your hips.
“Hyukjun and I came out here a couple times, when he and my mom first got together,” you explained. “Bonding stuff. I’m happy I remembered where it was.”
“I think…” Jisung slowly turned around in a circle, still taking it all in. “I think my friends and I used to swim here in the summer. And when the pond would freeze in the winter, we’d skate…”
He walked over to the largest tree nearby, fingers tracing over the bark that had endless initials carved in it, until he squatted down by the base. “Yeah. I didn’t recognize the streets when we were walking over here, but…”
You joined him by the tree, watching as he pointed out a cluster of initials, seven in total, ending on PJS. “There you all are,” you said quietly. “I didn’t even know this was here.”
“They’re probably all old men now,” Jisung chuckled, a laugh that you could tell was forced.
You reached for his hand, holding it with both of yours. “It’s okay to be sad that you didn’t get to grow old with your best friends, Jisung. I know you’re the one that passed away, but have you mourned them yet? All your friends and family that you didn’t get to see grow old?”
“Damn it.” He shook his head. “I didn’t want to make you all sad on our first real date.”
“I’m dating a ghost,” you pointed out, running your thumb over the back of his hand. “I think a little doom and gloom comes with the territory.”
“To answer your question, I haven’t thought about it like that,” he sighed. “I always felt bad that I left them, that they had to mourn me. But I never… grieved the fact that I lost them too.”
“I don’t want to make you sad on our date, either,” you panicked a little at the shadow that had fallen over his features, moving to wrap an arm around his shoulders and hug him. “I’m sorry!”
Jisung laughed a real laugh this time, hugging you back. “It’s okay, Y/N. It’s better than feeling guilty for something I had no control over.”
“Well, that’s true.”
“I honestly hadn’t even thought about coming here with them in so long… Really, it’s nice to remember them all again.”
You let go of him to reach into your tote, pulling out the large picnic blanket you’d brought with you. “How about instead of the both of us making each other sad, you tell me a bunch of fun stories about your friends while I enjoy the picnic food I packed?”
He pecked your forehead, taking the blanket from your hand. “Deal.”
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The pond had become one of yours and Jisung’s favorite spots to go when you could find time between work and your mom. The two of you could get out of the house together without risking you getting some very strange looks in public. Sometimes you brought a picnic, sometimes books or a crossword puzzle or deck of cards or just laid on your blanket and tried to find shapes in the clouds. Every so often, you’d get someone coming by walking their dog, or a gaggle of kids cutting through from one of their backyards to another, but nobody ever paid you much more attention past a ‘hello’ or ‘lovely afternoon, isn’t it?’
After submitting a big project at work, you finally had some free time again. As long as your mom was having a good day today. She’d been more sensitive to you leaving the house lately on her bad days, and while the aides promised that she always calmed down eventually, you hated causing her so much stress if it was avoidable—errands were one thing, but a date with your ghost boyfriend that already haunted your residence could take a raincheck.
You looked in the living room first, then the dining area and kitchen, and frowned thoughtfully when you couldn’t find your mother and Nayoung. Turning around, you were greeted by Jisung, who pointed to the backyard knowingly.
“They’re in the back drinking lemonade,” he informed you. “She’s having a good day.”
“Oh, good. Thanks, Jisung,” you let out a breath of relief, giving him a kiss on the cheek as you passed by on your way back into the living room.
Opening up the door that led onto the back porch, you immediately spotted your mom and Nayoung sitting beside each other on two rocking chairs, a pitcher of lemonade between them as they overlooked the small backyard. Their conversation stopped when they heard the door open, both of them turning to look at you over their sunglasses.
You held your hands up defensively. “Woah, I feel like I just interrupted something…”
“Yes, you can go, sweetie,” your mom said knowingly.
“What?”
“You finished your work and are checking on me to see if you can go out.” She took a sip of her lemonade, pushing her sunglasses back up and settling back into her chair again. “I’m telling you I’m fine, and you can go.”
“Nayoung?” You turned to the aide. “Everything okay—?”
“We’re fine, Y/N!” Nayoung waved you off with a smile. “Really!”
“Alright, alright.” You surrendered, backing up towards the door again. “I’ll be back before Hyesoo gets here.”
“What day is it, Nayoung?” Your mom asked.
“Wednesday.”
“You know, my memory isn’t the best, remind me, when does Hyesoo stay the night?”
“Mondays and Wednesdays.”
“Hm.” Your mom tsked. “Interesting…”
Nayoung didn’t add anything further, but giggled as she took another sip of her lemonade.
“You two are nuisances,” you scoffed and shook your head, finally heading back inside.
You beelined for your bedroom, finding your ghost already sitting on your bed clearly waiting for you.
“Oh yeah, she’s having a great day,” you snorted in lieu of a greeting, grabbing your usual tote bag. “That new medication her doctor put her on is doing wonders. I might have to have him cut her off.”
“I think she’s a lot of fun,” Jisung snickered. “Earlier, when you were on that work call, she was telling Nayoung about your third-grade science fair—”
“Ahh!” You cut him off by planting two hands over his mouth, eyes going wide with mortification. “Of all the things she remembers, that’s what sticks around?! Are you kidding?”
His shoulders were shaking as he let out muffled laughter behind your hands, and he eventually collapsed backwards onto your bed. Your hands dropped from his face as you stayed upright, allowing his laughs to echo freely in your room.
“If you’re going to keep making fun of me, we’re not going out.” You crossed your arms. “I’ll bury your cabinet knobs in the backyard, and your soul will really be stuck here forever.”
“You’ve got to stop being so cute when you pout, and I’ll stop teasing you.” He was still chuckling as he sat up and reached for you with two hands. With an eyeroll, you let him pull you into his lap and wrap his arms around your waist.
“This isn’t fair, I can’t find out embarrassing stuff about you unless you tell me,” you huffed, well aware you that you were still pouting.
“I always answer your questions. You just don’t ask me that stuff.”
“Well now I will.”
“Anything else you need to pout about?”
You let out a deep breath, your face relaxing a little bit. “No. Done for now I think.”
He cupped your cheek, leaning in to press his mouth to yours. Like everything else, Jisung’s lips were cool as they meshed with yours. Not uncomfortably so, he wasn’t quite an icicle, just unlike any human you’d kissed before. You put your hand over his on your cheek, remembering when even that used to be a far-away impossibility.
You left him with one more kiss on the tip of his nose before asking, “Are you ready to go? Mom and Nayoung gave me the okay.”
He started playing with your fingers, eyes focused downwards as he spoke. “I actually wanted to ask if we could maybe go somewhere else today?”
“Sure. Where were you thinking?”
“I don’t want to be a bummer or anything but…”
“What is it?”
His throat bobbed up and down as he swallowed. “You wrote down the cemetery, right? When you went to library and looked up the genealogies and stuff about me. You said you wrote down where my parents buried me?”
“Yeah, I still have it,” you confirmed, cradling the back of his head as you patiently waited for him to finish asking what you knew he wanted to ask you.
It took him a few inhales and exhales to ask, “Can we go?”
“Of course.”
