#would also probably say something dumb like ‘it simulates death’ or something

[ectoplasmer]

it’s late and my brain is barely working and my room is cold as usual and i know there are a lot of other more important things i could be mulling over but i’m thinking about how my f/os would fare in the winter weather and like. the odds aren’t looking too good here

[drjdorr]

I came up with this theory some time ago and still think it's neat(dumb but neat)

Earlier I realized that the MCU didn't have a popular "they were all dead" theory that alot of media has(particularly children's media) so out of boredom I started playing around with that thought and honestly, a pretty reasonable theory could be built from that(at least reasonable as far as "they were dead the whole time" theories go) though not only are they dead, the Avengers are in Hell (ok technically seems more like purgatory since redemption mechanics may be at play but "Hell" is more dramatic)

Now to be fair not everyone in the MCU is a dead sinner, some are just constructs by the simulated reality and some are... going to be explained later however atleast the core Avengers of Tony, Steve, Natasha, Bruce, Thor, and Clint use to be alive

Due to the admittedly shallowness of the theory it will probably be easier to explain character to character and explain how they probably died, why they are in the bad place, and anything else relevant so let's dive in

Tony is easy. A rich weapons manufacturer who profited off uncounted deaths, hmm why might he be in the bad place? And before you say "but he changed" yes, but not before his death when a Missile exploded close enough to him to read the brand name. I may not be a military weapons expert but if a human is close enough to a missile to read what brand made it when it goes off, they probably are going to catch a lethal case of death. We also see a transition space which we see in some of the recently deceased in the form of the cave(ok my hellvengers theory is nonsense and I know it but is him "dying" then removing something preventing him from leaving the cave his body is kept in a Jesus reference?! Anyway) this transition space allows the simulated world to give an explanation of how the recently deceased "survived" *wink wink nudge nudge* their demise. We later see perhaps the only way to truly leave this hell realm without being revived in some capacity, noble self sacrifice.

Steve... Steve was tricky. Like how did he die is easy, he Crashed a plane full of Bombs into the Freezing cold Ocean, take your pick for cause of death(this also means he may be one of the characters we see alive the longest given it is most of his movie). No what was tricky was, why did Cap, an individual of pure heart(made even purer by the serum) end up in hell. The best idea I could come up with is either Clerical error(I promise I made the pun before initially noticing it) and ended up in the wrong place, or he went to heaven but where Cap is most comfortable is helping people so he Chose to go to hell to help redeem sinners(obviously with any heaven memories wiped), he would still be in hell though so it would still try to punish him. His transition space was his fake room which he saw through immediately (almost like he already transitioned to an afterlife before?). And lastly he found a different route out, he simply chose to leave. Ya, he belonged in heaven so once he decided to go back heaven let him back in were he could grow old with Peggy

Because team Cap are connected in choosing to be here let's quickly do Bucky. Bucky died when he fell a ridiculous hight from a speeding train, that generally kills people. Bucky also belonged in heaven but his heaven is being close to his friend Steve, so when Steve left to reform people in hell, Bucky wasn't far behind. Unfortunately (perhaps because his heart hadn't been purified like Steve's) his transition zone wasn't so nice, his transition zone was the Winter Soldier, Hell remember. And unfortunately the simulated Hell realm is internationally consistent so when Zemo used Winter Soldier code, the Winter Soldier activates still. Know if you can just leave if you actually belong in heaven why didn't Bucky leave with Steve? Well firstly Steve Chose to go to his heaven, it was an active deliberate choise. Secondly, Bucky acquired new friends so his definition of his heaven may have changed enough to not have him leave.

Rounding out the Cap trio if Sam(Nat is admittedly Cap adjacent but isn't a proper member of the group in my eyes). Sam had to be the hardest of the three. How did he die? No clue. Why is he being punished? *shrug* I guess he is a post WWII soldier and many consider the second world War to be our last truly moral war, but I don't feel like condemning all our military personnel(the complex itself maybe but the men and women serving aren't inherently bad). Then it hit me, it was so obvious in hindsight. Sam is an angel. He is an angel that followed Steve to hell because Steve's goals were so good and just(obviously with heaven memory wiped and replaced with a human life and angel body changed to human[though there may have been something stirring in the subconscious when he chose his career and tool of his trade]) and when Steve left, well the job still needed doing.

Natasha is easy if not as direct(I haven't seen Black Widow so that might throw wrenches I don't know) . She is a spy/assassin/ skill based living weapon whose ledger is "dripping" with red. Clear why she may be punished and cause of death is maybe op went wrong(maybe in Budapest? Hmm?). And she got out by self sacrifice in endgame

Bruce dosed himself with ungodly amounts of gamma rays those, as Fury put it, "can be dangerous". And why is he here... good question. My best guess is the fact that Hulk is often meant to represent the more violent and dangerous side of Bruce's personality, one he tried to repress. Which I admit eh

Thor is an interesting one. You see, Thor isn't dead. I know weird. But he is a god, so unconsciously shifting to hell to follow someone who is dead doesn't seem to unreasonable. Speaking of which

Loki attempted to overthrow his own adopted father by literally stabbing his birth father in the back. Pretty obvious why he would be punished. And he died when he fell into the void during Thor 1. He is also the poster child of the futility to escape outside of redemption considering how many times he "died" before he truly died at the hands of the mad titan after trying to do everything to stop him and thus nobly sacrificing himself. Unfortunately Thor unconsciously shifted so seeing Loki die die for certain might have caused him not to follow him again.(also TVA Loki split before noble sacrifice so didn't escape to heaven like sacred timeline Loki did)

Lastly (for now, it's late) is Clint. He seems to be a good guy so what if he is another Bucky situation where he is here because someone else, in his case Nat. Though he has an accidental secret, he brought abit of heaven with him with his family's farm that is isolated away from the rest of the world were nothing really bad happens until (the hell world breaches and) things go really bad. As for how he died, see Nat's cause of death

I know I said Clint was last but Steven died in a car crash while texting and driving(don't text and drive) and got sent here because he was a self centered arrogant egotist who only really cared about himself

[solivagant-muse]

I am considering making DDLC fanart because I have an idea I want to try and draw! I just love DDLC so much.

Spoilers for DDLC ♡ Warnings: suicide mention, self-harm (cutting), domestic abuse, self-indulgent for me, ooc Sinclair brothers.

Regardless, these are the girls the Sinclairs would pick in the game according to me, also a little modern au of sorts:

Bo would pick Natsuki

Okay, I'll be honest, his first pick would have been Monika because she is meant to be the perfect girl (smart, athletic and popular) in the game. So in Bo's head he would go like: "She's the end goal of the game and I want to win the game (it's a visual novel Bo) so I'll go with her! Wait, I can't do that? WHY? Isn't this a dating simulator!? THIS IS BULLSHIT."

However, the longer he plays, the more he'll start to relate to Natsuki a lot and in a way feel a bit protective of her (more when he reaches the second act...) because it reminds him a little when he was a kid and his likes were ridiculed.

Her outbursts, difficult home life, defensive personality that hides an inner hurt, trying to enjoy the little things she has without being judged. He admires her strength as well despite being so small and frail.

He originally saw her poems as childish but learned to appreciate it the more attached be became of Natsuki. Not that he could say much about her writing because in his words, he doesn't have an artist bone in his body. (lies)

It speaks to him and NO, HE DOESN'T CARE FOR THIS RANDOM ANIME CHICK, WHAT DO YOU MEAN, LESTER? SCREW YOU! THE STORY IS JUST INTRIGUING AND HER CHARACTER IS WELL-WRITTEN OKAY?

He actually jumped backed when Natsuki cracked her neck in the second act and came running to the screen, be then laughed at how dumb he was for getting scared of that but it actually haunts him a little. Touche Salvato team... touche.

Would be tempted to continue with the game but he has other responsibilities to attend to. Will probably watch a video or two if they grab his attention and wants to figure something out. Will maybe replay it in the future.

Routes:

Finished Sayori's Route ❌️

Finished Natsuki's Route ✅️

Finished Yuri's Route ✅️

Played all the Routes ❌️

Vincent would pick Yuri

Not surprising he picked her from all the other girls; quiet, shy, socially awkward, a bookworm with an interest for the morbid and knives, internal angst and complicated relationship with others. Aren't they pretty much the same person?

He just liked how smart and shy she was, and not only that, how she also had a fascination with the darker aspects of literature and life. Reading with her and listening to her explain her poems and books with such passion will surely get him really interested in whatever she has to say.

Vincent enjoyed the little poem making video game a lot, found it a cute detail and change of pace from the usual dating sims.

When it is revealed that Yuri self-harms, he's already thinking about how he would clean and bandage her wounds before taking a step back and realizing, Vincent... she's fictional. I shouldn't get this attached, and besides there is literally nothing I can do. But it will be at the back of his head, replaying how he would help or how he should react if he found out a loved one was doing the same. It was... an odd feeling for sure.

He actually blankly stared at the death cg scene for minutes after Yuri died, too stunned to react before quietly skipping the scene. Well... he really became attached to a pixel, huh? But he has to admit that the horror and mature themes of the game were quite impactful and unexpected.

He's still bitter that the "Portrait of Markov" wasn't a real book.

A completionist, so he would most probably unlock all the CGs and special poems. Will multi-task as well, watching all the ddlc videos he can find and read all theories while sculpting. He's pretty deep in the lore.

Routes:

Finished Sayori's Route ✅️

Finished Natsuki's Route ✅️

Finished Yuri's Route ✅️

Played all the Routes ✅️

Lester would pick Sayori

He just found her personality super sweet and endearing, I also see him getting quite upset at the reactions of the protagonist. Makes him a little angry and envious because if he had had a nice and pretty childhood friend who would visit him everyday, it would have helped him feel less lonely and make his every day feel less shitty than it already was.

Someone like Sayori would have really benefitted him and even his brothers in their child/teenagehood a lot. A little ball of sunshine than seemed to illuminate everything in her path with her presence alone.

With each letter and poem he would read, his heart would break more and more because the girl has so many bad feelings in that little head of hers. He genuinely wants to help her and tries picking "the nicest options" in where he can continue interacting with her.

He relates to her as well, the feeling of wanting to keep everyone together to the point of dismissing his own feelings, and acting as if everything was okay. He was the weird and energetic kid at school, didn't have many or any friends.

When the dreaded rope scene appears, he tried so hard to replay the game and make things right to no avail because this is DDLC we're talking about.

He'll most probably stop playing and uninstall it the moment the game rearranges itself and restarts the game play. Yeah, he knew it was a psychological horror game but the glitching and file deleting really messed him up. He'll find out about the end of the game due to the twins. He's glad he didn't continue.

Wouldn't have the heart to continue it, the Sayori scene (if you know, you know) affected him too deeply to do so. He thought that the many warnings splattered all over the game would prepare him for it, but they didn't.

Routes:

Finished Sayori's Route ✅️

Finished Sayori's Route ❌️

Finished Sayori's Route ❌️

Played all the Routes ❌️

In short, the boys get attached to anime pixels.

[larxicana]

That ask about Henry and Michael:

It's a canon face that Michael is such a dead ringer for his father that he keeps getting mistaken for the man--it's literally the entire plot of Sister Location, actually--so I'm not surprised that the og four would do the same. I would totally believe that. Poor Michael though damn. I'd love to see how they react to learning this man they hate and fear so much actually had three kids of his own and only one of their deaths was mildly not his fault (Evan was bullied to death but while William didn't actually kill him, he did create the environment that allowed for a bunch of teenage bullies to do a dangerous stunt that got a child killed. He didn't mean for Elizabeth to die but one of his inventions killed her. And then he like. Directly sent Michael to his death although as far as the public knows Michael just vanished one day.)

As for Henry, I believe it's also implied that he basically disappeared from the public after the death of his daughter so idk what you're doing with your own canon but I would find it totally believable if they didn't even know who tf he was.

(In our own dumb story, Charlie is one of the first murders if not the first purely because William hazarded an educated guess that the grief would either kill Henry or incapacitate him so much he'd withdraw from everything and almost never leave his house. Perfect if you're about to turn your restaurant business into a child murder factory. Feel free to use that concept even if I'm unsure how on earth the ogs would ever learn or guess at the fact idk old newspaper clippings and putting dots together maybe?)

Oh man, learning Afton had kids and still did what he did would probably really fuck with Freddy, Bonnie, and Chica. I think there would be a lot of anger and they would lash out in their own ways.

However, I think Foxy would know about Elizabeth, given that he was at the facility where it happened. He would obviously feel terrible about the entire thing. He never wants to see a child get hurt and he feels for Baby, but you know there is a piece of him that looks at Afton after his daughter dies and coldly feels this sort of satisfaction, like charma has been served in a way, thinking "now you know what it feels like to lose a child because of your actions." And holy shit, you know Foxy had to be fucking seething when Afton went right back to his shit at the sister location, even after all that. I might even dare say that Foxy hates him the most out of the 4 of them.

For Henry, I'm thinking the extent of their knowledge of him is that he was one of the creators that made them, and that's literally it. There's probably a bit of copyright code in there somewhere that states such, but yeah, with him disappearing and reappearing at the simulator place, the OGs wouldn't have met him, or know anything about him.

Ooooo that's a cool idea! And it makes sense. I could totally see Afton doing something like that.

[ace-in-a-shopping-cart]

Detroit Evolution Character Studies.

If you haven’t seen the absolutely lovely Reed900 fan film Detroit Evolution by @/octopunkmedia, I highly recommend it. (This also contains spoilers for it so watch before reading this.) I’m not done with these character studies as I plan to do one more for both characters.

Essentially, these are scenes taken directly from the film where I wrote it out, action, words, and all, as well as tried to capture what I thought they would be feeling/thinking in those moments as a way of learning to write the character’s voices (or my version of them). Word Count: 2,345 TW: Cursing, blood/ injury/ death mention, brief mention of food.

Nines

Timestamp: 11:22

He carried the full coffee mug from the break room to Gavin’s desk, a spring in his steady step. Placing the mug down, he looked at Gavin, a challenge in his eyes.

Gavin looked up from his phone. “Thank god.”

Nines held back a sigh. “I hate you.”

“You love me.” Gavin sassed back.

Nines pushed at Gavin’s feet that were propped up on the desk. “Move your feet.” He listened to the small sound of surprise that came from the human and sat where the feet had been, waiting for Gavin to stop spinning. “Have you been reviewing the case?” He glanced at the inactive computer screen.

Gavin sat straighter in the chair and leaned forward. “You know me. When do I stop?” He pulled up the case file on his computer. “Our victim’s an AC900, right? That happens to be a model designed for athletics and endurance. So, her thirium pump is one of the most valuable out there.”

Nines tilted his head. “You think the killer could have black market motivations?”

“You can’t rule it out. Not with how advanced that part is. So, once I made that genius deduction, I went through a list of my contacts in the android parts market and they got back to me with some common drop sites for black market deals.”

Nines was wary of where this was going, his LED circling to yellow. “Contacts? There are black market dealers who collude with the DPD?”

Gavin sat back, posture relaxed. “They give me intel, I stay off their back.”

“That doesn’t seem legal.” it defied his sense of logic to work with criminals to catch other criminals, even if the method had some merit.

Gavin spun his chair to face him, voice becoming defensive. “Okay, Nines. Sometimes you gotta bend the rules if you want to catch a bigger fuckin’ fish, alright? I know it’s not your protocol or whatever but, that’s why you got me.” He took a sip of his coffee, looking pleased with himself.

Nines leaned on his hand. “How would I ever succeed without your obstinance and rule breaking?” Sarcasm was something he’d mastered soon after deviating and used often with Gavin.

Gavin set his mug down, crossing his hands over his lap. “Yeah, you got a real funny way of saying ‘experience and wisdom’.”

“Wisdom?” Nines almost scoffed. “Gavin, I have a database in my brain containing over two hundred thousand words in the English language and I believe you found the one that least applies to yourself.”

Gavin looked up at him. “Shuuuut the fuck up.” He reached forward to tap his keyboard, bringing their attention back to the case. “Look, if we can intercept some dealers and bring ‘em in, we’ll find out if our victim’s thirium pump has been making the rounds. That could lead us straight to the killer.” He looked at Nines for his opinion.

Nines hummed. “It’s a good start, but waiting for a dealer to cross our path could mean it could take weeks to find a lead.” His LED went to blue as he thought it over.

“Thought of that too, smartass. There are definitely some sites where black market activity is hot.” He pointed at the screen and Nines turned to look. “These apartments out in Ferndale and Slide Docks-” he moved to point at another part of the map on the screen. “-here.”

Nines considered the information and screen. “We’ll need to split up to cover both.”

“Nah, you won’t have to miss me.” He gestured to the new detective with his mug. “We’ll get Chris on one of them while we go to the other.”

Nines looked at Chris, who seemed to have a lot on his mind. “He’s been quiet, since Jericho.”

Gavin busied himself with gathering his things. “Okay. Maybe work will take his mind off of it.”

Nines hummed, watching him. “Burying troubles in work is your usual approach.”

Gavin stood and rounded his chair, blowing a kiss to Nines sarcastically. Nines turned his head in time to notice Gavin flip him off behind Nines’ back. He smiled at the antics and followed the detective.

Nines

Timestamp: 54:00

‘I need you to come back to me, Nines.’

Nines could hear Gavin, even as he was trying to search every line of his code for a way to fix this corruption.

‘You are my partner. Come back to me, Nines.’

Nines heard a glitch in the garden before Gavin’s voice spoke again, closer this time, different. “Hey, tin can.”

He looked up to see his simulation of Gavin standing there. Calling his name, Nines ran over to him. He said his name again as he tried to hold him, only to be met with loose pixels and glitching code. He took a step back, anger in his voice. “What did she do to you?”

Gavin’s voice was distorted and his pixels were out of sync. “Code’s all buggy from Ada. You gotta delete me. Delete all of this, start from scratch.”

“Delete it?” Nines felt panic rise in him at that. “No, I can’t do that. This is where I process everything. I can’t just erase it.”

“You can rebuild another one after.” Gavin looked up into the trees. “Doesn’t even have to be a garden. Hell, make it a theme park, I don’t know.” He looked back at Nines.

“I can’t rebuild you.” His voice softened. Nines had spent pain-staking hours programming Gavin’s code and making him as close to the real thing as possible and now he was being told to delete it all? He wanted nothing more than to just hold Gavin.

“Look. You don’t have to give a shit about me. It’s all just fucking fantasy, Nines. You got the real thing up there. And the only way to get back there is to let go of all of this.”

‘Come back to me, Nines.’

The Gavin standing before him glitched again and Nines nodded slightly. “Okay.” He moved away, unable to look at him as he did this.

‘I need you. I need you to come back to me, Nines.’

