#work was So Tiring today i do not want to go tomorrow but. it will be Fine
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more club mom i beg!
heheheheh okay!!
men and minors dni
it's an hour past closing, and you and a few of your girls are loitering in the club while you wait for sevika to pick you up.
"c'mon mom, pull!" buttercup shouts.
you grunt and let go of the pole, letting yourself collapse against the slippery stage floor. "i can't believe how fucking easy you girls make that look." you whine.
cherry laughs from her seat. "it's not that hard. what's hard is holding yourself upside down on the pole while shaking your ass in a full split."
you giggle. "janna... y'know, you girls are probably stronger than most enforcers."
trinity laughs. "damn right we are!"
"mom, can you do a split?" buttercup asks.
cherry laughs. "mom can't even do a deep lunge."
you huff. from across the bar, you hear an indignant scoff. "you better not be shit-talkin' my fiance!" you grin, turning around to watch sevika walk through the club. trinity salutes her, cherry waves, and buttercup giggles guiltily.
"you're here." you sigh dreamily, crawling to the end of the stage. sevika grins up at you, positioning herself between your thighs and wrapping her arms around your hips.
buttercup groans. "get a room."
"mmm, wanna go to the vip lounge?" you tease. sevika grins.
"gonna give me a private dance?" she asks.
the girls burst into wolf-whistles when you lean down to kiss your fiance sloppily. you're a little drunk, a lot tired, and you're surrounded by people you've cared for in all forms of sickness and exhaustion. so, you don't really care if you use a little more tongue than what's appropriate outside of the bedroom. especially not when sevika moans so sweetly against your lips.
eventually, cherry squirts you with a bottle of cleaner. "alright, break it up. you're gonna traumatize your kids."
sevika snorts as she pulls away with you. "please. all of you were fucked up way before i stepped in the picture."
trinity giggles. "how was work today, sev?" she asks. sevika shrugs.
"boring."
"did..." trinity trails off and your snort. she glares at you. sevika blinks in confusion.
"did what?"
"ask her, trin." you encourage.
trinity sighs and scratches her neck. "did you see thieram today?" she asks shyly. you and the girls burst into laughter.
sevika grins. "awe, you gotta crush trin?" she teases. trinity groans.
"this is why i didn't wanna say anything!" she whines. sevika snorts and kicks trinity's shin.
"he was askin' about you this morning." she says. trinity lights up.
"really!?" she gasps. sevika nods.
"i told 'im to come here for drinks tomorrow-- it's his night off." sevika says.
trinity grins and pulls sevika out from between your legs to hug her.
"eeek! thank you pops!" she squeals. "what's his favorite color? i need to pick a thong that he'll like."
sevika snorts and awkwardly pats trinity's head. "i dunno... i think red?" she guesses. trinity grins.
"mom, we've still got those glittery red cherry pasties, right?"
you nod. cherry scoffs. "hey, you can't steal my brand!" she whines.
you roll your eyes. "she's not stealing anything, relax."
"she used my spicy cherry perfume yesterday!" cherry accuses, pointing at trinity.
trinity rolls her eyes. "because my bottle broke on the way to work."
"is that why the whole locker room smells like cotton candy?" buttercup asks. trin nods.
sevika turns to you and holds her hand out, steadying you as you jump down from the stage. "c'mon." she mutters as the girls chat. "let's get out of here. i still want my private dance, and i want it in bed."
you snort. "you're very demanding."
sevika smiles. "i don't hear you complaining." she teases. you giggle and intertwine your fingers, dragging sevika toward the exit.
"don't forget to lock up when you're done!" you call to the girls over your shoulder.
they all wave. "bye mom!" buttercup shouts.
"bye, daddy-sev!" cherry calls.
you gasp and turn around, glaring at your best friend. "hey! the only one who gets to call her daddy is me!"
the girls burst into laughter, and beside you, sevika flusters. "alright, we're going home now." she huffs, bending down to hoist you into her arms.
you burst into laughter.
wolf-whistles and catcalls echo after you as sevika drags you out of the bar.
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taglist!!