This was officially the furthest you and Jisung had gone from the house together. He’d gone with you on errands a couple times before—the post office, library, things within walking distance—but you had to get on a train for this. You were a little nervous that he might not be able to go this far, even with the cabinet knob safely tied onto a leather cord and tucked under your shirt. So far, the only limit you’d discovered to his leaving the house was time—six hours or so seemed to be the magic number. You’d found that out on a particularly lazy day, when you were looking up at clouds together and suddenly his lap disappeared from beneath your head. He’d apparently popped back up in the foyer with the first headache he’d experienced in decades. Since then, you’d been more careful to keep an eye on the time when you brought him with you.
But he sat comfortably through the whole ten-minute train ride at your side as if he were any other passenger. The car that you were in wasn’t full, meaning that you had a row to yourself, leaving an empty seat next to you for Jisung. After arriving at your stop, you had another five-minute walk until you finally arrived at the cemetery.
“This is where my parents are from,” Jisung stated as you passed under the metal archway at the entrance. “That’s probably why they didn’t choose somewhere back in town.”
A winding path went through the center of the land, smaller pathways breaking off into other areas. It was a big cemetery, gently rolling hills dotted with headstones, grave markers, elegantly carved statues, all sorts of tributes to loved ones. The two of you took a meandering pace, eyes scanning all the names for just one. You looked around the property warily, now extra aware of being a public nuisance somewhere so sacred. You especially didn’t want to risk disturbing any mourners who might be here. But you couldn’t spot anybody except yourself and Jisung, maybe because it was the middle of the day in the middle of the work week.
“There,” Jisung announced, his gaze locked on something in the distance, while you had been looking at markers much closer. He grabbed your hand and pulled you with him as he rushed across the cemetery.
You stopped in front of a simply shaped granite headstone with a carved border. The name at the top read ‘PARK JISUNG’ and under it, a birthdate and death date that were familiar to you. It was the epitaph that was new to you, however.
‘THERE WILL ALWAYS BE LOVE
CROSS OUR HEARTS’
Jisung reached a finger out, tracing over each letter in ‘LOVE.’ He said, “I always wanted to know what they wrote. What they said about me. How they wanted to remember me forever.”
“It’s lovely. They love you a lot,” you replied quietly, resting a hand on his back.
He looked over at you hopefully. “You’re talking in present tense. Are they…?”
“The records I looked at didn’t list them as deceased when I was looking for information about you, but I don’t know how often it’s updated,” you informed him. “I didn’t look any further into them, I was only trying to find out what happened to you.”
“Do you think two more headstones could fit there?” He gestured to the empty space beside his own.
You took the seemingly random question in stride, genuinely contemplating it. “Probably, yeah. Or one big one would fit better, like the couples that get buried together.”
Jisung had a satisfied smile on his face as he nodded. “Yeah, one big one. That’s it.”
It dawned on you then what he was thinking—his parents had most likely reserved the plot next to his for themselves once they passed, and since it was still empty, they were still alive.
“Thank you.” He took your hand, lacing your fingers together. “For coming out here with me. This must be the weirdest date you’ve been on.”
“Visiting my boyfriend’s own grave with him?” You tilted your head back and forth contemplatively, a teasing lilt in your tone. “Mm, yeah, definitely up there. But I’m glad that you wanted to do this with me, Jisung. I can’t imagine what this feels like for you.”
“I’m ready to go,” he declared, looking up at the blue sky above you. “It’s such a nice day, isn’t it?”
“It is,” you agreed, fondly admiring his little one-eyed squint against the sunlight.
Back home that night, you shook one of your sleeping meds from the bottle, setting it down on your nightstand as you went about getting ready for bed. Your ghost was already sat against the headboard, his legs covered by your blankets, hands folded over the book in his lap as he waited for you. Finally ready, you knocked back the tablet with a gulp of water and climbed under your covers. Jisung rested one hand on your head, thumb stroking over your forehead, but after an abnormally long period of silence, you opened one eye to peer up at him.
He was just gazing down at you tenderly, and you fought the instinct to cover your face, instead reaching over to tap the cover of his closed book.
“Aren’t you supposed to be doing something?” You complained in jest.
“Sorry, I was just thinking,” he responded, still not moving to open the book.
“What about?”
“My epitaph. ‘There will always be love.’”
“It’s nice.” You bit back a yawn.
“Yeah. I was thinking about how they probably meant it like their love for me will persist, and proof that I was here and was loved and loved others when I was alive will persist.”
“I like that, Jisung. I think that’s what they meant.”
“And… there was no way they could’ve known this when they picked it, but I was thinking…” Your ghost paused, dark eyes enrapturing you in that moment that you didn’t even think about breathing. “About how even after I died, you somehow found me.”
You grabbed the book from his lap, reaching behind you to blindly put it on your nightstand. Jisung immediately understood, turning his lamp off and leaving the room in darkness as he slipped the rest of the way under the covers. You buried your face in his neck, tangling your fingers in the hair at the back of his head as you simultaneously pressed yourself into him and pulled him as close as possible. He wrapped his arms around you tightly, digging his fingers into you hard enough to make you feel real, which you were glad for.
“I’m going to bring you with me,” you choked out past the tears rising in your eyes. “When it’s time for me to leave. I’ll bring all the cabinet knobs, a chunk of the foundation, whatever will make it work. Fuck my stepbrothers—I’ll pay whatever damages. If you want—”
“Of course I do.” He didn’t even let you finish that thought, and you could hear the tremble in his voice. “But we’ve never been able to get around the time…”
“I’ll figure it out for us, Jisung.” You pulled back just enough to show him as you drew an X over the left side of your chest. “Cross my heart.”
He took your hand from your heart, kissing the back of your fingers tenderly. “We knew it was going to be like this. We promised.”
“We said ‘until it’s over,’” you argued. “I don’t want it to be over yet.”
“It’s not,” he agreed. “But I don’t think it’ll be our choice when it is. Not everything worthwhile has to last forever.”
“Jisung—”
“We’ll try everything,” he assured you, squeezing your hand. “I’m not giving up on you, Y/N. You and me, until you hand the keys over and close the front door behind you.”
“You’ll be coming with me when I do that, Park Jisung,” you declared, your voice cracking over his name.
He wrapped both arms around you again, tucking you under his chin. “Of course.”
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⤷ sequel | masterlist
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softhairedhotch · 1 year ago
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AHHHH FIRST FIC OF COMFORTEMBER YEAHHHH >:D comfortember day one: safe aaron hotchner x gender neutral reader after having a rough night out, you call aaron and he rushes to find you immediately. he fixes you up and the two of you finally admit how you feel about each other. word count: 1.5k warnings/content: mentions of fighting and alcohol but mostly fluff.
comfortember masterlist here! also on ao3 <3
you make me feel safe
Aaron wakes up to the sound of his phone ringing beside him. It gets to the fourth or fifth ring by the time he grabs it and anxiety bubbles low in his gut when he realises it’s you calling at almost three in the morning. Answering the phone, he immediately asks, “Is everything alright?”
“No.”
He’s up and out of bed instantly, throwing on the first shirt he finds and the closest shoes to the bed. “Tell me where you are.”
“I’m at, uh, I don’t, I’m… somewhere. My mind is all over the place.”
Aaron’s heart hammers widely in his chest. “Somewhere? Can you look around for me and see if you recognise something? Anything?”
“Okay,” you reply, voice shaky. After a few moments, you clear your throat. “I’m outside the bar we all went to a few weeks ago.”
