#[idk what to do after I run out help]
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just for fun this time during 'sea of blood' I counted out all the venatori corpses I think we can be pretty sure were lucanis' handiwork before we show up (not including the ones he kills in his initial cutscene, and with an assumption that he's been at work mainly up and down in the areas we move through until we find him, not behind the locked door -- I think that's mostly the work of rampaging undead and other venatori-hoisted-by-their-own-petard suchlikes). can thus happily inform you lucanis has killed at least 32 venatori before rook and company get there. at least one of them he's impaled on their own weird crystal spike things the venatori mages cast as an AOE attack and that they're trying to keep him contained with when we find him. so he's clearly been keeping busy lol. that's my boy dispensing poetic justice and claiming some enrichment in his enclosure while he's at it good for him!
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#I think he's been scouting around found what's techincally the way out realized he can't leave without his blood#and been shepherded/cornered in the room where you find him. or just as likely he lured them in there to take them all out at once#and also he's not a mage. how the fuck is he going to actually get the door out open and then not just drown if he does#even though he found it. lucanis dellamorte's very bad no good extremely awful horrible day (300+ day streak)#CAN the non-mage venatori get in and out of here without a mage to take them. many questions#him coincidentally escaping right now seems to be down to everything falling the fuck apart down there after zara officially voided#whatever OSHA regulations they ever had and the fallout of solas' ritual made magic run wild across the continent#it's interesting to note that the ossuary we see in this is actually pretty much emptied -- she's already retrieved#what she considered her successes. there used to be way more experiments down here until like a week before this#it's just lucanis and the other rejects left lmao#I do like (well. like is probably the wrong word) to imagine that lucanis has spent a sisyphean year of nearly escaping in there#he's killed a guard gotten to look around for intel for five seconds and been thrown back into his cell multiple times before#this time he's just got chaos and rook (basically synonymous terms right lol) on his side#also to all the 'why is he in his full armor and already with a neat beard' complaints -- because this is a video game#and getting a whole new model for him done for all of 45 mins of content max would not be a wise or fruitful use of resources#hope that helps!#if we're going to go watsonian about it he must have been wearing something when he got there and he probably had luggage#so idk he found those in a store room or something b/c callivan... not the brighest bulb in the lamp store clearly
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Headcanon #500:
Mind is afraid that when he distances himself from or above the others, that he will be too far gone to come back down. That when his paranoia gets the best of him, he'll shut everyone else out and then be completely alone with no way back to where he was before.
Heart is afraid that if Mind is right, with the idea that what he does isn't genuine, that he's being manipulative without realizing it. Then therefore being Whole without himself there is the better option. That he'd be thrown out because his ideas would then be "not worth it" or even "vile"
Soul is afraid that no matter what he does or how good things will be, they'll always eventually split up again or even end up worse. Even then he has no clue what he's supposed to do or be during everything, and so because of that he'll never be whole. Or worse that he'll never really "feel" whole.
#kiiiiiiiinda just saying what is a bit talked about in the album but eh#i like this#fun fact: i made this & saved it as a draft back when it was just barley over 100#finally being posted at 500#wanting to post my own at each hundred mark cos why not#i say that but there's only one more submission in the queue atm soooo#send me your headcanons now to make my own ideas for special occasions get it like special hahaha [please send more i only have so many]#[idk what to do after I run out help]#haha anyway#next are my old tags from when i first made this post#cj soul#cj mind#cj heart#chonny jash#wow did KJ just attempt to make an angst headcanon? never thought that would happen#anyways idk how much this makes sense but eh it works#if theres anything to get from this or how my ideas with them work#mind can be overly paranoid. heart can be too protective of himself. and those idea make them believe the other has it out for them#soul has no idea how to really deal with that let alone what he's supposed to be#or something along those lines#idk its 5am man idk what im talking about#i need to go to bed pfft#chonnys charming chaos compendium
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one of my favorite senarios to imagine to put yukio in is sending him 10 years into the future (with the exwires usually) and everyone from their class are like chill adults including himself working their boring ass exorcist job and hes trying to assert dominance over them as the teacher™ but they're all like bro why so serious?