@sevikas-baby @ghostscandys @sevikasllver @runawaybaby3
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Together
Jay Halstead x Reader
You push people away. It's how you cope. Only a chosen few has managed to stick around. Jay is going to prove he's not going anywhere.
You were pulling away. You could feel it and knew Jay could too. The problem? You didn’t know how to not pull away. That little voice in your head that was so damn sure and strong when it came to work was so damn quiet and uncertain when it came to yourself. You loved Jay. You knew that with every fiber of your being but that damn little voice kept whispering “He can do better than you and he's going to figure it out”
As much as you didn't want to lose him as your lover, the thought of losing him as your friend hurt worse. He'd always been there as a cornerstone when you needed him.
When Voight suggested changing partners around you'd seen the fact that Jay wanted to argue written plainly in his eyes but you spoke up and said “I agree Sarge. It's good to switch it up every now and then”
You were partnered with Adam, Kim with Jay and Hailey with Kevin. It was a big change from the usual team but all of you worked well enough together, had for years.
While you were all gearing up to roll out you saw Jay move towards you so you turned towards Hailey “Upton, check that rear strap for me?” She smiled “Of course” and readjusted it slightly then asked you to check hers too. At least by her asking you it didn't just look like you were avoiding Jay, even if he looked like a kicked puppy when you met his eyes.
“Everyone knows what you should be doing. Come home in one piece” Voight said looking around at all of you. You each nodded in turn. You grabbed your long gun then winked at Kim “Don't worry babe. I got your fella’s back” she grinned “I know you do. I got Jay's”
You smiled slightly and Kevin cleared his throat “and Hailey’s got mine if yall care” your smile turned into a full grin as you cut your eyes at him “You know I care Atwater. Anything happen to you I'm fighting the ferrymen to bring you back myself” he grinned “My girl” and bumped his shoulder against yours.
Voight shook his head but you saw a small grin “Do your damn jobs” with that he dismissed you so you rolled out. It was a quick snatch and grab. You wouldn't say nothing should go wrong because you knew your job, anything could go wrong but it should be fairly easy.
The snatch and grab went down just as planned thankfully. Six arrests were successfully made.
You were walking out of the precinct when you heard Jay call your name so you stopped and turned to see him walking towards you with one of those smiles that always made your heart flip “Hey baby. You want to go get a drink or some food or something?”
You shrugged “I'm kinda tired honestly. I was going to just go home and crash” he nodded “I can bring takeout?” He looked so damn hopeful but that voice in your head wouldn't shut up for two fucking seconds screaming about how bad it's gonna hurt if you let yourself love him as deeply as you wanted to just for him to walk away.
“It's fine honey. Um raincheck for tomorrow?” He nodded, his face falling slightly. “Ok, did I do something?” You shook your head “No, why?” he motioned back to the precinct “I've seen you stand toe to toe with Voight over trying to make you partner with anyone else and today you agreed. You haven't wanted to go out or let me come over in days. Baby is there someone else?”
Your eyes widened slightly “What?” He shrugged “I don't know here. I mean we were doing good, I thought. Is it because we had sex? Are you pulling away because of that?” You shook your head, trying not to let your eyes tear up “No Jay, of course not. Sex with you is fucking amazing”
He grinned slightly “Then why have you barely let me kiss you all week?” You shrugged and opened your mouth to say something then clamped it back “I don't want to talk here. Can you grab the takeout?” He nodded “I'll be over in a few ok?” “Ok” he took a step closer and when you didn't pull away he pressed a kiss to your temple.
You sat on your couch, waiting for Jay to knock. When he did you were up and on your feet without thinking. You opened the door to let him in and he walked in carrying the takeout bags “I got Chinese”
He walked into your kitchen as you closed and locked the front door and you heard him putting the take out trays across the counter and throwing the plastic bag into your recycling bin before he walked back into the living room, shedding his jacket and walking over to you.
He stopped just shy of you and raised one eyebrow, silently asking permission. You stepped closer to him, slipping your arms around his waist and he pulled you against his chest “There's my girl. I was wondering where she went”
You cut your eyes up at him “I'm sorry I pushed you away Jay. It's just I think I realized I was falling in love with you and I freaked out because I don't even know why you're with me and…” you were cut off by him kissing you like he was a drowning man and you were the last taste of air.
