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marvelwitchergilmore · 1 year ago

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Detecting Love

Summary: Loki x Fe!Reader -> You and Loki work together at a police precinct in NY, and you have had the biggest crush on him for ages. But when your life is put in danger, will he realise he feels the same way?

Disclaimer: Fluff, Angst, Pining, Taking care of the reader (not sexual), hurtful words shared, denial of feelings, acceptance of feelings. Violent crime cases mentioned. Slight inspiration taken from B99 (I couldn't find ACTUAL police sayings, so I used B99 - sorry for any inaccuracy).

If Loki had known that the minute you let your voice wash over the radio with those dreaded words, he would have told you his secret earlier.

It had been a few years since the Asguardian God had come to Earth and been on such a mission that it led him to taking a job as a New York Detective which was one of the main reasons he decided to stay, even after his mission was over.

This had been where he met you.

At the time, you had just transferred from Boston.

Boston in itself had been a big leap for you since you had planned staying home with your folks before getting your acceptance letter from Harvard and joining their police force as a Rookie.

So, moving even further away was another leap.

Yet, you didn’t regret it for a minute.

Loki had been friendly, even in the beginning.

You had been one of the very few female Detectives when you joined. And the only one with experience in solving and dealing with Homicide.

Emily, the other female Lead Detective, although having experience in homicide, was more an expert in Narcotics and Fraud.

That morning when you joined and were setting up your desk, he knocked on your office door and stood there in a freshly pressed suit, his hair away from his face and his shoes gleaming. All the while, a new case file was in his hand.

He introduced himself and said he’d been assigned as your partner.

You couldn’t have been more lucky after that.

Over the years, you’d had a couple partners who were either too harsh with their title or not harsh enough. Some had tried to blame children for something that was completely out of their control.

But never Loki.

For all his moments of being “A God” - which came as a shock which you managed to downplay - he was kind.

Genuine.

One of your first cases dealt with a mother and child in danger. The moment the doors burst open, you made your arrest of the father before handing them over to a fellow cop and turning to the mother who was terrified, bloodied and crying on the sofa with the phone unhooked beside her.

Meanwhile, you looked through one of the bedrooms and saw Loki put away weapon and kneel down.

A girl, no older than 6, was cowering in the corner of her bedroom floor, already half-way under her bed.

You watched as he lowered himself to her height, spoke softly and waited until she felt safe enough to come out on her own. Loki assured her she was safe and that she’d never be hurt by that man again.

Once she finally did come out, she hugged Loki and he picked her up and carried her outside.

He saw the look you gave him, questioning if everything was okay and he just nodded, putting his other hand onto the back of the child’s head as she cried her last few tears into his shoulder.

That moment was almost three years ago, and things were still the same between the both of you. Though, perhaps, there was more of a deeper connection.

Walking into the bullpen, you found Loki folded over one of the desks, fast asleep.

Smiling a little, since it was rare to find him sleeping, you picked up a couple files and carried them over to his desk, piling the rest of his under yours.

Placing a gentle hand on his back, you shook him away.

“Loki? Hey, Loki. Go home. Get some rest.”

Slowly, he lifted himself from the desk and looked around, still half asleep.

“I can finish up here. Go on, you head home. I’ll see you in the morning.”

He tried to protest until you told him once more that you were more than happy to finish up the rest of the paperwork and that if he didn’t leave, being a god or not, you’d personally drag him home if you had to.

After that, he thanked you, grabbed his coat and left, but not before saying goodnight.

It was at times like this that you were reminded of the harsh truth that Loki wasn’t with you.

After a year into your friendship and partnership, you began feeling slightly differently towards him. You didn’t know what it was. There was no change in him, there was no change in you. But you began to develop feelings towards him.

Feelings that left you mad at yourself for even feeling. Feelings that left you a little heartbroken at the end of every shift because it meant waiting more than 8 hours to see him again. And if it wasn’t 8 hours or more, that just meant something terrible had happened.

Sure, you’d dated some guys over the last three years, but none had ever stuck around long enough. It was either your work hours, or it was Loki himself that they didn’t like.

