#would've saved everyone some much mental illness

[joseopher]

*presses hand against window as rain streaks down the pane* seven minutes in heaven would've fixed them...

[starry-bi-sky]

on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.

Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.

Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.

Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.

There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.

[chemical-killjoy]

OK, so here's the thing. I just watched the Fortnight video and listened to Who's Afraid of Little Old Me for the first time... I'm having thoughts.

First of all, while I DON'T like Taylor (as will become evident in this post) I can appreciate WAOLOM, because it do be a bop, and the lyrics in Fortnight are (while cringy) also pretty good. Just cause I don't like her doesn't mean she sucks at what she does, just like how some of her songs are good doesn't mean all are or that it's all because of her with no help in penning them.

Next. Fortnight. So first of all, it's incredibly fucked up to be talking about alcoholism from someone who hasn't struggled (and if she has, I retract that statement... but since she hasn't spoken about it, I think it's another one of her metaphors), and the psychward-chic?? What the actual FUCK??? Look, as someone who has been in psych wards multiple times... you cannot be making that shit glamorous. You don't get to show med times, you don't get to show ECT, without some kind of disclaimer, knowledge, understanding or experience. It's not all ballgowns and doctor saving you. It's horrible.

So she's glamourising mental illness. Fucking, fine. Everyone on TikTok seems to be, so fine. But going further with ECT?? For those who don't know, ECT stands for electroconvulsive therapy, and if you're thinking that sounds like electroshock therapy... it is. It's the same thing, rebranded and "tamed". And it's NOT A THING OF THE PAST. I know someone who got ECT done. And while it seems to have helped her, it's fucking horrendous. I'm not going into the side effects or the process, but it's a last resort. Even medically, it's a last resort, it's horrendous. I mean for fuck's sake, I know where people get it done, and I've been there (not to have it done, but for talk therapy). It's not fucking nice! It's not chic, it's not fun times, you don't get black and white film and lipstick. I can't even try to understand why you'd glamourise something so fucked up just for public attention. There's a difference between making things creepy, pushing boundaries in artistic senses, and making some of the worst times of people's lives into a break up song. What the actual fuck is wrong with her?? Also, to reiterate, I wouldn't call it ableism, as much as just fucking horrendous.

Then there's WAOLOM (I can't be bothered to keep typing it lol). Ngl, it's a banger, it's a vibe, and it's kinda relatable through both the trauma and female rage lense that I think she's going for. So, well done with that I guess. But the thing I have a problem with in this... Look man, if that's genuinely how she feels? I hope she gets help. Being caged is awful, and being twisted into a monster, also not fun. I know there was the whole snake fiasco that definitely would've been traumatic, and I hope she's OK and can heal from that. But in the song... it's so fucking self absorbed. Like no. Not everything is about you, as much as you try to make it that way (and unfortunately swifties are making that so). Ngl, the asylum where they raised me part, I mean her dad doesn't sound fun to grow up with if you think about it, but there's more psych ward imagery which pisses me off from someone who hasn't suffered that much!! Like sure, what she's been through is shit, I relate to some of it and so understand, but you can't go around like your pain is the worst in the world. It fucking isn't. At least you can afford the therapy for it Taylor, some of us can't. And the "I'll sue you" part? She literally has sued people for small shit!!

TL;DR: Fortnight video is FUCKING WRONG AND FUCKED UP and I wanna punch her for it and ECT is not a thing of the past, and Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me is a banger, but she's incredibly self-centred and if she actually feels what she wrote in that song I hope she gets the help she needs (/gen)

[punkpandapatrixk]

The Kind of Sad You Can’t Understand

Certain days I feel very deeply that I want to cry but I don’t know why.

For such a long time I lived with this kind of mood without being able to express it anywhere, not to anyone. I was struggling for my sanity; I was constantly thinking of destroying myself; and I was hoping someone would see me, and rush to save me. But nobody ever saw that of me.

I was a badass. I was a cool girl. I seemed to everybody else a smart, talented, expensive girl who's got all her shit together. Even on days she wasn't all that together, she had an enviable life anyway. I appeared on the outside too glamorous for anybody to even imagine that on the inside I was rotting. I was this close to being dead, all the time.

Who in their simple-mindedness would've thought a girl like that could be so macabre all the time? And that’s how I experienced an entire life witnessing people’s lack of empathy. I guess my point of view was fragmented but that was how life was for me anyway. Ironically, some intuitive peeps who were able to see the macabre in me thought I was frightening more than anything HAHAHAH That was all the same in the end. Enough with the gossips. I don’t know what normal people expect from everybody else they meet, to be honest. I don’t know what I’d expected from them either.

I guess it’s because the society I grew up in was like that that I couldn’t bring myself to show anybody my distress. Trauma. Mental illness. Disordered personality. All of that was nothing but insanity. And insane people don’t belong in society.

So simple. Yet so cruel.

Thank you, Jesus. Mother Mary. Catholic Church. Thanks for all the rejection. I’m SO happy now!

That’s fucking twisted.

In a society brimming with nothing but pretenders, we meet and chit and chat and act like all of our troubles are manageable to say the least. ‘Yeah, it’s not that bad, to be honest.' But it was; you've just got to pose real strong otherwise people think you're a loser. 'I guess I’m OK.’ But you weren't; you've just got to really make it sound like you're still keeping it together. 'I'll be just fine.' But you wouldn't know; you didn't even know if you'd still wanna be alive tomorrow.

In the midst of all those meaningless exchanges, I hated quite nothing more than to hear, especially from men, how strong I was as a woman. I hated it like I'd never hated anything in my life.

It was suffocating to be seen as holding it together when you were literally breaking at the seams...

I wanted someone to be able to notice I was screaming on the inside. That I was gasping for air every second I was sitting there listening to their trivial chitter chatter. Who cares about your silly drama? Would you care for mine if you knew my life was on the line? And I hated those expectant eyes. All of them. Were they expecting me to share in their self-made woes and console them in the end? HAH. Go to hell, losers.

I always thought, none of MY problems were created by my own reckless behaviours that would've obviously hurt myself or others. Not in the beginning, at least. Unlike some idiots, I was never into drugs, one night stands, or even smoking; I never caused anybody any trouble. So why did everybody cause me trouble when all I wanted was just a peaceful, normal life? Shit, what even was my IDEA of a normal life? I can't remember now.

Certain days I feel very deeply that I want to cry but I don’t know why. There's always not enough reason to do so now. Haah... If it weren't for my abundance of Aquarius, which makes me incredibly lazy and antisocial, I'd have paraded around town and rallied to become a Neo Hitler and kill everybody in this rotten world. I hated this world so much.

The first ever PAC I put out here was ‘What’s Your Crazy?’ What ever was my reason for writing that? I was crazy and I needed some explanation.

I used to look like the girl in the third pic before I chopped all of my hair off everyone began to suspect I was gay. I wasn’t gay; I was depressed. Those unassuming idiots.

[clay-cuttlefish]

Forging ahead with 52. #19 to #38. It's so much.

#19

The Evil Skeets plot is great. According to the omnibus it was a very late change away from a generic broken-time story, and I can kinda see that with how some of the earlier evil Skeets behavior doesn't seem super purposeful, but it all works for me.

#20

Mostly spaceguy plot that I don't care much about. The fight's cool at least.

I have no idea what fan speculation was like at the time but the idea of Supernova Jason Todd conspiracy theories is extremely funny so I support the intentional red herrings here.

#21

I keep changing my mind on which storylines I like more as I go. How could I not love Natasha?

#22

Dr. Magnus is back! I wish him being bipolar was handled more sensitively, the whole "oh the medicine keeps me from going ~crazy~" thing is :/, but I'm willing to read it charitably as his own perspective because I like him. He's a psychotic DC character who's heroic and not spooky or magical, just a guy who really doesn't want to have another depersonalization episode and has some internalized sanism about it, it could be so much worse.

#23

I like that Vic's more jaded to the horrors he can't stop than Renee is. He's had a lot of time to get used to the idea he can't save everyone - back in his own book he would've thrown himself in harm's way just like she wants to, but he's gotten better at not starting fights he can't win.

Hate to give Geoff Johns credit for anything but "What the hell are you doing?" "Seeing if it's contagious." is really good.

#24

"We were both guilty of ignoring Ted" Pretty sure Booster nearly died because he dropped everything to help but okay.

Osiris is just a kid...

Introducing a First Nations hero just to kill him off and give his stuff to a white dude sucks.

#25

Alan's out of the spaceguy zone and doing his own thing.

Almost halfway and the threads are still only starting to link up.

#26

I cannot get enough of Vic and Renee being friends with the Black Marvels. It's very sweet!

Tot my friend Tot :)

This is just a nice moment for them.

#27

I'm very into how Evil Skeets is drawn. He manages to be expressive despite having no moving features, it's a good trick.

Ohhh no it's now. I thought I had another issue, but no, this is the turning point.

#28

THE QUESTIONS!!! Love how they're heckling Kate together.

Kate is so cool.

Oh right, the spaceguys are still here.

#29

The way the mad science island handles mental illness generally sucks, but it's almost hitting at something interesting with Will being forced off his medication for the sake of "creativity".

#30

Get out of here Bruce.

