#i just don’t really like it either
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how many breakdowns should you have about dropping out before you seriously consider dropping out. asking for a friend teehee
#shock horror. i am not asking for a friend#turns out going to uni bc you had no idea what else to do + taking a course you’re mostly interested in bc you like space#is not necessarily a good idea. who would have thought#see the thing is if this didn’t cost money i wouldn’t be so worried. but i don’t want to keep having this breakdown and eventually drop out#in like a year’s time with twice the amount of debt or whatever#rn now i keep looking on indeed like hmm. i could totally drive trains that would be an amazing idea. driving a milk float!! so slay!!#bc i realised shortly after getting here that i do not want to do a phd which basically rules out any astrophysics jobs#my mum suggested looking at summer placements but quite frankly i need to get a job over summer if i stick with my degree bc i am ✨broke✨#rn i’m saying shit like oh i’ll just write a book and get it published. totally feasible way to make some quick cash (delusional)(knows it)#november has been hell i do not have a draft let alone a book#and i’m tired and i haven’t had a proper meal since thursday and my room is a tip#i‘ve had like three conversations with my friends in the past fortnight and none of them lasted longer than five minutes#i was so fucking excited for uni!! it was going to be so good!! i feel bad for wanting to drop out bc i don’t hate it!!#i just don’t really like it either#god fucking damn it. this shit is worse than a sexuality crisis. at least they had zero real world impact bc i was an antisocial fucker#this is the rest of my fucking life!! the hell!!
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Firefox-official vs electronicmail
Hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby
okay come up with a better idea then. firefox-official is gone asshole it’s electronicmail or nothing
#this one was hard to respond to because it elicited the usual anon rage in me#but i had to think about it anyway.#this blog has been around for less than a month and it is driving me fucking crazy#don’t you think i know?#dont you think it hurts enough already#i dont want this blog either i want my old blog back with all my stuff on it#i would like to stick around#because i loved posting#and i get that you’re just having fun#but i’m making an example of you#less than a month vs five years#‘household name’ firefox official#spent five years building that thing#and now it’s just this.#i keep forgetting#and then i’m here again#not home#i know you all feel bad enough for me already#but it’s so hard to be myself because the environment on here is SO different#we were HAPPY#WE WERE SO HAPPY#Umm… Or whatever.#guess i could go back to firefox unofficial#but that feels far too close to the sun. and i’m done with the wings i think.#i dont mean to be so serious#a total mood killer i know#i just dont know how to proceed exactly#because when i post like normal i cant help but feel sad#and when i post about being sad its just sort of obnoxious#i’m not really asking for pity i just want to explain where i am at
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despite how you feel about the changes from the stream to the show, if you like or dislike them, i love how inherently hilarious the narrative path tlovm is taking regarding perc’ahlia is because a situationship would literally kill campaign percy and vex like how the internet would kill a small victorian child. they are NOT built for that
#their entire relationship is so deeply implied like they fall in LOVE with each other#they don’t just love each other they become friends; teammates; family; and over the course of 3+ years they fall so completely in love#it is the slowest burn to ever slow burn and it is so glorious#and most critically they really feel they would not be good for each other at first so they keep their distance from a relationship#and only once falling so entirely for the other do they start to admit the depths of that feeling#they would never. and i mean NEVER break the tension and jump to sex halfway through#those motherfuckers are so stubborn i SWEAR tal was about to kill percy himself without ever admitting he loved vex#laura bailey had to forcibly pull him back from the edge like literally what the fuuuck#and vex was never planning to confess either!! neither of them were!! that’s insane!!!#anyways. imagining them watching this alt universe of them fooling around before glintshore is soooo funny to me. they’d be so confused#critical role#cr1#tlovm#the legend of vox machina#tlovm spoilers#tlovm season 3#vox machina#percy de rolo#vex’ahlia#cr spoilers#lovm#legend of vox machina#perc'ahlia#percy x vex
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Instead of writing a fanfic like a normal person this oneshot turned into two separate, contextless things,