You moaned lightly against his lips and when he finally pulled away both of you were breathing a little harder “You love me?” He asked and you nodded “I do” he grinned “Good, because I love you but get it straight from here on there will be no pushing me away. You try to push me? I'll grab you and pin you to a wall. We're in this together” you chuckled lightly “You just used you pinning me to a wall as a threat. That is a fantasy Halstead”
He smirked “Oh yeah? Well baby I can make that reality right now. Just tell me you love me one more time” you smiled “I love you Jay” he groaned lightly and leaned down far enough to pick you up, forcing you to wrap your legs around his waist “I've went the last week and a half barely touching you. I'm making up for it tonight”
#jay halstead x reader#jay halstead x you#jay halstead fanfiction#chicago pd fanfiction#chicago pd fic#chicago pd fanfic
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HEY WORK BESTIE!! ✨ Saw your blog during my break and screamed (silently) you’re amazing, and our boss is a b*tch. Proud of you for doing this!! Now, as your #1 work hype-person, I demand Jungkook fluff to cure my stress
Imagine: Reader works at a tiny bakery Jungkook visits every Sunday. One rainy day, they slip on a flour spill, he catches them and notices their stress. Jungkook secretly learns to bake their favorite pastry to surprise them. Maybe he is adorably clumsy and hides flour in his hair.
See you tomorrow 💜
💌 Reply:
HI WORK BESTIE!! THANK YOU for saving my nerves every week and for the most adorable request?!!! Jungkook with flour in his hair? Clumsy baking attempts? Secretly learning to make your favourite pastry? I’m already soft 🥺
Here’s your fluffy dose of serotonin – hope it cures your stress. Let me know if you want a part 2 (because let’s be real, Jungkook would absolutely burn down the kitchen trying to make macarons next).
P.S. You’re the real MVP for surviving corporate life.
REQUEST NAME:
Whisked Hearts & Sugar Sparks
↳ Jungkook x Baker!Reader; Fluff Imagine
Rank: G (Tooth-achingly Sweet)
Warnings: None! Just oven mitts, giggles, and a guaranteed craving for croissants.
The bell above the bakery door jingles every Sunday at 3:07 PM. Not 3:00, not 3:15—3:07, like clockwork.
You’d recognize him anywhere, even with his black bucket hat pulled low and his mask hiding that boyish smile. Jeon Jungkook. He’s been a mystery since he first wandered into your tiny shop six months ago, drawn by the cinnamon-sugar scent wafting onto Seoul’s bustling streets. He always orders the same thing: a black coffee, no sugar, and a pain au chocolat. Always sits at the corner table by the window, scribbling in a worn sketchbook. Always leaves a tip tucked beneath his saucer, folded into a tiny origami star.
But today, the sky is weeping. Rain pelts the cobblestones outside, and Jungkook arrives earlier—2:43 PM, hair damp, shoulders dusted with droplets. He hesitates in the doorway, eyes scanning the empty shop before landing on you.
“Hi,” he says, voice softer than the dough you’d kneaded that morning. His mask slips down just enough to reveal a shy grin. “Can I, uh… wait here? Until it lets up?”
You nod, heart stuttering. Casual. Be casual. “Of course. Coffee?”
“Please.”
---
The universe hates you.
One moment, you’re refilling the sugar jars, mind racing about rent, supplier fees, and Mom’s doctor’s appointment—the next, your foot slides through a patch of flour spilt near the counter.
“Oh shi—!”
Time blurs. The floor rushes up—but then arms catch you, strong and sure, pulling you against a chest that smells like rain and vanilla extract.
“Got you,” Jungkook murmurs, voice trembling with adrenaline.
Your face burns. His hands grip your waist, steadying you, and you’re close enough to see the flour speckled in his hair, the nervous bob of his throat as he swallows. “Th-thank you,” you stammer, scrambling back.