I am going to cry!

#31

I don't even dislike the spaceguys really, but cmon, more of Ralph or Nat would've been better.

Ralph's still a detective even at his lowest! Strong foreshadowing.

#32

Uh oh, Ralph.

#33

Ohhh Charlie.

Him hallucinating Myra? Only able to admit he loved her at the very end?? It takes me out!

Almost all of his dialogue is straight from the O'Neil run. Rucka describes rereading the entire run just to write this issue because he had to get this right, and it shows.

There's a reason I consider O'Neil and Rucka the essential Question writers, and all the other takes to be interesting sidenotes.

#34

The kids aren't doing so well.

aaaaaaaa

#35

Hands you a picture of Nat. Hands you a picture of Nat. Hands you a picture of Nat.

Lex is the best villain in 52 and it isn't even close to a competition.

#36

AAAAAAA

Fuck dude! Nothing coherent to say here! Look at them!

#37

Wild emotional roller coaster for me as I go from Renee agony to cheering about Booster. My first read of this was a Time.

It's such a fun mystery. I can confirm it works if you know nothing about comics and are just along for the ride, and it comes together so well on the reread.

Mayor Ollie!

#38

AAAAAAA

"I'm afraid of who I'll become without you..." How am I meant to be normal about this!

I had to read this in two pieces because it made me need to get up and pace. It has done this every time I have read it. I am physically incapable of being normal about this.

Head in my hands. Comics are good and worth reading actually.

[the-storyteller-and-her-soldiers]

Warmth For/From a Rabbit

Title: Warmth For/From a Rabbit Word Count: 1,615 Warnings: Some cursing, descriptions of pain/feeling ill (Nothing graphic but I know everyone's different so be safe!) 'enemy' cuddles, HAPPY ENDING, I haven't written in months forgive me, also ' everywhere! Ship: A Tale of Two Empires (Zenos x myself) Summary: Rebecca had managed to make her way to a secret sanctuary yet couldn't give herself the mercy of simply waiting out the flare-up. But who would've thought that her 'worst enemy' would save her day... A/N: So yeah today was terrible to the point my world was spinning my whole shift and then when I got home it GOT WORSE! So instead of dwelling on the pain I coped by writing this hurt/comfort with Zenos! I made it an early relationship piece so you can see how our dynamic began (Also some disability acceptance cause we love to see it!) Also, this along with all my FFXIV stuff ties into my Royal AU

A high-pitched wail pierced through the enchanting Gridanian inn room that Rebecca managed to drag herself into. One would think that the princess-turned-Warrior of Light had just escaped a nightmarish battle with the way she appeared. Her world spun, tears streamed down her cheeks as she choked on suffocating sobs, and her body shook as if some unnatural force had possessed it.

But as Rebecca stumbled over to the bed that lay on the opposite side of the room, she knew better. These symptoms weren't from a harrowing battle, grievous poisoning, or any external influence. It was all her own doing, a misery of her own making.

"A-Ah!" Rebecca sharply inhaled as she collapsed onto the mattress. "Oh God, oh please..."

She curled in on herself as much as she possibly could, chanting pleas to the heavens for any relief amidst shallow breaths. Regardless of her cries, the invisible knife continued deep into her abdomen. It was a dull knife, a slow and excruciating sensation that pierced her center and spread through her core with every imagined twist.

Her head continued to spin, only now it was with possible causes and potential cures to this suffering. Could the light-headedness and initial nausea be from the two coffees she drank the day before? Had there been something within the air or had she unknowingly eaten something rotten? After mentally checking through those scenarios and then making sure she wasn't dehydrated, Rebecca came to the conclusion she dreaded most. This was just another part of her life-long condition rearing its loathsome head...

With this realization, her thoughts began to act as her own judge, jury and executioner to how she should be feeling. As she cast out any light by squeezing her eyes shut, tears continue to prick at the corners and flow free like rain droplets. Her short breaths had become quiet whimpers while the purple haired princess yearned for one of her loved ones to bust through the door to cradle her as her body fought itself.

Though when her onyx orbs revealed themselves once more, someone did stand above her. It wasn't one of her loyal knights or any of the scions, but instead a man with golden locks who towered over her scrunched-up body.

"My friend, are you unwell?" The man questioned. His voice was deep and laced with the faintest bit of curiosity but no trace of warmth or genuine care that she could tell.

When Rebecca bared to lift her head, she could barely hide the shudder which coursed through her veins as her brown eyes met with the man's sharp blue gaze. A sigh pushed past her lips once more as Rebecca allowed her head to fall back into the pillow.

"Zenos--ah, fuck-- I'm gonna skip the questions of what in the hells you want and how in the hells you got here. Instead, I'm going to ask if this is gonna be the ruthless Garlean prince's first mercy kill?!" Rebecca snapped back, her voice dripping with sarcasm vaguest hint of a laugh.

Rebecca couldn't see Zenos's expression darken considering her vision remained fixated on his upper thighs. They weren't hidden by the thick metal plates of armor that usually donned his legs. Instead, the nightmare of Domans and Ala Mhigans alike seemed to be dressed casually, or at least in a less defensive outfit. Yet her mental notes on his outfit coordination were interrupted when the prince finally spoke again. His voice was comparable to thunder, rumbling and terrifying out of nowhere.

"No. Who did this to you?"

Rebecca absent-mindedly raised a brow, questioning whether or not she had actually heard a sense of concern amongst his pointed words.

"No one but myself... I think?" Rebecca replied, sighing softly. She was pretty sure this was just part of her condition but perhaps it had been triggered by absurd amounts of stress. As she reflected on the years of pain, she realized that this wouldn't be the first time.

Zenos crossed his arms as he stared down at the young woman. This caused the long, white jacket resting upon his shoulders to fall slightly from where it was draped on his shoulders. In his mind, despite her unyielding defiance of his own power, he couldn't help but compare her to a cornered rabbit. A ghost of a smile crept along his face and a minuscule warmth flooded his chest as the mental image lingered. Though he quickly grew tired of her flowery words dancing around the matter.

This was a sentiment Rebecca also seemed to pick up on with how she struggled to sit up so she could properly speak. After a minute of squirming and a rainbow of muttered expletives, she finally returned her attention to the Garlean prince.

"I don't know why I'm bothering to tell you this, but this is all due to my disability." Rebecca's sights flickered up to read Zenos's expression. She noted the squint of intrigue and his subtle step forward. It took everything within her not to inquire about Garlean cruelty and what they did to hide that facet of life away from their glorious empire.

Seeing how Zenos didn't immediately lash out at her or mock her, she continued. "In my teen years, it got really bad to the point I couldn't leave my bed without excruciating pain. But through the practice of therapeutic methods and a lot of medical intervention, I overcame it. But every now and again it decides to say 'fuck you' and I've learned the hard way that I need to let it pass since powering through like you and so many other mighty warriors would only worsen it. So yeah, my body did this to me."

Rebecca's vision darted from Zenos who stood there, to the window for signs of an Imperial ambush, and back to Zenos. She searched for even the subtlest signs of an impending attack, any sign of threatening movement. Yet when Zenos's large, calloused hand launched forward it didn't grip her throat or clench to pummel her. It gripped her chin, jerking her head back slightly so their sights could fixate on each other once more. Zenos's voice remained deep and cool, yet its deafening rumble was no longer the result of a growl. It now seemed more in line with a purr as his thumb wandered along Rebecca's soft ivory skin.

"You've endured far more than I initially thought." The smile that had been lingering on his face had now stretched to a full grin. It was one that made the corners of his eyes crinkle ever so slightly. "Instead of wallowing in your miserable fate, you chose to fight against it and carve out your own way to become the warrior that continues to hold my unwavering attention as my only equal."

A small smile appeared on Rebecca's peach-painted lips in her pleasant surprise at not being ridiculed or made into a martyr for a spectacle. As Zenos continued to caress her cheek gingerly, she didn't even realize how she leaned into it.

"You're warm," Rebecca murmured more to herself rather than a way to continue the conversation. Her head began to rest with his palm as her eyes fluttered shut. "It's nice..."

To both parties' amazement, they stayed in this position for a few moments. Zenos had never been a part of such an intimate moment nor had he ever wanted to create one, but as Rebecca's silky skin squished beneath the pad of his thumb, he couldn't deny that growing flood of warmth once more. Truly, only Rebecca could make him feel such pleasures in and off the field of battle.

When Rebecca finally realized what position they found themselves in she quickly squirmed out of his grasp. Though as soon as she did, she shivered slightly.

"You know, if you want me back on the battlefield quicker there may be a way to help me."

Zenos finally sat down on the edge of her mattress. His blond strands swayed as Zenos tilted his head with interest.

Taking a shallow breath, Rebecca made her request. "I want you to lay with me for a bit. I don't have the technology I have at home and with how shaky I am I don't wanna risk setting the inn on fire with my magic."

Zenos's icy eyes revealed thrashing waves at such a demand, and his heart began heavily pumping in his broad chest. Surely, this wasn't from their proximity but from the impending thrill of an upcoming battle. Yet with no word of objection even entering his thoughts, the gargantuan Garlean prince nudged the Rosenfield princess further onto the mattress with all the gentleness his scarred heart could muster.

