#writing in a fugue state lol

[rowanisawriter]

wip wednesday

i’m writing the thanzag priest AU (this is a threat)

.

“You look good in white.”

Thanatos glances back at Zagreus as he buttons up his collar. His white cassock is stiff and starchy from the last wash. The black is much more comfortable, worn in, walked in, lived in. The white only makes it out for evening prayer. It has always sat strangely on his shoulders.

“Don’t patronize me,” Thanatos mutters, sweeping his hands down his chest, trying to flatten the creases from its folds. “White is definitely not my color.”

“Well, I like it.” Zagreus is still wearing black. The hem of his cassock is covered in dust from all their walking that day. His hair is almost standing on end. He looks like a mess but always makes it seem casual and intentional. “Brings out the color of your eyes.”

Thanatos doesn’t have a mirror in his room, a vanity he has learned to do without. But putting himself in Zagreus’s shoes, he thinks about how he must look. His gray hair clashing with the white of his vestments, the pale color of his eyes, the pallid flush to his skin, all of which need the black of his usual dress to contrast against. White washes him out. But Zagreus is smiling at him, a small smile, like he isn't aware of it.

Thanatos clears his throat, the collar suddenly restrictive. “So, are you going to hide during Vespers?”

“I might sit in the back. Do you know if my father is leading prayers tonight?”

“Not sure.” Cardinal Hades participated in every day’s prayer but rarely led, choosing to leave this duty to the priests. With their luck, however, today would be the day he decided to step up to the lectern.

Thanatos grabs his bag and slings it across his chest, feeling its familiar weight settle down at his side. When he turns to address Zagreus, he’s already there, right behind him.

Zagreus reaches up and adjusts Thanatos’s collar. His fingertips brush Thanatos’s throat as he moves. Thanatos struggles not to swallow, or move, frozen in place but twitching inside.

“There,” Zagreus says, leaning back to admire his handiwork. The sunset has started to fade from the room, orange glow giving way to the gentle blue light of evening, falling through the open window by Thanatos’s bed. In the rising moonlight, he thinks Zagreus looks a little sad. “Perfect.”

[sea-buns]

Forgive me if I'm a bit nervous about Gorgug this season. It's just that the last Zac Oyama pc was Colin Provolone, who was arguably one of his greatest D20 performances, if not the greatest.

Zac always does great with every pc he plays, but Colin was something else. He came out swinging with actions and words that were teeming with unspoken emotional baggage. The way Colin's presence affected the other pcs; there was this level of depth that I don't think I've seen in any of his other characters. It was understated and quiet in that signature "just a guy" way that he tends to be, while still captivating everyone instantly with just how raw it was.

Not to say we haven't seen emotional depth in Gorgug. It's just that, compared to the other Bad Kids, Gorgug's journey and progression as a character has been very... impersonal? Like, yes, he found his birth parents, and he found friends who appreciate him, and he faced his insecurities about his intelligence, and he navigated relationship troubles, and his trial through the claustrophobic bug-tunnels was a horrifically-uncanny parallel to how he's spent his entire life trying to make himself as small as possible.

But how much of that has actually changed him from the Gorgug we started with? I would agree that he's definitely happier with his life, given all the loving and supportive people that have been added to it when it used to be just him and his parents. And he's certainly grown into himself and become more self-assured in his abilities, even if he's still, and always will be, our anxious little guy. And there's nothing wrong with that. I've always liked how Gorgug was a representation of all the little things. The subtle acts and kindnesses that don't seem like much to most, but to some are everything.

We don't need another Bad Kid living in fear that their mouth could be shit-in at any moment. We've already got one-too-many.

All that being said, I just feel like Gorgug's personal story beats are much easier to sweep under the rug than everyone else's. He has the same soft and understated quality that Colin held, but they lack that extra oomph that pushed Colin over the edge from being just another guy in a series of dudes, to a character that the vast majority of us could not get out of our heads. He took someone who was anxious and softspoken, who ultimately never wanted to be violent— someone who is remarkably similar to Gorgug in many ways— and maintained that demeanor and core in Colin's character while still hitting us in the feels with character development at max velocity at every turn.

I think Zac gets better and better at this with every season that goes by. With each new character, there is always something that leaves me stunned in awe. And it's been, what, three? Four years since we last saw Gorgug?

I'm just,,, I'm cautiously optimistic but also going into a bit of a worry about what violence this man may inflict upon us

[on-leatheredwings]

oh............ oh nooooooo

[onemorecoffeeshopau]

I almost forgot but I have posted a massively underedited fic for the first day of kinktober! It's a hunger pangs fanfic so if you want to read about some kinky men getting it on it's only short but it might tickle your pickle. Thank you @borealwrites for the prompt list, I'll try and meet more days than I did for monster march but no promises...