#sorry it’s how my brain works (sometimes can only see things in terms of tv scene-)#tumblr exclusive video fancy…#dcmk#my art#(quietly coughing and spluttering) OK alright I can feel the creative brain explosion slowing down. geez#coughs.#nyways. weird that there hasn’t really been a main case where poison is involved in a certain way#If I watch my own scribbled boards for too long im gonna get too embarrassed to post. Send post#Subarus hair is still infuriating by the way like take that off your normal hair is easier. The beanie is easier#you like Have to have the side corners on this haircut or it doesn’t look right#anyways. shiho ptsd moments I think she kind of gets irritated that shinichi doesn’t react the same so when he does she gets like#weirded out and vindicated and a little protective. Like woah wait. Love that you understand me rn don’t like that you feel bad I am going…#to…………. ssssssssssit here about it…………………………….. uhhhh. do you want. a rubix cube to get your mind off it#I don’t want to talk about my feelings I just want you to get it. you don’t wanna talk about your feelings either which is……………. Hmmmmmm#I like her. love of my life miyano shiho#masumi sera#conan edogawa#ai haibara#akai shuichi#let conan swear. HE SWEARS A LOT BUT LET HIM SWEAR IN ENGLISH I KNOW HE KNOWS THEM#man needs his emotional support akai family they like him#rigorous trials to being approved by the akai matriarch but everyone else likes him already and have already picked him up multiple times#and shuichi would let him swear
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how are you so in love with yourself...this is not me accusing you of narcissism or smth i genuinely am in awe of how much you seem to like yourself and be in love with yourself and I try so hard to be like you and do that too but i fail every single time...i really really want to know how I could be like this too because i know it is one of the biggest things stopping me from achieving happiness
Not sure if this is a ubiquitous experience, but for me personally affirmations can only go so far. There’s always been a direct correlation between me doing action-based things and my self-esteem increasing, so I try to keep my promises to myself (study at x time, work out at y time, just doing whatever I need to do even if I don’t have the motivation for it). Someone told me that self-esteem comes w doing esteemable things, and I’ve never forgotten that since. What someone thinks about me (including the gargoyle voice in my head lol) won’t faze me if I have tangible accomplishments under my belt I can refer back to on bad days
#Also like#I definitely have bad days but most times I keep that to myself#This is my blog & I want to engage w it how I want#So sometimes I’ll post about it but most times I won’t#Social media is fr an illusion and no one is just winning 100% of the time#A lot of people struggle but don’t share it#And no one really owes us their sadness so we can’t demand for people to share it either tbh#I wouldn’t use someone’s blog presence as a compass for how you “should” be#You’d be so surprised what people go through behind closed doors#Even the ones who seem like they’re jovial all the time
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What are people even saying fiddleford did?? 😭 like what did he ever do wrong I can’t think of a single thing. maybe it’s bc I didn’t read the book yet
I think what is primarily being discussed in his case is a) he left his wife and b) he started a cult to erase people’s memories, generally nonconsentually.
Now we don’t actually know all that much about fiddlefords relationship with his wife, there are things that suggest he maybe wasn’t prioritising his family when he was with Ford (I.e. the Christmas presents) but I think it’s unfair to write off someone’s headcanon or theory as “wrong” when there’s no definite answer.
The cult is probably definitely a bad.
BUT! What’s so revolutionary about Gravity Falls is that it has well written characters that are complex and with flaws. I think just about every main character does something bad or selfish at one point or another but it’s also always perfectly justifiable to the character too. There is always personal reason for their actions so nothing is technically black and white “bad”.
I’m not pointing fingers but I reckon some people who maybe aren’t so familiar with fandom spaces or consuming media in a more critical way seem to have a sort of mindset which means that in order for you to like a character they have to be entirely good (or bad - but if they’re bad you have to admit they’re bad and that’s why you like them). And of course people could also take the personal justification and turn it into actual justification.
A lot of the conflict in the show is morally ambiguous and the characters motives are generally easy to understand and even empathise with. Most people that genuinely enjoy the characters - or at least, speaking for myself - don’t excuse their flaws but enjoy the complexities of them!
All that to say, Fiddleford is literally me you guys <3
#SORRY FOR THE ESSAY I KNOW YOU DIDNT ASK FOR THIS!!!#and I’m not pointing fingers or even upset about this either!!!#I don’t care what you think about characters that I like!!#I don’t even really care what you think about me for liking those characters!!!#I just think media literacy and consumption is really interesting and cool!!!!#and I think about this stuff all the time!!!!!!#I also think it’s bizzare to single out McGucket because there are so many Ford and Stan and bill apologists like#test me - I will become a Fidds apologist#just for the sake of it#hey also! last point:#this is a kids cartoon#they’re not real#no real townsfolk were forced into a cult by this man (to my knowledge…)#chill out and enjoy some bread with my boy Tad#ask#noodles talks#a LOT
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text transcription:
Many springs ago, I perceived a sea of flowers upon a lake. I thought to myself that those fleeting colors held indescribable beauty.