Her back pressed against his chest where both royals could feel the other's hammering heart. Zenos's toned arms wrapped firmly around her middle. His warmth seemingly cauterized the stab wounds that the imaginary knife had been cutting through all this time.

In another moment of peace, Rebecca eye's fluttered shut once more along with Zenos's. It wasn't long until the small girl's slightly labored breaths evened out to soft snores and the occasional incoherent mumble. Yet Zenos remained wide awake, his mind reflecting on the cornered rabbit he had hunted in his youth along with the stirring sensations within his core due to the one he now held in his arms.

Yet when Rebecca awoke hours later, she was no longer engulfed by the enemy's embrace. But she had been cocooned within the pure white coat that never faltered off of his shoulders. Yet it was still warm around her, even the sleeves that were splayed at her sides...

Taglist: @disneymarina @floweringforgetfulness @goldenworldsabound @canongf @hadesgoddess @singingdeepinme @nyandereneko @maskedanarchy-ships @violetsandmilk

[elleventhsense]

Living with my Toxic Father... Again

After graduating from university, I moved back home with my parents. I've been living with them for a month now and I'm trying to change this.

I never had a functional relationship with my dad. He's a terrible person and has done unthinkable things to me. He has several mental illnesses, including narcissistic personality and bipolar disorder. He has severe anger issues, and is tolerable 60% of the time until he gets triggered (but he gets triggered by everything). Living with him is basically walking on eggshells 24/7. I've basically turned into a shell of a human around him, interacting as little as possible and avoiding eye contact. As cruel as it sounds, there have been many times in my life where I wished he was dead.

He's also a raging alcoholic and goes on daylong benders where everyone around him is miserable. I feel bad for my mom. She's a kind, sweet woman and she takes so much shit from him. She's a meek/passive woman and won't stand up for herself or others. She has admitted to living in a constant state of anxiety. I desperately wished for her to file for a divorce from him my entire life, it would've spared me from so much pain. A part of me has always resented my mother because I felt like she was complicit to my suffering. But I know this is a cycle of abuse she's enduring, because my grandma also had the same dynamic with my grandpa.

I think I could tolerate my father being a total piece of shit if he at least contributed to the home in some way or another. But he's absolutely useless. He doesn't work, cook, or clean. My mom pays for all of the bills on her minimum wage salary and he waits on her to make him all his meals. He'll also complain about how dirty the house is, yet sit at the computer all day. He loves to exercise power over people when he hasn't proven he deserves a single ounce of respect. He's totally fucking incompetent.

Due to his narcissism, he thinks he's a perfect human being. He'll play victim in every situation. His logic: "Oh, you're upset that I'm lashing out at you, well why did you do XYZ in the first place?". In fact, he thinks I'M evil for isolating myself from him - saying I don't know what the value of family is, my priorities are in the wrong place, and that I'm morally corrupted. When I was 19, it got really bad and I debated ghosting my entire family completely. Changing my name, moving somewhere new, and going no-contact. I didn't end up doing that, but I hope that shows the gravity of the situation.

Living on my own for 4 years while I was doing my degree was amazing. I had experienced freedom and peace like never before. It was like a breath of fresh air. Now that I've graduated and moved back in it's like living in fucking hell again. I feel like a helpless teenager again.

I'm saving up to move out. I have 2 months of rent right now, I need 6 month of rent and then I'm free.

[starrylexlaura]

I'm going to answer this as unseriously as I possibly can

1. L'Manberg meant free drugs for all its members. Wilbur blew it up 'cause he was going through withdrawl

2. Dream pursued villainy 'cause he's a little beta bitch that's why

3. Quackity created Las Nevadas because he needed to feed his gambling addiction and drugs. His principles originated from the fact that L'Manberg blew up and he couldn't get free drugs anymore

4. Techno views his allyships as "We need to destroy the government and kill as much kids as possible" and then got hurt because Tommy was like "no". Unfortunately for Techno he also owed a homeless guy a favour so more unreliable people for him

5. Sam was on a honeymoon with his beautiful wife Ponk and wasn't able to hear Tommy's scream from the romantic slurping of drug laced spaghetti

6. Schlatt died because he decided he really fucking hated his liver and taste buds. Bro choose drinkable piss over his drug ridden country

7. Wilbur asked the people for forgiveness because he really needed more drugs. Limbo Rehab was shit

8. Ranboo,by saying he was factionless,meant it as a more discreet way of saying he was born with a genetic disease which causes a lack of the bones commonly known as "spine".

9. Philza is a bird that had a human son that fucked a fish and had a fox son. He then proceeded to neglect said son because mmmmm drugs

10. Your honour, the king was being a bad bitch and saying no to drugs. Can't she serve and deliver cunt once in a while?

11. The inbetween...you mean the thing that didn't matter in the end and wasn't expanded upon because the ccs decided to nuke everything? I guess it meant something for sure

12. A red pulsating egg that escaped from someone's fridge. Its power are hallucinogens and its weaknesses are rehab

13. Tommy's discs signified vinyl music discs and they showed just how much of a LITTLE WHINY BITCH dream was (hate that little fuck)

14. Because of the drugs

15. I feel like enderwalking was a state Ranboo got in when he did too many drugs and smoked so much weed he reverted back to his primary enderman headspace

16. The community house exploded because dream was a little whiny annoying cryptic blubbering greasy bitch

17. You can revive someone by simply shoving coke up their nostril. Dream didn't have that though so he used his dead cat's bone ashes

18. Limbo,as said before,was Rehab and all the deads experienced the stages of grief through it. Schlatt= denial Wilbur= anger MD= bargaining Tommy= depression Ranboo= acceptance

19. Phil killed Wilbur because he couldn't bare with the fact his son was a gay junkie

20. Sam was unfortunately targeted by the egg's hallucinogenic shrooms and spores

21. The outsider's perspective is really important because Phil and Michealmcchill were the only sober people on the smp therefore they could see just how high everyone was 24/7

22. Pandora's vault was built for Tommy who started telling everyone he was the messiah after having eaten strangely shaped mushrooms near some red vines

24. The overall attempted general theme of the dsmp was trying to show what happens when you give drugs and weed to already mentally ill people

25. I would've changed the dsmp by saving everyone and making sure drugs didn't exist (or I would've made them rain from the sky every full moon just to see what happens)

Dsmp actually stands for "drug smp"

fuck it. ultimate dsmp quiz because i want to hear people deliberate about it again. answer some (or all) of the questions in the tags/reblogs, but do not start fights!

what did l'manberg ultimately mean to each of its members, and why did wilbur blow it up on november 16th?

why did dream pursue the path of villainy?

what was quackity's justification for the creation of las nevadas, and where did those principles originate?

explain how techno views allyship, from his more secure allies in the syndicate, to shorter-lived allies like with dream and tommy

how did sam justify why leaving tommy in the prison was a safer option, even if it meant risking his death?

why did schlatt die, and what did his short-lived arc in manberg represent?

what was wilbur truly aiming for when asking different members of the smp for forgiveness?

what did ranboo mean by his preference of being truly factionless?

define wilbur and fundy's father-son relationship (bonus if you can extend it to phil)

what did eret's betrayal signify for the dream smp's overall theme?

what did the inbetween and the other side really mean?

describe the egg, its powers and its weaknesses

what did tommy's discs signify?

why was memory such a prevalent issue in the dsmp?

what is enderwalking?

how did the community house explode?

how do you revive someone via the revival book?

what is limbo and what were the different states of limbo each dead person experienced?

why did phil kill wilbur?

how did sam have multiple bodies/personas?

what was the importance of outsider perspective, both found in phil and michael mcchill's respective lore?

who was pandora's vault built for?

who is dreamxd?

what is the overall attempted general theme of the dream smp?

how would you have changed the dsmp?

[cheemken]

K N I G H T

You are honestly making me ill. Bianca, Drayden, and Hilbert not wanting Iris to leave. Absolutely trying their best to convince her to stay with them. That they’ll be able to defeat Team Plasma with her, be able to return to a normal life, be able to have her back in their lives

But that isn’t Iris’ world. She has a Bianca, Hilbert, and Drayden waiting for her. She can’t stay with them. And they know that, they just won’t be able to handle the loss again

But on a lighter note, Iris teaching Hilbert how to use the Battle Bond ability. Telling him to send out Emboar, to put his hand where Emboar’s heart is. For Emboar to put his hand where Hilberts heart is. To close their eyes and think. Think about the friendship they have, think about the day they met, to the day they had their first win, their first loss, to think about everything that brought their friendship closer. That created the close bond only they could experience

Hilbert and Emboar didn’t end up syncing up right then and there, but they felt it. That feeling Iris described of becoming one with your Pokémon

And after some trial and error, they’ll be able to finally sync up and use the Bond Phenomena

Also, I know in the anime it was all cool and stuff to use the bond phenomena. But to start off Iris and Hilbert probably had to mentally train and connect with their partners to even sync up, not even including being able to sync up on command. And then they’d physically train to combat the pain they’d feel during battle, lest they pass out mid fight

Also just because this is Hilbert we’re talking about, I just know this guy got so excited when he first got the hang of it, that he told Hilda’s Serperior (Samurott? I don’t remember her starter) to attack them. And one got hit to Emboar stomach had Hilbert folding and wheezing on the ground

RIGHT ITS JUST SOOOOO CHDMBNDND YOUR HONOUR THEY JUST MISS HER SO MUCH😭

But oughh,,,,, ough pls bc in my hcs, Hilbert knows abt the Bond Phenomena bc Iris was the first to actually do it w Haxorus and they ended up training together pls this is hurting me😭🤣

That's cool tho a lil training montage too hahaha ough wait that'd be dope, if Iris does help Hilbert train w Emboar to achieve battle bond, imagine if the champions really did decide to help everyone else stop the evil team before they go, so at least they won't have to worry abt it anymore, and Iris, well, ofc she's gonna help Hilbert train, they need all the power they can get, and she knows even her Kyurem isn't enough

Anyways true tho, Hilbert challenging Hilda's Samurott hahah, in my hcs she has Hydreigon but like, yeah, why not Samurrott, she'd be the type to have the type advantage over Hilbert's ace to spite him lmfao. And like, that happening tho and Hilbert just doubles over in pain w Emboar, Iris just gives him a look, going "why am I not surprised you did that in this universe too."