With the real Gavin’s voice echoing in his ears, Nines carefully and ruthlessly tore down every line of code he had to. Thoughts of the past few days, images of his friends and Gavin, tumbled through his mind as he destroyed his sanctuary, the place he went to relax and to process and feel safe. A place that had been tainted by Ada’s forced entrance.

As soon as the last zero was deleted, Nines regained full control of himself.

Gavin

Timestamp: 24:30

Gavin grunted as another fist connected with his face, breaking his nose. Faintly he heard a voice call his name. A hand reached out but instead of a punch- He jolted awake, hands reaching to fight off his attacker, whoever's hands were now on his shoulders, fighting him back. Nines’ voice broke through the fog of sleep and Gavin stared at him, calming down just a bit as he found one of Nines’ hands on his chest, the other holding his right wrist gently. Nines gave one more, comforting, “”it’s not real, you’re safe,” before releasing Gavin and standing up.

Gavin shifted, moving to sit up against his headboard as he tried to calm his breathing. He shifted the pillows behind him, all too aware of Nines’ concerned gaze.

When his breathing was slower, Gavin spoke. “What- What’re you still doing here?” He knew Nines had mentioned reviewing case files but thought he would have left, bored of Gavin. Most did.

“I stayed to review our case files.” Nines’ voice was soft, as if Gavin were a deer that would startle at a too-loud sound. “I heard you struggling.” He moved away from the bed a step or two. “I’ll go get you some water.”

Gavin shifted positions, shaking his head. “No, no, no, I”m fine. I’m fine.” If he repeated it enough, maybe he’d believe it himself. He cursed a few times, softly, as he tried to find a comfortable position.

Nines sat back down on the edge of the bed. Gavin cursed again, the loudest sound in the room being his still heavy breathing. He leaned his head back against the wall, too exhausted to care. “Guess now you know why I don’t sleep.”

“What were you dreaming about?” Gavin was grateful for the lack of judgement in Nines’ voice.

Gavin dropped his head down, shaking it as he stared at his sheets. “Nothing. I don’t even remember.” Not a complete lie, it was reduced to fear and feelings and flashes of memory now, so distorted from what it once was. “Probably bore you, if I did.”

There was a small smile in Nines’ voice, still soft but now holding a note of affection. “Learning more about you would never bore me, Gavin.”  Gavin didn’t quite believe him and Nines kept talking. “Would you like me to stay with you? Research shows that physical touch is good for humans, it releases serotonin which has a calming effect-”

Gavin’s skin crawled at the thought of touch and he began protesting as Nines continued. “-I think that-” Nines heard his protests and stopped.

“No.” Gavin shook his head, breathing almost under control. “I’ll take my chances with the cat.”

“Okay.” Nines stood. “I’ll be in the living room if you need me.” He turned and began to walk to the door.

Before Nines could reach it, Gavin spoke. “It was about this one night.” He looked up at Nines, wondering if the android knew the level of trust Gavin was showing. “It just makes me feel like I’m back there.”

He paused as Nines came back to sit on the side of the bed where he’d been before.

He took a deep breath. “I was a dumb kid. Dropped out of high school, fell in with some shitheads dealing red ice for a little while. I just . . . I just couldn’t do it. I stopped. And they fucked me up, kicked me out. I’m wandering around the streets of Detroit, bloodied to shit, nowhere to go. Fowler found me. He was on patrol. He just, put me in his car, drove me to a diner. Bought me coffee. Told me I could intern at the DPD for a little while. Have something to do, you know.”

Nines listened patiently, only commenting at the end. “Sounds like a happy ending. Why is it a nightmare?”

Gavin’s eyes turned haunted. “‘Cause every time it replays in my head, he doesn’t show. And I just die out there. Bleeding in the fucking snow and no one cares.”

Nines stood, looking like he was prepared to go back to the living room. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay with you?”

Gavin looked up at him, his face illuminated by the light of the window, and didn’t trust himself to speak. Instead, he just slid over and hoped he understood.

Nines did, his LED glowing yellow in the dark room  as he moved to sit where Gavin had been. He gingerly turned so his cloth-covered back was toward Gavin. The human appreciated the gesture, feeling comfortable and vulnerable enough to extend his hand, palm up, to Nines. The android carefully took it, his synthetic skin retracting but Gavin brushed that off as him offering less skinship.

Gavin’s breathing stuttered slightly but he slowly placed his head on Nines’ shoulder blade and shoulder. He felt Nines rest his head on Gavin’s, the android’s thumb running over the back of the human’s hand.

“If you tell anyone about this, I’ll have you scrapped for parts.” There was no bite to Gavin’s words.

Nines shook his head. “Empty promises,” he said, a smile in his voice.

Gavin

Timestamp: 57:19

“I think I can help with that.” Nines’ voice came from the doorway.

Chris called his name while Gavin looked on in disbelief. Tina stood by Nines, Gavin was vaguely aware of her trying to get Chris to leave Gavin and Nines alone but he only had eyes for the android.

Nines stepped into the room as the two left. “Distracting yourself with work at two A.M.? Now I know you missed me.”

Gavin’s shock wore off at the playful banter. “You undead asshole. How did you wake up?”

They both approached, almost meeting in the middle of the room, as Nines spoke. “I heard you. Your voice broke through.”

Gavin backed up a few steps even as Nines continued advancing. “Goddammit. You mean you- you- you heard everything I said?”

Nines smiled. “Every word. A force you can’t live without?”

“I . . . hate you.” There was barely any force in his words.

Nines finally reached him, that soft smile still on his face as understanding shone in his eyes. “You love me.”

Gavin looked up at him and their eyes met. He looked down to see Nines’ skin retract on his hand, gently taking it into his own hands. Nines’ other hand came up to cup Gavin’s cheek and draw his gaze back to his face. Gavin closed his eyes, getting used to such tender touches, before opening them and looking at Nines. Then, they were kissing, both putting the emotions they couldn’t put to words into it.

When they broke apart, Gavin panted for a moment before speaking. “What dipshit programmed you to do that?”

Nines laughed, sounding just as out of breath as Gavin felt. “I’m the most advanced android ever made, detective.”

Gavin threw his head back dramatically, Nines’ hand sliding down to his neck. “Oh, you are such a fucking prick.”

“Takes one to know one.” Nines snarked back.

Gavin sniffed, finally noticing what Nines was wearing. “This is my jacket?”

“Yeah, you left it at CyberLife. They didn’t keep my clothes.” He laughed and looked around. “I see you’ve been making progress without me.”

“Yeah, uh. Guess we’ve got some catching up to do.”

Nines didn’t respond, simply leaned down for another kiss.

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales Final Four!: The Lost Cargo of Kit Cloudkicker!

Hello You Happy People. SPIN IT! OHOHOHOHOHOHO LETS’ BEGIN IT!

After 10,000 years we’re finally at the motherducking Talespin episode! And only 8000 of those years were the last 14 months as Ducktales 2017 has been working toward this for a while with Cape Suzette being prominently mentioned in both the first episode and the season 1 finale, and Don Karnage being a regular part of the rouges gallery, voiced by the wonderous Jamie Camil. So this episode was less a matter of “If”, since Don’s presence meant Disney wasn’t really against it happening, and more a matter of “When and How.” The how, to a point was settled at the big NYCC panel for Ducktales that revealed Daisy and Goofy... as it also revealed aged up versions of Kit and Molly, meaning a proper tailspin episode was on the way.  I could not have been more pumped. While I didn’t remember the cartoon well, i’d always loved Talespin since I was a kid and as an adult my curosity only grew. Still need to watch way more of it mind you, I really have slept on most of the Disney Plus Libarary and that’s dumb of me, but what i’ve seen is impressive. The story of an irresponsible bear forced to work with a buisnesswoman bear after she buys his seaplane, his loveable kid sidekick and said buisness bear’s daughter whose cute as a button but suprisingly tolerable for a little kid character. Opposing them were masterful buisnessman Shere Kahn, who sadly does not show up here and could be friend , foe or neutral depending on the episode, and Don Karnage, a kooky sky pirate who as mentioned is already in this series and was Balloo’s arch enemy. The series was colorful, creative, had a great premise and cast and in general was just awesome and out of the Disney Afternoon shows is honestly my faviorite, though Darkwing is getting close. I even recently finally got the Shere Kahn funko, which is starring into my soul as I type this review! Hurrah! 

So I waited impatiently like I did for Daisy and Goofy, both also things I’d wanted in the series since the start. Thing was.. Goofy showed up in the second episode of the season, that was part of the premiere, and while the wait for Daisy was agonizing, she still showed up pretty early into the season at episode five. Gosalyn showed up at episode 12. This is episode  20.  

I do get it: This season was built to be the last just in case.. and ended up being the last so good job there. There was a LOT to wrap up in one season and on top of that they had a double and TRIPLE length episode taking up 5 episodes of the season, AND two holiday episodes. So that gave them only 18 normal episodes they had to place very carefully. So likely, given that they had some episodes important to the finale that couldn’t wait for the last minute in “The First Adventure” and “The Battle for Castle McDuck!”, as I highly doubt pepper was given such  a build up to not be important in the finale, still think she’s webby’s mom, we’ll see soon enough. And New Gods on the Block, while not as important was probably not swapped with this one because they wanted a lighter episode after three plot important episodes in a row, two of which are fairly intense and had lasting consequences and one of which, while a bit of a breather, was still indulging in the new FOWL status quo. This one ended up crammed into the last block.. because they likely really wanted to do this one, wanted it to tie into FOWL... and had nowhere else to put it, with Life and Crimes likely serving as one last break from FOWL, if it doesn’t end up tying into it, before the finale movie. Doesn’t make waiting forever for it any less grating, but hey it’s finally here. So how was it? Was it worth the hype? And how do the Wuzzles factor into this? Join me under the cut and spin it with me to find out and count down to 3!

So we open with an adult Kid Cloudkicker at work, voiced by Adam Pally!

If you haven’t heard of him, and one of my Patreons had not, he was on Happy Endings and the Mindy Project, and has a very distinct voice and is very funny, so it was a pleasant surprise to have him pop up here as Kit and given aforementioned roles were messes in some way shape or form, especially Max from happy endings whose essentially Oscar the Grouch, just as gay only not living in a trash can. Though if he had to he would. 

Since he was a kid KIt’s picked up the old family business, and is now running hire for hire.. and has also picked up his Dad’s old enemies as Don Karnage chases after Kit, his second greatest nemesis, who freely mocks him. It’s a lovely sequence but shows Kit isn’t the best pilot, and his fancy flying, while beating Don, also opens both crates, freeing the livestock he’s carrying.. and the other cargo, a mysterious stone that was in a F.O.W.L. crate that merges the chicken with  a goat, and scares kit, and he ends up causing his cargo to drop out of the plane.  Cue titles. 

Back with our heroes for this series, Della is recroding Dewey as he flies solo the first time!

That is so precious. Huey is along for the ride and is taking having his reckless brother with the attention span of a coked up ferret at the helm exactly how you’d expect. 

Of course his helmet says safety boy and of course he has a helmet on over his hat. Awww. Dewey, while good at it, he’s a 12 year old flying a rather sizeable plane with no difficulty that’s  pretty impressive.. he’s also Dewey so just flying a plane normally isn’t enough and he wants to Dewey it instead and do all the fancy stuff. He wants to be special as is usual for him, not realizing this is how you get to being good as his mom or Launchpad. And he’s 12 so that makes sense just on the basic level.. but it also makes sense on a comparison level: Dewey’s done a LOT of impressive stuff over the course of the series: rattling it off because why not, and this is just things he acomplished himself: he found the Lost Jewel of Atlantis (Getting it home was still a team effort but he is the one who identified it), is a golf pro better than his uncle whose played the game for centuries at this point,   defeated Don Karnage in a sword fight with little to no sword training, was crucial in beating Magica during the Shadow War, travled through time, by accident or not, consulted on a major motion picture, defeated a Gandra, even if she was going easy on him, BLIND, and biggest of all defeated the World Serpent Jormunngandr, by himself, a GOD that’s fought Scrooge evenly for decades. AND FINISHED HIM WITH A PILEDRIVER. To reitirate this was ONLY the stuff he did himself. So I get why he’d think just flying a plane when his mom and best friend have done so much more with it is boring and that being a pilot when two people he looks up to are already one is just.. boring. I’ts not special or unique and given his family name is built on the two, I can see why he’d chafe under this. 

Della for her part isn’t doing things wrong entirely, she wants him to start with the basics, the fact he can DO those basics at such a young age with minimal training shows he has a true knack for it, and it takes experince to pull off death defying stunts. The First Adventure backs this up as while Della was so talented as a kid she could land a plane herself.. that was all she did. And it’s still incredibly impressive a ten year old landed a seaplane with no real world training or hours in a full on flight simulator. The issue that’s never really adressed is while she’s mostly doing it right she dosen’t get that despite his talent, Dewey just dosen’t find this INTRESTING or get how impressive he is, and that dressing it up a bit migh’tve helped. It’s an understandable mistake though, teaching someone something in any context is hard. It’s one of many, MANY reasons like currently horribly hazzarodus conditions, long hours, having to buy their own suplies at times, that teachers are badly underpayed. 

Before we get into why their headed to Cape Suzette at long last, there is one notiacble absence in this episode I can’t really ignore: Launchpad. While he has been absent in every episode since Let’s Get Dangerous, not counting “How Santa Stole Christmas!” as the two holiday episodes were made to fit in anywhere story wise and timeline and production wise take place before the rest of Season 3 , which takes place during Spring given both the March note on Boyd and Huey’s photos in Astro BOYD, and Forbidden Fountain taking place during spring break. At most it’s currently running into Summer. I put too much thought into this with someone i’ve lost contact with. 

My point, I had one trust me, is that Launchpad has just been gone for the second half of the season . And up till now it wasn’t necesarily a bad thing: He was a major part of Let’s Get Dangerous and wasn’t really needed for any of the episodes so far: The Manor side of things in ImpossiBin was purposfully intense and while he would’ve had some thoughts on Beakly’s actions, it just worked better with him gone and the only other adult in the house at the moment busy doing other stuff for their protection till the climax. Split Sword was kid focused, New Gods didn’t really involve him at all, though I am sad he and Storkules never met as far as I can tell, The First Adventure was a flashback, Fight for CastleMcDuck was about the family unit more, and Beaks in the Shell is the only one so far I think he could’ve been included in at all and again shoving him in would’ve just cluttered things up. Like a lot of character ballance issues of the series, there’s a good enough reason.. this is just the one exception in the last batch I think would’ve been improved by having him. He’s Dewey’s best friend, he’s been there for him, he would’ve been a good counterpoint as a teacher and it could’ve been intersting having both he and della have constrasting styles but valuable things to teach and I would’ve loved to see him interact with Kit. It also just feels really weird to be down a pilot in the episode about the franchise about a pilot. \

The fact Dewey ends up crashing while landing after Huey applauds him on his safe normal landing, which ticks him off because he dosen’t want to be normal, hammers in it in a bit as he missed his buddy’s first crash. I get leaving him out as Kit is just as irresponsible and the episodes just as much about Kit if not more so as it is about Dewey, so I understand it but it dosne’t make it feel like any less of a lost opportunity. 

As for why their in the cape at last, it’s unsuprsingly another missing mystery, the stone of what is which can combine two things, the stone seen in the intro. Kit loosing it turns out to be a good thing as it meant FOWL didn’t get it, and they can find it, and are in town to find him. They pass the hire for hire offices which have a ton of notices on the door, and Dewey is entranced by the idea of cloud kicking, aka sky surfing, aka that thing kit did in the original. We also get to see updated versions of Baloo, Kit and Molly. Sadly no Rebecca. Can’t win em all. 

Our trio find Kit whose asleep, clearly having no customers and trying to pass it off like he does. It turns out he knows Della, as they went to flight school together, though she only vaugely remembers him at best. She does remember Molly though, wouldn’t be suprised if that’s another ex of hers either, and wonders what happen to her.. and not just because htere’s always room in Della’s harem.  Kit dodges.. and it’s likely in large part because it’s clear to anyone looking despite his statments he’s kinda stalled as an adult. It’s very clear from his surroudings, him being a pilot for hire, and him eagerly taking Dewey on as a sidekick when Dewey shows intresting in Cloud Kicking, that he’s trying to be Baloo. This idea was, according to Frank, the brainchild of the episode’s director, and one of it’s writers and storyboarders, Tanner Johnson. Tanner pitched “What if Kit never outgrew his Baloo fanboying?”. 

It’s an intresting idea: while it is sad we don’t get to see the old boy at any point and I do wonder where he is now and what he’s up to in his retirment, probably just flying about free as a bird would be my guess given how he never liked working to begin with, I applaud them for doing something unique with the Tailspin cast that fits into the themes of the season rather than just have them show up. By making it Kit instead of Baloo cargoing them, it gives us more of an arc to work with character wise as Kit has become so obessed with becoming his dad, he never stopped to consider if he was even good at it or enjoyed it.

  Using Della is part of what makes this work as she too grew up with a larger than life mentor and adopted dad.. but unlike Kit, she grew up a bit and saw the flaws in her dad. His greed, his selfishness, his tendency to hog the glory, his ego.. she stopped putting him on a pedestal. She still loves him, still wants his respect and admiration to this day, but she gets he’s not perfect and not who she wants to be.  Kit clearly never got this message. He never grew out of putting Baloo on a pedsteal and wanting ot literally be him instead of his own man. So he ignored the many flaws in how Baloo lived: Baloo started Talespin having lost his plane because he was so obessed with freedom and doing what he wanted, he didn’t bother actually paying on it and chafed under actually doing work half the time. He’s talented, fun to be around and a hell of pilot bar none, he honestly outclasses Della, but he was entirely irresponsible. Kit’s found himself in the same position Baloo was in: living alone, having not a lot going on, and on the verge of loosing his plane. Not only that he’s worse off because Baloo at least, while lazy, had enough talent. Kit.. isn’t a good pilot as we’ve seen and will see again, and clearly not only dosen’t have a knack for it, but is only doing it because Baloo did. He’s so obsessed with being who he THINKS baloo would want him to be, he never stopped to think that the actual Baloo would just want him to be happy and has probably told him this, or was probably too proud of what Kit was doing to realize what he was doing to his life. 

But Della dosen’t have time to get him a therapist, they need to find that stone before FOWL, and Kit offers to take them.. if they hire him. Della scoffs at this and insults the Sea Duck

Yeah Della your fantastic.. but you do NOT insult the Sea Duck and your very, VERY lucky it’s not Baloo you were dealing with as he would’ve turned you down out of principal. The Sea Duck is fucking awesome, and a national treasure. Thankfully Kit instead points out the Sunchaser isn’t in a better place after Dewey Dewed what he dew, so they really don’t have a choice. 