Either way, you returned home every evening to your Australian Shepherd, Zoey.

“Zoey! Zo! Where are you? There you are,” you smiled as Zoey came around the corner, clearly having been asleep on your bed…again.

“Hey, girl. Hello. Oh, thank you.” Zoey gave you multiple licks across the face as she wagged her tail before running to the bathroom.

“Just give me a minute. You can have a bath soon. I promise.”

Feeding both yourself and Zoey, you put your plates into the dishwasher before grabbing the dog shampoo from under the cabinet and running a couple of inches of water into the tub just as Zoey jumped inside.

Little did you know, in a week’s time, you’d hear a set of words which would send your heart into a thousand pieces.

Everyone at the compound, apparently other than Loki himself, was convinced that you had feelings for the latter.

Natasha had seen it when she happened to spot you and Loki together getting coffee. Tony, Steve and Bucky had seen it when they went down to the station to give a talk to the officers. Wanda, Peter, Sam and Maria had seen it when they met you in the park, one day, walking Zoey before she ran off only to jump up to Loki. And Thor had seen it every time he went to see Loki.

Sometimes, he’d show up outside your door when he was looking for his brother because he knew, if he wasn’t at home, he would be at yours.

That day, you both had been washing Zoey so when Loki answered the door, half soaked with water and you appeared moments later, seemingly in the same situation, Thor had gotten the wrong impression until Zoey then came running out of the front door.

However, on this particular day, Clint, Natasha and Thor had appeared in Loki’s office.

It had started out with the group sharing information and handing Loki a case for him to possibly investigate since, if he did it, it wouldn’t draw too much attention too soon.

But it wasn’t long until the conversation turned towards you and the feelings they had told Loki you had for him, despite having no verbal confirmation from you.

But this wasn’t the first time your “feelings” about Loki had been brought up to him. And, in all honesty, he was sick of it.

So he put a stop on it, once and for all.

Only, he seemed to mistime his rejection.

“You don’t know for certain.” Loki told them.

“For certain? Jesus, Loki, the woman looks at you as if you’re her whole world! The last time I saw someone that smitten was Peter with MJ this afternoon - and those two are actually together.” Clint told him.

“For the love of-!” Loki had to take a breath. “How many times do I have to tell you people? She doesn’t like me like that, and I don’t like her that way either! She’s just a friend! She means nothing to me. I don’t have, and never will have romantic feelings for her. She’s just a close colleague, nothing more.”

At the trio’s reactions to his comment, and Thor’s finger signalling to behind Loki, he turned and found you standing there and there was no denying you had heard him.

She means nothing to me.

She’s just a close colleague, nothing more.

You could, and had accepted that he would probably never have romantic feelings for you. But that didn’t stop it from feeling like a stab to the heart which left a wound that would take a while to heal.

But those words.

She means nothing to me.

She’s just a close colleague, nothing more.

They hurt the most.

Because, even if you couldn’t have Loki’s acceptance in romance, you at least had him and knew him in a close friendship.

But apparently that didn’t even exist.

Something simply made up by your imagination, when it got caught up in avoiding romantic feelings.

But rather than yelling, crying or fleeing the scene…you said nothing.

Seemingly, you managed to hide your emotions from them all and mask them completely.

Loki said your name, ready to apologise, but you just spoke over him, telling him what you had been ready to tell him when you walked to his office.

“Rebecca called again. She’s got some new evidence for us at the hospital.” You handed him over the case file. “I was gonna ask if you wanted to ride down with me, but…I can see you’re busy.”

You looked at the trio of Avengers and smiled. “Hi.”

They gave similar replies.

“We were just consulting him on a case.”

Natasha elbowed Clint in his ribs to shut him up.

“Oh, you’re really busy then. I can handle interviews this afternoon, you don’t have to worry.”

“Wait,” Loki called your name as you were about to leave.

“No, it’s okay.” You told him with a smile. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you later. Bye, guys.”

They all said goodbye to you, watching as you walked back down the hall and towards your office. Within a few moments, you had your coat, badge and bag and stood at the elevator.

“Well…that was awkward.”

Natasha stamped on Clint’s foot this time.