"shut up, I wasn't prepared, that's all"

"yeah, that's what you in my universe told me too"

Oughghghfh your honour,,,,,,, soft moments w Hilbert and Iris after training,,,, like, them just sitting together under a tree, for Hilbert it felt nice bc they didn't have to think of anything else for a while; Haxorus and Emboar were still training with each other, their other pokemon were watching, and Iris was next to him, leaning on his shoulder. It was nice for him y'know, to have her next to him again, to have her with him, to know she's alive and breathing and warm and she's right next to him. But he knows she's not really their Iris.

And like,, imagine them talking tho, Hilbert asking abt what Iris' universe was like, about her life there, what she did that she survived Plasma's attack. And ofc, she told him everything, told him what she and Haxorus managed to reach while fighting off Plasma, and that saved her life. And god imagine that breaking Hilbert. Their Iris would've been alive rn if she and Haxorus managed to unlock the Bond Phenomena too, but then his mind drifted off to his own self loathing, never blaming Iris, ofc he couldn't blame her. Instead he's there blaming himself, maybe if he had been there with her, she would still be alive, maybe he could've saved her, maybe they could've escaped together, maybe w their combined power during that time, they really could've stopped Plasma.

But he wasn't there, y'know. And when he got there, he was already too late.

Iris sees his hands trembling, fidgeting, she takes them in hers, leaning in closer, telling him it's going to be okay, they'll beat Plasma soon enough. But ough cbdndbdn that wasn't what Hilbert was thinking at that time ofc, instead he pulls Iris close to him, impossibly closer, his hold tight yet gentle, his voice, wavering, vulnerable, laid bare before her were all the pent up self frustration he held deep, and he whispers, voice breaking, "don't.. don't leave, please.. I don't want to lose you again.."

And just like with Bianca, Iris broke, trying to comfort Hilbert now, hoping she could give him the reassurance and closure that he needs.

[n1kolaiz]

The Six Realms

Okay, so I was pretty close to giving up on writing analyses but I'm back LMFAO plus I see we're close to 100 followers and I just want to thank you guys for being so very supportive <3

Alright, I'm not sure if anyone's ever written about this, but if an analysis like this exists, please do let me know because I'm kind of curious as to what other people think about this, too!

Remember that time Fukuchi spoke about bringing "about the five signs of an angel's death"?

I read a little bit more about it, and as a minor content warning: this analysis will focus on a few religious aspects (Buddhism + Hinduism). So if I get any of the facts wrong, firstly: I do not mean any disrespect to either religion, and secondly: please do correct me if I interpret anything in the wrong way.

Spoilers for BSD chapter 90 onwards + BEAST!AU under the cut!

So I'll start by talking about the Decay of Angels. As we all know, the members include Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Nikolai Gogol, Sigma, and Bram Stoker, and their leader, Fukuchi Ochi. After Fyodor's arrest, the Decay of Angels came into light with Nikolai murdering four government officials in a week. These murders symbolise the Buddhist cycle of existence, or otherwise known as samsara: the cycle of life, death, and rebirth.

"We are the Decay of Angels—hiding here as terrorists, a 'murder association', five people who will announce the demise of the celestial world."

Nikolai Gogol, chapter 57

Samsara is described to be a concept beyond human understanding. According to Hinduism, samsara is the physical world where every being has its soul trapped into a physical vessel. The Hindus believe that everything has a soul, and due to a soul's attachment to desire, it is forced into a deathless cycle of being born, dying, and reincarnating into a different body. In Buddhism, the ultimate way to break free from this cycle is by obtaining nirvana.

Nirvana is a Sanskrit word for the goal of the Buddhist path: enlightenment or awakening. In Pali, the language of some of the earliest Buddhist texts, the word is nibbana; in both languages it means "extinction" (like a lamp or flame) or "cessation." It refers to the extinction of greed, ill will, and delusion in the mind, the three poisons that perpetuate suffering. Nirvana is what the Buddha achieved on the night of his enlightenment: he became completely free from the three poisons. Everything he taught for the rest of his life was aimed at helping others to arrive at that same freedom.

- TRICYCLE'S definition of nirvana

As Fukuchi mentions in the panel above, there are six different realms of existence. These realms represent every possible state of existence, but one cannot live in a specific realm forever. Depending on whether or not one's past actions were morally good or bad, an individual is born into one of these realms. Basically, the controlling factor of which realm a person is born into is dependent on their respective karma. The realms are separated into two categories: the hellish ones and the heavenly ones.

The Deva Realm: where beings are rewarded for the good deeds they have done. This realm is void of anything unpleasant. It is basically paradise— empty of unfulfilled desires, any form of suffering, and fears of every kind. Religious individuals, however, do not seek to be born into this realm since its attitude is more or less carefree.

The Asura Realm: where demigods are admitted. Asuras are driven by greed and envy, and may come in conflict with human beings since they are quite similar. They are powerful beings, but quarrel with each other quite a bit, making this realm quite undesirable to be reborn into.

The Animal Realm: where beings are given the form of an animal (you probably guessed that lol). Individuals here don't actually have good karma to take pride in, but rather, they are born into this realm to work off their bad karma (by being slaughtered, hunted, or forced to work, etc). Being born into this realm forces one to atone for their past sins by living out their life as an animal.

The Hell Realm: where one is punished for their evil actions. The most merciless of realms, where one pays for their transgressions through pure suffering, methods of which include: dismemberment, starvation, and psychological/physical torture. However, once a person's term is fulfilled in this realm, they are presumably promised to be reborn into a higher state.

The Preta Realm: similar to the hell realm, in which beings pay for their past sins (specifically: greed and stinginess) by having to survive through hunger and thirst. This realm is also known as the 'ghost realm,' because some pretas are psychologically tortured by being forced to live in places their past selves have lived in. They are invisible to human beings living at that time, which pushes them to face the depths of despair and loneliness. Your typical horror movie, really.

The Human Realm: the only realm where one's actions determine their future. The status (social ranking, physical wellbeing, and so on) of a human being in this realm is determined by their past actions, but due to the fact that a person has their own conscience to differentiate good morals from bad, the actions they commit in this realm have the power to determine which realm they are sent to next.

Okay, so now that I've got that out of the way, let's shift our focus to the Book. Very little is known about the Book, but the basic fundamentals of how it works is that whatever is written in the book will come into existence only if its contents follow the rules of karma. In addition to that, only a few sentences can be written into a single page of the Book, and it must follow the current narrative of the story.

If I'm not wrong, the first time the Book was mentioned was by Fitzgerald, who wanted it to resurrect his deceased daughter in hopes of restoring his wife's mental health. The next time the Book is brought up is when Fyodor's intentions to possess it are divulged; his goal was to decimate the global population of ability-users. And now, the current arc has the Book as its central focus, with a single page in Fukuchi's possession.

[ BEAST!AU spoilers ]

The Book acts as the central point of multiverses, with each character's lives differing from universe to universe.

Dazai committing suicide in this alternate universe stands in sharp contrast with how he decided to start up a new life in the main universe.

Oda staying alive to act as a mentor to Akutagawa in the ADA differs from how Oda uses his death to prompt Dazai to "be on the side that saves people."

And of course, the way Atsushi and Akutagawa have their positions switched in the two universes depicts how different their lives would be if they were given the chance to be mentored by different people— these are just a few examples of how the Book houses an endless amount of possibilities.

[ end of BEAST!AU spoilers ]

Hypothetically speaking, this kind of reminds me of the differing realms I mentioned before, where suffering is promised in some realms, and better things are granted in the rest, depending on one's karma, or the deeds they've done in their past lives. In this scenario, perhaps one's past life can be understood as one's current life in a different universe. That's just a personal opinion though. Take it as you will.

side note: Keep in mind that the person who is more or less impervious to the Book's effect is Dazai, with his nullification ability. I wouldn't want to propose any theories in this aspect (I don't believe I'm fully fact-checked ;_;), but I could use Dazai as a raw example of how your choices affect your future. If Dazai had decided to stay in the Port Mafia after Oda's death, or if he even decided to go through with his suicidal fixations, life would've been different for him in the root universe (obviously, ryley) I mean, you could basically understand that from how he ended up in the BEAST au, but imagine if he really did slip up in his decision-making in any of the universes.