But he doesn’t let go. Not yet. His gaze flicks to the dark circles under your eyes, the way your hands shake as you smooth your apron. “You’re… really tired,” he says quietly. Not a question.
You laugh weakly. “Is it that obvious?”
His brows furrow. “I notice things.”
---
Jungkook stops coming on Sundays.
Instead, he starts appearing on Thursdays—early mornings, when the shop is still closed. At first, you think he’s confused.
“Can I… help?” he asks one day, peering through the door you’d cracked open to accept a flour delivery. His sleeves are rolled up, tattoos curling over his forearm, and there’s a smudge of what looks like charcoal on his cheek. “I’m a fast learner.”
You blink. “With… baking?”
He nods, earnest. “I want to make something. For… a friend.”
And so it begins.
Jungkook in your kitchen is a disaster. A beautiful, endearing disaster. He cracks eggs with the intensity of a soldier disarming a bomb, yet somehow gets shell fragments in the batter. He forgets the oven mitts and yelps when a tray singes his fingertips. Once, he accidentally dumps a cup of salt instead of sugar into the mixing bowl and stares at the dough like it’s betrayed him.
“Hyung would laugh at me,” he mutters, pouting at his lumpy croissant attempt. You don’t ask which hyung. You’re too busy memorizing the way his nose scrunches when he’s frustrated.
But he doesn’t quit. He arrives every Thursday, determined, flour dusting his hair like snow. Slowly, he learns—how to temper chocolate, how to braid pastry dough, how to pipe rosettes on cupcakes without them looking like… well, blobs.
---
One Sunday, he returns.
It’s raining again, but this time, he carries a small box tied with a lavender ribbon. His hair is a mess, his hoodie splattered with dried batter, but his smile is brighter than the oven light.
“For you,” he says, shoving the box into your hands. Inside rests a single almond croissant—your favourite, the one you’d once mentioned craving during a lunch break. It’s lopsided, slightly over-browned, but…
“You… made this?” you whisper.
He rubs his neck, sheepish. “I wanted to give you something that… that makes you as happy as your pastries make me.”
Tears prickle your eyes. “Jungkook, I…”
“Wait—” He flips the box over. Scrawled on the bottom in his messy handwriting:
“P.S. I didn’t burn down the kitchen. Mostly.”
You laugh, wet and wobbly, and he beams like he’s won a Grammy.
Later, when you bite into the croissant surprisingly perfect, flaky and buttery, you find a folded origami star hidden inside. Unfolding it reveals a sketch of you—flour on your cheeks, laughing mid-slip, with a speech bubble: “Still the best catch.”
#bangtan fanfic#bts fanfic#bts imagines#bts#bangtan sonyeondan#bangtan#bangtan boys#jungkook#jeon jungkoooook#jungkook fanfic#jungkook imagine#jk fic#jeon jeongguk#jeon junkook#magicshopstories#bts requests#ot7#ot7fanfics#armyfanfiction#armyrequests#armyimagines
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awkward way to have a convo but okay
[plain inks below cut]
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#oc#a dollar and 75 cents#pose i've had stuck in my head for a hot minute with side effects like Radiation Poisoning so i have to dispel and now the effects are just#like. a little bit that way kfjsshfvh#//anyway got this all done today isn't that sick !! think you can tell from the lack of cleaned lines for some spots and the Confusing#things but yea :D#//also i meant to work on a totally different canvas than this but uhhh this happened somehow lmao#Also i Do try to do fanart sometimes i'm being so honest right now. because i think things are cool more often than i lead people to think#UT i'm super bad at staying on task so i always end up drawing completely unrelated ocs. it's like a superpower Jhfsjfvsj#This Time though i can blame the really bad brain fog though :33 i forgot. i thought. i did something else. ceaser said that i believe#//but anyway yea these two.. definitely got a thing [energetic but vague gesturing] goin on. don't like whatever it is bc it's funkin with#my brain chemicals in a jazzy way and i can't take more psychic damage from them rn dude i've already got the worse-than-usual brain fog bu#Yea hfsjfhbvhsgjf#/why isn't vernor here? because she's a well-adjusted and routinely concerned party she doesn't need the extra trauma thank you Jfsjfvbhsf#i'm gonna give her a tea party though. she's earned it#gonna be the kind with tap water and ice cube tea cakes But! it Is a tea party lmfsvhfh#//anyway Yeaaaah i'm sleepy tired now. sigh!#wanted to finish this movie i have here and then rewatch tangled but i now just want to sleep. there's to-OH tomorrow's saturday let's go#but YEA i gotta sleep. fingers crossed i do that hfshvhf#and yepyeayee Toodles !! night :3 :D
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Thank u God. Today is a better day so far.