“The Tipsy Ship? The one closest to work?” 
“Y-yeah, yeah.”
Aaron grabs his keys and runs out of his house, not even thinking about locking the door as he runs toward his car. Jack is sleeping over at JJ's; the house will be fine unattended for now. “I’m on my way. Are you hurt?”
“I think so.”
“You think–” Aaron stops to take a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose for a moment before shoving his phone into its holder and slamming his car door shut. “Don’t worry, I’m on my way.”
“Can you stay on the line with me?”
“Of course.”
***
When Aaron reaches the bar, his heart breaks at the sight of you standing alone outside. He tenses up once he notices that, not only are you alone, but dry blood covers your face, there’s a large bruise forming on your cheek, and the knuckles of your dominant hand are cracked and bloody. “God,” he mutters, running straight for you and grabbing you by the shoulders. He can smell an overpowering scent of alcohol on you and he winces. “What happened? Where’s the bastard that did this to you?”
You point toward an ambulance down the road. “The coward freaked out when I punched him back and thought he needed medical attention. Most they’re gonna diagnose him with is Dumbassery and Stupid Prick Disease.” You look back at Aaron and weakly smile. “And maybe a concussion.”
Aaron can’t help it, he laughs. “At least you haven't lost your sense of humour. But let's get you home and cleaned up, alright?” 
“Can I go to yours? I don’t really wanna be alone right now.”
He smiles. “Of course you can.”
***
Aaron holds a wet cloth to your face, reaching out to grab your chin between his fingers gently when you flinch away. “Sorry, sorry.”
“It’s cold, is all.”
“Sorry,” he repeats, gently dabbing away the dried blood under your nose and the corner of your lips. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”
“I got into a fight.”
“I can see that.”
You shrug, stumbling on your feet at the movement. Aaron gently grabs you by your elbow and shuffles you toward the kitchen counter so that you’re leaning against it for support. Once you’re stable, he begins to dab the other side of the cloth over your knuckles. “It was stupid, really.”
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“I know,” you sigh. It’s quiet for a few moments as you watch Aaron continue to clean up the blood. “He… the guy who punched me… I was on a date with him.” Aaron tenses. “And he kept buying me drinks and told me I had to drink them. I did because, well, free drinks, y’know?” You sigh and shake your head again, letting out a groan when it results in pain. “So stupid of me.”
“Hey, none of that. You’re not stupid.”
“Whatever you say. Anyway, I think he was trying to make sure I was drunk enough so that he could take me home without much complaint. I don’t know. I refused because I really wasn’t in the, uh, mood, and the night was a bust anyway, and he started… tryna touch me, grab me and all that, his hands were everywhere and I didn’t want them to be and…” You stop to take a few deep breaths, feeling sick at the thought of what could have happened. Aaron feels anger rip through his veins. “Anyway, he ended up punching me and I guess he wasn’t expecting me to punch back.”
Aaron grits his teeth. "Twice as hard, yeah?" 
"Twice as hard," you grin. 
“Good. That’s what I expect to hear.”
You tilt your head at him, trying to read his expression. “You’re not mad at me?”
Confused, his eyes meet yours. “Why would I be mad at you?”
“I don’t know,” you shrug, watching as his large hand moves over yours, his thumb gently sweeping over your skin. “I woke you up.”
“You woke– You– That’s what you’re worried about?” He gives you a fond look. “Yes, you woke me up. But I’m glad you did. Thank you for calling me. And for trusting me to help you.”
“I don’t think I trust anyone more than I trust you.”
Aaron’s hand stills as the words sink in. When he looks up at you, he notices that you’re staring at him with so much love that his breath catches in his throat. He hasn’t been looked at like that in… he can’t even remember. But when he thinks about it, eyes never leaving yours as you blink innocently at him, not understanding his revelation at that moment, he realises it’s the way you’ve always looked at him. With complete and utter adoration. 
As if he hung the moon and the stars.
“Oh,” is all he can get out.
“Oh?” 
“Yeah. Oh.”
Your face falls and he feels guilt grow deep in his gut. “You don’t trust me back?”
“What? I never said that.” He steps closer, moving a hand to your shoulder and looking into your eyes. “Of course I trust you. More than most people. More than anyone else, really.”
“Really?”
His eyes search yours and he nods firmly, squeezing your shoulder. “Really.”
You look all over his face before looking down at his lips, licking your own as your mouth immediately goes dry. “I didn't want… I… I didn't go home with that guy because of, uh, well, you. I couldn’t stop thinking of you... when I was with him.”
Aaron hums as his gaze drops to your lips. “That’s why I don’t go on dates.”
“Hm?”
“Because I can’t stop thinking about you either.” He inches closer, moving a warm hand up to cup your cheek. “Can I kiss y–"
“Yea–"
And your lips are pressed together before either of you can finish. The kiss is soft, sweet, gentle, and full of so much raw emotion that it’s almost suffocating (in the best way). Aaron moves his lips against yours desperately, holding your face in his large calloused hands as if you might break at any moment, and you wrap your arms around his neck to pull him closer. The moment your tongue brushes against his bottom lip, though, he pulls back with a heavy sigh. “Shit, you’re drunk. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, it’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I’m totally taking advantage of you and–”
“Aaron.”
“I should know better and–”
“Aaron!”
“You should feel safe here–”
You press your lips against his again, effectively shutting him up. It’s a much shorter kiss this time, but not any less enjoyable. “I do feel safe, Aaron. Here, with you.”
“You do?”
“Of course. You make me feel safe; you always have.”
He visibly relaxes and pulls you into a hug. “So have you.” He sighs against you, resting his forehead against your shoulder. “I like being with you.”
“I like being with you too, Aaron.”
He smiles against you and holds you for a moment more before pulling back, hands still wrapped around you. His heart breaks at the sight of the dark bruise forming on your face and he leans forward to press a tender kiss against the skin, careful not to hurt you in any way. “I wonder how long we’ve liked each other.”
“I fell in love with you the moment I saw you, I think.” 
Aaron’s breath hitches at the admission. “You’re in love with me?”
You tilt your head at him, fighting back a smile. “Did I not make that obvious enough?”
“I… didn’t want to get my hopes up.”
“Well, get them up, Hotchner, because I’m in love with you, and I’m not going anywhere.”
Aaron’s face softens and he presses a kiss to your cheek, sighing in relief. “I’m in love with you, too.” He runs his hands lovingly over your back. “Now let’s get you changed into some comfortable clothes and into bed, yeah? It seems like we have a lot to talk about tomorrow.”
“Can I sleep in your bed with you?” 
He presses another kiss to your cheek. “There’s no other place I’d rather you be, sweetheart.”
tag list: @criminalskies @ssahotchnerr @hotchs-big-hands @citrusiove @sillyhotchsgirl
lemme know if you wanna be tagged in future fics
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earl-grey-teacake · 1 month ago
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The Heart Remembers- Baby!Loscar AU WIP
It’s been so long since I have written a fic for Baby!Loscar and this is one I fully intend to get out in the next week or two. So enjoy and let me know what you think
****************
Retrograde amnesia: The inability to access memories previous to a traumatic brain injury
That’s what the doctors at the hospital told him as he sat in the hospital bed. However, George couldn’t think of a single thing in his life he might have forgotten. He was an F1 driver. He drove for Mercedes. He lives in Monaco. What else was in his life?