Della does draw the line at letting Kit fly as she eventually realizes he’s not good at this, mostly letting Crowby his crowbar do all the work, and finds he has a map to where he dropped the stone, so he dosen’t even have that leg to stand on and throws him out of his own cockpit before he gets them all killed. Okay that time on her side. Kit takes this time to try and train Dewey on cloudkicking... but despite being encaustic at the idea of it the reality leaves Dewford scared shitless.. and doubles up on bad things as Don Karnage and his crew are closing in on the island. FOWL hired them to get it for them, though why FOWL didn’t do so themselves I don’t know. Don’t get me wrong i’m happy to have Jamie back and it really wouldn’t feel right ot have a Tailspin ep without Don Karnage, I just find it odd Bradford would hire outside contractors for this given he has a full staff and not at least send Heron or Steelbeak along to supervise.  Regardless, Don puts pleasure before buisness spotting Kit.. and fully commits after finding out Dewey is ALSO involved. I also find it hilarous DEWEY outranks Kit on Don Karnage’s enemy list. So naturally he goes after him, int he personal plane he used in the series which also showed up in the cold open, and with Dewey not having the skill to take Don on, Kit is forced ot step in. He also calls him “Little briches” which while another sign of how much he wants to be his own dad.. is still too awesome not to apricate. Don cuts the line but thanks to Kit’s fancy footwork, they make it out alive and wash up on an island. Della soon joins them, thanks kit for saving her kid then rightfully slaps him for putting him in danger in the first place. Dewey also has to stop her from punching him when he explains he had no idea the stone ended up on this island, which granted she is justified in but Dewey , of all people, rightly saw this means they don’t have to drag a  unconcious bear around who probably hasn’t showered in a while. I mean the smell will be there either way but there’s less chance of accidnetlly inhaling too much while he’s conconcious. They also find out what the Stone’s been doing: combining the wildlife leading to rhino monkey hybrid trying to murder them. So at the last minute Frank also squeezed in another disney aftenroon show but one tha’ts not streaming and most don’t care about: the wuzzles, a bunch of hybrids of various animals... Frank couldn’t do much with that as is and just decided to rightfully play it for horror. 

Our heroes find Don, whose found the stone.. and is simply throwing most of hi crew  at it rather than doing anything productive, with them turning into just.. utterly horrifying combinations. Hands for heads and everything, bug legs, a non-anthro parrot head. it’s pretty tough to watch and I question why the episode did this as Don’s crew did not deserve this and this episode is mostly lightearted before and after this. A tailspin tribute episode episode should not pair well with the song no spill blood.. seroiusly you paid for all I do is win, and rightfully but you couldn’t get this?

Regardless the kids and manchild are told to stay put while the slightly more functional womanchild takes care of Don. Dewey and Kit naturally don’t, which is fair: what did della expect, the sugared up rabbit in a small duck’s body and the incompitent but charming manchild she’s insulted repedadtly to listen? Naturally they both beef it as Dewey can’t board and while Kit does get Don’s plane, he ends up crashing it instead of doing anything productive. I mean even Launchpad would’ve at least got back to the seaduck.. he would’ve crashed into it but still. Look when you make Launchpad look compietnet you really need to rethink your life.  Della has bigger problems though as it turns out the thing they were on.. was a coocoon.. for a butterbear. Oh no. Thankfully this goes better than you’d expect as she’s able to ride the thing and it tangles up some rope, taking the stone of what was with it and Don takes off after it with what pirates he has left. 

Our remaining heros return to the Sea Duck. Dewey and Kit plan to do the same thing again and expect diffrent results but Huey.. has some words for them. 

He’s fed up with this and points out they need to swap jobs. Dewey CAN fly, and Kit really is good at cloudkicking, it’s in the name, and he needs to return to it. While Dewey balks again stating anyone can be a pilot.. Kit finally admits that’s not true and he’s just not good at it and Huey finally snaps them out o fthier neurosis, Kit a bit late but better late than never given the state of his life, and points out the episode’s aseop: YOU make something special just by doing what you like to do and are good at well. I’ts been hard making these reviews, but I feel i’m getting the hang at it and it’s what I was meant to do, I just had to find it. It’s not always easy to find your calling but when you got it, go for it instead of some version of you you think you should be.  So we get pured distilled awesome for the climax. Besides Della again riding a bear that’s also a butterfly, Kit, also a bear I did not miss that gag, proceeds to finally spin it and begin again it as he tears through them with Crowby and easily deispatches the planes finally earning Della’s respect and finally back in his element, using his newfound size and strength combined with his still inherent acrobatics to easily take them out and land on Carnage’s plane and beat him. 

So the day is saved: The stone lands on the plane and our heroes properly secure it. Della releases her bear fly but it’ll find it’s way home i’m sure... so majestic. Or it’ll eat all the world’s seagulls. Good news either way. 

Back at the bay Kit packs up the stone safetly and gives them the bill. Which Della grumbles at but whiel he didn’t fly he did save their asses.. after endagenring them but still and does have a buisness to run. Plus he has to save his plane. 

But it turns out someone’s already bought it. And you can probably guess who. 

No not you sweetie.. though he is an investor for the person who DID buy it: Molly, whose taken being danger woman from a 4 year old’s play time to her career running an air stunt show. This is the other thing that cemented the whole aged up versions of these guys working for me: HIstory Repeating itself. Once again an enterprising young woman with a lot of ideas has bought the seaduck from it’s incompitent owner and hires the former owner to work for her.  But things are warmer this time: Kit wasn’t happy doing what he was doing, and it’s clear unlike Rebecca, who just bought the first plane she could get and hired baloo because he was who she could afford, they became friends with time and patience if not more but that’s still vauge... Molly did this out of love. She knew Kit was struggling and probably has as many fond memories of the sea duck and baloo as he does and didn’t want someone else to get the old girl. Her air show seems to be going fine, she apparently has a full crew, fans and enough money to purchase another plane on a whim from the bank to expand the show.. she wanted her old plane back and her old brother back. And wheras again Rebecca offered Baloo the job because he wanted to keep his baby safe from some half assed pilot she could afford and she knew it and thus could manipulate him with that. Plus he worked cheap so there. Here Molly just admires her brothers skills and hires them on it and he’s frankly more comfortable being a sidekick than the main star anyway. 

He TRIES to brush it off but gladly accepts. God another possible spinoff.. please make this Disney.. and if not at least Reboot tailspin I miss it. Still it’s a very satisfying ending. But what of Don Karnage? Well he’s lost everything as a result of this, unable to get back to his carrier, his crew mostly gone, and FOWL sure to be gunning for him. This is seemingly the end for him.. until he finds a chunk of the stone. “Or the start of an encore”. Wether this was a setup for a possible part of season 4, a possible spinoff or is going to come back in the finale.. we’re just going to have to wait and see won’t we?

Final Thoughts: I really liked this one. It’s not the best of the season: Kit’s arc is kinda telegraphed and Dewey’s arc while intresting isn’t focused on enough to really be that engaging. But the ideas at the core are solid and fit into the series well, the idea to age up our kid heroes from Talespin was really clever and paid off and as usual Adam Pally is a delight and as I said at the top was pitch perfect casting. Couldn’t figure out who played molly and the credits cut out on me, so let mek now if you do but yeah I enjoyed this one> It wasn’t the series at it’s best but given the last two are liable to get pretty intense it was a nice breezy break. And it got me wanting to watch Talespin again and there’s nothing bad about that. 

NEXT WEEK: In our penultimate adventure, Ducktales reinacts that one episode of Batman the Animated Series where all of Batman’s foes put him on Trial, as Scrooge’s Rogues put him on trial with Doofus as prosecuter and Louie for the defense. Well at least it’s not Lionel Hutz. 

This Week: Lots of Ducks! The lena retrospective continues as we take a detour for some comix, and we begin the Della arc as we go back to the start. It’s finally time to talk about Woo-Ooo!. 

If any of this sounds appealing follow my blog for more. If you like these reviews head over to my patreon, patreon.com/popculturebuffet, and become a patreon. At the 5 dollar level you get a review a month and even a dollar helps get to my stretch goals. I’m up to 15 a month so 20 is next and that means a darkwing duck review every month! And if you really like Talespin like I do, 25 nets you a tailspin review a month and a review of the pilot. Ohohohohohohoo. See you at the next rainbow. 

[la5t-res0rt]

Wanted to ask about beetlelyds, sorry, I thought it was technically cannon? Like in the old comics after the show ended she grew up and married him. Sorry I’m an old school fan and have no idea why this whole thing is such a big deal. Wasn’t the actor like 20 too? I’m sorry if I sound very dumb. I’m not used to this new tumblr.

youre fine you are one hundred percent allowed to especially when you do it civilly as you have done here

first of all the biggest issue faced in the whole what is and is not canon debate is the fact that there are three (four if you count the limited comics run) publicized iterations of my media

i will go over each very briefly just kidding this is going to a long answer so i will spare the dashboard with a readmore

there is the movie which im sure you dont need me to explain the plot since youre an old school fan but basically the climax is that yes beetlejuice does go for the marriage angle in exchange for stopping the exorcism of adam and barbara and his motive for this is so that he can cause as much chaos as he wants on the mortal coil but his plan is thwarted when barbara rides a sandworm into the house which promptly eats beetlejuice sending him to bureaucratic death limbo

the end of the movie features the deetz and the maitlands happily living together with lydia havign a new appreciation for her situation and beetlejuice gets his head made real small which is very funny haha 

so no in the movie they are not canon editors note the actress who played lydia winona ryder was a teenager while filming the movie she turned 17 the year it released 

the next is the cartoon which i will admit has the most grounds for being considered canon but in the end the show is about a middle schooler and her best friend who is a ghost which in itself is a pretty iffy gray area sort of thing but for a childrens cartoon to work a friendship is better than the obvious enemy status they held in the movie

anyway in the cartoon they are potrayed to be very close friends with lydia being the person beetlejuice cares about the most and honestly if you were to watch it with no prior knowledge of the media and if you ignored their massive and obvious age difference than yeah you probably would read it as a romantic relationship 

however lydia is a middle schooler and that is simply immoral

there have been writers for the cartoon who have been credited to say that a relationship is what they were trying to invoke but for obvious reasons they couldnt exactly move forward with that angle with them establishing that lydia is a child in middle school and a fully grown adult man dating a child who is in middle school is immoral and also illegal in the united states and in canada 

this isnt a good argument for whether or not something is canon and i will tell you why with one simple name and that is luke weber

if you dont know who luke weber is he was a storyboard artist on the cartoon steven universe he is known for making a lot of self ship artwork of him and the character pearl

he worked on the show isnt his material canon no of course it isnt it wasnt put in the actual publication and also if memory serves he was eventually asked to leave the project after he drew art of the shows creator giving him permission to date pearl and calling them her otp and a lot of fans hated this because the most generally accepted interpretation of pearls character is that she is sapphic so a lot of people took issue however that again is just a widely perceived headcanon it is never stated what her actual sexuality is no one in that show is because it isnt a show about that its about wait im getting off topic sorry

what im saying is what can truly be considered canon is what you see on the screen and with the cartoon they are definitely the most friendly with each other and that is why so many people in the beetlebabe shipping community take so much stock in the cartoon because it is the easiest to read the relationship between the mas romantic although that is not what the show actually provides in black and white terms

interpretation does not equal canon and in this case no matter what anyone says the fact remains that in the cartoon itself they are friends good friends yes but friends all the same

it is definitely not a show about a grown man grooming an adult and if it were you definitely shouldn’t be stanning it the extreme because grooming a minor is wrong and it is apparently a problem in the fandom

anyway if the cartoon and the movie are both products of their time and there was more leniency on content bear in mind this was the same era as notorious animation powerhouse and known predator john k who was a showrunner on ren and stimpy and he maintained a relationship with a teenager which was an open secret that nobody really took issue with because in that time being a woman in the animation industry was tricky business and your career could be ended easily if you rejected advances luckily time has moved forward and the animation industry although still full of problems of a similar nature at least people are getting called out and punished for it

you can look more into that yourself its really upsetting though

as for comics i havent been able to find good scans of them and im not willing to purchase them but in my search i never found anything about the two of them ever being married in the cartoon again because she is a child i did find a cover where he appears to be getting married and hes asking lydia to get him out of it but im not sure where the comic actually goes all i know is she is standing off to the side shrugging and looking like she doesnt really care

anyway that brings us to the musical which is set in the modern day 

in the original libretto lydia is described as thirteen but since they got an actress who was older in the updated librettos she is listed as 15 and the story is pretty similar to the movie the young girl befriends ghosts and they try to scare her family out etc etc

the major difference between the film and the musical are that lydia and beetlejuice are more like friends like in the cartoon 

she summons him to help scare after the maitlands attempt doesnt really work so he shows up and they have fun terrorizing people together however she drops him for the opportunity to perhaps get her mom back but when no one will help she goes back to beetlejuice who tricks her into almost exorcising barbara

she agrees to marry him in order to stop the exorcism and he only wants to get married so he can be alive again and cause problems on the mortal coil like in the movie in the musical he states several times its a green card thing whihc obviously doesnt make it okay but still

anyway lydia tricks him and runs off into the underworld before the wedding can happen blah blah blah she goes back blah blah and she agrees to go through with the wedding to save her friends and family with a plan to make him go away for good

theres a very tongue and cheek song called creepy old guy which points out how wrong the whole thing is but everyone is going along with it in a very comedic matter and it includes the line 

i cant believe some cultures think this kind of things alright

basically saying yeah this is very very wrong anyway they do get married and beeltjeuice is alive for like 6 seconds before lydia stabs him to death with bad art and he dies thus nullifying the marriage because death do you part etc

so in the musical no at the end of the show they are not canon because he is dead their marriage is nullified and they go their separate ways

anyway sorry about that i just need to make it very clear that these three properties are all very distinct from each other and basically all three are indeed canon since they are publicized material and arguing the validity of which one is pointless editors note all actresses who played with the exception of dana steingold were minors for the majority of their runs as lydia with sophia ann caruso the originator of the role turning 18 during the run and dana being in her late twenties presley ryan however was a minor the whole time and still is one

tldr no they aren’t canon but to the credit of some people in this fandom their interpretation isnt too far of a stretch thanks to the era and some of the writers wishing to imply a relationship between an adult and a child

i also need to address how this is all a big deal and i suggest you take a peak through my discourse tag and check out @leedia‘s blog to see some of the more harmful things done by beetlebabe shippers

the beetlejuice fandom is home to many minors after the musical came out since musical fandom is vast and the ages of its members varies and normalizing pedophilia is harmful to them not to mention the people who have been effected by sexual harassment at the hands of adults

both sides have victims of csa but one side continues to perpetuate the cycle by showing time and time again that this behavior is normal and easily romanticized in the name of coping and literally anyone who has ever been to a good and credible therapist could tell you that posting cp even if it is simulated cp isnt a really good way to cope and you can get mad at me for saying that its totally fine but and im going to remove my character veil here for just a second as a csa survivor myself i think its harmful to not only myself but many others ok the veil is back down

tldr again there is a lot of bullying and harassment going on with both sides having their own issues but there is one side whos issues run a bit deeper in my humble opinion 

thank you for your question it allowed me to talk a lot you are welcome to discuss further with me in dms if you wish i honestly recommend giving the musical a listen because it is very fun and despite what some people say its very clever and if you get a chance to see a boot of it its visually stunning

one last note that i couldnt really fit in here but a large portion of the beetlebabes shipping community ignore the musical because it openly condemns the idea of beeltejuice and lydia having a relationship and a lot of the antis take issue with much of the writing and characterizations of the cartoon just a note that i think is important since were talking about canon

[ashdoesfandomarchieved]

Hey!! Could you write something shippy about Boimler and Mariner? What if Boimler regularly spent time in the holodeck acting out certain scenarios and situations with Mariner? 👀

A/N: This was way angstier than I meant it to be. And way less sexier. I apologize in advance.

ao3

She glares at him, mouth pressed into a thin line. “What happened to having each other’s backs? I put my ass on the line for you. Repeatedly.”

He winces. This conversation is not going how he’d planned. “Mariner, I-”

Mariner clenches her fists and straightens. “No, you don’t get to say anything after what you pulled. Fuck you.”

The image freezes and Boimler resets the simulation.

What seems like years ago, he remembers lecturing Tendi overusing the Holodecks for fun. The details are fuzzy. It was before the “GUYS I MADE US INTO A MOVIE'' incident with Mariner, but after that weirdass thing with Rutherford and his rogue program. He thinks she and Mariner had been using it to watch Ransom in an array of—what he now admits-hysterical situations—but can’t be sure.

She and Mariner have gotten up to so much shit, he can’t keep track.

He doesn’t know why he’s remembering it now. It was a random conversation that happened a long time ago—a few months after Tendi was assigned to the Cerritos? –so there’s no reason why he should be thinking about it right now.

Liar, a smug voice intones in his head. It sounds vaguely like Mariner. Boimler aggressively shoves it down.

This isn’t for fun, he anxiously tells the voice in his head. The voice is quiet. It does nothing to soothe the turning of his stomach.

It’s been three months since Boimler requested a transfer back to the Cerritos. Three months since he’d run into Rutherford and Tendi on shore leave and the three of them got swept up into a ridiculous, interplanetary civil war that took three different starship crews to settle out. Three months since he’d almost died more times than he can count on all his fingers and toes, three months since he thought Tendi had died, miles away from her home, on a world which would never remember her name, three months since Mariner swept in and fixed everything.

It’s been three months.

Not that he’s counting.

Somewhere between being in a remote alien prison with Tendi and hiking for a month in a perpetually dark wilderness with Rutherford, Boimler had come to the belated conclusion that his career didn’t take precedence over his friends.

(Also, if he’s being completely honest, he missed the chaos of being a lower deck ensign. Not that he still doesn’t want to be in the upper ranks. Just not without his dumb, dumb friends.)

After it was all over—and he’d realized that Tendi was alive—he put in his transfer request, surprising all his peers.

“This just isn’t a good fit for me,” was his official statement.

Captain Riker gave him a bland look. “You worked with Beckett, didn’t you.” His voice was flat, but his eyes were amused.

“Is it that obvious?”

“She rubs off on people. Don’t let her give you a hard time,” he added, signing off on the request. “It was nice working with you, Boimler. If you ever need anything, let me know.”

And so here he is, a newly minted ensign again, on the lower decks of the Cerritos.

(Captain Freeman is thrilled. “All operations have been down by 18% since you left. Good to have you back, Boimler.”)

Tendi and Rutherford seem hyped to have him back-Tendi especially, who’s been a little clingy with everyone since her near-death experience-but are acting uncharacteristically nervous around him. This isn’t a surprise. The tension between him and Mariner when she’d shown up on Roxadt II was insane and was only getting worse with every day. It’s been six weeks since he’d transferred, and she’s found a reason to be in a different room for all six of them.

Hence the simulations.