---

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Hunger Pangs: True Love Bites - Joy Demorra Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Vlad Blutstein/Nathan Northland Characters: Vlad Blutstein, Nathan Northland Additional Tags: blowjob, Teasing, Scent Kink, Dom/sub, Not Beta Read, honestly this has barely been alpha read, so any mistakes whack em in the comments and I'll correct, Kinktober, day 1: blowjob, werewolf (implied), vampire (i forgot to imply but it is canon) Series: Part 5 of Monsterfucking Summary:

Vlad teases Nathan by wearing a horny scent to a ball. Nathan gets his revenge in the form of facefucking his boyfriend and sub.

[anbroids]

hs interest dwindling from rabid derangement to casual interest… wistful sigh

[queenlua]

hbo's The Last of Us show is good because it means my 2014 vintage fanfiction is getting some love lol

[lesbianlenas]

at peace abt having my externship tomorrow bc i already know i have to do smth for 4 hrs that does not involve using my brain & that is a beautiful thing for me truly so i am like ok whatever only 4 hrs of making my brain whir like my 2012 toshiba laptop being booted for the first time in yrs i can do that…..and really it’s only 3 1/2 hrs bc i WILL be showing up half an hr late as usual (no one cares) 🤭

[luveline]

I love your writings about the marauders, and I recently had a thought about the boys first coming in contact with a vibrator or any sex toy really. Not even a like smut thing but just then walking into a muggle sex shop or they made a friend with a muggle girl and they stumble upon in some way lol idk, just a funny thought that’s been making me giggle a bit. If you have any thoughts I guess?? Hope you have a good day :)

this isn’t smut but it is explicit - mdni please! fem, 1k

“What is that?” Sirius asks.

You get yanked back. “God, sorry,” James says, letting go of your hand. You’d been in a weird fugue state of joy with his fingers twined in yours; it’s the first time he’s held your hand. You can’t tell if it’s platonic or romantic, you can never tell with the boys. “Wait, what is that?” 

“What’s what?” you ask, trying to follow their gaze. You’re on a crowded high street divided by a two way road. It’s so loud you can’t hear yourself think, and stopping as you have has diverted foot traffic around you poorly. 

“There’s a cock in the window.” 

Remus yelps a laugh. You smile, befuzzled, as he takes your shoulders into his hand and turns you bodily to the right shop window. “Oh,” you say. “Oh! There really is.” 

There is a vast array of the aforementioned appendage in the window, and in a variety of sizes and colours. A mannequin in dark lingerie holds a fifty percent off sign to the left, while a poster brags a multitude of ‘stimulating pleasures’ to be found inside. 

“What am I looking at?” Sirius asks.

You forget sometimes how sheltered they all are. They’d gone to a rather elite boarding school, and they all lived in rural England and Wales for their summers. This is as city as they’ve ever been, and you’d thought they’d seen everything there is to see by now, but apparently not. 

How are you supposed to explain a sex shop? Better, why is fate making you? They all turn to you for an explanation. 

“Remus, you’re twenty three,” you say hopelessly. 

“We’ve only recently relocated,” Remus argues. 

“You’ve known me for six months. You’ve lived here for eight.” 

“And yet we’ve never seen that,” James says, pointing at the lingerie. “You’re such perverts in the city. Why are there rainbow cocks in the window?” 

“Can we stop saying that?” you ask. 

“Sorry,” James says quickly. “Lovely girl, why are the dicks in the window?” 

“They’re toys,” you say, feeling a little part of yourself shrivel away in shyness, their eyes like heat from your face and neck. 

“For kids?” Sirius asks, disgusted. 

“No! God, no, they’re for grown ups.” You shake your head uselessly. “Are you messing with me? You’ve really never seen them?” 

“We’ve seen some rather tasteful underwear in our time,” Sirius says, to James’ delight and Remus’ derision. 

“Stop,” Remus says. 

“We have to go in. I must understand these toys,” Sirius says, ignoring him with ease. There’s something to his usually nice smile you don’t know, some burning excitement that will likely end in innuendos and teasings galore for you. 

You make your way into the sex shop, shoes dragging, cheeks hot. James and Sirius seem as though they could burst into laughter at any second, but Remus is more understanding. He offers you his hand when he realises you’re behind them. You don’t have the strength to refuse him. 

They’re the weirdest friends you’ve ever had, but also the best ones. They love holding hands and crossing legs and laying half on top of each other when they come around to watch a film. You’re pretty sure you saw James and Remus kissing a few weeks ago, but they’ve yet to say anything about it to you, so what do you know? You’d been jealous, but each boy has continued to love on you just a little too much considering the parameters of your ‘friendship’. 

This lies firmly outside of your parameters, you decide. 

Sure, you’ve thought about them sometimes as more than friends, but they don’t know that. Can you be blamed? They’re all so handsome in awful ways —Remus classic, Sirius Grecian, and James devilish. James. You shake your head in an attempt to dispel thoughts of their good looks while in close proximity to lacy knickers, turning your attention to the ridiculous gasps of awe the two idiots are letting out. 

