#wow it should not be this difficult to think of women

[riverthebooknerd]

"but why do you even ship them-" IT BRINGS ME JOY AND WHIMSY!!!!!!!

[wheneclipsefalls]

Grovel Part 2

Pairing: Aged Up Lo'ak x Fem Omatikaya Reader

Part 1

Summary: Lo'ak needs a plan. A plan that will bring you back to him.

Warnings: aged up characters, eventual smut, lust, pinning, angst, past relationship, mentions of war, injury, etc.

“Stop whining.” Neteyam groaned, watching as Lo’ak secured another tie around the fabric’s base. The kelku was coming together nicely. 

“I didn’t say anything.” Lo’ak all but huffed, lips turned downwards in the same fashion they had been since the celebration. He adjusted the straps of his loincloth, a trail of sweat racing down his spine. Oh how he already missed the refreshing waves of salt water. 

“Your expectations were truly far too high, brother. What did you think she would do?” 

Lo’ak shot him a seething look, one that warned against pushing it further, but brothers were immune to such limits. 

“You’re lucky you made it out of there without injury. And now knowing what you did I can’t say I would have blamed her otherwise.” 

“Yes Neteyam, I understand. Now can you shut up and help me lift the other end?” Lo’ak stomped past him, preparing the right side to be lifted. He didn’t wait for Neteyam to join him before using his own body weight to heave the heavy fabric into place. The younger Sully brother had been hyper fixated on his kelku since their arrival, even going as far as asking Kiri for advice on potential decoration. 

This home had to be good enough to meet your fancy, an objective that he now understood to be much harder than originally anticipated. 

“Mawey, baby brother. I am only trying to get your skxawng ass to understand.”

“Okay then fine!” The fabric was dropped to the floor in a heap. “Tell me what I should do. Since you know the ins and outs of wooing women, tell me how I am supposed to win her back.” His brows lifted, hands placed on his hips as he feigned bracing for his answer. Neteyam was not fazed by his younger brother’s outburst. After seeing Lo’ak’s restlessness the whole trip home in anticipation of seeing you, he was surprised the male was holding up as well as he was. 

“I may just be a simple gentleman, bro, but I think an apology would be a good place to start.” He squeezed his brother’s shoulder, surprised when Lo’ak was too lost in thought to bother wrestling him off. 

“I’ve tried. Everywhere I go she is avoiding me. I don’t even know where her kelku is or her routines. Otherwise-”

“Maybe I can help with that.” 

Lo’ak sent him a skeptical look.

“What?” He deadpanned. 

“She has a sister, right?” A completely rhetorical question that had Lo’ak knowing exactly where Neteyam was going with this. “Say the right words and maybe I can get some valuable help from Talu.” 

“Wow. How did I deserve a brother like you?” Sarcasm dripped from his tone as he ran a hand over his face. It was no secret that Neteyam had taken a liking to Talu. The future Olo’eyktan was neither bashful nor shy when it came to playing the golden suitor. 

Neteyam simply grinned before slapping him on the back and helping to hoist the kelku side once more.

You were impossible. So hard headed and stubborn that even knowing your route and home was not enough to get in a good apology. He was sure by now that Talu knew of his intentions with you, that giddy smile forever present whenever she announced his presence to you, but there was always an excuse to cut things short. Only a few minutes and you would be running off to aid at the healer’s tent or pick up the hunting gear you had left behind. 

There was no end to the list of excuses you could formulate.

And it didn’t matter that neither himself nor Talu were fooled. You simply weren’t inclined to put more effort into hiding your disdain. 

Lo’ak couldn’t remember you being this difficult before. When the two of you were younger you had handed your heart over to him on a silver platter. Of course your weird friendship had been full of teasing, pranks, and insults but that was only part of the fun. Once romance had been initiated, you took everything he gave with warmth and affection. 

And he had ruined that. 

He let out another sigh, trying to play it off when his mother gave him the side eye. His new bow was almost finished, surely the right weapon he would need to fetch an impressive kill. Perhaps he would use his spear too just in case. If he was going to win you over, it would need to be something extreme. Something that said all the words you would not let him get out. 

At this point he was willing to take down a Palulukan if that is what it took. 

He snorted at the thought. It may have been a few years since hunting on Omatikaya soil but he knew that thing would have him torn in two. Maybe then he would get your attention, whatever remained of his body finally being enough to crack your tough composure. 

And then….

What started out as a ridiculously funny thought transformed into a new idea. A new plan. There was in fact one place that you could not run away from. 

The healer’s tent had been slow in mid afternoon but luckily you were the only one on duty. When he walked through the tent flaps reverently, not bothering to hide the wince as his freshly torn up skin brushed the fabric, your lips parted. For a moment it seemed that concern swam in those beautiful eyes but then they were turning back into cold steel like that night at the festival. 

“Kind of underestimated the swoop-”

He was cut off by your stern point to the space in front of you. He followed obediently but on the way he couldn’t help but let his gaze roam over your exquisite form. He had meant what he had said that first night. You were more beautiful than the day he last saw you, a goddess-like creature even his wildest dreams could not have imagined. 

Today you wore a turquoise top made of small beads that were strung together to hang like vines. The color reminded him of the waters in Awa’atlu. Could that be your favorite color now? If so, he knew of so many places such gems and shells of that color. He could collect more for you. The beads mocked him, however, as their light weight cover just barely fell over your pretty nipples, one breath away from revealing the prize. 

Hell, he was sure the right puff of air from his lips could push away those teasing beads. 

As you began to work on applying ointment to his wounds Lo’ak forced himself to look away. However, he couldn’t find reason to not occasionally peak back and get a look at your pretty face. By Eywa, it was a true miracle that no one had snatched you up yet. Maybe he would thank the Great Mother for that gift at the Tree of Souls later. 

At one point your diligence fell and strayed from the wounds to glance at him instead. He flashed a grin, one that didn’t match the state of his bloody back. You shoved his head to look forward roughly but he had already caught a glimpse of your rosy cheeks. 

“You got injured how again?” 

“Flying error, it’s been a while. Why?” 

“No reason.” 

Silence fell and Lo’ak had to keep himself from fumbling with his messy bun. You may be difficult now but one thing was still true. You always wore your heart on your sleeve. 

“You don’t have to be worried, sevin-”

A sharp smack to the back of his head and Lo’ak couldn’t hide his surprised laugh. 

“Damn, you’ve got a pretty good backhand.” 

“Hush. I am trying to concentrate.” 

It was sure to be a lie. His wounds were nothing in comparison to what you must have encountered during the war and with your experience you would have him healed and out in a few minutes. But then that meant he only had a very small window to squeeze this apology into. 

“Don’t worry, I will behave.” He raised his hands in surrender but received only a little hum from you in response. “But while we’re here there is something I’ve been wanting to say.” 

Lo’ak hissed when the ointment was applied harshly to his deepest cut. It was nothing he couldn’t handle after so many war wounds but it did manage to lose him a few seconds of precious time. Had that been your intent?

“When we were kids I was…an absolute skxawng.” No argument came from you and Lo’ak glanced back from the corner of his eye. “I was more than a skxawng actually. I was reckless and angry and I didn’t even think about how my actions would affect others. Especially you and-”

“I don’t care. It is done.” Without Talu’s presence there was no incentive to dampen the ice in your voice. 

“Y/n,” He called your name softly, turning to grab your wrist and stop the movement. “I am sorry. I never should have hurt you like that. I knew better, especially….” He let out a deep sigh through his nose. “Especially considering how much I truly did love you.” 

You yanked your wrist back as if his grip was red hot. Scrambling away slightly, he could see the control you had over the moment slipping. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to push it further, get you to accept his apology. 

Unfortunately for him, Eywa must have decided that it was also the perfect time for the next healer to enter the tent. 

“There were hardly any herbs left by the river. Next time we try the mountains instead.” Penyau said, the smile on her face slowly dropping once sensing the tension in the room. 

“Great. Lo’ak needs patching up, sister.” 

“Oh, well then-”

“No, no. Y/N is already on it-”

“I’m passing you over.”

“You truly don’t care to finish healing the Na’vi that was put under your care?” Not the angle he wanted to take, but he was panicking. So desperate to get a few more minutes with you that he had to stop himself from using his grandmother as a scapegoat to keep you here. 

From the way your jaw clenched and tail curled he knew those cards would not have played well for him. 

“Talu is waiting. I leave.” You gritted out. Not a second to make another attempt or ever apologize before you were past the threshold and leaving him in the dust. Or at least, leaving him with Penyau who looked confused but more than happy to assist him. The smile she gave, however, did not hold the same sweetness as yours.

Or at least the smile he remembered from all those years ago.

He prayed he would see it again soon. 

A part of you wanted to insist upon staying home. Well no, all of you wanted to insist but if there was one thing you had learned from working with Mo’at is that there was no hope in defying her. If she saw it fit to bring you to the council meeting then that is exactly what you would have to do. Jake Sully was back as Olo’eyktan and with that came his sons’ attendance too. You were not foolish enough to hope otherwise, but there would surely be others there you could occupy your time with.

Even Tarsem had become a close friend of yours, as close as a clan member can dare to get to an Olo’eyktan, but conversation would be light and easy with him. If you were lucky perhaps you would be able to leave the meeting early as your sector of concern was far more narrow, giving you a chance to escape the inevitable small talk afterwards. 

Luck, however, was not on your side. It seemed that Mo’at had deemed you her scribe for the meeting and that meant taking up every single detail presented. It was borderline impossible with the way Lo’ak’s eyes constantly strayed towards you. You’d think the male would have the decency to keep his staring at a minimum for public appearance.

Of course Lo’ak had never been afraid of attention.

That trait evidently had remained with him after all these years. 

“Morning shift can circle northbound while overlapping with the afternoon watch.” Jake continued, using a twig to draw over their makeshift map in the dirt. It felt like he was speaking another language with the way your brain refused to concentrate. Jake might as well have switched into English with the rate you were comprehending. 

“Lo’ak and Neteyam will be available by the end of the week once everything is settled in.” 

You were so lost at this point it wasn’t even funny. Mo’at was going to have your head. As if sensing your confusion, the younger Sully brother said softly, “yes, for teaching.” 

It didn’t clear things up much but Lo’ak had decided to start tying his hair back up into that damn bun again and you found yourself more dazed than in the beginning. Out of pure will power you resisted the urge to watch him dead on, unlike him. Watching those biceps stretch as he worked to wrestle those braids was still possible from your peripheral. 

Another twist in your stomach. 

Lo’ak relaxed backwards, long legs stretched out in front of him as Jake Sully continued his long speel. The meeting could have dragged on for centuries for all you knew and yet that twisting coil in your stomach never loosened. You felt like you were about to snap when the Olo’eyktan finally called for dismissal. 

Up to your feet in a matter of seconds, Mo’at shot you a strange look. The tips of your ears burned as you tried to play it off and wait patiently for her. The meeting may have been over but that didn’t mean you were meant to leave her side. Most likely she would have other work for you to accomplish this afternoon and even if not it would be rude to not walk your Tsahik back to Home Tree. 

“I’ve got it, grandmother.” Lo’ak easily switched Mo’at’s basket over to rest on his own hip. She gave him a nod and pat on the shoulder. 

Swinging the netted bag of herbs and medicinals over your shoulder you focused primarily on the path ahead. 

“Let me get that, sevin.” Lo’ak reached for your bag but with flaming cheeks you barely managed to deflect his advances and snap away. 

The effort was pointless however when Mo’at gently grabbed the bag from your shoulder and handed it to him. An almost imperceivable smirk graced her lips at your perplexed expression but otherwise she remained silent. Slightly baffled and now avoiding Lo’ak’s unrelenting attention you veered to pick up the pace. 

Now that he held your bag hostage there was no choice but to let him follow you both back to the healer’s tent. At least that’s what you thought until….

Mo’at let out a tired sigh and that was all it took for Lo’ak to insist she go home and get some rest. He assured her he would get the supplies back to the tent and walk you home safely, both actions that made you glare at him over her shoulder. The Tsahik, tired or not you couldn’t be sure, bid you farewell and gave her grandson another gentle squeeze to his shoulder. 

The second she was out of sight you went for your bag. Lo’ak easily swiped away from your grabbing hands.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it.” 

Despite his warm smile he was only met with unspoken annoyance that seeped into the atmosphere’s tension. If he wanted to walk you home, fine, but you were going to get it done in record time. Without another word you scrambled up the nearest tree, deciding to take the overhead route to avoid traffic. 