The next time I perceived those colors was many years later, when the medic’s tent had blinded me to all but red. The radiance of that shining star was lost on my eyes.
Now, my eyes no longer perceive the subtleties in the colors around me.
But I am content.
For I can now see the most brilliant colors in my universe.
anyways yeah why did they fucking do that to jiaoqiu bro
the planning for this experimentalish comic is under keep reading
#artwork#digital art#hsr fanart#art#hsr#honkai star rail#jiaoqiu#hsr jiaoqiu#moze#hsr moze#feixiao#hsr feixiao#moqiu#feiqiu#moze x jiaoqiu#feixiao x jiaoqiu#it can go either way tbh depending on how you read it but i personally don’t ship feiqiu#this was mostly just jiaoqiu character exploration#hsr 2.5#hsr spoilers#just in case because i actually got fucking spoiled on the plot twist and it made me so mad#experimental comic#being in art school for like 3 weeks really experimentalpilled me#(i just wanted to do something other than lineart lmao)#painted it almost entirely with a singular noise brush because i was going for those memories vibes + jiaoqiu’s blind now#so i was trying to give the impression that he can’t see clearly#for anyone who’s about to like idk get on my ass about depicting blindness wrong#i based all of these visuals off of what i see when i take off my glasses#ill do more research when i wanna get in depth with this concept but for now my -300 degrees eyes are gonna have to be the reference#im imagining jiaoqiu with prescription bottlebottom glasses now
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Alternate timeline where Stanley doesn’t accidentally ruin Ford’s project but he still doesn’t get into Geek Life University bc some kid showed up with a baking soda volcano
#Happens every time I’m telling ya#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#a tale of two stans#Y’all I just thought of smth fucked up#Remember that baby pic where ford was reaching towards the yellow triangle?#What if bill’s always been there#Cuz perpetual motion machines aren’t scientifically possible (think it’s bc entropy or smth to do w/ thermodynamics)#Ford couldn’t have made one—no one can#Either he was scamming them or (if what I said abt bill above is correct) *he* fucked w/ Ford’s machine to make it weird#Bc ford getting into a top school means he has more opportunities which means a better chance of getting the portal built#And then when Ford starts being like “screw your cipher” bill’s like “oh you think you can just *leave* me; I *made* you sixer!”#“I’m the reason you got into that fancy pants college! You honestly think you could’ve built that machine#We may be a team but I’m the mvp—always have been”#Okay I know it’s far-fetched but what is the gf fandom if not full of far-fetched theories (ain’t even a theory really more like an excuse#for angst and also bc of the fact that Ford invented Physics Breaker 5000 was slwsys a sticking point for me FOR SOME REASON)#Like I truly don’t know why that of all things bothers me#I really did just devolve into fanfic in the tags of a shitpost—oh and ig ford got into west cost in that au/version of events#shitpost
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I like how I gave Frida two flags when she only needed one, meanwhile David has to squish both flags together. To be fair, it’s just like Frida to be incredibly organised and bring multiple back up flags, and for David to panic and not do that.
#which direction is his transgenderism? don’t ask me complicated questions#look all I know is that little guy ain’t cis#we as a fandom do make him mtf a lot which is AWESOME#but it’s also really sweet to imagine him as ftm#especially since he grew up with Frida#I imagine she helped him a lot when transitioning when they were little kids#frida is totally the kind of little kid to angrily correct adults misgendering people#David is probably too shy to correct people but frida is not#Hilda probably doesn’t know what being trans is until she moves to Trolberg and she thinks it’s so cool when she finds out#also nb Hilda! I think she uses she/they#she’s just like yeah I’m sort of a girl and I’m proud of that but I’m also definitely nothing close to a girl#like she doesn’t have a preference for either#I could see her using any pronouns other than he#I don’t think she’d use he#idk why#anyways those r just my headcanons happy pride!#hilda#hilda the series#netflix hilda#hilda netflix#art#my art#digital art#fanart#drawing#Hilda (Hilda)#David hilda#Hilda david#frida hilda#Hilda frida
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Turns out all you need to bribe the self proclaimed Destroyer of Worlds to your side is some DVDs of his favorite soap opera
#somebody on TikTok said he could have English subtitles as a treat djdjdjdjjsjs#doodle#sketch#undertale#undertale AU#utmv#dreamtale#errortale#error sans#nightmare sans#could be#errormare#or not don’t really care djdjjdjd#(it’s generally safe to assume that my utmv content could be shippy or not either way)#(just so long as it’s not like. kids or siblings n what not. you know. the usual icks)#undernovela#just stole pics from undernovela skits btw I did not draw the those pictures
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I don’t read many Red Hood comics. Like obviously he’s there in some of the stuff I read, but I’m self aware enough to know that he isn’t going to be written the same way as he would be in a comic more central to his own story.