“What is that?” Sirius asks delightedly, knuckling at a row of plastic sex toys, all with different functions. 

“That’s a…” You blow a breath up your face in an attempt to cool down. “Read the label, Siri.” 

“Most of this stuff is for girls?” James asks you. 

“I guess so.” You poke at the pink packaging of a glass massage wand. “I mean, not always. I think anybody can use all this stuff too. Or most of it.”

“What about that?” 

James points at a vibrator in clear blister packaging. “A vibrator? What’s that do?” He turns to you with a surprisingly innocent curiosity. 

“It vibrates.” You don’t want to say anything else, but they’re your friends. They’re nice to you, and they respect you, so it’s not like you think telling them these things will put you in an uncomfortable position. “You know how girls have a harder time finishing sometimes?” 

If they’re surprised to hear you say it aloud, they don’t show it. “Not in my experience,” Sirius jokes. 

“So the vibration helps?” 

“It’s very intense. It makes the… climax come much quicker,” you say. 

Remus seems very grateful for the energy your explanation takes, giving you a caring smile. He’s about to say something when Sirius interrupts, and asks, “Do you have one?”

“You don’t have to answer that,” Remus says, hitting Sirius in the arm. “She doesn’t have to answer that, don’t ask her stuff like that, it’s private.” 

Sirius’ eyes go wide. “I’m sorry,” he says to you, all joking gone from his face. “I didn’t mean it in a bad way. Just forget sometimes that you have boundaries we don’t have.” 

You’re not expecting such a genuine and sudden apology, because maybe Sirius shouldn’t ask, but you totally understand what he means. You feel like you’ve known them all your life. “It’s okay, don’t worry. I know what you’re like.” 

“So it’s a good time, hypothetically,” James says. 

“What do you reckon that feels like?” Sirius asks, already moving on. 

“Sirius,” Remus pleads. 

“Sweetheart, can I ask you, hypothetically,” —Sirius taps his converse to yours, grinning— “what do you mean, it’s quicker? How does that even work?” 

You frown, “You don’t know how it works?” 

Remus and James laugh like bellows beside you. They laugh so much the woman behind the counter glares at you all, undoubtedly tired of people coming in here for a laugh. 

“Awful girl,” Sirius says, frowning. 

You smile back. “It just stimulates the nerves, Sirius. I don’t know how to explain it. I guess it’s kinda like magic or something.” 

“Magic can’t do that,” James says. Remus elbows him hard, and you’ve no idea why. 

[babybluebex]

PLEASE nasty eddie munson !!! trying not to get caught !!! filth

writing this in a fugue state and idk what i'm really writing, i am being autopiloted by horny rn lol hope it's good cw smut MINORS DNI, degradation, slapping, squirting, creampie, everyone in this 18+ and if you aren’t you shouldn’t be reading this

his hand covers your mouth, and you can taste the sweat on his palm. who knows how long you’ve been in the small bathroom stall; you lost track of time. all you are sure of is that you’re about to cum again.

“eddie!” you whimper through his hand, and his belt jingles as he fucks up into you again. the position is awkward, your body canted forward slightly and eddie’s knees bent to get at your pussy, but it works for the purposes you need it to. eddie’s cock is spearing in and out of you at a relentless pace, his chain and belt jostling together loudly, almost loud enough that you’re worried you’ll get caught. his hand covers your mouth to keep you quiet, because he knows how loud you can get when he’s balls deep in you, and you’re grateful for his foresight, because, without it, you’d be screaming.

eddie shushes you, his hips pistoning and fucking you hard. you don’t often fuck at school, usually being able to at least wait until after school and fucking in the back of eddie’s van, but eddie was insatiable. you knew he would be the moment you pulled on that plaid skirt that morning; your boyfriend is predictable. “don’t wanna get caught, babydoll,” eddie whispers, biting at your ear. “gotta stay quiet.”

your hands scramble for purchase, for something to hold onto as your third orgasm nears, and you reach out and press your hands to the wall of the bathroom stall. your fingernails dig into it as eddie’s balls slap your ass loudly, and you moan behind his hand as his cock spears that spongy spot inside of you. you almost see stars with the pleasure that you feel, and your poor knees shake and nearly buckle with it. “eddie!” you gasp as his thrusts grow harder and slower, fucking you deeper and deeper. “i’m gonna cum!”

“oh, again?” eddie laughs, able to parse out your words from behind his hand. “silly little thing, you like when i fuck you like this?” his words are punctuated with hard slams of your hips down onto his. your pretty skirt is crumpled almost up to your tits and your panties are forgotten on the floor, and eddie’s hand drops from your mouth to reach down. your stomach flips, knowing what he’s set on doing, and you almost start to protest— “no, eddie, please, can’t take it!”— but you realize that it doesn’t matter. eddie’s gonna play with your clit, even if you beg him not to.

his fat fingers play with your little button, rubbing it and flicking it and pinching it, doing everything to make your legs shake and your lips squeal. he’s magic with his fingers, but he pauses to place a light slap on your cheek. “shut the fuck up,” he growls. “you wanna get caught? you want the hall monitor to come in here and find me fucking you?”