#somehow in my future au i accidently made only the boys active exorcists im so sorry to all the women in aoex#they all passed but i think shiemi and izumo would leave to persue other passions but still be in ajacent fields#like shiemi still runs her exorcist shop#idk what izumo does maybe she still is an exorcist but shes on leave trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life#cuz so much of her adolescence was focused vengence for her family i think she would be kinda lost as an adult#ive said this a bunch of times but rin isnt actually an exorcist for the same reason izumo isnt#ive been kinda muddy on my own timeline but either he passed and left or he dropped out of school and ran away#i think hes like an independent demon slayer like a contract worker#so he still is basically an exorcist but not sanctioned by the vatican like as part of a mercenary guild or something#but he can still take exorcist missions if he wants to but usually its not worth it so he just helps out yukio or bon on their missions#i think after being a literal terrorist yukio got demoted and lost his license for a bit so hes still the same rank as he is now#but now hes medicated and he went to therapy#he has like no memory of highschool to almost a concerning degree and hes generally pretty muted but is still well liked#bon had a completely normal exorcist experience against all odds actually so did koneko except koneko went back to the myoda#and then shima got scouted for his amazing spy skills and works overseas#sorry shima ur not allowed to be an idol that might be the trigger for the bad end#anyway i think teen yukio would hate adult yukio because he thinks hes not allowed to be normal and happy#this is like the 4th time ive made this post like i said its one of my favorites#the reverse is rin going to the past and like tutoring the exorcist class#nobody wants to do yukio psychoanalysis but me so i gotta step up to the plate#jk theres a lot of good yukio fanfics#blue exorcist#ao no exorcist#yukio okumura#rin okumura
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when the slowburn makes the ship extra cute~~~
#kimikawaii this week for sure!!!!!! (has been saying that since july)#ik the nghy payoff will be ✨sweet✨ but it’s kinda funny how hw are slowburning nagisa’s role in the series as a whole#mans has a grand total of 3 songs to date and only 1 has a cv ver#place your bets what do you think will come first? nghy duet or ariken duet#t h o u g h. ariken is also kind of a slowburn but we all knew they’d get together since ijiwaru release (shoutout to the og miku ver)#some say that ariken is still not canon in the novels to this very day#can’t believe we got arisa’s future career aspirations reveal before ariken canon in the novels smh#but i digress!!!!!!!!!!!! nagisa needs more action and attention!!!!!!#he did have kind of a ‘the bus came back’ moment with the izumo collab but we never saw his face again after that#(full cast merch doesnt count bc p. much everyone’s included in them except for the school nurse and kako)#so. all im saying is: slowburn nghy by all means. just dont slowburn nagisa’s character arc aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#now that mona mania has cooled off (to a degree) and chizusweep has mellowed out (somewhat) it’s shiranami’s time to shine!!!!!!!!#y. yeah. ik it’s harder to market him bc he’s a literal average (albeit handsome) joe but that’s part of his charm!!!!!#i mean!!!!! he can cook!!!!! he stans ft4!!!!! he’s devoted to the girl he loves!!!!!! he’s a dreamboat!!!! what more could you ask for?#but. i do have to say that nghy developments have been kinda awkwardly handled as a whole… esp with heroine ikusei#i think nagisa should’ve been introduced in heroiku or something… since he was planned from the start of hiyori’s development…#maybe they were trying to pull a ‘2nd love wins’ kinda parallel with kthn? but the ascana retcon made everything awkward huh…#i think it could’ve worked out in the mv-verse. like if they’d placed heroika+sukiuso after the fight+make up in herotaru#so the timeline would go smoothly from heroiku -> herotaru -> heroika#with hiyo realising that she’d be better off focusing on work and track after the asuka debacle + chizu fight#like a ‘forget romance!!! i gotta work hard and run hard!!! omg wait nagisa wdym you love me???’ kinda thing#but the [redacted] anime p much cut + pasted the asuka arc with the nagisa visit and. hm.#is this just an excuse to blame the clumsy handling of the nghy arc on the [redacted] anime? m… maybe…?#but it all still could’ve kinda worked out if they’d shifted the timelines around a little. y’know. since sukiuso mv has nagisa visit in oct#idk i think having hiyo learn how to doll herself up from lxl for her first crush (asuka)#and then using what she learned to yassify herself to meet up with nagisa would’ve been neater?#like a ‘hey look nagisa :) i applied what i learned from my pals :)’ kinda thing#or maybe chizu and juri could’ve helped her with the nagisa dressup scene post-herotaru fight… but i digress!!!!!!#hmmmmmmmmmm… well. this has gone way off topic… anyways nghy canon and cute that’s all byeeee#the dude from gamushara
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"You're pretty new at this whole relationship thing, huh?"