“Ow, what was that for?”

“You know.”

Loki pressed his head into his hands and groaned. “I’ve really messed up.”

“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.”

“Fuck you, Watson.” Clint replied before he could shut himself up, which earned a glare from Natasha. “Sorry.”

For the next week and half, Loki couldn’t stop feeling guilty. Yet, you acted as if nothing had changed…almost.

Usually, you’d invite him to get food with you at lunch or grab him lunch, already knowing his order. Instead, you’d work through lunch, running on a coffee or two. You’d still finish off some of his paperwork, but you wouldn’t look at him when you gave it back. There was no longer a crumpled post-it note on top telling him to go home and get some rest.

And when you’d leave for home, there was no bright goodbye or bright good morning. If Loki himself, or another colleague, hadn’t physically watched you leave, he wouldn’t have known you’d gone home.

It was hell.

But everytime he tried to talk to you about it, you’d change the subject or bring it straight back to work.

And when he asked you about Zoey…you just said that she was good. There were no more funny stories about what she had done when you took her for a walk in the park. There were no more little anecdotes from you or funny quips that you made on the job.

He was now working with…a colleague.

You were no longer his friend.

The conversations between you and himself on the weekends slowly trickled away, turning into simple questions of; “Are you coming into work today?” and, “Have you got the ME record yet?”

Before he knew it, just over a month of this had passed and it couldn’t have been more torturous.

And then you went on a date.

You had gotten changed at work since the case had wrapped up early and you could actually make the date this time.

Stepping out of the bathroom, you were dressed in a floor length emerald green, satin gown. A slit came mid thigh and your heels - for once - were not uncomfortable. Meanwhile, your hair, which felt like it took forever to get right, curled around your face just the way you wanted it and Loki, unbeknownst to you, couldn’t take his eyes off you for a moment.

All Loki wanted to do was to turn back the clock to over a month ago when he said what he said and slap himself before he could even think of those words.

Because you had never been nothing to him. First, you had been a partner, then a friend, and then a woman he wished he could have to himself. But that third one, despite the amount of times Thor and the others would tell him that you felt such romantic feelings towards him, he had no other choice but to ignore them.

For one, you worked together.

For two…he wasn’t aware about how deep his feelings ran for you when he saw that split-second look on your face after you heard everything he said and how much he missed knowing you, for what you did after work, to what Zoey got up to and even to the notes you’d leave him - even when they were, 95% of the time, about work.

He missed you, more than he ever knew he could. Even when you were standing directly beside him.

“Wow.”

You looked up to find Loki paused halfway from one of the other detective’s empty desks. His jaw was hanging open for a moment before he closed it shut. Slowly, he walked over to you.

“You…you look…incredible.”

You looked down to yourself before finding the first ounce of courage in weeks to look him in the eyes. “Really? Thank you.”

“I-I mean it.” Loki paused for a moment again, taking you in. “Wow.”

“I…I have a date so I better…” you signalled to the exit behind you and Loki tried his best to snap out of the trance you had him in. Stepping back, feeling his heart shatter even more, he forced a smile and bowed his head, letting you go.

“Enjoy!”

Loki didn’t get a minute of sleep that night. His mind was too busy thinking about what you were doing and if your date was treating you how he would, and if he was complimenting you in the way he would.

The next morning, you stood smiling with Emily. Loki only heard a couple of comments from you about your date. But he couldn’t help but smile when he heard you at the end of the conversation, when Emily asked if you’d see him again, you said; “No. Brad was great and all, but…”

“But?”

“I don’t know. He talked about his ex quite a bit. And when he dropped me back home, he got a call and he seemed pretty happy about it.”

“Oh.” Emily sighed. “I’m sorry, hun.”

“No. Don’t be. Brad found his “one”. I’m just…I can wait a little longer to meet mine.”

“Well, in the meantime, I have a case for you.”

But, just as Emily was about to hand you the file, you heard your name being called into the Captain’s office, including a couple other officer’s names.

“We have a hostage situation at the bank, downtown. I need you and these officers to go down there and get as many people as you can, out of there and to safety until SWAT arrives.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Once you left the Captain’s office, Loki made his way to Emily’s desk and asked if she knew what was happening.