Many analysts have proposed that he went MIA (early in his life) from the main universe for a while to figure out how the BEAST universe worked, whilst having the Book to his advantage. Perhaps his actions were guided? I'm not saying he's all-knowing, but he's sure as hell smart. I'm not sure if Kafka was trying to highlight the concept of karma when it comes to Dazai, but if he is, then I suppose you could say that Dazai is pretty much unaffected by the rules of karma, existing as the centerpiece of all the multiverses. No Longer Human is the namesake of his ability, but the book talks about disqualification from societal norms and generally, the world. I was talking about it with a friend, and they reminded me that Yozo (the main protagonist) was pretty strong in his views against society. Like he didn't speak out of total defeat, he spoke out of defense. If there was anything Dazai actually lost to, it was his guilt— "Living itself is a source of sin."

Then again, that's my personal interpretation since everyone has their unique perspective of his writings. In terms of the actual adaptation, you could translate the word 'disqualification' to 'insusceptibilty' when if it came to the Book's effects on Dazai? This side note is becoming really long lmao anyways I'll link a few theories which afflicted me with brainrot down below.

Another thing before I wrap up, the name 'Decay of Angels' stemmed from Yukio Mishima's book entitled 'The Decay of An Angel.' This is the final novel to the author's tetralogy: 'The Sea of Fertility.' The main protagonist, Honda, meets a person he believes to be a reincarnation of his friend, Kiyoaki, who takes the form of a young teenage boy named Tōru. The last novel of this series enhances Mishima's dominant themes of the series as a whole:

the decay of courtly tradition in Japan

the essence and value of Buddhist philosophy and aesthetics

Mishima’s apocalyptic vision of the modern era

Again, this could be referred to what Fukuchi goes on to say:

Some people view the concept of samsara optimistically, justifying it by saying that perhaps each individual is given a second (third, fourth, fifth, who knows) chance to refine their actions in order to be birthed into a better realm, with their karma being the independent variable.

On the other hand, other people, specifically the Hindus, view the cycle of existence as some sort of plague. To them, the flow of life and being forced to endure the suffering of mere existence in any form was somewhat frowned down upon. Some Hindus viewed samsara as a trap. Besides, having one's soul being limited to a physical body for the rest of eternity was not very appealing, especially since where they ended up at depended on the karmic value their past actions surmounted.

Even so, particular types of Buddhists don't seek nirvana, but instead, like the Hindus, they make an effort to be good people of society, building up their good deeds to increase the likelihood of being reborn into one of the better realms.

As mentioned before, the Deva Realm was the home of angels, the most carefree, gratified beings to exist. Fukuchi describes these angels as the people who don't get their hands dirty, the people who act as the puppeteers of society: politicians.

In terms of parallels, angels were the most fortunate and powerful, but they didn't have anyone ruling over them. A lack of supervision would lead to the abuse of power, which is what I believe Fukuchi was referring to. Deeming himself the Decay of Angels, he sought to prove himself as the 'sign of death that falls on the nation's greed.'

A few fun facts (okay, not really) about Yukio Mishima: he committed seppuku (ritual suicide by disembowelment) on the day he held a speech to voice out his unpopular political beliefs to the public. Mishima deeply treasured traditions and opposed the modern mindset the nation was advancing forward to adapt eventually. In his last book, The Decay of an Angel, he spoke about the five signs which complete the death of an angel:

Here are the five greater signs: the once-immaculate robes are soiled, the flowers in the flowery crown fade and fall, sweat pours from the armpits, a fetid stench envelops the body, the angel is no longer happy in its proper place.

The Decay of an Angel, p.53

The reviews about this series I've read so far describe Mishima's works to be quite complex; his writings demanded a lot of time to deconstruct and understand. They were highly symbolic, and he was pretty obsessed with death and the 'spiritual barrenness of the modern world.' I think you could attach a few strings from here to the mindsets of the DOA members. Of course, this parallel is completely abstract, but I'll go on rambling anyway:

He should have armed them with the foreknowledge that would keep them from flinging themselves after their destinies, take away their wings, keep them from soaring, make them march in step with the crowd. The world does not approve of flying. Wings are dangerous weapons. They invite self-destruction before they can be used. If he had brought Isao to terms with the fools, then he could have pretended that he knew nothing of wings.

The Decay of an Angel, p.113

I suppose you could resonate Nikolai with that excerpt. As much as Fukuchi takes the lead in this whole murder association, I'd like to believe that each member of the DOA plays an equally interesting part in whatever movement they're trying to execute. Fyodor feels it is his god-sent purpose to cleanse the world of its sins, his motto being, "Let the hand of God guide you." Sigma doesn't know where he belongs, since his origination comes from a page in the Book, and is fueled by the desperation to find a reason to live. Bram holds one of the most powerful abilities which is counted to be one of the "Top Ten Calamities to Destroy the World."

What I mean to say is that the DOA members are incredibly powerful, and they're not your ordinary antagonists (or I'm just biased). It's not just overthrowing authorities, mass genocide, and world domination— you could say that each individual is trying to utilize their purposes to their fullest expenditures, and the way they're trying to assert their plan into action is a little more passive-aggressive (framing the Agency, having a convo with a suicidal dude in jail, etc). They're the gray area between evil and good. As they framed the good guys for their own crimes, they're trying to conquer the bad guys for exploiting the innocent as they please.

This post would definitely age well if all hell breaks loose in the current arc (as if it didn't) and Kafka doesn't give us a happy ending.

That's all I have to say for now I guess! Thank you for reading, and once again, if anyone else something they wanna share, feel free to do so <3

sources (tryna follow Q's example ^_^) :

the six realms

samsara

the decay of angels

beast!au

the book

the sea of fertility

yukio mishima

theory: dazai’s emotional/mental state in beast!au

q’s theory: dazai being the protector of the book

theory: beast!dazai and the book

[aj28gaming]

Nagito's diagnosis?

Okay hear me out, what if the only mental illness Nagito has is extreme paranoia or Nagito is just really paranoid about death?

Now listen

Listen

I get that this is gonna be laughed at a lot and probably treated as a joke

but hear me out

So, regarding Nagito's dementia, I already made these posts https://aj28gaming.tumblr.com/post/650577508025155585/danganronpa-messing-up-nagitos-character-cuz

https://aj28gaming.tumblr.com/post/650633399392944128/nagitos-dementia-and-misuse-of-information

But to be sure, I basically explain how and why Nagito has almost none of the symptoms of Frontotemporal Dementia, he might still have it tho, just not the symptoms

But think about this, the only time Nagito has actually acted "crazy" was when the killing game starts. Before that, all we get is a paranoid, self-deprecating boy used to trauma due to his abusive luck cycle. A boy who also has flawed beliefs in the talented and untalented due to the society of Danganronpa. A boy who fears murder and the death of others more than most.

Now, remember, he only gets crazy (I AM ONLY GONNA TALK ABOUT SDR2 BECAUSE THE LATER ITERATIONS AND GAMES AND ANIME ADAPTATIONS THAT PORTRAY NAGITO PORTRAY HIM INCREDIBLY WRONG) when the killing game starts

A killing game

A game of murder and death

And what does Nagito fear the most throughout the first chapter of SDR2 and throughout Island mode? What does he keep making sure doesn't happen? What does he keep asking Usami about while being extremely scared and paranoid about it?

WHAT DOES NAGITO FEAR THE MOST?

MURDER

HE HATES MURDER

HE CONSTANTLY TRIES TO GET HIMSELF DEAD OR KILLED TO ENSURE NO ONE ELSE DIES

Now imagine having a person who hates murder, who fears the possibility of death surrounding him and is constantly paranoid about it

Now put that person in a killing game, you know, A GAME FULL OF MURDER AND DEATH

So you get someone who fears having death and murder around him, and you put him in a place that is full of that, a killing game

YOU GET THIS

THIS

THIS (also keep in mind, NAGITO SAID IN ISLAND HE LAUGHS WHEN HE GETS SURPRISED, NOT BECAUSE HE IS HAPPY OR HAVING FUN)

See the pattern now

If you trap someone in a place full of everything they hate and fear for their entire life

They go crazy

Now remember the links I sent at the start? In them, I explain how his extreme paranoia causes a lot of his actions to happen

One, his coping mechanism

His coping mechanism is hope

He is constantly in denial about his mental state, about the people dying around him

Not saying he doesn't believe people are dying, I mean he struggles to accept that people around him are dying

He needs to find a reason for all of this despair

For why everyone has to experience despair

Nagito is a person who finds reason for everything, basically constantly tries to find order in his chaotic world

Makes sense since literally and figuratively due to his luck cycle, Nagito lacks control in his chaotic and traumatizing life

So he tries to find a reason for everything despairful that happens to him

Basically, "There has to be a reason for my suffering, right? RIGHT?"

