#words can be hard for my little man
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Took me long enough to make an OC; meet Snare!
He’s from a tribe wiped out by Drago and his bewilderbeast. His tribe was wiped when he was 5
He’s been alone on his island for 19 years! How he survived is a complete mystery (currently he’s 25, but he doesn’t fully know that)
He was found by Hiccup while he was exploring (just before HTTYD 2)
He rides a deathgripper named Strikewing, met after being found and brought in by Berk(most likely one of Grimmels Deathgrippers)
The rings and Snotlout and Eret’s arm thingies might’ve clued you in, but he’s a taken man.
He doesn’t do well with a lot of people, as one would after being alone for 19 years
He doesn’t pick up on a lot of stuff because he just didn’t learn it
The face markings are from his tribe
He gets attached really easily, and he’s very affectionate
He has no concept of boundaries because of his time alone. If he notices something on your face he’ll point and touch without warning
#httyd#how to train your dragon#httyd oc#my first oc#i love him so much#essentially he’s autistic#maybe a little non verbal too#words can be hard for my little man#he’s lucky to have Snotlout and Eret#he’s almost always touching one of them in some way#he’s the little spoon
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(text from this post, fic is little kid with a big death wish by @remedyturtles)
i'm genuinely not sure where to start here - ig first of all this fic is absolutely incredible and if you somehow haven't read it yet you absolutely should!
okay. man. rem, this fic means so so much to me and i'm so glad i got to be here for it. i think this is one of those fics that'll stick with me years down the line even if one day i'm not into tmnt anymore, one i'll come back to over and over again
your writing has touched so so many people myself very much included, and i just. want to thank you so much for writing this fic and thank you for sharing it. you're an amazing writer and an amazing person and i'm lucky to know you. i can't wait to see what you do next
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the tmnt#tmnt#little kid with a big death wish#my art#forgor all my tags its ok ill come back later <3 anyway#god theres legit so so so much more i wanted to say but i cant get. the words right augh#i kinda tried to put some of it in the comic though so. yeah. the emotions anyway#idk idk i just have a Lot of feelings abt this fic and how real it feels and just . man. it hits so so hard /pos#just... the fact that dw leo has been through everything he has and is capable of recovery and living. even if he doesnt want to live just#yet. hes getting there. makes me feel like i can too as cheesy as that sounds lajfd;lajlfkl#anyway ive rambled enough i spent ten (10) full days on this comic i am setting it loose into the world. be free#suicide attempt cw#dissociation cw#<- just to be safe. ask to tag if theres anything else lafj;dljsafkl
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Come back home when you have some sense
You can throw your life away just not at my expense
You’re not the son I raised
#jhariah#this one just rawrrfrrr#and then uh another line thats like ‘tell me did you raise a man?’#nice#im just listening to the new album to cope with nasty sickness and feeling out of it#god this album is really good it has every emotion in there like this song for example just the part where they scream the chorus its like#hnnnghhh#hm some other moments from the album im liking a lot uhhh i love re: concerns a lot#the part where hes like reading off the complaints and then the part where hes just screaming and its like BAM BAM BAM BAAAM#sasuke is so good and the bit at the end where its like ‘i just want you to know im so so...’#like hes gonna say sorry but cant seem to say the word for whatever reason and i know nothing about sasuke#but i has to imagine the fan girlies are eating gravel over that one lol it gets me#and theres just that like spooky echoing afterwards#the intro to fire4fun goes SOOOOOOOO hard i was losing my shit its awesome#the entirety of trust ceremony is giving me big feelings but specifically that part towards the end where its all quiet and you hear#its like whistling i think? like a marching band is coming in maybe#but it also kinda sounds like nature too and idk i like got a little bit um magical at that part cuz i was driving down a big hill#and it had been raining but there was a clearing in the clouds and the sun was bright and like at this particular hill#you can just see everything like the land stretches for miles theres trees hills the river farms all that shit#and idk with the extreme stress and depression ive been feeling its hard to have these moments where life seems worth it#and its hard to really feel anything anymore or to feel in the moment but idk i was just going down that hill seeing everything and it was#very majestic so yeah that song is definitely gonna have the same effect as pin eye for me#which i must mention pin eye again its still OOOOGHH very good it came at a pretty good time for me#yeah basically this album is uhhhh whats keeping me somewhat grounded rn i recommend 👍
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this'll hurt you more than it'll hurt me