You could hear the clanking bags and basket as Lo’ak had to find ways to follow behind with only one arm to propel himself upwards. You secretly resented the way he managed just fine, despite the obstacle, long legs rushing over branches like they had only left the forest for a day.  

“Is your plan to avoid me forever?” 

Teeth grinding together you grabbed hold of another branch over head and propelled yourself up the next level. This time was more of a struggle, several vials almost falling out of the basket but that only earned him one concerned glance before you were striding forward once more. 

“I meant what I said yesterday. I truly am sorry.”

“Yes, I heard you.” The tempo you set with your feet borderlined running. Lo’ak’s struggle became ever more apparent as the two of you scaled higher. 

“Well yes I know that…shit!” A vial slipped from the basket, Lo’ak immediately lunged to catch it. You carried forward, trying not to think about how he almost lost the precious herbs that took you weeks to find and gather. “Got it!” He called but you were already several branches above. 

With this head start you may just be able to outrun the Omatikaya prince and make it home safely. 

Distant curses sounded from below followed by scrambling feet. 

When will he ever give up?

It’s hard to say what Lo’ak did during his time with the Metkayina but you were surprised, and slightly displeased, to see how capable Lo’ak had grown in his tree climbing. Although, now he had found a way to shimmy himself up a trunk with only his muscular legs to aid. The sheer athleticism required to do such made your head spin and cheeks heat.

Straight home. 

No detours. 

“Y/N, wait up.” 

He was closer than you would have liked, no doubt a result of your short attention span. 

“Come on, sevin. Does your determination to ignore me really warrant all of this?” 

Your temper was always an easy one to flare and when it came to Lo’ak Sully it seemed he had written the manual on how to light that flame. Turning on your heel, Lo’ak had to grind to a quick halt in order to avoid running into you again. It felt all too familiar to the celebration the other night so this time you spoke before he had a chance to get a word in. 

“Maybe so, but what does it matter to you?!” Nostrils flaring and breathing heavily it was no longer possible to hide how fast the male had gotten under your skin. 

“It’s admittedly more difficult to court a woman that won’t even let me be in her presence.” 

The savage words on the tip of your tongue stuttered and your treacherous body rippled with excitement. 

“You aren’t courting me.” 

“Well, I suppose that’s fair. I technically have not initiated courting yet.” 

“No Lo’ak, you will not court me. Ever.” Words like unbending steel the male’s eyes locked with your own and this time you found ways to not balk under his attention. When it seemed that nothing else was going to be said you turned on your heel once more. 

And then Lo’ak finally spoke. 

“I don’t see how you could stop me.” He murmured gruffly but the words immediately struck your temper like daggers. A bullseye shot. 

“Lo’ak Te Sulli-”

“Sevin, just listen for two seconds!” 

“Do not call me that!” Your voice hitched into a higher octave. 

“I’m sorry I just-”

“NO!” Your shriek echoed over the branches. Heated venom coursed through your veins. “You push and push and push but I am sick of hearing it!” More words threatened to fly free but your heart was already pounding at your ribcage. Stay one more second and you were sure to find yourself saying much more than you ever cared to.

“I’m not going to give up.”

Those bubbling truths refused to be swallowed any more.

“You say that now, Lo’ak, but just wait. Soon you will grow tired of chasing after me and when you do there will be a plethora of women waiting at your beck and call. Just like before there will be another woman to entertain you where I could not.” 

Lo’ak’s eyes blew wide and tail dropped to the floor but even then it would only be a few seconds before he made another pleaful attempt. And you couldn’t take any more of that. Those golden eyes covered by his signature two braids already beseeched your forgiveness far too easily. 

“And once again you will go to her.” 

He called your name as you left but you were already scrambling to safety. 

It was going to take a grand gesture. One that would prove his loyalty to not only you but every Na’vi in the clan. Your forgiveness was not going to be an easy thing to win over but that was okay. Lo’ak had dealt with far worse for so much less. Enduring some verbal bashing and humbling circumstances was the least he could do to win the woman of his dreams. 

And yet…it still hurt. 

The way you shut him out, not letting him learn even a morsel about the girl he had been missing for years. How much time had he spent imagining your reunion? Perhaps all of his dreams and hopes had clouded his sense of reality because now he stood here with only a shattered fantasy left. He had fooled himself for too long, thinking the past could be something swept away with the turning of time. 

He had wounded you too deep for that.

So much deeper than he had ever let himself accept. 

With a heavy sigh Lo’ak commanded his heart to settle. Today he could not afford doubts to plague his mind. Everything from here on out had to be intentional, had to send a message. Your discerning eye would be sharper to him than any other potential suitor that would court a woman. Each move would be assessed and either take him closer or further away from holding you in his arms again. 

He checked over the supplies one more time, finger slipping into the pouch attached to his loincloth. Everything was in place.

“We can’t be late.” He reminded Neteyam, messing with his bun until he was satisfied with the way it sat.

“Someone is eager.” Neteyam's lips curved upwards as he leisurely took another bite of yovo. “Usually I am the one rushing us out the door.” 

“Things can change. I can be responsible too.” He shucked Neteyam’s bag over his own shoulder, ready to leave with or without his brother. 

Neteyam rolled his eyes, heaving himself up from his seated position. 

“Yes but what good is it without her here to watch you do so, baby brother?” His fingers barely touched Lo’ak’s braids before the younger brother was swooping away and swatting at his arm. The death glare sent his way only made a deep chuckle rise in Neteyam’s chest. 

Neteyam’s jesting was all in good fun but Lo’ak was far from in the mood to look at things that way. Over and over your words from the other day had echoed in his head. Your tone was drenched in steel cold enmity but even that couldn’t mask the pain that was seated in your golden orbs. His own childhood recklessness had put him at this point and now it was all he could think about. 

Setting things up for today’s lesson, however, had helped. It gave him an outlet, some way to use these swirling emotions and put them into something useful. Lo’ak Sully was not one to give up easily, no matter what you said. 

Gun to head Lo’ak would not be able to recite a word of what his brother spoke as they walked to the lake’s edge. The pounding of his heart was far too loud and it seemed his attention didn’t matter anyways when Neteyam’s own was easily captured by your sister. Without so much as a goodbye, he stalked towards the female Na’vi and left him behind. 

The rocks were littered with various warriors and clan members in his age group. His father had thought it would be best to keep it within a demographic that they could relate to, make these lessons more personal. And yet Lo’ak had never felt more out of place. At one point in time these people had been his peers but things had been so different then. A time that was hard to remember, like a distant dream. 

Only the memories of you had not been tainted with the passing of time. He blamed all of those days at the reef where his head had been filled with thoughts of you. It was hard to forget the one his heart longed for. Even his fling with Tsireya could not erase the mark you had left on him. 

He finally caught sight of where you were perched next to another warrior. 

Your eyes only skimmed over him for a second before turning away.

You thought that it was only a matter of time or opportunity before he would be swept away and wooed by another. Perhaps if you were right things would be so much easier. And yet the tug of his heart always brought him back to you. His inability to move on was not from a lack of effort. 

So many one night stands and summer flings only for every single one to feel hollow and robotic. 

You couldn’t have known that, however, and it was Lo’ak’s job to find a way to prove it to you.

There were a million different excuses you could have conjured up to avoid these lessons. Some of them had almost slipped out this morning as Talu babbled on about how excited she was to see the eldest Sully son. However, you were mature enough to face the hard truths. Coping out now would be negligent to your duties as a useful clan member. If Olo’eyktan found it vital that the next generation learned about underwater diving then it was your responsibility to add those skills to your arsenal. 

It had been a couple days of successfully avoiding Lo’ak and now it seemed such a shame to break the streak. You refused to let those pesky thoughts bother you today however. You were her for one purpose and one purpose only. Master the art of free-diving and return to your new found peace and quiet. 

Naturally Lo’ak was greeted with quite the welcoming party, Na’vi females coaxing him over to hear about his travels. Rolling your eyes you prayed that Neteyam wouldn’t catch wind of your sour demeanor. All your worries were for not. His charming smile never strayed from your sister. Talu was skilled at putting up a calm front but you knew her well enough to sense that she was bubbling from the inside. 

You were going to hear about this conversation all night. 

Relief was temporarily found when the lessons started and instruction was finally given. The water was cool against your heated skin and you enjoyed the way it made your hair dance. Drill after drill you struggled to hold your breath longer. It felt as if your lungs were about to explode as you tried to suck in more air before plunging in again. 

Lo’ak and Neteyam would demonstrate then invite the crowd to mimic while they inspected and instructed along the way. It helped that you were not the only Na’vi who had no natural inclination towards these talents. Many came up to the surface choking on water and pushing hair from their face.  The lake looked more like an active river with the pulsing waves and splashes that emitted from every corner.

You had to give the brothers credit. No matter how ridiculous you all must have looked they never let themselves show visible signs of judgment or even laughter. 

It was far too easy to find Lo’ak in the midst. Even underwater he moved with a grace and calm that seemed so unlike him. It felt as if the water swirled to make way for him. He moved in sync with the pulse of Na’vi-made waves, cresting over them like a dance. Muscular frame floating through the abyss, he was a work of art among flailing limbs. 

He looked relaxed enough to fall asleep. His descent deeper was treated like an afternoon stroll. Your own dimming supply of air faded into the background as you found yourself swimming down after him. It was hard to keep up. Every long stroke of his was at least four of yours and still it felt as if that distance only grew with every passing second. 

He reached the bottom with one last kick, fingers carting through the various stones that lay there. Your brows furrowed as his own expression remained unperturbed. Finally a small smile broke loose when he caught hold of one rock in particular. It shimmered even in the daylight and Lo’ak made quick work to tuck it into the pouch at his side.

The first convulsing of your empty lungs was what broke you out of the trance. Lo’ak and his rock hunting was completely forgotten as your body screamed for oxygen. Now your turn to flail helplessly, you clawed towards the surface. Your lips pressed together, trying to focus on not giving into the urge of letting water in. 

How had you gotten so far down here in the first place?

The water’s surface looked so close and yet every kick only seemed to make it further away. It was an optical illusion that had your fear spiking with every second you couldn’t take in air. You hardly registered the strong arm that wrapped around your waist until your convulsing body was flying through the water. 

It was a miracle your own legs didn’t tangle with Lo’ak’s as they kicked out, but he had both of your bodies plunging upwards at a speed you could barely register. It seemed that your lungs simply could not get enough oxygen when your head finally broke through the surface. Your lungs still convulsed and your throat seized at every gasping breath.

“Just breathe. Nice and slow.” His deep voice tickled at your ear. Na’vi parted as you were floated over to the nearest shore. “There you go. In and out.” 

It seemed like a simple instruction but your body refused to snap out of panic mode. Fingernails digging into his forearms you tried to dislodge the residue water from your lungs. One arm under your back and another beneath your bent knees, Lo’ak easily carried your shaking body onto shore. He sat down, gently settling you between his parted legs while cooing encouragement. 

“Just focus on one breath at a time. Come on, do it with me, sevin.” His chest inflated against your back before slowly exhaling. You followed his lead. “That’s it. Try to breathe from here.” He placed his palm against your diaphragm. Eager to diminish the embarrassment that was creeping in, you zeroed in on acing his request. 

Breathing this way felt more physical, stretching your lungs to a point you didn’t know they could reach but every exhale brought your heart rate one further step down. 

“Very good.” 

The praise washed over you like a warm flame. Finally it felt as if your body was complying with your wishes, relaxing back against his chest. Your earlier fears of drowning were quickly reshaping to seem as nothing more than overreaction. Relief was sweet.

“Slow your heart.” Lo’ak purred, tucking his chin over your shoulder as he placed one hand over your collarbones. It was dangerously close to where your breasts rose and fell. 

With one swipe of your cupped hand through the water you had successfully catapulted water at his face. You dislodged yourself from his snuggling before sending him a dirty look and stomping off. 

Maybe that trick worked for him back with the Metkayina girls but you knew better than to fall for his charming traps.

“Sister!” Talu shouted, darting past the crowd. You could see in the distance Neteyam standing waist deep in the lake, right where your sister had left him. “By Eywa, are you alright?” 

Talu wasted no time in turning you back and forth in order to scour for injuries. Although still winded you did your best to ease her concerns. 

