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#would now but i am so. god damn tired
gorepill · 2 months
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note to my tired ass self. Draw. Nora Murdoc shit. swag.
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capricorndevil15 · 10 months
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Hey party people! ORLAM PLAYLIST BE UPON YE!!1 🥩🍷
I've been trying to upload this playlist all day, and even now I am pretty sure it won't be long for this world. TwT So get in a listen while you still can. If all else fails, I did also make a normal youtube playlist without the visual component (but I really wanted to show off my Orlam Collage…)
THERE ARE FLASHING LIGHTS/FLICKER IN THIS VIDEO! There's some randomized flicker effects throughout, but the big fast flashing one happens from 43:52 - 44:05 at the end of Hurt. If that would be bad for you, I recommend listening to the non-visual version linked above.
It may go without saying, but none of the art in this playlist is mine! All the images were ripped from Our Wonderland directly or found on Carrot's tumblr, and I just made it into a collage and did fancy editing for fun.
Tracklist under the cut
♛✧༺♥༻∞ Tracklist ∞༺♥༻✧♛
0:00 - 2:08 EATYOU!- Talkshow Boy 2:09 - 5:30 Blood- Billy Cobb 5:31 - 6:57 M'Lady- Dorian Electra 6:58 - 9:25 Prom- MSI 9:25 - 12:07 F***- MSI 12:08 - 15:12 In My Mouth- Black Dresses 15:12 - 18:15 What Do They Know?- MSI 18:16 - 21:05 Bunny Party- Schnuffel (nightcore) 21:06 - 24:19 fReAkY 4 Life- Dorian Electra 24:20 - 26:41 "Call This # Now"- The Garden 26:42 - 28:06 I Got A Melody- Talkshow Boy 28:07 - 30:26 Dancing Queen- Billy Cobb (a banger cover, original song is by ABBA) 30:26 - 33:36 Cake- Melanie Martinez 33:36 - 36:44 Never Wanted To Dance- MSI 36:45 - 39:42 My Blood Is Fucking Up The Dancefloor- Talkshow Boy 39:43 - 44:04 Hurt- Nine Inch Nails 44:05 - 47:18 I Just Wasn't Made For These Times- The Beach Boys 47:18 - 52:59 Linger- The Cranberries (daycore) 53:00 - 54:54 Memoir #2- May Roosevelt
56:00 - 57:19 Blood- MCR (lol)
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mossflower · 10 months
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how many breakdowns should you have about dropping out before you seriously consider dropping out. asking for a friend teehee
#shock horror. i am not asking for a friend#turns out going to uni bc you had no idea what else to do + taking a course you’re mostly interested in bc you like space#is not necessarily a good idea. who would have thought#see the thing is if this didn’t cost money i wouldn’t be so worried. but i don’t want to keep having this breakdown and eventually drop out#in like a year’s time with twice the amount of debt or whatever#rn now i keep looking on indeed like hmm. i could totally drive trains that would be an amazing idea. driving a milk float!! so slay!!#bc i realised shortly after getting here that i do not want to do a phd which basically rules out any astrophysics jobs#my mum suggested looking at summer placements but quite frankly i need to get a job over summer if i stick with my degree bc i am ✨broke✨#rn i’m saying shit like oh i’ll just write a book and get it published. totally feasible way to make some quick cash (delusional)(knows it)#november has been hell i do not have a draft let alone a book#and i’m tired and i haven’t had a proper meal since thursday and my room is a tip#i‘ve had like three conversations with my friends in the past fortnight and none of them lasted longer than five minutes#i was so fucking excited for uni!! it was going to be so good!! i feel bad for wanting to drop out bc i don’t hate it!!#i just don’t really like it either#god fucking damn it. this shit is worse than a sexuality crisis. at least they had zero real world impact bc i was an antisocial fucker#this is the rest of my fucking life!! the hell!!