“I don’t know. Whatever it is, the Captain seems upset.”

But then they got their answers.

“Listen up! We currently have a hostage situation downtown with live civilians inside. I have already assigned a team but I need everyone to be on call just in case.”

Before Loki or Emily could say goodbye and good luck, you were out of the building like a shot.

Just over an hour later, the team returned, minus one.

Loki called out your name until one of the officers came over.

“Where is she?”

“She said she would walk back to the station.”

Both Loki and Emily knew it must have been a tough one if you had decided to walk back to the precinct.

Only, after 15 minutes of Loki’s thumb hesitating over your phone contact, Emily’s radio came on.

“All nearest available units and officers to 6th Avenue. We have an active shooter inside Jefferson Library.”

What followed were multiple badge numbers and officers names before those three, dreaded, words.

Show me going.

After the first five officers, with people tuning in and out, not really knowing the badge numbers, everyone recognised the sixth.

“Y/L/N, 64952. Show me going.”

“That’s Y/N.” Emily said before turning to look at Loki who had been drained of colour.

For the following two hours, Loki spent the whole time trying to distract himself from what could be happening to you. Every now and again, they would hear the sound of bullets flying and Loki had been restrained to remain at the precinct.

He couldn’t double himself or transport himself to the library. He already had a case to work on and they couldn’t afford to possibly lose another officer, even if said officer was a God.

When a third hour passed, Loki was ready to leave just as his Captain called him into the office, closing the door behind him.

“Sir, with all due respect-”

“She’s in the hospital.”

Loki stopped in his tracks. “What?”

“From what they’ve told me, she’s okay. Just a little bruised. She took a bullet to the shoulder but the doctors have said she’ll heal up nicely.”

“Okay.” Loki didn’t fully know where to put himself.

“They were going to call you, but one of the on-call officers alerted me first and I asked the hospital not to.”

“Why?!”

Loki had been your emergency contact for three years, just as you had been his. They should have called him regardless.

“Because you would have rushed down there and kicked up a storm that they didn’t need. Look, son, off the record, I know how you feel for our girl. We all do. It seems you two are the only ones not to know. But I need you to go down there now, and take her home. Stay with her all week if you have to. I don’t want her feet stepping anywhere near this building until she’s well enough to come back to work, at least at the desk.”

“She’ll still fight you on it.”

“Oh, I’m counting on it. But I need her to rest for this week. I’ll have Emily and a couple of the Rookies cover your cases in the meantime.”

“I can still come in to work, Sir.”

“Perhaps, but what happens the moment you leave her alone?”

Loki nodded. He should have thought.

You’d do something that would probably tear open your wound again, leaving you out of work for longer than any of you want.

“You have a point, Sir. I’ll make sure she rests.”

“Thank you. You’re dismissed.”

By the time Loki arrived at the hospital, you were already sitting up in bed, trying to get dressed.

“Need some help?”

Looking towards the door, you found Loki standing there.

“No. It’s okay. I’ve got it.”

“I’m on strict orders from the Captain and the doctors, and Nurse Jenkins to make sure you don’t open up your wound.” Loki said as he walked towards you, watching you get frustrated at yourself.

Reluctantly, you accepted his help and he pulled your jacket up over your shoulder before kneeling on the floor and helping you put on your shoes.

“I can tie them myself, you know?”

“Without moving that arm?”

“Touche.”

Loki smiled, “Just stay still.”

A moment later, “There, all done.”

“Thank you.”

Loki watched as you went to pull your bag from the floor, but as you did, it slid away from you.

“Loki!”

From the floor, where it now lay at his feet, he picked it up and placed the strap over his shoulder.

“No. Like I told you, strict orders. I’d hate to break them.”

“You love to break them.”

“But somehow, this way is more fun.”

“Of course it is.”

Loki smiled, “Come on, I’m driving you home.”

By the time you both arrived at your house, Loki opened up the door and you walked in and kneeled down to pet Zoey who was taking extra caution when sniffing you and your new bandage.

“I’ll make you some food, you must be starving.”