That makes absolutely no fucking sense, the Mariner-esque voice in his head sneers. Just talk to her you fucking wimp.

Boimler ignores it.

“Scenario A-187,” the clinical voice of the simulation intones. The simulation restarts.

It goes exactly the same way 186 other scenarios had gone. He corners Mariner. She stays quiet. He apologizes. She explodes.

Mariner’s anger had always burnt red hot. He’d first experienced it when an ensign got a little frisky with Tendi after she’d repeatedly told him no. Mariner’s fury at the situation felt justified. Vindicated. The ensign had been demoted so hard, Boimler was certain they’d seen the last of him for like. Well, forever.  At the time he’d been astonished that she’d managed to pull it off, but after finding out about her familial connection to the Captain, it made sense.

He’d seen a glimpse of that anger a few more times—when Captain Freeman had forced her to go to therapy, after Rutherford had been captured by rogue Klingons, that one-time Ransom tried to promote her.  But never toward Boimler.

Oh, she’d get irritated with him.  “Loosen up, Boimler, it’s not that bad.”

“Look, the worst that’ll happen is that we get a note to file-stop yelling!”

“Dude if you don’t chill the fuck out I might actually throw you out of an airlock.”

Standard Mariner reactions, right? Yeah, she’d been pretty pissed when he took the promotion (his voicemail had been blowing up for the first 48 hours after he transferred), but it had died down fairly quickly so he had logically assumed that she had gotten over it.

He assumed wrong. If her icing him out was to be taken into account. So here he was, six weeks in, desperate and stressed from his friend’s apparent dismissal. The obvious solution, his sleep deprived brain decided, was to simulate a conversation with her using his high-tech program on the holodeck.

This may have not been the best idea. But he’s calculated the probability of anything going wrong and it’s under 3%, so he’s almost guaranteed success.

(So, of course, it blows up in his face, in true Boimler fashion.)

“Okay, I have a pretty high threshold for weird, but this might take the cake,” a voice slowly says.

Boimler startles. Whirls around. Shuts down the simulation. “Ohhh shit-”

“Yeah shit,” Mariner says, stalking into the room. “What the hell, dude?”

“This isn’t what it looks like!” Boimler sputters out, panicked. The simulation is shut down, leaving them in the empty holodeck room, but the echoes of Holo-Mariner’s rage still resonate between them. Actual Mariner is staring at him, face somewhere between completely shocked and furious.

“Did you use your dumbass hyper realistic program to simulate a situation with me so that you could cheat later?”

“I mean, kinda?”

“Then it’s exactly what it looks like!” Mariner slaps a palm over her eyes.

“Well what was I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know—maybe talk to me like a person? Not use your creepy, hyper realistic simulations to roleplay it?” She drops her hand and glares up at him.  

Boimler rolls his eyes. “You literally created a simulation to kill the entire crew because your mom made you go to therapy.”

“Yeah and it fucking worked.”

“Then why are you yelling at me?!”

“I’m not!”  she shrieks. “I’m very calmly telling you to fucking talk to me next time!”

“There’s not going to be a next time!”

Mariner stops, mouth open. “What?”

“Look, I get it. I fucked up and you apparently don’t do second chances! I was trying to make things right but clearly it isn’t working. I’ll stay out of your way now.”

Instead of pacifying her, this seems to make Mariner even more furious. “You fucking asshole. what am I supposed to say to that?” she shouts, stomping up to him.

He groans in exasperation. “Apparently nothing, considering you don’t want to talk to me!”

Her hands grab his collar, pulling him down to eye level with her. “I literally just said to talk to me next time!”

“And how was I supposed to do that if you’re avoiding me?”

“You’re the one who fucked off in the Titan to god-knows-where,” Mariner grits out.

So they’re actually doing this. Boimler swallows hard. Takes a breath. Tries to quell the anxiety welling in his gut. “I’m sorry.”

“Right after you said you didn’t care about rank or shit,” she adds, twisting the knife.

“Yeah. It was really shitty of me.”

“And then you ghosted me for like six months.”

Boimler winced. “Yeah—I. Yeah.”

Mariner’s iron grip on his shirt loosens, but she doesn’t let go completely. “That was really shitty of you.”

Not sure what to say, beyond apologizing again, Boimler gives a jerky nod.

“You came back.” She stares at him, eyes unfathomable. “The Titan wasn’t everything you dreamed it would be.”

It’s not a question.

Boimler still has an answer, though. “It was.”

She stiffens. He pushes forward, intent on getting this out while he still has her attention. “It was everything I wanted in a career. I was doing what I wanted, everyone took me seriously. Our missions came straight from the Admiralty and they treated us like we weren’t a joke. I loved it.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Because I care more about my friends then I do about people taking me seriously.”

Mariner freezes and then lets out a strangled laugh. “Now I think you’re the simulation. Who are you and what have you done with Boimler?” She pokes at his cheek.

He grins. And then falters. “For what it’s worth—and I know it’s not worth much—but. I am sorry. I wasn’t a very good friend.”

“Yeah you weren’t.” She lets go of her grip on his shirt completely and draws back. “You said you were my best friend and then you left. For Riker.”

“That makes me sound like the love interest in a cheesy drama. And like I’m hooking up with Riker.”

“I said what I said.”

Boimler laughs. It feels real for the first time in a long while. “Are we good?”

“No.” Mariner smiles. “I’m going to give you so much shit and you’re gonna grovel for like months and then I’m going to tell my mom that you used to holodeck to simulate certain situations with me.”

“If you do that I’m transferring back,” Boimler tells her. “Your mom finally likes me; I don’t need her ejecting me out of an airlock.”

“She wouldn’t do that.” Mariner waves him off.

“She totally would.”

“Yeah, she totally would,” she agrees. Grabs his arm and begins dragging him out of the holodeck. “So maybe I won’t tell her. I am telling Tendi though and she’s gonna give you so much shit considering you reemed her out over misusing the holodeck.”

Boimler makes a face. “I’ll probably let her too. I’m such a hypocrite.”

“You are, but it’s super weird to hear you be honest about it. Stop being all apologetic, it’s weird.”

They’ve reached the corridor. Mariner steers them in the direction of the bar. “Only if you promise to deck me if I ever make a dumb decision like that again,” he says, giving in and allowing himself to be manhandled. It’s the least he owes her.

“Deal. And the next time you use your weird, hyper realistic simulator—which doesn’t even fucking work by the way, I’m not that much of a bitch—you gotta promise you’ll use it for sexy reason only.”

“Sexy reasons only,” Boimler deadpans. “You know they log everything we do down there.”

Mariner wiggles her eyebrows up and down. “I know.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“And you’re uptight, but you’re the one who was playing with simulations of me.”

“That sounds way worse than it actually is,” he cringes.

“No, it doesn’t. I would take some sexy action over your sad, sad trauma simulations any day. Next time I catch you, you’d better be having fun with it.”

“Mariner, what the fuck—”

They dissolve into good natured bickering. She says something lewd and he rolls his eyes and elbows her and she squawks in protest and threatens to get him thrown in the brig. It’s normal, but it’s also not. There’s something new in the air between them that wasn’t there before. Tension, but not negative. It’s charged with. Something else.

Boimler doesn’t examine it too closely. Better to let it work itself out naturally. After all, he has all the time in the world now.

[tropicalfreckles]

Friends Again CH 5

MASTER LIST found here

SUMMARY: A new dilemma has risen in Lydia that she takes to the only one she can talk to about it.

SOLIDARITY

B**TLEB*BES DNI

(TW mentions of J*no, mentions of murder(no murder tho), mentions of bullying, mentions of the wedding death scene)))

Another day of school, another day of Lydia having complex feelings bubble up in her stomach. This was getting borderline exhausting with all the thoughts she kept bottled up inside. Even though she had become more comfortable with her therapist, she still wasn't sure if she wanted to just spill her guts out about these thoughts. Closing the front door behind her, she swung her backpack off while exhaling a long groan. No one was home yet except for the Maitlands, of course. They were probably upstairs since she didn't see them after scanning the living room. Rummaging through her backpack on the table she pulled out things she needed for homework then sluggishly retreated upstairs. School wasn't engaging and often times left her yearning for more. The Maitlands had recently found a way to help make her learning more simulating through their ghostly powers. They were still learning themselves. They tried learning more from the Handbook for the Recently Deceased. However, as Adam put it, it 'read like radio instructions'. Lydia didn't have too much of a hard time understanding it personally. Though that probably was because she loved deciphering the nonsensical text.

Should she let the Maitlands know she's home?

She usually would announce herself. Yet, that feeling wasn't leaving her stomach. It dampening her mood. Lydia didn't want to bother the ghostly couple with her problem. Since she still didn't understand it entirely herself. It was days like these she wished her mom was still alive. Regret wove itself in her every once in a while for leaving the Netherworld. Missing her chance to reconnect with her mother again. She knew deep down it was for the best. She would've also liked it if Delia and her dad had waited for a while before getting wed. She understood though they felt the fleetingness of life and wanted to make the best of it as long as they both were breathing. That would be another can of worms for Lydia to tackle another day. Lydia tossed her things on her bed when she entered her room. Closing the door behind her then took off her shoes. Her nerves were starting to get the best of her when she walked over to her mirror and gazed at herself.

"Why are feelings stupid..." She muttered. Grabbing a hair tie off of her stand, she ran her fingers through the raven locks tying it up.

"That's because you breathers have too many feelings; It makes shit complicated." A gravely voice chimed in. Lydia flinched for a moment then turned to scowl at the older man.

"I told you that you couldn't come into the house yet!" She snarled at him. Lydia began rubbing the pads of her forefinger and middle in circles against the temple of her head. Beetlejuice snorted then crossed his arms.

"You ain't exactly the boss of me kid. I do what I want. Within reason of your dumb rules. Besides, I was bored waiting in the stupid cemetery. There weren't any breathers to mess with today so I couldn't get anyone else to say my name." Beetlejuice rambled on, giving Lydia a shrug. The young teen threw herself face first on her bed. She thought over for a moment how risky this was.

"You didn't let Barabara and Adam see you, right?" Lydia questioned, sitting up a little on her elbows. Beetlejuice hummed while pulling his eyes out from their sockets.

"Nope, not a peep!" He snickered while tossing them in the air like a pair of die. Lydia looked on unamused before rolling on her back to stare up at the ceiling. The demon popped his eyes back in.

"Oh boy, are you having one of those angsty teen moments again? Am I gonna have to leave while you recite goth poetry or some shit?" He floated up from the ground then whipped over to her. Lydia inhaled deeply before giving a loud groan.

"Go away if you're gonna be an ass." Lydia reached out for a pillow to grab. Beetlejuice tensed up as he knew it was meant for his face. He deflated a little when he saw her hug then bury herself against it. Just as the teen hated when he would get moody, he felt the same about her. Though it was strange, the past three months now that they've been hanging out he has started to feel something he never had before. Was it that gross thing called empathy? He sighed deeply while busying himself with picking at his nails. This was going to require some finesse.

"Alright, you twisted my arm Lyds. What's bugging ya? What can your ol' pal Mr. Betelboose do to, ugh, 'help'?" He peered from the corner of his eye to see if she'd budge. She did not. He did get a grunt in response. Some progress was a win for him. Lydia flailed her legs a little as a muffled groan rose from her. The demon patiently waited for her to speak.

"As bizarre as it is to say.." Lydia dug her fingernails into her pillow as she pulled it away from her face finally. Her features scrunched up, her lips pursed. Relaxing after a moment of what looked like deep contemplation from Beetlejuice's perspective she finally spoke. "I think you might be the only person I can talk to about this." Lydia softly spoke.

Now, this was interesting.

She was actually being vulnerable to him. He only saw her do that once and that was when she summoned him back from the Netherworld. That was because of everything that built up from before. This seemed to be a new dilemma on the young girl's mind. He waved his hand to let her know she could continue.

"Beej. When did you discover that you had feelings for guys, too?" Lydia drawled out while shiftily gazing around the room. Anywhere other than making eye contact. Beetlejuice stroked his scruffy chin while trying to figure out what she meant by that. Was there a boy she liked? Did his stoic bratty friend actually have sappy feelings as well?

Wait.

"You're asking how I knew I was into more than just women? Well, first off, there is one thing ya gotta know about the Netherworld. Most folks swing both if not all ways." Beetlejuice jokingly conjured up a baseball bat and took multiple swings in different directions with it. It earned him a snort which he grinned at before continuing.

"It kind of came as an easy realization for me. I know that the stupid shit you breathers go about here on the mortal plane carries off into the Netherworld sometimes. It doesn't stick for long cause who the hell are you gonna complain to? No one." He rolled his eyes remembering all of the bigoted folks that would come through and get their panties in a twist at how the rest of the Netherworld was. While he wasn't the biggest fan of staying there all the time it wasn't always horrible there. The world of the living was more of a party for him.

"How did you really know, though?" Lydia hugged the pillow closer to her while sitting up. Beetlejuice plopped himself onto the bed next to her. Lydia had a surprisingly smart melon in that goth head of hers. He was curious why she was doubting herself so much.

"Probably when I made out with that one famous painter." He picked at his teeth. Lydia arched a brow.

"Which one?"

"You know me, scarecrow, don't kiss and tell." He grinned at her. Lydia gently smacked his knee.

"Oh BS, you always name drop famous people." She snorted. Beetlejuice snickered, moving his hands behind him then slid back more on the bed.

"You're right, I just don't remember the guy's name right now. Listen. I guess I get it. I've been observing you breathers for almost a millennia. Feelings are gross. But I know when it comes to this stuff it can be hard. Especially for kids. If there's something ya gotta blab to me about." He tilted his head in her direction while making sure he had her attention. She gave a slow nod for him to continue, "Then I'm listening."

Lydia inhaled deeply. This was nerve-racking. She just didn't know how to even express herself.

"I... I might have." Lydia banged her head into the soft pillow and gave a small whine. "I might.. like a girl at school." She spoke barely above a whisper. Beetlejuice leaned over since he could barely hear her. Lydia wrinkled her nose at the smell yet allowed him to do so.

"What was that kid? Gotta speak up." He gave a coy smile. Lydia scowled at him then looked away.

"I said... That I might like a girl at school. I'm not repeating myself again." Her cheeks were heating up at how embarrassing this was. Not so much expressing her feelings. It was more talking about a damn school crush to her stupid demon friend she was starting to make amends with. She looked over to him after a moment of making sure he wasn't going to tease her then noticed him grinning wide.

"Yeah, that's what I thought you said. HA. Of course, you're into girls! Look at you, you're tiny, snarky all the time and goth." Beetlejuice yammered on as he elbowed her side.

"Ha-ha, is this amusing to you or something? I just spilled my damn guts out." Lydia frowned, her cheeks flushed. Beetlejuice shook his head.

"Eh, maybe a little, I just find it funny that widdle Lydia has a crush. Always figured you were too feral and hated people too much for that." He pinched her cheek. She was close to snapping her teeth at his fingers. She opted for batting his hand away. Lydia wiped her cheek with her sleeve. He snickered in response then rested his elbows on his knees.

"Call me 'widdle' again and I'll throw you off the roof as I did before." She stuck her tongue out at him then took note of him smirking at her. "What?"

"Nuthin'. Just weird seeing you actually act like a teenager instead of your usual dry, deadpan self." He patted her hard on the back to which she grunted at him. "Good for you! Better to be your real self than locking that shit away. Dolores and Chuck'll probably be. I don't know, what's that word you breathers use now? 'Woke'? About this. I know the Maitlands will be. Ugh, they are just soooo supportive it's disgusting." He gagged at his last sentence to which Lydia rolled her eyes.

"I don't know if I'm going to tell anyone. At least not yet." Lydia softly spoke as she played with the pillow resting in her lap. Beej quirked a brow at her then snorted. He gave a soft bap on her head with his fist.

"Listen. I don't normally give pep talks that aren't about scaring, murder or crap. I guess I can try to understand. Daphne might be too intrusive about it. Chuck might just be super awkward about it and say something embarrassing. The other nerds are definitely gonna dote on you." Beetlejuice picked at his teeth. "Eh, take your time if you wanna. Just know that the Netherworld when ya shed your meat-sack body is gonna be fine with who or what yer into. Fuck what anyone else thinks." He let out a long yawn then stretched a little. "Trying to be nice makes me wanna take a nap or doing something nasty. Or hurl. Can't decide, this is gross."

Lydia looked over the demon while taking note of his words. She snickered at him dramatically pretending to upheave then shoved him.

"Stop being gross for five minutes." Lydia snorted then sat back on her bed finally letting go of her pillow. "Honestly.. My stomach is in a knot still. Part of me kind of wants to tell her however I don't want people to.." Midway through Lydia trailed off into a soft whisper. "I just don't want more of a reason for people to target me at school. I can handle myself for the most part. Just kind of hard when they gang up on me." She tugged at the edge of her school uniform. Without skipping a beat Beetlejuice responded.

"Want me to kill 'em for ya? I mean, if they're that big of lil assholes I'd probably be doing their parents a favor." Beetlejuice grinned while taking out a knife from his sleeve. "I'll 'cut' them down to size!" He cackled while swishing the knife around. Lydia ducked down then snorted.

"No. Murder isn't the answer to everything, BJ. Those girls are jerks but they aren't the root of the problem. Kids don't naturally act like bigoted brats. It's probably coming from their parents or something, to begin with." Lydia grabbed his arm to make him stop swinging the knife. Beetlejuice clicked his tongue then thought over what she said.

"Alright. Kill the parents and the brats. Two for two-plus no sad little orphans!" Beetlejuice hovered off the bed in glee while throwing his arms up into the air. "It'll be a real scream Lyds! Just let me loose on 'em! Come on! I haven't killed anyone since Juno!" He flexed his fingers while looking to her like an overjoyed child in a candy store. Lydia raised her hand up with a shake of her head.

"Didn't I just say murder wasn't the answer to everything?" She answered dryly while quirking a brow at him.

"I don't know, you murdered me pretty fast to try and kick my ass into the Netherworld," Beetlejuice muttered. Lydia inhaled deeply through her nostrils then slapped his thigh with her pillow.

"I'm serious. No murdering people on my behalf. I appreciate the enthusiasm but I don't want the cops on me. Making people suffer is more fun anyway." Lydia dropped the pillow then stretched her legs out. Beetlejuice floated back down to the bed then gave a little pout.

"Bah. Thought you were more fun than that, kid. Though torture also sounds like a blast." He stroked his scruffy chin. The goth teen kicked her feet against the edge of the bed.

"I was thinking more about pranking." She chuckled. "You know.. I might try talking to that girl. Just not yet." Lydia lulled her head against her shoulder to peer back at the demon. "I hate to stroke that big ego of yours. I wanna tell you that I kind of appreciate you talking to me about this. It's nice to talk to someone else who is attracted to the same gender." She took out her phone then opened the browser.