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chappellrroan · 7 months
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it's almost like if i dont let the whole world know about my new hyperfixtation i will burst into flames
#preacher's daughter both family tree songs#how she says in family tree “heaven hath no fury like a woman scorned and baby hell don't scare me i've been times before”#and western nights “i would hold the gun if you asked me to but if you love me like you say you do will you ask me to?”#the whole house in nebraska song UGH#the outro of hard times i am tired of you still tied to me bleeding whenever you want too tired to move to tired to leave#american teenager gracie's cover i love you so so so so much i do it for daddy and i do it for dale i am doing what i want DAMN i am doing#it well#ptolemaea that stop scream i am the face of love's rage blessed be the daughters of cain bound to suffering eternal through sins of their#fathers commited long before their conception that whole outro in general#i tried to be good am i no good? am i no good? am i no good?....i just wanted to be yours? am i yours? am i yours?...if i am turning in you#stomach and making you feel sick am i making you feel sick? am i making you feel sick? am i making you feel sick? is just SO AGH#also god loves you but not enough to save you I FORGIVE IT ALL AS IT COMES BACK TO ME#we know how it goes the more it hurts the less it shows but i feel like they all know and that's why i can never come back home and i spent#my life watching it go by from the sidelines and god i have tried but i think it's about time i put up a fight#and the instrumental songs their production is so so good#anyways yeah now i feel better if anyone is reading till here go listen to it thanks <3#it's great for people with family issues#v.txt
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l0rd-0f-c0ws · 19 days
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I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun
#sorry if anyone sees these im tired of using my personal discord servet to vent. i always spiral too much#anyways i have an idea for a good poem to write for class because of recent events#ughhhh idk i just wish i wasnt so annoying about asking if i can open ip to people#or if someone would just ask if i was okay. i mean actually id probably lie i am not actually good at being open.#but like hey idk it feels nice to feel like people genuinely want to know#ughhhhfhfhf i do this to myself sometimes JSHSJSKDJDJD#welp its just how life goes. i feel lonely all the time and i soldier on#surely helping the next person will make me feel better! nope. surely helping yhis next person will make me feel better! nope. surely-#tgats me. thats what i sound like#yeah idk it feels like everyone is going through something worse than me so itd be a moral failing on my part#to ask them if i could just like. feel bad. noticeably#not even talk about it just look down and out of it for a day#yknow i emailed one of my teachers asking permission to go by a new preferred name#this is at like. a massive very queer and trans art school.#and i asked him permission to do this#and i was joking with my friends about how pathetic i sounded in it#and one of them patted me on the head and said “there there buddy” like very jokingly#but i almost cried because thats the first time in so long someone has like. really tried to comfort me#or shown me much physical affection#my mom gives me hugs and stuff but thats always about her. i dont blame her shes got a lot of stuff going on#but idk its really selfish of me but i just wanna have people see me and feel bad for me and it be about my pain for a little while#ill get over it im just being a teenager but shit god fucking damnit#i just want a break from feeling like my world is falling apart#then getting some footing#then it falling apart again#okay i feel a bit better now better stop the complain train JDJDJSKSJD#hey why do i never hear that it rhymes and everything thays so good#damn i gotta use that more#welp weve reached our stop sorry if anyone ever read thjs. hope you have a nice day tho lol
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chaosinstigator · 6 months
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if y’all love and appreciate daniel's input on the team so much... why not repay him in the form of a car he can actually drive
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ra-archives · 10 months
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Its Tech week and I am so tired omfg. I had so many projects I wanted to work on, but I simply do not have the time or energy so this is probs all I'm gonna manage for like the next week or two
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Anyways shitty quality screenshot from my insta from like two months ago to represent my feelings rn
But ALSO maybe maybe I'll be posting some of the LU writing I've been working on in my oh so precious spare time so we'll see
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magnoliamyrrh · 11 months
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.