“no!” you cry, and you sniffle as your cheek flames. it doesn’t hurt, but knowing that he’s not above slapping you excited you. maybe he’ll do it again if you keep being loud. “eddie, please, gonna cum again!”

“do it,” he tells you. “cum on my cock, dolly, such a perfect little hole, can’t wait to feel you squeeze me again. fuck, i might cum too.”

you chant his name, unsure how much longer you’ll last if he keeps up the way he’s fucking into your sticky cunt and fingering your clit. his hand comes up to cover your mouth again and you squeak, your hands lifting from the wall of the stall to grab at his wrist. he’s huffing in your ear and mumbling little things about “yes, dolly” and “so good, baby” and you can’t help but whine and cry as your cunt throbs around his thick cock. before you know it, you feel that familiar heat snapping in your thighs and belly, and you cry “eddie, i’m—!”

your orgasm rips through you, making you shake and cry, and you don’t realize that you’re squirting until eddie points it out. “fuck, there she is!” he exclaims with a laugh, and he bites your neck as his chest heaves with laughter. “good fucking girl, getting me all messy. fuck, baby, i’m cumming inside you.”

“please,” you whimper. “please, need it, please give it to me, eddie.”

he gives you one extra thrust, and then he cums hard, hard enough for his breath to knock from his chest and for him to moan loudly in your ear. if nobody has found you yet, eddie’s moan definitely makes it obvious what’s happening. you feel it filling you up, spilling out of you, and you feel it coating your thighs as eddie stills inside you, panting and heaving.

“god, babydoll,” eddie whispers, dropping his hands to your waist and rubbing your hips with his thumbs. “you alright? you came really hard.”

“yeah” you whisper, and eddie shifts to slide out of you. he helps you tug your panties back up onto your legs, and he smooths your skirt down your thighs like a good boyfriend.

“good” eddie says. “how many times did you cum? 3?”

“right” you said, smoothing your fingers under your eyes and finding your mascara all smudged up from your overstimulated tears.

“that’s awesome” eddie grins, and he smacks your ass before he does up his belt. “same time tomorrow?”

“tomorrow?” you laugh. “i’ll need a week to recover from that.”

“hmm” eddie says. “that’s what you think. tomorrow, baby.”

“maybe tonight?” you asked, pressing your hands to his chest. “i can come over and we can watch a movie, and maybe… i can suck you off?”

eddie smiles widely, and he drags you into a messy kiss, all teeth and tongue as he grabs your ass. “you keep getting better and better” he says. “i’ll see you then.”

[swaps55]

Hi! Sorry if you have already answered this somewhere, I love reading about your writing process for Opus and was wondering if you would talk about how you pick and choose which missions to assign Sam and Kaidan, like Kaidan taking on the Project Overlord mission? Also, lol, will Sam ever have the misfortune of driving a Hammerhead and how much would he hate it?

Hahahahaha, Sam would hate the Hammerhead so much. I will probably spare him that displeasure, given how much else he has to deal with.

This is such an awesome question; thank you so much for asking it, and I am so sorry this answer is probably far more involved than you were looking for.

Stories like Cantata, Fugue, and Kaidan's portion of Mezzo necessitated missions that weren't main plot for the trilogy. But since the codex is so rich and there are so many side missions across the three games, I made it an unwritten rule that I wouldn't make up a mission from thin air if I could help it. Instead I'd pull something from canon and twist it into a new shape. That put less pressure on me to invent something from scratch, and it meant fun Easter eggs for the reader.

This has taken different shapes. In Cantata, the mission where Sam experiences a blood sugar crash in mid-combat was going to be heavy on action, which meant a fairly elaborate "combat chess board." Designing a visual setting is one of my big weaknesses as a writer, so I set it on Benning because I could then use the ME3MP map as a template to craft the rest of the mission around.

The underwater mission Sam does on Proteus is what it is because the codex states that combat diving is part of the N program. I thought that was cool, and while perusing planets in the codex, the description for Proteus included an underwater colony. "Great!" I said to myself. "What if I broke it?"

Virtually every place the Yang Gang visits in Cantata is pulled straight from canon, as well as what they find there. It's something I'm pretty proud of.

(The big exception is the thresher maw on Sharjilla, which is pure artistic liberty, but I am beyond delighted that people have played that mission expecting to find one because of Cantata. At one point I had planned a really great joke where Sam nukes the thresher maw from orbit out of pure spite, so when they come back to Sharjila in ME1 and Kaidan mentions threshers, someone could go, "wait, there's thresher maws down there?!" and Sam would growl under his breath, "not anymore." But I couldn't fit it into Cantata, lol.)