#heart art!#adventure forward#af2#cyalm#celesteal#verfection#YAYYY I DIIDDD ITTTTT#no background cause i nono wanna but YAYYYYYYYYYY#i really love this. im very proud of it dawg#ill be so honest. i do not think i would've like vain revival if it came out.#the idea of not only bringing back cyalm n then also making their evil deeds an unwilling action so that they can be redeemed is. so stupid#but the ideas presented by verfection....... mmmmm#im glad they arent canon bc i can give them so many problems man#insert like an essay on why verfection/2ss is the best character in adventure forward here#maybe a 'stratos verf blueband and voixer are like realy fucked up quadruplets. please listen to me im only stretching a little i prommy'#essay as well#and a 'adventure forward wouldve been better if they just fucking Talked to Eachother a Little Bit More and maybe kiss but idc abt that'#essay as a final desert#im trying real hard not to turn my tags into a 10000 word essay again#so please imagine those essays for me instead. do the hardwork for me#anyways immmm noraml about guys that arent actually real. and that are definelty not just like an oc in a trench coat (silly)#ok i need to stop talking enjoy freeaks byee
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mm sometimes i think my yanderes would take advantage of the fact that I cant do some of the things most people can do with ease like tying their shoes or telling the difference between left and right, or the way i absorb info just to force me into being a baby. Mommy kakyoin would coax me into his lap after heavily drugging me, so I just happily melt into his embrace as he asks me what sound a puppy makes only to be met with a soft whimper of me trying to speak.. or diavolo making me do kindergarten level math in the playpen he keeps in his office for me. -📱
I've been having some trouble with doing tasks most people can do, so it is fun to think about different yanderes making you do baby-level math worksheets, or French vocab sheets and crosswords meant for little kids. Or having those grid papers to write Cantonese and Mandarin, or in your case with mommy Kakyoin, katakana. Why bother teaching you kanji or hiragana? You'll only be confused. And hiragana is more commonly used-- he doesn't need you knowing what common signs and objects actually say. Then you won't feel as lost, should you manage to slip away from his hands for a moment.
Diavolo knows worksheets aren't any fun-- he'd give everything to not have to do them, and still know the people he cares about would be okay. So instead of a little duotang with worksheets for your math, linguistics, or animal noises, Diavolo tries to set up little activities for you to do every day. Little trays with a number of the day, clay in one dish so you can draw the number yourself, roll it on a die, and count it out of marbles. Calling an animal handler to show you the different birds and bugs of the devildom in the throne room (and saving trips to the royal zoo for weeks you've been extra good!).
#I'm wondering what would be more advantageous (by which I mean less helpful) to teach someone in japanese? Katakana? Hiragana? Kanji?#they're ALL used#but some are more grown up than a little kid that still needs Kakyoin for everything#Most old documents are written in katakana. You'd sound so old. Like a little kid that still says “gee willikers batman”#but granted you'd typically mix katakana and hiragana AND kanji in a sentence and coversation#so if he really wanted to nerf you he would only teach you how to spell one way#Kanji is hard to learn (in my opinion just reading this) but if you learn 1000 words you can just suss out what most things say#oh don't get me started on the SLANG#man what a high pressure environment to learn a language... Kak is also such a menace if you lash out or get frustrated#man DEF teaches you the wrong words for things on purpose.#cellphone anon#anon confession#yandere agere#yandere daddy diavolo#yandere mommy kakyoin
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I need to stop having one weird reaction with someone and then letting the anxiety decide in my head that the friendship is doomed because I ruined it like it's my absolute worst trait and I just have to move past it but it's hard
#i have to operate under the assumption that if people have an issue they will tell me but unfortunately this isnt true .#and it has happened to me in the past that i thought everything was ok because people were giving signals i wasnt picking up on#due to the autism so now im paranoid and constantly looking for signs i did something wrong and people are mad#and then i find them where they arent there which perversely does more to ruin a friendship than almost anything else#like the constant Are you mad at me... so i try to force myself not to do that and just#try to again assume that people arent however. im so worried about being blindsided Also of course i naturally dont want to make people#upset so if i am doing something wrong i want to change my behavior. however the fact its nuanced like#where you have to only do that a little bit and then take people at their word most of the time#fucking sucks like you actually are required in relationships to read peoples unspoken signals but you cant do that Too much#and if you misinterpet them its bad... but you cant ask for feedback too much because thats bad too. IT DOES MY HEAD IN actually like#it makes it so hard for me to interact with people because im just worried All of the time . and i have to be constantly like#ok check the facts and adjust behavior. check the facts and adjust behavior. make sure the facts are facts and not jumping to conclusions.