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scattered-winter · 1 year
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seeing everyone get super emotional abt the pjo teaser today has been. a surreal experience for sure
#i WANT to be happy about it and i WANT to be emotional about it but i am just so god damn tired. im so tired.#im not even physically tired most of the time but i am Tired. you know#trying to get a job. absolutely cannot. trying to go to class. too tired to even pay attention when im there.#trying to do homework. too tired to focus on it when i do it. gonna fail more classes and to be perfectly fucking honest#i might just drop out.#i dont know what im doing here!!!!! im getting a degree for nothing!!!! im wasting time and money by being here!!!!!!#if i knew what i wanted to do and how to get there that would be one thing but im literally only here because idk where else to go#and its costing me a fuckton of money!!!!!!!!!!! that i dont have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and i am just so god damn tired.#i dont want to drop out because i dont know what to do if i did.#i cant live with my parents i Cant. its ok to do that short term but its suffocating after a while.#i cant be the person i want to be with them yk.#but i dont know where the hell else im supposed to go!!!!! i dont think im meant to be here but i dont know where else i need to be!!!!!!!#i dont fucking know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and i am just so fucking tired. so god damn exhausted at all times of the day.#like im being so fr right now i dont know what im doing here and every moment of indecision is costing me more money#im not gonna be able to pay for my second semester but i cant get a job and i dont even know what im doing here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#because im just here because you go to college after high school its what you do!!!!!!!!#i didnt choose to be here!!!!!!!!!!! i just went with the flow and now its costing me and i am broke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am so broke!!!!!#someone please put me into a coma rn i am being so fr. i am being SO fr.#i want to. quit college. and go work somewhere. just a job. no more school. i dont wanna do this anymore.#hrrhhghghghhhhhh#winter speaks#personal#anyway i am slightly afraid lol because not even the pjo show can make me feel excited + happy about something#despite it being nearest and dearest to me. im just too goddamn tired.#i am not gonna lie guys losing one of my friends at the beginning of the semester has had an Effect (tm)#lol. lmaooooooo even.#there's a girl in one of my classes who looks just like her so thats sooo fun. thats great.#fucked up how grief just grows on you like moss. it doesnt leave.
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sparkly-skies · 1 year
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@mondscheinprinzessin
LAURA LAURA LAURA
.... I might need to revise my meme. I haven't even slept yet but all this song makes me want to do is... idk, get better? Rob a bank and be able to pay for therapy and go get better? Get better and go to their concert and dance and sing along to the "oh damn it will get better even if I have to claw my way to it with my bare hands" song?
#what is happening. i haven't slept yet and I'm overwhelmed with university and other stuff and mental health and whatnot#and still laura's buam are not making me cry but actually.... give me a vague sense of oh damn yeah it can get better and on god it WILL#even if i have to claw my way to it#hold on that might just be a quote from a tv show. which one was it. a woman saying it to someone about someone else#uuuuuuuh#oh. shadow of bones; nina saying she'll claw her way to a happy end if she has to#damn laura your boys are not making me cry when i'm tired what is happening#tell them to keep it up#how do i rework that meme now#well not now. now i need to get back to that goddamn stupid paper and somehow find 1600 more words to bullshit in#but in the evening today maybe#not like i should write another paper then that's also already overdue but hey. we know me by now#mine#lauras buam#lonely spring#sad weather kids#the line i wasn't ready for a line that is so challenging still stabs me though#i would once again like to have the energy and time to try to draw something. not sure what with that line but. something.#brudi i'm doing worse every day how is this not making me cry but actually making me happy wth is happening#is this like when pets get a last burst of energy and love before they die? am i about to crash really badly as soon as i've handed in my#papers?#yeah yeah i'd say sorry for the tag rambling but it's my tags and we know by now i'm not capable of shutting the fuck up
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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...