"Plus I see myself as more than one gender. Though that's a topic for another time, kid." He waved his hand as a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Lydia swung her head up to stare at him.

"Oh; does that mean you're genderfluid?"

"Gender what now?" Beetlejuice quizzically stared at her while scratching the top of his scalp. Lydia quickly brought something up on her phone then showed him.

"You identify as more than one gender. See?" Lydia began scrolling through a website about the LGBTQ+ community while Beetlejuice crossed his arms and tried reading over it.

"Huh. Well shit. Guess so? Then what's being attracted to more than one gender?" He quickly snatched the phone out of her hand to look over it more.

"Well, that is a broader category. You could be either Bisexual or Pansexual." She sat up on her knees as she pressed the pad of her forefinger into the screen. Slowly she scrolled back up on the browser and pointed out the two. Beetlejuice hummed then plopped the phone back into her lap.

"Learn something new every day!" Beetlejuice grinned. The two froze when they heard the familiar voice of a woman echoing through the house.

"Lydia?? Are you home? We can get started on your homework if you want!" Barbara's hand began phasing through the door. With that Beetlejuice flung himself out the window as Lydia swatted grave dirt he left behind on her bed.

"Coming Barbara!" Lydia called.

She couldn't keep hiding him forever.

[writingwitheli]

GrandMech

Most mechs were hard to function, even with experienced pilots.

They didn't move like people do, the mechanics don't really allow for that. You have to know the engineering intimately to clearly envision how the thing was going to react to your direction. Most pilots spend months learning their piece before going into the field. There were simulators, and for a while the board argued for mechs to be built in a uniform manner for faster learning.

But technology went a bit too fast for that. And the things were way too expensive to mass produce.

Grandma Katersfield knew this well. It was her life's work.

I mean she wasn't my grandma. But she kinda was. She was everyone's grandma, in a way. Most mechs these days still have her work in them, even if there were scraps rebuild around it. Some people called it practical. Pilots called it good luck. The engineers called it "Finally someone who knows what they're fucking doing."

When she passed away, in her garage (had she ever existed anywhere else?), the military held a funeral. Most of the planets held a funeral. The board, somewhere in their core-planet bunkers, held a meeting.

The war wasn't over, and we weren't winning. And we'd just lost our best engineer. It was a big fucking hit for morale. There were losses everywhere.

Presumably after sending a swarm of government drones through the property, the board very quickly touted "Katersfield's Final Work", and "The culmination of everything she's ever done". Some people pointed out the public images that showed how the thing was half-done. But enough people wanted hope that everyone gradually bought into the idea.

The board appointed Katersfield's daughter to lead the finalization of the thing. Ann wasn't exactly an engineer, but they knew how the public would read it. They gave her a team of their best to work with.

When construction was nearly done, the board officially announced that Katersfield's son-in-law would be piloting it. Everyone expected it; he was the only striped pilot in the family. But it hit the top of everyone's news anyways.

The public test run was expected to be simple, and broadcasted live as far as the outer-space colonies.

It… didn't go so well.

Okay, it went very badly.

I mean.

Bad.

What followed was a lot of media confusion. The board hastily tried to put the blame on over-eagerness. People were fired. We lost four moons while our squadrons re-evaluated their lives.

Mark and his husband, Will Katersfield, had a very public divorce. Some people argue it was the media pressure. Some people suspect that the board forced them apart. I think it was a long time coming.

For a while the board pushed forward other candidates. They ran competitions for new mech designers and engineers and electricians. Offered an absurd amount of money and resources. A lot of cool stuff came out of it, but nothing really compares to Katersfield's work.

It was three years after that when media went into a frenzy over a low-grade video of the mech doing cartwheels over the family farm. Fucking cartwheels, man. I can't even do those in my own body most days.

Every news ship went down there as quick as they could. A bunch of civilians, too. Granny says a board member actually showed up in person.

Everyone was immediately on Ann about it. She was the only one that really stayed on the farm. She knew the machinery well enough. And maybe she'd inherited the pilot skills of one of Katersfield's late spouses.

To the dismay of the board, Ann insisted that the pilot was Thoma, one of Will's children. The media went ballistic. Kids weren't even supposed to be piloting mechs in the first place.

Thoma gave an interview to their school teacher and described the sensation of piloting upside down as "even better than going all the way around the bar on a swing and then having Grandma's cookies with two scoops of ice cream!" Their wide grin with missing teeth was eventually made into metal-cards for soldiers to attach under their breast plates and remind them of home.

At some point, Ann made the mistake of admitting that she'd taken it out for a test-run while she was tuning up some joints (she hadn't been an engineer when this started. But things change).

The board came down hard. They publicly announced that Ann was the cartwheeling pilot, and further that she'd accepted a high raking military title with absurd honors and enough pay to buy a moon. They posted a date with a public countdown clock for her departure to the front lines.

Now the way Granny tells it; Ann didn't know about any of this until her neighbor came by with the milk and a congratulations. Granny would probably piss on the board if she still could. Don't let her try it.

Ann did go. She didn't have many options, really. Her bio-logs phrase the situation as "the board made a decision. I complied."

We pushed back the front by two whole planets. Ann wasn't much of a pilot; she spent too much time thinking, but the war pushed around her. Most of the time it only took a three second clip of her unnaturally smooth landing and quick gravity adjustment to a new planet. My old mech would take two minutes to land and readjust. A lot can happen in two minutes.

The official report says Ann died on Mitas 9. The board will probably censor this whole damn thing if I try to explain what happened, but just remember that official reports are. Well. Official.

The mech was commandeered immediately. They cleaned it up, threw on a new coat of paint, and put their highest ranking pilot in the hotseat.

Everyone was in a hurry to get back to it and have a plan ready before Ann's death was publicly announced. Yeru knew the schematics by heart and spent one month living with the mech every hour of every day to make up for lost time. The board went as far as making them legally exempt from standard reports. Yeru's bios were never made public, but you can pull them from the military archives in Section B. They clearly knew their way around a mech, and honestly seemed to be a good person as far as I can tell.

The board had seemingly learned from prior incidents. The Generals hosted a secluded military showing of the first test-run. Those archives are probably deleted, but all you really need to know is that Yeru never made it off the ground.

For a few months, the military looked into sabotage. Yeru's bio-post about the joints being "just plain creaky no matter how much I oil the thing" convinced a bunch of higher-ups that the mech had been swapped out or something.

I know. Creating a whole fake mech to replace it with? Somehow managing to swap the thing out with as much board, military, and media surveillance as it has? Absurd.

Also I'm sure you're well aware that plenty of good mechs have creaky joints. I hear you ran Sacrifice 2 for a while there. Lt. Jen complained about how loud that thing was for months after he shared a hangar with it near Osylus. Not sure if that was your time or not. I'm going to tell him it was, so he'll have something to complain to you about. When he does, ask him about the wardrobe cloning incident. I'm sure he'll know what you're talking about.

Anyways.

The news about Ann went public, and the board pushed it down the feeds with reports about a new Stealth Carrier that would move faster than a pilot-ship. It did. Everyone loved it. I'm sure it's shit compared to the last carrier you were on.

Thoma, meanwhile, had grown up and gotten their way through military school. It might seem strange to you now, but Thoma actually didn't touch a mech the first decade of their service. They had a few friends and plenty worshipers, but still hadn't officially earned enough stripes to be a pilot. The Generals wanted to make sure Thoma was knocked down enough to keep from getting big-headed about it. But Thoma didn't really care.

Thoma fought hard and studied harder. They proved themselves again and again. You can look up the public records of their medal-acceptance speeches. Every damn time they would say "This is a great honor. Can I trade it in for a mech?"

Pissed a lot of people off, but it was fucking hilarious if you ask me.

Eventually Thoma led a fairly large squadron and took a half a continent in a week. When I asked them about it, they said they had sent a text message to the Generals saying "I could've gotten all of it, if I had my own mech :,(". I know them well enough to know they probably actually sent a frowny-face emoji to the Generals. Don't do that. It's hilarious. But, Don't.

Probably.

For now, anyways.

The board reluctantly let Thoma break the mech out of some museum somewhere as a reward for their service. They weren't intending for Thoma to actually run as a pilot since Thoma had already gotten to be in charge of things. It would be a media mess, at best, a military loss at worst.

Thoma did a fucking backflip over live media.

Anyways the board and the Generals argued about it for a week, but eventually did the only thing they could do. They made Thoma a pilot. There were lots of assurances that Thoma would still be holding their responsibilities as Planetary Sergeant. No one cared. Thoma had done a fucking backflip; the Katersfields were at it again.

I'm told that week of debate consisted of at least fifteen other pilots trying the mech out and reporting up failures of various kinds. Don't worry about that, you'll do fine.

I'm sure you know most of the story from there. Thoma took Belet 5 through Belet 11, and some other smaller planets along the way. Majestic. War hero. Idol. Etc etc.

The board immediately pushed Thoma’s son, Madene, into the military and straight into pilot's school. They make a lot of dumb decisions, but even the board could see the pattern here.

You might not have read this about me, but I used to be an electrician. I worked on Thoma's team for a while. The Generals gave Madene special permission to visit us sometimes so he could learn the mech hands-on. He'd always wanted to be an artist or a planetary refurbisher. That was clear from the first day we met.

I'll tell you this now, it's not part of public record: Madene ran the mech just fine when it was just us around. Thoma would give some long drawn-out speech about minding your manners and being careful with her. It was their Grandmother's soul in that machine, after all. Madene didn't really listen, but the mech ran just fine anyways.

When Madene was nearing graduation, the Generals sent their scouts around to see how things were going. The mech ran straight into their drones and fell convulsing onto the ground.

It was a hard time for a while, Thoma was upset with Madene and Madene was embarrassed. There were lots of arguments, and the Generals tried to pretend Madene just didn't have enough experience as a pilot. The idea that Madene did it on purpose didn't get recorded, but it's what a lot of people assumed. I don't think that's what happened, anyways.

Madene tried really hard after that. He pushed himself in school, and as a result they let him try out a bunch of other mechs. He proved he could handle it just as well as some of our better pilots. He took Entrapment marching around the school-system planet four times.

Thoma tore their knee in a pretty brutal fight, and since they were nearing retirement anyways the board arranged for a public hand-off of the mech.

I used to talk to her when I worked. My old pilot - the one I worked electricity for before Thoma - had always been superstitious about this sort've thing. She used to spend a good half-hour reassuring it before she's let me do any work on it. I guess I'd picked up the habit. You might want to pick it up, too, if you haven't already.

I'd asked her to help Madene out. He'd worked so hard and I could tell Thoma was slowing down.

You might have seen the media of that. Afterward Madene was particularly… verbal. Even if you didn't see that, I'm sure you heard about what happened to him after. Don't be too harsh on him, it's really not his fault. We were all too hard on him.

All the media says the Generals did a lot of research and realized I was better suited as a pilot and they shifted me over. How that actually happened was… well. A little boring.

One of their scouts had caught me helping her move over so I could get a better angle at the spinal wiring.

Blah blah blah. I'm sure you know the highlights from there.

So here's where we get to the advice that was the whole point of this message:

I admit the public eye is a little difficult to get used to. Honestly I recommend you just ignore it. They'll say shit no matter what you do.

Don't call her by the name the board gave her. I know that's what you learned in school and in training. Don't do it.

Don't piss her off.

Be patient - her memory isn't what it used to be.

Don't tell her what to do. I read your file, you have a lot of experience. I know this will be the hard part.

If the mediacom switches to one of those awful family gameshows. Just. Let it happen. No, they do not get less annoying to listen to. Yes, she knows they're all the same.

The internal heating will be On when you're on any below-regulation temperature planet. I know you're from the outer colonies. I know that will be too warm for you. Get over it and try not to dress down too much; she's easier to maneuver when you're in layers.

The one exception to the above is her tune-ups and maintenance. She doesn't like it. She never does. We have four crews to make it easier and I still do it myself sometimes to help her get over it. You're going to have to get good at negotiating.

If you leave a battle with a sudden craving in your neurons for hot and hearty soup, go get some hot and hearty soup. She'll get stubborn with you next time if you don't.

Granny will take care of you from there.

-Captain Layfar

[slo-liveblog]

Witch’s Heart Final Thoughts

Hellooo! It’s been a bit! I figured I’d go ahead and post that big ol’ thoughts and rambles post before I went ahead and started the Bonus Stage. I’ll probably be doing some similarly styled things in the future... anyways, I hope you’ve all been doing well, and don’t mind the long post! 

CHARACTERS

Claire: Oh my god. I would give my life for Claire in a heartbeat. I was honestly expecting to not care for her much, not that RPG maker games don’t have plenty of female protagonists I like but they’re almost exclusively children. On the adult side of things, not so much. I was expecting a mostly silent audience insert at best and an annoying, shallowly written protagonist at worst. Thankfully I was 100% wrong and ended up absolutely loving her and rooting for her all the way. I probably said at some point but she reminds me of Hiyoko Tohsaka, the protagonist from Hatoful Boyfriend... yes, the bird dating simulator, don’t even get me started. Maybe a little bit like Emma from The Promised Neverland, too. Pure of heart, dumb of ass female characters that could beat the shit out of anyone AND are incredibly compassionate and enjoyable to watch are just too damn rare. The ways in which she interacted with the other mains felt completely organic and I was never skeptical as to why she was spending time with them, which is something I tend to take issue with in games with a scenario/route structure. On the flip side, the reactions the mains had to her were completely understandable- as far as they were meant to be, anyway- and I found myself at least somewhat identifying with their thoughts on her. Like Leon, I too am in love with Claire. 

Ashe: Oh Ashe. Fuck Ashe. In terms of livening up any situation he’s in, for better or for worse, he’s an absolutely perfect abomination of nature. Every time he enters a scene I either laugh or am filled with pure, unfiltered rage, which I guess is a good sign. He’s definitely an excellent wild card that makes the experience better no matter what way you look at it. However.... in hindsight I think he might actually be the character we understand the least at this point, despite being the first person you meet and the first to get a scenario (if you play it in the order I did, anyway). Even Wiwardo, who’s silent 90% of the damn time, does have a pretty clear motivation. It seems likely that Ashe’s wish is to bring back his family, but not only do we not know anything about them or how they died, we also don’t have any context as to how Ashe became the sort of person he did. So it’s hard to really have a full grasp on him... I appreciate his character for what it is, but I’m not quite as enthusiastic about him as I am some of the others... yet.

Reynaldo: Reynaldo makes me want to start throwing things, in a good thing. I didn’t liveblog the beginning of the game, but I distinctly remember telling my friends he was my favorite initially- the bizarre name, the gun sprite that inexplicably makes me laugh, seems like just a sexi guy. I adore the reveal of what the curse/his wish was, and I think despite not knowing much about the particulars yet it says enough about why he is the way he is that it works perfectly even without the missing information. He’s a fascinating character and has a TON of the best moments in the game, for me personally anyway. My one major complaint would just be like... c’mon, I know he’s the stoic type but I would’ve liked just a liiiiittle bit more reaction from him in some of the bigger scenes, such as when Claire confronted Invective. Also I hate him and I’m gonna beat him up

Sirius: Baby boy. Baby. I want to hold his hand. He’s the character that I think is the easiest to understand at this point in the game, as his cards are almost all on the table. We’ve seen snippets of his childhood, gotten him to reveal pretty much all his thoughts and relevant knowledge to Claire, we’ve literally seen him go to hell, all the good stuff. Male tsunderes, at least ones that are still generally nice people like Sirius, are sooort of my weakness. There’s not a lot to say about him that I haven’t already said but he deserves the world.

Leon: BABY BOY. BABY. Okay, granted, I don’t... really care about Leon that much. Don’t get me wrong, I love him and nothing bad should ever happen to him ever again. But since he didn’t really get to be present in the other’s scenarios, I don’t feel as connected to him as I do the others. BUT with that said, now that the ball has finally dropped and his whole deal isn’t a secret anymore, at least not entirely, I’m hopeful that him not being around enough’ll be rectified by the bonus stage and final endings. He’s never done anything wrong in his entire life.

Charlotte: Charlotte’s in a weird place for me where I’m intrigued but not quite into her yet. I feel like we’ve only really scratched the surface, so I’m interested to see where she goes from here. She got so many interesting scenes like the one with Noel, Fiona, and Lime in her backstory that REALLY hit the mark for me. 

Zizel: Not a lot to say about Zizel, just that her interactions with Claire were absolutely adorable no matter how morbid the context. Love her.

Lime: Lime.... oh boy. I have some. Emotions. About Lime. She definitely seemed like the most one-note out of the demons when she first appeared, just sort of a cutesy masochist anime girl, but wow. I love her relationship with Charlotte and her fascination with Leon is really interesting. I kind of hope going forward that she develops more of a relationship with Claire? I dunno, feels like there’s just some untapped potential there, with Claire being as empathetic as she is and Lime being... as confused about emotions as she is.

Rouge: Again, not a ton to say about her, but her relationship with Leon ended up being way more interesting and heart-wrenching than I expected despite how little we saw of it. I appreciate that she really does care. 

Overall & Final Score The characters were fucking fantastic. My only complaint is that I haven’t seen enough of them yet. 9/10

STORY

Ashe’s Route: My least favorite route, I think, though that’s not to say I didn’t enjoy it. It does have the advantage of being completely new (if you played it first like I did) and Claire and Ashe’s relationship was so fucking cute and entertaining to watch. It does really feel like an introductory route though- it was mostly setup, which isn’t bad. Just not as gripping as the other routes. And the ending is... a little anticlimactic, considering you can see Ashe’s murderous tendencies coming a mile away. But there’s nothing in particular I think I would change, solid but not incredible.

Wiwardo’s Route: My second favorite route, which... I have a feeling will be an unpopular opinion. I dunno, I just really enjoyed it from start to finish. The partner swapping was hilarious and did a lot to flesh out the dynamics between the characters, Invective was really fun and fleshed out Claire’s personality as well as a lot of demon lore, and I think Reynaldo’s conclusion might be my favorite in the whole game. I was really questioning where any of it was going towards the end, it definitely had me on the edge of my seat. The main complaint I have about it though is that we... don’t actually see that much of Reynaldo. Like, at all. I mean, he’s THERE, but as I mentioned prior he doesn’t... react to much. Of course he doesn’t need to be overly emotional, that’s just not in his nature, but a few more moments where he actually had any sort of stake in what was going on might’ve been nice. The majority of the scenes he’s in prior to the boss battle hardly get any dialogue out of him at all. But like I said, the ending really made it worth it. Fighting Ashe was probably THE most cathartic boss battle in the game and the realization about what Reynaldo was going to do moments before it happened gave me chills. 