As for all the side missions I've woven in, they provide a neat opportunity to spread the love. They are Shepard's responsibility in the games because Shepard is the player character, so the entire world revolves around them. In fic, I don't have that constraint, so I am free to take missions that have some good narrative potential and give them to other characters.

Side quests like Bring Down the Sky don't offer much to the canon plot, but for Opus it provided an opportunity for some pretty sharp character development while also advancing my reimagined plans for ME3.

In the case of Overlord, I loved the complexity it would add to something like Horizon: if Kaidan got a first hand glimpse at the terrible things Cerberus does right before discovering Shepard on Horizon, suddenly his distrust and anger take on new meaning.

Kasumi became Kaidan's partner in crime because the cast of ME2 is so dense that I went looking for ways to weed down the cast without having to just leave people out or inflict mass casualties. Kasumi's skillset as a thief never made sense to me for something like the suicide mission, but Kasumi herself is a delight. And like Kaidan, she has experienced the death of a partner. They seemed like such a natural fit for each other, and Keiji's role as a double agent with the Alliance also worked narratively in my favor: I got to use him to answer questions like, "how the hell does Cerberus get their hands on the Normandy design docs?"

Fugue also incorporates a few ME2 side missions that, again, just dovetailed nicely into what I was trying to do. Superimposing Keiji over the Cerberus agent in N7: Lost Operative just worked well for what I wanted to do, and N7: Imminent Ship Crash gave me a good segue into it, while also giving me the chance to explore how Kara and Aslany dealt with the loss of the 'Yang.

So how I choose what missions I use comes down to what I need for the story. I have a vague idea of what I need to accomplish, then look for a side mission or DLC that can help me get there. The Hammerhead DLC missions are utterly terrible to play, but there is just enough of an interesting story to them that I was able to weave something useful to future Opus plans while also letting Kaidan grow into his role as a leader.

The DLC and side missions are really fun to work with, and one of my favorite parts of Opus, even if I almost went bald tearing my hear out over N7: Imminent Ship Crash. XD

[dairy-farmer]

was going to send you a horny ask about dick and jason escalating from plausibly innocent or accidental touches to full on blatant groping and dry humping tim but then I went into a fugue state and wrote almost 3,000 words on my phone while laying in bed.

And now I could probably just flesh it out and add some dialogue and an ending and post it to AO3.

Normally when I try to write (non porn, never done pwp before) it’s this whole production and plotting and filling in holes and gaps. Would be nice to do this on demand lol

answered out of order:

!!!! yes!!! i'd love to read it if you decided to post your fic on ao3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!😍😍😍😍😍!!!!!!!

and SAME i wish i could write on command to but its like im constantly waiting for the mood to hit 😭 i remember i once wrote four fics over the course of one month and then posted them over the course of a week as 😭 what i'd give to have that kind of drive constantly.

[peridot-tears]

Fic Writer Q & A!

Tagged by @dragongirlg-fics UwU

How many wips do you have currently?

2 for Lianhua Lou, 3 for Mo Dao Zu Shi.

Lianhua Lou

strings played against his throat, my whumpfic in which FeiHua's escape from Jiao Liqiao goes wrong, and Di Feisheng marries her to ensure the wellbeing of Li Lianhua, who becomes her concubine. Just updated uwu

My unpublished modern AU where Di Feisheng is an MMA fighter cowboy, Li Lianhua is his chiropractor, and Fang Xiaobao is the new sheriff in one of those Chinese towns they built purely for tourism. In this case, it's an Old West theme. Here's a preview.

Mo Dao Zu Shi

My Mo Dao/Percy Jackson crossover where WangXian and friends romp through Camp Half-Blood!

My Wen Xu/Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji AU where Wei Wuxian is adopted by the Wens instead of Jiang Fengmian. I swear I subvert so many jianghu tropes, this could be its own original novel, but here we are lol.

My two-part where Jin Zixuan flees to Lotus Pier and manages to alert the Jiangs in time for the Wang Lingjiao's attack. It's mostly written from Yu Ziyuan's perspective, and it's been a delight.

More Q&A below the cut!

Which one are you finding the hardest to finish?

Definitely #1 under Mo Dao. It's a huge labor of love, but I'm thinking maybe I thought too big with the plot. It could have just been a fun teenage romp, but then it turned into a drama that handles much larger themes, and the trouble is in being able to tie up all the plotlines I suddenly have.

What does it usually look like when inspiration strikes for you?

Usually when I have two days in a row off of work, so my brain has had at least 24 hours to clear out and think about fun. I go into a pleasant fugue state, meaning I'm focused, but I can occasionally take a five-minute break to chatter about it with my frens or listen to a song. (I'm answering this post while I'm working on fic btw.)

Do you curate playlists for each fic or is your process different?