“I am, but, Loki. Please, you really don’t have-”

“What are friends for?”

“I wasn’t aware that we were.”

An awkward silence settled over the two of you.

Speaking first, Loki said your name. “I’m sorry about what I said. I shouldn’t have said it. You have been my closest friend since I first met you. Know that I didn’t mean it. You mean a lot to me…more than you know.”

After a minute, you nodded.

“Okay. But this doesn’t mean I forgive you for letting Zoey jump out of the tub that time.”

Loki smiled with a laugh. “Of course.”

“And I have some of those mini pepperoni slices you like in the fridge if you feel like pizza?”

“Sure.”

As you left to get into the shower, Loki busied himself with making fresh pizza. Though, his mind ran off with him as he thought back to the first time you taught him how to make it. It had been six months into knowing you and you had just found out he was a “God”. But not only that, but that he was a God who had never made homemade pizza.

So you taught him what to do.

Perhaps that was where his feelings for you had started, without him realising.

It had been the first time he’d seen you relaxed. You were both in your own clothes - not work attire. Your hair wasn’t in a bun, but rather a loose ponytail until after you finished your meal where you removed the bobble and let your hair down.

However, just as he put the pizzas in the oven, he heard you call for him.

“Everything okay?”

“I–” you huffed. “I need your help.”

“Okay.”

“Can you come inside?”

“A-Alright. Should I cover my eyes?”

“If you don’t mind.”

“Okay.”

Opening the door with one hand, Loki covered his eyes with the other.

“I can’t get my top on.”

“O-Okay. What do you need me to do?”

“Just…here, hold onto this end.”

Helping him with the instructions, Loki held open your t-shirt for you and helped pull it down your arm and body until you said;

“Okay, you can open your eyes now.”

Opening them, Loki gave you a small smile. “Everything okay? Wait, here.”

From down your back, Loki pulled your wet hair from out of your shirt.

“I- I can help you dry it…if you’d like.”

“Sure. Only if you don’t mind.”

“Of course not.”

“After food, though. I didn’t eat at the hospital.”

An hour and half later, you were sitting in front of your desk and mirror with Loki brushing his fingers over your hair as the hot air from the hair dryer blew it back and forth.

Soon enough, all though too soon, your hair was dry and Loki turned off the hair dryer.

“There, all done.”

“Thanks.”

From your desk, you remained seated whilst Loki walked backwards and sat on the very edge of your bed.

“About what I said that day-”

“Loki, please…you don’t-”

“Yes, I do.”

“No. I-” you looked down at your hands for a moment before looking at him through the mirror. “I heard what you said and, you don’t have to say anything else.”

“But I do.”

“What else is there to say, Loki?”

“That what I said wasn’t true. Not even by a thousand miles.”

You were a little confused, but Loki continued to explain.

“The moment I saw your face…I knew what I had said and all I wanted to do was go back in time and stop myself from even thinking about saying it. And then when things changed afterwards, it made me realise that not only did I love you as a dear friend, but also as something more and I couldn’t put my finger on what that was until today.”

“Loki-”

“When I heard your badge number…I couldn’t even think. And when the Captain said you had been rushed into the hospital.”

You could see the tears in his eyes as he told you what was going through his mind.

“Just the thought of losing you…of never being able to see you again or even just hear your voice…I…it terrified me.”

You turned around on your chair to look at him properly.

“I love you too much to lose you. Please, don’t let me lose you.”

“Then don’t let me go.”

Looking at you, Loki seemed a little surprised and you took a mental picture. There probably wouldn’t be many opportunities to surprise the God of Mischief.

“What they told you…it’s true. I didn’t know until after a year of knowing you. I still don’t know why, but I do.”

Without saying a word, Loki slowly stood before taking your hand in his, allowing you to stand with him.

“If I kiss you right now, will you punch me?”

“No.”

Loki leaned in before pulling back. “You promise?”

“Scouts honour.”

“Were you even a scout?”

You were silent for a moment. “No. But the honour still stands.”

Loki laughed a little and smiled before hooking a finger under your chin and pulling you closer and pressing his lips to yours.

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