He had thought it was an elaborate prank until he realized that even Alex would not go so far with his pranks, nor have the ability to drag doctors and medical professionals into it. Alex, seemed the most shaken up about the whole ordeal. They were still friends after all their years racing together, he made sure to confirm that when Alex came rushing in. It seems they had even gone as far as to get matching rings, no doubt a cheap thing, an inside joke he must have forgotten about. They might have gotten it to spite the FIA and whatever strange ban they were trying to implement.
Then there was the little, blonde haired boy that Alex had come running in with when he had first woken in. The kid had run up to him shouting “daddy” and given him a hug. He thought it was a joke, a kid Alex had bribed to play a joke on his amnesiac friend.
“I’m not your dad. I’m not even married.” He had replied laughing as the color drained out of Alex’s face.
After an hour of tests and questions and poking and prodding, they diagnosed him with retrograde amnesia. Apparently, he had forgotten major milestones of the last five years. He forgot he was married to Alex, that they even got married and had a wedding in the first place. He also forgot he had a child, a son that Alex said was named Logan.
He didn’t even see the child since that incident in the hospital. “He’s on summer break and so are we. However, he still had karting so Max has been taking him to practice.”
“Oh, is he good?” George asked. Alex hasn’t smiled much since he’s been in the hospital which made George’s heart feel a certain way, but he always smiled when talking about his kid.
“Yeah, really good.” Alex smiled, clearly hoping that George’s asking must be a sign. “Max says he has strong pace.”
“Is Max hard on him?” George was very familiar with Jos’s treatment.
“No, nothing like that. Max is a big softie when it comes to Logan, he can’t bring himself to yell at Logan. Not that anyone else would even let him.” George smiled a bit, it’s good the kid had kind adults supporting him.
“Would you like to go see him race?” Alex asked.
“Uhm,” George paused. “I’m not sure. I don’t think I can provide anymore advice than what Max and the others are giving.”
Alex stared at him wide eyed before something in him seemed to retreat back, and he started to play with his ring. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Lewis, Nico Rosberg, and Jenson are all at the track today to cheer Logan on. It would be pretty crowded.”
Alex kindly left out the fact that Logan had cried the whole week for George, talking about how his dad had promised to go see him race today. But George wasn’t cleared to leave the hospital yet, that his brain needed to get acclimated to the info of having a husband and kid and that he was missing memories of all 4 years of his kid’s life. Alex wanted so desperately to tell George about how Logan was such a kind and gentle kid. How he begged Alex to “stay with Dad, he might be lonely” and that he wasn’t disappointed because Uncle Max and Uncle Uncle Charles and Uncle Carlos and Uncle Lando, and Oscar would come out to cheer him on. That he’ll be okay since Uncle Lewis, Uncle Nico, and Uncle Jenson would be coming by to see him race and they rarely get the chance to see him race.
**********
I hope you liked it! Let me know what you think ❤️
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alluringlight · 2 months ago
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Seth Lowell x (GN) Reader
NSFW, 18+ only
Warnings: rut themes/rut cycles, feral/rough sex, biting/mentions of blood, dom!Seth, sub!Reader, pre-established relationship, knotting-adjacent shenanigans as in it isn't knotting but thanks to his biology you get stuck together, mentions of overstimulation, slight praise, there's like one mention of breeding, no usage of [Y/N] or [Name] just 'you'
Word Count: 2941
Seth had been avoiding you recently. You hadn’t noticed at first, with how busy you both are, but when you actually thought about the last time you’d seen your boyfriend it had been almost a week. Albeit not that long of a time, but you lived together. 
You assumed it’d just been his work, the life of a Pub Sec officer could be pretty time consuming, and there have been stretches of time where you didn’t see each other much with him going in early or staying late enough he’d have to sleep at the precinct dorms, not to mention your own work keeping you busy. But this seemed more deliberate, he’d been sleeping at the dorms the past few days without returning home, which he normally would talk to you about if he had to sleep there for more than a night or two. 
The sound of your phone startled you, but you quickly checked the notification, hoping to see something from Seth. Instead, you have a message from Captain Zhu Yuan, asking you to pick Seth up from the office immediately. 
Anxiety swelled in your gut, as you messaged her back saying you were on your way. You knew Zhu Yuan would probably not want to tell you if he was injured over messaging, and you wanted to get to him as soon as possible if it was so serious that she messaged you herself. 
You tried to stop your spiraling thoughts (he must be unconscious if he couldn’t message himself), and instead focused on driving over without going over the speed limit (he’d feel awful if you got a ticket because you were worried about him). 
Walking into the precinct, upon seeing her you immediately ran to Qingyi. “Is Seth okay?” You asked, breath stuttering as you tried to calm yourself. 
She sighed, “He’s fine. I’d diagnose him as an idiot, but he’s fine.” 
“H-huh? I thought something happened, it sounded urgent.” 
She nodded in the direction of the employee break room. “Just go in there and you’ll see what I mean.” 
As you opened the door, you could hear Zhu Yuan scolding someone. “Doing things like this is detrimental to everyone here. You should have requested leave. You know better than this, honestly Seth.” 
Fully stepping into the room, you could see Seth sat at a couch, Zhu Yuan standing over him, her arms crossed. He looked haggard but unhurt, maybe he had a fever? His skin was red, and sweat dripped down his forehead. He seemed uncomfortable, shifting every few seconds or pulling at his vest and collar. 
“Um? Is everything okay?” You asked, causing both of them to snap towards you. 
“Please take him home. He has the next week off. While he’s on leave, please talk some sense into him.” Zhu Yuan said, shooting one last glance towards Seth before she made her way to the door. She squeezed your shoulder. “It’s nice to see you.” 
Once she shut the door behind her, you took a step towards him. A growl rumbled through him, surprising you, and him it seemed. His hand shot to his throat as he gasped. “Ah, sorry. I’m sorry.” 
Cautiously, you continued your pursuit, until you were right next to him. “Are you okay?” You had an inkling of what was happening, but you felt it’d be best to make sure. 
“Y-yeah.” Seth’s voice cracked, and he avoided your gaze. “I- sorry. I’m sorry.” His arms wrapped around your waist, and he buried his face into your stomach. One of your hands grasped onto the back of his head, running your fingers softly through his hair. You could hear his ragged breaths, and he seemed intent on sniffing you so you let him be until he felt like speaking. “I didn’t know how to bring it up, so I hid at work.” He started rambling, voice muffled as his face was still pressed into your stomach. “Which just made it worse, ‘cause then my rut started at work today. And I feel sick, but all I can think about right now is-” He cut himself off, immediately letting you go and standing up, brushing past you towards the door. “Sorry. We can, um, we can go home now.” 
“You started your rut today?” You asked, hand reaching out to grasp his arm. “Hey, it’s okay, look at me, love.” 
He turned to face you, and you could see his eyes watering. “I know it’s weird, but I didn’t know what to do I thought I had more time to figure something out, but the stress probably made it start early-” 
You cut him off with a kiss, pressing your lips to his for a chaste moment, before pulling him into a hug, tugging him down so his face rested in the crook of your neck. “It’s not weird, okay? Let’s get home first and we can talk about what you want to do.” His arms wrapped around you, squeezing you for a long moment before he pulled away, his hands lingering a moment longer than normal. 