“Mawey, I am fine.” A sharp slap to the back of your head made you hiss in surprise.

“Then what were you thinking?! Diving down like that without any experience! That was not a part of the drill!” Her nose scrunched in the way it always did when giving you a scolding. 

“I know I just was…checking something…” You trailed off, feeling the heat of his gaze upon the back of your neck. 

“Neteyam says that you’re not supposed to dive like that even after a few weeks of training. We have to start with the shallow-”

“I know! I know!” Your groan only earned you another glare.

“Don’t scare me like that!” 

It was not a new experience to see Talu worked up. With your parents gone she was used to taking over as your caretaker and protector, although you were far beyond the years of needing such things. Regardless she had a knack for worrying. Yet another reason you had elected to never tell her about your history with Lo’ak.

“I am sorry.” It was nothing more than a mumble against her shoulder when she pulled you close. 

“Thank the Great Mother Lo’ak was there.” She sighed and from over her shoulder you could see where he was now directing another Na’vi female who struggled to make it across the space with one glide. 

“Yes, very lucky.” You deadpanned, rolling your eyes.

It would have been rude to leave the lesson without joining in on the following social. Or at least that is what Talu claimed when you tried to retire early. Of course you had ulterior motives for expressing how tired you were but it was not a lie either. No matter how many times you had pushed yourself to suck in greater air, to make it one more stroke, you could never get past a certain threshold. Determination and anger had only swirled higher whenever you saw Lo’ak dance through the water. 

The entire ordeal had left you feeling defeated. The sooner you could crack the code on diving the sooner you could retire from these lessons. There was no denying however, how good the fire’s glow felt against your wet skin. Everyone huddled in a circle around the fire. Talu was more than happy to accept the seat Neteyam had saved for her. 

If it weren’t for the fear of looking over eager you were sure she would have already been snuggled up against him for warmth. Despite your animosity towards the younger Sully brother you were happy to see Talu courted by such an honorable warrior. He gave appreciation and chivalry freely, just in the way she deserved. 

You opted to take a seat at the edge of the circle, sitting close to Panyau. There was great entertainment to be found in the way some of the females slumped in disappointment when Neteyam focused his attention primarily on Talu. It took a hand to your lips to mask your giggle when one female’s tail dropped after Neteyam rejected her offering of drink. 

Lo’ak was not exempt from the same attention, although he strategically placed himself among other male clan members. Perhaps it was all in your head but it appeared that for once he was getting sick of the limelight. It didn’t last for long however because sooner or later the brothers were pressed to share stories from their time with the Metkayina. 

“A full grown Na’vi and he’s never flown?” Matutke questioned in disbelief, many other Na’vi mirroring his same perplexed expression.

“Never. I swear I saw his soul transcend to Eywa at first lift off. Think I still have the mark from where he dug his nails into my shoulder.” Lo’ak grinned, sounding a chorus of laughter through the crowd. 

“He cried almost as much as you did your first time, baby brother.” Neteyam quipped, reaching over to squeeze the back of Lo’ak’s neck. His younger brother glared and rolled his eyes as laughter rung through the forest but he surprisingly didn’t offer a comeback. 

Conversation ebbed and flowed easily among the group, old friends connecting once more. You found yourself even becoming content to sit by the fire’s glow with such jovial interactions taking place. It was nice to take the backseat and enjoy some much needed rest. Even being around Lo’ak was bearable as it seemed he had finally given up on bugging you. 

That is, until things took a turn.

It all started with one of the male’s, Pe’ku, teasing Lo’ak about the new gems and shells woven in his hair. Lo’ak had playfully glared at him as his friend yammered on about how it looked as if he had taken half the reef back with him. 

You did your best at tuning out the conversation when one female jumped in to defend him, talking about how particularly pretty the blue gem in his hair was. Sleep threatened to take over as Lo’ak explained how rare these pieces were, having to dive down to the deepest depths to retrieve them. Eyes rolling and head resting on your bent knees, you prayed that Talu would be ready to leave soon. 

The sudden oohs and aaahs when Lo’ak pulled something from his side pouch were like lullabies to your tired ears. 

And then your tail peaked with awareness. The group had grown silent and the weight of many eyes bore down on you. 

“Huh? What?” You stammered, head finally lifting to take in the scene with confusion. A few giggles laced the crowd and Lo’ak gave you a crooked smile.

“Could I talk to you for a minute?” He asked gently.

“What? Why?” The sudden beam of attention surrounding you caused unease to settle. 

Lo’ak gave a nervous laugh.

“Or I suppose I could ask here.” Tails and legs shifted out of the way as Lo’ak came to kneel before you. It was only then that you noticed the shimmering object in his right hand. “I started making this a few months ago, beginning when I first started to have hope of returning home.” 

He laid the long necklace carefully over his thighs. These glimmering pieces were unlike anything you had ever seen and much like the blue piece in his hair, it danced under the fading streaks of the day’s light. However unlike the small piece in his hair these ones tarried among different colors. A kaleidoscope of rainbow that would never stay the same shade for long, prancing with every different bounce of light. Intricately woven into the shape of a bodice that reminded you much of the stretching branches that reached for the sun. 

“It was the first time I had ever let myself imagine what it would be like to come back here. To see you again.” 

The swirling gold specks in his eyes trapped your own wide eyed stare in a vice like grip.

“I thought about you every time I dove down to retrieve a piece. It was the only piece in Awa’atlu that held a flame to my memory of your beauty. Looking at the woman you have grown into today I see that it is greatly insufficient as a comparison.” A short laugh accompanied his last sentence. 

The knot in your stomach flipped into acrobatics that had your heart pounding.

“For now this is all I have to offer as a courting gift. This and my vow.” The four fingered hand that rested on your thigh was warm, sending a jolt of electricity racing upwards. “Never will a day go by without my heart being full of love for you. Never a morning where I don’t ask myself what can be done to make you smile, to bring light into your life.To my dying breath I will protect you.”

It hit you then the specificity of this audience. At the sight of drooping females’ tails and piercing gazes of other males you realized that this was the mating pool. Your peers and potential suitors were all gathered here. And with them, every doe eyed female that had chased after Lo’ak since his return.

“I can not call you mine, at least not yet, but I do believe that Eywa has given me another chance to fight for that right. To fight for the honor it would be to reside by your side. So with my intentions clear and heart set I ask you to accept this first courting gift.” 

The following silence was deafening. It felt as if every second ticking by was one step closer to the bomb in your chest exploding. The group enveloped you like quick sand, each lean closer tightening around you in a suffocating grip. 

So when a small “yes” escaped your lips, you blamed it on the need to breathe. On the need to escape the borrading questions that would inevitably follow your rejection. 

You were willing to blame it on anything. 

Anything but the twinkle of excitement that struck you the second Lo’ak’s wide grin fell into place. 

A/N: It has been so much fun to see y'all's reaction to this random little series I started. Please don't be shy! I love hearing your thoughts! It motivates me to keep writing<3

Taglist: @pandoraslxna @pandoraslovesworld @faintfill @rivatar @neteyamssyulang @mashiromochi @justcaptiannoodles @pocky444 @dayyzlol @kekunan @puddle-nerd @hazelwebsterboo2 @acerbicmoon @aesteticxsariana @haunting-venus @yawnetu @avatar4eva @baybaybear1 @nillikhyth @affinity101022 @tsireyasluvr @bambithewriter @delulumhaggy @kayfromthebay

[judesmoonbeauty]

Your Hand Please, My Lady CE: Jude Jazza Story

Fan translation only. Not 100% accurate. Please expect grammatical errors. Cybird owns everything. Feel free to re-blog, but please do not post my translations elsewhere. Thank you, for you support! ☾.

Jude was chosen to be my butler for a day through the Evil King game —

Jude: Good morning, Miss Kate. You seem well-rested today.

That morning when Jude came to my room, he spoke in beautiful Queen’s English.

(Jude’s accent is gone?! Moreover, why am I being called Miss….)

Kate: ….This is a dream, right?

Thinking it was a dream I sank back to bed when Jude grabbed my arm.

Jude: Excuse me, Miss Kate. I am also terribly disappointed, but this is not a dream.

Kate: I can feel you grabbing me….then this is real….?

Jude: Yesterday, Mister Victor gave an extremely unpleasant….no, a pleasant order, didn’t he?

Jude: To become a butler for one day.

Kate: Ah, that’s right….

Kate: I understand. Please take care of me today.

Jude: No, it’s I who should say that. Please take care of me today, Miss Kate.

Jude: Anyway, that wild hairstyle…..it’s like a work of art. It’s an honor to see it.

(Maybe, do I have bed hair…?)

Kate: I-I’m sorry. It’s unsightly! I’ll fix it right away.

Jude: Ah no, leave it as it is, my lady.

(What, leave my bed head as it is…?)

Jude: I’ll fix it for you, so please have a seat.

Kate: ….You will do it Jude?

Jude: Since I am your butler for today.

Jude skillfully arranged my hair, and tied it up neatly.

Afterwards, I was guided to the dining room where breakfast had been prepared.

(Jude’s an immaculate butler. But…)

Jude: My lady. You’re taking your time eating your meal with that small mouth.

Jude: As a result, tidying up will be delayed……no, please be careful, all right?

Kate: ….Thank you.

(Even though his tone was polite, his words somehow sounded sarcastic….)

He isn’t criticizing me as he usually does, so I can’t talk back, it’s oddly difficult.

Liam: Jude becoming a butler seems interesting! I wanted to see it, but…..it seems a bit shameless doesn’t it?

Kate: That’s just your nature Liam…..

Liam: Kate, now that Jude is your butler, you can do whatever you want.

Liam: Like going shopping and carrying your bags! I’m curious about Jude being used by you, Kate.

Jude: ….You’re using me to satisfy your curiosity? Mr. Liam, joke around in moderation.

Liam: Wow, scary!

Liam: But, Jude didn’t you ask me the other day about products women may like?

Liam: I don’t think it would be a bad idea to listen to Kate’s opinion while shopping.

Ellis: Kate’ll be happy to release her frustration, and Jude’ll be happy to do market research…..

Ellis: ….Yep, I think that’s very good.

Liam: Right?

Ellis and liam both approached Jude with sparkling eyes.

Jude: ……Seems like the both of you will be completely noisy until we go out?

So at Ellis’ and Liam’s recommendation, I went out with Jude.

There’s a hint of sarcasm in everything Jude says, but he carries all of my bags without being asked, fulling his role as a butler with precision.

(Although it was an order from the evil king game….., I’m starting to feel a bit sorry.)

(I’ll tell Jude that this is the last time he needs to pretend being a butler.)

As I stood in the bathroom and thought this, I started back to Jude.

At that moment —

Man: Excuse me. I’m lost, could you give me directions.

Kate: Yes, of course. Where are you going?

Man: It’s in this direction. Come with me for a moment.

Kate: What? That…

(This man…does he really need directions?)

Just as he was about to forcefully grab my arm, I stopped in confusion, and the man’s attitude changed.

Man: Tch…you’re Jude Jazza’s woman right? Listen up and follow me!

Kate: Mmgh.

A cloth was placed over my mouth preventing me from calling for help, and I was snatched away immediately.

I was taken to a warehouse-like place and my hands were tied with ropes.

(…..I wonder how many times I’ve been involved as Jude’s woman.)

(Come to think of it, when I was commanded to become Jude’s maid….)

[Flash Back Begins]

Jude: If yer gonna follow me ‘round, ya gotta ditch all the niceties ’n goodwill.

Jude: Or if ya don’t wanna get tossed aside, then forget the damn mission ‘n go back to sleep in yer castle, princess.

[Flash Back Ends]

(Even though I was warned…..my goodwill was taken advantage of.)

If Jude saw me, he’d laugh and say, “See, toldja.”

(…..Ugh. If that’s the case, I’d rather not be criticized.)

(There’s a chance I may be told not to tag along anymore because he’s fed up with me.)

I still don’t know a lot about Jude, I haven’t recorded enough.

(In order to stay by Jude’s side, I need to make it through this situation….!)

Just as the man turned his back to me, I picked up a nearby piece of wood.

I don’t have a firm grip because I’m tied with a rope, but it’s enough to swing down.

(…..Okay, now!)

I hit the man on the back of his knee, to get him to lose balance. At that time —

Jude: —You were late, so I came to collect you, my lady.

Man: Huh…..Jude Jazza?!