That being said. I genuinely do not understand why some fans make Bruce out to be the devil for not killing the joker??
Like I get it for Jason. He’s a kid. He’s hurt. He’s angry. He’s upset. He died. Like he’s probably not thinking very rationally here, but that’s something you can eventually learn to manage with time and therapy.
However Bruce not wanting to put aside his own already well established set of morals and kill a guy is like completely within reason???
I’ve seen a lot of Jason Todd stans make him seem like this horrible father for not placing Jason’s morals above his own and killing the Joker and I understand that it’s very complex issues, because the man’s son died, but if anything that should only cause a more nuanced viewpoint on the conflict.
Jason dying is horrible and you’re allowed to feel empathy for the guy. Of course you are, it sucked, but that doesn’t mean that Bruce is suddenly obligated to start killing people? Nor does it mean he should turn a blind eye to Jason killing people, just because he was hurt.
Bruce is allowed to be selfish. He’s allowed to look in the mirror and say “I don’t want to become a killer” and he’s allowed to go out into the world and do just that without being called an abusive father.
Maybe It’s me just not understanding the conflict completely. Again I really haven’t read many comics and most of this is through a very internet heavy viewpoint.
But I also feel like a lot of the nuance of the situation has been sucked out over the years and reduced to Jason whining about how his own father won’t sacrifice everything he stands for just to avenge him as though Jason is in a morally superior disposition to half the people he fights.
I’m not even that big of a Batman stan. I just genuinely don’t understand.
Also damn I’ve been posting a lot recently
#batfam#dc#bruce wayne#dc comics#Batman#red hood#jason todd#the joker#Jason’s death#like Jason can be angry#but his fans viewing the situation from an outside perspective??#they should be self away enough to see that Bruce killing the Joker means a lot more than him just not caring about his son#anti jason todd#ig#I don’t really feel like that fits#more like anti people who take such a complex situation and try to make either Jason or Bruce morally correct#probs gonna get hated on for this 😭😭
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(bnha manga ending spoilers)
what was the point
what was the point
what was the point
WHAT WAS THE POINT
WHAT WAS THE POINT
WHAT WAS THE POINT 😭😭
what was the pointtttt
#i don’t have it in me to be more eloquent rn#just feel really disappointed and sad about tenkos arc and apparent death#what was the point of showing us over and over again the he was a victim and that izuku was so intent on saving him#on not killing tomura and rescuing tenko#what was the point of showing us the aspirations of him as a kid and all his tragedy and all the ways he was manipulated and exploited#all for him to say nice try i can never be saved and then deku killing him?????#for none of that to get resolved for society to move on from this war with basically no apparent change#besides civilians saying oh well pull our weight now ☺️ without no resolution to all the problems that created villains in the first place?#and now tomura is gone tenko is gone izuku seems like a husk of himself but i dont think that’ll get resolved either#it’s just. it’s all disappointing. especially when the build up felt really good like we were going somewhere!!!#anyways. no one wins okayyyy#shigaraki tomura#shimura tenko#tenko shimura#tomura shigaraki#bnha manga spoilers#my stuff#bnha critical
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I love three houses discourse because I'm pretty sure everyone just picks their route based on which house leader they're the most gay for and then tries to defend their pick by pointing out the other sides's war crimes via twitter memes. Reader, all four of them do substantial quantities of war crimes. So many. We're just here because the woman with Issues and a big fuck-off axe said so, and then we gotta justify everything she did in the name of dismantling the class system. I mean, I'm here for that, but you could also try justifying Charm Man uses poison and perfidy to try to stop racism, A Sad Little Meow Meow gives no quarter instead of doing therapy, or the Thicc Pope tries to bring back her mom via human experimentation, depending on your tastes
#This is 100% swinging at a hell of a hornet's nest#Do I tag it?#Yeah fuck it we ball#fe3h#fe16#edelgard von hresvelg#claude von riegan#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd#rhea fire emblem#I should probably clarify that I love all of these characters quite dearly#Well except Rhea#I think she's a good character but I'm not feral about her like Edelgard or charmed by her like Claude or desperate to save her like Dimitr#discourse#edelgard discourse#Edit: I actually don’t care about 3H discourse either way lol#there’s plenty of interesting shit to talk about in this game#also I get that the people who say “x did war crimes” actually don’t mean “this was bad because it violated the Geneva Convention”#but any time I see something about how many war crimes someone did (usually Edelgard or Dimitri) I just think:#“Hah it’s a war crime to deploy Cyril to rescue Flayn because he’s still 14 then”#also I got into this game because someone told me ‘so there’s a gal with an axe and trauma’ and I booted it up#and I have a friend who likes Rhea despite his moral reservations solely because ‘she’s hot tho’#and that’s also really funny#point is I don’t really wanna participate in most fe3h discourse cuz I have shit to do but this post isn’t meant to be a dunk on anyone#I’m not upset when I see it; it’s either funny or fine or sometimes right#I’m just gay for Edelgard and amused by the idea of applying the Geneva Convention to a world where it Clearly Isn’t A Thing
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One of the biggest things that makes me see Leo as trans is absolutely the size of his carapace in comparison to his brothers’.