Also please pray for me. I got laid off from my job, and my old boss is trying to recommend me to a new one, but I don’t know the new people or have their contact info. Please pray someone gets back to me soon and I don’t stay out of work for too long, and that my new job won’t burn me out too badly.
#blue chatter#I might be able to actually get smth done today#I rested LOTS yesterday#and going to DND helped#I think I need some more social time with friends to help with the Encroaching Sadness Void#while still giving myself time to rest and sleep#bc I’m constantly tired#but I’m doing laundry which is a lot of work for me rn#so everyone be proud of me#mayb I’ll ask Lemony to do a productivity call with me tonight#I know I don’t have to finish my methods section bc I got an extension#but I still want to get as much done as I can#and I still have research methods to work on#I have neuroscience coloring to do by tomorrow morning#and I have ASL tomorrow and I missed ASL yesterday so I need to catch up on that as well#Blegh#taking half a day off sure causes a lot of homework#but I am getting laundry done!
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the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something
#WHAT AM I DOING!!!!#i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch#too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun#no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point#trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this#WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!!#there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time#my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me#my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job#i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time#i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again#and WHAT DO I WANT!#THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!#I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!#anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed#delete later#i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious)#versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected)#i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want#ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you#i miss that i want that back#whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go
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also picking raspberries turned out to be.. really fucking hard
#it's so physically demanding broo ToT#idk i feel like im just weak af because some people there seem to do it so easily and i can barely#do half a day#and they want me to do a full day tomorrow bro#like#I'm so tired after half a day..#i genuinely feel like i might just collapse or something#i do want that bit of money tho but it's sooo exhausting#i went there for half a day today and it killed me bro i was just lying in bed#and i didn't want to fall asleep cause it was like noon already but#i didn't even have the energy to look at a phone lmao#well it's gonna be over this week probably cause#the raspberries are going to stop growing in a few days apparently they're saying in 2 days#we're going to be done#I'd love to make more money but I don't think i can fucking do ittt#its so physically demanding whyyyyy#and why are there grandmas working with me in that field and they seem just fine BROOOO TOT#but yeah now that im thinking about it this also might be part of my problems cause#im soo much.ore irritable rn just cause im literally exhausted all the time ughhh#i came back home 3 days ago and i haven't even had the time to sit down at a desk and draw something#not even mentioning energy aughhh
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I think I’m starting to burn out
#worked alottt yesterday and did a shit job giving a little presentation to parents and families for curriculum night#didn’t get home til after 8 from the school#teacher development day today so all the teachers get time to prep but as the art teacher I’m forced to work childcare/babysit all day#not like I need to prep lessons it’s fine#and then I go to my second job 9-2am tonight#I can’t wait to sleep all fucking day tomorrow and have a little self care weekend#was so excited to have Monday off too but now my second job wants me to come in to do a narcan and de-escalation training so#I’m just so tired#mine
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my niece is staying with us for the whole weekend for the first time. until now it's always been one night only, not two.
it's the second night now and I have already decided this is not happening again anytime soon. I'm so fucking exhausted. it'd be less exhausting if it was my nephew, I think - he's older and also doesn't need as much help (even when he was her age).
