#haha anyway

[kenchann]

sweet dreams

[johnnyspells]

Brennan Lee Mulligan as Sean Finnerty | Candela Obscura Chapter 2

[nostalgiaclown]

I don't know what to do with myself (BIG EMMRICH SPOILERS SO I HID UNDER READ MORE FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-)

[rose-tinted-kalopsia]

letting out a slow breath bc ur girl has finished both myths within like the span of a week, and we all know this post was inevitable. bc is she going to overanalyze? yes. is she going to overthink every little line on the basis of picking apart a character's mind? yes!

(bear with me and my xavier thoughts for a sec guys ✋)

i'll be less lore-heavy and more introspection-heavy, but as lighthearted as lumiere's myth story seems on the surface, i can't be the only one who got all sad about it, right? 😭 xavier girlies you get me, right? 😭 it's not light light, right? 😭

like i knew from the start that xavier's complicated feelings about lumiere were going to be rooted deeply, but this? 😭 the way you can tell it goes WAY back? 😭

because. it does. it goes all the fucking way back.

because what do we know about xavier? his subtleties. in general, he has that calm, reserved, collected trope... it's more on the easygoing safe, like a safe presence, almost aloof in nature. but it's almost as if so much more hides underneath that; like it's not totally 100% inherently him, like it's not entirely natural, like the part of him that's like this is maybe somewhat a façade that he's been putting up for so long, so it's just ended up... becoming part of him, by force of habit.

like let's look at the other end of that calm, collected trope: zayne. why do we feel like it's naturally part of his personality to be that way? he's calm, he's collected, maybe a little cold—but he's confident. it's as if it's been established somehow that, yes, he is like this, and he knows that he is. he doesn't hold back with it, there are rarely moments he acts out of this persona in some surprising manner only to awkwardly slip back into it—at least, you'd have to think hard about it to find one.

like,, he's soft and sweet with mc? it comes along naturally; we say, yeah. that feels like something he'd do. he's caring and concerned for mc's wellbeing? again, natural; we say, of course. his profession allows him to put in that extra care and concern.

but it isn't always like that with xavier, is it? why is it that xavier surprises us? why is it so common for him to suddenly act a little different from what we know, and have it be so jarring to not even to just us, but to mc as well?

there are so many subtleties to the way he seems to try to express himself, but always finds himself short of doing it in the way he wants to. the push and pull with mc? the soft moments, only to step back and be distant? then the sudden forwardness in contrast? the jealousy? the devs even go so far as to put so much attention into giving him these microexpressions, that like—it always feels like they have so much meaning to them. his basic animations? the way his eyes would widen or soften, the slight tilt of his head, the little smile that grows, even the way he'd shake his head and look to the side? and his card animations? the eyebrow raise? the little frowns? the narrowing of eyes? the very slightest movements of his lips into a pout or a smile? hell, even the hesitation in his voice sometimes, or the tiniest inflections, they all seem to say so much.

it's just,,, it's those little things. microexpressions. involuntary emotional leakage. they last for a fragment of a second, but they're there. they're always there. and with xavier, they seem to always convey so much more than whatever words he can muster. like something's desperately trying to peek through this persona he's built for himself, that he's getting there, but he isn't quite there yet.

then, why is that?

several factors.

family, for one. his role, for one.

because at his core, he's always been the prince of philos. but he's also always distanced himself from that title, his family, at the same time.

and how does mc recognize xavier to be, the first time they meet?

trapped.

—"they say he doesn't live on campus because his family background is complicated, and many people have seen him surrounded by bodyguards."

—"they aren't clad in all black as one would expect, and they keep a respectable distance away from xavier. still, these people exude an air of oppression. xavier, with his bag, is at the center of their group. it seems he's used to being stared at. the only difference is that rather than being his usual expressionless self, he appears slightly upset."

—"'you appeared to be upset, so i thought you wanted to be free.'"

—"'i wish xavier is free to do what he wants.'"

he wants to strip away the one thing he has associated with himself enough to be his identity, because it's an identity he didn't choose. he wants nothing to do with it, nothing to do with the responsibilities his family pushes onto him if he can help it. it's been that way from the start—he doesn't want attention for it, doesn't want to make a big deal out of it, would rather not be associated with it at all.

and the first time he meets mc, it's a testament to how much freedom being with her gives him. she saves him from that oppression. he's allowed to be a little more himself; a little less tense, a little more aloof, a little more joke-y, maybe even a little teasing, just—someone who can smile, and laugh, and speak—genuinely—without finding the need to hold back in some way.

it even carries over to every timeline he meets her in.

but duty is the enemy of freedom.

and what is expected of a prince?

is it not to be calm, and rational, and composed? is it not to be gentle, and kind? patient, caring? just, but to be able to prioritize his people—his potential future subjects—over just the one person he loves?

there's another line from his anecdote that stands out: "it's not that i like it. it's the only thing i've been good at since i was a child."