#how am i feeling? i am not feeling good#ok i feel better than i did 5min ago. itll b fine but Jesus#so basically what happened is its supposrd to snow tomorrow night so i have to get some sampling done tomorrow morning#and i do not like big short notice changes. there's like a 30% i will flip out#and the sampling i have to do is at 3 sites that i would love to never step into ever again. i have so much bitterness and hate toward that#study. it was the start of the end. and by the end i mean the epic downward spiral that was my 2022 experience#so ngl i wish they would catch on fire. but not really bc theyre long term study sites that have been going since like the 80s#anyway. i have to do that tomorrow. also also in sampling these sites im adding 80 samples to my list#which means ill be taking measurements for an extra 5 days 🤪 thats gonna be at least 39 days of measurements 🤪🤪🤪#and last time i did this i starting losing my god damn mind. and i cant do that now bc i have to pretend ive got everything together#so yeah im just at the stage of anticipating pain for the start of all that and ive gotta get up early tomorrow and its already late#and i spend like an hour crying into an excel spreadsheet so my eyes r tired#so ya kno its good. its all good. good good good. great. im soooo happy#and i do not at all feel the urge to throw myself to the ground screaming like a toddler#im just standing here in this grave ive dug myself over the past year and now its time for the universe to start burying me#hhhh... i should sleep. so my brain works at least a little tomorrow 🙃#itll b fine. ill get to talk to a lab mate i dont usually see and itll be fine#unrelated
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Maybe I just miss havin someone else to blame
#i feel so fucking useless. worthless. i had ONE job n instead i fucked it up n crossed that one line i can't uncross#he'll never forgive me n it's all my own damn fault#don't know how to cope with how there's no way back now. he doesn't even want me anymore he just wants to hurt me#n i kinda wanna let him cause it's all i was ever any good for anyway#just. lie back n let him take it all out on me. as if he ever made it that easy#god what the hell is wrong with me this is fucking pathetic#he was the only one that could make my head quiet the only one i could always go back to. even if he made me regret it every time#i don't know how to change any of this. it can't always be like this can it? somethin's gotta change at some point right?#i need to stop gettin so fucking wasted i make a fool outta myself but. i only feel even sorta okay if i'm drunk#what the fuck am i supposed to do?#i just wanna go home. i thought things would get better now that i'm technically free of him but. i still feel the same. or worse#at least i could keep myself numb most of the time. n i had cherri n nuggs. everyone feels so fucking far away here#n it's probably me not them but. idk how to change anythin. everythin's just wrong.#everythin's always wrong#i'm so fucking tired n sleep doesn't change a fucking thing#i guess maybe val was right. there's nothin out here for someone like me. what he gave me was the best i could get n i shoulda just m#*appreciated it instead of always complaining#idk how long i can keep myself from goin back to him. just to see if he can still make it all go away. even if i'll probably regret it.#fucking hell how long can i keep this up?? i can't start drinkin more i can't damage this body like that for the others#but i'm startin to run really low on options#spdrvent
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sunset-unbound · 1 month
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i feel so fucking upset and i hate that my reaction has to be building a sound argument for the eventuality that i am more irascible than usual because god fucking forbid i have a feeling that manifests in an unpleasant or neutrally unpositive way
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calico-kiwi · 3 months
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i hate periods 🔥 🔥 🔥 (<this is me trying to burn mine so it is gone forever)
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laikahh · 4 months
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#damn veil by keina suda has a banger bassline#thinking about being loved with the same intensity that i love#i dont really like people. like in general. its not something that im proud of but i cant just stop feeling like im either#leagues above them or literally nothing compared to them. which isnt really a good approach to. like. the whole forming relationships thing#but when it does happen when i do like someone and then end up Loving them too its. huge!!! really really huge!!!#and. idk. ik normal well adjusted people who were socialized as puppies dont feel the way i do#but id like to be on the receiving end of this one day#like. please you are like god to me literally nobody & nothing else matters just keep me by your side forever ill do anything#i dont feel like a person unless i am with you you are the only one who has ever seen Me and i will keep it that way until the end#please just stay. please. please.#<- idkk. someone pleaseeee feel this way about me im so tired of being the only crazy one#a really fucked up codependent relationship would fix me. my ex was wrong <- i dont genuinely believe this part i am making fun of myselfff#other than that last tag i did not exaggerate anything i just said. someone please take me behind the woodshed and fucking shoot me#voidcore.txt#when will it be My turn to gain the power of self respect... and a sick sword......#i did something good for myself once and tbh it was kinda tiring im gonna continue rotting from the inside out#anyway so i met my Bringing Down The Mood On The Dashboard quota for the week im gonna go post abt ngro some more now
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vaguenotions · 4 months
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Oh, yes, I just love your unannounced sleepover where you both come back from the bar after carefully avoiding telling me that's where you were going, and also neglecting to tell me when you'd be home! I definitely do not want to knock you on your ass and take a bat to your dome! That would be rude and unnecessary :)
Oh yes, please do start talking about shit amongst yourselves and make me feel isolated and othered in ny own room! These moments are what I live for, of course. Naturally. Who would ever have any issues with this arrangement at all?