#ok how do i do that . ok when do i ask directly. also people dont always tell the truth when you Do ask directly .#and then this is why my whole life i have mostly kept to myself and im trying to stop doing that but its hard because talking to others is a#puzzle for me that stresses me out more than anything else. man this sucksssssss can i just BE NORMAL!!!!!!#i know like Everyone has this problem its a common issue with relationships Communication but it feels especislly difficult for me .i#like cant fathom how other people manage very large numbers of friendships like even being able to count my close friends#on one hand i feel like im barely managing everything and im letting everyone down constantly but again i think thatsnonly my perception/#worry and not even true. god
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me and what we want are going through a lovers spat rn because i desperately want to write more for it but i constantly feel like shit so its really getting in the way of our relationship. also if youve sent me any asks that i havent responded to i am geniunely so sorry about it i am in the trenches right now
#sophie speaks#the disability is disabling me and its PISSING ME OFF#just let me write bro its not that hard#aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh#like im always thinking about it#drunk www!reader dancing to hot to go with the boys and every single one of them thinking about how bad they want to plow you as you-#jokingly flirt and wink and tease. and the entire time you have no idea theyre totally down 100% ready to go#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#if it gives fun dumb party vibes it is for www.#www is about the hot girl mascara running end of the night heels in hand look#hundredth thing i said www is about but like. something something the beauty of life and kindness and love and hope vs hate and loneliness#anything even close to that ballpark is what we want#gonna cry i geniunely want to write for it so bad i know im just complaining over and over but being chronically ill sucks so much#chronic pain sucks so much like whyyyyyyyyy cant i even go out to a cafe to buy takeaway in the car whyyyyyyyyy is the sun painful#its not supposed to be like that man :(#god i want another few months of my fibro going into remission pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee january february i loved you more than anything ever ahhh#nnnnnnnnnnghhhhhhhhhhh#ill. ill get there one day#so says most people#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#maybe ill just put in like the next hundred words or something#chugging along#so fucking slowly but yknow. literally have to spend basically all of the day inside my room because it hurts too much to be outside it#so. maybe i can give myself just a little slack. the tinniest bit
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im actually going to tear into totk’s dragon’s tears/ memories rn bc i remember feeling distinctly unsatisfied with them when i got all of them so im just going to write some general bullet points about them, about what i dislike or maybe what i do actually like about them, leaving out both master sword scenes and the mummydorf one because i’m here to talk about the stuff in the past not that
- off the bat (i play this game in english btw so all of this is based on the english text and translation i am aware some stuff is slightly different in other languages) im not really a fan of how the descriptions of all of the tears is just a literal description of what happens?? i think my issue with it is that some of the text is a little bit too in depth, as in it just tells you literally everything about the scene. this might be nitpick-y but i personally dont like it
- what’s up with zelda saying ‘but that must mean...!’ at the end of the scene. is it suggesting that she’s made the realization that rauru and sonia are the first king and queen of hyrule? because they literally tell her that like ten seconds before. i guess it’s suggesting she’s realizing she’s in the past but... idk the texts says ‘she’s left startled by a suspicion that she’s heard those names before’ yeah theyre the first king and queen of hyrule?? they tell her that. they tell her their names and that they are the first leaders of hyrule is she just now connecting the dots that she’s in the past? that’s what the next cutscene implies. but all of the surrounding dialogue and the description don’t suggest that that’s what she’s realizing i feel like this was kind of muddled in the translation
- why did sonia elbow rauru he was just standing weird he didnt say anything this isnt a nitpick im just confused. is it because he’s not being very empathetic towards what zelda’s going through? she elbows him and then she goes and talks to zelda why even elbow rauru. ordinarily you elbow someone like that if you mean for them to go do something why elbow someone if you’re going to do the thing you want anyways
- why doesnt zelda offer to help with the purah pad or anything like that. what happened to her sheikah tech fascination from botw. not even as someone actually familiar with the technology who could give mineru some points as to how it works