The drive home was silent, the only sound the puffs of breath Seth was letting out, as he seemed to settle into the rut further. 
When you got into the house, he pulled you into him before pressing you against the front door. You could feel his breath as he smelled the back of your neck, and you shuddered as you felt his tongue lap at the flesh. 
“You smell so good,” he mumbled. He pushed further into you, until you could feel his erection, hard and heavy against you. After a long few moments, in which you could feel your own mind starting to cloud over with arousal just from him pressing into you, whatever daze he was in broke as he pulled away from you lightning quick. “Ah! Sorry!” His hands pressed together in an apologetic gesture as he squeezed his eyes closed, his ears pressed flat to his head. 
“Seth, it’s okay,” you said. His eyes opened, his hands falling to his sides as his head tilted in confusion, one of his ears twitching. “I’m not mad at you or anything. I wished you’d told me earlier, but it’s okay I get it. Do you want help?” 
Red crawled down his neck as he became embarrassed. “I-I mean yes, but I’m also scared.” 
“Of?” you prompted. 
He sighed, “Of hurting you. I don’t have good control when in this, um, state.” His eyes flickered away, and you could tell he felt flustered talking about the subject so blatantly. “And with my…unique anatomy,” His face flamed as he carefully chose his words, and you had to suppress a laugh. He looked so cute when he was feeling a little shy or embarrassed. He was just so stupidly earnest it drove you a little crazy. “I could easily hurt you.” He finally looked you in the eyes again, grasping your hands in his. “And I don’t want that. I don’t want to hurt you, especially not because of some stupid biological problem.” 
You squeezed his hands, giving him a bright smile. “Seth, I love you and I want to help. If you don’t want me to, or you aren’t ready to spend a rut with someone I can pack a bag and stay with a friend. But I do want to help, if you’d want the same.” 
“Then, thank you.” 
The two of you made it to the bedroom, and made quick work of stripping off your clothes. Seth settled between your legs, intent on preparing you before he lost his rationality to the next wave of rut. 
You gasped as he lapped at your hole, everytime you did this you’d be caught off guard by how rough his tongue is. He hummed, pushing his tongue into you immediately and buried himself into your sex. 
He prodded at your hole, mindful to keep his claws retracted as he began scissoring you open. As he added another finger, his face pulled away as he mouthed at your thigh, pressing kisses into it softly. “You smell divine,” he mumbled into the skin. “Makes it harder to focus…I want you to smell like me.” He pressed another kiss into your thigh, before biting down. You yelped, mostly from the shock as the bite wasn’t that deep. Seth began purring as he lapped at the bite mark, licking away the small pinpricks of blood. You knew the mark would surely bruise. You bit your lip, holding in a whine as his fingers targeted a sensitive spot. 
You whimpered as you felt him bite down on the tender flesh of your thigh again. “That’s no good. Don’t hold in anything, wanna hear it all okay?” You nodded in assent, and he licked at the new bite mark. “Good. Sweet little thing.” You whined at the combination of his nimble fingers inside you and the praise. It made you a little weak in the knees, and had you close to cumming already with how he was abusing your weak points. 
The last push was when he pressed his tongue into you again, the muscle lapping at you, his saliva making  everything messier as you came on his fingers. He coaxed you through it, fingers curling into you, tongue still laving at you until you pushed him away as you became overly sensitive. 
He pulled himself up, slotting himself between your thighs, holding them over his hips as he stared down at you. His breathing was heavy, short puffs of air escaping his lips, and his face was pink from the heat he felt. His eyes were hazy as he looked at you, hands gripping your hips as he pushed himself closer to you. His cock was a deep red, slightly more pointed than a normal human’s, and the head had these little bump-like structures, that you knew in actuality were small barbs that would catch when he came. Seth’s cock bumped against you and he whined, lining himself up with your hole before he caught himself. “Can I?” He asked, voice strained as he waited for your approval. 
You nodded, slinging your arms around his neck to pull him closer as his cock split you open. You gasped, accidentally clenching down on him, causing him to let out a hiss before bucking his hips and sheathing himself in you in one fluid stroke. You let out a whine at the sudden stretch, and he remained still, trying to let you acclimate to his size. You could feel his hot breath on your neck as he panted, his muscles taut and tense as he waited, the last string of his rationality frayed but not yet snapped. 
“Seth, it’s okay,” you murmured, pressing a kiss to his ear. “Take what you need, baby.” 
At your words he growled, you could feel the deep vibration emanating from his chest, before he quickly snapped his hips, his cock nearly leaving you empty before he fucked himself back into you in the next moment. Your breath left you as he quickly pistoned himself in and out, focused on the heat of you around him and nothing else. 
When you finally regained the ability to take a breath in, it was quickly leaving you in short gasps, or small whimpering moans. The noises you made only served to spur Seth on further, pressing himself further into you, faster, faster, faster, until your nails were clawing into his back in an attempt to hold onto your sanity. The bite of pain caused him to let out a moan as he clawed into your waist, leaving small pinpricks of blood in the wake of his claws. 
His hands moved upwards, pawing at your chest as he slowed down enough to latch himself to your nipple. He purred as he licked and sucked, nipping it occasionally, as his other hand kneaded your other nipple. He locked eyes with you, his pupils slit as he indulged in you. One of his ears twitched, his eyes half lidded as the volume of his purring increased. He could feel you tensing around him, the onslaught of pleasure had you close to cumming once again. 
Seth pulled away from your chest, bracing a hand on the bed while the other grabbed at your hip, before he rammed into you again and again and again, faster and faster and faster, until finally, you came around him, a loud moan leaving you as you dug your nails into his back deeper. 
“Good, sweet little mate, so sensitive,” he babbled. “Need to, h-hah,” He pulled out of you, coaxing you to flip over, and put a pillow below your hips so your ass was raised up, your sex displayed before him. He shoved back in, no care for your oversensitivity that had tears pricking at your eyes. He caged you in below him, laying his weight over you, one of his arms snaking under your arm, his hand grasping the top of your shoulder so you couldn’t move away from him. “Need to breed you. Have to, you have to take it,” he said, his voice vibrating with a growl as he began to fuck into you with earnest once again. 
With the new position, you could feel him deeper than before, causing you to let out whimpering moans as he fucked you through your oversensitivity, his cock deep enough you felt like you could practically feel it in your throat as he thrust into you. His hand reached down to grab at your hip, before it settled on your ass, pulling you further into, forcing you to arch against him with nowhere to go as his body remained settled over top of you. 
You could feel his shaky breath on the back of your neck, the hot puffs of air causing the hair on the back of your neck to stand on end. You could feel his cock twitch within you, the small barbs on the head of his cock beginning to swell, each desperate thrust into you causing them to poke and prod at every sensitive spot within you. 
Despite having just cum, you could feel yourself building back up to that precipice. You could feel his claws digging into you, into your shoulder and into your ass, as his other hand had you tightly in his grasp, keeping your sex spread open for him as he thrust into you. 
Seth pressed a kiss to the back of your neck, before his rough tongue began licking at your flesh. He nipped at the skin, pressing one last kiss to the sensitive area before he growled, his jaws opening wide as he dug his fangs deep into your neck. 