Oh nah lol. I sometimes line some chill songs or ballads up in the background or like a Buzzfeed Unsolved marathon for background noise, but sometimes it has the opposite effect where I can't focus at all. So sometimes I just write in complete silence.

Do you go balls to the wall and write as you go or are you more organized?

Balls to the waaaaaaall babeeeeeee. Aside from the ones that're born from me chattering with frens. Both my Lianhua Lou fics and #2 under MDZS are from very specific and thorough chats that I screenshotted for reference.

I tag @westiec @theleakypen @kingsandbastardz @tavina-writes @heyholmesletsgo @the-wintry-mizzenmast and whoever else wants to do this, how do I know this many people lol.

[yinyuedijun]

went into a fugue state and wrote a bunch of the omegaverse fic last night and looking back at it now.....I thought I'd be disgraced by this fic because of writing about aventur*ne's time as a slave but I wrote about it so much more for the reader and I really do wonder which one I'll be cancelled for . my money is on aventur*ne even though reference to his experience is less detailed lol

[glamaphonic]

Just curious, because I love your Richonne takes.....so beside the obvious ptsd angle, do you think Rick dove into the whole Jessie situation because she was the easier choice. I mean yes she came with baggage lol but in my mind she was safer in that maybe he didn't WANT to acknowledge his growing feelings for Michonne because 1. He wasn't sure she felt the same way or convinced himself she didn't. And 2. He didn't want to jeopardize her relationship with his Carl whose happiness was most important to him always....?

For me, personally, Rick comes right up to the point of bringing his feelings for Michonne to consciousness in 5x16, then pulls back again (at her perceived rejection imo!) and doesn't let himself go there again until they're all safe and the world stops screaming in his face (as Gimple once put it).

So, honestly, no, while I think it's a valid enough reading and I understand why people lean towards it given how they fumbled the Jessie storyline (esp in 6A). I mostly think it was just the PTSD.

The Jessie thing, from the moment they meet, is so inextricably connected to this mental breakdown that he's actively having for the entire length of their acquaintance that suggesting that he's deliberately choosing to pursue her as a safer option v Michonne is almost giving it too much intention for me? Bcs like, I'm not particularly convinced he was ever actively pursuing a relationship with her at all. Everything he does wrt her is so completely consumed by this weird miserable guilt and PTSD driven almost fugue state that it becomes difficult to divine any specific intentions towards her at all.

He fixates on her because she reminds him of Lori and she and her kids are in danger. He seems to feel some sort of obligation/responsibility to them after Pete is dead. But does he have any actual plans there? Does he intend to have an actual relationship with her? Were they gonna date? Was he going to move her and her kids in with him, Michonne, and his kids? Or was he just sad and working through some shit?

Not a fair comparison, though it's one that Rick implies himself, but we see how he goes about pursuing a relationship with Michonne. We see the absolute crystal clear intention and commitment from moment one. And obviously Rick and Michonne's relationship is the actual love story whereas his relationship with Jessie is a plot device. But the Jessie thing exists in this strange weightless way in the narrative and part of that is the extremely compacted timeframe (he knew her for legit two weeks lol) and part of it is definitely owed to the writing failing at adapting something that no longer really worked in the narrative that the show had already committed to so they just quarantined it away from everything else, and especially away from Michonne and Rick's relationship with her, and hoped no one would notice.

Anyway, I'm rambling at this point and I'd have to do a rewatch of those eps to form a more coherent argument here. But yeah, in short, I think, largely by the specific design of the writers, Michonne didn't really have much of anything to do with the Jessie thing at all. It would've made more sense on every level if she did, and the fact that she doesn't is both comically contrived and heavily contributes to the Jessie storyline amounting to nothing but a weird and incoherent blip that no one ever thinks about again. But it is what it is!

[orcelito]

orcelito's trigun fic recs!

making this for @trigunfanfic's fic appreciation week! this is a nonexhaustive list & not in any particular order (aside from the smut fics, which i separated into another section). just a few fics i rly love & think should get more attention!!

so Here are the multichapters (some of which have smut, but it's not the focus):

someone to last your whole life by catchatter / @needlab7

this one is sooooooooooooooooooooooo 🥺 i was reading it as it was being released and MAN it drove me insane. every bit of the post-trimax love and healing i couldve ever wanted. genuinely one of my fav trigun fics. it's just so well written & evocative. it really does feel like Vash and Wolfwood... and just. aughghghgh im gonna have to reread it sometime bc it truly is something special

CAUSE OF DEATH (See instructions and examples) by neatrogenous / @floofyfluff

this is the other post-trimax fic that Changed My Life. i read it all in one go in one euphoric hyperfocus. i felt every emotion known to mankind. it is just. slkdfjsldfjlskdfj god. i adore how Vash is written here. both of them, really. it just feels so much like them. someday, i will reread this one Too...