Jude appeared from the shadows and immediately closed the distance between him and the man,

Man: Urgh!

Jude’s brilliant roundhouse kick sent the man flying, and then fell to the ground.

Kate: ……Thank you for the help.

On the way back home, Jude stopped walking to listen as I began to speak.

Kate: But I …..I still want to know more about you, Jude.

Kate: Going forward, I’ll be more careful. So……

—So, please let me stay by your side. Before I could say anything Jude spoke.

Jude: ….Today you’re a young lady, and I am your butler.

Jude: Because of this, of course I’d help you.

(So my stupidity will be overlooked today…?)

Jude: Besides, you were swinging a piece of wood before I could even get in.

Kate: I was just completely absorbed in the moment….

Jude: …..It’s far better to beat someone to death with a piece of wood, than to be tortured.

While saying that, Jude lit a cigarette.

The long trailing smoke rises thinly into the sky and disappears.

For some reason, the lonely look on his face was burned into my heart.

Jude: ….Well, yer unfit as a young lady. Where d’ya find a young lady swingin’  wood ‘round.

Kate: You say that…., but Jude you’re also unfit as a butler!

Kate: You stopped speaking politely, and you started smoking without asking…..

Jude: If ya ain’t a young lady, then I ain’t a butler. This setup was rubbish from the start.

Jude: ….Or what, didja want me to wait on ya longer? Ya got good taste.

Kate: T-that’s not it! I….like the usual Jude best!

Jude: ……

Kate: Ah! T-that’s not right? Not like in that way, what I meant was

Jude: Ya rather be teased than waited on, right? ….Yer a woman with bad tastes.

I was frustrated that he laughed while mocking me.

But, it’s true that Jude’s ridiculing side fits better…..

(…..Maybe I do have bad tastes.)

While I felt a tinge of uneasiness about my preference in tastes…my strange day spent with Jude as my butler ended.

Jude really struggled to not say mean things lmao. So cute watching him correct himself. Let's give the fairy an A+ for effort.

And HELLO - are we not going to talk about how he couldn't resist Liam's and Ellis sparkly eyes?? ......or about how he lit a cigarette after that one line.

[Master List] Dividers: @.natimiles Tag List: @sh0jun @theimaginativelyreticent @sapphire-323 @letter-from-afar @nateko @cosmowgyrall. @lunaaka

[spacerockfloater]

The “the whole theme of Fire and Blood is about how bad misogyny is!” rhetoric actually makes me laugh, because not only is GRRM himself one of the most misogynistic fantasy writers out there, but his lack of understanding when it comes to one of the fundamental ideas of feminism, which is that all women deserve respect, is evident when you look at the type of women who are uplifted in his work:

1. Beautiful preteen girls who get sexually/ physically abused (Sansa, Daenerys, Shireen)

2. Virginal girls who swear off men and their traditional roles (Arya, Brienne)

3. Dutiful mothers (Catelyn)

And that’s it. A woman is valued in his story only when she is either pretty and young and pure but suffers for it, a virgin that renounces sex completely or has children. Every other single female character is treated like absolute garbage and ridiculed for her weight, age, sex drive, ambition, beliefs etc.

This man is a textbook misogynist. And you know that because his favourite characters are Jon Snow, a byronic hero, and Daemon Targaryen, a controversial deuteragonist. His male characters are part of a spectrum and he adds nuance to all of them by making them complicated, morally challenged yet still somehow superior, macho men with hard abs. They all make difficult decisions that are based on their trauma/ experiences and personal values/ ambitions, they’re all multidimensional beings that can’t be described as purely good or evil, but! The women in his works are helpless little creatures that stuff just keeps happening to them and he praises them depending on if their reactions to these situations appeal to the male fantasy and ideal of what a good woman should be, but punishes them when they make decisions for themselves. In his work, men are proactive, but women are reactive.

Both Rhaenyra and Alicent are evil caricatures. An evil stepmom, a spoiled bratty daughter. He never meant for his story to make us think “wow! patriarchy is bad!”, even if we obviously thought it anyway and it’s true. All he wanted was to tell a shocking story full of badass men doing badass things.

[velvetvexations]

All the Dropout transmisogyny discourse anons I got, because there are a ton. I don't have much to add here that I haven't already said and aren't going to repeat a million times in the near future, and I have a million more asks still in my inbox, so these don't have answers, but each of them has values of their own and I'm happy to platform them. Yall are very insightful and articulate.

cw for suicide mention

"dropout doesn't have enough transfems"

my best friend tried to kill herself a couple of months ago just because being alive as a poor trans fem in a red state is that fucking painful and difficult. that's the state of the world for 90% of trans people. and that other 10%? thats you (not you velvet, the people that are whining about dropout).

shut the FUCK up about dropout. you don't fucking care about trans women, you care about being mad about stupid bullshit so you can get off to feeling oppressed by the only company on fucking earth who is making ANY effort to fucking platform and take care of queer artists. it is so disgustingly priveleged to be upset about a fucking streaming platform as small as dropout not having "enough" of the Right Kind of Tranny on it.

i am so sick of these fucking people. trans people are getting fucking murdered and killing themselves, we are losing our fucking siblings, and instead of trying to take action to stop & prevent violence against us, they're bitching online because Show They Don't Watch doesn't have enough trans women on it.

______________________________________________________________

Ngl this discord is coming off very white and representative politics had already been disproven by black folks in America. Representation is nice but does nothing to fix the root issues, why expect a private company to be able to fix it? This anger could be place in more productive and necessary trans issues

______________________________________________________________

the talk about dropout not including transfems annoys me on a couple of levels of like, yeah, they could have more transfems. factual statement. but there very well may be transfems working in or around dropout that either are in the closet or don't feel like making themselves known, and demanding that you know the agab (tma or tme) of every person involved in dropout just so you can fufill some kind of tme vs tma trans quota is. a tad fucked up.

______________________________________________________________

"#and people have been pointing out how its fucked that theres p good transmasc representation on drop out" wow! I hate this! like i guess i should be grateful that they're saying the quiet part out loud or whatever but how have we gotten to a point where having good trans representation is "fucked"??? just because it's not the Specific Type of Trans you want to see represented. Especially when the most prominent one came out and transitioned after being hired???? so they weren't even hired to fill some "quota" of representation ALSO i think i sent asks to you about this before but i'm tired as fuck of people just immediately pointing at nonbinary people and calling them transmasc!!!! y'all are so fucking exorsexist and binarist that you genuinely view the world as "men and men-adjacent" and "woman and woman-adjacent" we're never escaping the hell that is binary gender norms are we. also like. immediately calling all nonbinary people transmasc is actively participating in the erasure of transfem nonbinary people. you don't know someone's ASAB by looking at them. you don't know how or if someone has transitioned already. all you know is that they're not cis and use they/them pronouns. as a smaller note, i've seen people saying something like the drag queens don't count as transfem rep on dropout and it makes me so angry! why are we buying into the Rupaul Drag Race-ification of drag that tries to deny the foundational role trans people of all types have in drag? did they bother to look into the queens to see which are transfem or not?? i cannot name a drag queen in my city that is a cis man. i live in a major city. i'm sure they're out there, but the scene is rightfully filled with trans women artistically expressing exploring and celebrating their gender. this dropout drama is so manufactured and for what. what's the goal here? dropout reads to me like a group of comedians who are friends and are still sticking together after college humor died. it's not like they have constant main cast recruitment drives, from what i can tell, it's more of a "hey I (dropout cast member) know this other comedian that'd be a great fit. we should hire them". i'm just so tired of this faux moral outrage when nothing of substance has occurred and every trans person in my life is struggling to afford to survive and being crushed under the weight of the ongoing supreme court case on gender affirming care

______________________________________________________________

I don’t have the energy to unblock plaidos long enough to rewrite the anon I forgot I wouldn’t be able to send, but I don’t think she understands that Bezos (owner of Amazon Prime, a much larger streaming service with presumably dozens of original shows, but I don’t actually know and don’t really care) could buy Sam Reich for exactly his net worth literally a million times over and eat him for breakfast as easily as he could anyone else in this country. Why are we supposed to be mad at him for not being above and beyond what every other company’s standards are?? Show me PROOF trans women are getting snubbed for roles on Dropout shows or shut the fuck up. A show having any ONE trans person should be seen as a win, now we have to have multiple kinds? (And don’t think us nonbinary people can’t see the blatant fucking binary they’re boiling trans rep down to. At least make the categories “transmisogyny affected” “transandromisia affected” (that’s the term Ive seen the least hate for so in my head it’s what the tmas are most okay with) and “exorsexism affected” and pretend to care about unaligned enbans not IDing as teansfem or transmasc?????

okay im done i should really go to bed i don’t even know why i care ive never watched a dropout show i guess im just fucking sick of people inventing problems where there are none so they can feel properly downtrodden. Im in constant physical pain and going on year 5 of disability benefit denials, my anxiety is off the charts, im falling back into suicidal ideation since the election, and I’m homeless and once again living with my queerphobic just left of fundie family. Some of us have REAL FUCKING PROBLEMS and there’s plenty of other stuff being created that claims to care about queer people and has yet to have any trans rep. Go yell at goddamn disney some more, fuck!!!!)

______________________________________________________________

So how do you think all the people mad about dropout right now would react to me pointing out the lack of transmasc creators on nebula?

______________________________________________________________

i wouldn't be surprised if one of the reasons trfs are deciding to get mad at dropout is because you like it

______________________________________________________________

I was reading the dropout discourse with a furrowed brow. Real stink face situation. Just due to the ridiculousness of it all. And my boyfriend comes up and goes "hey :D! Wait, what's wrong?" N I'm like "nothing, just ppl being dumb." And he was like "oh. Well, it's snowing outside! :D" and we went outside with the dog and played in the snow and it was a real eye opening experience. Real ppl online vs people in real life kind of situation.

People online: the streaming platform Dropout is not TMA enough

People in real life: hey, it's snowing outside!

______________________________________________________________

yknow how right wing pundits will pick the culture war du jour to make a huge deal out of? remember how they were SO upset about mr potato head being potato they or whatever, which was quickly dropped because santa claus is black sometimes and we need to be worried about that, which was then dropped because the green m&m wasnt sexy enough...

and how it's this neverending cycle of picking non-issues to fight about? because it's more about riling up general-your base, making them think everyone is out to get them all the time in all these insidious ways, to make the entire world seem darker and more dangerous than it is? and when people outside this circle say these are non-issues, their lack of understanding about how bad the world actually is serves to further rile up that same base, who now think they're the only truth-seers?

anyway, dropout has marginally more tmascs than tfems and we're all really very mad about this real issue

______________________________________________________________

People are really showing their ~tme discourse~ asses with this dropout thing because like: by their own stupid framework definition isn’t TME supposed to be all non-transfems? So like… cis people? But their graphs are instead just singling out Beardsley as the Evil Appropriating Interloper Stealing Opportunities From Real Trans People. Like… y’all aren’t even PRETENDING that your entire position isn’t just “fuck transmascs in particular”

______________________________________________________________

re: the dropout discourse like yeah it did take a while for Brennan to make a transfem NPC but does nobody remember The Seven??? a whole season where a transfem PC was played by a transfem person? i haven’t finished the season yet but cmon people. it came up in like the first or second episode.

[salemcantupdate]

Ok

Baldurs Gate shipping and who I am actively in love with

SO, currently romancing Gale because Astarion rejected me, full one said “I don’t wanna have sex with you, UGH, EW, imagine.” But Gale is so cute??? I don’t get whenever I see hate for him, especially cause we had astral projection sex which was absolutely fantastic. Wyll kissed me but I said “haha nah Gale” and I think I accidentally romanced Karlach??? I don’t know. Oh I also hugged the Guardian love him.

Now for shipping

SHADOWHEART AND LAE’ZEL IS SO FUCKING REAL TO ME OH MY GOD THEY GOTTA GET DOWN RIGHT NOW

They ARE rivals to lovers

Wyll and Karlach… they’re best friends. I’m sorry but all the women look like absolutely lesbians to me and I love that for them

But Wyll is so sweet and so cute and I do adore him, he’s so fun, but I built him so badly haha. Anyways, he is a WHORE, he flirts with EVERYONE, SLUT BOY, and he needs a happy ending. Don’t know with who though. And Karlach needs a short woman to peg.