You cried out, bucking against him in shocked surprise, adrenaline kickstarting your pulse, your heart thumping in your chest like a jittery rabbit. He kept his fangs locked onto your neck, growling when you jerked in his hold, clamping down onto you, his prey, making sure you knew you weren’t going anywhere. 
The sensation of blood trickling down your neck became apparent, the hot liquid trailing down until it stained the sheets beneath you. He grasped onto you tighter, his thrusts becoming impossibly more powerful, until you felt like you could feel him everywhere. You couldn’t focus on anything but his cock bucking into you, his fangs in your neck, and his claws digging painfully into your skin. 
You felt yourself reach your peak once more, clenching down and cumming on his cock. You could feel a growl building in his throat, before he shoved himself in deep, cum spurting out of him and into you. He half thrusted, trying to shove his cum as deep within you as he could, before the barbs on the head of his cock caught onto you, leaving him completely in you and unable to pull out as he kept cumming within you, the amount a little uncomfortable as it filled you up so completely. 
He finally pulled his teeth out your neck, purrs rumbling in his chest as he began licking at the wound, lapping at the blood before it began to coagulate. He kept you pinned to the bed, and you began to feel drowsy, tired after the exertion. 
Seth pushed his face into your neck, his arms wrapping around your waist as he rolled the two of you onto your sides, careful not to dislodge you and accidentally rip himself out. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt you any further. 
He pulled you flush against him, his breath returning to normal as he looked you over. “Are you okay?” he asked, voice shaky, tinged with worry as he eyed up the small wounds he’d given you. 
“Mm,” you hummed, reaching a hand back to pat at his hair, briefly rubbing his ears before pulling it back to wrap around his hands at your waist. “I’m okay, don’t worry.” 
“Are you sure?” 
You let out a tired laugh. “I’m sure. Feel full,” Between the inhuman amount of cum he let out, and his cock still snug within you, that was a bit of an understatement. “But I feel good, just tired, promise.” 
He let out a shuddery breath. “Okay. Try to rest, I’m not sure when I’ll, uh, feel the next wave, but, um, when I’m able to dislodge, I’ll clean you up.” 
“Sounds good,” you replied. You took one of his hands and raised it to your lips, kissing his knuckles, before you tucked it back around your waist. He squeezed you in response, the rumbling of his purring lulling you to sleep.
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xoxoxkisses · 5 months ago
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Hanahaki
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Muichiro x Reader Desc: the reader has hanahaki disease after experiencing one-sided love with the mist hashira. She decides to keep it a secret to not hurt her loved ones, except it hurts even worse in the end. Warnings: not proofread, angst ———————————————————————————————————— He didn’t like you back and it was slowly killing you on the inside, literally. You were diagnosed with Hanahaki Disease and it was killing you. Why can’t you just like me? You quit the corps when you found out the news. Your condition got worse day after day and it caused you to become weaker very fast. You wanted to keep it a secret, the fact you were dying. You didn’t need or want anyone’s pity. *Cough Cough*
You looked in your hands and counted three small white petals along with drops of blood. Your throat and chest burned with pain, but you were used to it. You took the petals in your hands and walked outside to the nearby stream. You liked to dump the petals into that stream because you found it calming to see them float away. ———————————————————————————————————— Your condition got worse. The petals became fully bloomed flowers. You coughed them up more frequently now, sometimes even throwing them up. Even though it hurts, it’s all for you
You had to run some errands so you went to the market. As you were picking up some fruit, you felt a familiar presence beside you. You looked over and saw Muichiro standing beside you, looking at you. “Oh, hey Muichiro.” He noticed how your voice sounded scratchy, and how pale you looked. You just looked..sick. “Hello Y/n.” He still looked as handsome as ever to you, maybe even better. You bowed to him. “It was nice to see you, but I must be going.” You paid for your fruit and began walking off. “Wait Y/n, can we talk?” You stopped and turned to him, and you shyly looked away and nodded your head. You both went to your estate. “So, what did you want to talk about?” He sighed and his usual blank stare turned into worry. “Y/n, we all know you’re sick. I just want to know what’s wrong with you.” You fiddled with your hands. “I-I don’t want to say..I kept it a secret to not worry you all.” “Y/n, your plan isn’t working you know?” You hesitated to answer him. You sighed and gave in. “I have Hanahaki Disease. I’m suffering for loving someone who doesn’t love me.” His eyes went wide. As soon as he was going to say something, you started coughing and out came multiple flowers. Muichiro recognized those flowers. They weren’t in bloom, yet he saw them in the stream a lot. As he looked back up to you, he noticed the blood coming from your mouth. “Y/n, you’re bleeding.” He took his sleeve and wiped it away. “Thanks. Since I cough so violently, it causes my throat to bleed.” Then you remembered the flowers. “Hey, can you help me dump these in the stream?” So it was you who they were coming from. “Yeah, of course.” The two of you picked up the flowers and went to the stream and dumped them. You watched as they floated away and a calm sense of serenity came over you. As you two were walking back, you broke the silence. “I don’t have much time left, maybe a month.” He looked at you with wide eyes. “What?!” You looked up and smiled at the clouds. “Just promise me you won’t tell the others.” He looked at you and nodded. ———————————————————————————————————— He came over almost everyday to check up on you. Your condition had reached its final stage. The flower roots were growing in your body. Since you could no longer move, Muichiro dumped your flowers into the stream. You were in pain, a lot of pain. It hurt to breathe, some points you couldn’t breathe. You were grateful he was there for you. Unfortunately, you knew your time was up. He hadn’t came over for a couple days since he was on a mission, but you wanted him at your side. You felt a pain in your lungs, and that’s when you realized the roots had pierced them. You couldn’t breathe anymore, and you accepted your fate, that you were about to die. Muichiro came back as soon as he was back from his mission. When he walked in, he sensed something was wrong. He rushed over to where you were, and when he got there he noticed you were gone. Flowers sprouted out of your skin, your body now covered in them. “No..this can’t be true.” He ran over to your side and realized you were long gone. He picked you up and held you to his chest. He cried, he hadn’t cried in months, he grew to really care about you. ———————————————————————————————————— Your funeral was beautiful. Everyone was there for you. They all felt guilty for not knowing what was wrong with you, but realized there was nothing they could do. They found out you had refused treatments and you were fine with passing. Except for him. He missed you dearly, he hadn’t realized it, but he loved you, but it was too late.
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veala2 · 1 year ago
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“ꜰᴜᴍʙʟᴇᴅ.”
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fluff prompt: “I wanted to say “I love you” for the first time without stuttering, but that failed.”
SYNOPSIS - The love cook is diagnosed with a heavy heart and irritable face- redness syndrome. Safe to say: the boy’s in love. Now he just needs to confess to be cured! If only it was that simple…
CW - Cheesy, corny fluff that’s good for the soul, gn!reader, Sanji having chronic nose bleeds, Zoro shows up and spoils the show, and Chopper shows up to save the day!
A/N - Ahhhh I’m so glad I managed to finish this tonight. Anyways, hope you enjoy!
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Increased heart rate for periods of time.
Blood heavily rushed to the face for long periods of time.
Blood heavily rushing from nostrils for extreme periods of time.