maybe he's fallen into practice enough with these habits, and these mannerisms, for some of these things to become part of him—again, by force of habit. but these are still qualities of an identity he never asked for. it's identity foreclosure: these identities, habits, skills; they were given. granted. forced upon him to learn. he's expected to be the heir to the throne, and he doesn't have much of a say in the matter... so it just. grows on him, despite his resignations about it. he has no choice but to allow his identity to be centered on this very role, these very expectations.

so much so that even escaping such a role, even abandoning philos as a whole, doesn't allow him to escape the identity he's built around it.

another factor? everything that's happened in the time before our current timeline.

because what does he maintain? a leadership position; captain of the backtrackers. a profession relating to combat; evol police, then a deepspace hunter. lumiere.

and he's retained certain things, too, like his more quiet nature, and the calmness that we've seen from him throughout...

and that's exactly the thing.

he's gone through so many identities. lived so many lives, for all the years that he has been living.

yet certain things remain constant;

and still, certain things threaten to break through from that shell that he can't quite let free so easily.

it's shocking, the first time we see him angry: the shining light card. it's shocking, the first time we see him more forward with his advances: kind words, tender nights. maybe, even a little shocking the first time we see him so easily jealous over jeremiah, even moreso over his own persona.

and again, we go back to that hesitation—the fact that he can't seem to express himself properly. because it's either he's incredibly awkward about it, or he just falls short of conveying what he wants to.

he has trouble being honest about his feelings, for example—difficulties in telling mc he loves her, difficulties in being direct to the point with her. he'd dodge her questions, be vague about things... he could never tell mc, as lightseeker, that the star tassle was from her in her past llife.

and:

the uncertainty in his actions speaks volumes, because he's sure of what he wants, but he can't seem to understand how to convey it properly.

it's like he's just so used to being princely, that he can't let go of it even if he isn't a prince anymore. he wants to. but he hides so much beneath that exterior still, and it's mc who's able to help him tear down those walls—mc who's able to make him want to try harder to. it's mc who's able to bring out those lighthearted moments in some of his cards, who helps bring light to the goofier side of him that he doesn't seem to be able to show to anyone else. it's mc who gives him his freedom.

and, i think—xavier's jealousy is just deeply rooted into all of that.

with jeremiah, and with other men, because he's not able to be as direct with his feelings as he wants to be, when other people can easily do that. because she is his freedom.

"to reach for freedom is to give it up."

that he's said this says so much about how he views things—because perhaps, he's given up part of his freedom for her... only for her to become his freedom.

he gave up his freedom just to find solace in her, when he's never made the move to express that clearly to her—and as much as he struggles to be more forward in his advances, he's scared that someone else will do it before him. so he'd reach for her, and fear losing her because of doing that, with the fear of losing her if he doesn't, and it's just this... whole cycle that he's so unsure of. he doesn't know what he should do.

and then add to that the essence of who lumiere is.

because who is he? what do we know of him?

he's "handsome" and "gentle". he's saved mc, twice, and become a fixation for her because of that.

it's silly at first glance, for there to be any issue in this—xavier is lumiere. they are inherently the same person.

but lumiere is a reflection of the person xavier is trying to leave in the past.

perhaps out of all the personas and identities we've known xavier to have assumed on earth, lumiere is the closest to prince xavier. in his aura, actions, mannerisms, speech, everything.

it's too close to it.

and it's not who xavier is now.

it's not who he wants to be.

—"lumiere... it's a name that only represents a moment in time."

—"lumiere is a person who should disappear."

in all the time he's spent with mc, he's been learning to be more himself and less of the mask he's been conditioned to assume from a young age—only for her to fall back into fawning over this lumiere persona that isn't inherently him, isn't who he's trying to be.

he's less jealous of himself, and more of actis with the hesitation of—does she not love me if i slip off that mask? does she prefer me when i'm like that? is it always going to be prince xavier; is it always going to be lumiere?

he'd feel the freedom he finds in her slipping away.

he doesn't want that.

he wants a normal life with her, without all these obligations, all these responsibilities, all this stress,,,

and lumiere won't grant that to him.

he wants to leave it behind.

but that's the thing, because there's also something he doesn't quite understand about it.

because by now, he's had so many identities. he's fragmented, maybe; unsure of himself, a little lacking in the confidence of which part of him mc will truly love, especially after all this time. and maybe he's aware of that or maybe he's not, but—

even the most conflicting parts of us are still us. and the more we attempt to be who or what we are not, the more we remain the same.

the only way he'll move forward from all of this is to accept the fact that even "prince xavier", even "lumiere", are part of him—maybe parts of him he doesn't want, but that still contribute to him as a whole. and it's something xavier needs to realize for himself, something that no one has been able to help him with all this time. something he's been conditioned not to believe. something that hopefully, mc is able to help him through, as an integral part of the very minimal support system he has at all.