- what are sonia and zelda doing behind rauru when he shoots that insane fucking beam at the mulduga swarm they’re clearly doing something with their stones but like... are they amplifying rauru’s power somehow?? what do time powers have to do with the beam of light i dont- what were they doing please the text description only mentions him using his powers so are sonia and zelda just... supporting his powers? idk man
- dragon tear #5 is a whole can of worms with its worse-than-oot reenactment of that one scene from oot. why the focus on sonia and her tear btw. i mean yeah she dies to motivate rauru and zelda but like. why not aim for the new girl who probably doesn’t know how to use it as much and is probably more likely to be separate from the king who can shot insane lasers. im really not a fan of this scene for how strongly the game sides with rauru and zelda being passive and judgemental but ganondorf is literally the best part of it there’s a lot of character in just how he picks up his sword and stands up to leave
- putting memories 6 and 7 together just because of how there was just. no fucking care put into the idea of zelda learning to use her time powers. memory 6 zelda talks about wanting to use her time powers and sonia gives her tips on how she could use it and visualize the use of it and then in memory 7 she can just use it perfectly with great control and timing. why even bother talking about her nothing yet understanding how to use it when the very next scene she just uses it like it’s nothing. how much time has passed we get nothing to show us zelda trying to practice this power just. nope. she’s good she can use it perfectly. also more awkward dialogue sonia saying ‘what a picture zelda paints of him’ as she is. looking directly at zelda. change the line to like, ‘what a picture you paint of him’ she is literally looking right at zelda so why would she say it like that
- generally i feel like memory six should have been before 4 and 5 (4 being where she uses some power to... support??? rauru and it being before memory 5 so that there isnt this weird break in between the memories concerning ganondorf.) memory 6 does not have anything to do with memory 4 or 5 so just put it earlier so there isnt a weird shift in focus between the two big ganondorf scenes
- good god they introduce the idea of sonia and zelda being aware of ganondorf using a fake zelda but theres literally nothing about it having been a problem or them having experience or like. anything. they just TELL you that they know and suggest that it’s been like. a thing for a bit??? also obligatory ganondorf’s face model rigging is fucked comment he’s still the best part
- the pacing of these memories is just weird in general, memories 7 and 8 being separate but the same scene is strange when other memories are long as fuck but cover one event each, plus theres clearly barely any passage of time between memories 7 and 8 it almost feels like they were split up to fill space or just because otherwise it’d be... too long? man idk
- ‘queen sonia needs you!’ girl she is DEAD good fucking luck doing anything to help her
- ganondorf’s horse and its armor both look sick as fuck i really wish you got to see more of it outside the memory it appears in
- everything about the original sages honestly sucks. they aren’t characters they’re just walking macguffins. they have no names and are not relevant or mentioned or make any appearance until they are needed by the story. why does the zora sage talk about getting word about the attacked gerudo village in this scene when like. they’ve all met up and have clearly. been together for a bit. when she gives them the news it’s clearly the first they’ve heard of it... but... why would she wait until this moments to give this info unless for the benefit of the player watching the scene. why does the ZORA sage have this news and not... the gerudo sage?? what’s with the masks. they’re all made of zonaite or whatever sure theyre gifts from rauru but like. i hate that it kind of denotes them being subservient and lower than him and the zonai. honestly i really hate this scene in general mostly because of the uncomfortable showing of how rauru absolutely holds power over them and despite them being leaders as well they are expected to be wholly blindly loyal to him. rauru only gives them these stones when he needs their aid and they swear loyalty too him soon after but you also see that sonia and mineru have stones, too, so they’re clearly withholding these things despite it being kind of reasonable for him to give each race their own secret stone as further proof of their pact? there is so much shit to be said about the imperialistic themes or whatever in this fucking story and i really hate it
- i do kinda like how the next scene shows you that the one rock in the corner of that first hidden room in the forgotten temple is sonia’s grave
- zelda’s phrasing and description of how she and link found ganondorf is weird to me ‘he’s still alive’ ‘he lives on’ girl that was a mummy. he was not moving until you got there. he’s undead at best as far as you know. this is def a nitpick but eh. also the reliance on link is a... bit odd when zelda does not actually know that link is safe until she gets the master sword. its fine but still. also her shell-shocked expression after rauru talks about her being in the past for a reason is a bit... it doesn’t fit her emotion it’s kind of similar to the expression she had when sonia was killed