"... Yeah."
#outer range s2#outer range s2 spoilers#outer range 02x01#maria olivares#rhett abbott#isabel arraiza#lewis pullman#rhett x maria#um... idk i love them#but why would they do this to me? it's gonna sting so much when they break up#her teasing him is my favorite thing#but also her calling him ''wonderful''? my god the squeal i let out...#the smallest little smile and the way he looked at her before he said ''good'' after she said she likes how she feels when she's with him?!#now i'm rhett going ''don't do this'' but instead of with his truck it's with the show#my biggest gripe is that she doesn't help him that much with his broken arm... except maybe to help him shower? /hj#i get why he was the one to get the snacks... it was for the impact of the scene but still#it's great to see them laughing and smiling so much! love that!#i think she smiled at least once while her poor boyfriend was getting freaked out by cats#he could not keep a straight face for that long after saying ''what does that leave me?''#i wonder what he was gonna say before she said she liked how she feels when she's with him... was he giving her an out?#he has NOTHING pleasant to say about her not even a ''thank you'' after being called wonderful smh /j#tw: food?#my girl didn't even say ''bless you'' when he starting sneezing :(#i switched the last picture because i like the way they were smiling at each other when he got onto the bed#after maria laughs in the car after the buffalo run past them i think i can hear the lowest ''so are we-'' or ''sorry''?#and i think that may be because lew thought isa broke character?? but i'm not too sure... maybe it's rhett apologizing#but idk? maybe it's just rhett saying sorry because he felt self-conscious about maybe sounding stupid... or maybe i'm just hearing things#i think the way he even said ''okay'' after she took all the snacks was similar to the way she said it before she grabbed the snacks#look i understand not getting a shower scene but they truly robbed me of seeing rhett and maria with wet hair...#just another little nitpick but i think the ''i like who i am when i'm with you'' would hit harder if we saw maria in scenes without rhett
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Ep 4 :)
#I LIKE Dostoyevsky. I like how mysterious and unreadable he is. What is his goal!!!! Why does he do what he does!!!!!!! He's very cool#I think knowing his ability now REALLY adds to his character. Him being so smart so manipulative so disruptive in the way he–#seemingly kills people on touch! Only added to this impression of him being “demon” and “inhuman”#But now that we know his ability you realize... That's all his doing; no ability.#His ability in a way does help humanize him by reaffirming that except for the moment he dies– he's got no superpower at all!!!#It's just him.#And yet at the same time also solves the exact opposite role of dehumanizing him because if it's not his ability that makes him like *that*#then he's even different than other ability users!!! Then‚ if not an ability user‚ if not a non ability user: what is //he//?#It's all SO compelling!!! Also makes for an extremely insightful narrative parallel with Dazai#Not an ability user not a non ability user. Not good not evil. (I feel like Dostoyevsky does exceed the definitions of good and evil as–#much as Dazai does. If he causes evil‚ yet does so with the intention of bringing salvation to humans– is he really *simply* evil?)#Both have these borderline superpowers that make them extraordinary beings (we can call it super intelligence‚ but it goes from controlling#their own heartbit to everything else) but are unrelated to their respective abilities! Once again making them neither this or that#I find Karma's words at the end to be extremely insightful.“Ace was evil for sure‚ but this man isn't even evil.#He's a being from the beyond. A being that exceeds human limits.” Like!!! That's all that there is to it!!!!!!#Back to this chapter / episode. There's some themes / worldvies once again I don't agree with but narrative wise I think it's extraordinary#I feel like after the Guild arc the writing really matured a lot and this is a kind of preview of what the doa arc is going to be like#(aka very very well written especially if compared to the previous arcs)#The plot twists of this episode are all so unpredictable and exciting!!! I think it's remarkably witty how it takes advantages of previous–#clichés - villains always revealing details about their own ability in a way that is quite baffling - to actually surprise the audience.#It's so effective. How skillfully unpredictable Dostoyevsky is to the point you can never guess what he will do next!!!#Him killing Karma is... Idk so so soooooooo interesting. I could talk about this forever but I'm being very dispersive in the rable and–#running out of tags. The whole episode you're sorta rooting for Dostoyevsky. He's very cool and comes out charming in the way he keeps–#surprising the audience. He looks bothered by Ace's disregard of other people's lives and that makes him sympathetic too.#But then he kills Karma out of nowhere and it's an “Ah! You fell for his lies too– remember he's nothing but evil. He cares just as little#about life as Ace does”. And then??? Karma in his last words is himself so generous in his words to Dostoyevsky. It's baffling.#And it almost feels like thenarrative is once again turning around and telling you you should root for Dostoyevsky.#It's endlessly fascinating.#I have more to say about the worldviews I don't share and the art style Dostoyevsky was portrayed with this episode (love it!!)#But alas ran out of tags
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Been crying regularly since June last year but these last couple of weeks damn, specially this one that just ended.