So what does he do? He clings to hope

HOPE /hōp/

noun 1. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. "he looked through her belongings in the hope of coming across some information" Similar: aspiration, desire, wish, expectation, ambition, aim, plan, dream, daydream, pipe dream, longing, yearning, craving, hankering 2. a feeling of trust. "our private friendship, upon hope and affiance whereof, I presume to be your petitioner" verb want something to happen or be the case.

KEEP THOSE DEFINITIONS IN MIND, TRUST ME WHEN I SAY NAGITO IS TALKING ABOUT THE ACTUAL MEANING OF HOPE, NOT SOME SUPERFICIAL VERSION HE CREATED HIMSELF

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So this makes sense right? A person is in a stressful situation which is basically their personal hell, so they cling to hope

Literally

And we get this a lot of the time in real life and in tv shows and movies where people in stressful times cling to hope

So it really isn't a surprise that Nagito does this

So, Nagito isn't worshipping Hope like it's a god, he is clinging to an ideology. He is clinging to positivity, a bright light amidst all the darkness

He is quite literally clinging to hope in a despairful situation, which a lot of people do and most likely the same with you and me.

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And again, no, his views on hope aren't due to his own personal opinion of what hope is. The hope he believes in is the literal definition of hope.

Hope as in light amidst all the darkness

He truly does have heroic and good intentions and truly does understand the hopes and despairs of others

He knew Teruteru wanted to continue the culinary legacy and help his mom, that's his hope

He knew Imposter would want to protect everyone no matter what, that's his hope

He knew Mikan killed for Despair, that despair being Junko Enoshima

He knew Fuyuhiko's hope is Peko and that both of them care about each other very much

He knew how similar he and Hajime are and how they are both bystanders and lovers of Hope, for Hajime that Hope being Hope's Peak academy itself and/or having talent

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That's why he wants to help everyone's hope. He doesn't want them to escape to "spread their hope to the world," he wants to help them because that is generally everyone's hope in the killing game, to escape and end the killing game. That's why he is also fine with helping the blackened because if he knows all the blackened wants to do is escape

All Nagito wants is for him to be the victim instead of anyone else so no one else has to die if someone must commit murder.

And tbh Nagito has only done 2 things,

One was when he orchestrated his own death so no one else dies during the first trial, but this fails due to his luck cycle

He knew someone would die eventually, and if he didn't do this then either Teruteru would've still murdered someone else or Fuyuhiko would've murdered Mahiru with Peko like in trial 2 due to the next motive

Someone would've died regardless, Nagito just wanted to be the victim to save everyone else. And he needed to make sure only HE BECOMES THE VICTIM which is why he orchestrated it

But alas, his luck screwed it up and Byakuya dies instead.

Second thing Nagito did was try to get everyone killed when he found out everyone were a bunch of terrorists and remnants of despairs. Do I seriously need to explain why anyone would've done this? Especially someone as paranoid as Nagito?

Hell, Hajime almost did way worse because he almost did the complete opposite, he almost pressed graduate so Junko can take over the dead bodies of their classmates and spread despair AGAIN

HOW THE HELL IS NAGITO WORSE THAN THE OTHERS?

HAJIME ALMOST CAUSED DESPAIR ONTO THE ENTIRE WORLD AGAIN AND EVERY OTHER MURDERER MURDERED FOR THEIR OWN SELFISH MOTIVES LIKE TO ESCAPE OR GET REVENGE

NAGITO SERIOUSLY JUST WANTED TO BE THE VICTIM SO NO ONE ELSE DIES AND WANTS TO ELIMINATE DESPAIR

HOW THE HELL IS HE THE CRAZY ONE?

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So now I explained how Nagito's paranoia of murder caused him to have a desperate belief in Hope as a coping mechanism in a very despairful situation

Now let's see how extreme his way of coping became. Seeing that he is in his actual personal hell, I would expect it to be pretty extreme.

And it is, a lot of the time.

Even to the point that he uses it to explain the deaths of his classmates and how to cope

Knowing Nagito, he has a habit of trying to find a reason for everything, like a prophecy or reason for his despair like I said before

And how exactly does he do that with the dead bodies of his classmates? He goes and treats them like stepping stones for hope

Basically saying, "Yes, our classmates are dead. But we shouldn't give up, because these deaths, this despair, it's all a stepping stone for an upcoming hope. A future good ending waiting to come, RIGHT?"

I added the right at the end because throughout the game, Nagito doesn't really seem like he only believes in hope. It's almost like he desperately needs and clings to hope.

So no matter what, he has to believe in hope

Because then, what is there left of him to believe in

He is trapped in his personal hell, forced to see classmates getting killed left and right, already experiences and fears the possibility of death and trauma on his normal day to day life, and what's worse is he constantly blames himself due to his luck cycle

He clings to hope, the possibility of a good ending happening in the end

Because what else can he believe in, what else can he live for at this point?

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You seriously don't need dementia to explain his actions

All you need to do is remember that all of them are in a killing game

So of course people will go crazy

And knowing Nagito and how paranoid he gets, no wonder he reacts way worse

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Nagito isn't crazy, he isn't a lunatic. He is just a paranoid kid who hates and fears murder and despair more than anyone else but is constantly forced to witness it and be subjected to it due to his luck cycle

And to be honest, anyone would've reacted the same way he does, and Hajime is proof of that

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Also stop calling him the Joker wtf

[more-than-a-princess]

In the time she'd known her, Sonia had never seen Shinobu so defeated. Tall and proud and with a chill in her demeanor, absolutely, save for the rare times Sonia could remember her red gaze softening for a brief moment. But never defeated: she supposed it was the effect of being a former Remnant, now imprisoned on an island in the middle of nowhere while the rest of the world debated about what to do with her and her former classmates. They had no say in it all, that much Sonia was aware of: that was why Masaru had taken it upon himself to seek out the Princess of Novoselic. He was a brother desperate to save his sister, and would use any tactic and person he could to do so.

And so Sonia too sighed: every day was a reminder that the person she once knew, the person who loved kaiju movies and maintaining a small but well-loved personal library, was gone. "I have the feeling, when I am around Togami-san, that whether the Tragedy had happened or not, he would have found his way into political influence anyway. Before it all happened, corporations were already influencing politics far more than free and fair elections," She paused, chuckling dryly. "But that is probably a moot point coming from me, my nation being an absolute monarchy. I just want a chance to help build a better world for everyone, where not only a small, wealthy faction of people benefit from laws and practices."

The thought seemingly had tired them out, and Sonia turned her head as Shinobu fell back against the sand. With a deep breath, she held her tongue at the sight of them: there was the defeat again, with a level of comfort she felt they'd only trusted Anzu with back then. Nothing less than composed, neatly ironed and buttoned or clad in her kyudo uniform. Sonia understood it: no matter how much either girl could criticize and resent their place in their respective families, they still maintained the image desired of them.

But even on her back, Sonia thought, with a hand over her face, Shinobu would burn like this. She wondered what it would be like to lay beside her, to shield her from the sun and rain and hatred and demands for her corpse. Thoughts that were washed away with the waves that lapped at the shore nearby.

"I used to think that, after giving my life to my family and country, that I at least deserved real love and happiness with someone," She began, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her forearms atop them. "But now I think that is not assured for anyone, no matter what the sacrifice. So all I can hope for is to try and create a more just, better world than the one we had."

She raised an eyebrow at Shinobu's admission: another addition to the list of ways Shinobu Yaguchi had changed. Sonia doubted she would've buckled to illness, particularly the mental sort, as a teenager. "You needn't apologize for how you feel," She assured her. "But I will speak to the Future Foundation regarding access to your cabin. In the meantime though, it might do us both good to get out of the sun for a bit!"

She nodded, determined, before kicking her legs out in front of her and scrambling to her feet. Mustering a smile, she reached down for Shinobu's uninjured hand with one of her own. "If you plan to help me convince your comrades, allow me to assist as well. I cannot take you on my ship without causing a commotion, but I doubt anyone would complain too much if I was in dire need of a cold drink at the hotel and asked for you to accompany me. Shall we?" She wiggled her fingers some, beckoning Shinobu to take her hand and pull her up, up out of the hot sand, the oppressive midday sun, and the dark depths of her mind.

The former archer looked down at her hand, covered now by Sonia's handkerchief, the blood slowing from her thumb by the moment. There was something wrong with her, with her brain. Had they always been so unstable, or had the Neo World Program shaken her head back and forth with enough force to cause her madness to overflow its cup, and knock it over entirely? Sonia had guaranteed her life - that she would not meet her end back in the nation of her birth, and though it might just have been the natural politicking of a princess, it certainly seemed spoken with a degree of firm conviction that lend believability.

Yet, still, they couldn't help but believe it. Whether a justified fear or a paranoid byproduct of her addled mind, Shinobu could only see the trip back home in a singular light. Every request, every concession, it had all spawned from that unwavering understanding that her life would soon be at an end. It made it easier to keep from gazing out into the sea and imaging herself beneath its waves, or stealing a knife and following the vertical line of her chest, so that she might at least take out the evil inside her rather than die unclean. If she were to live, what even remained for her?