And I’m not talking about height! I’m specifically looking at his shell here, because when you compare him to the others, particularly Donnie who is nearly the same height as Leo, it’s very clear that Leo’s carapace is much longer in proportion to the rest of his body.
Like - standing side by side, even though Donnie is shorter his carapace ends noticeably higher up than Leo’s does. And I like this not only because it really helps push the idea that Leo could very likely be trans (or intersex!), but it’s also just a fun design difference between them.
(It also lends way to future scenarios of Donnie eventually getting taller than Leo, but sitting down still has Leo being the taller one haha.)
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#trans leonardo#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#trans leo#it’s like 4 am and I’m having trans leo feelings again sorry guys#totally get if other people disagree with me on this! but it’s always gonna be my no.1 headcanon fr#his complexion the vibrancy of his colors staying even in adulthood his general demeanor and this? this hc is LOCKED in my brain#plus the times Leo’s depicted in pink white and blue throughout the series like I KNOW it wasn’t on purpose but damn if it doesn’t help#(his nails are also the exact same as his toe nails/claws but I don’t super count this one tbh)#(even though it is TECHNICALLY another point in favor of trans leo)#(mainly because all the boys’ nails are very much more humanoid than turtle)#(just like how their tails aren’t really a factor either since we see them only in their baby forms and never again)#I really like the idea that he was a female red eared slider pre mutation#and Lou Jitsu’s dna paved how his humanoid features came out (aka a more masculine build and voice)#but his turtle features are all very much more in like with a female res#love the thought of rise bros meeting og comic turtle boys and Leo being like wait you guys are res too?? but…you’re not colorful……#one headcanon I have is that - you know the cute chirping and stuff we have the boys do?#I like to think that Leo’s chirping actually sounds more feminine to himself and his bros (so he tends to not do it)#idk I love thinking about this hc a lot and there’s no time like four am to talk about it huh?#future scenario has future Donnie going up to future Leo all smug like ah Nardo how’s the weather down there#and Leo’s all like good *sits down* why don’t you join me :)#Donnie: …*sits and stretches his neck out to be taller still*#Leo calls him a cheater but Donnie calls it ‘making use of his species’s advantages’#but yeah basically for many turtles the case is - bigger carapace? female. smaller carapace? male.#so it’s very interesting to take that knowledge and apply it here#did you know one of the turtles that this rule of thumb DOESNT apply to is alligator snapping turtles? male ones are the bigger ones there!#by a big difference too so Raph’s size makes a LOT of sense
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if i had a nickel for every time takahiro sakurai voiced a guy with long black hair that he usually kept back and was commonly referred to as an ‘emo boy’ by the fandom AND was commonly shipped with a guy with short white hair whose name started with ‘sa’ and was voiced by kaiji tang in the english dub, i would have two nickels. which isn’t a lot but i’ll take the nickels.
#hm… listen. giyuu isn’t my favorite but i do really like him a lot he just isn’t. my favorite. but i am so. very. obsessed. with suguru#so i am going a little insane watching demon slayer for the first time in like a year and hearing only geto#anyway!#giyuu and geto you are precious to me#also i don’t particularly ship sanegiyuu either but i do enjoy it and will indulge in it from time to time#that’s for another time#jujutsu kaisen#kimetsu no yaiba#demon slayer#jjk#kny#suguru geto#geto suguru#giyuu tomioka#tomioka giyuu#takahiro sakurai#kaiji tang#satoru gojo#gojo satoru#sanemi shinazugawa#shinazugawa sanemi#satosugu#sanegiyuu
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Dungeon lord Chilchuck
What would his wish as a dungeon lord be? What would he be like? Headcanons & speculation post for fun. But I’ll start with analytic lead up because that’s always fun for me, though feel free to skip and skim.