I dont think I've ever cried so much in my life
#not even when i was fresh out of whatever the fuck that was with that guy#and this time is like a lot of things crashing out#its a lot of stress response too imo#but still like obvioisly a big part of it is still my season#i guess im grieving like normal ppl grieve their parents/spouses/kids#but im grieving a dog so ofc it looks like too much for a lot of ppl#but im a bit of a psycho so my feelings for ppl arent like that#but that dog was almost my whole life especially during the pandemic when he started to get sick#and just before i was able to secure a bigger income to look after him he dies#and the fact that he waited for me to pick him up and waited for me i. the morning after i had gone exercise#i loved him so much and he loved me so much and im so certain ill never have a love like that in my life again#and a part of me just cant wait to reunite with him again truly also bcos world is ending literally#so the future is this thing i do out of obligation/need/social duty but its not something i believe in at all#and then my other dog and my head fucking with me in health related issues/anxieties#so i wouldnt be feeling all sensitive over this issue with thos guy (clearly this is too much emotional baggage hes up for fun times)#and seems to be having fun elsewhere which sure and again if his missus is fine who am i to feel like that#idk i feel like im putting more emotions into it than i should and its making me feel bad/stupid#sprinkle what would be completely irrelevant and whatever if it wasnt for my current stew of emotions and yeah#i feel stupid bad and pathetic#lmao at autocrrect for season i meant my son#the fact that mohini is all abt opening the hips is helping to this too i guess#i started bawling my eyes out at 8:45am at the fucning bus stop#and it all started with the rtp guy not stopping when i was running late which sure id had been mad abt and talk shit abt the guy#but this time i started crying so hatd and ????#feeling very tempted to do what mo ameer did in his comedy show abt going to church for confession#cheaper than therapy and honestly i just need to talk to someone and let this all out#should i go to therapy? duh we all do genius but i have no interest in sparing money for that atm#also matching with a therapy would take multiple tries and not willing to spend 4 times over 1000 pesos for that#that money has to go to other places that are actually more important#and god willing I'll finally be able to start doing it at the end of this month or beginning of the next
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nothing coherent happening but the ttw cast has been on my mental doorstep today. hi
#hello. can i help you guys#i was talking abt how long ive had serena in a discord server yesterday then i went through her th today like oh i drew you a Lot#especially back in high school n stuff#spent most of my walk thinking abt leon and their situation#im sure i could eke out some story revelations if i sat down and wrote things out but i have. deadlines#maybe after. we shall see#part of me is also reluctant to split my focus between it and honeybee though bc both of those stories are such black holes for my attentio#and i already have so many ideas in the mental queue that adding even more is very daunting. if that even makes sense lol#i also do think part of what makes ttw difficult to approach sometimes is i think doing more extensive worldbuilding would fix some of the#problems im running into. but i havent found an approach or angle to view said worldbuilding that really interests me#which like as it is right now i need to create some sort of history for the city of sanguine and i. do not find the thought of that very#interesting. or not something that grips my attention enough to be like I NEED TO WRITE THIS#and also i haven't figured out how it would affect the characters so maybe thats a starting point to reverse engineer things idk#behind the scenes
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i don’t think leaving the crows entirely is in the cards for magpie and lucanis but i can see a post game future where lucanis gives up the first talon seat, probably after caterina dies and he’s been forced to actually Do His Job as first talon for a couple of months and has a breakdown about it lol. i think after that he and magpie just like, operate more or less independently but are still technically crows. because magpie simply will not leave while viago is there. that isn’t an option. but if lucanis giving up on being first talon is what keeps them both sane and allows them to spend more time with neve she could do that. so probably they just live out their days killing blood mages and cultists across tevinter for insane sums of money and in between help neve solve her cases and still host family dinners with viago and teia occasionally :)