I love my niece but she just asks so many questions. like when we're watching a show or a movie, even if it's one she has seen before (even multiple times), she doesn't understand what's going on and constantly asks me to explain everything. I don't mind it, really, but it does take a lot of energy. plus tonight it took over two hours for her to fall asleep because she was scared by the noises of the house and the nearby road. I get it, but damn I'm so fucking tired, I just want to sleep 😭
#my nephew will get to stay for two nights soon so that it's fair and everything#but then I think we'll go back to one night only for a while#I just can't sleep when someone else is here. and I do not handle being tired well. or rather being even more tired than usual#so yeah no this is too much#I'm so glad I don't have children. I literally would not survive#we played board games with her today. her idea. she chose the gsme#but it was so fucking difficult.....#I think most kids would have understood this game at like. 10 maybe. probably before that really#she's 12 and a half and just did not get it at all#she's got difficulties learning and she's finally getting (more) help for that in school now but I'm really.. a bit shocked that it took#this long for her parents to accept that#she's a great kid but it's been obvious since she started school that she needs more help#so anyway yeah it's 3am and I think she finally fell asleep after I put Charmed on for her#I've got a massive headache and I'm so fucking tired I feel like I'm losing my mind lol#couldn't sleep last night & I hope it's better tonight. but having someone else here is stressful.#ugh I wish this wasn't so hard for me. I want to be the fun aunt (I'm their only aunt.. aunt-like person... whatever) but I know I get more#and more impatient when they're here. I hate that. but I can't change it. I've tried! for 10 years! but it didn't work#don't get me wrong - I'm never mean or angry with them. I just get somewhat annoyed and I know it's noticeable and I hate that#they don't seem to mind. they love visiting us. but I don't like it because I hated the way adults treated me when I was a kid so I want to#be better#:(#anyway I have to sleep now or tomorrow will be hell :)#personal
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i would rather live with ana for the rest of my life than binge like this ever again
#rending.txt#i dont know how to stop binging i was doing so well yesterday and then for no reason it fell apart#i just want to stop#i have so much to do today but i just dont want to do anything im so depressed#im just going to lay in bed and eat all day and think up ways to die#i already know my chosen method i just cant be bothered right now so maybe later#i just want to keep sleeping#i called in sick to work today because i was so so tired and i slept i think nearly 12 hours which isnt bad#i wanna go on a walk and work out and stuff but i just. cant right now. i need to work on my job presentation but i just cant#i just want to keep eating and go back to sleep and then wake up and end it#but i just need to make it to therapy tomorrow and maybe itll get better? who knows#i dont even have the energy to walk up to tesco to get blades or more food so im laying im bed eating dry granola like a pathetic pig#i dont wanna talk to anyone but my boyfriend but hes asleep and i dont want to vent to him anymore because it makes me feel guilty#and it doesnt help to vent to him anymore so i just make him sad for no reason and i dont know how to vent to anyone else#i havent changed my bedsheets in weeks and theres so much trash on my floor you can barely walk in my room and i havent showered in a week#i just dont have the heart to cry anymore i just want it to stop#i did everything i was supposed to so i could prevent binges and it didnt work at all so i think im beyond saving lol
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.
#im getting treatment and caring for myself so i will be fine don't worry#but i woke up this morning with bilateral back pain so the uti got worse overnight#because i couldn't get the antibiotics until this afternoon#so im still in pain and today was awful for other stupid reasons and im exhausted but also so upset at the idea of sleeping#i had a dozen mandatory things to do today and so i had to cancel the one thing i REALLY wanted to do (TTRPG group) because i was too tired#and roleplaying takes effort and we are about to roll initiative#so I had to do all the bad shit and cancel the good shit so nothing good at all happened today#so i do not want to go to sleep#but im too tired to even work on a puzzle because sitting up hurts marginally more#tomorrow will be better though so i guess there's a good reason to go to sleep#ughhhhh#rambling again
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Not to be that person but Panem had nearly 75 full Hunger Games before their system of government was overthrown. 75(+?) years. But things changed in the end. This too shall pass (but not without active participation)
#the hunger games#usa politics#honestly this is such a bad way to conceptualize it in the real world. but maybe this’ll help frame things a little differently?#I hope what I’m trying to get at comes across#I definitely needed the day (still had to work but I mean mentally)#I’ve been keeping up with everything—I personally have been keeping up with things politically for years so that’s just my standard.#but I’ve been an observer today#politics#I’m tagging politics mostly just so others can avoid it if they want—I didn’t want this side blog to be a main source of my politics#but I thought this was fitting#2024 presidential election#i’m tired.#i’m so tired yall#please keep doing what you’re doing or arguably more *if you can do so sustainably#I’ve seen a lot of people expressing that this is the time to process and feel all the feelings#and then we’ll organize/evaluate our situation ‘tomorrow.’#I personally would recommend looking into the policies Trump is explicitly supporting (and other possibilities) WHEN you’re in a good space#and then going from there#I’m not advocating for panic or rash decisions#but like I do literally want people to make informed choices in the face of things like this—like getting involved with organizations#etc#here’s my rant#(pleaseeeeeee let this not get too much negative attention)
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Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.