Make it to Daybreak by @hypermoyashi (on both ao3 and tumblr)

god. what to say about this one. honestly i have never watched Demon Slayer so going into this fic i was missing that context, but i never felt like i was actually missing out on much. Allen does such a fantastic job at bringing u into the world without having to know anything about it at all. i LOOOOVE demon vash sooo much. so very much. im a little behind on updates rn sldfsdfkj but im excited to catch back up bc everything about this au is just Sooooo fun. everyone potentially interested in Demon Vash should read this. Do it. Right Now. 🥺 pls

Trillium and Ivy by @shastafirecracker (on both ao3 and tumblr)

AUGHHHHHH omfg this one was one of the first fics i read for trigun, and MAN it really set a high bar for me. im a little picky when it comes to modern aus, but this one is just so.... WONDERFUL... i read the entire thing in the first half of my day one day and spent the rest of my day in a fugue state. it was just SO SO SO good. i recently reread it and even having read it before, it was just as wonderful to read. realistic relationship development, compelling Saverem drama, all of it. it's also probably my favorite fic for the depiction of Vash's injury & recovery. the first time i read it i was just blown away by how realistic it felt, right down to the trauma memories of watching bargain bin movies while he was stuck in bed. honestly i could rant for forever about this one lol. it truly is special.

and RELATED TO THAT,,,

Wildflowers, also by ShastaFirecracker

i actually didnt know these 2 fics were written by the same person at first lol. Wildflowers got linked in my trigun server & i checked it out bc Fuck Yeah trans wolfwood. and then had my world just blown away. it's SUCH a good fic, & i really am such a sucker for fantasy au. and i was just absolutely gushing about how realistic the depiction of trans wolfwood was even before i finished the fic. SUCH a great fic. so imagine my surprise & delight when i went back to reread Trillium and Ivy and realized -- OH FUCK, it's by the SAME PERSON !!! such beautiful writing, For Real. i really do love these 2 fics.

Sun, Moon, and Stars by tragic_unpaired_electron (can't find a tumblr link on the fic or ao3 profile, so if anyone knows them feel free to share this with them pls !!)

WOW LOOK it's a fic that doesnt have VW as the main focus!!! unfortunately the only one of those on this list (i May be a tad predictable...), & it really earned its place here. it's just such a fascinating fic that answers the question of What If Tesla Survived? i adore the exploration of her strengths and struggles, as well as her sibling relationship with Knives and Vash. it's so INTERESTING, and it gets into the meat of fighting for the rights of Independent Plants (and plants in general) and just. man. i read this and wanted to devote my life to one Tesla Saverem. she is so precious and hard-headed and SUCH a good big sister. pls do read it, it's such a lovely fic

and NOW...

onto the smut fics lol.

there are Plenty of very good smut fics around, but these are the ones that really stuck with me. either for being Different than the norm, or just being very... well. ya kno lol.

dont worry about the picture this paints of me lmfaoooo

you'll never get enough by tagteamme / @phaltu

AGHHHHHHHHH oh my god this fic made me FEEL things. it's a boxer / gym au, and MAN does it do it well. u get the sweaty gym setting, u get the homoeroticism & horny pining, u get the blatant masochism that drives them both... im just obsessed with it. that stove scene is going to stay with me For Life. & the smut is of course VERY good, but the Vibes... oh the Vibes are so impeccable. obsessed.

there is a season for all things by SolidShrimp (cant find their tumblr on the fic/profile, but i Know ive seen them on tumblr 🤔 if anyone knows their url, pls do me a favor and send this to them!)

THIS ONE.......................... man. man. man. man. like i know xeno is The Average for fandom vash, except the normal flower "plantussy" doesnt really do much for me. im too much of a monster fucker for that i guess. it's not BAD, just not particularly exciting. this, though? now, THIS one left an impression. ive already gushed about it to the writer in the comments of the first fic (havent kept up with the sequel fics, tho i really should catch back up sometime) so i'll keep it brief here. just. such an UTTERLY delightful inhuman vash portrayal, to the point where his reproductive biology is just plain incompatible with Wolfwood & Meryl's (oh yeah, it's mashwood, which is WONDERFUL...). wolfwood and meryl are in over their head trying to figure out how to get vash off in his own way, but they do their Absolute Best!!! it's just rly sweet and i adore the way the writer went Full Ham into the inhuman aspects. utterly delightful.

Kick me once again, and say we'll never part by epsilontauri (doesn't look like they're on tumblr? there's just a link to their twitter on the fic. but if anyone knows them, feel free to send this to them!)

this one is. so. very. AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. ok i will be honest this is probably my favorite vw smut. and it's barely even smut. the sequel is definitely much more sex, but this one is. well. it's some extreme, dangerous, and barely negotiated S&M. as the saying goes, it's neither Safe Or Sane, but it sure is consensual! it's just so. well looking at just the tags sure does reveal it. horrible coping, it's an intense fic, but it's just so.......... DELIGHTFUL........... i really really really love fics that stick to their guns like this. and i love how even though Wolfwood had a GREAT time, we get to see how it kinda freaked Vash out (he did Not like hurting Wolfwood), so the sequel is good for a fic where they're both genuinely having lots of fun. this one is actually rather not fun for Vash. but it's just. it's about the Extremity of it. the Possessiveness. pushing someone to their absolute limits!!!!!!!!! this is another fic that i rambled in the comments about bc. yeah. yeah. it's. just trust me. if ur into fucked up dudes being fucked up dudes, this is the fic for you.