- the memory about the imprisoning war starts with practically the whole story up until now being repeated back to you by mineru with a decent amount of bias on mineru’s part and while it’s fine because of some of the extra stuff you learn but it does a lot more telling rather than showing when it comes to the actual imprisoning war and... idk the whole thing about their ‘fight’ kind of falls flat when you don’t actually see any fighting you just see that the sages have gotten their asses beat. i think it would have been a little interesting if in the god-awful repetitive sage-awakening scenes they had actually showed you the og sages fighting ganondorf instead of just. slow-mo freeze-frames for whatever. once again ganondorf if the best part of the scene
- the rest of the memories are fine idc
i get the feeling that the japanese-to-english translation was either all-around rough or somehow rushed, because some of the phrases in the game as well as some of the dialogue is really awkward and... could have been better. i don’t know how it works but it feels like a lot of it was very literal, direct translation and no one at noa thought that it ought to be tweaked just a little bit
these memories also do a fuck-ton of telling rather than showing and it really is like they don’t really trust you to connect the dots, and some of it does come off like they either didn’t want to make more memories or ran out of time or something. i felt like the memory of ganondorf just summoning his monsters and riding on his cool horse could have been a bit longer to actually show us the forces of hyrule fighting him and having a hard time with it
a lot of the character animations doesn’t have a whole lot of personality to them, ganondorf is the character who had the most distinct and interesting movements. rauru and sonia had their... singular movement (rauru putting a hand to his chin and sonia taking zelda’s hands) and zelda was kind of just... standing around and reacting to stuff, and neither mineru nor any of the other sages had any really interesting animations asides from mineru’s coughing fit in memory 16 (plus her reclining chair that was a nice touch). very few of their movements really express anything about the characters besides some really baseline values or traits.
the ordering of some memories is kind of odd, the excessive flashbacks in memory 17 are a bit much, the telling rather than showing, the sometimes awkward dialogue, a lot of the scenes are characters just... talking at each other, you don’t actually see very much of hyrule in the past or any characters beyond the main four, and it really did nothing to actually get me to care about these characters at all.
tldr i dont like totk’s dragon tears
#i didnt want to revisit this game but the memories in totk bother me. once im done with this tho i can go read my new volumes of berserk#salty talks#loz#legend of zelda#totk#literally the narrative of this game dragged the rest of the game through mud for me so im going to complain abt it more#any time i wanted to rewatch a part of a scene i have to sit through a few minutes of bullshit just to get to the point.#these things are so long and barely anything happens in them#half of these cutscenes are just characters standing around and talking theres so little actual character to most of the character movements#ganondorf has the most emotive and distinct movements in all of these scenes#they have the most personality and you get the most variety. with rauru and sonia its just. shes gentle n motherly hes uhhhh arrogant king#honest to god. i miss linebeck. i miss the way he was animated and the sheer amount of personality they gave him in every cutscene#fuck man i miss botw's memories. despite them being shorter (i'm pretty sure) i feel like there was more essence to them. more character#listen. i understand that gamedev is hard and so is writing and animating but like. this game is seventy fucking dollars.#despite him being so disappointingly one-note. ganondorf was the most interesting fucking character in these memories#finding the dragon's tears was fun but actually watching them was lame af#hey remember those posts i made about ph's cutscenes? maybe its the autism but i feel like i couldnt write those paragraphs abt totk#ig just. ph is my special interest and i have a negative bias against totk. if you think im dead wrong about this stuff go ahead.#i dont blame anyone for taking my words with a grain of salt. come to your own conclusions. if oyu like totk's memories cool!#anyways im done bye im gonna read berserk. which actually has a nuanced story and world and characters and a multi-faceted villain#totk spoilers#bitching abt totk
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I love playing Pokémon in a way that would absolutely kill anyone who knows a thing about the game. No I don’t know most weaknesses and strengths of typings or what I should be using. No I’m not building a well rounded team. No I don’t remember battle to battle what moves are effective against what Pokémon’s even if I just fought them and lord knows I don’t really understand their power or literally any stat my mons have. I am heavily brute forcing my way through this game with my team full of Sunflora fusions because this is Infinite Fusions and I can do that. Yes having everyone a grass type presents problems. No I don’t care! I will beef them up enough they can tank hits until I can destroy whoever I’m fighting and if all else fails I have potions and revives and everything I need on stock to keep going. I do not know what I’m doing but I’m having fucking fun with it!!!!