When it comes to what Chilchuck’s dungeon lord desires could/would be like we have mainly 3 hints: His nightmare, his succubus and what the winged lion says to him.
Why: — From what we see nightmares are based on the person’s worst fears and insecurities, both Laios’ and Marcille’s nightmare were closely tied to their dungeon lord wishes (Laios’ dream monster being summoned to crush the ghosts of relationships that represented the pressure to fit in and belong, Marcille seeking control over death and aging through magic to avoid loss), the fuel behind their desire/goal if you will. Fear and deep-seated desires are seemingly closely tied, something also supported by Thistle and Mithrun’s reigns as dungeon lords (Thistle proving his worth through fulfilling his given duty + protecting his loved ones, being listened to instead of having to listen, Mithrun escaping rigid two-faced elven society and living in a wonderland where he has no enemies and he’s loved, free from everyone he knew yet propped up by the person symbolizing his brother being chosen over him, the bastard child).
— I’ve talked about the significance I assign to the succubi often by now, but rundown: What we see of each character is all very telling if you care to listen, it shows not only someone’s "ideal form" but what they want from it. Izutsumi’s is familial, offering a hug and comfort, Marcille’s is romantic with a character she knows and loves, offering a kiss on a hand and a connection regardless of how distant it actually is, and Laios’ is platonic, arguable at first but then Laios’ fear of judgement is placated and he is offered the picture perfect friend group that accepts his interest (if you want my full look at Laios’ succubus go here). They take on the most alluring form, most ideal person of their victim, even uncovering deep subconscious desires, so precisely and effectively to the point it leaves victims physically frozen before the object of their desire. Succubi and the demon are themselves tied in lore and it’s easy to see how similar their core skill are. Succubi don’t give a good idea of what a character would wish for on their own but they certainly give hints on what they crave, regardless of how you want to read it.
— Last bit is self-explanatory. To placate Chilchuck and win his compliance over, the monster that reads your soul like an open book offers to give him something specific. But! It’s also important to remember that the lion isn’t offering to fulfill Chilchuck’s dream world wish here, it’s a second prize, because his goal with what he promised Laios is that they’d stay in this world, away from everyone and everything else. Chilchuck wants to get away but is kept back, and it’s here the lion placates him with "hey it’s okay! You can’t do that but I can still give you this! This is enough right? It’ll make everything easier on you".
What each bit says: — Long version in another post. Tldlr: His daughters and family are obviously important to him, and this reinforces that he takes on the role of protector a lot, he’s constantly worried for his party members’ lives and implicitly his family’s. Safety and stability, both economical and otherwise, are his core values and goals, and he berates both others and himself if someone fails on those fronts. Here, there’s the fear of not being enough, of not having been able to protect, and of course of loss.
— Chil’s succubi are obviously sexual, and not only that but agressively and straightforwardly so. It’s not like Marcille’s where there’s personality involved, all they do is give him sultry looks and pretty smiles before jumping on him. His succubi aren’t like Izutsumi’s, always the same exact person and appearance, so it’s not someone but an appealing general idea. The idea of a sexual being he can regard as simply a gorgeous piece of meat and a good time no strings attached. In my interpretation, especially with my reading of Laios’ succubus where even with deep-seated desires negative emotions can be too intense to effectively freeze a victim, I think this doesn’t contradict his character. Relationships have been painful to him in the past, in the succubus scene when his wife gets mentioned his immediate reaction is to yell "Don’t bring her up now!", like with his habit of drinking and as a tallman liking his senses feeling dulled, it’s about not having to feel emotions with how difficult they are to deal with sometimes and just feeling good, or at least not having to think, for a while. If a succubus showcases someone’s ideal connection with an ideal person, then Chilchuck’s is with a pretty person that doesn’t stir any negative memory or drama, someone low stakes and low maintenance that doesn’t require him to manage or talk out feelings because there’s none involved in the first place.
— Once more, wife and family are important! He does long for his family, not only his wife but his daughters, and vice versa. This suggests not only that he wants good relationships with them but that he wants them to be with him, a family life. Far from the cut communication they all more of less have during canon, and perhaps far from their life pre-canon when he worked away from home a significant amount of time. We’ve seen recreations of people by the winged lion before with doppelgangers and monsters (naga), and though he claims he can make satisfying imitations, what we’ve seen is that they base themselves on the best memories of that person, like with Marcille’s dad, or twist behavior to be more pleasant, like Mithrun’s lover (and possibly twist appearances depending on the person’s view of them, but that’s Mithrun analysis). The line does suggest Chilchuck would want his family members as they are in reality and not idealized versions, but the circumstances are chaotic and urgent enough in the scene (and again the lion isn’t fulfilling Chilchuck’s wish but trying to make him content for Laios’) that it could just be the winged lion saying what he needs to to convince him the fastest possible, and like we see with Laios that can crumble to give way to deeper or more complex desires.