Sirius’s Route: My favorite! Love my boy!! God Sirius’s route was incredible. Definitely the one that was the most consistently gripping. Exploring hell was such a cool way to make the route continue after Claire’s death and Sirius’s character development was top notch. It really felt like we were finally getting some answers, too, which was satisfying. I will say, despite being my favorite, it probably has the weakest actual conclusion. Like, the confrontation with the monster made me Feel Things, but since we don’t actually know who or what it is there’s not really as much weight as the other routes that end with Claire’s death. Still, the juicy plot revelations and character development more than made up for it.

Leon’s Route: It may not be one of my favorites but this shit fucked me up. Definitely elicited the most tears, the whole goddamn thing’s miserable. Leon’s route feels slightly lacking in the charm department for me, which probably sounds weird but... I guess it’s cause the whole thing is so laser focused on Claire. Like, obviously Leon is primarily concerned with her, so it feels like there’s less emotional or interesting moments with everyone else and the ones that ARE there aren’t as impactful as they could be since, y’know, he’s really only here for her. But that’s mostly just a personal preference and since that was the whole point I can’t really complain. Leon’s relationship with Claire was wonderfully executed and I really appreciate this poor boy. 

Torch Backstories: Like. They didn’t HAVE to add all this stuff in but they sure did and wow does it pack a punch. I was always super excited to see the next one after finishing a scenario. I do wish we had a little more variety instead of half of them being Lime though, as much as I adore her character.

Overall & Final Score My only real issue with the story is, again, I haven’t seen enough of it yet, and that it sliiightly dragged in some places. Plus there were some small elements I took issue with, like the use of the ??? character, but nothing major. 9/10 

GAMEPLAY

Fighting: No major complaints with the fighting mechanics, it was actually a really nice change of pace since most RPG maker games I’ve played don’t have battles. I do wish Leon had something a little different to set him apart from Claire, since he essentially has the exact same fighting style, albeit with a knife this time. 

Demon Requests: This was a mixed bag. I liked the concept, especially how it wraps in a little bit of lore and everything. But some of the requests, like the ones that involved fishing, were just tedious. I probably would’ve preferred if demon requests were either just a liiiiittle less frequent or had more lore sprinkled in to keep me interested. 

Scenario Mechanics & New Items: The whole idea of the scenarios is... good, but not flawless. I think giving the option of doing Reynaldo’s scenario first probably wouldn’t work very well and giving the illusion of choice only for it to just be which of the two you play first is a little redundant. But that aside, I really love the way they’re strung together with the hell room and all the things you can do there. Setting up a routine in this kind of game was a really good idea. I also looooved the new items you get each scenario, the lighter doesn’t do much but the wand and broom really feel like they broaden your horizons. 

Gift Giving & Minigames: Not super into the affection system to be honest. Like, the plushies are super cute, but the gifts and minigames feel pointless and tedious. I would’ve liked if there was some sort of scene, or even multiple, per character that you get when you max their affection, you know? Obviously this is a small complaint considering the absurd amount of content in the game but I was a little disappointed by how underwhelming the gift giving was. 

Other Puzzles I didn’t take issue with any particular puzzle, they were all reasonably easy and fun to do. I really enjoyed the majority of them and if I didn’t they were either over quickly or optional, such as Ashe’s damn slider puzzle.

Overall, Final Score The gameplay isn’t anything crazy, but it does what it’s meant to do. 6/10

ART & SOUND

Character Design: I don’t have a ton to say about the designs, I think they’re all really effective and well thought out, especially for the demons. No two characters look too similar despite the simplistic art style making it very easy for that to happen, and I thoroughly enjoy everyone’s outfits. 

Sprites and BGs: There are a few wonky sprites here and there but for an RPG maker game I was pleasantly surprised by their overall quality. And ability to make me feel things. And quantity! Like damn, there’s so many sprites for each character, I never feel like I’m seeing too much of the same one. 

OST and Sound Effects: I know none of the songs were composed for the game itself, which is common in these sorts of games, but the selection was excellent regardless. I still listen to the soundtrack a lot just for fun. The sound effects are really cute too, no complaints there either. 

Overall, Final Score It’s crude at times, but the art and music is perfect for what it wants to be and elicits a hell of a lot of emotion. 7/10

I adore this game and I can’t WAIT to start Bonus Stage!

[journeynaut]

This decade I went from being 14 to 24. From my understanding this means this decade has pretty much shaped my tastes, beliefs, and personality more than any other decade will. It’s also an important decade because at the beginning of the decade I felt like a real person, and now I feel like a ghost that occasionally almost inhabits the same space as this flesh prison.

Anyway, here’s a list of games that shaped me in reverse chronological order for maximum pretension. Spoilers and typos will be abundant. 

Red Dead Redemption 2 (2018)

I like little, mostly irrelevant prepping activities in games. Currently, I’m playing Death Stranding, and my Norman Reedus always puts on a cap. Mostly to cover up his weird little pony, but also just as a thing to do to focus before a mission. Like, listening to Friends in the Armed Forces by Thursday before the helicopter lands. Like, grabbing your wallet in the morning. Or, like in Arthur Morgan’s case, putting on a bandana before being a nasty crime boy.

Okay, maybe that’s not entirely true. I always play characters as good and pure as possible. But after I got done doing my good boy crimes I could always return to camp. Sure, camp was always moving as we ran, but the people were there every time. The world of RDR2 is beautiful, I think the characters were my favorite thing about this game. The entire plot was that camp, the outcasts in it, and the dreams they followed. They fused a cowboy simulator with a cult simulator. It says, don’t worry, friend - just keep going and Eden is the next job.

This is a game where you give, break, and are broken in pursuit of a lie. This is a game where your perfect life never arrives and the simple pleasures you find are taken. In the end, you only do whatever little bit of good you can, thank your horse for carrying your weight and the weight of everything you carry, and lay down to go peacefully.

Night in the Woods (2017)

This last decade took my memory from me. When I was a freshman in college taking an intro psych class, the class took a short term memory test. I got second in the whole class. Now I’m sitting here trying to remember who said what in this game. But regardless, one character says something like, “Getting older is your list of first times growing shorter while your list of never agains grows longer.” Heavily paraphrased, probably.

I think there’s a Bojack Horseman episode where he says, life is a series of closing doors, isn’t it? In our modern capitalist hell, very few don’t get trapped. This game understands that sometimes you can’t get out, and sometimes you just need to break some fluorescent bulbs at a dumpster. Or in my case, procrastinate on my life by playing this game while everything fell apart around me.

World of Warcraft: Legion (2016)

Tanking in WoW was my most fulfilling gaming experience of the decade. I wasn’t great, but I could be good occasionally. There are a few moments of genuine pride I can remember. Which, now that I think back, might be some of the last times I felt pride.

I had never played WoW or even an MMO before Legion, but everyone has to get into an MMO when they’re in college, right? So I got into it for about a year, and I played it way too much. So much so, I lost myself after I stopped, both personally and in games. It was hard for me to stick to any game for a long time after I stopped playing, and it honestly still is.

It wasn’t the tanking or the pride or the addictive design elements that kept me coming back - it was the people. This became a Return To game for me. Whether I was playing seriously or just goofing off, I would return to the trans mog shop in Stormwind. There were a few players who would gather consistently and talk between queues. I barely knew anything about these people but I spent hours there with them. There was my healer and best friend who I played with every day. There was the carpet layer from Hawaii. There was the player we always assumed was a young girl but turned out to be some rich man? And behind the anonymity of my characters I was able to comfortably interact with the regulars and the passerbys and mess with the assholes. I learned that pretending to be an actor playing someone else is the best way to talk to people.

Even though I barely knew these people they became friends in the modern way people become friends where you see them every day, but are also shocked to find out any detail of their personal lives. I often wonder what happened to all the people I played with. I never said bye to them or anything. I wasn’t planning on never playing again. One day it just happened.

I’ve often thought about playing again. When WoW Classic came out I thought about playing it. I’ve even thought about getting into FF14. But you can never go home, right? Some things that were good can’t be good again.

Inside (2016)

God, this is extremely my shit. I don’t have anything touching or personal to say about this. Every moment of this game is so tight and perfect, and the aesthetic is spot on. Run on, my child, go be one with your blob friends.

Or maybe I just like it because I too am a disgusting blob monster haunted by a dreary dilapidated landscape.

Firewatch (2016)

The plot of this game is messy overall, but I think about the character interactions all the time. This is a perfect example on how good dialogue isn’t realistic. It should be what we want reality to be. Henry and Delilah have such a believable relationship, strictly because I wanted to believe in it. I wanted to believe two people could always be so perfect and so witty.

And Firewatch just won’t let you believe in it. At the end you can beg and beg for Delilah to stay, and she won’t. The game gently pats you on the head, and says, sometimes people are too broken to be perfect with each other.

Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain (2015)

The PC version lets you set custom music to play as you drop in from the helicopter for your missions. This led to me hearing the beginning to Thursday’s Friends in the Armed Forces god knows how many times. Sure, maybe a 2009 emo song blaring out of a helicopter in 1980’s Afghanistan doesn’t exactly fit, but the mood fit. And it helped set the mood for the routine of going on missions.

Routine is what this game does so well. It’s an incomplete game with a not great story, and it fails at being a good Metal Gear Solid game. But the routine and mechanics blend together to create one of the best playing action games ever made. I never got tired of walking around my base, of boarding my helicopter to go drop into the desert, of launching random animals into the air with reverse parachutes.

This game also led to me formulating my Return To/Go Out theory of games, which I believe most games fall into. An old Mario game is a great example of a Go Out game. You never return anywhere; the princess is always in another castle. The Animal Crossing games maybe exist as the perfect example of a Return To game because you never even go out anywhere. You’re always there, where you mean to be. MGSV falls mostly on the Return To side of the spectrum, as it focuses on building up and managing your base and the people on it, something I’ll always be a sucker for.

Her Story (2015)

This is one of the last games that made me feel smart. As a person who feels chronically dumb as shit, that’s pretty rare. Sure, everyone in my life, and the university I went to, and all my grades say I’m not dumb. But we know that’s just because I tricked them all, and I’m actually a complete fool. But diving into this game’s wild and twisting non-linear story made me feel like a detective.

The Witcher 3 (2015)

Move out of the way Skyrim. The Witcher 3 was actually the best fantasy game of the decade. I played through all of The Witcher 2 in preparation for 3. I became so invested and involved with this universe. I feel like I should have so much more to say about this. In what was a very turbulent year of my life, this was the perfect escape. The world, writing, and characters are all so beautifully done. The DLC provides an emotional finale for the story. I never understood Gwent? But I did everything else in this game, and I still think about escaping into it again.

Also Triss for life.

Also also god, that show sucks shit though, doesn’t it?

Life is Strange (2015)

I love everything about Life is Strange. I love the melodrama, the stilted dialogue, the songs that still make me cry. I love the weird high school that resembles no high school ever. I’m not too much of a fan about what it says about me as a person though.

See, I let the entire town die to save Chloe. The crazy part is that I didn’t even think Max and Chloe were good together. When the game gave me a chance to kiss Chloe, I didn’t take it. I thought they had been apart too long, that they had too much personal baggage, that they were going through too much. But when the moment came I couldn’t let her go. I let the entire town get blown away to save her.

Transistor (2014)

Hey, do you want a cyberpunk, post-rock fueled, murder revenge love story?

Transistor had such an impact on me that Red and the Transistor are still my phone’s wallpaper and lockscreen. It’s the game I always mean to get around to playing again, but year after year I don’t. Maybe one day I will, or maybe that’s just what I tell myself about most things in life.

Regardless, this game acts as a perfect spiritual sequel to the studio’s first game, Bastion. In Bastion, everyone wanted to live in the perfect world that had been, but was now destroyed. In Transistor, the world exists - it’s there and could theoretically become whatever people want, and yet, no one wants to live in it. You’re not even trying to save the world; you want escape as much as anyone else. You just need revenge for the small part of your personal world that has been taken.

Also, at the end you get to basically fight yourself, and I’m such a sucker for when games have you fight someone with the same powers as you.

Gone Home (2013)

I had never been in love when I played this game. I thought I had, but being a teenager is dumb and weird. Of all the first times I wish I could experience again in games, this is up there on that list. Maybe even the top. Mainly because I understand love now, and I think it would make this game hurt more.

Both times I played Gone Home I sobbed, and I’m certain if I played it again, I would sob again. This was the first game to impact me in that way. As I’ve grown more and more dead inside, as I feel less and less, I seek those experiences out. Why yes, I would like to play whatever the sad new indie game is. Why yes, I would like to listen to that song that makes me emotional over and over. That scene in a show made me cry? Yes, I will absolutely watch it again.

Gone Home, like Spec Ops, taught me so much about what games could be and do. In a decade of walking simulators, Gone Home still stands out as one of the best.

Animal Crossing: New Leaf (2013)

Animal Crossing is the best goddamn game series of all time, and this is the best one because you can stack fruit.

Hotline Miami (2012)

I have never done cocaine in the 80’s, but that’s pretty much this game, right? This murder simulator game does something to your body on like, a visceral level. Imagine it’s like your 20th attempt on a level. Your hands are shaking with adrenaline, but you have a careful plan. It immediately goes bad so you just panic and start running around knifing fools and it somehow works out anyway. That’s the thing that makes this work so well, and also the thing the devs absolutely did not understand when they made Hotline Miami 2.

You know what else makes this game great? The vibes. Miss me with your vibe checks if you’re not putting off Hotline Miami vibes. It’s the trippy and psychedelic story, it’s the way you have to walk through the bodies of everyone you just murked at the end of the level, it’s the game constantly asking if you feel good about what you’re doing. Hotline Miami and Spec Ops made me reevaluate how I thought about violence in games. Which isn’t to say I don’t play violent games, just that I think more about what the games are asking me to do.

Borderlands 2 (2012)

My experience with Borderlands was different than how most people played it. I didn’t really uh, have friends, so I played it alone. But it wasn’t an inferior experience. I got to play my haiku spouting sniper at my own pace. All the guns were mine. I could laugh at the dumb jokes as long as I wanted.

Hey wait, actually, is this game still funny? If I thought it was extremely funny originally, would it still hold up? Like, Mr. Satan being Mr. Torgue still has to be funny, right?

Anyway, most of the DLC for this game is pretty mediocre or just straight up bad, but the Tiny Tina DLC is some of the best DLC of the decade. Those madmen just made D&D in a goofy ass game where guns yell at you when you shoot them, and somehow made it an emotionally resonant end to the story.

Spec Ops: The Line (2012)

We all really missed what this game was trying to tell us, huh? It constantly asks you if you’re okay with the dehumanization of minorities and the glorification of imperialism and the military that runs rampant through games. Here we are going into 2020, and goobers are still trying to argue games don’t have politics in them. Anyway, gamers are dumb as shit, and we should have listened to Spec Ops more.

Portal 2 (2011)

This came out at the beginning of this decade, huh? Guess I gotta break out the walker and sign up for AARP. Anyway, being funny is hard. I mean, I’ve never managed to be funny so I assume it’s hard. I mean, sometimes my life is funny in a cosmically ironic way, like I’m god’s personal clown and not in on the joke.

Anyway, anyway, the puzzles are fantastic, and Portal 2 is funny as hell in a way I’m pretty sure would still hold up. The humor is definitely more overt than the original Portal, but Cave Johnson is a god tier character. I can’t remember what I did yesterday, and I still remember Cave Johnson lines from like, 8 years ago.

Minecraft (2011)

*twirls mustache* Not to sound like a hipster, but I started playing Minecraft in 2010 before release. My first world seed was the most perfect seed I ever encountered. It was a large island, the size of which, I never encountered again. Like, it was big enough that it felt like I had to branch out to explore, but also small enough that I could know it all. Playing on that island was the most pure experience I had with Minecraft, in retrospect. I didn’t know what I was doing, and I didn’t realize that actually everyone else was way better at building things and playing the game than I was.

But eventually you get bored of everything, right? So I found a server and joined the forums. Over time I grew a bit bored of the game, and eventually realized I wasn’t very good at it. But I stuck around on the forums. Like, for years. Playing on that server, even as my time actually playing lessened, and being on the forums defined my teenage years.

I had a complicated relationship with the forums and the game, though. I’m not good with people. That’s just something I’ve had to learn to accept. But I’ve actually gotten better over the years. Back during my teenage years I was awful with people. I was antisocial, standoffish, pretentious, etc. I also felt like I couldn’t get anyone to like me, which I now realize was my own fault. There was a group of players I wanted to be a part of, but also could never really break into. The game and forums became what I was experiencing and also everything I couldn’t experience. It’s what I did every day but also what I was missing out on. Even today my thoughts on Minecraft are complicated. That one song, you know the one, always makes me emotional.

I originally had a different end planned to whatever this list is. It was gonna be a pretentious ending about how a few years ago I tried to go back and play Minecraft but just couldn’t because you can never go home again. I was gonna talk about my first world seed and the optimism and exploration I experienced, and it was obviously gonna mimic my decade. Because, you know, pretentiousness. But I can’t do that now.

See, I just looked up that server, and I found out it’s still active. The website looks like when I left. The same people are in charge. It’s like a time capsule. Due to a lot of personal turmoil, I asked for a server ban and a forum ban to stop myself getting back on in January 2015. That was when my time with Minecraft came to an end. But here’s the crazy thing: a couple of weeks ago, almost 5 years after I quit, someone posted on my forum profile that they missed me. And we weren’t even close friends, I thought. I mean, no one liked me, right? And it wasn’t just this one person. Multiple people had left similar messages on my profile over the years.

Normally I don’t like when people have memories and perceptions of me. Like, hell is other people, right? But this kind of hurt my insides deep down, like nothing has in a while. I don’t quite have words for it because it’s so personally tied to how I felt about Minecraft, and thus the forums, and thus a lot of this decade. Does this mean that multiple people I’ve encountered over the decade miss me? That some amount of people greater than zero miss me not being around?

Anyway, this has gotten off track, but also maybe it hasn’t. The point I was trying to make was to make a pretentious list about how silly little things we do in our free time can affect us years later in ways we won’t realize and sometimes can’t understand.

In conclusion, games track better with the most personal moments of my decade better than almost anything. Games are great. The people who play them are often terrible. Video games forever.

[mythgirlimagines]

Kaemaki Week 3- Life

VR AU FTW ^_^

On Ao3 | On FFN

For the most part, Maki kept to herself after waking up. She only talked to Shuichi and Himiko a few times, but really just stayed in her room. She didn’t care for most of the others enough to be bothered by them, and she was certain that some of them wouldn’t want to talk to her, either. So why bother? Her room was a perfectly fine place to just exist.

Exist...and think. What she thought about was dumb, especially given the cirsumstances they were in during the simulation. And she was loathe to admit it, too, but she realized far too late that the feelings she had for Kaito did not consist of romantic love. No, she’d taken those initial feelings and redirected them onto him after the death of the only other person who would approach her for a conversation.