#ravenpuff rambles#there are few moments I want to be a streamer but good lord it would be funny to play Pokémon for people who actually understand the game#everyone would be so angry with me#meanwhile I’m tehehahaing because I accidentally made a good move and one shotted a man with my Alakazam fusion#I only play to have fun and also have cute Pokémon’s#even if this wasn’t a fusion game I would have a problem not having a lot of grass types because I love them#worst news is that I can’t afford to have a grass/grass Pokémon because I need some coverage#I miss my Sunflora/Leafon the little legend#but I do love my team they’re all so cute#I did have to replace my Sandslash/Sunkern fusion who was an absolute cutie but unfortunately had low hp because I could evolve the Sunkern#there’s no custom sprite for Sandslash/Sunflora and I couldn’t have the default horror on my team#I do still have my Alakazam/Sunkern fusion though because despite being a hella glass canon he’s fast and hits hard and psychic moves are so#good!! He also does have a Sunflora sprite which is sad but the Sunkern one is fucking epic#the rest of my team includes Vensaur/Sunflora (my starter)#raichu/Sunflora fusion (Who I had in my last run and an absolute cutie) Ninetales/Sunflora (who thankfully has an ability that makes him#immune to fire moves) Umbreon/Sunflora (Literally baby. also a bit of a heavy hitter)#and my Lapras/Sunflora (my newest edition who replaced the Sandslash mostly so I can surf)#I can’t wait to destroy the Elite 4 when I eventually roll up there with my crew#Truly they’re all unstoppable as long as you don’t use fire and also that one move that literally takes them all out#anyways I need to get a photo of them all because they’re so cute but for now take my word#and know I’m playing Pokémon in a way that will piss off so many people. because I’m just quirky like that
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Today I'm thinking about SmallMight and SmallMight only. He's so enamored by the littlest part of life with you once he's settled into it.
#this man catches himself staring at you constantly#never moreso than when you're doing everyday things#skincare while you're getting ready for bed? His eyes follow the way your fingers trace so carefully over your skin#seeing some imperceptible flaw when all he can ever see is you#reading a book on the couch? he's mesmerized by the way your lips move over the ghost of a word every once in awhile#its a blessing and a curse tho. Like has to adjust a little bit to hide the fact that he's gotten half hard just watching you swallow lol#Man NEEDS every part of you all the time#Yagi - the man not the symbol of peace - Toshinori my beloved
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I hate when my phone won't let me have 2 audio sources running at the same time (depending on the app). I know what I'm doing, let me hear the discordant noises. My brain has built-in audio separation for music. It came as compensation for auditory processing issues. Don't make me pause the music.
#i also go absolutely fucking feral when my phone lowers the audio to play a notification sound#I CAN SEPARATE THE AUDIO. I CANT UNDERSTAND THE VIDEO IM WATCHING IF THE VOLUME SUDDENLY GOES TO ...#... 1% TO PLAY MY NOTIFICATION SOUND#wish i could turn that off more than the 2 audio sources one but i already tried researching how and its not possible with my means#i want to hear the notification sound but not at the cost of understanding what was just said on a video#especially if my hands are covered in paint and i cant rewind it#like i said. audio processing. often cant understand whats said under normal circumstances#suddenly lowering the volume makes it worse than having the notif and video play simultaneously#same with music and a video going. i dont wanna stop the vibe to play a video/short video/moment of video to bookmark the link#its not a phone ability issue bc i can play music while my battery-draining phone game plays!!#((usually dont tho bc i like the game music but if im playing while walking i need other music on even if its discordant))#((sometimes its not discordant which is fun))#oh correction before i post: i can usually understand whats said by understanding the other words spoken and mentally filling in the blanks#...for the words i missed. but when the audio goes to like 1% for a full like 5 seconds i miss an entire convo worth of audio#...on top of being pissed ab the audio being lowered for something easily filtered like a little 1 second chime#its hard enough to focus on what words people are speaking even face to face in person#im tired idk where im going w this now#ShitPost.exe#Cori.exe#seriously tho i love putting a song on repeat for hours and doing whatever. if i pause it its like. idk#in the middle of a shower. ur phone holds u at gunpoint to step out and take a shot of ketchup while u still got soap in ur eyes#then once u shoot the ketchup u can go back to showering and ur phone loses its ability to hold u at gunpoint.#like. i may not historically be opposed to a shot of ketchup for the meemz...#...but i dont want my shower interrupted at gunpoint by my phone to make me shoot ketchup...#...and then have to finish the shower with the taste of ketchup still lingering.#im tired i promise im not high thats just the best analogy for how wrong it feels to have to stop the music vibe thats been going for hours#man these tags went on longer than the post deserved and now im too tired to read what i wanted lmao#prob doesn't even make sense goOD NIGHT#delete later / /#((future cori can be the judge of that present cori is too tire))