On top of that we just have general info on Chil. How does Chilchuck deal w his issues? What does he like to do? He likes alcohol and ignoring his problems. We have to remember there is a split between what someone would consciously wish for and what their soul uncontrollably irrationally craves. As always with Dunmeshi, there’s a narrative of irrational deep-seated desires vs active wants, what you crave vs what you strive for, what you dream of vs what’s actually good for you, the animal vs the human inside you, heart vs mind. Chilchuck craving a harem of hot babes in his fantasies but wanting his family life & wife back again is not mutually exclusive. You may crave becoming a monster and tasting what humans are like a little but still want to save the world & your friends more.
Btw can we adress the irony of him terrified of being the last one alive, of being left by his daughters and wife, of having left and coming back home one day to see everything gone or rampaged, yet not caring about dying of liver failure himself, knowing every time that he enters a dungeon there’s a real risk he may not come out. Die somewhere I can’t see you. I prefer leaving you than being left behind. He’s selfish and shortsighted like that… Chilchuck is selfless in many ways of course, but perhaps also due to his own relationship with his parents, he often undermines the effects he has on others in his relationships, both the good and the bad (he talks himself down about being cowardly and greedy yes, but never hints at his bad health habits, alcoholism and starving himself, may have affected his loved ones, doesn’t question his wife falling into a bad mood the night before she left, and talks about the possibility of dying here and there very casually, though obviously he tries his best to stay alive when it doesn’t concern his health).
Chilchuck king of "Let me just avoid and ignore my problems surely they’ll go away, things might work out and if they don’t well tough luck I’ll survive and I probably deserve it anyways". If I don’t look at it it will dissapear <3 Why care when you can simply not think about it.
You might not understand Mister "my love will stay strong through months of work travel and also 4 years of separation" and Mister "well idk my siblings and me are kinda strangers and my dad is dead but that’s kinda whatever", but typically relationships need some form of maintenance and emotional availability…
The actual headcanons finally
I kinda have 2 routes in mind for dunlord Chil and both of them are centered on "I care too much, i wish things were easy", so first is a lot like his succubi, it’s full on indulging in his guilty pleasures like alcohol and bodies and it’s to keep him in a constant state of thrill and euphoria and distracted, unfeeling about stuff that really matters. "Nothing matters except that I’m enjoying the moment!" vibe. He gets to live a life worthy of Dionysus, with alcohol and women and debauchery and like— never having to think again, never having to feel anything but pleasure again, never have to feel guilty or shitty or angry or sad. He has a harem and gets everything on a silver platter.
Breaking news demon magic-induced rush of euphoria and power still not enough to cure this man of his self-hatred nor his capacity for thought!! But in his case a state of euphoria is what he seeks I think, to kinda mask or replace the Everything Else.
The other is what I think closer to what canon suggests, with what WL implied too with "I’ll make you a new wife and kids like the originals!! 😊", it’s a (spoilers) Wandavision type thing where it’s a slice of life where he’s never at work and always at home and the family eats lunches at the dinner table together and everything and everyone at any moment is just. Happy. No issues. It was all a dream, this is real and everything is fine and your family is perfect and happy. I like to think the timeline would be wonky, his daughters would fluctuate in age, but he’d want to be there for what he missed, would want them to still rely on him and look up to him like when they were young, would like to forget that they’re now independent adults and the distance that grew between Chilchuck and his siblings is happening between them as well. Chil would want doppelgangers of his family imo, at its core just a general wish for a peaceful happy family life with no drama, no need to compromise, a little paradise of unconditional love and no consequences. It’s for sure straightforward, but Chilchuck is a man with straightforward desires…
But see Chilchuck is a greedy man, and he wants it both ways without having to sacrifice anything or expanding any efforts himself. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. I think playing with these two opposite directions and mixing and matching is most fun. Him leading a life where he indulges in all his worst habits while still having everything he wants… Him getting to have BOTH his wife and any woman he can imagine up, his life like two sides of a coin he can flip at any moment where he’s partying then he’s at home enjoying the quiet and his toddler daughters playing with toys on the carpet. Christ when you remember it’s all an illusion that’s terrifying, the doppelgangers and succubi from the winged lion playing chilchuck ping pong.
