#wow why do I have so many thoughts
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terpsichoracle · 2 years ago
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“Please, listen to me - and don’t scoff.”
I take issue with the way RTT is described in the various wiki entries I’ve seen for him, because they like to point out that the older cats merely tolerate him or are impatient with his activities.
A) no
B) really? No
C) evidence pls
but what he says at the start of Misto’s song is kind of telling, and I think it says something about who he is.
RTT has a reputation - he’s a cat that does what he wants, when he wants, which is - every cat tbh but he wants to feel special! he jumped in on the very very end of Jennyanydots’ number which is still rude, but he a) didn’t interrupt the song itself or the story and b) no one seems surprised or upset, they just go oh! it’s RTT being RTT. and he isn’t particularly kind to Grizabella; he’s kind of sarcastic in his interaction with her, but it’s not like he’s the only one to be dismissive of her.
During the Awefull Battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles, he jumps in with the bagpipes at the end and Munkustrap is exasperated - but arguably less so than when Mungojerry and Rumpleteazer get their barks out of order or when the Great Rumpus Cat enters on the wrong side of the stage. This isn’t an RTT thing - this is an everyone around Munkustrap being a goof while he’s trying to hold it together thing lol.
RTT sings Old Deuteronomy with Munkustrap - they BOTH obvs have a tremendous amount of respect for Old Deut, but RTT is the one who specifically says the village is proud of him in his decline. And when Old Deut shows up, he gets fucking psyched - RTT is a cool kid but he also gets excited about stuff! He is also the last one to officially greet Old Deut; it’s framed in a way where they kind of stare each other down, which is especially notable because RTT is standing on the pipe to be tall (I also like standing on things to be tall). But Old Deut is obviously relaxed and smiling, and RTT’s got the biggest fucking grin when he bows. It gives me cheeky “you’re not the boss of me” vibes, but he is very much accepting of the fact that Old Deut’s in charge, and I don’t think he cares much either.
RTT is also consistently pictured near Old Deut, when he’s not on stage or skulking in the shadows; shaking hands with him, or resting a hand on his shoulder, or just kind of vibing near him. He’s the one who suggests a way to get Old Deut back, to boot, so - I just don’t really get the idea that he’s got a tremulous relationship with the others. He cares SO MUCH, SO SO MUCH. He’s just also REALLY COOL.
What this tells me is that RTT does have mutually respectful relationships with a lot of the older cats; he’s also especially close to Old Deut. The kittens love him because of who he appears to be, and he’s just as goofy as the other older cats but in his own distinct way. It also tells me that he does know when to be serious and he also knows how to make that clear to his peers.
I’m still ruminating on the ‘don’t scoff’ thing, but for the most part, am inclined to believe it’s about what he’s going to suggest. imo, the cats know Misto has magic; he uses it for Munkustrap and Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat, Cat of the Railway Train. It’s never been crazy, though - lifting the trunk or turning lights on is relatively small, compared to magicking an entire person back. So I think he’s saying ‘don’t scoff, I know Misto can do it’.
Which also stands in contrast to a trope I saw when poking at fanfiction - that Misto has magic and the other cats dislike or fear him for it. I never got that vibe! The cats don’t like Macavity much but it doesn’t seem to be because of his magic so much as it is because, you know, he likes to break laws lol. And I guess because of the kidnapping and stuff. They come together once a year to decide which cat is gonna reincarnate, Old Deut’s apparently telepathic, etc etc - I think the magic is just part and parcel of who they are as Jellicles and he’s got a little more than most. It was more of a “I know you can do a cartwheel, but can you really do a backflip?” kind of vibe. He is still cheeky and exuberant during the number - but it’s coming from a place of respect and belief in Misto’s abilities.
(or he’s just hoping really hard that it’ll work, but doesn’t want Misto to doubt himself - either way, his faith is justified or his faith is what it takes for Misto to believe in himself; it gets the job done.)
Which is funny because even Misto is like “uhh” at certain points while RTT is like NO YOU GOT THIS
Anyway this is, in part, why I think RTT is going to be the next Jellicle leader rather than Munkustrap
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lilybug-02 · 1 year ago
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Wow. That could not have turned out worse.
Part 23 || First || Previous || Next
--Full Series--
This comic will be on Holiday Hiatus this December and January! While on a cliffhanger? What a scam! >:/
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sneeb-canons · 11 months ago
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Headcanon #500:
Mind is afraid that when he distances himself from or above the others, that he will be too far gone to come back down. That when his paranoia gets the best of him, he'll shut everyone else out and then be completely alone with no way back to where he was before.