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#sigh. puts up the barricades please I do not want to see d.nf on my dash#and again I do have it super filtered#I’m just soooo tired every little thing being HARD LAUNCH HARD LAUNCH until the next thing bc of course that didn’t happen#and life went on as usual#look I get it I’m the minority I’m aroace and easily exhausted by shipping esp real ppl shipping#but it’s times like this I miss the lore fandom bc man the complete focus on platonic dynamics and relationships was so nice#look if they ever actually say they’re dating I guess I’ll eat my words but so far I am not getting the sense that that will ever happen#and so it is extremely annoying to want to follow drm fans and get 90% of One Single Ship#and no sap except as third wheel for said ship#sorry I’m the only one who seems to not care abt George 😭😭 not in a bad way just. he’s fine and funny sometimes I guess but#I Just Don’t Care. and also another thing I need to get off my chest#why do ppl act like George is really shady and passive aggressive and ‘oh he should interact w X person who wronged drm he’d ROAST THEM!’#like huh#George is one of the most Don’t talk about anything be vague be private ppl ever#I’m not saying he hasn’t had his moments of public support for drm but I just don’t get it#(it’s probably because he’s so vague and noncommittal that fans can just project their own feelings onto him)#sigh anyway I’m done that makes me feel better a bit#no tags just venting#<- it’s funny that became my venting tag now that I only vent in tags#bc some things such as this I am afraid to even put under read more lol
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normally, i re-read ibvs super often so that i dont fall too hard into personal interpretations and so i can have the actual source material fresh in my brain. but at this point i think im way too delusional about nevin to ever go back
#i cant tell if its just because ibvs doesnt have many scenes where hes by himself and we get to see inside his head a little#and he actually *is* as weird and as much of a freak as i interpret and depict him#because he definitely is a fucking freak. obviously#but i just have to wait and see his character slowly develop before i can. yknow. really determine that#its so hard to put into words the way he is in my mind man#ibvs#nevin jovel#stfu chris#we are RAMBLING tonight#i promise you none of this will make sense
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takes a 5 minute break in the middle of writing a scene to sob over Swan Upon Leda by Hozier
#that’s it that’s the post#Seven.txt#writing stuff#hozier#music stuff#cw assault#assault mention#i am. working on something. and realized that the song could fit well into a scene for extra ✨symbolism✨#so of course i had to go listen to it and add it to the appropriate playlists#thing is i absolutely cannot listen to that song without breaking down in tears so. had a cathartic little cry#mid-writing session. as one does.#i’m sorry but if you expect me to be calm and normal when Hozier is out there being THE Man Ever. it’s not gonna happen#like not to be extreme but i don’t know if there’s another man on earth that i’d feel safer and more respected around#fighting for my life not to put him on a pedestal bc i Know he’s just some guy. he’s just a human like everyone else#but how can i be normal about it when he says women’s bodies have never belonged to angels#so they sure as shit have never belonged to men.#obviously he uses prettier words but. my point stands#comparing men assaulting women to an occupier upon ancient land??? *cries so hard i throw up*#Swan Upon Leda earned the honor of going on the very short list of songs that are too painful for me to listen to as Soon as i heard it#like yeah no i’ll never be able to casually listen to it but that is a Compliment. that means that it means Everything to me#okay anyways. *wipes tears* that’s all i just had to get that out of my system#crawling back into my writing cave now. i shall rejoin the world once this wip is Finished#*whispers* in related news. [N]MbD Sun may be the most insanely overprotective guy on earth but byGOD he never wants to hurt you#anyways eheheeeee back to writing my angst goodbye
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Encase anyone was wondering why I’m blogging at 6 in the morning, yesterday was not a good day for me and I forgot to sleep.