When Chopper caught Sanji (once again) earning his title as “Mr. Nosebleed'' so affectionately given by Zoro, he first diagnosed him with the classic ‘No more pervertedness!’ and expected it to work. But in a week's time, Sanji was once again lying on Chopper's bed with his face in his hands and ears tipping off his hidden cherry face.
“We need to try something new, Sanji. It seems like Nami and Robin aren’t the causes of this. Tell me what you were doing when the nosebleeds started.”
The chef sighs, thinking carefully about the past few days.
“Well, I was making Lunch one time. Luffy walked in with Y/N, and when I asked them what they wanted to drink, I couldn’t get it out and felt the blood rushing to my face.”
Chopper quickly scribbles this down, scratching his chin at the evidence given.
“Can you give me another example?” He asked.
“Uhm… I was out giving drinks to Nami, Robin and Y/N when I just couldn’t help but feel the blood spill down my nose.”
It was then that Chopper could vaguely put the pieces together. In the stories, Y/N seemed to be a constant in both. Appearing when Sanji’s strange emotions rose. An idea formed in his head.
“Sanji, all of these instances have Y/N in common. Do you have feelings for them?”
The chef's eyes swiftly widened at the thought of his crewmate, making him stutter like a mad man.
“What? No! I don’t- I can’t say… okay, maybe I do. It won’t stop no matter how many times I try. At first I just assumed it was all of Nami, Robin and Y/N. But when it was just the two of us… I understood.”
Chopper almost felt pity for his chef. His defeated slump, his hands covering his face and his undoubtedly- but deniable- feelings for Y/N.
“Don’t worry, Sanji!” Chopper chirped, patting his blonde hair with his hooved paw, “I know your cure! You just have to tell them your feelings and you’ll start feeling better. It’ll get rid of the heavy feeling in your chest and you might stop bleeding!… as much.”
Sanji almost wanted to cry.
“But!-“
“No buts! You're taking up my medicine making time by pining too much. You must do this, Sanji! For the good of humanity and your nose!”
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When the morning sky falls and night comes into view, Sanji expertly makes a fantastical feast. Anything to keep him off the task that Chopper assigned for him. He knew what he needed to do.
The day that he discovered he was crushing hard on you was some random afternoon. He was experimenting with some recipes and decided to ask for your opinion.
The bright smile you had while munching on his food, cheeks a slight red and overall joy made his heart skip a beat. It’s a moment he’s not going to forget any time soon. Like a photographer, he snapped a mental picture of your face and just refuses to let it slide.
So, when Sanji once again asked for your opinion on new recipes, he tried to compose himself through deep breaths and drinking herbal tea.
“Hey, Sanji! I practically drifted in from that smell. Lemme guess: banana chocolate cake with… espresso?” You smiled, leaning on the edge of the kitchen counter with him on the other side. Making him red from the closeness.
“Uh- yeah! y-yeah, I added some in for some extra flavour. Surprised you picked up on it.” He stammered, looking away to keep his composure.
You grabbed a plate of the cake, grabbing a fork and taking a bite. Sanji closes and opens his eyes, spinning towards you and looking determined. Making you look confused.
“Y/N, I need to tell you something!” He starts. You raise an eyebrow.
“What’s up?” You asked, giving him a gentle smile.
“Look, th-there’s been something I’ve been wanting off my chest.. for a while. And it’s not the easiest thing in the world. You see, I-“
Before Sanji could confess, his least favourite man in the entire world bursted through the door, causing the kitchen to shake as a result. That said man places a hand on his three swords, an angered expression on his face.
“Not the kitchen, dining room, library or your locker! Dumb cook, where did you hide all the booze!?”
His abruptive-ness makes you giggle, only adding to Sanji’s frustration.
“Beat it, moss head! I’m busy here!”
Zoro looks over towards you and Sanji, the gears in his head turning as he realises what’s happening between the both of you. Thanks to his closeness with the little doctor, he knew about this exchange. If he did, it would be a safe bet to assume a part of the ship would be wrecked.
“Oh, did you finally grow the balls to confess to Y/N? I’ll head out then.” He bails, pushing through the double doors and effectively sealing Sanji’s fate.
You sharply turn your head towards the love- sick cook. Eyebrows furrowing together and light pink dusting your face. An obviously embarrassed face. He feels like he’s going to explode from how embarrassed he was.
You… had a theory of his feelings for you. But it was never confirmed until now.
Well, watching a man gain a nosebleed by simply handing you a drink did make you wonder. How he would only ask you to try his new recipes, how he always turned a little pink while looking at you, how you could almost see smiles he would try to hide whenever you laughed or did anything. Cute, dumb, smart, it didn’t matter.
“Sanji… you like me? Is this why you’ve been so weird around me for weeks?” You asked, keenly focusing on his sweating form.
“Uh, yes! I like you! No, sorry, I-I love you! Dammit!”
The cook sighed, hiding his face in his hands, running his back against the cold kitchen wall and sliding down. After fumbling his confession, he couldn’t bring himself to bring himself up.
Crouching down, you sigh with a small smile and move his hands away. He tried to move his face away, but moved back towards you with your gentle hands on his face.
He wanted to scream and run away. Grumble and wallow in his own self pity. Wanting to turn back time to when he could be confident and charming, swooping you off your feet like a true prince. But instead he hides and wants to crawl into the ground.
“Hey… look at me…” You whisper, so softly and so kindly he thought it would hurt if he denied you. So he turned, eyes sad.
“I… I wanted to say “I love you” for the first time without stuttering… but that failed, so…”
Your heartstrings tug a little at his tiny voice. Not to mention his sad face is cute as hell.
“Sanji, it’s ok,” You start, standing him up on his own two feet and looking into his eyes.
“I thought it was perfect, no failures at all. And - for the record- I kind of knew you had feelings for me... And it’s reciprocated.”
It was almost like a light shone down from the heavens with that statement. His once glossy eyes now turn to pure joy. He smiled, an honest ear- to- ear smile.
“Really!?”
“Really really.”
In a love- stricken haze, he leans against the wall. Almost floating in the air with how light he feels. No more heavy blushing or profuse bleeding, no. Just pure euphoria with how his confession was received. After a couple seconds, he shoots back up, holding out his arms to hold both of your shoulders. A thought rushing through his mind while you give him a bewildered look.
“Wait, that means you’ll date me! Does that mean I’m your boyfriend now? Oo! Does that mean you’re my girlfriend?”
Oh man, were you gonna have fun messing around with him and loving him.
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estellan0vella · 5 months ago
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Tiny Tim Returns Older Brother Sukuna AU HFBU Pt1
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You’re standing behind the counter of the parlour, enjoying the rare quiet moment. The shop is filled with the faint buzzing of tattoo machines and the distant laughter of Megumi and Yuji playing in the corner.
Sukuna, Gojo, Geto, and Toji are out on a supply run, leaving you to watch over the place. As you glance around, ensuring everything is in order, the bell above the door chimes, signalling a new arrival.
Your heart skips a beat as you recognize the man stepping inside. It’s the same guy who attempted to rob the place just a week ago. He scans the room with narrowed eyes, clearly expecting to find the heavy hitters who usually keep watch.
“Megumi, Yuji, go to the back office and lock the door,” you say calmly, your gaze never leaving the intruder.
“But, Y/N/N—” Yuji begins, concern etched on his young face.