SO......
I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.
#speculation nation#IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha#this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test#an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc#very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA#but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep#(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.
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Callled my boss to ask if I’m working today and she said that I’m not. Yess!!! I can go back to sleep ❤️❤️❤️❤️😭!
#I just never got confirmation on if I was supposed to go to that location or not#was about to get dressed but decided to call to make sure instead and she mentioned that the location wanted someone who could work all of#the days she’d mentioned#I couldn’t since I work at my main job on Fridays now#I wouldn’t have minded working today and tomorrow tho#but I’m so tired uhhh#glad I don’t have to do anything today orz
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fml my dad misunderstood mine and my brother's christmas plans and thought we'd be spending all of christmas day with our mum. so until now he's assumed we'd be leaving him alone on christmas day. and didn't say anything. he made the closest thing he could to christmas lunch today, likely thinking he wouldn't get to do it with us. and he didn't say anything
#corrected him today but he's spent almost 48 hours with the belief that we wouldn't see him once#need to do some work but i will sit here and cry about that instead#i'm so tired of this i want to leave this house but also never leave him again#my biggest fear right now is that he'll kill himself#and it's clearly my brother's too#not that we've discussed it#i know my mum did something to him but she hasn't said what#she'll tell me one day but has said that i will hate her when she does#i never could#and i know he's done unforgivable things to her#but god i'm scared of that conversation#ANYWAYYYY#fuck. dont want to go tomorrow#despite doing everything in my power not to come here#first i need to throw away the choke lead he found on a walk and decided to use for my dog :/#cut that thing in half and replace it with another when my brother & i go to town#rambling now. will shut up and watch my lectures#👍#🥲#😬
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sits here. my mood has been swinging back and forth like a pendulum lately
#i still can't bring myself to make anything art-wise. and it is ripping me to shreds internally#i have no motovation whatsoever and i'm feeling disgusted by my creations. like that's the best you could do huh mixer?#i dunno. trying to keep calm. i'm going to my uncle's tomorrow to puppysit for 3 days#i'm happy that i'll see puppy but being out of my house will be stressful.#plus i've still got work to go to...#and i need to do the laundry and take out the trash and stop buying uber eats and forward my snap benefits email and.#and later today after high school lets out i'm going to talk with an old teacher i had#i need to change my bedding too..#i at least took a shower yesterday#i think my ptsd has been acting up in the background or something#my other uncle tries to tell me to let go of the past. but i don't want to. my past has forever impacted the way i'll be for the rest of-#-my life yk? and my 'past' wasn't even that long ago. it was 2/3 years ago. and my brother's still with that awful man#i can't pull him away from him.#i just wanna sleep. might take a sleep med early just to take a nap#i've been hating everything i make so like. why even try yk.#i drew one thing while i was hospitalized- a tiny sane jack head#i dunno. i dunno. i feel so empty. my depression's been super bad. i don't enjoy things that once made me happy#i feel so aimless. i'm thinking about going to college but i have to see what scholarships would be available because i can't work this job#WHILE in school. it'd wear me to the bone#i don't want to quit my job though. i like my job. i like my boss and my coworkers..#i dunno. idfk what's wrong with me anymore. i just want the pain to stop man.#i dunno what i want to do with myself but i feel like a. fuck it ik it's from firework but i feel like a plastic bag in the wind#i'm so tired. i miss my mom. i miss my sister. i miss my brother.#vent#delete later
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