#Emile's Arts#Mario quickly becoming the go To Comfort Character#An INTERESTING development for me at 23 years old#People are SCARY man that's. That's the lesson of yesterday#People are very very scary even when they're not meaning to be#Anyway I'm fine NOW#And I was never in a situation where this kind of reaction was deserved#I'm just a coward#Me at Mario at 4am because we both have anxiety based insomnia#The only Mental illness Luigi DOESN'T have he's out like a rock in his own bed#This is my SECOND polycule where the dynamic is;#Trauma based Insomnia + Nightmare Based Insomnia + Guy who could sleep through a hurricane#Cool great awesome this cannot keep happening to me#People can be SO intimidating without even trying and without knowing and never know ya know??#One time ONE TIME Zayne told me I seemed like an Intimidating/Scary and Pushy Person and it stuck with me SO hard#If you think I'm scary now I'm not PLEASE don't think that I'm a mouse a little guy please understand#YES I use to be in a fight club but now my bones are glass and I can't speak to another human being with my mouth words#I am NOT scary PLEASE believe me I am but a little dude#What is the point of this??#I dunno I think I'm venting#Is this what venting is???#My brothers are scary is the point I was on I have 3 very big very opinionated and very hard headed older brothers#And all three of them terrify me without knowing it#And how could I tell them that??? and what would come out of telling them that???#They're not going to CHANGE there's not a thing I could do or say to change this dynamic we have#Thank GOD I have parents who love every little bit of who I am or I would simply have absolutely nothing#What IS this post fdkgjdfkgjkdf#Mario my beloved Brother of all time safety and comfort and care#Everyone always talks about Daddy/Mommy Issues but where's the support group for Brother Issues#For Siblings who were totally traumatized by their older Brothers huh??? Where's that???
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#2 whole weeks sobeR let’s talk abt it#this the longest I’ve gone without a crumb of weed in my system in 5 yrs and the second longest in 8 yrs#For a long long time I thought I was self medicating the adhd but turns out I was making it Significantly worse#I have an attention span now I can watch tv without scrolling on my phone or playing w fidget toys#My apartment has stayed perfectly clean for the past 2 wks#haven’t rly struggled with eating or sleeping routines are v important wit it tho#been relying heavily on safe foods I’ve eaten the same exact thing every day for 2 weeks but it’s fine#ashwagandha helps me not wanna peel my skin off in rage#time moves INSANELY slower when ur not h*gh every waking second of the day these have been the Longest 2 wks of my life#but also I have So Much more time to do things and SO much more energy to do the things#I thought being anxious and exhausted was just my constant state of being but turns out that was Also just the weed#The insane nightmares have been The hardest part but most of the time my dreams are just weird#Feeling emotions is weird I’ve cried more in the last 2 weeks than I have in the last 2 years#I cry about good things I cry about beautiful things art as a whole is just so moving#self regulating after stressful things like work or staying with my parents is definitely New as w as decompressing after socializing w ppl#I do things like paint and journal and make silly little bracelets now#Idk man it just hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be#A few months ago me and ******** were talking about how we’d actually k word ourselves without it#turns out the jazz cabb was making my depression and anxiety so much worse than it actually is#shits literally fine#Anyways don’t let ppl tell u u can’t develop an unhealthy relationship w weed I was h*gh every waking second of my day for 5 yrs#Last time I tried this I immediately became an alcoholic instead this time I don’t even feel the desire to have a single little drink#Overall I have A Lot more self control in every single area of my life#I don’t waste my money on dumb shit I can eat normal amount of food like a normal person#The thought of buying my favorite cookies and only having like Two of them used to be such an unreasonable concept to my little brain#I don’t know if this is gonna be a permanent thing I definitely know I can’t do it habitually#just like I learned I can be normal about alcohol if I don’t keep it in my house and only do it when socializing for special occasions#anyways if ur thinking about taking a break from ur favorite substance maybe give it a try#thx for coming 2 my ted talk if u read the whole thing I luv u take care of urself
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