Heart is afraid that if Mind is right, with the idea that what he does isn't genuine, that he's being manipulative without realizing it. Then therefore being Whole without himself there is the better option. That he'd be thrown out because his ideas would then be "not worth it" or even "vile"
Soul is afraid that no matter what he does or how good things will be, they'll always eventually split up again or even end up worse. Even then he has no clue what he's supposed to do or be during everything, and so because of that he'll never be whole. Or worse that he'll never really "feel" whole.
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triglycercule · 13 days ago
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happy birthday dust sans :3 ‼️🎊
"well, that's that. a grand execution, the perfect punishment for a sinner with lifetimes worth of crimes, and yet, nobody showed up, and dust didn't even try to fight back."
"heh. sounds pretty pathetic to me... but hey, maybe this was what he wanted."
"to die alone only accompanied by the ones he hated with nobody who he'd actually want to witness this?"
"maybe dying only with yourself would be less embarrassing than a public show. privacy is something you never realize you want until you lose it."
"... you were right, that does sound pathetic."
#happy birthday dust sans except he's not even in focus. in fact he is literally on his last day of birth#ANYWAYS LATE POST I KNOW BUT I MADE IT JUST IN TIME BEFORE THE 10TH ENDED IN MY TIMEZONE HEHEHE#triglycercule is officially back 😈😈😈 more murder time trio to come soon........TRUST🙏🙏🙏#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au#tricule art#i tried to replicate kinda a style similar to calvateyla's it'll probably look more obvious as the year progresses :3#the theme for this year's trio birthdays? death XD! ok well like yeah but i have plans ok hehehe :3 be ready for a killer and horror death!#but that's over in may and august....... for now february for dust :3#see last minute i realized i forgot that monsters dust when they die so i added that in last minute 😁😁😁😁#hmmm hmmm can i explain my own piece or no 🤔🤔🤔 this is probably the most detailed thing ive drawn so far ever WOW#so there isnt really any context behind why dust is dead and the build up i just thought it would be cool#horror and killer hung him btw thats why there's 2 pulleys on the scarf and obviously why they're there... :3#dust is in the background blurred and not even in focus because like hrkl said: his death was pathetic and insignificant and lonely#dust's constant fight against the human and the internal conflict he has that causes him turmoil and outbursts seems loud and explosive#but really dust is just solemn and sad and quiet and suffering so i wanted to capture that... not a grand finale for him#as always my interpretation and take but i imagine dust initially struggled to not choke but then started seeing things the more air he los#and eventually he began listening to the insults and sobs of those he killed and gave up and allowed himself to die without even fighting#horror and killer can't see this of course because dust's hallucinations are in his own head (not like he can talk anyways LUL)#to dust his death was attended by too many of those he loved yet all telling him to give up#quite opposite to horror's idea that a solitary death is a comfortable one with no eyes to watch#killer is of course an extreme compared to dust and horror he doesn't care at all if people are there or not to witness the death#its irrelevant anyways :p he's just gonna die in the end so what matters dust's comfort if it all leads to the same outcome???#(keep in mind i've yet to do my killer analysis yet...... this is all advice and help my resident killer expert told me :3 soon though!!)#anyways!!! almost late but i made it just in time hehe!! god its been so long since i properly drew on digital its funnn!!!!#also the hanging via papyrus's scarf is a classic idea honestly B) its the best way for dust to go out imo........
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sluckythewizard · 9 months ago
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[PUT INTO PLACE, TIED DOWN AND ARRANGED, AND IS NEVER THE SAME, AGAIN.]<-listen to my favorite songs. VAMPIRES ARE WONDERFUL ARENT THEY. THE FLESH IS SO MUCH MORE DURABLE. SO MUCH STRETCHIER THAN HUMANS. THE STRESS DOESNT KILL A VAMPIRE THE SAME WAY IT DOES A HUMAN. YOU CAN TAKE THEM APART THREAD BY THREAD AND LEAVE THEM WIDE AWAKE WITHOUT WORRY OF THE BRAINMATTER SPOILING UNDER VINEGARY AGONY.