#txt#might delete this later but i also might not because my irritation and rage is real and i shouldnt have to so constantly discard it#i am so tired of constantly putting it aside#i want your blood in my fucking teeth. and it's your fault i want it there- certainly- because I TRY. I try so hard not to feel this way#but eventually you get tired of those little games too#okay I drafted this for a minute bc idk if this fucker is actually spending the night or not i just know he took off his belt. BUT THEN ONE#+ OF THESE FUCKERS DECIDED TO START TALKING ABOUT SPIDERS. A THING THAT I HAVE A VERY BAD PHOBIA ABOUT. I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU#thinking of killing and maiming and maiming and killing and killing and shredding and tearing and killing and-#seriously though what. the fuck. you even go ''oh they're not gonna like this'' THEN HOW ABOUT YOU DONT FUCKING SAY IT#ohh and now you're sitting here making plans for when you go out without me next! I'm going to make you a bloody smear on my fucking floor#i am going to Dissect you. I'm going to rip you apart and feed you to the local strays and csrrion birds.#not even getting up and leaving right fucking now would assuage me. i wish i wasn't so full of fucking hate but you just keep adding fuel +#+to the fire#im so tired. I'll come back with a ''im fine now'' if he fucking leaves but im going to seethe now. im so fucking angry.#how do you fucks continually just bounce between the topics that makes me feel Most Violent Towards You? literally how do you not realize i#+ want you dead at this point? how do you not realize the grave you've dug for yourselves in my mind?#i dont fucking mask it that well. i know i dont. and still you fucking do this#((part of why it being a bar specifically that bothers me besides the very deliberate and careful avoidance of mentioning it to me is that#+*one of you is at serious risk for becoming an alcoholic. why the fuck are you being enabled this way?*))#((if i was dating someone with a genetic predisposition of alcoholism i would make your regular dates nights- idk- NOT THE FUCKING BAR +#+ DISTRICT. DO YOU EVEN FUCKING CARE ABOUT THEM? DO YOU? This fucking boils my god damn blood.))#(ultimately its their decision if they want to fucking drink yeah sure whatever YOU DONT NEED TO REGULARLY AND READILY ENABLE IT. BASTARD.)#(If they want to drink so fucking bad- if they push for the bars- JUST BUY SOME ALCOHOL AND BRING IT FUCKING HERE. It limits how much they+#+can have for one- and it would isolate me from you two less! just as an added fucking bonus! but no very unreasonable of me. what was i +#+thinking? clearly not about them 🙄)#i might be a little out of line here. i can admit that. but if anyone spent a week in my fucking shoes back when they first got together +#+and then now? you would fucking understand.#and they just. keep. talking. to eachother. no attempts to include me. not even glances my way. like always.#''oh nothing will change'' IT FUCKING CHANGED. I want to hurt you so bsdly for that lie with ever passing day. do you even know it was a li#do you? anyway was abt to post this and noticed a gif i have of a woman ripping her shirt off so im going to stare at that until im calm ig.
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