"I see." There was no point confronting her, and Shinobu simply sunk into the sand, exhausted. There was a bird flying over the water, lurching down just to skim off the water's edge, and escape with a fish in grasp. Was it mocking her, with its freedom? With its carelessness? With the ease with which it could catch a fish even on a quiet day? Some recessed part of her wanted to tear it to pieces and feast on its innards, and perhaps this too set her apart from her peers. Their mind was so uniquely shattered that who could say if all traces of the Remnant of Despair had truly been eradicated? Wasn't that an argument, then, for allowing her to die?

"If someone like Togami is to have a hand in Japan's future political system, then I can only extend another of many apologies to the Japanese people for my actions." Namely, in not killing him before he had any chance for power. Another point of separation. The likes of Murasame or Shikiba, even Matsuda, treated death as a faraway thing. To Shinobu, it was familiar, even uncomfortably warmly so. She had no further desire to hurt anyone, and the thought of doing so brought bile up her throat, but it was impossible to separate herself from the beast she'd been.

If she was condemned for her actions regardless, perhaps she should have been more particular in them. Surely there were people alive who would have served the world better in death than so many she'd killed. "But as for whether it would be of benefit, it's hard to say." With a weak sigh, she collapsed onto her back, her left hand shielding her from the sun, casting in silhouette the jagged cuts and burns around her ring finger. "I think the knowledge that someone consigned themselves to a less happy life on our behalf would only depress most of them, truthfully, though it's hardly anything for us to decide."

That lingering piece of evil lodged in her brain, that thought that came easiest, quickest, before being quashed back down by shame and rationality, made its point easily enough. If people were going to accept misery, then they should have simply rolled over and allowed Despair to win. Fighting so hard for Hope was meaningless if this was all they did with it - half-measures and limp concessions. There was no fairness in that line of thinking, but neither was it untrue, in her estimation. Had not they all sacrificed enough, those who stood on the right side of history, those who had clawed the world back from its edge?

"I regret, Nevermind-san, that I'm a poor conversation partner at the moment. I'm not well, today, I think." Mentally, at least. "Future Foundation won't allow me to return to my cabin early, but I may as well continue to be derelict in my duty for the day." A bird's taunt or no, the fish were staying from the shoreline. "I'm afraid you'll find me a scrambled, inconsistent speaker." She wasn't asking Sonia to leave - as if even she could - but simply suggesting to the woman that her efforts were better spent elsewhere, more than likely.

"As for my classmates... I don't speak often with them, given the shape of my evenings, but when I do, I'll... see if I cannot convince them to be a bit more forthcoming with you about their situations." Some may have been lost causes, but surely there were others who could benefit from Sonia's presence. "Matsuda's work is inconsistent, but I imagine some of the others will be woken up soon, as well." They shrugged, a weak gesture made even weaker by their position, prone, in the sand. "You'll hear about it, I'm sure, but if I have any involvement, I'll try to refer anyone to you who might be willing to talk to you. Perhaps it will help."

[lightlycareless]

lmao i don’t agree much with that comment, like we’re all allowed our own opinions but i guess i’d get it more if the story was a shorter one but it’s obviously not going to be (which i love) and y/n is coming from a pretty sheltered background from my understanding.. like 🤷‍♀️ i’ve loved the pacing so far of the story and with the events that y/n has been through since coming to the estate i find shes been handling it the best she can rn. ofc she didnt come to the estate being a mastermind????

Heya anon!! Thank you for sending an ask 🥺❤️

I'm super happy you're liking the story so far hehe, so buckle up cause we still got more to go through!!

Also, I literally just posted my response to that comment when I got this ask lol so I'm not sure if you got to see my insight on their opinion (which you're more than welcome to read it :3) but if you have, just ignore this part hehe

More stuff under the cut, cause it's somewhat long I'm sorry I guess I'm just venting hahah

I don't want to go ahead and say that this person was ill-intended, of course not! Everyone is entitled to their opinions at the end of the day and I'm grateful they feel comfortable enough to share their thoughts with me, but their comment just reminded me of the whole Padme didn't love her children discourse in the SW fandom.

It's kind of the same misogynistic mentality where they expect the woman to kind of just... forget their individualism and offer their entire life for the good of others (Luke and Leia for Padme — Mai, Mai, the staff and I guess even Naoaki for Y/N) while the men get a pass, you know?

Like, Padme saw the love of her life turn to the dark side and all that she fought for (the republic) basically disappear, things that would obviously affect her physically and mentally, and yet, there's people that call her a bad mother/person because she died (NOT LIKE SHE WAS CHOKED BY HER HUSBAND WHILE HEAVILY PREGNANT BUT OK). I'm just like damn, she is entitled to her own suffering you know? And it's not like she gave her life away for the greater good of the republic but go off.

To expect Y/N to be some kind of activist/martyr is unfair to her own duel—and while there are victims that have taken their experiences as some kind of motivation to speak for those who can't, it's just... not realistic to expect all victims to be capable of standing for themselves. If I were to meet someone like Y/N, I would offer her my support, instead of demand her to do shit for others just because she allegedly can. (guess we forgot Naoya basically blocked her from the outside world and the rest of the estate too 🤔 oh, and the execution too 😒)

And yes, she was raised in a sheltered household thanks to the efforts of her close relatives (who knew how fucked up the world is out there) as well as just turning 18 before getting married. Like, she hasn't experienced the world, you know? However, this is actually something I plan to explore a bit more in the next chapters so that's all I'm going to say about it hahaha.

Besides... in a society as sexist as the ones we've seen in the fictional world of jujutsu kaisen (as well as in real life) women more often than not, just held titles out of formalities and the power they held is nothing compared to their male counterparts.

Rest assured, if it were that easy, Y/N would've done it:

She's already demonstrated that she cares about her surroundings and is less than thrilled on how the Zen'in men behave (Fuyue, the servant she saved from Meiko, how she was cognizant enough to separate the acts of her husband from Naoaki, thus, starting to develop a friendship between the two, understanding Mariya's POV as well as how it was illogical of her to expect her staff to drop everything to help her when they had their own problems to worry about, THE APPRECIATION OF JUNKO, THE MOTHER OF MAI AND MAKI) but she's also deserving of nice things!!!

This story has been really difficult to write in that sense, but in the end, just shows how certain stories aren't always smooth sailing.

p.s. imagine if she was the mastermind tho? y/n be like "I made Naoaki and Naoya my bitches so the Zen'in clan will be mine!!"

Also, it's fiction. Not everything has to be super realistic. Just sit back and enjoy the show 😎✨ after all, we still have the rest of the story to go through.

And to live through the wise words of Valentina:

[isuggestwishcraft]

What if kris was turned into a lost soul like how everyone was in the fight with asriel dreamurr. What you do you think would be Kris’s save options/flavor text? (note the player is the one trying to save them)

Anon, my friend, my fella, my bestie of besties, I think you're forgetting a very large inconvenience: I'm not author of this au.

As much as dear @sharedcontrolau lets me somewhat co-supervise over these things, and adopts my headcanons (such as Kris calling Player "sib"), it's still their au to toy with. I'm a mare writer that got Really Excited over this idea. I cannot declare what is canon and what not......

But I sure as FUCK can speculate!!

Okay, so. I hope you are aware that I'm a big sucker for mechanics, attacks, special abilities and whatnot; more specifically, how it reflects the state of the person and their story, fears, likes, etc.

Kris is a REALLY fucked up kid. Not on purpose, but a bit of a "mentally ill" nevertheless. Living with monsters and never seeing other fellow human exept on pictures can give you anxiety and insecurity about your person, who would've thought

Let's move a bit forward. To the first Kris & Player meeting, giving them one HELL of a spook, in my fics. Paranoia spark, existential fear of being not in control enough or at all. Despite the fact that it never really lived past that, never burned bright for long, it still was and IS a very memorable experience, in my option

If it's post- whatever-the-hell was the deal with Spamton, and perhaps even post-stringcutter rote, the trauma is ✨sparkling✨. They might be VERY in tune with Player 9 times out of 10, but seeing your sibling as an allegory to the Puppeteer of that caboose and just generally a murder machine they're DEFINITELY can become- it might leave some scars. It might leave some fears

It might leave some doubts

If Kris becomes a lost souls, this all will bloom so hard it's ridiculous. They're not JUST shrugging words off, they're Accusing Player of their misshaps. Who else would know enough about you than the very person you shared a body with?

They WILL use their knowledge against their sibling. Their demotivating speech WILL hit HARD and way too close to home. They WILL remind Player that they're a Failure in stringcutter route if they craved in to the whims of Secret Boss, and that one would blast Player straight into fucking oblivion, cuz DAMN they're weak on this front

Kris is a hard opponent....

But they are also very, very scared.

They're scared of implications. Of not knowing where the truth lies, where dream ends and nightmare begins. They're scared of not understanding how to help their obviously hurt and broken sibling, not understanding how to turn everything back to... Normal

So, the way to save them is giving them comfort, no matter how many times they'll deflect it. There would be a crack, after n-th try, where they'll start to cry, when they start to actually hear what Player has to say. There would be words, retelling memories. There would be hugs, deepening the break

There would be smiles through tears, and the stream of "sorry"s that might flood the world

And then, they'll be alright.