#cw gore#WEEEE WHIPPING OUT ALL MY BELOVED PIXEL HORROR GAME SOUNDTRACKS FOR THIS ONE#STILL A WIP#SORTA. FORKSFORKSFORKS INSPIRED ME TO START WORKIN AT IT AGAIN. AND NOW IT LIVES. IT LIIIVEESS!!!#MOSLT.Y ATLEAST. I MIGHT MESS W IT MORE LATER. WE SHALL SEE. ANYWAY GABRIEL MONTEZ HUH. WOW POOR GUY#THERES A FASCINATING FEELING THAT COMES WITH BEING ON A OPERATING TABLE.AND BEING IN IMMENSE PAIN#ONE OF MY FONDEST MEMORIES IS LAYING ON A DENTIST CHAIR. SHAKING AND INVOLUNTARILY CRYING AFTER MANY MANY#NEEDLES TO MY THE MOUTH. I METABOLIZE THE NUMBING STUFF QUICKLY APPARENTLY. THEY NEEDED ALOT OF NUMBING SHOTS#BUT I WASNT AFRAID OR DISTRESSED. THE DENTIST WAS VERYVERY NICE AND ALSO UH. PRETTY. BUT THATS BESIDE THE POINT#THE POINT IS. THAT IT WAS FASCINATING TO REALIZE MY PHYSICAL RESPONSE TO PAIN UNDER A CONTROLLED ENVIRONMENT#I DIDNT KNOW HOW EASY IT WAS TO SHAKE AND TO CRY PRYVIOUS TO THAT EXPERIENCE.MY DENTAL ADVENTURES CONTINUE#THEY CONTINUE TO HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHAT ITS LIKE FOR PAIN TO BOIL AWAY THE TIME. TO DISTORT THE PASSING HOURS AND CONSUME EVERY THOUGHT#DO YOU REMEMBER PAIN? THE MOST SEVERE PAIN IN YOUR LIFE? NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE RED LIGHTS? RED LIGHTS AND SHIFTING FIGURES#NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE PAIN UNRELENTING.PAIN WORLD SHATTERING.PAIN IMMORTAL.CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING PULLED APART#THE HUMAN MIND CAN ONLY WITHSTAND SO MUCH PAIN BEFORE IT SHUTS DOWN AND HIDES.IT NEEDS TO PROTECT ITSELF AFTERALL. PAIN CAN ALTER#PAIN SHIFTS THE CHEMISTY OF THE MIND OF THE FLESH OF THE SOUL. FOR HUMANS ATLEAST. BUT YOU ARE NO LONGER HUMAN#YOU CHOSE OTHERWISE DIDNT YOU BOY.BECAUSE YOU WANTED MORE.STATUS.POWER.APPROVAL.SECURITY.SAFET.Y.#OHHH YOU CAN WITHSTAND THE PAIN FOR THAT. FOR ALL THAT. YOU WERENT TOLD THERE WOULD BE PAIN BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WERE PROMISED.#ITS ALL WORTH IT IN THE END. NOW LETS JUST HOPE SOME BLONDE TWERP DOESNT PROVE TO BE STRONGER THAN THE STRONGEST PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE#LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. I LOST MY TRAIN O THOUGHT#anyway dawww poorr gabeee that shit probably huuurrrrtttss but so much time has passed that your body got tired of screaming and squirming#why havnt you passed out yet? maybe you might as well have at this point. like sleeping with your eyes open and your nerves awake#OH HEY FUNFACT ABT THE ART. I FOUGHT W IT ALOT. TOOK A LONG WHILE FOR ME TO BE REMOTELY HAPPY W THIS.#i was thinking abt pixel horror video games when i made it.just as i do with all great things ofc ofc#i love you pixel horror game i love yooouuuuu.i struggled so much w the colors for so LONNGG UHGHGHGH but im finally happy...im finally fre
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elizabeth-mitchells · 6 months ago
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so i was thinking about fanfiction. as one does. and tbh yes i was mostly trying to cheer myself up about some fics not getting as many kudos/hits as others and also trying to encourage myself to keep writing fics even knowing beforehand that they won't get that much attention. and i thought to myself isn't this just another hobby? and aren't there so many hobbies we have that we just do completely alone, or that we only get to share them with a handful of people around us? so then isn't it already special to write something and have even just one other person see it?? those five kudos are already so much more love than the story would get if i didn't share it online!
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m00nj3w3l · 3 months ago
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So I listened to Clear's drama CD
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skitskatdacat63 · 2 years ago
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reaction gifs but they're all from that one Mercedes ad with Nico and Schumi[x]
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themyscirah · 2 years ago
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This is how this went right?