Astarion is 100% asexual and I love him cause he’s just like me frfr which means he needs to be with me and only me. But also genuinely I think Astarion can only be happy with a redeemed Durge??? Like I think that’s the best path for him. Two monsters learning to be good together… GAH ITS SO CUTE. Either way, he’d need to be with someone who isn’t overly horny

Also once again I absolutely adore Gale. Gale is so good and so loving and he also absolutely loves body worship like he is hozier he was on his knees and worshipping his Goddess Mystra, loving her and now HE CHOOSES YOU IN HIS ROMANCE. HE BDKDCJKWHCISJDKWJD. I love him, so who should he be with? He’s more on the basic side overall, easy to get approval from, but also extremely romantic and loving, and autistic just like me frfr. So… actually maybe Wyll??? Wyll has some self worth issues especially after going all devil and Wyll is also a romantic? But ehhh… I dunno, it just doesn’t feel right.

Anyways, Halsin. I love the daddy bear man like YES he is absolutely fantastic and I love him so so so so much I want him carnally. But also I can’t really see him with most people haha. Maybe Gale though, imagine the astral projection scene but then Halsin is a bear, that’d be hilarious. But nah, I honestly like Halsin/Astarion/Reformed Durge Throuple. Essentially, finishing Astarion’s personal quest before initiation with Halsin will ensure that Astarion doesn’t get any self doubt. They are all on different parts of their journey for improvement, both Halsin and Astarion have severe issues with self doubt along with sexual trauma, and all of them have a “beast” inside. Durge with the Urge, Astarion being a vampire, and Halsin with his difficult-to-control wild shape. Plus Halsin to me is one of the most respectful and consent-focused characters, which I think would work well with what Astarion needs.

Ok so I wanna ship Karlach with some cute bard girl or something, someone just as fun and nice as she is. And you know what? Wyll and Gale is starting to grow on me. They’re both characters who try to “woo” Tav before doing anything, Gale with the Weave and Wyll with his dance.

Imagine, Gale teaching Wyll the secrets of the weave, likely Wyll has never interacted with it properly as his magic comes from a devil. This could help unlock Wyll and on some level separate him from Mizora. Oh wow, both these men have been manipulated and abused by extremely powerful non-humanoid women. They’re both self sacrificing gits who want to be the hero, both sacrificed much for power. I think it would start when Mizora first appears in camp, maybe. Gale would go to comfort Wyll over the transformation, maybe even compliment his horns. During the night of celebration Gale would see Wyll by the beach and offer to show him something magical, aka the Weave scene. They make some jokes and Wyll mentions the dancing, Gale prods, and Wyll says maybe another time.

GAH

I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING GENIUS

Alright, so, summary

Lae’zel and Shadowheart

Karlach and cute girl (if Alfira survived Durge I’d choose her but oh well)

Durge, Astarion, and Halsin

Gale and Wyll

EDIT: This post is no longer accurate to my views or feelings on the matter! I will write another one eventually since I actually know the characters a lot better. This was legit written before I even got to act 2 and I barely did anything in act 1

[thismoleculeisacomedian]

A few more DA notes (with some spoilers, obviously):

Wow, Rose really was Sybil 2.0. It’s almost uncanny how similar they are personality wise. I know a lot of people say that Sybil had a lot more depth to her than Rose, but I think that that was very circumstantial. Also… probably not a coincidence that Rose entered right after Sybil passed away? (My crack theory on this is that, as ghosts are a *thing* in DA, perhaps Sybil possessed Rose.)

I don’t know why, but Mr. Bates saying “because you think I’m A MUUURRRRDEERRREERRR” will never not be funny to me.

“Golly gumdrops, what a turn up!” Robert…. Please have some decorum.

"I always think of you as nomads, drifting 'round the world" I wish that someone had then pointed out that literally everyone who had to spend time around Susan spent that time wishing that she would go drifting 'round the world.

Ms. Bunting really was rude af. She reminds me of someone I knew in young democrats with whom I agreed with about everything, but who literally seemed to go out of her way to make everything as difficult as possible.

Why do almost all of the children born out of wedlock get named after their fathers? (i.e. Ethel’s son Charlie, Rose’s “friend’s” son Daniel… Just seems like an odd thing to do.)

It’s really mind boggling how much Robert tries to override Tom with regards to decisions concerning Sybbie. (Namely, when Tom chose to name her after Sybil, move away (the first time he thought about it), have her baptized Catholic, etc.) I understand on an intellectual level why he does this, but it should have been obvious (even to him) that he wouldn’t get to override her father.

"He's political" / "As long as he's on our side" yeah, no 💀

They really needed to have Daisy *grow up* a little bit between the ages of (I'm guessing??) ~17 (in 1912) and ~30 (in 1925). It was just bad writing to write her like she was still a teenager for the entire show. Plus, they refer to Andrew being like 18 (???) in 1925, meaning she would have been like twelve years older. To my understanding, women usually didn't marry men younger than them in that time period, and I'm shocked that this wasn't commented on by anyone.

Robert really knew how to read a room, huh? (/s)

Michelle Dockery is really good at using her face.

Mr. Carson was so much nicer in the beginning. Maybe him being outed as a dance hall performer really humbled him 💀

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Absolutely banger content!! Love it! When Kaz calls Inej "treasure of my heart" he's cheapening an otherwise meaningful phrase. Do you think he is being totally sarcastic or is he deadpanning his feelings to a degree? Because a little later he describes another time he said something cold-blooded to Inej and says to himself "in moments like that he thought she might hate him." Can the second quote be used as context to explain the "treasure of my heart" quote?

Hi, thank you so much!

I definitely think that this is a prime example of using sarcasm as a defence mechanism, so although he comes across completely sarcastic - as confirmed by Inej’s reaction, which is to look pointedly at his cane and wish him a long trip down the stairs before she herself slides down the bannister - I would agree that to some degree he is voicing his genuine feelings. It could be viewed in a somewhat self-destructive nature, because by voicing these feelings in a manner that he knows will elicit a negative response from Inej he can use it as evidence for her not returning his affection and therefore use it as a reason not express his feelings in any real way - claiming that she won’t be interested, when actually he simply has a massively debilitating fear of being vulnerable bred in him by Rollins and the general attitudes/environment of the gangs in the Barrel (and arguably to some degree Jordie as well; by trying to protect his younger brother he doesn’t necessarily convey the full severity of their situation when they first arrive in Ketterdam, inadvertently leading to the belief that such vulnerabilities should never be spoken of or discussed becoming a highly complex and difficult aspect of Kaz’s character)

When Kaz comments “in moments like that, he thought she might hate him” it’s coming off the back of him effectively defending the appropriation of Inej’s culture. She is horrified to see the Suli Jackal masks on sale and being worn by pleasure seekers in Ketterdam, because they should only be worn by Suli seers and are “sacred symbols”. In return, Kaz says that he’s seen the seers “ply their trade on party boats and in pleasure houses” and that “they didn’t seem very holy”, and when she says that “they are pretenders” and “they’re laughing at you behind those masks” he responds coolly that he would never pay to have his fortune told, whether it was from a conman or a holy man. When Inej is visibly upset by this conversation, he comments that he wonders if she hates him, and I think that a large aspect of this is because he is the only person who knows what she went through to its fullest extent. And the specifically relevant aspect of what he knows here, is that Inej was forced to appropriate her culture herself when she was at the Menagerie (slight tangent, but so was Nina, it’s very interesting, I’ve mentioned it in a post before). Inej describes her room at the Menagerie to be a farcical mockery of a Suli caravan, she was forced to “donn false Suli silks”, and it’s even mentioned that the only reason she was ‘the lynx’ is that the Jackal masks were seen as unattractive - “but what man would want to bed a Jackal? So instead, the Suli girl - and the Menagerie always stocked a Suli girl - wore the lynx”. What a quote. What. A. Quote. Starting with the Jackal, it makes it clear that there are no lines that won’t be crossed, and that’s emphasised by other girls at the Menagerie wearing animals sacred to their countries such as the Fjerdan woman being the wolf, and that the only reason Inej didn’t have to wear an outfit similar to the one she’s so horrified by here is that it couldn’t be sexualised and exploited the same way the lynx could. And then we have “and the Menagerie always stocked a Suli girl”. Wow. That gets me every time I read it. There are two main things I want to comment on in this quote, so I’ll start with “stocked”. This singular world is so dehumanising; the idea that the women and girls at the Menagerie are seen as stock, produce, literal consumables that can be bought and traded and sold. There’s also the point that Inej herself is the one using this word, and I think it’s left purposefully ambiguous as to whether this is a satirical usage of the word on her behalf as a criticism of the culture surrounding pleasure houses and cultural appropriation in Kerch (although more specifically Ketterdam), or if it’s the product of indoctrination to this toxic culture - similar to Nina’s horror at releasing that the appropriation and disdain for foreigners she’s been surrounded by has actually led her to judge traditional Ravkan dress as old-fashioned in Crooked Kingdom (I think it’s chapter 13). The second thing about this quote I want to mention is “always”. “Always”. It so subtly introduces so early on in the books the deeply ingrained over-sexualisation of Suli culture, which is evidenced time and time again but most specifically in the ‘Rare Spices’ billboard that Inej describes un Crooked Kingdom. I could talk about that billboard for DAYS so I won’t go into it here because this is already a long post.

But I think it’s incredibly important that Kaz knows all of this when he makes these comments, every time he mocks her gods or her “depressing Suli wisdom”, he knows that he is part of a culture that dehumanises and sexualises and appropriates and reduces everything about who she is, and he knows that it’s hurting her, of course it would hurt her anyway, but especially hurting her because she was forced to do it herself as a cherry on top of the worst year in Inej’s life, a year made of unending pain and terror. But arguably this is once again all that self-destructive nature; the pushing her away, similarly to the sarcasm as a defence mechanism, because it is easier to hate than to love, and because if she hates him then he never has to be vulnerable with her.

Oh wow I just looked at that and realised it’s way longer than I thought, sorry about that… Thank you for reading it, and thank you so much for the question this was really interesting to think about! :)

[makingspiritualityreal]

Lessons from my Anime Phase

Many years ago, before I matured into my spiritual journey, this used to be an anime blog. I don't regret this phase of my life, even though I completely outgrew it, because I believe it taught me something important.

The content of a creation is more important than the form. There is anime (sadly not as many as you would think) that is a good piece of art. There are regular movies that suck. I'm still waiting for a movie as good at depicting the power of wishful thinking and self repression as Perfect Blue. These years taught me to look deep beyond the surface form and into the meaning of any creation.

Supressing one's emotions leads to serious repercussions. One of the reasons some people find anime so weird is because it is literally an outlet for the collective mentality and emotionality of Japanese societal pressure. It feels exaggerated, but it is a reaction to the external forced numbness and politeness the Japanese society is plagued with. If you don't deal with how you feel regularly and don't express it and process it, if you don't make friends with your demons, you keep bubbling like a cauldron. It leads to having a very edgy, very draining life, not being present with yourself. It leads to not being able to function and ultimately making simple things feel like the end of the world.

Getting older is awesome. I would never come back to my past. Every morning felt like torture. Sometimes, even if life is never perfect, it moves you on in simpler ways that allow for balance. Establishment of healthy routines does wonders for mental peace. The Universe putting you in an environment where you can do that, after years of having that taken away from you, feels blissful. With time comes perspective and you can see your life shaping up and taking you somewhere. That allows you to approach the rest of your life with the same philosophy. I can read this post another 10 years into the future, and think wow, my life got even better. But at least now I try to be relaxed about it and no to overthink how every tiny little thing can go and I don't try to control or micromanage the future, even if it's sometimes hard.

Youth is overrated. Very few people really get to enjoy being young and hot, and those that do, are probably on YouTube's most watched list now. Being young and hot only pays off if you happen to be an artist, you're in a good film, or you're lucky enough to be in a music video. With those things, you build a legacy you will have forever. But most young women spend their youth and beauty on dating guys they wish they could forget in their 30s. At least I can say I spent it on doing the right thing, refining myself, self development and spiritual growth, which I am really proud of. I was younger and "hotter" once, but paradoxically I feel like I'm becoming more beautiful. I had absolutely no benefits from being young. I had no good relationships and everyone irl always criticized me for breathing. I never felt attractive. My highlights were compliments from my online friends, because no one around me actually thought well of me in my physical life. I'm married now, but this is my first serious adult relationship. I didn't have any good relationships with anyone that really appreciated my looks or personality back then. So whatever has passed, hasn't really been used anyway. I was very insecure because I lived surrounded by unfair criticism from many people, who should have been supporting me but betrayed me. Maybe some people have fun in their youth, I honestly didn't. Moving away from all the people that made my youth something I'm glad to put behind me was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Being different growing up is hell for everybody, no matter what form it takes. Being an outcast is probably the number one debilitating thing that makes youth difficult. You have no role models, you have no support, you endure extra pressure. But over time, even those that are different end up finding their place, and they realise they were just different to people around them in their early environment, but they're not that different from the rest of the world, and there is a niche out there for everybody. Even if you have to create one yourself, someone will flock to it. Being yourself trumps compromising your authenticity every day.