A safe little haven both security-stability wise and emotionally. Gets to have both the relaxing and the thrilling in any dose he wants, mixed or separatedly. What I’d argue he had pre-canon too: Can live it up in taverns away from home, stays away from home for long periods of time, and can come back to home aka the symbol of relaxation and safety whenever he decides to. Something he can leave and come back to at will, an anchor he can trust in (until it’s taken from him and his wife leaves. Or in his worse nightmare people rush in and kill his daughters). The ideal of a house and family to a working man, perhaps…
I think it’s fun to think on wether or not these desires would be interesting at all to the winged lion… In canon he seeks out "rare/complex desires", common simple things like I imagine riches, sex, substances and pleasure would be are boring to him, he’s eaten those so many times already. So perhaps he wouldn’t last long as a dunlord, the WL would want to eat him fully quick, can’t keep him interested or waiting long for a meager meal, too much effort raising the cattle and too low quality meat. By making it more twisted or layered Chil’s desire would become more desirable to the demon, it’s part of what’s fun with the third option to me. But whatever. Has he ever eaten a guy with this much repression and self-sabotage... Like trying to get the meat out of a walnut, enrichment…
Other dunlord Chil takes I’ve seen that are fun and good:
@feelo-fick and @pluvio-floret have a dunlord Chilchuck AU project dubbed "tragedy AU" where Chilchuck is said to be "on vacation", in a weird delirious state, only half-there half of the time… From which he doesn’t want to wake up </3 Quoting Feelo, this is why the vacation thing is only a half-joke cause he is 1) letting all his responsibilities go 2) indulging in himself and 3) "spending time with his family" <- lie but you get what i mean. Additional comments that have me vigorously nodding: because changing is hard why cant things just be okay right now without the effort !!! Life is hard he’s so so tired he just wants to feel good… he just wants life to feel nice and easy for a sec while he can learn to breathe again and lose the stress and trauma he’s accumulated…….. spoiler alert yes !!! in fact a depressed person can suck themselves into their job and lock out the world who wouldve thought !!!
And then Cabinette I know posted about his dunlord take once but I don’t have the link, in which Chil has a lot of nosebleeds because of mana overload which is fun and interesting to think about imo~
In dunmeshi, where characters get underground pockets of the world as their playground disconnected from everything outside and the rest of the world, it’s important to remember to face reality even if it has conflict and people with different views and stances from you, it’s something Chilchuck and Marcille and everyone needed to learn, and the thing with a dungeon lord AU is that you imagine a timeline where he fails to <3
A timeline where his dungeon lord wish is to desire nothing bc hope and want has only ever hurt him would also go so hard. Very universal thing though I suppose.
… And this is why a Chilchuck-centric Coraline AU is really really interesting and fitting and topical— Ok that’ll go in a separate reblog/post at @Fumiku I need to let this end
#Dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#Analysis#dungeon lord chilchuck#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#Wish we could put just parts of a post under a ‘click to read more’ box that scrolls open and closes neatly#Bc 3/4th of the post is just extra explanation for ppl who don’t See The Vision already but like that’s not what i wanted most of the post#to be really gdbdg#Headcanons#You could say the family also represents something he’s built up with how own hands. If he has self-worth issues and thinks he’s a screw-up#in the virtue/honor and likability department especially— his family destroyed/killed also represents the one biggest good thing#he’s done/created crumbling also. Like his wife leaving without a word while he trusted their relationship this can hugely impact#one’s sense of identity and self-worth and what you’re living life for. In his case it’s not too surprising he turned to simple#physical pleasures for comfort and enjoyment. Like with tasting good food having moments feeling good keeps you going#He always focuses on the bad relationships bring and never the good aghhhh#The reverse of Marcille who often idealizes. They both ignore problems in their relationships in opposite ways.#What do you mean why do i bring up marcille. Okay yes this’ll get a marchil Fumiku short brainstorm reblog as well#Chilchuck is so… curse of having feelings and not realizing the extent of them. Underestimating how much you care#It’s either ‘i’m fine who cares’ or falling into the pits of despair and blaming himself n spilling his whole bag no inbetween#Dunmeshi succubus#Fumi rambles#boy that’s what this boils down to i suppose#Family angst “Hey I came back home from work and i’m tired so don’t talk to me about problems or anything k? I’m here to relax smh damn”#< unwilling to admit he has issues he should be working on or that some things are affecting others negatively#Chil you are so enneagram 6w7 <3
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