Parallax!Hal: I miss being a hero... wish I had my ring back
Kyle: oh well you can have mine then! That way you can have a second chance : )
Parallax!Hal: YES!!! A SECOND CHANCE TO PLAY GOD AND RESHAPE THE WORLD AS I WILL IT MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Kyle, now ringless: .................huh. im gonna be honest here I really didn't see that coming
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I'm starting Mission to Zyxx Season 5 now, and I have feelings about that.
First, it generally scares me when people hype anything up at all because there is no guarantee that anyone values the exact same thing I do to the same degree. Even if I trust the creators of a thing to value something and try to do right by it, that doesn't always necessarily mean it will be successful, especially if that involves doing something wildly different than what made it good in the first place (I have been burned this way before). I guess I'm just hoping they continue the format of goofy improv shenanigans for the majority of it with something more planned and emotional in the finale if they want, like they've been doing all along. I'd think they would, and I've heard nothing bad about the ending, but I guess it still makes me nervous because I'm so close to the end and I want it so badly to stick the landing. I'm setting my expectations on the floor so I can be surprised instead of disappointed, but honestly, I don't need it to be better, I just need it to be on par with the rest.
Second, and more briefly, I'm happy it's (hopefully) ending before it has a chance to decline. I am so on board with that philosophy. But on the other hand, finishing a thing that I really, really like and knowing there's not another one out there gives me a special kind of heartache. Like, I know there will be other good media, and stuff that's good and unique in other ways, but I know for a fact that there are no other podcasts out there that have the same mix of a balance of off-the-wall improv and structured narrative, quality comedy, fantastical sci-fi setting and loveable characters, and high quality production. There are other things out there with many of those qualities, but nothing that checks every one of those boxes. It's a lightning-in-a-bottle thing that very much feels like the right people had to be in the right place at the right time to do it. Attempts to do it again would feel hollow because it had to be born out of necessity and passion and the talents of the people involved, so if you switch out the people it loses the reasons it's great, and if the same people tried to do it again it'd feel tired. That makes me so, so grateful it exists, but also so, so sad that it doesn't, and I'm 80% of the way done. When it's over, it's over.
Anyway. Now that that's all out there, I'm just gonna finish listening and have fun. Wish me luck.
#pickle pontificates#mission to zyxx#if you freaking flip on episode 1 after reading this and are like. wow. they're talking a lot about butts and ejecting people into space.#what is pickle on about#well. sue me i guess. idk#I have a lot of feelings about this as a general topic so this is moreso just the most recent thing that's touched on it for me#okay so time for essay 2 in the tags#1. I don't really talk about TAZ on here but it's something I carry with me whenever I think about this kind of thing#I think that in the same vein as MTZ it started off very goofy and directionless and then gave me more emotions than I thought it would#and it's not perfect but balance was a cultural landmark in a lot of ways#i enjoyed amnesty but it didn't have the same spark. what drew me to balance was all the goofy improvisation#and the fact that it was never serious until it was#amnesty (although i loved the setting/concept and enjoyed the characters) crossed the line into taking things more seriously#and while that's not a bad thing in and of itself the thing i enjoy about the mcelroys is when they're goofing around#that's what they're good at and it's why i like them#subsequent arcs suffered the same thing to varying degrees#i slogged through most of graduation for some reason and although ethersea was better i didn't finish it#taz dracula was the first time i've felt that same kind of fun while listening since balance#and I really think it was because they were just getting silly with it. sure yeah elizabeth the sports druid. lady godwin turns into a hors#whatever!#their dad gets to follow through on his ideas and do whatever crazy but kinda logical thing he comes up with#but i guess the point is that to me taz feels very lightning in a bottle. balance is what it's capable of being but is not the default#all the other right ingredients had to be in the soup#2. noragami. ohh noragami.#you wormed your way deep into my heart and then flopped out of it like a messy slimy dead fish#and i can't even be upset about it because the creators sounded so tired and unhappy with the way it ended#but there was so much potential. so many themes that DID hit hard throughout the story and could've knocked a man out cold#had they come back at the end#and they could have right up until so very close!!! it wasn't unsalvageable#in fact it still isn't. you'd hardly have to revise anything. you'd just have to write a different ending
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jadeofblades · 11 months ago
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@gontagokuhara-week day 5: self-esteem
Was gonna write something for this day but i died on the inside so, yknow how it is. But aside from that, Wow! Now that's what I call a guy with Issues!