#idk who the new first talon would be but i Do have a series of very dramatic scenes in my mind#that take place over a couple of years and culminate in lucanis losing his fucking mind after caterina dies for real#bc i believe his avoidant ass is refusing to actually do anything of substance while she’s alive and running the show#which is a major point of contention between him and caterina. because she wants him to learn what needs to be done and he refuses#and runs off to tevinter at the slightest provocation.#it doesn’t help that before the events of the game magpie’s whole career as a crow was getting viago into the fifth talon seat#and then protecting his status#and so she’s…. kind of on caterina’s side. slightly.#however she’s also happy to run off to tevinter on contracts so it’s mostly her going ‘maybe you should listen to caterina? idk. whatever.’#i do believe there’s an issue with she insists the seat go to viago but lucanis is leaning toward teia because he thinks it’s what caterina#would have wanted. idk how this is decided in the end#basically i’ve devised a series of fights for magpie and lucanis to get into that neve has no idea how to resolve because it’s Crow Business#LMAO#i’ll have more thoughts on her place in this when i’ve finished her romance i think#but 1. i still don’t know if her getting blighted is canon and 2. i want to see how her romance plays out#before i can really decide#so it’s mostly lucanis and magpie drama rn#漫言#oc. magpie#r. birds of a feather#datv spoilers
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#(( ooc. ))#.... so#if youre wondering why ive been so absent lately. ots bc im dealing with stuff like that. on top of handling everytuing around the house#and additional super stressful family drama#health scares caused by stress#the works. i feel like im a constant state of mindfuckery and i have been since we moved#thoght things would improve after getting away from MIL but apparently not#ive been so exhausted and stressed and pain has bee. spiking so bad#im really trying to be here bc writing has always been a calming thing for me like a fun distracting hobby#to get my mind off irl things but everytime i open up a reply i start crying#bc the words arent there and im too tired to even tupe bc im running myself ragged#and on top of that im dealing with hubby and whatever the f is up with him and the weird#180s he does where 1 second hes the sweetest most attentive guy ive ever known and the 2nd#im crying and apologizing for doing sometjing weong and i dont even inderstand what i did but hes upset at me#and somethings suddenly my fault#or im begging him for help around the apartment or smth#idk. i am really trying to be here i swear i am. i miss you all. i miss the stories we're writing together#i miss by bbys and wanna weite with them bc theyve been loud and active but i iust cant type what i want to#a single paragraph is taking me hours to get out no joke#idk. sprry for dumping all this on the dash out of nowhere im just kinda flailing right now and offkilter#gonna head off to bed and see if an actual good nights sleep for the first time in a week helps with my brain and makes things make sense#hope you all have a goodnight. sorry again for this#negative tw#negativity tw#venting tw#personal tw
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Roughly once every four years I ponder the alternate timeline where I didn't get scared and quit college rugby after a single practice
#everyone was cool i was just intimidated coming from softball and karate into a full-contact team sport#after one practice i was like 'this is not for me' and didn't go back#and i do feel this way during most olympics. but especially after watching a bunch of women's rugby yesterday and today lol#maybe this'll be the year i finally get buff. im realizing that i really need to get regular exercise so im looking for stuff to do#I've enjoyed softball a lot this year and last but it's only in the spring/summer (our season just ended)#i wasn't really able to play last fall bc my work schedule gets crazy in sep/oct and i work some weekends#gyms are so fucking expensive and i really prefer having a structured activity to just free workout time#i've tried a couple of apps (just started using a new one that seems promising) but i can never stick to them as well as a team or class#i gotta figure out what sports run in the winter and where the chiller recreational teams are#i do feel like i lucked out with my softball league. it's not so casual that it's a boozefest but not so competitive that it becomes unfun#some of my softball teammates have talked about doing basketball together and like.#im a good sport im willing to try most things despite being fat and slow but i am Extremely not built for basketball lmao#idk idk. i just turned 30 last week and have started having trouble sleeping in the last few months#regular moderate exercise will not solve all my problems but it will probably help#j rambles
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why the fuck do i miss pigeons