Shuichi knocked on her door. Only Shuichi knocked. Anyone else either came in (Kaito) or yelled through the door that they were coming in (Himiko). “Come in.”

The first thing she noticed was that he already looked significantly less frail than he had in the first dew days. He smiled, something she also noticed he’d been doing more and more. Good for him. “Kaede’s awake.”

That explained the smile. “That’s good.” She had to play this off. He didn’t know.

“She wants to see you.”

That got her attention away from pretending to read. “She does?” Thanks to years of training, she was sure her face didn’t betray any semblance of emotion, but she couldn’t help but worry that it did. She closed her book, not bothering to mark her spot. “What room?” As if she didn’t already know.

Something glinted in Shuichi’s eyes, like he knew what she was thinking. Drat. “Two-sixteen.” Right down the hall from her. “I’m going to-” He made vague motions with his hands, pointed to down the hall in the opposite direction. Cryptic way to show that he was going to visit Kokichi again. “I’ll see you later.”

She waited for the count of twenty after he left to go. Nobody else was in the hall, but she could hear chatter from the other rooms. With some still recovering from phantom wounds left from the game, it was easier to move from room to room than congregate in the common area.

Kaede’s room was two down from Maki, with only Tenko’s room in between them. Her door was only partially closed, but Maki knocked for good measure. “Come in!” came Kaede’s cheery reply.

“Back to your old self already,” she said, slipping in and closing the door behind her. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I can barely take a deep breath, but fine otherwise.” Good. Postmortem wounds apparently left no aftereffect. “Um, I wanted to talk to you. About the game.”

A warning sign went off in her mind when the game was mentioned. She didn’t like to talk about it, but she couldn’t say no. Not right now. “If it’s about what you did, it was stupid.”

“Yeah.”

“And it got you killed.”

“I’m aware of that, yes.” She deflated a little, running a hand down her face, but perked right back up. “But I’m fine now, right? We all are.”

Maki crossed her arms to hide her fingers curling into fists. “That’s beside the point. Your plan got you killed, and watching that was a lot harder than you would think.” She sat in the chair next to Kaede’s bed, not meeting her eyes. Loving someone in a killing game was hard.

“I know, and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to affect you that way.” She took what Maki supposed was a deep breath, but it was quick and ragged, almost gasping. “Which brings me to what I wanted to talk about. Just hear me out, alright? During the game, hanging out with you and getting to know you was my favorite thing, and I know you were kinda reserved and abrasive but I really liked talking to you and right before the time limit I think I started to have a crush on you and I woke up with those feelings. I know we don’t really know each other too well and that it’s probably way too late to even say this but I just wanted to get it off of my chest.”

For someone who said she couldn’t take deep breaths, that was a lot of talking. Maki was stunned, but a quick search of Kaede’s face told her that she was genuine- and waiting for a response. She didn’t even know how to arrange her thoughts into a coherent response. “We’re not on a time limit now,” she eventually said. “We could get to know each other better here.”

Kaede broke out into a grin, her eyes lighting up. “You mean it?”

“I do.” She drummed her fingers against her jeans- way more comfortable than a skirt- and stood up. “Have you had anything to eat yet? I could raid us some donuts and tea and we could start now.”

Somehow, Kaede’s grin grew wider. Maki didn’t think that was possible. “That sounds perfect. You know, I’m glad I met you.”

Maki returned her words with a small, warm smile. “I’m glad I met you, too.”

[wahbegan]

Red’s Retro Reviews - Condemned Criminal Origins

Hello and welcome to the tag where I use my otherwise useless and time-consuming habit of taking very old classic games that I’ve wrung all the enjoyment out of like a troubled child with an injured bird and turn it into entertainment! Maybe one day the editor of some chic magazine will hire me to talk about how much I know about Batman: Arkham Asylum and how much I hate myself for it.

Anyway, this week I thought I’d start off with an overlooked little gem that had a bit of cult notoriety and good critical reception, but which otherwise nobody gave an ounce of rat shit about: the Condemned series. More specifically, the original game.

Now, when I ask you who started the extremely lucrative habit of live-streaming themselves hilariously over-reacting to horror games, you might be tempted to say the Game Grumps, or Markiplier if you’re younger, or Pewdiepie if you’re the kind of person who unironically uses the phrase anti-white racism. But you’d all be wrong and stupid. Also possibly nazi sympathizers, but I digress.

NO! The first college-age white boys who decided it would be a good idea to beam them fucking up a video game to thousands and thousands of people online are..........lost to history because archiving of the exact history of internet trends is such an enormous clusterfuck that for years people were convinced, and some still are, that Slenderman was a real urban legend and not something some dickhead made up for a photoshop competition circa 2009

But ONE of the first was the 4 Players Network, or 4 Players Podcast, or 4PP. I know very little about these guys, so if they all turned out to be nonces and serial killers please don’t @ me, but what i DO know, is that they uploaded a video that changed my life forever. This video was “Holy Crap That’s a Bear !” Certainly not a name that would stand out in today’s massively oversaturated Let’s Play market, but this delightful video documented these two dumb assholes losing their shit over a game. The game of course, being Condemned 2: Bloodshot. Specifically, the level in which you are chased through a hunting lodge by a rabid bear. As an aside, I looked it up, having never heard of the phenomenon, and apparently it’s very rare, but yes bears can and do get rabies, usually with just about as fatal results as you would expect. So sweet dreams!

Anyway, watching this couple of dipshits get jumpscared and mauled to death by a poorly rendered bear again and again as they were repeatedly outwitted at every turn by an entity with a few lines of programming instead of a brain was, in y’know the year 2008,  the absolute most fun a 14-year-old boy could have. Clearly it still is, but you always remember your first time, particularly when the only LPs i have watched since were a handful of markiplier videos with a girl in college who liked to get me very stoned and then put them on because she thought that counted as courtship.

A n y w a y, apart from the unfortunate and definitely a mistake innovation of streaming video games, the sequence of being chased through a claustrophobic environment by a bear which can rip down doors, break through walls, run faster than you, shrug off 15 shotgun blasts to the face without so much as sneezing, etc. seemed incredibly tense and original, an amazing concept for a game. Once again, this was circa 2008 before “Run for your fucking life” had become the norm for horror games.

So then why the fuck are you not reviewing that game?? You might be thinking if you’re still reading this which someone clearly is or my narrative voice would have ceased to exist by now in that tree falling in the woods kind of way. Well, dear reader, while Condemned 2 was better than the first game in a LOT of ways, it’s always worth taking a gander at the one that started it all. Also, Condemned 1 is, if only slightly, probably better known. Also, Bloodshot commits the cardinal sin of over-explaining the first game’s mystery and a result making it kind of goofy and ridiculous see also the entire history of the Halloween franchise, and as a result the ending is....well, a bit shit, to be honest. Finally, and most importantly, it’s not on Steam for 3 dollars, so shut up

The thing about Condemned is that while Let’s Plays and seemingly inanimate objects moving only when you’re not looking at them and unstoppable juggernauts of wanton death have now become the norm for video game horror (and thanks a fucking bunch, Doctor fucking Who, for always being what people say started the inanimate object fuckery even though Stephen King did it in The Shining in the FUCKING 70s and let’s be honest it’s just a primal universal fear and i’ll be in the cold fucking ground before that bloody show sees one ounce of credit where it isn’t due), Condemned as a whole has remained remarkably unique. Not wholly unique, the developers have heavily borrowed from genre-straddling crime horror movies like Silence of the Lambs and Se7en and in fact almost beat-for-beat stole the most infamous jump scare from the latter, but if it still ends with shit in my pants, and it does, I can’t really call it a failure.

Most of the creativity the game DOES have is in the gameplay itself, or rather one aspect of the two aspects of the gameplay. It’s the combat I’m talking about the combat, seeing as that’s basically all there is. Let’s just get this out of the way first, the forensic investigation shit is........well, it’s a bit shit. Oh yes, there’s a couple crime scenes you have to “solve” in a cursory almost a cutscene sort of way, where you have helpful premonitions about where you’re supposed to look and, as your lab tech helpfully informs you, “the system will choose which tool you need for you, so don’t worry about that!” Well, Christ kill me, thank God YOU know between the three fucking tools I have, one of which is an everything sensor and one of which is just a fucking camera which I’m supposed to use, God knows I wouldn’t have liked to have solved that mystery myself. It’s a shame because some of the crime scenes are quite intricate and yes, I would have liked to have put together myself that “wait a minute there’s a handprint in the paint here that matches the killer but the UV light shows an old blood spatter on the wall right above where he’d be sitting to make it, THAT MUST MEAN-” but nope. No you just have a premonition of the guy getting clobbered over the back of the head because the game is so terrified you won’t be able to put two and two together that it points out both the twos and hands you a multiplication table and nudges you and looks meaningfully at four every few minutes if you hesitate.

Anyway, that’s all the whingeing about the gameplay out of the way, because the rest of it is just delightful. Condemned is the rare first person game that focuses almost solely on melee combat and the almost unheard of one that does it well. In fact, it is the only example I can think of that’s not shit. Weapons all have individual stats to do with their heft and how far they can reach and how much of a man’s skull you can cave in at once with it and you have to choose between the plank with nails sticking out of it you can swing three times a second but you have to beat a man so badly with it it’s tiring just to watch and the sledgehammer, which demands a two weeks’ notice in writing if you’re planning on hitting someone with it, but will basically render every living thing in its considerable swing arc sent to the fucking Shadow Realm upon impact.

Something about the sound effects and the way the weapons in this game control really gets under my skin, I was killed by a 300-pound Subway-dwelling crazy survivalist wielding the aforementioned sledgehammer, and when I went down, I was sure I was familiar with the sound effect that played when it struck my skull, a sort of distant, muffled ringing of bone hitting metal. Wait a minute, I thought, I know I’ve experienced this in real life, how did they get this sound effect? Did they kill a man with a hammer to get this sound effect? Was I killed with a hammer in a past life? Killing people is equally fucking unpleasant as even the most vicious and inhuman looking ones don’t go down easily, and you can see them spit gobs of broken teeth and blood and god knows what, hear the lovingly researched impact noises, and almost feel the impact as you necessitate years of reconstructive facial surgery with one swing of your mighty chunk of concrete attached to a rebar. Then some of them have the gall to shakily get to their knees, not quite dead, trying to mumble something and you’re required to hit them AGAIN, which is always harrowing. To quote another underappreciated piece of media about the joys of gruesome murder: Why won’t you just die?! This is hard enough for me!!

The guns you do get are absolute balls, generally having about three bullets in them, you can’t reload them even if you find the exact same type of gun later, you can’t hold them in your inventory, and if you want an aiming reticle you have to actively turn it on in the options menu, and you can almost hear the game laughing at you for being such a shameless pussy.

Well, you now might be thinking to yourself, cheers for making the effort, but I’m not an insane person and therefore do not think the idea of a brutally beating people to death simulator sounds very enticing, but that’s the thing, it’s not really supposed to be. It does have a strangely addictive quality after a while, but for the most part it’s panicky and harrowing and grotesque and you really don’t want to do it but you have no choice, which is absolutely the best kind of survival horror. See, the combat in survival horror is always a bit of a sticking point, isn’t it? Because if you give the player too much firepower it just becomes an action game with spooky set pieces, but if you give them none at all, as is chic today, you better have loads of other surprises in store buddy boy, because the sheen on that trend has died and now you’re just likely to get slapped with the dreaded WALKING SIMULATOR sticker.

No, the best kind of combat for a horror feel is exactly the kind Condemned delivers, so of course they never FUCKING did it again. You leave every fight low on supplies, exhausted, badly wounded, and a bit sick at what you just reduced a human being’s skull to. Too often, the combat in games is, even that word “combat” it’s clean, it’s cold, it’s detached, it’s a very unique euphemism for butchering God knows how many people. I play this little game in my head when I go through games sometimes trying to keep track of how many unique, thinking, feeling entities I’ve just reduced to a mess for the janitor to mop up, and I always lose track around the third level. Condemned isn’t like that. Its violence is violence: horrible, awful, terrifying violence, and it doesn’t let you forget it. 

The graphics also add a lot to the horror if you can get past the dated polygonal weird-ass xbox 360 at launch faces and cutscenes, which is actually pretty easy once you get used to it. The level and character design is fantastic, and really adds a lot to the whole feel of the game. Everywhere you look is dark and labyrinthine, crumbling with rebars jutting out and exposed paneling and plumbing beneath holes rotted in the walls and grime and blood and god knows what just staining everything. This game is really nihilistic in tone, and you get the sense just from the graphics that you’re somewhere nobody gives a shit about, in a part of a city that’s just been left to die and rot. One almost gets the feeling moving around the fourth or fifth condemned (ohhhhh I see what they did there) building that the whole city is just a ghost town full of nobody but violent lunatics, and also that if you keep playing for too long you might get hepatitis just from exposure.

Plot-wise, I could fill another twenty paragraphs with petty gripes. It’s a bit Kill List which i’m sure is a reference you all understand in that it starts as a crime thriller about catching a serial murderer and ends in some bizarre insane bullshit halfway between Hereditary and Hellraiser, and leads you into it gently enough that you never really notice a sudden lurch.

You play as Ethan Thomas, a very boring and generic FBI Agent called in to investigate a serial killer case by two cops who are REMARKABLY blithe about murdering people, and it’s a bit jarring in today’s political climate. Though distrust, fear, and hatred of the police isn’t exactly new, and violence amongst police officers is brought up at one point, albeit in a loading screen, so honestly I can’t be arsed to speculate on what level of self-awareness we’re operating on here. Regardless, it’s bothersome.

“Oh yeah, this place is full of addicts, hopped up on something, I think, just shoot ‘em. What? Lost your gun, eh? That’s fine here’s a fire axe go nuts, kid, we’ll deal with the paperwork later”

Anyway, you are ambushed by a man you believe to be the killer for.......no real reason, really. He was spying on you checking out the crime scene, but we just established this place is full of squatters, what if one of the 8 people I murdered on the way into this ambush was the killer??? Case solved! 

Anyway, needless to say, without wishing to spoil, the dude IS the main antagonist the yellow eyes are a helpful giveaway, and he takes your gun and swiftly shoots Generic Beat Cop and Generic Dick with it, then throws you out a window, whereupon some other asshole whose main role in the game is to be enigmatic and plot-convenient, you know, one of THOSE characters, spirits you away from the scene, making it look like you just killed two cops and fled.

Now, in real life, as we all know, a cop can’t be indicted for murder even if 50 people saw him do it, but in this world, it means you have to go on the run from the FBI (not your lab tech, though, who is somehow assisting you from the lab and sending confidential data to your phone unnoticed??) while trying to solve the murder.

Meanwhile, in the background, in an “I’m sure this isn’t important and will in no way inform the last level of the game going batshit bonkers” kind of way, all of the people, including the cops, in certain dilapidated and neglected areas of the unnamed City City appear to be going what is medically known as balls-to-the-wall kill crazy, and birds are dropping dead from the sky by the thousands. Even you, protagonist, are prone to horrible screaming nightmare visions coming right the blazing blue fuck out of nowhere and that you never feel the need to comment on or go take a lie-down. I’m sure it’s nothing.

The voice acting is what you’d expect from this era of video games i.e. not good and the writing has an absolutely DESPICABLE habit of having characters tell Ethan things he should already god damned well know for the sake of gameplay or exposition, leading to my current theory that Agent Ethan Thomas has some kind of horrible head injury and can’t remember anything from over 2 minutes ago like Guy Pearce in that pretentious movie where he accidentally kills his wife and then runs around for two hours terrorizing random-ass people about it.

The game never full-on plays the AND THE MAN YOU’VE BEEN PLAYING AS WAS CRAZY THE WHOLE TIME card and leaves things a bit ambiguous, but after caving in the 15th vagrant’s head and the 7th vision you’ve had of being murdered by some Cenobite-looking motherfucker while conducting an unsanctioned investigation during a suspension prompted by you presumably murdering the shit out of two guys, you start to think this may not be standard FBI protocol. 

It’s all a bit hard to swallow is me point, a bit hard to sympathize, and a bit muddy if we’re supposed to or not. But you know what? It certainly isn’t boring, and I’d be lying if I told you it wasn’t effective. This game is now one of only two to have genuinely given me nightmares, and I think it’s rather telling that after I played the hallucination part I had the nightmare about, I was having genuine trouble remembering if something happened in my nightmare of it or in the actual version.

Condemned is batshit crazy, hilariously easy to write off as “that game about killing hobos”, and very, very dated. But it is genuinely harrowing and unpleasant, and was clearly genuinely made by artists with the intent of saying.....errr i’m not exactly sure what, but SOMETHING! It’s about as far a cry as you can get from the Triple A crawling with microtransactions like your MCM is with crabs milk-you-for-money-until-your-udders-bleed look-at-how-shiny-we-are games, and even a lot of indie horror games who think it’s a measure of a masterpiece being able just to constantly trigger your fight-or-flight response again and again and again so you can make a hilarious Let’s Play out of it not to name any names Five Night’s at Freddy’s. It’s a relic of a different and i think a better time in gaming history, where big-name publishers were still taking chances and hadn’t quite yet worked out the formula for how to distill games into their most skeletal, malnourished, corporate, addictive, glorified gambling form.

Also it’s 3 dollars on Steam and you can finish it in like ffffffffucking...two days? So really why the fuck not. I have no idea how to assign numbers to things i’d probably give ir a 7 or 8 or 4 out of 5 stars but i’m bad at systems like that, just play it if you give a shit. If nothing else, a bunch of people snapping it up out of nowhere will really fuck with marketing, which is always a noble pursuit

[kalimaruquin]

The garbled text in the latest update apparently says that only one of the Books is actually accurate, which is probably the motive for the murder. If they all have the books they should all know about the glitches,.which implies that the glitches were what was omitted from the other 4 books.

But then THAT just raises the questions

Did Strelitzia have the accurate book? 

and

How would the murderer know that?

Because if only one of the books is perfectly accurate, it could just as easily be that Brain was a guaranteed leader and got the right book, and that Ventus killed Strelitzia for one of the edited copies. On the other hand, if Ventus is going to be an unused asset, then how could Brain have known that Strelitzia had the right book out of the five leaders? Did he just go after her because she let it slip that she was leader and he got lucky? But then why turn around after murdering someone and start playing the big anti-hero? All of this implies that he still would need to know too much about the future prior to learning about the future, or that whatever is in the book is so revelatory that it made him take on the ‘future virus’ idea.

What I’m really hoping for at this point is that when Ventus and Brain meet in the Control Room, that Darkness either shows up or sneaks in and that at least one of the three tips their hand.