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necrotic-nephilim · 7 months ago
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What are your opinions on Casstim?
i LOVE CassTim. i've actually written a CassTim fic that's mostly just fluff and smut, but i have a lot of ideas/thoughts about them that play with the more complicated aspects of them.
i'm of the opinion that Tim and Cass were a potential romance that DC left the door open for before Tim got adopted by Bruce. (and tbh, even after he got adopted there were certain interactions in Red Robin (2009) that felt romantically implied) a lot of their interactions have implied feelings on both sides so of all Batcest ships, i think this one has a *lot* of genuine canon backing despite it being one of the most underrated ships of the fandom.
the dynamic between Cass and Tim is really interesting to me because Tim doesn't want to be Batman in any capacity and thinks that goal is actually incredibly unhealthy and unachievable, whereas to Cass it's the thing she strives for the most and if anything she wants to be even more than that. (Batgirl (2000) #59 actually has a really interesting discussion about that and that whole post-War Games arc is fun for understanding how Tim and Cass feel about each other) so a lot of their interactions clash because of that and they can't always see eye to eye on what vigilante justice and Batman's vision should look like. their relationship with each other is always going to be dependant on their relationship with Bruce first, as well as the Batman mantle as a whole. so for them to love each other (which, they do without a doubt, romantic or not) they have to accept where they don't agree with each other.
there's such a gentleness to CassTim, i think? not because i think Cass (or Tim tbh) is gentle, but i think for the exact opposite reason. there is this fullness and drivenness in the way she loves and her undying devotion to them. she would do anything to protect her loved ones. and when you combine that with Tim, who's pretty self-sacrificial at his worst, you have some interesting conflict because they're both too-willing to die for the other. their lives are defined by violence, *especially* Cass', so for her to finally let herself be loved and protected by someone else as much as she loves others is something that simply makes me feral.
they've both been trained by Shiva, which i don't think gets explored enough because it's fun for exploring the way they fight and think in a fight being potentially similar. Cass is *far* smarter than anyone gives her credit for being, and has detective skills on par with Tim, in my opinion. they balance each other out in a lot of ways. they're two people who have *chosen* this fight more than a lot of the rest of the Batfamily. being Batgirl is so important to Cass and it's something she chose because of her desperate want to be good. and Tim chose to be Robin because he knew Gotham and Bruce needed that. while they don't always agree on it, i would argue Cass and Tim understand the nuances of the Batman mantle and what it represents deeper than almost anyone else. because of that i'm particularly interested in a future CassTim, where Cass becomes Batman and Tim is in a weird limbo where he wants to stop being a vigilante but can't seem to quite let go of the life and how they end up meeting in the middle of that. i think it could be really fun with a lot of complicated arguments between them that end in a slow burn romance.
idk man this is baseless rambling, but tldr i love them so dearly and there's so much that can be explored between them. also, i think TimKonCass should be a thing. i like KonCass more than most people do (why do y'all hate this ship it's so good pls hear me out-) and i think as a complicated weird throuple they'd be fun.
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ihamtmus · 11 months ago
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it's weird how jhope is Right There and he's like the Most Talented Person but some armys just. don't see him. should be studied
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One day I'll draw the ieytd cast with all the flower imagery i want
#i think. i think the fact that we all draw the characters so colour coordinated contributes heavily to this#i have SOOO many fucking thoughts you have no idea#specifically some starstruck ones I've had for like a year but blahblahblah im always thinking about them at least a little#it's my fucking that old man yaoi you can pry it from my cold dead hands#but also ughhh i hate the canon ages like SIDE NOTE#okay these tags are abt to go in a wildly different direction basically i am no longer yapping about florography#likeeee prism being 40 canonically makes it weird for me prism is more like. 45-47 for me and reggie is probably like 50-52#juniper also like i know a lot of people say mid 20s but for me?? he's like 37 and DESPARATE not do have a twink death#and then phoenix is probably around the same age as jj??#idk just working off the main 4 guys (to me) i guess but idk ive always had mild issues with the fact prism is canonically 40#it's just. naur.......nuhuh......................#i digress reggie being in his 50s is weirdly important to me and i have NO idea why. maybe I've just been jn this fandom for a while#<- been here on and off since before first class from ieytd 1#i more or less discovered there was a fandom in 2022 tho but sighs. ive been here a WHILE.....#at the very most j was here before seat of power i remember watching a playthrough of that when it released#but in terms of first class my memory gets deeply spotty but thats being a system for ya wayyyyyyyy#wow this ramble went in like 17 directions jf you're still here thank you??????????? why??? /lh#[words words words]#ughh anyways 🤩🤩 ieytd and flowers yeah it's intrinsically linked to me#idk might redesign them all surrounded by flowers but also i literally do not have the time for that <- just started art college