& OKAY i think that's my list. again, it's nonexhaustive, but ive had enough typing i think lol

hope u guys enjoy the recs 🥺

[vwritesaus]

v's masterpost

hello and welcome!! i'm v and i love to write--fics, poetry and some original work (when the mood hits). and as my username states, i also write and am very fond of AUs

all of my fics save a few drabbles can be found on my ao3 (@/vwritesaus) and my main blog is @a-thousand-unread-pages ✨ i also craft in my spare time, particularly embroidery ♡

my inbox is always open so send me in your asks, headcannons, whatever you like! i'm always down to chat, even if i take a million years to respond (just as a warning!)

i love a lot of books, manga and anime, but you'll mainly see fics for my current and everlasting obsessions:

the shadowhunter chronicles (specifically the infernal devices & the last hours)

haikyuu!!. love those little giant volleyball idiots so damn much.

also tid/tlh fans, please check out @alastairstom for her AMAZING fics (ao3 @/thegirlofthorns) and my best girl @agnes-draws's art which will leave you screaming and believe in love again

so without further ado, here's my work below the cut!!

the shadowhunter chronicles:

key: only main ships listed, rated, wc, chapters completed *tumblr include the last chain of preview posts and completed fic/chapter links

a (two few) hundred hearts (thomastair, t, 20.5k): tumblr (previews, final) | ao3

timeless (the last hours, m, 17.k) (1/?): - chapter 1: tumblr (previews, final) | ao3 - chapter 2: coming soon

dear christopher (the last hours, t, 24.1k) (3/5): - chapter 1: tumblr (previews, final) | ao3 - chapter 2: tumblr | ao3 - chapter 3: tumblr (preview, final) | ao3 - chapter 4: tumblr (previews, final) | ao3 - chapter 5: tumblr | ao3

breathe (thomastair, t, 4.4k): tumblr | ao3

what's in a kiss? (by any other touch would feel just as sweet) (thomastair, t, 9.6k): tumblr | ao3

hygge (thomastair, t, 2.6k): tumblr | ao3

piece of cake (thomastair, g, 6.6k): tumblr | ao3

paper lace, sealed with a kiss (thomastair, TBA): tumblr | ao3

random wip snippets: pt 1 | pt 2

haikyuu!!

key: only main ships listed, rated, wc, chapters completed

outliers (tsukikage/yamayachi, m, 4.5k) (1/12): ao3

it’s complicated (kogagoshi/kinkuni, m, 3k) (1/?): ao3

on the trail of lemon leaves (bokuaka, t, 3.2k) (1/?): ao3

press start (iwaoi/matsuhana, m, 9.4k) (2/?): ao3

in lover’s eyes, there is… (sakuatsu/sunaosa, t, 26k): ao3

whispers in a fox’s ear (sakuatsu, m, 34.1k): ao3

at the edge of the blue hour (bokuaka, t, 9.7k) (2/4): ao3

when i fall, don’t let me drown (bokuaka/kuroken, m, 44.1k): ao3

in gold, blue and pale pink (kuroken/bokuaka, g, 5.2k): ao3

the line (we cannot see) that connects our stars (yamayachi, g, 3.4k): ao3

among inked flowers (bokuaka, g, 1.8k): ao3

breath of the sun (bokuaka, g, 1.8k): ao3

if home is where… (matsuhana/iwaoi, t, 15.6k) (2/5): ao3

reflected in prismed moonlight (bokuaka, g, 2.4k): tumblr | ao3

achivement unlocked: cutie acquired (kuroken/bokuaka, g, 4.6k): ao3

perfect? (kagehina, g, 2.4k): ao3

fugue (kuroken, t, 1.6k): tumblr | ao3

blinded (iwaoi/matsuhana, t, 26.5k): tumblr | ao3

the shadowhunter chronicles: 

coming soon

haikyuu!!: 

long ago, i saw a fallen star… (bokuaka, t, 879): ao3

upon the darkest blue (tsukikage, g, 875): tumblr | ao3

bad liar (iwaoi)

hands (bokuaka)

lucky (iwaoi)

movie date (kuroken)

umbrella (matsuhana)

missing you (daisuga)

winter (kagehina)

baking (bokuaka)

birthday (iwaoi)

zines:

coming soon (haven't posted any of my zine pieces yet lol)

crafts:

hinata + meat bun embroidery