If Ventus is the killer, then Brain should at least point out that he does not trust Ven and that he knows what Ven did, because Strelitzia’s murder was in the accurate copy of the book and that Brain has read about it. Then Darkness could turn out to be Luxu, MoM, or Brain himself, someone from UX’s time that knew about Maleficent because they either read or saw the future. No Vanitas needed here.

If Brain is the killer, then he’ll let it slip that “heh, everything’s going according to keikaku (keikaku means plan)”, and he’ll let it slip that he’s the killer to Ventus, and Ventus will then either flat out tell the others or give them enough of a clue to figure it out themselves. Then Ventus either gets weirded out by Brain’s crazy BS and gives up on being a wielder, or Brain takes everyone down and Ventus gives up because he feels responsible for their ‘deaths’ in some way. Then Darkness could end up being Luxu, MoM, or Brain (again because future vision/book), or it’s Vanitas, here to rub it in Ventus’ face how useless he is, but that’s still pretty unlikely.

If Vanitas is the killer, then Brain will point out that he doesn’t trust/can’t tell things to Ventus, but also point out that he knows that it isn’t Ven’s fault. This option is really the only one that guarantees that Darkness has to be Vanitas, and that the line from the english version of KH3 was intentional all the way through production, but wasn’t included elsewhere for some reason (because I’m being told it wasn’t). If the killer is Vanitas, then the conversation between Ven and Brain will go nowhere and Darkness will have shown up to either spy on them and secretly unmask himself or Darkness will walk in and openly taunt Ventus about all of this time/identity nonsense. Either way, this is really the only option that actually requires Vanitas to be involved directly in UX.

The last option I talked about in the other post, the hack author option, is that someone who is so far unrelated to everything is the one to have killed Strelitzia and basically just steals the script from the ‘Vanitas is the killer’ scenario, but minus all the nuance and possible character development for Ventus.

And all of this is still under the assumption that we’re watching real developing characters and not a pack of self-aware hologram duplicates created to live through a simulation of the Dandelion Era just so that Darkness or Strelitzia’s killer (or both) could do something dumb like figure out where The Box was all along or what’s in The Box, or some other inane minor detail. Because that would mean that the glitches aren’t Daybreak Town collapsing or the Book of Prophecies generating too much junk data, it’s that the simulation has been going for too long and that the number of probable eventualities and outcomes is causing a cascade in the system, or… something.

[ryouverua]

Trial 4 - The Confession  (3)

THIS IS.... NOT HOW I THOUGHT THINGS WOULD GO DOWN... AT ALL...

Investigation 1 / 2

Trial: 1 / 2

WHAT THEY HAVE A TEXT BOX AND EVERYTHING THIS IS LEGIT THEN?!?!

Wait, so she really did meet up with him before the virtual world then? I imagine it was before she gathered everyone, but after that flashback light that caused her to panic the way she did - so in the last few days? And it would have to be before he met Monokuma too... so not yesterday (as I’m imagining this taking place midmorning after they went to the VR world) but the day before that?

I can only imagine what threw him off as she was speaking. He has an excellent poker face though, so I’m not surprised she didn’t realize he was onto her.

It says a lot about Kokichi that he could stay calm in the fact of that, but also it’s... a bit sad that he didn’t think he could approach anyone for help...

... Then again, countering a murder plan with a murder plan is, uh, very Supreme Leader-ish! And one that doesn’t get your own hands dirty...

I guess you are really confessing everything, because I don’t know why you would feel the need to add that damning evidence on top of all the other stuff???

By making it more interesting, did he just mean getting everyone into the simulator full well knowing Miu’s plans, or literally telling Monokuma, ‘I am going to counter Miu’s murder plan with my own’?!?!

It sounds like Kokichi’s idea wasn’t to put the motive in the simulator, after all! Monokuma is straight-up saying it was his!

But does it matter at this point if we didn’t find it??? I swear, between the Necronomicon, the First Blood Perk and this, we seriously not using any of the motives!

So they argue a bit with Monokuma about him working together with a student but he handwaves it away with the whole, well, ~I wasn’t involved with the actual murder myself~ which, okay, fine though technically isn’t he working with the mastermind. It’s kinda distracting from the confession at hand anyway.

  It’s a bit scary how badly you want to confess though.

“Anything that lets me actually put you in the ground.”

That’s a lukewarm revenge -

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

W H A T

j us t

happen....ed...........

shuichi also reacted with probably one of the cutest ‘eh’ sounds I have every heard out of his mouth but unfortunately this is all visual based, not sound based, so I cannot include it here, and also that is entirely beside the point

Holy shit, Kokichi. Holy - shit - DID YOU... STRAIGHT UP... JUST..... DROP GONTA’S NAME...

AN ENTIRELY APPROPRIATE REACTION TO FINDING OUT YOU MURDERED SOMEONE VIA ALTER EGO AND DON’T REMEMBER IT once again, a masterstroke by Kokichi, Mr. ‘I reference YGO Duel Monsters without even trying’

Yeah, I’m not surprised to see Tsumugi chiming in here. She has been Gonta’s biggest defender from trial to trial, even if her voice isn’t as loud as Kaito’s. 8(

And my god, if Kaito’s voice ain’t loud right now!

HIMIKO DON’T YOU FUCKING SAY IT

A;SLDKFJ KOKICHI DON’T THINK YOU INTERRUPTING HERE SAVES YOU FROM ME SERIOUSLY JUDGING YOUR LIFE CHOICES

“YOU CAN’T JUST SPLIT THE SCREEN LIKE THAT WITHOUT A SWORD DUEL THAT’S NOT HOW THE MECHANIC WORKS!”

“- ANYWAY I was totally confessing guys, and on behalf of Gonta as well as myself! I can’t believe you would just interrupt me when I’m being so charitable! Waaaah, you’re all so meeeean ~ !” insert crocodile tears sprite here

I am here to interrupt this incredibly serious and terrifying confession with accompanying illustration to ask - why ‘Busters’?! What kind of dumb name is that, honestly.

Between this and your ‘if everyone dies, the game will end!’ comment, you’re really scaring me right now, Kokichi - !

Gonta is not about this at all.

Man, I’ve been making the D: face over and over again during this trial - meanwhile, Gonta right now is the living embodiment of that text emoji right now.

Oh.... oh, of course. Kokichi doesn’t know about the avatar error either, does he? He’s been operating under the assumption that Gonta has been... lying to us this whole time............ That he’s been a perfect liar, without a single crack in his veneer, even to a keen liar-spotting master like Kokichi, and that he’s been just as good at tricking us as him - even better, possibly. 

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Gonta’s strongest, most stalwart supporter of the whole game is back in the game!

TRAUMATIC BUZZING NOISE FLASHBACKS

Between all the back and forth, including a bit of gloating at Shuichi on Kokichi’s part, he drops this:

And here, to counter all of the ‘Gonta is too ~dumb~ to do something like this’ comments, he already has a ready-made argument. He really has been set from the beginning, huh? Either that or his improv ability is topnot - oh wait this is Kokichi Ouma we’re talking about, of course it is. Anyway, while I think Kokichi set Gonta up to do this, I feel like I’m at least affording Gonta a bit more agency than his classmates. 8′/

d-don’t.... neglect the heart...... nngh

erika furudo is being channelled by kokichi ouma to wreak havoc on this killing game, this truly is the worst timeline

FUCK PLEASE DON’T BRING UP GENTLEMEN THIS IS SO AWFUL I’M GOING TO D I E

and everyone else seems to be in the same state I am, minus the whole ‘I’m 99% sure it was Gonta’ mindset I had going in, so Kokichi asks them the obvious question:

Aaaah, I thought so. Kaito has been pushed far enough that he won’t accept anything other than Kokichi being the culprit. :(

Kokichi’s about to drop a massive truth bomb in the trial and Kaito is not going to like it.

OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE KOKICHI NOW YOUR TROLL FACES ARE WARPING THE FABRIC OF REALITY ITSELF AROUND YOU PLEASE CONTROL YOUR TERRIFYING ULTIMATE POWER

I just really wanted to isolate this one shot from the debate especially because damn, just - the way they set it up for him and his sprite to dominate the whole screen by just - towering over everyone despite everyone being against him, despite everyone accusing him, is just some great work by the layout team!

Also the fact that they can contrast that with this image with all the flowers and sunshine around him, with that cute little smile on his face... man, I keep praising what they did with the trial debates for a reason!

And once again, it’s Kaito argument that Shuichi is forced to cut down...

All the pieces except for two - Gonta’s motive/reason he would work with Kokichi (because I thought it was maybe spur of the moment move on his part to protect Kokichi, but Kokichi is heavily implying it isn’t, and the fact that it was done via prepared item is.... a problem) and Gonta’s memory problems - are officially out in the open. Oooh geez - I had been wondering how they would do this case since to me, it didn’t seem technically difficult to figure out, but I guess the writers’ solution to that issue is to just gut-punch the players all the way to the end. 8′D

And now Kaito’s being countered by his other sidekick. Can we stop kicking this poor puppy while he’s down??? As in, the poor puppy who is probably dying a slow death from a mysterious illness right now??? Is this the game’s idea of karmic rebalancing for not outright deathflagging him again this chapter, or???

Because you’ve been baiting him this entire time.

So... was he going to let them fall for the lie of ‘Kokichi Ouma is the culprit who killed Miu’? That’s what I’m wondering right now. He’s very happily driving in the point that the one, singular truth can be incredibly painful, but this still seems very much to be a reaction to all the events of the trial leading up to this point!

Having Gonta beside Kaede’s stand, the other person who we thought, ‘No, it couldn’t be, it couldn’t possibly be....’ was probably planned from the very beginning for this trial, I imagine.

I-I MEAN IS THAT FAIR SINCE BUGS ARE DIRECTLY TIED TO HIS TALENT...

But of course, while the classmates are rallying around Gonta and Kaito...

Showing growth at the most unfortunate times, Shuichi Saihara uses his budding confidence to grow up up up and away from Kaito. 8′\

Look at him, inserting himself in between the two like this -

“SHUT UP KOKICHI YOU’RE RUINING OUR BROSHIP - W-WE CAN STILL BE BROS AFTER THIS, RIGHT KAITO???

Kaito directly after the trial but actually no please let the saimota stay strong you must overcome....

On the one hand I feel like Kokichi is being heavy-handed - on the other, I’m starting to think that he feels the need to over-explain everything to his classmates because they just won’t get it otherwise. 8′D

I don’t feel like this is 100% fair though - he did a really great job with finding the door in Chapter 1! He, uh, did completely lose his mojo though, so...

Well, the point is, Kaito did need to teach him how to trust in other people because Kaede broke it by lying to him! Shuichi has been a naturally suspicious worrywart this whole time!

HIS VOICE IS BREAKING I CAN’T FUCKING DO THIS

SHUICHI CAN’T EITHER

FUCK I THOUGHT DOING HIS FTES WOULD HELP ME THROUGH THIS BUT IT MADE EVERYTHING SO MUCH WORSE

Oh shit, this was a surprise bit of support that I wasn’t expecting! How shocked do you think Kokichi is right now that K1-b0 of all people is not completely disbelieving him, on a scale of 1-10??

If I make a comment about how computer-like this is would I get slammed for being robophobic or -

I mean Kaito’s technically not wrong? But he’s not completely right either... I, I really think Kokichi is trying to kill two birds with one stone here. 8′/ But to what end, is the real question... Disillusionment? Is that the ultimate goal?

MONOKUMA YOU’RE BRO-BLOCKING ME!!!

unholy screeching -

Kaito sounds so betrayed -

“Hold on Monokuma, I thought this was only supposed to happen in the event of an even split -”

“Shut the fuck up Shuichi Is2g I’ll crazy glue your hat back on!”

THIS IS AN INCREDIBLY UNLIKELY TEAM and also a popular OT3, I imagine with an incredibly complicated name. like. how do you combine saiouma and, uh... kiibouma I’m guessing - saikiibouma maybe???

also K1-b0 please don’t wave your Objection! finger in Gonta’s face like that, it is neither the time nor place and also incredibly rude and not helping -

I absolutely love (and by love I mean my heart is being wrenched In Twain) the way they have Shuichi facing in one direction, and Kaito fully, completely turned the other way.

Once again Shuichi is learning how to defend himself, and is finally willing to do it. I... just wish it would be under better circumstances...

Actually, out of pure luck, it lines up really well with Kaito’s last FTE and the option I chose where Shuichi bites back about his detective work. It’s funny how in the end, his natural reaction is still to search for the truth at all costs, and I like reading him as someone who is naturally curious as well as singularly focused that way, sometimes to the detriment of everything else - and come hell, high water or, regrettably, casualties. And he’ll certainly have those regrets, and fret on them endlessly as he loses himself in a spiralling circle of self-doubt, but would he be able to stop himself from following that path down to the bitter end? No... no, I don’t think so.

Should I include every cap of Gonta pleading with everyone that he isn’t the culprit? No, it’s redundant. Will I anyway because he’s tearing my heart to pieces? Yes. Yes I will.

asldkf;asdf the worst thing is he isn’t. He isn’t lying. He paradoxically is the killer and not lying about it, because not being the killer is his current truth AS HE KNOWS IT...

Y-You sound like you’re talking from personal experience, and outside of the last few trials, too! Which side of this ‘cornering’ were you on exactly...????

Oh!!! We haven’t seen this sprite in a long time!

Is it just me or is Kokichi acting extremely viciously right now? Like, his vitriol levels are off the charts. Honestly I couldn’t bring myself to interrupt this part with commentary because the way Kokichi is going off, just absolutely screaming at him, is a huge departure from the cool and collected Ouma we’ve had up to this point!

Did they... prepare arguments beforehand, maybe? And he’s losing it because Gonta isn’t playing along with the plan he said up? With that said, when Gonta turned on Kokichi in the Meet-n-Greet, Kokichi wasn’t anything like this. So what’s his deal???

Kokichi Ouma will not rest until he has flipped every single aspect of this trial and the trial format as it’s been up to this point on its head, and subsequently, used it to attack everyone around him. 

Holy shit, Kokichi has well and truly lost it. This - this has to be real. It’s far too raw for it not to be real.

Ugh, the way Kaito’s voice cracks when he jumps in here...

KAITO......................

I... feel like, despite flickerings of his ‘playful’ persona, this may be the longest he’s ever gone showing his genuine feelings - and man, they aren’t pretty. I mean, that’s assuming this anger is genuine... but I really, really feel like it is.

Just like another character I love who also uses lies and fantasy as weapons, I feel like going over this section again with new eyes will be extremely telling.

Still, that means he really, really wants to live. And the ‘we’ there is interesting. Who is the ‘we’? Is he speaking for a select few, including Shuichi? For the whole class? Someone not here, in a similar vein to Kirumi?

you know Kokichi for someone who wants to live, maybe screaming at someone whose good friend is an assassin is a bad idea

You know everyone fighting over him is eating Gonta from the inside out.

Ah, fuck, I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop and I think this is when it’s going to happen.

I’m like 99% sure Kokichi’s on Tsumugi’s hit list for next chapter. 8′D 

Oooh, speaking of growth - !

You know, I keep saying this and I don’t know if I’m alone in thinking this or not but Shuichi has been consistently weak in all things social and emotional, detection-wise and otherwise. But now, here, we finally have Shuichi picking up on the true source of Gonta’s confusion on his own, his language, and how it could be relevant to the case on his own without anyone else giving him any clues or hints!

The one who has consistently stood up for Gonta in every trial, Kaito, the one who wants to believe in everyone, and Gonta himself... aaaaah, no, no no..... 8′/

KAITO WHAT IS THAT NEW SPRITE

OH GOD NO THAT’S SUCH A SAD SPRITE SDLKFJ

OMFG HIMIKO ARE YOU SERIOUSLY WHY ALL OF THIS HAPPENED

ALSO... oh, that’s right. Gonta lifted up the manhole cover at the beginning of the game with his lefthand, didn’t he? SHIT....

His sprites and tones of voice are oscillating so wildly now and it’s really hard for me to keep up??? I’m getting whiplash asdlfkj

THAT. THAT IS THE ONE PART THAT I AM WAITING FOR. I thought it was in defense of Kokichi because that is the only way I can feasibly see him killing someone and still be, well, the Gonta Gokuhara who wants to protect everyone, but there is too much of this murder that seems premeditated!!!

So we’ve established this in previous games via Celes’ and Peko’s trials, but it’s worth going over again - especially since these guys have no knowledge of either of those games -

Yeah... we’re really going to need a motive from Kokichi. Could it be as simple as countering Miu’s plan? I suppose taking her out as an obvious threat makes sense, and he’s already established that he wants to live ... There’s also the question of if it can really be something like, ‘he also wanted to use this as a way to create a fun mystery.’ I really hope not. 8′\ I suppose something like, ‘I’m taking opportunity of the fact that I’m getting rid of a threat on my life to also drive home certain points to the rest of my classmates, and also as revenge for the events of the last few days’ would be more of an acceptable answer to me, given what I’ve seen of him so far. With that said, that... is not a great way to survive, considering the target being painted in broader strokes on your back each passing minute...

DON’T LOOK AT ME, SWEETCHEEKS!!

don’t neGLECT THE HEART, DAMN IT

Jeez, maybe he really does see the rest of them as chess pieces... and Shuichi as a knight that can move in abstract, highly unpredictable ways. 8/ Either that or he’s thinking he can keep tightlipped on the motive since Gonta no longer knows it?

Looks directly at Shuichi - winks - blows kiss - “Hey you know what would be a great first date idea? Setting up a tragic murder via patsy that will rock your worldview, potentially break you apart from one of your only friends in this wretched place and ultimately send everyone spiralling into despair.”

“W-Where did you learn how to pick up people?”

“Oh, some book I found in the library called ‘Enoshima’s Guide to Love for the Hopelessly Loveless’, why?”

“KAEDE.AGAIN, WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME IN THIS SPOT. I DIDN’T WANT TO BE THE PROTAGONIST. SOMEONE, PLEASE SEND HELP.”

Sadly, Kaito is all bluster at this point... oTL

I have a feeling this is going to end up looking a lot like my reasoning...

He goes down the list so clinically. It’s one thing for me, an outsider, to be able to do that (and just barely, because I was SAD about the conclusion I came to, damn it), but for someone in the game to be able to do it... yikes....

“There is no amount of incest roleplay fantasy dreams that’ll make up for the shitshow that is today.”

“He’s making me be the one to say it, isn’t he. Sonuvabitch.”

well fuck you too

no no no no no no no he’s CRYING HE’S AUDIBLY CRYING THIS IS 50 SHADES OF NOT OKAY

He’s straight-up challenging Shuichi to be the one to pull the trigger (absolutely pun intended).

IF.... IF ONLY IT WERE SO EASY, KAITO....

“If I just choose myself THIS HELL WILL BE OVER.”

“Bro I will fucking deck you.”

What if I just

turned

the game off

right now

just let this game board sit open, here, for all of eternity

that would be okay right