“Now,” you repeat firmly, cutting off any further protest. Reluctantly, the boys comply, exchanging worried glances as they disappear into the back room.
As the door clicks shut, Ren, one of your regulars and a biker with a heart of gold, steps out from behind a booth. He’s been chatting with you while waiting for the guys to return and watches the unfolding scene with a mixture of amusement and curiosity.
“What are you gonna do without your guard dogs?” the robber sneers, attempting to sound intimidating but failing miserably.
“I have Ren,” you reply nonchalantly, nodding towards the biker who raises an eyebrow in response.
Ren chuckles, leaning casually against the counter. “Yeah, I’ve got a soft spot for Y/N and the kids. Not that she needs any protecting.”
The robber tries to assert dominance by stepping closer, but you hold your ground, unphased. “You might want to check the sign,” you say, gesturing towards the window decal that reads, ‘No Guns Allowed. Seriously, We’ll Laugh In Your Face.’
“That sign’s in your honour,” you add with a smirk.
Ren lets out a hearty laugh. “I remember when they put that up. Good times.”
The robber’s face reddens with anger. “Is it medically diagnosed as microscopic?” you ask, feigning concern.
Ren snorts, adding, “Did the girls laugh at you in school?”
Undeterred by the robber’s growing frustration, you continue with playful banter. “You’re a Freudian case ready to be studied.”
“Does the gun make you feel like a big man when you point it at a woman?” Ren chimes in, thoroughly enjoying the exchange.
“Let me guess your name. It’s Tiny Tim, right?” you say, barely managing to stifle a laugh.
“Do you need a hug?” Ren asks, spreading his arms wide.
“I’m sure we could get you laid down on the couch and give you a teddy bear,” you suggest with mock sympathy.
Before the tension can escalate further, the door swings open and Sukuna, Gojo, Geto, and Toji stride back in. Relief floods through you, but you maintain your composed demeanour.
“Well, well, well,” Sukuna says, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he eyes the robber. “Look who’s back. Think you’re a big man because you waited until it was just my girl and two kids?”
“I had Ren here,” you point out, crossing your arms confidently.
Toji nods in greeting to Ren. “Nice to see you, Ren.”
“Hey, man,” Ren replies with a nod.
“Someone needs to learn their lesson,” Sukuna says, stepping forward with a mischievous glint in his eyes.
“Don’t hurt him, poor thing,” you interject with a theatrical sigh. “He’s just confused. Why don’t you make him pretty instead?”
The guys exchange amused glances before dragging the robber over to a chair. Gojo pulls out his piercing kit with a grin, his movements precise and almost artistic.
“I think he needs a few more holes,” Gojo remarks, piercing the robber’s face multiple times.
Sukuna, always the creative one, tattoos ‘I’m an idiot’ on the man’s forehead. “There, now everyone will know,” he says with a smirk.
Toji and Geto join in, tattooing crude drawings on the robber’s cheeks. You glance up from your magazine, a mischievous idea forming.
“How about ‘I cry in the shower’ written across his neck?” you suggest, a playful glint in your eyes.
“My girl’s a genius,” Sukuna praises, adding the new inscription with a flourish.
When they’re done, the robber is a sight to behold—a chaotic canvas of piercings and humiliating tattoos. Ren watches the spectacle with entertained fascination, leaning againt the counter. 
“You’ve got a free tattoo card to cash in whenever you want one,” Sukuna tells Ren.
Ren nods, a grateful smile on his face. “Thanks, Sukuna. I might take you up on that free tattoo one of these days. As long as Y/N’s designing.”
"Are you sure you don't want one of the guys?" You grin, gesturing to the robber. "They've done a magnificent job"
Sukuna, Gojo, Geto, and Toji all glance at each other, their mischievous grins widening as they take in the sight of the now thoroughly humiliated robber. The buzzing of the tattoo machines fills the air as they admire their handiwork.
“Well, babe, I’m glad your tits are okay,” Sukuna says, giving you a once-over with a smirk.
Gojo nods in agreement, his expression mock-serious. “Yeah, couldn’t let anything happen to those.”
“Priorities, right?” Geto adds, winking at you.
Toji just chuckles, adding his own line. “We'd be lost without them.”
You roll your eyes playfully. “My heroes,” you say, giving a sarcastic little bow. “What would I do without you?”
The door to the back office creaks open, and Yuji and Megumi peek out cautiously. When they see the situation is under control, they step out, their eyes widening as they take in the sight of the robber.
Yuji’s face lights up with delight. “He’s got willies on his face!” he exclaims, pointing at the crude drawings that Toji and Geto had tattooed.
Megumi bursts into laughter, holding his sides. “He looks so stupid!”
The adults can’t help but join in, the room filling with the sound of hearty laughter. The robber, now thoroughly humiliated and realizing the gravity of his mistake, squirms in his seat, trying to avoid eye contact.
Ren, still leaning casually against the counter, chuckles. “You boys sure know how to make a statement.”
“Only the best for our favourite customers,” Sukuna replies, giving Ren a friendly clap on the shoulder. “And for my girl.”
You smile at Sukuna, feeling a warm rush of affection. “Thanks, Kuna. You always know how to handle things.”
Sukuna grins back at you. “Anything for you, babe.”
Yuji, not missing a beat, runs up to Sukuna and hugs his leg. “Suku, that was awesome!”
Sukuna ruffles his little brother’s hair affectionately. “Glad you think so, kiddo. Now, how about we get some ice cream to celebrate?”
The boys cheer in agreement, their earlier fear completely forgotten. You shake your head with a smile, marvelling at how quickly they bounce back.
As the group begins to disperse, Ren gives you a nod. “I’ll catch you later, Y/N. Don’t forget about that free tattoo.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” you reply with a wink. “Just let me know when you’re ready.”
Sukuna wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you close. “You handled that like a pro, babe.”
You lean into him, feeling safe and content. “Well, I’ve got the best team backing me up.”
“Damn right you do,” Gojo says, grinning. “And don’t you forget it.”
Yuji tugs at Sukuna’s sleeve. “Can we go now, Suku? I want chocolate!”
Sukuna laughs, scooping Yuji up into his arms. “Alright, alright. Ice cream it is. Let’s get out of here.”
As you all head towards the door, you glance back at the robber one last time. He’s still sitting in the chair, looking thoroughly defeated and adorned with his new, embarrassing tattoos.
“You should probably find a new line of work,” you suggest with a smirk. “Something that doesn’t involve robbing tattoo parlours.”
The robber groans audibly, burying his face in his hands as Toji and Geto haul him to his feet, escorting him out with a mixture of firmness and amusement.
"Make sure to leave a positive review!" Gojo calls after the man as he runs away.
"I need a drink," You say, stretching your arms above your head as Sukuna locks up the parlour. "That 50s diner place does boozy milkshakes right?"
Sukuna chuckles, nodding in agreement as he locks up the tattoo parlour behind him. "Yeah, they do. And they've got those ridiculous burgers too."
Gojo perks up at the mention of boozy milkshakes. "Count me in. After today, I could definitely use one of those."
"Let's go!" Yuji and Megumi exclaim, their eyes wide at the though of milkshakes.
Together, you head towards the dinger, ready to face whatever comes next, knowing that with your found family by your side, everything will be just fine.
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