[2baddiesfanfics]

A Different Shade of Desire

Pairing: Navia x Clorinde

Tags: Lipstick & Lip Gloss, Marking, Oral Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Messy, Makeup

Summary:

A gala celebrating the culmination of the Fontinalia Film Festival has set the stage for glamour and passion between Clorinde and Navia. As the night deepens, a stolen moment leads to a steamy encounter, fueled by cherry-red lipstick, playful banter, and a competition that leaves both women breathless.

Read on Ao3

It was the night of the gala commemorating the Fontinalia Film Festival and the city of Fontaine was bursting with excitement. Anybody who was anybody would be showing up to the party.

Navia made her way down the red carpet in a stunning gold strapless dress, waving to the people before disappearing inside the event. She mingled with the other guests, discussing plans for restoring Poisson. Scanning the room, her eyes finally caught sight of the caerulean-haired woman she was searching for. The president of the Spina di Rosula excused herself and made her way over to Clorinde.

“My, don’t you look fancy! It’s not often I get to see you in anything other than your uniform.”

Clorinde turned to face her. Her elegant features and curves were accentuated by the gossamer dress she had on for the occasion.

She laughed and quietly whispered, “I think it’s actually because you’re used to seeing me wearing nothing instead.” Navia could feel her face heating up at the comment. “But enough small talk. Would you do me the honor of dancing with me?” Clorinde asked.

“I’d love nothing more!” Navia took the officer’s hand and let her lead her to the dance floor. Clorinde took her by the waist and they began to move with the music. Navia swayed in time but was finding it difficult to think of anything but the way Clorinde’s indigo eyes lit up when she looked at her. Her gentle smile was one only Navia got to see regularly, but something was different about it tonight.

“Clorinde…am I mistaken, or are you wearing a new shade of lipstick?”

“Wow, you’re quite observant! I am. It was a gift from Sigewinne. Want to give it a try? I think the color would suit you, too,” Clorinde replied suggestively.

Navia diverted her gaze, desperate to escape the hungry look that had appeared on the officer’s face. “Um…maybe another time.”

Clorinde smirked knowingly. “Suit yourself.”

The two continued to dance and enjoy the rest of the evening together, all the while stealing glances at each other when they had to separate to join their various social circles. As the night wound down, Clorinde looped her arm around Navia’s. Leaning into her, she discreetly whispered, “Follow me back to my place when you’re finished.”

After she had said her goodbyes to various Spina di Rosula benefactors, she hurried down the street until she reached the familiar apartment. She knocked quickly, driven by the anticipation of what she felt was coming next. Clorinde opened the door and pulled her in by the hips. As it shut, she pinned her against it.

“You look beautiful tonight,” she said in a near whisper.

“Oh, this old thing? I think I wore it to this same gala two years ago. You should look at yourself in a mirror. You clean up well,” Navia giggled. Her thumb stroked Clorinde’s bottom lip. “I believe I’d like to take you up on your offer now.”

The officer looked at her, puzzled. Before she could realize what she meant, Navia closed the distance between them. When she pulled away, remnants of the cherry-red lipstick stained her mouth.

“So…were you right? Does it suit me?” She asked suggestively.

“Hmm…I’d say so. But I think we need to make sure.” Clorinde reached for the lipstick and reapplied it. She leaned in and kissed Navia’s neck, leaving a trail of scarlet down to her chest. When she ran out of skin to mark, she moved to unzip her while helping her out of her dress.

Navia now stood before her bare with the exception of stark crimson on porcelain skin. Clorinde couldn’t help but admire her handiwork.

“Oh, this color definitely suits you,” she muttered under her breath.

Navia felt it was time to gain the upper hand. “Dear me, I think you missed a spot.”

Clorinde cocked an eyebrow out of curiosity. “And where would that be?”

The girl walked over to the bed, swaying her hips in a way that made Clorinde feel like she was being hypnotized. Navia laid down and spread her legs, inviting a view that made the officer’s jaw drop. “I believe this right here is missing your mark,” she said coyly.

A growl rumbled in Clorinde’s throat in response as she hurried over to the bed and situated herself between Navia’s thighs. “You’re such a fucking tease, you know that?” Her voice was muffled as she delved her face between her folds. Navia’s squeal of surprise quickly evolved into a loud moan of encouragement.

Clorinde momentarily lifted her head, arousal practically dripping from her lips. “While I do love the shade, I think I’ll prefer the color this will leave,” she said before biting her inner thigh. The leader of the Spina di Rosula cried out in ecstasy before Clorinde shifted her focus to Navia’s clit.

“Clorinde…you say I’m a…tease? Speak for…yourself…” she gasped as she bucked into her mouth.

Egged on by her lover’s frustration, she darted her tongue in and out of her core. Navia’s hips began to rock at a quickened pace in eager search of relief. Reaching up to play with her breast, her fingers pinched and pulled her nipples, eliciting higher-pitched groans.

“Clorinde…so close! Fuck…don’t stop…”

With a few more flicks of her tongue and an extra-firm pinch of her nipple, Clorinde felt Navia’s legs close around her head and her hands entangle in her hair as she came clenching around her tongue.

The only sound in the otherwise quiet room was the two panting after the intense exchange. Clorinde crawled back up Navia’s body, stopping to admire the stains across her skin.

“I have to say, I think this shade looks much better on you than me. Then again, just look at the canvas I had to work with,” she joked with a half-smile, softly stroking her cheek.

Navia giggled in response. “Oh, I beg to differ. But the only way to tell for sure…” she said as she pulled Clorinde across her lap so they were now facing each other, “…is to view it from a different angle. Now let me see…” Her eyes darted to the side table where the lipstick now sat. “I understand this is makeup, but I think I have a more fun way to use this. May I?” Clorinde nodded firmly, her curiosity getting the better of her. The girl lifted her dress off of her, not wanting to ruin it with what she had in mind.

Placing the colored wax against the skin of Clorinde’s chest, Navia began to write across her flesh. She moved her hand in a fluid motion, marking her with the words Property of Navia in graceful script.

She clicked her tongue in thought. “It’s definitely going to be a tough competition. I’m a little biased, of course, but I must say…seeing my name on your body makes me want to hear you moan it all the more.”

Navia grabbed her by the chin and pulled her in for a kiss. As it intensified, she brought her hands to the woman’s ample chest, caressing the soft skin she knew so well. Clorinde melted into her touch, her groans a plead for more than what she had been given.

Her fingers danced around the mark she had just made, eager to stimulate what she knew would drive her mad with lust. Navia’s mouth worked at one nipple, licking in soft strokes, while she teased the other between the pads of her index finger and thumb. Clorinde’s head fell back involuntarily as she sank into the feeling.

“Archons, Navia…I think you win…”

“Why don’t we just agree it looks great on both of us? Just…not when it comes to its intended use,” Navia acquiesced.

From the way Clorinde was seated, she could feel her arousal starting to drip down her inner thigh. Navia shifted to lay down but remained in control. The officer braced herself against the sheets, one hand on each side of the girl’s head so she could continue licking one breast. Her hand moved between Clorinde’s legs, smearing her wetness across her fingers to enable a frictionless thrust.

Her writing had now smudged, the color streaming down both of their bodies thanks to the sweat they had worked up. Navia knew the combination of stimulation was the quickest way to bring her to orgasm. Her hand moved in quick circles, applying just the right amount of pressure to Clorinde’s clit.

“Navia…fuck…so close…”

In response, Navia bit her nipple with just enough force to get her to crumble on top of her.

Their bodies and bedding were a mess. “Best…purchase…ever,” Clorinde joked as she caught her breath once more.

Navia grinned at her mischievously. “Next time you’ll have to come over to my place. I’ve got a vanity I think we could put to very good use with that stamina of yours.”

[moonpetrichors-blog]

Hi!!

Can I request Scaramouche x Singer!Reader?

Like Scaramouche finds their songs online and really likes them, and ends up somehow getting backstage tickets for a concert?

Idol

Tags: Fan!Scaramouche x Singer!Reader, Heacanons, Fem!Reader, Modern AU, Mean x Mean LMAO

Warnings: None

As an idol singer, you are used to seeing stadiums filled to the brim just to see you perform. You relish in the fame, but don't care much for your fans as you are used to the attention. That is, until one of them catches your eye backstage.

* ˚ ✦ Read below the cut

╭┈─────── ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-╰┈➤ ❝ [03/01/23] ❞

Scaramouche has never been a big fan on music.

People would usually take one look at him and think, yeah, that guy totally listens to my chemical romance.

He doesn’t, contrary to popular belief. Who do you think he is, Xiao?

That’s why, when he discovered K-pop, it became his biggest secret of all time.

Could you imagine Scaramouche, the mean shorty with a stick up his ass 24/7, jamming it out to Twice?

His love for girl groups grew when he came across a dance practice video of yours on YouTube.

Not only were you insanely pretty, but you had the vocals, dancing skills, and stage presence to turn you into an absolute machine.

He would rather die before the day he openly admits you as his bias.

One day, as he’s aimlessly surfing the internet, he comes across an extremely sketchy website.

A website, which was selling tickets to one of your concerts.

Now, Scaramouche should know better than to buy tickets for a concert on a website filled with ads about promiscuous women 5km away from him, but the tickets were cheap.

And who is he to say no to cheap tickets to one of his favorite girl groups?

He should count his lucky stars because the tickets were actually real.

Fast-forward to a few months later, Scaramouche was standing backstage to one of your concerts.

He supposed he only had himself to blame for this. He didn’t actually bother reading what the tickets were for, just that he thought it’d be funny if he got shitty tickets to a concert that ended up being real.

And they were very, very real.

Scaramouche supposed he didn’t care though, because he was going to meet his bias backstage. It almost felt surreal!

When you and your group wrapped up the song and said goodnight to your adoring fans, you were watchful of your attitude when waving to them.

Fans always liked when you’d act cute; never mind the fact that you were a literal adult, but that’s what this industry called for nowadays.

When you finally walked out of sight from the seats in the stadium, you dropped your smile.

Wiping away your sweat, you finally let your true demeanor shine around your coworkers.

You weren’t necessarily a raging Diva, but it was safe to say that most of your fans would be offended at your crude language and carefree attitude.

The other girls in your group always joked about how you lived a double life.

As you continued to walk further backstage, you didn’t realize there was someone aside from your group with you.

Another fan.

Scaramouche was frozen. You were way prettier up close. Those cameras did not do you justice.

You tried to maintain your fake smile again, but it was very difficult when you were tired and just wanted to crash in your bed. Did you guys even do backstage passes?

Scaramouche greeted you, and you tried to be polite, but that other side of you was definitely starting to peek through in your interactions.

He picked up on it too.

Even though you’re his bias, that doesn’t stop Scaramouche from being disrespectful to just about anyone. 

“What’s with your ugly attitude?”

The rest of the group’s jaw dropped. So did your smile.

“Haha, you’re talking with that bowl cut?”

Now you started to bicker. Your coworkers were too tired to stay back and watch, so they left, leaving you and Scaramouche alone.

“Wow, your company does an amazing job at hiding how much of a bitch you really are!”

“You don’t even try! What, did you get backstage passes like a weirdo to harass me?”

You had never experienced this kind of treatment from a so called fan before. Honestly, you were more intrigued than offended.

This was absolutely not how Scaramouche expected his meeting with you to go. Security started to notice the commotion, and told Scaramouche they would have to escort him out.

Before they could, Scaramouche pulled on his lower eyelid, sticking his tongue out at you.

Now you were truly interested.

You told the security to lay off, scrawled your number on a napkin, and roughly thrust it against his chest.

Scaramouche looked at the napkin, bewildered, as he noticed what the numbers were when it fell into his palm.

He looked up at you, speechless.