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another-faceless-girl · 2 months ago
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just started watching Arcane and like - i know silco isnt a good guy but it just like hes everything my father isnt protective and caring (in his own way ig) and like i know my father would never dream of doing anything like that and the whole theme of parenthood being the one thing that breaks everyone is (maybe) true i know my father would never and it just hurts cause these arent good people and on paper my father is better than them but he really isnt. he really really isnt
#another faceless girl#will make smth more coherent soon#i know no one sees these but arrhrhhrrh#it just the theme of fatherhood breaking everyone even someone who tried to bulid all their walls out of smth unbreakable being broken#by a daughter of all things#it just hits so much harder when you know your own father would never do any of this crap#hed probably turn me in honestly#because when you dont have daddy issues and you watch this show i imagine it just like “oh i like vander!” and “oh i dont like silco!”#and its that easy cause your father loves you#but my father doesnt so even when i see unhinged unhealthy father-daughter relationships#i just think it sweet because to me it is cause my father wouldnt even try in the first place!!!#and this makes no sense does it but ragahahaha it makes sense TO ME#and maybe someone out there#but like the unrestrained protectivenss of silco with power/jinx cause even thoughs hes evil hes a good father (maybe)£#or at least he loves his kids!!#so when its the other way around and your father is a good person who doesnt like his kids it just smack you like a brick#cause wow#thats what its supposed to be like.#huh. what.#i have so many thoughts i will expand on this for my sake no one elses heheh :) suffer#arcane#i guess#i hate my dad#daddy issues#powder and silco#dont know why im tagging this proper no one will read it but ah well#it adds to my sad girl tumblr profile#i need it on my resume for sad girl on tumblr school!!! making my portfolio rn#hope i get in!!!!
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girlivealwaysbean · 3 months ago
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hey god if you've created someone for me can you introduce me to them sooner? i kinda need them now
#like i know i know im sad and hurt but in my heart even the worst breakup friendship or otherwise can kill my hope#like i know this is gods plan for me this is my arc but god it's getting worse and harder everyday#i thought nothing could be worse than yesterday but i hadn't lived today them#then*#i need to talk to someone so bad oh god sl yesterday i had the exam right#and like i don't even know what happened i thought i was going to fail even after giving my 2000% studying#for like 10 hours a day for 15 days for this one exam#and i was panicking and shivering so bad that my heart felt like it would fly out of my chest it was beating so hard#and so fast it didn't even beat like that when i climb too many stairs#and i tried to deep breathe but nothing worked it was so scary like yeah i get stressed sometimes#but this was another level so scary i was nauseous too#and then i clicked submit and i got 82!!!#when i was so sure i was gonna fail because i was only sure about 54 marks answers and the passing was 50#and i got really happy and relieved and then i realized. oh. i don't have anyone to tell#like yeah i told my dad and he was like oh cool ofcourse you did very good#because he doesn't GET it that im not smart anymore and 10th cbse is not an accurate measure of intelligence#he wasn't even happy or surprised he was like well nice obviously#and that's it. i didn't have anyone else to tell#granted i hadn't even told anyone i was giving the exam. i mean i say anyone as if im swimming in friends#only have one. two if u stretch. and i didn't say. cause like idk doesn't really seems like anyone cares#and aah stupid emotional me before the exam i was feeling sad and trying not to panic (??? why??) and CRY in the car because i was thinking#that how my mom always drops me to exam centres and we talk i play music and when im getting out she says all the best beta#and the beta. wow i typed this and immediately have tears in my eyes now. i don't even understand why but#idk i made it up to be a little tradition in my head and i really wanted to call my mom and say mom pls can u say all the best#to me now bc i think ill fuck it up and im really scared and maybe if u give your blessing it'd be okay. but then i thought how embarrassin#it wld be if i failed. bc we don't have any kind of rship my mom and me. and then when she heard i passed from dad she didn't even call me#or anything. thank god i didn't do all that drama but fucking hell. this is all just for me right nobody cares not my parents#and it's too difficult im crumbling under the pressuee but i have to grit my teeth and do it or ill never be able to get out of this house#and i know ill find people when i do get out. but in the meantime. please god ji just one person idc who girl boy friend or love ANYONE#ik it's weak & ik i shld be enough on my own. but pls i just CAN'T.they dont even have to put up with me they just have to care a bit
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