just,,, :( living all these lives, chasing after ghosts, for so damn long... it truly fucks with your brain :( and lumiere's event just??? i feel like it sheds so much light on that when you read between the lines and like god. i have OVERTHUNK THE FUCKKK out of this lmao 😭✋

but there's so much more to xavier that meets the eye, and i think that's why i love him so much :(

[fiddlededeejester]

i'm having more poolverine thoughts.

so this is how i imagine their relationship to go:

they get settled into living with each other, they get close, they're friends, yay !

then they start developing feelings for each other and things happen and then they're dating.

i don't think they'd start going around telling everyone immediately because it's kind of a fragile situation with how they both are, yk what i mean? i could probably explain this more but i'm not going to at this second.

it starts out a little toxic/dysfunctional. they are not doing well and will not react to things well based on their respective relationship traumas, and trauma in general. i see Wade as very clingy and has abandonment issues, while Logan fucking runs whenever anything happens. if he thinks there's a situation where he could hurt Wade, he's removing himself from it immediately. Wade is going to start losing his mind at this because 1. he's not that fragile, he can handle himself. and 2. he's going to start feeling rejected. AND MAYBEEE it's me projecting but we know how ADHD and RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) go hand in hand. and he's gonna worry that he did something wrong to make Logan distance himself.

they both place a lot of fault on themselves, and it's going to fuck them up. they're also absolutely shit at communication until it builds up and explodes.

so: it explodes.

it's not fun, it's not the healthiest way to get from point A to point B, but basically a lot of things get cleared up in this Explosion (fight maybe? idk what would happen necessarily. but explosion.) they understand the motives behind each other's actions and realize they need to get their shit together. and they reassure each other a lot afterwards and feel better about things.

so they work on it! because they've lost too fucking much for this to fall through. they're stuck to each other forever now, they're going to make it last even if it kills them permanently.

it doesn't happen overnight ofc but yeah, they get better at communicating and not being overly reactive. they're both messes but they can be messes together <3

they have a healthy relationship! yayyyy !! other people might not see it the same way though because they're fucking insane and they show their affection in weird ways.

and yeah my last post on the duality of man applies here. they can be so soft and cozy and gentle, and then beat the shit out of each other when they need to expel some energy. also. other things. but anywayyy

bc Logan, from what i understand, is really kind with his partners, but also Wade is. Like That. and also can't get hurt in a way that matters, so while Logan doesn't necessarily enjoy hurting people, he knows that Wade spurs him on on purpose, and even likes it, so he doesn't worry about it too much. they know they love each other and nothing they do is out of malice, and that's all that matters.

but yeah take all my words with a grain of salt, i haven't seen all the x-men movies and don't have as good of a grasp on Logan's character as i'd like to, so this might be off, but it's how they are in my head, so !!!

(OH THEY'D ALSO MOVE OUT AND GET THEIR OWN PLACE BC YOU KNOW THEY FUCK LOUD AS HELL AND BLIND AL IS SO SICK AND TIRED OF THEM)

[yaoyuren]

band au 61 🎸

[sneeb-canons]

Headcanon #500:

Mind is afraid that when he distances himself from or above the others, that he will be too far gone to come back down. That when his paranoia gets the best of him, he'll shut everyone else out and then be completely alone with no way back to where he was before.

Heart is afraid that if Mind is right, with the idea that what he does isn't genuine, that he's being manipulative without realizing it. Then therefore being Whole without himself there is the better option. That he'd be thrown out because his ideas would then be "not worth it" or even "vile"

Soul is afraid that no matter what he does or how good things will be, they'll always eventually split up again or even end up worse. Even then he has no clue what he's supposed to do or be during everything, and so because of that he'll never be whole. Or worse that he'll never really "feel" whole.

[theaethernetconnection]

Waiting for the final saga so I can use the "man with a trail of bodiessss" "WHO" sound and then hopefully Penelope will have a soft "you" or "it's you 🥺" in the final saga and I put it together and make everyone cry

[beetroota]

This might sound crazy… but I live there.

[itsnicsalad]

I absolutely love your art!

It looks fantastic and it got me to start drawing again. I finish about 1 drawing per 2 days or less because I finally found an art style that I can use which has parts inspired by your style.

I hope that I can see more of your TOH art (And maybe some spiderverse art?) in the future. Lilith is my favorite character in the owl house and it's great to see her in such amazing art!

Thank you so much for getting me into art again!

im honoured to have had that affect on you haha

but honestly my motivation for drawing anything toh related has really tanked this past month or so,, im just not that into it as before. ive been working more on my own characters and story and its been cathartic for me in a way lol

[mikeylangelo]

return of the old man yaoi 🔥

[zerozeroren]

They're in love your honour

[moxyphinx]

[crafteeauthor]

Mm maybe rewatching the Lost Boys post-Cat King has had some unforseen side effects

[anoras]

[mariegolddoesthings]

Schmitty differently! Feat @k1stune's Schmitty

A message to the creator of the original design...can I just say I ADORE your version It's just so cool on another level like aaaaaa-

Bonus: The Schmittys meet!