[bbq-hawks-wings]

I can't believe I didn't think the todo/endev stuff would've been divisive. Like if you don't like it then that's it, you just personally don't want to see it, that's valid, but then you have some ppl calling ppl who do like it and even hori abuse apologists (despite some of them being survivors themselves) but THen you have ppl on the other side insulting those who can't stomach it and, why is this all a thing.

CW/ abuse mention

I'm not all that surprised it stirs up such intense reactions. Unlike saving the world or becoming a hero, the struggle of a household and each of its members healing from a horribly abusive past, complete with all its uncomfortable, different, ugly blistering wounds and scars is way too close to home for a lot of people. Even for those who may have never experienced the same "severity" (in quotes because comparing trauma to silence or talk over victims of any kind is not okay - different forms of abuse is still abuse that leaves lasting impacts and effects everyone differently) they can feel personally connected to that pain.

I'm not surprised whatsoever that Endeavor is such a controversial figure. I would argue that's a good thing. If we come to love his character after lots of growth it's because he's really changed in the ways he's needed to and continuing on that road. If we can't ever get past what he did it's still justified because he's legitimately left the lives of his entire household in shambles - a home full of people who his chief responsibility was to love, provide for, and protect - who will carry the scars (some literal) of what he's done for the rest of their lives.

What surprised me most, however, is how Dabi became to be such a chief spokesperson for the entire family despite being the most removed as far as attitudes towards Endeavor and his actions in response; and how he became the only "valid" victim for so many.

I absolutely pity what he went through. He was absolutely right to feel abandoned. He was abused as much as anyone in that household. His trauma was just as real, just as impactful, and just as valid as the rest. All of his childhood trauma was a result of his father's actions of which Endeavor does need to face and account for. Even his desire to lash out at the objects of his father's affection - his mother and siblings - as a child as a way in his mind to make the pain stop and regain what he legitimately needed in his father's attention and affection is understandable given the circumstances. He's very much damaged, and the onset of that damage is not his fault. He desperately needed help he never got.

But here's where the split happens: at a point he was removed from his family and their influence and became his own person at which point he decided to step on the gas and purposely cause collateral damage on top of the self-destruction.

To be clear, simply leaving that harmful environment and growing up does not erase the damage it caused. PTSD would not be a thing of that was the case. However, Dabi is in one of two states given his behavior: he's genuinely insane (mentally ill to point he doesn't recognize what he's doing - a justified legal defense of insanity) or he's at least lucid enough to know and purposely chose to inflict harm on others because of whatever benefit he feels he gets from it (not able to plead insanity).

Either way, he's a clear danger to himself and others and needs to be reigned in. If he's not in full control of his faculties he needs professional help and has to be taken into custody for everyone's safety. If he is all there, it's right for him to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law because trauma does not excuse making more victims of any kind.

And for some reason, despite these facts well being able to coexist, the fandom doesn't seem to accept that - at least not uniformly and the disparity of opinion is night and day. We have real life examples of people who went through traumatic childhoods who became serial killers, and we don't disagree that they needed to be institutionalized or prosecuted for the safety of the public and their survivors; but Dabi gets a pass somehow?

Perhaps the main divide comes down to some can't/don't/won't make a distinction between Touya the abuse victim and Dabi the abuser. Both can and do exist in the same person, but the focus of his life's goal has shifted to be distinct enough to make that distinction as the audience. As a child, he was a victim who was doing everything he could think to do to get what he needed in a horrible situation. As an adult with ample degree of rational thought and self-awareness, he leverages his damage to justify the homicide he commits against his own victims.

And this especially is why I have pity for Touya, but not for Dabi.

I knew someone who did that - who did that to me. Someone who I considered a friend, even "family" until I set boundaries and started acting contrary to what they wanted when it was like a switch went off inside them. They had a legitimately terrible upbringing and a questionable family situation, at best; but that didn't mean I had to suffer the effects those negative influences splashed into my life.

If something I did made them upset and what they only ever knew was to verbally express, "You're lucky I have the control to hit the wall instead of you when I get this upset" that anger is valid, but I was also right to say, "If this is a problem, I'll do what I can to make it right on my end, but you do not have the right to threaten me, emotionally manipulate me, or lash out in retaliation - and especially not without consequences or pushback. You need help, and I want to help you help yourself; but that was not acceptable. I am responsible for me and what I do, not for how you take things and respond."

It boils my blood thinking back how often they tried to peddle back and make me the bad guy in my own head by trying to guilt me with their own tragic backstory so I'd stay complicit. Clearly, I'm still not completely over it, and I was unpleasantly reminded of it not long ago when nightmares with their face came back to haunt me for the first time in years after just seeing their name again in passing earlier that day. It took a complete stranger I met at a house party telling me after I spilled my guts late into the night for me to even begin to recognize that I was being manipulated and abused.

So yeah, there it is yet again - the Todofam drama is way too close to home for too many people. The worst tragedy in that, though, is that no one can apparently be validated in their opinions unless they bare themselves like I did just now. That shouldn't be the case. These discussions should be able to exist as hypotheticals and discussing canon events instead of requiring everyone who wants to weigh in to have their own trauma validated.

It's easy to pile onto Endeavor because he's the clear "bad guy" in the scenario who will never be able to erase what he's done even if all of his family magically forgave him and he turned into the patron saint of puppies and kittens. But for some reason it's not easy to recognize people can feel the same way about Dabi who can recognize him for being both victim and victimizer.

I wish it wasn't the case. There's a lot of right and wrong and stuff that isn't wrong - just uncomfortable and sucky in this subplot; but fandom is too stuck on insisting in an all or nothing bad guy/good guy to fully appreciate the nuance in this plotline.

[initiumseries]

I mean I feel like that’s what we are assume post endgame because important members died and the new marvels shows/movie seems like they are showing their life’s post avengers and trying to set up a new one. I agree with aunt May thing not because I dislike the trope (sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t) because I feel like they tried to make her a different character this movie. In the first two she was the hot aunt nothing really more and now they tried to make her more serious

Here's the thing: you shouldn't be assuming anything.

I wish viewers would stop filling in the blanks for shows or movies. You aren't supposed to be doing that. A movie/tv show is literally a form of visual storytelling. So their job, is to tell a story as completely as possible from start to finish and remember their own canon so everything hooks up. Good writing does this already. It's just less noticeable because it appears effortless and baked into the story to answer these questions before you can even have them. You shouldn't walk away with questions, guesses or assumptions that is easily answerable on screen with two or three lines of dialogue. The fact that so much of the viewer experience of the Avengers and Marvel movies in general requires viewers to make their own assumptions is literally indicative of their failure to tell good/strong stories. I refuse to assume anything that I didn't see on screen because that doesn't make sense. That's literally my own interpretation of events, not canon. I'll only discuss canon.

I always find it funny that she's the "hot aunt" because honestly, she's just a moderately attractive older woman that isn't performing her age in the stuffy, frumpy, outdated way we tend to view older women. She wears form fitting jeans and has long hair and glasses so OMG. HAWT. But I digress lmao. Aunt May, didn't have the kind of role in Peter's canonically that we see in this latest movie, she was there for sex appeal, and suddenly they were like "ok well she has to DO something before we kill her." Which I think is a shame. Showing them having a genuinely fruitful relationship, the same way Andrew and Toby's Spidermen were shown with Uncle Ben, would've been nice. Bu Marvel failing at character continuity? Le gasp. Remember Hulk and Black Widow suddenly being in love and suddenly not in the span of two movies?

But my point about that storyline had nothing to do with Aunt May, and everything to do with the crux of the movie: "everyone deserves a second chance."

Peter's first interaction with Doc Oc, Jamie Foxx's character, Green Goblin and the sand guy were literally them trying to kill him and/or everyone in the general vicinity. Then they tell him they were killed by the Spiderman in their universes. And Peter never once asks why? Perhaps because they were trying to kill people? He's supposed to be really smart lol. None of them, outside of Osbourne, were even interested in being "helped" by him. He forced his "help" on them so he could feel better about saving them and the result was a whole bunch of collateral damage and his Aunt being killed because of his hubris, but the dialogue and entire narrative frames his choice as virtuous. His choice killed more people than if he'd sent them back to be handled by their Spidermen. That's completely unethical and unjust. This concept of "saving everybody" is vanity, simply because life just doesn't work that way. And in the effort to save those who not only don't want to be save, but actively want to kill you and everyone else, tends to result in a lot of people getting hurt, as we see each time this tired trope gets trotted out on screen. Some people just need to be stopped. I take issue with a bunch of villains who have willfully killed people, suddenly being reduced to victims of technology, mental illness and low self esteem just so Peter can be framed as the hero. Dr. Strange was right the whole time. And anyway, why the fuck was curing them so important if they had to be sent back anyway? What does that mean for the Spidermen in their universes? This whole movie hinged on a flimsy narrative that doesn't even hold up past the most cursory criticism. All Peter had to do was send them back. The end. It's not even that they weren't his responsibility, but he was not qualified to judge whether or not they deserved a second chance because all he knew about them was his immediate interactions and whatever the villains actually told him, and since they'd just got done hurting people, it kinda seems like, maybe taking them at their word is probably not very prudent. Curing them only makes sense if they couldn't return to their universes, but they could...so why did any of this have to happen?