#don't ask me i am going thru it today#ebhehbbehbhebhabh#i miss pigeons dude#oooh the poor little domesticed cuties#kate rambles from here#this is a small detail of the feeling i am feeling#like post leaving nyc is wrecking havoc on my psyche#i don't want to be in the fucking great plains#a few irls don't understand my want for city life- and i didn't know it was this bad until staying there for 4 days-#but my mom's whole family is from the city- i just feel so at home there- and everything i've inherited that way is in my blood#and i just wanna bawl my eyes out#i have been quite a bit but like ik i have a goal now- to move into the city- i've always had that goal to at least move to the city near m#but like nyc was like being somewhere i felt i wanted- it's not that i'm looking to make it big- i miss the noise the water and pigeons#around here you'll hear the occasional car go by- and crickets- i miss the city lights- i keep crying about it for so many reasons but#i just don't know how to actually express it?#because it's such an odd feeling for me to feel? because if yknow me well- i love being at home- i hate sleeping somewhere else-#taking a trip down south this last christmas- i couldn't stand the quiet- it's quieter the more south you go and i can't do this#i've always wanted to leave my small town but ?? like actually being somewhere that has felt home has been unattainable bc every#where in oh hasn't been home... and for once i felt like i could do this- and having to return here- just made me break down and cry#maybe it's the person i live with- that makes me wish to leave- but that's not the full truth- idk maybe a good nap will help#kate rambles#i have a life goal now but i wish i could do it now- i hope sooner rather than later i'll at least live in the city#i've been happily living but now i have a direction i wish to run towards- and i'm gonna chase after it#sure i miss seeing tbz i loved seeing them- but it's not even post concert depression- if that makes sense?#which it doesn't make sense- because for mx it was only pcd- but for nyc it's missing the city... and it feels awful#pls ignore this i just needed to be frustrated somewhere#ig knowing what i'm missing- i can finally work on filling that spot huh? i guess that's what i'll be doing#(also vv small point but the fact that one of the people i live with- refuses to ever visit nyc again- is so comforting to me)#pls don't send me an ask about this i just needed to ramble and i haven't caught up on my daily journal yet to do so- so this is here
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/obey me! vent/
#jessamine rambles#before i start. pls keep in mind that this is fully subjective and could just be a 'me' problem. i just want to get this off my chest#ngl i've been contemplating on whether i want to stop playing obey me. both the og game and nightbringer#idk i've been playing the game since its first month and while it's given me a lot of joy + memories + chances to befriend other ppl. i'm#pretty burned out. not to mention TIRED of my consistent disappointment with the game#the main story.....where do i start?? i actually enjoyed s1-s3 despite my qualms with the fillers and pacing but s4 disappointed me. i was#rlly looking forward to simeon's storyline and the new characters but ultimately. the devs tried to squeeze too many things into one season#not to mention that there is a notable difference in how the characters are written. i.e. beel's hunger and asmo's beauty#being watered down to running gags instead of the complexities explored in the old dg stories and chara songs#gameplay-wise. i was there when the devs raised the rewards price of the event urs and removed the demon ssrs completely#but nightbringer was the last straw for me. the amount of time it takes to grind for two games. knowing that the og app has essentially bee#abandoned by the devs?? not to mention that while the plot is interesting. i haven't touched the main story ever since the coma arc#i will give credit to the devs for improving the event stories by choosing to focus on 1-2 demons. but it has always felt like a quantity >#quality situation. esp if i were to compare it to my other fandoms#it also doesn't help that i'm currently at a point of my life where i'm questioning if i could use my time on obm for better things#seeing how the game is giving me less reasons to believe it is worth my time#idk this may also be a short-term phase since i DID get back into twst after a long hiatus and i recently got into whb#which btw has felt like a breath of fresh air despite my frustrations with the bugs and current gacha#but yeahhhh........as much as i love the obm characters and fanfics. i'm just tired#at this point i feel like the only reason why i still play the game is due to the nostalgia and so i don't waste the years of grinding#aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#this is what i get for being the type of player who only plays a few games so they can rlly dedicate their time and passion to it#that's all
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ive spent like 20 minutes trying to world this eloquently but i give up; im a big fan of linebeck just. not being capable of watching over kids not the person to be the guardian of a group of young people he struggles to take care of himself at times and has so much shit going on that it takes about one conversation with oshus for the old man to realize that this guy is. not doing great