“You’re a funny dude. Call me!”

And with that, you proceeded to give him the bird as you sauntered away.

Scaramouche thought that maybe he paid to see a bootleg version of you.

He was never buying tickets off sketchy websites again.

[tdoong15]

I love your little vivi fic. can you do more little vivi but autistic! little vivi regressing to age 3 with mommy haseul and mama yves please and thank youuu

Heyyy Miu I'm glad you enjoyed my little Vivi fic, and of course I can do this it's really sweet.

Littlend!Vivi, Cg!Haesul, Cg!Yves

Warnings: none

Vivi and Miku

Vivi was in her room, organizing her Hatsune Miku collection, since she recently added to it, when she started to feel like she was in a younger headspace and she had the urge to start playing with her mama and mommy, aka Yves and Haesul, with that in mind Vivi decided to walk over to them with her beloved ‘15th anniversary Hatsune Miku doll in the strawberry version’ in both hands since it was her favorite one and she couldn't be without it unless it was during bedtime, but even then Vivi had the doll placed on the dresser right next to her bed.

Meanwhile with Yves and Haesul, they were busy watching ‘Mean Girls’ in Haesul's room and they didn't notice Vivi enter the room because they were too invested in the movie, until they felt the bed move slightly, which made both Yves and Haesul look down and notice Vivi crawling over to them. “Oh hey Vivi, what do you need?” Haesul questions and Vivi doesn't answer until she is sat in between her mama and mommy since the weight of the two women provided her a sense of comfort.

“I wan’ play with Mama and Mommy!” Vivi says in a cheerful voice as she shows her Miku doll to them. “What should we play then, bud?” Yves asked her little girl, who was now thinking about what she wanted to play. “Hmm… wha’ about somethin’ like celebwities?” Vivi looks up at her mama and mommy for confirmation that they can all play that together. “That's a great idea, bud!” Haesul and Yves say in a cheery tone. They then pause the movie and get off the bed so the trio could head over to Vivi's room, which was thankfully directly across from Haesul's room.

When they reached Vivi's room, Vivi picked out which toys her mommy and mama got to play with because she was very specific on what figures other people are allowed to touch in comparison to the ones that only she can touch. Yves and Haesul were given a deer plushie Vivi called ‘Pya Pya’ and a My Melody figurine. “Let's play now!” Vivi tells her caregivers while she sits down on her blanket since she wasn't fond of the texture of the carpet used on the ground, unless she had something on top of it which thankfully the blanket does that and so do her socks when the blanket is on her bed.

The trio played as celebrities for a while, Yves and Haesul ensured that Vivi was comfortable with stimming around them in fact they encouraged it by stimming with her so she didn't feel like she was the odd one out. “This game is really fun isn't it, bud.” Yves tells Vivi in a soft tone, in response Vivi nods her head and she flapped her hands out of excitement. “Yeah! It's super duper fun, mama!” Vivi had the widest smile on her face which showed how much she enjoyed playing with her caregivers.

Haesul has a brief look at her phone and she looks at the time. “Oh wow it's nearly lunchtime. Vivi, can you stay with mama whilst I make lunch for all of us?” Haesul questions the little while she stands up, preparing to leave. “I'll be with mama, mommy!” Vivi gives a thumbs up to Haesul to ensure that she knows that she will be a good girl by staying with Yves, until lunch is made.

Yves watches as Haesul leaves the room to make lunch and she quickly turns her attention back to Vivi. “So what adventures will Pya Pya and Miku get up to whilst My Melody is on a break, bud?” The question made Vivi think for a couple of seconds before she came up with an idea. “Hmmm… They fight, mama.” Vivi replies with the most innocent and adorable look on her face which made it difficult for Yves to disagree with the idea.

So with that in mind, the tragic fight of Pya Pya and Hatsune Miku began, it was incredibly intense and Vivi even made sound effects whenever Miku hit the deer plushie. The fierce battle continued until Haesul called Vivi's and Yves’ names out to let them know that their lunch was ready. “Well let's get our lunch, bud.” Yves stands up and she holds Vivi's hand to help her up, they then go into the kitchen where Haesul placed their lunches in their respective places on the table.

Haesul made some fried chicken and vegetables since it's something which Vivi loved to eat, she made sure that each component was separated by using a bento box because she didn't want to make Vivi have a meltdown especially since they were having such a great day. Haesul also ensured that the chicken was cut up into small pieces and the sweet potato was mashed up so it was easier for the regressed girl to digest. When Vivi saw her lunch she ran over to the table and began to quickly eat her lunch.

“Woah you really seem to like this, sweetie. But can you please slow down so you won't choke on your food.” Yves politely asks Vivi while she gently moves hair away from Vivi's face. Thankfully, Vivi listens to her mama and she slowed down the rate she was eating her lunch at. After 10 minutes, Vivi finished eating and for the rest of her lunchtime she happily babbled to her mommy about how Hatsune Miku had beaten up Pya Pya because their incredibly famous band had fallen due to My Melody going on break.

Hello I hope everyone has a good day/evening/night wherever you are. Also this is the Miku figure I was talking about

[verdantcrimson]

Heaven and Earth / Discernment of Heaven and Earth - 3

(Unproofread)

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[At the same time, in Florence at Nobunaga-sensei’s invitation]

Nobunaga: ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ was originally a show that the old geezer— Ieyasu-sensei put together.

Nobunaga: That geezer, who was a college student at the time, came up with the idea while out drinking with a friend of his who would go on to work at a TV station. They worked together to build the project from the ground up and bring it to fruition.

Nobunaga: Seems like he underwent a lot of hardship when he started off.

Nobunaga: That’s only natural. If you say “Everyone, let’s learn history! It’ll be fun!”, you’re not exactly going to hear “Wow! That sounds so interesting!” in return.

Nobunaga: Regardless, it just so happened that there was a super idol at the time who was a history enthusiast, and by having him host the show they managed to get quite a bit of attention.

Nobunaga: And well, you know how the story goes, that’s how ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ became the long-running show that all history enthusiasts know about.

Nobunaga: What was once the idle talk of a couple of dreamers in a bar is now reality.

Souma: I apologize for interrupting you, however, erm, it is a bit difficult to concentrate on what is being said when one is having cosmetics applied to one’s face.

Souma: I am truly very sorry. However, I am not accustomed to women, and thus, feel uncomfortable when they touch me, even if it may be through makeup utensils.

Nobunaga: Ahah, that’s so idol-esque of you. You’ve got a pure image.

Nobunaga: Relax. I’m married, and I’m not so shameless as to lay a hand on a kid.

Souma: Um, truly? I did not come across such information while searching on the ‘intaanetto’ dictionary though…?

Nobunaga: Do you think everything in the world is written in a dictionary?

Nobunaga: It isn’t a properly registered marriage. That country is so fucking antiquated, there’s still a strong social opposition to ‘that sort of thing’.

Nobunaga: Hey, wanna see a pic? My partner is really cute, right? ♪

Souma: Ah… Is that the reason for which you were traveling overseas, Nobunaga-sensei?

Nobunaga: Nope, I do it because of my work and hobbies. Don’t you think it’s kind of old-fashioned to think that you have to put your own life aside in order to devote yourself to the person you marry?

Souma: Sorry, I myself am of the old-fashioned sort.

Nobunaga: That's a good thing though, isn’t it? Just because something is modern, doesn’t mean it’s all that great.

Nobunaga: Honestly, I personally just don’t care. I don’t give a fuck about what other people think of me.

Souma: I have yet to reach a stage of enlightenment where I am able to separate those two things.

Souma: Even someone like myself is concerned about the judgement of others… Which is why I find that having my makeup done in public is rather mortifying. 

Nobunaga: People don’t take much interest in other people. However—

Nobunaga: If I’m too mean to a young kid, I’ll be accused of power harassment, so I’ll let you off the hook for now. 

Nobunaga: Let me see. Mhm, mhm, looks good.

Souma: Forgive me for asking so many questions, but what was the purpose of doing this…?

Nobunaga: Obviously, appearances are important, right?

Nobunaga: I think the reason ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ started to decline in popularity is because it comes across as a show that’s difficult to get into.

Nobunaga: That’s why, first things first, we’ll revolutionize the visuals.

Nobunaga: Even if we kept the contents of the show as is, having cute young men holding the discussion is more appealing than listening to a bunch of old zombies overgrown with moss mumble and grumble, don’t you think?

Nobunaga: I think that quality is one of the strengths of idols like you guys. Ah, I don’t mean to mock you or imply that you’re just mannequins or anything like that though.

Nobunaga: I’m being completely honest. Appearances matter.

Souma: I see…… So then, should I take this to be your proposal for reforming ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’, Nobunaga-sensei?

Nobunaga: Yeah. It's a technique that you people are quite familiar with. Cramming the screen full of beautiful and lovable sorts of things.

Nobunaga: Worst comes to worst, anything will work as grounds for discussion. It could be history, the latest games, comics, or substanceless chatter, whatever is fine.

Nobunaga: But the fact is. If you want someone to listen to what you’re saying, you have to make them look at you first.

Nobunaga: That’s what makeup is for. So I’m going to turn that crusty old geezer that everyone calls ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ into a charming young man that’ll make everyone fall in love.

Nobunaga: I’ll change every single aspect of the show, including the title logo. It’ll be stylish.

Nobunaga: I’ll hire a bunch of talented and trendy makeup artists and designers to transform the show into something that young people will adore.

Nobunaga: It’ll be rock ’n’ roll, got it?

Souma: Hehe. It seems as though you would get along better with Oogami-dono than with me, Nobunaga-sensei.

Nobunaga: Mhm. I’m one of the ‘Three Sages’— As creepy as the title is, I was one of the last of the three to begin working on the show.

Nobunaga: It was like stepping into the cafeteria of an old age home, all worn out. The atmosphere of it all. Even though our society is aging, it’s an issue if the only people that can enjoy the show are old geezers and hags.

Nobunaga: Actually, no. I’ve always been jealous. In all the other shows, I saw that idols were farming, and cooking, doing all sorts of things.

Nobunaga: They brought to light things that people wouldn’t have been interested in otherwise.

Nobunaga: But there was no such light illuminating the subject of ‘History’, nothing for ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’.

Nobunaga: From the dimness of waning dusk, I looked on with envy, thinking to myself, “It’s just not fair”, “It must be nice for you, huh?”

Nobunaga: Back when the show started, that super idol made it shine. But by the time I got involved with the show, that light had already faded away.

Souma: Certainly, the original host of ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ continued to work up until he was quite aged, and from thereon, each consequent generation of hosts that followed have all been older gentlemen.

Nobunaga: Senile old geezers, y’know. That’s why they’ve had to keep replacing the host, because they’d all eventually get close to the end of their lives, and that’s why the show’s been suspended. It’s because the last host ended up dying.

Souma: Indeed. And thus, the task has befallen us.

Nobunaga: I think that right now is our chance. We’ll use the power of cute young men to our advantage, and while we’re at it, revamp everything to be new and more attractive—

Souma: Hm…… I heard this not directly, as I am not the one in charge of that particular person, however, It seems as though Hideyoshi-sensei expressed a similar sentiment.

Nobunaga: Hah? What’d that monkey¹ say?

Souma: Although his ‘appurouchi’ differs, he too, is attempting to boldly change ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’.

Souma: I still await a detailed report from Hasumi-dono, who is currently in charge of him, however, there is contemplation of adding a sort of storytelling aspect to ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’.

Nobunaga: Huff…… Aaah, so that’s how it is.

Nobunaga: I already know what I want to do though. That guy’s just in my way.

Nobunaga: Storytelling focus and visual focus just don’t mix well.

Nobunaga: Everyone’s tastes change by the minute, and if you keep spinning tales with the same characters, people will just get bored eventually, and then—

Nobunaga: Well, that’s fine by him, isn't it? All he cares about is short-term profits. But anyways…

Souma: Profits are of great importance. ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ has been running itself aground precisely because it is lacking in them.

Nobunaga: Whenever the concept of ‘profit’ becomes involved, things get messy fast. You work in the industry, so you’re probably well aware that things get tricky once the ‘sponsor’s demands’ come up.

Nobunaga: If you’re not careful, everything will just fall into pieces and disintegrate. 

Nobunaga: The person in charge of that playboy, Hasumi-kun, was it? Tell him to stay on guard. That monkey, he’s basically a con artist, so if you trust him, you’re gonna look like a huge idiot.