#this was gonna be like. a jokey post at first juxtaposing oshus’ expectations vs reality with linebeck but im too emotionally drained#so real linebeck talk in the tags bc idk if ive actually talked much abt like. the specific as on why. iwrite and see him the way i do#likr. off the bat i put him at like 19 in ph and im too fucking tired and just. done rn to justify that like whatever kill me if you wish.#like. hes. been throught a lit hes been abused neglected used ignored hurt ridiculed violated deceived hes so fucking tired#hes worn down over the course of ph it causes him to finally like. express his anguish over what hes been theough its cathartic#hes getting pushed but talking to oshus and being around link loosens him up and he fucking. cries properly yknow#he cries about everything and the last bit of ph hes kind of an emotional wreck but hes finally letting himself feel all that shit#he cries he struggles to articulate himself he has a violent public meltdown as he becomes fed up with his reputation#and it all culminates in bellumbeck just. being a really raw examination of what hes been through and how he feels and what to do now#he hates people he has people he wants to kill people he wanted to kill but after bellumbeck its just. hes tired. hes processed everythjng#and then he needs the post ph crew and everyone they meet along the way to just. be a fucking support system for the first time ever#like post ph hes rhe captain he runs the ship he keeps everyone in line he can do that. but hes softer more vulnerable more self doubting#hes kinder and more hesitant but trying new things and being more openly passionate abt his interests#and he keeps working through his trauma he finds out what else it causes problems for and everyone. supports him#hes not capable of like. being any kind of parental figure to link in ph his perspective on like. how to handle kids is fucked#because his perspective on what a normal childhood should look like is kind of a mess#his perspective on relationships is murky on love on adventure on self expression but post ph hes just. free. tired but free#he manages to take naps the group helps him eat properly he learns his physical boundaries and actually does what he loves#idk. im just. man idk. its still measy but like. my version of linebeck is. i really hate the idea that its so out of character its not him#like. idfk what to even say abt that. idfk what ‘in character’ looks like when you hc a character to be masking in canon#when you hc them to be lying and covering things up and just. subdued bc theyre working on stuff#that they lie and exaggerate their own traits on purpose but let the truth through some cracks like what rhe fuck then#i hate it bc i dont see anyone else think of linebeck anything like this so im scared im fucking wrong somehow#im tired. i recently learned that one of my cats has been burrowing under and chilling under a blanket we cover a couch with#its very cute
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hmm I really want to change my name
#i have since high school but i just dont know. what to do bc nothing feels right or really stands out#my current one doesnt vibe with me and there are people who i am genuinely very wary of who know me by it so i just want to distance myself#from any association..#but then what do i do w my real social medias. like do i just change it and not tell anyone.#anyway since im moving to a new state its perfect bc No One there will have any idea who i am and theres no chance to run into someone who#knows me by my current one..#idk ive tried some and theyre fine but they dont click. sometimes i think ive found it and later its just like eehhh#and i would rather die than name myself some shit like sock or other infantilizing thing. and all the people i can think to name myself#after either have the most boring monosyllable or something way too fkin cool for me#cant win! its hard to ask people Well What Do You Think Fits Me bc thats a big ask lmao and ultimately i would have to rly think about#it. sm f h......#that being said if ur reading this 1st of all damn 2nd of all u could suggest a name. could use the help lol
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Last night I finally got a 100% with all the road 96 characters, so technically I could finally start engaging with the fandom more, but my completionist ass still wants to see all endings and outcomes and I don't want any spoilers, even though at this point this game is quite predictable and there's not much to spoil
#it feels like im. a doggy. in a zoo. wanting to get into an enclosure to hang out with other canines#but im not like. wild enough yet#i need to first idk get some experience hunting or whatever this metaphor doesnt really work im just always feeling like a dog#anyway#i always got the ending where theres a revolution and florres eventually wins the election after the fighting#ive seen zoe die during the fights and i helped her survive#the same goes for john and alex#i wanna see what happens if you manage to get more people to vote for florres#and i wanna see what happens when you fuck everyone over let zoe die at the border and skiddadle away from petria#also. i joked abt it to my bestie but i should do a run where i let jarod kill me every time we meet. just for funsies for normal reasons#were normal men. were just normal men. or whataver that bear was saying#i guess i could do the 'screw all y'all' and the 'normal about jarod' runs at the same time#i mean if im gonna do the worst possible outcome i might as well see all the deaths for myself#road 96#bee buzz
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