Souma: That will certainly not be an issue. Hasumi-dono has always been a personage of justice, who has been able to outwit and subdue even the slyest of old foxes².

Souma: As such, that Hasumi-dono will surely be able to steer adeptly without being deceived by Hideyoshi-sensei— I have faith in him.

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Translation Notes

Nobunaga-sensei refers to Hideyoshi-sensei as a 'monkey', similar to how the actual historical figure Toyotomi Hideyoshi was nicknamed 'Monkey' (猿), as jab at his unsightly appearance. Oda Nobunaga is known to have made fun of Toyotomi Hideyoshi's appearance, most notably calling him a 'bald rat' in a letter to his wife. The origins of this particular nickname are unknown, however.

Souma uses the 4 letter idiom 海千山千, which literally translates to "A thousand years in the ocean, A thousand years in the mountains". I chose the closest English equivalent, but it is used to refer to someone who is both crafty and experienced. This idiom finds it's origins in a legend that states that 'A snake who has lived 1000 years in the ocean and 1000 years in the mountains will turn into a dragon.' Seeing as dragons and snakes are notable reoccurring motifs for AKATSUKI, I thought it would be worth noting.

[jodiespolaroids]

New Jodie interview. Please someone drop the name of her pup.

It's behind a paywall, so if you want to read it, it's below the cut!

It was a gamble that few actresses would have dared to take. After four years making her name as the charismatic psychopath Villanelle in Killing Eve, Jodie Comer rolled the dice — and changed her life.

Having not acted on stage since she was 16, Comer risked her growing reputation to star in a one-woman show in the West End. Prima Facie proved a sensation and transferred to Broadway. And last year the Liverpudlian won the most prestigious theatre awards on both sides of the Pond — an Olivier and a Tony — and, aged 30, entered a new era. The Com-era, perhaps?

Today she is a fully fledged film star, taking her first leading role in The End We Start From — a smart, bold post-apocalyptic indie drama about a mother (Comer) and her baby (not Comer’s baby). The film already has nine nominations for the British Independent Film awards, and Baftas should follow.

Comer is in a car with a lively dog when we talk via Zoom. She is in a black hoodie, with her long blonde hair loosely tied, and seems extraordinarily calm — except when the dog leaps across the screen. Her Zen is worth mentioning because the last time I saw her was when she prowled the stage with fear and fury in Prima Facie, playing a barrister who defends men accused of sexual assault before she is sexually assaulted herself. One woman going full throttle in defence of all women.

“My sleep was all over the place,” Comer says of her stint playing Tessa. “It’s tricky when you do something emotional. You think, ‘OK, it’s not real.’ But there is some part that tricks your body into believing that what you’re saying and feeling is a real experience. It becomes important to take care of yourself. With theatre it’s kinetic. You’re sharing space with 900 people.

“It’s … it’s tough. But clearly something I love putting myself through.” She pauses. “Yeah, I underestimated Prima Facie. Totally. I just didn’t know what to expect.”

It was not her first ordeal either. She’s drawn to gruelling roles, from Ridley Scott’s The Last Duel, in which her character, Marguerite de Carrouges, was the victim of a rape, to Help, the bleak Channel 4 care home Covid drama. There was also Free Guy, a video-games blockbuster with Ryan Reynolds, but when I ask if Comer is tempted to pick something else fun as a break from Prima Facie, she explains that having a laugh is not enough.

“I like to be in a difficult place,” she says. “A place of self-discovery. Where I feel challenged. With Free Guy that part of me that comes away from my work feeling that I had to dig deep was missing … I came away thinking, ‘Wow, I’ve had so much fun.’ And that should be enough. But I like anything that holds a mirror up to this human experience. It’s just what I’m drawn to.”

Which leads us to The End We Start From. The film is directed by Mahalia Belo and takes place in modern-day London, telling the tale of Mother (Comer), whose waters break just as Britain experiences mass flooding. Metaphors à gogo, but the film works superbly as an intimate study of how an individual deals with a global disaster. How can a parent protect a baby as society collapses?

Comer is barely seen on screen without a baby. The crew had to use several because strict rules mean each infant can only work for 20 minutes at a time. (There are agencies that expectant parents use to sign their unborn child up to a film company.)

We all know an actor should never work with children or animals, but a baby is a whole other, wriggly challenge. Comer really does nothing by halves. How hard is it to act with one? “It’s such a lesson,” says Comer, who is not a mother. Did it come naturally? “Oh God, no!”

“The smallest baby was eight weeks,” she explains, smiling softly. “At first my hands were visibly shaking. My younger cousins have grown up now, so I’m not around babies an awful lot. It felt like a huge responsibility. I thought, ‘Wow, they’re so fragile.’ But I became more comfortable, sometimes to my detriment! There are scenes where we needed a baby to cry but I was soothing him instead. The crew would shout ‘Stop!’” She pauses. “I was kind of falling in love with them.”

The film shows the thrill of being a first-time parent much more than the panic. As prep for Prima Facie Comer watched cases at the Old Bailey. What did she do for this? “My best friend had a baby before filming, so I was able to ask personal questions,” Comer says. “I also spent time with midwives — there is a birthing sequence and I wanted to know about the physicality, where you feel pain giving birth. Having not had a child myself, I wanted women to see the truth in what they saw.”

It comes as no surprise that Belo was inspired to direct her first feature film after giving birth during the pandemic. “Your whole body gets taken over by this beautiful thing,” Belo says about being a mother. “Every part of your body is different from then on and it’s not only that — all your relationships are different too. You’ve got this other sound going on, that’s about your children. I wanted to represent that.”

The End We Start From is a film so clearly made by a woman who has young children, you can almost smell the nappies. Post-apocalyptic films usually star a man walking in a desolate landscape alone with his thoughts, and a dog. So it is quietly revolutionary to focus on a woman and her newborn.

“I think so,” Comer says. “What I love is that it’s a woman who is the everyday hero — we always see men with a superhero quality facing this situation. But here it is a woman many will feel they know. She’s not scaling buildings, or jumping over bridges. The story is deep-rooted in her psyche and emotion. It’s refreshing.”

The film also grapples with climate change. “Endless amounts of rain — I can’t see anything out of the window …” Comer says with a sigh as she looks out of the car at a very wet Britain. Belo, who lives in east London, made the film as her neighbourhood in Walthamstow suffered unprecedented flooding. When she consulted flood experts, their conversations were bleak. “Sea levels are rising, rainfall is becoming more extreme. We are an island; things are going to go wrong and we’re not prepared. We know what’s happening.”

For some The End We Start From will just be a stirring story of the lengths that we go to protect our children. Others, though, will locate an edge that is common to so much of Comer’s work. It is another entry on a CV that is trying to make a difference. Does she think that art can actually change anything? “Absolutely,” Comer says. “When I read the scripts they provoked an emotion in me that felt important. I felt engaged and that’s the biggest thing now, isn’t it? To keep people engaged in what you’re saying, and so that you can change things. I witnessed conversations around sexual assault when working on Prima Facie and saw subtle shifts within the law.

“Women and men were telling me what that play had enabled them to do, whether it was to seek counselling or have a conversation with their family. That may seem like a very small change but it is mighty in somebody’s life. You can see what a profound effect watching a piece of art has on somebody. That means a lot to me.”

This desperation to make stuff that really matters is why Comer stands out. She also excels in the 1960s-set The Bikeriders, about gangs and masculinity, out in the summer, alongside Tom Hardy. If you were to put her in a bracket of skill and achievement right now, you could say that she is where Jodie Foster was as she entered her thirties. They share the sass, steeliness and spark that Foster displayed in the controversial courtroom drama The Accused — which deals with the subject of rape — a sort of prototype Prima Facie.

[velvetvexations]

Can I also just say I deeply appreciate how willing you are to listen and be understanding when something a Velvet Nationer says doesn't necessarily jive with your perception of that thing, so long as we approach it like, you know, with honest intent? I love that you don't compromise your own opinions, but you're not closed off to the idea that things might be perceived differently by others. It makes this feel like a genuinely safe place to come and chat.

I'm really glad! I think listening to other people when they're clearly being honest with you is important. I always say that if even a cishet person came to me about something I said about cishet people hurting their feelings I'll take that seriously - I may not necessarily agree to make changes to my behavior or rhetoric, but I'm not going to pretend like privilege makes you emotionally invincible or that these things always follow a logical structure, so I will empathize with them and see what can be done about the situation even when it's only an apology that we're on separate pages.

Occasionally I can be worried about how things will be received if it's outside the normal discourse I talk about, particularly when I worry I'm being too lenient to a take I disagree with but maybe I should be more aggressive about. And then I still worry about being too aggressive sometimes. But as far as my anxiety in that regard goes you can 🎶 blame it on my N-P-D baby 🎶 lol, I know it's irrational.

On the negative side, this is also why I have a really hard time with TIRFs occasionally.

Recently I had a private interaction with the kinna TERF that just swaps "man and woman" with "AMAB and AFAB", and she was trying very hard to be "nice", saying she really thought the both of us were good people who just didn't agree on the best way forward. And she was like "oh wow, you're an author, I should buy the book and read it" and it was just. Really stressful because I want so badly to believe people are good when given the opportunity. And she followed me and liked a few posts and I blocked her because I hit my limit of what I could handle. I wasn't willing to continue meeting her halfway and tolerating her dangerous beliefs that sex separation would always be necessary because AMAB people would always have biological leverage over AFABs, even if she was capable of presenting herself as a non-freak who didn't just rabidly spit hatred at trans women or want to detransition anyone, at least openly.

She was exceptional, though. Most TIRFs of that variety are, at best, completely fucking bonkers like the one I bring up occasionally who thought non-passing trans women are privileged over cis women - yet even she, as completely wack she was, I found difficult to try and start an argument with because her incredibly warped vision of reality was presented in such ( ◡‿◡ *) tones that it short-circuited my brain and I found it difficult to come down on her like I would have needed to if I engaged.

I think you might be able to blame that case at least partially on my NPD as well, since it's also putting me in the position of like, me having to be the angry aggressive one while she would be like "( ╥ω╥ ) but I'm so nice" and that would fuck with me a lot.

But in general my NPD is useful here, because it makes me always want to be The Best Person, which means the most kind and caring and saint-like person ever, except with bad people, to whom I'm a punishing angel of righteous fury. At the very least it sets that as my goal even when I don't always attain it.

This was a lot of words to say that I just try really hard to be nice and sometimes that's stressful in and of itself lol. But I'm really, really happy people are comfortable with me and my space.

[fappellmoan]

i won’t screenshot the dms bc i don’t feel like opening the latest message but EYE posted on my story abt the tiktok pictured below basically about how i got horny thinking abt someone working through a difficult math problem lol don’t worry abt that anyway sam slides up bc i cut part of it out so as to avoid insta censors and my slight embarrassment lol and was like does that say c*m and i was like well yes and then he was like haha what you’re into math… girl u have to walk w the thought process 😑 which i know you’re incapable of anyway so i vaguely responded like ah yeah what being away from stem for so long will do to u and he responds with like ten messages. including. ‘you gotta do it yourself’ that’s not the point 🙄 ‘you know how i’m terrible at talking to women’ wow really ‘so i realized i can calculate the speed of cum’ ‘bc i have some data’ DID I ASK?????!???!?!!!?!!!!! hello there’s oversharing and then there’s this… does the girl you’re having sex with know you share to this extent. and then he said how he accidentally brought this up to someone irl to be like haha awk whoops and i was like yeah well there r times where perhaps we need to self censor. and then i also get a message that’s like ‘hang on im doing the math’ IM NEVER EVER EVER GONNA BE ATTRACTED TO U I HOPE U KNOW THAT SCREAAMMMMM (and u need to know bc he’s genderfluid. im only using one set of pronouns for clarity on here ok i promise im not a dick. but he thinks he’s like. an exception for lesbians basically… like he doesn’t Count…. and like look im no essentialist im all for like freaky gender sex but also at so many other turns you do take advantage of being seen as a white male so. i don’t. yeah.) he’s kind of like the creepy dude at the edge of the friend group in high school named matt who would constantly harass me and my ex but like tried to be so lowk abt it. and it’s so bad basically. ‘17mph is crazy’ i hope you fall in an intersection sorry i can’t do this anymore ��‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 so pissed i have to see him tmrw i should be able to watch mmxxl w scully in peace